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celluloidbroomcloset · 6 months

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To talk a bit more about submission and especially Ed's trust in Stede and the erosion of that trust...

There's a fairly clear implication that Ed has never felt safe in his life - not as a child with an abusive father, not as a boy or young man on Hornigold's ship, and not as Blackbeard. He's very much the impossible bird, increasingly exhausted and sick of flying until eventually he'll just drop out of the sky. But when he meets Stede, he thinks he's found a safe place to land.

His desire to relinquish control is right there from the very beginning, though he may not even know it. He's tired, he's bored, he's not having fun being a pirate or even being a person.

He tries to show some vulnerability with Izzy, only to be first misunderstood, then bullied back into Blackbeard. But it’s revealing so much of himself to Stede, and then being hurt, that drives his heartbreak and eventually his depression. Ed trusted Stede with his darkest secrets, but also with his softest feelings - the murder of his father and his mother's silk.

What’s harsh in Stede not showing up on the dock is that he said he was Ed’s friend, and then Ed kisses him and their relationship shifts. The kiss is a declaration of desire; it's moving from the relationship they can still treat as friendship and into the space of romance and sexuality. Stede not showing up on the dock seems to say, “I was your friend but I can’t be your lover.”

Ed starts seeing those moments of tenderness and kindness throughout the first season in a different light. He felt how tenderly his vulnerability and his fears were treated, and now he wonders if he never understood the meaning behind that tenderness - that Stede really did fear him, or was just being kind, because Stede is kind.

That rejection isn't what makes Ed spiral, but it is what he dwells on throughout those first three episode of Season 2. Stede broke something open inside him, and he thinks that what he felt was never really reciprocated, that Stede was frightened of him and that Stede saw him fully and what he saw was a monster. So when Stede comes back and offers that gentleness again, Ed's naturally wary of it. He wants, badly, to give in and let himself be vulnerable again, but he's scared that he will be hurt if he does.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that Stede stops saying "I love you" when Ed asks him to, and that he slows down when Ed asks him to, and that he asks to hold Ed's hand is important. Stede is nothing if not emotionally attuned to Ed. He's saying "you're safe with me." He's not going to do or try to do anything that Ed doesn't want, and he's not going to get pissy about it.

A lot has been said about Calypso's birthday, because it is certainly the most vulnerable Ed has ever been, likely with anyone. When he's sitting on the bed and looking at Stede, you can see that in him - it's a moment where he's finally willing to trust Stede again, and let him take control, and trust that Stede won't hurt him.

That look is of such exceptional vulnerability, not just because they’re going to have sex but because of what that means as an expression of the love and trust that Ed is willing to give. He’s really letting Stede see all the softest parts of him, even allowing Stede to have control over them, and he’s got to be certain that this very gentle man isn’t going to use that to break him.

#ofmd #ofmd season 2 #ofmd season 1 #stede bonnet #edward teach #ed teach #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #gif #ofmd meta #my wee thoughts

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bloomeng · 2 months

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something i wanted addressed— like just one scene— was how ed felt about izzy’s growth in s2. we get a few smiles here and there but that’s sort of it. or even something out of stede. like izzy’s change was so dramatic and i feel like there was subtext in the way gb interacted with him but his shift is never addressed. it’s like stede and ed stopped interacting with any of the crew outside of each other. even at calypso’s party they felt so separated from the crew even before they went off to fuck.

i miss when they actually felt like a part of the crew. i loved ed’s moments with fang in s2, but other than that there was just this sort of detachment. do they not even feel sad about saying goodbye to the revenge?? where did the found family aspect go???

going back to izzy i felt like we got moments of izzy making up for his comments towards ed in s1, but it was always this acknowledgment of the positive ways in which ed had changed. we never got a focused scene of the opposite, of ed fully acknowledging izzy’s new found openness.

i personally was so curious about what ed and stede were thinking when they saw him at calypso’s party. ik izzy’s technically a side character, but they put so much emphasis on his relationship with ed this season. the man literally confessed his love to him twice. can i at least get a scene of ed addressing this even if it’s not to izzy’s face??

not to mention the smiles stede and ed kept throwing him throughout the season. i’m not suggesting that they were canonly romantic but they looked so fond of him. which i love ofc but i felt like it wasn’t earned. as an audience member i felt like i missed something. suddenly izzy is putting his hand on stede’s thigh casually and ed is smiling softly at him and i want to know what clicked.

mostly i think i just wanted there to be a small moment during the party where ed speaks directly to izzy and just implies that he’s happy for him. that would have been closure on their arc for me. but as it stands i feel like they ended on izzy only ever being the one to acknowledge ed’s feelings.

OMG I JUST REMEMBERED TOO BC AFTER THE PARTY WE GET THE “HE’S JUST JEALOUS” LINE GUHHHH EDWARD TEACH WHAT DID U MEAN?!?

like fuck off, izzy keeps telling you how happy he is for you and all you do in return is joke about izzy’s feelings for you after rejecting him and that’s not even mentioning the… everything else he’s done to izzy.

ik it wasn’t their intention at all but the writing makes it feel like ed doesn’t want izzy to let go of him but he also doesn’t want to be there for him in any significant manner. which is very human and selfish and interesting, but also not what i think they were going for… cause it makes ed look bad even after he’s supposedly grown.

if izzy and ed were going to be painted as ex’s i just think it’s unfair that we never get to see how ed explicitly feels about izzy moving on and that izzy was denied proper closure to their “break up.”

and don’t get me started about how even izzy’s death was about ed in the end.

#ofmd #izzy hands #edward teach #edizzy #ofmd s2 #sorry i’m rambling #or ig ranting is more accurate #our flag means death

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naranjapetrificada · 1 year

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This is going to be long so the short version is this:

I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.

My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.

So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.

When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.

There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."

The grief.

The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).

It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.

Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.

But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?

Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.

And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.

And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?

And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.

Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.

I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.

#not to be dramatic #but I definitely worry this might still be dramatic #my therapist is great #but the problem with a good therapist #is that sometimes they will fucking read you #and then you get whiplash #don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy #you never know what might come of it #or how much it might shake you #I should also be clear that all this grief in a story with a happy ending isn't a bad thing #it just kind of is #and when you enjoy it #just enjoy it #every moment of joy is a gift #no matter the context #go ahead and grieve yourself #also I couldn't find an elegant way to fit this in #but the storytelling is very neurodivergent #or at least unfolds in a way that is friendly to my neurodivergence #that's why I'm not a big TV watcher anyway #but I was able to sit down and mainline this #it's the first new show I've watched in literal years #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #our flag means death meta #🤯🤯🤯#😳😳😳#disenfranchised loss

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fallenrocket · 7 months

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cw: suicide

Something I felt about this show after season 1 (and Good Omens after season 2) is how OTPs get broken up/pulled apart all the time, but it's often for the flimsiest of reasons. Stupid miscommunications, dumb fights about trivial shit, unexpected job offers in different countries, and so on and so on. It's so rare to see an on-again-off-again breakup that feels like it's about something.

But that's just what we got with OFMD and GO. On these shows, the breaks matter. They feel inevitable, because they're so rooted in who both characters are as people. Even as you yell at your screen for them to avoid the train wreck, you know that this couldn't have gone any other way.

Hi, "Man of Fire."

Obviously, I don't want to see Stede and Ed making these mistakes with each other, but as much as I hate them hurting themselves and each other, I love they're they're so complex and messy, that they're dumbasses with their feelings.

And more than that, I get it. It makes too much sense. It's "Act of Grace" all over again, because they're still not saying the things they really need to. Even as they've been opening up, they've been staying in the shallow waters of what they're really going through.

"You shaved your bead off, for me," not You gave up being Blackbeard, everything you are, for me, and I didn't think I was worth it. "I'm sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much," not I let you see what was under the persona I've been trapped in for years, and you didn't want it.

"Here's the news, I'm leaving," not I have to escape being Blackbeard because I buried myself in it until I wanted to die, but I can't ask you to come with me because what will I do if you reject me again? "You're a coward," not I know this move. I've done this move. Please just talk to me instead of running, because I know how much I wrecked things when I ran.

In this episode, Ed tells Stede about his mermaid vision, but not about why he needed a mermaid in the first place. Stede tells Ed about the letters he wrote, but not about what he left out of the letters, not about the fears he only told Ed's wanted poster.

It bugged me earlier in the season when characters seemed to giving simplified explanations for complicated issues--Stede left because he was scared, Ed 'went mad' after Stede left--but now I'm hoping those omissions have been intentional. Given all that's been left unsaid between these two, of course they have a big fight after having sex at absolutely the wrong time, and of course neither really understands what's been going through the other's head.

But when the break matters, the reconciliation stands to be so much better. We already saw this once across "Fun and Games" and "The Curse of the Seafaring Life," and now, hopefully, we're going to get it again in the finale, but even better.

But all that said, please tell me the show has gotten all its gentlebeard breakups out of its system. Whether season 3 finds them as pirates, innkeepers, or something else, I want them to spend the whole season doing it together.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd season 2 #our flag means death #edward teach #stede bonnet #fallenrocket

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danepopfrippery · 1 year

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I taught my sis and nephew about the big debate of Ed actually planning to kill Stede vs just saying that to fuck with Izzy. And how we’ve never gotten a real answer on that (tho we do agree mostly after the french party he didnt want that life anyway).

Ive never moved from the ‘didnt really mean it’ camp cuz i just dont see enough to say otherwise. Literal dude at table change my mind.

How much Ed actually SAW Stede before saving him is never mentioned. He couldve been watching him, but all we know for sure is he knew him as a fancy man with a fancy ship who bested Izzy twice.

He theoretically could’ve seen Stede when they both hit the island (and Izzy first met Stede). Buuut if he just wanted to steal his life/shit seems like that wouldve been a solid time. U see a moron run his ship aground, and get captured by natives. You could apologize for Izzy and play besties there to gain info and steal his identity. Buuut he doesnt.

In fact while its stated Blackbeard and crew followed the Revenge for months he only made an effort after Stede both rejected meeting him and almost got himself killed. Hell he still let him get stabbed and only jumped in when Stede was about to be hung.

I just feel like up to that point he had a lot of opportunities to meet and stab Stede but he didnt.

The biggest q is why bother bandaging and caring for Stede if he wished to kill him? The only answer id come up with was he wanted inside info, like Stede’s history…which he proceeds to not get beyond a Mary and Stede had a family and dick dad before Izzy demands he kill him.

So considering Ed had several opportunities to meet and steal his info, but doesnt; I dont think he meant it. It was just an excuse to stay with this weirdo and have fun for once cuz he no longer felt like he was drowning

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta

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run-me-through-but-not-like-that · 2 years

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I just really want to see izzy painfully shyly asking reader to call him Israel. them not doing it, not out of spite bit because they already knew his name, they don't know why he wants them to call him Israel, izzys a fine name. But then they realise and they say it so gently and he just MELTS.

Call me Israel:

The co-captains had asked you to mediate some plans they were making, to offer your advice. So far, you had spent the hour sitting in their cabin, glancing between them both as they plotted back and forth.

You were beginning to lose focus, not knowing why you were even there. What brought your attention back to them was when Stede referred to Izzy as Israel, reminding you of the conversation you had with Izzy a little while ago.

"Wouldn't call him that if I were you, mate," Edward warned, making you perk up again. Izzy had told you to call him that, why shouldn't Stede?

"Oh...why not? That is his name, isn't it?" Stede frowned, happy to not use the name again but wondering what the big deal was.

"Yeah but doesn't like people calling him that," Edward shrugged, like it was common knowledge.

But that just didn't make sense to you, Izzy had asked you to call him that. Maybe he had changed his mind?

"Why?" you asked before you could stop yourself, before you even realised you were speaking.

"Nobody's called him that for a long time, a lot of people don't even know his full name. He says it's too personal, intimate or something," Edward explained.

Oh...oh...

You didn't pay attention for the rest of your little meeting with the captains. Too focused on the first mate and what this meant exactly.

When you left the captains' quarters, you couldn't help yourself from watching Izzy whenever he was nearby. He had been acting a little strange since he told you to call him Israel, and you didn't like an idiot, almost as if...you had rejected him. You wanted nothing more than to confront him, to set things right, but you knew better than to do that in front of other crew members.

Izzy had been on watch that night and when you saw him standing up on the quarterdeck, all alone and solemn, even if that was how he seemed to enjoy spending his time the best, you decided to keep him company.

Izzy wasn't the type of easily accept company but the two of you had began to develop a friendly rapport as of late. You would consider him a friend and hoped he felt the same, though you knew he would never admit it out loud.

The two of you had gotten to talking, you had shared a few stories about your time before Revenge, and Izzy had offered up some of his own. He wasn't much of a storyteller but you hung off of every word.

Eventually, you had started to yawn, eyes growing heavy and Izzy had ordered you off to bed even when you protested.

"Alright, fine," you sighed dramatically, stretching your back as you pushed away from the railing. "Goodnight, Iz. Make sure you get some rest after shift change," you smiled, the way you always did at him, gently placing your hand against his arm as you passed him. Your touch lingering perhaps a moment to long.

"You can, uh..." Izzy's voice, something urgent in his tone, made you stop and turn back to him. You wanted, patiently but expectantly. "You can call me Israel."

You had never seem that look on his face before. Trepidation, nerves. Like he was unsure how you would respond, and you honestly weren't sure how to respond. There was something to what he was saying, something you couldn't understand, and you weren't sure what to do with that.

After realising that the two of you were looking at each other a bit too long, Izzy growing increasingly flustered and you growing increasingly confused, you settled on the conclusion that he was just telling you his full name. It made sense, you had just been sharing stories about your past, maybe this was his way of sharing a bit more of himself with you. Maybe he didn't realise that most of the crew knew his full name, you think Edward had mentioned it once. It never seemed like that big a deal.

"Yeah, I know," you responded, still smiling. "Night, Iz."

Izzy seemed to avoid you a bit after that, and you really couldn't figure out why. You made multiple attempts to talk to him but he always turned his nose up at your greeting, before you could even try to make thing better. He always looked so...dejected. You just couldn't figure out what you had done wrong.

Once the sun had set and the crew had mostly retired for the night, you found Izzy sitting at the front of the boat. A place that would give you the privacy you needed.

"Thought I might find you here" you announced yourself, earning an unsure glance from the first mate. "Do you mind?" you asked, gesturing to the empty space beside him.

Izzy just shrugged but you knew that if he didn't want you to join him, he would let you know. So, you took your seat beside him.

The two of you sat in a tense silence for a moment as you tried to figure out exactly how to bring the topic up. Eventually you decided to just apologise. "I'm sorry..."

"About what?" Izzy looked at you, his brow pinched with confusion.

"I didn't understand. Thought Izzy was a fine name, thought you didn't like it or something..."

"Don't know what you're talking about," he huffed, looking away from you again.

You understood, he was embarrassed. He had shown you vulnerability and he thought you had rejected him.

"Okay...I'll just leave you to it then," you shifted, about to stand up before pausing. Something told you that this might be your last chance, if you left now without convincing him that you understood and that you were rejecting him, he may put his defences up too high for you to break back down.

"Goodnight, Israel" your words had been quiet, almost carried away by the wind, but he heard them.

Izzy let out a breath he didn't realise he was holding, he almost sounded relieved. You hesitated for a moment, waiting for him to speak, but he didn't so you assumed he still wanted you to leave. You braced your hands against the floor, pushing yourself up.

"Wait," Izzy's command came out a little shaky, a little unsure, but you listened anyway. You just returned to your seat, looking at him and waiting for him to speak again. "You understand?" he asked, merely glancing in your direction.

"I understand" you nodded patiently. "And I think Israel is a lovely name, it suits you" you smiled, truly meaning it, and you hoped he could hear your sincerity as well.

Izzy looked at you then, assessing your expression. "Just to be clear, this is not something for you to share with the crew. It's for you...you only" his tone was a mix of defensiveness and uncertainly, perhaps nervousness.

"I know" you assured him, a silent promise that you wouldn't promote the use of his name among the crew. "Can I call you Israel in front of the crew?" you asked. You knew that you were now the only person allowed to call him that but you weren't sure if you were supposed to do so in front of other people.

Clearly this was a meaningful thing for him and you didn't want to cross any boundaries.

"...yes, but you're the only one to call me that. You can call me that whenever you please" Izzy nodded, avoiding your gaze still.

"Can I sit here a little while longer?" you asked, despite having not yet actually moved.

"Sure" that was good enough for you.

"Thanks, Israel" you said purposely.

"Alright" Izzy huffed, making you chuckle. The corner of his mouth tugged up slightly in a subtle smile, knowing you were attempting to make up for your misunderstanding, trying to use your new privilege as much as possible.

There was a short but comfortable silence, except for the breeze and lapping waves.

"Israel?" you gently got his attention.

Izzy paused for a moment, his name really did sound nice coming from you. You spoke it so gently, almost tenderly. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for sharing this with me. I means a lot" he looked at you again then, and you were sure he was trying to figure out how sincere you were. He must have seen that you were being completely genuine, sincerely grateful, because he offered you a small smile. He had a nice smile.

#izzy hands x reader #israel hands x reader #izzy hands #ofmd izzy #ofmd #our flag means death

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phantom-ellie · 2 years

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Apologetics

Note: This fic is a one-shot inspired by the Piña Coladas SMAU by @faeeebaeee. It was originally posted on Ao3. It takes place in 1897 after Stede and Ed kiss and Stede rejects Ed.

There hadn't been a choice.

Really.

It was the easiest decision of Stede's life.

Really.

It all came down to reason, you see. Reality. The real world. What existed, and what didn't exist. What could happen, and what couldn't, ever. Not in a garage somewhere, a friend's flat, or Stede's lawn at his own house party. A man's house was his castle. He knew that. He'd been told that many, many times. It was his father's reason for anything he ever did. Not that his father needed any reason to do what he did.

It looked like you were kissing your best friend on your own wife's lawn, Stede.

It was a matter of taking control of his life. Making the right decisions. Not just for himself, but for his family. His wife. His unborn baby. His parents, Mary's parents, their legacy, Stede's career, Stede's entire upbringing, everything. He was the head of the household, he was supposed to be her knight in shining armor. He had to protect them from outside forces, and maybe those outside forces were actually coming from inside of Stede, but if that was the case he had to protect them from those, too. There was no other way to be a man.

In an instant Stede's brain weighed it all on a scale, on one side everything he knew, everything every person who he was ever supposed to love and protect (or was supposed to love and protect him) were weighed against... what? Stede couldn't put a name to what was on the other side. He didn't understand what it was. It was a feeling, this weird intrusive feeling that he'd never asked for, never wanted. It was... infatuation? Friendship. It was probably friendship. Really, it was friendship, Stede knew for sure because in his long life of 19 years he had never had a friend. He hadn't known what it felt before, but he did now. Having a friend. And now the he knows how, Stede can make more friends like him. Tons of friends. Buckets of them.

Really. He can.

Maybe someone twenty years older and a dump truck load more emotional intelligence would instead call that feeling love. Maybe.

But here's the thing. Stede wouldn't. Because he already knew what love was. He had it, with Mary.

Really.

He saw it with his parents, his grandparents, his aunts and uncles and cousins. His community, the parents of the people he knew at his boarding school, the relationships his childhood... classmates... had with their spouses. 19, 20, 21 years old, married before they could legally drink. Pregnant, and dropping out of college to be supported by their husbands.

This is what love was:

Love was patient. Love was kind. Love was proximity. Love was the result of endurance, enduring to the end, choosing someone to partner with and going the distance. Owning a home together, starting a family. Baby's footprint in plaster, hung on a Christmas tree. It was eating dinner together, reading the newspaper, taking things day by day with one another, getting through fights together, and slowly as the years went by gaining some sort of respect and fondness for each other, and that there was love. It was obvious. If love were anything else, Stede would know. He would have felt it with Mary. Really.

And maybe, just maybe, Stede could admit that love was a cedar chest that they were shut in. Like a coffin. Maybe he could admit that ten years down the line. Maybe he could admit that love was the fear of divorce, of the oppressive possibility of failure in the eyes of everyone whose opinion he valued. Maybe love was sticking with what you had because it was the best you could get. It was what you deserved. That's what love felt like to Stede. He knew it as strongly as he knew himself.

Love was staying with the woman you had made a commitment to, because it was 1987 and she'd dropped out of college to be with you, had permanently altered her body to have your child. Because she was twenty-one years old, and a twenty-one year old single mother in 1987 was forever tainted, forever disgraced. And Stede's love protected her from that fate, that scorn. Stede knew scorn well. It was the default disposition anyone (almost anyone) had of him.

Love was holding your palm against your wife's pregnant belly, feeling the life kicking inside, knowing that while it was your duty to protect that child from the world, you also wanted to. You wanted to be there. You made a promise to that little one. You promised that you would be better than your own father, that you would love him or her forever, you would like him or her for always, and you would never do what... he had done to you. And to protect that child, you had to be there. Every day. In a family unit. In a house. With a day job you hated, where you were abused by the same people who have always abused you, but you were a shield.

No, not a shield. A lighthouse. You were lighting the way but also warning the people you loved of the danger around you, to not make the same mistakes you made. That's what love was.

Really.

And perhaps there was a small, mustard-seed-sized grain within his soul that said, actually, no, what you had with Ed was what love was. What you had with Mary was fear. But Stede knew better than to listen to that tiny speck of nonsense. He couldn't love a man. He knew that there were men who claimed to love other men, in cities like the one hundreds of miles north, or in smaller places Stede wouldn't know how to find (if he wanted to, which he doesn't). But those men were delusional. They could have chosen as Stede had chosen. There was always a choice.

Really, there was, it was a choice. Love was a choice. That's what Stede was trying to say.

And at any rate, Stede had everything to lose. To go any other way would result in a broken home. A broken marriage. A broken child. A broken father, a broken mother. A broken career. A broken future. Stede had so much that could break.

The only thing Ed had worth breaking was his heart.

But Stede Bonnet's heart had always been broken, since his earliest memories, so he knew that it wasn't a big deal.

Really. It wasn't a big deal at all.

Because Stede was just fine that way. No, not just fine, he was great. Thriving.

Really.

#smau #ofmd piña coladas #piña coladas smau #pina coladas smau #ofmd #Our Flag Means Death #stede bonnet #ofmd fanfic #our flag means death fanfic #ofmd modern au #modern alternate universe #ellie modern au #cross posted on ao3 #stede x ed #gentlebeard #blackbonnet

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hi-i-vent-here · 6 months

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do you ever think about how Ed Teach born at the beach was left alone for with an unsure and uneasy feeling for hours waiting for his love, ready to go to fucking China with him, and he didn't show up? And he had to leave feeling like a fool for believing he was loved? And felt like he was ready to do anything for his love but didn't felt like Stede would do the same do u ever think about that because I do.

OMG YES I KNOW AAAH I KNOW Stede just relived his entire trauma watching the other english dude dying in front of him and he was traumatised and honestly I'm happy that he did and worked things out with Mary (EVEN IF IT WAS IN A UNEXPECTED WAY) but he SHOULD have told Ed before leaving because he had an emotional responsibility with him even more so from my perspective believing that Ed has BPD and ADHD I can only IMAGINE the DAMAGE it did to him (WE ACTUALLY SAW IT) with the rejection sensitive dysphoria STEDE HAD A RESPONSIBILITY but he chose to runaway without saying a damn word AGAAAAINNNN and expecting Mary to WELCOME HIMMMMM do you ever think about that do u.

I relate so heavily with Ed's backstory holyy shiit I love it it's so obvious he has a personality disorder tho

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candied-cae · 2 years

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I think the reason Ed stared at Lucius so long and so darkly before pushing him over... is because he was begging him to realize what was happening and stop him.

He had settled it in himself - the only way to survive Izzy right now is to harden up again. Put back on the mask, and be the guy who never cared. So he lets that red silk slip past his fingers into the air. He imagines it hitting the ocean water, soaking and getting heavy, drowning. Drowning beneath the waves, all the way to the bottom. There's a whisper in his mind that wants to join it. Wants to reject Blackbeard and soften so much that he lets himself sink to the bottom of the ocean. From that thought, there is a weakness.

And from that weakness, he could not just return to being Blackbeard convincingly. Lucius would fuck it up. He knew he would. Lucius had seen too much of him. He saw how much he loved Stede, he saw what mess he was when he left with Jack, he saw him cuddled in the pillow fort when Stede left him. Lucius knew too much. He’d look at him and see what was going on. He’d look into his eyes and see the cage where he’d have to lock up Edward Teach again. And if he wasn’t careful, Lucius would open the door and let Ed back out again.

It was too risky. Lucius had to go. Or else he'd lose everything he had left.

So he called Lucius into the quarters. Welcomed him out of the little passage to the small balcony on the edge of the ship. He was rambling, about something or other, Ed couldn't listen. He needed to focus on his resolve. So, in the dark light after the sun had set, surrounded only by wind and salty seawater, he looked at him. He was readying himself to do what needed to be done. He let his face fall into the familiar hardset expression of Blackbeard: cold, uncaring, angry, scary, cruel.

He began a count in the back of his mind: When he reached 10 he’d push, he made himself promise.

He gazed up through the grimace and met Lucius’s eyes. And a part of him begged that Lucius would do just what he was scared he’d do: that’d he’d look into those eyes and see what turmoil was winding around his heart. He begged Lucius to see it. To see what he was planning and to get out of the way. To get out of the way before he reached-

10.

And he pushed.

And Lucius was gone.

And he turned around and went back inside. He tried to keep that face fallen, still, committed. But fuck if he didn't feel that deep regret clawing up his throat. There was a fury towards himself seated there, at the base of his neck just above his heart. He felt it pulsing with what he'd done. And the worse part was that it was just the beginning of what he had to do.

He would maim Izzy to prove he was Blackbeard again, he'd get rid of everything that reminded him of Stede, and he'd abandon that crew they shared.

Every action made that resentment he held for himself beat louder. Each person he knew he was hurting made the beast hunger to see himself repaid for his crimes. He hated himself every second. He was the Kraken again. Once more he's killed and hurt, personally, because he had to survive. It settled Izzy enough. He'd leave him be. He would live with that fear that commanded his respect.

But every night, when he was finally alone again... he'd let that thing run free. He'd curl up by the window and sob while the monster ran his mind ragged, forcing himself to look at that lighthouse painting. Forcing him to remember that he was abandoned by Stede because, at the end of the day, he did see who he really was, just like he said when he left with Jack. Forcing him to remember the crew he'd hurt for the sake of himself who was so unworthy. He didn't deserve their deaths in place of his. But something in him couldn't be brought to let himself die. Something in him was still vying to live.

Maybe it was hope that he was wrong, that all could be forgiven, and Stede would come back to him.

Such a stupid, wasteful thing: hope.

Of everything else, he'd rather like to strangle the life out of that thing.

More OMFD

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thequeenofthepans · 2 years

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why the foot touch scene is literally the best is becuase its an expression of their growing together :,)

ok im seeing two parralel path for ed and stede growing together about toxic masculinity, softness and bravery. Its honestly is super fucking complex. these nuanced homos!

biggest thing I am insane about is they both explore the unhealthy reasons why they idealized the other. like they literally both are able to move past the flashbacks that motivate their actions with eachothers help. healing truama babyyy

AND. seeing how what they really idealized is something they can bring out in themselves which each-others help.

Stede was running to be a pirate partially becuase of internalized homophobia. He thought pirates were brave and tough, all the things he felt inadequate about expressed through his flash backs about his dad. but he saw how he realized that he can reject the toxic masculinity that was expected of him and of priates. Not just giving up on his dreams of being a pirate becuase they were partially motived by that truama, but actually the reason why he likes pirates is bravery. The bravery to be an outlaw, to break rules, (to have gay sex... eventually), to be vulnerable and a pansy. AND he can teach the rest of his crew and especially ed that exact same lesson.

this all happened becuase ed helped stede survive and helped him realize his own value, like realizing the absolute insane power of passive agression.

I need to do eds arc in more detail but...

#ofmd #our flag means death #stedebeard #stede bonnet #blackbonnet

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cheers-mdears · 2 years

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He wouldn't have a point, though. Stede has always wanted all of Ed. Ed is the one who didn't want all of Stede.

He doesn't want Stede's trauma (cuts him off when he goes to bring it up, twice). He falls in love with who he thinks Stede is, but never gives him space to be less than this idealized version in Ed's head.

AND ED WAS IN THE WRONG WITH CALICO JACK. He NEVER ONCE took JACK aside and said, "Hey, I think you should be nicer to Stede--and it is STEDE by the way." Stede was RIGHT to say he didn't like who Ed was around Calico Jack because Ed was AWFUL around him. He let Jack mock his friends, he let Jack hurt his friends for fun, he let Jack misname and misgender Stede and never once seriously reprimanded JACK for any of it. In fact, the only time he tries to curb Jack's behavior is when he's worried that Jack is going to make Stede mad at him.

And everybody just excuses the behavior! No one fucking talks about it except to say, "Well it doesn't really bother Stede he's used to it" but it DOES bother him. You can see it on his face.

I know Taika's the hot one so the fandom automatically sides with him, but this is pathetic. It's ridiculous. God, I am so fucking sick of this fucking fandom painting Stede as this awful fucking person who deliberately hurt Ed.

(for context, this ask is in response to my poem-type thing)

So, first of all, 100% agree that Ed was a total dick to Stede and the crew when it came to Calico Jack. And I reblogged meta yesterday, I think, that talks about how Stede is impacted by things like Jack's comments. Ed has soooo much room for growth with unlearning the abusive pirate culture he's lived in for decades, with learning to be more compassionate/understanding, and with standing up for what he wants and the people he cares about. That's why the culture Stede has cultivated on the Revenge could be so healing to him if he engaged with it more, and we saw him starting to try in the finale.

Second, bold of you to assume I don't find Stede equally hot. That loose romantic curl, his unhinged expressions while watching the aristocrats fight, any time he's confident, serious, or menacing?? 👀👀👀 I am looking respectfully

Third, we must be seeing different meta because most of what I see is very thoughtful analysis on why Stede left because obviously he wasn't thinking "actually fuck that guy I'm going home" or anything. He had yet another traumatic experience, he'd been thinking extra hard about what his actions had done to his family, and he thought he'd fucked up Ed's life because he somehow?? forgot that Ed sounded ready to retire literally the first day they met??? like two weeks ago max lol The fact is that even though he's a kind person, he still did something that deeply hurt Ed by fucking off without saying a word.

Fourth, I'm not sure I'd say that Stede wants all of Ed and doesn't also idealize Ed to a degree. He doesn't want the part that's careless and bullying like Calico Jack (extremely valid but def could have communicated that better). And, again, he has a hard time really seeing the part of Ed that's chill with domesticity. And like you said, Ed has fallen in love with an incomplete understanding of Stede, but I'm not sure he realizes that, which I'll talk about more below. I think ultimately Ed has fallen in love with Stede's quirky enthusiasm and kindness, which are very much real and prominent aspects of Stede. They do see and appreciate each other in ways no one else does, but their relationship is still immature.

Fifth, I couldn't figure out a way to elaborate while keeping the format I wanted, but what I mean by Ed having a point is that Stede can't just bust in saying he wants Ed as if his actions didn't seem to hardcore contradict that. Saying "just you" would be massive oversimplification in a way that would be dismissive of his impact on Ed and the rejection that Ed felt. Even if Stede genuinely wants all of Ed (and note I called him honest when saying "just you"), that's sure not the message that Ed's received so far based on Stede's actions (as I said in another post).

Sixth, I don't think Stede's a bad person at all. I think he's incredibly kind, flawed, and very traumatized. I think Ed is a very complex and flawed person because of how emotional and traumatized he is. They've both got a lot of growing to do and I really, really hope we get two more seasons so we can see it.

Seventh, I know Ed was more rhetorical during his "being Blackbeard sucks" speech so didn't give Stede a chance to share, but what's the other cutting off Stede's attempt to share? And, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it just hasn't occurred to Ed that Stede may have legit trauma due to seeing Stede's class privilege and assuming, like many do, that that means life was easy and kind to them. Remember that Ed didn't even know what passive aggression is, so the kind of violence and abuse that Stede has faced probably doesn't even occur to Ed as being violence. In fact, it's regarded as fun in a hazing frat boys kind of way in pirating culture, which, again, Ed could do well to heal from rather than partake in.

Eighth and final point, this is just a show. Not everyone is as calm and thick-skinned as I am, so I'd recommend taking time to calm yourself/vent to others so you're not sending such heated comments to folks. I know the show and characters are important to us, but it's all fictional and not worth possibly hurting fellow real life people over.

Cheers, m'dear 💖

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #character analysis #meta #indrid talks #indrid answers #long post

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