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ice-cap-k · 7 months

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Glassy Eyes

This is where I start getting carried away.

Fanfic of a fanfic. Based on Sixteenthdays' "From the Archives" series. Supposedly takes place after their story Immersive Story Telling.

Their tumblr

Seriously, their stuff is good. It puts this story to shame. I highly recommend you go check them out.

Cross-posted on AO3 here: Glassy Eyes

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[Click]

[GRIAN]

Huh. Would you look at that? Did someone drop off another statement last night? Scar? Scar!

[Sound of door opening.]

[Scar]

What’s happening?

[Grian]

Did you leave this on my desk?

[Crinkling of paper.]

[Scar]

Hm? Oh, that wasn’t me. That was Impulse. He said Ren came in yesterday and dropped it off in a box at the front desk

[Grian]

(Indignantly) I was here yesterday too. Why didn’t he just come on in for an in-person statement like last time? It’s so much more satisfying when it’s in person.

[Scar]

He showed up after you left. And even then, it sounded like he was in a rush. Impulse seemed worried about him. It was like he just dropped off the box and ran out the door.

[Grian]

(Scoffs) Fine. Fine. I’ll have to talk to him about it later. Thank you for telling me.

[Scar]

Any time!

[Door squeaks closed]

[Grian]

I suppose a new statement is still better than a stale one. Statement of Ren D. Dog regarding an escape room experience. Original statement recorded yesterday, apparently, October 5, 2023. Statement begins.

[GRIAN (STATEMENT)]

Before I get to the important bits, I just want to apologize at the beginning for the handwriting ‘cause I’m going to write this in a rush. I probably shouldn’t be taking the time to write this at all, but you people listened and believed me when I told you about my escapades in the sewer and you’re the only ones I can think of who might know something about what I saw or have some sort of connection. I really hope so. I could really use some direction here.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. You’re going to want to know everything, so I’m going to start with the group chat. Er, ok not exactly the chat, but there’s a group I’m in where a bunch of friends plan out fun little outings. I’ve known most of them for years. Good people. We’ve had lots of fun times together. Sometimes we make a day of fun little games. Simple stuff like tag with Nerf guns and extra steps. Other times it’s a huge event that takes a lot of planning, organizing, and a venue.

Two days ago was our last meet-up. It was one of the bigger events we had planned for the year. Some of the fellas in our group had never been to an escape room before, so I figured we had to do something about that. I’ve been to a handful myself. Escape rooms are just good fun, honestly, and are great for big parties. The best places know how to break up big groups of people into littler groups and space them out so they can work through each room without catching up to the people who went first.

I took it upon myself to take charge of the planning. Nobody seemed to have any issue with me handling it this time around so as far as I was concerned it was up to me to throw the grooviest get-together of the year.

I found the place immediately. There was an ad that popped up in my “recommended” section on the forum I use to do research for my podcast. It was for a brand new escape room about to open up on the edge of town. There wasn’t much information available, but that made sense. It was a brand new business. There wouldn’t be any history on the company that a quick Google search would be able to provide. But there was a phone number on the ad, so I made a few calls. Talked to the owners about renting the place out for the day. It sounded like a good one. Cool concept. They were more than happy to set it up and stagger us out in groups as we went through the challenges. They sounded so excited to have so much interest this early into their launch. We got everything all squared away, and I let the fellas in the chat know the date and the time.

Everyone else seemed really into it, too. They pitched in their share of money to cover the costs. It didn’t come out to be that much per person since there were a lot of us and the company only charged a single lump sum for renting the place out for a day.

But the day before we were supposed to go, one of my friends had to back out of the arrangement. Poor thing fell sick and didn’t want to expose us to something nasty. I felt bad for the dude. The least I could do was offer them their money back. I could have covered their share on my own but they didn’t want it back. They just told me, “go ahead and take someone else in my place. I don’t mind.” At that point, everyone in our group chat who wanted to go was already going. Then someone suggested that, since I planned this one out, I should ask a friend of mine who wasn’t already part of the group to join in on the fun. Everyone was cool with it. Excited at the idea of a possible new addition to the group, even.

So I called up my good friend BigB. We used to hang out a lot back in university, but I hadn’t seen him in a while. This felt like a good opportunity to catch up. BigB said, “sure thing, man,” and we were set for fun times ahead.

So the big day rolls around and we get to this place and meet up with the others. Greetings and introductions go around, and we get ready to rumble. The host comes out to meet us. She explained the game and what we could expect. Our whole party would be divided up into groups of two. There would be timers running for pairs to try to solve all the puzzles in a room. Either they passed in the time limit, or the time limit would run out and they would be ushered to the next room. Either way, it would free the place up for the next pair to come in and try their hand at the reset puzzles. Then they walked us through the safety measures. Each room had a buzzer by the door that could be hit to let the workers know that you needed to get out. It would unlock the door and deactivate any machinery or whatever fancy doohickies they had in the place. Sometimes people get claustrophobic or anxious in a confined place. Especially when put under pressure.

It was all super chill and fun at first. A bunch of us hung out in the lobby while we waited for the first few pairs to go. When it was me and BigB’s turn, the host waved us over and we went in the door together.

BigB might not have been to an escape room before, but the man was absolutely brilliant. We made it through the first two rooms at lightning speed. The challenges weren’t too difficult, in retrospect, but they weren’t super easy either. It seemed like every time I got stuck in a rut, too caught up on a detail to figure things out, B would pat me on the shoulder and point out something I missed. We never went past the time limit. He was always a pretty observant guy when we hung out at the theater, but I never really stopped to appreciate it until now.

I kept marveling at how different it was compared to other places you see nowadays. It was honestly pretty clever. They modeled the inside like some big dollhouse. Fancy decorations and plastic furniture and all. There were mannequins set up to look like a setting with people. A few of the figures that were supposed to be little kids even had dolls of their own in their plastic arms.

It was in one of these rooms that B first pulled me aside. I had been trying to puzzle over a lock on the fake kitchen’s fridge. I’d assumed it would be like before, and that he’d blow my mind with some silly detail I had missed, but instead, he told me that the doll was looking at us. He pointed to this little glass doll in the lap of a mannequin kid. Its head was sort of tilted towards us. The glassy eyes glittered.

That creeped me right out. Sent a shiver right up my spine. But I also figured it was just a prop. Maybe even part of the puzzle. So I took what he said pretty seriously. I think that might have surprised him that I believed him so easily.

I tried waving my hand in front of the doll, moving around the room, I even picked the thing up. It didn’t seem to follow me as I moved, and there was nothing I could find that was off about the doll, so I shrugged it off and said maybe it was just a red herring. He didn’t look too convinced, but he didn’t argue. We ended up finding the key in a cake and moved on to the next room.

It was a bathroom. It was kind of small for the two of us, but we searched the place for the next set of clues. At some point, I opened a cupboard under the sink and nearly jumped out of my skin. There was another doll, sitting pretty on the shelf facing outwards to smile at some unsuspecting fool like me who opened the door. It spooked me so bad, that I bumped into the full-body mirror hanging against the wall and it came crashing down.

Broken glass got everywhere. I was ok. No cuts or anything. BigB was spooked something fierce. He looked me over to make sure I was ok. I mostly just felt bad about damaging the place's property. I was already rehearsing an apology and coming up with a payment plan to present the owners with when BigB got distracted. I asked him what was up, and he turned me around.

Behind where the mirror was hanging was a small door. Only a few feet wide. Maybe two feet tall. It reminded me of the house I grew up in, where my bedroom closet had a little door for easy access to the plumbing in the bathroom on the other side of the wall. It looked like those tiny maintenance doors. You couldn’t walk through it, but it was big enough for someone around our size to crawl through. There were no cobwebs like the one back in my old closet. This one looked nice and clean. Almost like it was well-used.

BigB thought we should hit the button near the last door. We could contact the hosts, let them know we broke the mirror. Our round would be forfeited, though. I wasn’t ready for that. We were only halfway through, and up until then, our rounds had been fantastic. The stuff of legends.

If I’m going to be honest, the little door also got me curious. We were in an escape room. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t part of the game? For all we knew, we had accidentally skipped a bunch of steps that would have eventually told us to move the mirror. I said as much to BigB. He seemed hesitant, but then I said that if the door ended up leading to nothing more than a bunch of pipes, we’d move on. I was at least hoping we could finish up with this room or go until our timer ran out before we contacted the hosts. Just to make things go a little bit longer. Beat one more riddle for the sake of my own satisfaction.

He actually agreed. So I kneeled down, brushed some of the broken glass bits out of the way, and he opened the door.

There was a whole tiny corridor on the other side! Like a mini hallway. BigB saw that and elbowed me in the side. “Looks like you were right. We just skipped an entire room.” He crawled in first, and I followed.

The hallway ceiling sloped upward almost immediately so we could stand back up and start walking again. This part of the building was noticeably different from the rest. Up until then, the rooms had been homely and tacky. Plastic and overstuffed. Full of dolls and cheap props. The walls and floor of this hall were grey concrete and hard edges.

The dolls were still around, though. Mostly the smaller ones. None of the mannequins. A mix of plastic and porcelain faces stared blankly out at the wall from lines of shelves.

The further we went, the less put-together the dolls seemed to be. There would be a cracked cheek here and a few missing strands of hair there, but before long entire swathes of shelves were full of doll bits. Not even entire dolls. Just their arms and legs and heads all lined up.

I had also noticed that the hallway seemed less well kept than the rest of the building. The door had seemed clean, and I suppose the hard floor did too, but clear strands of what looked like spider silk were hanging from the ceiling. Memories of what I saw with Doc were still pretty fresh in my mind, so when I started noticing doll parts tangled and left hanging in thicker knots of strands, I could feel myself losing my nerve.

I tried suggesting to BigB that we turn back. I’m pretty sure I made some excuse about how we must have accidentally found the storage rooms. We hadn’t seen anything that looked like a clue or puzzle since we came through the door. But by now BigB seemed hooked. He begged me to go just a little further with him. He just wanted to check the place out. If it was just storage, then as long as we didn’t mess with anything there was no harm in being there. We could always go back once we got to the end.

I couldn’t say no to him. I just couldn’t. His reasoning was sound, sure, but there was a spark in his eye that I just didn’t have it in me to douse. He was really curious about this place for some reason I could no longer fathom. But I was the one who suggested going through the door in the first place. I could ride this thing out a little longer.

I tried. I really did try.

We didn’t go very far when BigB took the lead. He mumbled something I didn’t hear. When I asked him to repeat, he called back a little louder, “The dolls are watching us again.”

Every hair on my body stood on end. I looked at the dolls hanging from the ceiling and at the ones lined up against the wall, and rows upon rows of eyes stared down at us. The plastic faces remained unchanged, but this time I could visibly see the painted marbles in the eye sockets moving to keep pace with us. Disembodied doll heads turned in place to continue staring.

But BigB kept going. Even as I tugged on his arm. I asked, no, demanded to know how he wasn’t freaked out, but he just shook me off. “We’re almost to the end of the hall,” he said. And he took my hand. “There’s something there. I can see it. Can’t you? Don’t you want to know what it is?”

I don’t know what came over me, but it was almost like the moment his hand touched mine his excitement sort of rubbed off on me. I don’t know how to fully explain it. It was like I was feeling what he was feeling. My fear was still there, but now there was also a burning curiosity. I couldn’t see what was at the end of the hall like he could. I didn’t see the end at all, but I didn’t run away. I let him drag me forward until we passed the threshold of another doorway. This one was normal-sized. There was no door, just the opening. I couldn’t see anything past the doorframe, but I trusted BigB. He seemed to be able to see ahead of us. So it came as a complete shock when I took a step forward and the ground was just gone!

The place had no floor. Both me and B dropped screaming into the black. I don’t know how deep it was or how far we fell, but if there wasn’t a bottom, there at least had to be a ceiling because a lot of those cobwebby strands hung down deep in clumps. They caught at us like vines, dragging at our limbs. My arms are still littered with tiny little crisscrossed cuts from falling through them and having them break across my skin, but they did manage to slow our fall. The two of us hit a point where there were so many little strings that they wrapped around us like a net and kept us from going any further.

I just hung there for a moment, catching my breath, trying to figure out what the hell had happened. BigB was hanging next to me, struggling for a handhold on the strings holding him up. And I think it was right then that I realized that this stuff wasn’t spider silk at all. It was too thick. Not stretchy enough. I think it might have been fishing line. It felt like that. Like thick, clear, plastic lines. They felt about as comfortable as you’d expect a fishing net to be.

We couldn’t see the bottom from where we hung. Couldn’t see the top where we came from either. I could see other things hanging above us and below us. Caught in suspension by the hanging strands. There were a few more dolls. And some rocks, curiously enough. Big rocks, little rocks, literal statues. I didn’t try to make sense of it. What was happening didn’t make sense. I also didn’t spot the human skeleton until BigB gasped and pointed it out.

It was hanging in front of him, maybe two yards away from him and even further from me. It had to have been there for years. The flesh had long rotten off its bones, making it impossible to tell if it was once a man or a woman. Only a few scraps of cloth hung from their arms and legs. It hung splayed out, supported by the plastic wires looped around its wrists and ankles. Another loop wrapped under its chin and around its neck like a noose. It kept the skull upright. Almost like it would be looking directly at BigB if it could, but there were no eyes in those sockets.

As silly as it sounds, the skeleton almost looked laughable hanging there. Sure, it probably spelled doom and gloom for the two of us if we stopped to think about how long they had been down here without anyone noticing. But the way it hung there suspended by its arms and legs, it was like a kid’s puppet. Tossed aside, limp and small and waiting.

“This is it. We’re going to die down here,” B wailed.

I tried to calm him down. Talk it out and come up with some sort of plan for both our sakes. I needed to believe it as much as he did. I started struggling. Some of the strings shifted as I pulled on them, which wasn’t very comforting. Still, the lines were sturdy enough to hold us. Maybe we could climb them? We could go back up and out the way we came. Or if we couldn’t get up, we could work our way down. There had to be a bottom. Once we got down there we could figure something else out.

BigB didn’t really like that second idea. “Don’t go down,” he begged. “Down is so much worse.” Frankly, I was inclined to believe him.

I managed to convince him to try climbing up. I was starting to make some progress myself. The strands weren’t the most sturdy things. I could feel some of them snap or give way above me as I dragged myself up a few inches, but there were tons of them. Even with a few breakages, I was still able to hold myself relatively steady. I think seeing that helped him calm down. He started pulling himself up after me. As he moved, the strings swung a little. He found himself shifting back and forth, swinging closer and closer to the skeleton. He didn’t seem too enthused about it. I tried suggesting he shift his weight a little to the other side. He did, but by then he already had momentum. He swung really close to the skeleton. Within a foot or two, and my stomach dropped as the strings holding its right hand began to quiver.

I thought maybe BigB had shifted something loose above us, and it was hitting the strings holding the skeleton, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. To my horror, the thing moved forward. It hung limp, but its limbs moved independently like a marionette under the skillful hand of a puppeteer. One dead hand lurched forward, wrapping around a clump of the strings holding BigB in a way that would have been downright painful if the thing had had any muscle or nerves left. And then the strings holding the skeleton’s other arm aloft twitched and swung forward to wrap around BigB’s shoulders. The head leaned in, the jaw opened, and somewhere above us a voice said, “What good timing. I’m always looking for good replacement parts.”

BigB screamed. I’m pretty sure I screamed too. Bones rattled as B tried to throw the skeleton away from him, but I could only watch in horror as the puppet strings controlling its arms twisted around B and wrapped him tight. He thrashed. I screamed at him to hang on. I wasn’t sure what I would do, just that I had to do something. The only thing I could think of was getting to BigB, so I climbed. I grabbed at strings and clumps and whatever else I could to drag myself over to him.

In my desperate desire to help, I stopped paying attention to how sturdy the strings were. They were giving out like crazy in my hands. Things above me shifted. I remember reaching out to BigB, but then B shoved the skeleton back and screamed at me to look out. I looked up and saw one of the sharp rocks that had been hanging above us start to fall. I watched as it came down at me. I felt it slam into my skull, and that was the last thing I remembered. It all went black after that.

When I opened my eyes, I was back in the fake little bathroom. I was lying on the tiled floor next to the broken bits of mirror with some dudes’ faces blocking out the light. My head hurt something crazy.

My friends and the hosts had come to get me and BigB when we didn’t respond to the buzzer signaling time had run out. They saw me on the ground next to some broken glass and a gash on my head and panicked. I felt bad. I must have been a sorry sight. They picked me up and started patching me up. And I was grateful for the help. But then one of them asked where BigB went.

I freaked out. I started to point at the wall, shouting that he was still behind the little door, but everyone just looked at me like they were confused. I tried explaining what had happened, how we went through the little door behind the mirror in the storage room, but as I started describing the hall, the owners of the establishment cut me off and told me there was no door there.

The really freaky thing was that there wasn’t. I went back to that bathroom and the space on the wall was empty. I even ran my hand along it, but there were no seams or edges that I could feel. The one owner was even nice enough to peel back the wall paper after we searched for BigB for an hour with no luck. There was nothing there. It was like the door had never been there. Maybe I had just hit my head when I broke the mirror and dreamed it all. But dream or not, we never did find BigB.

Everyone, me, my friends, even the owners, we all practically tore that place apart looking for him. And when we ran out of places to look inside the building, we started combing the area outside for him. We weren’t able to find anything. When it started to get dark, someone called the police. A few officers came out to check the place out. They asked us a few questions and took our numbers, but it’s not like they came up with anything we hadn’t already found. It was like B vanished without a trace.

I’ve been at my wit's end trying to track him down since then. I don’t think I’ve gotten any sleep these past two days. I’ve even started putting up posters asking if anyone’s seen him. Everyone else is pitching in, but I can’t help but feel responsible. I’m the one who asked him to come along on this trip, and I lost him when we were partnered up. If there’s a chance that my dream wasn’t actually a dream, then I even convinced him to go down that creepy hall with me. If anyone should have gotten got, it should have been me.

I know what you’re probably thinking. Doc already left because of something freaky we saw. And now BigB’s gone too. This is different from when Doc left. Doc can handle himself. He’s crazy strong and smart. Doc avoided me, but he didn’t completely vanish. People still saw him.

This isn’t Doc we’re talking about here. It’s BigB. BigB wouldn’t hurt a fly. BigB can stick to himself sometimes, but he doesn’t get lost in projects and vanish like Doc can. He’s just gone.

Well, most of him is. While we waited for the police to arrive, I stuck my hand in my pocket and found something that hadn’t been there before.

I didn’t know what to do with it or how they got there. It makes no sense. The police didn’t bother with them, so I’m leaving them with you on the off chance they might be some sort of clue.

I think they’re BigB’s eyes.

[Grian]

Statement ends.

[Increasingly panicked breathing.]

[Grian]

I… I can’t. I just- I have to go call-

[Click]

[Grian]

I tried calling BigB. I tried a lot. He’s not picking up. Despite Ren’s questionable honesty about his own name, he’s proven to provide accurate statements. At least as far as we have been able to tell. And as much as I wish it wasn’t true, much of what appears in this statement has been backed up with follow-up research.

An inquiry to the police station confirmed that Ren and a handful of others had reported BigB missing two days ago, and considering BigB is a fully grown adult with the right to come and go as he pleases without telling anyone, I wouldn’t be surprised if they continue to drag their feet on an investigation.

As for the escape room establishment, Ren had left an address and printout of the ad he had found online in the box he left at the front desk. I asked Scar to look into it and he managed to contact the owners. They claimed they have no clue how Ren and BigB managed to find the room with the dolls. The walls have been inspected, but no traces of a “small door” are to be found. The wall is solid. There’s no possible way they could have gone through, or that BigB might have ended up in the walls, though they have since reviewed the blueprints they received upon purchasing the building. Upon further inspection, they found that on the opposite side of the same wall where Ren described the door is an empty space. No room is indicated. Or anything, really. Just empty space. They’re currently looking into having a contractor take a look for signs of a boarded-up room. The sooner, the better.

They also provided a little information on the building’s history as it was told to them upon purchase of the premises. This information we later confirmed after searching through public records. Apparently, the building used to house the production of doll parts, which would explain a lot. It wasn’t a full production plant. Too small for that. Rather, it was a hub for touch up work and assembling the doll pieces before they could be sold to local toy shops. The new owners took it upon themselves to use some of the leftover products they found lying around as props in their escape rooms.

Pearl dug through a few newspaper articles in the archives and found that the previous owner had died in a very peculiar accident. I’ll, uh, spare you the details, but it appears they were caught in the wires used for assembling puppets. The place had been left to rot for almost twenty years before the current owners bought the property.

Oh yeah! As for the other gift Ren left for us in the box…

[Dull rattling]

He wasn’t lying. There were a pair of eyes in there.

They’re not really BigB’s eyes. They can’t be. They’re made of glass. They’re those freaky kinds of weighted marbles they use in porcelain dolls. The ones that are made to blink at you when you tilt the things back and forth. I can see why he said they were BigB’s eyes, though. They’re the same shade of brown as his. And have that same gradient effect at the edges where it gets a little darker all the way around his irises. The resemblance is kind of uncanny.

They were definitely made to look just like BigB’s.

I can’t find it in me to have Impulse take them to storage. I don’t like them looking at me, but it feels wrong, somehow, to have them locked away in a dark room. I’ll probably just keep them in one of my desk drawers until we find him.

[Sighs]

I’ll call Ren later if he can stop his search long enough to let me help.

Heh. We should keep a nickel jar for whenever one of us goes missing. Between me and my friends, we’d make a fortune.

[Click]

#whumptober 2023 #prompt no. 6 #recording #“It should have been me”#minecraft: hermitcraft #the magnus archives #creative writing #creepy dolls #missing persons #renthedog #bigbst4tz2 #grian #goodtimeswithscar #horror #the hermit archives #from the archives #escape room gone wrong #Human remains

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reapcrbunny · 1 year

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Hello.

To the Followers that remain, new people seeing this message wondering what thas been going on, and people checking on this blog to see if I’m still here . .

I’m writing this to express my apology and accountability for the last year and a bit that this blog ( and soulseekcr ) was active.

My original pinned with my rules doc attached has been replaced with this post but I will place my rules for prosperity purposes here. If you are reading this post on soulseekcr's blog, you will see it link to dahlia's rules document, though the rules information that has been updated was also updated on that too. Fair warning, this post is long and there will be no read-more, hence the content warnings below. I do not wish for it to be seen as me trying to hide something when I at this point am trying to be genuine, truthful and sincere in where I have failed.

Thus, the content warnings are as follows and read at your comfort or pace: mentions of grooming / predatory actions, my behaviour, boundaries being pushed, mentions of incest.

I implore people reading this already rolling their eyes to bare with this whole thing — please. This is not me tossing blame on other people. It’s just .. me. I know this is long. I apologize. I have much to apologize for and acknowledge. This apology is to the people who saw me in general and to who that hurt because of my past behaviour that, in 2016 - 2018 had been predatory and grooming. This apology is to the people that have been effected directly or indirectly from my actions of being in various servers either from their conception or later on — it was never at all my intent to “ block evade “ as I have been said to have. This apology is to the people who I made feel my writing(s) with them were coerced. I will get into everything if I can. If I miss something, I am sorry, there is a lot that is going around that I have done and without any real knowledge of what else there is besides what I know. I'm speaking about what I know I have done in years past up to the Australian date of 19th April 2023. This was written by me and me alone. Before you ask yourself or think to someone who may have prompted me to write this - no one has told me to make a statement or say any of this. This has been written over a course of a day throughout my work breaks and upon me returning home by my own volition. Thank you.

This apology will cover the grooming / predator accusations, the block evasion accusations, my behaviour and some other things that I believe have been brought up over the course of the last few days through people writing to me as a final goodbye through discord or other means. For starters: my intent was to try and find a community to interact in where I could possibly grow and change in. It is clear, obviously, that this action was taken as something more hurtful and my intentions? They do not matter. I’ve hurt people by existing in discord and certain tumblr spaces and effectively caused more harm. Making my blog over on soulseekcr was, in my mind, harmless. But to some it was seen as, once again, block evasion or someone I did out of malice. To say I did not, again, I know may not be believed and that is alright. I understand how things now look and how I can be believed is non existent. To comment on the apparent confusion, surprise and most likely ridicule, about my rules seeming to be non transparent is something I absolutely apologize over.

For the past few years ( since the edit done when my receipts blog was created in 2020 ) no one brought up the fact that my rules were hard to read due to the formatting itself or that the rule under where I dropped my receipts blog wherein my callouts are located was an issue or seen as me hiding my past. While it clearly does not matter now as, well, y’know … it has been updated to be at the very top and if I ever decide to write either here on this blog or anywhere on tumblr again it will be done in such a way. I am not placing blame on any one person for not telling me this, nor am I going to blame my autism OR my learning disability in full for it not clicking that when people seemed surprised over things that were in my rules when it was brought to them by other parties that, like, it was an accessibility, placement or a me problem rather people than just not reading. I am aware that I have absolutely expressed my disgruntlement on main ( and in private ) about it which, absolutely has been hurtful to the people who were affected by this. Again, I am sorry for not taking the steps earlier to move things around on my rules document sooner. Following the issue with my rules document not being clear or as some clarified " being too far down " … it does make sense wherein people would be surprised over the actions I committed seven years ago.

The behaviour of me writing smut or initiating smut discussions, sharing nsfw art that I have commissioned among other things related to smut content . . was understood to be agreed upon on my end to be something chill on all fronts. If I ever felt something was a little off I either clarified to make sure everything was okay / if comfort levels were okay or dropped the conversation. In my belief, if content being written was being continued then I didn't think anything was wrong as I believed comfort levels were intact. Clearly, they were not. Should I have been, like, more self aware? Probably. Was I? No. Despite my learning disability and autism in understanding things like tone in writing or subtle hints to be like 0% and with long covid throwing that into the negatives . . i still pushed boundaries. Whether I meant to or not does not matter. The excuse I used wherein I would be excited to write with people at all does not matter. People were made uncomfortable and I pushed your boundaries. To individuals I was under the impression I writing with and coming up ideas with -- I wasn't on top of it enough to catch onto discomfort and disassociation and I am at fault. I got caught up in writing something I believed to be at comfort level, when it was not due to signs i did not see - and that is on me. If boundaries were actively being pushed and told to me directly I would have backed off, apologised, and carried on with different genre's of content as I would have been aware that the consent of the nsfw was no longer, like, consensual. For that, to the probable boundless people I have hurt with this, I do not blame any of you for this. I was. Really excited to write with people who were giving me another chance at the time. I have even expressed this fact on voice calls or in text that I was just overjoyed to write with people or I needed communication on certain things - But I was blind to the fact that people were uncomfortable, noticeable or not in terms of distancing content and that is on me and I am sorry.

The grooming accusations? Regardless of my age and how I was just barely an adult at the time or not does not matter. Regardless of me not being sexual in any capacity to the the original maker of my 2018 callout ( wherein my grooming behaviour happened in 2016 - 17 ) or the other individual I dated prior to me turning 18 does not matter. What matters is that, yes, it happened. Regardless of me backing off or not, I was 18 - 20 and I voiced my crush on a minor ( and dated someone else when I was 18 after turning so ). It does not matter to individuals that these actions are not being committed anymore — I will be seen as a monster always to some and, while frustrating to me, that does not matter. What matters is that is how they feel and I respectfully accept that. I was short - sighted to believe that something I did seven years ago to such a degree was something that people could see me change from or that staying in my own lane was possible. I cannot see the man who hurt me as likely changing. It makes sense. It wasn’t and I was wrong. No amount of double checking, blacklisting on my end or trying to co-exist in servers or any activity was going to probably work. Could it have? Maybe a little better. Or not. In hindsight I genuinely don't know -- but I do know that my belief was wrong, unintentionally I continued hurting people directly and indirectly and I am sorry. The last few days wherein my initial statement was made and commented about incest only was my mistake alone. I assumed due to a previous interaction that it was only about that and proceeded to think I was being compared. I breached trust with someone who gave me that information, someone I do not blame this on as it was my fault for running with it and I am sorry.

The trauma the person who was warning the community about because of the grooming in 2016 - 2017 was ( is? tense is hard, I am sorry ) warranted. The belief that I am always and will be that to them, a groomer and/or unchanged, is valid as that is all I will be remembered as to them and anyone else who had been effected by my actions. To the person who made the callout: I apologize. I heard that you were dogpiled — that was not something I wanted nor asked for. Your request to avoid me and the people that wrote with me was valid, it never not was. My behaviour in the past ( and, clearly, in the present ) being made to seem as current set me off and I made a statement I asked if it was alright to make about it to what I thought was the case. I felt I was being chased into a corner and grew defensive. I had a meltdown because of this and stepped away from the conversation as I felt either me or the other person I was dialoguing with wasn't understanding or trying to rile me up on purpose. It was charged, I handled it wrong and I was seen to be deflecting the situation because I misunderstood and misinterpreted the situation -- it is no ones fault but mine. I made assumptions, I had a public meltdown in a server when confronted with the reality I didn't understand where it was coming from because I was triggered by words being spouted at me. As I explain above in terms of the coercion that I have made others feel been committed by myself, among literally everything else I've seen from people before they've left in their goodbye discord messages . . was such. Whether I meant to or not, people were feeling hurt by current behaviour or coersed. But because I grew hyperfocused on the belief that I was being compared to someone who was writing incestuous content actively I did not know about on main when it was brought to my attention. Due to the events being one after another ( like days apart ) I thought that ( guilty by association or writing said content with them ) was the reason I was being called out ( again ). I got upset. I thought it was something to just start a lie. I got defensive, blind to anything else and as someone has said: remorseless. To say I am remorseful as I had the chance to be disconnected and isolated from the situation since I was removed from servers, cut off from those who were people I talked to . . is true. I've sat and come out of defence and shut down mode, read the last messages people have given me and properly stepped away, went to work, and got my brain to realize the reality. I'm remorseful because I was not calm. I tried to express my understanding of my victims and those I hurt and how they feel by bringing up my own -- which, like, in my understanding . . to bring up how i relate to other peoples' experiences is to express compassion or understanding with the situation. However, it was viewed and made to feel as weaponizing my victimhood and spinning the narrative and I am sorry. I was upset, defensive and already under the assumption that something else was why I was being called out. I saw it as an attack that made no sense. I felt antagonized, grew childish and lashed out in the conversation which is plain to see. I did not understand where it came from so suddenly, as I thought I had steered away and kept distance from people I knew didn't like me in a " public space " but I know now that me just being there was not helping and I recognize that. I recognize that it is not about me and my change or lack thereof - it was about victims of my actions being heard. I am sorry that it took so long and I was either ignorant, blind or just ??? I don't know. In any case: the conversation has been documented several times at this point and by now is most likely on my receipts blog.

The actions and other behaviours I committed when I was younger ( and currently with those who I made feel coerced, lies, etc ) … it effected people and still does even when it happened 7 years past and now, recently. As a survivor of csa I understand completely in how it follows people and while I know my apology cannot fix the trauma, loss or hurt that has been caused: please know that I am sorry. I am sorry that due to my lack of awareness, my excitement to write with people or, like, common sense that my appearance kept being seen. I believed blacklisting would fix the situation or that it was the problem in the first place. It wasn't. I believed that the state my rules were at was fine. It wasn’t. It was not my intent for people to feel deceived or lied to due to the content I expressed above but, again, my view of it does not matter. It happened and I am sorry for it. Actions have been taken on my end for it to be deadly clear and you are welcome to look and see. While in my head, saying or acknowledging any of this feels like a moot point, because again who is going to believe me? Who is going to read this? Who knows. Even if no one does, it needs to be said. I believed I'd been doing better in engaging with people who brought up serious topics to me wherein boundaries were breached, I got called out in my behaviour, acted a fool and got hyperfocused on the wrong thing and stepped away from the conversation when I felt it was going nowhere because of my own fault of not calming down. My aim was to not try and control a narrative, my aim was to, in my narrowminded view, not be accused of things I thought I was not doing anymore. Regardless of being directly aware or not of the things I was doing . . it was happening. I was doing the one thing I never wanted to do again or be the cause of: hurting people I saw as my friends. Its not a fault of a lack of communication on both sides, it is me still being unable to recognize social cues or subtle cues that, hey, maybe someone is uncomfortable, it should not always have to be something that has to be punched in my face. It is something I need to continue working on and be more attentive of if I'm ever granted another chance or I write in another rpc again. Semi - finally, I want to apologize to the individuals, moderators and admins that ran servers I was in that were accused of harbouring me in some sort of guilty way. Your mental health has been effected irrevocably and I am sorry. I am sorry for indirect or direct words spoken in your directions. I am sorry to the people that had to either be triggered by the content discussed in the server itself to those who i made feel uncomfortable. I am sorry that my presence in my selfish attempt to have a safe space ruined yours. I am sorry to anyone and everyone that has been indirectly effected by this and your comfort shattered. I am sorry to the individuals that I made feel that my victimhood or my pain was more important than yours. Your pain has and always will be important, relevant and real. My behaviour that you ( and others ) more than likely brought up days ago, and the behaviour that has been more than likely been mentioned in the reblogs of the post, others' or, god knows where else . . was valid to speak out about. Thank you for doing it and holding me accountable. I have not seen everything said and I do not know if I ever will as it will 100% be a breach of boundary if I go looking on peoples' blogs. And I have already done enough damage. I want to thank my former friends and people who gave me a chance at all. I’m sorry that I abused that chance, your boundaries and the trust that was given.

Where will Miles be going to hide next you might ask, wondering when I'll shut up and end this very long post, disappear and reappear somewhere else under a different name. I am not going to hide is my short answer. But I don't have an answer for long term of what I am going to do. The answer I do have for the short term is to leave this post here and on @soulseekcr pinned. Leave avenue's open for dialogue or if anyone left wants to talk to me, and . . take an indefinite hiatus. I clearly need to reflect on what I have definitely blundered on and work on, again, the things I can work on to be more attentive to social / text cues. Actively being here when I have not, like, properly done so when I think I have is doing no one any good. I've made a mess of things. A big one. I know that people who have been hurt by me mayhap not have made it this far and I am aware of that. I am aware that my second chance ( or third or fourth ) has left the building and for that I understand if, in the future, I have run out of them. If I do return to this or any rpc, this blog will be the first to be updated with the url most likely under this pinned post. I do apologize in advance if I am seen in FFXIV, I've taken steps to remove from my friends list those I know do not wish to see me - which does, you know, make you not stand out to me. I am sorry if you see me, the blacklist feature is useless and we all know this. I am sorry if you get upset that I am either in your area, in your alliance or in your dungeon. I will say nothing. I will not bother you. I will not interact in any form besides to probably heal you if I am and then leave. Most likely I'll remain silent if I notice ahead of time. If I have already been removed from the FC's I was attached too - good. If not, don't worry, I've already likely deleted that alt or in the process after posting this to do so. FFXIV is a global game and while, again, my credibility is shot and at this point no one is bound to believe me . . I am not in the business of looking after people in the game to see what is going on. I'm not wishing to press boundaries that have already been run over by a truck.

Finally, I know that this post is being shared in private, picked apart and dissected before anyone even got down to this point. I am not in control of that and I am at the mercy of the ffxiv RPC, my receipts blog ( probably ) and anyone else picking this apart or wherever else it ends up. I hold no malice to the people that do this as it is fair and deserved. If anyone has questions, wants to talk or if anyone wants to discuss my statement ( calmly and without coming at me swinging and even if you do: that's fine. i will probably take an hour at most to read it over a couple times, breathe and then respond like a human being rather than someone just. like. unwilling to listen and defensive. ) I am available on discord ( ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ꜱᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴠɪᴇʀᴀ#7914 ; this will update if i update it ), through Twitter DMs ( @sayteenies ; this has no chance of changing or me moving ) or through tumblr DMs / asks — though this last avenue may take longer for me to respond to due to by above mentioned however - long - hiatus. Thank you for reading this monster of a post, everyone keeping me accountable, your time and sanity to get to the end.

Miles. | April 19 2023.

#Its Long. So Long. And I doubt I covered every single thing.#If I missed something I've done I am very sorry.#People are More than Welcome to Like this Post if it has -#Been seen. I doubt it will be liked and that is fine but. Yeah.#OUT OF CHARACTER ㅤ ㅤ ( ㅤ 🐇ㅤ ) ㅤ ㅤ — ㅤ ㅤ blog updates.#out of character ㅤ ㅤ ( ㅤ 🐇ㅤ ) ㅤ ㅤ — ㅤ ㅤ clown honks at the dash. its milays #apology tw #callout mention tw #milesreceipts #long post tw #ask to tag further.

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moonlightdancer26 · 1 year

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Is there a love story behind elloona👀???

I’m glad you asked 👀

To answer your question: Yes. There is, in fact, a love story behind my relationship with @maruke2003.

Here are the names in case you don’t remember:

El/Ellie — @maruke2003

Seph — @halfblood-princes-crown

Astro — @astronova-00

Martina/Mars Bars — @bookwalmartav

Will/Willow — @somesnapefan2

Rose — @rosetheslytherpuffxoxo

Teddy — @teddyscottish

Anyway

I’ll start from the ✨beginning✨

Disclaimer: This is input from both sides. I have told El about this question and we’ve discussed it.

Funnily enough, we met through our first adopted child—Seph. He was the reason El and I became friends, wives, and mothers. 😌

So, I never noticed El, even though she noticed me a little before. I only really noticed her when she began sending Seph Snupin drabbles to try and convert him into becoming a Snupin shipper.

(I’ll get to that in a bit ^)

How we felt about each other before we became friends:

El told me that: “You intimidated the fuck out of me but I wanted to be your friend cuz I thought you were cool.” (😕) Because of my aura, apparently.

And, I feel bad for saying this but, I was a bit weirded out when I first noticed her sending asks to Seph. Back then, I was only friends with four members of the Elloona fam (Seph, Astro, Will, and Martina) and Seph was my fave person on Tumblr. I wasn’t weirded out in a mean-sorta-way, I was just like “hold the phone. who’s this person and why’s Seph friends with them?” because I’ve never noticed their existence before and was curious because they really seemed to love Snupin, so I was like.. there’s a Snupin shipper trying to convert my bestie and I didn’t know about it?😭

******************

Moving on, it had finally dawned on me that Seph didn’t ship Snupin, so I was like *le gasp* and sent him this ask where I expressed my shock over him not shipping Snupin and told him that I can send a bunch of recs. Seph of course refused (🙄). On the other hand, @maruke2003, seeing this, tags me in the replies (all the replies are there in the post I linked btw, so you can go check them out for yourself) and asks me to send me some recs for our wonderful OTP, and I, being myself, decide to create The Ultimate Snupin Fanfic List and list almost 50 fics—in which there are series included (so idk if each part of the series counts as an individual fic). She thanked me for it and noticed that one of the fics I recommended to her was Lily’s Boy by SomewheresSword, so she was like “OMG I LOVE LILY’S BOY” and told me I went a bit overboard. I told her she had wonderful taste and apologised, then she said she opened like 20 new fics and that “we’ll need to chat about Snupin one day cuz YES.”

Here was the exchange, for the lazy ones:

And that was that. I was just like “aight ig they’re pretty cool (if you ship Snupin, I automatically like you, that’s the rule), I hope we’ll manage to convert Seph one day.” I simply moved on with life.

Then around two days later El DMs me, iirc it was about Lily’s Boy (and Snupin fics as a whole), I was kinda like “oh” but replied anyway. We got to talking and it was enjoyable, then we soon started messaging each other everyday. And then boom. Chaotic Snupin-loving besties.

How we became wives:

One day, a random idea popped up in my head: What if El and I had a ship tag for our interactions for both of our blogs? I thought it’d be a fun little touch to both our blogs and so I told her about it, and she said we should make a ship name for us. Then we exchanged some choices and El came up with: ✨Elloona✨

I don’t remember at what point of our relationship did we start calling each other wives, but it just happened. I’m pretty sure it might have started when Ellie edited her bio and added “Moon is my wife” (🥹), and I was like omg let’s do that for each other and so I changed my bio. And we pretty much just went with that.

El and I kinda made flirty comments with each other bc we’re both dirty-minded and we love to make dumb jokes, so I think that’s where it started.

How we became mothers / How we became The Elloona Fam:

One day, Ellie just told me “I adopted Seph” and I was like yoooo. I thought it’d just stop at Seph but El and I soon started to gather up more and more children.

Here is the order of who we adopted:

1. Seph

2. Astro (who declared themselves as our child 🙂)

3. Martina

4. Rose

And we also got siblings for ourselves, Ellie has two siblings—our children’s aunts: Will and Teddy. I don’t have a sibling in the Elloona fam (THE POSITION IS OPEN but if we aren’t that close I’ll have to decline <3), but I suppose I have more than enough irl siblings to make up for that 🤷‍♀️

One day, El came up with a new tag: “The Elloona fam.” And now we just accepted it as our family name. We also created some other tags: “stan the Elloona fam for clear skin,” “Elloona and their first child,” (<- I came up with the first two 😌), “the Elloona fam,” “Elloona fam,” and “the Elloona sisters.” We might create one for the children but they hardly interact. 🙄

So yeah, I guess this just about covers it. Thanks for asking!

#i’m using all the elloona fam tags here btw #->#elloona #stan the elloona fam for clear skin #the elloona fam #elloona fam #elloona and their first child #the elloona sisters #ask #asks

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forabeatofadrum · 1 year

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Here it is, fic rec friday! I said I was gonna do this! I don’t know if it’ll be a weekly thing, because it depends on whether or not I read fics in a week. Also, to prevent people from being overwhelmed by tags, I don’t think this is going to be a tag challenge, but of course feel free to also make your own post with recs!

Strap in Klainers and Snowbazzians, cause here we go. It’s another long one! Happy reading!

@cerriddwenluna wrote Swipe, a funny one-shot about Kurt and Blaine meeting through Tinder. Sort of. Look, it has a tiny plot twist. You have to read it for yourself 👈(ﾟヮﾟ👈).

I read more of Gwen’s stuff! I started Bem Vindo a Portugal, previously known as Klaine in the Netherlands which became Klaine in Portugal. I do not mind, Gwen, and if you ever need more help with Klaine in the Netherlands, please have this: klompen, windmolen, kaas, tulpen, kroketten! Jokes aside, though, I am excited to get to know Portugal. I’ve never been here, but my mum actually visited Lisbon for the first time a few weeks ago and she was very excited.

There are quite some Marta fics I still need to read (goblin!Baz is still somewhere buried in my Likes), but I am going through them! I read The Vampire and the Boy in the Tower and I am speechless. It is so good. Oh my God, Marta created a wonderful universe with a lot of angst, but also hope.

I still have Klaine Advent fics to catch up on, and I read @snarkyhag‘s WIP. I... don’t really know how to link it, since there isn’t a masterpost or a separate Tumblr tag or an AO3 entry yet, so for now, have the Klaine Advent 2022 tag! Yay, Klaine and Samcedes!

Another cute story is Tipsy Truths by @aroace-genderfluid-sheep. Simon confesses his feelings for Baz through a drunk text. Oh boy!

Apart from reading fic, I also love reading people’s thoughts about fic. @facewithoutheart had a nice extra about This Will All Go Down In Flames over here. (Also, Fuck The Mage, kinda). @cutestkilla also shared some Humdrum insider information here. It’s really cool to see what parts of canon have been expanded on for What’s Left. And @captain-aralias also has some behind the scenes stuff here on Four Funereal Weddings and an American Stag Do. I adore the fic (and the suits!).

I am also losing it over the “HELEN!!!!”s in The Wellbeloves by @ionlydrinkhotwater. This is a comic where Simon and Agatha are siblings. I am so emo about Simon having a lovely family and this is so fun.

Unfortunately, I also come with angst. A post on my dashboard led me to This Will End in Flames by @bloodiedpixie and uhhh yeah MCD warning. Simon dies in Wayward Son. I need... a moment... to lie down and weep. I see there is also another installment in this series where Baz dies, but I’m not strong enough for that now.

Now, for something no one asked for! This is another thing that I saw on my dashboard, but apparently a group of people started a project in 2016 called Sarah Jane Neverending, which is an extension of the Sarah Jane Adventures! (Kind of like Class: Ongoing, I guess.) (Whovians, man.). SJA got cancelled in 2011 and it was very unexpected, since Lis Sladen, the main actress, died. Back then, three more episodes were already planned and I know that over the years fans have asked for novalisations of those stories, so that they could at least be seen as canon. That never happened, so I guess some fans took matters into their own hands. I have only read their season 5B stories, aka their version of the 3 unproduced episodes. I will see if I will also read their completely fanmade season 6 and 7. But yeah, season 5B. Damn. The Thirteenth Floor fucked me up in particular.

And lastly, there might be some smaller ficlets or drabbles that I won’t mention in these posts, but I will redirect you to my fic tags on my main blog: Klaine fics (klfics), Brittana fics (bsfics), general Glee fics (glee fic), Whoniverse fics (dw fic), Check, Please! fics (omgcp fics), Simon Snow series fics (co fics), and the general fic tag (fics). And here’s the original writing tag, because why not. I do put a lot of stuff in a long queue, so the tags might now always be “up to date”.

Also, guys, I need you to know that I was going through the generic fic tag, retagging fics that needed to be retagged, and I found a Snowbaz fic from the Fangirl days and it was tagged as Bazon. BAZON.

AND OKAY, one more thing. When I was cleaning out that rusty tag, I also came across this fic called And In The End by @scrunchyharry (Klainers might remember the name fleurdelisse). It’s over ten years old, but I remembered it immediately. I might’ve even printed it out 10 years ago. Like, I am pretty sure I have a physical copy of it somewhere. Caroline, I see you’ve probably left the fandom, so I didn’t know if I should tag you, but if you read this, please know that even ten years later, this fic makes me so emotional.

#fic rec friday #technically speaking i have 4 more fic tags #i have a fic tag on my winx blog and on my avatar blog #and i have two topic fic tags #wait i have another one another fandom #but i kind of stopped reading fic for that one due to *cough* conflicted feelings #lol guess what fandom #also the 5b stories did become sort of canon in 2020 #long story #but yeah this week i am back on my bullshit huh #tagged in

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tokkiheart · 1 year

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💕Things I Love About My Fanfic Readers💕

Since I’m single on Valentine’s Day (as I have always been) and since I’m struggling to write my K-Drama list for Valentine’s Day, I wanted to put out this list instead of things that I love about my fanfic readers! ❤️

Their Enthusiasm

Goodness, their enthusiasm always has my heart! I simply adore when I get a notification that I got a comment and see a reader post a comment in which their enthusiasm shines through about my writing, some examples:

• “PLEASE TOKKIHEART BRING THE WORLD MORE KANG CHUL AND YEONJOO CONTENT TO KEEP US ALL ALIVEEEEEE”

• “OMG I NEVER THOUGHT OF A DAY WHERE I NEEDED TO READ A STORY ABOUT KANG CHUL AND YEON JOO SHARING CLOTHES AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH IT”

• “this is good, very good, soooooooooo good”

• ❤️❤️💕

(Yes, I have a lovely reader who just posts hearts and it’s kinda cute and I just send hearts back ❤️)

When They Have Long Conversations With Me In The Comments

Some of my readers probably don’t have Tumblr or any other means by which to engage with fellow fans, so we just wind up bonding and having very long conversations with each other in the comments section and I honestly love that.

But also I so strongly relate to their struggle of not being able to talk about their thoughts, feelings, etc. about K-Dramas because I honestly only have 1 friend who watches K-Dramas of their own free will to talk to and they haven’t even seen W yet 😭

When They Check Up On Me???

Honestly, my heart. Like I mentioned that I had a severe storm that caused flooding in my town which led to like… 3 or 4 evacuation orders and we lost power for like 24 hrs and I still have a lovely reader who checks in on me weeks later to see how I’m doing and if the flood conditions are better and it’s just so sweet and I feel so loved to know they want to make sure I’m okay. 🥹

I just wish I could do the same thing in return because sometimes when my frequent commenters don’t post anything after a long time, I worry about them and hope that they’re doing okay 💔

When They Tell Me Their Day/Week/Month Was Horrible, But My One-Shot/Chapter Update Made Them Feel Better

I… there are no words to fully express how much it means to me to know that my fics have this affect on others 🥺💜

My silly little romantic fluff writings about my favorite K-Drama couple brought you joy?? It motivated you?? You feel better because I wrote this??

I don’t know, hearing stuff like that makes me feel so… happy? And honored? I feel like because what I’m doing is making others happy, I should keep going. I’m 90% certain this is why Key To Your Life is at 13 chapters now and didn’t get dropped at some point or something??

When They Give Me A Review On The Chapter/One-Shot

I have a few readers who constantly try to give me reviews, both short and long and sometimes it’s why they don’t post so often and I just want to hug them and tell them it’s okay, they can just post, they don’t have to give me a detailed review.

At the same time, I enjoy reading their reviews and I love reading them, laughing, clutching my heart and rolling around while I read them aloud to myself.

When A New Reader Binge-Reads My Fics

It’s fun, even if they never leave a comment, to watch someone discover my writing and apparently fall in love with it so much that they go through and read everything.

Like, I know I’ve only written 12 fanfics and 3 of those are chaptered, but dang! You’re dedicated, you leave a kudo on everything as you go and it seems like you love my writing! I see you and I appreciate you!

How Nice They Are

I know this sounds like an amalgamation of everything I’ve already said, but it’s not meant to be?

My best friend/occasional beta reader writes whump fics for the MacGyver (2016) reboot and every single time that I share the comments that I get from my readers with her, she expresses how envious she is of me and how nice my readers are and the type of comments that I get. I don’t know if that’s a commentary on whump readers, the fandom she’s in or a commentary on fluff readers or the fandom I’m in, but either way… you folks are so nice you spark envy from my best friend. 🤣

If I had to guess, it’s probably a commentary on the fandom I’m in. The fandom is probably starved for content and fics, I know I am lol

Anyway, it makes me so happy that my readers are so nice. Especially since I am very new to writing fanfics, so I feel like I chose the right place to start out. You all have no idea how much I stress about whether I have written something cringe or too cheesy or way too weird or that I’m writing the characters unfaithfully.

I think that concludes this list, but there’s probably so many other things that I love about my readers that I haven’t thought of lol

#fanfic reader appreciation post #fan fic stuff #i love my readers #i just want to reach through the screen and hug you all #fanfic readers #lovely fanfic readers

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stevensavage · 8 months

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One Piece: Long Live The New Flesh

(This column is posted at www.StevenSavage.com, Steve's Tumblr, and Pillowfort. Find out more at my newsletter, and all my social media at my linktr.ee)

Unless the rock you’re hiding under doesn’t have streaming, you know that Netflix did a live-action season of the famous anime/manga One Piece. I found this a curious choice because of the cancellation of Cowboy Bebop. Ditching a retro space adventure for an over-the-top tale of superhuman piracy felt like choosing a pretty heavy lift.

Of course, I had to check it out, if only for morbid curiosity. To get me invested One Piece would also be a heavy lift.

One Piece is something I tried to get into several times, across several dubs, and through an issue or two of the manga. Despite its popularity - and my own love of fun weirdness - It never reached me, and it’s hard to say why. One Piece should have checked several of my boxes, but apparently left its pen elsewhere.

So, I sat down, watched a few episodes - and found myself really enjoying it. I dare say I was charmed by it, enough I was disappointed when I had to stop watching. What was it that made me appreciate this show but not other incarnations? Beyond, you know, having over two decades of episodes and a wallet-endangering amount of manga?

I realized it was the fact it was live-action and the actors were into it. There were other reasons, but over and over I kept coming back to the cast.

Iñaki Godoy’s take on Luffy, the ever-cheerful elastic protagonist is charming and sincere - you aren’t sure how much he’s acting. Emily Rudd’s Nami is relatable, the sane woman among a demented piratical sausage fest. Jeff Ward’s theatrical pirate Buggy the Clown steals every scene, a sort of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia take on the Joker. Everyone in the cast does great, embracing their roles with a gusto that suggests a scenery-intensive diet.

I realized that, for me, One Piece worked better live action. No offense to the fine voice actors associated with it, nor Oda’s manic creativity. The manga and animated One Piece didn’t connect with me on a human level. I suspect it was a mix of the art style and over-the-topness were a barrier to me feeling connected to the work.

The live-action One Piece was different. Gody’s little expressions and accents made Luffy a person. Mackenyu’s Zorro, the I-hunt-pirates-but-these-are-my-friends bounty hunter projected amusingly straight-faced deadly cool mixed cold befuddlement. Jacob Romero cries a single tear in a scene that says more than his motormouth character Usopp could say with words. These weirdos were alive and I was enjoying it.

There is something about a good actor whose voice, expressions, gestures, and postures let them become a character. The cast seemed to be channeling the characters, making them flesh. For me they became people.

I’ve often wondered how different media work when translated to others, but would argue animation is perhaps the easiest medium to transfer a creation to. Seeing One Piece I’m left wondering if that’s always the case, and find myself rethinking assumptions about what form fits what kind of works.

I’m only a few episodes in. The show has room to disappoint me - but the cast and characters certainly didn’t.

Steven Savage

www.StevenSavage.com

www.InformoTron.com

#one piece #netflix #live action #adaption #netflix one piece

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girlyliondragon · 1 year

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Another update, please read, it's really important.

So.. it should be obvious, but multiple people I have or had contact with have learned that I intended to actually commit suicide on this very night through drug overdose.

I wasn't subtle about it, but I also wasn't sure how to go about acknowledging everything I've done to hurt people in a way that wasn't more self-deprecating than it already was since I had no more contact with them. I wasn't given time to calm down and apologize before I was cut out, so I just wrote something and put it in my discord bio, along with the notion that I was going to end everything with it so that nobody would get hurt further by me. I felt like shit and that everything was crashing down, so I figured why not get rid of the problem and hope it's enough of an apology from me in doing it.

The doc is here, feel free to read it if you're someone that was there last night:

In the daytime hours since I put this doc in my bio, friends that I still had came to me worried. Had I not been sleep the entire day, I'd still be pushing to swallow pills and risk potential organ failure or death despite everything. Someone who I won't name unless they want to be has given me a doc on their statement on what happened yesterday. It's not as hurtful as I expected. I guess..

This whole time I was planning, I was (and still kinda am, because brain) so sure people wouldn't miss me, that I was replaceable. I still think that I am and should be. And it really hurt feeling like nobody wanted me around or loved me outside my very small friend group. I had nothing now, and nothing worked, so why not end everything as a final means of escape, right? But after calling my mother, who told me that I need to stop relying on internet people a second time, I need to do something for myself.

Gonna go on a full week hiatus with no social media, this includes discord this time because it's the worst culprit in my mental health.

I'll be logging off of tumblr and discord, mainly so that I don't have the urge to come back here or there.

Twitter will stay the same as it's a private account, and if I am on tumblr it's with me logged off so I can't do anything but look at stuff to calm me down.

I will be at my sis's place for tonight and then at my dad's. I'm gonna pack food and whatnot since she's been waffling apparently. Her words not mine.

Just figured I let people know, so that ya'll can check here if you are wondering where I am. I need to care for myself now more than ever, and many people has tried to talk to me during this night since I was assured to not see anymore days after this. Thank you for caring about me, still caring, to those that have reached out, even if now I'm fighting the urge to tell you not to worry.

I've been so lonely since everything it's made me shut down, I still feel really dead deep down, because I still feel like nobody wants me, but.. yeah... I'm gonna post this and then log out for an entire week.

Thanks for... still having faith in me when I never did, if anyone does...

#Em Speaks #Personal Things #Important #Suicide Mention

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nickywhoisi · 2 years

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My Thomas and Friends humanized robot ideas omg yes it is

YOOOOO IT’S FINALLY HERE, NEW RELEASE, GET HYPE GROOP

It’s been a stupidly long time coming, I know, and I wish I could include some new art with it, but eh what’re ya gonna do. Since first coming on to tumblr, I’ve been loving the whole fandom’s many versions of the cast, and it did not take long for me to throw my hat into the ring and join the fun! I already loved making designs on their own just for the sake of experimenting. But if I was gonna make my own human!Engines, then it was only inevitable that I give them a proper universe to reside in and give context if I wanted to make some original skits or comics (and lemme tell ya I have really wanted to make some comics wiTH ANTICS). And I hated having so much putting off my creativity! I had to focus on everything except what I really needed to make something really good, but there were a few lucky glimmers where I was able to settle down with my laptop and get some pieces churned out. So without further ado, insert drumroll, as I have just checked that I apparently have 30 +1 followers so far...which, considering what I have been posting so far...oh my god, I love you all. For real? I am amazed. You’re all troopers sticking around with me, through the pleasantness and the badness. I am so happy you guys put so much faith in me. Time for that to pay off. This is all for you guys first and foremost, along with the choo choo groop, the TTTE fandom.

-This rendition of Sodor Island has similar trappings to the TV series timeline, but with humanoids as the main focus, and with a very different overall trajectory. The entire island's culture is set in an amber-state of the 1910's-40's, but slowly there are some pieces of other decades that have made their way to the small country. In the most recent period, fluorescent lights have made their way to Sudrian homes, but the bulbs are made custom to have a warm glow of an old fashioned gas light, so it doesn't look too modern. Sometimes fashion trends of recent decades appear on the island, but these are mostly worn by foreigners or visitors to the island, and rarely are seen on locals. A lot of things like this are repurposed, or reconfigured in this way, as that is what the Island of Sodor seems to prefer best. -The entire land pulses with a giant amount of otherworldly energy, which the Sudrians know as "magic dust". It is shown to take on the form of powder carried on the winds most often. But unlike the movie's depiction of "gold dust", this universe's magic dust has an even more ethereal colour. It's prismatic, a "light rainbow" colouration, and gold is just one of the colours that it can display. Some say it is like watching a fog of powdered diamonds pass by, on occasion. It's always a delight for the engines to see wafts of magic dust come in, as they get to enjoy a special boost of energy that comes from it. -The main cast originate as normal, faceless trains when they are first built. With the intended use of being average trains, pulling passengers and cargo and all that. But due to the magic dust, most of them develop a soul/consciousness, and without mouths or faces, they come alive and start talking. The very first to be granted life, of course, is Lady. Proteus and all the rest come after her soon enough, though there are rare cases where an engine is unaffected by the magic dust, and never comes to life at all. It is otherwise a mystery how this occurs, but old Sudrian researchers have discovered that the engines have the magic dust that grants them life condensed right in the core of their chassis - they just opened a slot to take a peek; it wasn't a full dissection. They would not dare harm one of their trains, especially now that they were alive and could react to whatever they did! - This core essentially looks like a giant glowing column inside, the dust becoming a solid cylinder-esque shape that fills in whatever gaps inside the engine were empty. A large cylinder with branching points, to be more precise. Even more of a mystery is how exactly the engine's voices are heard at all; the only working, plausible theory at present is it's a mass psychic mental link of some kind, allowing the trains to speak, be heard, and be understood by humans on Sodor. When a living train was brought out of Sodor, as a speculative experiment, the core seemed to stay intact, yet it was impossible for a human outside of Sodor to ever hear the train. More alarmingly, the engine's core magic was decreasing in potency the longer they were kept off of Sudrian land. No changes within a person who worked with them were ever found, so it was considered ultimately benign, though somewhat harmful to the poor trains. The local Sudrians who remained by the train's side were still able to keep their mental connection to the magic engine, and were equally perplexed as to how this was possible while being off-island. In the beginning, the average humans who worked alongside their steamies and diesels were getting quite used to their new active connections with eachother, and were having a lot of fun bonding over nearly everything. From discussing work schedules and how to improve them, to tooting whistles and enjoying music together, to getting huffy over having food cooked in their fuelboxes sometimes, and so on. The passengers would also get to share special connections with the engines who were always delighted to greet them. Then...out of nowhere, a truck suddenly formed a face and voice of its own, and began to cause trouble for everyone. And just a short moment after that, an engine transformed and became humanoid; likely Proteus. There was almost an incident in which the drivers were caught in his very first transformation, or "morph" as it would later be dubbed, but they got out by the skin of their teeth before then. Ever since, the people got decidedly more nervous about boarding the engines, and some passengers were beginning to worry about the carriages; if it would be safe to use the railways at all if the trains themselves were transmogrifying without any warning. The stations needed to make sure this wouldn't become an economic crisis, or even worse...be the cause of bizarre casualties. So, Fat Controller I drummed up with the stations a haphazard plan of building tons of new cars and trucks for passengers and businesses to use. But they did so annually; after a week of use, the cart would be decommissioned for a while and replaced with a new, freshly built one to ensure there would be no sudden morphing on the job. The previous cart would be waited on for a month to see if it would decide to come to life. If it didn't, it would be considered "safe" and brought back into use again, but still only for a week. There would be a great amount of shifting cars around and checking carefully to make sure there would be nothing springing to life at the wrong time. This caused a lot of very difficult work for everyone, and there was still no assurance to be made about the trains, but the safety of the people was ensured to the best of their ability. Suddenly, though, it happened. Not only did a passenger car come to life, though thankfully it was not a harmful incident at all, a few rare vehicles were beginning to come to life as well! Entirely unaccounted for! It seemed as if nothing was safe from the magic dust! This was the cause of humans being less enthused about the magic dust fogs rolling in than the engines...as for them it means life and health, but for the average human means an unstable chance event of a device coming alive before any preparation can be made. It leaves the people in a certain state of anxiety for a long time, though they still need to use their vehicles and trains. It's been a miracle that nobody has gotten killed, yet there have indeed been accidents and daredevil moments caused by a car springing to life and not understanding where it is yet, or a train screeching to a halt and making the passengers lurch forward as it's frozen in confusion. Fat Controller I and his workforce, after many years of doing damage control, finally decide they're tired of fighting against the uncertainty and try to encourage the island to "go with the flow" a bit more. Over time, with Fat Controller II taking position as head of the Stations, they all acknowledge that this is just what will happen from here on out. They accept the risks however begrudgingly, and everyone starts learning and practicing what to do to minimize the risk however they can...and things turn out pretty alright from here on out. It's nobody's fault except that durn magic dust.

-Toby, Edward, Thomas and Gordon were the first four of the present period to be observed morphing from talking train forms to humanoid for the beginning of their individual “stories”. The human forms are not really considered by the humans as the same, for a number of reasons. A small, barely invasive surgery was once done on a past engine to dissect and understand the engine’s miraculous changes, and these findings applies to the whole cast; steamie, diesel, etc. The trains essentially have a complex system of innerworkings that are reminiscent of human anatomy, but the “organs” that they carry are closer to the systems of their original engine forms. Much of these are placed around to fit the humanoid casing in the best way, and much of it makes sense; the steam pipes are connected near exactly like a set of lungs, trachea and nasal passages for releasing pressure...but they are also connected to the ear holes and unique vent holes found passing down through their ankles, so not everything matches up as we might understand. The human forms seem to have a special compartment within the legs that store the most unique addition; retractable wheels that allow them to use their original tracks without any issue, though they can now step off the tracks and walk where they please. These wheels are connected by sturdy joints that bend in unobtrusive ways. Of course, there is also the colouration of their skin, which is a soft matted but still metallic grey. These are the most direct indicators that, though they look human, these “robots” have indisputably originated from the engines they were. The magic cylinder they have also appears to change shape with them, forming into a bust shape; the engine’s brains and “heart” appear to be located closely at the head and torso. It makes for very tough necks, certainly. But this would also mean that any blows to these areas too severe would be fatal to them, and if not treated in time, may lead to the poor engines death.

-Toby first morphed on his tracks, not in anyone’s way, with no passengers with him or anything. His driver was mentally ready each day for just this event. It was a very easygoing time, thank goodness.

Edward was next, and his morph was quite safe as well. Though he absentmindedly turned his new body before his cargo was uncoupled, which caused the load to get spilled. At least it was only one cart...

Thomas morphed at a pretty inopportune time, during a passenger ride on Tidmouth. He was so enamoured by his first beautiful sunny day that he drifted off to Toryreck, which was not on the proper path! He didn’t realize what had happened until everybody was practically yelling at him to get his attention, especially his drivers who had chased him down.

Gordon morphed at a fairly bad time too, but he handled it expertly for someone who only got used to having legs for a split second. He of course was on his expressline, going very fast down his track. And so when he morphed without expecting it, he had to think very quickly for the sake of his passengers and drivers’ safety, and get accustomed to having limbs even quicker. He did it, and everyone at the next station were pleasantly surprised, but he was frozen in discomfort. He probably needed some time to...register what happened, or fear what had almost happened. Immediately afterward, he studied the Sudrian Locomotive Owner’s Manuals which went over all known information about his new form. That way he would never be so thrown off again. Also, yes, he’s autistic headcannon’d. ;3

James’ first morph was expected by his drivers and himself, but sadly it did not go as James had planned it to. He considered it like a special “coming out at a debutante ball” sorta deal, and was always daydreaming about the ideal moment and how he would carry himself. When it actually happened, however, he was in the middle of dealing with the troublesome trucks. He has a brief moment to enjoy his new form, but the trucks decide to take advantage of the distraction and push James along towards the crash he suffers in canon. In this version, he’s all alone to suffer the crash, as the drivers had to leap off of James when morphing! And it seemed that James’ wheelframes and breaks were actually wooden instead of metal as well. Nobody was aware of what it would be like for a wooden-braked train to morph and be like that, but James’ brakes were already burned away in the incident. Luckily, just like in canon, Thomas is there to help James up and collect his separated wheelset. And this time, they can at least walk back without trouble. James is very depressed because his first morph was so cruelly disrupted, and he can barely remember the small moment he was happy about it...but he’s quickly cheered up by Thomas’ idea to cover James before everyone at Steamworks sees him yet...so he can still have his debutante entrance after all!

-Henry’s first morph was almost a really dangerous situation. Henry was in an awful condition in his engine form, and this made him and the rest of the station worried about how well he would function period. Henry was far too scared to ever look forward to morphing while like this, as he learned that once an engine morphs, they don’t go back. Ever. That would mean that whatever illness he had, he’d be keeping forever as a “human”. This left all of his actual human friends at the station frantically preparing a special reconstructive surgery for him, while they still had the chance. Retooling an entire train is hard enough engineering work on its own, but it’s even trickier to make sure the “patient” is put to sleep well enough to go through such a demanding process. Even worse still when the patient is essentially a ticking time bomb, with having no way to be sure if he would suddenly morph IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OPERATION. Then he would either be lost forever, or be in such a horrifying state that it would surely be better...to decomission him. Absolutely no one wanted that! And thank goodness nobody got that, as it took a few days to finish Henry’s new locomotive body but he was still finished in time, for when he did form within a few weeks. Henry was all better, and more than happy with how he was now.

And that’s what we’ve got so far! Had to edit Henry’s bit in post because my laptop almost ran out of battery. Oops XD But I hope you all enjoy the blurbs!

#not to toot my own horn too soon but...#I am very proud of myself for forming plausible transition points for the engine's transformations #and the ripple effects that come from it happening for the first time #I really got into thinking about how everybody would actually take to these happenings in a believable way #like how would sodor actually feel about this and this what would they do #this was super fun and I am gonna try to make more!#ttte #choo choo groop #my writings #this makes the happy

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domjaehyun · 1 year

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i never said i looked through the tags. i simply placed hc’s name on the search bar and looked through it (i was looking more for fics but i was looking for pics and updates too). i know i can just filter the tag (which i don’t and won’t bc tumblr’s filter tends to be faulty & filters whole unrelated posts e.g. “funeral” = post with “fun” gets filtered), but tumblr did put the community label now for a purpose too, right? it’s easy to put it too, so may i politely ask why not just turn it on?

sorry this got long and i don’t wanna make ppl scroll past it so it’s under the cut !!

i didn’t say you looked through the tags :) i asked if you did, what did you search? and searching haechan’s name is essentially looking for him in the tags of #haechan posts (and apparently similar tags), no? either way, me asking what you searched was the point of the question because i deliberately tag my fics a certain way. i also find that searching by tag as opposed to regular searches makes the search a lot more specific; as we know, apparently #haechan smut will appear in the “haechan” search but #haechan posts wouldn’t bear the same results! not pressuring you to do anything btw, i’m just making a light suggestion that might make your time here better :)

and you could block the tag, though? as opposed to the keyword? a post with #haechan smut or #nct smut wouldn’t get through the filter and you wouldn’t be seeing anything you didn’t want to, with no extra effort on your part or the parts of the writers you don’t want to see.

tumblr, quite frankly, did not think that feature (community labels) through very well. a large number of blogs haven’t changed their settings to view posts with mature/drugs & alcohol/violence labels, because they most likely still don’t know, and tumblr defaulted to setting everyone’s filters to “hide” as opposed to “blur” or “show.”

not everyone checks up on tumblr’s new updates (i happen to but that’s just me) and reblogs of posts about the community labels only get so far. additionally, i’m p sure turning on/off your community rating filters is only available on desktop as of right now, so mobile users might not have gotten around to it/might not have access to desktop.

so essentially? a lot of people won’t see the post that would normally see it if there’s a community label slapped onto it. it limits the visibility of the fic and it’s a little frustrating to work for ages on a story and post it, knowing that probably dozens, maybe hundreds, possibly even thousands, of blogs haven’t turned on the feature to be able to see the post.

it just seems like a lot of extra work for you to go through searches where you haven’t filtered smut and appeal every single smut fic you find. i’m sure there are a lot. i have a bunch of things blacklisted as tags specifically and tumblr never messes up with filtering them. (i will agree with you that filtering keywords as opposed to tags is still wonky.)

you could also just block this blog, btw. i wouldn’t take it personally (i’ve blocked literally hundreds of blogs just for posting things i don’t like) especially because this isn’t my main blog so blocking it wouldn’t affect me much. i don’t post anything but smut in my writings and that’s the only stuff i put in the tags, so you wouldn’t have to scroll past anything of mine :)

anyway sorry for going on for so long !! but yeah that’s my (albeit lengthy) response as to why i don’t use the community labels (and won’t until tumblr makes the system more functional). :)

#answered #anon #sorry this got lengthy my adderall makes me talk more #also the colors are just for highlighting the important parts i read this over and didn’t want it to come off as like . rude

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unloneliest · 1 year

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I posted 13,683 times in 2022

That's 13,180 more posts than 2021!

289 posts created (2%)

13,394 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@milfygerard

@lesdienne

@asterlark

@elytrians

@hoob-gooblin

I tagged 7,161 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#tmg - 408 posts

#mcr - 376 posts

#jam posts - 306 posts

#leverage - 302 posts

#trc - 281 posts

#q - 208 posts

#yell - 195 posts

#queer tag - 156 posts

#omgcp - 136 posts

#scream - 113 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#w last limit of bhakti i know my listening experience isn't the average i just have permanent brain worms about eliot spencer from leverage

My Top Posts in 2022:

have any tumblr tmg fans seen the sanguinare speculation? i’ve seen discussion on the subreddit - apparently there were postcards given out at the merch table last night with a qr code leading to this website (front of the postcard was the image from the website). folks on the subreddit are thinking it might be a surprise album drop, especially considering how long it’s been since they last released new music & the original plan for dark in here.

246 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

season 2 eliot..... they put gender in him

285 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

rewatching s3 e1 of leverage is like. top ten pictures taken moments before a disaster (eliot realizing he hasn't escaped moreau's influence over his life and that from here on out he will be living with either the inevitability of the team finding out about his past or the reality of them having found out). rewatching the rest of season 3 is like watching him be put through a slow motion hydraulic press. it's soooooooooooooooo

376 notes - Posted September 11, 2022

listen. i always liked werewolves more than vampires, and that’s because i just never really got the appeal of vampires - i was like, vampire-neutral. happy they existed because i know how much my friends love them. so i’m fairly certain the absolute first thing i said when i surfaced from reading @thebibliosphere‘s hunger pangs: true love bites is “i get it about vampires now.”

i absolutely did not go into reading expecting to adore vlad as much as i do, but oh my god, is this what enjoying vampires has been like for the rest of you this entire time????? why did nobody tell me! seriously!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cannot recommend reading this enough, i’m never going to shut up about how much i love this book, & yes, that’s fully with the intent of being a fandom pied piper & dragging you all into this interest with me.

611 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

for anyone who was missing it: the annotated mountain goats is back online!

for any tmg fans who haven’t heard of the annotated mountain goats before: it’s an awesome resource for lyrics & info on songs, and it’s been an absolute cornerstone of my goats listening experience since i started listening - check it out!

736 notes - Posted February 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #jam posts #YELLING. here's how my blog can still be about the leverage wip i started in 2017

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umbralrosa · 2 years

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10 Q’s

Tagged By: @s-talking Tagging: @casketdweller, @xmpereur, @the-ghoul-remains, @hail-the-one-eyed-king, @fallesto, @alvcrd, @astra-stellaris, @calamxty, and anyone who wishes to do so

ℒ:

1. When are you usually online? It’s spotty nowadays because of school, but otherwise -- always. I’m usually checking my phone the most or popping on the comport to check the activity page or scroll the dash. I’m always on my phone exclusively reading in tags and hanging around in IM’s if they’re blowing up. I’m eastern standard time in the U.S. so I’m particularly on my phone around 10-12 and my computer is varied.

2. What verses are you involved in? Yes. Just check the verses page I got one too many: Tokyo Ghoul, Destiny, Naruto, Witcher, Avatar The Last Airbender, InuYasha, Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen, My Hero Academia, Hellsing, Black Butler, Final Fantasy VII, and Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss.

3. What is your biggest RP pet peeve? When people obviously don’t read my rules, particularly any of the information on my muse on the blog before or after interacting. I have everything on SakuYoru on this blog that should cover just about all things real-life and fictional. Usually I get the occasional hypotheticals or needed clarifications, which I do enjoy dearly, but I always have been able to tell in the interactions when someone hasn’t done the needed homework. People always specify needing all information on an OC somewhere on the blog and I have it -- then they don’t do their own part reading it. Which goes in tandem with blogs that set up a muse page but have zero information on their muse or the verse they intend to write them in -- this is particular with canon muse blogs, and this leaves me confused despite knowing what canon character their roleplaying with. I also hate when there isn’t a tag for posts, particularly OOC ones so I can just block it without issue. I also have a problem with people following the blog and never interacting or reaching out at some point -- this is exclusively for those who I tried interacting with and received zero answers or was outright ignored, because I myself am extremely socially awkward and anxious so interacting is hard even with mutuals at times, and being ignored while seeing apparent favoritism is just... It cripples my confidence y’know, so I end up doing a clean-out to see who cares or not.

To name a few.

4. Are you drawn to specific types of muses? Them broody dark types always get me. Any character with a dark trauma-filled past basically. Bonus points if they make SakuYoru think and want to come out of their shell.

5. Are there reoccurring themes in your writing that people might not notice? I’m the one who doesn’t notice, so I have no idea m’self. I think I switch between 1st/2nd and 3rd person with SakuYoru in my writing, and lean on descriptions of the character, environment, and what the character is perceiving in real time. It’s the details that SakuYoru catches, and I want that conveyed always that they are always aware.

6. What are your favourite RP trends? I don’t even know what is trending right now on Tumblr. I live under a whole different rock even on the internet. I guess one of those aesthetic boards.

7. What is your process for starting a new story with someone? Plotting spooks me, so anything off an ask or meme that’s turned into a thread is much preferred. I think a given concept of a thread is what can roll with but I prefer that go-with-the-flow vibe.

8. How do you feel about duplicates? SakuYoru is my own OC, so I don’t think there will be duplicates there better fucking not be owo. I have had suspicions when people suddenly pull an idea out after interacting with SakuYoru and add a few copypastes, but I’ve anxiously assumed that 2 times on my whole time on Tumblr.

9. How long have you been involved in roleplaying? *squints* 2009/2010 for sure. Assuming you’re not counting the weird larp/roleplay shenanigans kids do with their siblings through characters in multiplayer video games.

10. Is there a muse or verse you could write in, but haven’t? I think I got everything covered so far. I do have to get around to that Bloodborne, League of Legends, and any sub verses within other completed verses.

#玫Out Of Roses [OOC]

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josiebelladonna · 2 years

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if daveigh/greendruidess/whatever she goes by now is discouraged from writing in the wake of the infamous incident... i want every single one of you to know that i am fully responsible for

my own little world over here because the fact she couldn’t sort out her own shit before she got to writing three years ago has absolutely nothing to do with me and never did, either. i’ve said this before but the only reason i ever bring her up in the last year or so anymore is to make fun of the whole thing. when you’ve been through enough bullshit in life, you learn to laugh at things (and it’s even better if you find the right people to laugh along with).

i mention this because, just out of morbid curiosity just now, i checked her ao3 profile: aside from like loving the dead, she hasn’t updated any of her other wips since february. and my first thought was “wow, that’s... horribly depressing.” shit, i feel bad that i haven’t touched xenon dreams since january and to be frank, i can’t believe it’s been that long, especially with my love of sci-fi and whatnot.

i’ve said this before, too: i do feel bad for her and when this whole thing started, i genuinely didn’t want to go through with it. i think i always will, too (i have too much of a heart, hating is not in my nature, contrary to what she might tell you) and it always kills me to hear about someone giving up something they loved doing because someone else gave them hell of a tongue-lashing. it’s a fear that’s way too common and all too real in the art world, in particular. so many people have given up or will give up because of criticism and it’s something that so many artists fear as well: including me! that was a big fear of mine for years, and in fact, i still feel it. i always clam up whenever i get any comments on anything, not just a piece of art. but at the same time, i also think, wow. your ego was far more fragile than i realized. especially when i remember just how out-of-touch she is.

(and just for some perspective, i consider myself way out-of-touch because yesterday was the first time in... jeez, i don’t even know how long, since i last wandered over to the type o tag just to see what’s going on over there. i’ve been laying low on ao3 lately, aside from the updates and the odd kudos here and there. i haven’t scoured a tag in weeks: writing several thousand words in an afternoon takes a lot out of you and i’ve been focusing on moving lately, so i just haven’t been able to). apparently, she has it in her head that i’m calling people out left and right for stealing, and moreover, she’s addressing me in quite literally the most passive-aggressive way possible.

well... first of all, obviously not. i have way better things to do and it’s really something you have to be on guard for: you don’t go out of your way to scold someone for that, no one does unless they’re actually the victim of it. i’ve lamented how it seems totally bass-ackwards now, that the thieves are the ones to defend and the artist/writer/creator is the one to receive bullshit, and tumblr is an utter bastion for that behavior (why do you think so many artists on here add “do not repost” to their art?), but i’m just sitting here scratching my head at that.

i do remember that chapter of like loving the dead she posted back on my birthday in april, and i have no doubt it was in response to me trying to talk to her last summer to cool things down a bit. the whole vibe of that was she thinks i’m a hater because she’s got a popular fic.

look, there’s a lot of things i don’t like, but i cannot bring myself to hate another person, no matter shitty or toxic they are (and i couldn’t be bothered with things like hits or likes, either, i stopped caring about that during my hiatus and wattpad completely killed it for me).

i actually don’t even hate her at all. i hate that she condones horrible behavior like plagiarism and shameless copying/taking and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. i hate her attitude and how it’s apparently too much to ask of her to throw her weight around (the way she sits in my memory is she looks like regina george in about 30 years but with red hair). i hate how she brags all the time and also her sense of entitlement that’s apparently only gotten worse with time, and i couldn’t help but react to it in the past, either. but as a person, though? no way. you couldn’t pay me money to hate her as a person.

if you ask me, she’s the real hater here. she’s still thinking about that incident and talking about it two years later when there was absolutely no reason to (hell, there was no reason for it six months afterwards). yeah, dead man walking is my side of the story, no doubt about that, but it’s got way more purpose than that: it’s a story that i’ve wanted to write for a long time now and i finally found the opportunity to do so with the events that happened between me and her - i needed a moral or an underlying theme of some sort (it is rated teen and up, after all 😉). she’s just vitriolic and browbeating and projecting onto me, and all i can say is is grudges are fucking stupid.

i got my anger out immediately after it happened through my st. anger drawings, the dead trilogy, and the remainder of my at land’s end series. aside from the odd outburst along the way, i said everything i needed to say and i put it to bed, especially when alex entered my life. i don’t hold grudges, and i’ve never been able to, either.

it literally blows my mind how way too many people on here are like “i have a grudge against this person/i resent this person” and don’t see anything wrong with it. grudges are, at their core, completely petty and pointless and they only end up destroying you, the bearer of the grudge, in the end. really, imagine yourself 5/10/15 years from now, still feeling angry at the other person over something stupid that they let go of right away. you’re going to look so ridiculous and you’re going to wish for that time back, as well. grudges are not just stupid and pointless: they’re sad. like, this is going to be your legacy, man. forget everything else, this is how i’m always going to remember you. was it really worth it in the end? you can’t help but feel bad for the person with the grudge... but you also can’t, because hey, you were the one who stayed angry all this time, not me. i was just trying to live my life, unlike you, letting your anger cloud your vision and swell up your ego to the size of the earth.

when that incident happened (if you don’t know: i was just trying to be friendly with her during anthrax’s livestream from wacken during quarantine - you know. fellow fangirl to another. innocuous fun stuff in a world gone horribly wrong - and over here, she was getting all up in arms about someone annoying and obnoxious, and when she blocked me on here and on wattpad was when i realized she was referring to me), and i looked back on her behavior (which is how i found out her plagiarism in the first place), i saw right away that she’s all-talk and no-walk, but it’s being magnified big time now because she refuses to let go of anger and she’s made it her persona, too. she can go as dark and gothic as she wants: i’m always going to look at her name and think “angry, bitter person.”

i clearly don’t even give a shit about any of this anymore, and i haven’t since the end of 2020, either. i can barely be bothered to go through the type o tag anymore, or any fic tag for that matter because fandom as a whole has followed her lead. aside from things happening on my end, it’s hard to find fic (particularly band fic) on ao3 anymore that feels like it was written from a good place. it’s all clique-y and snide and hard to understand and gives me a headache and i don’t know if tiktokification of everything in existence now is to blame or not.

like i said, if she (or anyone else) throws in the towel, it’s not my call to make and it never was, either. you’re the one driving the ship: i’m just the madwoman in the attic.

#saying this on the heels of the latest couple of chapters of dead man walking #daveighmustaine #xxgreendruidessxx #fanfic woes #fic woes #ao3 authors #text #grudges are dumb #let this be a lesson

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