#i cant believe my mind could do this
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OKAY SO ABOUT THAT 2-PARTER RC9GN EPISODE DREAM I HAD
This was a really long time ago, so I may or may not have some of it right, but I can still remember the most memorable parts of my dream.
EPISODE 1
So it started with me opening my TV to see what's new on the Disney channel, I don't remember what I was trying to look for, but then I saw this teaser of an RC9GN 2-parter special episodes thing and I literally screamed, no joke.
The teaser was like a countdown to the 2 episodes, so I waited for a few more minutes or smt
So anyways, the theme song started playing and I remember singing along with it, going batshit crazy
Then the song ended and the episode starts with Randy in class, bored out of his mind. The teacher (a new one, I can't remember what she looks like, but I know she's a woman) was teaching about whatever
I dont know what else happened in this episode, but skip to the part where a robot attacks and Randy is going ninja. I can't remember what it looks like, but it wasn't a robo-ape.
The Ninja is there to destroy it, yelling quips and puns, the usual
But the part I remember so much was the end of that episode, so this robot was trying to hit the Ninja, but missed, leading the robot to hit the school instead. Hard.
So the part of the building where the robot hit collapsed and there were students there just before the part of the building fell on them.
For a split-second, we can see Randy's absolute dread and tried to reach out to the kids, but he couldn't reach them on time and the bulding fell on top of them.
Absolute silence followed soon after. I can remember how shocked I was on this part, my jaw dropped because I DIDNT KNOW DISNEY WOULD ALLOW THAT
And then the episode ended. Just like that.
ANYWAY EPISODE 2 (I REMEMBER THIS EPISODE THE MOST)
So we ended with a cliffhanger on the first episode, and my mouth was still wide open.
Disney gave me a break and a commercial started
But then after that the next episode started, and there wasn't even a theme song
The episode showed the Ninja trying to reach out on the kids again, but he couldn't make it. There was a heartbeat sound effects going on in the background making it more suspenseful
Anyway, the Ninja went to dig them out of the collapsed rubble, and miraculously, the students lived
So randy asked if they were okay, and I kid you not, he sounded genuinely terrified and concerned
The students had minor bruises, while one of them had an dislocated arm, but they were alive and that was what mattered to Randy at that moment.
Randy got them out of there and he made sure they got out of harm's way before he went back to the robot
Fastforward to the aftermath of the destroyed robot, (this is probably my fav part cuz it was just so ANGSTY) Randy took off the ninjasuit in the boys' bathroom and he just sat there for a minute
The heartbeat soundtrack was back, but faster, and I can see on screen that Randy was also starting to hyperventilate as he processed what happened and what almost happened to those students
I can't remember what else happened then, but i think Howard found him or something and tried to calm him down
anyway, when randy did calm down, he took the nomicon out of his bag, with howard by his side, and asked "What would happen if I failed them? Was there ever a ninja that had to deal with what almost happened?"
The nomicon shloomped him in the book and Randy had a deep conversation with Finja (AGAIN IT SUCKS THAT I CANT REMEMBER THIS PART BECAUSE I KNOW IT WAS SP GOOD)
Randy sat on the dirt (its kind of like dirt? I mean, its a page of the nomicon but whatever) with tears streaming down his eyes. Finja is there, just, rubbing his back and comforting him because Finja knows what he's going through, he's been there and worse, he's seen his comrades fall in front of him and he knew that it was a painful feeling
Silently, randy told Finja (in my own words cuz i cant remember how he actually said it "What if those students... will an even greater chaos happen if I failed them? Can I still be a ninja if I failed to protect them?"
And finja replied with smt like "Ninja... you are one of the best ninjas I ever had the privilege to meet. You saved me from giving up on fighting, you saved many people by defeating the sorcerer and bringing peace to Norrisville. You saved the Sorcerer from his eternal curse and freed his soul. If anyone is going to fail at being the ninja, then it is not you. Yes, it was a close call for those defenseless students, but they are still alive and well and you need not think of the possibility of what might have happened. So do not be hard on yourself, Ninja."
More tears and more hurt/comfort ensues and I think the episode ended with randy leaving the nomicon and having a more peaceful mind.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaHHHHhhhHHHHHHH I CANt BELIEVE I STILL REMEMBER MOST OF THIS DREAM, NOW I WANT TO MAKE A FANFIC OUT OF IT (with probably a few eensy-teensy changes)
#rc9gn#rc9gn randy#rc9gn howard#randy cunnhingham#fanfiction#rc9gn first ninja#rc9gn nomicon#rc9gn dream#dreams#it was a long time ago so i forgot some things#but i swear this is one of my fav dreams#i cant believe my mind could do this#i wrote this w/o caring so much abt punctuation#or typos or grammars
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Devlon x Rhys's Mom
Hear me out (@popjunkie42 and I have discussed this at length, bless her heart):
It's established that Rhys's mother was not in love with the High Lord. She spent most of her time in Illyria, had her wings intact, and apparently was given enough freedom to move about on her own that she could take her daughter on camping outings.
Plenty of opportunity for her to fall in love with the War Lord who seems to be allowed a lot of freedom to disrespect Rhys and the other Bat Boys in the present (but, Cee, he trained them and that's where the sentimentality comes from! No. That's not romantic and tragic enough.)
Those laws imposed to stop female wing cutting and to ensure they're trained in the battlefield are quietly (or in the case of Rhys's absence UTM not so quietly) fought because the murder of Rhys's mom and sister's justify that Devlon couldn't protect them, the dangers going against their traditions brings, and the other Illyrians rally around this tragedy.
Devlon looks at Rhys and see's the High Lord that would take his lover off to breed, filled her head with too many High Fae beliefs and values that don't apply to the reality of growing up in brutal Illyria. Devlon looks at Rhys and sees a young male who is still dreaming even though Devlon lost his dream centuries ago.
Devlon looks at Rhys and sees his mother, the daughter that was like his own, and relives the grief of those losses over.
And Rhys looks at Devlon and sees the male his mother actually loved. He knows he'll never be able to dispose of the stubborn Lord or his old-fashioned beliefs because it would mean disposing of someone his mother cherished.
So, they're both trapped in each other's orbits and Devlon tends to Rhys's mother's house whenever the IC aren't in Windhaven and Rhys continues to send Cassian to try and find a middle ground for the old and new.
#more thoughts of illyria you say?#why dont mind if i do#i could accept the face value explanation that rhys allows the chaos in illyria because he needs their fighting force the same#he does with the darkbringers and keir ... but i cant believe there arent stronger feelings involved with his mother's obvious loyalty#why would she continue to live in windhaven? demand her son be brought up that way?#anyway devlon is an absolute unit of a dilf in my mind#he's the stepdaddy rhys never wanted#devlon#rhys's mom#acotar#headcanon
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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hello. i am having severe feverish g/ojo thoughts.
"You mean him severely fevered, or that the thoughts are se-"
Yes.
#thats it thats the post thats all ive got#there is an image of his normally pale face flushed#all the angles standing out with each brilliant curve illuminated from the warm glow#sweat soaked hair clinging to his forehead as his normally playful mask is slipping#tongue peeking out through his teeth as he sucks in sharp breaths trying to retain what little control he has left#the world around him starting to feel a bit further away#he can't seem to quite focus enough to pick individual shapes out from the masses#im so out of my mind right now but i just cant stop thinking about this#if i could draw better... you better believe i would be drawing this...#i might do it anyways but unlikely because the image is so pure in my head and i dont want to dirty it#ANYWAYS im posting this here because uhhhhh well honestly because i just need to say it somewhere its rotting my soul
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don carlos by friedrich schiller is the most wild thing i've read all year and i'm only in act 2
#this is giving me flashbacks to when i read the winter's tale and i was literally slamming my fists and emphatically shaking the book#because i just could not believe the level of DRAMA i was reading (and the craft with which it was written)#i just closed act 2 scene 3 and im like GIRRRRLLLLL#princess of eboli im rooting for you#nobody tell me if something shitty happens w her im having a good time right now#tales from diana#up until act 2 scene 2 i was getting phaedra-meets-prince hal (of the henry iv plays) vibes#but then those next two scenes were CRAAAAZY#and i should mention phaedra by racine is one of my favorite plays#schiller also has a beautiful skill at language if the translations are doing him any justice#i dont know german so im not reading the originals naturally but just. the edition i have. the verse is so beautiful#i also read his mary stuart this year and it was also great but im losing my mind at don carlos#i was intimidated by this play too though bc it's nearly 200 pages in my copy of his works! which is a p big book#but OOOHHHHH my god#im just over 1/3rd through the play and i cant imagine how it gets any wilder#but wooooow. WOWWWW#schiller might be the first non-anglophone writer ive read who ive seen called 'the shakespeare of his culture'#and i actually felt that the comparison like. did justice.#the intensity ive felt reading these 2 schiller plays are very much how i feel reading the greatest shakespeare plays#not that the greatest/most acclaimed writers of other languages ive read arent AS GREAT as shakespeare#but like. molière i'll use as an example bc i love what i've read of him.#he's the most globally well-known french writer of verse plays but that doesn't make him like shakespeare.#he's very much in his own camp of artistic genius. his craft is also very different. the resulting products are super unique#from what is typical of a shakespeare play.#schiller's style AT LEAST FROM THE TWO PLAYS IVE READ very much have the same depth of character#complexity of plot#and grace of verse.#im obsessed! king!
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i cant believe fontaine finally cleaned up its archon quest writing and learned to Actually Proper Balance its npc screentime with its playable character screentime. and yet. AND YET!!! THIS is the nation where i end up hyperfixating on the historical figures with no official designs.
#rambling#genshin#i am DANGEROUSLY close to speedrunning the “hyperfixated on a blorbo > loosely based in canon headcanons > 'thats just your oc'” pipeline#with the narzissenkreuz institute kids#im dying so much to see what happens next that im just making up shit in my mind functionally 😭#if they wont give me more quest for like another month then i will do it myself 💥💥#but actually they should take their time with the quests. my impatience is my own fault and should not be the basis for a rushed story#anyways. i cant believe they finally got solid playable character writing in the archon quests#and instead of hyperfixating on lyney who checks like. almost EVERY blorbo preference box of mine.#im obsessed with an oceanid world quest 😭 and some random journals#something something tragedy something something#i think i just really loved the intrigue and mystery of it all. slowly finding all the notebooks and piecing together#who did what and wtf went down#was SO satisfying. it was so cool to figure out#i was live reacting to the oceanid quest in a discord channel with some friends and you could literally SEE my thought process go from#“this quest boring as shit idc about oceanid roleplay” to “oh wait they're actually commenting on the nostalgia themes now” to#“HEY WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE THE NAMES CONNECT?!?!”#especially since when i started doing all that the wiki didn't have character pages for most of the narzissenkreus institute kids#beyond like one to two sentences#and so the moment i saw that rene's page was like an actual paragraph and mentioned the kvarnah quest i was like HOLY FUCK#anyways!!!! genshin's writing has been surprisingly good recently#but still. i cant believe they finally managed to get me attached to a random npc! a random HISTORICAL npc for that matter!!!!#inazuma and sumeru wishes they had that#i think another part of it is that fontaine has been good about giving its historical figures consistent personality and character voices#and also character drama! like there's a LOT to latch onto here especially since they're letting you see it firsthand instead of only notes#and since they've tied it back to the present in a couple of very obvious ways it makes the connections easier to latch onto#and also since there's less people to worry about#i still don't understand inazuma history tbh. there were too many damn people and they all blended together in my mind...#they all had like overlapping jobs too ueghhjk#“this guy was a master of [weapon] and died in the catacylsm” describes like at least 3 people who are only ever mentioned in artifact sets
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I may not be authorized to have lob corp character options given I've only read at best 30% of the story and only because of me watching playthroughs while I play but also I need everyone to give more of a shit abt Lisa right now she's literally the best one objectively because I said so
#rat rambles#shes also just genuinely rly well written and shes made me cry#like Im not particularly interested in reading through most lob corp stuff right now but I will regularly rewatch her core meltdown scenes#and while I also dont plan on reading lor stuff the fact that I know she ends up alone in that game fucks me up so bad#like godddddd tragic siblings my absolute beloved#I dont forgive her for being blond but at least shes not trying to be a lil edgelord like wendy lol#I cant say shes evading the tboy cringe allegations though give her a couple years we'll see#but yeah Im sure that angela would have a death grip on my mind if I ever got into project moon stuff#I may not know a whole lot abt her but she and carmen combined fit into just about every character archerype I always fall for#oh and you can bet your ass I would be making carmen and olivia parallels in my mind as I read#which would then backfire because then I'd start thinking abt jackie and ayin#and then Id be sad that ayin and carmen arent doomed toxic yuri 😔#well they could be if you belive hard enough but I do not believe in ayin sorry#the real question in life ofc is if carmen is a lesbian or a gay man
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...
#its been so long since i actually made a friend#vent#that its hard#to realize that they like me#that they want me there#and that they miss me#that i assume that they dont care and they wouldnt want me there anyway#after who would care about lil ole me#and then they ask#hey where were you why didnt you come#didnt you say you wanted to meet#im just too used to pulling away at the slight bit of disinterest#that it surprises me that they like me#the concept is so foriegn to me#i feel like if i get too close im going to be so dissapointed#know ing so many times that i got sttached that i loved and got spat in the face on#the amount of times i decided to pull away for a bit and then we never talked again#it had happened so many times that it has affected my self esteem to the point the thought that i am a useless person that no one could car#for let alone even see had become a fact in my mind i feel so damn invisible sometimes i cant even feel myself#when people show interest i smile and wave knowing fully well that its all just temporary and i wont see them after the first 3 meetings#it hurts so much#i feel unlovable yet when someone tries i cant believe it and end up ghosting them#i need to believe in myself more#i need to learn to love abit more#even if it ends up hurting me#im sorry#but i need to do this for myself#this person feels like a good person#i should give them a chance#even if it feels like ive already messed up
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srry for the sad posting
#personal#i cant believe I'm crying in the work bathroom over this#i wish i could just feel mt feelings rn abt this instead of having all the nuances pop into my hear#i desperately wish she hadnt apologized yet#she put a ball in my court that i didnt want yet bc i still needed to ice my ankle and do PT before playing again#<< metaphor in case its unclear to the like 1 or 2 ppl who might read this#but like i cant stop thinking about this stupid apology#ik she said it bc she probably meant it#but i wasnt READY FOR THAT#the only reason i even reached out was to say “hey give me my stuff back im giving you yours back”#i tried so hard NOT to engage with the emotional side of the convo bc i did NOT have the space for it#and now i feel like the bad guy bc im not answering her for this apology#bc im not READY#and its been in the forefront of my mind for literally like 48hrs now#oughghgh
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>see person with irish mythology url
>'oh sweet i'll check them out'
>pinned post is collage au fic of the ulster cycle
>'We Are Fundamentally Different People'
#absolutely not slagging off this person. godspeed god bless#however as someone who spiritually believes in a lot of irish myth and old religion (not the catholicism)#i am So Incredibly Fucking Cautious abt like. the way ppl treat pantheons and myths as like. fandoms#and like thats not to say u cant make adaptions of myth! ppl do that all the time!#but u have to be cautious not to be disrespectful yknow?#like keep in mind that these are things that genuine people did and do believe in#and if u like. reduce them to incorrect quotes n stuff without being careful its easy to minimise that#esp w minority religions like jesus x judas stuff is probs weird for the christians but i dont care as much abt them#like i feel so so sorry for like. believers in norse greek and roman myth specifically#because theyve become like. pop culture mythology almost#like if i talked abt my faith and people went 'oh like from marvel/percy jackson' i think id fucking bite them#anyway long story short i wont judge u for writing fic n that for myth bcos u could have been careful writing it#but like fuck if im gonna risk reading it to find that out for myself#practically the only 'modernised' gaelic myth i seek out is stuff regarding the dullahan#and thats bcos most of it either conflates it with the headless horseman as in ichabod crane and bram bones#or treats 'dullahan' as a species and isnt specifically about Gan Ceann himself which is where id have potential problems#am i making sense?#fuck knows
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ball dur's gait 3 is ruining my life
#mine#I THINK I LOCKED MYSELF OUT OF AST4RI0N ROMANCE BY ACCIDENT#AND THE WORST PART IS I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW!!!!!!!#LIKE. WHAT SCENE DID I FUCK UP IN. WHICH DIALOGUE DID I MISS. WHERE DID I GO WRONG#i just got to act 3 and i had the option to ask him why him and my char haven't [ahem] in a while and i decided to click on it#and he finished the conversation by being like 'yeah theres never going to be anything between us'#i insta-reloaded to my save right before the convo because i refuse to accept that as being canon#even though i know the structure of this game well enough to know the fact that i have the option to have that convo#is like a 99% guarantee that i cant romance him#but fuck me man i wanna be a little delusional and keep believing#but if it's really over...............then 1. i'm very upset especially because this is my self insert#(although that is oddly fitting in its own way)#2. i still care him so much and in my heart i want to believe maybe after the events of the game something happens between them#3. im going to kill myself#and 4. on the upside i guess this does offer some interesting story/rp aspects i could play with in my silly mind#but fuuuuuuck me man i was counting on being able to do it i really thought i could get this to work...................#fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck man#so many things have gone wrong in this run it's almost kinda funny#i guess this also adds another playthrough to my planned list cause even though i watched the supercut and i know his romance already#i still kind of want to experience it for myself...even if it's not with my insert :(#but then again my tavs and durges will always be a little bit of an insert cause i'm going to project on them and they'll always#have something in common with me#i can try again in the future...#my 2nd run is going to be durgestarion with durge resisting the urges which i think will be really fun#but i guess im gonna need to use a guide LMAO#fuuuuuuuuuuck dude even though i reloaded to make the convo uncanon i feel like me and my little tav guy are sharing a deeply painful momen#ok this is too many tags WHATEVER i have a call in 30 minutes and then i'm playing the game for the rest of the day#even if he doesn't want me i will still care him......#oh i guess that's the other upside is i can see nonromantic dialogue i might not have seen otherwise#i'll probably see friend dialogue in future playthroughs when i romance other characters but who knows
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If it makes you feel better, you're the only one I think of when I see Yoomtah, she's like totally yours and I associate her with you so much it sorta seems like a crime for anyone else to like her even slightly romantically. (-^艸^-)
UEEEEEEEEEEEE..............REAL THANK U ANON SHE IS LITERALLY MINE
#idk Who in their right mind would be able to see her with anyone other than me like shes actually my soulmate..............like#it makes no senseeeeeeee like me and her were literally Made To Be Together no one else could even fathom loving her like i do honestly.#like honestly.theres genuinely never gonna be anyone who loves her like i do if u know how much i love her u would believe me too#shes my life my light my soul is tied to loving her there isnt a single universe where we arent fated to be together no matter what#even the boundary of whats fiction and whats reality in this world cant hold back our love its just too powerful#honestly? seeing her with anyone other than me is an insult to love itself.
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Not telling your child they're disabled or the full extent of their disability(s) should be a form of abuse
#i honestly still dont know shit about myself and am finding put that This and That are not normal#for other people and are in fact part of my disability#honestly still cant believe that my mouth having a hole up top is not what other people have#like that would have been very important info to tell me as a kid to show me what a normal complete palet looks like compared to mind#i shouldve been sat down and explained all my disabilities#and what they entail so i could grow up to take care of myself#instead grow up with the mindset of 'i cant do this' without knowing that yes i can i just need to figure out how i can in a different way#but i couldnt bc i didnt know that i could just PRACTICE catching every day and then eventually my hand-eye#coordination would improve and i could play with other kids#talkies
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when this scene came up in the trailer i remember thinking "huh she looks kinda demure, or like she's hiding herself behind the case" (because I thought this was going to come up after the helicopter scene, so I thought it was the briefcase with the amber)... it's a fucking gun lmao
#speakerphone!#idk when it comes to trailers i try to be chill on theorizing (emphasis on try... idk i cant help that my mind runs wild)#and when it comes to ada ik that if i dont have the full context of the scene then theorizing is especially useless.#but this made me laugh.#i mean. shes still posed in a way indicating shes uncomfortable (for OBVIOUS reasons) but idk why i thought demure was the right word lol#anyways. now that ive chewed on it i am firm in my believe that i dont like that weskers here.#he doesnt feel like a threat anymore. hes just there. him holding a gun to her to intimidate her into this new part of the job...#and really what does he actually do when hes out there? he gets a sample of her blood. berates her. forces her to take the override device.#other than taking her blood he didnt need to be there. and even then. he could just send one of his guys to do it.#anyways yah i felt this way at the beginning i think i was just so excited sw was out that i couldnt put it into words
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ok i’m never going to ask people who are inconveniencing me if they can inconvenience me a little less ever again
#for once#FOR ONCE!#i decide to gather my courage and ask my roommate if she wouldn’t mind being a little quieter while she plays minecraft#not even to whisper or play silently! i just asked if she could be a LITTLE softer since i’m TRYING to study for an important exam#and she gets all pissy at me for it like i’m demanding so much of her that she can’t be assed to make an effort#‘cant you just go to the library or somewhere else? this is the only place i can play’ no i fucking can’t. i need my computer.#‘but it’s the middle of the day!’ i literally could not give less of a shit what time it is. people study during the day. they need quiet.#‘i don’t know how to be any less loud than i already am’ fucking try then. maybe you will find it’s rather easy.#you could have just said ‘i can try’ and that would have been acceptable but noooo you can’t BELIEVE i would dare ask this of you#fine i don’t even give a shit. next time i do something that inconveniences you you can just suck it up and deal with it for all i care.#to delete later
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And i wish a very burn in hell forever and ever to the dumb bitch that came up withthe rule that i need 75 to pass
#to think i could be CHILLING rn if it was something like a 65 is makinf me lose my mind#cant even sharemy concerns with anyone ik thays in uni bc these people dont even need attendance to pass😭😭😭😭😭#cant believe im doing this out of my own free will sometimes damn
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