I’m actually so upset over the grimmons resolution I’m tempted to start a YouTube channel and make a whole video breakdown of their fucking queerbait

swaps watches dumb halo show, the continuation

rvb s15 was wild here are some thoughts: 

I think Grif is one of my favourites now? It was good to see he and Simmons in the spotlight for a bit, they don’t often get the chance for the narrative to take them seriously. Which is usually fine cos they don’t really take themselves very seriously but i feel like this season did a good job of grounding Grif’s character a lot more. 

Locus! He’s their friend now! Fulfilling one of my FAVOURITE tropes of “ex-villain joins the gang and it’s just kinda awkward.” Wonderful.

Locus is hilarious actually. The Reds and Blues just keep pestering him to do stupid shit and he keeps just.... letting them. See; the cut between Locus telling Grif he couldn’t bring his volleyball friends with them, to them in the cockpit of the ship surrounded by volleyballs. And also, he and Sarge playing paper-scissors-rock off-screen to decide to got to lead the mission lmao.

Speaking of the volleyball friends, that sad deflated Church volleyball was so depressing ahsdjfkgkh

Grif learning Spanish while he was away and Lopez finally having someone who understands him is the most unexpected plot development since Church became a computer. I love it. 

Caboose hugging Locus after they get let out of the cells absdhfjgm he’s so good I love Caboose.

Carolina joining the guy’s band as their leader singer at the start of the season during the “what have they been up to” montage. She’s a terrible singer but they’re too afraid to tell her. Carolina telling Wash that she knows she can’t sing and she was just fucking with them all along..... I love her dearly.

Honestly, just,,,,, seeing Carolina being part of the gang is giving me life.

I’m still Big Sad about Church cos he’s still my fav and he’s still totally super dead but... that was some good closure.

Kiiinda knew from the start that it wasn’t really Church/Alpha who sent the message. I guess there was some obvious subtext during Simmons and Caboose’s conversation pointing towards it, the whole “dead people don’t come back, no matter how much they were loved” talk. Damn it really stung knowing they were being lied to the whole time though :(

Honestly I 100% understand and respect the writing decisions they made with this and I know that resurrecting Church again would’ve cheapened the narrative and been a huge a cop-out. Sometimes tragic shit happens in stories and you’ve gotta stick to your guns and let your characters deal with it and adapt rather than giving them an easy out every time

..... But actually fuck that, that’s my fav and I miss him 

Like,,, I’m sure there’s a lot of value in the story presented here about processing grief, and learning to let go, and accepting things you can’t change but... Y’know. My asshole fav and all his cool A.I. brain buddies are still real dead so all that is kinda going right over my head lmaoo

I’m glad they gave Caboose that goodbye though. I’m sensing that the “Church is dead let’s have feelings about it” arc is done now and we’re moving on for good, but I do hope we get something similar from Carolina in the future as well? I’ll take even a single scene of her just talking about her relationship w Epsilon tbh

yeh i’m still hung up on Church calling her “sis” back in s12..... rip to that i guess

also rip Loco you were great while you lasted. 

My sister right before Wash gets shot: “Hey how much do you like Washington?”

Me: “what the FUCK does that mean why would you ask, he’s about to die isn’t he god freakin damn”

She gave me a heart attack... I’m glad Wash is okay <3

Kaikaina’s back!! Nice. 

Grif sibs hug... nice :’)

“Grif, tell me I’m special.”

*bounty hunter points at Simmons* “that one saw a small snake and fainted.” tbh that entire scene was gold

Oh also even know it was just a 5 minute flashback and she barely spoke....... TEX!!!!! i’ve missed u sm

... the HP audiobook playing over Tex and Lina’s fight hsdjfgkhk

I really liked the season actually, felt very grounded in the characters and giving them an equal chance for introspection. Dylan and Jax were cool new additions. And as usual it was, y’know, hilarious.

Honestlyyy might be a while before I watch the next season cos I’m kinda drained from all this “your fav character is dead” malarkey, BUT there were so many moments that I wanna do art of... Might do some scene redraws or something.... we’ll see how that goes

no scrubs.

tlc’s “no scrubs” but it’s red vs blue & it’s a shitty wattpad-style fic. pls enjoy. if you don’t you’re a coward and a scrub.

"Tucker... I can't do this anymore." A breeze whipped by and thrust Wash's frosty locks directly into the pupils of shale thunder cement pavement cloud gray eyes, instantly blinding him. "I'm sorry. I love you. But I just can't be with you." Tucker melted into a pool of tears of whiny-bitchness. "WHAHHHHHHHHHHY WASH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME I"M TRY SO HARD MMMMSJAGHHHAGHMMAHDEHH" Wash patted his now ex-boyfriend's head. "I'm sorry... You're just not EdgyTM enough for me. We can still be-" "DON"T SAY FRIENDS YOU COWARD ASS BOTTOM BITCH," Tucker shriekded and whaPOW smacked the shit out Wash's ain't-shit ass. Tucker stormed off. He had given this man SO MUCH OF HIS FECKING TIME just to be PASSED OFF LIKE YESTERDAY'S FECKING LEFTOVERS. Who did Wash think he was, York or some shit? Tucker wasn't to be passed up like that. Uh-huh. No feckin' way, BETCH. He paused in the door. "Oh, and Washyboi?" Wash looked up with his somber Emo Band Frontman Gray Eyes. "Yes, ba- Tucker?" "I'm PREGNENT. It's SIMMONS'." From a distant pizza-scented heartbreak scene: "It's WHO'S? oH, GOD, NOOOO." It sounds orange. Tucker sweeps out of the scene like the bad bitch he is, leaving that ol' aint-shit-ass Freelancer behind. Fuck that mess. Ain't nobody got time for that. Honestly, how the feck do you pair a Lavernius with a David? What kind of white boy bullsh- Wash dissolved in angst and despair. He knew he was just a scrub. It wasn't his fault. Ever since Carolina returned, Wash had been unable to forget his one true love: Dr. Leonard Church.

uwu

Elsewhere, AKA the aforementioned heartbreak scene, Simmons had just woken up from a terrible traumatic nightmare about Grif falling off the cliff. Thank fuck the Meta died, right? No way in hell anyone present at that fight gave a half-shit about that fucking monstrosity. Simmons sighed in relief. All that mattered was that Grif had lived. Ol' nerd-ass maroon duderino hopped out of bed to go lay on his boyfriend, to find Grif had drowned himself in pizza. How? Fuck you and your physics. He just did. Simmons fell to his knees in despair. "NOOOOOOOO-" On the wall he saw it: "I can't believe you M-Pregnated Tucker." Simmons cried because, even now, after all this time- Always- He was just a fuckin' scrub.

uwu

Tex was above everyone else because she KNEW Church was a scrub. I know I just talked about the Meta fight and Tex is canonically dead but fuck you you don't know what the hell time setting is. This could be an AU. It's not. But it could be. It's just fucking canon. Somewhere in another,,,, Tex was reflecting on her own ain't-shit-ass boyfriend, and his ain't-shit-ass original form. They were both ain't-shit-ass. Church, in every iteration, was a goddamn scrub. And Tex was just boss-ass enough to make up for all the ain't-shit-ass Church brought to the relationship. She knew why they lasted. She knew why they made it when Grif and Simmons fell apart because of Simmons being a scrub. She knew why their love was stronger than Tucker and Wash's. It was because her soulmate being a scrub was just some shit she already been knew. It was no shocking revelation, no horrible plot twist, no Wattpad fantasy drama, no telenovela stress scene. It was just a fucking fact that everyone who met Leonard Church was aware of: he was a scrub. Tex loved him anyway. Tex loved him even more because her scrubmate made her look so much more boss-ass in comparison. Fuck you, Leonard Church, she thought, and sighed in contentment. You ain't-shit-ass scrub, I love you so goddamn much.

uwu

Back to the plot, Tucker fell off a cliff or astronomy tower or something else edgy and dramatic because fuck you scrub-ass Wash he IS Edgy-TM. Simmons cried some fucking more because even though he was a hoediddyhoebag he still loved that child. This why you don't do tequila, ladies and gents. Simmons cried to Sarge, "I jahahahust dohohon't u-u-understYAAAAND-" To which Sarge promptly replied, "Get your sorry ass off my steel-toed boots before I crush your thick skull open, Private. You lookin' to get an ass-kickin' this early in the morning?" "Yes, Daddy." "What the chicken FUCK did you just say????" And that's the story of how Richard Simmons died.

uwu

The only people who don't belong in this fucking fic because they are PERFECT and have never loved or been a scrub or Doc and Donut. I would like to take this time to tell you just how perfect they are. But I'm not gonna do that. Figure out your damn self. If you think they're not soulmates, you're wrong. If you think they're scrubs, I'll meet you behind the Denny's and personally explain to you how the fuck hydrogen fusion works on the sun. Does it? No. Nothing works on the sun. And you won't either. You'll just

uwu

Sarge tromped into the room where Wash was still fucking dying in his own ball of emo angst. If this were a My AI(mmortal), Wash would've already done things that would cause me to add trigger-warnings to this fic, which I'm not gonna do because I'm lazy. Deal with it preps uwu Sarge marched right up to that ain't-shit-ass bumblescrub and grabbed him by his bumblescruff. "What in Sam Hill did you do to this place? Grif is dead, Simmons is dead, Tucker threw himself off a cliff-" "he did WHAT?" "He's dead, John." "My name is Da-" "I don't give a freckled ass's shit what your name is, Private. What did you do to my boys?" "I..." He threw a hand over his forehead like the edgy melodramatic shit he is, unaware of the storm he had culled. "I broke up with Tucker." Sarge, on the outside, just seemed like regular Sarge. "And why did you do that?" "Carolina being around... She reminded me of my one true love." Sarge's grip didn't tighten. His visor didn't show the red he saw. "And who would that be, Private?" "I'm not actually-" "AND WHO WOULD THAT BE, PRIVATE?" "Director Leonard Church." Sarge lost all inhibitions. Not another goddamn Church-fucker. The only Church-fucker allowed in this hell-base was Caboose, the one good blue. Sarge's boot met Wash's chest and yeeted him all the way to Denny's, where I waited to explain hydrogen fusion on the Sun. Everything was done. Everything was over. There was one thing left on this hell-base. One. Sarge was no scrub. Sarge was not and never had been in love with a scrub. He was immune to the Curse of the Scrubs, AKA the reason all these whiny bottoms died today. He departed from Wash's death scene to do what he should've done a long time ago. He went to his bedroom. Lopez waited there. And no, it's not what you think. Sarge opened his dresser drawer. "Lopez... I ever tell you about my OTP?" "No." Sarge removed them from the drawer and brought the gift to his robo-son. "Well, son, it's time you learned. I made you, and that makes me God, of everything but the Blues. Those were produced by the Devil. And these- these were made for you. That makes them your soulmate." In Spanish, Lopez said something like, "Please don't." Sarge chuckled. "You're welcome, son." And he placed the cat ears on Lopez. It was done. Everything. It was the end. Sarge's OTP, at last, was canon.

Red vs Blue Episodes 16:06 & 16:07

Went on vacation so I’m a bit behind, but here are my reactions to episodes 6 and 7 of Season 16.

S16:E6 - A Pizza the Action

Of course Grif knows the ingredients for pizza but not the history of pizza, including the fact that a) Romans didn't invent pizza and b) tomatoes were brought to Europe from the Americas. Oh Grif.

How is DOC being the reasonable one here? Grif, you could invent pizza and get rich.

"By the way, being vegan while being made of meat? Kind of hypocritical." One of the funniest lines of the ep.

Grif's pizza speech is poetry. (On a Grimmons shipper note, I now want Grif to re-purpose this speech for his wedding vows because Simmons is better than pizza.)

Poor Doc just wants to actually help people.

And meanwhile poor Kai. I want all the stories of Tucker cockblocking Kai through the ages, killing famous historical figures.

And after all their attempts at sexcapades, Tucker goes home to Iris because he misses his friends. Tucker's grown up so much over the seasons, even if he's still ridiculous at times. I love him.

Kai is STONE COLD. She is sick of Tucker screwing up her time travel sex tourism! (Also the first watch through I missed the Paul Walker death joke and wow.)

Grif's slooooooow turn as Doc starts describing his gluten-free pizza is sheer perfection. You know Doc's dead in that single movement. And of course the scene cuts to Grif shooting at Doc, because he's picked up bad habits from Sarge and also because it's been a long, long, LONG couple of weeks.

Tragic Doc backstory, oh no. Even with the ending of the ep, I'm halfway convinced Deke is real, just because Doc talks about him even when he thinks Grif is asleep and has no reason to keep up the act. But also Doc not knowing CPR then, and that potentially costing Deke his life, and then becoming a medic to help people, and getting put into the Freelancer program where he mostly gets to just sit by people as they die, is a really interesting character note that has a lot of possibility. It'll be interesting to see where Joe takes Doc with this.

When unsupervised, Tucker and Kai drink antifreeze. Also Kai gets mean when she's drunk and intoxicated on antifreeze. And I love Tucker and Kai's hate relationship, also that Tucker killed Hitler and didn't remember it because they've done just that much crazy shit.

Oh Atlus. I love that he gets like a wrestling introduction. And the lens flare and J.J. Abrams joke made me laugh a lot.

Tucker's slow, "Hey, wait, should we be hallucinating the same thing?" realization. And I did have a moment of "Oh no!" before I realized Tucker and Kai are not going to die. I don't know if Donut's going to sweep in and save the day or what, but yeah, not dead.

Grif is such a fucking softie and I love it. Of course Doc's story about his brother gets Grif invested, because you know he's also missing Kai a lot. They just got reunited and then immediately separated.

Personally I don't think that's the real O'Malley, but Doc's traumatized alter ego we've seen previously, but either way, it's gonna be an interesting ride. What would O'Malley/Doc do with a time travel gun?

S16:E7: It Just Winked at Me

Knew they would be alive. Also interesting that Atlus mentioned a "firewall" -- I am still holding out that they're aliens with advanced technology claiming to be gods. Also of course Kai uses the electricity to try and get knots out of her back.

The Cyclops looks so fucking cool. I love it. That said, if they have such a great animation budget, BRING BACK JUNIOR.

Kai was just giving you shit, Tucker! And she is so done with his ego.

Hugins' voice is so adorable. Though on my first watch through my friends kept talking and I missed Hugins being like 'MURDER, MURDER FUNTIMES' holy shit. Hugins please don't murder Grif.

Poor Grif. After Season 15, no wonder he sees Huggins and assumes he's hallucinating.

Meanwhile Tucker is in over his head, until he actually has a decent idea.

Bye shiny new armor.

I love that Tucker varies between calling her K and Sister. And of course Kai missed the entire thing. And draws out the cliche conversation.

And Kai's attempt to be badass would've been amazing if she'd known that Tucker's sword can only be activated by him. It was an awesome try though!

Also I love that Kai is right, the Cyclops' weakness is his one eye, but of course Tucker also knows the monster has one ball, and their plan comes together in a hilarious way.

And then they just nope their way out of there.

Hey, the Grimmons knights again! Oh man, I cannot wait to see how Kai and Tucker handle that.

S15E6

I had an AP test today and I decided the most logical thing to do was to analyze the fuck out of this episode. Beware: it’s rather lengthy- like that of an essay + I’m open for discussion about the points made. Spoilers under the cut:

Ok, I just want to start off by saying that I think Grif leaving has been a long time coming, and while it did initially surprise me, I have to say I’m not quite so much shocked about that than I am about everybody’s reactions to it. More clearly, I think everyone- including Dylan- reacted in almost entirely the wrong way.

-Starting with Dylan, personally, I think Jax should’ve been the one to go in and talk with Grif rather than her for a few reasons. The first reason is, he almost had no involvement with delivering the message to the Reds and Blues besides being there and saying at most two lines. The second reason is, he’s treated in the very same position that Grif is with the Reds, as Jax is for Dylan. They are both belittled, they both have their ideas shot down, and they have both been shot at for the purposes of their CO’s. I believe these aspects of Jax’s character would’ve made him a better fit to go talk to Grif than Dylan, but since he didn’t I’ll discuss why I think Dylan did the wrong thing and did “fuck something up.”

Dylan is probably the worst choice to go talk to Grif simply because her character is very similar to early Carolina, especially Season 10 Carolina. You know, the same Carolina who dragged them on a personal vengeance quest and was a major reason why Grif left and decided to not deal with her problems, and the rest followed. Personally, I can see parallel’s between Dylan and S10 Carolina (cursed WHAP exam and its synthesis’) and it’s hard for me not to see why Grif reacted the way he did.

Dylan is someone who just waltzed in on the Reds and Blues during their retirement, is dragging them on another Church quest. Not only that but she just waltz’s up to Grif talking as if she knows him, saying things about his character and what he’s really like. Grif is a character who doesn’t like having things be decided for him, and he probably doesn’t like someone telling him what he’s ‘really’ like (even if it’s 100% true; he just doesn’t want to see it).

But what I think Dylan did that really pushed him over the edge was mentioning Kai. I think that was a slap in the face for Grif because he’s still not with his sister- the reason why he hasn’t been with his sister is because of being dragged on quest after quest after fucking quest and that, I think that’s what made him finally decide ‘that’s it; I quit’.

But Grif can be easily swayed and has been in the past with proper encouragement, so I don’t think his decision was as set in stone as he thought it was, which is why the reactions from the Reds and Blues are absolutely atrocious to the mental dilemma Grif was having.

-First up, Washington. Listen, I love Wash, I really do and I can see why his first impulse when seeing Grif arrive late is to insult him- because that’s what everyone does in the BGC. But that was just another reminder to Grif that he doesn’t belong with them, because really, for him it’s one insult after another on an almost daily basis. So they’re already starting off on the wrong foot.

-Then we have Caboose (skipping the immediate reactions for a bit), who I think was the safest character to react to the news. His first reaction was to ask about Church, who he’s constantly focused about but it also gives Grif a chance to somewhat explain why he’s not going on this quest specifically as well as it gives him a chance to try and reason with the others. Caboose’s later reaction of having someone try to stop him is a little less ok as it’s just another reminder that until now Grif really hasn’t been given a choice on anything.

-Then we have Tucker, to which I found his reactions to be appalling. We have him from the start insulting Grif- by making fun of the fact that for once Grif was being serious and thinking about something concerning himself. Then we have him acting hostile when Grif initially says he quits, saying along the lines that he ‘can’t do that’- taking away Grif’s right to choose. And finally what I think really sealed the deal was him calling Grif ‘selfish like always’. Listen, I get that Tucker is angry and his grief about Church has been cut open like a wound but is that really the best he could come up with? Grif has given so fucking much to the BGC and this is exactly how he’s treated every damn time.

If Tucker was trying to get Grif to stay, this is the polar opposite of what he should’ve done. I’m not surprised that Grif says, “I don’t like you. Any of you” because when you have ‘you’re selfish’ being thrown at you and you’ve actually done so much shit for your so called ‘friends’ I’d proclaim a little more than ’I don't like you’ at them. Grif could’ve said so much worse than that, but he didn’t- because these people don’t deserve his time of day.

Tucker reminded him that he actually gets nothing from going on these quests; no respect, no admiration, nothing from his supposed friends.

-While Sarge’s reaction wasn’t as violent as one would expect from his character, it was still a reminder to Grif that he has a superior officer who wants him dead at every turn. Someone who has repeatedly shot at him, wouldn’t look over to cliff to see if he was dead and even mentioned that he would celebrate it, belittles him, questions his intelligence, has emergency plans where the first course of action is to always shoot Grif, and so on and so forth. It doesn’t matter that Sarge said, “Seriously, Grif. Turn around” after his whole charade of acting like they usually do because it doesn’t matter at that point- Grif has already made his decision and that’s just supporting it.

Sarge inadvertently reminded Grif of the physical and verbal abuse he faces on a daily basis when he’s with the BGC.

-Getting on to Simmons, he didn’t do much- and that’s the problem. When first hearing about Grif being ‘missing’ his first action was to go check the pantry. Really, the pantry? In the previous episode we were given a plethora of other places Grif could have been- down by the beach or over by the oasis, but no. The first place Simmons decides would be the logical place to look was the pantry. And then we have his reaction to Grif thinking, to which he says along the lines of “thinking about food”.

If that doesn’t say much about their relationship I don’t know what will. But that’s what their relationship is founded on- insulting each other- so I won’t focus too much on that because Simmons thought it’d be another one of their bantering moments.

Then we have his only reaction to Grif leaving; nothing. He just sat there and stared. He didn’t say anything to convince him to stay, didn’t chase after him; he just did nothing. And I can understand him being shocked speechless because he probably knows as much as the viewer that Grif’s never done that before- he’s never left. But from Grif’s perspective, it just solidifies one more thing for him:

Simmons, no matter how much he loves him, will never put Grif first or grow a backbone to go after him.

-In total, I feel like most of the reactions came off wrong and felt like attacks especially for Grif. But I think it’s the fact that no one really chased after him to get him back is the zinger here. Because here’s a group that will risk life and limb time and time again for a guy who can’t stay dead, and yet when one of their friends decides he’s had enough and leaves no one really puts their all in convincing him to stay. Most the attempts are lowered down to downright insulting him and just saying he has to stay. In comparison to Sarge’s speech at the end of Season 8, this attempt to get Grif to stay was seriously lacking.

And look, I have no doubt that they all see Grif as a valued friend, but it’s hard to ignore the fact that Grif is treated like literal dog shit in this series but still comes back to the group and for what- to have them choose a dead guy instead of him.

Grif is probably feeling like nobody in the BGC has ever given a shit about him, and they did a great job not proving him wrong.

-Not only that but his role in the group has been replaced too. Grif from the very start of the series has been the designated vehicle driver. We’ve seen him be the primary driver of the Warthog, we’ve seen him manage to figure out an Elephant (not sure which season this was, but I’m sure it was Season 7), he’s flown a Pelican, a Hornet, and the list goes on.

Something that’s always bothered me about Season 13 was the fact that Grif was replaced- twice- as designated driver. First during the escape from Armonia and second during the flight to the Staff of Charon. It always rubbed me the wrong way and I really didn’t know why until now that is.

Believe me- I know there’s more to Grif than just his ability to be adept in driving/flying any vehicle, but to Grif, he probably doesn’t think he’s much more than that.

He’s not a strong fighter (Carolina, Wash), doesn’t have a magic sword that works only for him (Tucker), isn’t inhumanly strong (Caboose), he’s not a robot (Lopez), he doesn’t have an amazingly strong throwing arm (Donut), he’s not a hacker or a cyborg (Simmons), and he can’t do half the stuff that Sarge can.

He’s their driver, and even then he’s easily replaceable.

Grif probably has no place in the BGC anymore and that probably contributed to his deciding to stay on the island.

TL;DR: The Reds and Blues did a terrible job trying to get Grif to stay with them and I hope this leads to self-enlightenment and an arc designed for the development of Grif and the Reds.