#he sees it as penance
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Okay just coming to add into this crack ship that I absolutely ADORE.
So what happened in Storm’s End still happens, Vhagar still ends up with his Arrax Ala Carte meal with a side of Lucerys. But Aemond is horrified by what happens, he didn’t realise he didn’t actually want to kill Lucerys until AFTER he dies. Aemond confesses to his mother what happened and he looks so lost and filled with so much grief, he doesn’t know WHY he’s crying all he knows is that Lucerys is dead. His nephew is dead, the small, bright boy that followed him around the Red Keep like a little lost puppy during their youth is dead.
Alicent listens and for the first time in her life she makes a decision for herself and for her children.
She’s seen what politics and her father has done to her children. Halaena can barely stand her touch, Aegon drinks and whores himself to an early death, and here is Aemond. Her sweet, dutiful boy desperately holding on to her hands, broken and down on his knees as he mourns for the nephew he claimed he HATED.
Looking at him now, she finally understands why Lucerys’ death affected Aemond so much. Why it looks like the world has fallen down on him and why it feels like his heart was ripped out of his chest.
It’s because that’s exactly what she felt staring at Rhaenyra after her father announced his intentions towards Alicent.
Her boy had killed the love of his life and nothing could be done to undo it.
Lucerys is dead, Aemond is a shell of his former self and she knew that if she didn’t do anything the realm would be plunged into a war that had never been theirs to fight. Alicent makes a decision then and there, she would save her family. She moves quickly and in secret, it’s almost offensive to know how little Otto Hightower sees his daughter as a threat. A mistake really, Otto Hightower dies a painful death one night and the maesters declare the cause of death as a bursted belly and if the Queen Dowager and maesters say so then who were they to argue? She send a raven but doesn’t bother waiting for a reply, instead she drags Aegon and convinces Aemond to bring them to Dragonstone.
Up in the air, she imagines she’s on a different dragon, sitting with a different dragon rider with paler hair and lilac eyes she’s spent her entire youth gazing into, flying up up and away to see the great wonders across the narrow sea and eating only the tastiest cakes.
The gentle nudge from Aemond breaks her away from her daydreaming and brings her back to the present. They had expected the open hostility and the guards waiting for them, swords raised as they landed on the ground. But Rhaenyra has always been kind, even with red rimmed eyes and grief sitting heavily on her shoulders she allows them to speak and explain. Aegon bends the knee, Aemond bends the knee, Alicent bends the knee and Rhaenyra is crowned Queen.
It does not fix everything, does not bring back Lucerys or heals the grief felt greatly by those who loved him but it does stop the Dance.
Aemond thinks his sister a nobler woman than all the men in the realm combined. She does not ask for his head, despite Daemon and Jacaerys’ demands, instead she strips him off his title as Prince and exiles him and Vhagar from Westeros. Aemond does not think the punishment too harsh or too much, in fact he felt as if his sister had given him a slap on the wrist. If you asked him, no torture, no beheading, no eye mutilation would ever be too much for what he did to Luke. Besides, he was never planning to stay. The Red Keep is no longer home, gone are the halls that were once filled with Lucerys’ laughter and the rooms that were brightened by Lucerys’ smile are dulled, the castle is empty. Silent.
Aemond spends his years flying from place to place, lost and aimless. He spends his years mastering the art of the sword, learning new cultures and languages, and mourning Lucerys. He carries Lucerys’ memory with him like a gaping wound, raw and painful. Losing his remaining eye would have hurt less.
If there was one consolation, Aemond thought, at least he died hating me.
“It’s exactly what I deserve.”
#okay so I got tired#but basically aemond spend his life in constant grief bc I like him like that#therapy what therapy#aemond learns to live with seeing lucerys’ ghost everywhere he goes#he sees it as penance#but also another gift he’s undeserving of#bc he’ll take whatever part of Lucerys he can have#and seeing Lucerys’ ghost isn’t as much of a punishment as it is a blessing#decades passed and aemond receives a letter asking him to come back for jacaerys’ coronation#rhaenyra isn’t dead she just wants early retirement#aemond goes to the godswood he frequented in his youth#it was where he hid back when he was weak and dragonless#it was also where little luke would follow him to#they would spend their days together with Luke’s head on his lap as they ate the sweets luke charmed out off the cook#that’s when he sees it#sitting on the exact same spot they used to in their youth he sees the carved initials#L + A#it had most likely been carved after the vhagar incident or else aemond would have seen it#it had only been after the vhagar incident when he stopped coming to the godswood#which is why it didn’t make sense#luke hated him and aemond knew that#so why did he carve the initials#why did he mark the sacred godswood tree like this#if luke died hating aemond then why did he carve their initials where only he and aemond could find it#tracing the carved initials aemond once again feels the grief return#only this time it was tenfold#because maybe luke didn’t die hating him#lucemond#lucaerys velaryon#aemond targaryen
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"Murder is Werewolves" - Batman
I don't got the SPOONS to do this thought train justice, I have seriously been trying to write this thing for MONTHS so just, idk, have this half baked skeletal outline of the essay I guess:
I don't believe that Batman's no-kill rule is primarily about rehabilitation or second chances.
His refusal to believe that Cassandra could have killed someone when she was eight years old because "how could a killer understand my commitment not to kill" is absolute fucking MOON LOGIC from a rehabilitationist standpoint. No jury on the planet would think for even a second that she could reasonably be held accountable for her actions in that situation! Her past cannot condemn her to being incapable of valuing human life under a rehabilitation centering framework. However, Batman's reasoning makes perfect sense if he believes that killing is a spiritually/morally corrupting act which permanently and fundamentally changes a person, and that corruption can never be fully undone.
Dick Grayson killing the Joker is treated both narratively and by Batman as an unequivocally WIN for the Joker. The Joker won by turning Nightwing into a killer. Note that this is during a comic in which the Joker transforming people was a major theme! Batman didn't revive the Joker because the Joker deserved to live; he revived the Joker to lift the burden on Dick.
His appeal to Stephanie when she tried to kill her dad is that she shouldn't ruin her own life. He gives no defense of Cluemaster's actual life. Granted this is a rhetorical strategy moment and should be taken with a generous pinch of salt, but it fits in the pattern.
When Jason becomes a willful killer, he essentially disowns him, never treats him with full trust ever again, and... Well, we can stop here for Bruce's sake. Bottom line is that his actions towards Jason do not lead me to believe that he thinks Jason can become a better person without having his autonomy taken from him, either partially or fully.
The Joker is, for better or worse, the ultimate symbol and vessel of pure, irredeemable evil in DC comics now. He hasn't been just another crook in a long time. He will never get better, he will only get worse. If you take it to be true that the Joker will not or can not rehabilitate, then there's no rehabilitationist argument against killing him.
Batman does not seem to consider it a possibly that he'll rehabilitate. Batman at several points seems to think that the Joker dying in a manner no one could have prevented would be good. Yet Batman fully believes that if he killed the Joker, he himself would become irredeemable.
Batman's own form of justice (putting people into the hospital and then prison) is fucking brutal and clearly not rehabilitative. He disrespects the most basic human rights of all criminals on a regular basis. It is genuinely really, really weird from a rehabilitationist standpoint that his only uncrossable line is killing... But it makes perfect sense if he cares more about not corrupting himself with the act of killing than the actual ethical results of any individual decision to kill or not kill.
In the real world cops are all bastards because they are too violent to criminals, even when that violence doesn't lead to death. Prison is a wildly evil thing to do to another human being, and you don't use it to steal away massive portions of a person's life if your goal is to rehabilitate them. In the comic world, Batman is said to be necessary because the corrupt cops are too nice to criminals and keep letting them out of jail. I don't know how to write a connector sentence there so like I hope you can see why this bothers me so damn much! That's just not forgiveness vibes there Batman!!
I want to make special note here of the transformative aspect. You don't simply commit a single act when you kill, no, you become a killer, like you might become a werewolf.
The narrative supports this a lot!
Why did Supes go evil during Injustice? He killed the Joker. Why did Bruce become the Batman Who Laughs? Bruce killed the Joker. Why was Jason Todd close to becoming a new Joker during Three Jokers? Because he killed people, to include the Joker.
Even if these notions of redemption being impossible aren't the whole of his reasoning (people never have only one reason for doing what they do) it is a distinct through-line pattern in his actions and reasoning, and it is directly at odds with notions of rehabilitation, redemption, and second chances.
So why does he give so many killers second chances?
Firstly because this doesn't apply to all versions of Batman. Some writers explicitly incorporate rehabilitation and forgiveness into his actions. You will be able to provide me with examples of this other through-line pattern if you go looking for them. The nature of comics is to be inconsistent.
Secondly the existence of that other pattern does not negate the existence of this one. People and characters are complex, and perfectly capable of holding two patterns of belief within themselves, even when they conflict to this degree. You can absolutely synthesize these two ideas into a single messy Batman philosophical vibescape.
Finally and most importantly to this essay: he has mercy on killers the same way that werewolf hunters sometimes have mercy on someone who is clearly struggling against their monsterous nature, especially if they were turned in exceptional circumstances or against their will. They understand that they are sick, damned beasts, cursed to always be fighting against themselves and the evil they harbor within. It is vitally kind to help them fight themselves by curtailing their autonomy in helpful ways and providing them with chances to do some good to make up for their eternal moral deficiency.
I think in many comics Batman views killers as lost souls. Battered and tormented monsters who must be pitied and given mercy wherever possible. (The connections to mental health, addiction, and rampant, horrifying ableism towards people struggling with both is unavoidable, but addressing it is sadly outside of the scope of this essay.)
Above all, the greatest care possible must be taken to never, ever let yourself become one of them, because once you have transformed the beast will forever be within you growing stronger.
To Batman, it is the most noble burden, the highest mercy, the most important commandment: Thou shalt suffer the monsters to live.
#batman#batman negative#batsalt#okay hopefully that will let peeps who don't wanna see me rant against bats avoid this?#i could write several books on the moral and ethical philosophies at play in the Batfam tbh#I'm like kinda mostly happy with this#pretty good for being slammed out in three hours while baking brownies#inspired muchly by my friend's talk about Batman acting in accordance with Presbyterian predestination#and how he is one of the most carceral of all superheroes#all people merely revealing through their actions what sort of person they already are#punishing them in the hopes they can suffer enough penance on earth to escape hell#how that can look like rehabilitation or redemption at a glance#but functions in a fundamentally different way#anyway hope this mess was an interesting read!#damian's tomfoolery
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I'm once again thinking about the missed opportunities to have Klaus and Kol bond more. Part of Klaus' whole motivation as a vampire is to get his werewolf part back and to finally be stronger than Mikael (sort of, I'm simplifying) both of which can be obtained by breaking his curse. But Kol? Kol is the only other original that can relate to having a fundamental part of themself ripped away from them. Klaus might not have known he was a werewolf until he killed, but he likely still had a connection he couldn't explain, as evident by him going to watch the wolves transform. And something he'd never been able to explain was now gone. He might only be able to realise the connection afterwards through its absence.
Kol though. Kol had grown up with magic, a connection to nature and the world around him in a way the rest of his siblings supposedly didn't have. And then he gets turned. And not only has his baby brother died, his father has just murdered him and the rest of his siblings after forcing them to drink human blood, which he'll later learn. Now, not only does he have to deal with the grief of Henrik's death and also his own but also the loss of his magic. A loss that's likely only worsened by Kol being a self-proclaimed child prodigy.
Kol is pretty much the only one who could understand what Klaus is going through with the binding of his wolf. We know Kol searched for ways to get his magic back/carry on practicing magic in the same way that Klaus was looking for ways to break his curse. While Klaus likely could still feel his wolf there despite being bound, Kol has no access to his magic anymore. I just think they should've been able to bond or connect over their shared loss of an intrinsic aspect of their selves at the hands of their parents
#TVD#The Mikaelsons#Kol Mikaelson#Klaus Mikaelson#briefly back on my the originals shouldve gotten to be a family goddammit and as someone from a big family im personally offended bs#i did right a lil snippet about them bonding over this that i havent posted yet for the joml verse but still think its an unexplored concep#need more witch!kol acknowledgement honestly. just need more content of my boy#anyway. klaus having a fascination with the moon and kol telling him about celestial events and how it affects his magic when theyre boys#klaus losing that connection to the moon feeling lost & extra tempermental feeling his wolf claw at its binds and vowing to break his curse#kol determined to get his magic back at any cost relating to that devasting loss and promising to help him find a loophole for his curse#kol who becomes extra reckless and determined when he learns that theres a way to break klaus' curse so maybe he can get his magic back too#that knowledge and recklessness combined with his loss of magic driving him to become the volatile vampire that we see#that leads to him being daggered repeatedly but that first time breaks something in that bond between him & klaus that never fully recovers#it makes him bitter and resentful only fueling his reckless behaviour particularly when there seems to be no leads on reclaiming his magic#that he becomes distant from his siblings in the process especially with finn still daggered but that distance only cements the idea#to his siblings that hes a danger and cant be trusted that he needs to be daggered if theyre to stay safe from mikael#the loss of his magic leading to his spiral as a vampire and him being ostracised by his family > actual tvdu kol canon#klaus being trapped in a room staring at the corpse of his little brother knowing he never repaired that relationship with him#and now he never can so he refuses to look away as penance and a reminder of his failings to his little brother#*edit: one of the reblogs on this post is the author of big bad wolf and honestly she does an amazing job at portraying the mikaelsons#as actual siblings if you havent read it its one of my favourites for characterisations but we need more 😭 i want it to be the norm
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see the thing is that i'm very much of two minds when it comes to gojo and fatherhood, in that i truly believe that gojo would choose—or strongly, seriously consider the choice—not to have children. i think he would feel that carrying on his lineage is a curse he's forcing his child to bear. a sentence for a crime they played no part in. because no one knows better how isolating the power he inherited can be than he does. how lonely it feels. how much of a burden it is to be so strong.
but satoru? your satoru? i think that he loves you so profoundly. so tremendously. so entirely. in an almost overwhelming way. in a way that's not normal, because he hasn't ever had to be. and truly, i think there's nothing on earth he wants more than for you to have his babies. your babies together. he wants to take you out in public when you're pregnant, or when you have the little baby in a pram for the world to see, and he wants every person who sees you to know exactly what it means. that you're his and he's yours and that baby belongs to you both—a living, breathing testament to your love.
and for what it's worth, i think he'd be a great father. he has an enormous capacity for love that went entirely unused for so so many years. he doesn't get it right all of the time (or even most of the time) but there's no denying in any possible way that he loves his baby with everything he is.
#and when he sees the colour of the baby's eyes I think he might even love them more—like an apology if nothing else#like penance for the gift he cursed them with#tw parenthood#tw pregnancy#jjk hcs
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You know that moment when a fellow player's PC gets disintegrated off from existence?
YAH. YAH.
#dungeons and dragons#dnd#fucking disintegrate#penance was only 18 sessions old??????????#he's gone??? one-shotted??? with half of us not even there??#i remember seeing vax being disintegrated but. that was after hundreds of episodes it felt different. instead our buddy penance just???#isn't anymore??
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hi so yes i’m keeping that because woah mama!! 🤌
i’d be trying to escape every day just so he could capture me
love the tongue love the tail love the claws love the teeth love the tongue….
thank you so much! for sharing this delicious morsel with me i can’t wait to meet him in the comic 🙌💖
WHA WA HI!!
The procrastination has worked..
Also wasn't confident in that piece at all so people liking it is a surprise 😭
If the plan sticks, Casey makes his appearance in chapter seven:)
#youre gonna love him#urggghh i wanna talk ab him#but cant spoil#and youll see a lot of him anyway#like a LOT#he plays a huge part#but im thirsting so badly for him as penance for Bay sexualizing april so badly#also realizing a lot of the characters are changed so much#cuz the setting is so different#hes one of the biggest changes but i also know nothing ab bay casey so#gornack ask tag#saving any of my work is literally the highest honor#tearing up actually
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was looking up the only ash wednesday song ive ever loved (offering of ashes. btw. or just ashes. tom conry 1978 i know nothing else about this man except that he wrote this song) (for fic purposes) and stumbled upon a forum full of catholics discussing the revised version that was included in the 2021 hymnal and boyyyyyyyy the trads HATE this song. it was a 70s piece and a bit hippydippy in the sense that, for a catholic song, it is low on guilt and strong on self-forgiveness, and the first guy in the thread just has to point out that the unrevised version was too pelagian to be properly catholic
#pelagianism is one of my favorite heresies and i dont even know how this song could be that#next commenter 'i wouldnt use either in church if you put a gun to my head' third commenter 'i love it when heresy is removed from hymnals'#so far im feeling great about what i want this song to DO in the fic. like i knew i liked her for a reason#she's actively contrary to the spirit of lenten guilt! she's doing her own thing! and she's doing it hauntingly#lots of the commenters dislike the fact that the song contains the refrain 'an offering of ashes' because the ashes of ash wednesday#are not an offering they're *an outward sign of penance*#which even as a child i thought was sort of self-aggrandizing. like ohhhhhhhh we get it you went to church and we all see it#it always made me feel like a guilt trip if i washed mine off#i love when religious folks get SO up in arms about theology of lyrics in songs. girl i think he was just trying to make it rhyme#do you not have bigger things to worry about. religiously?#theology is like grammar. to me. it's fascinating to learn about its history and usage but some people treat it like the laws of physics
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Ok no idea how anyone else is feeling about The Penitent One but, this man deserves at least one (1) coffee break.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been playing Blasphemous 2 for the past week and a half nonstop but my brother in Christ, he’s gotta be exhausted
#blasphemous#blasphemous 2#the penitent one#seeing the exemplaris excommunication 60 something times in a day starts to get old#but you gotta push through#but also#seriously penitente deserves a break from his penance at least just for a lil bit#maybe I’m just projecting my opinion onto him because I’m painfully exhausted from school#and I can only imagine he’s painfully exhausted from his penance
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blackwall’s character arc is what cullen stans think his character arc is
#maybe if cullen let a bunch of mages hang him or perhaps beat him up……….#also blackwall’s romance w an andrastian inquisitor specifically is like mouth watering. i love devotion and penance 😩#cullen’s romance w a mage is like ummmm do u have problems w me being a mage 🥺#could u care for me after all u have been through 🥺🥺 oppressing people 🥺#and he’s like i guess i see you as a person so you’re not like other mages so i guess it’s fine#anyways.txt#delete later
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You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.
Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡
Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme
#mdzs#i was really out here thinking svsss would be my fave bc of lbh#and then i finally get around to reading mdzs and it blows my expectations out of the fucking water holy actual shit#and i just had this feeling the first time i read parts of it like 'oh. this series is going to kill me. im not coming back from this.'#and here i am booboo the fool getting my clown ass make-up on#idk how to explain it like i just fucking LOVE mxtx's takes on arrogance#that wwx is constantly being perceived as a show off and an incorrigible flirt and a know it all#how wwx cant always help the ways he acts out the desperation that has embedded itself into his very bones#how wwx only ever wanted to do the right thing and that having been so much of his downfall#how his worth and talent would always be eclipsed by virtue of his circumstances#how he's above needing recognition at his core but at the same time longs for an ounce of good will and positive recognition ->#how human he is despite his brilliance. how he never gets it no matter how hard he tries to be worthy.#like to me wwx is emblematic of what it means to be poor/an immigrant in high places#always villified always alien always wrong always unwelcome#no matter how clever or capable or kind youll always be an eyesore because you don't 'act right'. not 'one of them.' you never will be.#i just...the way he just wanted it all to be over by the end. the way he didnt even want to come back to life. that he was sick of it all.#im rattling the bars of my cage i love him I LOVE HIM i love him#i understand you lan wangji (and i love lwj too)#and even lan wangji too like. the way so many of their issues in the beginning stems from that self-same problem#how lwj couldn't live with his out of control feelings how he too couldn't quite lay down his pride#how lwj was also trapped by the expectations of his clan in his own way how so much of their separation was a form of penance#that the calamity of wwx's loss forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself and his life#how he was left with nothing but regret. how when wwx returns--lwj refuses to leave anything to chance this time#he refuses to let wwx be alone anymore--refuses to let him hurt himself for the sake of others refuses to just let it all happen#even if it means overstepping a boundary or propriety it doesn't matter--as long as wwx stays with him. pride be damned#god i just can't i just can't do it im biting im ripping things apart GOD#will also say the jokes about lwj being like. 'strict moral compass or BUST.' and then wwx literally committing like 17 felonies in the bg#while lwj is like 'crimes? what crimes. nothing to see here.' NEVER stops being funny. like i was pissing myself laughing#i know its a known trope but by god are they hilarious about it#also. lan qiren how many times do your nephews have to go catatonic for you to stop with the catholic guilt and repression
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augie being evil is hilarious and awesome actually because in every scenario where he’s even slightly upset, i get to imagine him summoning all the birds in the surrounding area and creating scenes of horrific carnage and avian violence
it’s just so delightfully silly to me
#that bit where he and penance were walking by the pond with the swans in it lololol#i was like 'girl be careful or you're gonna get attacked by four swans'#oh augie#you were gonna be the most iconic Nice Guy villain icon since joe from you#and i hate that that was taken away from us all#because i would have LIVED FOR IT#dollsome's deep thoughts#the nevers#the nevers spoilers#i've decided that i'm gonna just be the nevers posting i want to see in the tumblr world#i'd like to state for the record that i have harbored a bit of a lifelong bird fear and so i find the augie thing especially great/awful
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A random late-night thought.
Tod didn’t think anything of Rudolf in life. The prince had been a tool, albeit an enjoyable one, to get to the empress. He doesn’t think much that the prince decides to stay as an angel either - he has countless angels.
He keeps all the trappings of his rank in his realm. A garden, a menagerie, and an apiary.
Rudolf’s task as an angel isn’t to see to the dead, it is to tend to the birds of Tod’s apiary.
And how could Tod not notice the angel that tends to his birds of paradise, to his eagles and herons, to his willful magpies and parrots?
#my brain doesn't seem about to comprehend the phrase full writing schedule#but I kind of like this idea#maybe it can be added to the drabbles#soft and kind of fluffy canon compliant todolf#also kind of inspired by the number of birds that have died in the crown prince Rudolf daily#he has some penance to do#would people like to see this?
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not to be dramatic on this beautiful christmas eve, but i am currently in the kind of symbolic hell that they'd make a tv movie about. i should maybe be learning some very special christmas lesson from the empty mausoleum to my weird childhood that is my dad's house, but i haven't found it yet. i wish someone would put me down like a dog.
#we watched fight club and then had a yelling argument about what fight club was about <3#every discussion is a yelling argument with him it's a good time#i do not know how to tell you that sometimes movies are meant to be watched again when you have the full context#the content and structure does not change i'm sorry you didn't know they were the same person and that the movie pulled your leg#five minutes into the movie he's like 'why is he doing that' well you see i am going to kill you and then myself#and girl you do not have to take my word for it that mr. robot is a DIRECT HOMAGE TO FIGHT CLUB because you have NOW SEEN BOTH#this is my penance for something i have yet to do#merry christmas#prattling about the self
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you: watching the fireworks
me: listening to the percussive concert of fireworks and sending an email to my favorite podcast, my baby, divided argument, trying to be pleasant and also score a hit on Baude attacking "conservative" """originalist""" Alito via his mandamus theories
#as penance for this post i will concede that Dobbs is relatively well written and researched and good law for Alito#~~you should see him when he has the majority on some nothingburger of a case. its. not good.~~
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“Ruling the World from His Basement,” Moon Knight (Vol. 1/1980), #15.
Writer: Doug Moench; Penciler and Inker: Bill Sienkiewicz; Colorist: Christie Scheele; Letterer: Joe Rosen
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight vol. 1#Moon Knight 1980#Moon Knight comics#Moon Knight#Marc Spector#Steven Grant#Jake Lockley#so much to unpack#that he wants to forget Marc but is uncomfortable as Steven#who is in his own way was almost born from a desire for penance#that Jake is most similar just without the guilt#and finally the answer to my most pressing question: while Moench was inspired by Sybil#it does not seem he originally intended for Marc to actually have DID#just something akin to an undercover agent getting too lost amidst various cover identities#interesting#I look forward to seeing when exactly that changes
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Nier Reincarnation gave me more Griff content and it's showing more of how he went from being ruthless with killing enemies to being filled with guilt with everyone who's died because of him and trying to repent somehow
And now I'm here like
and also this means new Griff costume
#fate rambles#griff tag tbd#the more stories of his you see the more you really see how he used to be really hot tempered and ruthless on the battlefield#until the time him going off on his own plan caused the rest of his squad to get killed and that started the change in him#bc that filled him with so much guilt bc they died bc of him and then he was rewarded for what he did bc the military saw it as a victory#bc his plan attacked the enemy and then he ended up getting promoted to captain#and this newest story kinda shows the in-between of where he was and who he is now#bc hes showing genuine concern for the civilians and their issue with bandits but when it came to taking care of it#he was merciless when it came to killing all of them and that kind of traumatized a kid that tagged along#but then a year later the kid sees him coming out of the place the bandits were killed and finds flowers for everyone killed#so like he definitely looked back and realized how he handled it was fucked up and now hes got guilt over that too and the flowers#are an attempt at even a small bit of penance for how ruthless he was with those bandits#and even the kid ends up praying for him like 'please someone save him'
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