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thatcryinggayboy · 4 months

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Alone in religion.

I think it’s kind of funny, how my faith progressively gets further and further from mainstream, and yet the only thing I want is a community. When I was a child, I was an atheist. Well, when I suppose when I was around 5 I thought that being Christian was just part of life because I was a gullible child, it wasn’t until my parents were like “no you silly child, that’s not the only religion” and when I realized it wasn’t just a fact of life, I quickly dropped it.

When I was older, maybe around 10, I learned what an atheist actually was as I began to use the internet more commonly. “YES, that’s it, I’m an atheist” but like, not a fully spiritless atheist. I still believed in ghosts, I have since I used to see them around my house. That was a belief I’ve never been without.

So in 2015 I was an angsty teenager, I used to make stupid jokes and one that I had for some reason was “I blame witchcraft”. It was my first pride and I was road tripping to the big city with a couple of friends from a local LGBTQ+ group.

When we arrived at our destination, my friend E informed me that our other friend W was a Wiccan. “What the hell is that?”, I was briefly explained it was a religion based on witchcraft. “THERE ARE WITCHES?!”. I apologized to W and when I got back home, I did some research.

Now for some context, my parents always said the male equivalent of witches were warlocks. I always thought that was dumb, I always in turn said “why aren’t they both witches” because functionally, they aren’t the same. So when I found out that male witches were just… witches, I found something that connected to me. I COULD BE A WITCH.

And yes, I knew it wasn’t like the movies, I’m not that silly.

Cool, now I’m a Wiccan…. Who is god? So I did a couple of very brief google searches. “The Horned God and The Moon Goddess”. And who are they?, well, according to the first website I checked, specifically Pan and Hekate. No explanation to the archetypes and roles they were meant to play, just Hekate and Pan. Well, okay, two Greek gods, I’m down with that.

I suppose I was never truly an atheist but I didn’t want to identify as agnostic, that term never felt like me.

So now I’m a 13 year old, still figuring out who he is and now he has a religion. I’m autistic and this just became MY WORLD. Immediately I was searching and searching; eventually I found out how the horned god and moon goddess worked but now that I have these two, I’m set…..

Well not exactly. I became obsessed with the images of fertility goddesses, something about it all was so fascinating to me. And then I looked into more gods, more goddesses, different pantheons… and I did something I’m not proud of.

I was unaware of the topic of cultural appropriation when it came to religious systems. It had never come across my feed and I was never told that it was a thing. I probably should’ve known but I didn’t.

I found a new goddess I felt really connected to.

Kali.

I made her offerings, burnt incense, listened to music about Kali, and yet outside of her own religion. She felt so motherly to me, but it was not my place and to say it simply, I learned from my mistake. I discovered how insensitive it was and I sang her goodbye, but she was never meant to be my goddess to begin with.

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So eventually I became less and less in love with Wicca. The practice wasn’t meant for me, I still practiced witchcraft but the community was not mine.

“Well, I already have a couple of Greek gods under my belt, what is that whole thing like” so now I’m looking into Hellenic Polytheism…. Sort of. I didn’t know that there was a full religious movement, so I kind of just, felt it out. AND THEN I FOUND IT, after a little while of winging it.

And you know what, this was my place, I never felt at home more with anything else. But over time, when you study and study and pray and think and read and just sit there, your world view will change drastically. As I learned, my beliefs were a little bit more complex over time. Basic Hellenic Polytheism might not be JUST IT.

I was looking into Orphism, the Eleusinian Mysteries, I was looking in as many cults as I could to see which one perfectly matched with how I believe. I would practice for a while, see how it felt, and move on if it didn’t feel right. And I would follow multiple gods at a time, I’ve always been a a devotee of Zeus since I became Hellenic. He was the one thing I felt was right.

But I became overwhelmed, and I burnt out.

I wasn’t making offerings, saying prayers, building Kharis, I wasn’t even thinking about the gods. I still called myself a Hellenic Polytheist, but was I?

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Okay so side note, I love learning about religions, in an effort and interest in broadening my understanding and educating myself. And I found another love, that I didn’t think I would ever be a part of so I appreciated it from a distance. I really love Judaism. Everything about it, the laws, the cultures, the language, the fact that no Jewish person is the same and that’s embraced. But I was unaware that converts where a thing. For a while.

Eventually I found out that conversation to Judaism existed, but I still stood back.

In 2022 I went to work for a summer camp further up the coast from my hometown. I was so excited. I worked in the kitchen and while I didn’t interact with the counselors much, I wanted to befriend them. They were so full of life, they had that city energy that I so badly craved. And there were two in particular that I was able to become semi-closer with. Not by much because I don’t actively seek out friendship, I just hope it happens. But I still considered them the closest friends there. I’ll call them P and B.

One day in the kitchen, we were preparing lunch and P & B came in, they looked directly at me and asked me if I was “part of the tribe”, maybe they weren’t meaning to look at me because they were friendly with other kitchen staff but it felt like they were. I said “…huh?” And they asked “are you Jewish”. I told them no but I did like the religion. That was that and they moved on. But something in me didn’t.

It was almost as if my soul was looked into, I could feel that question in my very fibers.

Fuuuuuuck.

I just don’t know who I am do I? Will I ever? I feel like Trisha Paytas, I can’t just be playing dress up with religions, especially not closed ones. I didn’t want to take advantage of other people beliefs for my own benefit. That’s not chill.

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So back to where I was before. My religious beliefs were sort of fading. I wasn’t fully connected anymore, even if I still loved Zeus. Eventually, I stumbled my way onto Jewish TikTok.

So many creators who I enjoy, Jewitches, Danielle Silverstone, and Zara Zahavah (side note but it was like a dream come true when she answered my comment about whether or not furbys would be classified as kosher).

One night, while watching a Jewitches livestream, the switched kind of flipped, and I wanted to pursue this.

But wait? I live in a small town, there’s no synagogue for miles. The closest one is 4 hours away. There’s a community here, but I have really bad imposter syndrome and I don’t want to push my welcome. So I didn’t reach out.

I did however, start taking intro to Judaism classes online, and it was going well for a while, until I had a very uncomfortable conversation with one of the teachers. And I stopped going.

Eventually I reached out to that group in my town, but I left due to their overt Zionism, it didn’t come out fully until around the 3rd session. After that, I decided to go back to my place with the Greek gods.

It was shaky getting back into it, and as I went back into my research, I came across the cult of Hypsistos.

Hypsistarians believed in Zeus Hypsistos (most high), a monotheistic group that didn’t worship with statues but rather with the light of a flame. “But I still believe in Apollo, Aphrodité, Hermes, etc.”, as it turns out, so did they, not as gods per say but rather as angelic messenger manifestations out of Hypsistos. This fits perfectly with what I believe…. But there’s not much to work with.

There is a scarcity of sources about the group, and as far as I’ve been able to tell, I am the only one. All I’ve ever wanted is a community, people to worship with, talk about our experiences and share something so meaningful to me. And even if there were another one of me out there, I have to make educated guesses about Hypsistarians based on their ancient influences, so most things are up for interpretation.

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I suppose the real point of this post is to express something I can’t express to many, even if I’m speaking to the void.

Thank you.

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hero-17 · 2 months

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What's your opinion on religious influences in Dragon Ball?

There is a lot of Judeo-Christian imagery (white dove, Upa scaring Devilman with a cross, Goku as a Moses-type figure, etc.) I don't like it when Seventh-Day Adventist fearmongers like Little Light Studios call Goku a Lucifer-type figure.

Beerus and Heles look like Egyptian gods

Comment on your thoughts in the reply section and like, share, reblog, and boost. U can do this matter your religion.

Dragon Ball is a mix of different religions †☪︎✡☯☸ૐ⛩️🀀𓋹⚛

I'm not gonna talk about Journey to the West since everyone knows that Dragon Ball was influenced by that story.

Ki comes from Eastern religions. A comparison to make is the Jewish concept of ruach tamah, described by rabbis as similar to ki and as the source as Samson's power

Judeo-Christian imagery. Super Saiyan is similar to the glowing state of Stephen (my interpretation, I'm Christian btw). Goku is a "SON UNDER THE SUN". Goku is also a Moses-type figure, like Superman. A white dove also appears aside of Android 16. That's the symbol of the Holy Spirit. Upa also scares Devilman with a cross. Magic users (with the exception of Baba) are all evil. Baphomet-like demons are always the villains. Goku's values are also Judeo-Christian/Islamic. Dragon Ball has a god hierarchy like Marvel, but Zalama who is above all, just like the One Above All in Marvel, has a similarity to Yahweh of Judaism and Christianity or more like Aether of the Hypsistarian cult.

The Kais relate to the Buddhist Heavenly Kings and Hindu deities. Beerus and Heles take inspiration from Egyptian paganism.

State your opinions and thoughts in the reply section.

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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 4 years

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Tagged by @ad-decus-reignited

~Where are you isolated? (Country or city too if you like)

just outside of los angeles.

~What are you currently reading or watching?

reading dune, quicksilver, hyperion, one god: pagan monotheism in the roman empire, and the crisis of parliamentary democracy.

currently watching narcos, peaky blinders, the terror, and rewatching black sails.

~If you can go outside, what do you like to do during this time?

i like to just chill in my backyard. do some grilling. lift weights. drink. tend to my tomato plants.

~Any fascinating concept you’re studying?

idk. i’m always studying a bunch of different things. things which i at least find interesting. but idk if others would. been doing a lot of reading about cybernetics and government and neoplatonism.

but something else i have been reading about...anyone who knows me knows i love the bosporan kingdom. originally a greek colony in crimea that eventually became its own kingdom and then became a client kingdom to the roman empire, then the byzantine empire. i love it because it’s just the beacon of greco-roman civilization in an otherwise uncivilized place. but also, it was a blend of greco-roman culture with the natives. the natives originally being scythians. i think that’s a fascinating blend of cultures. but yeah. the bosporan crimea, this greco-roman-scythian kingdom existing on the crimean peninsula, constantly defending itself from barbarian incursions (scythians, sarmatians, goths, huns, bulgars, rus, tartars, etc). they were the longest lasting roman client state. the bosporan kingdom was also a center for hypsistarians, a fascinating pagan quasi-monotheistic religious cult. this region was also home to the longest lasting community of goths. on some accounts they remained a unique culture in crimea up until the 16th or 17th centuries, possibly even as late as the 18th century. supposedly they eventually mixed with crimean tartars and converted to islam.

but now i’ve also discovered another interesting thing about this region (one of many). apparently, after the norman conquest of england, there was a group of anglo-saxons that took to the sea, sailed down the atlantic coast, passed through the straits and into the mediterranean sea, where they proceed to seize and plunder several muslim-held cities, before eventually reaching constantinople, which at the time was besieged by heathens. the anglo-saxons then helped break the heathens’ siege and as a reward the emperor offered the anglo-saxons an opportunity to join his varangian guard. some of the anglo-saxons liked this idea and agree. but the rest of them wanted a land of their own. so the emperor told them about lands far to the northeast that were once under imperial control but has since been lost to some heathens. the anglo-saxons set sail again to find this land, which they did, and supposedly they settled there, proclaiming this new land of there “(new) england”.

so yeah, a crimean new england is a fascinating concept imo.

~What kinds of acts of creativity/forms of art are you currently doing?

writing, mostly.

~A song/s that resonates with your state of mind at the moment?

https://youtu.be/kcmzKFwun98

~Favourite impulsive/’bad’ coping techniques?

i don’t cope. i only thrive. everything i do is good, even if you think it’s bad. drinking in the morning? good. grilling burgers for breakfast? good. reading a book outside until i fall asleep beneath the midday sun? good. playing hours of video games with my friends? good. having a one-man rave? good. lifting weight way beyond my limits? good. staring blankly at the sky for an hour? good. punching walls? good. impulsively starting five new hobbies right before bed? good. staying up until 3 AM reading about ancient/medieval crimea? good. arguing with anonymous strangers online? good. practicing giving a speech in the shower? good.

I’ll tag haha

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