many notifs, but i sigh

Hello! I'm a fans of ur work, thankyou for give me serotonin supplies!

Maybe can I request luxiem hc with a s/o who's suddenly disappear, become difficult to trace and just leave a message "lets break up" without reason but actually hospitalized? Their s/o always perfectly hide the fact about often being hospitalized bc congenital disease, s/o want to make the boys hate s/o and sacrifice all of the feeling. All is just s/o doesn't want become a burden to them. I have almost same situation and need some comfort, you can ignore this if not comfortable, okay 😉, thanks!

Sorry if too long 🥲

PARiNGS - ...Luxiem(seperate) x GN!reader

MENTiONS - ...just luxiem~

SUMMARY - ...of course, you knew it'd make him confused and worried for your well-being but you absolutely do not want to be a burden to your boyfriend. he says something else though...

READER'S PROFiLE - ...you have a disease that causes you to be hospitalized frequently, and you were able to hide that fact perfectly well. you're in an established relationship with the boys seperately!

DiSCLAiMERS - intentionally lowercase. in no way am i a professional writer, i just like english lol. please know that these writings are a work of fiction and are the appearance and persona of the character! not the person behind the screen.

iMPORTANT A/N - won't be going into specifics of the reason why the reader is hospitalized. and don't worry if the ask is too long, anon, i hope this helps you at least a little! (also i have never wrote hcs myself before but i hope this still helps!)

i imagine shu to search everywhere for you when you sent that text

he just wants to know, why?

he'd eventually find you after calling several places to see if you were seen anywhere near the places. he would run to the hospital to see if you're absolutely fine.

when he saw you laying there peacefully, chest heaving up and down, he relaxed his tensed muscles after maybe several days of searching high and low.

he would stay by you whenever you can until you open your eyes to his amethyst ones.

you were shocked to say the least when you saw shu sitting next to you.

"why'd you text me that?" he would ask at last.

you would hesitate to explain but reassures you.

"i... just didn't want you to worry about me as much..." you said once you explained everything.

he let out a breath of relief with the knowledge of why you suddenly disappeared.

"you'd never be a bother to me."

ah, the detective himself.

mysta would definitely be terribly insecure, confused, and worried with your sudden text and disappearance.

he obviously worked on missing people cases, but he never knew how the feeling was when somebody you knew dearly just straight up disappeared with a text of "let's break up" without anything else to explain.

he would try to sniff out the last places you've been, but to his dismay, there was nothing to go off of.

eventually, he received a call from the hospital that his s/o was hospitalized

oh boy you know that he'd get in the car a second later

he might've went over the speed limit? but he's fine.

i think-

finally, when he saw you there, sitting up and reading a book, he absolutely wanted to hug the shit out of you. but he didn't know if he should?

so he just said something, "hey... why'd you just leave me without a trace?!" he'd pout.

you looked up from the book to see his iconic fox hat and ashen hair, "i knew it wouldn't take long for you to get here."

"but i'm being serious, i really feel like it would be better for us to break up."

he'd look at you shocked, "but why?"

"i don't... don't want you to be worried about me all the time, i'd just be... more of a burden and weight to you," your voice had shook slightly.

"not a chance! you're mine... and only mine... okay? don't do that again to me."

softest boy. and you can't change my mind

ike would call you several times and when you haven't picked up after maybe 6-8 times, he'd get extremely anxious.

he'd explain the entire problem to luxiem and all

then everyone's trying to look for you and eventually either himself or another one of the members found you there in the hospital.

you were sound asleep when ike visited, and he stayed there all night just to see you speak to him again.

he'd probably be reading a book as he waits(ah yes, all nighters. couldn't agree more)

you would wake to ike's voice, softly humming a tune as he read.

or you would see ike right next to your bed asleep, with his book in his lap, forgotten.

"good morning, dear. how are you feeling?" he'd tiredly ask

"w...why did you come here? to see me?" you ask, staring in his golden green irises. "i thought i said..."

"shh... i know you don't actually mean that. if you think you'd just be a burden, think again."

so i haven't written for luca at all so i hope this is still to your liking!

when luca found your text, he rushed to your house and found that... you were missing.

he'd definitely get some search team in the mafia to find you

i mean, can't really argue with that. you might've been kidnapped or something of the like by the rival mafia.

eventually, some of the agents in the search team found you and reported where you were to him.

and so, he arrived by your ward door. but apparently the hospital staff didn't let him in so you could hear him trying to reason with the staff.

he failed, sadly. but the next day you awaken to luca's face very close to yours.

"AHSGADSJKAH- oh. luca? why are you here..?" you softly pushed his face away after realizing.

"you left without anything behind except that text."

"i expected you to find me eventually but not this early," you already predicted that he'd find you anyways. i mean, it's luca kaneshiro for what we know

"i will keep on coming back, whether you like it or not"

vox is going to speed around your shared house.

when he realizes you're not anywhere in the house, he notifies his fellow genmates.

everyone is panicking to find where tf you went

until a few days of failing to locate where you are. kinda sad tbh

suddenly, he gets a feeling that you're in the general direction of the hospital.

bringing along some of your favorite snacks in a bag, he asks the receptionist if they have you in the building

they say yes and told him where you were, luckily he was right with following his intuition.

you were scrolling through twitter when he entered, tilting your head at the demon.

"darling, i've been looking for you."

"vox... i thought i already texted you about this."

"you did, but i do not think that's what you want in the slightest," he hands you a bag of [favorite snack] as he spoke.

he would probably still be flirty as you stay in the hospital, sending you a message every morning and night. even during his afternoon visits, he's still flirty with you.

"as much as you want me to leave, there's simply no way to let go of me."

NOTE - there's probably an obvious answer of which boys i fall hard for. unless it isn't? but this is the first actual writing that has all of luxiem written for. hope this helps with comfort~

DO NOT: repost or copy any of @kuraitsune's works! sharing is fine with credits.

So my partner is amazing and let's me ramble about RE to them whenever I want to, and even sat down to watch Vendetta with me when I bought it, so the other day I was like explaining Leon and Chris' characters (bc my partner knows how much I love them both lmao so of course that's what I was talking about), and we have both come to the conclusion that Leon is a bisexual disaster, and Chris is a homosexual. The running joke is that Leon is also just generally a whore, out there living his best life, and Chris is the kind of gay guy who no one expects to be gay bc of stereotypes and his habit of never really talking about himself, but he also was never really in the closet about it, so he's surprised whenever people are surprised to learn that he's gay lolol but in all seriousness Leon is not only bisexual, but he's the type to fall in love easily despite all of his background and trauma related to betrayal, so his heart is almost continually broken, either bc he's betrayed or he loses whoever it is he's found himself in love with (and sometimes both i.e. Krauser, and Ada at the end of RE2), either through death or just leaving bc he knows he can't stay/can't be with whomever. As for Chris, maybe I'm reading into it wrong, but despite all of the like, romantic connotations they try to put into some of his games (which I don't. Really see? Like there was some in the first game with Jill but I just cannot see them together like that, neither seem interested in one another like that. And of course, Jessica, who I can't stand, and who Chris is supposedly totally oblivious to? Like she thinks he didn't notice her flirting in RE revelations, and Parker is like "is it that, or is he maybe interested in someone else?" And the assumption there is that he means Jill, but again, I don't see it? Even in that game! But that line of Parker's always makes me think "yeah, he's more than just interested in someone else, he's playing for a whole nother team entirely!" lmao. And I haven't seen much for 5 but I'm sure it's there between Chris and Sheva, and then for 6 from what I understand there really is hardly any talk of Chris in regards to any women at all? 8 has nothing, as well, and the DLC for 7 is just another "Chris loses his entire team in horrific fashion yet again" side plot, so nothing there either), he never seems interested. He's always focused on the task at hand, not letting emotions get in his way, and like, some could argue that that's why he doesn't show interest or why Capcom doesn't create more romantic lore around him, but if they really wanted to Make Sure he was straight and Make Sure everyone playing these games knew that, I imagine there would be some one line little hints in the games of him talking about how he can't let himself get distracted, or in his line of work there are no happy endings or what have you, but. There's none of that. Bc he isn't forcing himself not to be interested, he isn't purposefully focusing on saving the day so he doesn't have to get hurt knowing he can never have whichever high potential for a dope ass protag female character who's constantly sacrificing herself to save him bc what better purpose could they serve, right Capcom?, he's just. There, doing his job and trying to save whoever he can, not getting distracted in anyway whatsoever by any of the women in his life, romantically at least. He still cares way too much, but it never comes off as romantic to me in pretty much any way. Also the note he leaves in his STARS locker in RE2remake, Claire being like "this doesn't sound like Chris at all!" Is funny to me bc like, I don't really remember so correct me if I'm wrong, but she doesn't elaborate on WHY that note doesn't sound like Chris lmao is it bc he's respectful to women at all times and doesn't ever objectify them, probably hates when other people do? Or is it bc he would never be interested in women in this way ANYWAYS, the man is so gay, he must have left this note so that Claire would know something is Up, bc her brother is Such a homosexual.

Anyways sorry, I just wanted to ramble/get your opinion on this. Over-analysing RE is actually really fun lmao

haha not gonna lie, I opened your ask in the car on the grocery store parking lot and tried to read it on my phone, and gave up squinting at the small screen halfway through :'D now that I'm back at my laptop though, lol, all good :'D

first of all I'm happy you have someone to ramble to even though they aren't into the thing themselves! :D I regularly rant about RE fandom things to my brother haha and he listens patiently although he isn't in the fandom at all, he's only played the games and that's it. but he still listens to my shippy rambles lol.

as for your thoughts? makes sense to me tbh. I definitely headcanon Leon as a bisexual disaster most of the time, because it does seem fitting. maybe it's partly because I think he's absolutely breathtakingly stunning and it'd be a shame to deny anyone that, so, naturally he wouldn't care about such trivial things as gender, pfth, love is love.

also Leon falling in love easily? absolutely. too damn easily. c'mon this is a man who gets attached to anyone who shows him even the tiniest amount of basic kindness in the matter of minutes. he canonically forms attachments with Claire, Ada, Krauser, Helena, Buddy and JD (JD 😭)... whoever else am I forgetting? but this is the guy who meets someone and would die for them five seconds later. so. it tracks.

and you know what, I can 100% see Chris being only into men. because like. I don't see the romance there either when he's interacting with the women in his life? okay, sure, I could imagine something there between him and Jill if pressed seeing the way he so single-mindedly wants to save her and then holds her in the scene after they get that thing off her chest. maybe. but even there it doesn't really feel super romantic to me, personally.

in the first game with Jill there's not... a lot of romance I don't think? sure she falls asleep against his shoulder in the evac helicopter but i mean, i've fallen asleep against a friend like that? not an indication of romance? they're clearly important to each other! i am not trying to diminish their importance to one another at all! they'd die for each other and they'd do anything it takes to protect each other and i do think their relationship is compelling but... i don't really see anything inherently romantic in it.

and Jessica, yeah, Chris is 100% oblivious to her advances. it is implied in the game that he's into Jill instead but other than that there's again zero actual romantic interaction between Chris and Jill. I was actually talking about this with my brother, who said the same, like there were so many chances in Revelations to put something romantic in there between Chris and Jill but there just. isn't? anything? except for Parker's comment. which is why it felt so damn out of place? (and like my brother would've wanted to ship Chris and Jill, he was kinda bummed about this i feel :'D) so interpreting it to mean he's not interested in women at all would actually make more sense lmao.

as for RE5, I've played it twice (with my brother lmao do we see a theme here) and honestly I don't remember anything in the game that would've insinuated anything more than solid partnership between Chris and Sheva?? if someone who's more familiar with the game wants to correct me on this, then please! but at least off the bat I can not remember anything so I think they actually didn't try to even hint at romance for them?

and in RE6 Chris is way too focused on killing "Ada" to have any thoughts about anything else :'D so no. no mentions in there regarding him and any women. at all. not even hints of Jill which is so incredibly weird (and stupid tbh) bc she was made to be so important to him in RE5 and then doesn't even get a mention in RE6? (/shakes fist damn you capcom! the characters exist outside the games they're in!)

I think that's pretty much the main difference between Chris and Leon tbh. Chris sees the job at hand, and he knows it'll help, he knows it'll save people and it'll make the world safer and he's so single-mindedly focused on the job that he sees nothing else. while Leon sees people, for the better or for worse, and he is willing to take detours if it helps even one person in the meantime. like in RE6, Leon willingly ignores the task at hand to go help just about anyone. Chris doesn't want to pause even when pressed bc he has an end goal in mind.

and bear in mind, I am not trying to say this somehow makes Leon better or Chris better or anything. they're both doing this to help. they both have their heart in the right place. they both care. but they're just so different! their personalities, and their way of dealing with things is different! I feel Chris is really target oriented and wants to get the job done. while Leon's easily distracted from it, because of all the damn feelings :'D

but yeah. i love them both, and i think it's really damn fascinating how they're both the good guys, the heroes of the franchise, but they both take to things so differently.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, I think i rambled too :'D but hey-o, it was fun lmao.

and hey no need to apologize at all!! always feel free to shoot me a message if you wanna chat!

hi! i love your blog!! sorry if you're busy 👉👈 but could i make a request where mitsuri finds a girl (like 4 years younger when she became a pillar after a few months) and makes her a tsuguko and introduces her to the other pillars, then after a few years they developed feelings and haven't seen each other in so long bc of missions? reader also gets taller than mitsuri bc that would be so cute 🥺 thank you and have a good day!! ❤️❤️

WLW CONTENT THATS WHAT I LIKE TO SEE BABEY!!!

~~

~~

You were absolutely filthy, covered in head to toe with bruises, blood, sweat and dirt. It was late at night as you were on your way home from a mission, a demon had caught you off guard.

“Tch!” you clicked your tonuge and ran, you were in no postion to defend yourself at the moment. You needed an opening.

Wildly looking everywhere you spotted an opening between some trees. ‘ Looks like an open field might be there.’ You thought to yourself. Making a sharp turn, you ran towards it. The demon that was chasing had suddenly sped up, noticing you were looking for a better stance.

Turning your head to gauge where the demon was, you didn’t expect it to be right on top of you. “ Fuck!” You yelled out as the monstrous creature toppled you over. It had one hand on your neck and the other high in the air, about to strike at your throat.

“Breath of Love: First Form!” Your eyes went wide as you spotted a blur of pink above the demon. “Shivers of Love!”

Everything moved in slow motion. You watched as the pink haired woman sliced the demons neck, its head rolling onto the ground a few feet away.

The woman knelt beside you, “Excuse me, are you alright? That demon looked like it could crush you!” You adjusted yourself, taking a good look at the person beside you. She had long pink braids with green tips, an S shaped sword. A light blush crept across your face as you looked her up and down. She was gorgeous.

“Y-yes. Thank you for helping me.” You tried to stand up but your right leg gave out. You yelped in pain and expected to hit the ground, but you opened your eyes as she caught you, letting your weak side rest against her frame.

“Woah now, don’t push yourself. I’ll help you to the nearest safe spot.”

The both of you walked together, wondering down a nearby path.

“Um, I never caught your name, are you with the Corps?”

“Yes!” She turned to look at you, excitment in her eyes. “ I’m Kanroji Mitsuri, the love pillar. Bice to meet you!”

Holy Shit, a pillar

“I’m y/n.. thank you again for taking the time to help.” You muttered, completely embarrassed a pillar of all people came to your rescue.

Once you reached the bottom of the path, you noticed a cabin there. Mitsuri knocked on the door and you were greeted by an older couple. “Don’t worry y/n, this is a safe place for the corps. We can rest here until morning.”

WE?

You felt your face get hot and felt a but nervous spending the night with a pillar but you didn’t protest, you were in some serious pain.

The older couple showed you both to a room but pulled you aside first, attending to your wounds. Not noticing her, Mitsuri watched from the doorway, making sure you would be completely okay.

You changed into new sleepwear as your uniforms got washed. Mitsuri laid out some sleeping bags while you two waited for food.

“It must be awkward sharing a room for the night with someone you don’t know.” She said out of nowhere. “I didn’t want to just leave you here after seeing your injuries, it’s always nice to have someone around ya know?”

You nodded in agreement. “It’s not that awkward I promise, it’s just a bit.. weird considering you’re a pillar.” Mitsuri tilted her head. “I-I mean not that it bothers me it’s just, you’re so much better than I am. Wouldn’t you rather just move on to your next place?” You placed a hand on the back of your neck and laughed nervously. Words were not your forte.

“I don’t think ranks mean anything once you’re done fighting for the night.”

The older woman brought in the food. There was a lot, bowls of rice and meat. Some soup sides, drinks. Your eyes widened at all of it. Mitsuri laughed.

“Eat whatever you like, I have a big appetite so there’ll be plenty more coming!” She dug right in and stuffed her face.

You couldn’t help but laugh, she was a messy eater.

Again she tilted her head. “Whsv fubbg?” She asked with her mouth full.

You laughed again and wiped her cheek. “You’ve got soy sauce all over yourself!”

“Mowe dow latef!”

There was a small pause followed by a burst of laughter from the both of you.

After dinner was done and you both settled into your sleeping bags there was another long pause.

“Hey y/n.. earlier you said I was better than you. What did you mean by that? Are you not comfortable in your swordsmanship?”

“Aha..” you turned away from Mitsuri. “I’ve been doubting myself a lot lately, I think I’m uncomfortable with the form I chose and want to switch but that means finding someone who’s willing to teach me.”

“Why don’t you become my tsuguko? I can teach you the Love Breath!”

You laid there stunned. “A-are you sure?”

“Of course! I’ve always wanted to pass down my knowledge!”

From then on, when Mitsuri wasn’t on a long pillar mission. You spent day in and day out training, making your body unlearn everything to make room for something new.

One day she introduced you to the other pillars. There was a huge dinner after a meeting and you got to meet another tsuguko. Her name was Kanao, she was really quiet but super nice.

As time went on the sessions lasted longer but were less frequent. Mitsuri was called out more often and suddenly so were you.

Days turned to weeks turned to a few months before you realized you hadn’t seen her. You could feel your heart hurting as you realized this was a new reality. As another month passed by without much contact with her you realized you had feelings for her. It pained you to be away from her for so long, you didn’t want to forget what she looked like,what she smelled like. You missed everything about her.

Waking up one morning you received a letter Mitsuri would be coming back go rest for a while at her home in the corps headquarters. You practically sprinted back to headquarters after your latest mission was complete. On the way to her home you stopped and picked up some ingredients to cook for her.

Outside her door you could see her crow taking a nap in the windowsill, her clothes were washed and hanging nearby to dry.

Suddenly your heart started to pound, you got nervous, palms starting to sweat. What if she doesn’t feel the same way about you? What if she found someone while out?

Before more questions can race through your mind, the door in front of you opened.

“Y/n!!” Mitsuri jumped onto you, diving face first onto your chest.

“Kanroji-san!” You wrapped your arms around her, pulling her in closer. “I’ve missed you so much.”

She rested her chin on your chest and looked up, causing you to look away blushing. “I’ve missed you too! Let’s go inside and catch up.” She looked you up and down. “It seems I’ve missed a lot seeing how much you’ve grown.”

She took your hand and pulled you inside, taking the ingredients off you and placing them on a nearby table. You walked into her kitchen, already familar with the layout of her home and started to boil water for tea.

Mitsuri placed some pillows and blankets on the floor, making lots of space for the two of you to sit and talk.

You sat down across from her, watching her every move.

“Y/n how tall are you now?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I think I’m 171cm now, it’s been a while since I’ve measured myself.” You laughed softly.

“You grew 4 inches in only a few months! Who’s been feeding you?” She grabbed onto your arm, feeling the upper muscles. “And your arms are so much more defined now! Oh geez I missed out on so much.”

Her voice seemed sad, you tried to look for answers in her eyes but she looked happy.

“I’ve only been taking care of myself, I did everything you’ve taught me. You have yourself to thank for how I turned out.” You patted her head.

A faint blush spread across the pillar’s face and she looked away. “Well I just want to make sure you’re doing okay without me, ya know? I.. care about you, a lot.”

Your body froze, you could feel the nervousness from before climb its way back through your body. Maybe you should tell her how you feel? Is now a good time?

The kettle screeching inturrupted your thoughts. “I’ll get it!” Mitsuri scrambled to get up.

“No no, you rest. I’ve got it.” You also got up, Mitsuri was too stubborn to say no so you both headed into the kitchen.

You both reached for the kettle at the same time, hands brushing against each others.

“U-uh I’ll get the cups.” You managed to squeak out before turning away quickly. You cupped your hands on your face and could feel the heat from your cheeks.

“Y/n? You okay?”

“Mhmm. Fine. I’m totally fine.”

You could feel Mitsuri press her hand on your back, “Why don’t we go sit down again, we’ll be more comfortable that way.” You trailed behind her as she led you back into her living room area.

She gently placed the kettle on a cloth after pouring you both a cup.

“So, meet anyone interesting while gone?” You asked, taking a sip.

“Hmm not really, I couldn’t stop thinking about you most of the time so it was hard meeting new people.”

You nearly spat out your tea.

“Uh huh.” You coughed, eyes watering a little. “Same here I uh guess. I was sad we couldn’t write each other more.”

“Me too! I found it hard having time to write, by the time I had a chance to sit down, I needed to use that time to recover.”

You both laughed a little.

“I missed having our sessions everyday. Even though I’m sure you want to rest, I hope you’ll watch over me the next couple days.” You smiled at her.

“Rest? Maybe a day or two but I want to spend all this time helping the both of us get better! It’ll be fun” she grabes your hands and held them.” I miss spending time with you, y/n. If I’m honest with myself.. I think I just miss you as a whole.”

That’s it, your entire face went red as you sat there speechless. “I-I umm,”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same! I just felt dishonest not telling you how I felt.” She squeezed your hands.

You looked at her eyes and could telk she wanted to say this for a while now. You pulled her a little closer, “Kanroji-san I feel the same way. Everyday we were apart I thought about only you, I missed the nights we’d train so hard we were too sore to make it back inside so we slept under the stars. I missed cooking with you, I missed you.”

“Oh y/n!!” She lept into your lap unexpectedly causing you to fall backwards. “ I love you!”

You both laughed as you held onto her. “I love you!” You said back, cupping her face and kissing her nose.

You both laid there all afternoon, letting your tea go cold. After a while Mitsuri fell asleep on your chest, one hand around you, the other tangled in your hair.

You kissed the top of her forehead and closed your eyes, waiting for tomorrow to come.

~~

Sorry for any spelling errors, I had to type this on my phone.

(1/4) hey uh ur bio says that u r demiromantic and if it's not too much trouble could i get some help? so i'm starting high school next year and so far, i haven't gotten a crush or anything. romantic attraction? don't know her. but whenever i thought or pictured myself "grown up" i imagined myself with a boyfriend. (i'm a woman) all the evidence is pointing towards me being aromantic, but a little slice of my brain is still, "oh, you're just super demiromantic and violently straight, all of your

(2/4) super close friends have been girls, you just have to become really close friends with a guy and there! instant boyfriend" but i know that won't happen. i won't have some man come and suddenly i'm head over heels. but i've always figured i'd have a boyfriend. i know i'm ace, and i am calling myself ace, but whenever i go to call myself aro, my brain goes "but what if ur actually demi and then all the people you told u were aro will think you were a liar" which i kNOW is stupid but i cant

(3/4) stop thinking it. i dunno why i can't fully accept the fact that i'm aro. is it society claiming that you need a partner to be happy? is it the fact that being in love sounds amazing and like floating on clouds and i want to feel like that? i have no fucking clue. and it's not something against aros, like, i know that if someone told me they were aro i'd have no problem with it. which makes it worse because why is it so hard to let go of the fantasy that i'll have a romantic partner one

(4/4) day? i know, in my heart, that there is a like a 1% chance i wont be aro. but i still cant call myself aro my brain won't let me >:( when did you get your first crush? when is it normal for a demi to first feel romantic attraction? did you think you were aro at first? also i sometimes feel like i shouldn't call myself ace bc im too young to know if i like sex yet? when did u start calling yourself ace? ugh sorry for the super long ask,,, also fun fact it's "how do u write kisses" anon hiii

Hi anon.  I cannot promise you excellent help, but I am still glad you wrote to me again, and I really hope you are about to have a straight 72-hour period of Good Days.  (It might take you that long to read this.  Oops.)

So, first of all: there is nothing wrong with calling yourself aro now and then later deciding you aren’t.  Or realizing you aren’t.  (Two different framings for the same thing -- both are good.)  Or deciding or realizing that you’re somewhere on the aromantic spectrum which you feel is better described with a more specific term.  Demiromantics are still part of the aro umbrella!  It’s not an exclusive club where You Must Be Pure Aro To Enter!  (Anyone who tells you otherwise is setting themselves up as Decider Of What It Really Means To Be Aro, and where are their credentials for that?  Hmm, hypothetical gatekeeping person?  Can I please see your certification from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them?  Oh.  Oh you don’t have one.  Because it doesn’t exist.)

Me saying that doesn’t magically make your brain accept the label, of course.  I am just trying to gently show your brain the door, and it’s the one that has to walk through it.

Assuming you want it to walk through it.  Maybe you decide you don’t.  That’s fine!  But “yes, I am indeed aro -- I am on the aro spectrum somewhere so I am using the label” is a perfectly fine thing to tell people, and if they are not carrying forged credentials from the Institute Of Defining Other People’s Identities For Them, then they will probably be okay with this.

I am not any kind of expert on being aro, or ace, or anything.  I am only an expert in being me.  But to somewhat exhaustively answer the questions from your last part...

I had my first crush when I was thirteen or fourteen.  When I was about ten, I was friends with two girls who both had a very public crush on the same boy, and I claimed to also have one on him in order to fit in, but I was completely lying.  Sorry, Drew.  I’m sure you were quite the catch, but I was not feelin’ it.

I don’t know if there’s a specific time when it’s “normal” for a demiromantic person to start feeling any particular way.  It just sort of happens if it’s gonna.  Maybe it never does.  People are complicated and different and that’s wonderful.

I didn’t know what being aro (or being ace!) was when I was your age, because they weren’t really identities yet.  “Asexual” was for amoebas, or maybe robots.  “Aromantic” was, like, dude, did you misspell “aromatic”?  (Keep in mind, there was technically an Internet in approx. 1995, but there was no Google, no Wikipedia, no YouTube, no social media, the concept of what is now called a “blog” didn’t even really exist yet, and often your parents would not let you on the Internet connection if they could even afford it themselves, not least because it was frequently billed by the amount of time you spent using it. It was incredibly hard to know what things existed in the world back then to even begin to learn about them! Now is so much better. I have all the treasures of the world in my pocket via my telephonic device.)  When I started to learn about asexuality, specifically that you could be ace but not be “an emotionless robot” (gosh has unlearning that kind of judgement been a journey), I jumped straight on that label and never looked back (this was roughly when I joined Tumblr, so I would have been about 32).  I thought I was alloromantic for a while after that, but I’ve come to realize that my feelings on romance probably put me somewhere on the aro spectrum.  And that’s where I am now.

I started calling myself ace, again, when I was about 32, but I didn’t have that label available to me when I was younger.  Ya boi was 13-14 years old, sitting in his bedroom writing letters-to-never-be-sent to his crush, which included long sections about how I had already decided I would never have sex so long as I lived, so once we obviously got married because how could we not when I had such Emotions, he would have to find some other way to get that if he wanted it.  I had no interest in it then.  I never developed an interest in it since.  If I had had the knowledge I have now, back when I was in junior high, I am absolutely convinced that I would have taken the ace label then.  Was I too young to know for sure?  I dunno, we don’t say that people are too young at that age to know they’re heterosexual, so why do other sexualities have to pass a higher bar?  (Because compulsory heterosexuality.  That is why.)

Regardless of your age, if the label of ace resonates with you, you can apply it to yourself.  If the label of aro resonates, you can apply it to yourself.  Or a more specific variant of either, or something else entirely.  And the day you realize “oh gosh, this is not, in this moment, actually me”, you can let the label go, because its only purpose for existing is to be useful to you.

Finally -- this is not something I can personally speak to, but I have seen people who identify as completely aro also state that they enjoy things that our (my? I do not know where you are from) culture frequently sees as romantic.  Like, if you want to have a person who you can snuggle up with, hold hands with, say “I love you” to and have them say it back and both of you mean it -- there are aro people who do all that with their partners, and enjoy it, and don’t see it as interfering with their aromantic identity at all.  I believe them, because they are the expert on being themselves, and I have nowhere near the ego required to decide that I know better.  So that’s something to keep in mind -- cloud-floating and an aromantic identity do not have to be completely separate, because there are lots of kinds of love and of affection, and people are complicated, and that is wonderful.

I hope you enjoy this novel, anon.  It is for you.

Goblin ❣︎ 도깨비

Kim Shin, an undefeated war general, is ultimately killed by a jealous young king named Wang Yeo. After death, Shin is revived by the gods—but his revival is by no means miraculous. He becomes a 도깨비 (dokkaebi, goblin), and is cursed. He will have to pay for all the lives he took in battle by living alone in immortality, witnessing everyone he's ever loved, die. Remaining lodged in his chest is the very sword that killed him. There is only person who can see that sword, and draw from his heart so that he can finally rest in peace: his bride... whom he's yet to meet.

Things get spoilery under the cut—you've been warned! ;)

Chipper, yeah? Haha so, right off the bat, the premises of Goblin remind me of like, a much more morbid version of the legend of King Arthur. You know, a man draws a sword from stone to prove himself the greatest king in all of Britain? Yeah. Just to be clear: this is a good thing (imo). Like, I personally think this is just such a cool idea for a drama 😍

Let's jump right in. I'm gonna be honest and say that, at first, I felt a little turned off at the female lead, Eun Tak, being nineteen (in the beginning of the show), meanwhile the male lead, Shin, is 900+ years old (but physically looks to be in his thirties). It just... rubbed me weird. But hey, the Twilight series (both the books and the movies) is exactly the same—high school girl, century-old man, bananas yet somehow romantic storyline... And I loved me some Twilight as a young adult. So I mean, I have no right to judge, really. Plus, Eun Tak soon turns twenty anyway. So that's an improvement I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ We follow her character into her late twenties, nearly thirty. So things are definitely fine by then haha! 👍

Don't let that previous bit make you think I didn't enjoy Goblin—I LOVED it. That detail is just a lil funky to me, is all. Back during my Twilight obsession days, I was nearly twenty myself, and the thought of being pursued by an older man was exciting. Hell, I mean, it still is! But now that I'm two years shy of my 30th Birthday, I feel differently sometimes. I think, LAWD get that girl away from that man, she too young for him LOL. I am definitely getting old... Enough about Twilight now, apologies! I'm only using it for the sake of conveying similarities seen in Goblin 🙏 Let's talk cast!

Kim Go Eun as Ji Eun Tak and Gong Yoo as Kim Shin

Eun Tak is a bubbly young woman with limitless energy! While still in her mother's womb, Mama Ji was involved in a hit-and-run incident which, sadly, took her life. During Mama Ji's dying moments, she prayed to anyone above that her child's life be spared. Sat on a rooftop from afar, beer in hand (lol), Shin hears her prayers, as he is a god of sorts. He appears before Mama Ji, and shows mercy to her unborn baby. Eun Tak grows up with the ability to see/speak to ghosts. Said ghosts tell her constantly that she is the goblin's bride. How do they know? A strange birthmark on the back of Eun Tak's neck tips them off. Eun Tak unfortunately was taken in by her abusive bitch of an aunt, who jabs Eun Tak every chance she gets. Her cousins are assholes. Eun Tak's aunt really only keeps her around in hopes of collecting Mama Ji's savings (intended for Eun Tak) one day. Sad, right? I mean, isn't Eun Tak being born without her mother enough as it is? Life can be so cruel 😔

Lee Dong Wook as Grim Reaper/Reaper/Wang Yeo

This is Grim Reaper (or Reaper for short), portrayed by the handsome Lee Dong Wook. His character is just this strange, not at all tech-savvy man with a constant deadpan facial expression. Said facial expression provokes so many giggles during funny moments, and drives home the longing and desperation during sad times. We learn quite a ways in that he, in his previous life (again, just in case: spoiler), was Wang Yeo G A S P ! The young king that is essentially responsible for Shin's death, as well as all the misdeeds that were done to Shin's family. Again, this is something I don't want to spoil. Well, more, anyway 😆 You gotta see it!

Yoo In Na as Kim Sun/Sunny

Kim Sun, or simply, Sunny (she loves to spell her name for people lol, S-U-N-N-Y!) is the second female lead. Yoo In Na is so gorgeous that one look at her makes you feel like such a potato hahhah. 🥔 This fact about her beauty bleeds over into the show itself—every time another character meets Sunny, the camera does this slow motion pan into her lmao. She really is that pretty! Sunny's personality comes across so odd at first... Having watched all of the episodes now, I feel the intention of Goblin's creators was to make her seem like a soul searching for something it has lost in a previous life. idk if that makes sense, but yeah. She has this way about her, like she's disconnected from others, and is sifting through the haziness to find this thing she feels she's lost.

Yook Sungjae (my BtoB bias 😍) as Yoo Deok Hwa

Sungjaeeee ahhhh 💘💘💘 I had to gush, sorry! Hehe. Meet Deok Hwa: unofficial nephew of Shin. Deok Hwa is a third-generation chaebol (heir to a family-owned corporation) and spoiled man-child, always seeking his credit card hahaha 🤣 But I love him so much. Between Gong Yoo, Lee Dong Wook, and BtoB Sungjae? Man, I'm dying over here! Deok Hwa's true identity is revealed later in the show, which if you haven't seen it yet, I won't spoil it. Just watch. But his ending sucked. Like where did he go? Everyone else's endings got tied up neatly except for his. What gives, man? 🤔 Edit: I was actually reading an online conversation about what happened to Deok Hwa online—someone jokingly said he was reincarnated as BtoB Sungjae LOL 💯

Other various comments

AMAZING OST 😍😍😍

Good pace, episodes drag at times. A little confusing in the beginning, but you get there eventually. Maybe this is just me though, viewers who are a little more keen than I will likely catch on sooner ;) My mom was a little confused as well, and actually said at one point, "This should be called the 'what-the-hell-is-going-on' show," hahaha. Like I said though, we quickly moved on from this, and loved all the things. There are actually, I think, three (?) specials that were made to aid viewers in making sure they understand the complex events and relationships clearly. I haven't watched them yet, but want to!

Quite repetitive tbh, as there are unnecessary flashbacks often. Probably for two reasons: the obvious of reminding you what's what, but also to create suspense. Typical duration of most tvN dramas seems to be about 16 episodes, so it's possible these flashbacks and things are, for lack of a better word, filler. I don't know how rigid or lax tvN is about having a drama set at 16 eps, but I get the idea this is their preference. Seeing as so many of their programs on average last that long, I feel this must be what they want. Such has the potential to affect the writing, either positively or negatively.

A continuation of the previous bullet: I think Goblin's creators oversimplified the plot at times. I'm unsure if this is due to possible pressures to meet a specific requirement(s), or what. I'd rather forgo ALL restrictions and let creativity flow, let the story be told without pressure to fill a specific amount of time, etc. but TV production is weird. And contracts are weird. tvN might not to blame for these issues, could simply be that storytelling isn't always easy, man. I'm a writer myself, it's hard! I'M being redundant now lmfao! Anyway, yeah ~

Absolutely LOVED all the scenes that were filmed on location in beautiful Québec City, Canada 🍁 Tall, romantic trees, the fall foliage, historic buildings... sigh. Now all I need is Gong Yoo chasing me and we're all set! ;D

In addition to Shin being revived, my crush on Gong Yoo has been revived as well LOL. He fine 🔥 A classic K drama crush, can't go wrong with GY👌

Gong Yoo is always stellar at doing kiseu (kiss) scenes, and in Goblin, he does not disappoint. He really goes at it 🙈 which is preferred vs. the typical person kissing a stone statue that you see so often. He even did a lift kiss with Kim Go Eun that was reminiscent of THEE Coffee Prince kiss he did with actress Yoon Eun Hye! 😍

I never saw it coming, how the sword would wind up being removed from Shin's chest. I worried what the writers were going to do, how would they approach this, and just wow. The way things turned out is such a relief. It also told me that Shin's love for Eun Tak is true. I mean, I didn't need that scene to occur for me to know that, rather it just adds extra oomph that yes, Shin really does love Eun Tak. He didn't want her to suffer knowing she was responsible for his "death," so he thought quick and used her hands WITH his hands asdfghjkl. How dumb (bc noooo now you're gonna die) and amazing he is at the same time 💜

I love how Shin made his way back to Eun Tak after passing away, it was such a powerful scene. I could really feel his struggle, and kept yelling at my TV for him to stand up lol!

Devastated that Eun Tak died 😭 I really thought as many times as she'd cheated death before, she would somehow continue cheating death again and again for the rest of her days. But no... What a selfless person, Ji Eun Tak. Her being reincarnated as Park So Min gave me some closure. Not the closure I wanted, but closure.

The relationship between Shin and Reaper is ADORABLE. Whenever they interact with each other, they just have this great dialogue. Shin pings, Reaper pongs, Reaper pings, Shin pongs. It's great 😄 I still laugh about the slow-mo scene of them returning from the market with green onions HAHAHA 😂

I love Sunny & Reaper ~ However, their history as Kim Sun & Wang Yeo in their past lives is so very sad. I don't even know where to start RE: my feelings on this 💔 imo, their ending kinda sucked. I just wasn't satisfied with them having had this complicated, tragic story, only to be reincarnated in this fashion that I ultimately found to be just... idk, disappointing 😩 Again, closure, but not the closure I wanted.

I thought Reaper, the other grim reapers, the name cards, the depiction of what happens immediately following death with the brewing of the tea, the afterlife, etc. was all very creative. We really don't know what awaits us when our time comes—it's interesting to wonder if it's anything like it is in Goblin 🍵

Can't stop thinking about Goblin, even though I'm now watching Thirty but Seventeen & Mr. Sunshine! I'm emotionally cheating lol halp.

Photo credits: tvN & AsianWiki

Yo yo! I'm sorry I took so long to watch + write up this review! It's been a long couple of weeks for me, I wasn't always able to watch when I wanted. It was maddening 😆 But I have finally watched, and feel like the most accomplished person on the planet hahaha. xoxo 💜

hi brynn! this is your friendship anon 💖 how is your day going? and what’s your current taylor song on repeat? ✨✨

OMG HI!!! I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T ANSWER THIS SOONER AHHHHH, also I just wrote up a REALLY long answer here and then accidentally deleted it and so I'm gonna try to recreate it but UGH TUMBLR

But yeah I'm so sorry, I really wanted to do the friendship anons thing and then it got insane here last week to where I couldn't get online much; so on top of all the craziness I've already been dealing with, I'm right in the epicenter of the really bad smoke from the west coast fires and it's BAD. Like first of all I'm sure you've seen the pics of all the crazy colors the sky has been, and it's crazier irl. And I'm right at the place where the air quality is so bad it's literally off the charts, it's been above "hazardous" and you're not supposed to go outside without a full respirator and like people have been scrambling to make air filters with box fans and this stuff is so THICK visibility has been so bad like they've had to shut down roads and like for a bit the main I5 bridge between Vancouver and Portland, you couldn't see the car in front of you like if it breaks, it was that thick. And this smoke is like... it's not like when you sit by a campfire and that smoke blows in your face or if you walk through cigarette smoke... this stuff you choke on and it's so caustic it BURNS eyes, throat, chest/lungs.. and like it's smells so strong of burning plastic /other super toxic stuff it's made me gag and throw up so many times. It's bad. And the ash is getting everywhere too, people are saying it reminds them of when Mt. St. Helens erupted. Rain has started to come in some areas but that brings issues too like mudslides from all that ash and the fire ruining root systems etc. Oh and the power has kept going out either bc of downed trees or in some places they had to shut it off to try and prevent starting more fires. So those were more times I couldn't get online. I've been wearing my heaviest duty mask but am trying to work out getting a respirator from one of the amazing mutual aid groups that's set up in Portland to help all those affected by/displaced by the fires and smoke. It's been a beautiful thing to see, how much the community has come together like that- and all out of mostly the people who were protesting/press/medics downtown Portland, they all mobilized to form mutual aid to take care of pretty much every need you can think of. They're driving around and telling people to just dm them if you need something and they'll bring it. I haven't found any close to me though yet and idk if they wanna cross the bridge so. But it's a silver lining just seeing that you know. So many people had to evacuate with nowhere to go and couldn't take anything and I know people who's homes burnt down and the community helped so much. Anyways,

So to your question!!! Well now like as of right now today I'm finally listening to folklore because I had the chance. But previous to that, I'd been kinda going between Lover, Afterglow, and Treacherous; and here's the weird reason why, so I sing but never in public but I mean maybe someday and I used to be better but I discovered I got really rusty I've not been able to excersize my vocals at all and so I went to sing along to Lover and realized how off key I was and long story short was talking with my husband about how I have a hard time deciding what key to sing in because I like can sing really high or low and have a hard time in between and it just sounds weird but like when I sing like Treacherous, I sing low and it like, fits my natural sound if that makes sense? So I decided to play around with Lover and Afterglow, 2 of my top Lover songs, but sang it in my own key and changed up the vocals a bit to kinda make my own mix and so I've been kinda going over those in my head a lot. So yeah hope you like super long answers! Ahh again I'm so sorry I failed this so badly, if you want to keep sending more I'll be here now! Thank you though for this sweet anon.💕 I really appreciate it!

I haven't really seen any of your personal posts but I am curious and would like to know, if it isn't any trouble

it isnt trouble im just glad someones interested bc i usually feel rly annoying this will get to the song point i promise but here goes tldr at the bottom. so it all started when my friend who i had only met a few months ago went out of his way to talk to me bc like we were relatively far appart. we were going to first period and he yells to me “get to class rose!” and i jokingly flip him off then he yells back “mines bigger” and we go on our ways. i hadent given it much thought at the time but now i see it as just the start of him trying to get closer to me. after that there wasnt much more conversation. then one day after school has ended he snapchats me out of no where and im like ?? ok and we start talking and hes sharing his antics and im just in amazement bc my life is pretty boring n he’s out here stayin in vegas alone (oh btw im gonna be a high school senior and hes gonna be a sophmore im a lil uncomf. with our grade gap but im not actually sure of his age but ik its not more than 2 years n age smooths out with time and im not interested in doing anything sexual atm even kissing would be rly pushing it) anyway be tells me a personal detail about himself ide rather not disclose but shows hes comfortable opening up to me. we sent eachother back and forth snaps of us making funny smooshed faces and stuff like that like i trust you not to screenshot and post this everywhere kinda face. soon after that wich was around the fourth of july he went off to camp and didn’t have his phone. i didn’t know he didn’t have/couldn’t use it and this whole time I’m freaking tf out and im here thinking OH MAH LORD WHAT IF HE DIED and internally sobbed. then after being sent home bc he broke his hand he gets back on sc and im like I THOUGHT YOU DIED ARE YOU OKAY!!!????!!?!?! and ever since then it’s been wishy washy bc he wouldn’t go on snapchat for hours and ik bc he has his location turned on on the map and it wasnt there. hes told me he doesnt have his phone which i regret not asking why but i assume his mom takes it or somrthing like oh its bad to be on it 24/7 somethin like that. hes also sent me pics of his torso but these increased post camp. he even sent one and captioned it “i felt hot in this one” and another 2 focusing on his mucles (hes not the most muscular but its noticeable hes got some) i think on sunday he was on and i sent a snap of me with my hair tied up in the front like a unicorn horn and my hair is like 6 and a half inches (17 cm) so its sticking up adding to the horn effect. then he sends me a snap back saying “well im single” and im like “me too” and hes just like *sigh* if only there was something i could do about it kinda sigh and im like “hey wanna hang at the beach wednesday anf hes like yeah but we never set a time before he didnt have his phone and all day wednesday me all shaved up (bc dysphoria and falling to societal beauty standards plus i wanted to wear my white short shorts with out my jungle creepin out mah butt cheecks and upper thighs lowkey mad i cant figue out how to tuck but i was gonna deal and do my best) i got my brows did my skin was doin ok and he wasnt on all day and i had a limited time frame to hang bc the beach is relatively far from where i live andi cant drive or have a car or get a ride and my mom doesnt trust me in uber or public transportation and idek bus schedules or how that works so i had to go with my mom to her job to then go to the beach bc they’re close to eachother but no meeting time set we dont hang i slowly steep into a pitty party and im like ok mood is sad woe is me then today i decide to stay home and seep into this poison of negativity and he snaps me if i wanna go to the mall and im here ready to throw myself of a cliff while on fire bc i had gone with my mom every day but today and im like well f*ck sh*t im so deeply upset and saw the potential to hang today and i feel so at fault for staying home the one day we could hang and nope. i hate having these feelings bc i have reason to believe he likes me and bc of that i ended up liking him back and it irritates me that we cant have consistent conversation and its just like when ever he happens to have his phone. i dont like when i catch feelings, form a crush, become infatuated and i say infatuated bc ik its not something as deep as love i dont know much about him but i do care for him. he blacked out bc of his diabetes and i was really concerned for him and i honestly feel like the mom friend sometimes. but i just want to get to know him and see if it leads beyond infatuation. whenever i get infatuated its often hard core and i have vivid images of us at the beach but also not. like its just me alone no boardwalk no docks no pier just me ocean sa d and sun. i dont like feeling so out of controll its overwhelming and suffocating. i like to believe im a hard cold b*tch whos in controll of my emotions but im not. i can be apathetic but romance just stikes me to my core and i hate it that my feelings always feel or are one sided like ik no one is obligated to like me back but it seems like he does like me. i dont care but do care, deeply, at the same time its a mess and i hate having these negative feelings its like poison in my soul its heavy and petrifying. my tarot readings have been discouraging but my pendulum readings have said he likes me (i havent done a pendulum in the past few days but it still seems like he does) idk i guess im clingy and i feel like i annoy ppl a lot and with the song cut to the feeling its like cut to the feeling i wanna play where you play with the angles i wanna wake up with you all in tangles no more hesitation this is on not in order but you get the picture i didnt really pay much attention to the lyrics bc i think its a great sounding song as with most of my music but then i started to sing (terribly) and learn the lyrics and i wanna be in a relationship but when i think about it and im put in the situation it could happen i panic like suddendly everything is moving so fast and sometimes i even start trembling and shaking and i dont wanna rush into things so fast but i still love the song but now all i can think about is this whole situation and the song only presses it. i asked him how he feels about me and im waiting for a response. idk im just not feelin too good and this is really bringin me down and i could get over it and be done or at least i believe i could but i dont want to.. anyway yeah the song is pressing these sore spots in my emotional mess and its makin me sad sorry this is so long but im glad someone cared to hear

TLDR: im an emotional mess bc i cant talk to my crush often and had missed and failed chances to hang out. i wanna see where things go but not rush into things and cut to the feeling is a good song but its poking at these tender feelings.

Do you have any advice to give to a sad artist who is so unhappy with where they are as an artist that they're ready to just completely give up on it??? Im 16 and I feel like I need to be much Better than what I am rn like I haven't improved in literal months and it's making me feel like shit. My life is planned around being an artist and I just feel so inferior and sad??????? Idk I've been seriously drawing since I was 11 and I just feel horrible with where I am. Sorry I didn't mean to rant,,,,

Hey anon- i’m really sorry you’re feeling that way but I can tell you I’ve definitely been there and i’m sure a ton of artists would say the same. All artists improve at different speeds and all artists are in different places at different ages so there really isn’t a Place you have to be, there is no real metric in place judging your progress vs everyone else’s progress

And I’m sure countless ppl have said the same thing before and maybe it’s even annoying at this point but comparing yourself to other people is the kiss of death- it’s impossible NOT to do it i know, but at the very least try and be inspired to draw by other people’s work rather than

If you feel like you’re not improving there’s a 90% chance you are just straight up wrong- and tbh look back further than a few months because a few months is really not a good base of judgment, it’s just too short an amount of time to notice anything major, really.

But also the fact that you are critical of yourself and noticing your mistakes is also a sign you’re improving! Part of improving your drawing skills is in improving the way you see art: when i look back on my stuff from only a year ago i pick up on anatomical mistakes/compositional flaws that totally flew over my head before

also: i know you might not feel like it bc you’re at an age where you’re pressured to think about college/your entire future right now even though you’re a baby but seriously: you have so much time, i look back on my art from when i was 16 now and BOY am i glad i stuck it out because it was a real horror show for awhile there. also i exclusively drew sherlock fanart which was my real issue.

If your life takes a detour that’s fine, i went to a community college for 3 yrs that sucked the soul out of me because i felt so fucking stagnant and unhappy with where i was (this isn’t meant to be critical of community colleges i think they’re great i just hated feeling aimless) I also know if i had applied at art schools right out of high school my portfolio would have been garbage and i actually like where I am a lot right now. You’re ahead of me because you KNOW what you want to do, but again there’s no real metric in place judging u vs other artists your age, any improvement is good, any amount of drawing you can do is good

and idk if you’re an illustrator or what but if you are, and i’m totally assuming here but part of your issue may be in the fact you’re bogged down in trying to nail down A Style but that is the last thing you should worry about, take some time, draw from real life (!!!!!), use references, hell do one of those 30 day challenge things if you think it will keep you drawing

but seriously don’t quit, every artist has moments like you’re having now, and again you’re only 16:i have seen some crazy talented 16 year olds and i know if i had compared myself when i was their age (at least more than the normal amount) i would have melted under the self-imposed pressure but it’s been 6 years since i was 16 and i’m really really glad i didn’t!