#honestly self indulgent because i'm seriously craving
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For the headcanon ask game: Bellmére
👻 A headcanon about what scares them
🎶 A headcanon about music
🫂 A friendship headcanon
👗 A headcanon about their clothes
🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence
😺 An animal related headcanon
Run with any that you'd like to answer, and I'll throw in the random headcanon if you wanted to answer that one too!
omG bell-mére!! yes yes thank you so much, this is perfect. anything to help me practice writing/characterizing her.
👻 A headcanon about what scares them
honestly i think this one is the hardest. she seems so fearless! i think maybe she fears failing the people who care about her. we don't get too much backstory from her, but from what i recall, she was a bit of a punk/rebel before going off to the navy. i think she specifically went into the navy to try and shape up. tough love upon herself. we also see this selflessness when they're low on funds, and she goes on her "diet" so her kids can eat. so. yes. i'll settle with fear of failing her loved ones.
🎶 A headcanon about music
she listens to classic rock. maybe calmer-sounding groups like fleetwood mac by the time she's raising nami and nojiko, but i could totally see her having this punk/metalhead side before joining the marines, or while in the marines.
🫂 A friendship headcanon
everyone's best friend. she's like that super chatty acquaintance you can somehow trust right away. very warm, very open, often ends up giving TMI and trying to jam some humor into the conversation, regardless of the tone. i'm a sap so i imagine her and rosinante were besties if they ever got the chance to meet. they'd balance each other out perfectly.
👗 A headcanon about their clothes
there's a reason we never saw what bell-mére wore before joining the marines, okay. it was too much for oda's mind to handle. in all seriousness, i imagine she never really cared too much about her style. very free and loose, grabs whatever from the thrift store she finds first, regardless of gender or size. that's probably how she learned to sew and mend hand-me-downs for nami and nojiko.
🔪 A headcanon relating to fighting/violence
took a liking to firearms. but she was fearless, and had no issue defying authority and breaking formation. she could use her rifle like a club to beat on her enemies if the conditions were unfavorable. the way she jumped arlong lives in my brain rent-free.
😺 An animal related headcanon
dog person. loves them. would feed the strays around cocoyashi whenever she could. dreamed of owning one for herself, if their funds ever shaped up.
free headcanon!
i feel like something happened to bell-mére's parents when she was really little, and she was raised as a village kid. cared for wonderfully, but she still got up to trouble because there wasn't really anyone who was solely responsible for her. and i think that's one of the reasons she was so eager to drop everything and rescue nami and nojiko. i think she knows the pains of being orphaned, and she wanted to give them a solid family she always craved.
thank you so much for this!! 🧡 the bell-mére brainrot i have right now is pretty chronic so i appreciate this dose of self-indulgence. as you can see i answered all of them so that tells you something
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#805A40 ┈ ekko x fem! reader ; genre/trope: (physical)hurt comfort (??) , not sure ekko gets in a fight and you save him ; wc: 1300+ warnings: mentions of blood, ekko gets beat up
[08:20am] ekko steps backwards, wincing quietly as pain digs into his right ankle. his knee buckles and the boy has to force himself to balance, knowing the small creature by his side would do little good if he gave in.
the three men snicker at his show of weakness and close in around the pair, malicious intent glinting off the shine of knives and axes.
heimerdinger flutters nervously around ekko's feet, jittering and uncertain. "gentlemen," he stutters. "we mean you no harm. as you can see, my good friend here is injured, so, eh, if you could let us through..." he trails off as one of the men laughs.
"my, we can't have that now can we?" the men step closer, laughing to themselves. "say, if you hand over that fancy watch you have tucked in your pocket there, little boy, we might be able to give you a little something. what do you say, hm?"
ekko clenches the handle of his sword but even he knows the chances of surviving were slim, even without considering heimerdinger by his side. his ankle throbs, an unnecessary reminder of his disadvantage.
he thought he had left being weak behind, left the churning sensation of being useless, staring the reaper in the eye and being able to do nothing still, in his past. yet here he stands, backed into a wall with the taunting of death breathing down his spine and he realises then that nothing had changed, not his lack of power, not his cry for help, not the gnawing worm of pain that refuses to undo its clutches on his soul. his demise had been long overdue after all, expired and decayed yet clinging on not by anything natural but by the will of a mortal and the magic of a watch. the universe was eager to watch him die.
"well," ekko thinks, a tired smirk tugging at his lips. "it's not like i'll ever be going down without a fight."
his hands readjust his weapon, heaving it over his shoulder. he tilts his chin upwards, staring the men in their eyes. “and if i don’t?”
the men glance at one another before laughing. “you’ve got guts. but no one wins a fight with just determination.” the tallest man spits at his feet.
everything happens in a flash. ekko shoves heimerdinger to the side, the yordle landing on his bottom, narrowly missing the throw of a knife. the boy himself bends over, hands finding purchase on the ground as one of the men sends a kick to his stomach, the shoes skimming the fabric of his tank top. his weapon skids on the ground, disregarded. ekko intends to use the momentum to swing his own legs around and knock his attacker to the ground but pain erupts from his leg before he can, the consequences causing him to stumble in his movements, effectively receiving an elbow to the face.
his back hits the ground with a thud, something warm and uncomfortable colouring his face, but he has no time to sink into the sensation when his senses tingle and he pulls himself onto his feet, his arms coming up to deflect another punch. someone comes up behind him and he grabs onto his attacker’s arm, flinging the man’s entire bodyweight up and over, behind him. they lie in a pile behind him and he huffs, catching his breath.
“behind you!” the yordle cries but it’s too late, something solid makes contact with the side of his face.
ekko’s feet can’t keep up as his sense of balance shifts drastically and he falls with the aid of a kick. his back hits a wall and he stays there, unable to move as the man walks towards him.
something urges to come out and he coughs, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth.
a pair of boots enter his sight of vision and he endures a punch to his face that sends pain ringing in his ears. still, he looks up and makes eye contact. if he was going to die, he thinks, it’ll be by staring death in the eye.
the man bends down and plucks his watch from his pocket. he makes a show of observing the object before he takes it. “you’re too full of yourself. i don’t hate that. if you hadn’t picked a fight you never would have won, maybe we would have taken you in.”
ekko glares through half-lidden eyes. the pain from his previous encounter with jinx on the bridge and now the pain from his current situation was proving too much for his body. darkness threatens to embrace his weary body though he had no intentions of giving up now. but his body couldn’t keep up; he had pushed himself too far this time.
still, he forces his mouth to open, his throat protesting as he speaks. “fuck you.”
the man’s face twists. how satisfying, ekko thinks, before he notices the rise of the man’s arm.
was this it?
time seems to slow as the man’s fist draws nearer, the boy’s breath growing shallow, pounding throbbing in his ears, his chest heaving, leg clawing in pain. was this it? his eyes drift to the side, seeing heimerdinger knocked out unconscious on the ground.
when did that happen?
his vision warps in and out, his eyes staying closed for longer than he liked, the adrenaline fuelling his body draining at his fingertips. he feels his guard drop and he knows when the punch makes contact, he’ll feel it for all the strength behind the fist. great, he thinks, this really is the end.
a cat saunters between the two.
ekko blinks. was he already dead? had hallucinating always been a product of death?
even his attacker is momentarily surprised, paused in his actions.
“i’m so sorry!” a new voice enters ekko’s perception and he raises his head as an unfamiliar girl peaks around the block.
your eyes search the place, studying the passed-out yordle – why did he seem so familiar? – the boy who laid limp on the ground and the big, burly man who stood over him. finally, they land on your cat.
“sorry for interrupting, my cat just loves to wonder off. if you don’t mind, could you pass him over to me?” you say, hands behind your back as you address the man.
ekko grunts with effort as his hand inches towards his weapon, perhaps two metres from his fingers. his attacker remains distracted as he talks back to you. “huh? who the fuck are you?”
you take a step forward. “just a passerby. i promise to leave once i get my cat back.”
the man laughs shortly. “and why would i do that for you? who even are you, give me a name damnit.”
ekko stretches further, finger grazing the handle of his weapon.
“well,” you start. “if you do i’ll—” before you can finish, you spin around, rising your leg and successfully planting your foot into the six foot tall man. before he can come to, you send a punch up from under his chin.
he stumbles back but doesn’t fall, wiping blood from his lip. “you bitch.”
the man comes running. he ducks as you swing an arm but it was a fluke and you raise your knee into his face. your fist revs back and comes full force into his stomach. this time, he does fall back and just to be sure, you dig your heel into his groin. the man howls in pain, unattractively drooling, eyes rolling back before he faints.
your fingers dip comfortably into every crevice of his attire, withdrawing any goods you deem valuable and stuffing them into any free space on your body. your hands enclose around a small, metallic watch and you hum in satisfaction at its intricate design, gentling placing it into your pant pocket.
you turn to face the boy whose hand had enclosed around his weapon. he looks at you oddly. you smile, offering him a hand.
“you look like you need some help.”
“who are you?”
deciding that you were tired of being asked that question today, you answer. “my name is [name].” you swing his arm over your shoulder. your cat meows, rubbing his face against your leg. “yours?”
“ekko. wait, you mind taking that yordle with us too?”
#poor heimerdinger don't worry he gets taken too#honestly self indulgent because i'm seriously craving#ekko x reader#fics#arcane x reader#arcane timestamp#ekko timestamp#mentions of#jinx#heimerdinger#ekko#arcane#arcane ekko#arcane x you#ekko x you
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Hello mbti-notes. I'm a very, very unhealthy INTJ. I have come to the realisation that I constantly try to deny and repress my emotional needs whenever I face obstacles in the world. As in, for example, if people find me unattractive, I detach from that triggering context and try to hamper down my need to be loved. If my mother treats me in a nasty way, I detach from her and go on a corner and try to hamper my need to feel approved by her. (continues, this is part 1)
[con’t: If I see that my classmates are better or more competent than me, I avoid contact with them & avoid going to class, and I don’t try harder with the materials or try to be more competent, I repress the need for that as if “I didn’t want it anyway” and “it doesn’t matter”, “makes no difference”, “it’s not meaningful”, but actually, and I can see it now, these things mean the world to me. I notice myself constantly thinking about what people have that I won’t have, like a successful high paying career. I dropped out of law school (I got into a good university) and can’t deal with the fact that I chose to switch to a more low paying, less competitive career to pursue. I feel like this choice was also the same dynamic of me pushing down my need for high achievement in the face of insecurity and obstacles. People around me see me as a wimp, someone who doesn’t contribute, doesn’t take responsibility, doesn’t integrate to the group, honestly it feels like people see me as a child and completely incapable, despite the fact that they do sometimes say I’m very intelligent (they mean academic intelligence, but not “real” intelligence). I feel like people treat me condescendingly and don’t take me seriously. I also feel an utter lack of life direction, I have no goals and no plans, and I’m at a point where I don’t give a sh*t and I’ve been more socially impulsive (like jokester behavior, class clown) and reckless about my reputation, missing deadlines, appointments, loosing track of what’s going on around me and what I need to do. Is this congruent with Fi loop and Se grip? I still don’t see how I can use Ni+Te to grow out of it, I can see it in the abstract, but not concretely.]
No, it is not at all congruent with Fi loop and Se grip, which is why Te is not the solution, in fact, trying to develop Te is very likely to exacerbate the problem. Your thought patterns fit quite perfectly with: unhealthy Ni (faulty/perfectionistic beliefs), overindulgence of Fe (constant focus on impressing/approval, low self-worth, guilt, shame), Ti loop (harmful rejection of feelings, lack of self-awareness, destructive attitude), and Se grip (extreme loss of control, recklessness, superficiality). Why do you believe that you are intj? Did you undergo a proper type assessment? If not, you should. There is a clear warning in the Type Dev Guide that you should not take advice of the wrong type.
Every decision you have made is part of Ti loop in denying your true feelings, to the point that life becomes meaningless, i.e., you must come to reject everything in the world because everything eventually serves to remind you of your “worthlessness”. If you are F, constantly acting contrary to your feelings is the direct road to despair. You don’t understand the difference between feelings and emotions, so you end up ignoring important feelings that would guide you in the right direction and then indulging the resultant negative emotions in the wrong direction. Do you honestly believe that your decisions have been rational? If you are in Ti loop, you will believe it for quite some time, and it will require hitting rock bottom or a personal disaster for you to realize how irrational you’ve really been. You say that you have a need to achieve (Ni), why do you not respect that need and even fail on purpose? You say that you have a need to be loved and approved of (Fe), why do you purposely act in ways that destroy social connection or get disapproval? You keep trying to lay the blame “out there” in how people judge/perceive you when it was actually your own bad decision making all along that brought you here - this is the hallmark of deep-seated Ti loop.
The way to get out of Ti loop is to finally take responsibility for your life instead of blaming something/someone else for your feelings of guilt and failure. Oftentimes, unhealthy INFJs don’t want to try because they are afraid that they’ll fail to live up to their self-imposed “ideal” and then have no excuses left to ward off the shame/guilt that they’re running from. It’s very easy to think highly of yourself when your success/greatness exists only in your own mind and you’re able to fool yourself into believing that it’s the world holding you back (Ni-Ti loop), but it’s hard to keep up the arrogance when you’re constantly slapped with hard evidence of your social failures (Fe-Se reality checks).
In many ways, you still have the mentality of a toddler. You expect that everything should be like your fantasy, i.e, the one place where you don’t have to feel bad about yourself. You haven’t yet realized that the reason you feel bad is precisely because you wrongly believe that being “special” is the answer to your low self-worth, so you fish for praise/approval by proving your “specialness” in childish ways, only to fail often because your motives are fake or superficial. A truly successful person is HUMBLE and works hard to build a good life for themselves. They don’t waste time thinking about being “special”, rather, they simply work hard to actualize their potential because they want to make the most out of their life. You are arrogant, not humble, because you fear being ordinary/nothing and thus mistake humility for mediocrity. You are obsessed with feeling “better than” because you judge yourself as “less than”. Successful people don’t waste time with these sorts of petty “status” calculations because they’re not chasing empty markers of success to cover up low self-worth.
To find purpose and meaning in life for infjs is a simple matter of nurturing loving relationships and making positive contributions to whatever environment they happen to be in. Perhaps you live in a socially/emotionally harsh environment, which is not your fault, but you can either choose to play the dog-eat-dog game, or you can choose to live a good life for the sake of your own well-being. So far, you seem to keep choosing the former, which means that you must try to be “top dog” in order to call yourself “worthy”. Do you not realize that “worthiness” isn’t about proving yourself better than people? Do you honestly think that something as pure as true happiness can come from something so impure as judging and categorizing people according to their lack of “worth”?
A truly worthy person is one who actually lives a morally good life. Living a morally good life is hard work and it isn’t likely to get you immense praise and recognition. If the only reason you want to be “good” is to alleviate the shame that you feel for low social status, then you’ve missed the point entirely. A mature person takes responsibility for their life by asking themselves what kind of person they want to be and then they work hard to become it. Their sense of good comes from the self and emanates positively out into the world through morally congruent action. An immature person asks what behaviors will get them praise/approval and then they try to be like that (i.e. level 1-2 ego development). Their sense of good is easily twisted and destroyed by social pressures.
Looping infjs often look down on others for being superficial in craving social status, but it is they themselves who actually care about status the most due to low self-worth - that’s why they must work so hard to convince themselves that they don’t care, which only makes them care even more. Ti loop turns you into a barking hypocrite and that is where the self-loathing actually comes from. You harm yourself by denying yourself and your goodness to chase after feelings of superiority - very common problem among NFs. To chase after feelings of superiority necessitates that you constantly think of yourself as inferior, which makes it impossible to have healthy self-esteem. How can you be happy when you constantly treat yourself so badly? As long as you think in terms of oversimplistic dichotomies of superiority/inferiority or strong/weak, then you also cannot have healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are based on equality between people and mutual respect and appreciation. In short, you sabotage your own happiness with your obsession on being “special” (read: superior), because this makes it impossible for you to develop Fe properly.
All of your functions need development. Healthy Ni means to always act with your mind attuned to visualizing future implications - yet you choose not to care about the consequences of your decisions nor fight for your future self’s well-being. Healthy Fe means to carve a space for yourself to belong and contribute everywhere you go - yet you choose not to because you can’t tell the difference between praise and love and then chase after the wrong feelings to cover up your insecurities. Healthy Ti means to make rational judgments and decisions according to the facts - yet you stubbornly hang on to faulty beliefs about “how the world works” and even take twisted pride in flouting the rules you don’t like, intent on believing that they don’t apply to you despite negative repercussions. Healthy Se means to adapt well to change by embracing it and making the most of what you have - yet you fear change and run from it with all your life. I’m not a magician, I can’t wave a wand and change you. You can’t depend on others to tell you what to do. You have to commit yourself to being a better person and make better decisions by making better use of your functions, starting from top to bottom, because you care about living life well for your own sake.
**If you suffer from serious depression and/or anxiety and it hampers your ability to live life normally, I strongly suggest that you get professional help.
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I have a question about some sort of writing insecurity. It's a bit of a downer so feel free to ignore this. So, I used to write a lot in the past but as the years go by I found myself wanting to write less and less. I write maybe once a year as a birthday present to a friend and I don't feel happy with what I come up with but when I try to write something I want to, I can't. When I read some of my past works I can't help but think that I'll never write as good as I once did. Do you have advice?
Hi! I had to sit on this one overnight, because as someone who is not a professional and who does suffer from a lot of "wow my writing is trash and will never be as good as x person's" I don't know if I'm even qualified to give advice, but I think as someone with Severe Performance Anxiety, I at least know what does and doesn't work for me.
Now some background. I've been in fandom for [squints] about two decades now. I went from FF.net to LJ to AO3, but by the time I hit AO3, I was pretty much not writing as much because I was into LJ/DW roleplaying games and I did that pretty seriously for a decade, so there was a ten year gap where I was not seriously writing fanfic.
And then I smashed onto the scene last year and wrote over a hundred fics in a year, so... That happened.
But let's backtrack. I didn't write fanfic for ten years. I did WRITE, because RP is a writing hobby but it's a very different writing hobby. It's really hard to craft a story in that kind of situation. It's hard to get exactly the right things you want out of it. You just end up kinda going with the flow and using it to examine character more than you use it to tell a story. (Why are all my pieces character driven? TEN YEARS of this.)
But I digress. I wouldn't say this experience killed my ability to weave a good story in its cradle, because prior to this, I had never weaved a good story in my life. That's not self-deprecation- I looked at my LJ and the longest story on there is 8k. I was writing a lot, but I was writing short pieces that were just for fun. My FF.net has been utterly nuked and before that happened, my only longfic was a darker and edgier sequel to the movie Over the Hedge that I never finished.
So how do you go from a history of never writing anything longer than a ficlet, to ten years of character-driven RP, to... whatever the hell I'm doing right now?
You just write. This seems like cliche advice, but it is LITERALLY the only reason I'm doing this.
Let's go back again. When I was in high school, I had notebooks filled with self-indulgent fanfic that would never ever see the light of day. I will never clean those fics up and post them. I will never expose anyone to those plots. Sometimes I didn't even write full fics. I'd write scenes that popped into my head. I still have all of those notebooks for no reason other than they were fun for me and it's cool to see what I was obsessed with as a teenager and what I did with it.
It didn't matter if it was good. It was just something to do when I was bored in class and my head was drifting and I needed to do something. Writing was my stimming. (Undiagnosed ADHD my beloathed.) Being terminally online gave me something of a VALIDATE ME PLS complex, but I also spent a long time on LJ and if you think FF.net and AO3 are voids, try LIVEJOURNAL where if you're not getting comments, the only way you knew you're getting seen is if someone recced your fic and you found it on Delicious by searching your username.
So basically, while I still crave that sweet, sweet validation, I learned how to live without it (but I still want it always). Writing on LJ was honestly about the same as writing in a notebook at school, except now people could see it if they WANTED to.
I am extremely long-winded here, but... Writing for the sake of writing makes you better. If you want to write, then first you have to commit to the idea that sometimes things you write won't be up your standards. (Also I'm gonna be straight with you- there are things I've written that I thought were the most basic trash I could come up with that ended up being VERY popular, while things I crafted with my blood and tears get crickets, so beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes people want cakes without a bunch of fondant.) Writing without intent to post isn't a waste of words. My WIP folders are the way they are because sometimes I started writing things and then completely forgot the point I was trying to make. One day I'll salvage them. Or if not then well... It's a thing I wrote.
The other advice I can give is that reading really does help. When I feel like crap and don't want to write or my writing feels trite, then I read and usually my inspiration perks right up, because sometimes another person's way with words can inspire you to write and will also improve your grasp of narrative. Like seriously, it works. There's always going to be a little bit of UGH I'LL NEVER WRITE LIKE THIS, but my brain always tries, anyway, and that's how I've built my style- off the tactics I learned from of every writer who has ever wrote a sentence that made me go "damn."
I don't know if this helps you, nonnie. But it's what's gotten me from ten years of not writing (and ten years of not writing anything with substance) to a year of intense writing. I didn't appear out of the void, fully formed writing a million damn words and being a complete madwoman. I just sort of worked in the shadows honing my craft and then splooged it on my fandoms at once when I needed an outlet for my plague depression.
#my asks#long post#this was such a long-winded explanation for what EVERY DAMN WRITER will tell you#but like.. that's what works for me#there's never been a time in twenty years where I wasn't writing
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