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deanmartinofficial · 2 months

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love the new dean martin era (the old era but cuntified)

im queering dean martin (and i love u)

#i actually dont need to do that he did that himself #jade tag

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theoldkyokodied · 1 year

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Uploading all my Tomgreg art at once from the past few week before season 4 hits, who knows in what kind of mental state i'm gonna be once it does :')

#tomgreg #succession #dont even talk to me i started watching this show when i had nothing to do at work and now i watch it with averiel my good friend averiel #and we are going to watch s4 together and i feel physically ill from bein so excited #so ya thats what ive been up to... anyway. i love these idiots they desever nothing but the worst (affectionate)#im also a tomshiv lover btw. im the one who yells 'THIS IS HOW TOMSHIV CAN STILL WIN' while they are actively losing on screen #thats the kind of person i am #dont look at me (lying on the floor)#okay i was not going to say stuff in the tags and let the art speak for itself but i NEED to point out details in the wine Painting..#i put a lot of work into that one. thinly veiled metaphors and symbolism yknow..#greg is gripping the stem of the wine glass with his full fist. tom and greg are dressed in the same outfit (sock garters included)#greg look appalled but he is not doing anything about the spill. tom is fondly pouring greg more and more wine. he is doing him a favor #i colored the red wine the same way i would color blood :) oh and tom is not really touching greg #only holding the chair in place. greg is making himself look smaller than he is like usual #oh and @ the person who said that it's the inverse of the tom and nate scene i love the way you think. i did not think of that before #but god. yeah. i actually thought about the scene change from when roman uhh.. christens his office in s1. the one with the coffee machine #i always go insane at that cut. this is not exactly the same since it's more.. about emotions but yknow.. it can be.. the same...

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pa-pa-plasma · 8 months

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hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.

#Danny Phantom #i think this ties into my other post i made a long time ago about Danny siccing the GIW on Vlad #like we KNOW in CANON that if Danny was even a tiny bit more like Vlad he would literally become a supervillain #villain is such a stupid word i hate how it's spelled. why is it like that #anyways i need to like. rewatch DP cuz i remember shit & then i'm like #did that actually happen. because that sounds too insane #but like. he Did That. didnt he #i think that's what i love about this character. but a lot of people ignore it #Danny is like. gritting his teeth going ''do good do good'' it isnt effortless it isnt easy he doesnt even want to do it half the time #& sometimes yeah he WILL do crimes or get back at people who've been assholes to him or whatever #he WILL use his powers for bad sometimes #he'll be like ''dont do that it's bad'' but like. he WILL do it himself #the whole ''i'm a hero'' thing he's got going on is like. more of a. how do i put this #it's like when you're drawing or writing & saying ''it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to BE''#like Danny isn't a hero sometimes. he's got morals & has a general understanding of good & bad #but also he's 14 & being attacked every day #i would start saying bad words & threatening people that annoy me too man #okay i glanced over the scene again for the first time in years & Danny was literally in the middle of outing Vlad to the whole town???#hello?? are we really ignoring this?????#VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO #this show is so stupid i love it #love how Sam & Tucker immediately backed him up yeah fuck Vlad all my homies hate Vlad #okay you know what. maybe i will do a DP liveblog. i think it would be fun #on daddyplasmius. only posting this on pa-pa-plasma cuz it's kind of just a. weird rant post? kind of? idk

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skunkes · 4 months

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i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this?#he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!!#while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety !#so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes...#we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies...#i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though)#but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon.#my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them.#he's growing with me.#oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

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quietwingsinthesky · 14 days

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the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

#regret here meaning less feeling the emotion of actual regret obviously because time lords do not actually funxtion on unicorn rules. they #already get sad just fine on their own. no humanity needed for that.#but i dont know. i just dont think he brushed it off so easily. i think he did a hell of a job convincing himself he did.#and what better way then to twist his own great works and destroy the species he was working so hard to save at the end of the universe.#but what about the knowledge that he *could* be that person. that somewhere in him exists a version that wanted to save people.#a version that is painfully too much like the doctor. even. now is that part worse or better than the human part?#but if past regenerations are ghosts i think yana deserves a haunt.#anyway maybe ignore this one im rambling about nothing here #theres just. i dont know. what if you were the last of your kind and in surviving you made yourself Not Like Them in a way you’ll never #escape.#i mean doctor who is just so concerned with all these plots about hybrids and children of the tardis and clones and What Makes A Time Lord.#but they’re so obsessed with it in just. a very Lore way. is what it feels like. we get brushes of more like with jenny and how she’s #physically a time lord and the doctor denies her that inheritance. a shared suffering…#but me myself im just fascinated with the doctor and the master as the time lords who survived. but they survived Wrong #its. its. children of gallifrey that don’t belong to her anymore. you know?#i dont care if river’s got time lord dna!!! or the metacrisis is physically human!!! i dont care!!! talk to me about what it means beyond #their blood and bones!!! what’s it like to have your sense of self stripped from you like that!!!#what’s it like when so much of you is the shed skin of time lords past. but one of you was human. one of you was painfully *humiliatingly*#human!!!#enough about how much dna you need to count as a time lord. i want to know how much they can mutate until they can’t be recognized as one.#does that make sense?

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liquidstar · 1 month

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a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

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pocketsniper · 1 year

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Info about Info

#tf2 oc #tf2 ocs #blorbo from my brain <3 #i just rb'd his old ref and was like. i should update the art actually #so i did #Informant/Tutorial #my art #other fun silly notes. he knows how to use a ridiculous amount of weapons- has to to teach about them!- including all the mercs weapons #other than the syringe guns and mediguns since medic invented those #while he does know how to use all of them his ability to actually UTALIZE this knowledge is.ehhh for some weapons.#he knows how to use the minigun. can teach someone how to. but he is not strong enough to actually carry and use it himself #for example #he gives mercs gold stars for doing good and he always makes it seem like a mocking/joking thing but its done with glee at their work hidden #behind a deadpan expression #he actually is really happy when people that dont really Need the training come into the training grounds for practice/warmup/#'just fucking around' because he likes watching and having company.

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scalproie · 4 months

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Domesticated Post-Tekken 2 Era Kazuya is my favorite to think about because this would be so good for him and everyone else but he would have an absolutely miserable time during it

#like I dont think he would REALLY miss the rich ceo lifestyle bc i dont see it as smth he ASPIRES to but as a means to give himself power #if you (jun) somehow manage to convince him that he does not actually NEED power then i think hes adaptable enough to ajust to a humble life #and the whole being rich thing fed into his worst traits #but I think being close to jun all the time would be torture for him bc he would CONSTANTLY be confronted to his own faulty morality #he cant help feeling above other common people bc he endured much more pain and hardships at 5yo than them in a lifestyle-#but he cannot act on his superiority complex about them bc Its Not The Right Thing To Do #he looks at his newborn son and feel *nothing* before feeling frustration and irritation toward *himself*#bc hes smart enough to know he SHOULD be feeling smth #and if he relunctantly admit this to jun she would tell him that if the best he can do (for now) is to not wish or do any harm on jin-#then it is good enough and he should not beat himself up about it (which he doesnt. but he does)#and even jun. she is another person he could lose and he knows deep down he would be happier without her #but being near her bring back to life smth that died years ago at the bottom of that cliff #and he wont admit it but hes scared to lose it again. even if right now its brings him nothing but discomfort and pain #hes not even sure if he *loves* her. and when he asks her whats in it for her. why she stays with him #(not out of self-consciousness but genuine confusion) she just smiles at him because he IS considering the feelings of someone else #like she is so understanding and he genuinely does try and its a really slow healing process #hes still gonna stay a little bit of a prick smug at times but at least he will be immensely more chill out #and even maybe fall in love with jun *jun* down the line. characters that fall in love with each other years into the relationship👍#and his whole exploration of fatherhood with jin. him vaguely recalling smth nice jinpachi (or god forbid. HEIHACHI pre-cliff) did to him #and doing the same to jin out of the blue for the sake of experimentation #and jin's positive reaction making him FINALLY AT LAST feel some tiny tiny thing for his son.#also for all her tree-hugger talk. jun is right meditating in the forest DOES help kaz a lot #anyway. yeah👍#tagging later #tekken

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burning-thistles-bt · 4 months

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i wanna talk about the burning thistles reflamed au sooooo bad but i cant and its killing me

#i mean i COULD #but like. i wanna actually write it yknow.#so basically we'll get there in 4 years right?#oughouuuu #okay but consider this: BlueOak is REAL but Blue is trying to forgor it ever happened #meanwhile Oak believes that they should be closer than ever and is so sad to see her pulling away #OKAY AND what about if Copperleaf was everyone's dad too. didja think about that #including his own grandkits. hes there dad too now in this au technically #he basically adopts every kit but its against his own will #if bt Copper met btr Copper he'd be like 'what the FUCK are you doing just kill him bro?? stage a coup??'#meanwhile btr Copper is so urged by his need to ensure every kits survival that hes actively putting them AND himself in danger #like its so funny to me that Copper is viewed as SUCH A VILLAIN by literally ALL OF THE CLANS #meanwhile on the inside hes fucking panicking so hardddd. but he keeps placing himself in these situations like YOU DID THAT TO YOU BRO #and worst of all he's never seen Airleap look at him with such hatred before. never known him to be capable of it #ahhhh Airleap.... you pathetic sopping wet boy... you nerdy prude must die you...#so many thoughts about Him... whyd you do it man. why #AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE DOG PACK GANG #<-i got started on it a while ago and you all saw how that went #i wanna draw all of this but im like. eurgh. cant #its not coming out right #lolling thoughts #btr au #btr #burning thistles reflamed

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mihai-florescu · 1 year

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I need enstars to be over because i need to know what akira's plan for himeru is so so badly (cue eichi's quote about asking an author how they plan to end their tale is poor manners). I can imagine various ways in which id consider his arc completed but there are too many variables that can change...

#i think i just need to go to sleep #ive just been thinking about the doomed by the narrative trope. and kaname. and himeru. and im listening to Im Alive from next to normal #to be fair what i consider a satisfying ending for me personally would probably be terrible for everyone else #ive been thinking about oremeru getting attacked by an obsessive fan paralleling what kaname's mom did to akehoshi papa #kaname's interest in being and idol starts with her. a lot of the plot starts with her actions actually.#idk...i just like the idea of the idol himeru being doomed from the start. oremeru takes over but it doesnt change much #and it all starts because of kaname's mom's actions #but do i think enstars is gonna kill off or get rid of a major character? no. they need to make money #im sure there are other ways to end his arc i just like violence. but is it not the whole point of enstars that you can rewrite your-#narrative?#so then giving himeru a chace of a happy ending would be good in itself too. he doesnt have to suffer #oremeru took on his brother's persona and incolved himself in the story. what would be more satisfying?#i leave it as an open question cuz iiii dont think i was too coherent and im curious how other people hope for himeru's arc to end like #he still is the most interesting alkakurei member to me. do you see kaname waking up? would that make for a good story?#dont think subjectively cuz you like the character please. i am curious what you think would make for the best story

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orcelito · 9 months

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OK WAIT here's a ITNL chapter 14 section that's not really spoilers. just a sweet lil section

after this is where it's more Spoilers. but for now. HERE U go. happy birthday vash & also Uhhhh @ ITNL readers I PROMISE i am working on the chapter. things r just hard lol

#speculation nation #itnl shit #spoilers bc of uhh. Conversation. i wanna keep the conversation a secret for now lol #not bad spoilers it's just better digested as a whole probably #ANYWAYS heres some more vash & kaite bro time. god im gonna miss kaite when we gotta say goodbye to him #but he's still here for now and he gets to watch vash tinker with his (very internally fried) arm #before and after this section is vash inspecting the damages & thinking of what he can do to try to fix it #which i do have a lot written. but im gonna be going thru it for accuracy & also keeping in mind the thing from earlier #the possibility that average operational power of his arm comes from vash himself rather than extra batteries #this is with the assumption that a (relatively) small output of electricity is not smth that would fuck with his lifespan #just a normal expenditure of energy. like moving his flesh muscles. just a constant lil stream of electricity that he gets from eating & w/#no need to dip into his life reserves for it. bc if he did that would get impractical.#idk im going to think about it more. i really dont Need to figure out how his arm works #but listen. ive built a robot before. im in polytech. i wanna think about wtf his arm actually Is #even if this is coming in the context of all the internal wires being blown & a bunch of shit straight up Melted #his arm is... very very blown... he's gonna be going one-arm for a While still lmao. oh well #i think it's a good thing to remember that he is in fact physically disabled. he can make up for it Especially in a fight #but it still will inconvenience him in a lot of ways. cool biotech arm is cool but also it's nice to remember that he Is physically disable #and so i am embracing it. he's tinkering with his arm in his free time but if he has to spend weeks (or months) w/o his prosthetic #well that's just the reality he's gotta live #anywyas. Here u go. snippet. that's a few hundred words so idk if this counts as a snippet but im calling it a snippet. Here You Go

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thebadtimewolf · 5 months

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oh god. they grieved wilf's death together. i cant.

#tv: doctor who #{i. :( made my self sad}#{note: they just told you love interests was never a heal all solution for their psyche. fixing themselves to a 🤎 interest isnt healing}#{why didnt they fix themself to yaz rose sarah jane martha river: they were in the drs eyes friends but remember}#{they only consider them as friends. love interests are friends. donna isnt considered a friend. shes propped up to be his best friend}#{full stop. hell the companion reunion is set up as a group therapy in the show. shes in group therapy for the good and horrors of it all}#{yes this does mean that tentoo is separated from the doctor completely. hes just jackson lake.}#{he actually has a family: what about susan? from susan and down saw him more of a pedestal. it just stayed that way. donna didnt}#{they reiterated this over and over and over and over and OVER again. the dr doesnt need love from someone that sees them like that}#{they need love from someone that is actually willing to make him live day by day to heal to recooperate}#{after power of the doctor and then comics AND TV going back to back IM QUICK SUCCESSION OF NO REST? 14 is at full exhaustion}#{if rose told him to stop he wouldnt if martha clara sarah jane river yaz if any of them told him to stop they wouldnt listen}#{because he uses romantic love as an excuse to burn himself out AND HE DID LITERALLY 9 DOES THIS}#{it was never healthy. and then they kept going. and going and going}#{bill questioned but she couldnt stop him}#{she was the strongest cause of guilt because he retook the role of a professor role a role familiar to ace}#{only it got bill killed because he didnt slow down he didnt talk and decompress. ever. he used trenzalore as an excuse to never confide}#{in anyone and only telling stories so no would ask if HE was alright. yeah they lived but is he actually alright}#{no one talks. except. donna. 15 even states that they do rehab backwards AND THATS NOT HOW REHAB WORKS. YOU DONT GET TO SKIP TO HEALED}#{WITHOUT DOING THE ACTUAL PROCESS OF HEALING}#{he regenerate until he turn into a grain of sand but thats not healing. its just another way of avoid talking thru their grief}#{but they grieved! no they didnt. EVEN IN DW LOCKDOWN THEY DIDNT GRIEVE.}#{penelope garcia's clinical social worker said it best}#{all the things I've survived I have been absorbing trauma since I was really young and thinking I was some sort of hero for doing it.}#{newsflash she wasnt and for garcias 15 yrs vs the dr's billions on billions yrs worth of it: even when u do the right thing even when u}#{stop serial killers (or intergalactic threats) ur body is still absorbing that trauma.}#{they are not a hero for holding on to it because trauma has to be off-loaded. It has to be transformed or ur body will destroy u.}#{end quote.}#{like THATS WHAT DR HAS BEEN DOING THE WHOLE TIME AND 15 SAID: NO MORE! CONSIDER THIS 14S RETIREMENT.}#{i dont like the ending: well i do. 15 and rtd said grief n trauma therapy with donna or bust bitches}

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clockworkcheetah · 5 months

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dirk and todd are actually so real to call out patrick spring

#thats a thing actually a petpeeve i have with dirk fanon #this whole he needs someone to stand up for him #like yeah hes skittish and panicky and easily scared #but he stood up to riggins/he calls todd out on his shit/stands up to patrick/gets snarky at estevez/the peak bitchery at BW #the only people hes too scared to do this too is suzie (at least i dont remember him doing so?)/priest which is understandable #and the rowdy3 which real funny that #until 2x08 where he got pushed too much and retaliated (not sure if id call it syanding up to himself)#i mean shit he stood up to bart (kind of and was fucking terrified) wayy sooner than he did with r3 #ok i wont bitch about that too much #dghda rewatch

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nathanprscott · 6 months

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deciding who to date has never been harder than in baldur's gate..

#i'm playing my irl campaign character #for him it's between gale shadowheart and halsin but i just cannot decide.#i did get into a relationship with shadow but i'm starting to feel they don't actually fit together like that ;_;#i dont wanna break her heart though... HELP #i do think halsin or gale would have been the better choice #he needs someone with humour and quirk #shadow is lovely but too serious for him because he himself is a lawful good character #it just seems like she's not a good fit #in dragon age #i saw dorian and i knew it had to be dorian #end of story lmao

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mxdotpng · 8 months

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we. as a community. are severally lacking in anything about richard and asbel trying to kill each other.

EDIT: these tags have become less and less about asbel and richard killing each other. i am so sorry. do not ask me to speak about anything ever this is exactly what happens every time.

#.text #ohhh i could fix them. are you listening to me?#i genuinely did enjoy graces (<- hasnt actually finished it yet) and i love it DEARLY but i NEED to overhaul everything #could you imagine? asbel's entire character is about wanting to save people. he wants to save everyone he can #he wants to save sophie. he wants to save richard. but nothing really comes from that #what if he had to learn he cant save people alone? he told richard at the beginning that he couldnt shoulder everything.#thats what asbel is there for. to help richard shoulder his burdens. but asbel never had to learn the same.#he always saw it as his Own duty to save others - its HIS duty to save sophie. its HIS duty to save richard.#there are no consequences to this- he doesnt run himself into the ground #or end up hurting his friends. he doesnt run off alone and have them chase him. proving that they are there to help him #shoulder the same burdens he helps richard with. sophie doesnt get worse for this and neither does richard.#what if he had to learn that there were different ways to save people? he had used direct action constantly. every single time.#but what if he had to face the fact that thats not what everyone wants let alone needs? if he were to learn that some people #can be saved by saving themself. or that some people can be saved just by speaking to them rather than #having their problems fixed for them. what then? or if he were to meet someone who just. couldnt be saved.#i do think richard should live at the end -- i really do like that. BUT.#i think asbel should have had a chance to learn that maybe the only way to save richard was to kill him.#maybe this happens -- i dont know yet. i stopped right before the ending i believe. but i dont think it does.#he is the one to constantly. constantly. try to help others. and seek ways to help others. he doesnt know his place in the world #but when he can help someone find theirs. or help someone make sure they Stay here. he feels like he has one.#that his existence. him being saved. was not a mistake. and that he is meant to be here.#but i think i would have liked to see him learn that in some cases. some very tragic cases. there is salvation in death.#plus i think. it wouldve been nice to have someone tell asbel that sometimes people Cant get help. sometimes #the only way they can be saved is if they save themselves. because it means so Much. so many different things #it happens to sophie and richard and i feel like it should have happened to asbel too. its evident he does not care about #himself as much as he should. he has not forgiven himself for something that happened as a child. and he doesnt forgive himself for #things out of his control too. he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders -- except that weight is self imposed. and it is going #to kill him one of these days. it Should. there shoulf be consequences.#i dont knoww i just think the themes of the game kind of miss because of how little theyre actually implimented throughout the game #even though i enjoyed it SOOOO much genuinely. i really did.

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sick-as-a-dog · 11 months

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#just the thought of him not loving me the same way and amount i love him makes me want to slice myself up #ill only stop cutting when i cant feel anything anymore not pain not love just emptiness #just want to be with master but dont want to make him stressed out because im too dependent and reliant on him #why cant i just feel my emotions the right way or a normal amount or at least less strong? why am i like this?#why cant i love like a human and why must that shit be so complicated? why am i so feralminded?#and why cant i feel my loves separately? should i even? or am i not understanding it right? why do i feel everything wrong?#why must i love him like a wild animal loves its lifelong mate? but also like how that animal loves the taste of prey and hungers for it?#like a dog loves its master and feels the unending loyalty and unconditional love overtake remaining wolflike instinct #like a best friend i also wish to do stereotypical romantic and domestic things with and so much more #i want to be bound to him in any way possible marriage and collars and microchips and blood pacts and marking and such #but im so scared he wont want that anymore i want to stop feeling i need to completely stop feeling and worrying but i cant #even when im emotionally numb i still feel that canine love for him even if just a glimmer #i wish i knew what he thinks love is and what hes comfortable with and how he felt and experienced love and if he still loves me like #he did before he came out as aro....im scared to bring up how calling himself aro and me his exception actually hurts and idk if i should #tbh him saying hes aro yet says he loves me feels like when a close friend keeps saying they dont have any friends while youre right there #like my existence makes his identity a lie or a betrayal to him i cant shake the gross feeling that hes forcing himself to stay for my sake #....hell am i even his exception anymore? what did he mean by same amount but not the same? what changed? did anything actually change?#wish i could figure out what love is and how to feel it right..esp dont understand romantic or queerplatonic or anything its all confusing #i want to take on the world with him and stop being an emotional wreck so we can fuck anyone together like we swore to #i just want to live the rest of my life by his side and i want to experience all we can together #picnics and movies and living together and sharing a nest and....idk i just want to be with him forever and hope he still feels the same #it would literally kill me if he ever left or fell out of love i think i would lose whats left of my mind and end up bleeding myself dry #i want us to be together forever and never ever stop being mates but i cant help but be terrified and confused and hurt

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