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hasufin · 1 year

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State of failure

I am currently making hardtack.

This is a mistake. The year is 2023 and there is no good reason to make hardtack. The stuff is an inherently bad idea. There is no practical use for hardtack which is not met today by a product which is superior in every way.

Hardtack existed as a solution for a particular time and application: a way to create portable calories which did not require any cooking in situ, which could be transported in almost any condition, and could be stored for years at a time with no significant detriment.

Today, we have a great many options to meet these requirements. We have MREs. Canned foods. Dehydrated foods. UHT packaging. Freeze-drying. Energy bars. Every one of these options manage to be better-tasting, more nutritious, and just overall more pleasant than hardtack.

Throughout much of history, the idea of going an extended period of time without being able to cook at all would have been ridiculous. What could your circumstances be, that you could not, just once every few days, start a fire? and if you can start a fire you can, at minimum, make waybread. Which isn’t particularly pleasant, sure, but is worlds better than hardtack.

But for a certain period of time, hardtack was indeed the solution. it’s mostly synonymous with sailor’s food, but was also a significant part of a soldier’s diet; certain forms of the stuff, known as “hard biscuit” were used even through WWII. It does have its advantages, mainly in durability. Actually, that’s pretty much it. Hardtack, if kept dry and free of insects, will last pretty much indefinitely.

What, you may wonder, is hardtack?

Well. It’s basically the worst, most basic form of bread you can imagine. It’s unleavened and as dry as possible. It consists of nothing but flour and salt, with just enough water to form into a stiff dough, then baked and dried. That’s literally it.

The hardtack above used 2 cups of whole wheat flour (plus a bit more for the working surface), about a teaspoon of salt, and somewhere between 1/2 and 5/8 of a cup of water.

I combined the salt with the flour. Note - no fat, no sweetener, no flavoring, no leavening. Then, I added half a cup of water and proceeded to knead it. And knead it. And knead it some more. It is impossible to overknead hardtack, because it’s going to be indistinguishable from masonry no matter what you do.

Now, there is some skill to this. You’re up against two competing needs. First, you must make your hardtack as dry as possible. Water is your enemy. If there is water, it could mold, or grow bacteria, or fungus.

On the other hand, you want your dough to be completely smooth. Any seam or fold in the dough will become a crack. The biscuit may break apart; some mold spore or insect could get in.

So, while I started with half a cup of water, I found that amount inadequate and added a little bit of additional water to make it work into a smoother dough. As you can see, it still wasn’t perfectly smooth but I successfully incorporated all the flour.

Once I had a terribly stiff dough, I rolled it out on a floured surface. There’s plenty of leeway here on how you can do it - some people would simply take pieces of the dough and pat them flat. Especially into the 19th century, this could be done with machinery, to make very consistent biscuits. That’s actually pretty important, since sailors and soldiers would want to be sure they were getting a fair ration.

Personally, since I have round biscuit cutters, that’s what I did. This is the style largely favored by the British, to be packed in barrels for Naval usage. Americans tended to make squares or rectangles for most efficient packing in tins. If these were being made professionally, the biscuits would then be impressed with a seal, usually indicating the company which manufactured the biscuits.

The next, and more important, part is to poke holes in the biscuits. These are not for show: they are meant to release steam when the biscuits are baked. If there are no holes, steam may accumulate in pockets, resulting in bubbles. While this might yield a moderately more pleasant hardtack - one that can be more easily broken apart - it also makes it less durable and more prone to spoilage. The holes need to be poked all the way through, which isn’t quite how most such baking is done, but there is no elegance to hardtack.

Next is baking. To be honest, hardtack is not baked. It is sterilized and dried. The simplest method is to bake the biscuits in a low oven for many hours - four is typical, but sometimes the hardtack is baked several times, or overnight. It should be baked just hot enough to assure anything in the flour is killed, and for long enough to remove almost all moisture from the biscuits.

I have opted for a compromise, in large part because I already had my dehydrator out. I baked the biscuits at 250°F for two hours, then transferred them to the dehydrator, where they are currently drying for.... well, until I decide to shut it off. Probably when I go to bed. Sadly, my dehydrator tops out at 160°F, which is 40°F too cool for proper sterilization. If it went up to 200°F, I could put the biscuits directly in there without needing the oven at all, but such was not to be.

So far, it smells surprisingly pleasant, and the one piece I have tasted confirms: it’s terribly bland, of course, lacking even the sourness of yeast. It’s also - as one could predict - quite hard, requiring prolonged dipping in tea to make it soft enough to bite. In short, the flavor is inoffensive while the texture is weaponizable.

I made this stuff knowing what it would be. I started out with the complete expectation that it would be akin to eating a roofing tile. Why do I do this?

Curiosity, I suppose. Now, sometimes I try to improve these historical recipes - I recognize the limitations under which they were made, and try to make them pleasant by adding spices and seasonings which were not available, applying techniques which would have been impractical, and adding fats and sugars which were uneconomical.

Not this recipe. You cannot improve hardtack without compromising its purpose. But I’d seen so many references to it, I knew I wanted to make it for myself, just to experience it.

I’m not going to share the stuff with my friends, though. Not anyone I want to keep as a friend, at any rate.

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whumpdoyoumean · 7 months

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Whumptober #12

xxx i haven’t slept in days, but who’s counting?

TK is awakened by a hand on his shoulder.

“TK?” Carlos whispers.

He’d been having a good dream (fall in New York with Carlos, where it wasn’t so hot), and for a second he tries to fall back asleep in the hopes of holding onto it a little longer. And then Carlos shakes him a little.

“TK! Hey!”

TK lets out a little sigh and opens his eyes, rolling onto his back. “I’m up, I’m up!...What time is it?” He turns onto his side to face his boyfriend (husband, he reminds himself happily) and frowns. Carlos is sitting up, and even in the darkness TK can tell he’s distressed. “Baby, you okay?”

Carlos nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. I’m sorry I woke you, you should--you should go back to sleep. I’m okay.” He’s trying hard to hide it, but TK knows him well enough to hear how upset he is.

“Hey.” TK puts a hand on Carlos’s arm and frowns. “Babe, you’re shaking. What’s going on?” He reaches over and flicks on the lamp on his bedside table, frown deepening as he realizes that Carlos is crying.

Carlos turns away quickly, putting his hands over his face. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles through his fingers. “This is so embarrassing.”

“It’s not embarrassing,” TK says firmly, sitting up the rest of the way and scooting over so his leg is touching Carlos’s. He puts an arm around him and pulls him in close. “But I am worried about you. Tell me what the matter is. Please?”

Carlos takes a deep, shaky breath, lowering his hands. “I had a nightmare. I had to make sure--I had to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m okay,” TK says gently, rubbing his thumb over Carlos’s arm. “You wanna talk about it?”

“About the nightmare? Not really. It was…awful.” He shudders a little, sniffling. “I don’t even want to think about it…Just…” His breath hitches. “I’m so scared of losing you.”

TK leans forward, gently pressing his forehead against Carlos’s. “You’re not going to lose me.”

Tears roll down Carlos’s face and he closes his eyes. “You can’t know that,” he whispers.

He isn’t wrong, is the thing. Both of them have learned from experience that life is fragile, and fleeting. TK sits back, looking Carlos in the eyes.

“How long have you been feeling like this?”

Carlos chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment before he answers. “Honestly? Since the first time I saw you in that hospital bed after you were shot. For a while there, I was…I was doing okay? But, um. It’s gotten worse. A lot worse. Ever since--ever since my dad…”

He lets out a sob, collapsing in on himself, and TK wraps him in a tight hug, pulling him in close.

“Hey,” he murmurs. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re okay…”

They stay like that for a long time, Carlos crying while TK holds onto him. TK doesn’t say anything, just runs his hand over Carlos’s arm, silently assuring him of his presence. When Carlos has calmed down a little, TK speaks.

“I think…maybe…it would be helpful if you talked to someone. Like, a professional I mean.”

He’s not sure how Carlos is going to react, but after a moment, he says, “Okay.”

TK lets out a relieved sigh. “Okay?”

Carlos nods, sniffing. “Okay.” He looks over at the clock and groans. “God, it’s so late. I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing,” TK says with fake sternness. “If you want, I’ll stay up all night with you. We can watch Netflix on my phone. There’s a new season of The Great British Baking Show out.”

Carlos smiles a little at that. “No. No, we’re supposed to go back to work tomorrow. We should try and get some sleep.”

“You sure?” TK says.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks, babe.”

“Okay,” TK says, planting a kiss on Carlos’s forehead before turning the light off. He shifts until he finds a comfortable position, and then closes his eyes. A moment later, he feels the warm, comfortable weight of Carlos’s head on his chest.

“This okay?” Carlos whispers.

“Of course.”

“I like being able to hear your heartbeat.”

“I love you, Carlos,” TK murmurs.

“I love you.”

TK stays awake until he hears Carlos’s breathing even out and then, only when he’s certain that Carlos is asleep, he lets himself drift off.

xxx

#whumptober2023 #no.12 #“i'm up i'm up”#911 lone star #fic #nightmare #comfort #emotional whump #tears #tk strand #carlos reyes #tarlos #tarlos fic #whumptober #my writing #my fic #whump #whump fic

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endlessnightlock · 1 year

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8, 14, 20, or 25 (or any combo of) for fluffy dialogue prompts, please!

8. "who let you look so cute today?"

As I fidget with my tie in front of the mirror in our shared bathroom, Finnick slides up to me and starts fussing with his hair---finger-combing, fluffing, then smoothing it back down. He catches my eye in the reflection and gives me the job interview outfit I have on, slim-fit black slacks and a fitted button-up (along with the tie I'm two seconds away from yanking off and whipping across the room because it doesn't want to cooperate), a swift appraisal.

“Whoa, who let you look so cute today?” he asks, picking up the bottle of texture salt spray from the washstand and spritzing his hair. I watch him fiddle with his waves, which always lay messier than mine, but when he doesn't get an answer, Finnick prods me expectantly. "Well?"

"I'm not supposed to look cute. I'm supposed to look professional," I remind him, giving up on the tie. It looks fine, I know, I'm just nervous. Job interviews always make me feel like I'm gonna puke.

Finnick sits the bottle down and gives himself a nod of approval. "I didn't say you weren't professional. You can look like you know what you're about and still be cute."

"Yeah, yeah," I laugh.

Finnick gives his hair one last toss, satisfied with the finished style. "Trust me, from a guy whose face has opened more than one door in the past, looking good is never a bad thing."

KPKPKPKP

I'm whistling cheerfully as I let myself into our apartment that evening. Finnick glances up from an episode of The Great British Baking Show. "Well, well, well. Looks like someone knocked their interview out of the park."

"No, not exactly," I say, toeing off my shoes and putting them back into place on the caddy. "Pretty sure I didn't get it."

He frowns as I plop beside him on the couch. "Really. Why so chipper then?"

It's a struggle to keep the huge smile off my face I've been wearing all day. "I met someone."

Finnick slaps my arm. "No shit?"

"Technically, I rediscovered someone. An old friend from high school I was madly in love with. Katniss. Her interview was right before mine, and afterward, I went around the corner and had a drink with her at the bar. And then we went to dinner. And I'm seeing her tomorrow," I add as Finnick claps his hands in glee.

"I told you, man, looking cute works."

#endlessnightlock writes #Peeta + Finnick roomies #everlark #thg fanfiction #everlark fanfiction #modern a/u

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blanketcat31 · 6 months

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the life of a sick college student

11.9.23

work progress

ongoing communications work for my sustainability final

creating a lecture plan for my professional writing final

planning out a group essay for my intercultural communications final

writing an essay on cultural ideologies and intercultural comm in the great british baking show/bake off (this one is fun!)

writing an essay on mediation in tonga vs. the us (this one is so hard)

several smaller/regular assignments for my classes

ofc doing my job as a tutor!

check in space <3

wow these past couple weeks have been a lot! i’ve been feeling much more stressed and burnt out, and of course that’s when the work load is increasing as we reach the end of the semester. it’s also when i happen to get sick (>.<) i’m very fortunate to have coworkers, classmates, and loved ones who are very supportive while i’m struggling a bit

#dimension 20 #fall aesthetic #fall vibes #communication #university #college #studyblr #student life #study inspo #student #studying #chaotic academia #great british bake off #great british baking show

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copperbadge · 2 years

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speedygalaxytraveler

Umm, not sure on the etiquette here but @copperbadge I am just saying I would totally read Eddie out-bossing Haul Pollywood in the Shivadhverse.

Ahahaha, oh dear, that would be so much attitude in one place.

I snipped this off of someone else’s post, sorry about that, but I too, even as a midwesterner, am actually quite baffled as to why anyone would put corn in a cake. :D Unless they were just making a sweet cornbread in which case that’s fine.

*watches the southerners rage*

Now, on the one hand I think Eddie would enjoy meeting and having a bit of a chat with Paul Hollywood but realistically I know nothing about Paul Hollywood, so if he’s a dickhead in real life, I retract this :D But Eddie generally enjoys talking with other professionals, especially if they’re willing to take him seriously. Normal chefs I think, especially at the upper levels, sometimes aren’t. TV chefs generally are because it’s a different beast entirely, they get that the public face isn’t always an indicator of the private person. Paul Hollywood is trapped by soggy bottoms no less than Eddie is by the phrase “Truly Tasty”.

The problem with having Eddie interact with Great British Bake Off, even if he were to outboss the Hollywood Expy, is that I’d have to watch GBBO in order to work out how to go about it and I find it frustratingly unwatchable. :D The cooking of the food is filmed in such a way that they’re always almost ABOUT to show you the interesting bits and then they cut to some guy nattering pointlessly about his nan’s cupcakes or something. Drives me up the wall.

Eddie is distinctly Not A Baker -- he mentions in Fete that he’s not a pastry chef, and while he does make cookies with the kids that was a one-off, like he’s competent with most foods but he doesn’t have the patience for pastry. So I suspect if he were to be on a GBBO-style show, perhaps for charity or something, he would immediately begin the process of subverting expectations. Eddie is much like myself in that if I am in some form of competition and know I can’t win, or would find it tedious to try, I instead set about trying to be the most undeniably interesting.

I am going to rules-lawyer my way into defining a meatloaf as a form of cake and then make the best (only) meatloaf in the competition.

I would imagine Paul would find that a welcome change, to be honest :D

#shivadhverse #speedygalaxytraveler

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firstdivisiongirl · 7 months

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Tuesday Confessions

I think Taz Skylar and Connor Quest! (British nerdcore rapper; I love him, no judging) look related. Not identical, but related.

I have started planning out my Vivi cosplay. I have pretty much nothing started on it.

My favorite reality show is any version of the Great British Bake Off except the professional.

I am really good at finish the lyric and an game show involving songs or random facts.

My favorite animal in one piece are Kung fu Dugongs

#one piece #trafalgar d vivi #head in shambles #tuesday confessions #kung fu dugongs #connor quest #taz skylar #great british bake off #vivi chan #nefertari vivi #vivi nefertari #vivi #vivi cosplay

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nellie-elizabeth · 2 months

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Grey's Anatomy: Keep the Family Close (20x02)

"Discretion is my middle name. Actually, it's Elaine." Yasuda, I love you. Let's dive in!

Cons:

Schmitt and his patient Dante call it "The Great Bake-Off" instead of "The Great British Baking Show" or "The Great British Bake-Off" and I'd just like to lodge a complaint on that. What the hell? Who says that?

Link and Jo's subplot this week is about Link being more romantic and sentimental, and a somewhat joke-y exchange where Link is offended that Jo doesn't remember the details of how they met. In the end, Jo makes a romantic meal and lights candles to reinforce that she appreciates the romance in their relationship. There's nothing offensive about this necessarily, but it just feeds into the worst vibes I have about this pairing. It feels forced, it feels proscribed, it feels like they need to come up with over the top sappy moments to try and convince the audience that they're really in love. And I'm not convinced. I did kind of like the Amelia and Jo scene, though. I think it's sweet that Amelia clocked the relationship issue and took a risk by saying something.

Pros:

I love the concept of the interns having to complete a bingo of basic procedures to earn their spot back in the OR. It adds a level of comedy and competition to them, carrying through a theme we've seen with these five interns since the beginning. But it also gives an opportunity for our characters to grow. Of the five interns, I think Blue is still distinguishing himself as my favorite. It's an easy but effective trick, to have him be seemingly callous and disconnected from the humanity of his patients, but then to learn his lesson and speak to the family of a young man who got shot, with such compassion and care. Bailey clocked that growth in him; it seems like Kwan is one to keep our eye on.

Teddy is, as always, far more tolerable as a character when she's not partnered with Owen for her scenes, and Yasuda is so dang charming that I actually ended up really liking the stuff with the two of them in this episode. Teddy insisting that she's totally okay and then bursting into tears when prompted by Yasuda to really register the reality of her near-death situation, was both funny and touching. I also like Teddy trying to help Yasuda with her check-list of procedures on the sly. It doesn't really work out in Yasuda's favor, but it's cute idea, having the Chief of Surgery trying to give her a leg up.

One last note on Yasuda: her and Helm going at it to open the episode made me smile; happy for these two! I hope we can give Helm more to do as a character this season, she feels perpetually just off to the side of the main action. I also loved the contrast between them going hot and heavy, and Amelia talking to her cat.

Schmitt is still the cutest character to me. I really liked the vibes with Dante, and I hope that can maybe turn into something for him! It was fun to see Schmitt being so cool and professional about the HIV diagnosis while also creating a personal bond. He's grown so much from the baby queer who was kissing a man for the first time just a few years ago. I'm excited to see where this goes.

It was so good to see Ben, I feel like it's been forever, since he's off doing cool stuff over on the spin-off that I refuse to watch. I liked him giving advice to Bailey that these interns might be different and stand up for themselves more than she's used to. And I liked the conclusion, too, that Bailey is the one who has changed, actually. But Ben makes an apt comparison between being a parent and taking over the residents: Bailey has done it before, and she knows when to put her foot down, and when to hold a hand.

I honestly really liked the Lucas and Simone scene at the end. Because I totally get where Simone is coming from, she's been through such a lot of chaos recently and she's genuinely trying to do the right thing by backing off and letting Lucas know that now isn't the right time for them. But... the second Lucas gets mad, you realize that he's... kind of right. Like, extremely right. Simone has been very selfish throughout this rough patch and has not appreciated how much she's been hurting Lucas by jerking him around and then turning to him when she needs some comfort. It's a complicated situation: I agree with Lucas that Simone has behaved poorly, but I don't hate her for her behavior either. They agree on one thing, that she definitely needs to get her shit together. Lucas claims he won't be waiting for her when she does, but I suppose only time will tell.

I got actually emotional about Amelia reaching out to Winston. Like I teared up a little bit. I've realized recently that an easy emotional trigger for me in fiction is when characters are lonely and bravely try and form connections with those around them. (Let's not analyze why this might hit me particularly hard lol). And this was just a prime example of that: Amelia calling Winston her family, acknowledging their rough patch but hoping that they can stay family anyway. Winston agreeing to go eat at Joe's was a lovely little capstone as well. I'm proud of Amelia for realizing she's having a rough time and making concrete moves towards improving that for herself.

Generally speaking I think Jules ranks last for me in terms of my interest level in the new intern characters, but I did like the general plot of this big extended family and their wacky and dangerous baseball game. It's so unrealistic to have a doctor suddenly snap and tell a family to get their shit together, but whatever, it made for a fun moment from Jules, and I liked her grudging acceptance and low-level horror at being named the MVP for speaking the truth.

As always, lots of plot threads going on, plenty to keep me interested. I hope we can see some romances blossoming between Schmitt and Dante, and more with Yasuda and Helm: love to see those queer relationships on this show, and also it means we can focus on love stories less boring and aggravating that Link/Jo or Owen/Teddy.

8/10

#review #grey's anatomy #grey's anatomy review #grey's review #greys review #greys anatomy review

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hoperays-song · 8 months

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Required Information Sheet For The Human AU: Johnny

General Information:

Last Name: Taylor

First Name: Johnathan

Middle Name: Demarcus

Nickname(s): Johnny, Jahnu, Johns, John-song, Jay

Alternative Name(s): Jahnu Jiyaan Aarav Sutar and Kallik

Pronouns: He/They/His/Theirs

Gender Identity: Demiboy

Sexuality: Gay

Birthdate: January 29, 2004

Ethnicity: British Indian

Dietary Style: Vegetarian

Religious Affiliation: Hindu

Known Languages: English, Hindi, and ASL

Appearance Information

Hair Color Hex Code: #262626

Curl Texture: 3b

Eye Color Hex Code: #875B04

Skin Tone Hex Code: #574012

Beauty Mark(s): Small Scar on Right Cheek, Lip Piercing on Right Side, Eyebrow Piercing on Left Side, Body Tattoos

Glasses/Contacts: No

Height: 5’8.5”

Weight: 135 lbs

Build Type: Inverse Triangle

Clothing Aesthetic: Skater Boy and Light Grunge

Education Information:

Past Education: South Loop High School

Current Education: Gap Year

Career Information:

Past Employment: Skate Shop Employee

Current Job: Contracted Professional Actor and Singer

Dream Job: Professional Singer and Actor

Company: The New Moon Theatre Troupe

Current Employer: The Majestic Performing Arts Theatre

Extracurriculars: Volunteer at South Loop Animal Shelter and Mechanic Assistant at Taylor Family Garage

Parentage Information:

Biological Parent 1: Jia Saanvi Taylor ‘nee Sutar (Deceased)

Relation: Biological Mother

Relationship: Close

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Career: Primary School Music Teacher and Pianist

Birthdate: February 13, 1975

Biological Parent 2: Marcus Christian Taylor

Relation: Biological Father

Relationship: Close

Pronouns: He/Him/His

Career: Automotive Mechanic and Garage Owner

Birthdate: November 12, 1973

Foster Parent: Rosita Jazmín Peréz-Harrison

Relation: Foster Mother of 8 Months

Relationship: Close

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

Career: Consulting Environmental Engineer

Birthdate: May 16, 1985

Sibling Information:

Sibling 1: Nooshy Victor Peart-Taylor

Relation: Adoptive Sister

Relationship: Close

Pronouns: She/They/Hers/Theirs

Education: Remedial Online High School

Birthdate: November 3, 2001

Assorted Information:

Best Friend(s): Meena Amari (since Sing 1) and Ryan Willis (roommate)

Favorite Color(s): Dark Teal and Navy Blue

Favorite Animal(s): Mountain Gorillas and Pitbulls

Favorite Food(s): Poori Masala, Sambar, and Kootu

Favorite Sweet(s): Banana Bonda, Pulse Mango Candy, and Chocolate Banana Bread

Favorite Drink(s): Masala Chai, Mango Milk Tea, and Coconut Pineapple Sparking Water

Favorite TV Show(s): Rise, Heartstopper, Sherlock, The Great British Bake Off, Dead End: Paranormal Park, and Worst Cooks in America

Favorite Movie(s): Wall-E, How To Train Your Dragon (1 and 2), Kubo and The Two Strings, The Prom, and Badhaai Do, and Merida.

Favorite Song(s): Ode to Britannia by Seb Lowe, Hate Thy Neighbor by Hyphen, I’m Still Standing by Elton John, Sky Full of Stars by Coldplay, and Figure You Out by Violá

#sing #sing 2 #sing johnny #all headcanons obviously but this is how I write johnny #anyways #i love my boy #he's my son and hes perfect #johnny was a movie kid #like he would have movie nights with his uncles all the time #and yes hes the only british person in his family to drink tea at least once a day which I find funny #kallik is a nickname from hobbs #it means lightning #johnny also watched a ton of movies with his neighbors kids #oh yeah #human au #this is the human au #no one get confused #sing 2016 #sing 2021

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gillianthecat · 1 year

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Thoughts While Watching Boys Planet: in which I discuss the contestants, muse over K-pop and reality tv, and go off on many tangents

Reality TV here I come! I don’t watch it that often, but I don’t avoid it. The main things I’ve watched at any length are Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance (but mostly only watching routines, I don’t think I’ve seen many full episodes) and the Great British Baking Show. So basically I watch dance and low stakes fun competitions. (I can’t stand any lifestyle or dating reality tv, it makes me sooo uncomfortable on behalf of everyone involved and I have to hide away.)

The most recent reality tv thing I watched was probably my favorite. After The Untamed I got into a Xiao Zhan phase and watched the singing “competition” show he was in Our Song,which was lovely and non-stressful because everyone was already a working professional singer at various stages of their career, so a) they all sounded good and knew how to put on a good show, and b) it felt like they were all going to be just fine, no matter what happened. There wasn’t the angst of contestants’ dreams dying when they get eliminated, as I suspect will be the case for Boys Planet.

I don’t know a ton about K-pop, although I’ve absorbed some stuff through tumblr and the general atmosphere. I do feel like this could be, in an oblique sort of way, a useful introduction to the K-pop industry for me. Not that I think they’re going to present an accurate picture of what it’s like, but I find that I can learn a lot through the stories that they try to show, and the things that slip through the cracks, and all the assumptions made. My impression of the industry is that it is very competitive, and an intense, heavy-workload training process that starts way too young, and that idols are under heavy pressure to look and present themselves a certain way. So actually a lot like the ballet world, and I’m a big fan of ballet, but for some reason young K-pop idols make me more worried. Perhaps because they seem so much more exposed, the K-pop audience is enormous and these kids are hoping to get famous fast, whereas even the Maria Khorevas and Isabelle Boylstons of ballet stay pretty safely unknown to most of the world. Yes, the training is unhealthy in many ways, but at least the reward for it isn’t losing your private life.

Caveat before I get into the show itself: the contestants are all really good dancers, much better than me. If I sound judgmental sometimes, well, that’s because I’ve watched a lot of top level dancers of a variety of styles, and have developed Opinions. Are the Opinions necessarily accurate or fair? No, but I still have them.

Like @petrichoraline, I get stressed out when the judges are mean, and worry about the contestants being exploited for their dreams. So many of them are still teenagers! With these kind of things, especially with the contestants so young, I actually tend to hope it’s more staged than not, because that feels more protective of these idol hopefuls; their raw selves aren’t hung out for everyone to see.

The beginning is cute with us discovering the Boys Planet world and how things work with these two dorky contestants who only feel worthy of one sticker star. They feel like the plucky wide-eyed farm boys setting off on an adventure in a fantasy novel. I wonder if they’re hear just for this role—with NINETY-EIGHT! (sorry I still can’t get over it) contestants, and I think half of them being eliminated right away (?) there must be some of them who are just here bascially as seat fillers, or reaction shots, who knowingly don’t have a chance, right? Just to make things easier for the judges/audience voting. I just hope that those contestants know that that’s their role and aren’t getting their dreams crushed by surprise.

I’m not a big fan of this editing choice of all these double takes. It’s distracting and I keep feeling like it wastes time when there are NINETY-EIGHT contestants to go through. I’m generally not a fan of the quick cuts and constant switches to reaction shots—I want to see them perform—but I realize that’s just a part of how reality tv is done. And it’s true that some of the reactions are great.

With NINETY-EIGHT idol hopefuls, there is no way to keep track of everyone and I am already lost. It doesn't help that so many of them, especially in the K Group, are dressed so similarly. I am glad for my sake that they’re at least organized into groups by… agency? training school? I’m not exactly sure what their relationships to these corporations are, although I have heard of many of them. I’m also glad for the contestants' sakes they’re in groups, that seems a lot less terrifying than doing a solo. Also, frankly, group performances are usually better, a solo performer needs a lot of charisma to hold the stage alone.

I feel (sort of) qualified to evaluate their dancing, but not at all their singing. I am giving their voices a lot of leeway. I know in music videos the voices are recorded separately from the dancing, get a lot of processing before being released, and I suspect it’s true to some degree or another (from instantaneous digital enhancement to full on lip-syncing to a prerecorded track) of all the live professional performances. Here it sounds like they’re not getting any of that, we’re just hearing their unmodified singing, and while they’re vigorously dancing, which is really hard! So I know it’s not going to sound “professional,” but I don’t know enough about singing to be able to evaluate their raw voices.

I’ve paused halfway through to type this up, and I’m trying to remember who I’ve seen already. I’ve mostly lost track of our original duo; it seems the show has dropped them as guides.

There is the Last Contestant, Lee Hoe-taek, already a K-pop idol, just back from military service. Being largely ignorant about Kpop bands, I’m not sure if he was a Big Deal or in a small band most people don’t know, but either way his big dramatic reveal at the end was entertaining. All the contestants sure seemed to recognize him and be shocked that he was there.

I always suspect with these things that the company knows going into it pretty much who they want to hire. I mention that now, because I’m guessing Lee Hoe-taek is here to either to anchor the group that forms at the end, and so is definitely getting in, or is just here to provide veteran (no pun intended) presence in the competition, and is definitely not getting in, because they want a group full of young unknowns.

On the other hand there is audience voting, so… are they manipulating it somehow? Or are they actually going to abide by audience choice? (It’s possible there are rules I could look up. But I’m just gonna speculate instead.) I suppose if they don’t care so much about the group produced but just the competition to get there that would make sense. I am very intrigued about what this show is trying to do, especially given the Korea vs. the rest of the world framing, which they occasionally play up. The message seems to be, “We in Korea are the originators of Kpop and have training down to a science and therefore are the best at it” but also, “Isn’t it exciting how far K-pop has reached and how many people want to be a part of it like us.” They’re not hitting us over the head with it (so far), but some of the judges masters’ comments are implying that. But I also don’t feel qualified to talk about what’s going on in the international cultural politics of it all, other than to notice it’s very present.

And of course there is also that time honored method of audience vote manipulation: editing! Which they’re already using extensively (they really have no choice with NINETY-EIGHT contestants) so perhaps they’ve a short list of candidates they want for the final nine and are willing to let the votes work out the details. I honestly wouldn’t be shocked if Lee Hoe-taek selflessly pulls out at the last moment to give a younger contestant a chance, or something like that.

Where was I? Oh yes, the contestants. First up was the K Group quartet from Jellyfish, presenting themselves as extremely confident (they each took seven stars stickers!) which felt put upon to me, like someone (Jellyfish? BP producers? the boys themselves?) decided that would be their “brand.” Like their swagger didn’t feel natural, but who am I to say. Anyways, I thought they were quite good! And the fact they didn’t get 4 stars, and others did, had more to do with the story the show wants to tell, either the Jellyfish group’s redemption from being down, or some complicated politics about K Group vs. G Group, than it did with the actual talent of the contestants. But also, it’s hard for me to evaluate the dancing with all the quick cut editing, and I can’t speak on the singing at all, so the judges masters could be seeing something that I’m not. They did go quite hard, and that one master made a good point about needing some nuance, needing to let the voices be heard. It just seemed Jellyfish was being held to a higher standard than others. I’m not personally super into their style, but they’re very skilled. Park Gun-wook seems to be getting the main character treatment, with his solo and all.

Next up: Team WakeOne from G Group. From Japan, I think? I forgot the details, I have to re-watch. They start with this little warm up thing, I think they’re trying to make themselves stand out with it? I don’t really get it tbh. But in the actual performance they’re also quite good. One of the things I was worried about going into this show was that there would be a lot of embarrassing flailing around on stage, but so far everyone shown seems very competent and well trained. It really does feel like a nearly professional level group, ready to transition to being an actual idol. I guess that’s the difference with SYTYCD, which had people from so many different dance backgrounds trying on new styles; here everyone has trained for this specific job they’re going for. I don’t have other thoughts on this group specifically, the edits are too fast for me to really evaluate other than “they know what they’re doing.” Oh, right! Haruto was the ballet dancer. Thirty fouettés. In socks! I’m very impressed (even if he no longer has a ballet dancer’s form.) He is a very expressive performer though. And the first all-star!

Next: Ah yes, the four from Taipai, with the contemporary-trained extremely flexible main dancer. I don’t remember much about them other than they were also very competent. And the contemporary dancer was quite skilled (even though I don’t particular enjoy that style of meaningless trick based competition style “contemporary” choreography that he did). But it impressed everyone, so that’s what counts, and luckily for me that will probably be the only time I see it here. And it got him all-star! They do love their cross-trained classical dancers, lol.

Oh this part was kind of odd. Next up was a duo from Vietnam, another from Thailand, and four from China… and they just sort of talked around their performances? I thought they were building up to a big reveal, but it seems like they did poorly and so the editors just decided not to show them? I do appreciate on one level if they’re protecting the candidates from embarrassment. But in the tiny clips they showed they seemed reasonably competent. Perhaps the big reveal will come later. They are getting the hardworking underdog with big dreams treatment, so I can’t imagine they’ll disappear just yet.

Ah the Americans! My countrymen. I wasn’t intending to be all patriotic, but Jay is kind of adorable. As that other contestant said, he has amazing reactions to everything. I was racking my brains for who he reminded me of: it’s Zeng Shun Xi, who played Wu Xi in Ultimate Note, especially when he smiles. These two are also well trained, danced well and sounded good. They seem more singing focused; I think the choreo was simpler compared to the others, the voices more highlighted. And Jay uses his face wonderfully! I’m totally charmed. I have a variety of thoughts and feelings about non-black people doing hip hop, and their style felt especially… imitative of R&B somehow? idk, I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But the influence of black hip hop and R&B on Korean music and dance is another large (and fascinating) conversation I don’t know enough to say much useful about. I guess the fact that he’s from the US makes it stand out to me more here.

And Jay gets another all-star! Poor other American, in Jay’s shadow. I do wonder how everyone feels about getting separated from their original group, as some get eliminated, as I imagine is going to happen. Have they worked together long, or were they thrown together just for this? I’m not “shipping” any of these people, but I can also see how these situations are rife with drama for good stories. I understand why Cheewin set part of War of Y in an idol competition show—so much potential here!

Halfway through! I’m impressed if you’re still reading my ramblings; I’m not really sure why I have so many thoughts about this show that I want to share, but I do.

Eavesdropping on the “private” conversations as the contestants are on break. I’m just assuming (hoping) that they know they’re being recorded. The chatter is about what you’d expect, admiration about how talented and good-looking every is, worry about how they’re doing. It’s a bit boring, but I hope the show continues to mostly avoid interpersonal drama.

The annoying thing about competition shows is that the contestants are forced to come up with these inane and vaguely xenophobic statements like “Group G can’t beat Group K. Why? Because are roots are different.” Just to build up the “rivalry.”

Ok! Now we’ve got the two groups from YueHua! And Gasp! They end up doing the same piece. If they were from different companies I would acknowledge the possibility of coincidence. But I can’t image YueHua wouldn’t know, so it has to be intentional. All the better to make comparisons! Group G YueHua is full of charming bluster, and both seem at the top level in terms of training and skills, but, sorry Global group, the Korean team wins this round. That 16 year old dancer everyone is fawning over really is very good. But I don’t think Group G Yuehua is going anywhere; they’re all too charming to be kicked off yet. (And here’s the “and ollie.” of that first post I reblogged! I’m still awaiting the “heterophobe” with bated breath.)

Oh yes, the violin! No one’s even listening, lol, there just impressed he can play! Which I am too, tbh. (I do wonder what twosetviolin from youtube would have to say about it, is he any good?) Zhang Hao gets himself an all-star with that and his high notes.

Ok, but I love 29 yo Lee Hoe-taek’s reaction when Han Yu Jin says he was born in 2007. Me too buddy, me too. (I just googled, he was actually FIFTEEN in the English way of counting age when this was filmed. He turned 16 last week. Holy shit.)

OMG. I just checked and that contestant who looks so much like the actor from Roommates of Poongduck 304 IS that actor. Kim Ji Woong. I kept thinking they looked so alike whenever the camera focused on his reaction (as it often does) and then I remembered I’d read there was a BL actor on the show.

Anyways, onward. Ricky and Zhang Hao are more nervous watching their Korean label-mates than the were performing themselves, but I can’t tell if it’s because they want them to do well or are worried they’ll beat them. Do the two teams train together at YueHua? For some reason I get the feeling they’re being supportive, but maybe its just because I like that idea better.

Omg it’s so annoying when they interrupt and restart and restart and restart the choreography to build dRAmA. Once again I say, I am not a fan of reality tv style editing. But Yu Jin really is a captivating dancer, and this choreo serves him well. I think maybe the group isn’t as good vocally as the Chinese team? but are collectively better dancers.

These little tidbits from the Chinese YueHua team about seeing the Korean YueHua team rehearse are fascinating to me. That’s what I like most about dance reality shows, these little glimpses behind the curtain. The Korean team had such stage presence, I could see it only coming alive before an audience, and hard to access in the rehearsal studio.

Now seems as good a place as any to share one of my theories about why most K-pop idol dancers I’ve seen (which I admit is still not that many), despite being incredibly skilled and talented, do not quite cross over to the WOW level for me of really inhabiting the movement. Part of it of course is that they are singers and celebrities as well, and the nature of that is that most of them end up being really good at two two things instead of absolutely amazing at one. But also I think a lot of them have mirror head. I don’t know if it's a real term or I just made it up, but it’s a real thing—when you train you spend so much time watching yourself in the mirror, perfecting every move, but you forget to learn to move your head naturally, so the dance doesn’t seem full-bodied in the same way. My hypothesis is that Yu Jin’s training has been so rushed (1 year!) that he’s largely relying on his natural talent and movement quality, and hasn’t accidentally frozen his head. Obviously there are many other little details that turn a performer from extraordinarily competent at dance to dancer, and of course the whole idea could be bullshit.

Four all-stars for them! It would have been sad if the last guy got left out, lol. First time I watched I wasn’t sure what I thought about Kim Gyu Vin asking to also do a solo dance, but this time I thought it was cute.

Tangent from all my tangents—I find it hilarious how they’re blurring out their signs. I know it’s to avoid spoilers about how many stars everyone has (since I assume they’ve edited this into a different order than how they actually performed) but because the stars are right over everyone’s crotch while seated, well…

Next up a solo act! This is adorable how he messes up his little intro line. I like how supportive Lee Hoe-taek seems. I’m finding myself grow fond of this guy for absolutely no reason. I just like his reactions. Perhaps it’s the “old folks” solidarity? (I’m a decade older than him, lol.)

I can’t tell what I’m supposed to think of blue satin shirt’s performance here. To me it’s the most high-school-talent-show level of singing and dancing they’ve showed yet, but also performing solo is a lot harder and more exposing. So I don’t want to judge too harshly.

This has got to have been staged… there is no way two contestants that just happened to be the only solo acts just happened to do the exact same piece and oh look! they’re also the only two wearing black slacks with slutty satin button downs in complementary colors! Spontaneous idea! Why don’t they dance together? It’s a cute bit though, so I don’t mind.

Oh yes! The master going to help red satin shirt fix his earpiece was also adorable. (These guys seem to be the comic relief of the episode. Hopefully for their sakes it’s on purpose.) I enjoyed his performance more, although it felt equally amateurish, I think because he seemed more relaxed and having fun. I liked the way he smiled through it, even if the judge master thought it was odd. “Something feels very loose about it. But I don’t want him to fix it and do it properly.” Same sis, same. Somehow it works, lol. I also love that he takes off his shoes and socks.

OK! I’m back to where I was when I paused to “jot down a few notes.” 😂 Several hours later:

The master is right, it does look better as a duet (this whole thing was definitely planned). They’re still no superstars, but at least they look respectable.

Oh dear. I was just thinking oh he’s kinda hot when the master said, “oh he’s handsome.” But he is!

Did these two really do the choreography for most of k-pop, or did the producers somehow set it up so all the groups keep doing their choreo? Since supposedly the contestants didn’t know these would be the judges until they walked into the room. This is where my industry ignorance makes it hard to evaluate things. Either way it adds a nice frisson of tension to the proceedings.

Oh dear. They’re bad. I do appreciate the editing and reaction shots making it clear it’s not just me who thinks that. But I do feel for any contestants who come on and get the you suck edit.

Another solo! I feel pacing-wise he needs to be good after comedy bad and just plain bad. Crossing my fingers. The soloist is right, both masters are very handsome 😄 This little bit is cuter than it has any right to be. Oh, I guess bad contestants are not over, instead we’re going all in on the bad singers 😬 I had such hopes for this dude after his dramatic start, but that was painful to hear. All of these singers are. It's not quite as kind about bad performances as I thought earlier, but at least we're only getting short clips.

At moments like these I wonder, were these bad singers deliberately chosen to pad out the NINETY-EIGHT and make it easy to cut? And give an excuse for this speech on the importance of singing the lyrics? As a non-singer I do find it interesting how performers balance the singing and dancing. But I feel bad for all these kids who came on with hope. Did they think their singing would be good enough? Or that their dancing was all that mattered (I can’t tell if they were good dancers because the clips were so short.) Or were they in on the trick of it all? I hope for the last one, but I suspect Mnet is not that kind.

Yeah it’s a long day, there are NINETY-EIGHT trainees here. (Seriously. I want to understand the point of that decision. Are they charging contestants for participating? Do they think it increases the drama for the television audience? We’ve barely seen a quarter of them so far and it already feels like a lot.)

Matthew, that was a bold claim, that you speak French! You had to have guessed they’d ask you to speak it. Good thing none of the judges seems to understand. (Not that he’s terrible, just trying to speak yet a third language that you’re not fluent in while under pressure. Difficult.) Anyways, I can’t decide now if he’s going to be good so they can keep him around (along with Jay) for the North American crowd, or if this is a sign of imminent disaster. They’ve certainly managed to endear him to me, I find myself hoping he’s amazing. Aw and this background story about his friendship with Sung Han Bin is adorable. He has to stay at least one more episode after this editorial treatment. Yay! He’s good :-) Not like mindblowing, but good enough to seem like he belongs there. Hmm. This is the first time we’ve seen the judges give normal actually useful feedback. I wonder why that is? The editors certainly seem to be promoting Matthew as "the one who will grow."

Sung Han Bin. I’m pretty sure it was him I saw on a video here who was dancing like amazingly well, so I’m looking forward to this. His very stiff nervous posture isn’t a good sign, but they are saying he used to be a dancer so I have hope. Oh yay! We get to see one of the choreographer judges dance! Oh boo it’s mostly just reaction shots. But she is good. And so is he, in the little bit the actually let us watch. Yay!

Oh interesting. They get to check boxes on what they think they’re good at and what they want work on. Did all those poor kids come thinking that they didn’t need to be good at singing yet? Also, they keep saying, “he’s singing this live, right?” Does that mean that some of them actually weren’t?

He seems good, but they won’t let me watch him long enough to actually seeee anything 😾. Honestly, he doesn’t seem quite at the level as I was expecting for having worked as a backup dancer for two years, but singing at the same time and being a solo act is a whole different ballgame. And his voice seems pretty good, considering that’s not his specialty. I wonder, are he and my arbitrarily beloved old guy Lee Hoe-taek the only ones who have worked professionally as performers before, or are there many of them? Oh wait, our BL actor friend with the kissable lips, Kim Ji Woong, was also a working idol at one point. Now I’m finding myself curious/nervous to see how he does. I bet out of the NINETY-EIGHT contestants, at least a few of them have experience.

Ok, a trio from Tokyo! And they too are doing a song by someone in the audience, although this time it’s a fellow contestant. The producers have to be arranging this for the drama. There are a lot of possible K-pop songs, right? I don’t know, I’m new here. Ahh. they made it a mandatory practice song. Maybe they just hoped someone would get the hint and pick it on their own.

Aww, why do I love Lee Hoe-taek so much? His reaction is adorable. He’s sitting all alone there in his center throne. I hope the show is kind to him and he’s able to use it purposefully rather than be used by it.

I’m not a big fan of this trio’s voices, but it’s a fun song, and it’s fun having something that the whole audience knows well. Aww, my beloved is crying over the whole upcoming generation dancing along to his song. I don’t know what conversations are had about mandatory military service in S. Korea in general, or specifically about the experiences of Kpop idols going in and then returning the world nearly two years later, but I could imagine that being intense for them in so many ways. Ok, that’s it, I’ve found my guy. I’m not necessarily rooting for him to win, because I suspect he has career path options that fit him better than a debut group with teenagers, but he’s still my guy.

And now we transition into his moment. My boy is going to make me cry. And I never even heard of him before this morning. But he gets to come baaaack! To the staaage! And he has to do it all alone. “How is a trainee?”—that’s right Ollie, you tell them, don’t let them diminish my boy. Aww, and he’s encouraging everyone in his pre-performance speech! But someone is asking The Question—why is he here as a contestant instead of a master?

Arg, this teasing editing is so frustrating. But it looks like yes, he is a PERFORMER. Such presence in those brief clips. I love it when unassuming-looking people turn themselves on on stage. Oh god, they’re building the drama as much as they can. Obviously he did well though, they’re all crying! And it seems like the official answer to The Question is that he just wants to someone to finally tell him he’s good at what he does. Aww. Break my heart why don’t you. Like, I’m not sure how much this character of Lee Hoe-taek has in common with the real person, but the character is compelling.

And of course that’s the cliff hanger. Well now I have to watch episode two to see my beloved perform. I won’t (shouldn’t) blog about it though. (I shouldn’t, but I might be tempted.)

And that wraps up day one, with less than half of the NINETY-EIGHT contests seen. And that was with speeding through some of them. I'd already forgotten the beginning, how are they going to get through it all. I remain curious.

#this was not EVERY thought that went through my head while watching but it was most of them #my ramblings #i wrote almost 5000 words about this episode #why i don't know #sometimes my brain is weird #living with adhd #boys planet #lonely boys #honestly i think i'm just going to keep calling it that in my head #kpop #reality tv competition #reaction by gillianthecat #kind of like liveblogging

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