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pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles · 4 years

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Electricity

A bit of light m/m Malumy goodness to get you through the weekend. Let me know what you think

"I'm bored, can I come by?"

Michael grinned at the text message from Calum. Jinx would be back tomorrow so he'd spent the last couple days getting the house cleaned up and finishing all of the laundry. She'd been gone for a week, and he was missing her and wanting more to do than play video games and munch on pizza rolls she'd never allow in her house. He could use the company and he knew Calum had been in a foul mood lately because he and his girlfriend Kitten had been having difficulty getting time together since they'd all gotten back from Australia.

Michael couldn't help but feel a little smug. Luke and Calum liked to tease him and Ashton about being wifed up, but Michael wouldn't trade Jinx for anything in this world. They'd celebrated a year together a few months ago, just before he left for a benefit concert in Australia and her to the UK for a photoshoot. Calum was restless and unsettled about the status of his relationship, while Michael was eagerly awaiting the return of his girlfriend and the bagful of British crisps and candy she'd promised to bring him.

As if she knew he was thinking about her, Jinx called him on FaceTime.

"Hey babe," she chirped, smiling brightly at him. "Wanted to check in before I went to bed. How's everything? You haven't managed to burn the house down yet. That's a good sign."

"The house is just fine. It misses you almost as much as we do."

"Let's cut to the chase Clifford, where are my babies?"

"Ana is right here with me," Michael held the phone up so Jinx could see their Yorkie, Anastasia.

"Daddy's girl, are you being spoiled rotten getting him all to yourself?" The little dog barked and turned away from the camera, resting her head on Michael's thigh. "You're such a cheeky little bitch Stash," Jinx laughed. "Where are my boys?"

Michael whistled, and two large Labradors came thundering into the room. When they saw Jinx on the phone they began dancing around and barking furiously. Michael held the phone up so she could say goodnight to first Jett and then Brooks, their oldest, with a reminder to "watch over his brother and sister, and help Dad out around the house."

After she'd talked to the dogs Michael had her attention once more. "I can't wait to see you tomorrow, my love," Michael sighed. "I've really missed you."

"I bought you a Fleshlight for that you know?"

"Oh yeah, in that case maybe you could stay a few more days?"

"Watch it now," Jinx laughed.

"Calum is coming over in a bit," he told her.

"Oooh, now I am sorry I'm going to miss that. The two of you are a riot especially when you've got a few drinks in you." She smirked at him, letting her mind wander.

"I don't think he's coming over to get laid babe. He's having issues with his girlfriend."

"That's because Calum doesn't know what he wants and he likes bratty women. He's just looking for an excuse to break up with Kitten so he can go off with Miss and do whatever it is those two miscreants get up to."

"One of these days I'll get him to crack, but Miss just got a new girlfriend so she's disappeared again. We're having Luke and Lola over for dinner this weekend, she'd know better than I would."

"I'm glad they're coming over. I want Lola to feel welcomed into the family. Luke's been such a smitten kitten since he met her. I really think they're in for the long haul. That just leaves Calum to get himself sorted."

There was a knock at the door. "Speak of the devil," Michael chuckled, picking up Stash and heading to the front door to let Calum in.

"Hey handsome," Jinx called out when she saw him on screen.

"Hey gorgeous," Calum pushed Michael out of the frame. "I really came over to see you and the dogs but you've run off so I guess this guy will have to do."

"Ooh, that sounds fun. What are you gonna have him do?" Jinx teased and Calum blushed and the suggestive tone to her voice.

"I didn't realize it was gonna be that kind of night. I feel like a lamb to the slaughter, you devious perverts," Calum laughed.

"Well it wasn't my intention, but you know how she gets around you." Michael wiggled his eyebrows, giving Calum a nudge with his hips.

"I did nothing. I have to get some sleep so I can fly home tomorrow. Feel free to spend the night Cal. You boys have fun, and if you can't be good, send pictures."

"Get some rest, my love," Michael made kissy faces at the phone. "Can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Love you, babe," she blew him a kiss.

"Love you more," he replied before hitting End Call.

"You two are so gross," Calum made a disgusted face, giving Stash chin scratches.

"You know you're jealous because I have the best girlfriend." Michael stuck out his tongue, blowing a raspberry at Calum.

"Nope, no comment there," Cal backed up holding his hands up in surrender. "There's no way I'm siding with Jinx or Honey."

He shrugged, "Fair enough. I know Honey is your other side chick."

"I do not have side chicks," Cal grumbled, rubbing his face wearily.

"You're right because Miss fucked off again. Ever gonna give that one a go?"

"It's not like that. I've told you, it's complicated." Calum pointed to the fridge and looked at Michael who nodded. Cal grabbed a White Claw for each of them, tossing one to his friend before pulling the tab. "It sounds stupid when I try to explain it so I don't."

"What's going on with Kitten then? I know she's not complicated," Michael joked, earning him half a smile from Calum.

"Nah, definitely not, but she's being a brat right now. I think she's gotten into someone at work and is trying to decide if she wants to stay with me or sleep with them."

"Doesn't that make you jealous?"

"I mean yeah, but her instability is part of her charm," Calum cracked himself up with that one. "You know how much I adore Kitten, but we just can't be around each other sometimes. I also think she is a little miffed our relationship isn't as close as Ash and Honey."

"They've been together over two years, longer than Jinx and I. What does she expect?"

"Right, I'm not ready to go public with a relationship when we've only been together for six months. Has the Mrs ever pushed you about going public?"

"Are you kidding? Neither of us is ready for that. You saw the way they went after Honey when the news broke, and she's white. If we ever get married I suppose it'll come out then."

"Why are music and women the only things we ever talk about anymore?" Calum mused.

"That's all we've ever talked about, mate. Now come on before the boys break down the gate trying to see their Uncle Cal."

Calum's face lit up as he hopped the baby gate that kept the big dogs out of the front part of the house. Michael settled the Yorkie on the couch next to him while Calum got down the floor to wrestle with the brown and black Labs. Calum joined him on the couch about twenty minutes later sweating and breathing heavily.

"I swear you come over here more for my dogs than for me," Michael pretended to pout.

"I've never pretended otherwise," Calum reminded him before taking a long drink. He landed a smacking kiss on Michael's cheek before picking up his controller. "I wanna be Bowser. Do you have any liquor? I feel like taking a shot."

Michael could tell Calum was antsy; he was squirming in his seat and jiggling his leg. His eyes caught a tiny flash of light drawing his attention to the small gold necklace resting at the base of Calum's throat. His shirt was open enough that Michael could see black ink on tan skin as the first three letters of "choose life" came into focus. He let his gaze trail back up Calum's neck allowing himself to remember how his skin felt against Michael's lips. Calum cleared his throat and Michael looked up meeting a pair of mischievous dark brown eyes.

"Shots?" Calum asked again, smirking at him.

"Are you sure?" Michael challenged, standing up looking at Cal. "One, you already play like shit."

"Fuck you," Calum shot back but he was grinning.

"Exactly, remember what happened last time? You always act like I'm the one who starts it," Michael watched Calum's tongue dart across his bottom lip as he smiled up at him.

"Tequila if you've got it, por favor," Calum replied.

*******

"Cheating bastard," Calum leapt up, a bit unsteadily sending the pizza box, empty except a few half-eaten crusts flying. "You beat me six times in a row and when I finally get ahead you pull some sneaky shit." Calum was red faced, and Michael couldn't help but giggle even though he knew it wouldn't help the situation.

"It was a green shell," Michael protested. "Those aren't even hard to dodge if you're not terrible at this game."

"Piss off," Calum grumbled. He stood up and picked up his mess along with several now empty cans of White Claw and headed towards the kitchen.

Michael sighed knowing Calum was overreacting in part because he was stressed, but also that Calum sometimes threw tantrums to get what he wanted. He found Calum in the kitchen standing at the sink with his back towards him. Michael came up behind him pressing against his back his lips next to Calum's ear.

"Don't be like that," he whispered, making Cal shiver at the heat of his breath so close to his skin. Michael squeezed Cal's shoulders, his fingers slid down, feeling the muscles in his arms relaxing under the familiar touch. Michael nibbled on Cal's ear making him exhale in a rush of air before placing a soft sucking kiss on his neck that he knew would raise a tiny bruise on the bronzed skin. His teeth scraped across the spot making Calum let out an almost inaudible moan. Michael let his teeth sink in deeper, nipping harder this time earning him a gasp as Cal began to push back against his body.

"It's not that easy," Calum protested weakly.

"Don't bullshit me," Michael scoffed, letting go of Calum's arms, one hand reaching down to his hip and the other slipping around his waist to palm Calum's semi erection. "It's always been this easy hasn't it, mate?" Michael murmured against Calum's heated flesh, his fingers digging into Calum's hips to stop them from grinding back against his cock. "You've always given in so easily."

Calum moaned as Michael squeezed his cock. He could feel Michael pressing against his ass making Calum's stomach flutter in expectation.

"Please," he whined, ducking his head as Michael landed another kiss to his throat.

"You're always so easy Cal, so needy. You get cranky when you don't get attention."

Calum pushed back against Michael and spun around so they were face to face. They locked gazes and he saw the surrender in Calum's eyes before their lips met, his tongue parting Cal's soft full lips. His hands cupped the younger man's jaw pulling him in to deepen the kiss. Calum's hands slid up Michael's chest clutching the other man's t-shirt. He pushed Calum's thighs open with his own feeling Cal's arousal brushing against his own.

Michael pulled back and began tugging at Calum's belt. "Off," he grunted as Calum set his phone on the counter before dropping his jeans to the floor. His dick was throbbing against his blue Calvin Klein boxer briefs, a wet stain growing as Michael squeezed Calum's length through the fabric. Kneeling in front of Calum he ran his tongue along the small trail of dark hair beneath his belly button before hooking his fingers under the waistband of Calum's underwear and easing them down over his hips. Michael ducked his head a bit to the right to avoid Calum's cock as it sprung free, twitching against the slight swell of his belly.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you look right now?" Michael asked him, dragging the tip of his tongue up Calum's shaft, teasing him with the slight contact.

"Please Mikey," he begged, brushing Michael's hair out of his green eyes. "You know how I like it." Calum braced himself against the sink. His hands gripping the ledge before he threw his head back, mouth hanging open in pleasure as he felt the warm sucking wetness engulf the sensitive tip.

Michael was startled by a sudden flash of light and the sound of a camera shutter. He pulled back causing a whine from the back of Calum's throat at the loss of contact. He looked up to see Calum with his phone in his hand.

"What the fuck?" He started to stand up but Cal stopped him by placing his hand on Michael's shoulder.

"‘If you can't be good, send pictures’, right?" Calum reminded him.

Michael responded with a wicked grin before taking Calum back in his mouth making sure to look into the camera. He hummed as he went down damn near causing Calum to drop his phone.

"Fucking hell mate," Calum moaned, taking another picture before hitting send and setting his phone to the side. His spine tingled as Michael wrapped his hand around his cock, calloused fingers tracing the veins on the underside of his shaft. Michael took him all the way down allowing Calum to fuck his face, keeping a slow steady rhythm. He braced one hand against Calum's thigh as he reached down and squeezed the bulge forming in his own shorts.

Michael pulled back for air. "You're so cute when you get angry. It gets me every time, and I swear you know it."

"You piss me off on purpose." Calum bucked his hips as Michael flicked his tongue along the ridge. "You're gonna make me cum if you keep doing that."

"That's the fucking point. Video it so Jinx can see you cum, I'm only doing this for her."

"Fuck you," Calum grunted as Michael bobbed his head working his cock down his throat. "Shit Mikey, keep doing that." He rose up on his toes as Michael pressed his nose to the slight swell of Calum's belly, inhaling the other man's smoky, musky scent before exhaling and scorching Cal's already flushed skin before pulling back.

"You won't be talking like that when I've got you bent over later," Michael winked up at him before using his mouth and his hands on Calum's cock. He could feel it twitching and filling against his tongue, and he hummed in anticipation of Calum's orgasm.

Calum grabbed the phone and watched Michael sucking him off. He didn't hold back, allowing the moans to slip out as the pace increased. He felt his climax building and struggled to hold the phone steady. Calum tried to hold back, to prolong the pleasure through denying himself, but Michael wouldn't let him. Years of practice allowed him to read Calum's signals, and Michael loved nothing more than the sounds his partner made when he made them cum. Calum was always so vocal. Michael thought he might cum in his pants listening to the grunts coming from his lips. Michael gave his dick another squeeze, he was so hard, he needed release, but it would take time to get Calum prepped for what they both wanted. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud groan from Calum as he rocked his hips into his mouth. Michael felt him twitch before he found his release. He struggled to swallow it all as Calum erupted down his throat. Tears pricked his eyes as he gagged slightly while he allowed Calum to fuck his face through his orgasm.

As soon as he'd milked Calum dry, he pulled back and stood up, wiping his sticky chin before crashing his lips into Calum's. Tasting his own salty sweetness on Michael's tongue, Cal felt the other man's desire pressing against his thigh, and he knew what was coming.

Michael pulled back from the kiss, his hand sliding into Calum's shirt to twist the silver barbell that adorned how dark rosy nipples. He smiled when Cal flinched slightly. "On your knees Hood," Michael growled, “show me how you say ‘thank you.’"

Calum knelt eagerly, smirking up at him as Michael pulled his cock out, stroking it slowly. Calum unbuttoned his shirt and threw it to the side. Bringing his hands up to toy with his piercings, Cal licked his lips.

"Gonna paint me?" He asked with a smirk.

Michael grabbed the phone and made sure it was recording before he began jerking himself faster. He knew it would be quick, with Calum's taste still in his mouth he was so worked up. When Calum stuck his tongue out eagerly, it sent Michael over the edge, his bracelets rattling as he pumped himself furiously. Calum felt the hot liquid first on his cheek and chin before Michael aimed for his chest covering the black ink of Cal's silver fern tattoo and Roman numerals with his hot white cum.

Michael ended the video and fumbled to hit send. Jinx would wake up to that now. It would be a long flight for her, Michael thought to himself, putting his dick away and grabbing a towel so Calum could wipe himself off.

As Calum cleaned up, Michael cleaned up any mess before washing his hands and throwing what was left of the two pizzas they'd ordered in the oven to reheat. Calum grabbed a glass, filled it and downed it in two gulps. He repeated that twice and Michael walked over to check on him.

"Hey man, you good?" He came up behind Calum wrapping his arms around his chest and kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, just thirsty. That was amazing. Missed that," Calum replied.

"Let's eat then we'll go take a shower and get ready for me to fuck you."

"I love when you feel like being a top," he sighed, wiggling his butt back against Michael's crotch.

"Careful or we'll skip the food," Michael growled and they both laughed.

@sexgodashton @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @maluminspace @irwinkitten @wildmichaelflower @ghostofmashton @kchillout @calteahood @sublimehood @5-secondsofcolor @h0tsos

#calum 5sos #5sos #calum hood #michael clifford #michael 5sos #malum #pink kink #pink kink au #Michael and Jinx #michael clifford smut #calum hood smut #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagine #michael clifford imagine #m/m #part 2 is gonna be wild #if yall are interested

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mirkwoodshewolf · 5 years

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A day at Disneyland; Chris Hemsworth x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello and good afternoon everybody! So this is a request that I have had done for the past couple of days but I’ve been on a deadline with another request that I’m trying to get done before their bday tomorrow (I’m about half way done with it) but this one is probably my first ever Hemsworth story I had ever done (So I’ve done half of the Chris quartet). Now my knowledge of Disneyland is minimal to none cause I’ve never been to Cally so the only Disney experience I’ve had is Disneyworld down in Florida, but I hope I still did some justice for this fic.

No warnings except PURE, UNADULTERATED, TEETH-ROTTING G RATED FLUFF!!!

Taglist:

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

_______________________________________________________

I was packing up the car getting ready to prepare for the 2 and a half hour drive to downtown LA so that the kids and I could go to Disneyland. My name is (y/n) (l/n) and I’ve been a single mom for three years. My ex-husband and I were having some problems, constantly fighting until finally one stupid mistake on his part landed him in the LA prison.

Furious and disappointed, I filed for divorce because I didn’t want his bad influence to affect our children and it was hard on us, especially my eldest son Dean. He and his daddy were close ever since he was born, but when I was forced to tell him that his daddy wasn’t ever gonna get out of prison, it was hard for him to cope.

It was tough raising not only 2 growing boys but a newborn baby girl at the same time. My little girl, Leia will never get to know her father because of his stupidity and I don’t want to expose her to him. At first I thought I’d never get to have the father figure my kids needed because it was just me and my sister and my mom who was helping me raise my kids, my dad sadly passed away due to a stroke shortly after my second son Henry was born.

That was until by sheer luck of fate as I was coming home from the store when I accidentally dropped all my well-paid food, that a handsome blonde stranger came into my life.

I had no idea at the time who he was until Dean (whose obsessed with all things superheroes both Marvel and DC) that when we saw the second Avengers movie Age of Ultron, it was shocked to see that it was him. Chris Hemsworth.

We kept in contact and whenever he wasn’t too busy, he’d come over for a visit and we’d have a couple of dinners. Soon couple dinners turned into months’ worth of dinners, then starting a relationship until just recently about a year ago he moved in with me and the kids. Right now he was busy filming “Avengers: End Game” down in his homeland of Australia.

One night as we were all facetiming with each other, Chris had given us a surprise. He said that he and the entire cast would be in Disneyland to help promote the film and not only that, he got all four of us tickets to go throughout the park and spend an entire day at Disneyland. The kids were so excited that they were finally gonna go to Disneyland, especially my little girl since she’s finally big enough to ride some of the rides.

Which leads us to here. As I was putting the bags into the car I said.

“Dean, don’t forget to bring your chargers okay?”

“Yeah mom.”

“Leia, do you got your Simba plushie with you?”

“Right here mommy.” She exclaimed as she held out her stuffed Simba plushie that Chris had given her last Christmas.

“Henry you’ve got your lightsaber right?”

“Yeah, do you think I could really fly the Millennium Falcon?” he asked me.

“We’ll see. Okay Got the bags, toys, gaming consuls, DVD is all set up. Everyone got everything?” My kids all cheered out in choir unison. “So whose ready to go to Disneyland?” they all cheered and raised their hands and I continued, “Alright. Tickets are in my purse and off we go!” I started the car and started up the installed DVD player which played Leia’s and Henry’s favorite movie “Hercules”.

Thankfully with the help of a movie and Dean busy playing on his Nintendo, there wasn’t much complaining from the kids (which was perfect for me). Finally after the long drive, we finally reached the archway of the entrance into Disneyland.

“We’re here! We’re here! Look over there I can see Woody!” All my kids were in pure awe as we drove under the archway, I could just feel from the front seat the energy these kids were about to unleash. I was now waiting in line to pay for parking and when I had gotten up I greeted the worker and handed her my license and money.

But when she saw my picture she handed me not only my license but the cash back as well and she told me.

“No payment necessary ma’am, we’ve actually been told of a special reserve spot for you to go to.” At first I was confused but then it dawned on me.

“That Aussie I tell you what.”

“One of our workers will escort you to your special reserved spot.” It was then another worker came up and he asked if he could hop into the car so he could be my navigator. I allowed him in the passenger seat and he told me exactly where to go.

We drove around for about 5 minutes till we reached the reserved front corner entrance where standing there with sunglasses on was Chris. He grinned and waved to us and the kids waved back to him. I parked in the parking spot and as soon as I turned off the engine, all the kids raced out and glomped him.

“There are my favorite three little munchkins!” Chris proclaimed as he wrapped his arms around all three of my kids at the same time and even lifted them up and spun them around, making them laugh and cheer.

“And what about me? Am I just the cabbie driver? Or just some old maid here to serve your favorite three munchkins?” I teased. Chris set my kids down and he said.

“On the contrary, you my lady are the beautiful good witch who protects and nurtures them. A witch that has put even a god like me under her spell.” He wrapped his arms around me, swaying me gently from side to side grinning down at me. I grinned up at his sweet talk before our lips joined together only to be disrupted when a choir of voices cried out.

“EWWW!!!!” We separated to see all three of my kids with a look of disgust on their faces.

“Ahh no it’s not gross. Be patient soon enough all of you will be doing this.” Said Chris.

“Over my dead body.” I mocked. “I want my babies to stay this young forever! Especially my little man.” I said as I walked up to my kids before hugging my eldest son close. I swarmed his face with kisses and ruffled his ‘lion mane’ like hair that he inherited from his father.

“Mom! Mom, you’re messing with my mane!” Dean cried out as he tried to get out of my embrace. When I finally released him he backed away and tried to readjust his hair to that sweep-over hair that looked like it belonged back in the 1980’s.

“I need to plan an appointment to get your haircut mister.”

“No!” he then raced over to Chris and hid behind him.

“No worries mate, I won’t let any barber cut this hair of yours.” Chris said as he stroked my son’s hair.

“Coming from the very man whose worn the same long blonde wig for years.”

“Hey the last few movies I didn’t have to wear one. But this meeting isn’t about haircuts, now whose ready for a full fun day at Disneyland?!” The kids all raised their hands crying out ‘me! Me! Me! Me!’ “Awesome, already got our tickets, so let’s go out there and have a full day of family fun!” We all cheered before racing onward into the park.

There were so many rides that it was almost impossible to pick just one. However my daughter who has always favored the merry-go-round no matter whether it was a state fair, amusement park or whatever, anytime she saw a Merry go round she wanted to go on it.

So as a nice little warmup, we all got in line for the merry-go-round. We waited for I don’t know 5-10minutes in line before they let the next several people to go aboard. My sons went straight for the two twin black horses while my baby girl went for a white stallion with a pink saddle on it. As I was about to get on my horse, Chris came up and he said.

“Allow me my lady.”

“Why thank you good sir knight.” I mocked in probably the worst British accent I could muster. I felt his hands go to my waist and he gently hoisted me up and I ended up rising side-saddle but then what I didn’t expect was for Chris to get right behind me. “Uhh Chris, I don’t think we’re allowed to do this.”

“Relax love, it’ll be okay.” He assured me. The bell soon sounded off and soon an accordion version of ‘A dream is a wish’ started plaything through the speakers and the ride began.

All around us, kids were cheering and waving to their parents who were standing along the railings watching their kids ride all by themselves, young couples riding side by side holding hands or riding in the sleighs nonchalantly kissing each other.

I felt Chris take my hands in his and I felt his head gently lean against mine and a kiss at my temple. I smiled and nuzzled against him as the ride continued to go on.

After the ride we continued to walk around the park riding more rides like the Mad Hatter’s teacup ride, and Toy Story Mania that was until we finally reached the famous Splash Mountain.

“Ohh mom look! Splash Mountain!” Henry proclaimed as he was now riding on top of Chris’ shoulders.

“I see it Henry.”

“Can we go on that next, please?”

“I guess we can, but I’m not sure if everyone’s tall enough to ride it.” I teased as I looked down at my daughter who was holding my hand.

“Yes I am mama! We measured me last month! I’m big enough.” She said as she pulled on my hand.

“Ohh that’s right, well let’s get a second opinion from the official park height measurements.” We all headed over to the line entrance of Splash Mountain and Leia immediately went up to the height chart. “Okay, now stand still baby girl.” She hummed happily as she could barely contain her excitement. “No cheating now.” I told her in my mom voice and that made her stand still.

In the end, she was eligible to ride Splash Mountain.

“Okay, everyone stick together now.” Leia cheered happily and her brothers high-fived or fist-bumped her and even Chris did a double fist bump with her as he cheered and picked her up.

“Alright that’s my girl! I told you were growing like a weed!”

“Okay everyone let’s get into the line before it gets too long.” We all got in line and we waited. After what felt like forever and the kids complaining about when the line would move faster, hanging off both mine and Chris’ hands and arms, we finally got closer to the ride. Since there were five of us we decided to divide up the group, I took Henry and Leia while Chris and Dean rode together, being the big boys that they were.

I got in the log first with the help of the ride attendant and I told Leia to get in first so that way she would be in the middle and Henry could ride up front. Once we were buckled in and the guy gave us the all clear and the worker at the controls gave a thumbs up and soon we were off.

We went along the trail before going up the first hill. Hearing the ticking of the controls as it took us up higher and higher before finally dropping us downward on the small uphill. We were all cheering and laughing as we allowed the current to push us faster than we did when we first went out.

We were now shrouded in darkness as we were now inside the mountain before we would go off the big hill that would take our picture.

“Is this the big drop yet?” asked Leia.

“Yeah Leia, and watch this, this time I’m gonna have both my hands up in the air!” proclaimed Henry.

“Just make sure you don’t unbuckle yourself Henry.” We soon saw the light at the end of the tunnel and I said as I hugged my daughter’s waist. “Here we go.” As soon as we went off the drop-off we all screamed before finally splashing down at the bottom, getting soaked with water. Both my kids were laughing and clapping. “So Leia, was it everything you thought it would be?”

“It was better mama! We went up and up and up till we went SHOOSH!!” I smiled down at her and I saw Henry was about to get out as soon as we saw the exit point.

“Hold on Henry, wait till we come to a complete stop.” Another worker soon placed their foot on our log and she said.

“Please watch your step as you exit the log, and we hope you have a good rest of your day at Disneyland. And don’t forget about our fireworks show tonight at 8pm in front of Cinderella’s castle.” She helped my kids out and I got out on my own with a bit of help from her. As we collected our stuff, we waited at the bottom of the exit point for Chris and Dean.

A few minutes later we saw them coming down (well Dean was more like racing down while Chris was the one walking).

“Did you boys have fun?”

“You bet we did, and how about you Princess? Was it exciting?” Chris asked as he scooped up my daughter and she laughed giddily.

“It was soo much fun, can we go on it again?”

“Maybe later, for now let’s go see our pictures.” He answered. We walked further down the trail till we reached the giftshop and went up to the picture booth and waited and that’s when I pointed out for Henry and Leia.

“Look there we are.” All three of our faces filled with screams or joy. Henry as promised had both of his hands in the air and his eyes were wide. Meanwhile I turned and saw Chris and Dean’s pictures. Chris had covered Dean’s eyes with his hands while his blue eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his sockets, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Shall we get a copy?” he asked.

“I don’t know…..”

“C’mon this is my treat.”

“Baby I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of your well-earned—”

“You’re not. This is me treating my lovely girl and her children on a day of fun.” He pecked my cheek before turning to the kids giving them the signal to back him up.

“Please mama, please!” They all ganged up against me giving me the puppy dog eyes, Chris included as he had all my kids in his arms looking right up at me.

“Ohh…..alright.” The kids cheered and then turned to Chris telling him what they wanted. In the end Dean got a keychain, Henry got a small picture frame and Leia got a small locket, and Chris got him and I a copy of a picture frame of our picture.

After a few more rides, we all began to get hungry so we found ourselves a nice little food court restaurant called “Mickey’s Italian shop”. As we ordered out food, like you would see on Youtube of the characters coming up to the guests just to hang out with the customers.

So we ended up having Mickey and Pluto coming over to our table. Pluto being my daughter’s favorite Disney dog was thrilled and gave him a big hug and of course Pluto hugged her back before using that tongue that always hangs out to give her a ‘doggy kiss’. It was so adorable that I just had to get a picture of them together, I also got some pictures of my boys with Mickey and Chris took one with me, Pluto and Mickey.

The day continued to press on and soon it was nightfall and everyone gathered at Cinderella’s castle to grab the best spot for the fireworks show that was about to happen in the next 7 minutes. Even with the crowd of people that were already sitting down, we still managed to get good enough seats to still see the castle’s full stature.

After waiting a few more minutes the lights went off and we all cheered as the castle first lite up a lightshow for us. Showing images and clips from various Disney films as ‘Circle of Life’ blared from the speakers. Chris and I looked at each other before leaning against one another watching the light show and seeing the kids stare in awe. Then the big event happened.

A giant red firework shot up and exploded into the sky. Everyone oohed and ahhed as more fireworks began to fly into the sky before exploding into various colors and sizes.

“Did you have a good time love?”

“This was the most wonderful time I’ve ever had at Disneyland. Even when I was a kid, it didn’t compare to this.”

“I think this might get a little more interesting.” He said. I was about to ask him what he meant by it but he pressed a finger to my lips and turned my chin back toward the sky. We continued to watch the fireworks but then something happened I had never seen happen at a Disney firework show.

One firework that went off created an image of Mjolnir, Thor’s famed hammer before three fireworks fired off immediately spelling out.

“YOU AR WORTHY TO ME.” My jaw slowly dropped and I felt my heart stop. Soon another phrase spelled across the sky, “WILL YOU LET ME BE WORTHY OF YOU?” I turned to Chris who now stood on one knee holding out a small ring. A spotlight came down onto us and I could hear everyone gasp and cry out around us.

“(Y/n), these past few years have been the best years of my life. I didn’t think I would be happy, until you came into my life. Will you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?” he opened the box revealing the ring sparkling under the spotlight’s bright light. I was in tears as I was covering my face with my hands.

Everyone around me, including my kids telling me to say yes. I nodded rapidly and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster while all around us, everyone was applauding and my kids cam around us and hugged us.

“Ladies and gentlemen we’d like to have the honor of introducing Thor himself, Chris Hemsworth and his new fiancée!” I cupped his cheeks and he kissed my forehead, down my cheek before reclaiming my lips with his.

#chris hemsworth #chris hemsworth x reader #chris hemsworth imagine #chris hemsworth imagines #marvel #marvel actor #marvel actors #actor imagine #actor x reader #actor imagines #actor fanfic #chris hemsworth fanfic #chris hemsworth fanfiction #actor fanfiction

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thebibliomancer · 4 years

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #205: Shadow of the Claw!

March, 1981

"... And the CLAW shall inherit the Earth!” isn’t even what the villain plan is, come on, cover copy person.

Yellow Claw was going to have a bunch of kids, make them fight to the death, and then the super child was going to inherit the Earth.

The actual cover is neat though. I like how all the red draws attention to the center where red is not.

Yes, I am good at talk about art.

Anyway, last time on Avengers: a woman named Shu Han who had been brought to Yellow Claw’s island to be one of Yellow Claw’s many wives (despite being a genius physicist athlete and could honestly be a superhero in her own right with those skills) sent out a distress signal which was eventually received by the Avengers. A lot of goofy stuff happened, Vision got captured like a dingus, Wasp did none things, a cyborg slime kraken was fought, and eventually Yellow Claw was like ‘whaaaat Shu Han doesn’t love me? Fine, begone!’ and told the Avengers to gtfo his island so he can start living his harem anime protagonist self-insert fic and also take over the world.

Which brings us to now.

After his dingus-like capture, Vision needs to be recharged because photons are his sweet calories and he never diets.

In fact, weirdly, he’s hungrier than usual this time. Sixty-seven whole additional solar units more than usual hungrier.

I don’t know how much a solar unit is. Even as a ballpark. But Iron Man finds it noteworthy so I’m noting it.

Meanwhile, in the only one person sitting room, Wasp retcons some actual actions into the last issue so that her entire screentime wasn’t pointless.

Maybe I should learn to be more patient on multiple part stories.

No. No, its the comic writers who are wrong.

Anyway, while Wasp was spying on Yellow Claw, she noticed some weird equipment in the research lab, including a lot of tubes filled with odd, sparkly mist.

Unfortunately, that’s all she managed to see before Yellow Claw told the Avengers to gtfo his island.

Which leaves them without much they can do about Yellow Claw.

Sure, they suspect he’s up to something. Hell, Iron Man would even admit that they know he’s up to something.

But being able to prove it is a different matter. And since Yellow Claw’s island is in disputed waters, moving without proving could lead to political fallout.

Captain America: “Iron Man is right. If we had proof that the Yellow Claw poses a global threat, international law would allow us to investigate. But as it is, we don’t have a single, tangible clue to--”

And then Jarvis walks in and tells them that the Yellow Claw’s top assistant, Dr. William Liu, is here to speak with them.

The timing this man has. Outstanding.

They scan the man to make sure he’s not walking in with a bunch of laser guns stuffed down his pants and then let him in.

And Dr. Liu pleads for the Avengers to help him. Cap asks why they should help or even trust one of Yellow Claw’s men.

Dr. Liu: “I could no longer live with the horrible nature of the master’s plan! That is why I secretly left the island, hoping that my absence would go unnoticed until I could reach you, and tell you of-- AAAGGHH!”

He doesn’t get to finish his warning because his crotch suddenly explodes.

I don’t know how else to describe it.

Apparently Yellow Claw rigged his assistant to explode in case of treachery or just for funsies. A barely alive, crotch exploded apparently a cyborg all along Dr. Liu realizes that Yellow Claw must have remotely activated his destruct code.

He gives the Avengers some coordinates in Australia and begs them to stop Yellow Claw.

Dr. Liu: “... Y-you must stop... the Claw! Y-you’re the only hope for... the children...!”

And then he dies. And based on panels, it seems like his chest exploded more than his crotch. His pants are intact.

This was the proof the Avengers needed to act, so as soon as Dr. Liu’s body is carried away by ambulance, the Avengers prepare to leave.

But Jarvis finds a note on Vision’s door begging leave from the mission.

Vision: “I regret that I have not yet recuperated to the point where I may participate in Avengers’ activities. Please understand. I do not wish to be disturbed.”

What an oddly formal ‘I’m sick, don’t come in’ letter to pin to your door.

Iron Man is perplexed since he oversaw Vision’s recharge himself and the solar gas tank should be full. But Scarlet Witch says that Vision has his reasons to do things and they should just carry on without him.

So off they go in the Quinjet.

But as soon as they take off, Vision goes to take the second Quinjet.

Why, he’s not sick in his room at all!

Hours later, the Avengers arrive in Australia, of course passing over a kangaroo, or else how would we know its Australia?

And at the coordinates poor exploded Dr. Liu gave them, they find a cave. And in the cave they find a secret base where that sparkle gas Wasp saw being loaded onto three missiles.

Y’know. I think I gave Vision too much shit last time for his stealth fail. Because the Avengers as a whole get spotted while they’re scoping out the missile cave.

Black Panther needs to give them all some refresher learning.

MEANWHILE, though. Back at Yellow Claw’s island, Vision ditches his Quinjet and intangibles into Yellow Claw’s base.

When he reaches Yellow Claw’s throne slash harem room where Yellow Claw welcomes him back and asks him how the hell he discovered he had been tampered with.

Vision explains: 1) that he required extra power to recharge, 2) that he detected ultra-wave radiation being emitted from Dr. Liu when he blew up, 3) detected the same radiation from his own bad self. Thus he deduced that he had been altered to be an unwitting mole through which the Yellow Claw could spy on the Avengers and that the alteration was what was draining extra power.

Also why Vision ditched the Avengers and came here instead.

And it was all a very smart move up until it was a dumb one.

Yellow Claw was prepared that Vision might figure things out and show up again so the doorway had a Vision trapping trap installed in it and now Vision is trapped in the Vision trapping trap.

After all his ‘I’ve come alone to defeat you’ bravado, Vision can now only defiantly claim “the other Avengers will turn your dreams into dust!”

You Tried, Vision. You Tried.

But Yellow Claw isn’t done having been one step ahead of things yet.

See, he let Dr. Liu escape and warn the Avengers because based on the broken into vent he knew that Wasp had been in his base and probably saw enough to suspect something was up. The coordinates Dr. Liu gave the Avengers was a trap!

A trap of three strong mooks with really dumb names.

Bludgeoner, Transformer, and Compressor.

Guarantee these guys won’t be recurring.

Anyway. Iron Man and Jocasta repulsor and eyeeeeee beam at the three so Transformer can readily demonstrate why his name when he absorbs the energy and blasts it back at them.

And Bludgeoner and his big hammer hands bludgeon Wonder Man and Captain America.

And Compressor, why if you guessed that his big ol cheese grater hands compress the air between them to put the squeeze on anyone stuck between, ... wow. That’s a really good guess.

You’re good at comic books, friend!

Scarlet Witch uses a hex bolt to drop a stalactite on Compressor to free Beast but the fly swatter hands man crushes the rock and shoots the shrapnel back at Scarlet Witch.

And Wasp is as useless as she often is. Sigh.

Iron Man tries to swing behind Compressor and repulsor him but Compressor blasts air and sends Iron Man SKRRUURRUNCH into the cave dirt, carving up a furrow.

Sure, this has been only two pages but this is a bad showing against three dinguses with dumb names. I mean for crying out loud, a man named Compressor just bodied a guy called Iron Man.

Back at the Claw Cave... no, wait, that’s confusing. The Avengers are fighting in a cave. The Claw Condo? Back at the Claw Condo, Yellow Claw tells Vision that hey his friends are going to die gruesome and frankly embarrassing deaths but maybe Vision could eke out a little win for himself.

Claw has long platonically admired his construction and capabilities and with Dr. Liu exploded, he does need a new second-in-command.

To sweeten the pot, he’ll even explain his villainous plot because I’m sure we’ve all been wondering about that.

Yellow Claw: “You see, my line was created to rule this planet -- though mankind has stupidly resisted that inevitability. But now, despite the chemical concoctions that prolong my existence, I grow old. My years are numbered. And that is why I selected these women, exemplary in both body and mind, to assure a form of immortality.

For each shall bear me a son, and in time those sons shall fight each other to the death! The survivor, the fittest, shall then fulfill my fate by becoming supreme ruler of the Earth!

Though I swear, he’ll not be subjected to the same obstinacy, to the blind sense of human freedom that has frustrated me for these many decades!

For within those cryogenic storage banks is genetic material gathered from the world’s most physically and mentally perfect humans! And from that matter, my heir will create a new order, a new population, all raised to obey by a single edit: unswerving reverence to my son!”

Vision: There is a flaw to your logic, Claw. You seem to forget that there are already several billion people on this planet -- people who will never serve the likes of you.

Yellow Claw: Ah, once more you underestimate me. For at this very moment, the missiles at my Australian launch base are being readied for take-off. Once in orbit around the Earth, they will dock with my private spacecraft.

Then at my command, they will release a specially formulated vapor, one which will permeat the entire planetary atmosphere, rendering everyone on the globe -- except for those here in my closed-environment sanctuary -- irrevocably sterile!

With no children being born, the Earth will be barren in the space of a few generations -- barren save for the followers of the new Yellow Claw!”

Okay, so, credit where it’s due.

That’s a VERY evil plan.

Sterilize planet, replace humanity with genetically servile slave race, make babies fight to the death for the right to rule that whole shebang.

In terms of a dick move that's a major league one.

So when Yellow Claw asks if Vision will become his new number Liu, Vision answers: “Perhaps, miscreant. Perhaps I will join you... in hell!”

Yellow Claw isn’t too bothered by the refusal and even decides to let Vision have a front row seat to his plan being fulfilled.

And I don’t mean tying him to the front of one of the missiles.

I mean, Yellow Claw’s throne room launches from his base as a hot rod pink spaceship, sold separately.

Back at the Avengers fight, Wasp does a thing.

Honestly, its a pleasant surprise.

Her powerset of ‘be small, shoot tiny lasers’ not being much of a help, she thinks outside the box. She scoops some dirt from the cave floor and jams it into Bludgeoner’s arm joints to slow him down.

And then Wonder Man clocks him in the face. Who bludgeons the bludgeoners indeed.

It does go to show that a ‘useless’ power like Wasp’s can actually be very useful if you write her smart. A superhero team should be more than just big punches, more than just spectacular powers. Wasp has great combo potential for playing things strategic and that should be something the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes are too.

Beast realizes that Wasp had a really good idea. The Avengers outnumber these three jokers so why not gang up on them with teamwork? Besides, they’re not working together in any way so the Avengers might as well.

So Beast grabs Transformer’s shield arm to leave him open for Jocasta to OPTIC BLAST!

And Cap throws his mighty shield to know Compressor’s arms apart so Iron Man can kick him in the face.

Which is impressive since Iron Man was flat on his ass in the immediately previous panel.

Apparently this was a gaffe caused by the pages being edited separately and the error not being caught before the book went to print.

As far as things go, not the worst error! I didn’t even notice it until it was pointed out.

Anyway, in a fit of pique from his dumb name dudes losing the fight, Yellow Claw kliks a button. The goons join hands or whatever weapon they have passing for hands and then they blow up.

Yellow Claw: “It is done. It cost the lives of three worthy operatives but at last -- the Avengers are dead!”

Ah, villains. Always ready to flip the board if they start losing.

And with the Avengers totally dead for realsies no foolin’ Yellow Claw is free to launch his missiles full of sterility vapors.

Actually, he could do that by remote so I don’t know why he had to wait for the Avengers to be explode. He could have just launched the missiles while they were busy fighting.

Anyway.

With the Avengers dead I guess the book will be about- can’t think of a good one for that recurring goof. So yeah, the Avengers aren’t dead.

Scarlet Witch used her powers to shield the team just in the nick of time.

Captain America: “Thanks, Wanda. If you hadn’t cast that protective hex sphere around us just in time...!”

Scarlet Witch: “Don’t mention it, captain. I rather enjoy being alive myself!”

Although, I didn’t know she could just shield people with her powers like that. Unless she altered the probability that explosions hurt so that they didn’t. Yes, that sounds plausible.

The two flying members of the team, Iron Man and Wonder Man fly out of the cave after the missiles, still determined to save the days as heroes often do.

The missiles launch into orbit and then something really goofy happens.

I’ve been saying missiles because the comic has been saying missiles and I guess they are technically missiles. But if I asked you to imagine a supervillain launching some missiles full of a chemical weapon, would you imagine this?

When the missiles launch into orbit they link up with Yellow Claw’s hot rod pink spaceship.

When I first saw this, I thought: is he going to launch them again from his spaceship? A bit of an unnecessary additional step.

But no. That is not what is going on here.

The man is just super committed to his iconography. The missiles join the spaceship and then bend to make it clear its supposed to resemble a claw.

That’s the kind of goofy nonsense I’m here for.

Iron Man and Wonder Man show up, to Yellow Claw’s alarm, and try to attack the hot pink spaceship but bounce off uselessly. The thing is protected by a strong force field.

Yellow Claw probably goes ‘phew’ internally and gets on with his evil plan.

With the missiles bent, as missiles are known to do??, to resemble claws, they can begin to spray the sterility gas into the atmosphere.

Yellow Claw: “Soon, it will be over! When enough vapors are released to mingle with the entire atmosphere -- the shadow of the Claw shall cover the Earth!”

And with things looking grim, Vision decides that things are down to him. I mean he did go off alone and is now stuck inside the enemy’s spaceship. He’s in a good position to mess things up.

So stuck suspended in a trap, he increases his density and mass to his limit and beyond! One ton, two, further!

The energy bubble holding him gives way to his weight, allowing him to make contact with the deck of the ship. Adding his weight to that of the ship and throwing it out of orbit.

The ship will crash into Earth and at this point, it can’t be stopped.

Yellow Claw is fairly pissed.

He smashes the device holding Vision captive and then starts trying to kill him with his bare hands.

And he’s capable of hitting Vision when he’s intangible because he studied Vision while he was a prisoner, the first time he was a prisoner. And created circuity to his metal sleeves that lets him tangible the intangible.

And thus he tries to strangle Vision.

I’m not sure he needs to breathe. Probably why Yellow Claw is punching him instead in later panels.

Vision points out that this fight is fairly pointless and that Yellow Claw could be using this time to escape but Yellow Claw is determined that he get something accomplished today.

And then the ship crashes into the ocean.

A short time skip later and the Avengers have parked the Quinjet on the ocean (it buoyant) and are searching for the Vision.

How did they know the Vision was here? Didn’t they think he was recuperating back at the mansion?

Apparently another gaffe but one that could be handwaved. Earlier in the issue when the three dumbnames appeared, Yellow Claw appeared on a monitor to taunt the Avengers and Vision was visible behind him. Captain America even appears to be pointing at Vision like ‘hey I know that guy from work.’

So conceivably they knew he was with Yellow Claw when his ship crashed.

Iron Man gives up on searching the ocean, not being able to find the Vision in the water but Vision just peaces in from the sky. He intangible’d out the ship just before the crash. He’s totally fine.

Scarlet Witch: “I am glad that you are safe, my husband. And I’m glad that the danger has ended.”

Vision: “No, my love. Though it is true that the Yellow Claw is dead, that he will no longer plague us with his particular form of madness -- there are too many others like him, others who would rise to power by crushing the freedom that is every being’s birthright.

And as long as any of them remain unchallenged -- the danger will never end.”

With that, Vision sort of stares out across the ocean moodily. Because a true Avengers story ends with someone staring at something moodily.

And I dunno! Maybe it was the extended break from doing this liveblog but this two-parter wasn’t as bad as I dreaded.

Supposedly, part of the impetus of the story was to do a last hurrah story for Yellow Claw and then shove him under some furniture because his yellow peril character concept was growing increasingly awkward.

After one more story in Marvel Fanfare with Cap, Yellow Claw was shelved for nearly three decades.

And man launches sterility gas missiles into space to form a giant claw to make it so that his successor can repopulate the Earth with a new, freedom hating breed of humanity is pretty great as far as comic book nonsense goes.

Although, in retrospect, I’m realizing that this was basically the same plan the Sentinels that kidnapped Scarlet Witch had.

Sterilize the planet with Wanda’s magical uterus and then replace humanity with a genetically engineered kind that could not mutate.

Comic books are weird.

Next time: Human Torch guest stars. Everything is on fire.

Follow @essential-avengers or like or reblog or send me questions or tell me I’m doing an okay job or do nothing. There are many choices available. But I would appreciate feedback.

#Avengers #the Vision #Yellow Claw #essential marvel liveblogging #essential avengers #Wasp #Jocasta #Beast #Wonder Man #Captain America #Iron Man

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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833

Given the chance, would you ever go into space? I’ve answered this exact question on a recent survey...but yeah absolutely, as long as it was a free opportunity. Outer space has always interested me so it would be awesome to actually get there. What is your all-time favorite thing to snack on? A local brand of chips called Nova, corndogs, powdered fries, and pizza. I couldn’t choose just one :( Have you ever been jealous of anyone's socks? Not in a toxic way but I have seen socks that made me go “damn, I wish I had that” and it’s usually socks based off of famous paintings like Starry Night, The Scream, etc. Do you match your clothing, or are you careless about fashion? The most I’ll match is colors; I’ll make sure the colors I wear complement each other. But I’m not likely to buy outfits that come in parts, like a matching top and skirt that have their own price tags. It’s an annoying scam that makes you have to pay more money for one outfit lol. Know anyone that has amazing fashion taste? There’s a professor in the communication research department of our college that dresses SOOOO well. She’s never recycled an item of clothing either. She dresses literally exactly like Audrey Hepburn, except with more printed clothes.

Do you know or wish you could knit? I don’t know how to knit and have no desire to learn.

Like earmuffs? They’re alright, I guess? I never have to wear them, so I don’t have much of an opinion. Have you ever had the roof of your mouth sore? Yeah, that one time I ate takoyaki while it was still burning hot and I burned off the skin on the roof my mouth. Do you like orange juice? I’ll drink it if it’s served or if it’s free, but I never crave for it. How many times a day do you brush your teeth, honestly? Once or twice. Do you think anyone really looks good in a jumpsuit? Yeah. Well it’s since become a trend so that’s really all there is to know about people’s preferences nowadays. I have several jumpsuits that I feel really good in. Have a collection of anything? Not anymore. Ever ran out of something that made you very upset? Sometimes my family will bring home leftovers from a really good restaurant. When we finish them all up it bums me out. Biggest lie you ever told? Saying ‘yes’ with a big ol’ smile on my face to my high school guidance counselors whenever they ask if my situation at home is good. Is there a song that makes you want to rock out? For sure. I have my fair share of favorite punk/rock bands. Do you have a religion? No. Believe that there is a point to churches? Not a single one. How do eat Oreos? I just bite into them. Never really got into the whole twist-lick-dunk thing because 1) I don’t want to bite into something I had already licked (even if it’s my own saliva lol), and 2) I can’t consume a lot of milk, anyway. -This or That- Sunsets or sunrises? Sunsets. I’ve seen more sunsets than sunrises with Gabie, so I have good memories of them. I don’t like the idea of getting up early just for a sunrise either. Pennies or dimes? Can’t relate because we don’t use these concepts. Coffee or tea? Coffeeeeeeee. Never been a tea person, actually. Windows or Mac? Mac. I did use Windows for a while, but when it comes down to it I would rather get a Mac. Headphones or speakers? Headphones. You get more of the sound when you listen to music, so the listening experience is a lot better. Loud or soft & quiet? Depends on the context...I like my concerts loud, but I obviously prefer soft and quiet when I’m doing something like going to bed. Odd or even numbers? I don’t really have a preference lol. The cookie dough or the actual cookies? Cookie dough, heh. Speaking of, I recently found a recipe for edible cookie dough but I keep putting it off... Mp3 players or iPod? iPod, mostly because MP3s went out of style like, a decade ago. Calm or rock music? Again, depends on my mood. I’d listen to rock music if I’m pissed off or going through a similar emotion, and I’d prefer hearing calm music when I wanna focus on something, like if I’m doing surveys. Love or lust? Love. I don’t feel lust for the most part. Converse or Vans? Converse. They’re AJ’s favorite and I find them more comfy. The few times I borrowed my sister’s Vans I always got blisters at the end of the day. Lipsyncing or actual singing? I would prefer to lipsync than to let people hear my actual singing voice; but if I’m watching a performance obviously I’d want the performers to be using their real voice. Walking or running? Walking. I find strolls to be relaxing. Dancing or watching others dance? Watching others. Dancers are crazy talented. With friends or by yourself? When it comes down to it, I wanna be with friends. Local concert or a popular band? Popular band. It’s rarer, so I find it more precious. I still support local though! Blond or brown hair? Brown. Idk, I just don’t know a lot of people who are blonde. Red or black? I like both, but I like black slightly more. Blue or green eyes? Green. Having fun or being asleep? Having fuuuun. Carnival or park? Park. I can’t go on rides anyway, so a nice stroll and picnic at the park sounds lovely to me. -Favorites- Favorite thing to buy? Uh food, I guess? I’m super easy to please lol. What do your favorite pair of socks look like? My bacon and eggs one. Kind of tea/coffee? Iced tea/iced caramel macchiato. Way of communication? Face-to-face with Gab, instant messenger/text for everyone else. Time to sleep in to? Midnight is most convenient for me. Band to dance to? PARAMORE. Also helps that their music has turned dance-y too. Favorite gum? Don’t really have one. I’ll chew on any kind/flavor of gum. Type of cereal? Cookie Crisps. Color of hoodie? I don’t mind color, as long as the hoodie is comfortable and keeps me warm. Spice? Cumin smells lovely. Favorite thing to touch/feel? Dogs. Website? Probably Twitter. I’ve been on it the longest and still have no reason to be tired of it. Person in your life? My girlfriend...but also my dogs, if they can count. -Would you Rather- Hire one of your friends, or fire an enemy? Hire one of my friends, as long as they work well without me. Firing an enemy seems a little bit more unprofessional, especially if they objectively perform well. Be a contestant on American Idol or America's Got Talent? I’d go with AGT I guess? I’ve watched some snippets of the show and their judges seem more nice, whereas on American Idol the judges tend to laugh or embarrass you if you do badly. Live in Britain or Australia? Australia. I feel like it’s a more Filipino-friendly country, not that Britain isn’t but yeah. Travel by plane or helicopter? Plane. Aren’t helicopters loud? I think I’d be more relaxed in an airplane. Trade places with a male or a female for a day? I’d rather remain a woman, thanks. Shop at Wal-Mart or Target? I don’t know. I’m honestly curious though – for the Americans survey-takers, what’s the difference between them and what do y’all prefer? Hahaha Read Shakespeare or Artistotle's work? I internally winced at both lol but when it comes down to it, Shakespeare. I do like his work, as long as I’m reading a modern English version. I hate philosophy straight up, so that’s a definite no on Aristotle. Have a regular donut or donut holes? Regular donut. Spell better or smell better? Smell. I can already spell well. Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? This is horrible, no one ever *wants* to be stuck in a natural calamity. 80's or 90's music? I like the 80s sound better. Eat a plain peanut butter sandwich or PB & J? Peanut butter sandwich. I tried PB&J before to see what the hype was about, and it just didn’t work for my Asian tastebuds. Wear a uniform every day or go half-naked? Wear a uniform. I wore one in Catholic school for 14 years and survived, so it’d just be the same thing. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa. I’m more familiar with him. The Easter Bunny’s not really a part of our culture so I don’t actually know what it’s supposed to do. Apple pie or Pizza pie? Pizzaaaaa. Y’all should know me by now haha. Spend an afternoon cleaning or clean things later? I’d rather work early so I can be satisfied earlier. Flying or X-Ray vision? Flying. Dentist or Doctor? I guess dentist? There’s fewer reasons to be scared when you go to the dentist because the health problems are just limited to your mouth, I guess. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Both sound awful. I’m never one to start a fight and I never initiate gossip myself, though I do take part in it sometimes. Get rid of your favorite shoes or your favorite pants? Pants. I love my shoes. Visit Florida or New York? New York. Myspace or Facebook (or do they both suck)? Facebook. It sucks, but at least the memes there are hilarious as fuck.

#survey #surveys

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borisbubbles · 5 years

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ESC2019 Preshow #04

04. PORTUGAL Conan Osíris - “Telemóveis” SemiFinal 1, #15

youtube

🎼 NONG / NANG 🎵/ NONG 🎶

Thus clangeth the dulcet sitar tones which introduced us our Lord and Savour, Pharaoh Conan VIII of House Osiris. Harnessing the powers of Saudade, contemporary dance and tons and tons of goldleaf, He has come to deliver a message most grave.

ENTRY ANALYSIS

Let us dive in immediately with the clarion of praise Cona deserves, for “Telemóveis” is nothing but a stunning piece of art. It’s really isn’t as much as a song, as it is an experience and although the fado/oriental punk fusion was an acquired taste for me at first, I was #AllAboard once I saw this:

I think you can tell how *much* I loved “Telemóveis” by the fact that I bothered DL’ing the vids (plural!) and making gifs, yes? I mean, why shouldn’t I? “Telemóveis” is a brilliant dirge mourning the loss of saudade to acute iPhoneitis; Saudade which longs for a return to the halcyon days where people went to café’s to have conversations over a cup of coffee and some brigadeiros, instead of resulting to incessant hunchbacked texting. In other words, IS THERE A MORE QUINTESSENTIALLY PORTUGUESE SONG IN EXISTENCE THAN THIS ONE? I don’t fucking think so.

Of course our Lord and Saviour blessed us not only with song but with an epic act to go with it. I think the best way to put it into words it by saying that “Telemóveis” is clever... in its cleverness. The act is drenched with symbolism that matches the lyrics but also triggers my inner history nerd (the egyptian beardmask is an amazing touch). The exploding rose backdrop is show-stopping and man, so is that death drop

(and Conan somehow improved on that by showing up in the finale with like... spoon fingers which clicked together into a wee gilded crossbow <3 <3 <3)

It may seem weird cutting Conan now, as opposed to later, (especially since I don’t have any fancy gifs of my top three), but of the four remaining entries, His the act I’m actually the least invested in lol. Don’t get me wrong. I never stopped loving Conan and memefying the shit out of Him, but He’s not as consistently good as the top three are. Largely because I still cannot figure out what “Telemóveis” is. Is it a masterpiece and a hallmark of free artistry, or is it just, you know, random insanity that spawned from a marihuana-addled brain. Probably both? Whichever the case, ConanGOD’s reprise after winning FdC is probably the best thing i ever seen in my life. I’m saving my bandwith for the NF Corner though, so these gifs will have to do instead:

Yes he actually got *THE ENTIRE LINE-UP FOR FDC*, including the crew members *AND* presenters who were also on the stage (one of them being the phenomenal Filomena Cautela), to death-drop en masse. 😍 If the world of Our Lord be a fair one, this is what precisely will happen in Tel Aviv in four weeks’ time.

NF CORNER

Here’s another sentence I never expected to write down in a post ever:

Festival da Cançao was fucking awesome this yea

r. It might’ve been the best NF of the entire year? It’s definitely top three with EMA and Vidbir, in some order.

Holy shit though. So MANY amazing indie songs owning shit left and right (Except for "Perfeito”, which is a walking cauchemar, but that one was murdered by the national juries before it could become a threat. 🤗)

Anyway; I *AM* going to spend 4 vids on this because any less would be a disgrace to this wonderful NF.

Conan’s biggest competition was NBC who was pretty awesome in his own right:

youtube

This feels like the sort of song that would do well in San Remo? (It fits the charming aged indie rocker ballad vid I get from some of its participants), except NBC is also a HILARIOUS OVERREACTIONS DEITY 😍 (exhibit A: see gifs above) and thank fuck he was because it meant he could finish a ~long~ distance behind Conan (in second because lol ofc He was a blowout winner)

Probably the weirdest performance of the entire season (and perhaps, in life) belonged to SURMA

youtube

Lol this just straight-up performance art and not a song, but I’m happy she was there anyway. “Pugna” makes “Telemóveis” appear normal and well-adjusted by comparison and that’s an impressive feat 😍

Fave #3 was this beautiful, moody, ambient powerballad by Ana Claudia:

youtube

"Inercia” a poor man’s ZalaGasper song, but I really looooooooove ZalaGasper, so I obviously love this one as well. Sadly she had to perform directly after Conan and it neutered her beyond repair, but when even your last place delivers, you know you have a great NF!

I think I’ll close with another wonderful Fado fusion, in this case with bluegrass country pop: Meet Madrepaz

youtube

YESSSSSSS the facepaint is about 70.3% of their appeal 😍 😍 😍 but the song slaps as well. What a beautiful, desolate ambient sound. Am I deluded to think this could qualify in a Eurovision semifinal? (well some of them, anyway)

All in all an amazing selection, and definitely in contention for The Best NF of 2019 (I’ll decide once I’ve posted Slovenia’s entry, I guess)

Qualification Odds: Borderline (-)

Ugh, this BREAKS my dark chocolate heart, but Conan isn’t at all safe. Conan’s main problems rise from the fact that he tries to be artistic and humorous at the same time, and the two cancel each other out somewhat.

It’s same problem Gabbani had really, except this is Portugal, not Italy, so the stakes are much higher here. There’s a very high chance “Telemóveis” highbrow message will fly over the heads of the audience and there’s an equally high chance it will backfire on Conan when it does. Portugal faces severe competition from the other acts. They compete with Slovenia for the “This Is High Quality” value-seeking vote, with Iceland and Australia for the novely vote and with Czech Republic and Greece for the “yeah this is actually really fucking clever” highbrow vote. He even competes with Serhat somehwat, both being OTT acts that are on later in the semi. It could very well mean death by a thousand cuts for Portugal.

The draw, which is usually brought up as the main justification for an NQ, doesn’t bother me though. Coming on before Queen Katerine, the Elegant and Supreme, isn’t a gift if she finds her voice, but she’s hardly consistent and coming after Estonia, which has the same flavour and texture asa wad of chewed gum will make any song after it a fucking revelation by comparison. Overall, I think BL- is the correct call. There are several high odds Conan needs to overcome, the biggest of which probably is Conan fans breaking their Telele’s before actually voting for him! WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE SEMIFINAL, people. Our Lord and Saviour NEEDS your support.

Projected Placement: 6th-15th in the SemiFinal. If he qualifies, 12th-23rd in the Grand Final.

Link to the masterpost

#Eurovision #Eurovision 2019 #Eurovision Song Contest #ESC2019 #Portugal #Conan Osiris #Telemoveis #O Telele

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didiletyouknooow · 7 years

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58. Under The Bridge

Hey,

another chapter this weekend! Thank you for your support and for reading my story. I have still a lot of ideas in my mind for the next chapter!

This chapter is a very special one. You’ll notice it while reading. It was fun writing it but also emotional. I first planned that the plot of this chapter should only be a part of another chapter but when I was writing it it turned out that it needed more plot and I wrote so much more that I decided to make an own chapter of this plot.

I really hope you like it!!!!

Thank you for reading! ___________________

April

„You look bad, bro“ my sister told me when we were meeting in this book store I loved so much. “I know, sorry. I didn’t sleep well in the last days” “Heartbreak? Stress?” “Well, kind of….both I guess”

I broke up with Helen two weeks ago. I just couldn’t do this anymore. I don’t know when but my feelings for her changed during the last weeks and months. I think we drifted apart. Although a part of me still loves her, another part of me couldn’t lie to her every morning and every night before going to bed. I only knew that I didn’t love her the way I used to do. I didn’t want to talk about it so I barely talked to friends about it. Neither Eric nor Jonathan or Clint asked me why I broke up with Helen. I wouldn’t answer them because I didn’t know the answer. Well, okay to be honest, I knew the answer. I just didn’t want to talk about it. Helen couldn’t understand my words when I told her that we should end our relationship. And when she understood my words she tried to convince me to fight or at least to discuss our problems. But I didn’t want to. I wasn’t in the mood for fighting. Maybe I didn’t really want to fight for our love? All I knew was that I wasn’t happy anymore. I entrenched myself in the basement and played music all day long. I didn’t even go upstairs to have breakfast or dinner with Helen and Emma. I knew I was acting crazy and weird but that’s just who I am. When I’m in a bad mood I’m acting this way. Music is what helps me the most. I think Helen didn’t understand it. We fought a lot in the past weeks.

Since we came back from New York City I changed. Helen tried to distract herself from the fact that she probably knew why I started acting like this. She didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want to talk about it. We kept silent about it. “Why did you break up with Helen? No one really understands you, Josh” Olivia said. “I know….I have my reasons” “Yes but….why now? You’re on tour.” “Well actually I’m on a short tour break now” “Yeah, for three weeks.” “It’s a break though” “But Josh….don’t you think, you two should have discussed it after the tour in June?” “No….it wouldn’t help me or our relationship. You know, Helen and I are so different” “I thought you two are just the same” “Sometimes we are. We share a lot of interests but….she’s so different. She doesn’t understand my music. Since we started this tour she was sick of it. Sick of me being on tour. Although she tried to understand it, it was hard for her to get along with it. I invited her on tour very often but she always told me that she misses me and she wished I would be home” “But Josh….that’s just Helen showing her love for you. She missed you, bro! She loves you….” ”I know she does….” ”Then why did you break her heart?” “I didn’t break her heart” “Oh yes you did” “She said she will accept my decision” “But that doesn’t mean that she isn’t heartbroken” “Hm….well, I guess time will heal” “Josh….why are you so cold?” “I’m not cold. I just lost my feelings for her” “Because of Eileen, am I right?” “What? Why?”

I almost panicked when my sister asked this question. I said, I didn’t want to talk about the reason I broke up with Helen. No one really asked me except of my sister.

“I don’t know” I sighed. “Okay, that’s an answer” Olivia said. “Josh, why her? She left you, don’t you remember?” “I know but….I loved her. I always did. And I loved Helen, I really fell in love with her but….it just went away. My feelings for her died when I saw Eileen again in New York. It made me so jealous to see her with her boyfriend”

Actually I wanted to push her boyfriend away from her when I saw these two at the concert in February. I hated myself for feeling this way but I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t greet them before the concert because I didn’t want to play a bad set. When I met Eileen out on the streets after the concert where we two shared a cigarette it was like the time was standing still. I didn’t want to leave this place and wished that this talk with her wouldn’t end. But when Emma came and asked me to leave the venue she kind of brought me back to reality. I wasn’t there with Eileen as my girlfriend, I was there with Helen and her daughter with whom I lived together for more than one year. She made me happy, yes. But the happiness died after this cold day in February in Manhattan. When I came home from the tour I realized that I changed. I reacted cold and didn’t pay much attention to Helen. She asked me several times what happened to me and I guess she already knew what happened when she looked into my eyes for the first time after the tour. I needed this time on tour and for the first time since August 2017 I didn’t want to come home to see her again. Instead I wanted to be on my own. But I couldn’t flee. So I just came home, greeted her and Emma and grinned and beard it. I could fake this for another few weeks. But one day I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t lie to myself and to Helen anymore. She deserved the truth and she definitely deserved someone better than me.

So I broke up with her. I told her and calmed her down when she almost collapsed. We both cried the whole night and I tried to explain her why I ended our relationship. She needed a few days to get over it but she did. We decided that Helen and Emma would stay in my house for two more months until they could move into the new house I bought for them. Originally I bought it for all of us because we decided to move into a bigger house. But it had to be fixed so we couldn’t move in directly. We had to wait until June. Since I would be on tour from the end of April to the End of May I told them to stay in my house until the new one would be ready to move in.

“I can’t believe you did this to Helen. She must be so heartbroken and sad” “She will handle it some day….she will find someone better” “Maybe but….Josh, she really loves you. Everyone could see it. You made her so happy. You were her rock, you were always there for her and you helped her a lot in her life” “Yes but I’m not her white knight. She’ll find her way and so does Emma” “Emma will miss you a lot when they will move out” “Maybe….” ”You destroyed a whole family” “Olivia!” I suddenly screamed at her. “Don’t say these words, okay? I didn’t destroy a family or the life of my ex! I just broke up with her. We were only dating for 1.5 years. It’s not a very long time” “But for you it is a long time….” She noticed. “Whatever….I wasn’t happy anymore. So I wanted to be honest with her. Like I said, she doesn’t deserve someone who is lying to her….she deserves better. But I’m not the right guy for her. Not forever” “I can’t believe it…..and you are still living together?” “It’s just a practical thing….they will move out in June when the house is ready” “Wow….why are you sounding so cold and unemotional” “It’s just myself” “Josh….” Olivia shook her head. I knew that she liked Helen and she thought that was meant forever but she was wrong. I loved Helen and she made me the happiest person I ever was during the last three years but….I realized that I couldn’t live with her forever. She wouldn’t make me happy forever. Never.

“Eileen is taken and she’s living in Berlin” I said. “I know that there won’t be a happy end. But I’m better off alone than lying to a person that loves me so much. Helen will find a guy” “Actually” Olivia said. “Eileen is not living in Berlin anymore” “What????” I almost swallowed my coffee. “She’s travelling around the world. She started a travel blog.” “How do you know?” “Because I follow her on Instagram?” “Oh right”

I deleted every fake Instagram account I created in the past years after meeting Eileen in New York because I hoped that it would stop me from stalking her online. Well, it did.

“Where does she travel?” “She wrote she will travel through Thailand, Australia, South America” “Wow” I was impressed and surprised. Eileen never told me about her dream to travel the world. Sure, she liked travelling but she was always afraid to fly so I guessed she would never do something like that. Maybe there was a special reason for her journey? Maybe her boyfriend accompanied her? “Does she travel with her boyfriend?” I asked my sister. “Well” she said. “I don’t know. In her texts she mentioned that she is travelling alone” “Really?” now I was more shocked. She seemed so brave! “Maybe her boyfriend doesn’t have time. He’s a musician, you know” I said. “Yes….or maybe….” Olivia started saying. “They broke up?”

June

“Josh” Emma was knocking at my door. I just woke up from a bad dream. I also had too many drinks yesterday when I was meeting the Dots in a bar. We only wanted to discuss some things after rehearsing but I ended up drinking too much tequila. Yes, I already turned 40 and still don’t control myself when it comes to tequila. “Hm?” I opened the door. The little girl was standing in front of me. She looked scared and also shocked. “What happened?” I asked her. “Mommy is not here” “What do you mean, she’s not here?” “She’s not here. I can’t find her” Emma told me. “Maybe she’s doing grocery shopping?” I said. “No….it’s only 8am. She doesn’t do this so early.” “Hm…maybe she is out for a run” “No…I don’t think so” “Emma” I sighed and knelt down at her. “Don’t be so worried. She’ll come back. Wherever she is. Maybe she’s out with Bowie?” “No…Bowie is sleeping” I called Helen but she didn’t pick up her phone. Well, she was probably out for a walk or so. Sometimes she got up very early to watch the sunrise.

Emma accepted my reaction and went back to her room. Helen and her shared two rooms in my house together where they were sleeping. So it was weird that Emma didn’t notice that Helen left. But I didn’t pay much attention to it. I just went back to my bed. It was a Saturday morning and I wanted a few more hours of sleep.

But two hours later Emma woke me up again. This time with a piece of paper in her hand. “Josh, mommy left us” she said. I looked at her. The young girl didn’t change her facial reaction while telling me this. She looked totally calm. “Don’t say so” I said and took the piece of paper. “I found this in a drawer in her wardrobe” Emma told me. Okay now I was awake. This was weird. Emma gave me this piece of paper she just found. And it was obvious that her mother wrote it. “Did you read it?” Emma shook her head. “Not the whole thing”. I took it and started reading.

“Dear Josh,

If you read this, I already left. Maybe you won’t understand and maybe I don’t understand it either but I had to leave. I couldn’t do this anymore. I couldn’t live with you anymore. I couldn’t share a house with you anymore. I couldn’t even live in the same city as you. Knowing that I will never be your number one hurts. I knew it would be difficult when I met you. I didn’t know anything about the music business. I didn’t even know your band. Surely I’ve heard of the Chili Peppers before but I never really listened to their albums. When you told me you’re a musician I didn’t think you would be someone who is playing in such a famous band. I didn’t think you would be on tour all the time. I knew you even changed your schedules but I couldn’t live with knowing you’re on the road. I missed you. I missed you so much. Every time I joined you on tour I was looking forward to it for days. But being on tour with you wasn’t how I expected it to be. I saw that it’s your job to tour around the world. You probably did several journeys around the world. I only traveled to London once in my life. That’s all. I wasn’t my business and you always told me that it isn’t your business too. But you are this musician who is playing in this famous and successful band. Honestly, I can’t deal with it anymore.

When you ended our relationship my world collapsed. Although I knew that we had our difficulties and our problems I believed in us. Although I hated your touring schedule and the fact that I had to share you with this touring life, I believed that we could make it. You broke my heart when you broke up with me. But the most difficult situation was living with the knowledge that I won’t ever be your number one and I probably never was. When I saw how you looked at Eileen in New York City at your concert….I knew. I knew that she’ll always be your number one. Although you promised me that you don’t love her anymore, that you’re over it, I saw it on this cold night. You still love her, at least parts of you do. The way you looked at her told me everything.

Josh, I can’t live in LA anymore. I’m so sick of it. I’m so done with it. I know that leaving isn’t the best idea and I’m not proud of it but I didn’t see any other chance to move on with my life. I had to leave you. And Emma.

Yes, you’ll question why I mentioned her and why I even left her. I’m her mother. And I’m probably the worst mother on earth because I left my daughter. My one and only daughter. But I just can’t do it anymore. I’m so down and lost, I don’t want Emma to see how lost I’m. I need a restart. Somewhere else.

And since I know that you get along very well with kids and especially with Emma, I plead you to take care of her. I know she will have a great life in LA. I couldn’t take her with me because I knew that she wouldn’t want to leave her school. She’s happy in LA. She found friends. I couldn’t take her out of this life. She will have all possibilities after graduation. I know it. She’s a smart girl. I know that you will support her. Because you’re a great human being. Actually, I only left her in LA because I knew that you’re the right guy. You will take care of her and I hope you do.

Please, take care of her, Josh. Let her study her dream subject and support her. I know she’ll go her own way. She’s confident.

I feel so sorry for being so such a coward who leaves her family behind. But I have to. Please, believe me. Try to understand me. I’ll be living with a friend in Mexico for a while.

Don’t worry about me.

Live your life, find your love, take care of my daughter.

Thank you Josh, you’re one of the best guys I’ve ever met. I’m so thankful I met you.

Don’t hate me.

Love, Helen”

I couldn’t understand any word what she wrote in this letter. I didn’t understand her….did she really leave. Like, forever? It seemed like she did but….what about Emma? Did she really want me to take care of her daughter? Forever? I wasn’t even her father! While I was still holding the letter in my hand, Emma sat next to me and laid her head against my arm. “She left us, right?” I couldn’t say anything. I looked in these green eyes of this little girl. I never felt so shocked before. Helen left me alone with her daughter. How could she do that to me? How could she do that to Emma? “She’ll come back” I promised Emma while stroking her head. Emma started crying. I laid my head around her shoulder and tried to soothe her. She was so sad. I never saw a girl looking so sad and lost. I tried to explain her that her mother will come back some day but Emma didn’t want to believe me. I think she already knew the truth. So I laid my head against hers. We sat there for hours. At least it felt like this.

July

“How was school?” I asked Emma when I picked her up. It was the last week of school and the holidays were about to start. “It was okay” she said. I started driving and Emma didn’t say anything. I turned on the music. She liked 500 Seconds of Summer so I made a mixtape with songs by them. She liked it but she didn’t pay much attention to it. Since her mother went away it wasn’t easy to talk to her. She was already ten years old and I didn’t know how to handle ten year old girls. “Are you looking forward to the holidays? Any plans?” “Hm….” Emma answered. “Maybe seeing some friends in Chino” “Great. And you can finally move into the house. I spoke to the building company today. They said you can move into the house next weekend” “Really? Great” Emma wasn’t really impressed.

After Helen left us her grandma and spoke to Emma and we all decided that she and her grandma will move into the house. Her grandma will take of her when I’m not in town and when I’m in LA she can also come to my house and I will take care of her when her grandma is in Chino. We had so many discussions with the police because they told me that I couldn’t report Helen as missing because it was her own decision to leave us. Although it was hurting to hear these words the police tried to make us understand that they really couldn’t do anything. Especially because Helen called her mother once to tell her she was fine and we shouldn’t be worried. She only had to leave because she couldn’t do it anymore, she couldn’t live this life in LA anymore.

I still couldn’t find words to describe how disappointed and shocked I was. How should I explain Emma why her mother decided to leave her? I think there aren’t words. “What about going to Disneyland in the holidays?” I asked Emma. It took some time but suddenly I saw a little smile on her face. “Would be great” she said. When we came home I made us some pasta. In the last weeks I became a really good cook because I was the one who took care of Emma in the first weeks after Helen left us. Her grandma Agneta had to organize some things in Chino until she could finally move to LA next week. When we told the police what happened they even told me that I couldn’t take care of Emma because I wasn’t her father and I didn’t adopt her. Another long discussion followed which let me go to the youth welfare office to talk to them. Finally they told me that Emma could stay in my house because it was her official home for more than one year now. But they also suggested me to adopt her because then it would be easier to take care of her, make decisions for her and just be her official legal guardian. Honestly, I was totally overwhelmed by this situation. Two years ago I was just dating this young woman who was so likable and with whom I fell in love in the following months. And now, two years later, I had to think about adopting her daughter because this young woman I truly loved left me and her daughter alone. Sometimes I was so pissed and mad at Helen. I couldn’t find words for it.

We had pasta together and afterwards I wanted to watch a movie with Emma. But she didn’t want to. Instead she went to her room and I heard her crying. Well, this happened very often in the last weeks. So I went upstairs to her room and knocked on her door. “Emma, can I come in?” “No” she responded immediately. “Come on Emma, I know it’s not easy for you. It isn’t easy for me either….but please, let me in. You can talk to me” “You know nothing” She said and I heard her crying again. I noticed that the door wasn’t closed so I opened it and entered her room. Emma was sitting on her bad, embracing her teddy bear which was a present her mother gave her for her birth. “Emma” I sighed. “Please, don’t cry” I said and sat down next to her. “I just can’t believe she left me, Josh” she whispered with tears in her eyes. “I thought she loved me….” “She does!” I responded. “She definitely loves you. She’ll always love you” “But then why did she leave me?” Emma looked at me. Well, this was a question I didn’t know the answer to. “Your mom has some difficulties in life and sometimes if you’re feeling down on your knees you need a restart. You need something new, a new place to live, a new job” “But why didn’t she take me with her?” “Because she didn’t want to take you out of your life here in LA. She thought you’re happy here so you shouldn’t leave this city” “But….I love her more than I love LA” “I know” I sighed and pulled her closer. She was still crying and I tried to soothe her. “And how do you feel about it Josh?” Emma suddenly wanted to know. “I mean, you loved her….she loved you!” “I know but….maybe it was my fault that your mother went away. I was the one who broke up with your mother” I said and was surprised by my answer. “No!” Emma responded. “No Josh, you’re awesome. Mommy knew that I like you so much and I think she wouldn’t leave us just because you broke up” “Hopefully not” For the first time since Helen left us I was thinking about this theory. What if I was the only reason why Helen left us? She kind of mentioned it in her letter but she also said that she was the one who had to leave. But would she also have she left her daughter some day when we were never dating? Maybe not? “Josh….I’m so thankful that you’re here. You’re a great guy and you’re the first guy my mother dated that I really like. I mean, if you wouldn’t be here, I would be on my own” “No, don’t say those things. Your grandma would still be there for you. She’ll always be there” “Yes but….none of my parents would be there. My dad is in prison and my mommy just left me” Emma realized and started crying again.

I laid my arm around her shoulder and squeezed her so that she put her head against my chest. I tried my best to soothe her but I was never in such a situation before.

“Hey um….what about watching a movie?” I suggested again after a few minutes. “I have every film you like” “Really?” Emma asked with eyes red from crying. “Of course!” I smiled and we went downstairs.

August

“I still can’t believe that Helen left you and her daughter behind” Sammy said while drinking his beer. We were in our favorite bar at the Sunset Strip. Emma was already living with her grandma in the new house I bought for them so I used the time to make some music again. Emma would come over tomorrow and I would take care of her the next week because Agneta had to go back to Chino for a while. It wasn’t the best living situation but we tried our best. At least I didn’t have to go on tour in the next week. We played our last shows in July but after Helen left us I had to cancel three shows because I needed time to fix some things. The guys understood so we postponed the concerts and would play them in September. In January we would tour in Australia and New Zealand and afterwards we would play in Japan and Korea. A last tribute show in LA would end our tour for our twelfth album in March. Honestly, I was looking forward to it because I was so sick of touring. I had too much trouble happening in my life at the moment that I didn’t have a clear mind to prepare for touring again. In fall Dot Hacker would play a few shows in NYC and California. I was looking forward to that but that’s all. I think I was just happy to play with the Dots again. We didn’t do this in years I guess.

“And you never heard anything of her again except of this letter?” Sammy brought me back to reality. “No, nothing. She only called her mother once but that’s it. She didn’t even call her daughter. I don’t know what to think about her” “Wow, neither do I. Helen always seemed so smart and I thought she had her shit together” “Well, she didn’t. She was very weak. She never showed it in public but she committed to me that she had some psychological problems. She didn’t want Emma to know it. I told her she should wait until Emma is old enough to understand it. I mean, that would’ve been the best way, right? To wait until her daughter is old enough to talk to her. But now her daughter has to accept that her mother decided to leave her behind. And she’s only ten” “It’s so weird. And I believe it’s so hard for Emma” “It is….she cries often. But in the last weeks she could distract herself from being sad. We went to Disneyland, Agneta and I took her to San Diego just that she sees different places. She spent some time in Chino with her friends, she was on a short camping weekend with some friends from school” “And you’re her daddy now?” “Well….not official but I try my best. When Agneta is in Chino I’m the one who takes care of Emma. When this camping trip started I was the one who packed her bag with her, who told her to take care. We bought a new bedroll for her and a tent. She was very excited. I told her how it’s like to sleep in a tent because I used to do it very often when I was a teenager. When I brought her to the meeting point every one was confused because they expected her mother to come. No one knew about what happened. Agneta and I only spoke to the school administrator but told her to keep quiet. The other pupils shouldn’t know about it” “Wow, it really sounds like a dad to me. How crazy life can be sometimes….” Sammy noticed. “It is….” I sighed and took a sip of my beer. “And what about your feelings? I mean, after all you were her boyfriend” “But I broke up with her in April” I reminded him. “I know but….you were living together for more than one year, you were still living together after you broke up. You two were very close” “We were” “SO….what are your feelings right now?” “I don’t know” I sighed. “Sometimes I miss her but not because I still love her. I don’t. It’s more a feeling of missing a friend. Helen was still a friend of mine. I really liked her but I didn’t love her anymore” “Did you meet any new girl after breaking up? I mean….official you’re single for almost six months, right?” “Almost….yeah” “So, what about dating? I can imagine it’s difficult right now” “Oh it’s totally difficult but I don’t want it. Not right now. Emma is the most important person in my life right now. I know it sounds crazy but it’s just the truth. I feel like I have to take care of her. It’s my task to do it. Helen told me to do it. I’m still mad at her because she left me alone with her daughter. It’s not even my own daughter. But I couldn’t just let her alone. I couldn’t take her to a children’s home or back to Chino. I saw how happy she was in LA and I did everything so that she could stay here. No matter what. No matter if it would mean that I’m her new dad” “And do you two get along very well?” “We do. Sometimes we have some difficulties and discussions but that’s normal I guess” “Oh it is” Sammy laughed. “Wait until she reaches puberty”. “Oh I can’t wait for it” I grinned. It felt good to laugh again. After all these difficult times during the last two months it felt good to just have a night off with a good friend of mine.

“Hey man, just to change the topic….there is a girl who is looking at you the whole night” Sammy said. “Oh really? I didn’t notice her” I wasn’t impressed. “Come one man, you’re single. You had tough times. You should have some fun” he said and patted my back. “No….honestly. I don’t want to” “Really? Just have fun. Like the old Josh” “I’m not very proud of my behavior at that time” “Tzz, it’s a totally normal behavior” Sammy said.

A few months ago his girlfriend broke up with him and since then he was just having fun. Just like I did a few years ago. It sounded like fun but I wasn’t in the mood for it.

“Just a few drinks” Sammy grinned and went over to the girl who was probably looking at me. I just drank my beer and didn’t look at them. But a few minutes later Sammy and the girl came to our table and he started a conversation. Because I’m a nice person I started talking to her as well. A few drinks later I was a bit tipsy. Sammy found a woman for himself and suddenly they left the bar. Now I was alone with this young lady. I couldn’t even remember her name but I guess she was about 26 and working as PR manager. She wasn’t dumb but she wasn’t really my type. Although she was hot. I guess she modeled in her youth or so. “So….Josh” she suddenly said. “Where do we go now?” “Um….can we just stay here?” “Well” she said and the look on her face told me that she didn’t want to stay here. She wanted to leave the bar. With me. I felt petrified. She took my hand, I saw me paying the bills and finally we left the bar. We took a cab and went to my home. How did I even tell the cab driver my address?

While we were sitting in the car I noticed how I went back to my old habits. Suddenly I started touching and kissing her and couldn’t wait until we arrived at my home.

Then everything happened very quickly. It was like I was watching the old Josh from three years ago who was messing around with young girls. I knew exactly what I had to do to make her happy. It was so easy. Why was it so easy? Was it all just a fake? Maybe these girls just pretended to have fun because they wanted to get fame? Haha, surely with someone like me who wasn’t really known at all.

For the first time in weeks I could totally forget my problems, everything that happened. I was just looking at this naked woman in my bed and didn’t think of anything else. I didn’t even think of Helen. Yes, it was strange to sleep with someone new after two years of being in a stable relationship but it’s not that I didn’t know how it worked. It wasn’t something emotional or passionate. It was just sex. Just for fun. Maybe to forget your problems for a while. But afterwards everything will come back. I knew it. And I was afraid of it.

“I liked your flow” the girl said gasping after a second round in the morning. “You know a lot about what women want” she grinned. “Well” I said and felt so bad. I just felt very bad. “I’m 40 years old. I’ve met some women in my life” “And that’s so cute!” she grinned and gave me a kiss. “Hey um, I’m gonna shower” I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I never felt so bad while talking after sex. I wasn’t used to it anymore. It just felt very embarrassing. I couldn’t even remember her name.

When I was standing in the shower I was thinking about my life in the past months. How crazy it was. First I broke up with my girlfriend, then she left me and her daughter alone. Within six months I became single and suddenly a single step dad for a ten year old girl who wasn’t even my daughter. I questioned myself why I behaved like this. Why did I go back to old habits and hook up with girls? While being together with Helen I learned that it’s not the same if it’s not something serious. Over the last years I preferred love over sex. So why did I took this girl home with me last night? I didn’t even know her name. I should have known better, right? I should have known that you can’t feel the intimacy and closeness with a stranger. But maybe I did it because I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation with Helen and Emma. I wasn’t prepared for being a step dad. Maybe I wanted to forget about everything last night. But today I felt even worse. I knew I wanted to get away from here and if Emma wouldn’t be here I probably would have left LA for a while. But I couldn’t because I had to take care of a young girl.

Speaking of this! She would come over today to stay with me for at least one week. I was looking at the watch in the bathroom and….fuck!

Suddenly I jumped out of the shower because it was time now. Emma would come within the next minutes. When I was just about to search my pants I heard a voice of a girl in my house. Fuck. There she was. And there was still this naked woman sleeping in my bed. Oh no, this would cause trouble. I could see it. So I only took a towel to cover my hips and went out of the shower. I ran through my bedroom to welcome Emma. I already heard her yelling my name. She had the keys to my door so she didn’t have to knock on the door. But when I came downstairs it already happened. Emma was here and she wasn’t alone. She saw the half naked woman in my kitchen. This girl from last night must’ve woken up and immediately went downstairs into the kitchen to get something to drink. At least she was wearing one of my shirts. “Who is this?” Emma asked with a disgusted view in her face. “Um, she is….she’s just a friend” I lied. “A friend?” Emma wondered. “Who is just wearing a shirt and her underwear?” At least the girl wore her underwear. I even met girls who didn’t. “Well um” I stuttered. Now my one night stand looked at me and looked at Emma. She was definitely questioning what was going on here. “Who is this?” She then asked and pointed at Emma. “Do you have a child?” “No… it’s just” I tried to explain her. “It’s not my daughter” “Then who the hell is that?” “Who the hell is THAT?” Emma asked with a louder voice and pointed at the half naked girl. I was so overwhelmed by this situation that I didn’t know what to do. “Josh, talk to me!” Emma asked me to. “She’s….” ”Well, that’s just too much trouble for me right now. I’m gonna leave. Thanks for last night Josh” the woman said, went upstairs to grab her things and then left my house.

Emma and I were looking after her. For a few seconds no one said a word but then Emma kept asking. “Josh, who was this woman?” “She was just someone….” I explained. “Just a friend” “And why was she almost naked?” “Hm….she was probably showering” “Josh….I’m not five anymore.” she suddenly said. Sometimes I was so blown away by her smartness. “I thought you loved mom” Emma screamed and then left my house. No, she didn’t do that! I was still only covered by a towel but now I had to run after her.

So I went outside and asked Emma to stop but she didn’t. “Emma, stop!” I screamed but she didn’t want to listen. So I went inside, grab my pants and a t-shirt and got into my car. Then I drove down the streets just to find Emma there, still running. Tears streamed down her face. I stopped the car and asked her to get in. She didn’t want to. So I kept driving next to her in snail pace while Emma was still walking down the streets. “Please Emma, get in the car!” “No!” She responded. “I won’t. You’re a liar!” “Can we please talk about it at home?” “I don’t have a home anymore” “Emma, please….don’t be stupid” “You never loved mommy! You destroyed everything! You are the reason why she left!” Emma suddenly screamed at me. It shocked me to hear these words but it didn’t stop me from following her with my car. We were just a few metres away from a big crossroad so I hoped she would finally come to her senses before we would reach there. “Emma, please. Stop walking and get into my car. I will tell you everything, we can discuss it at my home okay? I will listen to you and your thoughts. I know you’re hurt and I know it’s not an easy time right now but….please. Don’t let me look like a fool” I said. And finally the girl stopped walking. She looked at me and without saying anything she opened the door and got into my car. I immediately drove home.

Back in my living room I tried to explain myself. Emma wanted to know who the lady in my kitchen was. I thought about laying to her and fabricating a story about how this woman was a friend of mine who just stayed for the night but then I realized how stupid it would sound. So I decided to tell her the truth. Well, at least the G-rated truth. “Look Emma” I started. “Your mommy and I weren’t happy anymore. That’s why I broke up with her. I know it hurts and it hurt you and your mommy and even me. It wasn’t easy for all of us. But we tried our best and we even stayed friends and were living together for a few months, right?” She nodded. “So when you’re mom left us I was shocked too. I missed her. As a friend. I really miss her as a friend, she was a really good friend of mine, even after we broke up. I trusted her and I never thought she would do something like that.” I paused. “But, you know, adults sometimes fall in love. You’ll fall in love when you get a little bit older. Trust me, it will happen. So adults fall in love. Even when a relationship doesn’t work and you break up with someone, you will find someone new to love. And since your mother and I broke up, I was single. And I met this woman. I liked her. I just wanted to get to know her a little bit better. So I visited her here” “At night?” “Yes….sometimes adults do this” I told her. Oh well, I felt so bad for creating this G-rated story but somehow I didn’t want to lie to her. “So….she was a friend. A woman I met I wanted to get to know a little bit better. Since the relationship with your mother didn’t work, I think I’m allowed to meet new women, don’t you think?” “Okay” “She was a great woman and maybe I will see her again.” “So…did you cook for her when she was here?” “Kind of” I answered. “And did you drink alcohol?” “Hm….not really” God, I was feeling so bad because I lied to her. But how should I explain to a ten year old girl that I just hooked up with this woman last night and the only thing we did last night was having sex several times? Emma was definitely too young to hear a story like that. “Maybe she was really showering before she went downstairs….whatever. Sorry I reacted so bad” “It’s okay” I said and hugged her. She put her arms around me and that was the first moment in months that I felt loved by her. She cared about me and I never thought about this before. I was the one who was caring about her in the past weeks but now she was also caring about me. “Josh, I want you to be happy” Emma said and was patting my head. “And I want you to be happy” I smiled.

We spent the afternoon with playing ping-pong in my garden and afterwards I showed her some chords on the guitar. She also wanted to learn some more things on the drums so I taught her. Emma was such a good student. She learned very quickly. Later that night I ordered pizza and we were watching the Minions movie. I hated these yellow figures but Emma loved them so I tried to love them too. “Josh” Emma started saying when the film was over. “Yes?” “Who is Eileen?” I felt my heart beating quicker when Emma said her name. “Why do you ask?” “Because I read the letter mommy wrote for you and….she often mentions an Eileen. Is she the woman we met in New York City?” “Hm….” I didn’t know if I should tell her the truth. “Yes she is” “Is she a friend of yours?” “Kind of” “I never heard mom talking about an Eileen so….it can’t be a friend of hers” “No….it’s not. It’s a friend of mine” “And was it maybe….more?” Wow, did I ever say that Emma surprised me once more again? “What do you mean?” “Was she your girlfriend?” I shocked. Now I really didn’t know what to answer. “It’s okay….you can tell me” she said. “Hm….okay, well” I started and sighed. “Eileen is an old friend but yes, she was also my girlfriend once. Long before I met your mother” “But you still love her, right?” What? How did she know? “Um, no” I said. “Oh you’re blushing” she grinned. “You do!” “Um, well….it’s long ago. I, um….well” “It’s okay Josh. You can tell me” she let me know. Wow, there was this ten year old girl, the daughter of my ex girlfriend who left us, sitting on my couch offering me to talk about Eileen. “Well okay…Eileen and I dated for a few years” “And she’s pretty!” “Really?” “Yes, I liked her hair!” “She’s gorgeous” “Where is she now?” “She’s….I don’t know. She used to live in Berlin” “Berlin???? Wow, that’s quiet far away” Emma noticed. “It is” I agreed. “But I found a blog on the internet where she is writing about a journey she’s doing at the moment. I never read it but….” “Shall we read it? Maybe she even post pictures!” Suddenly Emma looked at me inviting.

It took me some minutes but I suddenly agreed and opened my notebook. A few minutes later we started reading Eileen’s first blog entry. It was about her journey through Thailand. Emma was totally blown away by all of the photos Eileen posted. “Wow, she’s so pretty!” Emma said when she saw a picture of Eileen. Yes she was. “Where did you two meet?” the girl wanted to know. “Well” I said and started telling her the story of how I met Eileen. I told her about our first encounter at the museum in Berlin, our first dates, the soccer game and later my birthday. I told her about moving back to LA with her and how we broke up and got back together. I didn’t tell her about Eileen’s pregnancy. “Sounds like a great love story” Emma said when I finished the story. “Maybe” I responded. “But Emma, I want you to know that I loved your mother. When I met your mother I was over Eileen, I just loved your mother….I wanted to live with her….and with you” “I know” Emma suddenly answered. “I saw it in your eyes. You always looked so happy when you looked at mommy. And so did she. She looked so happy when she was with you” “Hm…” “So sad that it’s over now….” ”Sometimes it isn’t meant to be” “But Josh” Emma said and looked into my eyes. “I feel like you’re still into Eileen. Maybe you should write her or meet her. I don’t know. Maybe when she’s back in LA.” “Hm…are you sure?” “Yes! I want you to be happy!” she said and hugged me. I was jut about to cry. How could this young girl not only be so smart but also be so loyal to the ex of her mother? That was the time when I realized how happy children can make you.

___________

Again thank you for reading. And if you would like to read some more texts I wrote just take a look at my blog https://order-disorder-blog.tumblr.com/

I write about music, festivals and every random thought that comes to my mind! I would be pleased when you would visit it. Thank you :)

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spookyspaghettisundae · 7 years

Text

Stuck

Don’t go into the Outback unprepared. That’s the lesson here. You’ll end up as stuck and lost as me.

After my husband of ten years left me for a younger woman, I was in dire need of a change of scenery. We had got married right when I was twenty-one, but we never got around to having kids because he wasn’t ready, as he put it. I guess being ready had nothing to do with him accidentally impregnating his mistress and then having to do “the right thing”, according to him. Leaving his wife, who had helped him build his business, did his administrative work for free, kept his house clean and his belly full was obviously the right thing to do. It certainly didn’t feel right to me. In fact, it felt very wrong. Suddenly, everything I believed in made no sense, the relationship I had devoted my life to was over, and there was only emptiness where my joy had been.

Not knowing what to do and where to go, I crashed on my friend Beth’s couch for a while – I certainly didn’t want to live in my “happy” home any more. What was I supposed to do next? Put my business degree to good use and try to find a job after more than a decade. I had never officially worked for my husband. It was easier this way. How silly would it be to split the money he made to pay his own wife. We would just get taxed twice. That was the logic. I never much thought about it. We were one unit, his money was mine, it made enough sense.

So I was stranded on a friend’s couch, unsuccessfully trying to find a job, getting more and more depressed every day. I was lacking spirit, as Beth put it. Spirit, where would I find that? Then it dawned on me. I had to leave to come back home eventually, I had to get lost out there to find myself again. I needed to go on a spirit walk.

The little money I had from my uni days, I had invested well, so that I had enough to do something a little reckless, a little crazy, and a lot of fun as it seemed. Even just the idea of a spirit walk lifted my spirit, and I set out to do just that. My online research led me to believe that you shouldn’t really plan your spirit walk but go where the journey takes you. With my limited resources, I couldn’t go all that far, but seeking adventure and a certain degree of seclusion, I didn’t actually have to go far. The Australian outback had always fascinated me, and now I would finally get to experience it. As a Kiwi, a New Zealander, I had been to Australia several times, visiting friends in Melbourne, Sidney, Brisbane, travelling up and down the east coast, even checking out the lush beauty of Tasmania on a three week trip once, but I had never really ventured into the hinterland. But now I would cast all my fear of the wilds aside and experience their beauty on my own.

So I told my family and the few people I still considered my friends about my trip and about the fact that I wouldn’t be able to stay in regular contact because of the obvious reception issues of the areas I was about to go explore. Some were happy for me, some were a little anxious about my solo trip, and some thought I was crazy. Either way, I was eager to go.

As soon as I had reached my destination, which was Adelaide, I got myself a rental car and drove off towards Port Augusta, from where Stuart Highway, or The Track, as it is locally called, would lead me through the red heart of the country all the way up to Darwin in the very north. The searing hot centre of the country seemed to promise the inner cleansing I was seeking. I spent several weeks of adventure and a growing fascination with the country while backpacking where possible. Otherwise, I spent the occasional night sleeping in my car until I reached a town called Katherine.

After a night of much needed sleep and a day of exploring the pretty little town, I spent the evening in a local pub where I heard both locals and tourists talk about the beauty of a region called the Kimberley at the very northern tip of Western Australia. The scenery they described spontaneously made me turn my car left towards that stretch of land as I continued my quest the next morning. I soon reached the area where the Northern Territories meet Western Australia, and I immediately understood the people’s infatuation with the region. Dusty and red earth met lush green thickets. Emerald rivers that made you want to stroll along them aimlessly, which is exactly what I did. I parked my car somewhere off the road near a local creek, grabbed my backpack, and started walking.

The sun dancing on the water had an almost hypnotising effect on me, so that I soon felt both light-hearted as well as light-headed. I still don’t know how it happened, but while I was walking along the river, I suddenly heard a sucking noise and was knee-deep in muddy sand. I had read about the occasional occurrence of quicksand around rivers and on beaches, but it still came as a complete surprise. I tried to get my calves out, but by putting more weight on my feet, I only sank in deeper. The sandy, wet mass was now already up to my mid-thighs.

That’s where I started panicking a bit. My heartbeat got rather fast and my breath even faster. I forced myself to breathe slowly, holding my breath for a few seconds in between every breath cycle. I had heard somewhere that I was supposed to pull my legs up and slowly pull myself up and out in a forward fashion. I tried my best, but the quicksand was already up to my hips, which made moving my lower body almost impossible.

Even though I was quite sure that there was no use to it, I took my backpack from my shoulders and put it on backwards, so that it covered my belly. I took out my phone and checked. No reception. Figures. I also found a bottle of water in there, and decided to have a few sips, no need to get dehydrated while being stuck. I tried lifting my legs again, but still couldn’t really move them at all. At least I didn’t seem to sink any deeper.

So I did what everyone would do in this situation: I cried for help. It did not have the intended effect. In fact, it seemed to have quite the opposite effect because I heard a slight splashing right behind me. Not like someone or something hitting the water’s surface but rather like something gliding into the river with as little noise as possible. I told myself to stay calm. I assured myself that it was nothing even though Northern Australia plus coastal rivers equalled crocodiles in my head. “Beware the salties” is what the locals had jokingly said to me before I had left to explore this beautiful natural wonder of lush yet rugged shrubbery and deep green rivers. It didn’t seem funny at all any more.

To see what was going on in the river behind me, I tried to turn around as best as I could, but with my restricted movement, I couldn’t see all that far back. There were ripples in the water and they slowly came closer. As I was desperately trying to free myself from my wet prison, my thoughts went to my messed-up life, and I found that it wasn’t all that messed up after all, or at least it was mendable somehow. I would find a way to make thing right, if I only got a shot. Just please, please, don’t let me get eaten by a crocodile.

Well, I got my wish. The ripples disappeared. Whatever had produced them decided to dive off into another direction. Which was of course a great relief, except that I was still stuck. While I was trying to free myself yet again, the sun was very slowly creeping towards the horizon. But not before it left me feeling parched and drowsy, and worst of all, out of water. The bottle was empty before I realised it. My head started hurting, and I started losing time. I don’t know whether I was actually unconscious for a while or if I just didn’t realise how the day slowly crept on, but suddenly the sun was setting behind the bushes and the dust-coloured hills.

As the twilight approached, I felt a little better and found it in me to cry for help once more, ignoring the fear of many-toothed reptile jaws mauling me to death. The only effect was a flock of birds flying off. Then it dawned of me that I might have to spend the night stuck in a hole in the ground and that tomorrow would be another day with the sun beating down on me relentlessly in this late Australian summer. Would I die of heat stroke or of thirst first? Oh my god, I had to get out of here. I leaned forward as best as I could and pulled my legs up backwards. My hands clawed through soggy mud and it felt like I was moving forward towards hopefully dry ground little by little.

Then I suddenly saw it. A ghostly light slowly approaching from the right. I yelled so they could find me, but I got no answer. Yet the light came ever closer, as if its bearer knew exactly where to go. I got an ominous feeling in my stomach and decided that it was wiser not to shout any more. I’d rather take my chances freeing myself, which was slowly working as it seemed, than being freed by whoever was coming closer. And closer they were coming.

The light was now shining through the branches of the bushes next me, and what came closer looked almost like a hooded old figure holding a wicker lantern in his hand. He seemed to be holding a ball of tiny branches with an impossible pale light shining in its centre, and his eyes reflected that ghostly light.

He burst through the branches and shone his lantern straight at me. Squinting, I saw a massive black hound sitting next to his feet, baring his fangs at me. They also reflected the ghostly lamp’s light.

“Need help with thy fate? I can help you pass over and cope. Guiding lost souls is my speciality,” the apparition said with a creepy smile and a croaking voice.

“Stay away from me, you fiend. I’m not done with this life yet. Scram, old man.”

“Hey, now. First of all, I’m not that old. And also, you must have misunderstood me there. Are you okay? You must have heatstroke or something. Just to make myself clear, I offered you my help to pull you out of that hole you’re stuck in.”

And with that the old man turned into a ruggedly handsome Aussie guy in his thirties, holding an electric lantern, with a blue heeler sitting loyally at his ankles. I sighed with relief and said, “I must have been hallucinating. What did you say when you offered your assistance?

“I said something like: need help with this, mate? I can use the Rover’s leash as a rope. Finding lost folks is our speciality.” With a shy smile, he added, “the last part was just me trying to impress the pretty lady.”

“Ha, I don’t feel very pretty right now. Mostly, I feel like I might be losing my mind. You’re either a handsome, athletic outdoorsman with a faithful dog or the grim reaper who offered me assistance in passing over while a scary black dog was staring into my soul.”

“I don’t know about the handsome part, but I am here to help get out of this hole and back on your feet. I’ll even throw in a shower, a hearty meal, and a spot on my couch for the night if you need it.”

“I wouldn’t say no to a sheltered and safe place to rest my weary head. I’ve had enough of being stuck for a lifetime.”

“Then grab this leash and after that my hand.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re more than welcome.”

So I made my way out of this mess and into what I was supposed to find at the end of my spirit walk. No need to roam about any more, I found my way back home to myself. I was finally ready to mend my life.

—Submitted by Lone-Eyed

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workingontravel · 5 years

Text

Are you handling the carbon offset for this trip, or are we?

(You can read this text in Swedish here.) Many of the interviewees have mentioned the role and responsibility of institutions for travel, especially with regard to the environmentally fraught issue of air travel. Because of this, I was interested in hearing what someone who isn’t a freelance artist had to say: someone with more overview of institutional structures in the field.

I asked Stina Dahlström, managing director of the interational touring dance company Cullberg, if she could talk with me about general structures for travelling in performing arts. To my great pleasure, she said yes. Among other things, we touched on what more locally rooted activities might mean in an art world that largely builds its knowledge on international exchange.

Stina Dahlström: I reduced my private air travel many years ago. It was for environmental reasons. With a few exceptions, for example funerals where I needed to go far away at short notice, I’ve stuck to not flying. However, I represent a company with seventeen people plus technicians and a tour leader who fly back and forth in different constellations within Europe twenty-thirty times a year. Sometimes, we also pay travel for dancers who live far away to come here and work for us on longer or shorter contracts. Most of our dancers come from European countries, but some are from Australia, Egypt, Brazil and the US.

Thanks to Cullberg being an institution, we can make environmental reports. Flying definitely represents our main environmental impact. Other things that also play a certain role are the energy consumption in the building, materials used in productions or recycling things from one production to the next. But they have a very small impact compared to air travel.

Cullberg is a part of Riksteatern (Sweden’s national touring theatre), which has the goal of reducing its carbon footprint by ten percent a year, but in relation to the audience we reach. Especially for Cullberg, which flies more than the rest of Riksteatern, this means that if we perform at large venues in places like Brussels or Paris, we can manage the environmental goals. But we might not be able to tour to smaller places, where people should also get to see art. This is an inherent contradiction in relation to Riksteatern’s ambition to reach out to everyone.

Traditionally, we have travelled regularly to Asia, the US or South America. Now we haven’t toured outside Europe since 2016. Cullberg is the type of company that maybe should tour the whole world once in a while. But our present environmental guidelines make it vital that a tour of that kind is longer and more consecutive, since every travel within train distance cuts the environmental footprint by half. We’re discussing how this logic can be applied more extensively also in Europe. Long tours are hard to build. Many curators want to make their mark and be unique with the artists they programme. Ideally, they want the international or national premiere. After you’ve premiered in that country, it gets harder to tour there. Some of the contracts have a clause saying we can’t perform within a certain radius from that venue. In my opinion, we need economic incentives to book differently: to create networks and routes that remain year to year. That wouldn’t mean that venues have to have identical programmes, because there could be many networks and routes. EU funding for performing arts should prioritise networks that facilitate cooperation like in the music industry: people go by tour bus from city to city. But I guess that cooperation is possible precisely because the large arenas don’t have an artistic profile in the same way as the dance venues that Cullberg visits. That is, there are no curators defending their territory.

Cullberg aims to go by train within Europe even for longer journeys, but there are two main obstacles. One is that trips longer than six hours fall outside the collective agreement, since travel is working hours. That said, many of our dancers are very environmentally conscious and because of this we try taking both night trains and longer trips daytime down to central Europe. Then they have to see how their body feels, if they can work the day after. But this is something we have collaborated on outside the collective agreement, and it’s not something that the employer can stipulate.

The other obstacle is who pays for our trips. When we travel internationally, it’s supposed to be the presenters, and no one wants to pay more than they have to. If we end up in discussions with the presenters, then ultimately we might have to chip in with taxpayers’ money to cover train travel, and the question is to what extent one can justify that.

We have some discussion internally at Cullberg about how we can influence when the power is not in our hands. There are things we can do. In relation to the profiled venues in the capitals, we can express our wish to perform in other places within train distance, and maybe even ask if they have any existing collaborations or suggestions. We can ask them to keep their dates flexible so that we ourselves have the possibility to book additional venues. If we have two organisers within reasonable distance, we encourage them to find dates that fit. We can’t demand any of this from them, but we can show them that it’s an important issue for us and hopefully get some thoughts and ideas across. From 2019 and on, Cullberg will offset carbon for our air travel. I also see this as way of getting the message across to organisers. By converting the environmental issue into a concrete budget item, it becomes visible that organisers need to consider this: “Are you handling the carbon offset for this trip or are we, since we both agreed to it?”

International cultural exchanges are considered so incredibly valuable in the dance world. The systems we have are constructed accordingly. This has forced me to come up with emotional explanations to consolidate this activity with my personal environmental commitment. For example, I have thought that international cultural exchanges are important for art, and art is important to people’s lives, and without art it would be pointless to save humanity. Now I don’t know if I think that anymore. At Cullberg, we have also discussed the possibility of not touring at all. But for us that would mean being replaced by others, because we are by definition an internationally touring company, and this mission is supposed to go on, according to cultural policy decisions. The discussion would have to concern touring and international cultural exchanges overall, not just for our organisation. Do we want an internationally touring dance company? And in that case, how can international dance companies be run in a more sustainable way?

An international touring dance company can encourage and participate in projects where the local audience is more centre-stage. I could imagine a future where Cullberg goes to Berlin and stays a month to offer lectures and shows. Then we could establish contacts with several different organisations and institutions: occupy a whole city in a different way. If I were a curator today, I would try to achieve a programme like that. I think if you fly someone in you need to do something that really makes a difference, not just a pop in, pop out.

From an environmental perspective, train travel, longer tours to adjacent venues and projects with local connections are good solutions. But we would also have to look out for new work-related issues that would arise. For example: Freelance dancers and choreographers generally don’t get paid for travel days. Who pays for the extra day on the train? As the system looks now, it won’t be the organisers. Can freelancers without a collective agreement make that demand themselves? That’s probably going to be difficult.

Then we need to be aware that the more we put artists on trains for longer tours, the more it will inflict on their social lives. Flying here and there has still made it possible for people to have a family at home. An acquaintance whose workplace decided to stop flying altogether recently took the train to a meeting in southern Europe. His partner told me: “Right, so now I’m alone with the kids for five days instead of overnight.”

In a family with children, the one who stays at home might perceive travel as a luxury. But the travelling partner doesn’t necessarily see it like that. It’s late hours, boring hotels, you miss your family, you don’t know what to eat, you get delays, you have to take some weird bus. Then you get home completely exhausted, only to hear your partner say: “Now you’re rested, so you get to take care of the children, because I deserve a night off!” It causes a big dissonance in the everyday life.

What I mean to say is that not all artists will want to or be able to be away from home that long. Because of that, it’s hard to organise them all in the same way. So, I ask myself what responsibility institutions such as the one that I represent can and should have for these questions. What can we promote for the sector as a whole, what questions can we promote for our own sake and what questions can be left to freelancers? I would like to see some coordination around this, because I can’t represent independent artists without first being given that authority. We need to point at what the independent artists do and want in relation to these questions. If I we have that authority – for example, in the form of an appeal or a petition that Cullberg could support – then we stand a good chance of getting to talk with politicians and decision-makers. It is easier for Cullberg than for independent artists to get an answer to an email, or to book a meeting around these questions. I think sometimes, we’re just looking for a bandwagon we can jump on to.

Also, decisions are needed from higher up the chain. For us in Cullberg it has been helpful that our big brother Riksteatern showed that this is important. In the same way, I think independent artists might need something to lean on: that there are directives. As an employer, you have the possibility to influence employees with choices in the workplace. Take, for example, the fact that Riksteatern decided to take away all non tour-related flights, not only within Sweden but also to Copenhagen and Oslo. Or the fact that all Riksteatern’s meetings where the employer provides lunch are vegetarian. I think these things bleed into the private sphere. But can freelancers take similar initiatives that influence a whole working environment? I don’t know. From the freelancers’ perspective, I think some kind of grassroot organisation is needed. I get that freelancers can’t go on a climate strike since no one will miss them on the working place. But I do believe the freelancers have a strong influence on many funding bodies. If they joined forces and wrote an open letter to The Swedish Arts Council or the Ministry of Culture on forcing organisers to reduce flying, I think that would be effective. Funding bodies could earmark money for train travel, for example.

Then, of course, we shouldn’t under-estimate the potential of independent artists to achieve political change through their artistic activities. Artists are creative and have a position of power in society. They have an audience to speak to and forums to express themselves. This said, that is not a task you would want to burden an individual with: You are the appointed Greta Thunberg of artists.

Of course, it can also be a heavy identity to be saddled with, the tiresome environmentalist. But maybe environmental issues quickly are growing more important in our industry precisely because it is predominantly female. Statistically, women are more informed and allow themselves to be more influenced when it comes to these questions. For instance, I read a survey that said North Bothnian men had an incredibly big environmental footprint because many of the things that are associated to traditional masculinity include red meat, scooters and big cars. And when I fly on a weekday, I see a lot of men in suits carrying briefcases. They are probably the ones who are entrusted with representing their companies internationally.

Travel as a symbol of social status is most likely changing, both in the private and professional domain. But I still think it is the case that most people travelling for the first time through their job feel seen: that it’s me who gets to represent the organisation, that I’m the one who’s worth the price of a plane ticket and hotel room. I wonder if we would feel the same satisfaction if someone said: “Normally, you would have travelled to this meeting, but instead we’re paying you a big bonus for doing it as an Internet conference.”

#stinadahlström #cullberg #workingontravel #trainsandboatsandplanes #english

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rachelisnotatwork · 6 years

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Week 6: in which there’s a big rock, papier-mache apples, a giant fork and I probably get arsenic poisoning

Google is normally pretty good at guessing how long drives will take...apart from in rural Australia. I think it must base it’s data on the seemingly endless caravans and camper vans, because it assumes an average speed of 80kmph in the Northern Territories when the speed limit is 130 kmph on the highway and there isn’t much (apart from the occasional overtaking of a caravan or road train) to stop you driving that speed.

The result was that whilst we’d planned the entire day to drive down from Alice Springs to Kings Canyon, we were done by around about late lunchtime. We decided to go for a short easy walk down by Katherine Springs. It was into a valley so we were hopeful for shade as it was a “cool” 36c. Alas there was no shade apart from by the almost dried-up waterhole at the end of the walk, and there were enough of Australia’s fucking persistent flies to discourage that (seriously, I don’t know how they survive as you go somewhere with no signs of life, water or really anything you’d think a fly could live on but the second you get out of the car 500 turn up and try and fly up your nose). Thanks to the flies and the heat, we’d done the walk at a pretty decent clip so we still had plenty of time before sunset.

The main reason people go to Kings Canyon is to do the rim walk, which you have to start by 9am on most days because it is too hot in the afternoon for anyone to want to do CPR on your sunburnt corpse if you collapse from heatstroke. There is however a walk in the canyon, which we did although the end of it was shut due to a landslide. This landslide cemented the reasons I’d not be doing the walk the next morning- 1) I hate dawn 2) my knees hate steps and there are 1000 involved 3) I hate heights, especially when I think the cliff top I’m walking on has a chance of sliding in a landfall into a valley.

It was growing close to sunset at this point so we headed to our hotel at Kings Canyon Resort. This is the only hotel for about a hundred kilometres and they are very well aware of that fact, so they were both the most expensive hotel we’ve stayed in on this trip and the providers of the worst service. Think comically bad, including a buffet crawling with flies and most of the lights in our room being broken. Thankfully since Marcel had to get up at 5am to start the walk at the recommended sunrise, we could go to bed early.

The plan before we’d visited the resort was that Marcel would return at about 10am and then we’d have a nice brunch/early lunch. However the walk time (4 hours) was presumably for overweight elderly tourists because he was back home by 7.30am. Which I was thrilled about as I had pretty much no desire to stay any longer at the resort. We went for the free breakfast (fly-ridden again) and then tried to plan what to do with our day. Because we’d thought we wouldn’t have left until later in the day, we had just planned on driving to our next lodging (a road house in the middle of nowhere) before visiting Uluru the day after. However we didn’t really want to arrive at our road house in the middle of nowhere at 11am, so we decided we’d move our timetable forward a day and visit Uluru that day.

We arrived in time to have some (thankfully fly-free, palatable) lunch before heading to the national park. There are two attractions in the National Park, Uluru and the Kata Tjuta, which is a collection of rocks similar to Uluru but very close to each other. We decided to go there first.

When you drive into the park, you are given a leaflet warning you about the heat and also about hyponatraemia from over-drinking water. I’m not surprised that they had to warn people about hyponatraemia as everywhere inside the park it says to drink at least 1 litre of water an hour. Assuming you are out there for the daylight hours, that would be 13 litres of water a day. Not a sensible amount to drink.

There is one bigger long walk at Kata Tjuta, which was closed because it was too hot, and one shorter one that was open and described itself as going into a lush valley. I assumed this would mean shaded. I assumed wrong. It was in full 37C sun all the way.

Afterwards we headed over to Uluru. I have always thought “but isn’t it just a really big rock?” The answer is, yes, yes it is. It is really very big, but...I guess I’m a bit spoilt from travelling because Utah is very full of big red rocks, which might not be quite as big but they form lots of nice things to see that are much more accessible and most of the time it isn’t hotter than the surface of the Sun there. It’s quite a nice rock, but it costs a small fortune to get there and we’d pretty much driven for days to get there.

We did a few short walks around it’s base and went to the sunset viewing area to see the sun go down. It looked just like it does in the photos. Which means you can go now to google images and avoid the whole hassle.

We had dinner in the town by Uluru as we were about a three hour drive from our roadhouse and that would have stopped serving food long before we got there (we tried to book accommodation 6 weeks in advance in the town with Uluru in but by the time we tried everything was booked out). We then headed out onto the completely empty roads (it is really in the middle of nowhere so there is no through traffic). The drive back was mildly hair-raising as we shared the road with a LOT of wildlife. A dingo, a herd of horses that emerged from the darkness, several herds of cows that we had to slam on our brakes for and a pair of kangaroos. Arrived at our road house at near midnight feeling very lucky that we hadn’t crashed into any large animals as amongst everything else, there is no reception on roads like that and it would have been about 150km to the nearest emergency phone.

Our roadhouse accommodation had just left an envelope with our room keys in stuck to the door. There was a little bit of information about the property including the line “Our water is from a bore hole”. Okay I thought, lots of people’s are, doesn’t seem to taste any worse than any of the other water around here (water tastes terrible in most of Australia, I assume because they are so short of it that it is either desalinated or from some underground reservoir). It was only the next morning when we went into their cafe that we saw the notices above the taps about how you couldn’t drink the water or even boil it for tea. So when I die of arsenic poisoning, we will know why.

There wasn’t much to do at the roadhouse beyond pose at the sign marking the centre of Australia and see their “famous” chicken, Chuck Norris, who apparently thinks he is a kangaroo. He just looked and acted like a regular chicken but I guess there isn’t much in the way of entertainment or fame in those parts.

We had been supposed to have two nights at this road house, but instead we drove onto our next destination, Coober Pedy, a day early.

Coober Pedy is a very strange town. Opals were found in that area and the town sprang up around the mining community. The surrounding area could best be described as a boiling wasteland, so everyone lived in mine tunnels and so about half the town is underground. Driving up to our hotel, it just looked like a hillock. A hillock with a door in the side. We headed in and were shown to a rather cosy, albeit dark room, carved out of the rock with a slight whistling from air coming down the ventilation pipe.

The next day we decided to explore the sights of the town. The first stop was the Serbian Orthodox Church. This was carved by very devoted miner on his day’s off. The place was empty except for one elderly man, very determined to insert the vacuum cleaner he was wielding in front of my camera every time I tried to take a picture.

After that we headed to The Big Miner (a large miner) and a dumped spaceship prop from a movie.

Then we headed to go on a self-guided tour of an old mine. They made you wear helmets. I snorted slightly at this as I thought it was health and safety gone overboard. However the tunnels were about 5ft tall and I hit my head about 500 times in 20 minutes. Part of that was due to being repeatedly startled by creepy mannequins.

Attached to the mine was a museum, which was mostly full of random rocks but it did have some clippings from some great 1920s and 1930s newspapers that they’d found left down the mine.

It also featured a poster on the snakes of Australia, including this one that really doesn’t cope well with rejection.

After relaxing in our room for a bit, we headed out to an area called The Breakaways for sunset. These are some hills in the middle of an area called the Moon Plain, which is miles and miles of nothingness which is apparently of a very similar composition to Mars.

The Breakaways were still boiling despite it nearly being sunset and despite there being no tourists, or really any signs of life, as soon as we got out the car we found….lots of flies willing to try and fly into our eyeballs. Thankfully once you climbed any of the hills it got really windy, which confounded them for a few brief minutes.

We couldn’t stay there until actual sunset as there are pretty much only two restaurants in town and one of them seemed by its menu to be committed to casual racism so we had to make it back before the other place, a pizza joint, shut.

The next day we left Coober Pedy and drove down to Adelaide. This was our longest drive of the trip- 9 hours, because there was pretty much nothing worth stopping at. It was also the biggest contrast. We went from 37c desert to huge fields of hay being harvested and by the time we arrived in Adelaide it was only 10c! I had to dust out my thermals from where they’d been hanging out in the bottom of my suitcase. We’d had quite enough of the car by that stage so walked to a surprisingly good neighbourhood Japanese restaurant (Yakitori Takumi, if you ever find yourself in North Adelaide) and then on our way back home, not only did we find a giant fork to pose with, we also found a late night chocolate dessert bar!

Adelaide is a very green city, so we decided to make it an outdoorsy sort of day. We had brunch (oh the joys of being back in a big city) and then walked to the Botanical Garden. There was a huge queue there to see a corpse flower that was flowering, which we decided to skip (despite the inbuilt British love of queueing) but we did head into the Museum of Economic Botany, mostly because we were curious what that meant. It turned out to be “plants that you can in someway exploit”. Anyway, it was pretty interesting and contained a huge collection of incredibly realistic papier-mache apples. I don’t quite remember how that fit in with the theme, but they were impressive.

Afterwards we decided we’d see if we could circumnavigate the centre by walking through all of the cities network of parks. It was a lovely sunny day and the parks there are beautiful...and also riddled with weddings and wedding parties getting photographed on a hot spring day. At one point we wandered into a Japanese garden to find a queue of bridal parties waiting to pose for photos.

We got pretty tired and stopped for ice cream at a place called 48 flavours (does just what is says on the tin) and I was intrigued enough to get a pear, walnut, fig and roquefort ice cream. Marcel was horrified. I rather enjoyed it though and it gave me enough energy to stagger home. Probably would not have worn my flip flops that morning if I’d known we were going to walk 16kms…

Sunday it was time to say goodbye to Adelaide (after brunch of course) and drive down to our next stop, Warrnambool. We’d thought we’d get there a while before dark because google had always predicted our journeys to take much longer than we actually took. We had however forgotten about the existence of other cars. We were now in the part of Australia with other cars, settlements to pass through with low speed limits etc. It was…annoying. I did find a giant rhino to pose with though.

We had wanted to walk at a small park where an extinct volcano had left a lake, because it was apparently one of the spots where you could see emus, kangaroos and koalas in one place. I’d seen a koala earlier in the day, ambling along the side of the road, whilst driving, however Marcel had been busy pouring over the map at the time and missed it. He was thus desperate to see one. We arrived shortly before sundown. It was cold. 12c. There was no one else in the park (win) and right in front of the (unmanned) visitors centre there were emus and kangaroos grazing. However walking around the lake we saw approximately 0 koalas.

Plus on the way back to the car park our route was blocked by a very large male kangaroo. The problem with male kangaroos is that when they challenge each other to a fight, they stand up straight, so our bipedalism is taken as an invitation to a boxing match. We had to take a huge detour to our car as we had little interest in being disembowelled by an angry kangaroo.

By the time we arrived in Warrnambool it was 8c and I was suffering from temperature shock from having gone from nearly 40c to misty breath and cold toes in a week. Luckily our airbnb had a huge bath so after grabbing some Thai take out, I spend the evening wallowing in that, topping up the hot water and wondering how we could be in the same country we’ve been sweating in for the last 6 weeks.

Ways I’ve thought I might die in Australia this week: the standard heatstroke, hyponatraemia, some sort of epic GI disease secondary to a buffet of flies, death by crashing into a cow in the dark, poisoned by borehole water, from the collapse of an ancient opal mine, beaten by angry brides for ruining the background of their photoshoot, disembowelled by an angry kangaroo, hypothermia.

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xottzot · 7 years

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2017-11(NOV)-07th & 8th-Tuesday & Wednesday------.

Firstly, my internet is total shit...AGAIN....as ALWAYS...AS IT HAS BEEN FOR YEARS......

It has been that way since late 2015, early 2016.......sometimes (rarely) is regains to a partial connectivity and speed but for the most part it always is shit..........

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Fatguts place is again into full swing just as it always was for years.......

As I write this, they are 'camped out' in their driveway......JUST AS IT WAS FOR YEARS.....it's all exactly as it was for years and years and years..........and AGAIN abo todders are running aorund next to the street in diapers......as the 'adults' sit in the shade under the carport......

HELL is repeated and never ends........

ON Tuesday, around just before 5pm......residents all about in several streets heard and saw a VERY loud agressive adult aboriginal man standing on the driveway of the abo household yelling out and threatening and pointing at the aboriginal criminal housheold.

Another aboriginal man came about there and suddenly the first agressive abo turned uopn him and began striding towards him and swinging his arms and carrying on. The man retreated. The agressive abo kept marching after him and not letting him say a word. Each time that he tried, the large abo would stride against him. This went on into the street. It was all VERY loud.

Dogs all over the neighborhood became distressed at the tumult.

All about the place the first VERY violent aggressive abo continued, and again he kept returning to stand on the concrete driveway of that place.

All this was going on for some time even BEFORE I head any of it. I'm guesing it all went on for around 20 minutes. But I am letting the criminals be 'culturally sensitive to their hertage', and to bring up their children and toddlers who were all about there as this was going on. That is their destiny too.

And.....

I'm not speaking to anyone anymore ever again......

Consider it practice for you all for when I am dead for that is what is my ordained destiny. I am already dead without being with dear Fliss......

I would speak to Fliss.

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Let's see what fresh hell the oncoming time brings forth....

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One of the newest moved-in neighbours, has taken to leaving their front porch light on all the time at darkness for their protection, despite them having a streetlight outside and within a few metres to one side of their front door.

No good trying to talk to anyone. Nobody believes until they experience it for themselves. And by then it's too late.

Perhaps they too are awakening to this hellhole But that is a guess.

Damned planes have been horrendous taking off from Perth airport and flying low overhead at any time they want. They are well into 'summer shit routines'.

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No rain.

The weather department (AS ALWAYS) changed their forecast for rain to maybe happening, to rain then arriving a day earlier than they first forecast might be happening. - But of course there WAS NO RAIN AT ALL. NO CLOUDS, NOTHING AT ALL. NOTHING.

And today as I write this, they've gone BACK to their forecast they had in the first place and now it 'might' rain for the next 6 days........but as always NOTHING is EVER EVER stated as fact to occur other than gambling 'percentage points' liable to 'maybe' happen.

'Rain', and thunderstorms are expected to happen at 60% diceroll chance of hapening at this hellhole area. (but there is no use whatsoever looking at any weather forecast)

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Everything is dying.

Not allowed to water anything. (of course the abo's in Kalara Way street don't care about that)

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In a recent local dropped-in the letterbox paper, "The Reporter", 31-October-2017, there was a usual dross newborn baby photo on page 2 (with the regularity of the bare breasted page 3 women of years back), showing somebody holding a newborn baby that had ben born locally.

Except it was a couple, the man being aboriginal?, darker skinned who was holding the baby, whilst the lighter skinned mother stood next to him. All looked happy. Even the baby had a little smirk. Kudos for the photographer for the moment or edit.

In accompanying text for the photo, which in essence was an advertorial ad, it stated that the baby had been born locally nearby at the 'new hospital' in Midland. Midland has vastly changed and enlarged since dear Fliss left here, but it has also gotten so much worse too.

And the article was entitled, "Moort Boodjari Mia milestone".

I'd never heard of that until this advertorial.

In the advertorial it stated, "The service provides holistic care and cultural security, which is crucial to its success." she said.

"As well as pregnancy support it also helps clients that are facing other issues, so they can focus on their new arrival."

And straight away I thought, gee, does that include all the criminals and drug addicts that are so rampant about here because it sure sounds exactly like them and why there s so many criminal kids about who never ever go to school and are only passing time until they can be of age to totally refuse to ever go to school becaue of their older age and just continue on with their lives of crime.

And so swell the jails of Western Australia on the rare times they are actually jailed.....

That's not to say that the couple in that article are anyway connected with the ones of the households at this hellhole. Perhaps they are better than they are and are normal. I hope their child never encounters the criminals of this hellhole. If so it will become just as the ones of this hellhole.

Usually the 'page 3 baby' article section has indicated the general area which the mother and father live at, (as it has for many years), but it was not in this article. - For all their safety and security I wonder?

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I'm NOT posting todays post up yet. I will only add to this until it becomes too full.

Nobody reads or cares about me.

Perhaps death might take me away because I am a breath from total hell.......I hope and pray so.

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Please North Korea bomb the shit out of this place. Or of any other bullshit country or agency, please do the same.

The world has gone to utter shit.

I am glad my dear deceased mother never lived long enough to experience how terrible everyhing has become and is forever getting worse. Especially how people lie after they have earnestly promised to me.

So please North Korea bomb the shit out of this place. Or of any other bullshit anonymous country or agencies, please do the same. You can do it from a submarine. It would be handy for you to do.

Maybe the 'missing' jet airliner craft can be used to transport the bombs to detonate. Not even any need to activate any ident jet devices.

Nobody will care, except for the ones who always profit from misery and have done so for so long.

Destroy Perth city in Western Australia, the Perth airport, the nearby miltary airport base. Just a couple or few nuke warheads of limited capacity will do out of a multi-nuclear warhead payload missile. The targets are all closeby. The areas are all flat and shitty and hot and dry.

If you miss, it'll fuck up the weather and contaminate the area....you know, more than it's already contaminated right now.

Do air-bursts for maximum blast effect. Just make sure I'm dead.

Perhaps try out some jim-dandy neutron bombs or any other range of experimentals, just make sure it goes off.

There's so much shitty air traffic nobody would even notice the jet plane flying crazily about.

Or use a boat on the Swan River, park it up and leave it and just detonste it to destroy Perth. That's do-able. A submarine in the Swan River would likely get grounded in the shifting sands of the river.

It would all look great for the rest of the world for propaganda too. A pathetic hedonistic modern wanna-be city wiped out, that could be easily filmed and photographed for propaganda purposes.....you know, just as the cities in Japan in World War II were.

I once took photos of the old Perth cemetary and it's very old grvaes. That was when I did photography. Maybe you could dig the printed photos out of my archives and use them? - Those people had long been forgotten, as had the place itself. It's since been revamped and prettied-up. It does NOT exist as it did when I took my photos which was why I visited it to take photos just up from where dear Fliss eventually came to work nearby at a brand new BP service station that destroyed her mentally and physically. Fliss knows exactly what I mean, and how I so dearly and worked so hard to help her overcome the shit that was meted out to her there.

And no...I'm not going to be involved in any of this nuclear devastation. Even if I had a nuke and my finger on the trigger, it would be ignored.

PUSH PUSH PUSH.....

And just as I type this....another damned loud jet flies overhead.......

The jets that took dear Fliss away and left me in hell to rot and which have only gotten worse and worse like fucking everything....

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As much as I want to post this up....I'm waiting........the promises to me that were never kept eat at my soul and being and at every moment of every day........

That is the world too.

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My poor dear deceased mother had so much shit thrown upon her in her life even before I was born. And she had more shit heaped upon after I was born. Not from me, but from everything. - I am thankful to God that in the very last few years of her life I was able to take care of her and keep her safe. But she too knew how bad everthing was getting and it was a great release unto God when she died in hospital but she cried out so badly for wanting me to have a good life, and unfortunately I was not here for her because she dies the next day after I showed her that I had found the WILL she had carefully pepared in advance long before she was severly ill. Exactly why dear I made my legal WILL out to dear Fliss so I might never be in the same situation and have it denied.

Mum is waiting for me and I look forward to being with her once again with God.

She too kept trying to tell the truth, and she too suffered so much for doing so, and so dear Mum learned to keep quiet and kept her suffering inside herself. Nobody but me cared. And she knew that.

But it tore her apart, and she had terrible periods. NONE of which dear Fliss ever knew about and which I was trying to tell her but she cut off all contact with me. Despite not knowing my dear Mum when she was alive, dear Fliss respected her and told me she wished she could hav emet her. Fliss told me that herself several times.

I'm sorry I'm crying as I type this.

I will tell Mum what you said Fliss.

Poor Max is VERY upset.

Poor Sam is VERY upset, and VERY worried about poor Max.

Both dogs Max and Sam are waiting for a small bite to eat, as always much more than I ever eat.

It is fucking so hot outside and inside this damned hovel and I'm trying so hard to keep us cool and alive but without being with you dear Fliss it is all utterly pointless and just prolonging hell.

God knows I have always told the truth and how much I have suffered for doing so. So has poor dear Sam and dear Max.

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I love you dearest Fliss and want to be with you.

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hairfashionstyler · 7 years

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Follow our COLOR.ME Design director, Kate Reid, as she takes us behind the scenes of this year’s PUNK.LINE photoshoot!

DAY 1: L.A. TO LONDON TO PRAGUE

3:00 pm: I arrive in Prague. Prague is one of my favourite cities in the world – it’s so beautiful! I hop in a taxi to the hotel and drop off my luggage before heading to the model call. The hotel is simple, but it is right next door to the salon we are prepping at. Lately, more zzz’s rank higher than 5 stars!

5:00 pm: We hold our model call at Stolen Salon, which is an urban warehouse with open ceilings, polished concrete and plenty of natural lighting from the big windows that fill an entire side of the salon. After seeing our short list of around 50 models, we have narrowed the pool down to 10 girls. Kevin and Luis take an image of each so we can later sit down and go one by one through all of the shots we need to capture and confirm our six girls for the year’s collection. The models in Prague have legs that extend to the skies and the most perfect skin, which makes me feel like I need to drink more water! When it comes down to choosing the final models, we have to make sure that the girls we choose are open to having their hair cut and coloured.

Since many of the models do not speak English, Lucie, our Production Manager, translates. It’s so helpful having Lucie in the salon because she is a former model who now works behind the scenes. Now it is time to have an open and real conversation about what we can realistically create with colour and what we cannot achieve. The man behind the brand, Kevin, and his husband/photographer, Luis are essential in making sure that everything falls into place perfectly. The combined knowledge of hair colour and photography coupled with the fashion culture of the team allows us to know exactly what will happen and takes any guess work out of the equation.image48:00 pm: We finish the model call and Lucie books the models, shares the details of the shoot, and sets times for their hair appointments. I tidy the salon and begin to organise my tools and my kit for the next day. Now that I have met the models, I know what I am going to create and I want to prepare my station accordingly. I always overpack; I bring every shade that is on my trend list in multiples. Some of the products I can’t live without are CLEAR, SOFT.VIOLET, 11.0, ICE, SILVER, and 5.86. Bottomless amounts of my favorite textured foil and loads of KEVIN.MURPHY sectioning clips complete my packed essentials.

9:00 pm: Next stop is dinner with the team to discuss our game plan for the shoot. At the table, we have myself, Kevin, Luis, Michael, Lucie and her boyfriend, our stylist, Craig, our STYLE.MASTER, Juha, and our two lighting guys, John and Reuben. Kevin, myself, John, and Reuben are all from Australia, Luis is Puerto Rican, Michael is Austrian, Lucie and her boyfriend are from Prague, and our “Kiwi-turned local,” Craig, now resides in Prague. We exchange stories about past shoots across the globe – Kevin and Luis recently wrapped up a shoot in south Australia in the very same city I grew up in. We talk about our favourite restaurants from the area and bond over our global adventures.

12:00 am: Lights out! Tomorrow is a big prep day and I need my brain functioning at full speed!Color.Me_2016_03_185DAY 2: PREP

6:00 am: I wake up and sip coffee over email. Our bubbly marketing manager, Kiki, has sent me several emails overnight and needs an urgent quote on a trend piece for a popular fashion and beauty magazine, so I send her some thoughts to pass along to PR.

7:00 am: No matter how hectic my travel schedule, I always make time for exercise. We run a heavy prep day, so getting in a workout is key to keeping my energy level high throughout the trip. I head for a 5km run along the river to jump start my day.

9:00 am: Time to colour! I will be colouring six models with our European Education Director, Michael Jung, so it will be a fun day. On set, I allow myself much more time than I would normally use in the salon, as I love to colour and recolour until it’s perfect. It drives Kevin a little crazy as it is a long day of waiting patiently. He spends the day looking at props and heading to stores to pick out the set for the photoshoot. When the models arrive, I know exactly what we’re doing on each girl so it’s really well-thought out and discussed amongst all of us. I like to post my inspiration pictures on the windows so I can see my colour story. Just in case I have an inspirational idea, this lets me see if it will work and fit in.

11:00 am: Prep day is fully underway. Everyone is in the zone, but we have music playing and the vibe remains casual and relaxed.

1:00 pm: We wrap up our “IN.BLOOM” model and I’m feeling very pleased with the result. The shade was something I had been playing around with all year and the details of the colour are absolute perfection. The model is so angelic – this look is my favourite, so far.Color.Me_2016_09_15732:00 pm: Our stylist, Emily, arrives and begins setting up. She takes turns fitting each model and selecting the wardrobe for tomorrow’s shoot. She has so many bags of clothes – about 40 outfits in total. She hangs everything and steams each outfit, treating them as delicately as you would precious metals. She has a mix of high end (expensive!) designer items and some incredibly affordable options you can find at any mall. She has the models try on several outfits, snapping pictures of each one to review with Kevin.

3:00 pm: I feel bad for the models that have been waiting around all day. We only colour one model at a time so it’s a lot of waiting time for them. I turn up the music in the hopes of making the experience more enjoyable.

5:00 pm: I take a second to admire an absolutely stunning pink rose we just created. The way the light catches the hair is so breathtaking as it has so many dense pastel variations.

7:00 pm: Phew, long day. The models trickle out and we all sit with Kevin recapping the looks. Craig brings out some local grappa that his friend made. That stuff is like drinking rocket fuel and I feel my cheeks flush in two seconds flat.

8:30 pm: We head to dinner straight from the salon with the team and we chat about tones of the hair, location, and everything else down to funny, past photoshoot horrors. We eat at the same market every night; it has a nice European vibe and the food is so fresh – it’s the perfect way to finish the day with the team.

11:00 pm: My head hits the pillow and I fall fast asleep.image3IMG_1794DAY 3: THE SHOOT

9:00 am: We walk to the shoot location and I have a quick check over the colours before diving in.

9:05 am: Once we arrive, the models head straight to makeup with Hristina. Kevin and I have worked with her for 3 years now and he sent her some makeup looks and images in the months leading up to the shoot so that the overall vision is in sync. Each model spends about 45 minutes to an hour in makeup and the results are flawless. Then, Emily arrives and has the clothes set up for the day. The models head to styling and get dressed, which is the final step before shooting. She stays on set all day to assist with any wardrobe malfunctions that might occur, but they don’t – Emily is a pro!

10:00 am: We start on our first shot. Luis is pretty chill and knows which shots Kevin is after.

11:00 am: We have our coffee machine set up and I make everyone coffee – one of my favourite things! Us colourists have done most of our work, so I spend my day assisting the others in any way I can: passing pins, SESSION.SPRAY and DOO.OVER, making sure the models are fed – you name it, and I’m on it! I’m just a runner and love it!

12:00 pm: While most of my work is done, the STYLE.MASTERS are now ON! They have a seamless rotation of models coming in and out of their prep station, so they are literally doing hair non-stop. SESSION.SPRAY seems to never leave Juha’s hand except for when he is reaching for ANTI.GRAVITY or DOO.OVER.Color.Me_2016_14_03532:00 pm: We take a pause from shooting and sit at a table to enjoy lunch together. Photoshoots are always such an incredible bonding experience!

2:30 pm: We go back to work and the hair is looking incredible. There is so much movement and texture in the hair – almost a 70’s vibe.

3:00 pm: Kevin is what we call a “world class wafter”. Between shots, he fluffs the hair, making sure each model has that signature “KEVIN.MURPHY” gently tousled finish.

5:00 pm: The models, all dressed with makeup, styling and colour, are so gorgeous! I can’t help but stare at times as they are so exquisite.

8:00 pm: We wrap for the day. The shoot has been a real success. Everyone involved is a master in their own craft and has incredible respect for one another. When you’re on set, it’s like you almost develop a sort of “hair romance” with each other. The trust and respect felt in that set is unparalleled and can be experienced throughout the entire room.

9:00 pm: We head to a team dinner at a beautiful outdoor restaurant on the Charles Bridge. The people-watching is fantastic; the women in Prague are ridiculously stylish. The view from our spot and the overwhelming feeling of history around us is so surreal. Europeans love to come alive at the table, so dinner ends around 11:30 pm. We head to a bar to grab a little Prague culture and celebrate a successful shoot. I fly out early the next day, feeling a deep sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.Color.Me_2016_02_546For more behind the scenes action, check out our video and article here!

#people #katereid #kevinmurphy #hair #fashion #color #prague

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stevejehovahbible · 7 years

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GENESIS 8

1 And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle that was with him in the ark: and God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters asswaged; So let’s set the scene: torrential rain pouring down from the sky in buckets. Water erupting from the earth’s crust in geysers. Millions of gallons of water deposited on the earth every day. worldwide flooding to the extent that mountains are covered. Everything is dead except the inhabitants of this singular boat that was impossibly built by 8 people in less time than they would need to build it, and somehow fits more animals and food than could actually fit in it. And during all of this, God apparently nipped off to watch a Battlestar Galactica marathon and forgot what was going on with His mass genocide? After 150 days (or is it 40 days? This narrative jumps around the timeline like a bad episode of Doctor Who directed by M. Night Shyamalan) a lightbulb goes off over God’s head, and he remembers that he has to save Noah and his zoo cruise, or else he’ll have to do all the difficult work of breathing on dust again. So what does God do to save Noah? Does He snap His all-powerful fingers and remove the water? No. He turns on a cosmic blowdryer, and slowly drys out the earth. Because reasons. He can create the world, animals, plants, people, etc… in just 7 days, but needs months to dry the earth out? Sure.

2 The fountains also of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and the rain from heaven was restrained; 3 And the waters returned from off the earth continually: and after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters were abated. The waters “returned”? To where? The firmament? Because we know that’s not the case (thank you science!) and we know that there’s not millions of gallons of water under the earth’s crust either. And while we’re on the subject, let’s attempt a science experiment at home! *cue Bill Nye music* Get a large pot, and a small cup. Fill the pot with fresh water, and the cup with salt water. Now drop the cup into the pot. Now wave your magic wand and chant spells from the Necronomicon until the fresh water separates from the salt water again. Because that’s what’s happening here. The only way around this is more theistic gobbledygook about how “maybe there wasn’t salt water back then.” It’s amazing how they always seem to find a solution that has NO evidence at all to support it, but is somehow accepted as plausible because it allows them to go on believing their narrative. Because that’s how science works, right?

4 And the ark rested in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, upon the mountains of Ararat. So - just so we’re clear - God’s perfect plan is to set the ark down on a mountain top? So now Noah, his family, and all the animals have to climb down a mountain and make their way back to somewhere hospitable? The penguins had to waddle down from somewhere on a 17000 foot high mountain, and then slowly make their way to Antarctica? Or Australia? Or New Zealand? Or Chile? Or Argentina? Or South Africa? Or one of several islands located between the 45º and 58º latitude South? Because there’s penguins in ALL of those places. They APPARENTLY all came from the two penguins that started off on a mountaintop in Turkey and managed to leave ZERO evidence of their migration to any of these places? That IS miraculous. And this miraculous event occurred multiple times with kangaroos and their migration to Australia, the migration of Kiwis to New Zealand, and polar bears to North America.

5 And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month: in the tenth month, on the first day of the month, were the tops of the mountains seen. 6 And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made: 7 And he sent forth a raven, which went forth to and fro, until the waters were dried up from off the earth.  The ark came to rest on the mountains on the 7th month (lets say July), but the tops of the mountains weren’t seen until the 10th month (October)? So it took almost 3 months to remove the 22 feet of water OVER the mountains, but then God turned the cosmic blowdryer up to maximum and removed the other 17000 feet of water in the next few months? Really? And this raven that got let out in the 9th months (September) just flew around for months on end until the earth was dried out? Why? What about that raven’s mate? How are they going to repopulate the earth with ravens if one of them is out flying around and the other is chilling in the ark?

8 Also he sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters were abated from off the face of the ground; 9 But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot, and she returned unto him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth: then he put forth his hand, and took her, and pulled her in unto him into the ark. The dove flew back into his hand? This Noah guy should be a stage magician. That’s impressive. Also remember, according to this story NOTHING floats. This bird found NOTHING to land on. No wood. No floating corpses - which apparently all dissolved, or got eaten by magic fish that survived the blend of clear and salt water, or fell into an inter-dimensional wormhole that transported them to a planet made entirely out of pizza where they all play in a Rush tribute band (which is just as likely as any of these other stupid explanations).

10 And he stayed yet other seven days; and again he sent forth the dove out of the ark; 11 And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth. Here we see the first prototype for Sherlock Holmes. Remember, nothing floats Watson! The ONLY way this bird could find an olive leaf, is if she pluckt it from dry ground! *Bum bum buuuuuuuuum!* And isn’t it amazing how quickly things start to grow again? Seven days from nothing, to a fresh olive leaf! That flood water must have contained a healthy dosage of miracle grow.

12 And he stayed yet other seven days; and sent forth the dove; which returned not again unto him any more. So it found dry land? Or maybe it died. Or was eaten by a giant fish. Or fell into an inter-dimensional wormhole that transported her to a planet made entirely out of pizza where she plays in a Rush tribute band. We’ll never know.

13 And it came to pass in the six hundredth and first year, in the first month, the first day of the month, the waters were dried up from off the earth: and Noah removed the covering of the ark, and looked, and, behold, the face of the ground was dry. 14 And in the second month, on the seven and twentieth day of the month, was the earth dried. So the math here is tricky, because the narrative is bouncing back and forth like a drunken fish on a trampoline. It SEEMS like the inhabitants of the ark are stuck on it for 378 days. So just over a year. In that (relatively speaking) little boat. With all those animals. Seems legit. And what’s this about a covering? Removed it how? Is the ark a convertible? Then Noah sees that the ground is dry, and goes back into the ark for another two months. WHAT? Why?!? It’s like he’s saying, “The ground is dry, but it looks muddy. I don’t want to get my new Nike’s dirty. Let’s just chill in this cramped box full of animal poop for another 50 days or so. Everyone cool with that? Gotta keep my kicks clean.”

15 And God spake unto Noah, saying, 16 Go forth of the ark, thou, and thy wife, and thy sons, and thy sons’ wives with thee. 17 Bring forth with thee every living thing that is with thee, of all flesh, both of fowl, and of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth; that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful, and multiply upon the earth. 18 And Noah went forth, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons’ wives with him: 19 Every beast, every creeping thing, and every fowl, and whatsoever creepeth upon the earth, after their kinds, went forth out of the ark. God finally tells Noah that his shoes will be fine, and he can leave the floating zoo. Horraay! And also to let all the animals out so they can make with the procreation and repopulate the earth. Sure. And the lions didn’t just straight up eat the rabbits and the zebras? Because….? Let me guess. GOD intervened. Amazing how much intervention He’s able to pull off in this story. No time to help the infants with their bone cancer, or to fix world hunger and starvation. Plenty of time to keep animals from snacking on each other so His genocidal plan can have a story book ending. How sweet. Also we have this repetition AGAIN! Shortened version: “God told Noah to get everything off the boat, and he did.”

20 And Noah builded an altar unto the Lord; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. 21 And the Lord smelled a sweet savour; and the Lord said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man’s sake; for the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done. 22 While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease. WHAT? WHATT? WHATTT? So Noah saves the animals from God killing them, and then sacrifices some of them to the SAME GOD that was going to drown them? You can’t be serious. You can’t. They were preserved to repopulate the earth, and you just snuffed them to appease this petulant child? And this God… this loving God… is HAPPY with the sacrifice and ENJOYS the smell of burning flesh (see the story of Cain in Genesis 4). This prompts him to say something to himself, which is inexplicably written down. Try this out. Have an internal thought. Just in your head. Don’t verbalize it. Wait as long as you possibly can (because in THIS story, generations pass) and when you’re on your deathbed, ask someone who wasn’t even there at the time to write down what YOUR internal thought was. Have fun with that. It will be just as reliable as the nonsense recorded here. God has another lightbulb moment here, when he suddenly realizes that “the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth” (which, wouldn’t that be a design flaw if it’s a legitimate problem?) and therefor will not give out any more farming curses or drown everyone with water. How thoughtful.

#Steve Jehovah #newer testament #god #bible #bible study #religion #logic #atheism

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