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#i have a clown problem
muffymello · 22 days
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Handsy
(Buggy the Clown x f!Reader)
A small-town shopkeep makes the biggest mistake of her life by capturing a weird-ass spider.
1.8k Words
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Working in such a tiny shop had plenty of issues. Cramped spaces, not enough room for stock, no escape from whiny customers…
But, there were also upsides. Mainly that cleaning was easy, but today being able to spot a huge spider on one shelf with ease made it a lot easier to pick up an old shoebox to capture it in. You didn’t get a good look before snagging it, just shutting the box tight and sitting on it immediately. It was a good thing too, from the way it slammed against the box aggressively it would have had a chance of escaping if you hadn’t done so.
A few layers of tape and air holes in the box made your life a lot easier, customers and coworkers alike praising you for your bravery. You didn’t love bugs, but didn’t harbor the strong fears of many others towards the creepy crawlies common to your town. The coworker who had spotted it initially and screeched for your help was especially grateful, wishing you thanks and avoiding the box as you put it behind the register.
This wasn’t the only big event of the day, as you were in for a surprise when a tall, broad man in a colorful costume burst into the store. He seemed slightly frantic, one arm hidden beneath his cape as he waved the other wildly. He was eye-catching not only because of his height and loudness, but the clown makeup and neon blue hair he had. The pirate hat on his head alerted you to the possible danger of this man, and you gripped the dagger next to the register tightly just in case as you ushered your coworker into the back room.
“Excuse me there, doll,” The strange intruder sneered, making you wince a bit at the nickname. His smile was his best feature, you decided, but the condescending tone falling from his lips didn’t do much to help him. “Have you happened to see… any spare limbs around?” He muttered the last few words, cheeks going even redder than the makeup had set them to be.
“I- uh… not really, no?” You responded, trying to figure out if this was some weird joke. “Spare limbs… what do you really mean by that, sir?” The tone you used was respectful but awfully puzzled, having no clue what was going on. You swore you’d seen the pirate before, but you couldn’t put your finger on even such a recognizable face. He didn’t bother to answer your question, just grunting animatedly before swishing his cape and leaving. You could have sworn you saw a hand missing from his hidden arm, but it must have been a trick of light as his colorful apparel was almost painful to look at for too long.
Murmurs were shared amongst customers after he stormed out the front door, the name Buggy the Clown being tossed around continuously. As your coworker emerged, eyes wide, she looked quickly to the box now tucked neatly under the counter. You had planned to walk into the forest in the evening to set the creature free, but with the way she was looking at the box now you were worried for what she was about to say.
“Hey, um… did you happen to get a good look at the spider earlier?” She questioned, voice barely above a whisper as her face paled. You stepped towards her, ready to catch her in case she fainted. She looked awfully close to doing so, only growing paler at your next words. “Not really, just scooped it up in the box and called it a day. Why?”
“Do you- do you know who that was?” She now stuttered, panicked in every sense of the word. Her fear of spiders must’ve fully left her body in that instant as she grabbed the dagger to rip the tape from the box’s edge, lifting the lid to peer inside. She yelped before almost dropping the box, quickly clutching it to her chest to keep the lid shut as tightly as possible while yelling for you to tape it back up. This little scene didn’t catch much attention from customers, still caught up in their own conversations as the two of you freaked out behind the counter.
Once it was taped and back in its spot, you watched her sink to her knees and shiver. “What, what is it?” You demanded, now worried yourself. What did the spider have to do with the strange pirate, and why had it worked her up so much.
“You didn’t catch a spider at all… we should have been watching closer, oh god-” She babbled on, seemingly lost in her own head before snapping her head up to look you straight in the eye. “That clown has a 15 million berry bounty and is nothing to scoff at- and we just kidnapped his left hand!” She whisper-shouted, not wanting to let any customer hear what had just happened as your face paled to match hers. You realized that his missing hand earlier hadn’t been oyur eyes fooling you, he must have eaten a devil fruit and-
oh god.
“Can he still feel his hand when it’s… detached?” You asked, mortified at the nod you received in response. Neither of you had any clue what to do, but knew that talking or doing anything more while customers were still around was definitely a bad idea. His face in the stack of wanted posters delivered to the shop later that day didn’t do anything to calm either of you down, and your mind went blank trying to come up with a plan.
That’s how you got here now, the left fist of a feared pirate captain stuffed into a backpack slung over your shoulder as you tried to move as inconspicuously as possible towards the forest. Tossing the bag into the woods would leave it easy to find but remove any chance of you being found as the culprit, and heaven knows your weak-hearted coworker wouldn’t be able to do this herself. You used the shadows and dark to your advantage, trying to ignore the loud, annoying tapping of the hand on the box it was trapped in. 
The last few hours had been just tapping, no doubt the pirate trying to track the hand down easier. You sat in an alleyway to gather yourself for a second, catching your breath and preparing to run the final stretch to the woods. As you moved to sit down, the bag fell off of your shoulder and slammed hard into the brick wall. The tapping stopped, and you felt a huge pang of guilt, more than you could really justify for a pirate of his status.
Your heart won out over your mind as you unwrapped the hand’s makeshift box cage, inspecting it for injury. After a few gentle brushes of your hand, you were surprised as the detached appendage began to hold your hand back. There wasn’t any permanent damage, but you patted it gently as an awkward apology for the rough treatment. You decided to just hold the hand for now, wrestling it back into the box when you were so close to the forest would be useless. You sat there for multiple minutes, patting the hand absentmindedly as your heart began to race just a little less, when you finally came up with a bit better of a plan. 
Sitting in the forest alone was dangerous for a lonely hand, and you were going to return it to the pirate yourself. He should be grateful, maybe even give you a reward, and he would have no way of proving you didn’t find the hand now and choose to return it immediately.
The ship was anything but subtle, docked not in the main harbor but off to the side with flashy lights and colors. You shoved your hand into your pocket along with Buggy’s, trying to communicate to him with two quick squeezes even if you didn’t really know what it is you were trying to say. You marveled at the ship before you, the circus tent mounted on the top was unlike anything you’d ever seen before in this small town. It was extremely out of the ordinary for you to encounter pirates or even explore at night at all.
It made the majesty of the ship all the more striking, having to force your shaky legs to keep moving as your nerves increased. Your head yelled to turn back as your heart only thought of the warm, gentle caress of the hand holding yours in your pocket. It never gripped painfully, but it was a tight, almost pleading grip. You could feel a slight shake in the hand, your heart ruling that you’d make sure it found it’s way back to its owner without any issue.
Immediately upon boarding the ship you were halted, oddball pirates inspecting you for any signs of danger before threatening you, asking what your business on board their ship was. “I just want to speak to your captain, please.” You said, as calmly as you could muster. The whole ship seemed like a party as of right now, even the pirates surrounding you seemed tipsy and unserious. One led you into the circus tent, where the partying intensified even more. Loud music, booze, acrobatics, showmanship, and a grand throne in the center of it all.
As you tried not to marvel at everything going around on this insane ship, you zeroed in on the throne. Perched on it lazily, one leg thrown carelessly over the arm was the captain himself, Buggy. He looked out of place despite his costume choices, his face mopey and dull. You squeezed his hand in your pocket again without thinking, surprised as you watched his mouth curve into a small smile before he squeezed back. Still, he looked depressed as he displayed his left arm, handless, perched upon his knee with the empty stub of a wrist actively visible.
You hadn’t realized you stopped to stare until one of the circus pirates guiding you gave you a light shove, causing you to stumble your way through the theatrics until you were right in front of the throne. Buggy barely spared you a glance before looking back out to his crew, watching all their performances intently but without a hint of amusement with any of it on his face. When you finally spoke, his eyes returned to you and stayed there, intimidating but not scary.
“Um, sir- captain? Buggy, I mean. I found your, I mean- I saw it and-” You gave up on your stuttering, opting to pull your hand and his out of your pocket to show instead of tell. You gave it one last squeeze as his face lit up with a huge grin, and you couldn’t help the yell that escaped from you as his hand returned to his body, bringing you along with it.
You were now in the lap of a high-bounty pirate aboard his ship as he didn’t seem to want to let go of your hand, too close for comfort as he grinned and chuckled at your startled expression.“Well, well, well, doll. Holding my hand, and I don’t even know your name.”
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so, a while ago, there was a dcxdp prompt that was like "Danny Fenton gets hired by the Justice League and slowly realizes that he was hired to hunt down Danny Phantom with Justice League Dark, so he has to gaslight gatekeep girlboss his way out of it" (link in the replies if you find it bc i can't)
but what if this prompt was more chaotic?
like, dani learns whats happening and instead of trying to get her template out of this, she decides to make it worse.
the team discovers the daughter of Ghost King Phantom (and Dani should probably have a different name in ghost form, maybe a star name? Maybe she can shapeshift into her original age, so she looks five) is sabotaging their work. when they finally capture her, she immediately latches onto Danny.
Dani: Papa! Danny, immediately: I'm not your dad! Dani, eyes tearing up with devious glee: I don't care if you and Daddy got divorced. You're still my Papa and I still love you! Danny: what. Constantine: YOU WERE MARRIED TO THE BLOODY GHOST KING!?
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schsas · 9 months
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peacock gabe design by lovely @wormzandgutz and butterfly dress bullshit by me 😔👍
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a-mongooose · 1 year
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A dump of things I drew since the last post! i am so normal about them. I AM SO NORMAL   ABOUT THEM . totally not making cosplays of julie and sally . it is not true  ! if u want to use as pfps, feel free to! just pls credit me :p alsooo if you have any requests for the silly goofies, my asks should be open, go crazy in there 
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inkskinned · 1 year
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maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.
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i know i screamed. absolutely terrifying. who let them in
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extrashortshorts · 11 months
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the struggle
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I'm CRYING someone come pick the poor schmuck up off the ground please.
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muffymello · 16 days
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Handsy- ii
(Buggy the Clown x f!Reader)
A small-town shopkeep makes the second biggest mistake of her life by humouring a pirate captain's idea.
1.2k Words
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Another boring day working in that stupid shop had taken a full 180 to you now being sat in the lap of a feared pirate captain as you watched the theatrics and insanity of his ship’s circus tent. The one constant of the last few hours was the detached hand holding yours tightly, the white cloth of his glove not concealing the warmth of his palm against yours. The hand, now reattached to Buggy’s arm, didn’t seem intent on letting you go any time soon.
He sat wide-legged with you wedged sideways in his lap, your back resting against the high-set arm of the throne with his other arm right behind it. This positioning had your faces set awfully close together as he grinned maniacally. “So, doll, what’s the story? Kidnap my hand for attention, hm?” He prodded, his arm now snaking around your back to hold you in place. You tensed a little at his words, brain going blank for a minute before you could respond.
“I found it in an alleyway- just a few hours ago! Came here right away…” You lied with a forced smile, not wanting him to know you’d unknowingly caught the hand in the first place. Your best bet was to change the subject a bit, avoid any more suspicion than what you could already see in his narrowing eyes, smudgey makeup framing pretty blues.
“Is that so? Well then, someone as loyal as you should be a part of my crew!”
The certainty of his tone as well as his bold statement caught you off guard, planning to ask something meaningless about his crew or outfit when he proposed such an absurd offer. You squirmed in his lap, only prompting him to give your hand a squeeze and tighten his arm around your back, moving it to rest comfortably on your waist as he pulled you in close to give you nowhere to look except right into those eyes of his. “Whaddaya say, then? Life of a pirate ain’t so bad, y’know~” He teased, still grinning like a maniac.
Alam bells blared in your head at everything going on, but you couldn’t fight off the part of your heart that wanted to accept immediately. The makeup and showmanship of it all wasn’t what enticed you, but the way his hand had remained gentle in yours, keeping you from feeling any real fear at all. You’d assume a fearsome pirate like this to be brutal in nature, but the way your fingers interlaced with his so easily, such a soft and simple gesture, not painful or distressing, had your ever-sappy heart doing cartwheels. “I- uh…”
Mumbling was all you could manage, breaking eye contact and looking around the tent. Everything about this was the exact opposite of your normal. Unpredictable, seemingly no routine or discipline. Still, everyone smiled and shared in eating, drinking and laughing as they performed. It was like a happy family amidst how chaotic it felt, and the rumbling laughter you could feel in the clown’s chest only immersed you further in the experience.
“Not to worry doll, run along for now to think.” He said, amused by how dumbstruck the simple ask of joining his crew had rendered you. His hand once more popped off of his body, less unsettling than it should be to you. The hand led the way, guiding you through the crowds and wild motion, seemingly sure of how to take a path without intervening or colliding with anything. 
Buggy the Clown was surely the only man in the world who had any sense to navigate chaos such as this, and as his hand led you all the way to the edge of your ship, you couldn’t help one last gentle squeeze before watching it fly back to its owner.
Your heart panged with guilt as you knew better than to even consider his wild ideas, there was no way you were cut out for being a pirate. The shop hadn’t exactly trained you for something like that, the closest thing had been lifting heavy boxes and fighting off rude customers. That was nothing compared to the dangers faced at sea, especially as a part of such a well-feared crew.
The idea of the brutality was too much to even weigh out as an option, and you sighed as the music faded and the ship went out of view as you walked home to sleep off the insanely fast beating of your heart in your chest.
_____
The next morning was a new day. New wasn’t the best word for it, as it would all be the same. Same breakfast, same clothes, same walk to work at the same time as usual. Normally, the monotony was no bother, but after seeing the excitement of the pirate ship you’d boarded the night previous the dullness of it all felt suffocating.
Your coworker didn’t even believe half the things you told her as you recounted the encounter with Buggy the Clown himself, her face paling as you told her about his offer. “Hell, you said no right away didn’t you?” She practically begged, grabbing the sleeve of your shirt. “I didn’t exactly say yes, or no. He told me… to think.” You said causing your coworker to pale even further at the glint she saw forming in your eyes.
“Oh God, you know all the things that could happen to you?” “Yes, I do. I hear stories all the time.” “It’s no joke! This is serious!” The two of you went back and forth, even if you hadn’t fully convinced yourself her words didn’t faze you in the slightest. After a few minutes, she huffed and pulled a backpack out from under the register, red in the face. 
“Just go.” She muttered, not looking you in the eyes. “Pack this up and get going, who knows when they’ll leave port.” Her words were practically a whisper as you saw tears begin to bubble up along her lashes. She didn’t even give you a chance to question her motives here before speaking again.
“I’ve never seen you so… bright. You’re glowing, you’ve been practically dancing around the store all day. This small town isn’t big enough for that mind of yours, take your chance before I change my mind and never let you go… and quick, their boat won’t stay docked forever!” She practically yelled at you, holding the bag out. 
You gave her a quick hug and nod before grabbing it, shouting out your thanks as you ran from the store to grab anything and everything you’d need for life as a pirate before the Big Top took off again to the seas.
As you stumbled out onto the dock you saw the ship begin to move, but the panels around the ship’s cannons were big enough to squeeze through. With a great leap and a bit of wiggling, you were officially a stowaway beyond the point of return as the storage room you’d ended up in greeted you merrily with the clanking of what you assumed to be alcohol bottles and sloshing of sake in large, hefty barrels.
You could hear the sound of another outrageous party over the deafening beating of your heart as you curled up in the corner, reaching into your pocket to give Buggy’s hand a squeeze but realizing it obviously wasn’t there anymore.
You wondered what your fate was on this ship, if the great clown would pay you any mind, but your thoughts were cut short as loud, sluggish footsteps echoed louder and louder down the halls.
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scorchrend · 6 months
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DON’T PUT THIS BLUE RED WHITE JESTER HAT ON MORE CHARACTERS IT’S BAD FOR MY HEALTH
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totalleelee · 6 months
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Purple rabbit???
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“Drowning yourself in a digital lake”????
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IS THIS A FNAF REFERENCE !!!??
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reposting content (especially art/creations) that isn't yours is theft. reposting content saying "not mine" without credit is still theft. saving content that isn't yours to your phone or computer or copy/pasting and making a post without credit is fucking theft. it isn't accidental. there were intentional steps involved. why is this difficult to comprehend. imagine how it would feel to have something you made (especially for free, often in the case of fandom) stolen and someone else taking credit for it or at the very least not giving you the credit you deserve for having made it in the first place
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Hey, so for the Human Au, how do think Julie would go about her life? Considering her personality in the website, I would think that he takes up different part-time jobs, but mainly likes working at the community center, mainly for the summer/after school programs where they can come up with and host fun activities for the kids!
no yeah that's pretty much what i was thinking! she bounces from job to job - she probably has a roster of seasonal ones that she rotates between. Julie really does seem like an every-gal yk? doing just one thing all the time would be soooo boring
i like the idea of summer / after school programs a lot actually! since canon Julie is big on games and fun, i'm sure she'd be a great choice for those sorts of things. i bet she works a seasonal summer camp in their county!
#also it would be a cute frank-julie bestie thing#cause frank is a university professor#so then julie being in the education system as a camp counselor / school programs person whatever brains not braining rn#I Just Think It Would Be Sweet! and Fitting!#part of me wants to change Frank from university professor to like a uhhh elementary school teacher#but nah. but lets just say the local schools will have field trips and uh. idk a 'bug day'#yk how kindergartens and elementary schools would sometimes have a giant snake brought in or whatever#well i imagine that in this au frank keeps insects as 'pets'#(not pets as in companion animal but. he has a lot of arthropod tanks in his house lol)#so maybe a couple times a year he gets to interact with kids and julie's probably there too!#ohhhh maybe sometimes he'll go to the summer camp for like. education day or whatever#to talk about insects and animal safety or somethn#he's out there with a tarantula chilling on his head...#most of the kids are disinterested but one or two are so Intrigued and its. adorable. anyway this is about julie#rambles from the bog#wh modern human au#i like to think that both julie and barnaby have seasonal jobs at the county fair#it just lasts a few weeks but they have a good time! barnaby can put his clowning degree to Use!#but im having a great time picturing julie coming up with games and stuff and putting it to good use!#i bet she'd be great at finding compromises and solutions to those Schoolyard Problems yk#i said schoolyard problems and flashbacked to the multiple bad injuries at my elementary. & the seizure in hs...#hm. i saw a lot of serious shit. anyhow not the point#i bet julie is that one guy where whenever someone brings up an odd job she's like 'yeah ive done that'#slingin ice cream? catering? florist delivery? doughnut baker? budtender? running bingo night? Yes To It All!#i bet that in a way... howdy is jealous...
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what-are-even-humans · 11 months
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Hey so im moving out of my flat tomorrow and due to my university* being Awful at Admin and me having to spend a lot of time and energy fixing shit, I have to pack down essentially my entire flat in one night. Anyone got any tips for how you pack quickly?
*technically former. I graduated and will only ever return for a) a brief stint as an advisor in a subject I aided in developing and b) the residency meet-up in like 9 months
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kurokoros · 8 months
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I've been seeing the "endeavor is the best written character in BNHA" take for a while and regardless of if that's true or not (because that's an opinion, not a fact) do the people saying this not think it's questionable or off-putting that the "best" written character is a middle aged man discovering after over two decades that neglecting, abusing, and overall traumatizing his wife and children is BAD and he wants to be a better person now???
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