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screebing · 6 months

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jeopardy spin off where its all stupid horrid god awful ridiculous nonsense questions and everyone is just so irritated with it and each other but too exhausted to do anything about it, and faintly. off there, in the back ground of host Fink Thurmans old trembly whispered voice, a soft gurgling. an awful . hiss and putrid bubbling emerges as host Fink Thurman lays down on the floor calmly pausing his sentence; as a weak flow of axe body wash green ooze pools and writhes in sticky stringy tendrils, . rising from host Fink Thurman's diminutive remnants now is a sloshy grotesque ball of oozey tendrils,..,,,, ; with one still reaching down host Fink Thurmans twinkish corpse's throat, and with tremendous elasticity an object is yanked out and left to bounce and dangle. the contestants look on in horror as the audience flees in a cacophony of terror, the writhing mass slithers down two more tendrils on either side of the central one, still bouncing with the object in its possession. the producer has ran onto stage, strange looking ancient scroll in hand in a frantic stir ;;;;;;; repeating ohrasesover and!the mass unfurls the object, all voices hushed as lights flicker and winds rush through the room; a loud crash! of lighting and then darkness. and... silence.,; someone backstage resets the breaker. lights flash on,.,,, and it is revealed this question is the daily double, and the contestant who chose the tile now has the chance to earn twice as many points if he answers the question correctly. the screen flashes back on,;

FUCK YOU for 500

bitch

"well a bitch is a female dog and dogs bark and bark is in trees and trees are in nature and nature is beautiful so you just called be beautiful, thanks for the compliment 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘"

a buzzer rings and gold confetti rains from the ceiling. he's done it, he's saved them all, he defeated jeopardy, the audience comes rushing back in to hoist there champion above them and give the well deserved grand prize of three grillion dollars and then the actor inside the grotesque mass falls out and breaks his leg accidentally fatally wounding guest star dwight d Eisenhower and the show is canceled forever and everyone who ever worked on it is lined up and shot in the back of the head like disney did to the people who worked on good dinosaur

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cyoc49 · 3 years

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HIMBO Magazine: The New Hire

23 year-old Barry Allen looked across the street at the office building of HIMBO, a lifestyle & fashion magazine targeted at gay men, and the site of his job interview. After graduating last May, Barry has tried for months to find a communications job with no luck, until he saw HIMBO’s advertisement for an entry-level social media position. The pay was unbelievably good, and they reached out to him about applying which made the whole situation seem very promising. He was a little uncomfortable about the idea of working at a gay magazine. I don’t have any issue with gay people, Barry thought, I just don’t understand a lot of the culture and I’m not really trying to. Still, the job was too good to pass up without at least interviewing.

Barry walked into the lobby of the building and was directed on how to reach the HIMBO’s offices. Stepping into the elevator, Barry thought about how sharply dressed everyone in the building was. It made him feel a little unprofessional, in his blazer, checkered shirt, and jeans. But the email had told him to dress “Appropriately for his position,” so he dressed the way he knew modern social media teams did.

As the elevator opened, Barry was greeted by the bright offices of HIMBO. The personnel working there (all male, he noticed) were dressed in a mixture of ridiculously eccentric business wear, speedos and harnesses, club outfits, other other bizarre fashions. “I’m guessing those are models?” Barry wondered, before walking over to a desk attended by a swishy receptionist.

The twinkish secretary looked up at Barry, and his eyes widened in excitement. “You must be the new applicant!” He exclaimed, jumping up out of his seat. “Oh, you’re perfect! He always knows the right people to pick. Well knock on wood, but I’m excited to work with you!” Then in a swift motion, the man darted around the desk and grabbed Barry by the hand. “Here, I can take you to him! He’s been waiting for you. I’m James, by the way! I work the desk!” And with that, Barry found himself being dragged along through the HIMBO offices.

“Uh, I have a question. Who is ‘he’?” Barry called along as he tried to keep pace with the fast-paced James.

“Christian Le Maître, the Editor in Chief! He’s brilliant. He does all the interviews and hiring himself. He’s the one who reached out to you.”

Wow, he picked me out himself, Barry thought, I must really be promising.

Barry spoke up “That’s pretty cool, to have a boss that cares that much.”

James nodded enthusiastically “Oh yes, he cares for us all so much! We’re all his boys here.”

Looking past the odd use of “boys”, Barry continued “I’m, uh, applying for a social media position.”

“Oh okay, interesting,” James said with less enthusiasm than usual, “He’ll sometimes try to figure out a different position for you during the interview. Just go along with what he says. I promise he has your best interests at heart.”

Before Barry could ask what that meant, James came to a sudden stop in front of a large heavy door. He knocked on it several times, before a deep muffled voice called out “Send him in” from behind the door.

James turned around, grinning ear to ear “Okay, best of luck! Remember: you’re gonna fit in here.” With that, he pranced back down the hallway, leaving Barry alone in front of the door.

He took a deep breath. “Well, here goes nothing,” he thought, and opened the door.

Walking into the office, Barry looked behind the desk and saw one of the most beautiful men he had ever seen.

His face was rugged and handsome, with insatiably curious eyes, perfect white teeth, and a beard that was just the right amount of stubble. His hair was parted with gel into a professional, clean, and gorgeous haircut. His toned muscles perfectly filled out his expensive looking business clothes: a light blue silk dress shirt, grey pinstripe pants, suspenders hung over his shoulders and pressed out by his chest, gorgeous-smelling black leather dress shoes, and a sterling silver watch. He was an absolute alpha male, so perfectly handsome and successful that Barry couldn’t help but feel awe, jealousy, and a hint of... lust?

The man looked at Barry and smiled a perfect smile. “Barry, is it? I’m Christian La Maître, but everyone around here just calls me Mr. M.” The man stood up, revealing his daunting 6’4 frame, and extended a muscular hand to Barry

Jesus, his voice is intoxicating, Barry swooned. It was so smoothly deep and inviting. With just the few words Barry already felt like he could listen to the man for hours. He reached out and took hold of Mr. M’s hand for an extremely firm handshake. As their hand touched, Barry felt a jolt, and found himself unable to take his eyes off the powerful man before him. And more importantly, he had no desire to move his eyes away.

Mr. M sat back down again. “So Barry, tell me about yourself. College graduate?”

“Uh, yes. Digital Communications maj-“

“Have you ever read HIMBO before?” Mr. M cut Barry off.

“No, sir” Barry said, neither objecting to being interrupted, nor noticing the “sir” he just said.

“Are you gay?” Mr. M examined Barry’s body up and down, never making eye contact.

“No, sir. I’m straight.” He paused “Is that okay?”

Mr. M let out a hearty laugh, and Barry found himself laughing along with the man too. It just felt right. This brilliant, perfect businessman that Barry was lucky enough to be in the presence of, anything he did had to be right.

“Ahhh, Barry. You’re a fun kid. Now unfortunately, that social media position was filled earlier this morning by another applicant. But I would be a fool not to bring you into the HIMBO team, Barry!” This filled Barry with joy. The approval of Mr. M felt so good.

“Now if I think about it...” Mr. M paused for a few moments, giving Barry another thorough looking over, “I think we have an opening in the accounting department.”

“Yes! I accept!” Barry shouted out. He didn’t even care that it was a totally different position than he had come here for, nor did he care that he had zero accounting experience. If Mr. M said he would be a good accountant, then Barry had to be the best accountant for his boss.

The man chuckled again. “There’s just a little on boarding we’d have to do to get you ready for the position. Beginning with dress code, for starters.”

“What’s wrong with my clothes, sir?” Barry asked eagerly. He would do anything for this man, who was offering him a coveted job at HIMBO magazine. Barry would change anything about himself.

“Well, you just dress so... cool. I mean look at that outfit! You are a hip young man who is ready for a good night out. And I love that for you, but I think a good accountant would dress a bit... sharper.”

The “sharper” bounced around in Barry’s head. Visions of men in suits and ties flooded his mind. He began to feel attracted to the idea of being a finely dressed man. In fact, he couldn’t imagine ever dressing down, not even in his free time. As Barry listened to Mr. M’s words, his plaid shirt rippled into a crisp white dress shirt. It tucked itself into his jeans.

“A good smart accountant would look his best at all times.”

Barry’s jeans turned into tight fitting grey dress pants, and a brown leather belt cinched itself firmly around his waist. His casual wool blazer morphed into a clean grey suit jacket matching his pants. Underneath, a gray sweater materialized and hugged itself to Barry’s slimming build.

“A good, clean-cut accountant.”

Barry felt his feet shift as his shoes changed into well-polished brown leather dress shoes, with wing tips. His socked changed to clean white socks, and inside his pants he felt briefs take form around his shrinking manhood.

“A good, nerdy accountant.”

A red bow tie wrapped itself around Barry’s neck and tied itself into a perfect knot. Large round glasses popped up on Barry’s face, which he knew he needed to wear every day. Barry’s hair ruffled as if wind was blowing through it, before settling in a clean side part, well-combed and maintained.

Barry stood before the incredibly powerful man before him looking totally different. Just 10 minutes ago Barry had dressed like any college graduate, but now looked as if he wore a suit every day of the week. But as for Barry himself, he had never felt better. As his clothes changed, Barry’s thoughts realized how right this felt. Barry now perfectly remembered his 2 hour morning dress routine. He knew exactly how much pomade to use to achieve the perfect side part, he remembered tying bow ties for six years now. His home wardrobe, all of it, had been replaced with suits, sweaters, shirts, dress shoes, and bow ties of every material, pattern, and color imagineable. This was the way he had dressed ever since he got to college and felt he could express himself truly. The truth was Barry loved the feel of a suit. The cleanness and dignity were an intoxicating feeling, and he couldn’t imagine himself in anything else.

Mr. M smiled a big smile. “There we go, an absolute perfect fit for our accountant opening. Welcome to the HIMBO team, Barry. Or should I say Bartholomew.”

That was right. Bartholomew Pippin, and he couldn’t be happier. He was a timid, nerdy kind of guy, sure, but he felt on top of the world. Bartholomew was an avid HIMBO reader for its good guides on men’s formalwear (and also so he could jerk off to the photos of shirtless guys), so to work at the magazine he loved, doing the job he loved (accounting) was a dream come true.

Mr. M stood up and walked over to Bartholomew, getting extremely close to him. “There’s just one last step in the hiring process...”

Barty shook a bit as he looked up at the domineering man before him. Mr. M was a tall man to begin with, but at his new height Bartholomew was 5’9, and the taller man encompassed him.

“I seal all my contracts... with a kiss.”

Barry’s knees quivered. He had realized he was gay at a young age, but aside from a few “almosts” in college, he had never gone farther than holding hands. Bartholomew had always reasoned that he would meet the right one eventually... and looking up at this man, Barty knew he had found it. Mr. M was all Barty would ever need. This man would control his work life and his sex life, dictating when Barty could pleasure himself, when he could come, and when he got the ultimate privilege of spending the night with Mr. M.

Bartholomew wrinkled his note and nodded eagerly “Of course, sir. I would be honored to kiss you.

As Barty stood on his tip toes to kiss his new boss - god, his lips were smooth and perfect - Barty felt all his changes lock into place. This is who he was. Bartholomew Pippin, mild-mannered accountant of HIMBO magazine, and one of Christian La Maître’s very good boys.

The two parted, and Mr. M gave Bartholomew another killer smile. “Bartholomew, I can already tell you’re gonna fit in here perfectly. And as a signing bonus, how about you stop by my place tonight. 7 PM sharp.”

“Oh thank you so much, Mr. M! I’ll be there at 6:45, I promise.”

“That’s a good boy, Barty. Now get settled in, your desk is at the end of the hall.” He gave Barty a spank on his bubble butt, and sent him on his way, to his new job and new life.

#gaytf #preppy #gay #preppy tf #preppytf #stepfordization #nerd #suittf #bowtie #the flash #barry allen #the flash tf #grant gustin

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falling-between-the-cracks · 5 years

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16. The gays (continue to) break my heart

January 2019

In the past few weeks I have multiple times thought about how continuously the gay community continues to break my heart. Each day one piece at a time it rips into my heart and shatters it. Since I came out, nearing on 4 years ago, and began to look for a significant other in earnest I have been thinking about the problems I personally have with the gay community and in fact they all bottle down to 3 major problems.

1. The art of monogamy

I am slightly shocked at the rate of open relationships within the gay community and I’m not sure where this springs from. Why are we so frivolous? In fact this is rapidly becoming my top hate against the gay community, especially after yesterday when I finally managed to get the truth out of rower boy, who is surprise surprise in a relationship with someone. For 2.5 years, who he loves. Which is fair I am happy for you, honestly but why are you out here flirting with other guys, trying to hook up with other guys if you love your boyfriend so much. Where is our commitment to a single person? Open relationships are not something I could ever do or approve of I’m afraid. It is not something I want to get near either. For me, personally, sex can be meaningless activity but if I am in a committed relationship it is an intimate way of showing my feelings for the person I am with, And I would not, and would not appreciate having someone, see, flirt or be with anyone else whilst we are in a committed relationship. And nowhere is this more evident than on grindr, where I kid you not every other profile is an open relationship, or a couple looking for a third. I will take my relationship without this spice, thank you very much.

2. Pride and Prejudice

My second problem should actually top this list because it is such an inherent problem within the gay community, especially being a minority ethnic group I have without a doubt been subject to prejudice from countless men because what my skin isn’t as white as yours bitch? I don’t think I could ever come to terms with the hatred, pride and prejudice that exists within the gay community and I am truly disappointed each day because I find it ridiculously everywhere. Again grindr is where this is most evident, where you will get blocked immediately because hey that bitch ain’t white, or not enough muscles or too “twinkish”. Like WTF is your problem? Who hurt you? Because I can get we all have types. Some prefer broad men, others short men, others thin men, others men with beards and so on and so on. But WHY must there be this incessant hate spewing out of your mouth. Simply tell me you don’t think we could work. Also why are you judging me of the basis of my skin or the number of abs I have? I could be the funniest most loving on earth and you have no idea. The prejudice that exists against minorities in particular is exhausting. White people need to calm the fuck down honestly. As a matter of fact I read this article yesterday where chappy, the gay dating app, did research and found 50% of men want a racial filter on dating apps, and 33% of BAME (black and minority ethnic) men have felt discrimination. 33%! Can i repeat that number 33%. 1 in 3. Look around you. See 3 people? One was discriminated against because they ain’t white. There was this post I saw earlier about this wholesome exchange on grindr. These two guys had messaged each other and found out they were both bottoms, and so one apologizes to the other, and the other one says No, don’t apologize thats how the straights kept us down for so many years. We are essentially tearing ourselves apart. We have the straights to do that for us, why must we do that to each other. Maybe this is my naivety but honest to goodness this is a problem that needs to be solved. Especially the masc4masc men, they need to be stoppped. A poster I saw recently perfectly summed this up;

3. Am I looking in a mirror?

My final problem, though this is not really a problem more of a realisation is that I find most gay men are in relationships with essentially themselves. Have a look at the gay couple you know or the ones you follow on instagram, most of their partners are a carbon copy of themselves. Infact this has become a meme within the gay community and elsewhere, that we are often confused for brothers. Well honey why do you think that might be? If I was dating a white boy sure enough nobody would be confusing us for brothers? I don’t know this is definitely not a problem, and just an observation but I’ve kept it on here because it is something that bothers me. And i guess that it comes down to pride and prejudice, you are essentially conciousl or not searching for someone like you so this would make sense.

I don’t know where this post came from, I know I’ve been wanting to do it for a while, but I wanted to do it justice, and I don’t know if I’ve done that but the whole situation with rower boy yesterday I think propelled me to write this sometime. I think I will reflect on my own dating record sometime, because boy is that a rollercoaster but for now I just feel sad, and a bit alone, but its time for me to go anyway so yeah thats todays post I guess, very little reflection but I got some of my anger out atleast.

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