#hello anxiety my old friend
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Getting ready for bed only to get a call a family member's in the emergency room. It's gonna be a long night 馃ズ
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Help, I have achieved that combination of anxiety/stress/sleep/food hormonal issues where I am convinced that 1) my old friend but new housemate is secretly mad at me 2) the cleaning service ladies are judging/laughing at me and 3) the fic I've been working on may have started out well but has gone off the rails and is now terrible.
1 and 2 are irrelevant to tumblr, but 3 has got me wanting to delete my posts and/or leave the thing unfinished. Who cares anyway, right? It's mawkish, bathetic, unsubtle and far too on the nose. It is a pile of cliches and cheap sentimentality and I am embarrassed to have shared it.
I suspect this might not be entirely correct, but it's a very persuasive argument.
#my fic#life of a writer#usually this doesn't happen until late at night#or right before my period#hello anxiety my old friend
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#not me at 1:33am exhausted but unable to sleep despite knowing there鈥檚 <4hrs before I have to get up & drive to la for a medical procedure#or medical testing rather鈥攖he procedure will come later#and we have only 3 days left in which we must complete all remaining school stuff; clean the house; and pack for a combo wedding/camp/trip#鈥nd one of them is being used up by this stupid test#thanks i hate it#plus we have poor littlest kidlet who鈥檚 sick and will have to be dumped on oldest sister who is supposed to be homeschooling while i鈥檓 gone#good times all around#(but at least i have a lovely friend willing to listen to me whine about it and help me remind myself that it鈥檚 all gonna be okay 馃グ馃挄)#twp sneak speaks#twp bitches about real life#hello anxiety my old friend
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like I hate living under capitalism but when it comes to the people in my head. pay up. this ain't free real estate, buddy
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Why oh please why did i decide to go to this goddamn party i can't even find the venue and i'm too scared to just walk up to strangers to look. I've already made enough of a fool of myself in front of some classmates already
I'm this close to just turning around and going back home.
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i鈥檒l go to the high school i鈥檒l be doing my internship on tuesday i can鈥檛 breathe
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Ah yes, time to go out and try to blend in with the other humans. Wish me luck.
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I hate phone calls because I already have issues understanding what others say in-person but over the phone my auditory processing gets even worse than usual, especially when the other suddenly says something i haven't been prepared for.
#if i call to make an app appointment i stutter sometimes but it's fine enough but when they suddenly say i need to do x before arrival#and i didn't expect that#then i have so much trouble processing it and look like a idiot because they have to repeat it to me over three times minimum#my driving instructor must have gotten the impression im a bumbling idiot with no listening comprehension at all#because they had to repeat what they said like over five times to me#hello anxiety my old friend
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There's a new Genshin server I kinda wanna join but it doesn't show how many members there are and if I join a large server in which I don't know anyone I'm gonna just
#hello anxiety my old friend#I've been meaning to make new friends tho and this seems like a good option#something to share
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anyone else have their Monday anxiety turn up EARLY every fucking week?
#hello anxiety my old friend#I'd rather not talk to you agaiiiin#it is SUNDAY EVENING#give me at least a couple more hours of peace please?#jas rants
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Ksskjsdjhs I鈥檝e realized these past few days that a demon original character of mine has a lot in common with Klarion (mind you, I鈥檝e had this character for years now, long before I found out about the witch boy, so it was completely unintentional. ) His name is Void (he/they)
They鈥檙e both chaotic, they both hate Christmas ( not too sure why Klarion hates Christmas? Void just hates it because he hates god 馃槀 ).
Void is less sadistic tho, much more of a masochist. He also has a soft spot for kids, like wants to adopt n stuff. And Void flirts/messes around to cope with past trauma.
So some differences, and some similarities.
Anyway, all I can think about is shipping them. And I鈥檝e already written some self indulgent things with the DC version of Void I鈥檝e created. Which by the way: he looks like this
Not sure whether to share any of it publicly tho, I鈥檓 literally embarrassed writing this.
This is gonna stay in my drafts forever.
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Was looking in my drafts and found this, figured I should work up the courage to share it. You only live once and all that. 馃拃馃拃
#klarion bleak#klarion#original character#klarion x original character#I don鈥檛 know what I鈥檓 doing#hello anxiety my old friend
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Screaming
#emotional vulnerability amirite guys#its better to have tried than to not have tried at all amirite guys#still screaming#hello anxiety my old friend
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Even tho i calmed down a bit, i can't sleep.
#i'm scrolling through the same posts over and over on my dash#kinda like i'm afraid to turn off my phone#and stay alone with my thoughts#hello anxiety my old friend
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#hello anxiety my old friend#would love to like#NOT freak out at the very thought of any kind of intimacy#jamie's chitchat
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I feel terrible since Tumblr glitched and spammed someone but I also can't spam them in an attempt to apologize so I am pacing like an ant in a microwave waiting for my message to go through while second guessing if I should have sent an ask instead
#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#hello anxiety my old friend#in the grand scheme of things I know i shouldn't be panicking#but catastrophizing is a hell of a habit#literally
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