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When Paul Harrell gives me a facial, he announces the chronograph readings after each spray.

How to Be a Guntuber

Hit the Gym. Nobody wants to hear about guns from fat people. 75% of your audience is looking to buy a magic talisman that will make them feel strong, and you need to lean into that. You're basically trying to be an Influencer, so work on that Instagram game.

Be Kinda Horny. Pepper your description of the experience of shooting the gun with as many sexual metaphors as possible, e.g. "shoots faster than you did the first time a girl touched your Special Area." If you're feeling extra creative, imagine a Kind Of Girl and compare the gun to her. Yes, just create a "___ GF" meme to compare to the gun. It's that easy! Don't worry about accidentally saying more about yourself than the gun in the process, your audience will never notice.

Use Dogwhistles. They attract a loyal audience, and any attempts to call you out on it will only stir up engagement. Sell your soul and game that algorithm, baby! Be sure to wink at the camera when you're dressed as a Nazi (totally ironically) and say something about how "They will try to cancel me for this one!"

Get Close-Ups of Rapid Fire. What are you shooting at? Are you even hitting anything? Nobody cares, it just looks cool.

Create an Obnoxious Gimmick or Catchphrase. This one can be surprisingly tricky, so if you can't come up with one right away, you can always limp along with random slow-motion footage set to license free dramatic music until you figure out your Brand.

Remember: You Can Always Lie. Not enough cash to burn through 3,000 rounds of the finest Swiss match ammo to run with the big dogs? Fuck it, just say you did anyway! If anyone even questions it, there's absolutely no way to prove you wrong!

Be Shameless, Copy Anything. When you're out of ideas, there's always more room for more "how many rubber dog turds can progressively bigger guns penetrate" videos.

"Oh? This guntuber gives reasonable advice and teaches the plebs? And they like him? He must be a horrible person. Get back in the basement and let your skills atrophy." - wannabe reddit janny.

Thankfully nobody who uses reddit can afford to own guns, they spend all their money on funko pops

I love that Kyle Rittenhouse has fully embraced his status and now is doing some videos with prominent guntubers.

Hell yeah man, hell yeah.

putting "actual" at the end of your name is the guntuber equivalent of "wastaken" or "MC"

Ha! One of the guntubers did a John Wick gun reviews while cosplayed as him ^w^

Oh that looks fun,

Take notes alec baldwin, Keanu's used guns in tons of movies and still never killed anyone through carelessness.

Studying references for stalker made my youtube algo funny. Unfortunately most guntubers are so :^)

@callsignbaphomet this is Kentucky ballistic btw the guntuber I mentioned the other day! Well a brief clip of some of the stuff he does lmao

some guntuber on twitter was like "night vision is queercoded now" and I just thought to myself like, "cool I had no idea dudes struggled to look at each other in the dark"

So when you watch guntubers and are into Hetalia. You're seeing Alfred vs Ivan here. If only I could draw worth a crap......

PSR et al: heehee we installed Super Safeties in our MP5s watch us shoot them "super safely" also one of us is going to scream about his foreskin before a magdump for some reason

ATF: *raids Super Safety*

Guntube:

Not liking/bothering with guntubers cause you think they're cringe is fine. Most of them are a waste of time.

Making up bullshit about one that actually does a lot of good for the 2A community because he hurt your feelings by promoting something other than your sexually-degenerate left-adjacent cartoon-fucker politics, is 1000000000x more cringe

I've learned more about guntuber love lives than I wanted to today.

ur not a guntuber if you dont walk menacingly towards an inanimate object like an eggplant on the ground with a .50 AE gun in ur hands and then you execute it then walk towards the next object on the ground