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kindness-and-friends · 1 month

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//Heya. Mod here. I have good news and bad news

Good news is I'll be pretty blunt with the lore on the souls and stuff! Ask a question about it and I'll probably answer it

Bad news is this blog will be on hiatus :( ill finish the rps tho dw

To put it simply, drama and other projects I need to work on

To put it not simply (This shit is gonna be like a whole essay. Also i didnt proofread it cuz am lazy)

Reason 1: Drama- I honestly don't know what to feel. I started this blog thinking that i can interact with all the underblogs, whatever side they may be on. I kinda wanted this blog to be neutral because I was kinda inspired by underblog💛's. I enjoyed blogs like integrityvictim and such, and followed them (i went feral in some of the reblogs lol) completely aware they were against @/thehumanofjustice. Because I wanted this blog to be enjoyed and disliked by both sides. I wanted this blog to interact with both sides.

It started with incorrect pronouns. Then our small group of underblogs had a vote I wasn't involved in nor knew anything about and out of nowhere human is the 'leader' of the underblogverse. I never liked that idea and I expressed my feelings about it before. Luckily more people can join, but nobody has. I do like the concept of @/underblogmanagement, it's a way for people to interact with others and develop their blogs. But its too early. If anything it shouldn't be called that, it shouldn't have been introduced the way it was, and it shouldn't be made now. If we want to make something like this we have to make it bigger and have every single fucking underblog lend a hand.

I wanted to stop when I got the death threats. I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a fan of the underblogs trolling, and it wasn't actual underblogs hating me. I still think it is. I also wanted to stop when the shipping got too bad. I didn't want this to be like @/undertaleolive that was known as nothing more than being Clover's 'girlfriend'. I don't get as much asks as I used to, and I know the lot of them are from thehumanofjustice or deputyclover (im not dumb.) The only time this blog can be serious is when I make it serious. I chose to let the anons kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to let Clover kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to give Willow those hallucinations and give Xeon a concussion so for once this blog wouldn't just be meme asks and roleplays with close friends of mine. I feel limited.

I think underblogmanagement is dumb. I think this rivalry is dumb. I think this blog is dumb. I think the creation of a whole new tag is dumb. I think the fact that only a portion of human's friends and followers is what makes up my follower count is dumb.

I wanted to be an underblog💛 with a story, not whatever the fuck I am now

Reason 2: Other projects - I'm giving the majority of my focus and motivation on this blog. Any motivation and creativity I have for art and writing gets thrown into here with no recognition. I have other things I need to place my focus on. As @/infinitrix, may know, I haven't updated my askblog in 2 months. Instead of drawing art for that blog, I'm drawing art for this one (only to get like 2 notes). Instead of writing dialogue and lore for that one, I'm writing it for this. If the only people who'll actually see what I post are my friends, I think this blog is nothing more than a waste of motivation. I need to focus on other things, and always worrying whether I have rps to finish or art to make isn't helping at all. The majority of art requests on my main are about this blog, too, and I want to work on art that isn't related to this. The only blogs whose lore I enjoy and would like to know more of are Whisper's, Winnie's, and maybe more that i don't interact with. I do think that if there's only a few people really trying to make their blog interesting while the rest is just shits and giggles, it's useless. I put together lore and relationships and art, and it hardly gets any notes. I can say the same for @/apatientwind who makes amazing art that doesn't get notes, and @/whisper-the-human (im eating your writing style ourgh. Keep up the good work :3). And yeah. Im giving up

I'll finish the last two rps I'm in and then leave. Don't try to start any new ones, I wanna make this quick

So I will finish what's unfinished, and possibly this will become a blog to ask about the lore. Maybe one day, when I figure everything out and have more motivation, I'll get back to this. But that won't be soon.

Ill be active on @goldeneclipsee if there are actually fans out there that arent my friends and moots.

Bye.

#long post #I'm staring at this like. 'Did I really do this? Is this finally the end?'#I'm scared for when human sees this doe

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noetnoet · 5 months

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Important message

So as you all know at the moment i am working on the project Lifechanger. The story was a bit rushed and i didnt really think it out. I am currently also focusing on a bigger project, one where i will work more seriously on. But i wanna know your opinion.

This next story will be more in the genre i like, fantasy or a story in the past. I wanna make it bigger and not set pressure for myself and set dates because that’l disappoint both me and you.

I honestly lost a bit of motivation lately, mostly because of school since ei have a test week coming up. Thats just 2 weeks with 2 tests everyday an. And to be disappointed i myself do not like the story, the writing is rushed in some parts and only the idea of the story is good.

You guys probably hate me for this since i just started and to be honest i would also be annoyed if i heard this from an IF writer, but luckily the story has not been that far along so hopefully you guys are not too caught up in this story. Now can you all choose and to be honest i would rather focus on the newer story. Still thank you all for playing my demo! It was my first ever game. I literally never wrote in IF before so thank you all.

PLEASE ANSWER

#if #interactive fiction #fantasy #story

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toonilumi · 5 months

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I’m not an ominous gray figure in your ask box by will, my friends just don’t need to know that I am publicly BEGGING for fun facts about Nowhere Train. Lumibing old chap I am pleading for the knowledge.

well colorful text anon, i can provide the best of my abilities! Kind of. maybe i can talk about my general thought process with nowhere train instead.

So i've been in a bit of a slump regarding it, but I think I'm finally pulling myself out. See, my Toontown fixation has refused to let me enjoy much else besides it, so a LOT of my OC projects got thrown on the backburner. Its part of the reason I fell off of the splash arts (that and general lack of motivation...). NWT was also in a bad spot of me feeling really really insecure about it.

I... know we're all going through multiverse burnout, so i became really worried about me potentially perpetuating that cycle when i didnt mean to. But I watched Cartoonshi's video about the thing and realized... oh i was just overreacting. That, and I finally got around to finalizing some much needed redesigns. The main 4 just need to be digitized and they'll be done. I wanna touch up Polaris, Henundher, Backenforth, Cozimo, and Stealer so theyre still a WIP (polaris and stealer are very close to being done though).

Coming into the new year I want to actually... do Stuff with them. Now that ive made peace with the fact Im not required to do lunium/"danganmon" content I feel much more free. Unfortunately I must reiterate they are also on the backburner compared to anything Toontown related, so it will be a slow start.

I stated a while ago Id love for it to be animated someday, which is true! But I understand that is... a long time away if it comes at all. Could we expect a comic at some point? Maybe, I've certainly honed my skills regarding the craft. I'd really prefer to start small though (even though I... have mostly worked with small one shot comics, I wanna build to something bigger, ya feel?). Whatever happens... happens I suppose.

I also want to... find meaning in the NWT cast. Various DGM incidents have lead to me feeling detached from my own characters, and I'm only like... JUST recovering from that. Its a hard balance to strike! You want to care enough that they mean something to you, but not too much that attacks against them become personal. This of course could just be because of my interests right now, but you never know.

Anyways, I think I've gone on long enough. This probably isn't what you asked for but it was kind of a vague question! No hate though, I love talking sometimes.

#not lumi art

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scalproie · 2 years

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gotta say, im a bit surprised by people being confused by John's apparent 180° in terms of morals this episode compared to the last, because if anyone did a 180° this episode, it's Arthur.

Last episode, Arthur was consumed by bloodlust over killing Larson, he passed it off as justice to John, which IS a noble cause and absolutely the right thing to do, but we all know he was projecting HARD his self-hatred on the man, he didn't want to avenge the victims or even Addison, he did it first and foremost for Faroe, because Larson is the embodiment of Arthur's biggest defining moment (one he cling on so much it even saved him from being erased by the King in yellow) and what he views himself as: a monster who killed his own daughter, even tho for Arthur it was an accident and for Larson it was a deliberate act to gain more power. And Arthur was alone when he began to view Larson that way, if anything, the only thing Yellow did was pour gasoline on the fire of his self-hatred. Anyway my point here is: cool murder, wrong motive, Arthur wasn't losing his humanity or anything, but he was so personally motivated in his desire to externally "fix" his own and biggest mistake from years ago and earn some sort of redemption in his own eyes, at even the price of his own (and John's) life that he just could not see the bigger picture. Something John was able to do, being contextless and knowing Arthur.

Cause like they said in the episode, John's really acting as Arthur's conscience now! He cannot physically do anything (or at least used to or in very limited ways) other than seeing, so the only thing he is able to provide are suggestions and choices to Arthur, but in the end the one mostly in control of the body, Arthur, will make the final call. And he cannot get his way by ommitting things to Arthur, at best that would be a breach of trust (and it turned out so well last time), and at worst it could cost both of them their lives. John's goals so far have more or less kinda been "find out answers" (shared by Arthur) -> "escape the Dreamlands and the King" (shared by Arthur) -> "keep us alive" (shared by Arthur?), and that last part really cemented in after ep24 when they left the cultists, John wanted to help them because, well they clearly needed help, and frankly in John's mind back then, they don't really have anything better to do at the moment than help people, until Arthur made them leave under the semi-true excuse that THEY should think about staying alive first before offering their help which may result in their death (even tho he was still under the goal to go and kill Larson to atone in his own eyes), but you can tell John still took what Arthur said to heart because of this episode: they want to help the cultists, sure, but his current underlying first and main goal is to keep them alive (tho Arthur in particular I suspect)

Which brings us to the moral dilemna of ep27, first off, a very important detail is that their new ally has agency, THEY were the one who suggested being used as bait so Arthur and John could succeed, if it had been Arthur or John who proposed or even forced their ally to dristract the creature away, it wouldve been immoral, but their ally has already made that choice: they were ready to die if needed to save their friends. Now for Arthur's choice, if killing Larson above everything else was personally motivated, refusing to sacrifice their ally was equally personally motivated: Arthur's ashamed of his bloodlust from the previous ep, again he wants to atone above everything else and prove that he IS the captain of his soul and he wants to stirr it in the right way, and not putting someone in danger IS noble, but the risk of putting THEIR own lives in danger is bigger and, well... just because your decision was noble didnt meant it would turn out well.

Basically, Arthur went from one end of the moral sprectrum to the other, while John, who outside of his relationship with Arthur, has no stakes in this whole situation (on his soul or otherwise, he is not making the decisions after all), sit more or less in the middle and whose current role is too balance Arthur out, so both of them can stay alive.

BUT even if John is being the most level-headed right now, that doesnt mean he is and will always be right (pretty sure he would even blame himself for telling Arthur to pull out the lighter just so he can see, and everything happening next being on his hands), just as even if John is making personal and emotionally-driven decisions right now, he is not inherently selfish, he was willing to end his own life for John after all, which is the ultimate sacrifice someone can make.

tl;dr: basically both Arthur and John are nuanced and complex as well as flawed characters of which I am particularly surprised and pleased over how realistic and human their characterizations are.

#like. this is a story and those are made-up characters so of course things will feels off sometimes #but we real people are extremely contradictory and full of multitudes. were not just only one thing or the other depending on the situation #anyway this got long. malevolent well written👍#tagging later #malevolent #malevolent spoilers #long post

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joesanimationblog · 1 year

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Fox Plot

I have spent some time choosing between three main ideas, The Stink Wizard Mag Smrodu, Waiting for the Turtle Train and The Fox. I had a good idea of what Stink Wizards and the Turtle Train would be but the Fox idea was still wide open.

The Stink Wizards

The Stink Wizards idea revolved around three elemental wizards, one being Mag Smrodu the stink wizard, another being Mould Wizard and finally Mud Wizard. They commit felony tax fraud and are on the run from the IRS. The idea would be a comedy action adventure film where they have some kind of wacky plot to flee the country and start new lives as farmers in Argentina. I wanted to have their escape be the central goal of the group and have them escape police and the IRS through slapstick chase scenes where they use their magic powers to outsmart and escape the police. I liked this idea a lot and thought it would make for a really funny film but I dont know if the amount of action in the plot would be viable for me to do on my own, and without the action I figured that the plot would feel stiff, slow and the concept would fall apart and the humour wouldnt come across. If the wizards just talk, whats the point in their powers. I also had an idea to do their trial but as all three would be wacky wizard characters the joke of absurd courtroom antics might get a bit repetitive as the setting isnt very flexible. Ultimately I decided to shelf this idea.

Waiting for the Turtle Train

This film is set in a shrinking desert oasis where the last animals are waiting for the train to leave as their way of life is no longer viable. The train is a large turtle and is the only form of transportation. I wanted to do a series of scripted interviews with these characters where while at a small train station in the middle of the desert they would explain their situation, what they used to do, what they want their life to be like and generally give insight into their life, hopes and fears. I wanted the characters to range from predators to pray and give them varying human roles and traits. My characters included a rabbit who has many children she is traveling with, she wants whats best for her kids and has lived a quiet life and is saddened by having to leave, another character being a rattle snake who is some kind of criminal, this character is humbled by the collapse of their society and although is not changing their ways entirely has some regret for their contribution to the situation. I want some humorous characters like a possum and mouse who are good friends that lived together and are co dependant in many ways and a hedgehog with a cactus as a friend. I liked all these characters a lot and found it quite easy to come up with new ones, but while the conversational interview style would work well given my time period, it didnt have the comedy or oomph which drives me to work on projects, I found myself struggling to give all the characters purpose to create a bigger story and when I came up with a bigger story - for instance an idea where pipes which appeared in the oasis pumping out water to a nearby town - when trying to incorporate that into each of the characters motives it just felt preachy and uncharacteristic of all of them, and if it wasn't going to be included as a big plot point, it felt unnecessary. I kind of lost the point of my idea and thought it was a bit of a nothing burger. I do think it can be made good with enough thought but I don't know if I'm excited enough by it to take the time that it needs.

The Fox

My third idea was The Fox, I wanted to have a fox and a lazy shopkeeper admire a wall oposite the shop keepers house. The fox sneaks into the shop keepers house and looks at the wall and they develop an odd semi companionship. While the man doesnt let the fox stay he takes the fox to a park and gives it some food. The man goes back to his life and while working in the shop an old lady comes in complaining about the fox which is rustling around and making noise outside her house, she says someone "ought to do something about it" and hires a french black market fox hunter to exterminate the fox. The fox hunter comes into the shop and questions the shopkeeper but during the interogation the shopkeeper notices the fox outside the shop, the fox is signalling for him to be quiet and the shopkeepr explains that he doesnt know what the hunter is talking about and hasnt seen any foxes. The hunter leaves and after the shopkeepers shift he heads home. He hears the fox as he walks home and sees the fox howling and screeching in excitement and happiness as the fox looks at the wall, the man smiles and they both sit together.

the hunter arrives and calls the shopkeeper who panics and turns to look where the fox was, but the fox is gone. The hunter is supicious and says he heard noises but the man claims it was him. The hunter, tho suspicious leaves and the shopkeeper goes home. When he gets home he sees the fox sat in his chair and is spooked.

I don't know where this plot goes from here but I really like the rhythm and flow of it and have a lot of fun imagining the possibilities of what could happen. I think this has a lot of potential because as long as the fox hunter loses and the man and the fox remain safe and good friends the story has a clear and satisfying ending, so whatever leads to that point can be wacky.

I think one of the strengths of this idea is that if the fox is sneaky it can allow me to animate it less than other characters and so this will save time, the small cast and strong setting also gives it a clear sense of space which will make writing and drawing out backgrounds a lot easier as it is based somewhere I used to live in Kemptown, Brighton. The characters all have strong personalities and clashes and I'm particularly excited by the fox hunter. I have written a series of quips which has been really fun and helped form his villainous background. One of my friends is French and has the accent and agreed to record voice lines for me when I get to that stage and so I'm confident this character will be really funny.

"I will catch de fox"

"Vermin!"

"Egh"

"This is no ordinary fox!

"Ahh, I am getting closerrr.

"You are acting very suspiciously Mr Hugh"

"You are crafty... but I am one step."

"I once worked in the circus. They loved me... I was Alexander the Great Fox Tamer...That was long ago. Now I am Alexander the Fox Conqueror and I will conqueror this fox!"

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sweatydelusionpaper · 3 years

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Chapter:231: Okay.umm. okay.this is gonna be confusing, hella long and all over the place cause thats exactly how i am feeling. Now i have already mentioned my confusion over the character osaragi and her motivations on here before .And this chapter definitely didnt help in that factor at all but has further elevated my mental chaos.

So, there is obviously the thing that there is probably no problem at all. That there is no reading between the lines and that everything that koba chan mentioned in the story is absolutely true. That she likes ishigami, projected her feelings onto tsubame, hence wanted ishigami to be with her, and thereby saw miko as a threat which led her to dislike her.

Like these panels, which i previously discarded as her just being a nice person and wanting to help him, may hold some romantic intentions behind them afterall. And that probably might just be all, no secret motivation etc. But, but i still feel like something is wrong.

And the reason is that, i dont believe that koba chan hates miko.

She says all this and i dont think shes lying. I think shes does believe what shes saying but i feel like theres more to it.

As we can see, in middle school and even during the election arc and the sports festival arc, koba chan never seems as if she dislikes being her friend. She even cries for her. You dont just start crying for somebody's happiness that you secretly dislike. Now now, i know what you might say, that this was before iino fell in love with ishigami so obviously she wasnt having that much of a problem

Yes thats true. But what i am trying to say here is that, koba chan definitely doesnt hate miko as a person. She loves and cares for her a lot. So why does she specifically not want her to date ishigami? I get that she is jealous but why wasnt she jealous of tsubame? Why just miko? Because she obviously does care for her as a friend and she even wants ishigami to move on and be happy.so why does it irritate her only when its iino?

I am calling this rn, that theres a bigger picture to this.

With that being said, now that koba chan has said that miko would have to choose between her and ishigami. Which unfortunately for all of us, miko heard. And even though,miko did cut off her ties with koba chan, she probably isnt gonna pursue ishigami anymore. Or maybe' bad girl 'miko(is that what we are calling her) will. Aahhh i dont know

Ahh young love 👄

#iino miko #ishimiko #yu ishigami #kaguya sama #love is war #kaguya sama:love is war #also theres the whole theory of koba chan being in love with miko #Which i still believe in and this chapter made me have a lot of thoughts about that possibility #and i kinda wanna make a post about that but i just dont know #maybe i will who knows. its not like i have anything better to do #also next chapter is the backstory. i dont know how i feel #goodnight peeps. i guess the angst is back #we only got chapter of happy feels.

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lupinzapezit · 3 years

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hello i thought it was probably time for a state of the blog update so,,, if you wanna know where ive been and whats happening read below (tw for mental health / s.uicide mentions)

if you do read, please like this post just for my own knowledge

okay so first of all i rly hate to be making this post because i absolutely hate being that person in the rpc who just constantly whines and guilt trips people over their own mental health without taking steps irl to work on it. im not gonna go into a lot of detail bc frankly its a lot and i dont super feel like it. (also i feel like its only kinda acceptable when the Big Blogs post a lot of ooc which i am definitely not, like my value is only tied to how much content i output but thats something im working on in my own time and not anyones fault persay)

basically i had a lot of shit happen at the end of 2019 that cause me to go into a very low period and while i was working on improving from that time, obviously the world had different plans plus last year was my final year of uni. i moved out in february this year in the hopes that it would continue to help me heal but along with the fallout of some other events, it’s left me incredibly alone and with a fraction of the support network i once had. june was extremely rough for me where i attempted twice and nearly didnt make it to my 21st birthday.

pretty much with working in customer service and australia being in and out of lockdown constantly (which makes my work much busier because people contact us when they cant go into stores), ive barely had any room to breathe or to try and work through things? and because writing is tied to my goal career of film and thats been difficult as well, you can probably guess why ive been struggling lately to be on tumblr and to write.

now dont get me wrong i adore my muses and being able to write. bucky has been an extremely fun and interesting character for me to explore. i literally never thought i’d end up writing a marvel muse and its caused a lot of hesitation due to how i approach him and feeling insecure. which is fine! thats natural! and ive been doing my best not to project those insecurities onto the dash and my partners but because of how poor my mental health is lately, that means ive just been very inactive. tumblr has always felt like a place where if you’re not constantly active then you lose people and while i know that’s not necessarily the case, it’s still a struggle. when i am here, it just feels like yelling into a void which is not a great motivator.

so what does this actually mean? tbh i’m still trying to figure that out. i made this blog initially with the intent of it being quite small and focused on character exploration n the like and i do still want to keep that goal. there’s a lot to bucky i still very much want to write and explore which i havent because of various reasons. i dont necessarily want to leave but i feel increasingly unsure about my presence which sucks because i have made some very good friends in the last year and a bit stint ive had on tumblr since leaving my old main rpc. i dont really want to give up this passion.

for the time being, i’m probably still going to be low activity and my presence on the dash will be minimal. if that turns you off, feel free to soft block or unfollow. you can tailor your own experience the way you want. replies are probably going to be more queued and i wanna put a stronger emphasis on longer threads and character/dynamic development as i originally intended. again thats not everyone’s cup of tea so if you wanna leave then feel free. but atm i dont really feel connected to my partners and mutuals which sucks and i wanna improve on that. btw if you are reading this and youre down with this, message me and say hi!! i know that tumblr rp has developed this culture of not approaching people (and i struggle w this too) but the easiest way to plot with me is just to ask.

so yeah! tldr; brain extremely sucks, been feeling very disconnected and uncertain about my muse/writing capabilities/general self esteem, trying to work on that by taking things at my own pace and having bigger threads/metas more infrequently. i’ll still be more active on discord of course but hopefully these steps will help me feel a bit better about being here.

thanks for reading all of this if you did, i really appreciate it :)

#ooc.#negative //#suicide mention /#i'll probably rb a few times for when people are active on different timezones #also idk if this makes any sense but. yeah

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chikkou · 4 years

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late to the discussion but what do you think about buzzo?

im definitely not as passionate about him as other characters in the series, but i find him pretty interesting... its fascinating the way he scapegoats brad for his own guilt about what happened to lisa, and then after brad mutates, has to come to terms with the fact that brad was not the monster he built him up to be in his head, and that he basically drove him to joy addiction and his untimely death for no reason

buzzo was at his peak power in the painful, and while its cool to see, i actually find it better as a build up to his downfall. he had most of olathe under his thumb, he was living this out this life of twisted hedonism with no one to stop him, and its not until he encounters brad after a long while of not seeing him that the whole thing starts to unravel. note his initial reaction when brad first encounters him in the painful - after doing his creepy drug dealer schtick, once he actually sees who hes talking to, the whole persona drops for a moment and he simply states, “oh... its you.” brad doesnt recognize buzzo, but buzzo recognizes HIM, and i think the sight of him brought back memories that buzzo wanted to leave behind him, thus why he began the game of torturing brad with impossible decisions (party member or all your stuff, party member or your limbs, etc).

but that cant last forever. as much as buzzo wants to blame brad, deep down he KNOWS brad was not the one at fault for lisas death. he fights against that though, and keeps torturing brad until it kills him - but that isnt justice. it doesnt bring lisa back, or make up for the sins done to her, and he isnt even targeting the right person. he seems to have realized that in the joyful - hes miserable pretty much the entire game, and doesnt smile at all anymore (whereas in the painful, that big smile was his default sprite). he sleeps with brad beside his bed because brad is the last living tie he has to lisa, and torturing him had been the only way he could still feel connected to her before that. i think realizing that is what makes him change his mind about olathe and yado, and leads to him getting himself killed to stop yado.

i definitely was a much bigger fan of buzzo in the joyful, because while he is formidable and threatening in the painful, in the joyful we get to see his entire web unwinding and the truth spilling out. he never really grew up properly. he was so wrapped up in that trauma, he never learned how to cope or move on, and it corrupted him from the inside out. he blames himself so much, he projected all that onto brad because he had to blame anyone else, and brad was a convenient sponge. but its himself that he really hates. this is most easily seen when he mutates in front of buddy and barely attacks her during the battle; he spends most of the fight crying, calling out for lisa, and biting himself to kill himself faster.

speaking of buddy, its also interesting to note that he has zero interest in her, in ANY capacity - the only times he interacts with her were specifically designed to torment brad. he forces brad to choose between cutting off her nipple or killing all of his party members, and has one of his men hit her with a club in order to force brad to consume several joy pills. but he doesnt want her, and surprisingly, he is actually one of the less cruel characters to her. he is still cruel, of course, but i would put him pretty far down the list - he doesnt come anywhere near mr angoneli, who scars her face and wounds her eye, or yado, who killed her mother and abandoned her to use her as a pawn in whatever game he was playing with olathe. even brad technically does worse, since apart from making her kill at least two innocent men, he also kicks her so hard she flies across a room, and then beats her so badly she visibly begins bleeding while she is trying to protect marty.

but he has no qualm with her. he actually helps her in the joyful, and more than once - he saves her from brad after he mutates (its unclear if brad would have seriously harmed her, but as there is a battle encounter between the two of them before buzzo steps in, its possible he could have), explicitly tells his joy boys not to touch her when she enters their hideout, and later saves her again from sweetheart, taking mortal damage in the process. i definitely think her resemblance to lisa is a big part of why, but more than that, i think buzzo at this point has become genuinely regretful - he knows he has done wrong, and a lot of it, but he cant just walk back all the things hes done. he helps buddy in such a way that it doesnt seem cognizant at first; after all, if hed wanted to harm her, he could have easily done so right at the start. buddy was alone and trapped between both buzzo and brad. but that was never his goal; his motivation, like brads, is almost exclusively centered around lisa, but when he has finally slain the last person who had any direct connection to her, he realizes that it is much, much too late.

at the end of the day i guess what i find most interesting about buzzo is the parallels between him and brad, and his little “relationship” with buddy. brad and buzzo deal with near-identical guilt, as the only two people who knew what lisa was going through but didnt (or couldnt) stop it - but while brad internalizes that pain and primarily focuses on dulling the pain with drugs and alcohol, buzzo externalizes it and makes all those around him suffer instead. its heavily implied that his trauma from mutilating lisas face and practicing amputation on those animals gave buzzo some kind of amputation fetish, since many of his joy boys are missing one arm, and if buddy talks to them with her joy mask on, one of them will compliment her for having both arms, suggesting that buzzo does this somewhat regularly. he doesnt know what to do with those feelings, so he makes everyone in his life suffer as he is suffering, something that brad does unintentionally. theres just SO much to get into with him that its really hard to narrow it all down LMAO

#anya's anons #long post #i enjoy the dichotomy of buzzo and yado as the Big Bads of the series a lot #because while we know a decent amount about buzzo and its easy to infer what his reasoning is and why he acts the way he does #yado is an absolute fucking enigma. no one knows why he created olathe or joy mutants for certain #its only known that the joy mutants were a deliberate part of his plan and that he wanted to be ''god'' essentially.. but god over this? wh #its fucking interesting dude #abuse mention #gore mention #drug mention #eye gore #idk what else to tag this as but i think i got evrything LMAO #lisa

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snazzamazing · 5 years

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Most of you have noticed already but there has been a huge lack of me posting recently. I have been having one of the most toughest artist times for a while. I've in this mood where I would be having major art block bit lots of motivation at the same time. When those two moods combine into one, it just makes one big mess of chaotic emotions. It's been going on for a long time. I'm stuck with my art at the moment. I'm just going to come clean and say it but doing art lately has been feeling like a tight and complicated stressful schedule for me. For months and months I've been having a mindset where I feel like I NEED to be posting constantly because I fear that if I dont, people would leave me. I fear that my account would just die and that my content wouldn't be relevant anymore. I hate that feeling. My art has been seeming like it's only meant to be posted to show that I'm active. My text posts or me answering questions now made me realize that I'm not even doing those for fun anymore! I'm only posting them to let people know that I'm still here. It really does seem like I'm working for some big company and that I have to post my work constantly and have to make sure it's all coming out perfectly, and its stressful. Now this is nobody's fault, this is just how I feel now.

I like to look back at some really old posts/art of mine to remember what it was like to feel more free. I miss the feeling of not caring about people's opinions on my interests. I miss the feeling of posting whatever I wanted and posting whenever I wanted. I want to go back to that and I am for sure going to work hard on getting back to that. I've honestly have been so scared to post art now. I miss posting about ships I like, about stupid comics, about my silly fnaf ideas, about my other interests but people's judgments and opinions all of a sudden matter to me now. It has started being that way ever since my account started getting bigger and bigger. I would get attacked for bringing up a thing I like or a thing I'm into and it really scared me and made me not want to share my opinions or interests ever again. I absolutely despised constantly having that feeling. That all ends now. I want to be down to earth with everyone because ya know, I'm human too.

Okay now let's talk about what I wanna do with my art. My art has been feeling repetitive and bland to me. I dont want that. For the past time I would mention stuff like "posting this soon!" Or "get ready for a new post Tomorrow!" And then never post it ever. Why? Because plans dont work out all the time. I only post art I'm satisfied with so if my art takes forever to post or just gets cancelled on posting then that's that. I do feel bad, but I'd rather have art up that makes me happy too. The fnaf 2 art I said that I was gonna post? Yeah, not happening. It's not turning out as I wanted so sorry for missing out on the fnaf 2 anniversary:(

Speaking of fnaf, I am still going to continue drawing it. But I've been wanting to draw other content too for the longest time. The reason why I dont post other content more is because nobody is interested in it. It doesnt get as much attention as my fnaf art. That used to not bother me but the thing is I cant keep doing fnaf content forever so I care now. I want to post more about my ocs and their wacky world. I want to post about other fandoms, even fandoms that I'm not even into! I have been dging to post overwatch but held back on that because the whole blizzard controversy happened and I was scared that people would hate me to post overwatch at such a bad timing like that. I've been into overwatch for years and have been wanting to post art about it but didnt because I was very self conscious on my human style. But now that I figured it out, things went all over the place. For those of you who dont know, I've also had an overwatch blog years ago but deleted it later cause I didnt like how the blog turned out. I am going to post overwatch art in the future cause ive enjoyed the game for years now. What blizzard did was terrible and I'm not on board with it so please dont hate me, I just really like the OW characters. ANYWAY, I WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND RANTED OFF TRACK BUT YEAH. I WANT TO EXPAND MY ART A LITTLE.

And last thing. I've said it before, but I HATE feeling like my art has to be on a schedule where theres deadlines and where I have to post constantly. I'm having mini burnouts. So to all those people who sent messages about me not posting anymore or about my account dying, I want to let you know that my account is still alive and will have posts. Please understand that if I am taking forever to post something new, I am trying to figure things out. I am trying to figure out time management for school and art. I am trying to figure out things on my art style. I am trying to figure out new ideas for big projects I wanna do. I am trying to figure myself out and I dont need to be rushed. I am an artist and I am free to do what I want and post whenever I want. Art is for fun and for stressing myself out.

THERE, THERE I FINALLY RANTED IT ALL OUT. It was an extremely long rant, but I really needed to get it off my chest. Again, nobody is at fault here and nobody is forcing my wack behavior to be like this, it's just some thoughts I need to get out of my head. You are all important and matter to me so I have to be honest with everyone. I cant keep hiding away. I'm just some teen wacko girl that wants to draw characters and be friends with you cool weirdos :)

Love you all💖

Edit: I am so sorry if my rant made no sense and is all over the place or if it somehow upset people, that wasnt my intent. Its 2am and I'm all panicky so I had to rant sO THAT I CAN SLEEP

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pbandjesse · 4 years

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Overall today was a really good day. My back i kind of hurting but thts because I was hunched over making art for almost the entire day. It was great. I actually felt really motivated to work and that felt really good.

I slept pretty well last night too. We pulled out the box fan and I forgot how nice the white noise it creates is. I slept really soundly because of that.

I woke up at 8 like I told myself I would. I scrolled on my phone until almost 830 when I actually got up. I got a shower and sat with James once I was dressed. Watched him play animal crossing for a while. I played for a little too. He had already gone on his bike ride before I woke up so I didnt have to think about him leaving any time soon. Which had pros and cons. Pro: James is here!! Con: I find it harder to work when he is here. I dont know if its like a subconscious, self conscious feeling. But I dont get nearly as much stuff done when I know he is in the other room. But he went to make us lunch and then I asked if her wanted to sit on the fire escape while I worked in my pottery. And he said sure.

So thats what we did. He read the new yorker and I sanded out all the lumps in my bowls. I think over all I did a good job. I spent an hour doing a first pass on all 5 of them. Took a break. He went inside when the sun got to bright. I came inside eventually too. But I spent a lot of today just sanding.

I laid in the studio, a little sun tired. Played a little more animal crossing. James did too. A bug touched me? I am not sure where it came from but there was a bug on me at one point and I was not happy about this.

But the day went on. I went back to sanding. James brought me lemonade. And then he headed to work.

I listened to a podcast, or 4. Eventually I was left with 4 pretty good bowls. The very first one I made cracked really bad. I knew it was going to happen because I tried to put wet clay on dry yesterday and that never works right. So I put that one back in the water bucket. And wiped down the other 4 that were finished.

While those were drying all the way from their de-dusting, I started a bigger bowl. A more confident and better techniqued bowl. And when I was done with that I spray painted the first 4 and I am very very pleased with that. If you spray paint on something lumpy it just makes it look more lumpy but these just look soft and I am super proud of my sanding.

I plan on painting on those tomorrow or monday but I am really happy with how they came out. I get my pottery painting itch scratched. Im very happy about it.

I came inside then. I cleaned a little. Still didnt do the bathroom floors as much as I wanted but it will get done. I got nothing but time really. But I cleaned. I put away the dishes. I got started on a new project with wooden Popsicle sticks. I bought 1000 of them so I am looking forward to making something with them. I had snacks. I played with SweetP and I played animal crossing. I just had a really nice day.

The sun is going down now. I might take another shower to just get the dust off. Its getting to that time of year where I like two showers a day. Sunscreen will do that to you.

I hope you are all having a really nice night. Sleep well. Be good to eachother.

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order-progress · 4 years

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I used to have a really entitled outlook on life. In my mind though, I was entitled to my thought processes because it was where my mind existed in the place having had come from a once far more turbulent era. Back then I didn't question things that werent outwardly obvious. I didnt question the unremarkable identities of things that exhibited no distinctions amongst one another. Life was a stream of experience, and I just did the best of choices I decided to arrange, or really actually, more like shuffle choices into a messy pile and pat myself in the back cause I could squint at it my mismatched pile of non related events and not feel guilty for putting off routine, structure and goals.

I guess it isnt so surprising to anticipate that like all my other experiences, disicpline would present itself when and if I needed it to be summoned out of wherever creative and yet very hard to imagine location i would imagine it arriving at some future, ambiguous date, just in time to make no work look like fancier no work and with ribbons on it.

Something very common happened to me, something that is happinning right now all around the world, no matter how many days, or years after i first posted this here.

My boyfriend broke up with me.

I wore my entitlement pretty high that day, because somehow, despite there having been no carefully executed plan made on ky end--some masterpiece scheme of genius where one could really see there existed some reasonable and healthy attention to tackle to fucking problem.

Nope. My mother fucking entitled ass decided id actually be shocked. Not even fake shocked. Thats how you know you have lost touch with your surroundings, because big things happen in your wake..while your awake and yet somehow your stuck on who killed the butler in the library with the candle stick.

What makes this one of the most significant event despite its occurance being fairly common globaly, is that his presence had caused me to become more aware of more of the things I would have otherwise taken in stride, none of these events were remarkable on their own, but collectivelly, I had inadvertantly cleaned up my mindspace to find neatly organized clusters of thoughts no longer blending into the subconcious like 70's urban grafitti.

I didnt hold that moment to some disporportionately skewed sugar coating scale just to get ribbons on them after they were organized,I just acknowledged them, like a breath,where as before, they were simply obstacles or pit stops that would perpetuate the chronic attention deficit I had welcomed into my head. I like to think of ADD as the worlds most innefective street sweepers, they sweep alright, but they just make a bigger mess and then you got things in places they have no business being in.

I was in a place of low self worth because of an accumulated collection of short lived and half assed adventures, disastrous endeavers and the nefarious presence of something so obscured, so black and forboding, made me avoid certain places for simply not wanting to deal with the house keeping it wouldve required to mitigate its destructive intentions.

I kept myself busy to not force the acknowledgent that this would become a source of not only my insecuruties, but then in addition to its ever increasing interconnectedness, its complexity. Its chambers that hardened like a mystical kight of armor, whose drawers were full of destructive objects and thoughts that rattled in their confinement as a means of foreshadowing something so sinister, I could not then yet fathom the destrutive ways its icy talons would engulf and twist into my everyday life simply to create chaos, and it didnt register that this was a problem because amidst this battle royale of fragments and bits of poorly put together patterns, Francisco's presense was a light whose emimation lulled me into a complacecy I hadnt anticipated

It wasnt that in this period, that I conciously made a decision to disregard the growing issue, it was the novelty of being in a loving, beautiful and mature relationship with someone that as each day grew, so did my conviction that this person was becoming the brightest fixture in an ever cramped confined hallway of possibilities.

As I stood there aware of this moment, feeling a satisfaction and a gratitude I had never felt before, I realized that I had come so far on autopilot, it was a move that was almost instinctual, I rolled my sleeves up, put on the rocky theme song, got my gym bag ready, went and bought like every stupid unessecary stupid trinket shit people buy to feel like their getting a handle and a good start on some shit, but really it just becomes the infuriating bag of junk that is now the obstacle between you and the door handle to exit your car and actually start your project.

I felt a sense of urgency, I saw how unequipped I had been and while I was and it was this moment that taught me how much I loved him. I reckognized that somehow I was one of those fucking weirdos that jumped through those seedy ass short cut type scenarios in life to give you the same effect of the real thing in less the time, kind of like a GED vs high school diploma, or plan b instead of condoms.

I recognized that there was an innate element of unneccesary risk involved in many of my accomplishments. The risk was usually always a concious decision that I would accept a certain amount of totally unnecessary consequences that typically would define the life of those people who you catch specific glimpses of in mysterious times like dawn or dusk. And be like..yea i could totally see that guy having to figure out what to do with the llama he inherited as a result of some gamble.

This was no longer an acceptable risk. It wasnt that i thought it was dangerous or scare him away, its that I am not the kind of man that wakes up and sees the problems his factory has and finally knows how to fix it and then just be okay with going to bed and put it off.

This is where I get annoyed again. I knew that I wasnt capable of actively doing something against him, because we both agreed on things, and also neither of us was completely high as fucking kite on methamphetamines while operating a forklift to tune a paino yet.

I couldnt ever feel bad about atheletes who ugly cried after being disqualified for juicing to get an unfair advantage in the sports world.

Yet once again my overwhelming confidence, my lovable man mentality of "fuck a map or tools you got grit, spit and teeth". Prevailed.

Im mad because it was this moment right here. In a sea of me being happy to grow and learn and doing the rignt thing. I saw a place i overlooked, its presence was almost like a marker that there were many other areas i needed to work on, and i got sad.

I didnt feel good enough. I felt like a mess. I felt dissapointed at the pride in nothing I had taken so many times. I was finally proud of the changes i was making again, only to be reminded in a very real way of how I never had structure, never had a fail safe implemented effectively to instead of adopting either anxiety or no fucks about an event that could have been in my power to mitigate, i either didnt even notice I missed it, or didnt care.

As I started seeing the mountain of work I had to do, I wondered what it meant about how effectively i could handle other things moving forward, it was an irrational fear that I had that I would dissapoint him because I wanted us to be happy. But i am an artistic person, people who work with details to make a larger picture learn early on how to work details, and I never evaluated just how shoddy my altertanitive crash course was like getting PlAN B instead of putting a condom on.

I can handle pressure effectively. I can be okay with my decisions. What I cant do is open up a factory, see everything that was negelcted when I now know how to fix it, and then go to sleep like nothing bothered me.

I never in my life found myself in a place where i came face to face with old life and it made me feel sad or humilated. I felt like a fraud for just having gotten lucky that everytning worked out, while he worked hard.

I suddenly felt something I never experienced before, fear in love. The moment where you realize your not a piece of shit because you actually dont want to let someone down, the moment when you feel bad because you walked around in life with luck you didnt give a second thought to and passed it off as hard work. And here was this beautiful man, whose life was suffering and hard work, and you realized all of it at once, and there I was, eager fucking beaver captain america man of the house cause now i feel like a god damned engineer since i could assemble an ikea 3 piece wrench-back the fuck up motherfuckers.

I just felt humbled and i felt driven. I also felt the pressures rise up around me and I dont know why I couldnt look away from the sight of the realization of how id been. And its not like i did it all on purpose, but from that moment on, it was as if I had something to prove to myself that at that time I couldnt understand yet because I hadnt reflected yet. And as I was taking the scenic route on ways to "punish yourself is actually how we fucking motivate ourselves around here cus were fucking men" the bigger I created something inside me that wasnt ever there. And then as the places that I had been tendering to and growing in started to not be kept, pressure in my life at home happened. And for the first time in my entire life I was embarrassed at my life.

I remember the moment I felt it, my mom leaving me at work after I lost my car. I walked 2 miles in the cold because i was infuriated that I allowed another event I could have forseen to happen.

I never in my life reflected this intensley on my actions before. Having him in my life made me realize I had been holding myself to a higher standard because I am at my best when I when I am actively building towards something. I opened a place in me I never saw with those eyes and it hurt me. I tried to let him in, and to be honest, the insecurities of him seeing all that mortiified me..not because I would be seen as a slob or this or that, i was just dissapointed that I for a time during when I needed it the most in my early life, I wasnt necessarily taught healthy ways to do things. Mostly because I came to this country at 10, didnt know english, parents worked all the time until i was 16 and then dad got sick with brain cancer and we caught it after he had a seizure cause dad apperently loved moonlighting as my biggest fan when he would go reading my journal at night.

I didnt know how to explain it to francisco. I was feeling. New concept, i was feeling out of sync, i didnt understand why it hit me so hard. I was trying to look away and orient myself on the present.

I could have just dealt with that. But i suddenly felt raw and vulnerable. My boyfriend and I were getting into arguments because I just wanted us to be closer due to this need i didnt know how to vocalize about what I was going through, and he hesitated because he probably thought id leave him if i saw his dirty secrets.

That was the one thing he really never appreciated about my love. I just knew. If everything else was as evident ..like this feelings and where they came from and how to process them healthy while ...it just all got too much. I didnt know how to tell him what I needed. I just needed him.

I started to feel like i wasnt tethered to the focused areas I was so eager to work in. I just kept telling myself communication is key we will get through it.

Then I the drugs did something I didnt expect them to. They turned off this guilt and switch. They gave me the quiet to make them come down to a more manegeable place where I wasnt overwhelmed anymore.

Because I couldnt process this in words at the time, i didnt know how to express that to him. It led to me feeling guilty for not understanding why i enjoyed doing the drugs aside from the stimulant effect. When i tried to explain it to him, it was like trying to coin a cheesy motto for a doomed cereal commercial in french, basically everuthing sounded like something he had no understamding or could relate to.

I started feeling depressed because i could see that although from his perspective we were fighting..

I was even more frustrated becauese we werent fighting. I was pretty much crying, trying to tell him in french something he didnt understand while he was yelling at me in english about me not respecting him by not speaking english.

This was the worst fucking part. Because part of the issue that led me here was accountabiliyy and communication.

I kept telling him in the only way i knew how.please im sorry i know things are getting worse. But this isnt how we are.

I thought we could get through anything.

In his mind he saw a piece of something, he ignored my emotional attachment to it..and i mean i cant blame him, other people never quit.

But even in those moments i knew i wasnt going to be other people.

And suddenly i was alone. I was depressed. I had realized that it wasnt us that was th issue so i tried so hard to communicate more effectively that he got frustrated and said i talked in loops. I felt so alone because i understood his frustration and i just needed him to trust me. But that was the perfect storm when i just got so alone feeling from his inability to just not look at me how i felt at myself. And i honestly tried to fix it in the middle of him running away and the most painful thing was that he couldnt understand and i didnt know how to say it.

I dont blame him for leaving

But a part of me breaks to my very core to know that if he just literally lookrd at me like yes i was going crZy but i was just hurting and overwhelmed.

All i wanted and needed was him.

The worst. Pain was that he didnt see that.

And i needed to explain it. And he didnt let me.

I felt like i was desperatly trying to express something of real explaination. I just honestly was desperate to because he was running.

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themagiciansreccenter · 5 years

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The Great Blank Spot: @under-the-shady-tree

So much goes into creating fanfiction even before the first words hit the paper. And in-depth spotlight on our writers and the process behind their work.

Tell us about your current project.

It's about timeline 23 and everything I think could have happened during it.

The fics are finally posted from The Trials. Did you participate?

I didn't, I would like to at some point in the future, but I was so wrapped up on this and past projects that I completely missed signing up.

What is your current word count?

46,405

Do you try to write daily? Do you have a word count or other goals you try to hit for each writing session?

I write most days, I wouldn't say daily but really close to daily. I used to try for a word count goal but I started to get really discouraged and stressed by doing it that way. I set goals like, get this conversation finished, rewrite that bit of narrative, start this scene. On days I'm not feeling that creative I handle something smaller and on the days I'm bursting then I tackle something big.

What was the inspiration for this fic?

The episode "Twenty Three" mostly. I loved that there were all these little changes about the timeline and I wondered what else could have been different. I also wrote something in a different fic with Penny23 and it had a few of his observations about the differences between the timelines that I thought were really fun. I found myself not able to let go of the little pieces and I needed to write a full fic on it.

How do you stay motivated between chapters/stories?

It's hard sometimes, but I've found that when I start to think about quitting I remember a scene or a moment later on that really excites me and remind myself I have to keep writing to get there. Also talking with others in the fandom and getting that support has been really the biggest thing, knowing that someone else is excited about what I'm doing.

Did this fic require any research? How much research do you typically do for your fics?

I watched the episode Twenty Three a lot. Each time I would watch it I would try to plot out one of the characters stories and make sure I get them to end up how they ended up in the episode. I also have reread the first Magician's book multiple times in the past few months, paying extra close attention to the Brakebills chapters so I could bring in as much book stuff as I could. For other fics, I can't think if much research I've done. The stuff I wrote about didn't really require it over knowing show and book canon. This has been the most research I've done because of everything it involves.

Do you typically write ahead or post as you go?

I usually post as I go and it's what I have been doing with this fic but I've recently decided to hold off posting until I have more written. I want to give myself some time to really work hard on this because it's a bigger fic than I'm used to writing. With more characters and storylines and just a lot more going on. I'm going to see how it goes with this fic and I might keep that going for future projects.

How much planning and outlining did you do before you started putting words on paper?

Oh man...a lot. This fic has been slowly brewing since the episode aired and I posted the first chapter in September. The time between all that I was working on this in some way. It was mid July that I finally felt like I had the story in place that I wanted to tell and began officially writing the first chapter.

Has it been pretty smooth sailing or rough waters? When things get rocky, how do you handle needing to rewrite sections or scrap scenes entirely?

It hasn't been all that smooth, honestly. Trying to figure out what to add and how things could be the same or different has been a challenge. There are at least three big events that happen in the show that I have completely deleted and one of those was really hard to let go of because of how attached I was to it. Ultimately though, the story works better with those things gone and I try to remember that. There are other things I've cut for lesser reasons, mostly because I think it will make the story drag a little. I have a few I've put a pin in and hope to someday write them as a shorter fic that could accompany this one. So some things that are cut aren't going to be gone forever. Still the biggest thing that gets me through when it gets hard is the wonderful support I feel from this amazing fandom.

Excerpt

“Eliot?” Closing his eyes, Eliot felt like he might actually cry and he took a deep breath before finally looking at Quentin who stood awkwardly in front of him like he appeared out thin air. “Are you okay?” Eliot smiled, Quentin’s eyes were wide with concern and Eliot almost felt sorry for him. What had this poor kid done to end up anywhere near him?

“I’m fantastic.” his voice didn’t sound familiar but he pushed on. “What are doing here?” Quentin pulled his arms around himself; he wasn’t even wearing a coat.

“When Amanda gave you that note, you got this look on your face,” Quentin looked embarrassed but Eliot’s heart sped up at the thought of Quentin studying his expressions enough to know when something was wrong. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” his teeth were chattering now and Eliot shook his head as he shrugged his coat off.

“So you ran after me without a coat.” Eliot stepped forward and draped the coat on Quentin’s shoulders. “How romantic,” They stood close enough for a moment that their breath visible in the cold air, swirled and mixed together until it was all just a cloud of mist in front of them.

Anything else you want to add/think we should cover?

I just want to say that for the first time I feel I'm starting to come out of my own shell and really feel more comfortable asking for help and I want to thank everyone who has been there. It means the world to me!

The Great Blank Spot is an in-depth spotlight focusing on the writing process and previewing in-progress fics for our fandom. It is meant to be an organic, ever-evolving feature. Previously interviewed fic writers can reach out to us here, to have a specific work featured. If you’d like to have a work featured but haven’t done the author spotlight, reach out to us to get started. If you have suggestions for questions you’d like to see answered, shoot us an ask!

#the magicians #the magicians rec center #the great blank spot #author spotlight #author spotlight: under-the-shady-tree

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kosmicdream · 6 years

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Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that!

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno?

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds.

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading

#personal #comic writing #ffak faq

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royal-king-q · 6 years

Photo

WHOO

I’ve gotten a ton better this year! June was when i first joined tumblr so everything before that i haven’t posted

All individual drawings below the cut including information about the pictures

January

My first drawing I ever did in Paint tool Sai and my first digital drawing of Jack!!!

February

I did this for my birthday in February (the 15th if anyone is curious). I did a difference from when i first started questioning my gender identity (right) and was identifying as Gender fluid. in a year I had settles happily as trans (left). The blobs were called Inky and changed in design too. The blue heart is a stone I got from my friend that I liked a lot

March

This was a redesign of a very very old OC/Pokemon version of myself I did in junior high originally.I’m still happy with the scarf and the eyes! you can see the sketch lines still cause I accidentally merged the line and sketch by accident and didnt realize until it was done.

April

My first DnD character, Fero!!! My first DM was amazing and I had been planning a bigger drawing with everyone’s characters but it was such a large party it was taking a loooong time and then i found tumblr. But Fero was a tiefling rogue from a bad family and was getting money to get his younger brother out of there.

May

This was another person from the campaign, i didnt really draw in may a lot so I didnt have many options. I forget his name but he was a albino tielfing raised by wolves

June

This was what really got me on tumblr! I had found the blog @ask-dark-ask-light and introduced myself as Q! I met @hiighlxnd-fxe and @the-potatoy-one and the awesome admin @freckled-words there! I believe I had submitted this to the blog and when i saw how much people liked it, it inspired me to make my own blog!!!

July

This was the first sticker I made on my redbubble! It was taken down due to the rebubble markiplier copyright incident but I now have it on my Society6!

August

An amazing commission of Chase I did for the lovely @assassination-artroom back in august! It was my first experimentation with lighting and I actually did research to find Chase’s gun and worked my ass off to trace the main lines on the actual gun and simplify it and draw it XD

September

the first of the commission set I’ve been doing for @freckled-words. It’s been 4 months and I’m on the last of the 4 drawings in the set now! I did a lot of sketches for this one and experimented with the background a TON and with shading and lighting even more

October

Ya’ll know him, It’s Indom!!! the long limbed edgy boi!!! I actually had first created him november 2016 but he’s finally become a actual full OC now. I love this piece because even the lining itself came out well and the background looks amazing!!!

November

I recently did this piece for a class, it was my first attempt at an actual background! on the left is Kyra and the right is Beta! I actually went and had this piece printed and framed! It’s on the wall of my room.

December

This was my final project for my animation class! I have a gif version to but I like the still better. I love this piece because it came out so damn well AND Mark himself saw it and liked it!

I’ve improved so much this year thanks a lot to the motivation I’ve gotten from all of you!!! Thank you all!!!

#artist on tumblr #art improvement #markiplier #jacksepticeye #OCs #indom #kyra #beta #~Q talks #~Q draws

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