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purplesurveys · 4 years

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815

At what time of day do you normally feel the best? I love the evening the most. I get to have my coffee, it’s quieter around the house, and it also gets a little bit colder so it’s more fun to hang around by then. Do you normally have to hem pants? I’ve never had to do that before. If I need my pants fixed, I usually ask my lola to do it since she’s good at that kind of stuff. Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. I can’t speak for other people, but I personally stay because I don’t want to leave Kimi behind and because I’ve seen countless mini-documentaries of parents who were left devastated by their kids taking their own lives. What would you do if you had no one to love and support you? That sounds so fucking bleak. I imagine bringing myself to therapy so I can learn how to deal with such a situation, and so that I at least have one person to talk to. If you didn't have love and support, would you feel life was worth living? No. But that’s why I imagine I’d be going to therapy, so my mind can be changed.

If you had no family nor friends nor money, would you feel life's worth living? These questions are so stressful to mull over and a tad bit triggering lmao, can I pass at this point? If you're unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? Depends on what I need, which differs every time. Sometimes I’d wanna be alone, other times I’d want to be with other people, other times I’d need to drive and take longer routes than usual, or to binge YouTube videos, or a good nap...it’s always different. What was the last thing that upset your stomach? The meds I had to take for my UTI. Feeling poopy was one of its side effects, so even though it didn’t upset my stomach per se I did have to have several trips to the bathroom then. Do you have to go the pharmacy a lot? No, only when something’s wrong with me which doesn’t happen too often. Are you sunburned? I haven’t been sunburned since I was like 10. The tendency just suddenly stopped at some point. Do you wish someone loved you? I have a lot of people who already do, fortunately. Do you call yourself stupid often? Like every other hour lmao. What's a song you love? From Eden - Hozier. Do you miss anyone who was mean to you? Not to my knowledge. I’m glad they aren’t in my life today. Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. One of my former Filipino teachers in high school. Are you friends with any cancer survivors? I don’t think that I am. Does God often answer your prayers? How was your day today (or yesterday, if it's morning)? It was average. Nothing out of the ordinary happened today but I did like the fact that my parents still left the living room aircon on for most of the day even though summer’s over and the weather’s already begun to be a little colder. Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? Not really? I’m fine with the ones we’ve got lol. Would you want to relive your childhood again? Fuck no. It had some nostalgic bits, like the shows I used to watch or me playing outside, but it was far too traumatic for me to miss it as a whole. I’m happy being a grownup.

Were your college years the best years of your life? Not fully. My time in college only peaked by the second half, so it wasn’t all that great. Junior and senior year were very fun and eye-opening, though. Would you rather re-live high school or college? Ooh that’s quite a pickle...both periods had their highs. High school was a lot easier (academically), it was a time when I could fuck up and it was okay, and I found my first group of friends. College was a time of independence, a lot of growing up to do, and I also found my second group of friends. As miserable as I was during my freshman year, I ultimately have to go with college because I hated most of the people in my high school anyway and because I really loved the independence I gained in college, from being able to drive on my own and managing stuff on my own time to being free to choose my class schedule. And also, duh, I passed my dream school? I’d relive my years in UP in a heartbeat. What is the dumbest sports-team mascot you've heard of? Not really familiar with sports mascots to begin with. Are you a sports fan? Err, not really. I’m a pro wrestling fan, but it’s not 100% a sport. Where do you feel like you fit in the most? In my college and in my org. I’m sad that I only get four years with them – three when it comes to my org. Do you hate social classes? Yes. Do you think talent should have anything to do with social class? What? I have no clue what this question is insinuating but lmao of course not. I know some crazy talented people who wouldn’t be considered rich, and I know some bland-ass wealthy people who can’t do anything impressive at all. Name a country who's history you know nothing about. Australia. Name a religion you know nothing or very little about. Zoroastrianism. I only remember the founder. Don't you hate know-it-alls? I hate when they start getting conceited. What is your favorite store at the mall? I love visiting Fully Booked every chance I get. When was the last time you went to the mall? That would be when I had my eye checked last early March, because the clinic I visited was inside the mall. Aside from doing that, I also had late lunch at Marugame Udon which apparently would be the last time I’d have their food for a while, unbeknownst to me :( Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? I have a bed. When was the last time you went for a run? LOL never. Have you ever tried hard drugs? No. Which school subject did you hate the most? Back in high school I really hated the advanced math and science classes e.g. chemistry, physics, calculus, trig. In college, I found myself hating philosophy and economics the most. What was the last thing you wore from Aeropostale? I don’t think I ever wore anything from them. Which devotional do you read? I don’t read those. Do you appreciate classic literature? I appreciate and recognize their impact, but I don’t like reading them.

What is something you find strange? People who keep pushing for the All Lives Matter narrative. Cringe. Do you like your natural hair color? Sure. I’ve never actively complained about it, that’s for sure. Would you rather get a pixie cut or get dreadlocks? Pixie cut, because I’m pretty sure getting dreadlocks as a Filipino is a form of cultural appropriation? Would you rather dye your hair or get a perm? Dye it.

Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? No, we don’t. Have you ever started a new trend? Just me? Lmao no. Do you have any artwork of yours from high school? I definitely don’t. Whenever a teacher would give our artworks back, I crumpled it up as soon as I got it and would throw it away. I just simply rejected all of my attempts to be creative lol. What did you win a scholarship for? I’ve never gotten one. But my university did start implementing free tuition for all undergrads starting in 2017 when I was a sophomore, so it’s kinda like the same thing. Did your college meet your expectations? Yes, and more. UP taught me far more than classroom lessons as it opened my eyes to the more important societal issues happening outside of school. It made me recognize our farmers who never earn the income they deserve; the factory workers stuck in poor working conditions; the jeepney drivers whose work is never respected; the millions of working class Filipinos who simply deserve better; and the government that is more corrupt than I thought. My college on the other hand taught me to be fearless and to never hesitate to search for, report, and defend the truth, and to disseminate just that to the masses. Bottomline is that words can’t even begin to describe how grateful I am to have studied there and I will always be very much in love with my school. What was the best thing about college? The best thing about mine, at least, was the throng of life lessons and eye-opening realizations it gave me. Each of them has been more valuable than any lesson I learned in the classroom. UP taught me that there were a thousand other issues far more important than problems I face in my own privileged bubble, but that I can help facilitate change if I wanted to. How old were you ten years ago? 12. Easily the worst age I’ve been in. What's the best piece of advice you can give someone ten years younger? Stay. It’ll get better. Not instantly, but it does get better. Do you feel like you are old enough and experienced enough to give advice? I think anyone’s fit to give advice no matter how old they are. Even kids can be quite insightful. The differences just lie on the topics people give advice on. How old were you when you started to feel mature and experienced? 17, after I had a series of shitty stuff happen to me at one point in 2015. When I got past those, I could tell I wasn’t the same person that I was, like, two months back. Were your 20's hell? I’m only in my second year lmao, can you get back to me in eight years? What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? We don’t get a lot of bugs at home, fortunately. We have tons of ants though. Do you put off things until the last minute? If I’m not passionate about the task, yes. Do you have the air conditioning on right now? Nope, just the fan. Is your mom the same size as you? She’s slim but she’s still ever so slightly a bit larger. We can technically share clothes but some of them would still look loose on me.

Does camping appeal to you? I have moods where it does and moods where it doesn’t lol. What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have one. How often do you pray? Do you surrender to Christ daily? When was the last time you went to church? Do you know any Christians who aren't judgmental? Only a handful, and it’s usually people in my age group. Most of the others suck, and I can say this because I’ve had coooooooountless personal experiences with rude, hypocritical, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic Christians and Catholics. Do you believe there are any good people in the world? Of course. What's one thing you are scared of? Flying cockroaches.

#survey #surveys

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ur-mom-kayn · 6 years

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Loyalty Chapter 8: The Good Bye

Zed Pov

In the last few weeks, Zed took a detailed look at the league system. It was really what Shen had described. He did not like the idea that he had to confine himself to 4 attacks. The actual damage is scaled by the league. He would be weaker in principle than in real life. That pissed him off a bit, but what applies for him was also the same for Shen and his friends. The system tries to create fair conditions for all. Should be right with him. He would still take them all down. In that sense, his summoner had something on it.

Zed had not only focused on the league but also increased his private hours with Kayn. The boy's words hurt him a lot, but in the end, he was right. His desire to kill Shen was greater than giving up money and staying with his disciples. It was not right for him to let Kayn down. That's why he also tried to devote every free minute to him. He gave so much for him that the topic 'league' did not stand between them. They made good use of their time, so Kayn was able to develop his own strong 'Umbral Trespass' technique. He jumped into the body of another and injured him from the inside out. Zed used to pretend to be a training partner, but only on the condition that he let the part hurting him. There were other victims for that.

Over time, Kayn was 15 years old and a bit bigger. He certainly trusted him to be able to lead the Order, but he did not want to untangle that burden all by himself. He also lacked the certain maturity and the leadership qualities. A few of his other men would be far more suitable for this job. But how was he supposed to let Kayn know he was not mature enough? His arrogance exceeded a new level each time. Criticism just bounced off him like a sign. Insight was a foreign word for him. That could still be cheerful.

At dinner, Zed finally decided to tell his men about joining the league. That would be the final blow in Kayn's face. He hated himself for hurting the boy, but he knew it was best for everyone involved. As usual, everyone sat in their seats and waited for Zed's release. But this time he would give a speech before. When everyone had something under their nose, Zed stood up and asked for attention. "I'm sorry, but the food has to wait. I want to announce something important to you. Maybe one or the other has already seen something of the league of legends on his missions. This is a place where the best fighters from all over Runeterra compete against each other in teams. After many considerations, I have decided to join as a representative of the Order of Shadow. My accession will bring us a lot of prestige and, above all, a lot of money. Unfortunately, the catch of the whole thing will be that I will not be there for a long time. During my absence, therefore, I will leave the leadership over the order of my elite. I trust you. Please take care of my students." Especially on Kayn., The latter he kept better for himself, but his men understood him even without words.

Most of his students sought eye contact with Kayn, but he just dodged. At least Zed's decision surprised him. He had apparently been mentally prepared for it already. At least that's how he looked. His face showed no signs of emotion. After Zed's speech could finally be eaten. Of course, there was only one topic at the table - the league and the future of the Order. "Ehm Master, how should we actually divide your tasks among us?" Satoshi asked in the round. Zed immediately pulled his mask down behind the cabin to answer his question. He preferred to speak with an echoing voice.

"You can make that out among you. I do not care who does what. As long as you can agree with you. Lead the Order as if it makes no difference if I'm there or not." "Okay, and what will Kayn play for a role? Is not he something like your right hand?" Did the boy really have to kick his ass so much? Kayn had not even spoken the whole evening. It was strange when the jester of the table did not speak a word. He really did not want to transfer it. "Kayn will do what he thinks is right. Cooperate with him and involve him in important decisions. He can best represent my opinion. Yet issues related to finance are better left to the elders of you." Hopefully, Kayn did not feel overly aggrieved, but his math and accountability skills were not up to scratch.

"Good, I understand, Master. And you Kayn? You are so quiet all evening. Do not you have anything to say?" Immediately you heard the clink of a falling spoon. Kayn looked a little tense. His body was almost convulsive. "I ... I've already added my mustard to this topic some time ago. Master Zed knows my opinion and I have nothing left to add ... Master? May I leave the table prematurely for once?" Though he tried to stay cool, Zed recognized the storm that was raging in his eyes. Without thinking much about it, he allowed him to leave the table. Still, Kayn's passive-aggressive stance hurt him. His men were also completely silent after Kayn left the dining room.

When dinner was over, Zed first went to Kayn's room. He was very worried about him. Maybe the future responsibility might be too big for him. Or maybe he just mourned for his master. No matter what it was, it had to be quickly removed from the world. Zed certainly did not intend to leave him in this mode. He could not shake the feeling that something was still left unsaid between them. And that very thought drove him crazy.

Arrived in front of his room, he carefully knocked on the massive wood. "Kayn, may I come in?" "Yes Master," he answered as always. Being allowed to enter the question was relatively unnecessary with them. Nevertheless, they always asked each other for safety's sake. Zed pushed the door aside and entered. Behind him, he closed the door again. In the room, he found Kayn cuddled in his bed. Involuntarily, he just stared at the wall, as if he had been lying there for minutes and thinking. Zed felt miserable because he knew he was responsible. If only Shen had not told him about the league.

Carefully he moved to the bed and lay down on the other side. Then he took off the annoying mask and put it on the bedside table. Kayn still did not move. How should he do that? "Hey Kayn, are you alright? Forget it. Stupid question. Is there anything I can do for you so that parting will not be so hard for you?" "Yes. Do not go.", He answered immediately. Zed already expected an answer in the direction. "Okay, and now seriously. You know very well that you can not change my mind. Say ... Are you mad at me or something? "

Finally, Kayn turned around and looked into Zed's face. His eyes were relatively expressionless and meaningless. Where was the lively child, please? "Okay. So you're mad at me. I've understood." "No. You did not understand anything. I can not be mad at you Master. Not even angry or disappointed. It is your life. You can do whatever you want. I was selfish that I wanted to have you all to myself. And I did not even waste a second on that if you want the same thing. Apparently not, but it's okay with me. Nobody wants to be tied to a child at the age of 25. I can do it. I can grow up on my own. Please do not worry about me."

"And how I make myself some. You are and will remain my son. Of course, I want to take care of you. Please do not think anything wrong about me. However, I have to say that your words sounded very mature. I think you are already grown up. What I do not understand is why you sound so emotionless? Even to your comrades. Why?" Kayn shrugged his shoulders and then approached his master. Before answering, he put his head down on Zed's chest. "It's so easier for me. If I turn off my feelings, then I can not grieve for you. I'm sorry. I try to behave again." Zed believed that such an impulsive person as Kayn would never be able to switch off his feelings. But then he had been wrong about the boy again. He understood his motivations. He also preferred to switch off his feelings in such situations. But it felt wrong this time. Kayn could not just be forgotten.

"Are you trying to avoid pain?" Zed asked after a slightly longer conversation break. Kayn clenched his fingers in Zed's shirt. Slowly his mask seemed to crumble. "I ... eh ... Master, I can not do that. I do not want pain. I'm so happy by your side. What do I do when you are no longer there? Who will scold me if I go to bed late, or forget to brush my teeth? Who will make me learn for the 'school'? Where is my motivation? You can not control me from such a great distance and commands from another mouth, I'm interested in a shit. What should I do?" Zed was the least concerned about such things. It was absurd things for which a father was responsible. Kayn was not worried about his training, just annoying stuff.

"Are you serious?! Please do not be ridiculous. I expect you to be disciplined around the clock. It does not matter if I watch you or not. If you're crapping on such things, make sure that you are at least plagued by a guilty conscience. Remember, I would be disappointed with you if you do not behave yourself. That's all I can do for you. Just keep my strictly eyes in mind." Kayn smiled a little. Finally a sign of emotion. "What's so funny?" "'Strictly.", The boy mocked the term. "You've never really got me hooked." "Because you're normally a very obedient boy. Wait, until you do shit. Then your ass will go down on you " "It will never come to that" Kayn answered as arrogantly as ever. He should not be too sure. Everybody makes mistakes and it was only a matter of time until the perfect Kayn finally builds shit. Of course, Zed wished that it never came to that, but he knew that day would come.

...

The next morning came too fast. Zed spent his last evening with Kayn. He somehow owed him that. Nevertheless, the farewell was not easy. Minutes passed in which Kayn just held his master around his waist and buried his face in his chest. In the long run, it was a bit uncomfortable for the older one, because his whole order was gathered around him. But pushing him away was not possible either. Everyone knew that they had a special relationship with each other, but how far they went was supposed to be hidden. "Kayn ... do you want to let go?" "One more minute please, Master." Zed sighed but let it go.

As promised, Kayn let go after another minute. "Thanks, master. Please take care of yourself and please make us proud. Everyone in this world should be frightened by the name 'Order of Shadow'." "I'll see to that, boy. And you make sure that we live up to our reputation." "Yes, Master! ", All his students answered in unison. Now it was really time to say goodbye. Zed waved to everyone again until he finally turned around and finally disappeared.

...

After a much too long boat trip and a ride through the Ironspike Trail, Zed finally arrived at the Institute of War. A huge castle waited for him. From the outside, everything was decorated magnificently and decorated to the smallest detail. At the entrance, employees were already waiting for his arrival. "Master Zed, may I take you to your quarters?" A man in a long robe asked him. He had not much left but to follow the man. The 'quarters' were divided into their regions. For outcasts and others, there was an extra department. Zed, on the other hand, was a door-to-door neighbor with Shen and co. He counted as a complete Ionian and he was glad about that, only he would have liked to have more distance to Shen.

Each room has a name on the door. Passing by, Zed recognized his brother's room. From there he always counted. To his disappointment, his room was only 2 doors away. Between Shen and Zed lived only knowing the hamster. Arriving at his room, he got his key from the employee. Zed did not hesitate any longer and opened the door. He showed a large spacious room with a large bathroom. But otherwise, nothing spectacular was available. Actually, he would have expected something more. Before Zed could complain, the man behind him spoke up. "Since we do not know your taste, we have for the time being only the most necessary furnished. At your bedside table, you will find a catalog of furniture and decorative items. Just let us know and we will set up your room to your liking."Zed liked that earlier. His room was far too bright. Black curtains were more appropriate than white ones. The birds could have come to that, too. As if the Master of Shadow would like the light.

"What about the kitchen and the rest?" "Of course we have a communal kitchen where everyone can cook their favorite dishes or they can be cooked to order. In addition, we have various lounges with various activities. Occasionally parties are thrown so the champions get to know each other better ... " "Enough. I understood. Can I be alone now?" "Of course. Please be in the gap in 3 hours so that our team can detect your attacks. In addition, in 5 hours, a photo session and ... " "Can you just not write down the shit for me? I do not feel like memorizing everything." "Yeah ... " The man quickly reached for a pen and paper and wrote down his appointments for Zed. Then he quickly searched the distance and left Zed alone.

He threw himself in his small single bed and leafed through the catalog. Here, new furniture had to be produced as quickly as possible. Shit if he had to build everything himself, this bald cave definitely needed a new coat of paint. As he went through the catalog and tagged his favorites, there was a knock at his door. "What's up?" He practically yelled at the door. "May I come in, brother?" It's just not the idiot. Zed was already in a bad mood about the move anyway. Shen did not promote his mood. "Do something you can not do." Shen opened the door and entered the room. Zed did not care about his guest. He did not care about him in principle.

As if nothing had happened between them, Shen simply threw himself on his back at the end of the bed. "Shall we let the masquerade be, Zed?" Without replying, Zed took off his mask. He really did not need to hide from Kayn and Shen. One took him as he was and the other was responsible for his appearance. Shen did not get away with it either. His face was decorated with slight scars. Nevertheless, the suggestion came from him and he also took off his mask. It was a very strange situation. You do not usually lie down in the bed of the man who murdered your father, but Shen seemed to be in great control. He had to. The contract clearly stated that you can not kill champions outside the divide. He hopes he did not give him any reason to break this rule.

"What are you doing here Shen? And why?" "I was a little surprised to find you here. Did not think that you want to settle for the many rules here. Most of all, I thought you wanted to take care of your 'son." The boy was only here to put him on the bag. Kayn was a very critical topic that he was reluctant to talk about. Even if he could talk about him for hours. "Kayn is mature enough. He does not need me anymore." " Although I have to admit that he is incredibly strong. Be honest, he can use the forbidden technique, right?" "No technique is forbidden brother. But yes. You're right. He is incredibly strong. He will one day become a great assassin."

Shen straightened to a seated position and smiled at Zed. "You have changed Zed. Apart from that, you are very out of balance. Your compassion for others has risen sharply." "Oh shut up Shen. I am exactly the same cold bastard as before. Kayn is an exception. He deserves my attention. You have no idea what's in it. I will not make the same mistake as Kusho. I will recognize and promote his talent. If necessary, I will also give him some paternal love. I prefer falling out of my role as being tipped off the back. "

"Maybe you are right, brother. And I believe that Kayn is dangerous. Just tell me, what makes him so special? You must have had a reason to teach him the forbidden technique." "Sure, I even had several. The boy is incredibly well in control. I could definitely trust him with the training. But that was not what fascinated me from the beginning. Kayn is able to lead any weapon at the highest level. He controls every fighting position and depending on the situation, he can adapt accordingly very quickly. "

"Hm ... I should not underestimate him when he's old enough to fight me. Anyway, I'm leaving now. Was nice with you. If you need someone to chat, or if you have general questions, I'm only two doors away from you." "Tch. Certainly.", He spat mockingly at him in farewell. Zed had no interest in improving his relationship with Shen. He was here to kill him every day over and over again. Nice chats were rather counterproductive.

#kayn #zed #shen #kayn x zed #zed x kayn #zeyn #fanfic

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proofsaretalk · 7 years

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rapidly barreling toward that 1k mark

The title is not what this post is about. (cw: five pages of boring navelgazing)

------

Sometimes, when I get really close to going to bed after staying up for far too long, I will say things like “What are you doing?” And I normally think about that as just my not-quite-totally-mentally-healthy ass’s way of saying “go to bed bro”

But somehow when I said it tonight the question sounded a lot more urgent. A lot more confused. A lot more like a question, in other words.

And I think best in writing.

So here are the basic facts:

I am very tired right now (4am)

I was (less) very tired about four hours ago

I intentionally chose to not go to bed four hours ago,

After watching a really good SGDQ run.

I actually very much enjoy SGDQ runs.

But I did not spend the intervening four hours watching SGDQ runs.

Primarily because I knew I would not stay awake by doing so.

I more or less knew, when I made that decision, that I would be awake at 4am.

See 3.4.

I have been going to bed around 2-3am for the last couple days.

This schedule initiated by me staying up way too late on Sunday of last week, for reasons that were equally unreasonable but at least more familiar.

I need to be awake in 3 hours, or, at most 4 hours.

I have known for several days that I would need to be awake at 7am on Monday morning.

Less basic facts, with notably more reporting bias, probably:

The reason that I need to be awake at 7am on Monday morning is because I am going on a road trip with my dad and my roommate.

I am mostly going on this road trip because I want to spend more time with my dad.

And also because I want to signal to him that I want to spend more time with him.

Which I definitely feel like I have not, although I have had dinner with him for three nights this week; in no small part because I was in Montreal when he arrived and have not done a lick of work to help care for my grandmother while he was in town.

In particular I don’t really care about where we’re going or what we’ll do there.

I intended to drive both ways— which I never told anyone that I was intending to do, which I suppose was good because I will certainly not do that now.

Maybe we’re approaching the actual reason I am doing this obviously stupid thing, Part I:

My main goals this summer are, in priority order

to get a fucking advisor,

a.k.a. to work hard enough and deep enough on commutative algebra to determine whether it is a good idea to be Christine’s student, and

if so, to then decide whether I should work with Vic anyway.

to reach the 1k posts in 1k days goal with OTAM,

which requires essentially exactly two posts per day every day for the remainder of the summer

which is, to an unbelievably strong level of consistency (like literally I do not believe it), four hours +/- 40 minutes of work.

that’s it

i fucking hate it when my family asks me “what have you been doing lately” because it’s like

I’M READING

I’M BLOGGING

THAT’S IT

Anything I do beyond this is— though it be, to some extent, necessary for keeping my sanity— something I perceive as an annoyance and do with a fair bit of guilt (which I do try to put off until after doing the thing, usually pretty successfully).

and you know what, yes, if I’m being honest, that includes spending time with my family

even though this is 110% my own damn problem and if I had locked myself in my room this week, my dad (in particular) would totally have understood

although he lives 1600 miles away, and is only here for two weeks, and his birthday is tomorrow, and I missed out on seeing him the first week because Montreal, because my dad is a pure cinnamon roll lol no but is (in particular) genuinely understanding about this stuff; the whole midwesterner guilt trip passive-aggressive thing is very much not his aesthetic

and also I really haven’t spent that much time with my family besides this week so. [ At most 3hrs/week previously ]

I have two blog posts scheduled for tomorrow and another one besides; that is, enough that I can go on the trip and wake up late on Tuesday and I won’t experience any interruptions

I was highly embarrassed that I had to miss the second Friday post this week

I spent a lot of time on Saturday working with the specific intention of having a large enough buffer to make sure that this did not happen again on Tuesday.

aka 4 blog posts

aka 12 hours of blogging, because the rate of 2hr/post only applies to the first two posts in a day, after which the evidence suggests (more on that below) that it’s a complete shitshow.

aka nothing else got done, which is relevant because

For the first time on our regularly scheduled Thursday meeting time, Christine actually gave me something to do — previously it was mostly entirely me being like “I’m reading the book, here are my questions”.

I have done essentially no work toward doing that thing.

See 3.4

See also 2.2 from the previous section.

I have never felt happy about the amount of time that I’ve been devoting to the algebra

See 1.3.5 oh god this is becoming a labrynth isn’t it

Christine seems oblivious to this, or perhaps thinks that, since I bring it up every week, I am just trying to preempt any criticism she might make

which to be honest isn’t wrong but

I have experience with being advised by someone with fairly low expectations of me and yeah it drives me right up the fucking wall

and I am definitely keeping my eye on her essential silence w.r.t. progress

In particular, I don’t feel happy about the fact that I have been spending so much more time on the blog than on the algebra because the latter is clearly infinitely more important for my continued ability to support myself by doing the thing that makes me incredibly happy.

There are good reasons I have made this choice but I definitely expected that these would disappear after returning from Montreal

which they have, and hence my continued inability to spend time doing algebra is even more disappointing to me

despite the fact that new reasons obviously exist that are also obviously temporary since dad will leave on the 4th.

and that I also do strongly value my familial relationships and am extremely bad at showing this; and I understand that what I have chosen to do for the past week is a very shrewd calculation to maximize the number of people who have firsthand experience with my show of commitment (however obviously performative it may be)

to be clear, I do not know if it is obvious that it is performative

I do not even know if it is performative

The fact that my algebra assignment for the week came from Christine, and not from a vague sense of “you should probably finish this book”, adds a particular urgency to the task...

...and what seems to be my inevitable failure to complete it, since I have only Tuesday and Wednesday; and Tuesday is the 4th of July so that might as well not exist, productivity-wise; and I still have to write the usual two blogposts for Wednesday so it’s not like I can cram a 14-hour session (which I have done before).

I do not know whether I am more concerned about potentially disappointing Christine or myself

(even though the former is so unlikely that it is almost certainly anxiety)

Okay that’s nice exposition but doesn’t actually explain why you’re awake at 4am (hint it’s 5am now), Part II:

When I walked out of Christine’s office on Thursday, I definitely did not think that I would be spending all of Monday, and essentially all of Friday, and a good half of Sunday, to be spent with family. (Of course, I still expected Tuesday to be shot.)

However, all of that was clarified by Friday afternoon, so I’ve had a couple days to mull on this.

I certainly did not make the decision to stay awake in hopes that I would get any work done.

In fact, if I am being honest, this was an intentional part of my thought process and I made the decision in spite of this fact.

What I did not consider is that, if I have to cancel the plans for today because I did this stupid thing, I certainly will not be able to fucking do anything tomorrow since I will have to sleep through everything.

Dear God, the sun is rising through my window

I closed the blinds, whew

What I did end up doing over this four-hour period is mostly read career posts on math blogs, and reading PhD, with a little bit of SGDQ and a pinch of assorted internet clicking thrown in.

It is perhaps not obvious to anyone else that this has the feel of a self-care session to me.

The only thing that I could possibly have been consciously self-caring for, though, was the expenditure of energy at my dad’s birthday party today.

(Anxieties about the Christine reading only started appearing in the later phases of this period.)

And surely sleeping would have been equally good dramatically better self-care.

I definitely have a sometimes-useful tendency to want to do a single thing for as long of an uninterrupted period as possible, up to and including completely destroying my sleeping rhythm (which accounts for much of the ‘sometimes’ in ‘sometimes-useful’).

The part of me that likes to make needlessly grandiose statements and read into shit too much, is squawking about how I probably feel like I had expectations for how I would be spending my time (I did), and feel like I’ve been forced into a time-consuming alternate direction (which, again: no), and therefore making this stupid decision is a juvenile way of exercising control by breaking from what would probably be “expected” of me (i.e. fucking going to sleep before a day-long road trip)

I am currently convinced of this but also

I am even more tired than when I started writing this post and

I don’t trust my tired brain to be right about anything of this scope (based on extensive experience with incorrect sleeping decisions).

That’s all I got.

No alternate theories.

So, shit, that’s gotta mean it’s right, huh?

Lambda

Actually, continuing on the sleeping-as-control riff, I am quite experienced with (and, if I may say so, fairly good at) managing an awful sleeping cycle. Perhaps the stupid decision was not about controlling how I spend my time but rather more direct: demonstrating control in my life via crisis management w.r.t. sleeping.

This is actually a testable theory, at least in the sense that if I have something similar come up soon, I could replace “not sleeping” with “playing Starcraft”

[ it’s not perfect because I would also not be sleeping in that setting, but then the not-sleeping is a side effect rather than the actual display of control; and I think that I could (after the fact) actually distinguish between those two. ]

(and arguably, this has already been played out in prior incidents, but I am way too tired to examine whether similar issues were at play in those cases.)

And finally

I am equally concerned with the fact that this post has cost me two hours of sleeping as it has cost me two hour of algebra work,

which is to say, not at all, in either case

although I do perceive very little of value was gained by my writing it

which is a very confusing triplet of true statements, to me, at this moment.

I may have to cancel the road trip.

Perhaps this was my subconscious goal all along.

But I’ll go to sleep take a power nap and we’ll see.

If your sorry ass thinks that I’ve been writing this shit for two hours without theorizing how I could sanitize it into an OTAM post then frankly you don’t know me at all.

#however i get the feeling that #i am going to want the unedited version #at some point in my grad career #so i'm posting this even though there is no universe in which that is a good idea #but in most universes it's probably not a bad idea so #i'm tired #i'm really glad i somehow got inspired to think about this #because on most nights I would #(read: have)#chalked this up to #oh look at silly old me wasting time on the internet again #but I now do think there's actually something for me to learn here

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taetaeisbaebae7 · 7 years

Text

Lawlicht fanfic: Talk Dirty To Me

A/N: First of all, THIS FIC IS WRITTEN FOR YOU WAIFU!!~~ ♡♡♡ @canthydefromthelicht ILYSM AND SINCE ITS VALENTINE SHOO..... @//////@ HERE U GO A PRESENT FROM ME TO YOU ×/////× ♡♡ I THOUGHT OF VALENTINE AND LAWLICHT TOGETHER WHILE DECIDING THE PRESENT AND ALL I GOT IN MY HEAD WAS A FLIRTY LAWLESS FANFIC XD. (And since you said you like cheesy stuff as well so pfft all’s workin in my favour MWHHAHAHAHAHA xD) Okay now without further ado, lets start the fic ~ >w> HOPE YA LIKE IT ^/////^

Talk Dirty

That’s it. Licht had had it with the vampire. As if the demon wasn’t annoying enough, but after that little ‘challenge’ Licht gave him, it had become unbearable. He regretted his decision ever since, and questioned why he even had to give him that dare. And that specific dare was “You can’t say anything but cheesy pick-up lines all day.” Little did he know that he was gonna flirt with him.

The human wanted to smash his own head against the wall for giving such a stupidly annoying dare. And Lawless had, like always, taken the challenge to heart, and was trying his utmost to not do anything but use only these lines with Licht and luckily he was succeeding. Well, in one way. He was fulfilling the challenge’s rules, but was kicked every time he made a joke. “Worth it,” was probably what went through the Lawless’s brain, if he had one that is.

Licht was ready to murder the demon any minute then. First he had to wake up just to find a certain someone sleeping right next to him.

“Oye shit rat. What do you think you’re doing?” Licht asked, kicking the vampire out of his bed.. Lawless just rubbed his head, silently picked up a microphone from who knows where and started yelling. “Its okay Licht-tan. Even if you treat me like this….” He paused and took a long deep breath, before continuing. “ CUZ IIIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU!”

“ Shit rat!!! I’LL FUCKING MURDER YOU IF YOU SING THAT,” Licht yelled back, throwing the pillow in Lawless’ direction.

Seeing his choice of weapon had no effect, he immediately got out of bed and starting chasing the Servamp to make him get a taste of his boots instead. But the Servamp continued his singing all the while dodging his master’s attacks.

The Eve, seeing that it was impossible to stop the horrid singing and that he was getting late for work, left the Servamp be. He went to dress himself. Just when he took off his shirt he heard a playful and immature whistle erupt from behind. He didn’t need to see to know who the hell was doing it. Licht blindly charged towards the sound’s direction and swooped a kick accompanying it. Unfortunately, Lawless wasn’t fast enough to dodge the unexpected kick and was sent flying across the room. Satisfied for now, Licht left the Servamp be.

But was this enough for Lawless to learn his lesson? Absolutely not. In fact, the torture increased after this. Every time Licht was gonna kick the shit out of Lawless, he would blurt something stupid like “ kick me harder daddy” to make Licht question his next move and leave the vampire be.

When Licht was studying, Lawless wouldn’t stop making stupid maths jokes like “From now on your name isn’t angel-chan. Its angle-chan,” Licht, resisting his urge to kick due to certain reasons , just punched the shit out of the poor guy. But Lawless was also a stubborn idiot who would do anything to win a challenge. The most frequent thing he did was the one Licht hated the most. Sing romantic songs. Sometimes, he would start out of no where, “ Angel baby baby baby oh baby baby,” only to be interrupted by a kick/punch in the face. “Oh God, you’re so damn irritating, shit rat.” “ You only say that cuz you love me. You know what I think Licht-tan? I think you have a hard out shell but I’m sure you have a creamy center.” Lawless said, giggling like an idiot. Licht replied almost immediately afterwards. “Yeah, you know what I think? You’re a bastard coated bastard with bastard filling.” “That’s harsh dude,” Lawless said sobbing with watery eyes. “Yeah well you deserve it, shit rat. Now shut up and let me study.”

Lawless sat silent afterward which only made the human feel a bit guilty. Only a bit though. He was already irritated, he didn’t want to feel bad about saying something harsh as well, so he decided to apologize. But Lawless was the one who broke the silence first.

“Lich-tan why are you studying something so hard. First learn the basics.”

“Basics?” Licht asked, confused more than ever now.

“Like, spell out ‘me’.”

“I-Its spelt ‘m’ and ‘e’. Me.” Licht replied, with an eyebrow raised.

“No its ‘m’, ‘e’, ‘d’ Lich-tan.”

“Stupid shit rat. There is no d in me.”

The grin reappeared on the vampire’s face as he said “Not yet angel-chan.”

It took a minute or two for Licht to understand the cheesy joke and his face turned bright red when he did. He dipped his head in embarrassment before finally yelling “Shit rat” and the cat-and-mouse chase stared again. He gulped in all the guilt he had felt and hit Lawless with full force.

The day seemed to last forever. Licht looked at the time only to be disappointed even further. It was only 6 o clock and his mind was already at its limit. It was a surprise Lawless could even keep this up. It wasn’t long before Lawless approached Licht and started his blabbering again. “ Licht-tan. You’re so cool. And I finally believe you’re an angel. You know why?” Licht had no energy to retaliate and decided to play along with whatever Lawless had planned. Licht gave him a questioning look so Lawless answered, “It’s because you seem OUT OF THE WORLD.”

Licht smacked the Servamp into the wall for making a stupid pun like that. Before Lawless was about to make another pun, Licht decided to throw a question at the vampire himself. “Hey, don’t you have a weakness? Like one I can hit and finally kill you so I won’t have to suffer this anymore?”

“Huh? Where’d that come from? But ah. Yes I do have one weakness.” the blonde replied, with a smile plastered across his face.

Licht didn’t expect Lawless to actually answer the question. “There is one? Then….what is it?” Licht muttered, more curious than ever now.

“Those beautiful eyes of yours~~.”

Licht didn’t have any idea how to reply to that so he just sat shut. But his face had a hue of pink visible on it. “Y-You’re an idiot, you know?”

“Yes. I’m your idiot. AND WILL BE FOREVER.”

This popped a vein in Licht’s head, but being exhausted as he was, he let it pass with just a glare.

“Leave me be. And don’t you dare come in my room.” With that, Licht walked to his bedroom slamming the door shut behind him.

A small chime was heard in the distance. When the bell kept ringing, Licht decided to check it. His eyelashes fluttered at the noise that woke him up. He took all the energy he had to sit up and reach out for the phone, that was most probably the source of the sound. He blinked several times, trying to adjust his eyes to the bright light of the cell-phone. When he finally had a clear view, he noticed an unread message notification popped on the screen. And what do you know? It was from the oh-so-annoying vampire. Licht still opened it, in case there was an actual emergency, though he really doubted it.

“Hey can you answer a few questions? Just 6,” was what was written in the message.

Licht was really surprised Lawless could keep this up. He decided if the question was gonna be a stupid flirty one, he wasn’t gonna answer. But it couldn’t hurt to see what the questions were, could it? He replied yes. Some seconds later, the following message appeared:

1. What’s the name of your friend’s brother?

2. Q,r,s,t,?

3. Opposite of stop?

4. Opposite of in?

5. Complete this: I drank milk ? Sam

6. Say “me”

Licht thanked God that Lawless hadn’t asked something stupid. His anger faded away a bit as he answered the text:

1. Will

2. U

3. Go

4. Out

5. With

6. Me

Suddenly he heard the bedroom doors slam open and Lawless enter and pounce on his bed, gleaming with happiness and replying “Oh my God yes!!!” repeatedly.

Licht didn’t quite get the joke and had to read his message twice to understand it.

Licht admired his Servamp’s devotion to this game. He was too tired and sleepy to fight with the other, so he decided to finally shut the other up for good. And no kicking/hitting would do this job. Licht bumped his head with Lawless’ catching the other off guard.

“There’s no use of this game shit rat. You do know that I’m your Eve. Isn’t that enough for you to stop this?” Licht sighed.

Lawless blinked his eyes rapidly before finally speaking in his usual cheery, irritating voice. “Lich-tan.~~ I won’t believe you. I need proof. You haven’t said the “L” word yet.”

At this, the human’s face took a cute shade of pink, one Lawless hadn’t ever witnessed before.

Licht spoke, stuttering almost every word. “I-I-I l-li-ke y-ou…”

“Aw come on Licht-tan. The other one. Here I’ll help you remember. It’s Llllloooooovv-” Lawless speech was cut short by an unexpected kiss from the angel himself. Though the blonde vampire was shocked at first, but he slowly relaxed himself in the surprisingly hot kiss. Both of them dare didn’t depart before they were completely deprived of breath.

Licht spoke first, a slight pout visible on his face. “Aren’t they the same thing?”

Lawless chuckled at his master’s cute behaviour. “Sure sure Licht-tan.” With that, Lawless wrapped his hands around the human’s waist bringing the teen boy close to himself.

“Stupid Hyde…” Though the raven boy’s words said otherwise, he was completely relaxed in the vampire’s arms and slowly lulled into a sleep. Lawless gave a small smooch on Licht’s forehead before saying his angel “good night.”

Bonus Scene: >w<

1. “Let me sit on top of your hair. Please!!!!! Come on, Licht-tan please!!!!”

Lawless continued his ranting til Licht finally snapped. “Why are you so damn persistent?”

“Well duh. Both our dreams will come true. You’ll have a quiet cute hedgehog with you and I’ll finally be able to ride you.” Lawless said quite confidently. “What!!?!” Licht spat.

“What?” Lawless replied making a dumb face like he was the victim here. And as he expected, the very next moment, he was running for his life with an angel chasing and yelling “SHIT RAT!!!” after him.

#happy anniversary waifu #hope u liked it >/////>#cheesy stuff #servamp #lawlicht #lawlicht fanfic #fanfic #lawless/licht #<3 #present to waifu #my fanfiction

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chiakibutblack · 3 years

Note

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

#my posts #dr simps server #long post #very long post #extremely long post

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poopypooppooppoop-blog1 · 7 years

Text

Garfield The Movie Script

I hate mondays

Pookey, cover me. I'm going in.

Sleeping beauty, wake up

You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here now

Just wake up

You've got work to do. You're not just my owner...

...you're my primary care giver

Not now, Garfield

Alright, cut the sweet... easy now.

Trying to cuddle with me, huh?

Trying to avoid your duties, huh?

Well that just ain't gonna fly!

See, I'm doing my exercise, doing my job.

Just one quick CANNONBALL

- Good morning - Garfield!

OK, I think you're clean enough now.

Got your towel right here.

No, Garfield!

It's liver flavoured.

MMM Delicious.

Ugh, Liver!

Actually, it's liver 'flavoured'.

That was good breakfast. Now I think I'll fall off the Catkins diet

and get myself a little high fat chaser.

Garfield, look, the milk truck!

Oh, thatta boy Nermal. The milk truck comes every day.

Maybe not today. Maybe it's changing routes? Maybe this will be the last we'll ever see of him?

We're cats,we like milk. Let's go for it.

- No. - But...

But nothing. I don't leave the cul-de-sac for anything.

Out there it's a hornet's nest of trouble. Bad things happen out there, so I don't go out there.

Besides,I've found, if you wait long enough. Everything comes to you.

Here come the milk man. Here come the milk man.

Hey, Nermal. Let's play Astronaut again today.

- Yeah? - Yeah, I love that game

- You're such a brave little Astronaut - Alright

Prepare to jump into your spaceship, Commander Nermal.

Whoa, whoa! What about the milk?

Who needs milk when you can be in outer space?

- We've got a secret mission today. - Yeah?

You'll be exploring the Milky Way.

I get the chills when you jump in your little spacecraft.

The nation thanks you. Prepare to blast off!

Three, two, one!

Bon Voyage!

Look at me go!

Don't look down!

- Come to papa, baby - I can see everything up here

I can see my house!

Got Milk?

I can see the whole neighbourhood!

Well that's nice. That's very nice.

Hey, another milk truck!

Ooh, and that is even nicer.

I can see a whole......

Mission accomplished, Nermal

Whoa, Garfield. Do it again! Where did everybody go?

You're on the wrong side of the street, Fat Cat... beat it!

And you Luca are on the wrong side of the evolutionary curve.

Ok, that's it. You're gonna get it good today.

I make a point to get it good every day.

The real question is, Luca: How shall I outwit you this time?

- With simple maths? - I know how to spell.

- Or shall I distract you with something shiny? - Now you're making fun of me.

I hope so, you're no fun to look at.

You'll never get the best of me....

I think I just did.

Not the ducks again.

Jump back! and kiss my skin.

If I ever get off this chain, you're going down.

Everybody back up! I dont know how wild this thing's gonna get.

I love the smell of cinnamon apple in the morning.

- Smells like victory. - I hate this fat cat.

So much time, and so little I need to do.

Mouse!

No thanks, I'm full.

Get him, Garfield

Get him, Jon

Always gotta be smashing and crashing.

Nobody poisons anymore.

There's my ball.

What good is a cat, that can't chase a mouse?

I don't do the chase thing.

I know you don't hear me. But can't you just listen?

Louis, what are you doing in the house when Jon's home.

Sorry Garfield, man I couldn't help it.

Look, when he sees you he expects more from me. Don't you get that?

Jon's got those macadamia nut cookies, I'm trying to maintain.

- You understand? - Sure, as long as you understand...

that I have to eat you.

Good boy! See, I knew you could do it if you put your mind to it.

You're the best cat a guy could have.

Have you tasted yourself lately?

Hey, it wasn't exactly the first-class lounge in there for me either.

Get yourself lost, Louis. Take a powder for a couple of days, get a haircut and grow a beard.

Cool, I owe you one G

<< I've got a question for you. >>

<< Do you love your Cat? >>

Finally, back on my regular schedule.

<< Make sure he has nothing but Kibbly Kat food >>

That cat's puss is everwhere. TV, newspapers, t-shirts

I wouldn't want that kind of exposure (!)

- Hey buddy - Cut the small talk

What's in the bag?

<< Remember: Be Happy >>

I'm happy when I'm with you

You delicate melange of tomato paste, cheese, ground meat and pasta!

Garfield, don't even think about it.

That's my food.

I may just nibble.

<< Thanks Happy, and thank you for joining us >> << I'm Christopher Mello, remember: Be Happy >>

Cut!

Give me the Benadril!

Damned cat allergies

Any word from the network yet?

No, but they're looking for a dog-act on Good Day New York.

Dog act! Story of my life: Looking for a dog, and I'm stuck with a cat

- But the segment went quite well - "But the segment went quite well"

Of course it went well, you toad.

The fifty housewives who saw it, loved it.

<< This is Walter J Chapman, reporting live from the Hague >>

Oh, please. What a know-it-all.

And everybody always said I was the handsome one.

I was the smart one

And I was born first.

But there you are, "live from the Hague", and I'm here working with this sack of dander

on a dead-end regional morning show.

<< Back to you, Dan >>

Garfield!

Did you eat all four boxes of Lasagne?

It's not my fault. They started it.

What am I going to do with you?

Love me, feed me, never leave me.

Let's go for a ride to some place you love that always leaves you feeling pampered and refreshed.

Oh I know, Chucky Cheese

Thank you!

No, Wendys?

Taco kitty?

Well I'm stumped. Maybe olive garden, for you?

The only time I leave my cul-de-sac is when Jon takes me to the Vet.

Which he's been doing a lot recently. And it appears to have nothing to do with me.

Jon must want to go for his own reason.

Well, there's nothing wrong with Garfield

He's just a happy, fat, lazy cat.

No need for a second opinion.

- I worry about him. - I know you do.

Y'know, you care about him more than any owner I've ever known.

'Him' has a name. Is this an HMO?

Let's get Garfield in for his dip, I wanna talk to you, in private.

She's so beautiful.

Mr Pathetic, you've had a crush on her since High-School.

Will you please ask her out so she can reject you, and we can get on with my life?

I have to ask her out.

- Wish me luck - Ok, go get 'em big tiger

You the man, you the fella, you the boss

You preach to her, show her how the co... you hopeless loser...

Betty how about today you start me off with a Swedish massage, a manicure and a pedicure

Seaweed wrap, loofa, belly rub, tail waxing...

...then crack my toes to finish.

Jon, there's something important I need to ask you.

Something I wouldn't ask most of the guys who come in here.

No, wait. I think I know where this is going.

You do?

I do!

Liz, I've wanted to ask you the same thing for a very long time.

Are you sure we're talking about the same thing?

Absolutely

I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life

Liz, I'm ready to take a chance.

I'm ready for...

Thank you

A dog?

A dog, I'm ready for a dog.

I think he likes you.

Frisky little fella, isn't he

His name's Odie, and he's not going to make it if he has to live his life in a cage

He needs to be loved.

Well thank you, thank you very much Ladies and Gentlemen

Nah, maybe not in my neighbourhood

Hey, homer, I really gotta run

Gotta fly everybody, please, stay behind the security fence.

It's so great of you to come out and see me.

But I've got somebody waiting for me, very devoted. Almost crippled.

No, please, don't cry. I know what it's like to be unloved.

Well, you do.

I'll try to come back and visit. And if I don't, I'll try to write. Bye bye

Does anybody know this guy?

Goodbye everybody - Garfield is leaving the building.

Jon, you know, you don't have to do this if you don't want to.

No, no. It's okay.

Some part of me has always wanted to know what it's like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.

You're a good friend.

One question: Am I still gorgeous?

Jon, I think we've got a little problem here.

Jon...

I want you to know I can help the transition go smoothly.

Jon, it's in my seat!

Jon...

We could all go out together.

Park, dog-shows.

Stuff like that

- Jon... - Wait a minute,

are you asking me out?

Jonny-boy, the time has come to get a car-alarm!

You're not gonna believe it! A mongrel-mutt has broken into your car.

Garfield, this is Odie. He's coming home with us.

Whoa: you went in there to get a date, and came out with a dog?

Well that's bad even for you.

Oh you're so sad. Oh no no no... We're not bringing a dog home with us.

Hey, I ride shot-gun! What are you lookin' at, tick-boy?

Jon, it's not too late. Quickly, turn around, before he finds out where we live!

Please take this trouser-sniffer back!

Come on Odie

This is your new home.

Come on Buddy

Jon...

You had me, a chick-magnet. And now you got a tick-magnet.

Garfield, Jon brought a dog home.

I am aware, Nermal.

Why would he do a thing like that?

Gee, I don't know, Nermal.

It just seems like a weird thing to do, bringing a dog into a house that already has a cat.

Can we drop it? I mean, it's no big deal. It's just a splattered bug on the windshield of my life.

A dimwitted, smelly, goofy splattered bug that I will deal with appropriately and enthusiastically.

Come on!

As you can see, I'm still Jon's favourite.

See you later, Garfield.

Good luck with the bug thing

This is payback for the liver thing, isn't it? Payback, ha ha ha

This is your new home Odie.

That's my office over there.

The TV over there.

The kitchen.

Go see the house.

Why don't you draw him a map?

Ok, I've got to remain calm, that's all

Jon's a cat-guy, not a dog-guy

This'll last a week, maybe ten days. Tops.

Boy this puppy is stupid gone wild

Nah, this is just a bad dream. I'm going to close my eyes

and when I open them, everything will be back to normal.

Nyagh! That's not normal.

Not close.

Oh great, dog-cooties. Somebody innoculate me please?

This is a nightmare. I just need a little quality time

with man's real best friend.

Television.

No, no. no.

Hey, new guy. Let me hip ya to the rules, ok.

Number one: That's my chair.

Alright, I even see you raise a leg, and it's on, it's go time, pal.

Very well.

Y'know, I may just have a mental advantage on this guy.

Leave me alone.

I'm not kidding, Yodel Odie.

Pop a worm pill, and hit the road, I'm busy.

You wanna play? Fine.

You can be my new astronaut!

You go jump in the pail, and we'll shoot you into outer space.

Come on, it's real simple!

Here, I'll even throw your ball in there.

Follow the ball and jump in the pail.

Come on, Odie

Just like this, come on over here and just jump right into the pail and help me.

No, just in here like this...

Uh oh - don't touch that!

Oh no!

Houston, we have a problem.

Odie, Get off the pail.

Ok, time for a new game.

It's called my claw in your foot game

Come here

I'll just use my left claw

If my legs were longer I'd have caught you by now - come here!

Just wait for one second.

Slow... down...

Well, well, well

I've got you now fat cat

Hey Luca - is that a new chain you're wearing? Fella?

Looks good on ya

You look great. You been working out?

Oh I've been waiting years for this.

Would that be regular years, or dog-years?

Get away from me pipsqueak!

You're nothing but a...

Luca, this is Odie. Odie, Luca.

Luca, do me a favour and eat him for me would you please?

Garfield, are you alright?

I think so.

Luca's about to have Odie for lunch.

If it wasn't for Odie, you'd be Luca's chew-toy

Yeah, he saved your life.

Odie's a hero!

Why? Because I wasn't ripped to shreds?

No: Odie's an imbecile, until further notice.

Hey Moondust, if I were you I'd grab a nice piece of carpet

Jon doesn't let me sleep up-top

Ever.

Odie...

You wanna sleep in the bed?

What?

Good boy.

You wanna sleep on the bed tonight?

Yes I do. Yes...

I think I'm going to blow cat chow chunks

Good night Odie

Good night Garfield

Great, wish me luck with the nightmares

Another day ruined.

Oh, you little suck up!

Whoa baby

No.

Down. Down dumb dog

What part of 'no' don't you understand?

The push off the chair?

I don't wanna play

Oh, look...

What am I supposed to say?

Thanks for saving my hide with Luca?

Ok, thanks for saving my hide with Luca. Get off!

Where was I? Right here.

Whoa, that was a cheap shot.

Hit a guy when he's not looking? Ok...

Oh, excuse me, I think you may have forgotten something.

I saw this and I thought, I was pretty sure it was your...

Watch out! You see, you can't touch this.

That's right. Don't sneak up on me, baby.

Oh, come on with that!

Get that weak step outta here!

Is that butt broken? No it's something like this here....

Can you do this? Shouldn't those hips be in the shop?

Walk this way please...

I'ma walking the dog

Let's step it up a little bit, something like this....

Whoa, look at this! Watch out now!

Watch out for this thing!

You probably should've practiced in the garage before you stepped up to someone of my level.

Bash up!

Maybe something a little bit more challenging.

How about this?

Look who's here on the porch. I'm walking the porch.

I'm holding the torch, I'm ready to scorch.

Hey!

Look, Garfield's dancing with Odie.

They're like buddies now!

Odie, what are you doing here?

I was doing a solo dance, and a creepy dog comes up next to me...

Did you guys see that?

Thank you fellas, thank you.

Uh oh, here's more trouble.

Look at the goony look on his face!

Come here Odie

Taking him back to the vet?

You're taking him back to the kennel, right?

Are you putting him up for adoption?

Hey Garfield, Jon's taking Odie on his date with Liz and he's leaving you behind!

I know, Nermal

They're off on an adventure, and you're still here!

And your point is?

Well, that's gotta feel bad

Being left by Jon, while he takes Odie out.

It's like you're not his favourite anymore.

Hey, whaddya say we play brain surgeon? Would you go get my powertools?

This is so sad. Jon has completely lost his mind.

He doesn't realise how important I am to him.

I need to be so understanding of him at this difficult time.

Hey, wait up! Wait up for me!

You forgot me!

Slow down! Please slow down!

I'm right back here!

I think I've pulled a hamstring!

It's ok. I'm on, relax.

Car broke my nose....

Yeah, go on ahead, I'll catch up with you. It's probably only a mild concussion.

Or a skull fracture.

Maybe I'll get a cat-scan?

A cat-scan!

Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome to the Dog Show!

But what if I compromised a little? How about I do the rolling around with the yarn-ball thing?

And I'll purr. I'll purr like a Ferrari!

Make that a Jaguar.

I won't climb drapes though, that's more than you'd get from some dumb... dog.

Oops, dogs.

What, you're all going to take it personally?

Now I'm gonna die.

Now I really am gonna die!

Excuse me!

Can I get through here?

Going under this tarp. That's my ear.

Owners, maintain control of your dogs! Control your dogs now!

Music!

Music, you idiot!

Yeah, play the music....

That's my bad knee, stop it

Alright, feet don't fail me now!

I apologise for this, please excuse this outburst

This is highly irregular.

Odie.

Come back Odie.

Ok, alright, I need a ride

Madam, I'm a cat in trouble. I'm hitching a ride in your moo-moo

Come on, let's move!

Come on pinky, move it out!

Sorry, sorry!

Move move move, Pinky, Move Pinky move!

We certainly have a new star in the arena.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is amazing!

Talented little fella, huh

Yah Pinky!

They're gaining on us Pinky!

A cat's life is at stake

Excuse me ma'am, Please call 911 !

This is exactly what I deserve anyway

I promise if I survive, I'll never compete with a dog again

Ok, you got me, but before I say goodbye...

Oh isn't this the final irony, look who's here to witness this:

The mail man!

You're so stupid!

Odie, come here!

That's a good boy!

That, is one talented dog!

Y'know, this is exactly the kind of dog that could have a future in television.

Oh, thank you Mr Chapman, but Odie's just my pet.

and that's all I really want him to be

You're kidding?

No.

Well, this is for you.

And this is for you if you happen to change your mind...

you just ring me up and say "Hello, hello, I changed my mind"

"I wanna be a star!"

- Ok - Ok

Let's hear it for Odie!

Our winner today: a fabulous dancing puppy called Odie.

Never leave the cul-de-sac Never leave the cul-de-sac

Never leave the cul-de-sac

I'm home.

- I had fun today, thank you - Yeah, me too

Would you like to come in?

Not today

I knew that. I'm sorry

Jon, I wanna come over, just not today. I have to cover for another vet.

Oh, really?

How's Sunday?

Sunday's great.

Sunday's good. Sunday.

So I'll see you Sunday.

Why, why has this happened?

I was the one!

It was all about me.

Not about some stupid, snivelling, smelly, high-maintenance Disco Dog.

Oh no.

You just can't do this Jon. He's trying to tear us apart, don't you see that?

You know me. I'm too lazy to try to destroy your house.

I was provoked, pushed, prodded, driven mad.

You can't kick me out of my own house, like I'm some kind of animal.

Oh come on Jon.... Jon....

You know I'm scared of the dark.

I used to have Jon to myself.

Day or night, there was noone else.

From dawn to dusk, my meals would come.

I'd lounge about in my home

But now I'm out in the cold night.

All alone, til the dawn's first light.

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Used to think I had a home

A special place to call my own

But now the dog's in, and I'm out.

I've got no Jon, I've got no clout

I'm in a new-dog state of mind.

Leave me alone. You've won.

You're inside, with him. And I'm out here, all by myself.

Odie. You came out here to be with me?

I'm touched

And you must be touched in the head!

Bring out the dog, Bring in the cat

See ya in the morning little fella

You know, a puppy needs a little tough-love, every now and then.

I think it builds character.

Hello Pookey - miss me?

Y'know what: I'm going to make it up to Odie tomorrow. I'm going to teach him how to drink out of the toilet.

Poor Odie. That cat is such a pig.

Garfield's a pig?

You never put the dog out at night

Why not?

Because dogs run away.

Sure Jon, I'll eat all your lasagne for you...

Oh look, what do we have here....

You're a lost dog.

Well, we can fix that.

Oh, do I feel good this morning.

I slept like a fat cat

Hey tall dark and human, What's for breakfast?

Odie!

Where are you boy?

Relax, I think he was gonna camp out

Odie?

Well, he probably had a sleep over at Luca's, I think....

Odie?

Maybe he's fetching the paper for the neighbours?

Where is that silly dog?

I can't go on like this any more Wendel. I've got to get a dog.

I think that's a lovely idea.

I know you've been sad and lonely since the divorce

and I've tried to be your friend...

Not for me, you imbecile, for the act.

If I could get my hands on a really talented dog.

Walter J. just choke on his Emmy

Like Odie?

Yeah

Yeah now he was good.

Oh yeah

Y'know he was kindy dopey-looking and spry and...

Lost?

Hi, it's Jon. I was just calling to see if Odie's been over there.

I can't find him around. My name is Jon Arbuckle...

...and I can't find my dog.

I've looked all around the neighbourhood, and I can't seem to find him.

He was home last night, but I haven't seen him this morning....

if you see him, give me a call please.

Hi it's Jon, I was calling to see if you'd seen Odie, I think he's run away.

I was giving him a bath last night, and I forgot to put his collar back on.

Because Garfield hates his collar.

He's about 15 pounds, he's brownish yellow with big floppy ears....

Would you mind getting that?

I'm offering a reward.

Yes, that's right.

And he answers to the name of....

- Hi. - Hi.

I'd say the refrigerator is unguarded.

Wha, what are you doing here?

We're having dinner, remember?

Right. Dinner, the two of us.

Tonight. Of Course.

- Shall I come in? - Yeah?

Yeah, come on in.

Liz, I have a confession...

It's not really a confession, it's more of an admission.

It's a, you know it's like a declaration.

- I have a.... - I love it when you do that

- Do what? - Y'know, trip over yourself.

It's cute... It's one of the reasons why I had a crush on you in high-school.

- You had a crush on me? - Yeah....

I thought you were really cute, decent, not like all those other jerks.

I don't believe it, I had a crush on you too.

- Isn't that funny... - Yeah...

Hillarious.

So um, what's your confession, admission, declaration?

Actually, um,

I forgot about our dinner... yeah.

That's ok, I can go?

No, no. I'm glad you're here.

Let me just get my jacket and then we'll go.

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

What am I going to do? I've waited for this night my entire life...

If you tell her the truth, you'll feel much better.

And you wont have to see her any more. It's kinda creepy having a vet around the house anyway.

I can't go out and pretend that nothing's happened, can I?

Well, I sure could.

The one thing you can't do is tell her the dogs gone...

- I gotta tell her. - No.

- I've gotta to tell her. - No!

That's not what I said!

Schmuck

Liz. We can't go out tonight.

- Why not? - Odie's run away.

- What? - He got out last night...

I feel terrible. I call the pound, I put up posters, I looked everywhere

...but I can't find him.

Why didn't you just tell me?

I guess I figured he was the only reason you were spending time with me.

- Come on. - No, I'm serious.

No, I mean let's go find him.

How can this dog be such a problem when he's not even here anymore?

Well I'm not gonna worry about him.

I believe you found my dog.

He answers to Odie.

- Odie. - Family name

Oh, Odie. Come on!

There you are!

I can live again now.

How could I ever repay you?

An autograph would be splendid.

Then splendid it shall be.

<< come on, boy >>

This is ridiculous.

Hey: what are you looking at?

Nothing, just looking for some company.

- Keep walking creepo. - What's going on?

We know how much you hated Odie.

We know how much you wanted him gone.

Wait a minute... all I wanted was to sleep in my own bed...

And to do it you cast Odie out into the cold, cruel world?

We saw how you locked Odie outside last night.

Oh I don't believe you guys, I didn't know he was gonna run away.

He's a dumb dog, no offence Luca.

Uh, what?

You can't blame me for that...

Any one of us could be next.

Yeah, there's no room for anybody else in Garfield's world.

Oh that's a little dramatic.

Well I may have been a little tough about protecting my turf,

...but I don't hate the guy.

<> << a special treat... >>

<< What have you got for us, Happ? >>

<< Ah, guten morgan, Chris >>

<> << And I would like to introduce him to all of you... >>

<< "Odie Schnitzel" >>

Lookie here, It's Odie!

And he's safe and sound.

Although he seems to have found an alternative lifestyle.

He still can't dance.

Well this gets me off the hook with Jon and the gang.

Now, I'm gonna be the hero.

<< That's one talented dog >>

<< I'm glad you think so Chris, >> << because I have a little announcement to make >>

<< Old Happy Chapman and Odie Schnitzel >>

<< are going to be climing aboard that >> << New Amsterdam Ltd. at 3pm >>

<< bound to New York city, where we have >> << the opportunity to be regular contributors on >>

<< "Good Day New York" >>

That's his last name? Schnitzel?

Thank you for all your help yesterday...

You were great.

Jon, Odie's on TV. And he's wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

I upped the reward to $200, and I'm going to put up some more posters tomorrow.

He's clog-dancing I think

...wearing Lederhosen.

I'm sorry, Garfield. Not now.

You're gonna miss this...

I'm sorry Liz, I'll call you later.

Garfield's being... Garfield.

Do I have to bark like Lassie?

Come on! Humour me, would ya? Arf! Arf! Arf! Quickly!

While we're young. Today, let's go!

<< "Remember: Be Happy" >>

You're gonna miss this: he's the small one.

The small one in the guy's hands....

Garfield... I'm not in the mood.

Y'know, it's never good when you turn off my TV, and this may be the worst ever.

Odie's not ready.

He's months of positive reinforcement away from consistently performing.

Happy. You promised you'd never use that.

That collar is inhumane.

This collar...

...is the dog's future.

Do you have a problem with that?

Now we'll see how smart you really are...

Happy Chapman.

Not now Garfield.

Jon, you're denser than ever!

I gotta think outside the box.

Hey: the box!

Wait a second...

My box.

My box had something on it.

"Applejacks", "Frosty Flakes", "Coco Puffs"...

"Kibbly kat!", Yes!

There it is: Telegraph Tower!

That's where they make the "Happy Chapman" show.

Yeah, but, how far away can that be?

Hmm, a paw? A paw and a half maybe?

This is a done-deal. I can do this!

No. Can't do this!

Reached physical limits!

Shouldn't have tried it without snacks!

Must go back, and re-load.

And that's the sign that the tank is full...

I can do this.

Beyond this intersection,

is just another intersection.

and another, and another. On the otherhand...

I wonder if there's any meatloaf left in the fridge?

No, now is not the time for a plate of meatloaf.

Now is the time for a plate of courage.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Garfield!

...has left the cul-de-sac.

Now that's more my style.

Oh, Taxi.

Step on it, will ya driver?

No, Odie's not a hound-dog.

Yes I'm sure.

No, I don't want another dog.

Thanks anyway.

Garfield, lunchtime.

I made your favourite, Lasagne.

Garfield?

Garfield. Where are you?

Can anyone direct me to the pink building shown on

the back of the Kibbly Kat box?

It's the one right next to the blue and orange tree.

This doesn't feel pink building-ish...

Rats?

Rats the size of... Rats!

- Stop

Why am I being surrounded here? Some of my best friends are vermin.

Finally, some meat.

Meat, no. It's not meat.

They measured: it's 100% body fat. No nutritional value whatsoever.

Hey, body fat's good with us.

- Garfield. - Louis!

Hey, what's going on here?

- Louis, my friend! - Come on I've got 3000 tiny mouths to feed.

Garfield? What are you doing here?

Besides defending my life?

Jon got a dog.

Dog got kidnapped by a TV star.

...I'm trying to rescue him.

Seems like you got yourself in a jam, huh?

Wish there was something I could do to help you out...

Louis, I think you and I have an account still, remember?

The Macadamia-nut cookies?

I do love the Macadamias

Sorry rat-pack. This cat's with me. You all gotta roll. Go ahead, roll out.

Who wants to go to the Red Lobster alley?

Maybe next time, little critters. Good luck with the plague and rabies and everything.

Don't push your luck, fat cat.

Garfield, you can't just be wandering around the city...

There are dangers everywhere... Potholes, subways, animal control.

You think you could get me to Telegraph Tower?

Two more cookies and you got a deal,

but you gotta keep it on the down-low.

How down-low do we have to go?

Yo, Garfield, are you with me?

Louis, this is a little bit lower than I expected.

If I didn't have a box over my head, I'd be humilated.

Alright, we're almost there.

Now when I give you the signal, you gotta cross the street.

- Way over there, by the horizon? - Come on, Garfield!

Wait up! Wait up!

Am I dead?

- Garfield, don't move! - Don't move?

- Not a problem. - Just wait for the Walk signal.

It's a stampede! If I could just get away from this herd.

Garfield?

Garfield, where are you?

Garfield, get down from there, man!

No, I'm not coming down. I'm happy to live the rest of my life up here, thank you.

Liz! Liz!

- What's wrong? - Garfield's gone.

I think he's run away too. First Odie, and now Garfield.

Liz, I am the worst pet-owner on the planet.

What happened?

I can't find him, you gotta help me.

I can't live without Garfield.

Let's start at the park.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

Are we there yet? Garfield. Relax!

- Look we're here. - We're here now?

"Curve Service" The Telegraph Tower, in all it's splendour.

It looks much smaller on the box.

You gotta go all the way up there? Good luck, player.

I'll catch ya later, I don't do the vertical thing.

- Thanks a lot, partner. - Oh yeah, hold up G.

- What? - Watch out for the popo, you know...

The 5-0. Controlo. Animal Control, man!

oh, that popo (!)

Keep it squeal. Thanks partner.

I can't try the door.

I couldn't handle another stampede.

First thing, Monday morning.

I'm going to get to work on losing those

last 20 pounds.

Ok, everything looks good out there.

Looks like we've got ourselves a blockage.

Guess we'll just purge the system.

Pardon me, that wasn't my stomach, was it?

Ah,there's a cooling breeze.

Nyagh, my poor nose!

Jon, stop the car!

It's Odie.

Somebody found him!

- 52903 Euclid Street. - Let's go

Odieeeeeeee.

Ooooodd.

Oooodster

Oood-man

This rescue thing is exhausting.

When do heroes get to eat?

Oh my, it's Odie!

Oooodie.

I've found ya.

I'm so sorry I got you into this mess.

Look, we kinda got off on the wrong paw.

But, come on, you can be really annoying sometimes

and you don't give me enough space.

And you're a major league suck up... but we have a common purpose

We share Jon.

Jon needs us even more.

And, I kinda want you back home too.

So: stand back.

Almost there....

You think he's ready for the audition?

Well, why don't you see for yourself?

Come on, Odie. Showtime.

"Good Day New York" - I know you're gonna flip for Odie because he

sure is flipping for you...

A shock-collar?

That's inhumane.

Hot doggy...

- When does our train leave? - Two hours

Poor Odie. He faces a future of torture, neglect and degradation.

Hey nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that, except me.

I'll be right behind ya, little buddy.

Gravity, do your thing!

Y'know, I think I had a nightmare like this once...

Once again, my life has been saved by the miracle of Lasagne.

I said Limo, not taxi, do you know the difference?

Odie here I come. Don't worry, fella, I'll rescue you.

- Gotcha - Huh?

Well, what have we got here?

Looks like we got us a cat with no tags.

Hey, there's an animal felony happening right there behind you.

I'm trying to do some rescue work here, pal

Welcome to my world, Red.

This is police brutality.

I have tags. I just left them in my other fur.

This is abusive, now. This is abuse.

- What is with the cage? - Ok, lock her down.

Oh no this is insulting. You know I'm house-trained.

- Settle down people - Oh, I oughta give you a bunch of fives, pal.

This is all a terrible mistake.

I was trying to save a friend.

He's not very smart, he needed my help. I don't belong in here.

I have an owner. I'm not a stray.

- Hi, I'm Jon Arbuckle - Hi

I think you have my dog, Odie?

I think you're mistaken.

No, I saw the flyer. Odie's my dog.

No, he's Happy Chapman's dog.

Happy Chapman?

The gentleman with the cat on Channel 37.

He came and took Odie home.

Odie's a family name, y'know?

Well, good day.

Happy Chapman took Odie.

He's got Garfield too?

I don't know. But we're gonna find out.

Could you please be quiet.

Guards, Guards! Oh this really is too much.

Persnikitty!

Happy Chapman's cat! What are you doing in here?

I 'was' his cat.

until I outlived my purpose.

Then he replaced me with a dog.

and dumped me in this wretched place.

All humans are the same.

Not Jon, my owner.

No way, he only does what's best for me.

He puts up with me, then he feeds me.

And he lets you vacation in this charming animal pound. Hello?

Not for long, Persnikitty.

Would you please just stop calling me that.

My name isn't really Persnikitty...

It's Sir Roland.

Sir Roland?

Yes, another one of Happy Chapman's acts of cruelty.

I was trained in the classical theatre, you know...

But now, I'm a "Celebrity Cable Cast-off Cat"

with a name I can never live down.

Well, this may hurt a little then,

I'm trying to rescue the dog that replaced you, Persnikitty.

I mean, Roland.

Happy and Odie are getting on a train in less than two hours,

going to New York to become regulars on "Good Day New York".

Wait a minute: did I just hear that right?

You're a cat that's trying to rescue a dog?

It's true. I know, it's a crime against nature,

at first I thought he was a pain, but,

he's grown on me. Like a wart you wanna have removed until you realise

it defines you, in some funny way.

Do you know, that is absolutely charming?

Let me ask you a question, chubby.

What are you talking about?

How could you understand?

He's my friend.

Oh, my gosh. How low have I sunk?

Guard, may I have some shoelaces please.

Well, hello there.

Right on time. Alright, I need a five-cat line up right now.

What's going on?

Adoption. It's like one of us is getting outta here.

So, here to look at a cat?

Alright, let's see if we can't take care of that.

Come on boys, lets hurry it up

Can I say, your hands are freezing.

Come here

- You are heavy. - Excuse me, muscle weighs more than fat. Check this.

Alright, line it up. Paws on the white line. Tails in the air.

I don't need to be adopted guys. My guy Jon is coming to get me, I'm sure.

- That one! - Really?

She picked me, she picked me. She picked me, she picked me.

No, not that one. That one.

The one that looks like the cat on TV.

Back it up, Red.

Sorry love, better luck next time.

Now you be careful. That's sore.

Jon's going to be here in five minutes anyway.

When I give the signal, run like a mad-cow.

- What? - Don't you want to save your friend?

- Do I really have to run? - Now!

Eat Hairball, Happy Chapman.

We've got runners! We've got runners!

Stop!

You've not been cleared for release!

Garfield's been here.

Excuse me, can I help you guys with something?

We're looking for Happy Chapman.

Yeah he's on his way to the train station, he's going to New York.

Do you guys have a pass, or something?

Thanks

Hello, excuse me.

<< Your attention please >>

<< The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing >>

<< from Platform 12 >>

All aboard!

All Aboard!

Good afternoon, Gentlemen.

What will you be having today? Salmon, Steak or Lasagne?

Steak. I hate Lasagne.

Beep Beep! Cat coming through! Beep Beep!

Going through the tunnel.

I just had to do that.

<< Final call for the new Amsterdam Ltd. >> << The Amsterdam Ltd. is now departing from Platform 12 >>

No... wait... please. Stop. Wait. Don't!

You monster Chapman.

I can't out-run a train.

Watch the train, pal.

Hey, I got it.

It's just a train set, only bigger.

- Oh no, we're too late. - No...

...we're gonna stop that train.

Come on.

Somewhere around here

There's got to be a big table

With all the trains on it.

He looks like the type.

And this must be where he's got his little table...

I'm very sorry sir, there's simply no way to stop that train.

You don't understand, you have to stop the train.

My dog and my cat are on that train.

I suppose if Jon can do this, I can.

Ok, we gotta find our train. Let's see what happens when I do this...

<< Boston Express switching to track 18. >>

Oh, I'm sorry. The folks in Boston are going to be a little late today.

Let's see what happens when I do this...

- << Warning, Seattle Wind... >> - No, I don't care about Seattle.

Ma'am, I'm looking for one train in particular.

Just one second, I'm trying to find my train.

- << The New Amsterdam Ltd. >> - There's the Amsterdam.

- << Warning: collision 20 seconds >> - Gosh, you sound like my mother.

Hold up, everybody stop!

- Five, four... - Stop what you're doing...

Ok, everybody - let's take it from the top.

- You have to stop that train... - Hold on.

I'll be down to meet you at the station, Odie.

Actually, that train has stopped. It's returning to the station.

Are we on the right train?

Where are ya?

I think I recognise that whine.

Come on: see, these are the kinda seats you get when you book at the last minute.

Good to see you, partner.

Let's get outta here.

<< Your attention please: the New Amsterdam Ltd. >> << Is making an unscheduled stop on Platform 12 >>

- Sir, please take your seat. - No, no... my future is travelling away from me.

Will ya slow down? I've been doing this running thing all day,

and I am over it.

We're safe now, we're free.

- Oh, if it isn't Unhappy Chappy. - Going somewhere?

Nice accessory, but I don't think I wanna play dress up with you, pal.

Let's get out of here. Let's beat it.

Oh, right in the nose again!

So it's gonna get physical, is it?

Did you really think you could just run away from Happy Chapman?

Oh is this a cry for help.

No dumb, dirty animal is ever gonna get the better of me.

And lets see how you feel with 200 volts coursing through that thick canine skull of yours.

- Chapman... - Come here.

Get your hands off of my friend!

Hey boomer, what round is it?

- Good to see you, Chubby. - We're here to help

- Sir Roland? - In the fur.

Alright, here's the drill. Cats, scratch like you've never scratched before.

Dogs, bite... but don't chew.

and rats. See if you can get that pretty necklace around his neck.

Canines, Felines and Vermines... It's show time!

Thanks boys.

Thanks boys. The home team will take it from here.

Better split before Animal Control gets here.

Hey Garfield, take it easy.

Garfield good luck.

Odie would you mind sharing the remote, please?

Every dog has his day, Happy.

- Nice Kitty. - Let's see what's on the news...

Let me tell you something, Happy.

To you Odie might be just a dumb, stupid, smelly dog. But to me...

he's all that and much more.

He's my friend.

Odie, try something else. Maybe there's a game on?

Strong finish little buddy.

Odie, Garfield?

- Odie? - Odie?

Be Happy.

This is for stealing my dog and my cat.

He didn't steal me. I was doing the rescue work.

Garfield! Odie!

Come here!

I missed you guys so much. I was so worried about you...

Never gonna let you out of my sight again.

Never. You guys are my best friends.

You have me, but hello.

<< This is Walter J. Chapman with breaking news from >> << the Midwest. >>

<< Abby Shields reporting, >> << whatcha got for me, Abby? >>

<< Details are sketchy, but it appears that >> << a derranged man >>

<< may be the cause of all the trouble here. >>

A derranged man? What is this?

<< Police are bringing the suspect out >> << as we speak >>

Good grief, it's my idiot brother.

Hey - that's Happy Chapman!

He's going for a ride in a Police car.

<< But sources tell me that this incident somehow >>

<< involved a dog and a very heroic cat. >> - Garfield!

He saved Odie. Now he's a hero!

- Oh, I didn't realise. - Garfield's on TV - he's a hero!

Garfield! Garfield's a hero now!

Thanks everybody

We're a whole street full of heroes

- It's nice to be recognised by your peers. - I couldn't have done this without you.

You're a really great friend.

Jon, I wanna be more than your friend.

- Me? - Yeah.

Where do they find the energy?

Yeah, just one big happy family.

Yeah, right. Hit the floor.

No, seriously, you can come up buddy. Seriously, come on up.

Down you go. We just hit it off so well, because we both love the same thing...

and that is: Me!

Whoa!

<>

<>

<>

<>

<< So good >>

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<< So good >>

<>

Oops

Hey Odie, help me... I can't get up!

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