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fmdkiana · 3 years

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*youtuber vc* WHATZ up famerz. i’ve got another SICK character for you to get to know! so SMASH that follow button! MAIM me with that like!

...anyway hi i’m demi, the famed hag, and this is my fourth child (following sung, andy, n jeonghwa) her name is kiana, also goes by ki and kiki, and if that nickname brings to mind anything But kiki’s delivery service u shall b Wrong. she’s fuse’s main dancer and lead vocalist, iconic qwen. here’s her pinterest, bio, public profile, private profile, timeline [wip for links], plots, & social media [wip for insta]. i’ll leave a condensed version under ze cut <3 you can reach me easiest at fmdjoosung or demi#6468 on discord if you’d like to chat abt this girlie!

okay first things first i’m gonna nip this in the bud. if ur like excuse? iu in fuse? ur coocoo for cocoa puffs for that one. u would be right! and i intend to prove to u that she Is fitting. example a-z demonstrates an at home kiki and a fuse ki. thank me later for all this pretty laydee content

background

may 28th, 1994 ya girl is a gemini

from seattle

born to a pediatric surgeon and a software engineer (who specializes in ai bc her mom is Cool) kiana developed a love for science... then tossed it away to be A Star

not immediately though

really it all stems from the desire to be unique in a positive way

with seattle’s large east asian population, she was lumped together with everyone else, and places where she stood out, kids made fun of her for

she felt like an outcast in every sense of the word, which is why when A Boy gave her the genuine time of day, she latched on

they quickly became bad for each other, codependent at its best

kiana’s lil ass rly thought they were romeo and juliet torn apart when her parents made them break up

she kept sneaking out to see him, and eventually it became troublesome enough that her parents decided to move the fam to korea

heartbroken and with the desire to feel desired, she auditioned for gold star

since she was young, she had dance classes, just as her mom did before giving it up for something more stable

dance isn’t what drove her as much as the feeling of a crowd being entertained by her

trained for 3 years, gold star had high hopes for her given her dance background + looks, hence her role in impulse’s a

a couple years after debut, the company manages to snag her an ost, and when that does well, they shove her onto as many osts as possible, but it manages to do basically nothing to help her or fuse’s fame, no matter the impact of the song itself, and they slow down on trying

that *big bad wolf vc* my dears, is what sets up her overall Thing, that no matter what she does, or how many people claim to love her, they don’t show up for her as a solo celebrity

it leaves her a little dejected, fearful, worried, but idol life isn’t something she minds doing anyway. part of her still wants to strive for more attention, and claw her way there, because she aches terribly to feel special and different, and to a degree, idol life will always give that to her

personality

the archetype of the kid in middle school who calls themselves L and only draws in anime style and comes to school in cosplay and naruto runs around and randomly speaks japanese........ yeah, that was kiana as a kid

and really, she’s only let the problematic parts of it go. she’s still a big fat weeb (& has lots of other fandom type interests too)

an internet kid, someone who never got a big following. draws fanart, has written fanfiction, engages on fan forums. stays at home unless she’s dragged out by friends

she’s a very Normal, Everyday type person in most ways, and that bugs her to no end

she’s someone who as a kid thought she had superpowers, like full on believed it, and to this day still thinks well maybe it’s just not kicked in yet

considers herself ~an empath~ because she naturally has very strong emotions, and seeing or “feeling” the emotions of others makes her feel that way too. that includes positive And negative emotions

she can and is wrong about what she “feels” from others, but the emotional effect on herself is still the same

and because that happens so much, kiana retreats into herself

she has a very small inner circle, and isn’t very interested in more than surface level relationships with most people because it’s exhausting to feel so much all of the time

that means usually, most people meeting her will meet someone who can be doin a little doodle, you’ll say hi, she’ll say hi back, then go right back to her doodle

she’s Nice and polite enough, but doesn’t take those first steps. some ppl might view her coldly bc of it

HOWEVA if someone were to bring up one of her ~special interests, she would come off like a completely different person

animated, kinda loud, won’t shut up. that’s more often the type of person her inner circle gets to see

she’s also a reversal of the hard shell soft inside trope, as a lot of her outward self and personality can seem soft, gentle, maybe even naive depending on someone’s view, but there is a core to her affection thats... dangerous

but i’ll leave that for the dms

and finally, here’s a phat list of personality traits that apply to kiana, depending on her relationships with who she’s talking to and how she’s feeling. yes some are complete opposites. see: gemini. if you wanna kno how to get a certain trait from her, i’ll be glad to explain

abnormal, apathetic, artistic, clingy, contradictory, dedicated, demure, disorganized, earnest, effeminate, emotional, empathetic, excitable, fanatical, guarded, hesitant, insecure, introverted, jealous, loyal, mercurial, modest, neat, needy, nervous, numb, obsessive, organized, overthinking, passionate, persevering, protective, quiet, romantic, scatterbrained, silly, stubborn, tactful, temperamental, vigilant, vivacious, volatile, wall flower, withdrawn

fun fax

claims her style inspiration is the 70s but really mixes in influences from ~the 40s to 80s

if she’s dressing herself, heavily prefers skirts and dresses over pants

doesn’t like being touched unless she’s really close with someone, then she likes a lot of it

plant mom. apartment basc a greenhouse

insists one day she will make her own jam but has yet to get around to it so she just has a bunch of jars in her apartment and uses them for plants and paper clip holders and the like

her fictional character romantic Type is the tsundere. is convinced fictional characters are the best dating partners

always wears glasses when at home, and a good amount of the time when not working in general

her mario kart main is link bc nostalgia and valuing a strong stat set that favors zoom zoom

the furthest she goes for environmental impact is always using a hydroflask

prefers having bangs and hair with a wave

always carries bandaids and bandages in her bag because she gets eczema patches when she’s stressed and it’s Embarrassing to her so she covers em up

#fmdintro #'condensed' i say #tbf this muse is well over a year old i just have a lot to say abt her #i luv her v much

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

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urgh im less upset abt grandma dying nd more upset abt my family being so fucking STUPID for acting like they cant do anything anymore during the pandemic nd inviting me for a christmas dinner nd my cousin saying they ‘should just do w/e we want instead of look at rules, because this loss is more important now’ nd the rest agreed O_O

like u fucking DUMBASSES, THE VIRUS IS THE FUCKING REASON GRANDMA DIED ND U WANT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS DINNERS ND MEET UP W THE WHOLE FAMILY IN 2021????

THE CONCEPT OF FORCED 'GEZELLIGHEID' ('cozy togetherness'?) IS LITERALLY WHAT IS HAVING PEOPLE KILLED IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY

also i feel fucking disgusted for letting my brother pull me in a hug (nd my mom hugged me too which i hate bc shes literally a risk group) bc hes a fucking fascist nd i saw him in a whatsapp group w antisemitic meme today nd i want to puke !!!!!!!

i dont want to fucking see my family during this pandemic but they always force me to be together w them bc thats considered 'GEZELLIG!!!' and normal and fun nd im too bad at saying no when im peerpressured, i fucking hate it nd don;t want my mom or other grandma to die bc of their dumbass behaviour by continuing to visit ppl inside their homes. they really talked about how different it was this cremation vs. decades ago at the same place bc “now we couldn’t enter at the same time nd people could touch each other and sit closely” LIKE U??? LITERALLY SAT NEXT TO PPL WHO DONT LIVE W U W 0 TO 30 CM DISTANCE BETWEEN EACH OTHER?? U LITERALLY HUGGED PEOPLE TODAY?? THERE WERE LIKE 40 GUESTS IN A WAY TOO TINY ROOM FOR THAT AMOUNT LIKE R U KIDDING ME??? I DONT WANT TO FUCKING SEE THIS EVER AGAIN. ALSO i wish death upon my brother but not rly bc it would hurt my mom nd his daughter but jfc i fucking hate him. also my cousin nd his dad are just like him. fascism is so normalized in dutch society nowadays idek where to draw the line between a person who is slightly bigoted nd the ‘never talk to a fascist‘ scenario jfc.

i always feel so fucking mixed abt my family urghfhgh like i truly do care abt my parents nd i guess one aunt nd uncle maybe but i dont want to fucking see them during this pandemic nd i preferrably dont see my brother either. but fuck i REALLY dont know how ppl cut family out of their lives bc i would have to pick and choose who i would stay in touch w but they all communicate to each other so u rly cant keep a secret. if i were to try to close off family i would need to delete my fb + ig bc i do have an aunt who keeps finding me there, nd i would need to never tell any of them my new address if i ever move. but also we never had a huge fallout so i dont think theyd get it?? nd my family on my mother’s side, aside from my american uncle nd aunt, all live rly close in either this city or one nearby so idek how you could avoid them. like im conditioned to care abt them but i honestly really dont care

i got invited by my parents to this christmas dinner over at their house and they didnt see the issue in inviting me, my friend, my brother and his daughter, “bc it’s legal to invite 3 people and children under 13 years don’t count [according to the legislation]” nd said ‘oh your friend will feel lonely on christmas if he’s just home alone‘ NO HE WON’T?? HOW DO U KNOW?? WILL IT LITERALLY KILL U TO TRY TO NOT KILL OTHER PEOPLE??

the only reason i cried at the cremation today was bc i thought of my mom dying nd having no idea what i would say in a speech then. like i dont remember my mom’s speech well but i was impressed how she said positive things abt her mom considering she was rly physically nd mentally abusive of her kids in the past nd left my mom scarred for life. it made me think when people deserved to actually be remembered for the ‘good’ stuff, just because fucking family is supposedly important. nd i just couldnt remember positive stuff abt my mom other than ‘i would miss her‘ but i couldnt think of what exactly i would miss abt her bc our personalities rly clash.

she rly stressed me out today, like she kept honking for the whole neighbourhood to hear bc i wasnt immediately outside when the car arrived in my street, nd at a certain moment said i should take a flower from the bouquet (tht was paid by the nephews nd nieces (minus me bc my parents paid it bc im broke)) nd so i did but then my aunt complained right beside me that she thought it was wrong that people just pulled out flowers ffrom the bouquet so i was like :( oh ok, but my mom kept yelling ‘NO TAKE MORE FLOWERS!! COME ON TAKE ANOTHER ONE!! PUT IT IN YOUR HOME!!‘ nd my aunt kept complaining nd i felt so guilty suddenly for having those flowers as i got more pushed into my hands by others. like my best friend has a rly chill family who srsly didnt pay visits at home or vice versa once nd im so jealous bc when your whole family understands how the fucking virus / social distancing works nd doesn’t look egocentrically only at the lax legislation or treat forced gezelligheid as the ultimate goal, it would prob be a lot easier to actually just not meet up. bc the question of meeting up or having to see each other all the fucking time isnt even a thing. but to him my family is rly weird nd strict while before him i only knew ppl w stricter parents nd i had the easy ones bc i was allowed to drink nd go out nd date even though i didnt want that. urgh im just in conflict nd feeling a bit desperate abt the ppl in this country. nd i worry abt my mom getting sick

#also might have sensory overload from being around ppl who make me uncomfortable nd yell over each other #like i dont have anxiety around crowds or anything like i LOVE concerts but this was fucking hell #rambles #family stuff #tmi #death mention #abuse mention #if a close friend / mutual could talk to me abt this pls do

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exogenetics-symphony · 6 years

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31, 52, 53, 47 :))

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

ummmmmm idk for sure.... all those horrible experiences made me who I am... but the one that makes me shake with frustration and maybe anger happened two years ago. Every year, on the first day of academic year, my uni holds an event dedicated to new students, and two years ago I happened to score 8.5 out of 9 on IELTS, thanks to which i was invited to that event. I was told that the rector would just announce my name and tell those new guys abt my achievement and etc..... but they didn’t say that I would need to say smth, moreover, when they informed me abt the event, I myself asked not to be given a word bc my Azerbaijani SUCKS (i study in English at a uni, 95% of students of which are Azeri sector, while the rest are from Russian sector, including me i.e. our whole lives we studied in Russian, but most of the official events at the uni are held in Azerbaijani, the language I can hardly speak properly)..... so yea, they said okay sure, we know, don’t worry, and certainly i didn’t even think abt making a speech..... BWAHAHAHAH nope, to the end of the event, rector did introduce me to the audience, mentioned that ielts score (ppl still know me as 8.5 Fidan) and then BAM! “Fidan, you wanna say smth? Come to the stage, we wanna hear you!”

THAT WAS SO FUUUUUUUUUUCKING EMBARRASSING!!!! I messed up so many words, there was a long 10-second pause, which i spent to remember a certain word, which was then suggested by the rector, instead of “I wish you good luck” i said smth like “I luck you good wish”.

God, I do wish to forget abt this. It’s probably not the worst one, bc i do want to remember those, since bad experiences are still experiences which guide you in your life.

52. How long could you go without talking?

3 days! I won’t call that a skill, it’s just my pharyngitis, I may lose my voice when i get sick, and bc of hellish pain in my throat and ears, speaking brings me pain

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

God, i was expecting this and the question is so on point! I have naturally very curly, even kinky hair, and i wanted to bring more volume to it by getting a smooth layered cut, since i have very little hair on my head left due to hair loss... but i accidentally mixed it up with cascade haircut, which i always hated, where layers are more definite and sharp. So about a week ago, i went to my hairdresser and she cut off HELLA LOT of hair, while keeping my initial length at the bottom layer and sharply shortening it at the top. At the end she straightened it and when i saw the result...........I was looking like a MUSHROOM!!?!?!?! i was sooooo unsatisfied and sooooo mad at myself for messing the terms up... i tried to give it a chance and see how it would look on curly hair but nahhhh it didn’t get much better... so shortly after that, i visited the stylist again and she cut off the long strands, giving me a long bob, which i’m used to and which is still my fave hairstyle

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

Did you find happiness???

PHEW THAT WAS LONG AND THANKS FOR ASKING!!!!!! ♥

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sugarstardusted · 7 years

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dream thing.. potentially long post sorry, if the app won’t let me put a read more on it

it started out in like… a school, or something? idk. the first thing i remember is a school. the girls and the guys were divided into separate classes for some reason, and each class had an age range of about 3 years? so like 10-13, 14-17, etc. maybe more than that but idk specifics i just remember some ppl being older and some younger than me

i also wasn’t ME, like i am now, but it was like a first person dream, so im just using “me” for ease of writing.. anyway

so the class i was in was kind of… idk. little unruly with a strict teacher but she was also a good person&teacher? and the class was only a bit unruly but always listened. we were learning abt some sort of… science thing, i guess. and everyone was rly worried abt some experiment we had to do later in the year?

anyway i guess we had gone off to a break or something, bc then i remember walking by myself back to the class through this big main hall, and i had this little index card with a picture of a blind, red headed boy glued to one side and the name “william” written underneath, and… lyrics? written on the other side

and i was passing a big main hall where some classes were together for a big assembly or something? and somebody was shouting for a william, and i looked over and saw the same boy from the picture i had, and i sort of suddenly realized we were connected, somehow? so i was trying desperately to get his attention bc even tho no one had said this expressly, i was suddenly aware that ppl who didnt have like… this ‘premonition’ thing that led to them putting together this index card were going to be killed???? so i had to let him know that i had him on my card and he would be ok

his friends told him and he ran over and he had me on HIS card, but for some reason when i looked at it, it was blank on both sides–and same when he looked at mine? but when i went back to my “class” we were reading the lyrics on the back of our cards and when it was my turn to read, the words had changed to a different verse? (i think what was on williams card became mine, and vice versa, or something)

and then i told the teacher id found the match to my card, but before she could say anything we heard yelling outside, and we looked out the windows and like 7 of the saplings that were in the big backyard of the school had sprouted, and everyone else in the class was yelling all excited bc apparently that meant that the boys had to fight to the death???? and i was like ultra panicking

so while everyone was distracted watching that i snuck out, like literally even out of the whole school to the town, and i went to this apartment where apparently some old lady and her granddaughter lived? i wasnt related to them but i think i was like in love w/the granddaughter or something, we were rly close

and the granddaughter was rly rly ill, a high fever and she was unconscious in bed, and the grandmother didnt have a thermometer or something, so she asked me to stay and watch the girl while she went to go buy one, but like IMMEDIATELY after the old lady left her phone started ringing, but only enough for me to hear it, bc if i tried to pick it up, it would immediately stop

but when i’d look on the phone screen where caller id was supposed to be, there were these cryptic messages on it? the first one said “answer me,” the second was “i know she’s gone,” and the third one was apparently directed at me bc it was “i know you’re there, _____” with my name in the blank, but no matter how many times i read my name i couldn’t. actually SEE it??

anyway i fucking freaked out and ran downstairs (i was on the 2nd floor) to the apartment office to ask them to help me, bc i knew who was calling/leaving the messages, but the lady in the office wouldnt help me even though i was in hysterics and sobbing at this point, but finally she agreed to keep an eye out and told me to go upstairs to keep watch on the girl in bed

but then when i left the office and started up the stairs someone called me,and i turned around to see, and it was the man who had left the messages, and he was trying to talk to me like we were friends, but he was so self-satisfied, and smug, and he started. bragging abt how he knew all this stuff abt the granddaughter and where the old lady went, and i was screaming at him to leave, and finally he was like “alright, but you better keep an eye on her up there” and started laughing maniacally

so i ran upstairs even more panicked and the apartment door was still closed and locked but when i went inside i immediately knew something was wrong, i could FEEL it, and i went into the girls room and she had been like brutally murdered, there was blood everywhere and i could hardly recognize her body, and i started screaming and crying but i somehow couldnt move to go to her, and the police suddenly showed up, and they made me leave and go back to the school but promised they wouldn’t let the guy do anything else

so i went back to the school and while i was walking back down the hall to my class i kept seeing notes FROM THE GUY with the same things he had said to me in the apartment, and then there was a note right outside the door of my classroom that said “oh, poor william, you’re far too late” and i ran inside and everyone was still at the window watching the fucking bloodbath of a game/battle outside and as i ran up to see they called for it to stop and all the boys who were still alive started going in all laughing and joking while the boys’ teachers started cleaning up the bodies and william’s was one of them

and i immediately felt super sick to my stomach and i started backing away to the door, and the other girls in my class looked at me rly pitifully, and the teacher wouldn’t make eye contact, and i had no idea why–but one of the girls i guess realized i didnt know what was supposed to happen next and finally she was like “didn’t he have the other part of your song? you have to die now, too”

but none of them made a move like they were going to stop me so i ran, and i was going back down the halls trying to squeeze past all the blood-covered boys who had won the “game,” and i could hear the voice of the man who’d killed that girl, and i knew he was the reason why william had died??? and he was taunting me, even though he wasn’t actually THERE, and i could still hear him even when i left the school and ran and hid in some little alley near the apartment place

he kept saying things like how he wasnt gonna let the ppl at school get rid of me like they were supposed to bc of their “rules” or w/e re: the index card/song thing, he was going to find me and do the same thing to me like he did w/the other girl, and he started going into detail about it and no matter how much i covered my ears or tried to yell over his voice i could still hear him???

i think eventually he found me, and he was abt to kill me, but then i finally woke up but. god. it was awful

#stardust.txt #long post

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