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alfredosauce50 · 2 years

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Requests are closed, but this has been sitting in my head for months. A white picket fence-themed story with slasher undertones! This is a little different to my other posts (and longer) because it has a concept and build up, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway!

Content warning: Slasher horror, adult themes, and overall fucked-upness. Viewer discretion advised. R18+ only.

The reader is referred to as she/her.

Yandere America headcanons

Everyone says the same things about him. That he’s friendly, charming, and reliable. The boy-next-door, the type you’d trust your drink with. What nobody knows is that it’s all an elaborate guise to hide his true colors. Once he reveals them, there’s no going back. You’re never getting away from him.

The worst part is, nobody suspects a thing. Everyone would think you’re the crazy one for accusing him. Thus, his untouchable reputation (and cunning) makes him the most dangerous yandere of all.

The office romance

Alfred is the most popular guy in the building. He’s a hard worker, a people person, and lights up the room with his smile. It feels like he has everything going for him: a great job, good looks, and lots of friends that can’t get enough of him. What he can’t seem to get is your attention.

You’re married to the Danish ditz from customer relations, Mathias Densen. HR usually frowns on that sort of thing, but you were cute together. Either way, you’re friends with Alfred for the same reason everyone else is. He’s charming. The only difference is that he makes an effort to see you outside of work—to see a movie, to grab dinner, or to catch up over some coffee.

“So, what do you say? Me and you at Mastro’s?”

You’re walking out of the break room when he jogs over, his blue tie swinging from side to side. He’s been going on about having a steak dinner with a friend, then complaining nobody wants to go with him—only because he hasn’t asked anybody yet.

“I don’t know, Al. Isn’t that place expensive?”

“Hey, it’s not like I’m paying for the both of us.”

“Okay,” You laugh gently, turning toward the cubicles. Everyone is clacking away on their keyboards or speaking into their telephones. Your husband is one of them, only he’s more animated than the rest, nodding away and chuckling every now and then. “I’ll try and get Mat to pick me up at ten.”

“Great! I’ll be sitting in my office pretending to do stuff until we get off.” He beams.

He likes getting on your nerves. It’s that one trick that gets you to feel closer to him. And it works. During work hours, he’ll drop by your desk to steal your snacks for a reaction. He will literally pluck a candy bar or pastry out of your hand and stuff it in his mouth while walking away. When you get mad at him, he’ll just laugh and go, “you’re not supposed to eat at your cubicle. I’m just saving your ass from trouble. If you don’t believe me, you can take it up to HR.”

If he’s not picking on you, he’s a total sweetheart. Alfred will make you coffee without being asked. Mathias usually keeps an eye out for stuff like that, doing favors for you when you need them, but not when he’s predisposed with work. He’s easily distracted, unfortunately. And Alfred is an opportunist. “You look tired. I’ll add in an extra bit of everything to give you the energy.”

Being closer to him, he can act more like himself when he’s around you. That means less of the laughing, small talk, and all that nonsense. He can actually give you a straight answer. You’re willing to let him explain, and if not, you seem to trust him for his judgement. He loves that. He thrives off validation. But by the rare occasion you do disagree with him, you mostly just poke fun at him. “Doesn’t that seem kinda stupid? Or am I just an asshole? I’m the asshole? Okay, fine.”

He starts obsessing over you. It’s refreshing to be around someone he doesn’t need a social battery for. Alfred is also lonelier than he’d like to admit. He can’t count how many superficial acquaintances he has. You’re an outlier, so he make it clear he’s high-strung about you in a ‘guy best friend’ way. He won’t stop competing with Mathias over everything as a joke. It’s really not. “So, is the husband gonna take you to Field of Screams this weekend, or am I gonna have to?”

He makes his attraction to you glaringly obvious. Alfred doesn’t care to hide it. It starts off subtle, like looking at you when he’s laughing in a group setting. Then, he’ll start gazing your way when you aren’t even paying attention to him. When it gets to that point, he has the balls to hold your waist when he’s around you. When I say he’s an expert at playing things off, I mean it.

That’s when he starts scheming. He will match his schedule with yours and sabotage Mathias’s. You start seeing him more during the work week, not knowing it was his doing. Alfred will catch you in the break room every day, making sure to get in every ounce of interaction there is.

What gets him to blow his cover is jealousy. And not from the third-wheeling he’s already doing. That, he can keep a lid on. But telling him you hope to have a baby soon? With your husband?Alfred will turn red in the face and lose his composure. His reaction is visceral, rambling about why you shouldn’t, that it’ll ruin your career, that kids aren’t economic, and any other bullshit reason he can come up with on the spot.

“You’re too young,” He laughs breathily. He’s already rubbing you the wrong way, but he drives the stake in with this comment. “And plus, do you really wanna have a baby with that guy? I mean, look at him—”

You slap him right across the face.

His head turns in the direction of your hand. He falls silent, his smile gone. That’s the end of your friendship. But to him, it’s the start of something else. And it isn’t half as holy as what you have with Mathias. Or what anyone has, for that matter.

“What, do you hate me now? Just say it and I’ll leave you alone.” Alfred gives you a side-eye.

“I really want to hate you.” You fume, wrapping your arms around yourself. Your voice is hushed to hide the hurt in it. “You’re an asshole. But I just want you to apologize, even if I shouldn’t talk to you again.”

“Fine. I’m sorry.”

When you argue

Alfred is manipulative. He victimizes himself or over-exaggerates to make it seem like something is not his fault. “I’m sorry for giving my opinion. I was just trying to be honest,” or “Great. Now I’m the bad guy.” are typical responses when you confront him. He hates being confronted. He will do anything to avoid the blame, even if it means pinning it on you. He never admits he’s wrong.

He needs to have the last word in an argument. He will go back and forth with you for hours if he has to. He only ever stops when you give up, meaning you storm out on him. He’s knocking on your door, pleading to work this out with you. Shut him out all you want, he’ll force himself into the room. “Babe, just hear me out. I’m sorry for being an asshole—wait, don’t lock the door—you locked the door. You know I have keys, right?”

If you’re crying, he turns gentle and affectionate. Kissing, hugging, whispering how sorry he is for hurting your feelings. Alfred then makes it up to you with a romantic dinner, a movie night, or flowers. Even then, he still won’t double-down. He only feels bad for making you cry, not for the point he’s making. Egocentric is his middle name. He thinks his opinions are always right, and can’t see things from another perspective.

Psychology

He has a sense of entitlement like no other. Being close to him will give him the confidence to do anything. He will go from a friend to a homewrecker pretty fast. Why? Because he can. It comes from his undying belief that you’ll always forgive him. That you like him enough to let everything he does slide. And he won’t think twice to take advantage of your soft spot for him.

He has a major superiority complex. Alfred loves what he is—his intelligence, charisma, and wit. He also believes he’s far better for you than Mathias is. What he has with you is more special, and he’s dying on that hill. “You can be with him in another life” is bullshit. Fuck that. Having a husband won’t stop him from chasing you, let alone your rejection. You just need to give him some time. You’ll warm up eventually.

He’s mastered the art of seduction. Once he admits his attitude is out of jealousy, he will try and get you to give in to him. If he can kiss you, or better yet, get you to have sex with him, your marriage will be over. He’ll have you all to himself. “I didn’t want you to have his baby because I want you to have mine. Okay?”

Alfred is very traditional. He loves the idea of having a nice big house in the suburbs. He has a thing for kids too, so it’s no wonder why he freaked out so much in the first place. He’s also happy to play along with gender roles, however obsolete they are. He wants to be the provider. That’s one thing he mentions to persuade you to dump Mathias and marry him instead.

He’s obsessed with his image. Alfred needs to look like a perfect poster boy to compensate for everything he’s thinking about doing, or what he’s already done. Being admired is a coping mechanism for him to be at peace with himself. He’s deluding himself that he’s a good person. There’s a practicality of a good reputation too—he can avoid any and all suspicion.

What’s unique about him is that he never ‘snaps’. He retains a level-headedness throughout, even while doing the most unsound things. Making threats, stalking, you name it. He can look Mathias straight in the eye and say, “I’ll kill you,” before smiling and playing it off as a joke. It’s not. He’s already thinking about how he’s gonna do it.

He feels no empathy for his victims. There’s a ‘necessity’ in his actions, and he refuses to think they’re really just violent impulses. He associates aggression with unrefined criminals, which he feels he’s above. He’s too clever and classy to be a criminal. He’s too ‘in control’ of himself. Alfred could be the most dangerous out of all the prisoners behind bars, but he’d get pretty pissed being treated like the same—like an animal.

He’s a true-blue psychopath. It’s hard to gauge how much love he’s capable of, but his obsession with you goes without saying. Keeping you in his grasp is all he can care about. Controlling how the world sees him will make sure of that. Killing anybody in his way is just maintenance. There’s a satisfying finality of death, the absolute silence of possible witnesses. His victims will never get him caught if they’re in the trunk of his car. The soil in his garden. When they let out their last breath, all they see is the million-dollar smile that everyone fell for. It’s a final display of power, a cruel reminder that he will never be caught.

His first target is your unassuming husband. The trigger is simple—your plans to start a family with him. Alfred needs to get rid of him before that happens. He will study his schedule before following him in his car. When Mathias is alone, he will sneak up from behind and hit him in the back of his head with a bat. Alfred will pack his body in his trunk like he’s packing for Summer.

He’ll comfort you while you’re grieving your husband’s sudden disappearance. When you’re anxious in the middle of the night, he’s more than happy to talk to you over the phone. Alfred is now closer to you than ever, and makes it a habit to swing by and keep you company. What he can’t change is how you feel about Mathias. He’s long dead and gone, but your love for him is undying. Sometimes, you might even cry about how much Alfred reminds you of him.

That’s how he comes up with this: impersonating and replacing your late husband. An opportunity comes along when you get in a car accident. Alfred rushes to the hospital to see you, only for the doctor to inform him of the brain trauma you endured. You have retrograde amnesia; you can’t remember major details about your life. Not your friends, family, or a Mathias Densen being in your life. Alfred would be a fool if he didn’t take advantage of that. He will sit by your bedside and lie that he’s your husband, the Mr to your Mrs.

Home life

Alfred is a con artist. Not only will he convince you of your new marital status, he’ll get rid of any evidence of Mathias being in your life. He’ll photoshop his face out of your pictures and replace it with his own. It’s easy to do because they look similar. Then, he shows it to you to ‘refresh’ your memories of him. You’re sitting in your hospital bed, bonding with him over events that never happened. Not with him, anyway. “And these—” He flips through a photo book before wiping his eyes. “—these are our wedding photos. They’re really, really pretty, I know. We rented out a National park and everything.”

He takes you ‘home’ to the middle of nowhere. The house is a huge, rustic, and gorgeous manor in the mountains, i.e., miles away from your next door neighbor. It’s the perfect getaway for fresh air, quiet, and enjoying the wilderness. Alfred can live the life he’s always idealized, and with the woman he’s idealized it with. He won’t have to worry about anybody finding you here, either. “Once you get a little better, we can try out the pool. It’s heated.” He grins, turning to you with a spatula in hand. You’re sitting in the patio while he barbecues some meat. As for the apron, it’s a bright pink one with ‘kiss the cook’ on it. And you do, thanking him for how sweet he’s being.

He’s a dedicated husband. Alfred is incredibly sensitive to your mood, and will do anything to keep you comfortable. He has no problem going to work, doing the chores and being there for you when you need him, especially while you recover. You worry you’re not doing enough, but he always assures you otherwise. All he wants is for you to get used to moving around on your own. Deep down, he knows that having you is more than what he deserves. Being the perfect hubby is almost like his redemption for what he did.

He works on himself. He can’t ruin what he has with you, so he tries to mellow out his more undesirable traits—narcissism, apathy, etc. Alfred will go to therapy for it. Separating from him isn’t on the table. Ever. What are people gonna say when you tell them you divorced a man you never married? What is Alfred gonna do when they tell you about your real husband? Keeping you happy is his number one priority, and he’ll feel good while doing it.

Alfred manages all your affairs. You don’t know where everything is, all your files, documents, and important passwords. You don’t ‘remember’ them, apparently. But that’s no problem. He can handle it. He becomes the more dominant one in the relationship, being responsible for the bills and bureaucratic side of things. There’s nothing you can do without asking him first, but it never feels restricting, or demeaning for that matter. He’s always kind about it, doing things for you and taking the lead, so you feel protected.

He’s very sensual. Alfred values the physical aspect of the relationship, and, of course, the time he spends with you. He loves taking you on long walks where he can just hold your hand and ramble about all the animals he wants to find. Deer, chipmunks, even butterflies. He loves it when you take off his glasses just to kiss him. Suddenly, he doesn’t want to look for animals anymore. “Wanna go home and kiss in the pool?”

He likes sleeping in on Sundays. That gives you the chance to get up and make breakfast for him. Alfred is a pretty heavy sleeper, but it doesn’t take long for him to wake up when you’re not next to him. He will get out of bed, throw on a robe, and saunter into the kitchen with the worst bed head of the century. While you’re frying up some pancakes, he will hug you from behind. “Can you put in some chocolate chips for mine?” Alfred mumbles, squeezing you tighter. You ask him to let go of you so you can get it for him, and he’ll just change his mind on the spot. “Nah.”

He has to be in the same room as you. The house is pretty damn big, but it doesn’t feel like a home when he can’t be with you. If you’re folding laundry in the bedroom, he will walk in, flop onto the bed, and clack away on his laptop. If you’re watching TV when he comes home from work, he will put his head on your lap and take a nap. Alfred is clingy when he’s tired, but who doesn’t sleep better when they’re around loved ones?

He’s the most affectionate when he wakes up in the morning. Not only is he comfortable in bed, he’s turned on by your smell. You’ve been under the covers with him for hours, so your scent is the strongest now. Alfred will cuddle you for a good hour or so, kissing you until you memorize the taste of his tongue. He also has to deal with morning wood, so morning sex becomes a bit of a routine. It’s the first thing on the menu, after all.

Not a month goes by before you find out you’re pregnant. Either from him, or Mathias. You think it’s Alfred’s. Alfred doesn’t know that, though. But it’s not like he’s gonna check. A paternity test could potentially be evidence for his crimes. Either way, it doesn’t matter. He’s excited to be a father, and there’s nobody else out there that can claim the baby is theirs. The baby will look like him too, so it won’t make much of a difference.

He’s happy, you’re happy, and Mathias has germinated into a flower. There’s a pretty patch of daisies in the backyard, which you see Alfred tending to every now and then. He’s picked up gardening as a hobby ever since he moved here.

“I didn’t know you liked flowers,” You comment mindlessly, staring into the yard from the balcony. The daisies sway lightly to the breeze, and you stand watch. He’s hugging you from behind, kissing your head and cheek. “They look really nice, by the way.”

“Nice enough to not be dug up, I hope.”

“Why would I dig up something you planted?”

“You wouldn’t.” Alfred smiles. “You wouldn’t.”

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