#homestuck cringe all the way
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please give to me my clown daddy X3 @x8--prince-of-rage--8x
#i cant take myself serisously anymore so you shouldnt either#i am cringe i do own it#this is sooooooooo fun i love my tumblr greatly#am i doing meulin my way yes yes i am#they are still togehter in dem dream bubbles#kurloz makara#homestuck forever#homestuck cringe all the way#bring this shit back
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you try to say that maybe we shouldnt call for violence upon other trans people for enjoying a piece of work that someone else didnt personally enjoy and suddenly youre being treated like a traitor to the queer community for not worshipping dykes to watch out for like its the holy fucking bible
#alison bechdel is not the end all be all of the queer experience#it may come as a shock to some of yall. but a webcomic that helped a lot of people realize theyre queer. is going to be meaningful to them#some of yall hate autistic people and trans women so much#“Oh No The Cringe Media Got Votes On A Tumblr Poll!!!!! guess i have to fantasize about violence againt anyone who is cringe!!”#grow up#grow the fuck up#ive never even fucking read homestuck but i think it deserves to win every poll its put in simply bc of the way some of yall#consider its existence a threat to yours for some fucking reason#like Seriously. some of yall are just bullies.#some of you are just bullies who piss on anything they think they can get cool points for hating
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hello everynyan. take time today to be cringe and free!!
happy birthday john and happy birthday homestuck (15 fucking years!! goddamn)
trollsonas from left to right: @wizardsandtomfoolery, @tuugffercute, and yours truly (@birdhand-art)
#trollsona#happy 413#413#trolls#homestuck#homestuck 413#cringe and free#self indulgent fanart#yes this is that one meme base because we all thought it would be funny#it was way harder than i thought it would be to work in the perameters of someone elses weird anatomy ??#the poses are fun but the actual character anatomy fucked me up so bad while i was working on this lmao#anyway im back DEEP in my homestuck brainrot again. locking in for a 3rd reread#pray for me yall
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well most importantly to me, the panel art of the latest upd8 was absolutely spectacular!!!!
#tuna.txt#upd8 spoilers#i thought the writing was interesting but maybe could have gone on a little longer#i think kanaya should have gotten to speak a little more#im not crazy about jades characterization in. all of 2#i think it this they did better-ish but shes still not the jade i know#also i think the.... cringe? of candy is based in that i think candy is supposed to reflect maybe the worst possible outcome for earth c?#idk. im not sure how to word it but i mainly read 2 for its panels lolz#how do i put it.... its like the fallout 3 of homestuck?#there are lots of aspects i actually like about it!#but in comparison to its predecessor i think theres a lot 2 doesnt understand about hs proper?#someone out there probably knows a more eloquent and thought out way of saying it!#also i actually really like ruby. shes such a little punk and reminds me of 13 year old rose#i saw somebody else point out that they see candy rose as rose at her worst#which i think furthers my idea that candy is meant to represent most of the cast at their worst#or being effected severely by the others being at the worst#i guess its not a horrible way to rewrite lore reasons for the kind of misogynist air of making jade rose and jane be at their worst#to ME the true post canon is kittyquest lol but 2 presents some *interesting* character avenues!
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The point of epilogues fix-it fics is not fixing everything because it sucked, but saving characters from their own downfall out of love, because you want to believe that people care about each other enough to notice negative changes in their own friends
#just thinking about it bc i think people say a lot of things#and i get annoyed at people who think that people who didn't like the epilogues don't get it#and almost as annoyed at people who are think it's all entirely impossible#both of them are wrong#but there absolutely IS a reason that fix it fics exist#for each and every fandom#sorry just been thinking about it since hs^2 started updating again#im literally not interested in it enough to bother looking#if u want my personal opinion from what i HAVE seen i think its super cringe#but you didn't ask#this is my blog though lol so#you know#i think you can like a thing other people don't like#i just also obviously always think about fix it#because people dont rly talk about it in homestuck the same way we do other fandoms#also i was thinking about this bc i was thinking of my fic idea about dirk and jane just moving in together post canon and being friends#bc i love them
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i hate how you have to be some form of cool online now
#'' yeah ok you can be cringe but like. in a cool way ok? dont paint us [cringe thing] community in a bad light lol ''#ph my god. this is the internet. the internet. i dont come here to be cool i come here to look at my embarrassing interests#i come here to look at homestuck fanart and read fanfiction and say all my thoughts anonymously not? try to leave a good impression on ppl?#like this is *tumblr* for fucks sake#i got in here *to be annoying about what i like*#and now i feel embarrassed to go a little insane in a way that isnt considered internet cool anymore like what? what?#idk about you but im a real big loser and have been since i joined this place#so trying to. fit into this category of ''one of the cool ones'' just feels like hypocrisy to me now#i dont mean loser in a derogatory way its like. you know that person whos irrelevant like they arent weird nor super cool#theyre just. there. its not that they dont have a personality or cant be fun its that nobody pays attention to them#anyways that was a rant which probably was just me projecting#txt
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the same ppl who are like omg cringe culture is dead do whatever you want! are the same ppl who will see someone being enthusiastic and genuine about something and go wow gross cringe
#skye.txt#like their own interests aren't also things that normies would call cringe lmao#we're all fucking weird in our own ways. that's what makes life fun. grow up!#'oh but my interest isnt cringey bc -' shut up of course it is but thats fine bc most fun things are!#like 90% of the stuff i do and like and am enthused about is cringey#and i joke about how its embarrassing or whatever but ive really genuinely stopped caring. i chase moths around and point at ants#i ramble abt my dnd characters and westworld and occasionally even fuckin homestuck bc its stuff i like. im not about to shit on ppl for#doing literally the same thing im doing just about different stuff#i was worried about getting older thinking that i would lose my love for.....stuff. and im sad bc i feel like i am a bit. but in some ways#im not and im going to hold onto that feeling!
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when i was little, i used to have a minecraft skin of karkat and my steam profile photo on the shared acct i had with my dad was also karkat, and apparently around the same time i got this silly goofy video on my youtube page thats a parody of this one fergie song, and i jammed out to that shit now knowing a single bit of context https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWcb2pdgZTc
#this was also around when i discovered scenemo culture and stuff so the whole angstyness of it was part of why I loved it#i also didnt know fergalicious was a song until maybe 5 months ago#cheers to hs discord for making me remember this shit#its still a bop to this day by the way i fucking love it#oh yea and by the way i remember learning what hs was thru anti-hs cringe videos on yt and thats what made me wanna get into it years ago#cuz karkat my beloved yk? well all my friends for years have literally BEGGED me to not read hs#and there was no reason#so like 4 days ago i finally snapped#started act 1 in math class#and omfg i was hooked immediately and i regret not being a part of this earlier when i first wanted to#homestuck#karkat vantas#hs karkat
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forgot to add, before biting him i politely asked "can i bite you" and he just stood there confused for a second and said "no" and i bit him anyway and then he threatened to arrest me for biting a soldier and have me executed
also the millipede licked me like a dog does it was really cute but since millipedes are cold blooded its tongue was room temperature and i thought to myself "wow the tongue is room temperature because it's a bug. cool" then i woke up
LOVE these energies, excellent dream
making me think of that "i'm going to let you go. please refrain from biting anyone." line from canon
#eliot posts#toh#when i was younger i had a tendency to bite people#started bc when i was real young my sister was so much bigger and stronger than me#so i had to resort to biting bc i couldn't physically win that#but it continued on all the way to like high school. roughhousing with friends? simply bite them.#i have one memory of being like 13 years old and angrily ranting abt something to my cousin (same age as me)#he was real deep into his homestuck phase#and idk if you know anything about homestuck#but there's this face patting thing that trolls do to calm one another down from rage#anyway he tried that on me#and i bit his fucking hand#two extremely different flavours of cringe middle schooler right there
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What does becoming a furry in Homestuck mean? (In reference to your recent Nepeta post)
Okay so the thing is the way that Homestuck treats furries is honestly kind of equivalent to how it treats queerness. As in, Homestuck initially treats it like a joke or a thing to mostly sneer at. Homestuck was very much part of the wave of disaffected ironic assholes of the Newgrounds and Something Awful type, especially to start with, and that sort of relied on shitting on demographics that were seen as weird and permissible to find cringe and make fun of.
Jade comes onto the scene, and a lot of people sort of groan at her whole furry shtick. Jade is largely, however, just a pretty sincere character, and even though she feels some embarassment over the idea of BEING a furry (i.e. her distaste for the idea of actually wearing a fursuit) she nonetheless begins the admirable refrain of combining the finest qualities of humanity with the elegance and nobility of the animal kingdom.
Her earnest affection for all things anthropomorphic sets up more than just her excellent taste. And as much as she is a bit of a pattern-breaker, one pattern she doesn't break is that of having a Signature Animal.
The four beta kids have a bunch of different things associated with them: the four elements, four items, four musical instruments. But the animals are practically integral to who they are as people and characters.
John's attachment to the bunny is obvious, and helps to spur on one of the most emotional scenes in the comic. (For him. Him specifically.)
It's also something deeply precious to him, as it's a gift from every single one of his friends in a very roundabout fashion!
For Rose, Jaspers is half the reason she decided to play the game in the first place. She missed her dead cat so dearly she was willing to play a game that might end the world for it.
(Pictured above, Rose lying about her feelings, water is wet.)
Dave seems to at least feel some affection for crows, or at least shame when he kills them.
And his fusing to become Davesprite is what allows him to survive as a "copy" of the original Dave. Once again, Dave's disaffected irony giving way to the necessity of becoming a furry to save the world.
And for Jade, of course, Bec.
And it's notable that, by the end of the comic, at least THREE of our main beta kids have merged with their animals, and, in a way, become the best versions of themselves.
Jade obviously gets to achieve her dream of becoming a furry, and in doing so gaining power and agency that she was always denied due to her position in the story.
Davepeta, as I stated in a previous post, is the true Final Form of Dave, the pawn that made it to the end of the board, the only surviving character from Homestuck's "original" timeline, and is truly happy with themselves.
And Jasprose appears to have fully hurled herself through the walls Rose put up around herself to protect her image, and thus absolutely mortifies Rose. She just seems to be having a great time.
Homestuck evolved from a story that was deeply cynical and mean-spirited about furrydom, to a story where three of our four starting protagonists, in their truest most powerful forms, combine the qualities of man and beast to achieve self-actualization. And to bring this back around to queerness, these three characters also happen to be canonically queer. So there's that.
This isn't even to get into how this might relate to Troll Lusii and the concept of "growing up" to be more like one's parent on a planet raised by animals, but that's for another day.
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What Is ORV?
The number one question I get asked on this blog, now answered better than ever. Today I am going to formally introduce you to Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint
To start off this recommendation: ORV might very well be my favorite thing I've read. Ever. If I could only reread one thing for the rest of my life it'd be this webnovel.
My elevator pitch is this: something with the cosmic-scale goofy video game nonsense and intricate setting comparable to Homestuck in its prime, paired with the deft emotional poignancy and emotionally-driven fights of Mob Psycho 100, topped off with the sort of compassionate and heartwrenching metanarrative of Undertale.
ORV is a love letter to it's own readers. ORV revels in the joy of losing yourself in fiction, even when it's the kind of fiction that tends to be considered lowbrow or worthless. It's something that dances the delicate line between recognizing the difficult nature of using media as escapism without condemning it. I've rarely seen anything else that accomplishes everything it sets out to do in its narrative with such remarkable precision. Frankly if you're reading a tumblr media recommendation post in 2023, I can almost guarantee ORV has the kind of meat you're looking for in a narrative, whatever that may be.
The story follow the antics of protagonist Kim Dokja, a 28 year old office worker on an expiring contract, whose only real joy in life is reading his favorite massively long and massively boring webnovel. One day, the novel’s events - worldwide deathmatches aired for the entertainment of mysterious higher beings called ‘constellations’ - begin playing out in reality in a sort of reverse-isekai. Kim Dokja, the only longterm reader of this webnovel, finds himself uniquely poised to succeed based on the advantages given to him by his knowledge of future events, but the webnovel’s actual protagonist, Yoo Jonghyuk, is a violent monster who will stop at absolutely nothing to complete his goals, no matter the cost to anyone else. Kim Dokja finds himself in a delicate dance of guiding the events of the story to play out more favorably than the version he read while trying to avoid being massacred in the fallout, all while trying to see it through to the story’s end.
Below the cut I'll go into a more in-depth (but non-spoilery) explanation of what exactly makes ORV so unique and worthwhile, and what you're in for if you choose to read it.
Clocking in at 550 chapters, and over 1.3 million words in English, ORV may seem incredibly daunting to dip your toes into, but I assure you it's worth every moment. I would read 1.3 million more words if they had them for me. Here are some things about ORV I consider to be selling points, not necessarily in any particular order:
The tone. Its funny, for starters. It is extremely funny, which is very high up on my media priority list. In ORV, there will be incredibly grim things that make you laugh, and incredibly cringe and silly anime bullshit that will hurt you as heavily as any other media you’ve seen. I always love this kind of tonal whiplash when it's well executed, and ORV probably executes it better than anything else I've seen to date.
It’s got fun and fascinating worldbuilding mechanics. the core concept being ‘reality now operates on the rules of a shitty novel’ means that the worldbuilding doesn’t have to function logically, it functions thematically. It’s explicitly stated in ORV canon that some of the internal rules governing this new reality are objectively really stupid and illogical, but they just have to roll with it because that’s what was in the book, and i think it’s a really enjoyable way to do it. This may at first sound like a copout to excuse bad worldbuilding, but I promise it isn’t. The worldbuilding is actually incredibly deeply thought out, but it doesn’t exist for the sake of rational function, it exists for the sake of furthering orv’s thematic arcs. The rules by which this universe operate do a magnificent job of strengthening the core concepts the authors are exploring.
It plays with the trappings of isekai/litrpg in a really thoughtful way. These are genres I'm not super familiar with, so I can't comment on this point too heavily, but with my limited knowledge ORV feels a lot less of a deconstruction of it's genre and more of a celebration/interrogation of it. Despite that, it's still accessible to readers such as myself who are not super familiar with these genre conventions.
It deals with morality in a really wonderful and nuanced way. there are almost no characters in ORV’s extremely large cast who are just explicitly morally condemnable, and almost every conflict allows you to understand exactly why the antagonists believe they’re in the right by opposing the actions of our protagonists. The central conflicts are never pure right and pure wrong; they’re always about contrasting goals, conflicting worldviews, and different priorities between ends and means. this makes the conflicts all feel so much more dynamic and engaging than those where the only stakes are physical harm.
The characters interpersonal relationships are some of the most interesting I've ever seen. ORV is very slow burn and it takes a long time for a lot of these to come out of the woodwork, by design, but by god once they do they fucking hit. Similar to the plot conflicts, the interpersonal conflicts also almost never occur where there’s one side clearly in the wrong. The characters are almost all genuinely attempting to do their best by each other, and the tension comes from the ways in which human communication is fundamentally imperfect and part of our feelings and intentions get lost in translation. it’s very heartwrenching and heartwarming to see unfold, in equal measure.
Following from that, it’s a narrative that really meaningfully prioritizes non-romantic relationships over romantic ones as the central focus. Orv is about love, but not about romance. Obviously there’s shipbait and the ot3 is real and good and my friend but if you’re looking for deep complex platonic, (found or otherwise) familial, and antagonistic relationships that never get ruined with forced romantic arcs, we got em baby!
The pacing is unlike anything i’ve ever seen before. from a purely technical standpoint, it is genuinely a fascinating case study in how to execute a narrative that is almost constantly escalating without exception. there is very little downtime or breathing room in orv, which is insane for something that clocks in at over a million words, and somehow, it still works. i’ve never felt more like a frog in a pot of slowly boiling water than i did when i was reading orv and i can’t believe they pulled it off. it’s so interesting to read something like that.
It is a tragedy without resorting to cynicism and a very adult narrative that’s really steeped in childlike wonder. I’m a big fan of cartoons made for children. Cartoons made for children are some of my favorite things to watch, but of course children’s media will always be simplified and not very relatable to an adult audience. ORV is very much a serious and heavy adult narrative, and a deeply tragic one at that, but it never delves into torture porn. It’s a very compassionate piece of media overall, that holds a lot of reverence and sympathy for the ‘naive’ optimism of children that gets stripped down over time. if you, like me, feel more like a grown up child than an adult some days, I think it’ll hit for you.
It is extremely cathartic and meaningful. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that reading it gave me the closest thing I have ever felt to any sort of spiritual breakthrough. It helped unfuck my head a ton during some very grim times and i think the perspective it offers on the value of human life and our relationship to storytelling is a really really good one.
And if my word isn't enough, here's some reviews from satisfied customers. With that, I'll leave the rest to you, and hope you one day reach the end of the story.
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Hey, remember that Bro Strider cosplayer back when Vine was a thing? The guy who made that one Homestuck vine you laughed at once? I think there was one where I put illuminati triangles over my shades? Does that sound familiar?
Regardless, I (that guy) am going to be participating in a big charity fundraiser event benefiting the Trans Lifeline - a 501c3 non-profit that focuses on handling calls from trans folks in need and giving microgrants to trans folks who need money for gender afirming care and legal document changes - on July 28th, 29th and 30th from 10am to 8pm pacific each day over on https://www.twitch.tv/benjaminuteslive!
For every $2 donated I will be reading/voicing another page of Homestuck, but that’s not all. There will be a handful of other ways to torture me with my past cringe as well as our BIG goals...
at $2,500 I will be forced to stream the cringiest fan content I ever made (trust me, it’s really bad, I’ve avoided it for years for a reason)
and the goal I’m REALLY scared about:
at $5,000 I will make 5 brand new Bro Strider vines... words that I never thought I would ever utter
So consider stopping by and watching me dissolve live on camera! It’s for a good cause! I just need to keep reminding myself that it’s for a good cause!!!
Oh also, in case you still don’t remember who I even am, maybe you recognize one or two of these?:
youtube
youtube
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i love it when people introduce their coolass adult trolls like yes. this is slayer martin the cruel. five sweeps ago he killed his way through his enemies and earned the title of worlds best assassin. hes the most competent warrior with swordkind in all of alternia and he had to duel his matesprite to the death when he was 7 sweeps old so hes rejected love and compassion from his dictionary literally and its like so cool bc it’s like. wow. i love slayer martin hes just like a real cool adult troll he’s so badass and epic and his themes and story is so complex i love it!!! but when i make homestuck ocs its like:
this is my babydoll cringe mcpeeper she’s 6 sweeps and her talent is screaming. really into defying the system these days. yes thats an ankle monitor. she shaved half her head a sweep ago. her mommy does not love her
#her new mom is a teenage boy btw#hey’re “””””moirails”””” but he knows full well he is just. acting as her lusus.#but theres no way for either of them to talk about their friendship being Completely Definitely Not Moirails You Act Like Her Mom#the reason i call him a mom and not her dad is because he’s like got that idk.#that dead mom anime haircut. he can be a dude and her mom idk anything is possible#i love her shes a hypercompetent child with severe emotional issues. girl you have so much to work through#impossible character to roleplay as i want fantroll oc people to be my friends but i worry my ocs are too immature#;-; eep#EEP#EEK#for my next trick im making a 6 sweep therian wolf fantroll
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Coming to you all soon: The 2023 Grand Himbo Tournament!!
Inspired by the @nonbiney-swag-competition mainly, created and hosted by @makerofmadness
edit: guys it's already started pleas catch up I can't tell everyone who thinks it hasn't started yet dndndndndndn
Edit 2; The tournament has officially concluded! Thanks for your participation, I will still be using this blog for helping spread other tournaments, and also posting cringe
Welcome one and all, to the most ambitious tournament probably so far (that is to say, I chose way too many characters but in my defense I had found a blank template for a smash bros character roster thing and wanted to fill the whole thing up, even if I had to turn to the dark side to do so for one or two picks): The 2023 Himboff!
Round 1 Part 1 will begin on Friday, hopefully giving everyone enough time to prepare themselves for battle (I describe this as if it's a war and not a tumblr pollnament-).
EDIT: Yes I am being told that I may have included characters who may not fit the himbo criteria perfectly but in my defense i am not in every fandom and my research consisted of furious googling so if google lied to me then blame that
Now, without further ado, here is our roster!!
The himbos, in order from top to bottom, left to right:
Johnny Bravo (Johnny Bravo)
Kronk (The Emperor's New Groove)
Milk Cookie (Cookie Run)
Glamrock Freddy (Five Nights at Freddy’s)
Asgore Dreemurr (Undertale)
John F Kennedy (Clone High)
Joseph Joestar (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)
Son Goku (Dragon Ball)
Fred Jones (Scooby Doo)
Knuckles (Sonic Boom)
Chandlo Funkbun (Bugsnax)
Hercules (Hercules)
Milo (Pokémon)
Tom Dupain (Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir)
Jake English (Homestuck)
Launchpad McQuack (Ducktales)
King Dedede (Kirby)
Jonathan Joestar (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)
Lupin III (Lupin III)
Bolin (The Legend of Korra)
Big the Cat (Sonic)
Joey Wheeler (Yu-Gi-Oh)
Maui (Moana)
Phoenix Wright (Ace Attorney)
Sun Wukong (RWBY)
Terra (Kingdom Hearts)
Dimitri (Fire Emblem)
Brock (Pokémon)
Emile (How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)
Galo Thymos (Promare)
Gladiolus Amicitia (Final Fantasy)
Groose (The Legend of Zelda)
Hector (Fire Emblem)
Gonta Gokuhara (Danganronpa)
Indus Tarbella (Epithet Erased)
Tyko (Harmoknight)
Okuyasu Nijimura (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)
Toshinori Yagi (My Hero Academia)
Zeke von Genbu (Xenoblade)
Reyn (Xenoblade)
Koichi Zenigata (Lupin III)
Zhongli (Genshin Impact)
Killer T Cell (Cells at Work!)
Jean Pierre Polnareff (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)
Muscle Cookie (Cookie Run)
Flynn Rider (Tangled)
Prince Naveen (The Princess and the Frog)
Captain Underpants (Captain Underpants)
Kofu (Pokémon)
Buzz Lightyear (Toy Story)
Larry the Lobster (Spongebob SquarePants)
Ralph (Wreck-It Ralph)
King Fergus (Brave)
Kyojuro Rengoku (Demon Slayer)
Joey Tribbiani (Friends)
Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)
Jason Mendoza (The Good Place)
Troy Barnes (Community)
Kamina (Gurren Lagann)
Alfred F. Jones (Hetalia) (sincere apologies)
Andy Dwyer (Parks and Recreation)
Thor (Marvel)
Nate Archibald (Gossip Girl)
Valhallen (Powerpuff Girls)
He-Man (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe)
Arthur Morgan (Red Dead Redemption)
Leon (Pokémon)
Sam (Stardew Valley)
Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100)
Clawd Wolf (Monster High)
Guillermo (Himbo Harem Homicide)
Galio (League of Legends)
Mirio Togata (My Hero Academia)
See you all on Friday for when the Himboff commences!
#poll#himbo#2023 himboff#tournament#polls#would appreciate it if people would reblog this to help it spread :'3 I worked hard#Edit: I straight up forgot to list two of the roster members until now dnndndndnd
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at last, where doing it man where MAKING THIS HAPPEN
cringes jakehal fic rec list
just so were clear: some of the fics are unfinished, and havent been updated in a while. leaving a comment to let the author know that youre reading and youre enjoying it is fine, but dont be a bag of dicks and harass them over when the new chapter will be up. have some decency or else ill be inside your walls.
Heart by fawn_writes || rated T || 1/1 || 663 words - man its so good. short and sweet. jake comes by to witness the construction of hals new body while also reminiscing about the times he fought brobot and his untimely demise. a good sparkling of body worship. "Everything will be normal. They’ll manage to keep it normal. After all, Jake has enough of his own heart to share." - fuck, that lines so effervescent.
What he needs by fawn_writes || rated M || 1/1 || 1259 words - another banger from the same author. they be doing the horizontal tango, but nothings too graphic. healthy serving of body worship from jakes perspective, as well as his internal struggle with his apparent robotic attraction.
Dead Weight by squirtgunplay || rated M || 5/9 || 27337 words - oh that fic. oh my god. love me some zombie apocalypse au with existential horror sprinkled on top. hal and dirk are twins but with a twist in this one. theres mystery. theres injuries that make you incapable of moving around. theres ship of theseus discussion. its nourishing. its beautiful. jake and hals banter in this one is fucking amazing, and the author captures their characters so well. the relationship between hal and dirk is also very fucking good and heartwrenching and just ugh. stellar writing, the forth wall break made me laugh out loud, hal gets called a security camera (derogatory). theres graphic depictions of violence, so beware of the tags.
Tennessee Whiskey & You by MistLaFey || rated T || 5/? || 12217 words - major character death and graphic depictions of violence tagged, so beware and read the tags. no-sburb au. dirk fucking dies (its in the fic description so i dont feel like its a spoiler). beautiful exploration of grief, unhealthy coping mechanisms and trying to get back into the normal life when theres a big part of it suddenly missing. hal and dirk are twins. jake is not doing well. hal is also not doing well, but pretending he is. its heartbreaking and some scenes made my chest hurt. very good fic and i dont understand why it doesnt get more love. it deserves it. go read it, even just for the funeral scene, i got teary-eyed over it.
seconds by squirtgunplay || rated E || 2/2 || 18698 words - graphic depictions of violence and its no joke, presidential alert the girls are fightinnn!! but its also so funny and the authors so funny and its also really hot! no sburb au, hals a human and dirks twin. he gets kidnapped by a craigslist hitman jake who mistakes him for dirk. the banter is top game in this one. hal cant keep his mouth shut even in life or death situation. jakes a dork, but hes a deadly dork, and also cant keep his mouth shut about his personal problems. theres fistfighting and knifethrowing and hal gets a weapon put to his head at least twice and he thinks its pretty damn hot. theres banging in second chapter. what more can i say to sell you on this one. the characters are on point, the action is tense but its also written in a cheeky, fun way, smut is good, a npc gets unsubscribed from life. amazing fic, 10/10, will read it again.
I Think Therefore I AR by Taxi_Boy || rated T || 25/? || 30417 words - im saving the best for last. major character death. hal has to start the game and get his friends into the medium while dirk is missing, while also pretending to be dirk as to not raise their suspicions. im not going to say anymore about the plot, you just have to go and read the fic. genuinely my favourite jakehal - and homestuck in general - fic of all time. i love caliborn in this one. i cant wait to see what the author has cooked up for us in the future. its plainly genious.
these are only ao3 fics as i have no clue how tf you search other fanfic sites for a specific ship, but if you have any other recommendations feel free to add them onto this post! we all need some good jakehal fic recs in these trying times!
#homestuck#homestuck au#jake english#hal strider#lil hal#auto responder#jakehal#haljake#reblog to save a jakehaler
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HSBC direction and character writing
So the team has released the writer's commentary early to the public most likely because they know how inflammatory the last update is/has been and wanted to get the reasoning behind it out there. Going to be going through it piece by piece here.
Disclaimer: None of my opinions and thoughts are directed at the people as individuals and any criticism is directed at the writing itself.
With that said, lets start off. Haven saying “this is the update where we’re gonna see if people are really rockin’ with us or not.”
Lmao yep and I can assure you that I'm not one of them. I think we're seeing the end results though of a years bleeding fandom here though. Most people who enjoyed Homestuck either didn't read the epilogues or HS2 because they knew it was something they wouldn't like and didn't care for the direction of taking away the kids victory and giving them some new battle to fight while hurting each character. Those remaining are primarily people who are curious, neutral, or liked the official releases after Homestuck ended. Among them I'm sure a fair amount have liked this because this is already a work catered to them and what they want for better or worse.
Anyways, moving on. So the next part just goes over everyone liking Yiffy and her getting a voice and all that, not much to comment on here. Which is a non issue except still making Rose and Jade call their kid a type of porn and keeping that was such a choice, but hey silly candy timeline right?
Okay moving on to the conversation that matters. Okay starting with
Floral: "Kanaya has long earned this confrontation and she’s not going to accept anything less than the truth."
JAMES: This is the funniest line in Homestuck.
This is so fucking funny because she gets cut off half way through and then the you fucked my wife being memed to hell in back both took any bite out of it and visibly made me cringe to read. Kanaya is mad here but there are other ways to write it. Would have loved to see a rant about "If you loved me so much Jade why would you betray my trust? Why would you not speak to me. Now you choose to spit in my face like this?" Etc etc. I may genuinely re-write every Kanaya part in this log at some point. I did do an alt version already but that's neither here nor there.
Compliments for the art which deserve it! BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP GOING "Pretty art" AND EXCUSE BAD WRITING. I've had to read "I'm just using it as a picture book" and "I skipped through the logs" way too fucking much.
JAMES: This one was for the sapphics. The most important demographic that exists.
... saying this while obliterating the biggest endgame sapphic romance? But hey guys!! Kanaya's hot right? This makes it all better :) Especially considering compared to Homestuck proper the epilogues and HS2 have just felt actively hostile towards sapphics
FLORAL: This scene is also only one small part of the larger puzzle, bridging between what already existed in HS2 to what we want to do deeper into HS:BC.
A puzzle that most of us aren't going to want to figure out. The question of if something is bad for the first 500-1000 pages is it worth consuming will always be no. Also points of expanding the border of Homestuck 1 BUT WE NEVER GET TO SEE THIS. I'm going to hit more on this later but Rose specifically there's so little or no direct foundational build up to her current character choices.
MILES: Yeah, seriously. I felt viscerally going in that it was really important that Kanaya get some time to just be a stone cold bitch, both in the context of this particular marital fuck-up and in general. She deserves it.
So I'm on my hands and knees begging you guys to learn how to write badass powerful women that doesn't involve them just getting angry because their wife cheated. Hands and fucking knees. This goes for any writing in general but if you have to develop a character through purely negative experiences I'm not sure you should be writing. This whole entire scenario with Rosemary is such a cheap drama soap opera point to begin with (like a lot of HS2). Why can't we let Kanaya be her own fucking person and have shit going on, do something in the war, get to have moments like this in relation to Jane.
FLORAL: Was so excited for this panel when we were first outlining the update. I had a lot of feelings about how we should move forward from the initial Yiffy reveal, but justification for these narrative choices only matter inside of the text itself, and this is only a tip of a much larger iceberg.
That said, what has always appealed to me the most about Candy in Beyond Canon is that it’s an opportunity to explore alt. selves to the max and start finding the missing “Meat” to Candy’s unbalanced and unsatisfying narrative.
The irony for me on this is it was written about the fucking Jojo ass posing Rose which is in my opinion the worst panel in the update. Rose being turned into a comical villain for the sole reason of shaking things up in Candy. Justifications in the text is a great way of putting it and before this we had very very little. The idea of telling us afterwards well it was all apart of the grand plan when barely any time ago we have Rose thanking John for how happy she was to have her life the way it is here. Rose suddenly going ahh apathy my true love and going from a loveable and complex character to this flat cardboard cut out is the biggest crime of this update. The I knew you would forgive me part too. Just. GIRL HOW?? Rose Lalonde who first lost her seer powers in Candy, second the same girl who couldn't even see her friends all dying and her failing in game over. This girl? She saw 15 YEARS INTO THE FUTURE and knew Kanaya would just get it. Roll over like a good wife and be okay. I didn't know she was a seer of time now? This is the worst line in the entire update simply because it implies that Rose has gone off the deep end in the least interesting way and is now an unreliable narrator or that Kanaya is actually going to forgive her and holy fuck that would be the actual worst way to take this. Not beating the NTR kink allegations HS2 writers. Also spoiler alert it's unsatisfying because everyone in it gets fucked over by writing choices as baseless and useless as these. You're perpetuating the problem.
HAVEN: The world hasn't felt real to Rose since she was 16, this life is like a game to her. For her, a war is just “something to do.”
Also man while this was a route that I didn't like for the epilogues either there are so many other ways to handle this than the one chosen. But that would require a rewrite from the start of HS2 which already put on this shit show. I still wholeheartedly believe that none of the things listed here justify Rose's behavior to Kanaya. As the one anchor point she's had her entire adult life.
FLORAL: It’s a little sad that even during a Rosemary moment, it's never really about Rosemary, huh?
Then later-
"There really needed to be a joke here, too, to sell the emotional drop the next page brings"
Kettle, meet pot. Whatever could be the cause for nothing ever being about them and the pair being relegated to background bullshit? Who's to say indeed. But hey! They're at the forefront now, and only for the most basic and cheap drama ways. Also I loathe this mentality about there needing to be a joke. You're clearly writing this for adults at this point a joke isn't required a real look at the situation is. The gag at the end where the convo gets ended is enough to break the tension for the reader.
FLORAL: There’s catalyst events, sure, but ask a few questions and it becomes apparent everything rides on the history of smaller fights, disappointment, sweeped away passive aggressions, miscommunication and unsaid hurt feelings.
This is why writing characters in their 40’s is great and why there is so much to do in Candy. Behind all the patented Homestuck misdirection and narrative unreliability, you’re left with an offshoot full of alternate selves at their lowest, layered in apathy and evidently not saying what they think
Once again we aren't shown this. We just get told about it later and that's incredibly unsatisfying as a reader. Explaining it further down the line and doing more justification later does not help this either. I think also the idea that everyone in their middle aged years is jaded and apathetic is such a lame ass direction to go in. The idea that no one is allowed to be happy after everything they went through in the game is still one of the most frustrating things. I'm asking anyone why would someone want to read that? Why do you think the fandom imploded after this and that the people left mostly enjoy either soap opera trauma or torture porn (which HS2 is both)
like sitting down with a highschool friend you lost touch with 20 years ago and have only known about through concerning Facebook posts.
So we're fully aware of the problem and just going this is a feature. Got it. So the commentary ends there and I'm just kind of left feeling as hollow and empty as before. I have zero faith that we can dig into any of these characters in a meaningful way but especially the more complicated women. This reads as coming back to them 20 years later so we can write them how we want or how we envisioned them without having to come up with in text validation. Reminds me of late season Game of Thrones writing. Guys how we got here is important. Anyways in summary HS2 remains a dour, unfun read of characters going through a perpetual state of torture and emotional suffering while we forever get told "Wait but there's more!"
But hey. Happy Rosemary, glad they won that poll. Maybe the little thing James is going to do for the fandom is just kill them off to save them from this torment. As a writer myself it's just painful to read and I want to re-write it all times
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