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personalroleplaybasedfics · 1 month

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Anyway, Reed's not having a good time. He very much has attachment issues. No context for those who aren't involved/connected. uwu

TW for: suicidal thoughts, self harm, and self-deprecation

Reed had been fine with being alone usually in Black Mesa, hell, he was pretty used to just spending time in his own company with only his clones to comfort him after a long, arduous day of working the worst job in the world while the scientists who had worked around him were either rude to him or feared him.

So, why did he feel so damn hollow like a porcelain doll teetering over the edge, waiting for a breeze to blow him over to break him? Was it finally having a taste of affection for once in his two lives, an affection he’d never received before from anyone? Did they know that they, his so called friends, dug into his very being, taking out everything that hurt with promises to fill him back up, but backing out half way while his feelings spilt out over the bare floor with no way to plug himself back up?

It only left him to hurt more.

“They’re busy,”Reed mumbled to himself, “People get busy, they can’t always pay attention to you. It would be stupid to expect that…”

So, why did he feel abandoned? Was it his job that caused this? Was he just destined to be alone with fleeting relationship after fleeting relationship, just doomed to watching happy people from afar?

Their sweet saccharine happiness filled his mouth with the most bitter of tastes; cherry cough syrup, licorice, and menthol. The discordant flavors made him sick, sick to his very core, threatening to kill that little spark of hope and belonging before it could even burn brightly to warm him again.

They all talked to him at first. Checked in on him, made him feel at home, made him feel loved for the first time. Hell, he’d even been kissed a couple times…his first kisses. But all of that was meaningless, wasn’t it? They’d seen him as a brand new toy, a novelty to abandon when their curiosities were sated or he’d grown too heavy to hold. No one checked on him anymore, even his roommates had stopped when he lived with them…no one checked on him now that he had his own place. Sure he’d given his friends his address, but no one came to him first. He had to always be the one to initiate. No one ever approached first… not unless he was hurt physically. Wren had come to him then…

He vaguely wondered who would come to him if he did worse than an accident, worse than a mildly broken ankle that would have just healed in a few days on its own. He laughed to himself as “sweet” voice, thick, bitter, and syrupy, ran down from his lips the color of chocolate due to the mix of his awful, toxic feelings.

No one would care. Hell, they might be happier.

He was spiraling and he couldn’t catch himself.

“They’ll be fine without me…They were fine before me, no one cares now, so they’ll be fine after me. They’ll probably be all like,

‘Oh, we were waiting for him to finally kick it.’ They’d be really happy about it too.

‘Who?’

‘Oh you know, that fucking pathetic little freak who couldn’t even remember his “boyfriend’s” face.’

‘OH, he had a boyfriend?’ they’d say laughing, they wouldn’t believe it.

‘Nah, Tommy’s just nice, helping the needy like that.’

‘Yeah, he’s a saint. No one would actually like a sad pathetic thing like that, always being clingy and wanting way too much, stupid stupid little bastard. I almost feel sorry for it, almost.’ They’d then laugh and go on like nothing happened…”

He then paused, a look of horror crossed his face.

“Did Benrey dare Tommy to get with me to see if he can stand me? Like a fucking endurance test?”

“Good job, Tommy,”Reed said, mimicking Benrey’s voice perfectly, though it was so very cruel, dark black tears were running down his cheeks now, “You lasted a whole date with that thing! You should string it along more like a dog on a leash. It would be soooo funny, bro. Looking at its face when you break its heart. Little Benny Reed wouldn’t fucking expect it. Wanna see you crush its hopes and dreams.

“Then they’d both laugh,”he mumbled in his normal voice, pulling his knees up to his chest, holding himself, “They’d both laugh at my pain….calling me the painful nickname that scientist gave to me knowing I hate it, hurting me even though I’m not there… I should go back to Black Mesa, take an assignment out of this timeline…leave before they can hurt me. No one would miss me.” His nails lengthen into claws and dig into his legs.

“I don’t think…I can handle Tommy being mean to me, breaking my heart…Damn it! Scientists are all the fucking same, people are all the fucking same!…Always hurting and hurting, giving comfort only because they know it’ll hurt more when they continue to hurt… If they want to hurt me, I’ll hurt them first... Can’t hurt me more if I hurt them first.” His claws draw blood, but he doesn’t feel it. The wounds would heal as soon as he pulled his claws out.

“Gonna make them all pay for leading me on, hurting me, laughing at me behind my back…” His eyebrows furrow, nose wrinkling while the corners of his lips pull back to bare his sharpening teeth. The angrier he got, the less human he looked, a mix of infrared and ultraviolet sweet voice bubbled up from his throat, filling his mouth. It was hot, boiling hot, dangerous. It mimicked his rage as a horrible discordant melody came from him in response to his feelings.

“They won’t laugh anymore…”

He then had a thought that had him sigh and swallow the sweet voice that had come out, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

“Fine…I’ll give them one more chance… But if they continue to hurt me, to ignore me, leave me behind, I’ll have to hurt back. Can’t keep being all defenseless from them...” He sighed before picking his phone up to type up,

“Anyone wanna hang out? :) It’d be really swell and very big cool.”

Alright, posted…time to wait. He hoped someone would respond.

He stares at his phone while he waits, part of him really really hoping someone would respond, prove him wrong. His sweet voice was a desperate distressed red. He didn’t want to be bad. Didn’t want to hurt anyone. He held onto himself, shaking a little bit, scratching, drawing blood.

He continued to wait, an hour went by…

“Friends?” he posts again, hands shaking, a bit of blood smeared on his phone’s screen. He watches, waiting. His chest hurts. He’s waiting. Maybe they’re at work? He took deep breaths. He’ll check again tonight, clean himself up for now. He’ll wait. He’ll be patient, a good boy, a good dog, a sweet puppy.

Waiting.

Yeah, he’d wanted for days, but he’d wait a little bit longer.

A little longer.

He stood up and went to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He looked like shit, dark circles around his eyes, ears were slightly pointed, teeth were all sharp. He was losing his grip, looking less human. Reed really didn’t care though. If no one liked him at his worst, why’d they take him at his best? And no one really cared for him at his best, in his mind at least.

“I’d been so…happy…But I guess I just had to wait for the other shoe to drop,”he mumbled to himself as he cleaned and bandaged his rapidly healing wounds from where he’d scratched himself.

"I was never cut out for love...friends...never made for it. Never for me to have...always gotta watch. Made me with feelings so they can hurt me. No good times allowed for more than an hour. No extra time in the ball pit. Guess I was made to be bad...people know, it's why they avoid me, passport says I'm bad. No one comes to me because they wanna. Always come because I go to them, I ask them, they feel pressured or they're dared to to get a kick outta me... No more. Don't want it anymore. Not gonna fall for it, not again."

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doveslibrary · 3 years

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Jean modern au dating hcs sfw+nsfw

This is soooo Long omg

SFW

• jean would be such a caring boyfriend

• he’s the sweetest little bean he would do anything for you

• at the beginning of your relationship jean would dot every detail about you in his brain for later use

• you like going on walks? Okay that’s now stored in the back of his brain for later

• he will take time to get to know everything there is to know about you so he knows what can make you happy

• this is a clingy boy so he’s gonna be attached to your hip all the time

• his love language is physical touch/gift giving so be prepared

• cuddles galore anytime of the day

• in his words cuddles solve everything

• your sad? Cuddles. after an argument? Cuddles.

• sleepy cuddles are his favourite you both just lay down on his bed and cuddle falling asleep in the arms of your lover

• kisses kisses kisses all the freaking kisses

• his favourite place to kiss you is your cheeks and your neck

• slow and sensual kisses are this mans specialty

• he LOVES it when you wake him up by kissing his face ( give this man butterfly kisses and he will melt 👀 just saying)

• expect a lot of pet names such as ( angel/doll face/baby/darling)

• caress👏🏻 his 👏🏻 face 👏🏻 whenever 👏🏻 you 👏🏻 can 👏🏻

• he loves it when you trace your fingers over his jaw

• or rub little circles on his chest with your finger while your cuddling 🤧

• he is the best listener EVER if your having a bad day and just need to get it off your chest jean will sit there all ears and hold your hand listening to you rant

• jean will bitch about someone with you 110%

• oh you don’t like her/him? jean doesn’t either

• jean will do skin care with you 👀 face masks and everything

• despite jean being all sweet and cuddly this man needs constant reassurance

• he’s insecure and you need to be there to let him know your not going anywhere and that he is the only one you love

(Jean is my comfort character) I love him

NSFW

• switch/or service dom you cannot tell me otherwise

• jean is particularly dominant but that doesn’t mean he won’t be under you begging you to let him cum from time to time

• horse cock mf (goes with the name 😏)

• jean takes time to worship your body kissing and caressing every inch of your skin he thinks your beautiful and he wants you to know that too

• really big on foreplay he will get you so riled up before he actually fucks you it’s unreal

•expect a lot of teasing too if he’s in between your legs he’ll kiss everywhere instead of where you need him the most before he dives his face into your dripping heat

• you cannot tell me this man doesn’t have a size kink I mean he’s 6’3 he loves how small you look under him begging and whimpering like a little angel

• PET NAMES PET NAMES PET NAMES

• jeans pet names for you in bed are different to the ones he normally calls you (kitten/cock slut/baby doll) UGH PLEASE 😩

• he’s a tiddy sucker 😌

• I also see jean being very vocal too

• loves dirty talk

• expect a lot of praise he loves telling you how good you feel around his cock or how much of a good girl your being for him

• praise this man too tell him how good he’s making you feel it will boost his ego real quick

• jean likes to fuck you rough but On days that he’s particularly needy or sad he’ll take his sweet time fucking his angel nice and slow

• this boy knows how to use his hands you feel so full just by his fingers he’ll have you cumming in minutes with his hands omg

• really good at head too

• he always makes sure to have your legs shaking eyes rolling and your brain malfunctioning by the time he’s done

• PLEASE GIVE THIS MAN HEAD

• he loves getting head from you his eyes will be rolling to the back of his head in no time

• definitely see him as the type to grab your hair and just start fucking your face

• he’s a gentleman and makes sure you have came at least twice before he finishes

• KING OF AFTERCARE RIGHT HERE

• he’ll make sure to clean you and run you a bath get you snacks and water and whatever else you need

• the night will end with a cuddle sesh and sweet nothings in your ear

#aot headcanons #snk imagines #aot headcanon #aot x reader #levi x you #snk headcanons #jean kirschtein x reader #shingeki no kyojin #jean kirstein fluff #jean kirschtien #jean kirstein smut

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violetnotez · 4 years

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HC: Tending to Their Wounds

Just some soft headcannon for my 2k Celebration! You can check out the original post here

Pairings: Mirio x reader, Shoto x reader, Bakugo x reader

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｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

Mirio

This dude^^^^right here^^^^\

HAS 0 CONCEPT OF PAIN

Like he feels it he KNOWS its theree

He just CHOOSES to ignore it

he could have literal slashes all over his body and insists that he’s okay

He main priority is to get healed ASAP of course

BUT HE WONT SIT DOWN

he will be cracking dad jokes, insisting he’s fine when he’s clearly NOT

You cant even get ahold of him hes just soooo fast

He will only really chill out if you FORCE him and he sees how nervous he’s making you

Its gonna be wierd cause he gonna be worried about you

Lots of soft touches, asking if your doing alright, and cracking jokes to make you smile

Honestly this baby has a heart of golddddd

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Mirio, please Im begging you-” you sighed, your feet scrambling to keep up with the hero, the first aid kit clanking in your hands.

“Begging me? Geez, didnt realize you were that worried!” he laughed good naturedly, his body sauntering over to open the refrigerator door. “Honestly, babe, Im fine, honestly!”

You squinted your eyes at him, his arms outstretched as if to show you just how “fine” he was.

What a big ass lie- his suit was in shambles, his skin scraped and dusted with dirt...he was a wreck.

“Mirio, you look like you got hit by a bus,” you stated plainly, your face clearly not buying his remarks.

He simply laughed at you, his beaten body reaching into the fridge and pulling out some food.

“Ah, c’mon, y/n, you gotta believe me, Im feeling perfectly fine!”

Oh, so now he wanted to make food?! When he looked like that, completely trashed and bruised?!

You shook your head, your lips pursed- deseprate time called for desperate measures.

MIrio began to look through the drawers, trying to find some utensils in the small kitchen.

“Hey, sunshine, do you know where the-uh,uh- sunshine?”

You had his tattered suit balled in your hand, your body pressed up against his own. You face was mere inches away from his, his blue eyes wide with shock as you kissed him square on his mouth.

Mirio dropped the loaf of bread in his hand, his digits wrapping around your waist and giving it a squeeze as your hands began to work his suit off his battered torso.

Mirio smiled on to your lips at the feeling of you working his clothes off him.

“So this was why you were desperate-” he chuckled softly,his hands pushing you flushed against your body.

He was quickly snapped away from his hazy thoughts once he felt you push away, your hands quickly opening up the first aid kit and getting some supplies out.

“Nope- I just needed to give you a distraction,” you smirked at the boy, his pout making you laugh

Mirio gave you a sad look, his lips pouted out as if like a child.

“Ah cmon sunshine, now thats just cruel,”

Shoto

Shoto has nerves made of STEEL

And same with his pain tolerance

You could probably give this boy stitches and he’d only wince like twice

Honestly it kinda scary how calm he can be

If your kinda new to bandaging people up, he’s got you COVERED

Like will guide your hands and tell you what to put on what wound, etc etc

Hes a sweeetyyyy pieeeee

He will be blushy hardcore tho, no matter how long you’ve known each other or how long you’ve been dating

Hes a soft baby, and the feeling of your hands on his bare skin makes him melt into your touch

But even though he’s good at taking pain, make sure to remind him to breathe

Cause he has a tendency to hold his breathe, and it literally freaks you out when you see his lips turning purple lmao

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

You had your legs cradled against Shoto’s thighs, your hands busy at work to patch up an open wound left on his chest. His hero suit was pooled around his navel, showcasing the beautifully pale skin of his torso.

You had to admit it- the boy was built like a god, and you couldnt be more pleased to be so close to him, even if it was because he was injured.

“Are you doing okay?” you asked quietly, looking at him with waiting eyes.

Shoto gulped, his cheeks gaining a little red hue- you were so cute sitting on his lap, and the way you looked at him could have made his heart stop from just pure happiness. He felt so calm yet so nervous around you, and he was intoxicated by the feeling.

“Y-yes, thank you,” he stuttered out, his tone a bit more flushed.

You simply smiled, happy he was feeling okay, continuing with your work-

until you felt heat radiating under your legs.

At first you didnt pay any mind to it, letting it seep into your pants and warm your skin...but it began to hurt a little, almost like if a laptop was burning under your thighs.

You cocked your head looking up at Shoto’s face, his eyes downcast as if lovesick and his cheeks a fiery red...he was flustered.

“Shoto,” you mused quietly, taking your finger and resting it against his chin. His eyes met yours quickly, those bi-colored eyes wide in an owlish expression.

“Yes y/n?” he asked nervously, his tone deep and rich like honey.

You gave him a small smirk, tilting your head ever so slightly. “Are you nervous? Because your kind of heating up on me-”

“Oh, I-Im sorry!” he instantly apologized, his hands wrapping around your outer thighs, “I wasnt paying attnetion, I-Ill cool you down...”

Shoto’s kept his hands cradled on your sides for the rest of the time you were working on his wounds, his face a reddened mess as he sent cold sensations down your skin.

Bakugo

He definitelllyyyyy got hurt from training, fighting Deku, or both

Your probably gonna have to get used to bandaging him up cause his pride wont let him get patched up

but he will be too rough to properly fix himself up

tHIS LITTLE BRAT THO

He thinks he is being all tough,,,,

but honestly he’s not

Like he might be quiet at first, only a couple groans here and there-

but once you pull out that bottle of alcohol for his wounds hes gonna be FERAL

just throwing a damnnnnn temper tantrum

Once you get that part over with he’ll calm down...maybe even say thank you if your lucky smh

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

(This scene was definitellllyyyyy inspired by Indiana Jones and Ive been DYING to write this since like Christmas)

“Shit y/n, it fucking hurts!” he yelled, his vermillion eyes a deep red as he spoke through gritted teeth.

He was holding his scratched arm away from you, shielding you from being able to properly clean it. You couldn't help but roll you eyes- yeah, cleaning the wound stings a little, but you it wasnt like you were doing durgery on him. He seriously was a little too much to deal with at time.

You leaned away from the whining boy, an exasperated sigh leaving your lips.

“So where does it not hurt then, Katsuki,”

Bakugo gave a sulky look, his eyes squinted at you as he pointed at his elbow

“-Here.”

You leaned forward quickly, your lips placing a soft kiss on the skin. Bakugo’s cheeks immediately erupted in red, his eyes wide and all pain erased from his face as he gazed at your slightly annoyed face.

“And-and here,” he stuttered out, his voice a little less forceful as he slowly pointed to his collarbone with bandaged digits.

This needy little prick-a small smirk enveloped on your face as you leaned in gently, careful to not press your body too much on his as you left a small kiss on his skin.

Bakugo watched you with wide eyes, his whole body tingling and the spots where you kissed him leaving electric sparks on his skin.

“Anywhere else?” you asked, your eyes glowing mischievously as you looked at he flustered boy.

He grunted slightly, his mouth swallowing thickly.

“And-and here,” he slowly stated, his hand pointing to his lips.

You simply rolled your eyes, your smile growing on your lips as you happily obliged to his request.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ

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loudlypanickinginvenezolano · 4 years

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Amusing.

«And this, you mother fucker, is why we can’t want nice things. There is an actual risk of them becoming true, and then we will fucking panic because we don’t know that to do. Did you want kisses? There are your cursed kisses, you whiny! And you can’t kiss back nor pet or…or… Fuck this shit. » Silver is trying his best, Shadow is still very confused, and Sonic...He´s in there, somewhere... (Working title and summary. Going to change them when I have something more solid to put in.) Even though only Shadow and Silver appear in this chapter, Sonic is in there. He is going to appear in the second chapter. So, yes, this is a triple s.

Part one, because I have no self control and this is too large.

In AO3 as well. [But I didnt cut it cuz I was lazy. Maybe later.]

It was amusing, and something that even now surprised Shadow to no ends. His life, now, consisted in a lot of things he never thought about, he never though he could have, hell, things he didn’t even knew existed! So, in a sense, it would be normal for him to have never ever imagined something like this could happen, to him none the less! But it has, and it was… right this second, even!

He looked over his shoulder, gazing straight at his fluffy boyfriend who was sitting by the counter, staring at, well, him, like a very small puppy would. Once he noticed Shadow was looking, he flushed a bit, but didn’t gaze away. Actually, he seemed to preen a bit at having the ebony attention on him, smiling softly, dopey almost, and eagerly sitting straighter, as if showing off his height. The whole display made Shadow look away, chuckling a bit under his breath, feeling how his own cheeks seemed to warm up a bit. It was almost a giddy feeling, his stomach rolling, and his usual stoic stance yeeting itself off the window without asking Shadows opinions first. It was stressing, and annoying as hell. Staying calm and in control of himself seemed to get harder every time, and it wasn’t for the rage or sadness anymore, not at all, at least, but by this very confusing I-don’t-know-how-to-explain-what-I’m-feeling feeling, or this whole shame and need that seemed to take over his whole body wherever they touched, like, you just got a kiss, why do you need another one?! Stop being so clingy and needy, you are going to bore them! Just lay down, go to sleep! What?! No! Stop staring at their hands, you idiot, they are going to notice! Sleep on your side! Sleep on your fucking side you Disaster-bitch! Don’t you dare roll over to them, doesn’t matter how “Oh, soft and fluffy” they look! Don’t you fuckin-Wa-Wah! Oh god! Oh, my chaos! Why is Sonic hugging us?! He didn’t!-He didn’t send a notice first! It was, it was so sudden? How are we supposed to react to this!? We are not ready, we really ARE NOT READY! He is, he is snuggling? Oh my why is he so cute? Who said it was allowed?! We want to fill a compliant! Nono! Don’t you dare tense up nor make a fucking sound, don’t you dare to wake him up! Shit! Had it gotten hotter in here somehow? Their face was going to melt! Was really ruining him. The temptation of just jumping in, out of the blue, and kissing their face or biting on their shoulders was so strong sometimes…He looked down at the mushy thing in front of him, barely time enough to hold the palette once again before he felt a warm weight settling on his back, careful as always with Shadow spines, and maybe not so thick, but definitely strong arms hugging him tightly. — Hiii~. — Silver sung softly on Shadows ear, giggling happily at seeing both of them twitch and fold in reflex. [I almost wrote Infinite instead of Silver. Wow, the ideas.]

Yas. Ok. Thank you, that is…that was exactly what Shadow needed. A reminder of how much of a freaking walking gay disaster he is.

Fighting with claws and fangs and every little bit of sense he had the oh so big urge of squirming, and the even bigger want of leaning into that white chest fluff and purring because, Oh damn, Shadow, who could have been the image of composure and coolness, kept mixing smoothly, soft yet firm wrists moves as a simple “Hello” fell out his mouth.

Nailed it.

— Are you doing other of this, eh, Things? — He didn’t sound sarcastic nor upset in any kind of way while asking, unlike Sonic, who very much did; Instead, Silver seemed to be genuinely curious, staring obviously at Shadows hands and work in progress in his usual child-like fascination. It sometimes made Shadow want to give him another kick in the head thanks to the frustration, but this time, it was almost… endearing. The attention he received from his boyfriend usually threatened with making him blush extremely or freezing him up completely, it was…almost overwhelming, but in a good sense? So…Supportive? Yas! That is what it was!

It completely frightened him.

— Yes. — That was what Shadow always answered when asked, “What are you doing?”

A thing. It was short, true, and didn’t give any detail away. Nonetheless, to be honest, most of the time it was very obvious that he was cooking something, or doing some kind of thing for maybe a kinda craft project? He just…He was just doing things. Sonic hated when he answered like that, though. He would whine, glare, scoff, or walk away, sometimes a rather strange mix of them and a bit more, that always left Shadow blinking and in complete blank.

And Shadow was supposed to be the drama king?

— It smells funny. — Silver declared with a small laugh, perching his head on top of Shadows and looking at his boyfriend work the…flour? (Was that-What was that?) With his fingers now. —I like this. Whatever you are doing, I dunnu, I like it. A lot. I really do.

—Why? — Shadow couldn’t help but ask, wishing to look up into his boyfriends face, but not doing so in order of not dislodging him. This. This was…was part of the long list of things that he couldn’t understand of Silver. If he didn’t knew what the fuck was Shadow doing, and was just seeing him watering the flour, then, how could he like it so much? Say it so confidently, with so much honesty on his voice… How?

—Be-ca-use~…—He sung, again, drumming his fingers against Shadows skin, breathing deeply and sighing so contently Shadows own lungs ached. — I get to see you, and everything you are doing. And you are happy.

«…Ah~…? »

As if sensing his confusion, Silver gave an embarrassed grin, and went on in an explication.

— You are soooo happy and relaxed, you look soo calm, elegant, even, and focused in what you are doing! And I like that! I like how I can hug you tightly, and admire how pretty, erm, precise! Your hands move. — As if trying to prove his point, he squeezed Shadow strongly, which stole a small squeak out of the ebony. Silver had fucking lifted him! — I like that one a lot. I like seeing what you are doing a real lot, being close enough so I can-I can…

—Yes?

— Smell it! Or hear it! I really like it all, how calming and neat you make everything look, even if things go wrong or the kitchen gets messy, you just-just…make it work! You are relaxed, and happy, and so am I. —He changed his position just the slightly bit necessary for him to be able to look at Shadows pretty face without losing or wavering his strong grip for one second, waiting for their eyes to connect before smiling widely. He pecked Shadow warm cheek one, two, three…four and five times before just giving up and nuzzling him enthusiastically, hands kneading and chest rumbling with a very low but pleased purr. (Oh, how much did he love to do this?!) Silver had gotten that habit from Blaze, kneading with his hands-paw in these kind of situations, though he knew as a hard fact that Shadow did it as well. Why? Well, it was just a mystery! (He had never gotten the courage enough to directly ask his boyfriend from where he picked it up, so he just made up stories on his mind. Still, a mystery. ) — I enjoy it, hearing the knife cutting the dried fruit, how your fingers rub the flour and your knuckles tap the bowl, the bubbling when you boil something, the cling of the plates and glass, your laugh or humming… I love it. I love seeing it, I love hearing it, I love…Jeez, even smelling it once it is out of the oven, and how the vanilla, cinnamon or mint or whatever smell will cling into you and follow into our bed. Can you believe the cravings or the weird dreams I´ve gotten thanks to it? Its-Its nuts!

Silver was happy, so freaking happy. He laughed and smiled while talking, always looking straight at Shadow and touching him here, and here, and there and just… couldn’t stay quiet. (How could he?! Shadows fur was always so soft and they were so close and…there! ) He sounded… passionate, almost. And that was exactly what he wanted. What he honestly felt! He was trying to show his interest in Shadows tastes, be a very Supportive Boyfriend™, and highlight that he actually enjoyed this and wasn’t just faking it nor seeing it as an obligation. He wanted to connect with both of his boyfriends, show that he paid attention to them, and that their likes were a very important thing to him. He wanted to be there for them and keep them happy for as long as he could.

Shadow couldn’t hold his snickers anymore at that last line, looking away and basically hiding his smile on his shoulder, which almost made Silver whine in protest. Because, Shadow, Why? His heart was beating quickly, Silver could feel it under his hands, and his cheeks were clearly flushed, even if it wasn’t that strong. It was an almost bashful look what he had, and during Silvers confession, his ears and hell, even his tail, had perked up and twitched occasionally, the last one grinding lazily against Silvers body every so. It was…perfect. So cute, like, Silver couldn’t even.

He must have two of the cutest, and prettier, and sexier boyfriends in the whole past.

—I love holding you, also, just like this… I love you~… I just love you a big lot.

—Oh my chaos, will you ever stop? —Shadow grumbled, cutting Silver rather abruptly and taking him by surprise. — What is this, any kind of thesis? Cut it already, you sap.

Silver found himself gaping for a second, completely dumbfounded. Shadows words stung for a few seconds, and had him blinking and lowering his ears. He snorted then, beaming once again and hugging him tighter than before, hearing more clearly that very low “Mmmmmmmmhhhhhh” long sound. — O-Oh man, I really embarrassed you with that one, Did I not?

Shadow ears were the ones lowering this time.

—Was it…that obvious? —He questioned quietly, and Silver only response was more laughs which only deepened (And wasn’t that a feat!) Shadows blush. Another shower of small kisses peppered all over the ebony face was what followed, as well as a little tease.

—Oh dear, you got as red as a tomato. —Silver snorted, holding Shadow firmly so he couldn’t shy away from his grasp and kisses. He was currently turning his head and pushing slightly with his own body, lifting his shoulders and curling in a poorly made attempt to protect himself. Hands covered in thick gloves and that funny smelling thing laid unmoving in the crystal bowl, twitching with laughter and repressed need to shove. — Stay quiet! C’mon Shadow, let me love you! Accept my love~!

Silver kept giggling and doing obnoxious kissing sounds as he left “loving smooches” and tickling touches on every bit of Shadow he could reach, ignoring how he kept muttering continuous demands for him to stop.

Because, yes, Shadow wasn’t pleading nor begging, and he certainly wasn’t laughing with his boyfriend; No. he was firmly demanding him to leave him alone and to fucking stop tickling him. It was just that he was being ignored and. Well. Maybe he wasn’t fighting that hardly... Shadow was going to find a way to send his retribution to Silver in the moment the younger expected it the least, either way.

[He is in denial don’t believe him, LMAO.]

It must… it must have been planned beforehand. Shadow couldn’t push Silver away without making a mess that then he was going to have to clean, not to mention the additional problem of washing Silvers furs clean of flour, nor could he move brusquely without damaging the bowl. It was… it was…

«Oh my chaos why do you do this to meeeeeeeeeeee! » He whined while mentally squirming. «This is so fucking unfair. Why? WHY? Oh hell don’t touch there! I hate this. I freaking hate this. Oh, but WHY you can touch me but I can’t? That is not the point. FUCK! »

—You really are ticklish here, uh? I can say you want to laugh. Why don’t you? C´mon, give me a smile!

—I’m going to give you a kick, how does that sounds?! — Shadow managed to squeeze out a threat that was met only with more laughs.

Shadows dignity funeral was going to be in three days. There wasn’t much to bury anymore, but still, it was a nice touch to have. It had lasted as long as it had been able to… Poor thing. It gave its best.

—But Shadoooooow. — Silver whined teasingly. That little shit. He really is spending too much time around Sonic. —I really like your smile. I want to see you. Please? Smile for me, just a bit! Or else… Mh…I’m going to tickle you seriously this time! No more kisses play for you!

Yas.

Too much of a bad influence.

He huffed, looking down at his hands with a frown. — I was doing something, you know?

—I knoow, but, Shadow, Just a little smile won’t take long. Pretty please~?

Sighing in a defeated manner, the flushed ebony looked at his right, meeting gaze with Silver who sported, as well, a very clear and rather strong blush that could challenge Shadows own.

—Hello there~ — Silver sung, almost in a chirping way that never failed in making Shadow woozy. Goddamn it. He really was awful at this shit. He gently, almost by reflex, lifted his head just a tad trying to make it not that noticeable, and glared. Because fuck you.

Silver was expecting this, though, and couldn’t help but beaming wider. The thing was, that once you knew what to look for it sometimes was very easy to read Shadows corporal language! This one? It was Shadows non-spoken signal of “Fuck, I want to kiss you bad but hell if I will.” His ears shifted softly in Silvers direction, as if paying close attention. He would look straight at his eyes, never at his lips, like if he were assessing something. (Maybe he was, though.) The tension on his shoulders, that seemed to relax then tense up once again, the tiny quiver on his bottom lip, how he would delicately bite them, and lift his chin, as if saying “Look at them!”

It was so subtle, so quick and small you actually missed it most of the time, or hell, just took it as him being bratty or acting in defiance. But Silver was paying close attention. And so, he cupped Shadows cheek, rubbing with his thumb his cheekbone in a loving manner and tilting his head upwards a bit more before diving in for a kiss that Shadow gladly gave.

#Silvadow #Sonadilver #Sonilver #I dont know the ship name #This is Shadow and silver being idiots #while Sonic chills by the TV and ignores his dumbasses #but that is in the next #I dont have warning for this #besides Food mention?#Amusing #My writing

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softforcal · 5 years

Note

please OH PLEASE continue the roommate|AU with golden boy Luke PLEASE

continuation of this post (x). Cal here, Ash here, Michael here.

i got like 7 requests for this little nugget of happiness so here we go

Luke hemmings Roommate!AU

-this little munchkin

-you can’t sleep one night and you’re in the kitchen, Luke comes in and looks tired but wants to keep you company

-talking quietly as he listens to your day and what’s stressing you out and why you can’t sleep

-he looks like he’s going to pass out but refuses to leave you until you go to bed so you’re just like, “look, we can go lay down in my bed and if you fall asleep thats fine.”

-laughing to yourself when Luke wants to be the small spoon

-and he is soooo tired but he’s so warm and soon he’s asleep and you know you’ll be asleep soon too so you press a kiss to his cheek then drift off

-waking up in a tangle of limbs with this giant breadstick

-he’s so precious and golden in the mornings

-never really having fully appreciated it because you’ve never woken up next to him

-kinda just looking at him and he opens your eyes and blushes slightly

-he’s just so pretty and you can’t not kiss him

-your hands tangle in his hair as he pulls you to be straddling him

-pulling away and he just brushes your hair out of your face and you both just smile at each other, then he whispers something like “you’re so beautiful.”

-hiding your face against his chest and you’re both just so happy

-smiling until it hurts

-”so do you maybe wanna… like go on a date sometime?” “pick me up at six Hemmings?” “i’ll try not to be late.”

-realizing that although that was a cute line, since you live together and spend the whole day together anyways might as well just go out whenever

-he takes you to this little hole in the wall restaurant that has a super comfortable vibe

-”can i tell you something?” “of course Luke, you can tell me anything.” “you make me want to write sappy music.”

-heart. melted.

-”oh yeah? like what?” and he proceeds to pull out his phone and read you really cute, romantic lyrics

-”sorry if i’m making this weird, i mean we’re roommates so if you don’t feel the same way-” cutting him off with a kiss

-he’s that guy where you’re walking home and it begins to rain so he covers you with his jacket

-running to get out of the rain but before you can go up the stairs to the apartment he grabs you and spins you around and plants a kiss on you. you pull away, breathless and he just kinda grins sheepishly like “i’ve always wanted to do that with you.”

-grabbing his hand and going back to the apartment

-”you guys are soaked.” “don’t get water on the carpet.” “wait, are you two holding hands?! Luke! you dirty breadstick, you!”

-immediately being attacked with questions and Luke kind of shields you and walks you to your bedroom

-coming out later for food and Calum is kinda just like, “come on, you can tell me.” “Luke and i are trying it out okay?” “pff.” “what do you mean pffff?!” “i mean, that kids been in love with you since the day he first met you. you were everything his ex wasn’t and it made him realize he needed to get out of it. don’t tell him i told you.”

-so thats a bit of a shock

-Michael is pretty straight up about the whole thing, “you know, i’m glad its him. because at least he has the decency to be quiet if he’s in your room, unlike Ashton and Calum who are TOO LOUD!” “its not my fault the girls i bring home are verbally appreciative of my skills in bed.” “sure Mr ‘call me daddy.’”

-Luke tries so hard tho. like so hard. he tries to get Calum to show him how to cook

-bringing you breakfast in bed and you’re so shocked that he cooked but he can’t lie and ends up admitting the eggs he cooked we so bad Calum pushed him away from the stove before he could burn the apartment down

-”Thanks for the eggs Cal!” “don’t mention it Y/N.”

-Luke is king of mushy pet names

-”But babe i wanna cuddle!” “you look gorgeous princess.” “good morning sweetheart.” “there’s my Pretty Girl.” “aw baby, how did i ever get so lucky with you?”

-and he’s so big

-sometimes you think he forgets how big he is

-like this boy tried to shower with you once and then realized it was not going to work cuz his huge body makes him hog all the water

-or when he flops down on top of you when he’s tired

-getting to run your fingers through his hair

-braiding his hair. this is a serious kink of mine but only for Luke, i dont know

-he surprises you at work and leans over the counter to put a flower in your hair

-he’s so smiley and cute and angelic

-all your coworkers are just like “DAMN, Angel boy’s got game!”

-okay he’s just beautiful and if you are not taking pictures of him for artsy instagram posts then you are wrong. you’re wrong fam.

-wearing his clothes and they are soooo looooong on you

-throwing on one of his shirts in the morning and it goes past your knees

-and his jackets just dwarf you

-he’s king of soft kisses

-lazy kisses

-warm kisses

-kisses in the morning where sunlight through the window lights up his bedhead like a crown

-can someone give him a back massage?

-the guys have never seen him this relaxed before, they’re all blown away by all his happy smiles and giggles

-restful spa days where you paint each others nails and put on face masks

-being the most relaxed, laid back, cuddly couple ever

-he’s so happy to move out of Ashton’s room and Ashton is stoked about it, no more sleeping on the couch for Luke

-so much cuddling

-he does grabby hands, ty to convince me otherwise

-needy boy just wants to be soft with someone

-the softest honey

-so many smiles

-”Luke i have to go to work.” “nooooo.” “Luke, let go of me i have to leave.” “goodbye kisses.”

-and he has such a beautiful voice

-so much singing together

-and him serenading the shit out of you

-him singing you a song that he wrote for you while playing guitar for your anniversary, or just when you have a bad day, and because its such a sweet song that always cheers you up, he sings it whenever you’re sad

-this cuddle muffin freaks out when you’re sad, he can’t stand it

-intertwining your fingers

-he tries so hard to cook for you because he wants to show you that he’s a good boyfriend and he has all these weird prerequisites like being able to cook

-you both freak out when you realize he can actually make decent boxed mac and cheese if he decided to follow the instructions

-”there’s my mac boy.”

-you guys are just so cute the others can’t help but smile when they see you together being all cute

-movie nights where Luke cuddles against you and doesn’t even watch the movie but he looks so happy and peaceful with his head in your lap that none of you guys are going to call him out for it

-when he lets his scruff grow out he loves rubbing it against your neck because you kinda hate it but you always end up laughing and giggling

-inside jokes that are special for the two of you

-his groans are angelic. like imagine being able to make this guy just come undone

-i feel like he’s the really passionate lover

-like he feels things so intensely because he’s a creative soul

-so its usually slow, with lots of grabbing and kissing and scrunching up his eyes (and nose) and just sweet sounds and sweet nothings

-he’s really into praise, giving and receiving

-face stroking

-looking into your eyes

-laughing while kissing

-just being so at home with this sweet boy

-he’s just a sweet baby who needs love okay?!?!?

#luke hemmings #luke hemmings x reader #luke hemmings smut #roommate!au #roommate!luke hemmings #roommate luke hemmings #au #5sos #5sos au #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer au

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hardt4rein · 7 years

Text

Dally x Reader x Two-Bit

This is my first ever fanfic and it may be bad there also might be mistakes or run on sentences. I just hope you enjoy. Disclaimer this is a smut so beware you have been warned hope you will enjoy.

You are 15 years old and are walking down the street to Ponyboy's house. You new that it wasn't safe walking alone. Especially if your best friends with Pony's gang but you were strong and smart and was walking very fast so you was ok for the mean while. You finally reach the Curtis house.

"WASSUP BITCHES" you say to who ever was in the house, but you soon found out that you were just with Two-Bit and Dally. Oh man did Dally do things to you but you were smart knowing that if you was to look up one night stand or fuckboy in the dictionary you would get a picture of Dallas Winston. Now Two-Bit was a different case you guys were always friends and you always thought he was cute but he did get annoying at times when he would make jokes about you liking Dally. Which of course you said it wasn't true but your heat said other wise.

"Watchin Mickey, and im not a dog im a human boy" Two-bit remarked and you just kinda glared at him. Yup hes soo drunk you thought to yourself as you see the evidence of beer bottles around him. "Smokin" Dally replied rather quickly, you noticed the way he was looking you up and down even though thats just a normal Dally thing he seemed more into it today. Dally had just recently had broken up with his sluty ex girlfriend Sylvia, just thinking about her name made your blood boil that she would cheat on this beautiful looking specimen.

As you was just looking in between the two hottest boys in the gang you think that maybe its time for you to stop staring and to do your homework. As you start taking a out your work Dally asks you " Isnt there funner things you rather do than do your homework" you just look up from your work "First off funner isnt a word and second i need to get it out of the way if i want to do anything fun". You drew your attention away from Dallas for a bit " Speaking of homework should you be doing yours Keith" you heard a loud groan coming from no other than Two-Bit " III did it in schooools give me a break". "Wow thats new, Two-Bit did his homework before the good girl did" Dallas said putting on one of his famous smirks. " First off i did most if my homework in school im just finishing up some questions i didnt get to complete" you said staring at him chewing on the inside of your cheek. You hurried up and finished the last few problems and started packing up your supplies when you saw the two boys look at each other and grin. Dally puts out his cigarette on a near by ash tray. You raised an eyebrow utterly confused as Dally moved to the couch that you were sitting on, Two-Bit just watch with that dumb smile on his lips which you had grown to love.

"So doll now that your done with your homework how about a little bit of fun" Dally said that smirk never leaving his face, "What kind of fun do you have in mind" you asked you had a feeling of what it could be or maybe it wasn't you couldn't tell with Dally. He pick you up and sat you down in his lap which caused your face to turn as red as a tomato. While in his lap he edged his face closer to yours and your getting excited but also nervous but before you knew it Dallas was already kissing you.

Dallas had a his hands tightly around your body, as he kissed your plump lips slowly. His lips tasted like strawberries, which make the taste addictive. Two- Bit smirked, enjoying the view and came over to you and Dallas. Two-Bit pushed your hair back and started to leave very dark love bites on your skin. You let out a loud moan, which triggered Dallas and Two-Bit to gets excited.

Dallas licked your lower lip asking for entrance but when you didnt get the memo he squeezed your ass making you moan and opening your mouth a bit, he slid his tongue into your mouth and you two started french kiss on the couch.

"Let me get a turn" Two-Bit whined, Dally released your lips and picked you up to turn you towards Two-Bit. Dally being the very skilled person he is used his time wisely to start getting undressed as you and Two were going at it. Two was a little different feeling from Dally, Dally was rough, hard and needy but Two was still pretty rough not as rough as Dally and he also was very playful. Plus the taste of beer on his lips adding a new taste into the kiss.

As you two broke apart gasping for oxygen, Dally sees this as a opportunity to undress you so he does just that. Once he gets to unclipping your bra thats when you think that this is seriously real and that anyone could walk into that door at any moment which added some more adrenaline into the whole mix. " I though Dallas Winston doesnt share" you said in between gasps, "I usually dont bu-" Dally gets cut of by Two "Were trying to see which one of us you like more so you can go out with one if us". " Oh really now, but what if i dont choose either of you" you asked in a playful tone, " Then i guess were gonna have to keep doing this to until you choose" Dallas said while smirking that sexy smirk.

You grinned at Dallas when he said that, you wouldnt mind having sex with the two hottest guys in the group but the bad thing is that they are very possessive and get jealous easily especially Dally. You decide to turn the tables and you started to tease them. You were sitting on Two-Bit laps kissing him with such a lust and such a passion, you slipped your right hand under Dally's boxers and started to stroke him. In that action that caused him to give out a low breathe moan. And boy did that turn you on. You got off Two-Bit's lap and helped pull off both of the boys underwear's. You were sitting on your knees on the floor looking at both of their sizes and Dally's was a tad bit bigger. Just from looking at it Dally was about a 12in and Two-Bit a 10in and they were both pretty thicc. Both of the boys looked at your face and you dont know what face you was making but you were just staring at their boners.

"Um (y/n) are you ok?" Two-Bit ask very concerned. Dally looked at you studying your face "Your a virgin aren't you" Dally asked that smirk never leaving his face. You nodded slightly, you was thinking man am I seriously about to let this happen im 15 and im about to get fucked by a 18 year old and a 17 year old. They are basically adults and your not even 16 yet. Your mom would freak if she found out what you were doing.

You came back from your thoughts as your heard them arguing over who gets to take your virginity. "I shouuuld do it im the oldest and i never got to take a girrrrls Virginia before" Two-Bit slurred "You mean virginity" you corrected Two-Bit "Wow your 18 and you having taken someone's virginity before thats sad" Dallas remarked "And besides im more skilled in this kind of thing" Dallas gave Two-Bit a look of victory when you budded in " How about both at the same time" you asked meekly.

The boys stared at you in disbelief. "Both of us, on your first timmme???" Two-Bit couldnt rap his head around why on earth would you want that. You couldn't believe that the smirk on Dally's face could get any wider oh but it did. "I see that someone is feisty" Dally pinched your nipple and hummed at the at the moan you let out. "Ok how about we let her decide as to who's gonna take her virginity" Two-Bit asked staring at your naked form. "How about we make this a game who ever cums first is the one to take away her virginity" Dally declared, " Alright but if she cums first then we can both say we still taken it from her" Two-Bit said.

You could tell that Dally like your feistiness so he patted the couch and you climb on the couch so that your knees were on the couch seats but your elbows on the top of the couch. " Wait we dont have cond-" you tried to say before Two-Bit enters you making you lose your train of thought as the excruciating pain that was in your heat area. Dally grabbed his belt tying it around your hands as he enters shortly after Two-Bit did.You could tell Dally was getting impatient and he started to move and boy did it hurt the both of them in your tight untouched pussy.

"Take it easy now Dal shes a newbie and you might rip her walls" Two-Bit did sound kind of concern. " Nah she'll be fine besides with the both if us in here she gonna adjust quicker i think" Dally said pretty confident. After Dally hitting your g-spot and Two-Bit staring to move you adjusted and man did it feel soooo gud

Dally was more focused on trying to nut in you than Two-Bit was, now as for Two-Bit while he was fucking you he was also exploring your body. All you could hear in the Curtis house was the sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin and the sounds of your beautiful moans you three were making.

After a while of the constant stimulation your body couldn't handle it you just bit your lips so hard to the point where it draws blood. Dally grabs your hair that you had neatly put into a ponytail yanking your head back. " Im gonna c-" you couldn't even finish your sentence when you came all over Dally and Two-Bit. Because of you coming that made Dally pull out and stuck his cock into your mouth sending his hit seed deep into your mouth with his seed settling in your empty stomach. While Two-Bit waited his turn to get your mouth he continued pounding into you and grabbed the beer he didnt finish drinking earlier. Dally was taking way to long in your mouth so he decided to pull out and stick his hard cock inside your butt hole and came in there.

Both of the guys ridding out their organs in your mouth and asshole. They both pulled out and you laid there in the couch. " That was sooooo gud" Two-Bit said taking another sip of his beer. You wanted to lay their until you recovered but Dally thought otherwise, " You look sexy laying there and all but you have to get dressed" Dally said to you while putting on his underwear and pants. You groaned but complied pulling on your clothes as you look back to see a sleeping Two-Bit on the couch.

"Aww look how cute" you said watching his sleeping form as you put on your clothes. Both you and Dally heard a car pull up in the driveway and you panicked you hurried shaking Two-Bit to wake up. Gathering up his clothes and putting them in his hands as you pushed him to the bathroom. When he was in the bathroom you ran back to sit on the couch and try to look normal. "Were back" you heard Darry say " What is that smell" Ponyboy said grabbing the bridge of his nose. " It smells like sex in here" Steve said while walking in. Soda looked you at the both of you and narrowed his eyes "OHHHHHHhhhhh you two FUCKED!!" Soda said while raising his voice. "Ew no thats just the smell of Dallas's smoking" you said trying to lie and hurry to cover up them finding out. Everyone turns their attention to Two-Bit who walks out the bathroom fully dressed. " Keith why are your pants on backwards" Darry asked narrowing his eyes. " Oh shit all three of them fucked" Steve said as him and Soda started playfully punching each other.

"Um ew no first off im not gonna be a fuckgirl and fuck two guys at the same time secondly its Dallas Winston i dont want to be added to the list of girls he has fucked and thirdly why on earth would i fuck Two-Bit like come on he's Two-Bit. "Hey whats that's supposed to mean Two-Bit said sitting in between all his empty beer bottles and his pants are still backwards. "Keith what the fuck clean up after your self this isnt your house you cant just leave it a mess" Darry almost practically screamed at him.

"Your not my moooom" Two-But said before passing out on the floor. "Sooo where did you guys go" you asked trying to clear the tension. "Me Darry and Steve were all at work" Soda explained. " Me and Johnny went to the movies we saw IT" Ponyboy said. " Aww i wanted to see IT i guess ima have to go" you said pretend to be sad even though you kind of was. " Awe dont worry doll ill take ya" Dally said budding in while lighting a cigarette "Thx and Two-Bit can come to hes been roasting that clown all week" you said think about watching the movie then going to Buck's to hang out with them if ya know what i mean.

"Anyways ima go home guys" you said wanted to go to get cleaned up as you have soiled your underwear. As you was walking out the door you heard a string of goodbyes and you pulled your phone out your pocket. You went to messages and started a group chat called " The three musketeers" that had Dally and Two-Bit in it."Had fun hope to do it again sometimes 😏😝😘" you typed and pushed send as you walked down the street towards your house. Smiling to your self.

#dally winston #dally x reader #two-bit mathews #two-bit x reader #smut #fanfic #the outsiders #the outsiders smut #two-bit imagine #dallas winston in

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living-up-to-my-daydreams · 4 years

Text

The Party

On friday I went to Sophie’s party, which was fun for most of it. Can I even call it a party? Probably not, it was only like 9 people. I wish there had been more, because I pulled out all the stops. I shaved, washed my hair with my good conditioner, and picked out a shirt that made me look busty but not big. It was just people from our group, and Sophie’s Stoner friend. At first it was really fun. I played Harry in foosball and KICKED ASS but then lost a different game once I teamed up with Samuel.

Then came the booz! I had some bud lights, then vodka. I had probably like 6 shots and 2 beers, which isn’t a lot for me because I’m chubby. I was pouring myself vodka, and I look over at Harry and see he filled up his entire red solo cup with vodka! I looked over to a different cup, and tell him “Pour that shit out!” but when I looked back at him I saw that he’d already drank the whole cup. Pretty soon he was a nightmare. Drunk Harry is terrible. He doesn’t listen, and that freaked me out a ton for some reason. I don’t know, lack of person space and listening is just a scary combo.

Sophie whipped out a joint, which Harry really wanted, but Sophie and I decided that he was already terrible as it was, so he shouldn’t have weed. Emma had some, but she said it made her nauseous. Sophie and I ended up having most of it, until an insistent Harry hit Sophie’s arm in an attempt to get the weed, and the joint fell into a puddle. Honestly fuck Harry. I took probably 7 or 8 hits total, and it was great! I’ve never been crossed before, and honestly it’s the way to go. I had the awakeness and socialness of being drunk and the heavy headedness and giggles of being high.

I remember everything, but not chronologically, so I'm not going to try to remember the right times.

Samuel told me he loves me as a friend, and I said “I love you as a friend too, buddy.” (but secretly I was annoyed because I thought maybe he thought I liked him) and then we talked about Ali and how much we love her, and how utterly beautiful she is. Then Ben wanted him, Hannah, and me to share our darkest secret. He said something like “I am really insecure about my masculinity and I feel like if I show affection I’ll look needy.” and in my head I was like “Yeah Ben, I know,” but instead I was super nice and gave him a hug. Then I was like, “I’m worried no one is ever gonna be attracted to me and I’ll be alone,” and he told me I was really pretty, which made me feel good (but also felt a bit like one of those things you say to your ugly friend). Hannah also told me I was beautiful and that I had a cute nose, and that she was insecure about her body. It was a feel good convo. Theo came out to me as gay and Harry came out to me as bi, which is kind of sad that they did it drunk. Obvi I wont judge considering I’m bi, but it sucks that they didn’t do it in a good headspace.

And then it went to shit. Theo, Harry, and Sophie were throwing the fuck up. Actually Harry passed out (and maybe shit his pants, I couldn’t tell but I’m pretty sure). It was shitty. It was Theo’s first time drinking outside of family celebrations, and he spent most of the night resting his face on the toilet seat. Sophie lay down on the floor and threw up so, so much. She was like resting in a puddle of vomit. Emma cleaned it up while I took Sophie to the other bathroom. She threw up in the toilet first, but then fell asleep and I turned her on her side so she wouldn’t choke. She kept talking about how gross she was and how it was her fault her friends from rehab tried to kill herself in front of her. I tried to comfort her but I’m not good at that kinda thing. Ben is dating Sophie so I had him keep her company for while, but then they had a conversation and both started crying (he was as drunk as me) so I told him to go take a break and I went to be with her. I put towels over her and she started shaking because she was so cold. I started spooning her because she was incapable of making her own body heat. So we just cuddled for a few hours, and I avoided her vomit puddles.

I woke up at 5 and my shoulder hurt soooo bad from laying on the bathroom floor. I tried to adjust, but I woke her up. She was finally able to get up so, she and Ben (who had been sleeping on the floor by the couch) went upstairs to sleep in an actual bed. I moved onto the couch by Hannah and Samuels feet, which didn’t feel as pathetic as it sounds. I woke up when my alarm went off at 6:45. Harry and his exchange student Marta had to leave at 7:30, and I felt bad but also found it funny that Chris had to drive or fly to San Francisco super hungover. I mean come on man, what the hell did you expect?

Hannah, Emma and Theo woke up and we talked about the party. Ben and Sophie came downstairs, and I texted my dad to pick me up. Ben and I bonded over not being hungover, but then I stood up and my head hurt like a bitch! But it went away fast so it wasn’t a big issue. Anyway, then I went home, and I grabbed two oreos for the way back

It was still fun, but man, what a shit show.

#my diary #diary #tumblr diary #me #life #lifeoflana #party #story #bi #hangover

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