#i hate this horrid app
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you ever love someone so much you think about downloading snapchat again just to see when theyre online
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I've started writing this post like, four times already, and I keep discarding the drafts instead of continuing because it's too close, still. But i know i need to unpack this instead of just letting it live inside of me to fester and rot and make me bitter, which will just mean that the haters won, because it's their fault the joy is gone.
Something happened this weekend here on tumblr and elsewhere in other fanspaces and across the wider internet. Something horrible. I've been through fandom implosions before, I was in the trenches with VLD, I walked through the end of Bleach, but this was orders of magnitude worse.
The meanness. The cruelty. The way so many people forgot that the people on their TV, laptop and phone screens are people. That the words they're gleefully typing into their little comment boxes and their posts are being seen by real people, and not just the people at which they are directed.
This fandom has long had a problem with passive, and also less passive, racism. This fandom has long had a problem with boundaries between ourselves and the people we are fans of. I think these two things combined into a horrid creature that was beyond the imagining of anyone.
I slept very little this weekend. I have been more anxious the last three days than I have ever been in my life. I worried every time I opened the tumblr app what thing I might find in my inbox or as a reply on one of my posts. I worried about friends in the fandom, who were dealing not only with the barrage of vitriol not directed at them, but also who were receiving it themselves for daring to be supportive of the general plan.
I am lucky. I have spaces to retreat to. I have friends who are both in and not in this fandom, who have checked in with me to make sure I'm doing okay. My partner has shouldered the bulk of managing the house this weekend because I couldn't. It was too much to think about how to deal with that when all this was going on inside my phone and my laptop. I am also lucky because I am not a person of colour.
Watching folks in this fandom who I know to be folks of colour wade into the fray and knowing that they are seeing the same takes that I was seeing about Steven and about Ryan, makes my heart want to shrivel up in my chest. It hurt me to watch people turn on Watcher this weekend, but I cannot imagine how much it hurt my friends, who might have been watching people they used to trust or enjoy or feel like they knew, spew racist and hateful rhetoric over a business decision they didn't agree with.
I'm not going to litigate whether things could have been done differently, because it really doesn't matter to me, but I am going to say that a level of trust has been shattered here in this fandom space. I can't have fun with people about Watcher content when I have to check and make sure they weren't among the people who were calling for violence against a man whose crime was poorly communicating a business decision to a fandom they used to extoll as kind and generous. If my trust in the wider fandom has been broken then I have to assume our fandom friends of colour's trust has also been shredded.
This has fundamentally changed how I want to engage with and in fandom, and not for the better. I don't have an answer for what this means for me going forward, but I am just so sad. I am so sad that a place of great joy has been sapped of that feeling and I don't know how I'm going to get it back.
I don't know if I want to.
#things jess says#maybe i will have more to say later but like#this weekend has been a lot#and i have finally come all the way down from angry#and all that's left is this despair
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land softly
Summary: Ghost & Soap are snowed in at a bed & breakfast. Fleabag voice: This is a love story.
Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5
Part 2 - Johnny performs a chore
When Johnny opens his eyes in the morning, he checks the time (0600), whips his head towards the bay window for a quick inspection (pure, blinding, snow white), and then groans. The weather app on his phone confirms what he’d suspected: there’s no way he’s making it to Glasgow—he’s not even making it out of Yorkshire.
But he does need to figure out his situation at the inn, and groans aloud at the idea of convincing the grumpy innkeeper to let him stay another night. Two, if the horrid weather persists.
His unasked question is answered when he ambles his way down to the kitchen at 0700, freshly showered, and the masked fella’s already there cooking streaky bacon. The table’s been set for two and the smell of fresh coffee entices Johnny to take (what he thinks) are sneaky steps, but he gets caught out anyway.
“Morning,” the grump mutters, and Johnny carefully returns the greeting. “Can’t leave in this weather, can ya, mate?”
“Uh…”
“It’s fine,” the man mutters. “I ain’t goin’ anywhere either, looks like.” He turns around and motions to the empty chair. “Sit. Eat,” he orders, brusquely, and sets a full English in front of Johnny.
Johnny can’t help but wonder about the abrupt 180 in the giant’s mood from the previous evening, but he lets it go, considering he’s being fed a mighty big breakfast. He’s shovelling eggs into his mouth with all the gentle decorum of a mountain bear pre-hibernation, when the giant takes the seat opposite him and stares. No food in front of him, no coffee.
Johnny squirms from the unblinking attention, on edge from the dark mask that hid his lower face—a mask adorned with the bottom half of a skull. Eerie and fucking weird, but who was Johnny to judge.
In his line of work—ex line of work, he corrects himself bitterly—he’d seen much worse.
“You dinnae have to do all this, ah appreciate it! Ye must have family tae go visit for Christmas and I’m holdin’ you up here, ah’m so sorry—”
“No family, s’ fine.”
Johnny’s eyes slide carefully to the ring on his left hand and back to his face, only to flush when he’s clearly been caught looking. “Ah, ah’m sorry, I just saw the ring and thought ye were married, sorry, that’s—”
“I was.”
“But the ring—” Johnny blurts, before he can help himself.
“Ring stays. Name’s Ghost,” the man says without missing a beat.
“Yer name is Ghost? Did your mam hate ye?”
“Dunno. She’s dead. Eat.”
Johnny nods absent-mindedly, and picks up his forgotten cutlery, sneaking glances at the—at Ghost.
His attention remains unwaveringly on Johnny, though, and he stares intensely at Johnny through the whole thing.
“I work ‘ere,” Ghost continues, as if the conversation had never stalled. “Maintenance ‘n that.”
“Okay…”
“The kitchen’s stocked, if y’need to eat. Help yourself anytime. There’s coffee, tea, all sorts in there. Stay as long as you need, there’s no drivin’ in this weather. Give me a shout if you need me, I’ll be around.”
Ghost flings facts at Johnny at hyper-speed and Johnny’s unsure about what to do with this information.
“Do—do ye need help? Ah’m no’ doin’ anything anyway. Be happy to help for yer lettin’ me stay—”
“Place needs a Christmas tree.”
Johnny chokes on his coffee. Ghost merely leans back on the chair and waits him out, while painful, hacking coughs leave his body.
“Ye want me to put up yer tree?”
“Christmas in a couple days, innit? Boiler needs lookin’ at too,” Ghost states and then narrows his eyes. “I’ll sort that,” he says quickly, when Johnny looks like he was going to offer to do that instead. “Pulled the tree ‘nd that outta the attic, it’s in the main room. If you want to help.”
“Alrate, I can decorate a tree.”
***
Johnny finds that he cannot, after all, decorate a tree. He really struggles with it, really struggles with a fuckin’ Christmas tree—he can’t remember the last time he’d done this, which comes as a nasty shock—and decides that a change of strategy might be in order.
He’s determined to do this right, though, and so he acknowledges (with a cringe) exactly what he needs to do.
He bounds up to his room and grabs his phone. It only rings twice before his sister answers. “Too early, Johnny! Wake my child and I’ll kill ye.”
“Sorry,” he laughs. “Alright love?”
“S’ all good, pup. But ye’re not gonna make it fer tonight either, the weather’s stirred up somethin’ awful.”
“I know! Never seen snow so bad this time o’ year.” Johnny has to pause at the irony. “Mother Nature herself isnae wantin’ me to meet my mother.”
“Yer not funny.” He hears his sister sigh. “Gonna be strange without ye here, y’know?”
“Ah know.” But Johnny knew what his sister was too polite to say—that it might be weird without him there, but not necessarily bad. He didn’t blame her.
“Anyway. Why’re ye calling so early?”
“Ah need your help…with a Christmas tree.”
“What?” His sister’s voice had taken on an incredulous tone, two octaves higher than usual but when he explained to her what he wanted to do, and about the mysterious weirdo Ghost that ran the bed & breakfast, she was beyond intrigued. “...kind of a name is Ghost? His mam hate him?”
“‘S what I said! But he’s lettin’ me stay here, even though the place is closed. Fuck, ah’ll decorate his tree for ‘im. Whatever. Doesnae matter, can ye help me?”
“Such a brat, Johnny. Fine. Here’s what ye need to do.”
As she speaks about tinsel placement and an even bauble to tree ratio, Johnny realises with a start that he hasn’t looked forward to a project like this for a long, long time. Johnny’s only looked out for Johnny for so long that something as trivial as putting up a Christmas tree for someone else’s benefit felt like an undeniably selfless act of charity. The thought disgusts him, he has to shake his head to distract himself from the dark line of thought.
The occasional glance out of the window reveals the constant, seemingly endless snow falling from the skies, but he’s grateful to at least be warm. And while he separates the baubles from the tinsel from the tree lights, exactly as instructed, Johnny finds his thoughts straying from him.
Nothing’s caught his attention, nothing’s made him want to do something for someone else for a while. Or maybe it’s just the gruff, stoic, kind of charming innkeeper. And that thought comes as a surprise, seemingly out of nowhere. Huh.
The only other constant apart from the snow seems to be the 80s music playing softly from upstairs. Johnny knows it’s where Ghost is fixing the boiler, and occasionally, he’ll recognise the cheesy song playing from the vintage radio that Ghost seems to carry around with him along with his tool box. It’s…beyond strange.
Come afternoon and Johnny finds that he’s still not made as much progress as he’d have liked to. The front room of the inn is so messy, he’s thankful for the lack of any other guests at the place—there was hardly any place to walk around in the room.
He doesn’t find that he has too much of an appetite—too engrossed in planning where he’d like the wreath to go in the room—but he hears Ghost rummaging around for something in the kitchen anyway. And of course, it seems like where Ghost goes, so does the radio.
And that’s it, isn’t it? Johnny finds himself completely intrigued by Ghost. He’s gorgeous under that mask, Johnny’s confident of it, but if he’s being completely honest, there’s only a few facts that he knows for certain about Ghost. Special Forces. Inn-keeper? Listens to The Police a lot. Cooks a decent breakfast. Ah, he’s worked with less in the past.
“Yer going to clean up after y’self, yeah?”
He’s a bad soldier for how the voice startles him and Johnny’s resentful to admit that he almost jumps a foot in the air from it.
“...yeh yeh, ah’ll clean up. Almost done here, how’s it looking?”
Ghost stands up straighter, almost like he didn’t expect to be asked, but he crosses his arms over his chest and uses his chin to motion at the tree. “Lights.”
“Aye, sir,” Johnny mumbles, rolling his eyes at the barely concealed command, and turns the lights on. When he does, Ghost’s eyes widen slightly, and Johnny has to turn away to hide his smile. “And?”
Ghost doesn’t say a word, but it’s like Johnny can see his entire frame melt. It starts up at his shoulders, makes him uncross his arms which fall down to hang limply at his sides. It’s like the entire tough demeanour falls away to the side, while he watches the lights of the tree and the decorations in the front room, and when he inhales, it’s shuddery. He appears shaken up by what he sees, and Johnny can’t even begin to guess why.
“Would ye like to put the star up on—”
“L-lunch is in the kitchen, help yourself,” Ghost mutters, then strides out, aiming for the front door. Just before he leaves though, with a hand on the door handle, he pauses, and turns halfway to address Johnny. “Thank you. I, uh. I appreciate it. You didn’t hafta.”
“It’s no’ a prob—” But Johnny doesn’t get to finish the rest of his sentence because the front door slams shut, and Ghost is gone. “Steamin’ Christ,” he mutters.
It’s only two hours later, when Johnny’s picking at his food in his own room, when movement outside the window catches his attention. He sets his plate down and walks over, only to choke on his own breath like someone had punched his throat, hard. He stands there, frozen, staring, wondering what on Earth was in his food that’s made him lose his mind.
But, no. Ghost stands there below his wind, his all-black attire contrasting starkly against the blanket of snow. In the middle of a snow storm, Ghost stands outside Johnny’s window, axe in hand, chopping wood.
It’s hypnotising, mesmerising, Johnny finds, watching Ghost and his movements. It’s surprising how none of it is surprising to Johnny—not the action, not the fact that Ghost is outside in a snowstorm to do it—but Johnny finds himself unconsciously holding his breath and clenching his fists while he observes the movement of Ghost’s body as he does it.
There’s nothing lean about his body.
He’s all powerful, rippling muscle under a healthy layer of fat, his chest gorgeously broad, expanding under a black hoodie that strains and relaxes under the movement. Even from two storeys up where Johnny looks down at him, nothing about Ghost fits in. Nothing about him looks like it belongs in this picturesque scene, and nothing about him can be glanced over. He demands Johnny’s absolute attention, even when he doesn’t know it. Especially because he doesn’t know it.
Johnny takes a deep breath, and runs shaky fingers through his hair with his exhale. The movement catches Ghost’s eyes because sharp eyes turn up to look at Johnny instantly. Johnny’s caught unawares and regrets his finger-wave and chin-nod combo as he does it, embarrassed at having been caught ogling at the man while he’s on the job.
And while Johnny can’t confirm it, not being able to see Ghost expression from the distance, when he gathers the logs of wood and walks them to the back entrance of the inn, Johnny’s sure Ghost stands taller and walks cockier.
It feels like the atmosphere in the inn becomes a bit more hospitable, and the ice between them melts a little. At least…that’s what the knock on his door on Johnny’s door in the evening indicates. It’s tentative, like even Ghost can’t believe he’s doing it. Except, unlike Ghost, Johnny has had an entire afternoon to accept that he’s got a stupid crush on the hot innkeeper, and he’s flinging the door open.
Ghost looks uncomfortable. There’s no other way to put it—Ghost’s open hands twitch at his sides, his foot taps a quick staccato on the floor and he looks at anywhere but Johnny.
So Johnny waits.
“I, uh, wanted to know. You want some dinner? We got some.”
“Bit early fo’ dinner, Ghost.” Johnny’s smile is wide, only widens when his hip leaning against the door frame catches Ghost’s attention.
“Got a bar we can raid.”
Johnny’s eyes sparkle with interest, before he pushes off the door, agrees easily. “Must warn ye though, Ghost,” he says, as they make their way down the stairs, Johnny trailing the bigger man, enjoying the view. “Best have a stocked bar. I’m a Scotch man, meself.”
“Shocking.”
“What? Not a fan?”
“I drink bourbon.”
“Like a good ol’ boy…”
Ghost’s sharp inhale makes Johnny hold his own breath for a moment, before they both relax. “I like Kentucky,” comes the small whisper, almost a defensive after-thought. Ghost rounds the corner into the kitchen with a quick stride and Johnny, rather unconvincingly, hides his sudden laugh as a cough.
Ghost’s scoff from the kitchen tells him how unconvincing that really was.
***
“Ye got me right pished,” Johnny accuses, finger pointing to where Ghost’s form doubles and triples in front of him.
“Only so I could ‘ave my way with you.” The completely deadpan response he receives sets Johnny off, and only the crinkles around Ghost’s eyes make the ugly snort that leave his mouth worth it.
They quiet after a while and then Ghost’s eyes lift and fixate on the hundreds of tiny lights around the room. They looked gorgeous, and Johnny was proud of himself. “You did well. With the tree and that. Thank you.”
“Ye…looked like ye didnae like it. Earlier.”
Ghost scoffs, but the sound is sad. “Sorry ‘bout that…didn’t mean to sound ungrateful. About yesterday too. It’s, er…’twas a strange day. Wasn’t you. Sorry.”
Johnny melts at the awkward sincerity in Ghost’s voice but freezes when Ghost turns his face to look at him. Oh. Oh holy fuck. His eyes aren’t brown, Johnny realises, horrified. He’d looked at them earlier, dismissed them as a generic “dark,” but fuck.
Holy fuckin’ shit, they’re not fucking “dark,” they’re actually—
“Green!” Johnny blurts. He’s sure getting shot at has been less painful than the hot, searing feeling of embarrassment that crawls up his chest and manifests as bright, embarrassing, pink across his face.
Ghost stares at him blankly, and fuck, if Johnny isn’t in the most awkward three seconds of his life. “Alright, that’s enough of that,” Ghost mumbles finally and stands up, wincing at his cracking knees as he does. “Dinner?”
#ghostsoap#simon riley x john mactavish#john soap mactavish x simon ghost riley#codmw2#lumi writes#simon ghost riley#johnny soap mctavish#land softly
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We'll Be Alright - Matt Murdock x Pregnant!Reader
A/N: Takes place post- s3 so i can do whatever i want hehe. The oh-so-overdone pregnancy trope with lots of fluff and hurt/comfort. I didn't proofread this and honestly I kinda hate it but whatever. NO USE OF Y/N because i hate it.
Series warnings: Discussion of vomit, blood, medical procedures, pain, mentions of miscarriage, pretty much all the pregnancy stuff.
Word Count: 1.2k
Part 1
Matt sighed as he waited for the elevator, anxious to get home to you. You’d called him earlier and told him that Ellison had sent you home early from work, claiming you looked dead on your feet. You’d been overworking yourself recently at The Bulletin and Matt had noticed the toll it was taking on your physical wellbeing. You were exhausted and often felt nauseous, although he knew you were trying to hide it. The elevator finally arrived and he stepped in, hitting the button of his floor and listening impatiently to your heartbeat above him as the elevator ascended. He made his way down the hall and paused when he heard an unusual sound coming from his apartment. He tilted his head in concern when he heard a soft groan leave your mouth, quickly moving towards the door of your shared apartment.
The door was unlocked, despite him constantly getting on you about locking the door when you were home alone. He made a mental note to bring it up again later. He set down his keys and cane on the bench by the door and made his way towards where you were in the bathroom. “Sweetheart?” He called out, alerting him to your presence. He heard you swear under your breath before you shuffled around on the floor. He cocked a brow at that. Why were you on the floor? “I’m home, is everything alright?" He paused, listening as you whimpered quietly in response. "You don’t sound great,” he said softly against the bathroom door. Another discontented noise left your mouth as the door swung open, revealing your form slumped over the toilet bowl.
“Threw up,” you bluntly stated. Your hands gripped the toilet as you gagged, leaning forward. “Might do it again. Ellison made me go home because I almost puked on him, which would’ve been bad. But I gotta finish-” You gagged again and Matt could hear the way your stomach was churning angrily. “-Gotta finish the article,” you mumbled miserably. Matt hummed sadly, settling down next to you on the floor.
“Love, don’t worry about that right now. You’re obviously not doing well, maybe you need a break from work, hmm?” He traced his fingers over your arm, earning a pleased sigh. The bliss was abruptly cut short as you violently retched and emptied the contents of your stomach. Matt winced at the sound, drawing your hair away from your face with one hand and rubbing your back with the other. The scent of your tears mixed with the sour smell of your bile, a horrid concoction in his nose. You sighed and flushed the toilet, the scent gradually receding as you shakily got up to wash your face. “I don’t know what’s going on,” you sniffled. “My back hurts and I’m nauseous and my boobs are sore, I can hardly stay awake, and-” you stopped, your entire body going rigid. Matt shot up next to you and cupped your face in his hands. “What? Sweetheart, what is it? What’s wrong?”
You let out a shaky exhale and silently pushed past him, entering the living room with panic evident in your gait. Matt confusedly followed you, concern flooding his body. You fumbled around the couch until you found your phone, quickly tapping through your health app. Your eyes widened and you sucked in a sharp breath. Matt was only becoming more and more alarmed at your silence and he tentatively reached out to put a hand on your shoulder. You glanced at him, his face asking you a silent question. “I’m late,” you whispered. “I’m two weeks late, Matt. Oh my god.” His eyes widened as he realized what you were saying. “Do you think you’re…?”
You shrugged helplessly. “It would make sense. Fuck, Matt. I don’t…” you took a shuddering breath, tears pricking your eyes. Matt wrapped his arms around you, anchoring you to reality. He could hear your heart hammering in your chest, your unspoken fears consuming you. “We’ll be okay, love,” he murmured into your hair. “We’ll figure it out. We’ll be alright.”
The two of you stood there for a long time, quiet sniffles escaping as you pressed yourself against him and he trailed his fingers comfortingly up and down your spine.
-*-*-
“Fuck.”
The two of you were seated on the couch, three pregnancy tests displayed in front of you on the coffee table. All three had that god-awful word that you’d feared since college, too many scares embedding this reaction in your mind.
Pregnant.
Matt exhaled loudly, his mind obviously racing. “Okay. This is okay. We… we didn’t expect this so soon.” Your head whipped in his direction and you snorted involuntarily. He tilted his head, one brow raised in confusion. “What?” You shook your head, an amused smile ghosting your face. “So soon? Were you planning on having children with me, Mr. Murdock?” He flushed at your words and you laughed again, the tension in the room slowly dissipating. “I mean, you moved in with me, didn’t you? You couldn’t have done that without some kind of thought about the future.” You hummed in response, leaning against him. “I thought about it, yeah. Just…” you chuckled softly. “Like you said, not so soon.” The two of you sat there silently for a moment before you remembered something and gasped, smacking him on the knee.
“Matthew.”
“What? What did I do?”
You narrowed your eyes at him. “Do you know what day it is?”
He stared at you, confusion etched across his features. “...Thursday?” His eyes widened in realization. “Oh my god. It’s Thai food Thursday.” You nodded sagely. “The time-honored tradition of Thai food Thursday mustn’t be forsaken on this day.” Matt snorted, causing you to break character and giggle. He groaned dramatically as he stood, reaching out a hand to haul you up with him. You sighed and looked down, placing a hand on your abdomen. “Let’s hope pad see-ew is something you like, little nugget. Because honestly, that’s the only food that doesn’t make me want to puke at the thought of it.” Matt’s hand joined yours, his thumb gently sweeping over your knuckles.
He knelt in front of you, the expression on his face soft and reverent as he spoke. “I’ll make you a deal,” he whispered into your belly. You smiled softly. “If you let your mother eat her beloved Thai food without puking,” he continued, “I’ll tell you about how she tripped up the stairs after our first date when you’re old enough to laugh at her with me.” You gasped in mock offense as he smirked up at you, mischief coloring his features. “Matthew!” You scolded, earning a bark of laughter from him. “I did not trip. I just- you were-” you sputtered in exasperation, playfully smacking him on the head. “That’s cheating,” you mumbled. “You can’t bribe our unborn child with tales of my misfortune.”
He grinned as he stood, pressing a quick kiss into your hair. “Not even if it means you can have pad see-ew?” You shook your head with an amused huff. This is how things were supposed to be. You and Matt bantering, laughing and poking fun at each other. You’d be alright. After all, there was no one you’d rather be doing this with.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Again, definitely not my best work but I promise it'll get better with more installments. I plan on having this series show reader and Matt throughout the pregnancy, labor/delivery, and with the newborn. Of course, it wouldn't be exciting without some angst in there, so look forward to that :) like and reblog so I know I'm not just screaming into the void
#matt murdock#daredevil#daredevil netflix#matt murdock fanfic#matt murdock x reader#matt murdock x you#daredevil x reader#daredevil fanfiction#pregnant!reader#dad matt#charlie cox
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nightmare
han solo x reader
note; i have so many lil han fics in my notes app bc i love him so much, along with two current requests, if y’all would like to read ‘em, let me know! my next post SHOULD be a james marshall fic, and if the person who requested that is reading this, I’M SO SORRY ITS TAKEN SO LONG! i know literally nothing about politics bc i hate them so i’ve ben trying to research and failing 😭 anyways, hope y’all enjoy this lil fic 🫶🏻
“where are you taking him!” you thrashed against the grip of the stormtroopers holding you back.
you glanced back at han, who was being pulled away, “stop! they’ll take you too!” he exclaimed, fearing that you’d receive the same fate as him. but you couldn’t just let him be taken.
“han!”
“quiet.” vader’s voice was intimidating as he stalked toward you, his tall frame causing him to tower over you. you cowered slightly, refusing to meet the villain’s gaze. you feared the man, knowing exactly what he was capable of.
“would you like us to transport her to the cell?” a stormtrooper asked. that’s where they’d taken chewie and leia.
vader remained silent, the only sound being the metallic hissing of his mask.
“keep her outside. she can listen.”
you furrowed your brows. listen? what did he mean by listen? you watched as han was dragged into a room quickly, vader following close behind.
the stormtroopers tightened their grip on you. they weren’t letting you go anywhere. you stood in silence, waiting for something, anything to happen.
then you heard the screams.
his screams.
your heart clenched at such a horrid sound. they grew louder, the cries echoing throughout your mind.
“what are you doing to him?!” you exclaimed, shoving the stormtroopers beside you, but they would not let go.
“stop or you will be just like him.” one said.
“i don’t give a damn what you do to me but stop! just leave him be! leave him alone-“
you jolted awake, sweat caked your body as your chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. you glanced around at your surroundings, relieved to find yourself in your room.
you weren’t in that place. you were safe.
“sweetheart?” you turned, catching a glimpse of han. “sorry.. i didn’t mean to wake you.” you muttered, lying back down. “you alright?” he asked.
“fine.”
“bullshit.”
you chuckled dryly, rolling over to face him. his large hand brushed a stray strand of hair away from your eyes, “nightmare?” slowly, you nodded.
han hesitated for a moment before asking, “wanna talk about it?” you never usually did, but he always asked regardless.
“it was that night again.” you whispered. the man nodded slowly in understanding. “the freezing?”
“before that.”
now he knew precisely what you had dreamt about. he then wrapped his strong arms around you, pulling your body closer to his. “you never have to worry about that again, princess. the empire’s gone. nothing can hurt us now.” he assured, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.
you smiled softly, “i love you.”
“i know.” he said softly, resting his head upon yours as you nuzzled yourself against his chest, “get some rest.”
it wasn’t long before you slipped into a deep slumber, dreaming only sweet dreams of the scoundrel who had captured your heart.
#harrison ford x reader#harrison ford#harrison ford movies#han solo#star wars#han solo x reader#indiana jones and the temple of doom#indiana jones x reader#young harrison ford#indiana jones#empire strikes back#a new hope#return of the jedi#han solo imagine#original trilogy#princess leia#esb#chewbacca#leia organa#luke skywalker
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hiatus will be official after this post. i will be back on it. just needed to say something.
i’m sick of how inconsiderate people are. people apologise and apologise and apologise and yet you’re still going to let that information go in one ear and out the other. you are not willing to listen and you are going to go after someone because of something they couldn’t control.
i’m so fucking glad that my mum and dad taught me how to be safe on the internet and how to talk about things instead of resorting to violence and so many essential life lessons.
an example of these are:
some opinions are not worth being shared
if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything
you need to be considerate of the fact that you don’t know what some people have gone through
some things have no reason to be justified, and some things need no justification
these anons are absolute scum. they deserve no place on here. if you are going to hate someone or make someone feel like shit, turn off anonymous and say it right to someone face, even if it is over a screen. do not hide your identity just so you can have a horrid opinion on something.
and if you know people irl that you interact with online, deal with them irl. not over a screen. that is such a bitchy move. do not be an asshole, whether you love or hate that person.
i have so many things i want to say, but this situation is not about me, and i am not willing to be vulnerable on here with such sensitive topics.
if you are not going to accept someone apology and reasoning, fuck off. do not make someone’s issue yours and make them feel even worse. that is a horrible move.
yes, i’m young. yes, i’m a bit stupid. yes, i know basically nothing about the world and i am very uneducated, but i have very knowledgeable parents, even though they’re 33 and 40.
i am very fucking smart, and i know a lot of things. yes, i’m being a little self-centred right now, but it’s needed to prove my point.
accept their apology. make their life and mental health feel okay and at peace. they deserve it. even if they did some fucked up shit and fucked around and “found out”, let them feel okay about themselves.
whether these people have been put in jail a multitude of times or have been involved in a tiny drama at school, you respect them. you do not have to like someone to respect someone. respect is a huge huge thing. so is hate. be responsible.
be a good fucking person and be respectful.
whether you are a responsible adult with a stable income, or you’re a 13 year old using this app, be respectful. be considerate. be a good. fucking. person.
i do not give a fuck if you have the best life on earth, or if you have been sexually assaulted, you deserve any and all respect.
i’ve been talking with a friend who has been dealing with a bunch of shit in the last few hours and he is very very very upset about it and is still a bit hesitant about me doing this. i’ve talked with him and made sure he’s alright and given him every right to restart again, to have a safe space. he’s dealing with his own shit, and i relate to what he is going through.
i don’t want anyone to delve into what i’m saying and try and find this person, but i got hella fucking annoyed with how ignorant people are.
anyways, i’m so fucking over this. read people’s apologies, accept their apologies, and do NOT attack them after they’ve apologised. it is your choice to keep interacting with them or not.
#ax blabbers#i am going to defend my friends with my fucking life#you hate them you hate me#i am sick of this constant drama#let them be able to forget about what they did and move on
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talk about your rtc headcanons please.
YES I WILL AHAHAH THANK YOU
i have a note open on my notes app full of hcs >:]
(some of these will be pretty ship centered, but they could probably be seen as platonic!)
~~{☆}~~
Jane/Penny
• bites people. out of love. i think
• autistic because i said so
• new special interest every week
• long-term hyperfixation on doll collecting
• like girly has a terrifying amount of dolls
• she/they/it/doll/star pronouns fuck you
• forgets what her own voice sounds like sometimes so randomly she'll just.. start talking to himself.
• has a pet axolotl
• queer platonic relationship with ocean
• has an old galaxy note phone but it's kept it pristine condition
• can beatbox
• has really good rhythm!!
• soprano 1
• devilishly good at escape rooms
• along with mishca, the choirs bodyguard
• isn't allowed in the kitchen without supervision
• stims by just... riffing
• yk that riff in tbojd? that.
• favorite time if the year is Christmas, specifically for the carolling
• takes the choir to carol with it all the time
• cannot spell for shit
• cosplays with ricky constantly
~~{☆}~~
Ricky
• had a nightcore phase
• SCENE KID <3
• makes the most killer hot coco ever
• teached the choir asl after the accident BCS THEY ALL COME BACK IN THE END FIGHT ME
• every year for the different choir members birthdays she draws them as a cat. (he gives them fursonas i dont make the rules here).
• uses all pronouns
• named a cat after each of the choir members but refuses to tell them
• genderfluid as fuck!!
• has one of those samsung phones that can fold
• makes cat stickers for fun
• her mobility aids are covered in stickers and has little trinkets that dangle
• had a warrior cats phase
• got noel into warrior cats in middle school
• has 3 hairless cats
• obsessed with the Labyrinth
• gets high with mischa weekly
• fucking pro on an electric guitar
• has a baseball cap with cat ears attached to the top
• jazz hand stims
• makes the choirs halloween costumes every year
• excellent seamstress
• also loves tf outta Halloween
• she gets to dress up as a swinging space age bachelor man and wouldn't get judged, ofc she loves it
• stims by.. meowing and purring?? for fun??? its fun try it
• has a lifetime pass to any cosplay convention that happens in Uranium ( idk if thats a real thing but it is now )
~~{}~~
Ocean
• horrid asthma
• avarage glee watcher
• IS gossip girl
• they/she user
• neurodivergent as hell but is undiagnosed because their parents SUCK and don't believe in that stuff
• asexual lesbian real
• has to use either Constances or Mischas washing machine/dryer to wash her clothes.
• hates the beach
• they sunburn so easily
• sibling relationship with both mischa and noel
• has a yellow iphone with an otterbox phonecase
• keeps little Polaroid pictures of her and the other choir members in a journal she has
• she likes taking pictures I said so
• was the last one to grasp asl, but she is trying!!!!
• cuts her hair themselves and as genuinely good at it
• soprano 2
• has horrid OCD
• loves deer sm
• loves Christmas time <3
• hot mocha enjoyer
• her and noel have kareoke night every friday
~~{☆}~~
Constance
• vocaloid enjoyer
• pumpkin spice latte drinker
• mom friend. keeps bandaids, candies, an inhaler, toothpicks, waters, and koolaid packets in her bag at all times.
• pansexual queen <3 i love her
• she/her pronouns, but doesn't mind they/them
• her family has threatened to adopt literally every single one of the choir members - noel and ricky
• listens to 90's rock music
• love language is physical touch!!! she loves holding everyones hands and gives the best hugs imaginable
• wrote pjo fanfiction in middle school
• it's still on ao3
• fandom junkie
• has a dark green motorola phone with a pastel blue case
• alto
• really good at crochet and makes sweaters for choir during their birthdays
• makes small sweaters for rickys hairless cats during winter
• K-pop stan
• has asked noel to dress up as a k-pop idol before
• adhd haver
• has hundreds of little lists for random things
• favorite holiday is Christmas and she loves giving the choir gifts
• giving love language is giving gifts fight me
• has a pet frog named Jeremy
• sometimes she just spins around as a stim
~~{☆}~~
Mischa
• HATES coffee, claims it tastes like dirt
• languages master ( teaches noel french bcs duolingo isn't helping at all)
• dad friend
• menace in the kitchen
• HIM AND NOEL HAVE MOVIE NIGHTS YES!!
• talia is real and they're in love... fuck you
• mischa "two hands" bachinski
• is the reason the choir room has a swear jar
• loves bearded dragons
• unreasonably terrified of snakes
• bisexual king
• He/They supremacy
• can and will down an entire bottle of straight vodka
• very proud of that fact
• transmasc real!!!!
• talia helps pay for their T shots and after hearing about noel being trans too she buys her a binder <3
• so in love with noel and talia both he has too much passion
• brotp with ricky they're brothers your honor
• only one besides noel that can drive
• made vines
• works at a haunted house with penny during halloween
• his adoptive parents are rich as fuck
• can tell you the history of rap if you asked him to
• love language is words of affirmation bcs i said so
• sometimes he just carries around the other choir members (usually ocean) on his back for fun
• body heater
• has a red iphone with a clear case
• it has so many cracks
• godly at stick n pokes
• has a pet hampster his adoptive parents know nothing about
• has gotten a lightbulb stuck in their mouth twice
• has the most batshit insane ideas
• really into pop music but will NEVER tell anyone
• he has autism btw
• really good at critiquing movies
• baritone/bass what's the difference
• carries ricky up and down stairs even if it isn't needed
• giving love language is physical touch fight me ( him and constance are always touching eachother in someway, either by holding pinkies or leaning in eachother. platonic or not, take it as you please)
• its a real struggle with talia but they make do
• movie nights in his basement happen every Tuesday after choir rehearsal, usually only him and noel are there but ricky and penny join every so often!!
• the choirs bodygaurd
• he's friends with the detention teacher
• has the second highest gpa out of the choir
• special interest: RAP
• DRUMMER
• listens to imagine dragons unironically
• halloween enthusiast
• always dresses up as some cheesy horror movie villain
• sometimes, mid conversation, he'll just start speaking in Ukranian. he won't realize until the person he's talking to mentions it.
• has a pretty bad lisp
• flappy hand stimmer fight me
• ambidextrous
~~{☆}~~
Noel
• starbucks employees know him by name
• stereotypical gay tbh, he drinks tf outta iced coffee
• tries to learn french through duolingo but fails miserably
• he/she noel supremacy
• always steals food from taco bell before a performance to give to the choir
• introduced rocky horror picture show to the choir and now they all wont stop quoting it
• TRANS MAN
• mlm/wlw hatred solidarity between her and ocean
• but in a sibling way
• unreasonably obsessed with peacocks amd doves (specifically white doves, they're so pretty)
• literally so oblivious to mischas crush its hilarious
• hates his job. so. much.
• her favorite stim is just repeating lines from the Blue Angel in a french accent. she knows it's a german film, but french accents are just too fun man
• she's autistic too btw ive decided
• hyperfixated on french history
• and scented candles
• holy shit she has so many scented candles
• has those fake candy cigarettes but absolutely hates how they taste
• has a notebook of little shirt stories of moniques life
• absolutely has thought out entire movies with Monique as the main character
• really really bad abandonment issues
• love language is quality time <3
• she is genuinely so angsty i have so many sad hcs for her
• has terrible eyesight but refuses to wear glasses
• instead, wears shitty contacts
• musical theatre nerd
• paints his nails so he would stop chewing them but it doesn't work
• purple iphone user, has one of those square cases with the gold accents please know what i'm talking about
• has an old cat named Nyxl and she is treated like a got damn queen
• token tenor
• has a notebook full of poetry
• has a book full of edgar allen poes stories
• she loves them
• picky eater picky eater picky eater picky eater
• has to be chewing on something to even exist
• usually a toothpick, since she got scolded by ocean once because she bit a hole in her lip
• favorite holiday is valentines day
• he'll say he hates it but absolutely loves the romantic aspect of it
~~{☆}~~
thanky ou for indulging me i needed yhis <3
#ocean o'connell rosenberg#ride the cyclone headcanons#rtc hc#rtc headcanons#ride the cyclone the musical#rtc mischa#rtc noel#rtc penny lamb#rtc jane doe#rtc ocean#rtc constance
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I hate the way the cost of living crisis is shown in media
Through out the media, the 'crisis' has been framed as this force of nature that nobody could predicted, the fault of nobody in particular.
fuck that.
Most independent economists say the exact same shit, the inflation is mostly driven by corporate profits, a big chunk which came from the huge boom during covid, which they subsidized with government funds that were suppose to be passed on to the worker (newsflash, they fucking didn't). Sure we could pass better megacorp profit taxes or hell just fucking closed loopholes that lets a huge chunk of megacorps just not pay tax every damn year. For Fucks sake the ABC literally does a report on the companies that never pay tax, and it's treated like a niche "aww how quaint" rather than a "These fuckers aren't paying their dues to society, we should fuck em up".
But sure, let's take the interest rate route, I'm sure the poor with debt barely making it by just need to do their part to curb inflation.
Groceries are expensive because we have 2 supermarkets with 60-80% marketshare, no fucking shit it's expensive they have a FUCKING DUOPOLY, NO OTHER COUNTRY HAS SUCH A CONCENTRATED SUPERMARKET SECTOR YOU STUPID FUCKS.
And house prices are fucking horrid because WE STILL FUCKING SUBSIDIZE SHIT PROPERTIES VIA NEGATIVE GEARING, MY FUCKING TAXES ARE PAYING TO MAKE SURE I WILL NEVER OWN A HOUSE. OR CHANGE THE HOUSING TAX CONCESSIONS, OR BAN SHORT TERM HOLIDAY RENTAL APPS LIKE AIRBNB. STOP PRETENDING LIKE THE ONLY ISSUE IS THAT HOUSES AREN'T BEING MADE FAST ENOUGH.
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READ THIS NOW!
every single anon, read this.
anyone who sees this, READ THIS!
i’m sick of how inconsiderate people are. people apologise and apologise and apologise and yet you’re still going to let that information go in one ear and out the other. you are not willing to listen and you are going to go after someone because of something they couldn’t control.
i’m so fucking glad that my mum and dad taught me how to be safe on the internet and how to talk about things instead of resorting to violence and so many essential life lessons.
an example of these are:
some opinions are not worth being shared
if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything
you need to be considerate of the fact that you don’t know what some people have gone through
some things have no reason to be justified, and some things need no justification
these anons are absolute scum. they deserve no place on here. if you are going to hate someone or make someone feel like shit, turn off anonymous and say it right to someone face, even if it is over a screen. do not hide your identity just so you can have a horrid opinion on something.
and if you know people irl that you interact with online, deal with them irl. not over a screen. that is such a bitchy move. do not be an asshole, whether you love or hate that person.
i have so many things i want to say, but this situation is not about me, and i am not willing to be vulnerable on here with such sensitive topics.
if you are not going to accept someone apology and reasoning, fuck off. do not make someone’s issue yours and make them feel even worse. that is a horrible move.
yes, i’m young. yes, i’m a bit stupid. yes, i know basically nothing about the world and i am very uneducated, but i have very knowledgeable parents, even though they’re 33 and 40.
i am very fucking smart, and i know a lot of things. yes, i’m being a little self-centred right now, but it’s needed to prove my point.
accept their apology. make their life and mental health feel okay and at peace. they deserve it. even if they did some fucked up shit and fucked around and “found out”, let them feel okay about themselves.
whether these people have been put in jail a multitude of times or have been involved in a tiny drama at school, you respect them. you do not have to like someone to respect someone. respect is a huge huge thing. so is hate. be responsible.
be a good fucking person and be respectful.
whether you are a responsible adult with a stable income, or you’re a 13 year old using this app, be respectful. be considerate. be a good. fucking. person.
i do not give a fuck if you have the best life on earth, or if you have been sexually assaulted, you deserve any and all respect.
i’ve been talking with a friend who has been dealing with a bunch of shit in the last few hours and he is very very very upset about it and is still a bit hesitant about me doing this. i’ve talked with him and made sure he’s alright and given him every right to restart again, to have a safe space. he’s dealing with his own shit, and i relate to what he is going through.
i don’t want anyone to delve into what i’m saying and try and find this person, but i got hella fucking annoyed with how ignorant people are.
anyways, i’m so fucking over this. read people’s apologies, accept their apologies, and do NOT attack them after they’ve apologised. it is your choice to keep interacting with them or not.
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[ ᴄᴀꜱᴇ 143 ]
> there is a fire in your heart. learn to love the way the flames lick at your chest and warm your soul.
"Case 143" is a song recorded by South Korean boy band Stray Kids. It appears as the first track on their seventh extended play (EP) Maxident, released as the lead single on October 7, 2022, through JYP Entertainment. Written by 3Racha and fellow member Kang Sunny. "Case 143" is an electro-hop and pop track, likening the confusion one feels when falling in love to an unsolved "case", referencing the number 143, a code for "I love you".
“Why the fuck did I decide to write a love song! Is it always this difficult?” She whined to Kevin, who just poked her side in an attempt to silence her, amusment visable on his face.
“Most people don’t produce the track with it’s subject.” She just whined again and buried her face in the cushions of his couch. It stunk like men's deodorant and Sunhee hated that her first though was that Chan’s cologne smelt better.
[ sunhee’s song book ] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]
( wc; 6.3k) (format; english in italics)
cw: mentions of illegal street racing and driving activities, general talk of disregard for road rules.
[ ꜱᴛᴜᴅɪᴏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ]
As stray Kids’ first real love song, case 143 stands out in their discography as rather significant.
It was never even supposed to be released, not really. The song that would eventually become Case 143, was originally an outlet for Sunhee, thumbed out on old faithful guitar with a slow steady beat, that later became the pre-chorus with a slightly more sharp and base-lined chorus that was kept for the final version.
‘One-four-three’ as it was originally titled, had been an expression of confusion- a way to filter her emotions out and consider them in different terms other than the horrid spiral in her head and the messy words in her notebooks.
She’d recorded it purely to replay at a later date and reassess her bubbling and rather constricting feelings for a certain leader. Of course that hadn’t happened because ‘Noeasy’ had crashed into everyone’s life with two months of promotions followed immediately by ‘Christmas EveL’.
So there wasn’t exactly much breathing room and Sunhee had all but ignored the song, accepted her painfully sappy emotions for one Christoper Bang and gotten on with other projects- notably for their next EP ‘Maniac’.
And when time rolled around for another one of those day-long production marathons, with 3RACHA piecing together songs from notes apps and messily scrawled poems, it wasn’t really an option- at least in Sunhee’s mind. With the concept due within the week, including an outlined title track and b-side too, she’d pointedly ignored the two minutes of fully written song on her google drive and just focused on the other tracks they’d decided on.
‘Superboard’ was already set, guide recorded and everything, but it was a bit too repetitive for the Stray Kids style of title track. Similarly, Jisung’s donated ‘Chill’ wasn’t as powerful and direct as their usual vibe so it had unanimously been elected as their B-side.
Being self produced idols was an outcome of both talent and stubbornness. Because they were stuck, no title track and a kidnapped Sunhee held hostage in their studio for help because they were too stubborn to ask any of the actual JYPE producers or songwriters for assistance.
3RACHA had pilfered the box of Sunhee’s old notebooks in the dorm- namely the ones that hadn’t been milked dry for the sheer amount of songs in both Noeasy and Maniac, some dated from early 2020 and others as recent as that day.
Sacrificing her notebooks was an old habit, she was used to being so completely transparent with her boys that the idea of a secret hiding in her writing didn’t even occur. Then Han fucking Jisung crashed the party.
He had one of her older notebooks- well not old, but dated back at least a year, he’s flicking between two pages, frowning as he closed it- one finger still wedged inside to keep track of the page. “Sunhee-noona, have you ever been in love?”
She hadn't been looking at him, focused on her phone instead, sprawled across the couch, legs over where Changbin had been seated before he and Chan had left to replenish their water bottles at the idol lounge. But Jisung certainly had her attention now. “I’m sorry?”
“I cannot explain this reaction, maybe I should just say it, One-four-three, code for, I love you.”
The line had mostly been forgotten by her, but hearing it made her startle up right- wide eyed and screenshot worthy if there had been cameras. Jisung seemed pleased though. “There’s more- ‘Walking next to you but I'm falling, I'm falling deeper, I'm drawn to you, You're pulling me deeper and deeper, I try to get out but I can't stop’. Wah! Sunhee-noona, these are so soft and mushy!”
Jisung was a teaser, everyone knew he liked to poke fun but he always saw right through her lyrics. Always. She cursed the fact it was Jisung who had found that particular notebook.
He skipped his way across the small studio and perched himself atop her shins- as if they weren’t even there, squishing them into the leather couch cushions in a way that made Sunhee screw her face up in annoyance. Jisung was close- very close. He’d cornered her and there was no escaping.
“So who's got you writing love songs?” He asked as if her world wasn’t ending and it wasn’t his fault.
Sunhee tried to ignore him, indignantly sinking further into the couch and returning her attention to her phone. “Nothing much- just been watching a lot of romance dramas lately.”
“You hate romance dramas.” He countered.
“Doesn't mean Seungmin and I don’t sit down to mock them.”
He shuffled further into her space, perched right on her lap, hands planted on her shoulders as he leaned in, inspecting every inch of her face. Sunhee was a shit liar- and he knew as much. “You’re lying.”
“Is it Changbin-hyung?” He’d posed looking far too serious for what Sunhee thought was a frankly ridiculous question.
“No- god!” Her shout sends him back a few inches, sitting up straight and blinking at the sudden nose input. Changbin and her were thick as thieves, best friends even to those wanting to label it. The thought of dating him was just so wrong.
“Minho?” She screwed her face up at that, dating Minho sounded like a nightmare, that man had more love for his cats than any human being. “Jisung what is wrong with you today, I swear-”
Jisung’s eyebrow scrunch together as he blinked at the wall, thinking. Then he looked back down at her curiously, studying her expression- one of discontent and faux calm, Sunhee leaned back, breathing a bit faster than she’d preferred. “What about Chan-hyung?”
“What? No. Why would you-” She had almost stuttered, almost, but not quite. To Sunhee’s credit though, her words weren’t what gave her away.
A scoff of disbelief tumbled from Jisung’s lips, soon turning to fits of giggles as he fell back to the other side of the couch in shock- socked toes poking against her stomach as his feet kicked with laughter. “Your ears are red- oh my god you're in love with Chan-hyung!”
“No I’m not!” She defied, but by that point, her cheeks were heating up to- something so rarely seen from her that it gave away just how embarrassed she was. Which of course Jisung knew, the shit eating grin on his face telling of his arrogance. Jisung knew.
“Oh, you so are!”
And Sunhee was up, seating herself atop him and clutching his face between her hands. His legs jolted in alarm but she forced her knees in to keep him still, one either side of his rib cage as he froze from the glare she fixed him with. Jisung’s wide eyes were filled with nothing short of surprise- and maybe just a twinge of fear.
“Han Jisung I swear to god, if you say anything I will kill you.” She had all but growled in his face, tone low and threatening. He nodded with haste, hand curling her wrists and loosening them just slightly- she complied but still held his face so he’d keep looking at her as she added: “Minho will help me hide your body no matter how much he loves you.”
“I promise. Not a word noona.” She sighed, relaxing and swinging her leg over so instead of straddling his torso in an attempted strangling, she was seated on the couch normally, well almost, legs across his lap and arse slipping between his torso and the coche’s back as Jisung pouted at her. “Can we use the lyrics though? Please!”
“No.” Her answer was firm, Sunhee having mastered the art of saying ‘no’ to Han Jisung long ago. He, on the other hand, hadn’t learnt how to take ‘no’.
“Why not? I’ll even say I wrote it- please! It would be so good in a song! We haven’t done a love song yet.”
“It’s already in a song Sung-ah.” She patted his shoulder, opening her google drive to dive into the sorted files and dig the recording out- because if there was one thing Jisung could respect it was music (and there was no way to get him to lay off until his curiosity was satiated). He sat himself up, hands behind him as he leaned into her space.
“Really? Can I listen?” She hummed at his words, turning the volume up on her phone a few notches and flipping it upside down, holding the speakers in between their ears.
It’s hard to hear because she’d been barricaded in her room- back when the tiny rooms had been shared between three people, playing with her amp on the lowest volume and singing the lyrics off her notebook, not having memorised them. Really the acoustics were horrid, but Jisung seemed enamoured enough.
“Is that like a punk rock inspired chorus- wait let me listen again.” He snatched the phone from her hands, bumping their heads together lightly in the process. Sunhee frowned then butted them a bit harder in retaliation, which earned not even a glance as he dragged the progress bar back fifteen seconds.
“Imagine that but like, pitched right down. You have to let us use it- please, please, please! He whined, practically shaking her. “Chan-hyung will never even know!”
“What won’t I know?” Speaking of Chan, he was in the doorway.
Bottle of water in hand, furrowed brows and wrangled discontent curling in his stomach, he had his eyes and confused- if not disapproving, gaze set on Sunhee. Who was in Jisung’s lap. She would have jumped from the surprise (and horror that he may have figured out what they were discussing), if Jisung had not latched onto her, arms around her waist and pulled her impossibly closer. The squeeze dragged a cough from her lips as her hands struggled to find purchase, sliding around Jisung’s shoulders as he settled his chin on her collar.
“Sunhee-noona has a really great song and she doesn’t want to share.” He pouted at the leader who was watching Sunhee struggle to release herself (Jisung was strong now and it wasn’t fair).
“She doesn't have to share if she doesn’t want to,” He replied, drooping the water bottles into their mini fridge that had a shameful amount of monster energy drinks stored in it already. Then with a pointed look at her annoyed expression, said, “But If it’s because she thinks it’s bad I hope she knows that her standards for self production are too high.”
Changbin picked her phone up from where it sat discarded on the couch cushion beside Jisung’s leg, the audio file still open, holding it up questionably, an eyebrow raised with a silent proposition. Sunhee sighed and resigned herself to her death via-Jisung-suffocation. A short sharp nod was all Changbin needed to hit play, turning the volume to full as the muffled sound of guitar chords and her singing poured out.
Sunhee found the production process to be a special kind of torture.
Chan of all people had not been as helpful with his input as he usually would be, continuously going quiet and being snappy about the whole thing.
At first she thought he was snippy because it wasn’t his track. Him and the other 3RACHA boys had extended it, adding a more electronic introduction as well as a heavy beat break in the middle to account for Changbin and Jisung’s rap.
But Chan wasn’t that petty, sure he’s usually the one behind their title tracks in terms of music but he had never been temperamental about Sunhee’s involvement in their production process before.
It gets to the point where she reviews the tracks with Jisung at the dorms to avoid the thick headedness Chan had about the now remanded [Case 143].
Which for some reason makes Chan even more cranky. (There was a significant amount of jealousy involved- he found it unbelievably infuriating that Sunhee had seemingly dropped out of the studio, instead spending extended periods of time with Jisung. Changbin takes the brunt of chan’s grumpiness and tires his absolute best- in very unsuccessful attempts, to simply work on their now approved title track).
So as Chan stewed in bitterness, hauled up in his studio, Sunhee continued to potter away at lyrics.
Her didn’t really amount to anything that could contribute to [Case 143] and ended up being filtered down the production pipeline a few weeks later and turned into [Give Me Your TMI] (a song about not understanding what the fuck someone was thinking- “purely a coincidence” as she would repeatedly tell Jisung).
However the avoidance Sunhee suddenly demonstrated went far from unnoticed and the other members were pushy in their attempts to remedy it. Especially Minho, ever the go-getter. But he failed to remember just how good at thinking on her feet Sunhee was. “You know, I think Chan could use some extra practice, think you could you help him this afternoon?”
Sunny, without missing a beat, “Nuh uh. I promised Sunwoo I would help him with King Lear, but Hyunjin isn’t busy. He can help Chan.”
It’s one of those things where she always has an excuse and the members were starting to think she was just lying (even though she was horrible at that) but everytime she actually followed through with whatever she’d claimed filled up her schedule. It made them wonder- was Sunhee always this busy and they never noticed?
Nope. She just has an army of people willing to drop everything and spend time with her.
Chan missed the dance revision, could she help? Sorry, Kevin and her are going to a pottery class- one he was happy to attend despite her ulterior motives, which he laughed about and flicked clay slip at her for. (and when she followed him back to the dorm so they could have dinner she may have lamented about the horrid awkwardness her song had created- to which Kevin was no help resolving).
Could she come to the studio and revise some lyrics with 3RACHA? Sorry Jisung- the vocal instructor wanted to talk about her upcoming ‘SKZ player’ drop. But she’d be happy to discuss it later if he dropped by her dorm.
Chan was stuck with the baseline and the others couldn't help? Whoops! She’d promised to go out to dinner with Yeosang, it had been a while since they’d gotten to catch up. Send her the track and she’d give it a listen, but she couldn’t stop by the studio- sorry!
And if that one in particular upsets Chan more than the others, Changbin wouldn’t mention anything about it. (The Jealousy was evolving past their own members it seemed- the prospect of Sunhee liking another person enough to write a love song didn’t sit right with him for whatever reason that no one could guess. Definitely not.)
She functioned for about a week like that before caving and shuffling into the studio one night when she knew it was only Chan there, slumping onto the couch behind him while he nodded along with his headphones- failing to notice her.
He caught her reflection in the display screen though, and turned to greet Sunhee. Before a word could leave his lips she was already talking. “Take out the headphones. Play it for me.”
“It’s not done yet, I’m still messing with the baseline.” But Chan (as grumpy, snappy and jealous as he may be) could never say no to her. So the audio jack is left empty and she stared at a spot on the ceiling as she thought it through.
They’d changed some of the lyrics- with her input of course (Jisung had been texting her at random intervals with revised verses and lines)- made it more direct in true Stray Kids fashion, adding the case file element to style it like an investigation in to love- which was why it had been originally created, an irony to which only Sunhee would know.
The two of them work with minimal talking- just as they always had, focusing on the music and only speaking when they had something to contribute.
And when her generosity of letting Chan suffer in his own perfectionism ran out she dragged him by the hood of his jumper to a nearby restaurant that was open late, collecting the takeaway she’d ordered on her phone. She handed him one box and they ate while they walked, an attempt to stop a discussion about the past week of avoidance.
“I’m sorry.” Chan murmured through a mouthful of chicken.
Sunhee hummed. “I know. Me too.”
And then they're back to normal. She joined 3RACHA for their production sessions and helped them fish out lines from her notebooks to match.
A noticeable mention being a whole page with the tiny words, “hold you this tight. I’m never letting go.” and if Chan recognises the words he’d murmured to her on Jeju Island while messing around in the pool, he doesn't let on.
[ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ ]
*using MV timestamps,
[ 0:12-0:17 ] Sunhee has the first line, an opening shot of her peeking through the boarded up door, short hair fluffed up as she growled out the line, ‘A new case, an unforgettable case- I'm falling for your fatal attraction.’
[ 0:28-0:31 ] The flaming room that is featured for all but three seconds features Sunhee and Minho hidden in the background pretending to box each other.
[ 0:35-0:38 ] When the first shot of them as police officers, a line split between Chan and Sunhee,
( The uncontrollable emotion You’re on my mind, I never feel alright, Numerous emotions collide, what’s going on. ) It’s safe to say there’s a few fans that go crazy over seeing her with long hair for the first time in a few years.
[ 0:55 ] The transition shows her with the signature dual peace signs she’s notorious for (that Stay make fun of her for not having any other poses)
[ 1:18- 1:22 ] Shots of Sunhee drifting in the police car? That one fed the fandom for a while.
[ 1:39-1:42 ] It would be criminal to not let her sing some of the lines that had featured in her original version so Sunhee takes the second pre chorus- English lines driving Stays crazy when her thick aussie accent shone through.
[ 1:09-1:12 ] In the background of Chan's little alphabet solo, Sunhee can be seen tripping over and face planting - I wonder why the camera angle changed at that moment? (certainly not because the main focus of the shot had lost all concentration)
[ 1:47-1:48 ] Fans find it extremely amusing that police officer Changbin, when faced with the tiny pipi monsters, attempts to use Sunhee as a human shield, hiding behind her.
[ 2:18-2:22 ] Sunhee’s lovey-dovey look past the camera may have been inspired by a certain leader goofing off camera annoying their maknae, but no one had to know that.
[ 2:40-2:45 ] Sunhee and Seungmin centre choreography is insane as they share the chorus with fast footwork and on point facial expressions.
[ 3:05-3:08 ] Her voice blended seamlessly with Chan’s was a point of praise by critics, the octave step up between the line prior highlighting the refrain.
[ 3:10-3:20 ] Sunhee’s adlibs in the final chorus are on point, (which she insists on performing live every time they do the performance)
[ 3:27-3:30 ] they all stroll out, having seamlessly escaped the digital world, her arm slung over Minho’s as they smile to each other and walk past the camera.
[ ᴍᴠ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ]
The fact they had four days of scheduled filming is enough for all them members to whine and complain- even Minho, who was the most ‘suck it up’ amongst them seemed discontent with their calendar.
The aesthetics though? Amazing.
Day one sees them on a rooftop for the morning, dressed in what Sunhee had taken to calling their ‘sailor gear’ - half of them had sailor hats, although she was lucky enough to be blessed with a beret instead- even if it came with a strip of black leather buckled around her neck like a glorified collar- but she liked the choker, even if it fell hidden behind her hair for most shots.The sailor outfit however, did come with a skirt, a nice flowy black one that fell a few inches above her knee. It was a change from the usual pants that she was given but Sunhee found that she enjoyed the freedom. That was until the weather got involved.
Her skirt kept flicking up in the wind, cue Sunhee angrily sitting at every possible opportunity to stop flashing the entire crew her bike pants. Just finished the choreography? Sunhee’s on the floor. Review break? She’d already dropped the ground, sitting on the edge of her skirt and growing at the passing wind.
Shooting for photo cards is difficult, the wind making it near impossible to keep her hair out of her face- the stylist didn’t want to put product in because they were planning on dying the bleached highlights pink over lunch.
Jeongin waddled over to take pictures for her instagram update that would probably never happen- amongst all the boys Sunhee preferred to post pictures of them together instead of her selfies, much to Stay’s frustration.
Day one lunch was a source of amusement for the members, Sunhee struggling to eat her tteokbokki and not jostle the strips of hair coated in hot pink dye and foils- there were far too many images that come from it she fears will resurface around her birthday.
Changbin: Sunhee your face is going to get stuck if you keep scowling.
Sunhee: I’ll sue you for the damages then.
Felix had taken to calling her Merliah Summers- as in the barbie character.
After a good hour her hair was washed and blowdried, puffed up all fluffy to make her look cute- matching the heart jeans and little red and white jacket as well as the glitter stars they’ve dotted along her cheeks.
The second film location of the day was some weird prison-yard type thing with flowers growing through the fences.
Armed with balloons, the ‘heart skz’ are told to run up and down the camera shot, like they were crazily in love- jumping screaming, the lot. It’s an odd instruction but they fulfil it.
Minho was having the time of his life with a heart tube, whacking all the members. He tries to smack Sunhee but she side-steps and jabbed her index finger into his waist instead, making him jolt and yelp in surprise.
Minho: Chan-hyung, I’m being bullied.
Chan: It's probably deserved.
The shipping yard might have been Sunhee’s favourite filming location though- mainly because of the car.
When she was having her hair extensions clipped in, for her police SKZ concept, she’d overheard it.
Then the director informed them that they would be getting stunt drivers to do skids and drifts, she’s immediately trying to convince them to let her do at least one.
Sunhee: Please! I learnt how to do them at a propper track and everything! (technically not a lie, she had, just six years ago)
Director: It’s dangerous Sunhee-shi,
Sunhee: What if I just do a small one? Imagine how cool the shot would be.
Maybe it was because they also had Sunhee drive race cars in their God’s menu MV to extreme degrees of success, but the directors were persuaded by her persistence that it would be a banger shot. They had her talk to the stunt driver they had brought in, and he ran it through three times first, ripping in the clutch to drift around a corner that the directors had marked out. They did it twice more with her in the car.
Their producer, the lovely man that he was, gave Sunhee thirty minutes at the end of shooting to get the drift right. She got it in 17. (who said her time spent slightly not-quite-legally drifting and doing burnouts in Australia wouldn’t come in handy for her career).
Safe to say that the shot of Sunhee, drifting around a corner with steeled expression and hand white knuckled on a steering wheel is used in a lot of edits online- from making the ‘stay in your lane’ joke, to the ‘exit 12’ meme format. Oh and thirst edits, but those pop up whenever new footage of her driving is released- apparently she’s a hot driver?
Day two was the police station set- one Sunhee loved bounding around and looking at all the detailed props- the case files even had writing in them! Profiles on all the ‘heart skz’ members! (hers said something about doe-eyes, which had made her blink at Felix and ask if she had big eyes. “No, you’re just very good at looking guilty.”)
Filming was spent tripping and falling over- trying to escape the heart monsters or whatever they were to be edited in during post-production. Sunhee was definitely going to have a bruised tailbone from falling on her arse so much.
The missions for the MV behind, because there were always missions, was to ‘Send STAY, a "143" signal with 1 spoon of uniqueness and 43 spoons of affection’
Needless to say they were expecting Aegyo, which no matter how many times she did it, Sunhee still couldn’t wrap her head around it. Sure she could pout and whine occasionally- but Changbin’s level of Aegyo? Yeah, she could never commit to it that much.
Minho dragged her into the camera frame between him and Chan, it being their turn for missions- Hyunjin and Changbin having done their’s on day one.
“We have to show our love. To Stay.” Chan’s short choppy sentences that have become an essential part of one of the characters he takes on while filming from time to time (the other essential element being his iconic phrase ‘I’m five’).
He demonstrates his spoonful of uniqueness and 43 spoonfuls of love in typical Chan fashion, by using sign language.
Minho attempts to justify his decision to give Stay ‘his fist’ by claiming it’s the same size as a human heart, but he can’t give them his heart, now can he?
He instead settles for punching Sunhee.
It takes a second to think of her way to complete the mission without aegyo- which is always a last resort for her. She settled for proposing. With a handcuff.
“Stay, I love you. Would you do me the honour of being chained to me for the rest of our lives?” She knelt, the pink heart shaped cuff looped around her right wrist, the other cuff held out to the camera on her left.
Minho cuffed the second cuff around the desk edge, leaving a frowning Sunhee trying to unlock them. Chan is no help and simply laughed as he waved the costume designers over to ask about keys. “Aish, our little heart thief has been locked up. Can’t escape the consequences of being such a charming neoguli.”
It’s a joke on her SKZOO character, sun-guli, a raccoon that fans had nicknamed as a ‘heart thief'. Sunhee stuck her tongue out at him.
Eventually she’s freed by the costume designers who thankfully, hadn't thrown out the keys for all the toy handcuffs they’d bought (they’d learnt their lesson after the debacle of the ‘Vernon’ MV shooting when the cuffs had locked up and they had to use pliers to free some of the members). The lady who freed her laughed good-heartedly about it, being happy they had the foresight to leave all the keys in a little plastic bag for safe keeping. “Honestly though, we thought it would be Han-ssi who needed freeing.”
After doing a few choreography run thoughts - to which the only major mistake was when Sunhee tripped over a slightly too far left shoe belonging to Jeongin and stacked it (landing on her bruised collarbone, again).
They change sets and are given the task of running along the set, there’s a few takes before they’re ushered away to change outfits. Their ‘heart skz’ personas come with the task of marching in a line. Which is significantly harder than one may have thought.
Sunhee led the charge, along the top half of the set, that’s about four or five metres high and atop a greenscreen block- one more block half the height, positioned in the centre to make it easier to climb up and down.
The first attempt is a miserable breakup letter to their renowned synchronisation- not even managing to get the left-foot and right-hand motion correct, let alone the timing.
The second not faring much better as they lose the plot halfway though. Ever the budding genius, Seungmin suggests that they all just march on the spot until it comes time to move, to save themselves having to try and join and sync up with everyone else part way through.
Cue changbin pretending to push Sunhee off the platform and forgetting his own strength and actually making her lose her balance. Lucking the ever observant Hyunjin caught her arm and stopped her tumbling off the edge. It’s good natured, they laugh. Changbin looks like a kicked puppy until she trips him later on and gives him a shit eating grin. “Pay back, Bin-ah. What goes around comes around.”
Minho’s jump was a highly anticipated event that took shockingly few attempts for success.
He jumped down the greenscreen blocks seamlessly, not even afraid, and it made Sunhee smile knowing how far he’s come with his fear of heights. That doesn’t mean she’s above teasing. “Wow, Lee Know-ssi!”
The director mirrors her cheers and gives him far too many compliments to handle as they watch Minho’s ears turn a vibrant shade of red.
Minho: Shut it Sunny
Sunny: But what if I want to give our star actor the compliments he deserves?
Minho: Go give the maknae love instead. He’s pouting.
Sunny: But Minho-ssi, you’d be such a great drama lead.
Minho, unamused: really?
Sunny: Yeah, In one of those ones where the boy is an arse to pretty girls.
Minho, with his fists raised: You wanna go?
Day three sees them in both new outfits and on a new set.
The mix of gold and black matching surprisingly well with the set’s car crash of fluffy pink fabric mountains and pompoms.
Sunhee’s own outfit is mostly black leather, golden dragon design crawling up the left sleeve of her jacket and maticking stickers lining the boots she’d been given. All in all, not bad. Except for the blue contacts, those irritated her- actually spooked her everytime she caught her own reflection with blue eyes. Creepy.
They were instructed to look like love sick puppies, and positioned around the set by the director. Sunhee hangs upside down on one of the smaller mounds of fluff. She laughs and giggles, screwing her eyes shut with the most dumbstruck and in love expression manageable.
The directors tell her good job and Sunhee opens her eyes, glancing to the side of the camera and seeing Chan making faces at Minho, a stupid smile on his face as he poked his tongue out. Honestly, the sigh that left her lips, content smile taking over and utter bonelessness that took over her body for a few seconds as she took in the sight of his smile- the real, propper, one- was unexpected. What was even less expected was the director's shout. “Nice Sunny-ssi! That’s perfect!”
She startled and glanced back at the camera, feeling a little bit like an idiot for getting distracted. A warmth speed across her cheeks, just slightly- not enough for anyone to notice, but enough for her to press the palms of her hands to her cheeks to chase it off.
They move on to running into thick plastic- apparently it’s supposed to mimic the screen and their escape from the digital world, which will be led by Minho, their star actor as Sunhee doesn't fail to remind him.
The plastic panel was small, maybe two metres in width, which meant they had to stick pretty close together to all be in frame, overlapping limbs, some people crouching to give more level to the shot.
Sunhee knelt slightly between Chan and Jisung, and when they charged at the screen she cursed herself for taking comfort in the way Chan pressed against her back, hand on one side of her face and breath fanning against the skin of her neck. He placed the hand on her shoulder before letting it fall, trailing down her back as they stepped away from the screen, annoyingly kind and gentle- so much for this song helping her work though the emotions. If anything it was just making her mushier.
Their choreography goes pretty well, only having to reshoot the segment twice,
Photo cards are shot for the new outfits and Sunhee’s blinding grin is a direct result of Jeongin tripping over in the background, sprawling out and just laying there for a few moments, pout very visible. He caught her laughing though and quickly sat up, bolting towards her. He tackled her onto the mountain of plush fabric and fake furs with relentless squeezes to her waist, every jolt making her giggle.
Jeongin was dragged over to complete his own mission and she leaves him with the parting advice, “don’t let minho cuff you to a desk.”
Back at the police station set- now heart-ified (after Sunhee is subjected to them clipping extensions into her hair again) the break while the crew establish camera framing is spent trying to hit the ceiling- or well the fake ceiling.
It’s mostly her and Chan (Because if there is a low hanging sign or doorway he just has to smack it. It’s like an unspoken rule of Christopher Bang) but everyone gives it a shot- no one succeeding, Hyunjin gets pretty close but everyone blamed that on his natural height advantage- even if their height spectrum was differentiated by all of 12 centimetres.
Felix’s inability to catch the heat plush is immensely amusing- more than it should have been.
Felix: Sunny stop laughing!
Sunny: But it just goes flying every time!
Felix: This is mean. It’s not my fault I was born with small hands!
The appearance of Peter Han and subsequent re-naming of ‘Real Hwang’ is also amusing, because she liked listening to them speak with the most chaotic of accents, Influences from Australian thanks to the three natives, American from all the media they consumed and British from the classes taught in schools.
Day four is another new set- and it’s everything she’d ever dreamed of.
As a long time Stephen king fan and horror enthusiast, when the MV director told them there was carpet from the shining- what had already been a visual metaphor within the film (the outer hexagon- the hotel, keeping the inner hexagon- the evil, trapped.) Sunhee couldn’t contain her bubbling excitement- meaning she pestered all the members with her ‘The Shining’ knowledge and praised the ground their MV director walked on.
Their ‘star actor’ as Sunhee had taken to calling him, demonstrating to Felix how to look love-struck is a meme format waiting to happen.
Then there’s the chicken/can I be your boyfriend scene, which is rather impressive (Even if Hyunjin keeps laughing and is sentenced to stand silent in the corner).
Sunny: I think you might have some competition.
Minho: You mean Yongbok? *scoffs* No way.
Sunny, teasing: I thought you hated being our acting star?
Minho: …
In retaliation he chases her around the flaming room as Hynjin ran his lines a few times over, throwing fake punches and boxing each other.
The hallway is cramped but they do a few takes of choreography in it- for the introduction.
And they conclude with Sunhee saying the opening line through a bashed in section of door, Minho charging in like a maniac to peek through. The final slate means a nice sleep in the next day- as promised by staff for their excessive filming schedule.
[ ᴀɴ ᴀꜰᴛᴇʀᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ]
Sunhee left in the most comfortable clothes she’d worn in over 24 hours, a nice baggy hoodie to fight the autumn chill and straight cut jeans that were loose enough for her to curl her legs up as they drove home.
Her and Minho ran their dorm- keeping the youngest three in check. But that night was not one that required any sort of ’keeping in check’. They just ordered takeout from a restaurant down the street, ate in silence and passed out in various places around the dorm. Minho maked it back to his bed, so did Seungmin, but Jeongin passed out on the couch and Felix, who followed Sunhee back to her room babbling about some post he’d see on instagram ended up clocking out half draped across Sunhee on her mattress.
She tucked him tighter against her side, pulling out her phone to record the noise of his snoring- that was more often than not soft, but significantly louder when tired. She sent it though to bubble, it’s not loud enough to be embarrassing, but she knows Stay will find it cute.
Audio message attached
Sunny: can you guys hear lixie snoring?
Sunny: it was a big day.
Sunny: he fell straight asleep.
Surprisingly, the daunting prospect of a love song, one that would be released in just a few weeks, had not been as terrifying as she’d thought it would be. Actually, it had been fun.
A film set with cool details like typed out case files and references to ‘The Shining’, fun and bright backdrops and the rare ability to goof off and joke on camera, something not often granted with their more serious tracks.
There was a kind of closure almost, listening to the track, working it through with others and having someone there to poke fun and tease when her ‘lovesick eyes’ got too much. And Jisung discovering who the song had been written about wasn’t as world-ending as she originally believed.
Maybe she wasn’t ready to confess, to ‘send her code’ as they’d so simply put it. But maybe it didn’t weigh her down as much as it did previously.
#9th member of stray kids#skz 9th member#skz female oc#skz addition#stray kids 9th member#stray kids oc#kpop addition#kpop oc#kpop female addition#stray kids female member#skz female addition#skz female member#kang sunhee skz#Sunhee’s Song Book#sunhee's maxident era
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Dude, I feel like an idiot.
I know nothing about any Minecraft YouTubers, and this whole time I thought Dream was in the QSMP, and I was about to block you because I don’t really like him. So I went to your blog and read your tagged pin about not wanting to interact with Dream stans. I was confused by this since I thought he was in the SMP you like and had to Google it and realized Dream hasn’t even been in the QSMP this entire time.
Anyway, I guess PSA to people like me who don’t follow Minecraft stuff: Dream is, in fact, NOT a part of the QSMP.
I feel like such a fool since I try not to lump content creators together, but I really misunderstood this one.
LDFKSDL;FKSDLGJ AT FIRST I WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL "EXCUSE ME??" ABOUT THIS BUT LIKE.
DUDE. DUDE DR*M TRIED TO COPY THE IDEA OF QSMP BEING MULTILINGUAL/CULTURAL AND WAS GONNA CALL IT "UNITED SMP". IT WAS AN ENTIRE DRAMA THING (mainly on Twitter bc that's where the CCs are active). BUT IT LITERALLY [OFFICIALLY] ENDED HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH QUACKITY. AND YOU CONFUSING THINGS SO BADLY WHILE I KNOW THIS IS TOO FUNNY FOR ME TO BE LIKE "UM PARDON THE FUCK" ABOUT IT, SO YOU GET A PASS THIS TIME.
THE Q IN QSMP STANDS FOR QUACKITY. THE CONTENT CREATOR WHO MADE QSMP. (Fans will say it stands for Queer because so many of the CCs on it make gay love canonically in roleplay so often)
ANYWAY
Anon I can promise you most, if not ALL of QSMP fans fucking HATE Dr*m's p*dophile asshole egotistical ass. I want that sack of shit to drop dead like NOW. At all times. I could rant for EONS about his stupid ass and the horrid experiences I've had with his stupid fans. I'm glad you've now learned first hand why people who think "all of Minecraft YouTube = Dr*m & His Friends" are stupid and why nobody who watches mcyt likes people like that.
Dr*m (and the Dr*m Team [Dream & his friends G*orgeNotFound and S*pnap])'s fans are the mcyt equivalent of Tr*mp supporters. No one likes or respects them. No one understands how they can support such a problematic douchebag when there are entire threads of actual literal proof he's a problematic douchebag. Some of the things in those threads are things he has straight up admitted himself are real. Also I am literally censoring his, G*rge and S*pnap's names so their rabid ass stans don't somehow find this post and then swarm & doxx me. Because they do that. I have witnessed genuinely traumatic witch hunts on Twitter executed by Dr*m Team stans before I got rid of that shit app.
Somewhere I have a post of entire TLDR'd reasons between 2021-2022 of why Dr*m fucking sucks and no one should support him.
The SMP you were confusing is DSMP. Dr*m SMP. Which btw he didn't even fucking pay for the server the SMP was on himself. His friend (ex friend? I wish/hope ex) BadBoyHalo (BBH) who IS on QSMP was paying for it. So people like me who fucking hate and resent Dr*m will spitefully call DSMP "BBHSMP" sometimes because almost all the streamers that were on DSMP minus the Dr*m Team were and still are fabulous people, and I will gladly list them and the reasons they're great people if I really have to or if someone's genuinely curious about it. DSMP was awesome. Several were amazing queer creators that wouldn't have the exposure they do now if they hadn't joined and that's just one reason DSMP was great before we all found out Dr*m is a walking talking sack of shit.
So now that you have this knowledge, do yourself and the entire mcyt community a favor: Stop assuming anything Minecraft YouTube = Dr*m = Racist And Bad and Shitty. And start educating other people who think that way that they're wrong too.
Anyone who gets worked up at hearing "SMP" in a sentence is literally getting angry at hearing Minecraft "Survival Multi Player" which is often literally just groups of friends who are also streamers playing Minecraft. And maybe roleplaying as they do so. People who get angry at SMPs are literally getting mad about people roleplaying in a video game about cubes. It's like if they got pissed at a cube version of Dungeons & Dragons somewhat. They just look like a massive fucking clown.
Also, in general, don't forget the golden rule: To assume makes an ass out of u and me.
I am patting your head anon. Thank you for the laugh. Now take this knowledge and do the mcyt fandom a favor by shutting other uninformed people up. We have enough issues we're fighting to put an end to every day. We're not some racist monolith or whatever like some people for some reason think, so many of us are fighting tooth and nail to bring awareness to internal issues in the fandom, constantly. Just like any other fucking fandom. It's absolutely mind-blowing and braincell-killing to me that non-mcyt fans just assume we're all okay with racism or some shit. I've actually seen people like this, it's a real thing somehow.
Also also: I hope anyone who was following me for my previous hyperfixations (looking at you JSE community people who didn't also take the jse -> mcyt pipeline like me) also takes this knowledge. It's one thing if y'all don't want to see me blogging about something you're not interested in. It's another if you've thought something shitty and untrue about me or the fandom currently captivating me hardest this entire time. You guys too, do us mcyt enjoyers a favor, and start educating misinformed people so we don't have to go around expecting to be labeled racist or some other shitty awful thing over liking watching people play Minecraft.
#i dont want to tag this as anything so no one i dont want finding this post/me can find it/me. and also so--#anyone following me with words or tags blacklisted who might be misinformed sees this and understands now that theyre wrong
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@sohereswhatyoumissedlastweek ugh yeah I find it despicable. Obviously, there was a reason for this shit but UGH ramblings under cut
Like I haven't been shy on this webbed site about my sister's ex boyfriend and how absolutely horrid he was and I haven't even published everything, but recently I was talking with someone about how this surveillance of my sister just goes against my values. The tracking app, the financial control, checking phone logs etc. etc. etc. and when the abuse was actually happening, I hated that it was justified. We would freak the fuck out if we didn't know where she was, cause we had no idea where this ass would take her. This dude would suck her dry financially so if my parents hadn't put a cap on her spending, she'd have nothing. She would lie and tell us she dumped him, only for my mum to see that they've called on a daily basis. I think the biggest reason I was okay with it for the time being was for the fact that my sister knew of it and she consented to it. At first, my mum wanted to put a tracker on her phone without her knowledge and I put a fucking end to that, cause I told her that my sister is a much better tech savvy so she'd find out and whatever trust that was left between my mum and sister (cause hey that dude would also isolate the fuck out of her and villify us) would be fucking shattered (and he would then have an opportunity to use that to isolate her even more). I do think she felt pressure to consent to it, same as the kids of your reply, but SHE KNEW.
So I hate it. I have always hated it. I am a huge advocate of my sister's independence BUT ALSO it was a WEIRD FUCKING TIME
But luckily (LUCKILY) we have survived that. He's gone. After the third time the police had to intervene, he fucked off. And I know my mum is kinda scared, still. I am too. My mum and I actually discussed this recently, how we're in a way traumatised by this as well. I still freak the fuck out when we can't reach her. I feel panic when I hear her on the phone and I can't fully figure out what she's saying. BUT ALSO we need to give her the space to continue her life as well. So my dad and I also tell my mum to let it go. She is 22, she has a new partner who treats her well, she lives on her own, she don't owe my parents shit. But my mum still gets mad at her when she doesn't tell her her location and at this point, I am angry at that. I find my mother's annoyance unreasonable.
BUT YEAH, even without abuse, this tracking shit has been normalised. I remember when we just got the tracking app and my aunt immediately forced my cousins to install it too. They were 12 and 9 back then, but they're turning 16 and 14 and honestly I think they're at the age that they should not be under constant surveillance for the reasons mentioned in those tumblr posts. But I also think parents see nothing wrong with this? My mum was also gushing over this app to a friend of hers, and this friend immediately shut her down as well, citing her kids' privacy etc. etc. and my mum kept trying to convince her of how amazing it is that parents can now do this, but this friend didn't budge and countered that they didn't have this when they were kids and that it also stumps kids' development. And I liked that this friend shut her down, cause yeah, this friend's kids were adults back then (same as me and my sister) and it demolishes my mum's argument of "you don't understand, cause you don't have kids", which she says to me all the time.
And maybe I don't, not fully. And I can concede that tracking apps can give parents some peace of mind, but I still think the cons heavily outweigh the pros, especially since my sister is a goddamn adult, not a 9 year old child, so TL;DR: what the FUCK
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get to know me
welcome to my blog. always looking to make friends! here some things about me :)
you can call me rose 🫶🏻
twt: idekgrimes ao3: ar_grimes
i’m 21 & in college (medical leave rn)
my main fandom is twd but i enjoy others such as merlin, gilmore girls, twilight, marvel, and harry potter
this is heavily an lgbtq+ friendly blog 🫶🏻
i write on ao3 and wattpad. my more mature works will be ao3 but i unpublished everything and will be working on that later
i might start doing one shots on here, maybe?
i’m horrid at messaging on here, my phone hates this app so feel free to ask for other socials 🫶🏻
i’m a mother, a dog mom to be exact, so when i refer to my child- it’s a 15lb mini aussie named vega- don’t be alarmed
i don’t have a sleep schedule so if you’re looking for order, you’ve came to the wrong place
we don’t judge here
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All that venting to say it really sucks being a disabled artist who makes money on the internet rn tbh. I can't even make money at the moment for personal reasons but it frustrates me so much because my choices for an art site where I can put everything are:
classic deviantart clone with horrid management and is also 18+ that no one likes because of horrible drama, was literally perfect until hell broke loose
furry art site that is only slightly better than deviantart clone in terms of morals and probably has more professional management and isnt exclusively 18+ but makes me uncomfortable due to how its morals are only slightly better and i hate the layout
modern / eclipse deviantart which is so poorly optimized and lags to hell and back and hurts my eyes to look at. also half of it is broken, uploading to it is physically painful
indie art site that doesnt function at all because its so horribly optimized. also lacks any customization. is one of those "social medias for artists" things which is stupid
other smaller old art site that lacks customization and also has crappy morals
AI art galore, too professional for my tastes
tumblr, where i cant post my adult art
an art site that is app exclusive and also "social media for art"
instagram. you cant tell me tumblr is too difficult to use when instagram exists. i feel like a boomer trying to use it, and they change and remove shit every time i open it i swear. i never see what i want or like.
twitter is . twitter right now
personal website which i have to code and curate by myself. and while that gives me a lot of wiggle room its entirely up to me to separate my adult work from my sfw stuff. which i can do but it requires possibly an entirely separate website that i have to carefully try to make harder to access and i would rather have a company be responsible for this shit and not me, one person trying to get by. it takes a lot of work just to manage the site myself!
Anyways i'm jst really exhausted, and a lot of other life factors rn are making these things really hard for me.
#burrow.html#ive made ok money just being around communities and socializing too which i dont mind#and im very fortunate and lucky#but i dont have anywhere to put all my art in one place#toyhouse is the best i got btu thats specifically for my oc organizing
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ah the fated day has arrived, so anyways hey, I know this is so out of the blue since just hours or yesterday i was saying some stuf, not mad or anything, still it doesn't change a thing so yeah, I decided to leave tumblr, at this point i'm already over it, obsessing over it has already been done since i've deleted the app on my phone out of sheer anger as i saw a pin in pinterest, and yeah completely unrelated and I've distanced myself from bunch of people who I've grown to hate over the months but still that isn't enough
What would be enough is to just leave the way it is, to pretend as it never exists, pretend that I no longer have a place where I can be as vocal as I want, because that is what got me in the first place, honestly it was fun being here, a little bit though, I've said things I've been meaning to say, had people who agrees with my opinions and just freak out over the things I love but with that came annoying takes from stupid people who never once stepped back and looked at the big picture, bunch of misandrists and people who are just downright horrid
Yeah I admit it's stupid that I'm too sensitive for my own good but god I've been fighting people over the months, and as much as I'd like to actually hurt people, I found myself getting tired, found myself getting angry at the world, because of this place I got my depression back, came tumbling down from a high, high hill aka as my redemption from last year and landed face first six feet deep,
I've had problems that I never had, they are so much worse and I fucking hate it, I fucking hate this place but I hate myself more for putting myself in this situation, I had all the time, had the self-control when i was fucking sane to leave this place and stay as I am and remain happy, I fucking hated that I didn't learn from my experience in twitter, I just thought it would be different, I just didn't want to be lonely but yeah I ruined me and all the fandoms that I once held in a positive light, they were ruined and I felt burned out, fuck you stranger things and aot fandom, you can suck satan's ass for all i care
So am I deactivating? Nope, I love my account too much and I just installed a new theme which I spent at least five hours on instead of taking a shower-gross, Am I coming back? HMMM I'll try not to, a bit hard when a new mha season is coming this october and I just have to gush over it and despite my hate for twitter, I come back because I think it won't hurt me as much as it did, to my dismay it did but like who actually knows
Seriously people just make things worse, I really did love this website, it's i just want to be happy and unbothered again, I hope that I'll feel relieved when I do leave this place as with twitter
also it's fine if you unfollow me and stuff lol
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Weed update:
Weed is great but the after affects and the waves of dread and despair hit me so hard in the morning. Waking up is supposed to be a rebirth; a new day is upon us and I choose to be how I was in the past (pessimistic, susceptible to negativity, letting things snowball)
I can’t find solutions to the weird problems I have. Root causes for things help to cope but the gravity of my potential impact on this world is jarring…it makes me dizzy and unable to dream and I dont know what’s right or wrong. Im damaging my brain day by day but as i’ve come into myself recently, I see that I am in fact, quite reasonably human and reasonable humans drink and smoke and fuck and work out and talk to one another; sometimes passionately but most times it is idle in nature. The root cause being that humans do thèse things because they are human, And that’s the only reason we need. It’s not so simple, nor is it so unbelievably complex but it’s oh so frustrating. The only thing I’ve wanted to understand was others and i’ve made amazing strides towards this goal, but in the end, while it’s not a futile effort, it is rather arbitrary and there’s too many dead ends.
My findings are that people, wherever they lie on social standings, will always go out of their way to express their ideals, beliefs and their artistic visions. There’s no true hiding that can be done, but lets be real: body language experts are such horrid cunts and that whole practice is suspect to say the least. That being said, I get called out a lot for stereotyping people, and they are correct to do so but I’ve noticed that people dont usually tend to break social contracts, even arbitrary ones like marriage, friendships and job obligations but they also don’t go against the social conventions of their communities. I believe that community is essential to human life and capitalism and other shit has really skewed this sonic truth about human life. People in certain groups will act a certain way, but that is not a guarantee because guess what? People are complex! We like the mystery of others, so if I make an assumption about someone based on what I know about their culture and their upbringing, that’s just a lead into learning the actual true things about one. People break stereotypes as much if not more than they follow them and I think it’s fascinating truly.
In other news, my love life has continued to be in shambles but I do hope for a change in that whenever the Gods believe that I deserve what I am worthy of. That being said, dating apps are a disgusting trap for those seemingly desperate enough to play a part in the company’s shitty game (me af) and while I just literally typed that out, I don’t really hate dating apps, I just don’t like the way it’s set up. There’s this disgusting aspect to seeing others show themselves off with no substance and the substance is impossible to find because it’s too fucking hard to bridge the gap between the mutual agreement that we live in the same general area and not getting a feel for someone automatically by meeting them in an “organic” matter, but I still dont think it’s bad. I think the thing that bugs me is almost having to pay for the services because dating and being seen by other’s in your dating pool is really fucking hard! Like extremely hard, even if you’re confident and attractive like I like to believe that I am. I dont want to sound anywhere close to a misogynist, but I’ve noticed that through these dating apps, people seem to pigeonhole themselves into seemingly being one-dimensional and that’s concerning because even the people, ugly in their heart, are filled with endless depth that many do not know of, and while the physical aspect isn’t there, it’s still an odd, new thing that we’re still wrapping our heads around. I’m also very concerned about cis-women because I’m not convinced that they like men, but aspects of “masculinity” that are derived from social expectations but that are inhabited by those who I describe as “men-adjacent” (fruits, transwomen/transmen, dudes who know about hello kitty, dudes with a decent to great skincare routine, etc.) and by that I mean that this notion of the definition of masculinity, some machismo enigma of hard labor and bad takes, is 1. Not sought after and 2. Behind the times, maybe even forgotten, and it’s destroying my brain because what the fuck is the point of Irish Spring, Axe bodyspray, Old Spice and beard oil if that’s not what I would presume their dating pool would be, women, want from them at all? It’s still hitting me and it’s not that im even affected by this in any romantic sense (I’m nonbinary and have a devotion to looking as attractive as possible by almost any means) it’s just baffling…
And i know what the variable is that I’m missing! Conservative “people”! That’s not a bad point to make, but even those fools do exactly what I was alluding too. The gun girl cunt bitch lady has the most twinked up gayed out husband and the other shapiro also has a husband that is so against the conventions that they preach and so with that, I will say that the biggest voice for this arbitrary nonsense are not the ones that practice, but the ones who preach…
I’m just very alone romantically and it’s really making my grit my teeth so fucking bad! It’s not a sex thing! I’ve already had sex I dont even care about these primal, carnal urges I just WANT A FUCKING HUG WITH SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT ME!!! I WILL NOT SURRENDER AND GIVE UP ON CIS WOMEN BUT GODDAMN THEY ARE RETARDS!!!
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