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#i feel like i am putting too much pressure on myself to get an A 😔 but also practice questions from study guides r always harder
lemonsrosesandlavender ¡ 14 hours
Note
Rolan being a service sub.
That's it.
That's the ask.
“That’s it, that’s the ask.” Thank you prompter… I did not exactly match your short and sweet energy. In fact, this turned out quite long - but I hope you enjoy! (I think I'll also put this up on AO3 as a Rolan x Reader fic, title TBC. If you're on AO3 and want to off-anon yourself, I'll happily mark it as a gift - but no worries if you'd rather not!)
tags - sub Rolan, D/s, brief bloodplay mention, collars, rimming, overstimulation. 2392 words.
Sometimes, Rolan gets in a strange mood. Helping you almost insistently, begging you to take it easy. It’s often when you’ve been out, defending Baldur’s Gate from some new menace - an adventurer’s work is never done - but just as often it seems to accompany him staying up late, as if he fears having neglected you.
Coming back from an exhausting day of fighting ghouls, you find him waiting behind the counter of the closed-up Sundries, ostensibly taking inventory. The moment he sees you, he drops the scroll he’s holding and Misty Steps to your side, before kneeling at your feet.
‘Ah… Rolan?’ you ask, smiling. ‘How about a welcome home kiss?’
Not that he doesn’t look nice like that, you’re just surprised. Even more so when, instead of rising to give you a kiss, he throws his head between your legs, kissing your thigh.
‘You must be tired,’ he says hastily. ‘Allow me to take off your boots. Please.’
There’s a twinge of something so desperate, so needy in that last word, that you feel the heat stir inside you.
‘Well,’ you murmur, stroking his hair. Pulling it a little, until he gasps and the softest whine escapes. ‘Be quick about it. I want a bath.’
Rolan’s breath catches, and he stands up, an anxious frown on his face.
‘I will heat one for you -’
Snatching his wrist in the nick of time - interrupting the beginning of another Misty Step incantation - you pull him close, cupping his face in your hand. His jaw relaxes a little beneath your fingers, but he still looks tense.
‘Is everything alright?’
‘Of course,’ he snaps, and then bites his tongue. ‘I thought you liked me like this,’ he murmurs, looking a little unsure.
‘I do,’ you tell him, stroking his cheek softly. ‘Very much. It’s just… unusual for you. Obeying me without putting up an argument about it.’
‘Must I always be myself?’
It’s asked with a rake of one pointed canine over his lip, his expression tired. Frustrated even - but not at you.
‘Rolan,’ you murmur. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply - I know there’s more to you than that.’
You kiss him gently, lips brushing his, letting the soft pressure of his lips part yours. His are closed, but as your tongue flickers over their surface he tilts his mouth into yours, asking for more.
‘I was just worried. That you felt you had to earn something from me.’
He shakes his head, eyes closed, and frantically seeks another kiss. Your tongue presses deep into him this time, fingers curling in the soft twists of his hair.
When at last you break apart, you keep hold of him there, guiding his head down.
‘Boots first. And then a bath.’
'Of course.’
Sinking to the floor, he begins his deft work on your laces, elegant fingers dancing across the eyelets. When both of them are loose, you put your foot on his thigh and wait for him to tug each one off in succession, watching his brow furrow as if this is the most important task in the world. Perhaps you should sink into that feeling too. Why should he be doing anything else in this moment than worshipping you, serving you, adoring you? You deserve this.
Your heel digs in a little on his thigh, and he whimpers.
‘You’re beautiful,’ you tell him.
His eyes flick up to you, widening into oceans of gilded brilliance.
‘You are beautiful. I am -’
Kicking your other boot off, you bend down, seizing his jaw.
‘- not allowed to refuse a compliment,’ you warn him, finishing his sentence. The cold, silvery blade in your voice does its job. Rolan nods, taking a deep, shivering breath.
'What should I do next?'
'Pour me a bath. A hot one. I'll be down in a moment.'
Heading to your room, you strip off the last of your combat clothes and rummage in a drawer full of trinkets from your travels. There it is. A beautiful collar you found in the Underdark, glowing with Draconic ruins. Admittedly, it might have been intended for a dog; but it looks big enough for Rolan's neck. And he would look so pretty in it.
Scents both woody and floral swirl through the air, rising from the bath tub steam, enveloping you in their heady grasp as you slip through one of the Tower's many magic portals into the cool stone of the Vault bathroom.
Rolan hastens over, eyes downcast.
'I have prepared it for you. Should I -'
'Rolan,' you interrupt. 'Look at me.'
He does. How obedient of him... although before his eyes meet yours, they brush over your naked form, and he subdues an eager flicker in his tail.
'Strip,' you command him.
'Is that collar for me?'
You slip your fingers back into his hair, about to remind him to follow your orders; but you don't get as far as pulling it. He's already rushing to rip off his robes, yanking with an uncharacteristic lack of care at the collar buttons.
'Good,' you whisper, letting him go.
In a moment, his clothes are discarded in a red-and-blue linen pool at his feet, his sharp toenails curling into the ground. Naked, he looks anxiously at you for direction - or approval?
'I told you,' you say, stroking his cheek. 'You're beautiful. Every part of you.'
Your hand slips down, wandering his ridged chest, tracing a lingering trail over the star of his stomach until at last you reach his thickness, his beautiful length already inflamed with so much lust he whines when you touch it.
'Sorry,' he gasps. 'My apologies - I'll be quiet, I promise.'
Your grip tightens, and he sobs.
'Don't be quiet.'
Rolan nods.
'No. I said don't be quiet.' Your fingers squeeze tighter yet, and he chokes out a groan.
'Of course - I'm sorry - anything you say.'
'Good.' You toy with his cock a little more, more tenderly this time, enjoying the pinch between his brows and the arch of his lip that tells you how much he likes it, how easily you could finish him already. Desire leaks from his tip as you thumb it.
'Should I put this collar on you? Would you like that? Would you like to feel owned?'
He shudders. 'Yes - please - yes -'
'Hmmm. The Master of Ramazith's Tower, collared. Perhaps you should wear this beneath your robes.' You tug the collar snugly, buckling it. Rolan's cock twitches.
'Ah - I believe it locks,' he mutters. 'With an incantation.'
'How do you know?' you tease him, forgetting, for a moment, your icily dominant mood.
'I, ah, was organising the drawers and... found it rather interesting.'
'You fucking whore.'
'Nnnnnh!'
He sobs, buckling against you. 'Gods, please, call me that again!'
'No. I'm getting in the bath.'
'No!' he protests, before he remembers himself. 'I mean - of course - whatever you say -'
'Mhhm. That's right. Now get me a glass of wine.'
The bath is deliciously hot, the water velvet with perfumed oils. Rolan has settled into the luxury of the Tower very enthusiastically, though only Ramazith himself knows how old those perfume bottles are. They might be collecting a little dust, but the smell is so intoxicating, you can't tell they've aged a bit. If you closed your eyes, you could picture yourself in a rose garden at sunset, caressing their silken petals and wrapping Rolan's fingers around the thorns, pressing down just a little until you could lick the blood from his pricked fingers.
Your hand slips down, palming at your groin.
Rolan stops dead as he comes back through the portal, clutching the glass and bottle in his hands tight. His cock throbs at the sight of you.
'Don't come without me,' he begs. 'Please. I want to please you - my body is yours -'
You beckon him closer, plucking the full glass from his fingers.
'Fetch that cushion,' you murmur, gesturing to the chair in the corner.
'As you wish.'
He pads over to get it, the tight curl of his tail tip betraying his arousal even from behind. And what a behind. You feel positively lecherous, drinking in the sight of his beautiful back, his wings and ridges and ass, lust written in the twist of your tongue and the arch of your back.
As Rolan returns to your side, you take a sip of wine, revelling in its rich taste.
'Put that on the floor, and kneel on it.'
His chest rises and falls with each of your instructions, no matter how small. Abruptly, you twist over the side, sloshing water all over him, taking a long look at his pretty cock. It looks even better, slicked with oil and water, glistening at the tip and burgundy-veined along its length.
Rolan's lips fall open, his breath racing. He tilts his hips a little, offering his cock for your gaze.
Well, since you've been invited. You lean further still over the tub's metal rim, pressing your fingers into his open mouth.
'Mmmmmf -'
His hips buck as you stroke his tongue.
'Touch yourself,' you murmur, sinking back into the bath with your fingers still wrapped in their wet, adoring embrace.
'Mmmm - '
Rolan frowns, protesting that commandment in particular; though he keeps sucking your fingers with an assiduous eagerness. Worship, even.
'Touch. Yourself,' you repeat more sharply.
He frowns again, the lines cutting deeper into his face.
'Nnnnn -'
You drag your fingers out of his mouth, and shrug, taking another draft of your wine.
'As you wish. If you won't behave, then you don't get to suck my fingers.'
'No, please,' he gasps. 'I will come - the moment I touch myself - you don't understand how desperate I am -'
'You won't come. Because I told you not to.'
'Ahhhh - I will try - please, just put your fingers back in my mouth - oh!'
Catching his collar in your fingers, you tug him closer.
'Hand on your cock. Now.'
Rolan hesitates, taking a deep breath; then, with an anxious grimace, he reaches slowly down between his legs, wincing as he touches it.
'You're so good, my love. Open your mouth.'
Before you slip your fingers back into him, you soak them in your wine, letting the shining ruby drops slip down their length onto his lips. He whimpers as you explore deeper, fingers pushing back into his throat, testing how well he can take you. Very well. After all, you do punish his argumentative mouth with something much larger, when he's in one of his brattier moods, and though he loves to gag and choke and protest he loves taking you. Today, though his throat hitches and his eyes water, he caresses you quietly, adoringly, bobbing gently on your fingers.
'Put this down,' you tell him, passing the half-finished glass to his free hand. Then, you lean once more over the side, pulling his forehead to your chest, stroking his horns and hair and ears. 'You're so perfect, Rolan. Gods. You're so good at serving me. You're so good at it. I'm going to spoil you for being so good - no, don't come, you can hold on -'
'Nnnnngh!'
He writhes, and suddenly a hot, wet tear splashes down on the back of your hand.
'Oh, Rolan. Does it hurt? Do you want to come that badly?'
More tears.
'Mmmm!'
His breaths are ragged, piercing the air with desperation; but they only make your blood run hotter.
'Fight it for me.'
'Mmmm! Nnnnngh - ah - fuck!'
He pulls back suddenly, and then slumps onto the floor, whimpering softly.
Jumping out of the bath, you kneel beside him, brushing the hair from his face.
'Breathe,' you whisper, and he nods.
Three squeezes of his hand, firm and deliberate. Three come right back. A smile creeps back onto your lips. He's alright. Deliciously close to the border of too-much - but just on the right side. You stroke his hair a moment longer, holding his hand over his chest; feeling his breath steady to mere fever, instead of delirium.
'I love you,' you murmur. 'Do you want to please me now?'
He nods, and the runes on his collar dance.
Gently, you tug him upright, and he takes his place back on the cushion. The veins on his cock are livid and straining, pretty ruby rivers of want; the temptation to stroke them is strong, but you resist.
Instead, you slip in front of him, putting one knee up on the bath rim. You brace your hands on the bath too, and then cant your hips back until your ass is right in his face.
'Well,' you tease him. 'Go on then.'
He dives in. Hands on your ass, spreading it so that his eager tongue can press in, first flickering and then circling and then pressing in, indecent in his haste to be inside you.
'Fuck, Rolan,' you groan, reaching between your legs again. 'Fuck! You're - so - good - don't - stop!'
If only you could enjoy the heat of his tongue longer, the feeling of it stroking you, caressing you - but you want to come so badly already, so wildly you don't want to wait. Rolan moans and whimpers into your asshole. You can't wait, not when you can feel the soft brush of his sounds on your skin, the squeeze of his fingers as he enjoys you, serving you so firmly his tongue must be aching, but he keeps his touch constant and eager, pressing into you over and over again -
'Fuck!' you shout, coming so hard you almost lurch into the bath. 'Fuck! Oh Gods -'
Twisting round, you drag Rolan to his feet, seizing him tight, and although the words 'come for me' are on your lips, they're already too late, because the moment Rolan's cock presses into your skin he shouts and sobs and claws you, spurting his load across both of your stomachs.
For a moment, you just stand, cradling him in your arms, kissing his exhausted face until he comes back to life with a hazy smile.
'Bath?' you ask him softly.
'Did I - did you -?' he asks hesitantly.
'Like it?' You laugh softly. 'Of course I liked it. Gods, Rolan. I loved it. And I love you.'
'I love you too,' he murmurs, and then groans. 'Gods. Yes. A bath.'
Before he gets in, his fingers reach for his throat. 'Do you mind if I keep this on? For now?'
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itspileofgoodthings ¡ 1 year
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me like ..... am I a bad teacher .......because I make class fun and my students laugh ........ surely this is wrong ........
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opens-up-4-nobody ¡ 1 year
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...
#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday#and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased#im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool#and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it#am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them#which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd#and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to#the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project.#ugh its like my boss said#sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project#but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it#but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the#info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel#god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im#so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts#sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now#so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times#and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away#idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4#it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me#also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at#but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly#literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol#whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history#bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk#its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway#i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried#unrelated
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transvoxman ¡ 2 years
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Ok actually I was wrong in the tags, laserblast was never outwardly a jerk in highschool, not for anything that could be traced back to him. He was Always nice, he was Always the bigger person, specifically just so that no one could ever say "he wouldn't make a good hero, he was mean to me once." Poor guy created his Whole Personality around having a career as the Most Successful Hero Ever, he never did a genuine/true-to-humself thing in his whole goddamn life until he started being Venomous.
#laserblast#okko thoughts#AND EVEN THEN! HE GOT SO CAUGHT UP IN BEING THE BEST AND MOST WELL-RENOUNED VILLAIN THAT HE PUT HIMSELF BACK IN A SIMILAR SITUATION AGAIN#he thought to himself 'if only i could leave POINT then i could be myself'#he thought 'wow i could finally stop having all this pressure to be perfect and to keep up a certain image 24/7 now thats the dream'#AND THEN HE WENT AND FOCUSED ON KEEPING UP A GOOD IMAGE ANYWAY TO THE POINT THAT HE WAS BORED WITH LIFE#you can take the perfectionist cares-what-others-think boy out of the hero spotlight but that mindset will still follow him where he goes#and this time he couldnt even blame his dad or POINT for molding his personality into a tiny box to fit a specific image#it mustve hurt to think about. god. 'i faked my death to escape this why am i putting MYSELF through it'#it took boxman crashing into his life to break him free from that cycle of perfectionism and appearances#dont get me wrong tho. he was way happier as venomous even when he was stuck caring so much about what other villains think#because he Relished doing villainous things. he Loved thinking about how horrified everyone who pressured him so much would be to see this#it felt so so freeing to do the exact opposite of literally everything he was raised to be#and of course. raising fink and spending time with her made him really happy too#fink obviously never made him feel the Crushing Pressures and Judgements of Society#she is one of the few people who ever took his mind off all of that instead of making him think about it all even more#who cares about society when you have a little menace to take care of! a menace who loves villainy purely for the fun of it!#idk i have so many thoughts about pv i want to study him like a bug#i wish i was up for drawing a bunch instead of just writing out my thoughts#but this takes so much less energy than making art or writing fics
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mrburnsnuclearpussy ¡ 1 year
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Dude I can’t even.
#like so much goes on in here it’s been wild I’m not gonna explain and can’t anyway but I’m like#exhausted with this stuff#just had to stand up between a 17 year old to defend her from a huge grown ass man who was threatening her like I was fucking shaking and th#the staff were just trying to make me stop but who tf was going to get between them then? because an adult has to step in even if I am a pat#a patient too I’m still and adult and there’s a responsibility there#i swear that’s just the tiniest tip of the iceberg of my life rn but that’s a different stores#anyway I had leave today and have leave for a long time tomorrow and should be nice#and I’m just being myself and trying to help and be kind to people yet I just end up with a guy over twice my age kissing me and then giving#me a letter to clarify that it was platonic but very sweet abt we should being friends for a long time#and feels like he known me for ever even though we met a week ago#and everyone here is mentally I’ll too so no relationships are gonna be super healthy and it puts a lot of pressure now because I feel like#we’ve suddenly got super deep and close very quick and that wasn’t my intention#i was just being comforting and nice like you do#i just#there’s so much more#bdhhsjsjjs#anyway I snuck my phone in my room after leave so now I’m here tying this and by myself trying to process the past week and a half#life update#random idk wat to tag this as#vent#i suppose
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noxtivagus ¡ 2 years
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evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
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poptartmochi ¡ 1 year
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it is the dreadposting hours ur honor
#we're in the cutting corners to survive era of our life rn and that's why we're looking for new insurance.. these past few years we've#hardly done medical things beyond the standard doctor/allergist/dentist visits so i'm partial to getting a plan with#low premiums bc 1. we can't afford to spend too much on it and 2. we haven't really needed it#BUT. while i'm looking at all of this the evil anxiety bug in my brain is like ah but. what if you were suddenly#diagnosed with.. THE DISEASE... i would like to pretend i do not see it#i'm nervous because. my dad puts my mom through so much shit that i worry something Could happen to her just on the basis of blood pressure#and stuff.. but i also worry that thinking about that kind of stuff makes it more likely to come true#fears aside.. girl i don't think any of my medications are approved under the plan i'm looking at which </3 agonies.. i think i would just#have to write to the insurance company or have a pcp write for me to get it approved? which hopefully isn't a big deal#but What If It Is.. i would die without fluocinolone O_O; i'm trying to get myself off of triam before my skin becomes addicted to it so#honestly it'd probably be more incentive to get off of it if i didn't have access to it.. but fluo is the only thing keeping me stable#right naurw ur honor <3 i should see if i can find my old receipts from the pharmacy to see how much it is without insurance#i remember when i used to get eucrisa.. it was like $900 without insurance and i was like. Ah. That's a Nightmare. :D so i hope the fluo#is cheaper.. i think it would be since the price was the original reason i got onto it anyways... :o much to consider#sriracha.txt#sorry for clogging up the dash i just have a lot of thoughts and fears wrt this stuff.. it feels a Lot More Adult than i am comfortable#handling if that makes sense?
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buriesitsteeth ¡ 9 days
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lesbianlenas ¡ 1 month
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to b real i am like. i took con law in undergrad and got an A. i took a class where half the course was based on applying equal protection to certain types of discrimination (which is half of what my con law course is) in undergrad which i also got an A in. i also took a class which was a supreme court simulation that i got an A in. when u put it like that i should be able to get an A in my con law class in law school. u would think right? however i feel like a big dumb idiot trying to study for it ngl.
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hecksupremechips ¡ 2 months
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My biggest fear is that I’ll spend so much time beating myself up for not being good at writing that by the time I get the words down, all my passion will have run out and my ideas will have been long expired and I’ll have disappointed everyone by failing yet again to keep my promises
#the klock keeps ticking#i cant ever think about anything else but the stories i wanna write its the only thing i got on my mind its all i want#but i get so stuck in my head that i cant put any words down and when i do i beat them up so much i cant move on#so it takes me a really long time to create nowadays. if i even try#and idk im really tired of this like it isnt just art and writing its how i do everything#i talk about it so much but i never make anything a reality and i stay in one horrible spot forever#and then i complain about how miserable i am that i havent done anything with myself when im too scared to actually do the work of making#things real#like hnnnghh idk i finally forced myself to stop making excuses and just fucking start officially writing the first chapter of my big shinji#project that i keep gushing about in my head but ive only been able to write a few paragraphs#i cant get much further without getting hard on myself because i feel like every single word i choose is wrong#and i also have been sleeping waaaaay worse than usual the past month from extreme stress so im fatigued much easier#and im just scared im gonna spend so much time on this that like by the time ive finished the first chapter i wont even care anymore#which will really suck cuz ive wanted this for so long and for once i just want something of mine to go good i want to make something#that i want possible just to prove im capable of something so basic#its just all this damn pressure AAAAAAAAAAA i hate everything
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myheartxmyman ¡ 2 months
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Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.
#right now it's all too much#got so many problems and they are going round in circles through my mind-uncontrollably#my mind jumps from one painful thought over to the next and all I currently manage to do is stay calm#endure this vicious cycle of traumatic events#and stop myself from screaming#I am calm I do endure and I suffer#maybe in a bit I will help myself out of this situation I am currently trapped in#right now calming myself down despite of all those things is hard enough#tonight I am drowning in waves of heart wrenching and soul crushing sadness#after a good night of sleep everything is gonna be a bit better I am sure of that#currently I am fighting I am crying I am breaking; but that's alright#when I endure feelings like this now then I don't have to endure them on another time#Life is an up and down#it will get better again#I remember the years when I got so depressed or whatever it was that I felt like everything just got worse and worse and worse#that's one of the things I feel sad about currently I am not doing well at all but nevertheless I KNOW there are gonna be better happier#lighter times#that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own#I am slowly healing myself#I am changing#I am evolving#I am slowly getting better#and it hurt me a lot last year that you didn't acknowledge mile stones I reached all by myself you didn't see me as me#it felt like you looked at me with what you wanted to see and then you blamed me for not being that version of your#as you also mentioned 'dreamwife'#you also put me under pressure with saying things like that it made me feel like I am not good enough#like you are looking down on me#like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain#I mean how old are you?#also you said things that forbid me grieving over the loss of my father and Louis
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l00katthesky ¡ 9 months
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soaps-mohawk ¡ 4 months
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Cherry Red, Crimson Blood
Chapter 1 - The Introduction
Summary: Captain Price has been fighting the requests to add an omega to his team until those requests become commands. You find yourself traveling half a world away to join a pack of highly trained soldiers to balance out their dynamic. Not all of them are quite so happy about your arrival, but you're a good omega who does as you're told.
Pairing: Poly 141 x reader
Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, language, brief moments of panic on the reader's side, scenting, military inaccuracies, let's be real this is so unrealistic but it's a/b/o you're not here for accuracy.
Author's Note: I couldn't help it and I've found myself falling into the Call of Duty brainrot once again so here I am to bless you with some poly 141 a/b/o goodness. It's just part 1, I promise things will get better as the story goes along.
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“I don’t like this.” 
“Believe me, John, I know. But the higher ups are putting a lot of pressure on us with this initiative and I’ve pushed back as much as I can. They’re convinced it will be good for morale and team dynamics.” 
He wants to protest, but he’s been protesting this idea for three months. “What more can you tell me about her?” 
“Not much that isn’t already in her file.” Her tone is not lost on him. She can, but that’s not a conversation to be held over the phone. “She’s quiet and polite, a bit jumpy but she relaxes once she gets to know you. Remember, I picked her out myself.” 
That doesn’t make him feel any better.
He flips through the file again after he hangs up with Laswell. He almost has it memorized by now, having looked through time and time again since the letter was dropped on his desk three months ago. 
He stares at the photo, the headshot taken by the institute in her file. She’s cute, as most omegas are. American, but she had grown up on military bases. At least this world wasn’t entirely unfamiliar to her. He grimaces as he looks over her DOB below the photo. She’s young, younger than he would have liked, but at least she was old enough to drink. 
He sighs through his nose as he flips through her records. She’s been in the institute for nearly ten years, likely sent as soon as she presented. He flips through page after page of test results, notes from her instructors, personality and temperament analysis, essays and essays worth of information written on her and also by her. He didn’t care so much about what her instructors thought, he was more interested in her. 
“Christ.” He breathes as he pauses on the page with her statistics, rubbing his eyes. The file has everything in it, down to heat tracking and her early signs it was starting. 
As if he doesn’t have enough to worry about, now he’s going to have an omega under his care. 
He hasn’t considered taking an omega in well over a decade. Back when he had been young and reckless, he had once considered starting his own pack, but then his career in the military began to take off and he let that dream go. It became too dangerous, and he had seen many times what happened to omegas who were left behind during deployments for too long. 
His team didn’t need an omega. He had briefly considered it in the beginning as they adjusted to the new dynamics, but he knew it was too dangerous and their schedules were far too unpredictable for the sort of stability omegas needed. He had fought time and time again against the push to add an omega to the team. They had settled into their roles easily, and operated perfectly fine with the missing dynamic. 
Then the Omega Initiative was born and he found himself with no grounds to refuse anymore. Task Force 141 was getting an omega whether they wanted one or not. 
He can’t help the tickle in the back of his mind that something else might be going on. He flips back to the first page, staring at the omega’s photo. They’d be here in a week. She’d be flying with Laswell to London where she’d be given a few days to adjust before they’d fly in here and she’ll be left with her new pack. 
Price closes the file, leaning back in his chair. He has a lot to do in the next week. 
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You stare down at the files laid out on the table. Four of them, hardly more than a single page each, most of which was blacked out. They’re all older than you, their birth years at least visible to you. Most of the things on the file you don’t understand, and you weren't even sure how tall they were since you can’t convert meters to feet in your head. 
You’re tired and on edge, nervous about tomorrow when you'd meet your new pack. You sit back in your seat, letting out a long breath. 
“I know.” Station Chief Laswell, Kate as you had been told to call her, takes the seat across from you. “You’re going to have to get used to hearing the word classified. What they tell you about themselves is, of course, up to them, but the things they do, the places they go, even with your security clearance as high as it is, that will all still be-” 
“Classified?” You finish for her. 
Kate smiles. “Exactly. It’s mostly for your safety. The less you know...” 
The less there is to make you a target. 
You’d been given that speech before you left D.C. You’d been given a lot of briefings, as Kate had called them, since you had been pulled into the director’s office at The Institute and told to pack your bag. You remembered Kate and the interview you had done a few days prior. It hadn’t been any different than the other interviews you’d done before, except that you were chosen this time. 
What had come after was three months of intense briefings and training, for what, you hadn’t really known at the time. They had told you little, at least until last week when Kate pulled you into her office and told you what was happening and why it was happening and where you were going. 
“You don’t have anything to worry about, though.” Kate continues, something you’ve been told over and over again during your briefings. “They’re all good men. John and I know each other well. I wouldn’t have picked you if I didn’t think you could handle them.” 
You continue to stare at the files. Two alphas, two betas. It wasn’t an unusual pack, evenly balanced, except for the missing omega. If the situation were different they may have elected to have two omegas to keep the even balance. This wasn’t a normal situation, though. This was a military pack, special forces at that. It wasn’t unusual for packs to form on bases, especially those stationed together for long periods of time. Alphas and betas united together with one purpose, one collective goal. 
That was why so many alphas were drawn to the military. 
That, and the excuse for violence. 
Omegas weren’t allowed to enlist, omegas weren’t allowed to hold many jobs at all. It was usually only in special circumstances, and even then, they were more likely to be assigned into a pack than be allowed to work and care for themselves. In a lot of ways you were lucky. You wouldn’t have to fight to find a pack, fight to find a match, fight for one of the few decent alphas left in the world. Your road had been chosen for you as soon as you presented. 
In a lot of ways, though, things were worse for you. 
“How do you feel?” Kate asks, looking you over. You’ve grown to like the beta Station Chief in the weeks you’ve spent together. 
“Tired.” You run a hand across your face. 
“The time difference will do that to you.” Kate says, giving you a sympathetic look. “Not to mention everything else.” Kate stands, stacking the files and pushing them to the center of the table. “I have a couple more errands to run, so get some rest. I’ll pick us up some dinner on the way back.” 
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You look nervous. 
He can’t blame you. He’d felt a bit of a nervous twist to his stomach this morning as he’d finished ensuring everything was in place. He doesn’t often get nervous anymore, years and years of experience giving him the ability to expect anything and react accordingly. 
This is different, though. This isn’t a soldier he’s greeting, this is an omega. 
His omega. 
As Pack Alpha he had more of a claim to you than anyone else. It was his mark you’d wear, his scent that everyone would notice first. It was his duty to protect you, to ensure you have everything you need. You’re not another member of his team, you’re not even a soldier. You’re just a poor civilian that’s been thrust into this world of danger and secrecy. 
“Captain Price.” Laswell greets him, shaking his hand. 
He greets her back, but he can’t help his gaze as it flickers to the omega. You’re small, as expected of an omega. Your sweatshirt hides most of your curves, but your jeans hug your full thighs. Most omegas are small and soft, designed to be held and healthy enough to bear children when cared for correctly. 
He doesn’t even want to think about that. 
Laswell introduces you, your feet shuffling a bit as you step forward toward him. Coming from an institute, you likely hadn’t had much contact with alphas before now. You try to stand taller, look braver as you stand before him, but he can smell the tangy edge of anxiety surrounding your scent. 
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.” You say, shaking his hand. It’s small and warm in his, your skin soft and slightly clammy. 
“The pleasure is mine.” He says, releasing your hand. 
You let it drop to your side, pulling your sleeve down over your fingers. You shift on your feet, your body language betraying your nervousness. Hunched shoulders, fingers tugging your sleeves over your hands, shifting your weight foot to foot as if you might take off running at a moment’s notice. Your eyes dart across the airfield taking in the movement around them. You’re on edge, alert, and likely a little overwhelmed. 
“I’ll show you around and let you get settled.” He says, his eyes shifting to Laswell. “You and I have some things to discuss.” 
You follow behind him with Laswell as he leads you towards the building that served as the 141’s home base. He points out different places you might find yourself visiting. The gym, the rec area, the mess hall, and finally their barracks. He leads you down the hallway where their rooms were located, pointing out each door before he gets to yours, sandwiched between his own and Gaz’s, with Soap and Ghost on the other side. 
He opens the door, letting you enter. He stays in the doorway, letting you explore the small space. Your bags had been brought in, the faint hint of the beta Corporal that had brought them in still lingering in the air. There’s four shirts folded neatly on the desk, one from each of them that they’d slept in for the last couple days to give you a chance to get used to their scents. 
“The lads are still running a simulation, but they’ll be done within the hour.” He says, drawing your gaze from the bed. “We’ll let you get settled in and I’ll come get you when they’re ready.” 
“Thank you, sir.” You say.
Laswell steps in as he steps away for a moment, letting the two of you say your goodbyes. You’d likely see Laswell again, and soon, but he knows after three months you’ll have bonded with her just a bit. 
Price leads Laswell to his office after she leaves your room, his ears picking up the sound of the lock clicking into place as they walk away. He’d left it on for a reason, wanting to give you the ability to feel safe and secure as you adjusted, even though you had nothing to worry about. 
“So.” Price says as he sits behind his desk, reclining back in his seat. “What can you really tell me about her?” 
Laswell gives him a knowing look. “The CIA has had their eyes on her for years now. The Omega Initiative as it is now, isn’t how it started. They were going to train omegas as agents, and she was one of the first names on that list. They had FIOT put a hold on her file once she came of age.” 
Federal Institute of Omega Training. The name was stamped on the front of your file. It was the highest rated institute in America, the place where most omegas born to politicians, government workers, and some military went. 
“They had agents go in and pretend to be interested parties just to make it seem like there was interest in her.” Laswell continues. “But, you know omegas aren’t cut out for this kind of work, so they changed the Initiative. She was still at the top of the list, but there were some...hesitations as to where to place her.” 
“What sort of hesitations?” He asks. 
“You saw those scores, John. She’s a good omega. Those purebred instincts are strong, and that makes her an easy target.” 
Most omegas born from an alpha/omega pairing were good at listening to their instincts. That was why they carried such a high standing, even among omegas. But, being so closely intune with their instincts made them more sensitive, more vulnerable. They were more likely to give in to an alpha, if the alpha knew how to play them right. 
Laswell pulls a file from her bag, sliding it across his desk to him. “She’d get walked all over in a larger pack, and the last thing she needs is to get hurt by an overbearing alpha.” There’s something hidden in Laswell’s words, his mind filing that away for later. “I need someone I can trust with her. She’s smart, learns fast. She needs a challenge, but also someone that won’t take advantage of her.” 
“It sounds like you’ve grown rather fond of her.” He says, flipping open the first page of the file. It’s the CIA’s data on her, everything they’d done in the last three months to prepare her for her life as a Special Operations pack omega. 
“Like I said, I’m the one that picked her for your team.” Laswell leans forward against his desk. “She knows what she’s in for. She was well prepared for this kind of life. She’ll let you mark her, no questions asked because that’s what she’s been told to do. She’s obedient, John, almost to a fault.”
“That could be dangerous.” Price says. 
“Yes, it could.” Laswell says. “I’m leaving her in your capable hands. She has my number, and so do you.” 
Price walks her back to the airfield, his head reeling a bit as he replays their conversation over and over. The hidden messages in Laswell’s words aren’t lost on him, and his gut feeling that something else was going on had been correct.
“Take care of her, John.” Laswell says. “I’m putting a lot of trust in you.” 
He hasn’t failed her yet. 
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Your body is tingling. You’re not sure if it’s nerves or something else. You haven’t been around an alpha since the day of your presentation, when you had been pulled from your home and taken to the institute. You had nearly wanted to keel over when you came face to face with Captain Price. Your alpha. He’s a commanding presence, the tickling at the back of your neck still not quite gone even though the door is shut and locked. 
The bed is comfortable, not any worse than what you slept on in the institute. There’s extra pillows and blankets stacked at the end, likely for your nest when you finally settled enough to make one. The door to the private bathroom is cracked open, facing the end of the bed. There’s four shirts on the desk next under the window next to the bathroom door, and your bags are sitting in front of the dresser and closet situated on the opposite wall from the bed.
You push yourself to stand, ignoring the way your legs wobble as you stare down at the four shirts on the desk. They’re all olive green, folded neatly in the exact same way. You wouldn’t have known any different, except for the scents gently wafting from them, and the names on the tags. 
Price. You pick up the one that will be the most familiar, bringing it to your nose. Tobacco smoke, aftershave, something sharp like whiskey. All things you had scented on him in your short time together. Underneath you catch a whiff of his natural scent. Something woody, fresh. A tingle crawls up your spine, prickling in the back of your neck again. You drop the shirt on the desk, taking a step back to breathe in the unscented air for a moment. 
You’re breathing heavily as you go for the shirt next to Price’s. Garrick. You press the shirt against your nose, inhaling. Aftershave, different from Price’s. Some kind of lotion. Coconut oil maybe? You can’t pick up more than the base scent of beta, the soothing almondy scent. 
You take another deep inhale of it, letting the beta scent ease you before you let it drop to the desk beside Price’s. You grab the one next to it, looking at the tag. MacTavish. You lift it to your face, scenting another aftershave. There’s something citrusy mixed in as well, slightly watered down compared to the scent of the aftershave. Again, you can’t pick up more than the scent of beta, letting it ease the tickling on the back of your neck again before you let it drop back on the desk. 
One more to go. 
You pick up the last shirt. Ghost. The faceless one. You bring the shirt to your nose, wincing slightly at the sharp tang of gunpowder and metal, smoke and a lingering aftershave. You try to smell deeper, but your nose burns with scent blocker spray. You let out a huff, dropping it back onto the desk. 
This Ghost was dedicated to his anonymity. 
He’s going to be a problem. 
You sink back onto the bed, eyeing the shirts. Your senses have heightened, picking up the scents wafting off of them, mixing in the air. You pick up the sound of boots approaching, three pairs of feet making their way down the hall. You can hear them talking and laughing as they approach. There’s a pause outside your door and you hold your breath, sitting as still as possible. 
Of course they can smell you. You had sprayed yourself down with scent blockers before you left the hotel, but it had likely worn off by now. Even with the blocker, the scent of unmated omega wasn’t hidden easily. The entire base had probably caught a whiff of your scent by now. Caramel, vanilla, strawberries with the undertone of pure omega that made alphas go insane. 
“Coming, Si?” 
Your lungs burn as you hold your breath, and for a moment you’re afraid your heartbeat might be audible from how hard it’s pounding. Steps recede from your door and you don’t breathe until they’ve disappeared. 
You decide to unpack to keep your mind busy as you wait. You don’t have much, mostly clothes from the institute and toiletries. You don’t even have a photo of your family, that part of your life behind you. You put your clothes away, venturing into the small bathroom to put away your toiletries. There’s towels already inside, along with a few things like shampoo and soap. They’re all scentless, like the things you had brought from the institute. 
Nothing that could dampen your natural scent. 
You almost don’t hear the knock on the door, lost in your own thoughts. You take a steadying breath, hand hesitating over the lock. What if it wasn’t Price? What if it wasn’t anyone from your new pack? 
“Just me.” Price’s voice comes through the door. 
Of course he would notice your hesitation. He’s a trained soldier, he’s always going to be aware of his surroundings. You unlock the door, opening it slowly. 
Price greets you with a small smile, your nose picking up the scent of his aftershave and the lingering scent of tobacco smoke now that you’re attune to it. “They’re ready, if you are.” He says. 
You nod. “Yeah, I guess.” It wasn’t like you had much of a choice to say no. 
You slip out the door, closing it behind you. You’d ditched your sweatshirt, wearing a scoop-necked shirt to give them easy access for the scenting. Price leads you down the hallway, back towards his office. You’re not quite sure what to expect, the nervous twisting in your stomach coming back. 
“I thought we’d do it in a meeting room.” Price says, likely picking up on the change in your scent. “Somewhere neutral.” 
It’s smart, it’ll keep you from getting too overwhelmed by other scents or sounds. The last thing you need to do is panic and send them all into a spiral. Talk about a first impression. 
Price pauses outside a door, looking down at you. His gaze is kind, almost sympathetic as you take a deep breath. “Ready?” 
Not really, but you wouldn’t dare say that. You have to do this, and the sooner you got the awkward part over with, the easier things will get. You nod, hands tugging nervously at the bottom of your shirt. “Yes, sir.” 
Price opens the door, stepping in first. You’re glad for the few moments you’re hidden behind him as the scents in the room slam into you. Alpha and two betas, scents you recognize from their shirts. They stand as Price enters, and for a moment you want to stay hidden behind the alpha but you know you have to be brave. You were made for this. The words drilled into your brain over and over again at the institute flash through your brain. You have one job in life and this is it. 
You can hold power over them. 
The words from the book your bunkmate had smuggled in flash through your mind. “The Powerful Omega”, it had been titled. Authored by a progressive omega, it talked all about how powerful omegas could be, even those forced into traditional roles. You can get them all wrapped around your finger if you wanted to. 
You steady your nerves, clenching your hands into fists at your sides and step out from behind Price. Your skin prickles as three sets of eyes are set on you. Price is speaking but you’re not really listening as you take them in. You recognize the two betas from their files.
Gaz, you pick up Price doing introductions, has kind eyes. He’s tall for a beta, almost the same height as Price. He waves to you, offering you a small smile. 
Soap is the shortest of the four, more what you would expect from a beta. “Good to meet ya, lass.” He greets you, giving you a charming smile. He’s going to push your boundaries, you can tell. 
You’re beginning to see the dynamics already. 
“And Ghost.” Price says, your eyes finally moving to the place you’ve been avoiding since you walked in. 
All hulking muscle, Ghost seems to take up the entire room. Your heart flutters nervously as you meet his dark gaze, his face hidden by a balaclava with a skull painted on the front. His presence is oppressive, tickling the back of your neck. You’re not sure if you want to run or submit to him, every inch of him screaming alpha. 
Price’s hand on your back nearly makes you jump, your gaze finally drawing away from Ghost and back to him. “Come on, take a seat. Tell us about yourself.”  
Price sits at the head of the table, Ghost, Soap and Gaz to his left. You take the seat on the right, staring at the other three members of your pack. You jump into your spiel, things that they already knew if they’d read your file. There’s not much else to tell, since everything about you was in that file. That was its purpose, to make you look as appealing as possible to potential alphas and packs. 
“What about your family?” Soap asks, the sharp scent of your nervous energy spiking for a moment. “Do you still talk to them?” 
You shake your head. “Not for a few years. Institutes don’t really encourage keeping ties with previous packs, but I know there were a few omegas that did. It was hard to keep track of where my family was.” 
“Your father was a Marine, correct?” Price, even though they already know the answer. 
You nod. “Yes, sir.” 
“You lived on base?” He asks. 
You nod again. “Yes, sir. We moved a lot, but we lived in pack housing on every base. We were a family pack, and I was number four of eight by the time I presented.” 
“When did you get sent to the Institute?” He asks, almost regretting answering it. 
It’s a sore subject, he can tell by the change in your face and the slight souring of your scent. “The day after I presented.” You say. 
The tension in the room is palpable, Soap and Gaz’s eyes widening in shock as Ghost's shoulders tense just slightly. Price stares at you with a sympathetic look in his eyes. He knew it was likely shortly after, but that soon? Most would wait until the presentation had finished at least, and usually there was some downtime when it came to getting into an institute as well. 
“My father was a traditionalist alpha.” You say, something they also knew by your status. It was printed all over your file, squeezed in every place it could be as a reminder of your worth to whomever was reading it. “It was because we were already on base that they got to me so fast.” You explain. “It was my dad’s status in the Marines that got me into FIOT.” 
“What was it like, in the institute?” Gaz asks, wanting to change the subject a bit, if only to ease the sourness in your scent. 
You huff out a laugh, the corner of your lips lifting in a smile. “Not unlike the military, I think. We had strict schedules we stuck to every day. Everything was dictated for us, what we wore, what we learned, what we did with our free time and how often we got it. Even what we ate was chosen for us. We always had to be ready to be tested at any time, and we were always being observed.” 
“Your test scores were high.” Price remarks. 
You shrug. “I’m a perfect omega, or so my instructors always said. It comes easily to me. I don’t really have to think much about it.” 
“Did you really kneel for two hours straight?” Gaz asks. 
You huff out a laugh. “Yeah. There was one day...it was a couple years ago. I don’t know what caused it but there was something in the air. We were all on edge and worked up. The director got tired of us and made us all kneel in the mess hall during our two hour afternoon break. No cushions, no pillows. Just all forty of us, kneeling on the marble floor for two hours. Not everyone could do it. Quite a few got too fidgety, couldn’t handle the pain. Three even passed out.” 
“How did you manage it?” Gaz asks. 
Price wasn’t a fan of using instinctual habits as punishment. It left a bad taste in his mouth, and he can only imagine what else you could say they forced you to do with such nonchalance. 
“To be honest, I don’t remember most of it. I just let my mind go somewhere else and before I knew it the time was up.” You shrug.
“We won’t make you kneel for two hours.” Price says. “And definitely not without a pillow.” 
You smile softly. “Thank you, sir.” 
Price watches you, the way your eyes dart around the room again, the sour edge of your scent gone, but the tang of anxiety remains. You’ve relaxed some, though, your shoulders are not quite so tense and you’ve stopped picking at your nails. 
Ghost has remained silent the entire time you’ve spoken, eyes glued on you. You’ve tried not to look at him, finding your words get stuck in your throat whenever you meet his gaze. 
He’s going to be a problem. 
“There’s some rules we need to go over before anything else.” Price says. “You have freedom to roam this building as you please, but one of us will escort you if you need to go elsewhere at least until you’ve been marked. There’s other alphas on this base and I don’t want them getting any ideas.” 
You knew well enough omegas frequented the barracks on bases often. You don’t want to be mistaken as one. Even with their scents on you, you know that won’t stop some. You’re not even sure a mark will stop them either. 
“I want full transparency. If something happens you come to me, or you call Kate if we’re gone. If you need anything too, the same order stands.” You’re beginning to detect the edge to his voice, The Captain slipping through his more casual demeanor. “We have some downtime to adjust for now, but sometimes we may leave for weeks at a time. It will be rough, I won’t lie to you, but Kate pulled some strings and there’s an Omega Specialist that’s been brought in for you. You’ll meet her later, I’m sure she wants to do a full workup.” 
You’ve met many Omega Specialists in your time. The beta medical professionals that go through specialized training so they can assist and treat omegas better than regular doctors and medics. Most of them go through a residency at Institutes, studying and practicing on young omegas. The thought of having at least someone who might understand you on a deeper level is comforting. 
“I’m starving, let’s get the scenting over with.” Soap nearly whines, rubbing his stomach. 
His words strike a chord of nervous energy in you again. You had been prepared many times for the scenting. You’d seen instructional videos and done mock practices with your fellow omegas. Yet you feel like it’s not going to be enough. These were real alphas and betas, your pack. What if you don’t like the way they smell? 
What if they don’t like the way you smell? 
“If you’re alright with it?” Price says, looking at you. 
You’re taken aback by the offer for consent. You weren’t expecting it, as this was something you have to do. What would happen if you said no? Would they respect your boundaries? The fact you had been asked at all is shocking to you. You won’t say no, because you’ll have to do it eventually, and at least this way you’ll be walking around smelling like them. If nothing else, it might make this transition a bit easier. 
“Yeah.” You nod, swallowing down your nerves. “I’m okay with it.” 
All five of you stand from the table, your stomach churning with nervous energy. You try to clear your head, try to calm yourself so you don’t stink them out with your anxiety. You need your scent to be clear, to be as tantalizing as possible. 
“Don’t look so worried, lass.” Soap says as they gather around you. “We won’t bite.” He winks at you playfully. 
Your cheeks warm as Price steps up to you. He is right, that would come later. Likely during your first heat when Price would give you his mark and claim you as his. It wasn’t unusual for packs with multiple alphas to let more than one claim an omega, but judging from what you’ve seen of Ghost, you’re not sure that’s going to happen. 
He had a right to claim you too, but from the look of it, he was the least excited about your joining their pack. 
You tense as Price’s hands settle on your waist, lifting you up so you’re seated on the edge of the table, putting you closer to being eye-to-eye with them. They’re all so big, the natural consequence of genetics and their jobs. 
“Ready?” 
You turn to look up at Price, close enough you can see the freckles on his nose and the grey in his blue eyes. You nod, pressing your hands into the table as you bare your neck for him. Your heart is fluttering in your chest as he leans in closer, pressing his face against your neck. His beard tickles your skin as he rubs his face against your scent gland, warm breaths fanning against your skin. 
He pulls away just slightly, baring his own neck to you. You press forward, gripping the edge of the table as you press your face against his throat. You catch the scents you had picked up on his shirt in your room, the surface level scents that were environmental. You close your eyes, inhaling deeper. Woody. Pine? Spruce? It reminds you of a candle your mother used to burn. There’s another scent, the one that lingers. Petrichor, you think, rubbing your face against his scent gland. 
His hand on your side pulls you back from your scent-induced haze, and you force yourself back from him. You take deep breaths of the sterile air in the meeting room, picking up his scent more clearly now as it mixes with the others. 
“Good girl.” He says, squeezing your side gently. Something flutters in your stomach at his praise, some deep primal part of your brain preening at the thought of making your alpha proud. “Ghost.” He says, stepping back from you. 
You’re snapped back into reality as the hulking alpha steps up towards you, moving almost silently. You try to keep yourself calm as he stalks towards you, his sharp gaze burning into yours. 
He’s testing you. 
You won’t satisfy him, holding his gaze as he reaches you, his thighs pressing against your knees. One hand comes to rest next to your hip on the table, his body leaning in towards you. You’re enveloped by the black fabric of his sweatshirt as his other hand reaches up to tug his balaclava up. Stubble tickles your skin as he presses his face against your throat, breathing in deeply. He lets out a quiet sound as he scents you, almost akin to a growl. 
He shifts his weight, pressing his uncovered scent gland against your face. You close your eyes, inhaling deeply. Gunpowder and metal stings your nose again, along with the scent of his body wash. You press deeper into his throat, seeking out his natural scent. Something deep and musky washes over you, like suede or leather. There’s something fresh in there too, almost like eucalyptus. You press your face closer, inhaling it deeply. Your head spins, and you’re sure your knees would have given out if you hadn’t been sitting. 
Something rumbles in Ghost's chest as you scent him in a daze. While all alphas’ scents carried a natural musk, Ghosts seems to shoot directly to some deep part of your brain even Price’s scent hadn’t reached. 
You let out a quiet whine as he’s pulled from you, his mask back in place by the time you pry your eyes open. Ghost is leaning back against the wall, eyes back to their icy stare as he watches you. Your head is still spinning as someone steps up next to you, taking Ghost’s place. 
“How ya doing?” Gaz asks, eyes assessing you. “Hanging in there?” 
You nod, taking a couple deep breaths to try and clear your head. 
“You’re halfway there.” He says, leaning in closer. “Got through the hard part.” 
His breath fans your neck as he leans in, the familiar scent of beta flooding your senses. He was likely doing it on purpose, trying to calm you after the intensity of being scented by two alphas. You breathe in the almondy scent, relaxing into him as he scents you. Your hands raise, gripping his shoulders as he presses his neck close to your face. You seek out the source of the calming scent, pressing your nose into his scent gland. 
You’re drawn from the room and to the time your family took a trip to the beach when your father was stationed in North Carolina. Salty sea air, briney and clean, and something else, something soft. Like the clean linen scented spray your mother used on the laundry. You’re clinging to him, his arms around you as you relax into his scent. The tingling energy that had begun to build up at the proximity to the alphas fades as you melt into the calming energy of the beta in front of you. 
“Easy.” He says, his hand on the back of your head as he pulls you away from him. You take a deep breath, trying to clear your head. “Still with us?” He asks, meeting your gaze. 
“Yeah.” You say, sounding breathless. You knew scenting could be intense, but you hadn’t expected it to feel quite like this. 
“Almost done, hen.” Soap says, taking Gaz’s place in front of you. “Lucky there’s only four of us.”
He’s right, you think as you bear your throat for him. You’re not sure you could have handled it had there been more of them. You already feel like you’re floating, enveloped in so many scents you’re not sure what to do. That tingling has begun at the back of your neck as Soap scents you, your eyes meeting Ghost’s. The look in them has changed, his body poised like he’s ready to strike at a moment’s notice. 
Soap pulls back, blocking your view of him as he bears his throat to you. You press your face into his neck, pushing past the scents you knew, and that beta scent, looking for him. 
You inhale deeply, the scent of warm spices invading your nose. It smells like the holidays, cinnamon, nutmeg, and ginger enveloping you. You can almost taste the apple pie, see the gingerbread houses. You cling to his shirt, holding him against you as you rub your face against his throat. 
You’re trembling just slightly as Soap withdraws from your hold. It’s subtle, but to them, highly aware soldiers, it’s likely clear as day. Your skin is buzzing, like the fluorescent lights above you. You can hear it now, the buzz of electricity. Your pupils are blown, the room suddenly clearer and sharper. 
“There she is.” The low grumble of Price’s voice begins to pull you from your heightened state, your eyes turning to him as his hand cups your cheek. 
You press into the rough palm of his hand, eyes picking up the grey in his beard and hair as he stands in front of you. He’s older than you, they’re all older than you. Older than you, bigger than you, stronger than you. A small tickle of fear begins to itch in the back of your mind, drawing you from your daze. 
You’re vulnerable, entirely vulnerable and incapable of defending yourself against them. Forgetting second genders, they’re all much stronger than you, not to mention trained fighters. You’d be fucked if they decided to try anything, if they wanted to do anything. You’d be entirely helpless against them. 
They could if they wanted to. 
It would be well within their rights. Even though you had just met, even though you bore no claiming mark, there was nothing stopping them. You couldn’t stop them, and no one would help you. 
“You hungry, pup?” 
Price’s voice cuts through your fearful daze. There’s a slight furrow to his brow, likely picking up the sharp edge seeping into your scent. Omega fear and distress was the one defense nature gave to your kind, aside from the omega itself. It’s a putrid scent meant to ward off alphas and betas. You’ve heard it described as smelling like sulfur, burning coals, gasoline, melting plastic, and sometimes even the ozonic scent that accompanied alphas in a true rage. It was a warning, but it doesn't always work. 
Pup. Price called you Pup. 
You haven’t been called “pup” since you were a pup. It’s a commonly used nickname for any status. You remember your father calling your older brothers pup, even after they presented. It could be derogatory, but it’s more commonly used affectionately. He’s trying to ease your discomfort, the fear welling up inside you. 
The door is open, the fresh air of the hallway watering down the heavy mix of scents that had become trapped in the room. Soap and Gaz have already stepped out, Ghosts hulking figure blocking the doorway for a moment as he follows them, leaving you alone with Price for a moment. 
“Alright?” Price asks as your gaze meets his again. 
You nod, still leaning into his touch. “Yeah, ‘s a lot.” 
“I know.” His thumb strokes your cheek, a knowing glint in his eyes. He leans in closer, lowering his voice. “Don’t tell him I told you this, but Soap nearly passed out when we scented him.” 
You cover your mouth to stifle your giggle. It wasn’t unusual for scentings to become so intense that the receiver passes out. You’re sure if there had been more than four in your new pack you would have passed out. 
“Come on.” He says, wrapping an arm around your waist to lift you off the table and onto unsteady legs. He doesn’t even grunt with the effort, moving you easily. The thought sends a shiver down your spine, but it’s not entirely one of fear. 
His hand is warm on your back as he leads you out of the room, the clean air in the hallway clearing your head further. Most bases have circulating air systems, constantly filtering out scents to keep things as neutral as possible. They’re less effective in smaller areas though, especially after scents were intentionally projected. Most military members wore scent blockers, at least while performing their duties. You remember your father coming home at the end of the day with the dull burn of scent blocker still on his clothes. 
Your head is still spinning a bit as you follow them out of the barracks and towards the mess hall. They seem to almost walk in a formation, though you suppose with years of having it drilled in your head, it’s almost second nature. You’re sandwiched between Soap and Gaz in the middle, Price in front and Ghost bringing up the rear. 
The other personnel on the base give your group a wide berth, and even in the mess you can feel the glances, but none of the stares linger. Price guides you next to him as you get your food, adding things to your tray for you. That tickling feeling starts again at the back of your neck as he makes your plate, your omega preening happily at the knowledge of what he’s doing. 
He’s proving his ability as a provider. 
In more primordial times he might have gone out and hunted for food to bring back to you to prove his capabilities. Even in more modern times, he might have hunted as some alphas still did, or he would have gone to the store to keep the fridge stocked full of food. Alphas are good at adapting to their surroundings and situations. He’s proving his capabilities in the way he can. 
You’re also silently grateful to not have to think too hard about the choices in front of you. Even after a week, British food is still a bit unfamiliar to you. It’s not entirely indiscernible, though, and you’re sure you could pick out things that sounded good if you had to. At this moment, though, with your head still reeling a bit and the unsettling energy of a new place filled with unknown alphas and betas, you’re happy to let Price do it for you. 
He carries your tray and his to a table, sitting you next to him. Gaz takes your other side, Soap and Ghost sitting across from you. The choices in their seating arrangement don’t feel quite so random to you, and you quickly realize the arrangement is similar to the room setup in the barracks. 
A beta for each alpha, you think. Gaz and Price. Soap and Ghost. 
Then there’s you, stuck somewhere in the middle of them. Somehow you’ll fit between them, squeezing into their perfect dynamic. Omegas are supposed to help balance packs, but as you sit with the four members of your new pack, you can’t help but feel like you’re only going to make things more difficult. 
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I'm willing to put together a taglist if people are interested...
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opens-up-4-nobody ¡ 2 years
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mourn2 ¡ 1 year
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love my mental state where i can go Yes things are really hard rn but thats okay i am at peace with it and im able to get through it and they can also be good and then 2 hours later i want to rip my skin off
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crimsonblackrose ¡ 1 year
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Sometimes I forget why I like the city because I spend so much time hurrying to where I need to go with my head down and trying to cram too much in. It’s not just because my friends live there, or because I have good memories from school. It’s that I can meet a friend I haven’t seen in ages there and take her to get her first local pizza and the staff will be ecstatic that she’d never had one, it’s that we can go into little shops and they’ll and chat about their products because they’re passionate about whatever niche shop we found and I’ll learn something, like what exactly sulfur looks like, that a little shop that’s trying to get cats adopted unexpectedly was nearly always sold out because they were next to a tattoo parlor and people coming and going from that shop would see them and go oh hey, let me go play with some cats. That we can go to a bar and the bartender will look at me and go “You look nice, don’t be nice.” and I realize that I’d been understood so suddenly and in such a specific way and setting that aside because the bartender didn’t mind making me a different drink if I didn’t like one was such a pleasant experience. That I can pop into an indie bookstore right at the same time that all these parents are taking their kids to reading time and then turning around to go to the cafe and get their drinks, preparing to settle in. Or that I can go to a museum and the kids in a family ahead of us could see that we couldn’t quite figure out the thing we were supposed to do and looped back to say “Do you mind if I show you?” and then were pretty happy to help. Let alone just how nice people in general are when you all come together in the middle of an awful snowstorm to make art. Or if you ask the old guy sitting at the visitor kiosk looking bored what historical things there are to see in the building he’ll be like “Oh boy are there a lot of things to see” and rattle off a happy list of things to see.
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