#he's also a young adult he's a baby really you're supposed to depend on others yet he holds the burden of trying to protect his loved ones | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mikkachu8888 · 4 years

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A/N I do not own any of the main plot line or characters of Marvel. Those rights are reserved for the creators. Thank you.

Peter x adult!reader

You were nervous to say the least. You looked at the clock on your wall again. It was probably only 15 minutes until they would arrive. You sighed. Mae and Peter are coming over for dinner. It's only been a few months since Tony's funeral and you can't say you were coping well. Natasha...Tony... Steve... all gone. Steve wasn't dead, but he seemed on the verge of it due to his old age now, but either way you weren't ready to let him go either. It felt like you were robbed of so much time you could have spent with him. He always was my most understanding fake uncle/dad/brother...or whatever you wanted to consider him. It didn't matter how you felt though, it's what makes him happy and you have to respect that... even if internally you weren't ready to bury another one of your family members. These people helped raise you and it broke your heart to see how your family got so much smaller.

Clint made more of an appearance in your life after the events, however. After Nat died you both found great comfort and grieving her death together. He became your new outlet to vent, which had previously belonged to Steve. Actually, this whole dinner was Clint's idea. It was something that was meant to clear the air between Peter and I.

"Are you okay?"

I turned to the voice and saw my fiancé of 8 months standing in the kitchen door with his hands in his pockets and looking at me with a concerned, but supportive smile.

"No..." I admit. "I've faced mass genocide, the largest war to human kind, and losing most of my family all at once... and yet... I've never been more nervous than I am right now."

"What do you think is going to happen?" (f/n) says.

"I don't know... I know it's really not that big of a deal compared to what we've all gone through before, but for some reason I can't bear to see Peter so upset with me. It...Just...It hurts my heart. I can't explain it." you say putting your face into your hands.

"I understand... and to be honest I think it is... a big deal." (f/n) says walking over and placing his hands on my arms gently. "So many families have been disrupted by the blip. Parents seeing their children all grown up all of a sudden, couples having larger age gaps and who have grieved and moved on, people who have blipped and realized that their loved ones that have remained here passed away in that what seemed to be moments they've been gone...in which it was actually years."

You looked up at him. He gave a small smile. "You are not the only one struggling to adjust in these weird times and grieving the lost time. I'm sure Peter is just as confused and nervous as you are. He was your boyfriend, your lover. You guys were very close and I'm sure when he came back from the blip he still thought you were the same as ever... only to realize that it wasn't the case."

"He saw me for the first time at Tony's funeral...and he wouldn't even talk to me. He just stared at me... almost like he was afraid of me." The sentence came out like it was a soft whisper, but ended with just pain and hurt in it.

"Is that a bad thing?" (f/n) asked. "Wouldn't you be? I know I would, especially if I was just a 16 year old kid."

"No no...No... You're right. I honestly should be thinking about him too. He's probably shell shocked and I'm just worried about myself." You take a deep breath and gave a slight bitter chuckle. "I'm the adult here. I've matured and learned to cope. I shouldn't be the one who's scared here."

"I think it's okay for you both to be scared. Don't worry, though. I'll be there and Mae will be there to help. Clint says he'll be standing by if you need help." It was at that moment, the doorbell rang making you jump. "You got this. I promise."

He gave you a kiss on the cheek before leaving to answer the door. You mulled over his words for a moment before sucking in a breath and following him. As you walked through your living room you reached up and began fixing your hair as you walked. You wanted to make sure you at least looked like you weren't a complete mess, but you were on the inside. A horrible, grieving, pitiful, shawarma and ice cream eating mess.

I wore black. It was my go to color. Not because I was sad or grieving, but because it is the most convenient color and showed so much class while also hiding your shame. There was very little the color black couldn't hide. You were grateful that when you joined SHIELD and the main uniform color was black. You cut your hair shorter and mostly wore it up in a tight seamless bun for work, but tonight it is in its full glory. Your fiancé wore basic white button up and black pants. He had on a tie before, but you supposed it was bothering him so he took it off. At least he put on the black blazer as well. You never liked the tie anyway. It was just something Steve had said one time that was necessary for important events. He taught (f/n) how to tie it and everything.

You stood beside (f/n) a little ways back as you were bit afraid. He opened the door and there stood Mae, Peter, and shockingly Happy smiling back. Peter actually wasn't smiling. He wasn't even looking at neither you nor (y/n). His gaze was to the side towards the floor. It was clear that he wasn't ready to face reality either. Your eyes moved back to the group as a whole. "Happy, what are you doing here?" You- asked stretching out a smile that may have seemed a little forced.

"Well, I was just popping over to the Parker residence from visiting Pepper and Morgan, and Mae invited me to come along, so I thought I haven't seen you in a while and there was no harm in dropping by as well. I wanted to see what you've been up to and what not." Happy nodded with a big smile. He leaned close and half whispered "Mae thought that you all could use as much help as you could get with this weird situation anyway."

"O-oh... okay... well um. Thanks for coming. I'm sure it's appreciated." You internally cursed. More people to witness the horror that will be this dinner. You turned your attention to Mae. "Hi, Mae." You smiled a bit and you could tell she already had tears pricking her eyes and she held out her arms for a big hug. She gave you tight motherly squeeze and rubbed your back. "Hi, Honey. Gosh, you've gotten so big. You just look absolutely beautiful."

"Yes. Thank you. It's been so long since I've seen you... Well I suppose not to you." You attempted a joke to lighten the mood. She and Happy laughed though that joke didn't seem to land well with Peter as he didn't laugh and only seemed to be made more uncomfortable.

Your eyes did fixate on Peter now and the silence of the group became thick and very tense. He wasn't saying anything and you bit your lip. "Hey...Peter." Your voice was softer and sounded week. He looked exactly the same. Young baby face with wispy brown hair that seemed to like to hang in his face depending how it fell. He did a pretty good job at keeping it combed back, however. His brown eyes finally looked back at you and widened just slightly. You looked so much different, yet, exactly the same. For starters, the makeup. That was so much more new. You never wore makeup. You were perfectly happy with the nude appearance of your face. Although you weren't wearing much makeup it was still prevalent that you had some on, but just enough to look clean and classy. Your hair wasn't as super long as you had it when you were younger. It was always down and long and it was a daily struggle for you to keep it maintained and out of paint or your food at lunch. You were always getting it caught in your mouth or finding random strands of it on your clothing or in your stuff. He remembered how sometimes when he kissed you your hair would get caught between their lips. It was embarrassing then, but now he missed it. Now it was cut much shorter and seemed more tamed. He wasn't sure if he liked that or not. It didn't matter, however, for some reason in Peter's mind it made you look all the much more mature and older. Everything about you seemed older and mature. Your body was different. Slightly wider hips and a bit larger breasts. He probably wouldn't have noticed either difference if it wasn't for the dress you were wearing... or for the matter that you were wearing a dress at all. Dresses and skirts weren't your forte last time he saw you. You said they restricted you from doing the things you wanted to do. No, leggings and jeans covered in paint, pen marks, sharpies was what you wore on a daily basis along with an oversized hoody of some sort. Peter looked down at the ground. He noticed you weren't wearing any shoes. He cracked a slight side smile. At least that was one thing that didn't changed about you. You always hated wearing shoes. It didn't matter where you were or the temperature outside. Shoes were never the priority for you. You always carried a pair and wore them when you had to, but if they bothered you too much or you just found them unnecessary you'd kick them off and immediately toss them in your backpack. So many times you'd walk down the school halls bare foot with some type of drawing that you drew on them from being bored in class. Peter always thought that little quirk was cute. He could actually see a little tattoo on the side of your foot, but couldn't make it out in that moment. In fact when he looked closer, he saw that both your feet looked slightly different from each other. He wasn't quite sure, but it seemed the foot with the tattoo seemed somewhat off. He just wasn't sure what was different.

His voice finally decided to make an appearance. "Hey... again..." It didn't come out as strong as he wanted it to, but it came out enough for her to hear.

"How are you?" You asked him.

"Uh..." He didn't have anything to say. He just gave an awkward nod and a generic 'ok'. He wasn't ready to talk. You backed off and looked at the group as a whole once more.

"Oh um... everyone. This is my fiancé, (f/n)" you said stepping back and introducing your now future husband. Peter's face immediately dropped. His eyes widened and he looked back and forth between you and your fiancé in an almost panicked state. He couldn't believe it. You had found someone else. You had left him.

"Hi, everyone." (f/n) smiled and waved and shook everyone's hand, except Peter who didn't even attempt to raise his hand. His face now stared wide eyed at your fiancé who waited patiently for his hand in return. Mae nudged Peter's arm and he blinked a couple of times in realization and took (f/n)'s hand to shake. "Oh yeah um sorry... it's nice to meet you." He says politely trying to cover up how frazzled he was for a moment.

"Well, everyone. Why don't you come inside?" You say and step to the side allowing everyone to filter into your home.

"Wow... fancy." Happy says looking around at stuff.

"Happy, you knew I lived here." You say unamused.

"I've never seen the inside, though." He commented back.

"So how long have you lived here?" Mae asks looking at the light fixtures.

"3 years or so now." You say watching them. "I know it's much different than that dingy apartment I was at before."

"Yeah um.... How did you get a place like this?" Peter asks quietly.

"Uh well... with my new job and the housing being cheaper from the blip and-"

"Tony bought it." Happy commented bluntly cutting you off.

You sighed. "Yes. Tony bought and designed it for me. My job at SHIELD lets me be able to pay for it."

"You work at SHIELD?" peter asks glancing back at you.

"Yes. Head of the entire global security and protection program. Also, I'm a public advocate for the international super powered and mutated community." You say with a bit of pride.

"Wow that sounds like a very high position." Mae says.

"It can be, I suppose." You shrug your shoulders.

"You've certainly come a long way since you were young." Mae says a little sad.

"I think everyone who was left here during the blip has. It just depends on if they came a long way for the better or worse. That depends on the person." You state glancing at Happy. "Right, Happy?"

"Yeah. There's been a lot of people who dropped over the edge since that, but also a lot of people who've thrived since then. We've seen it all." Happy says skeptically looking at one of the vases you had on your counter. You walked over and took the vase from Happy's hands. "Why don't we all sit down before you break something." You says putting the vase back down where it was.

"Where did you get that? It's hideous." Happy says moving towards the sofa.

"It came with the house." You stated.

"Why'd you keep it?" Happy says scrunching up his nose.

"Don't worry about it." You say ushering him to the couch.

"I happen to like it. I think it's... unique." Mae says admiring it from afar as she sat next to Happy and Peter on one of the sofas. You and (f/n) sat across from them on the other. He gave them each glasses of water in case they got thirsty. You hadn't seen him even go into the kitchen to get them.

"Oh yeah... I mean... if you look at it that way then I guess it's pretty nice." Happy says backtracking and taking a pert sip of the water he was just given. Your eyes furrow as you look between Happy and Mae. You glance at Peter who also seems confused at the interaction.

"Okay...so Happy. What were you doing at the Parker residence?" you ask Happy with a smirk.

"Oh you know. Just checking in. See how Peter is doing." Happy says not so casually.

"I see." You say as your eyes look back at Peter. "So, Peter."

"Huh?" he asks a little startled by my turn of attention to him. The water in his cup sloshing at the sudden movement. "How are you doing?"

"Oh um... okay, I guess." He responds nodding. That was it. The entire highlight of the conversation between us for the rest of the time. The rest of the time he and you both remained quiet and only spoke when spoken too. You were hurt. He was hurt. You could tell. Not only because you know him, but because teenagers tend to have less of a poker face when they're upset. No matter how hard they try to hide it, it usually slips through that they are emotional in that moment. You have learned to control that side of you a lot better. You are no longer that emotional and even if you were, you've learned to hide it a lot better. Your face remains impassive, but you sit there thinking that perhaps he doesn't need impassive. He needs something to know that you are feeling much of the same feelings he is feeling. You just don't know what to say.

"If you don't mind me asking, how did you two meet?" Mae asks setting her glass on the coffee table in front of us. Peter's attention becomes more alert at the question. It was obvious he was wondering the same thing. Just when did this happen?

"Oh no. I don't mind. I suppose that is one of the big elephant questions in the room." You say a little nervously.

"We met in physical therapy. We had the same Therapist and she brought all her patients together for group stretching once a week. It was something that was set up through a volunteer group for people with superpowers and mutations. I can't exactly remember the name, but it was group that helped with the devastation after the snap. They helped clean up and got people out of crisis and arranged for a lot of the people with powers who were injured to receive medical attention and physical therapy from medical professionals that had mutations of some sort as to not expose us or risk exploitation. Do you remember the volunteer organization's name?" (f/n) asked looking at me.

"It wasn't an organization. It was a school, I believe. Dr. Xavier ran the school. He's quite the man. I talk to him every now and again, but I haven't heard from him quite a while. He's part of the reason I got my foot in the door for advocating for those with superpowers or mutants as they call them." You state.

"Interesting. What were you going to physical therapy for?" Mae asked. "Or what I mean is, what happened?"

"Well I was on a train in New York with my sister and mother when people starting dusting away. I suppose the conductor was one of those people because our train never stopped and crashed full force into one of the buildings and derailed us from the tracks over a bridge, it sent us crashing into the streets. My mother died on impact, but I was able to protect my sister with my body. I can turn my body into different materials, so I was able to keep most of the things away from her and she just had a couple of broken bones, but I didn't move fast enough because I got a metal rod straight through the chest. It broke right near my sternum. I had no clue why or how I was still alive. I thought I was going to die in there for sure until some of the students from that school showed up." (f/n) unbuttoned his shirt half way to show the large star like shaped scar right in the center of his chest.

"That's awesome..." Happy muttered looking in awe at his scar before getting nudged in the shoulder by Mae. "I mean terrible. Truly terrible. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Yes, that's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you." Mae says sympathetically.

(f/n) chuckled and buttoned his shirt back up. "No, don't worry about it. These types of things make us stronger right? And I do agree with Happy. I think my scar is pretty awesome." He patted his chest proudly. You smiled in amusement and gave slight chuckle.

"...and you?" Peter's soft voice piped up after a moment. Everyone looked at him. He was looking at you. You weren't really sure what he was trying to ask you. He glanced at everyone before licking his lips and trying again to clarify. "Uh um. What I mean is what happened to you... as well? Why were you in, you know, physical therapy?"

"Oh. I was actually in Africa fighting in battle." You sated simply.

"You were a part of the Battle of Wakanda?" Peter asks sitting up straighter now.

You smiled a bit and let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah. It was like pulling teeth to convince Steve to let me, but yeah. I was. It was a savage alien that bit and clawed into my leg and that started the problems, but it was a female servant of Thanos that actually took my leg. Cut it clean off with swords she had."

"Oh my god. That's horrible." Mae exclaimed and Peter's eyes traveled to your foot once more. That's why your foot looked so off. It was a prosthetic. Peter thought it looked too real to be a prosthetic, but too fake to be real. You were able to walk so seamlessly though. Like you never lost your leg at all.

"Not as horrible as for her. When Natasha found out she was absolutely pissed. She and one of the Wakanda guards kicked her ass." You laughed outwardly. Peter saw the old you come out all of a sudden and all at once. He smiled brightly. "And then what happened?" he asked.

"They sent her ass through her own giant alien sawblade that they tried to kill us with!" You were full blown laughing now. The memory had you almost in tears because of how convenient and karmic the whole thing was. If you remembered correctly you remember yourself laughing in that moment as well. Despite nearly being dead in a ditch and bleeding out uncontrollably, you were still verbally shouting out cheers of praise to Nat as she fought and when she came to quickly bandage you up to stop the bleeding. You remembered Nat replying to you "Shut up, kid or I'll leave you here instead. All that shouting is going to make you pass out anyway." Funny enough she wasn't too far off the target because it wasn't long after she told you that did you fall unconscious from blood loss and woke up with a sweet new robotic vibranium prosthetic leg in Wakanda's medical ward.

"So, if she cut your leg off what happened next." Peter asked now interested in the story.

"Nat bandaged me up, I passed out, and I woke up with a sweet new robotic leg in Wakanda's medical ward. After I was healed enough I was transferred to Xavier's school where I sharpened my powers and did physical therapy along with the others. Once I was healed, Tony came back from outer space. Once he was recovered he told us everything and eventually upgraded my leg. Now it looks almost like I never lost a leg. Well, sort of. It still looks a bit off and it glitches every now and again, but I'm not complaining. I can still walk so." You shrugged now crossing your leg over the other and folding your arms over your chest.

"Wow. That's really cool." Peter said breathlessly. He seemed to admire you so much more. You knew you were now Tony Stark, but it was nice to have those admiring eyes directed towards you for once. The type of eyes that didn't hold romantic feelings, but still held the belief that everything you did was cool and amazing.

"Thank you, Peter." You smiled.

"So when are you two getting married?" Happy asks randomly and taking a gulp of water.

*smash*

The glass in Peter's hand immediately smashes in his palm. Everyone makes a noise in surprise at the sudden sound and turn to Peter. "Oh! Uh... I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! I'll... I'll clean it up." Peter says getting down on the floor to clean it up.

"Peter, your hand." You gasp setting your cup down. His hand started bleeding from all the glass shards that decided to embed themselves into his skin.

"Oh um..." Peter's face flushed a bright red. He couldn't help but feel intense embarrassment about the situation.

"Don't worry about the glass. I got it. You go with (y/n) and get your hand all patched up, okay?" (f/n) says already standing to go and get the broom.

"Yeah, come on, Peter. I have a first aid kit in the kitchen." You say standing up and helping him to his feet. You held his arm as he kept his hand underneath his injured one, hoping to catch the blood so it wouldn't get onto your carpet. You walked him to the kitchen. "Just put your hand over the sink and I'll be there in a moment."

"Okay." Peter says doing what you asked as you began to rummage around the medicine cabinet. Peter began to run his hand under a bit of water as you came back with the first aid kit. You first got some tweezers and a dish towel and dragged 2 chairs over so we could sit. You first sat down and put the dish towel across your lap. Peter then sat down and you gently grabbed his hand and set it in your lap while looking closely at it. "Nothing bad it looks like. Obviously nothing the Amazing Spiderman can't handle." You joke looking at him with a smile and he smiles back with an awkward laugh.

A silence falls over you both as you begin to focus on plucking the tiny shards from his hand. You didn't notice how the air got thicker and you certainly didn't notice how things got increasingly more difficult for Peter to stomach. He stared at you the entire time and the longer he did the more his heart broke. You didn't notice how his straight face slowly broke until you saw a few tear drops fall onto the surface of the hand you were working on and you heard a choked back sob. You looked up and saw his face as he turned away. You set the towel with glass pieces aside and held his hand. You knew he wasn't crying because of his hand or if there was a possibility you hurt him. He was much tougher than that. You also knew you couldn't physically hurt him even if you wanted to. His powers made it easier for him to handle a lot more than a regular human. No, his pain was internal. His kind soft heart was bursting with pain. "Peter..." you said softly with a frown.

"I... I miss you." He said finally with his head down and his chest heaved. "I miss you so much."

This is where your heart broke and you couldn't even keep your composure anymore. You hugged Peter and you hugged him tight. You hugged him like how you wanted to hug him the day you found out that he was one of the victims of the Snap. You hugged him like he would dust away again. You hugged him like he would leave you again, but this time not come back. And you cried. Oh, you cried like you should have when you first saw him again. You cried as you were finally getting the closure you wanted. It was five years, but you had him in your arms again and you couldn't be more grateful. "I miss you, too."

"First I lost Mr. Stark and now you..." he began crying harder now. He drops to his knees on the floor and his face goes to your lap.

"That's not true. I'm right here." I told him holding him tighter.

"But you're not mine anymore. You're his... and it only seems like just a few months ago you were at my house and we were playing video games and listening to music." Peter said getting his voice more.

"But it wasn't a few months ago. It's been years, Peter." You tell him stroking his hair.

"I know... but... it's just not fair!" he says gripping the fabric of your dress around your thighs tight in his balled fists.

"I know, I know it's not fair." You tell him as more tears fell from your eyes.

"If... if he wasn't there... If you weren't getting married, would you wait for me?" he asked quietly. You pressed your lips together. This was a very heavy question. It wouldn't change the outcome of how things were now no matter how you answered, but it could change the way Peter thought about things and how your relationship would be from here on out. You had to answer carefully. Either he could be angry with you and refuse to have contact with you, or he could have a false sense of hope and closure all depending on how you answered his question. You just hated to see him so upset and you wanted to give in, but you also could not lie to him either. If you ever loved him then you would not lie to him, even now.

"No, Peter." I told him gently petting his hair. His body tensed at the words. "Look at me."

He didn't move, so you shifted your body away slightly and lifted his chin up, so he would look at you. "Peter, I want you to listen to me. I want you to really hear what I am trying to tell you."

He looks at you with his tear stained face, but he does what you ask. "What happened to us is cruel and unfair, but it did happen. This whole situation is hard to swallow and seeing you like this kills me. Seeing your face for the first time when you came back and realizing you didn't grow up with me was one of the hardest things I had to come to terms with because I immediately realized that we couldn't work. I think it was even harder for me when I realized that when you came back, you had no idea what had happened and you thought we were still together like always. I found it difficult when I saw the reality hit you when you looked at me for the first time at Tony's funeral. I still care deeply for you, but you are still a child, Peter. You blipped. I didn't. I mourned and moved on. I know that when you become in your twenties it won't really be a big deal anymore with the age gap, but that's nearly 10 years of my life waiting for you. That's 10 years of my life halted and stagnant. That's also nearly 5 years of your life wasted waiting on me when you also need to move on. I'm sorry, but it won't be healthy if you wait for me."

He doesn't say anything for a long while. He just sets his head back down in your lap as he thinks over what you just told him. I don't mind, however. You said what you had to. You couldn't lie to him. It wasn't the adult or right thing to do. You had to just rip the band aid off. It seemed we sat there for a while. I knew the others were giving us our privacy. We all knew this dinner was really just to break the news to Peter that our relationship wouldn't work and hoping we could still be okay afterwards.

"Do you love him?" he asked quietly, his voice breaking a bit.

"Yes." You answered back.

"Did you love me?"

"Yes."

"Do you still love me?"

"Yes."

"But... not the same way..." he sighed.

"...No... not in the same way." You tell him gently.

"I... I suppose that's okay." He muttered, even if he didn't like his own answer.

"Thank you, Peter." You say with a smile looking down at him.

"For what?" he asks looking up at you.

"For understanding, for not being angry, for being a good person, for doing the right thing for yourself and I, ... and for just giving me some of the best moments of my life being with you." You tell him happily.

"O-oh. No problem." He says now getting back up off the floor and going to his feet.

You follow suit. His face was still tear stained, but he didn't have complete dread in his eyes anymore.

"It's going to take a while for me to get over you." He says looking at the ground.

"I know it will because it took me awhile. (f/n) was very patient with me." You tell him before thought came into her head. "Peter, I know this is too soon, but may I point you in a direction of people to consider giving a chance?"

"Um... okay?" He didn't seem too comfortable, but he was open to hear what she suggested.

"You know Michelle Jones that was in our class, right? I believe she just went by MJ."

"MJ?" Peter thought taking it into consideration.

#spiderman #peter parker #tom holland #xreader #infinity war #endgame #marvel #tony stark #black widow #steve rogers #hawkeye

2 notes · View notes

highkingfen · 5 years

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I think you're a beautiful person, and I hope things get better for you. How about we talk about some positive parts of the show! I love how many different personalities there are, there's no "copy and paste" among the characters. I love how everyone is so complex and unique. In last night's episode, I loved how Margo was given permission to have feelings other than anger. I love how Fen is allowed to be kind and soft, and is a strong character. What are your favourite parts?

Thanks,

IRL had been hitting me down with a frying pan lately and getting up is hard. Im working out really hard on being better and I wished it didn't show on Tumblr but there is a time where you need to think and take care of yourself first.

There is a lot of things i love about the show and I will do a list of it, I hope other add to it and we remember why this show is important and matter, despite its flaws.

How women are not a plot devise for male characters

How even background character have multidimensional

How they show disability with Margo’s eye and the dean blindness (though I wish we’d see Gretchen more)

The costume goes from found at H&M to hand made craftmanship by Magali Guidasci

The many bts and interaction the cast and writers have with their fans, they are not distant and its rare, lets remember this is a blessing

How no character is perfect, they have deep visceral flaws, they make mistake, they do dumb shit, and we still love them.

The legendary quotes they gave us

How being a nerd and accepted is part of the show but not the main focus; Q is a nerd but so much more and the show isn't about how to fit in like a nerd but how to fit in and stay yourself.

Hale amazing performance as the monster to a point I don’t see him as Eliot anymore. Which is creepy and crazy.

Julia’s arc blooming into ‘’ People heals’’ and how important it is for many who had her fate or worse

Mental health representation! From depression to anxiety, to ptsd, to dependence, to anger management to actual meltdown of grief

The empowerment of women by women. It is amazing to see them helping each other and not just walking on one another

How one emotion is portrait differently. (Per example how Q and Margo grieve Eliot is completely different)

BUNNIES

Kady was supposed to die and they love Jade so much they re-wrote the end of episode one

Summer refused to wear make up in her desert episode because Margo isn't that vain.

The small things an actor decide to do that end up being a character important choice (I.e Jason shaking his hand when he’s Q but not Beast!Q)

The fact that Julia still struggles with the idea of being a goddess or a mortal and try her best to make a choice and don’t know what to do. If this isn’t a big mood for any important decision a millennial struggle with, I don’t know what is.

Its filmed in Canada, which YAY my country

The sheer amount of Fanfiction there is and how omg they are so good y’all are good writers

The cast and crew understanding how much the show means for us and trying to give us a space to talk and even sharing bts with us!

Im sorry but Fish Josh? Yes

Musical episode. Fuck I love them.

Margo realizing that she can still be a tough woman and be in love is important because the narrative in media is that either you are a bitch and alone or sweet and surrounded by people that use you. Women never wins.

The fandom growing love for Fen warms my heart as I was the only one defending her for almost a year once.

How we can ship everyone with everyone and no one is mad. You ship penny x josh? Why not! There is 39 other timeline one might have that!

Or, you ship a character with two people... OT3 BABY

It went from Harry Potter with drug and alcohol to Millenial try to fight gods and inner demons

There are no fight books against the show, people take them as a separate piece of art and SCREAM when they both collide in amazingness (Aka the desert episode, Q yelling at a plant, the seven key, Abigail)

Lev being supportive of the creator exploring and expanding the worlds! I adore the library, Fillorian lore, what is magic outside of Brakebills

Seeing the character being a young adult and growing int being adult

Also what I love about the show is the fandom

You guys not only helped me out of my depression (though it has a relapse for the past week) but you encourage me to be me.

You supported my crazy idea of starting the Neitherlands library with @noe-gg as a place for pieces of information about the show and we are proud of this blog

You backed my crazy plan of a dnd book and the Kickstarter is over 500% financed, which blows my mind and will help me be able to take of work and sit down and write to give you better stuff

I wrote nearly 300k fanfic in a second language and instead of being mean to my mistake, you helped me, offered your advice and helped me grew as a writer

I was with a group of friend in High School that was super good at drawing so I wasn't allowed to try even if I wasn't that good. You supported me even when my first doodles are shaky and still makes me want to be better by your comments

There is no artist battle, we all help and support each other!

I fucking learn photoshop cause I wanted to gif the show and people came and help me be better

The gatekeeping is about being kind and open and not a shipping war or character war.

Physical Kids podcast is a must listen and truly amazing work by fans for fans

Hey the podcast I made too are not half bad

COSPLAYERS. YES. KEEP GOING.

People out of the US without Syfy helping each other to watch the show live.

There is no popular blog vs the others. (Not that I know of)

Blogs encouraging other blogs to create. YES.

We are all broken, but broken together. This fandom is my Brakebills, my physical kids cottage. One of the rare place I felt I belong for the first time

#the magicians #this is a love letter to the show and the fandom #A Bunny #cath answers a bunny

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leiascully · 6 years

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if you're taking fic requests (sorry if you're not) could you write a post-revival fic where william is staying with mulder and scully in the unremarkable house and mulder wakes up in the middle of the night hearing william wandering around downstairs having gotten up to let daggoo out and also he couldn't sleep and he and mulder talk

Timeline: Post Season 11Rating: PGCharacters: Jackson, Mulder, DaggooA/N: Better late than never?

The floor creaks and Mulder is awake instantly. Scully just mumbles and turns over as he eases out of bed. He doesn’t know how she sleeps through these things. Maybe she’s just more righteous than he is, or maybe it’s his lifetime of insomnia still nudging him out of his dreams. Maybe it’s the pregnancy. She has seemed exhausted lately. He picks up his weapon from the bedside table and pulls a clip out of the drawer. Better safe than sorry, he thinks as he slots it in. They’ve had more than a few unwelcome visitors the past few years. He slides his feet into his slippers and pads down the hallway. At least he wasn’t sleeping in the nude tonight.

There’s definitely someone in the house. There’s a light on in the kitchen and Mulder can see a shadow. Daggoo is barking quietly, these little excited sounds. He doesn’t sound upset. Mulder creeps down the stairs one at a time, sliding the clip into his weapon.

“It’s just me,” Jackson says as Mulder comes down the stairs. Mulder knocks the clip back out of his weapon and tucks the weapon and the clip in separate pockets of his pajamas. Jackson stands in the doorway to the kitchen, Daggoo’s leash in his hand. Daggoo prances beside him, and Jackson stoops to pick up the little dog. Daggoo licks at his face and whines.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Mulder tells him.

Jackson shrugs. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, buddy,” Mulder says. “But text next time. Send a psychic message. Postcard. Skywriting. Whatever.”

“I see why she likes you,” Jackson says. “The dog needed to go out.”

“Daggoo,” Mulder says.

“Excuse me?” Jackson says. It’s hard to think of him that way. It’s hard not to call him William, especially when Mulder can see himself in that face. Mulder wishes he could sling his arm around his boy, ruffle his hair, all that dad shit. He didn’t know what he was giving up when he left.

“Daggoo,” Mulder repeats. “The dog. Daggoo. It’s a Moby Dick thing.”

“Call me Ishmael.” Jackson nods. “On an insane quest to reclaim your manhood. I get it.”

“Scully named it,” Mulder says. “Her dad - your grandfather - he was in the Navy. It was their thing. He called her Starbuck.”

“Like the coffee?” Jackson asks.

“Like the first mate in Moby Dick,” Mulder says. “I take it you never actually read it.”

“Not even the Spark Notes,” Jackson says. “I’m going to take this little guy outside.”

Mulder nods. “I’m going to make some cocoa. It helps me sleep. I think it’s part of getting old. You want some?”

“Okay,” Jackson says. “It’s like eighty degrees outside, but why not.”

“That’s the spirit,” Mulder says. He turns his back deliberately on Jackson as a sign of trust and gets the milk out of the fridge. Instead of powdered packets, he reaches for a box of Abuelita and unwraps the tablet. It clanks into the pan. He’s learned to let it melt first, so he doesn’t aggravate his shoulder trying to whisk it into submission. Growing older is ridiculous. He expected he wouldn’t be able to fling himself after suspects the way he used to when he and Scully met, but he didn’t think making hot chocolate would potentially incapacitate him. He pours in the milk and puts the carton back in the fridge. Domestic life is much easier when all parties agree on where things are supposed to be. At least the milk has never been a struggle. Depending on how long Jackson stays, it might become one, but that’s a small price to pay for the opportunity to get to know his son. Their son. The Van de Kamps’ son.

He’s still whisking when Jackson returns, Daggoo panting beside him.

“If you’ve got any smoking to do,” Mulder says without turning, “keep it on the porch. It’s been a dry summer. Nobody wants any fires.”

Jackson unclips Daggoo’s leash. “Noted.” He settles into a chair. Daggoo prances on his hind legs, trying to get into Jackson’s lap, and Jackson scratches behind his ears. “That’s pretty chill for a professional narc.”

“You’re not in my jurisdiction,” Mulder says, whipping up a froth on the top of the cocoa. He turns off the burner. “I save my narc powers for breaking up global conspiracies that threaten all of humanity.”

“Respect,” says Jackson. Mulder pours the cocoa from the pan into two mugs and sets one in front of Jackson. He puts the pan in the sink and runs water into it before he pulls up a chair for himself. He thinks about telling Jackson that Scully used to smoke, just to shock him, but he’ll save that moment for her. It would be easy to be overzealous, trying to catch up on all the years he’s missed. His son isn’t a baby; he’s a young adult, and he’s been on his own. He has to meet Jackson where he is, on Jackson’s terms, or he’ll probably vanish into the night like a heartbreaking vision.

“It seems like it’s a little late to pull the dad act anyway,” Mulder says. “Look at you. All grown up and manipulating minds.”

Jackson shrugs and sips at his cocoa. He makes a face as it burns his tongue. “It’s a living.”

“You know you’re going to have a sibling?” Mulder asks.

“Yeah,” Jackson says. “Congrats, I guess.”

“We don’t have to do family stuff,” Mulder says. He picks up his cocoa. “You did show up here, though. My psychology degree was a long time ago, but that seems to suggest you have some kind of interest.”

Jackson sighs. “It’s not like this is easy, man.”

“I get it,” Mulder says. “The last time I saw you, you were less than a week old. I mean, the last time I saw you before your life of crime began. I don’t have a lot of practice being a dad, and I was a shitty son myself.” He takes a swallow of cocoa. “Not that you’re a shitty son.”

“I am, though,” Jackson says. “My parents are dead.”

“You didn’t kill them,” Mulder says.

“I didn’t save them,” Jackson counters.

“I know how that feels,” Mulder says. “Believe it or not.”

“I can’t hear you,” Jackson says. “Not like I can hear her.”

“My dad was shot by my former partner,” Mulder tells him. “Not Scully. A rat named Krycek, who was part of the whole global conspiracy that I kept pushing up against. My mom killed herself. I never called her back the last time she wanted to talk. I don’t know if that would have changed anything. Oh, and I shot my biological father for killing you, or so I thought at the time. Glad I was wrong. Also glad I shot him.”

“Fuck, man,” Jackson says, and pauses, as if he’s waiting for Mulder to scold him. Mulder just gazes levelly at his son, trying to take in every detail.

“You didn’t kill your parents,” he says.

“Guess not,” Jackson says. He wraps his hands around his mug even though it’s warmish in the kitchen. “You gonna ask me why I’m here?”

“I figured you’d get to that,” Mulder says.

“You gonna wake her up?” Jackson asks.

“She doesn’t need to know you were here if you’re not planning on staying,” Mulder says, looking straight into Jackson’s eyes. They’re shaped a little like his own. It’s uncanny, after all those years of clones.

“You protect her,” Jackson says.

“We protect each other,” Mulder corrects. “Twenty-five years and counting. It goes both ways.”

“I don’t know why I’m here,” Jackson says. “There wasn’t anywhere else to go.”

“We’ve got a spare room,” Mulder says. “You’re always welcome.”

“Even if there’s a warrant out on me?” Jackson asks.

Mulder shrugs. “I haven’t seen one. It’s not like those DoD types haven’t come knocking before.”

“I guess,” Jackson says.

“I’m not trying to whip out my credentials here,” Mulder says, “but you ever seen one shot and faked your own death using his corpse? And that was how far we were willing to go before we had kids. I’m not gonna let anything happen to you if I can help it.”

“That’s hard core,” Jackson says.

“You didn’t get it all from your momma,” Mulder says. “Or your other parents.”

“If I stay, do I have to talk about it?” Jackson asks.

“The fact we thought you were dead?” Mulder asks. “Not yet.”

“That’s fair,” Jackson says after a moment.

“She’s going to be so happy to see you,” Mulder says. “She cries at everything right now, by the way, so don’t take it personally. I saw her get weepy at a commercial for paper towels the other day.”

“I’ll be happy to see her too,” Jackson says. “Uh, thanks, I guess. For not shooting me when I showed up at your house with no notice in the middle of the night, and, uh, picked your lock.”

“A skill every growing boy needs,” Mulder says. “Trust me, kiddo, I’ve had a lifetime of stuff weirder than you to deal with.”

“That’s probably good,” Jackson says. “I mean, you’re prepared, right?”

“As prepared as anyone can be for parenthood,” Mulder says with a wink. He takes a long drink of cocoa. It really is soothing. “You ready for bed? You got stuff?”

Jackson jerks his head toward a ratty backpack in the corner of the kitchen. “Just that. I might stay up for a while. Not really tired.”

“TV remote’s in the basket,” Mulder says. “Not too loud, okay? Your mom needs her sleep, with the baby.”

“You sure you haven’t been practicing this dad stuff?” Jackson asks, with a lopsided grin Mulder recognizes.

Mulder smiles. “Only in my head,” he says. He finishes his cocoa and puts his mug in the sink. “Let me show you your room.”

They cleaned out his old study together, when Scully moved back in. It’s a lot less cluttered now. His clippings are in a filing cabinet and his books are on shelves. There was enough room for a pull-out sofa bed, one of those IKEA creations that looks a little too modern for the space. It’s pretty comfortable, though, or it was when they stretched out on it in the store. Mulder pulls out the mattress and take the sheets out of the storage compartment. He flips out the sheet, nodding to Jackson to take the other edge, and they make up the bed together.

“Bathroom’s around the corner,” Mulder says. “Extra pillows on the couch if you need ‘em.”

“Thanks,” Jackson says.

“You’re welcome,” Mulder says. “I mean it. You’re welcome whenever.” He turns. “This old man is going back to bed. See you in the morning.”

“Mulder?” Jackson says, and Mulder looks over his shoulder at him. He can see the delicacy of Scully’s bone structure in Jackson’s face, and something of her graceful precision in the way Jackson moves. “You’re not a shitty dad.”

“I’ll try to keep that streak going,” Mulder says. “Good night, buddy.”

“Good night,” Jackson says.

#squaddigest #xfiles fic #xf fic #xfiles fanfic #jackson van de kamp #my fic #tw: suicide mention #tw: murder #Anonymous

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