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darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts · 5 years

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Enter the Kitsune - Prologue pt4

Warnings: Strong language

Masterlist

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Prologue part 4

“I know. I’ve been expecting you.”

What the hell does that mean? I was led by the hand deep into the woods. The Ninja lowered his mask and turned to me allowing me to see his complete face.

“Do you recognize me now?”

“Oh my god, you’re the lab guy from the monument.” I couldn’t contain my shock as I took in the man before me. Apart from a change in attire, he didn’t seem altogether that much different.

“I’m actually a post-graduate physics student. But I’m glad you remember me. That makes things easier.” Sasuke seemed relieved that I recognised him. I meet you earlier today. I know I took a massive clout on the head since then but my memory isn’t that bad.

“You ended up back here too? This whole thing feels like a really weird sci-fi story… Are you a ninja? Actually, why are you a ninja?” Questions just tumbled out of me like water. I was face to face with someone who knew I wasn’t just telling tall tales of coming from the future. That feeling of acceptance had me babbling like an overly curious child asking a million questions at once.

“It’s easiest if I start from the beginning. My name is Sasuke. And just like you, I come from the present, or rather, the future.” He went on to explain what happened since our encounter. The whole thing made my already sore head throb as it tried to keep track of everything. Swaying on my feet a little I took a seat on a tree stump and looked up at him.

“So, when that lightning struck that monument it caused a warp in space and time around us and it dragged us both back in time?” I tried as logically as I could to walk through the step by step dummies guide to time travel my befuddled brain had compiled for me as it translated extreme science guy jargon. I can’t say I was a brilliant student in school. I mean I liked classes but I was always what they called an average student and clearly, this guy was not only in a different class to me but had slipped into a whole new realm.

“Yes. That is a very simplified and condensed version of my current theory. We entered the wormhole at the same time. However, I arrived four years prior to you. In that time, I’ve learned that this Sengoku period, or Japan’s civil war, is different than the one we’re familiar with.” Sasuke was happy enough that I had understood his lecture. Four years? No wonder he asked if I remembered him. To be completely honest I’m impressed he remembers me.

“I’ll have to take your word for that. I’m not familiar at all with Japanese history, it wasn’t something we were taught in school … probably the closest I might get are things I’ve seen in movies at some point. Although I know they aren’t accurate reference material.” I admitted my supreme lack of knowledge expecting to see Sasuke react in some way. The reaction doesn’t come if anything he just seems more sympathetic.

“Indeed. In that case, allow me to explain a little more.” Sasuke talked about how his situation upon arriving in the past was similar to my own. He had found himself near a fallen samurai in need of help. That samurai was Kenshin Uesugi. Thanks in large part to his quick thinking and knowledge of modern medicine Sasuke had managed to save Kenshin. A man who was supposed to have died on that date in that time. That meant that according to Sasuke the historical records did not match with the ones from our time. Nobunaga and Kenshin were both alive but that wasn’t all. Shingen (tall guy from the cliff) was supposed to have also been dead by this time too.

“The fact that he is also alive when he shouldn’t be raises some questions about exactly what is happening. Parallel timelines? Multiple dimensions in space and time? Did we change the past?” Grasping the gist of the conversation I ended up with my mind wandering thinking of possible answers. However unbelievable those answers might be.

“To a degree. I do think we’re in an alternate Sengoku period, not the one we know from our time. Following on from your idea it is possible that because of fluctuations in spacetime we’re in a divergent timeline – one in which history will take a different course.” Sasuke thankfully didn’t think that my mainstream grasp on time travel from late night movies on tv was ridiculous. Time travel, alt-histories, timelines… this really is like science fiction. “I said that I was a post-graduate physics student. My major is in theoretical astrophysics at Kyoto University. I specialize in wormholes and am studying them for their potential for time travel. I’d created a method for predicting the conditions and patterns by which a traversable wormhole would manifest. That’s why I was at the stone monument that day. I was trying to verify my method.” I listened to Sasuke only taking in about a third of what he was saying as I was struggling to keep up with him. Ok clearly being a little different is not something monopolised by people born in this era. “I’ve been searching for you here, expecting you to have travelled back in time as I did. I hadn’t considered the possibility that you would arrive four years later.”

“When I came here, I was kind of hoping this was all a dream. Everything that happened so far has been the stuff that movies are made out of but it’s too real to be a dream or a movie.” I said remembering my experiences so far. The smoke in my lungs, how it burnt my eyes. The heat of that fire and the chill in the air when I was outside. How it hurt when I pinched myself and my heart pounding in my chest after I ran. It was all too real to be a dream.

“I can see why you would think so. There is also another anomaly that I have noticed in this timeline.” Sasuke’s stoic expression seemed to have an intense look about it as he looked closer at me in the dark.

“Another?”

“Are you aware you are speaking perfect Japanese? Not just speaking it but obviously also understanding it. I Don’t suppose you could, before could you?”

“What? Err, no I… Seriously I’m speaking in another language?” Sasuke’s words suddenly hit me with something I had yet to realise. I was so wrapped up in everything else happening I hadn’t even noticed.

“You didn’t know?” His brown eyes widened slightly.

“Well no I didn’t. although I suppose that makes more sense than everyone from 15th-century Japan speaking perfect English. How could I be--?” My voice trailed off, swallowed up by the quiet stillness of the forest.

“It is only an idea and I would hesitate to provide a diagnosis as I am not trained in medicine but I think you might have developed a rare form of something like foreign language syndrome.” Sasuke spoke calmly as if he was recalling some distant memory.

“What is that?” I was curious. It was a bad habit that got me in far more trouble than I would like, but at the same time, it was never something I had been able to change since I was a child.

“Well, it is something that can occur after a trauma has taken place. You develop a shift in your accent to sound as if you are a native from a different country. There have been cases where the stored vocabulary banks of the mind have also been affected and people have been known to speak fluent alternative languages as a result. As I say the cases of such things are very rare phenomena, I wouldn’t be able to go into great detail on it other than to say I believe I read a medical journal at some point that said that patients with this could possibly return to normal after the trauma is healed and with the help of relearning their native language.” Sasuke’s gaze was looking through me, settled at a point that was both where I was and also where I wasn’t. He clearly had the ability to recall even vague information in detail.

“So, the bang on my head was bad enough to knock the English right out of me?”

“You seem to be very good at summarizing. But yes, that would be my working theory at the minute. I realise it’s a little unbelievable--.” Sasuke lowered his eyes a little as he spoke.

“But… Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.” I don’t know why but sometimes my mind just makes random connections to things and I end up blurting out references and quotes to things that generally just leave others confused.

My friends in college took great delight in making up their own game where they would ask me quick-fire questions and see if I could answer them using only quotes and general trivia. That small memory had me cringing as I waited for the same look of confusion to appear on Sasuke’s face, but that never happened.

“Nice use of reference. I must admit I enjoy a good mystery novel from time to time myself.” Sasuke’s eyes seemed to brighten as he recognised the Sherlock Holmes quote. He not only understood that he liked it? “To get back on track if I may. With reference to your idea of this not being a dream, you could say that this is, in fact, a dream situation for me. I get to see and meet the famous men and women of the Sengoku with my own eyes.”

“Well, I’m glad one of us is enjoying themselves.” Looking at him it did seem to be true that he was actually in his element right now. I was confused and not very happy with my own situation but I was still happy enough that someone else was at least having fun.

“My parents were huge history buffs. I got my name from Sasuke Sarutobi, who was a legendary ninja that served Yukimura Sanada. Being a ninja of legend also meant he is fictional. So, I have assumed his “place” in time in order to avoid damaging the historical timeline further than necessary.” Sasuke almost appeared to be more animated as he elaborated. It was probably the most expressive I had seen him since I’d met him, even if his face still seemed to be devoid of movement.

“Did you pick up your job here as a ninja while you were waiting or were your parents ninjas as well as history fanatics?” I asked mirroring a little of his enthusiasm. When someone speaks so happily and passionately about something it's hard not to get wrapped up in the moment.

“I studied that here. It seemed useful to pick up a marketable vocation.” Sasuke said as he pushed his glasses back up securely on his nose. Ok well, a scientific history fanboy turned historical ninja is an interesting plot twist. Talk about thinking on your feet. I may have to take a leaf out of this guy’s book on fast adaption aiding survival. Sasuke indicated the path we had just taken to get here. “Right now, I’m employed with the men you saw earlier by the cliff. I would like you to come with me. I promise I’ll find a way to return us both to the present.” He offered me his hand waiting for a reply.

For the first time since arriving here, I found myself properly thinking about where I had come from. The job I had worked hard to gain experience and recognition in so I could get into the department I really wanted to be in. My small apartment that was a little rundown but I loved it all the same. Then there was all the people, the ones I worked with, family, friends that meet up with me once a month just to grab drinks and hang out.

My options in this situation are definitely limited. I had no doubt that I wanted to return, there was nothing for me here after all. If there really is a way to get back then my chances of doing so have to be increased by hanging out with the guy who can work out space-time stuff. Great now I have the theme for Doctor Who playing on a loop in my head… that is so not helpful right now. Ignoring my inner radio station that clearly took just as much of a bump as my skull did upon entry to the Sengoku. I was about to take his hand when our private moment was interrupted.

“Aerion! Where are you!? Come out!”

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shirlleycoyle · 3 years

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Tracking Down DOPE, the First Computer Language for Normal Humans

BASIC holds an important place in computer programming canon. Hugely popular in the 70s and 80s this programming language introduced an entire generation to computing. The reason for its widespread adoption was simple: BASIC wasn't meant for programmers, it was designed for beginners. The language meshed well with the egalitarian worldview of early home computing. If you could type then you could become a computer user, and if you could become a computer user you could become a programmer.

BASIC didn't come from nowhere. Like any language it has a family tree complete with phylums and roots. The descendants of BASIC are fairly easy to spot, Visual BASIC is about as far afield as they get. But it's ancestry is a different story that not many people know about. The language that inspired a generation does, in fact, have a predecessor called the Dartmouth Oversimplified Programming Experiment, or DOPE.

That name's probably not familiar, but that shouldn't be a surprise. I ran into it almost by chance. Once I learned of this obscure language I found myself in a pretty deep rabbit hole. At the bottom I became one of the few people to run a DOPE program in nearly 60 years. The language is strange, but undeniably shows the skeleton of BASIC starting to form.

What is DOPE, and where does it fit into the larger story of BASIC?

The history of computing is easy to sum up in terms of problems. In the corporate parlance of IBM the worst of these problems were once called dragons, evocative of monsters that programmers were sent out to slay. In the earliest days of the computer one of the biggest dragons around was accessibility. That is, how to get people using computers in the first place. Early computers were hulking beasts in their own right: huge, expensive, and difficult to use. Most often programmers never even touched computers themselves. Instead they would drop off stacks of punched cards for technicians to carefully feed into well protected machines.

In isolation a computer is a novelty. It can hum, crunch numbers, and heat up a room. You need people to actually make computers useful, the more people the better. The state of the art in the late 50s was progressing at a steady pace, but there just weren't enough people in the game. To make matters worse access to machines formed a tight bottleneck. It was never disputed that computers were going to be the future. How exactly that future would develop was another matter.

Programming languages came into being. FORTRAN, ALGOL, and a handful of ancient dialects have their roots in this period. The whole point in developing FORTRAN was to make computing more accessible to non-computer scientists. The key word here being scientists. If you follow FORTRAN's logic then computers are tools for research, something you tuck away in a lab. And while that's one important application it's a limited one. In the grand scheme of things not that many people are scientists. Luckily for us not everyone was a devotee of FORTRAN's vision of the future.

Enter the dragon slayers of our story: John Kemeny and Thomas Kurtz. Kemeny was the longtime chair of the mathematics department at Dartmouth college, and Kurtz was his colleague and fellow researcher.

During WWII Kemeny was involved in the Manhattan Project as a mathematician. While on the project he worked directly with John von Neumann, one of the key figures in early computing. Kemeny spent a year on the project crunching numbers and running figures. In early 1945 his work was done using cumbersome IBM tabulating machines. By the end of the year the first electronic digital computers became operational, and Kemeny witnessed their impact on the Manhattan Project firsthand. The next year Kemeny wrote his first program.

Thomas Kurtz came to the field only slightly later. In 1951 Kurtz attended one of UCLA's Summer Sessions where he saw a computer running for the first time. At the time he was enrolled in Pricneton's graduate program for mathematics. That demo was enough to interest him. Once he learned to program, computing became an integral part of his career. Both saw for themselves how computers changed their own lives, and they realized the technology wouldn't stop there. Computers would only get better and more widespread, the future was going to be digital.

Surrounded by young and impressionable minds the duo set out a task for themselves: teach every student at Dartmouth how to use a computer. STEM students at the college were already being exposed to computers, at least in a limited sense. But that only accounted for a fraction of the student population.

How can you teach an English student to talk to a computer? Why would an aspiring psychologist care about silicon? Sure, computers were going to change everything for everyone. That's nice to say in a lecture, but how do you introduce students to machines?

This would eventually lead to BASIC. Unlike its contemporaries BASIC was designed for non-scientists, and really for non-programmers. Unnecessary constructs were stripped out, data was simplified, syntax was reduced to the bare minimum. The final language would be a masterpiece of restraint. It's not a language a programmer can love but for the vast majority of the populace it's easy to learn.

Compared to its contemporaries BASIC is simple, almost to a fault. Take FORTRAN as an example. In that language variables need to be declared with specific data types, and variable declarations need to be made in specific locations within a program. BASIC doesn't use explicit types, any variable can hold anything you want. You don't even need to declare a variable, just say "LET A = 1" and you are done. Even BASIC's syntax is a breath of fresh air. The language only uses letters, numbers, and a few mathematical operators. You don't have to deal with line endings or brackets.

The downside is that more powerful features are dropped in favor of simplicity. Objects, abstraction, even the aforementioned variable typing, are all absent. BASIC offers just the necessities.

On campus BASIC was a hit. Teachers integrated the language into classes, and students were happy to adopt it. The transition to home computers was an obvious choice. BASIC became the de facto introduction to the digital realm for millions.

The most authoritative source on BASIC's development is the aptly named "Back to BASIC", co-authored by Kemeny and Kurtz themselves. This is where I first encountered DOPE. Or, rather, where I first saw the language mentioned. During the late 50s and early 60s the duo experimented with how to introduce students to computers, specifically looking for a programming language for the absolute novice. When existing languages proved ill fit for this task they shifted to creating a new programming language.

The Dartmouth math department was armed with an LGP-30 computer, a relatively cheap and underpowered machine. In total it had 30 kilobytes of RAM to work with. That computer would see years of hard use and strange experiments. DOPE was one of those experiments, but details in "Back to BASIC" are slim. In a passage near the beginning of the book Kemeny wrote:

"I had a high school student, Sidney Marshall, who was taking calculus at Dartmouth. I had him experiment with a language called DOPE on that same LGP-30. DOPE was too primitive to be useful, but it was the precursor of BASIC."

DOPE was used on the math department's computer and Kemeny supervised it's creation. As a programmer myself I don't really do mysteries—I much prefer resolutions—and this was a massive mystery to me. I've written a good deal of BASIC, it wasn't my first language but it was a big part of my diet early on. I always assumed it was it's own language isolated from any others, and I think that's an easy mistake to make. BASIC doesn't look like anything but BASIC. It's name doesn't hint at some larger lineage. I was left with a glaring hole in my knowledge, and as I soon realized I wasn't the only one out of the loop.

Image: Marcin Wichary/Wikimedia Commons

Running DOPE

There isn't that much readily accessible information about DOPE. Notably a passage written by Thomas Kurts for the book "History of Programming Languages" has a small chunk of code. It's a handful of lines of DOPE, not enough to understand the language but just enough to confirm it's existence. Scouring through interviews and citations I started to build up a picture. DOPE had been developed in 1962. It was only used for a single term in a single math class. It was a step towards accessible programming but didn't go far enough.

The trail led me to a file folder tucked away in Dartmouth's archive. The manuscript within was simply titled "Dartmouth Oversimplified Programming Experiment", filed under a collection of Kurtz's notes. The paper was written in 1962, and for the time gave a radically different approach to programming. It's definitely not BASIC, but it's getting close.

First of all, the DOPE manuscript answered one of my biggest questions: why was there so little information about the language? The name should give a little away, DOPE was an experiment. It was used as a proving ground for ideas Kemeny and Kurtz were brewing. The paper describing DOPE was also never published. Partly, because it wasn't really a formal language description. Instead it was part primer, part lesson plan. Students were being used as guinea pigs on the path to a better programming language.

The next step for me was clear. The DOPE paper laid bare all the details of the language, example problems, logical diagrams, and every idiosyncrasy. Reading it is one thing, but I wanted to understand DOPE, and the only way to understand a language is to use it. The larger issue was that there was no way to run DOPE code that really existed. GNU binutils—the most popular compiler package around—definitely doesn't ship with support for the language, and I wasn't able to track down any of the code for the original implementation. So I set to work reviving the language by building an interpreter. Simply put, an interpreter is a program that can understand and execute source code.

Making my own implementation of DOPE was a way to understand the language on a deeper level, and try to reason out why it failed and what ideas made it into BASIC. That, and preserving a dead programming language sounded like a fun challenge. How hard could it be?

As it turned out, not that hard. Even before I had a running interpreter I was starting to see the connection to BASIC. One of the reasons BASIC became so popular was because it was easy to implement. That was by design. The language was structured to make compilation simple, Dartmouth's BASIC follows very rigid syntax structure. Each line of BASIC starts with a number, then an operation, then arguments. It's simple, easy to parse with a computer, and easy to write for a novice.

Each line of DOPE starts with a line number, then an operation, then arguments. This is where BASIC got its structure. For someone implementing the language that saves a lot of time and code. You just break each line into tokens, the operation is always in the same place, arguments are right after. There is zero ambiguity and zero wiggle room. It's easy to zoom through the process.

The Dartmouth team had similar mileage. According to Kemeny's paper the DOPE compiler could turn code into executables in under a minute. That's slow today, but sounds pretty good for the slow LGP-30. Later this same simplified syntax structure allowed Kemeny and Kurtz to pull some slick tricks with their BASIC implementation. Dartmouth BASIC was compiled, but presented to users as an interactive environment. On the backend BASIC code was compiled on runtime with minimal latency, to students it just looked like the school's computer spoke fluent BASIC.

But there's a hitch, and it's one of the biggest issues with DOPE. BASIC deviates from the rigid format slightly. You can actually write mathematical expressions in BASIC, so "LET A = 1 + 1" is a valid line of code. Under the hood a mathematical expression may be treated as arguments, but to a user you can write math in BASIC the same as you'd jot down an equation.

DOPE doesn't work that way. The language is much more terse, no doubt a result of the limited hardware it was developed on. Let me give you a taste. In DOPE that same BASIC statement, just adding 1 and 1, comes out to "+'1'1'A". That's not very pretty, is it? Superficially, DOPE looks a lot more like assembly language than anything else. Most operations are a single character, each line can only perform a simple operation, argument lists are all of a fixed length. All the usual operations for math, assignment, loops, and printing are present, just in a consolidated form.

The other fun complication is the matter of single quotes. DOPE doesn't separate things with spaces, as near as I can tell this is due to its host hardware. Other languages used on the LGP-30 computer follow the same convention. I think it was just one of those functional restrictions that made life a little harder at Dartmouth. Better hardware was available on campus when BASIC was developed, so it escaped that fate.

Appearances aside, there is something deeper going on with DOPE. Variables are the bread and butter of any programming language, it's where you store and manipulate data. It's also another place where DOPE directly presages BASIC. DOPE has a very special kind of typing system. It's almost implicit, but only slightly.

Every variable is a floating point number, that's a number with a decimal point. Adding a little complication, DOPE has four special variables named E, F, G, and H. These are 16 element arrays, lists that can hold up to 16 numbers. When you work with DOPE you just have to remember that these four variables are different.

There are also no strings in DOPE, you can't store or manipulate words or letters. Nearly every other programming language can handle strings in some way, so this restriction is pretty noticeable. DOPE was only ever meant for mathematical work so lacking strings isn't a total dealbreaker.

There is a little bit of subtlety here that I find intriguing. All variables are stored as floats, so any number you enter is converted. Set a variable to 1 and DOPE turns that into 1.000. When you print a variable DOPE figures out the most reasonable format and displays that. So if the float doesn't have anything past the decimal place it shows up without the decimal. To a more serious programmer this should sound like a nightmare. DOPE takes away any control over data types by just not having data types. Programmers don't like giving up control, this was especially true during the era DOPE was developed.

Image: Marcin Wichary/Wikimedia Commons

This language wasn't meant for programmers. It was meant for english students who didn't know the difference between an integer 1 and a floating point 1. It was designed for political science majors who had never seen a computer before. The bizarre typing system in DOPE meant you could teach programming without teaching about data types. Instead of having to explain the subtle differences between 1.0 and 1 a teacher can just cut to the chase. To the uninitiated these rules don't make that much sense, so just drop them. What you get is a much more gentle introduction to computers.

It may come as a surprise for BASIC users, but early versions of the language had a very similar typing system. In v1 of Dartmouth BASIC every variable was stored as a float, with smart formatting for input and output. Strings came in subsequent versions. But there is a key difference, and it comes in the form of arrays. In BASIC an array is declared using the DIM operation. It tells the computer to make room for a new array, and gives that array a name. In early versions this changed a variable into a 10 element array of numbers. This is one of the areas where BASIC broke from DOPE, and I think in a good way.

DOPE reserved four variables as arrays. That works just fine, but it's clunky. Having to remember which letters are lists and which are numbers is annoying. It adds in a layer of illogical complexity. Why is E an array? Well, it just is. My educated guess is that E, F, G and H were hardcoded as arrays since those are common names for vectors in physics, but that's just a shot in the dark. For a newcomer it's just an arbitrary rule. Kemeny and Kurtz were right to ditch this one.

The last part of DOPE that bears mentioning is also one of the key parts of BASIC: line numbers. Anyone who knows BASIC, or has seen BASIC, will be familiar with this syntax. Each line has a number that doubles as a label and a way to edit your program. With line numbers being explicitly defined a programmer gets to name each part of their code. DOPE also uses line numbers, but in a more limited way. Each line has an implicit number, you start at 1 and go up to 99.

You don't have control over DOPE's line numbers, but each number does have it's own label. These aren't just superficial, line numbers in DOPE are what makes it into a fully fledged programming language. The much-maligned GOTO statement exists in this earlier language, just by another name. GOTO tells BASIC to jump execution to a specific line number. It's a simple way to handle flow control of a program, but there are often better options. Many programmers dislike GOTO for that reason alone, but the statement can also make code hard to read and debug. You can't instantly tell what "GOTO 11" means unless you know what is waiting for you on line 11.

In DOPE the "T" operation lets you jump TO a given line number. Once again, this is the kind of feature programmer's don't really like. GOTO, and by lineage T, has been called a danger to programmers everywhere. It can be unsafe to overuse, if code changes a stray GOTO can jump into the unknown. For large programs jumping by line number gets weird, but that's an issue for programmers.

For the novice jumping by number is simple and understandable. You don't need extra code to add labels. Since most new programmers aren't writing massive and intricate programs a lot of the dangers of GOTO disappear. Conditionals work in a similar way in DOPE, specifying line numbers to jump to dependent on a comparison. Again, in line with early versions of BASIC. And again, kept as simple as possible.

The only outlier here are loops. One of the parts of BASIC that always struck me as strange is how it handles FOR loops. In general loops are how you repeat operations in a program. If you want to do something over and over again you use a loop. BASIC's specific flavor of loop is the FOR loop. As in, do something FOR values of X from 1 to 10.

Most flow control in BASIC is handled using line numbers. Some later versions allow if statements to contain expressions but Dartmouth BASIC only allows for conditional jumps. Loops are different, a FOR loop in BASIC encloses a block of code, ending in a NEXT. Once again this quirk is straight from DOPE, loops enclose a chunk of code to run and rerun until complete.

However, DOPE loops have their downsides. And really, this gets into the problems I ran into with DOPE. Kemeny was right to say the language was too simple, and loops are a perfect example. Really, loops have been something of a thorn in my side during my journey. On the interpreter side that means extra code. Executing code by block instead of line number means loops have to be handled a little differently than anything else in the language. When I was actually able to get DOPE code running loops remained annoying because they only go one way. Loops in DOPE can only increment, and only in steps of 1. Fine. It's a loop. It's the most basic loop possible. It works, but it's very restrictive. Something as simple as a countdown takes a little extra code to achieve.

The total lack of strings also restricts what you can do with DOPE. There are operations to output strings, sort of. One operation lets you print a newline character, and another outputs a string literal. This can be used to format and label your outputs, but without variable strings you can't write very flashy code. I can write the classic "Hello World," but you won't be seeing any games in DOPE. Luckily BASIC would include strings after a fashion.

DOPE's Legacy

What I've found is that DOPE works well for math and not much else. Calculating tables of values is straightforward. Running a loop to figure lists of roots or squares is easy. I've even been able to tackle larger equations in DOPE, so far the most complicated thing I've written is a program that approximates pi. There's a certain zen to converting equations into simple operations, that is if you have some patience. Straying from simple math turns into a struggle. I keep trying to make a number guessing game but running into the wall of random number generation.

This restriction to simple math isn't necessarily a bad thing. The language was developed by mathematicians as a way to introduce complete novices to computing. It's not fully general purpose, true, but that's not important. DOPE isn't the kind of language you could stick with for a career, it was never intended to be. It's just enough to show students what a computer is, what kinds of problems a computer can solve, and how a programmer might solve them.

So why haven't more people heard about DOPE? Is it just a failed language? I don't think so. DOPE has remained hidden because it was successful. The E stands for experiment after all, and after a single class at Dartmouth the experiment had ran its course. The ideas in DOPE worked well enough for Kemeny and Kurtz to continue their line of research. BASIC is the direct result of DOPE's success. The reason BASIC worked so well in classrooms and on early home systems was because it was simple. The language was easy to learn, easy to implement, and easy to understand. DOPE itself didn't last, but the core concept was sound enough to birth BASIC.

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kitchsykitchenwitch · 6 years

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TW: Religion. My personal experiences with mental health, psychiatric hospitalization, and suicidal ideation/attempts. Some mild discussion of the current political climate.

So, this is a half-cooked essay I’ve had rattling around my head for a couple of years now, but hadn’t really found a good time to write it all out. After watching the Jesus Christ Superstar Live special today, I think now is as good a time as any to put this out in the world. Please not the aforementioned trigger warnings, and also be advised that this is probably gonna be a bit ramble-y and not the best written piece on the interwebs.

***PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW OF THE JCS LIVE SPECIAL!***

Some background on me. I am an atheist who grew up in a Catholic family, and I struggle with C-PTSD and bipolar II disorder (which weren’t properly diagnosed until about four and two years ago, respectively), as well as chronic autoimmune and pain conditions. When I was a kid, every year during Lent, my mother (a theater junkie) would play both the soundtrack and 1973 movie of Jesus Christ Superstar. The original soundtrack has always had some sentimental value to be because of this.

A quick aside on my faith, or lack thereof. I never considered myself a very strong Catholic. Fortunately, I grew up in one the lucky few liberal Catholic families, and was always taught to think for myself and question everything. My questioning of religion first started when I was in fifth grade, and became very interested in Greek mythology, which soon expanded to Norse and Celtic myths as well. I loved the stories and fables, and it didn’t take me long to draw the parallels to Christianity and Catholicism. I began to think to myself, if these stories aren’t true, then why is Catholicism the one true way? I also struggled with prayer and forming that “personal connection to God” that my youth leaders insisted I must develop. I grew up in a turbulent, and at times, abusive home, and my pleas to find some peace were, of course, left unanswered. I struggled for years thinking that there must be something I was doing wrong, or something inherently wrong and broken about me as a human being. This added to the depression that I struggled with as an adolescent, but I kept my reservations to myself out of fear of alienating my family and friends in the Church. Eventually, I found myself sitting on the agnosticism fence, finally making the jump over to atheism about a year and a half after I graduated college. I discovered that I found more sense of worth and fulfillment in taking responsibility for my own actions and accomplishments, more agency and knowledge in the presence of evidence and facts, and far more comfort in the love of those here with me in the physical realm. For a long time, Jesus Christ Superstar and any other remnants of religious music fell off of my playlists for many years as I came to terms with my beliefs.

A couple of years ago, as I was building a Broadway playlist on Spotify, I decided to put the original soundtrack on and see how it played to me as both an adult and a critically thinking atheist. I was expecting to experience that nostalgia that I spoke of earlier, but I was not prepared to be emotionally bowled over at the realization that this is a story of not only faith, but of struggle with mental illness. I mentioned this to my mother after my revelation, and she told me that she wasn’t surprised. I didn’t know this, and some of you may not either, but she told me that when the show first premiered, there was a lot of push-back and anger because people didn’t approve of such a raw, radical and purely human portrayal of their Messiah, preferring the calm beatific and self sacrificing demigod of their scriptures. Listening to it now after being on both the loved one of someone who is mentally ill, and being a mentally ill person myself, I found myself relating to the characters in whole new ways that felt absent before, and it completely flipped the traditional Passion story on its head for me.

I’m going to take the soundtrack (nearly) song by song and give my thoughts. The ones that are irrelevant to the overarching themes I mentioned, I will skip over. I’ll also provide YouTube links to the ones I do delve into.

Heaven on their Minds

Even though I’m an atheist, and one would think I’d relate to him more because of this, this is the only song in the show where I truly sympathize with Judas. I look at this song through the lens of watching an older family member struggle heavily with bipolar I disorder, which was left untreated for many many years. This came into stark focus for me when I reached adulthood and the two of us became much closer. He is hands down the most intelligent and one of the most empathetic people I have ever met in my life, but the flights of mania, ego and rage and the crushing depression he experiences has a major impact on everyone who loves him. I struggle with this as well to a lesser degree, and being on both sides of this coin, I really do sympathize with those who love someone with this disorder. The struggles we go through can leave us hyperfocused on ourselves, forgetting that the people who care about us are also deeply hurt and concerned for our safety and well being. Judas is begging for Jesus to take a step back and look rationally at how his (in Judas’ perception) egotistical and selfish actions are harming himself and those around him, imploring that he still admires him and cares for him as a person, but eventually ends the song in frustration as he realizes that his friend will not listen to him.

What’s The Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying

I had two major thoughts on this song, and I’ll go through them separately.

This song is where my sympathy for Jesus begins and for Judas comes to a screeching halt. Judas proves himself to be a misogynistic prick as Mary Magdalene attempts to provide some small comfort to Jesus as he is growing more and more frustrated with his disciples. The slut shaming rubs me absolutely raw, and if I had been in that situation, I would have jumped down his throat just as Jesus did.

The second takeaway from this is that this is where I see parallels to mental illness start to take root in the show. Depression lies. Depression will tell you that nobody in your life truly cares about you, and that they will all leave you alone in the end.

“I'm amazed that men like you Can be so shallow, thick and slow There is not a man among you Who knows or cares if I come or go!”

This, obviously, leaves his friends reeling, and they beg of him, how can he possibly say that about them? He doubles down with the final lash out of “Not one, not ONE of you!” I have similarly lashed out at those who mean the most to me when in the depths of a depressive low. Thankfully, my circle understands that when I say things like that, it’s not truly me, but the monster that lurks within me that I usually keep quiet and calm in the back of my mind.

Everything’s Alright

Judas, buddy, you really lose me here. He turns from slut shaming and goes into full on neurotypically ableist fuckery. The is implication that his friend doesn’t deserve a few small comforts because there is some greater cause that must be served, and that he should suck it up because there are people who have it worse.

Jesus, in response, reminds him that there will always be people in the world who have it worse and who are suffering. This is a concept I struggled with for years. I would always minimize my pain by saying “Well, it could always be worse.” This kind of thinking just led to more self-berating, beating myself up when I couldn’t pull myself up by my bootstraps and force happiness into my chemically-misfiring brain. And here he takes another emotional dig, saying that Judas better shape the fuck up, and leaves the vague threat of suicide hanging over his head as another lashing out, which I have also done in my worst moments of pain and despair.

Mary, bless her, proves herself to be the true caring partner as she swoops back in to attempt to soothe him to sleep, wanting to provide some form of comfort to the man she loves.

This Jesus Must Die

When this essay first started taking shape in my head a couple of years ago, I wasn’t planning on including this song.

Then the election of 2016 happened.

I won’t ramble on too much on this one since it doesn’t directly tie in to the overall themes I outlined earlier, but I’d feel remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the indirect connections.

The disturbing trend of othering, tribalism, and white supremacy that has taken hold in the US can be seen in the lyrics of this song. The willingness to outright harm and even murder those who are different because of ignorant fears of having their way of life destroyed is as much a problem today as it was then. This affects all who don’t fit this mold: POC, non-Christians, women, LGBTQ+ folks, the disabled, and, you guessed it, the mentally ill. It’s chilling to see these attitudes, which these types of Christians claim to revile when speaking of the priests and pharisees in the Passion story, so thoroughly inform their worldview and morals. It makes me feel physically ill to see this happening.

Simon Zelaotes/Poor Jerusalem

Oh Simon. You are that one “friend” or family member that every mentally ill person has. The one who thinks they have all the answers. The one who gives you all kinds of unsolicited “advice” and tells you how you should think and act, because that’s how things are gonna get better for everyone else (oh and I guess you too). This isn’t one of my favorite songs, so I’m gonna end it here for this one.

The Temple

This is more regarding the second half of the song, when the lepers are demanding that Jesus heal them. This one resonated deeply with me. I am a very empathetic person, and I also have a very hard time saying no to people. I want to help as many of my friends as I can and make them happy. The problem is, I don’t always know how to turn that off, and I end up overextending myself with either physical demands or emotional labor. When Jesus cries “There’s too little of me,” I felt that on a very personal level, as I have said similar things when I take on too much. He finally breaks down and snaps, screaming at them to heal themselves. Again, I have expressed similar thoughts when I reach my limits and break.

Everything’s Alright Reprise

I Don’t Know How to Love Him

The story now shifts the focus from the mentally ill individual to the partner/spouse/caregiver of the one who is ill. This is SO important. It’s very easy for our caregivers to stay silent and power through for our sake, while they slowly burn out trying to help us and to continue to live their lives. They tend to stay in the background, shouldering enormous tasks, and very rarely do they receive help that they badly need.

Mary does her best to calm Jesus, keeping on her smile until he falls asleep. Once her job is complete for the evening, she goes off by herself to vent her fears and frustration into the ether. She loves him, but at the same time, he deeply frightens her. That monster that lurks in us is scary, and not just for the person who is ill. It reaches out and threatens everyone that the person loves, and for those who don’t know what it’s like to have that in your head 24/7, it’s terrifying. But who does she tell? Who else could possibly understand? So she just lets her fears out to no one but herself, and at the end, collects herself and goes back to work.

Damned For All Time / Blood Money

Some of my sympathy for Judas comes back in this one, but only but so far. Being the friend who realizes that someone they care about may truly be out of control and a danger is a terrible position to be in. Do you call the police and have them involuntarily committed? Or do you keep trying to fix things yourself? It is never an easy call to make. He handled it EXTREMELY poorly though.

The Last Supper

This is where everything goes to hell and falls apart. Jesus and his friends gather together for one final meal, but his mind is already far afield with self destruction and suicidal ideation. Right off the bat, he makes throwaway comments about his friends’ apathy.

“For all you care, this wine could be my blood. For all you care, this bread could be my body.”

His own apathy launches back into anger as he spits:

“I must be mad thinking I'll be remembered - yes I must be out of my head! Look at your blank faces!

My name will mean nothing Ten minutes after I'm dead!”

The group immediately launches into rebuttals and reassurances. Judas is finally fed up with his friend taking his anger out on everyone and speaks up, telling him that he has alerted the authorities. Jesus doesn’t care and goads Judas into blowing up at him and basically telling him to stop being a dramatic asshole. This is behavior I have both witnessed in others and done myself in my angry/manic swings. You think so little of yourself that you think you have deluded your friends into thinking you are a good person, so the addled logical next step is to make them understand just how bad of a person you truly are and shove them away, violently if necessary. Judas takes the bait and flees, while the rest of the group tries to placate their friend with, what we would perceive as empty, platitudes and optimism.

Gethsemane

The similarities to this song and my own inner dialogue when I struggle with suicidal ideation are staggering to me. The exhaustion, the “Am I really this worthless?” and “Maybe the world would be better off without me” statements, looking to lay the blame on someone else, wanting someone else to do the deed for you because you don’t have the guts to do it yourself, rage at a spiritual figure that you feel either doesn’t exist or doesn’t care. That was like a swift punch to the gut. I never thought that as an atheist, I would relate so heavily to the character of Jesus, but this song drove it home for me that I really do, and that it’s not a bad thing, and that I can relate to him as a person without it having to be a religious experience.

Pilate and Christ

Short blurb for a short song. I view Pilate as the role of the medical professional who is dealing with a particularly difficult case. In this first appearance, he takes on the role of the apathetic doctor that all of us neurodivergent individuals fear we will get, someone who really takes no interest in your problems and instead kicks you to the mercy of another office or the insurance company.

Could We Start Again Please

This is another one that speaks to me on a deep, personal level.

“I've been living to see you Dying to see you but it shouldn't be like this This was unexpected, what do I do now? Could we start again please? Could we start again please? I've been hopeful so far Now for the first time I think we're going wrong Hurry up and tell me, this is all a dream Or could we start again please? Could we start again please? I think you've made your point now You've even gone a bit too far to get your message home Before it gets too frightening, we ought to call a halt So could we start again please?”

These are very similar to what my husband said after my suicide attempt. He told me that he felt like the whole thing was a nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from. He told me that he was terrified, and that he wished there was a way to do a hard reset on everything. He told me that he wanted to help me, but that he didn’t know how to even begin to do that. Fortunately, with lots of therapy, we have been making it work, but that was his first experience with serious mental illness. When I was in psychiatric hospitalization, these points came up yet again, as he had never experienced this and didn’t know how to handle someone he cares so deeply about be committed and see the bad and good that goes with it. It’s all scary as fuck, and this is why our caregivers need support and love and someone to talk to as well.

Judas’ Death

Again, keeping this one short. The regret train rolls into the station as Judas realizes that maybe he made a mistake. I’ve heard fellow patients in hospitalization say this about loved ones who had them involuntarily committed. When they make the call, they think it will be a few days in the hospital and bam! You’re cured! They end up coming to the horrible realization that psychiatric hospitalization is difficult, scary, and at times, dangerous. Some people step up to the plate and help their loved ones through it, while others balk at what they’ve done and bail completely.

Trial Before Pilate

We come back to the doctor/patient metaphor with this song, this time with Pilate taking the role of the doctor who genuinely wants to help a patient, but the combination of the patient’s complete apathy/desire for self destruction and pressures put on by outside forces (like overwork, various bureaucracies, and bullshit from insurance companies) force their hand into making the harsh call of commitment. Pilate realizes that since Jesus refuses his help and also refuses to help himself, he has to make the hard call. I have been in the position of having a doctor ask me questions to help, and I basically told them to fuck off. Doing so forced the issue of hospitalization (which, by the way, I’m not directly comparing to a death sentence, just pointing out connections that I see).

This is an inelegant collection of the thoughts and emotions that this show creates within me. I’m not really sure how to close this out, now that I’ve finally written down the comparisons and analysis that has been in my head every time I’ve listened for the last couple of years. It feels good to get it out, even if the writing doesn’t flow very well. So there you have it. How a mentally ill atheist can still find meaning and their own story in a work of entertainment based on religion.

#jesus christ superstar #broadway geek #mental health #mentally ill

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aurimeanswind · 7 years

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Opening at the Close—Sunday Chats (12-3-17)

This is the last first Sunday of 2017, which is crazy to think. We are in the final stretch of 2017, arguably one of the worst political years for the US ever, one of my most difficult personal years, and also one of if not definitively the best years for video games.

The Written Word, 1000x Over

What’s also coming to a close is my habit of writing every day about games. It’s been a big project and exercise for me, and this week I will hit 1000 consecutive days writing, and then I plan on taking some well-earned days off, creatively. I’m sure my mind will still be buzzing with ideas, as it always is, but I think I’ve learned there is a bit of a balance with that; a give and take to putting in so much work.

I’ve got something going up on Tuesday over on IrrationalPassions.com that anyone interested in my writing career over the last 1000 days should definitely check out. I want it to be generally a surprise, the format at least, but it’ll be worth a read I hope.

Today, in the spirit of this big thing I’ve been doing for nearly 3 years ending, I asked you all, lovely readers of Sunday Chats, to tell me a project that you embarked on for a great amount of time, and where it left you at its close. Writing is one of those things that I think will be inherent to a lot of my work going forward, no matter what, but it’s definitely changed a lot for me over this time. And I think big projects can do that to you, and how you feel at the end of them really have an effect on what you do in the future. They instill this knowledge that you carry with you.

Whether its a podcast, a website, a show, or something else entirely, I think there were a lot of great stories written in for Sunday Chats this week, so let’s take a look at them.

Boy howdy that sounds like an undertaking. I’ve been a bit familiar with script writing because I’ve looked at it as something I maybe wanted to do at some point, and the whole different look and feel for script writing really threw me off.

But I can’t imagine that just because I can’t really see myself successfully setting up a scene or a shot. Now you, Ben, obviously I can see you doing it. You’re like Mr. Film Studies in my heart of hearts. That’s really incredible. I don’t know if you plan on selling the script or shooting it or making it happen, but I believe in you.

Good luck finishing it, and good luck with the rewrites. I know you can do it.

I think that feeling of moving on is natural. I think there are parts of IP that have felt that way for me too, and things have changed so much in that regard.

But I think the managing people, and a team, that’s the thing to hold onto. That’s something that takes a level of dedication that I believe gets undersold a lot, because it demands so much of you and who you are. That person starts to change from the person you are with your friends to the one you are with your team, and that relationship is always different. At least, this is always in my experience.

But that’s super rad! Running a theatre sounds like just... my god so much work. I think about budgets and sets and costumes, let alone actors, and people flaking, and choosing productions, and the upkeep on the technical side of things (lights, mics, etc). It’s like running a live TV show or a set, only there is no take-backsies when someone drops an F-bomb in frustration when they mess something up mid show, which I doubt happens but I feel like would happen all the time if I was in theatre.

PS: 300 days is not measly.

That’s a huge bit. For folks who don’t know, SMYN was a really important show to me and my personal growth, but also knowing when to put something to rest is a big thing too.

It’s something I think about with Irrational Passions Podcast a lot, a show that isn’t necessarily in the running to be cancelled or anything here, but all good things must end, so it’s a long hard look at what that ending is, and where it goes from there.

But that show also clearly had a huge impact on your life beyond that. Just like IP has been for me, I think podcasting turns out to be one of the most oddly social experiences out there, not necessarily because of the listeners, but because of the guests and other podcasters you meet along the way.

Oh this, this definitely hits close to home. Being the editor is hard, because not only are you motivating people, but you’re also taking what they have then been motivated to write, and sending it back to them with red lines all over it.

But that coordination of getting an actual product done at the end of it all is something I don’t know. I think seeing the name in the print is a big deal. I only ever had one thing published for my college newspaper when I took my journalism class, and it was assuredly not my proudest work. I think if you look back and feel that pride, especially over two years, that you did something great, even if you had to carry the paper on your back sometimes.

Yeah that mid-project reflection is always fun. And I think if you look at how that show has changed as far as having guests and format, you should be proud. It’s become something with multiple voices that is something new and different every week, and I think that’s cool. We try and emulate that same feeling with guests on IP.

I love the feeling of collaborating with folks just as passionate and into something as you are. It’s been one of the best parts about Farm to Tower, which is hosted by four/five of the “hosts” of their own shows, so it’s kind of a powerhouse set of different ideas and personalities meshing together.

But that’s awesome to feel surrounded with folks like that. I’m super happy to hear that man. I need to check out this show!

youtube

Christ, how I didn’t know Cameron’s character in this pilot episode was named Xander O’Neill until just now is embarrassing...

Now I love this too because Guide-work never gets thanked for it. This is the grunt work of all grunt work, and especially on something like Dark Souls, which just sounds so arduous.

But that’s awesome, and I’m sure some folks still use those guides today too. It’s kind of a piece that keeps living on. Again, thankless work. But you’re one of the hardest working motherfuckers out there Jake, so I know you put in 120% on that.

Ah Mr. Journalist and published author over here!

Another thing, like the newspaper, that is about building it up, tearing it down, and the result is a physical thing in your hand. I think holding that first published book in your hands is a feeling like... well, I can’t even imagine, honestly. That’s hugely impressive.

But it’s cool to know how long it took because I’ve known about The Spy and the Maven (a great tile, btw) for a while but I never had a good grasp on the timeline.

That’s still so rad, and people should read. Hell, I should read it. Now what do I have to do to be the voice of narration on the audiobook?

That’s really incredible! But whoa, 98-person class of graduates? That is crazy small. Mine was maybe close to 500? I think? Maybe 400? I don’t exactly remember, but there were a lot of us.

I’ve always wanted to do one of those deep-dive documentary style videos that has interviews and reflections and big, emotional looks back. And to be in charge of something like that for high school sounds really taxing, but also rewarding. The best part is I’m sure not only you look back on that fondly, but everyone in that class too, thinks of that thing as a great endnote to all that work.

Ahh yeah, there is always the project that doesn’t come to light. Honestly, I’m surprised this is the first one mentioned so far in these submissions.

I think it’s easy to be discouraged at it not coming to light, but those six months were assuredly not wasted. You spent time with people, you collaborated, and you made something, whether it released or not. Those skills were still put to use and used and crafted, so I think you look back at what you gained personally from something like that, and there is nothing to be discouraged about.

That’s incredibly awesome though, I’ll definitely look into this VR demo, just to see what it was all about. I hope in future, your next project, gets to see the light of day, and I wish you all the best luck in that.

Yeah and I very much understand this since you’ve been talking about it with me. I think that’s totally normal, wanting to stretch outside of the realm you are in because, at times, it can feel confining. It’s almost how I feel with writing now that I’ve “been in it” for so long.

But you can take that meticulous skill and apply it to something going forward. It’ll just make whatever the next kind of thing you work on that much better.

And I hope all the folks that post in the YouTube comments talking about how hot those transitions are (see: me) made you at least feel a bit better about it.

I really would want to see this thesis. Obviously huge years for video games, especially with the release of the Wii, and I’d love to see your argument for them. But you should be proud of that. In all the things that folks have been able to walk away with from their projects, a degree is definitely fucking up there!

That’s awesome! Another look in the project, or a look from within. I think taking something apart and really picking at it on an analytical level has been some of the best and most fun writing I have engaged with. Those case studies, scripts for a new show I have been writing forever, have been those kinds of things, and really sitting in something, especially games, is incredibly satisfying for me.

What I love here too is that you’ve found something that speaks very directly to you too. I’ve been hearing all the good vibes on Night in the Woods lately, and I may have to see it before year’s end.

Thank you all, so much, for your stories and your projects. There were a few others that were submitted but they didn’t quite fit the format like the rest of these did. Or they were just jokes. Which is fine, but these all were too good not to highlight. I tried to get my friend Jazz to write in about her winning awards in journalism for reporting on excessive force from the police on her college campus, because it’s like, one of the (many) things I am incredibly proud of her for, but I figured I’d just embarrass her by giving her a shoutout here.

These projects remind me a ton of my writing one I am in right now, and of course, Irrational Passions, which had grown and mutated in ways I couldn’t expect. The running theme is exhaustion, pride, and many other mixed feelings. Thank you all for sharing these. I’ll let you know how I feel at the end of writing when it’s over in... well, two days.

I wanted to write about games in this Chats as well, but it’s just far too long, and far too good to spoil. I have many thoughts of Wolfenstein 2, that’s really all.

But it’s worth noting that even though I may not be writing everyday going forward, I don’t see Sunday Chats ending anytime soon. People just seem to like it too much, and I definitely love it.

But until next Sunday, at the very least,

keep it real.

#video games #gaming #projects #sunday #your projects #sunday chats

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infinitemagazine-blog · 7 years

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Interview with Alice Howard Graham

1. Hi there Alice! What a pleasure it is to interview someone with such an extensive background in textile! Before we delve deeper, would you mind briefly telling me a little bit about yourself, and what inspired you to venture down the textiles path?

Hello Jade, thank you for inviting me to be a part of Infinite magazine. Right, okay where to begin! … I am a Printed Textile & Material Designer with over five years experience working in the luxury end of the fashion & interior industry, with clients including Paul Smith, Purdey, TOPSHOP, Farlows, Canepa S.p.A, Kehilian, Simo, Graham & Brown and House of Hackney.

I graduated in July 2012 with a First Class BA (Hons) in Textiles from UCA, Farnham, Surrey. From this I went on to be chosen as 1 of 24 UK graduate designers to take part in Texprint 2012, exhibiting and selling work at Premier Vision in Paris. Taking part in Texprint was a key moment in my career, as it gave huge exposure to my work. During 2013 to 2014 I worked as a Print Designer at Paul Smith, I then began the MA Textiles course at the RCA in September 2014. I completed the MA in July 2016 and am now currently based in London, continuing to work as a Freelance Designer/Consultant to the luxury apparel and interior industry as well as founder of my start-up brand DesignbyAlice.

Research is key to my design development: I am driven by the initial stages of gathering inspiration and knowledge through research trips and observing new environments and landscapes. Photography has always been very important to me, as it's often the starting point for my textile designs. I think an interest in photography as well as a passion for material tactility is what led me down the textiles path initially.

2. What was the basis of your interest in Design and textile?

So I think my initial passion for art and design should truly be credited to my late mother, the extremely talented painter and photographer Anne Howard (www.annehowardartist.com) Since a young age my mother taught me to paint, draw and express myself creatively through many different mediums. From teaching technical aspects of drawing through to afternoons spent painting flowers in the garden, and visiting exhibitions and interesting places for inspiration. I think her passion for observing, reflecting and recreating the objects and environments around us had a profound impact on me from a young age and is the reason I am where I am today.

3. Is textile something you learnt at school that you wanted to refine?

I think the idea of Textiles as a career path came to me whilst studying my A-Levels at Varndean College in Brighton, I studied Photography, Textiles & 3D Design and had such inspiring tutors there, the passion took off from that moment really. I always loved working with physical materials, particularly textiles and the varying depth of qualities and how the fabric is woven or knitted, before manipulating the surface through print processes.

4. Would you mind describing what inspires your work?

I am constantly inspired by the varying environments and landscapes we have on this planet, the diversity is very inspirational.

I am very inspired by experimenting with surface, placement and colour – developing my design ideas through the physical process of making, drawing, painting and collaging. My father has been a carpenter and builder his whole life and so I also feel that this 'hands-on' approach has been passed down from him, the desire to create and as well as challenge the materials with which we are working, considering the handling, structure and composition of the material and how we can enhance and manipulate this.

5. Graduating in BA(Hons) Textiles, what made you embark on a MA in this chosen field?

Ever since graduating from UCA Farnham in 2012, I had always said I would like to do an MA one day, but truth be told – it was always either the MA at The Royal College of Art, or no MA at all! I had my heart set on the one place, not just because of the RCA's reputation but because of it's emphasis on industry live projects and the importance of interdisciplinary collaboration (working on projects with other MA courses/disciplines around the college). I knew I wanted to study textiles here because I knew I wouldn't just be continuing to refine my printing skills, but also my awareness of materiality in a much broader sense. The three key words that sum up my time on the MA are Collaboration, Communication and Confidence.

6. Prior to completing your MA, you worked as a print designer at Paul Smith, what was that experience like?! As someone who is currently completing a fashion degree, would you say that this industry is represented realistically to others? When I’ve completed internships, many people ask ‘is it actually like the devils wear Prada!?’

Paul Smith, I can hand on my heart say, was the best experience of my life so far! I think it marked a turning point from 'student' to 'designer'. I learnt to use my creativity and knowledge from my Printed textiles degree and apply it to commercial and wearable designs for Men's and Woman's clothing and accessories. In regards to the industry and it's representation, I think it all depends on the company and the team. Paul Smith himself is a very kind, open-minded and positive man, and I believe this is reflected in his brand. The team were so welcoming and friendly, every day I felt an up-lifting feeling walking into the building and in particular, the textiles studio. It was such a creative space. I think the company is built on strong morals and someone's personality and adaptability to fit into the team is as important as their CV/experience. But I am aware it is not like this throughout the entire industry (without mentioning names!) I have close friends who are working within some of the top fashion designer brands and they have encountered discrimination, bullying and been overworked/underpaid. Unfortunately though, I do not think this is something that is just contained to the designer level of the industry, I have also experienced bullying at the start of my career within a high-street company. But juxtaposed to this I now freelance for Topshop and can happily say that it is a very positive, welcoming and encouraging environment. So I think it is all dependent on where you go: If the top level (the managers/directors) are kind, then this all feeds down to create an overall positive working environment. I personally find work-place bullying or intimidation abhorrent, it should be monitored much more closely within many industries, not just the creative industry.

7. How did you find the progression from BA(Hons) to MA?

My BA in Textiles from Farnham was a fantastic learning curb in terms of gaining traditional skills such as weaving, screen-printing techniques, textile qualities and colour and dye processes. I learnt a lot from this course and found it to be a highly creative working environment. The progression moved on quite naturally to the MA I felt (even though I had a two year gap between finishing the BA and starting the MA). I still continued to use the screen and digital printing facilities on the MA, but you're constantly told to challenge yourself and your way of working, questioning and discussing everything was so important to my growth on the MA I think.

8. Do you feel in yourself that your work has strengthened by completing your MA?

I do feel my work has strengthened through carrying out my MA. I think it has led me to be much more open-minded in terms of the material/surfaces I work with, as well as the companies I look to for inspiration. I now feel like it is not just fashion brands that inspire me but a much broader spectrum of design companies, from architecture to product or graphic design – I find myself being inspired by colour, material and finish within many realms outside the area of 'textiles' as we know it.

9. Promise I won’t ask or mention the word MA now. On your website (designbyalice.com) you describe that you’re driven by the ‘initial stages’ of research, observing the ‘beautiful, the unusual or the seemingly mundane’. I think this is a wonderful approach to have. Would you say that one can create captivating work from materials or inspiration that aren’t conventionally beautiful?

Definitely, I think this is a really important notion you've tapped into here. It is a challenge but I find it fascinating when a person creates something visually beautiful from something that someone else might disregard or not look twice at. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder after all! Art & Design has always been there to challenge people's perception and make people stop and think. My final major project on my BA course was influenced by the Russian Constructivist movement. I had a keen interest in how the Constructivist designers represented their theories of Industry and the machine. My aim was to develop my own personal 21st century reflection of the industrial landscape where I grew up along the south coast of England. I therefore travelled from Dungeness to Newhaven, Shoreham and along to Southampton Port, observing the linear and angular patterns within industrial architecture and taking photographs of seemingly dull warehouses, shipping containers and power stations! The photographs were then combined with drawings to create graphic and geometric screen-printed textile designs. It was a new direction for me, as I have often worked with very natural and organic imagery in the past, at first I thought – oh god what have I done, I hate power stations and industrial 'scars' to the landscape! However, these industries of course provide jobs and have benefits to the communities, and actually there is something quite gritty and homely about English coastal ports, it's an important industry here in the South.

10. You’re now London based, do you find inspiration everywhere being in the big smoke?

There is nowhere quite like London is there? I love how multi-cultural it is, there is such a diversity in people and that of course leaks down into the diversity in fashion, design, music, food etc. There is so much inspiration at your doorstep in terms of galleries, exhibitions, shops, pop-up shows/events. However my favourite place will always be East Sussex, the landscapes carved out by the South Downs are imprinted upon everything I do. I feel so fortunate to have grown up in such a beautiful area, and I can understand why my mother was always so keen to paint the varying landscapes and seasons of the South Downs. I still visit Sussex every couple of weeks to get my dose of fresh air and reflection time.

11. What is your process with creating your work? As an outsider, it seems such an immense workload, how do you begin to tackle it with an imminent deadline?

I normally begin with a brief, whether set by myself or a client, and from this I will write down ideas, sometimes even if it's just words. I've always written things down, as well as visually recording through drawing/painting. But before I put pencil/paint to paper I like to go out and take my own photographs, I have folder of reference photographs I've taken in the past; of flowers, plants, landscapes, buildings etc , I think it is important to have as much visual sources as possible before starting a new project or design.

12. Referring again to your website, which is thoughtfully executed I might add, you describe that you’re continuing to work as a freelance designer/consultant to the luxury apparel. Would creating your own apparel be something you would be interested in?

I think I have always wanted to stick to the actual textile/material creation, rather than create my own clothing. Although I would never say no to collaborating with someone in the future to create a brand, but at the moment I am focusing on starting up my own small brand that produces bespoke commissions for interior pieces – supplying the actual fabric meterage rather than a finished product. Although I have longer term plans of creating products, at the moment it is a matter of time and patience (and funds!)

13. Is there a particular person/celebrity/group or otherwise which you look up to? Or a designer which you feel embodies your ethos?

I have never been much of a celebrity follower, however I respect people who stay true to their work ethos and passion, and who strive for honesty within their profession and industry.

I have always been inspired by Dieter Ram's '10 Principles of Good Design', I think he was a pioneer within the design industry.

I often find myself inspired by a wide range of different artists and design movements from the last century. Georgia O'Keefe's life story is incredibly inspiring for any woman I think, her work is particularly breathtaking. David Hockney's use of colour and composition is admirable. Whilst L.S. Lowry is also a strong favourite of mine, his depiction of the northern English landscape evokes a humble yet beautifully subtle awareness of the colour and environment he was surrounded by.

14. What advice would you give to someone thinking of pursuing an education/career in textile?

It is a marathon, not a race! No but seriously, I think when a person choses a career path in Art & Design, it is because you enjoy what you do and have a passion and imagination for creativity. Three things I would say to people is firstly, to have confidence in your work, secondly to also be willing to take constructive criticism and advice from other people, one of the most important things within designing, I believe, is to seek the opinion of others throughout the design process. You may decide that some of these comments aren't right for you, and that's okay to put them aside, as they have still been absorbed into your thinking/designing journey ... But I think all these opinions will inadvertently help shape your design process for the better. Thirdly and finally, persistence and dedication, don't give up. It is hard for any graduates when you first leave university, there is a lot of pressure on young people, I felt pressure and remember all too well that feeling of not getting a job that I wanted. But sticking with it, enjoying and believing in what you do is the most important thing.

15. The generic question that I always dread at family get together’s, but Alice, what are your future plans regarding your work?

I know, it's always the dreaded question for people isn't it?! I am going to continue to work on a freelance basis, as I enjoyed the nature of this work and the flexibility it can offer. Whilst also slowly building up my own brand in the rest of my spare time! It won't be a quick process, which works with me actually as I wouldn't want to rush anything, but I think starting with supplying one or two designs/products for now, the long term goal would be to have stockists around the UK as well as my own shop/gallery/studio/making-space in Sussex. I am learning a lot from my freelance work and working for a range of companies so I think that is good to continue with, but it's important to have ideas/dreams for the future, we never know what's around the corner.

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