congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know You Better

First of all, thank you Mickey (@thisautistic) for tagging me <3. Super thrilled that you thought of me for this!!

Now...

3 Ships You Like

1. Kimchay (Kinnporsche)

My babies. I want to protect them both. They're precious and perfect to be put in situations. A force strong enough to have me cooking a longfic after years of not writing a single one. Do I need to same more?? Absolutely obsessed 💜💜💜.

2. Pangwave (The Gifted)

Obligatory mention to my special little ADHD x Autism duo. Don't even arue that they're not canon, if you think that it's bc you missed very significant subtext, I suggest you rewatch this series. Pls and thank you. I will NOT take any criticism.

3. Sandray (Only Friends)

I knew from their 1st sex scene that I was down bad but their trailer sex scene just completely rewired my brain. Is their dynamic fucked up? Yes. Will they hurt each other along the way? Absolutely. But they're on their path to something better and I believe in them. Bc if Ray is deserving of love even after everything that went down then so are all of us. And there's that.

First Ship Ever

Larry Stylinson! (from One Direction)

Straight back from when I was 13, going strong! kskskskssksk I'm not so much there actively in the fandom anymore, but know that I'm there in spirit. sksksksksks Could never abandon the reason for so much change in my life! Good memories!!

Last Song Heard

Nooit Meer Spijt by S10

It's such a good song! I'm not Dutch or Dutch-adjacent but I was introduced to S10 by a friend of mine who's Belgian and I fell in love with her music ever since!

Favorite Childhood Book

A Fada Oriana (The Fairy Oriana) by Sophia de Mello Breyner Andresen.

It's about a fairy named Oriana that has to take care of a forest but one day, while looking at the river, meets a fish who talks her into neglecting the forest, which causes a lot of trouble. Then, Oriana, has to learn how to repair the damage she made.

It's a book about responsibility, consequeses, the importance of individual action and learning from one's mistakes.

Currently Reading

Património Cultural: Realidade Viva (Cultural Patrimony: Live Reality) by Guilherme d'Oliveira Martins.

It's a book about the preservation of patrimony in Portugal under the context of belonging in the European Union in the 21st century.

It's not a very interesting book nor scientific, just a summary of Portuguese and European laws for people who don't wanna read the laws (?). I wouldn't read it on my own but it's a mandatory read for one of my classes in my Master's so I gotta ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Currently Watching

23.5

I didn't know if I was going to but since GMM seems to be finally trying out more for the GLs, I feel like I need to show my support in this direction so I made the moral choice of watching as it airs to make it clear to them the audience for this is here and we want more of it!

So far ep.1 was super cliché and silly but I liked it a lot!! I want all the clichés for the girls too! Tired of seeing queer women suffer and die on screen...

2. 3 Will Be Free

It had been sitting on my watchlist for a while but I never gotten around to it for some reason... Nevertheless, my latest Wheel Decide™ for what to watch next landed on it, so... I'm watching it now!

2 episodes in only but I'm loving it a lot!! The plot's super interesting so far, really like the way they're going about it. Let's see where it goes!!

Currently Consuming

I'm gonna opt to mention the game I'm currently playing (besides Bloons TD 6, but I'm always playing Bloons, so... not news), which is Heaven's Vault by Inkle!

It's an extremely niche game, focused on figuring out an ancient language and, with it, the history of the world it's set in. It envolves robots, space travelling, discussions on xenophobia and religious intolerence and a lot more. I haven't finished yet but I'm loving the experience so far!

I understand it's not for everyone but I'm loving it!! <3 (not a Mickey D's reference, fuck Mickey D's)

Currently Craving

You know, I could go with bibimbap bc I really want some rn but I'm gonna go a bit deeper and say: after the terribleness of my last 2 relationships, all I really want is one that's not enirely chatastrophic. kskssksksksk That'd be pretty neat. kssksksk

So yeah... This was a lot of fun, actually!! I love to share stuff about media I like!!

Tagging @jukain4216 @lost-my-sanity1 @anthrotmnt @shannankle @defomin @aiyui @fiddlepickdouglas @tinysandwichstudent @sicknsadsicknrad @itsamzz28 @whomanist and any other of my lovely moots that hasn't directly been tagged but comes accross this <3.

All the love! 💜💜💜

Talk Hockey To Me

( @ghostgeno's tag game)

The thing that got you hooked on hockey

Started reading “hey now, you're an all star (get your game on, go play)” by @buckyismybicycle while it was ongoing because even though I was 1) completely uninterested in hockey and 2) also uninterested in Stucky as a ship, this specific author’s works have always been phenomenal and with each new chapter email I started getting more and more intrigued until I eventually gave in and started reading it (literally so worth it everyone should read it). In the end notes of each chapter, HR (the author) would add some fun facts and extra context for the hockey related stuff (considering it’s a whole hockey AU) that made me go “huh that sounds fun” more than once but I was still not super into the hockey thing.

Until. 

I reached the chapter with a beautifully written match and I was like???? Is hockey like this irl?????????? This sounds so good?????????? Cue YouTube hacking into my brain and suggesting me hockey compilations which included the infamous Lick. I saw this random man just being a menace to everyone and decided he is now the love of my life.  (i usually omit the stucky fic part bc ppl have opinions about marvel that i do not want to hear lol. so if i told you abt this before without the full context i'm sorry!!)

Your first ever fandom friend

@hard4softthings !!!! Love is stored in the ao3 comment section uwu 

The jersey you would most like to own

I can’t pick one so I’m just gonna list in descending order: Marchand home jersey (with a C !!!!!!!!😤) ,  Pasternak (also home. Sorry it’s just nicer than the away version) , Quinn Hughes (the pride one because I’m obsessed with the design it’s so pretty) 

YOUR player (you only get ONE so choose wisely)

The rat king himself 🖤💛🖤💛🖤 can u tell I have a favorite 

A pairing that deserves more fic

Sid/Ovi ‼️ tuukks/pasta and Brady/Quinn too, there’s just so much potential for them. 

Your favourite on-ice moment

Picking is difficult so you’re just gonna get a bunch <3.

Bertuzzi stealing cousin’s stick and trying to break it

Marchy kidnapping The Child

pigeon

dancing with the stars

tuukks Exhibiting homicidal tendencies (rightfully so)

flower wanting to feel included

whole team under arrest

Brady Tkachuk: why is there a fucking animal loose on the ice he’s going to give me rabies

marchy waving to a booing crowd

marchy blowing kisses to a booing crowd

flower asserting his dominance tripping TWO first round picks

Quinn Hughes seeing a fight break out and says ✨no✨

Marner spinning like a ballerina

+ link someone else's art/fic/etc that you love & think everyone should check out

ART: 

this ADORABLE mcdrai art by @saviorified

MattMcDrai art by @adelphenium , obsessed with the blushing and the HAIR plz it’s so cute.  

Awfully pretty sid and geno art by @ceanspam

Captaincy transfer by @adelphenium I’m so weak for rat marchy, and ALSO bergy’s eyes <33333 i’m so <33333

the kiss of life by @stillfertile

FICS: 

The “All Caps” series by @makeit-takeit rewired my brain I’ve reread it countless times i think i can recite it by heart. 

“hard to be soft, tough to be tender” The Hanahaki fic by @hardforsoftthings I love love love the emotional progression AND denial in both of these fics (also, horny. Thank u) 

speaking of which, in less emotionally charged and more horny fics, the “spit cup” and “scratch that itch” non-traditional omegaverse doulogy by @ whitchbhitch (i do not know their tumblr)

+ link something you made & are proud of & want people to see

I’m honestly really proud of my flowertalbo fic, “Inevitably you will burn (as all living things do)” it’s really short (646 words) but I think I did a good job on it :>

Also, I find myself coming back to this one McDrai crack fic, “Oh Puck No!” idk what possessed me to write it but I had fun with it and i still find it silly and enjoyable lol

no pressure tags: @lindholmline @darkangel0410 @gilliebee @owchar1ie and anyone else who wanna do this!!!

1, 9, 21 for tristrat for the fandom ask game!

Oooh thanks so much for the ask!!!! :D

1. My favorite thing about the fandom

I mentioned how small the fandom is in a different answer, but another thing I think is fun about the tri strat fandom is that I rarely come across two people with the same favorite character! It might just be a side effect of the game's cast being so large, but it's really neat to me that people have found so many different characters to love even outside of the main cast. As I've done some of the artbook translations, it's been really cool to see different people comment on the posts with really in-depth thoughts on characters that I initially didn't pay much attention to.

9. Is there anything in general I wish more people in the fandom talked about?

Hmmmmmm tbh I don't know! I think I've been obsessed with tri strat for long enough that it's rewired my brain a bit and I really honestly don't often come across a tri strat post that doesn't hit me with an instant shot of dopamine. The other day I was reading a post from someone who had actively disliked the game and was making some notes of different criticisms they had, and the whole time I was just nodding along like "yeah yeah those are some good points actually" and I just really sincerely had a fun time reading it. I think I just like hearing anything people have to say about it hahaha.

21. An event or a conversation within the fandom I remember vividly

First thing that comes to mind is doing the whole frederica vs. cats final in the tournament a while back! I threw the cats in there on a whim and didn't expect them to be nearly as popular as they ended up being, and the whole thing ended up super fun. Reading through the tags and just generally getting to see everyone's opinions on all of the characters was really interesting to me too.

ALSO bonus thing was getting the tri strat zine when that came out a while back!!! I kept meaning to make a little post just saying how cool it was, but fr it was really such a neat project and I was so psyched to get my copy when it came in the mail. I love getting to see all the different little ideas and headcanons and ships that people have come up with in the fandom, and the zine was especially neat since it had a lot of people from over on Twitter that I haven't seen as much stuff from since I don't go over there super often

Choosing violence ❤ number 7, 20 & 21?

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? okay so i already answered this question here, but rereading my answer there made me remember that there is yet more violence within my heart. before i start, a disclaimer: i cannot remember for the life of me if you also mass effect, so if you do not, apologies in advance for going on a rant for which you have limited context. that being said, the first character that immediately comes to mind is reyes vidal. andromeda fandom was only even really active for like, three months, but the amount of flare ups that happened that were centered on this one man...! who i will admit is quite fascinating, not that you would know it given the way most of his fanbase acted. because god forbid anybody characterise this man, who styles himself as the charlatan, who canonically tricks Ryder into doing his dirty work, be portrayed as maybe a tad manipulative or having goals that are a little bigger than banging his girlfriend. oh yeah. i said it. it was, for the most part, the femeryder fanbase I witnessed acting atrociously; while there were some wild takes on the mreyder side as well (like people saying that nobody should romance reyes with their female ryders), for the most part it was really justified salt due to the lack of mlm romance options compared to all other combinations. but the femryder side? they were eating their own, getting embroiled in popularity contests only one side knew they were even competing in, and it was a whole shitshow!!! anyway, as i said. fascinating character, would love to rotate him in my brain a bit, but sometimes recalling his existence makes me want to chew glass. maybe now that enough time has passed i should do a proper me:a replay and rewire some happier memories over those shit ones. (the funniest(?) part of this was that i was never really a reyder shipper--i was happily hanging out in my rydam corner--but seeing the way some of my friends were treated made me wary of bioware fandom for years to come lol. and yet did i learn? no.) 20. part of canon you found tedious or boring answered here! i have no backup answer for this one alas, i suppose my dragon age hot take is that i actually enjoy most of it 😔 21. part of canon you think is overhyped the ending of here lies the abyss! it's not exactly the canon moment itself, but rather the fandom reaction to it? people often treat it as a big dramatic moment of omg having to choose, but i don't know if it's because I'm a fan of Blorbo Suffering™, or I'm not convinced that whoever remained in the Fade is actually dead (can anybody in thedas truly be killed in a way that matters?), but idk. I just don't find it as emotionally impactful as other Big Decision moments in the series I suppose! (e.g., the Landsmeet, Anders's fate-- they always have me holding my breath, at the very least!) [choose violence ask game]

TAG GAME: FANDOM EDITION

thanks @michellemisfit for tagging me to play!! and thanks @celestialmickey for making these tag games :>

your name: Deanna

your age: 39 🦂

your first fandom(s): the x-files was the first and oldest fandom i dabbled in by signing up for some fanfic listservs. but the first online fandom i was really deep into was Newsies (the 1992 movie)

your current fandom(s): Shameless and Dragon Age

how did you first get into fandom? i honestly cant even remember...we all had geocities websites attached by webrings and chatrooms on AIM. there may have been a forum somewhere?

how long have you been engaging with fandom spaces? 25 years I GUESS?? After newsies i went through my weeb era, i dunno if we can call anime fans of the early 2000s a fandom? And then my focus was on WOW for several years. And i was always vaguely apart of the mass effect and dragon age fandoms but when DA:I came out it totally rewired my brain.

how often do you read fanfics? not often anymore. i just dont have time to read usually. thats why i consume so much tv. i need things playing while i work and do chores.

top 3 characters from your current fandom(s): Shameless I would say Ian, Mickey, and Debbie. Dragon Age? Gosh thats rough theres so many characters...ok if we exclude the protags I would say Solas, Felassan, and Varric.

have you ever written a fic for a fandom? if so, shout it out! oh sure, i have some da:i fics on ao3 but whether or not you fuckers can find em is none of my business.

have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? if so, drop a link! haha yup, everything is under the tag #my art

share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: Solas and Pira fucked. And Mandy starts hanging out with Ian and Mickey on a regular basis after they get their own place and Terry is gone 🥰

you’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? i have gotten THREE people into shameless so far and I did so by showing them music video edits and out of context hilarious scenes. (carl beating the shit out of the guy trying to rob captain bobs, ian chasing mickey with the dildo, mickey "killing" sammi are some of the clips i used on my husband lol) 😈

and finally, what does fandom mean to you? nerding out with people who love the same media that i love! spiraling out over metas and fics and fanart and cosplays and gifs. putting on our clown make-up every time theres a games event where new info might be announced lmao. and making friends who i get to love and keep in my pocket forever 💖

@maizzycakes @canticle-of-apotheosis @salesmain 🙃

resisting the temptation to ask you every one of the questions from the writer ask game and instead asking: 2, 3, 7, 13 (i'm guessing i know the answer to this but consider this an open invitation to share some fun lore), 26, 29, 30

kicking my feet and writing your name in hearts all over my dream journal

2) my two newest ocs are Matt + Justin! i was working on a thing for a zine i want to submit to, and the theme was 70s/80s/90s campy horror, so i picked just two lame ass 90s boy names. it's a silly little queer slasher story that i didn't expect to go so in-depth on!

3) uhhhhhh. my biggest self insert is probably that John Dearheart character i post little blurbs about sometimes. i realized i'm probably gonna need to change his name if i post more about him, though, because i completely forgot he's a Discworld character. i've been rereading Going Postal lately and while i was waiting for the library loan to come in i was scrolling through its tumblr tag and got whiplash seeing his name. it is deeply humbling thinking you had an original name and not only seeing its an already-established character, but an already-established character from a BOOK YOU'VE READ BEFORE. outside of him as my vent character, i put myself into all my characters! i'm very vain! Branwen and Ardan are my two biggest ones from hh, and lately its been Branwen more just for the sake of story themes :3

7) Celeste and the Old God is actually one of my favorite pairs to write about, and it's wild to me that i don't have them interact more. i think what really gets me about them is that Celeste's entire deal is that she's...normal. she has a "normal," healthy relationship with religion, and criticizing it is included in that, i think. and for that reason, those two are the closest to being equals. having one character be a devout believer/her religious trauma being something you actively get to see be established throughout the story (branwen) v. another character who's extremely cynical to the point of numbness who doesn't believe in anything (ardan), and in a context where branwen is genuinely helpless vs. ardan having more control than he realizes/freaks him out when he does realize it, it's so fun to write Celeste as being on equal playing ground. it's important to me that her entire deal is "actually no fuck you, you need me just as much as i need you." and i think that equal playing ground is why they have kind of a begrudging friendship.

i also like writing branwen and ardan together because they are bisexual.

13) not really any of them i don't do that kind of stuff<3*

26) American Gods!!! And Slaughterhouse Five. those are the two i always automatically say when asked! i read If We Were Villains sometime last year and it rewired my brain, also. i found it because of The Secret History, which also rewired my brain. Both of those books fundamentally changed my brain chemistry, but secret history did it derogatorily, if that makes sense. great book. i never think i have feelings about it until i start talking about it. Donna Tartt i am nearing your location. (also Piranesi!<3)

29) probably Harry Potter? unfortunately? (also, sucks that i have to say 'unfortunately'. like most people, those stupid books were very important to me at one point in my life! mostly because of the stuff i did with my friends because of it! go fuck yourself, Joanne!) i deffo wrote fanfic, though. i had a huuuuge fic i handwrote with a bunch of my friends

not my first fandom, but i thought you'd appreciate: i was also a huge percy jackson kid. obviously. probably more so than harry potter. i took latin in middle school, and one year we had this pretty big multi-part project where we could pick different prompts for different parts. super cool and fun, had i been the person i am now who actually like, cares about things and puts effort into them! but i suffered from the disease of all middle schoolers where i Fucking Sucked. i didn't realize one of my parts was due one day, and during the lunch period i speed-wrote percy jackson fanfiction that i had to Read Out Loud To The Class and then hand in for a grade. i got a 100, but only after reading it out loud, having what i believe was my first out of body experience, and then going back to my seat where one of my friends leaned over and said "was that the fucking plot of Mark of Athena"

30) good!!!! we're actively getting a snowstorm and i'm hoping it keeps up so work is cancelled tomorrow! who knows how lucky i'll be but i can hope!!

*if i was normal i could have left 13 at that and just let myself be funny, but i am nothing if not verbose. obviously hh! in taking up your offer to share fun lore, there's one character who i have been avoiding talking about because i think everything about him is so integral to the plot that like, making goofs about him would be a spoiler (is that...full of myself to say? it would be, though). that said, since the idea of "equals" is so relevant throughout hh, he's been fun to write because he technically falls on the Celeste end of the spectrum, but he's using it for evil. literally. a lot of his deal is unintentionally "what makes a god a god" and how he's this sort of nebulous figure because no one can agree what his deal is. he is accidentally my Odysseus character, and it kills me to admit that. little pansexual freak who wants to kill god.

Shadowbringers being 4 years old now just has brought back so many feelings, emotions, and gratefulness that it's overwhelming. I've seen others express sentiment that the expansion saved/changed their life and it and I echo that as silly as it may seem to some. 

I was in a really shitty place. Life was really looking bleak and I was running out of joy. No work, relationship issues, family making life hell, etc. I was actually mad at the game and ready to quit despite it being my primary escape (and I will confess, logging in as a scholar main that early release day 1 was difficult and I was upset enough I almost didn't give the expansion a shot). However, my partner insisted that what was ahead was meant for me and to keep going. As funny as it is to say, those damn purple trees in Lakeland is what began me letting go of my bitterness and take each step with wide eyed interest. The Crystarium was honestly more magnificent seeing in game than in the trailer. But, of all the things that planted the strongest seed in my heart, it was seeing Exarch rushing into the middle of Lakeland to find us. I need to preface this with where I was creatively and fandom wise. I was struggling on my original fiction and had just began writing fanfic again as a means to learn to stop destroying my own work because I didn't think it was up to par. I wasn't even writing in final fantasy universe (not to say I hadn't before. I use to be known elsewhere in other numbered games). And as for fandom, I had been checked out since my last major deep dive in my teens due to some traumatic shit that happened. I'd enjoy from affair, but the drive to participate again was minuscule. I was more than happy to sit and daydream about my favs in solitude. And none of my favs involved FFXIV. Cloud Strife was my fixation for nearly a decade and no FFXIV could possibly top him. There was no contest and I just wasn't invested in FFXIV enough then to even absorb the story anywhere near as much as I do now (that's a tale for another time). So, lemme tell you when I realized those first feelings of that new fandom fav love was stirring, in such an intense way that I hadn't felt SINCE I first played FFVII, something in me fundamentally changed. Am I saying the catboy rewired my brain chemistry? Considering my ridiculous G'raha fanmerch collection, yes. I found myself binging the entire expansion and finishing it the day before official launch. I was awestruck. Everything just scratched the itch right. Is it a perfect expansion? No, but it brought to the table so much that I was desperately lacking in FFXIV to get invested in the story to the depths that nearly competes with my love of Elder Scrolls.

I remember vividly laying in bed just smiling. That euphoria of having experienced a piece of media so enjoyable that you want more. You have to have more. It's that scratch many creatives in fandom know and is the backbone of our fannish society. I checked Ao3 and there was maybe 1 fic. Okay, fair, we were still in early release. So I read it, found myself still unsatisfied, but decided I'd simply play the game and goof off while I wait. 3 days in, only 1 more and I saw a pile of Emet fics instead. And this is not a bashing on Emet fans, y'all were on that sucker so fast like god bless the devil works hard but y'all work harder. But man if it didn't make my stomach sink. I'd fallen in love with characters before that next to no one cared about and not being heavily on social media at the time, I had a great fear Exarch just didn't sit right with most people are just wasn't as wonderful as I saw. Finally, a week in, I couldn't take it anymore. I realize now, looking back, people were trying to avoid putting out spoilers or were still just digesting the entire expansion. Meanwhile, here I am about to burst at the seams. And burst I did. The first story was for a friend. A silly second person POV subway AU spawned from an inside joke. I still cherish that story to this day as it was made in a moment of pure bliss following a conversation. Then, that bliss turned to anxiety and horror as I let it be public on Ao3. It didn't get much attention at the time and I still am not surprised, but that was a relief. Not too many eyes on me so I could just do whatever. "Whatever" was a feral release of Exarch fics in such rapid succession I've pondered to this day if I was possessed. I was filling a bit of a void in my life as well as in the fandom, but doing so creating was something I hadn't done in so long. It felt incredible. Looking back, it felt like I was in this little happy corner just writing away, finally not scolding myself or tearing down myself, but indulging. Just being. And bless my partner, I couldn't fucking shut up about the Exarch and I know for a while it did get on his nerves and was exhausting. But despite that, he recognized there was something growing in me that he had only seen glimmers of in our years together. It was him that pushed me to join an Exarch fan discord and to stop hiding myself away. Go meet people that are just as enamored as you. Go make those friends. I was terrified and scared that I'd regret diving in. In fact, I convinced myself I was only going to lurk which that sure didn't work out. Instead, what ended up happening was what was the final turning point towards something better. I met so many people I still talk to regularly (many still daily) who helped me find my voice, my courage, fostered my creativity, and encouraged me to keep making. I met so many other writers and artists! Soon, so many people were writing in the fandom it was hard to keep track of new stories. For a while, I was writing for them instead of myself and I don't regret that. I felt like I had found community again. And it's something that I desperately needed. Good and bad happened of course as is what happens with any fandom space. I lost some of those new friends as fast as I made them and some just weren't meant to hang around in my life. But those that are still here stand out as some of the strongest friendships I've ever had. I don't regret it one bit. I'd like to specifically blame my friend Gyoz for this (and you should totally go read her fics ) for the next stage of my FFXIV writing career which was the horny. I was so anxious to expose myself like that again in fandom space and go feral to the point I was incredibly self conscious about being judged. But she was there from the start telling me to not fucking bother worrying about that and to have fun. Be horny on main. Who cares if not everyone likes it? Just go for it. And as most here know, I did and didn't quite stop being horny on main LOL. That liberation led to more experimentation and finally led to Japhinne being born who truly has been a moon in my sky. Taking the step to let her be has opened so many doors for me that it would take another long ass post to explain, but know that she saved me. And I wouldn't have had her without shadowbringers or my friends. I went through so much shit after introducing her to the world (scary af surgery, falling outs, a lot of uncertainty with the future) but those around me and the need to write her stories were such huge factors in helping me pull myself up and not just settle to hurt alone. Saying goodbye to the Crystarium during 5.3 was distressing enough (...confession, I was so worried about Exarch's fate and how I couldn't let Japh continue in canon should he pass that I stayed up until 4AM my time to find datamined dialogue in Japanese confirming he had awaken on the Source. Once I knew, I fucking clocked out for 3 hours and immediately got to playing lol), but that final, for sure farewell upon the week before Endwalker...it was like saying goodbye to home. Things change, people come and go, stories continue. I still find myself wandering the Crystarium remembering how full it once was. Remembering the people gathering and meme-ing in shout chat while browsing the market board (cheers to the people arguing if Emet was a power bottom or not. I never got to see the end of that debate LMAO). Rushing to the Ocular to AFK, log out, or pester Exarch with his wind-up or his name. The music, the atmosphere, the everything. I have similar cherished memories from the other expansions and other zones (shout out to the BLUs self destructing around the Aetheryte in the Middy Eulmore to resummon Innocence sjfhksjdhks) but the Crystarium during 5.0-5.3 will forever be my dwelling in heart. I've gotten engaged since then, had multiple jobs and secured a steady one, have written and published over 200k of fic (with at least 50k more unpublished), and I look back and wonder where the fuck would I even be now without shadowbringers. So, if you made it to the end of this ramble, thanks for reading, and thank you shadowbringers for fucking existing.

Lead Me to the River

Fandom: Supernatural

Summary: Gabriel stops by during a hunt and a ghost forces your feelings to light.

Quick facts: Romance – Gabriel/Reader –Nondescript Reader

Warnings: Fluff; no pronouns used but ‘sweetheart’ is

Words: 1159

A/N: I don’t really have much to say in this section. This piece may be a little rote, but sue me; I just wanted to write a small Gabriel thing. So I did :p Please enjoy my half-assed “Music Man” references. And the fic. Mostly the fic.

    “This is a terrible idea.”

You jerk back from the water even though you recognize that voice. You know it pretty well, actually. “What brings you out here, Gabriel?” you ask and dust off your jeans. The ‘river’ is more of a glorified creek, especially at this point– you could walk right through it if it wasn’t so fucking cold– but the fact that people have been found, completely drenched and with lungs full of water, makes it more dangerous than it looks.

You inhale crisp mountain air and turn your head enough to realize something is there but not enough time to recognize what or who before you take a swing.

Gabriel catches your weapon and looks down the length of it. “Is this rebar?”

“No. It’s iron,” you grumble and rip it out of his grip. Though you’re almost certain you didn’t actually hit him you touch the side of his head, just to make sure he’s okay. He looks surprised by the act and you have to remind yourself that you’re not really supposed to touch him like that. You jerk your hand back. “Sorry; I was…” You turn away and look out at the scenery. Changing trees and a softly flowing stream are infinitely preferable to a bewildered archangel. “What are you doing here, Gabriel?”

“I was bored and decided to stop by and see what you were doing.”

His tone is so nonchalant. “I see.” You try not to let it get to you. “Well, I’m just being boring outside. Nothing to see here.”

“I think there is.” One minute you’re holding the iron rod, the next, Gabriel is twirling it like he’s the music man. “Especially if you think you’re going to beat up a ghost. Seriously, sweetheart; what’s the game plan here?”

You bristle at the nickname that is said so dismissively. On occasion you’ll let Dean get away with that shit with just an eyeroll, but hearing Gabriel say it, like that, really rankles. It’s not that you’re opposed to Gabriel using a nickname, it’s that it doesn’t sound like– he doesn’t say it in the way you wish he would.

“Don’t call me that,” you say and take back your weapon.

“Why not? You let Dean call you that.”

You stifle laughter. “Still getting along as well as always, huh?”

He sticks his tongue out as if disgusted and you laugh. “Seriously though,” he says. “Why can’t I call you that?”

You shrug, though you know well why. “It’s…diminutive. And sarcastic.” While Dean uses it incredibly sarcastically, Dean is Dean, and Gabriel is something else. At least, you wish he could be something else.

Gabriel frowns and opens his mouth, but a branch snaps and his eyes dart around.

“Relax,” you say and spin the rod in your hand. Harold Hill, eat your heart out. “The ghost only goes after–”

Gabriel grabs your shoulders and spins you. Standing on the other side of the creek is a figure, dripping wet and flickering in and out of existence. So much for this only being a research trip.

“Oh.” You sigh. “Shit.”

“Soooo…what was that about what the ghost ‘only’ goes after?”

“Shut up.” You groan as you straighten out your back. You have a cut on your head from the spirit throwing you into a rock and your shoulder aches from when you tried to scramble away only to fall onto a different rock (because slippery streams are an awful place to have a confrontation, thanks for that life lesson, Casper). You hadn’t wanted to destroy the spirit until you knew for sure why it had gotten stuck here, but even though you had asked him to stay out of it Gabriel had eventually had enough and, well, that was that.

Right now you’re soaked and it’s dusk so you’re freezing and you don’t really want to do anything less than strip out of your wet clothes, crawl into the blankets in your camper, take some pain pills and go to sleep for a while. However you had done some research before coming to the site and Gabriel’s question irks you. “I don’t get it; families and friends and even people on their own have been fine,” you say and wring out the loose ends of your sleeves. “The victims were all couples. Or that one pair where one of them wanted to be a couple–”

You stop too late and too soon and can’t find your voice to say anything else. You look at Gabriel to see if he noticed and his eyes are so wide your stomach crumples up like it’s made of paper and you start to panic. You half expect him to take off but he doesn’t and you’re not sure if that’s better or worse.

Gabriel grimaces. Ouch. Worse, then. “That’s…”

“…Not how I wanted that to come out,” you try to explain.

“Yeah, me neither, I– wait. What?”

‘What’ is right. But you both stand there, waiting for the other to speak. It doesn’t happen. Both of you seem equally unmotivated– or maybe you’re both really motivated to wait out the other. Unfortunately, only one of you is going to die of old age. “You heard me,” you say, a little too quietly so you clear your throat. “So…you too?”

Gabriel stares at you for a moment, and you think that if he takes off now you will make him regret it. But his lips turn up, not quite a real smile and not quite his usual smirk, but something in between.

He approaches you slowly, and when he stops right in front of you he slides his hand over your cheek, just under your ear, and curls his fingers to rest the pads on the back of your neck. Absently, you notice all your pain is gone. You honestly can’t tell if he sent it packing or if you’re just that focused on him.

“Yeah, sweetheart, me too,” he says and when he leans in, so do you. The kiss is there and gone too soon and when he pulls back he asks, “Is that okay?”

“Uh…yeah; it was a little quick but definitely– oh.” You have to take a moment to rewire your brain (and stop staring at his lips). Gabriel smiles knowingly (that doesn’t help). “Shut up. It’s…it’s good. Not diminutive or sarcastic; it’s…sincere.”

He leans back in, pressing his nose to yours and keeping his lips just barely away from where you really want them. “I can be sincere.”

A breathy laugh escapes you and for a moment you wonder about that. This archangel, so well suited to be a trickster that it was barely a real cover. Can he? Will he?

You’d like to find out. “Prove it.”

When he moves his mouth back to yours you can feel his smirk curl against your lips, but it softens soon enough, and Gabriel takes to your challenge with enthusiasm.

Liverpool are...Champions?

I’m not used to this feeling. Since I started supporting Liverpool, the overriding theme of my fandom has been failure. We were always the team whose best seasons ended in second place. Yet here we are, champions of Europe (!!!). I’m still processing.

As a minority born to immigrants, I’ve always viewed life as an (at times, beautiful) struggle, something supporting Liverpool has seemed to fit with. The club is from a provincial city, has a financial disadvantage to its rivals and a history full of real tragedy. Most of all though, when we were good, another team was always just a little bit better. No matter how hard we tried a trophy was always just out of reach, often in heartbreaking fashion.

This season seemed to be a continuation of that. Our technocratic owners had mined every single advantage possible, from assembling an industry-leading analytics team to hiring a throw-in coach, all with the goal of making us better. And it worked: the team lost one game in the league all season and strolled past the champions of France, Germany and Portugal in Europe. Yet a few Mondays ago, it all looked to be for nothing. Kompany’s once in a career goal had won City the league, and the best player in the world was just too good for us in Europe.

It was a gutting few days, but I had prepared myself for it happening. I had been bracing myself for failure all season long. Because when you are used to heartache, what is this season but just another one to add to the pile. I had completely checked out by the time of the semi-final second leg, resigned to spending the summer reflecting on the small margins that turned against us. It was hard to believe that luck was random on that day.

But then, Barcelona happened and I cried. It was the first time I shed tears of joy from watching football. I didn’t even see it live. I was at a professional function and had to keep still while following the game on Twitter. But when I got home to watch the highlights and saw the third goal go in…the tears just started streaming down my cheeks. Pure joy. Compared to the day before, it was such an extreme emotional swing! From bracing myself for an off-season of what might have been to playing in a Champions League final, I couldn’t believe it. When I saw the team drape their arms over each other and sing, I cried again. I was so proud.

And then there was Sunday. When the final whistle went, I didn’t really know what I felt. It was a mixture of joy, relief and…confusion? Because winning a trophy wasn’t in my Liverpool emotional spectrum. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. It did feel like the end of a certain era of my Liverpool fandom though. After all those trying years, we had won the biggest trophy in club football. The performance wasn’t the most fluid but the amount of hope I get from the result, man. Life isn’t fair, but isn’t it great when it is.

I’m still processing the fact that we are champions, still trying to get past the cognitive dissonance in my mind. The overriding theme of my Liverpool fandom is failure, and my brain is taking some time to rewire. I don’t know what it is like to support a team that has won something. But after Athens, after Macheda, after Hodgson, after Andy Carroll, after the Slip, after Ramos and after Kompany, we are the champions. It’s what I’ve been waiting years for, and if its the end of something, then so be it.

Ok so nobody cares but

I've had this idea floating around in my brain for about a year, but never really put it onto paper until two months ago.

I'm a writer. I write things and stuff. Right? Ok. So I saw the movie "The Fly" from 1986, and instantly fell in love. It has captivating performances, amazing special effects, and was just overall interesting and very well done.

(The sequel was not as good, but this is not about that)

My brain started churning as soon as the credits started rolling. What happens next? At this point I hadn't seen the next movie, so I just started working on my own sequel. I was so enthused about my own idea I didn't care if there was another.

So here it is:

Two years before the Telepod accident, Seth Brundle and his twin brother, Elliot Brundle Pershing, got into an argument. This ended up tearing them apart and after that moment Elliot cut his brother off completely. One year before the Telepod accident, Elliot had his second son, but lost his wife in childbirth.

16 years after the Telepod accident. The second son is now 15 years old. His name is Cody. He lives with his father and older brother of 5 years, James. Their house is generally hectic, with James being depressed, unemployed and still living at home and Elliot working a 7-10 job. Cody wants to go to college and become a biologist, inspired by the AP Biology teacher at his school, Dr. Evelyn Rametsu.

One Saturday morning, Elliot wakes up to somebody knocking on the door. It turns out to be a woman, a journalist, named Veronica Quaife. She tells him that she knew her brother.

Elliot is immediately uninterested, wanting nothing at all to do with his brother. As it turns out Cody was never told of his mysterious uncle, and James was strictly forbidden to tell his little brother about him (even barely remembering him). Veronica quickly interjects and breaks the news to all of them: Seth Brundle, the brilliant but eccentric scientist, is dead.

Cody is intruiged with his uncle's occupation. James is a little sad, but overall unphased by the situation. Elliot however is broken. Sure he fought with him, but didn't wish him to die. He never even got to apologize. He feels immensely guilty.

Elliot wants to know exactly how it happened. Was it a suicide? Murder? Was he drunk and reckless? A lab accident? They are all shocked to hear it was technically all three. Veronica offers to drive down and show them more at Seth's now abandoned apartment.

While Elliot does want to know more, he needs time to process. He lets his sons go with Veronica down to Seth's lab/home, which is covered in cobwebs and mold.

Veronica explains to Cody and James that Seth was eager to try out his Teleportation Pods, and in a drunken fit he teleported himself. However he was unaware that a housefly had gotten into the Telepod with him, and he and the fly became merged on a molecular-genetic level. This prompted Seth to undergo a grueling metamorphosis, which in the end left him as a twisted man-fly hybrid.

If any lecture from Dr. Rametsu taught Cody anything, it's that a fusion like that would prove to be anything but life-changing. Maybe a couple of digestive changes, but nothing as drastic as having to vomit on your food. Before he can say anything, though, Veronica plays a video on a small TV in the house, which almost makes James vomit.

Cody is interested to see how this sort of thing happens. He notices the stray wires of the Telepods, and being the person he is, he puts them back together. James tries to take his mind off the video by looking at the Telepods, and he is immediately interested in them.

Veronica takes them back to their house later, after telling them more about how Seth died.

James wants to go back to explore the Telepods more that night, because it reminds him of his video games. Cody agrees to go along with him, also wanting to study the Telepods. They agree to head there at midnight as to not disturb Elliot.

That night James is all ready to head to Seth's old apartment. He knocks on Cody's door, and finds that Cody has fallen alseep. He decides against waking him up, instead heading over there alone to make Cody feel left out by going out and exploring the Telepods himself.

James gets there, and decides he wants to go inside of the Telepods. As he's walking inside, he doesn't notice the little hanging piece of Brundlefly flesh stuck to the wall of the telepod, and upon entering the glitched out Telepods turn on. James is transported to the 3rd Telepod, where he steps out and thinks he's fine. Scared, James makes his way home.

The next day, James finds himself buzzing with energy. He can't seem to sit still and is really hungry for sugar. He also appears to be breaking out in acne again. Cody notices his shift in energy, and asks if he's feeling okay. James responds that he's feeling great.

Ok I'm getting tired. Basically James' transformation is a lot faster, Veronica and Cody are Stressed, and Dr. Rametsu finds a cure for James' condition. Elliot and Veronica also become close friends. In the end, before the fully transformed James can be forced into the rewired Telepods, he kills Cody by, 《GORE WARNING》, shoving his claw from the back of Cody's head through his mouth and letting him bleed to death. James is turned back into a human, and is comforted by Veronica and Elliot and the movie ends.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MY CONTRIBUTION TO THE HORROR FANDOM

So what do you think? Also have this shitty drawing of Cody that I made

Depression: It bad

This might be an awful idea, but hyenas sort of thrive on those so who knows.

Hi everyone! Hey what’s been on the news lately?! Right, suicide. That sucks. (Great start hyena). I didn’t know the folks who passed very well, but I remember when Robin Williams took his life, and that threw me for a loop. Celebrities are weird because we have some connection to them even though they’ll likely never know we exist. We sort of support them en masse and they serve an invisible army hungry for their content. When they pass away, it hurts, because we have that powerful emotional one-way connection. I get that.

The bad news is that’s going to happen a lot. It used to not happen as much because we only had radio and TV and 30 channels so the celebrity delivery pipelines were relatively small. That’s why the news still announces every death in the mornings. Today, with social media, fandom structures, indie streaming, a million channels, and more movies and music delivery streams than ever, the number of celebrities has exploded. This is really cool because now there isn’t some centralized control over who we get access to, it’s really nicely wide open. What this also means though is that in the coming years we’ll hear about a lot more passing’s of really cool people. I think to a limited degree we saw this with Bourdain, whose content was delivered on an expansive cable frontier, and Avicii, who benefited from less centralized control over music. These are still all- stars in their fields, so they may be weak examples, but I just think we’ll see a lot more of this down the line.

Celebrity life is really crazy. It’s demanding. They read a lot of critical reviews of themselves as people, and sometimes the motivations that drive you towards fame are also internally destructive. Creativity as a force is often (not always!) cruel, and the drive to find approval from a mass audience often comes along, and often doesn’t come from the greatest places. Even far removed from who we were as teenagers, our darker angels live within us for decades. We all get better at dealing with them, but they certainly still exist.

When a celebrity takes their own life, there is a documented spike in suicides across the world, most notably in demographics similar to that individual. Partly this makes a lot of sense: someone we understand who looks and feels similar to ourselves lost their daily battle, and maybe it’s okay if we do, too. I heard a sociologist on NPR explaining that suicide is now normalizing, and that struck me as odd. I don’t know how it seems to other people, but it’s always been a glaring option to me. I didn’t need news articles to tell me it was an option, it’s something I used to think about.

Suicide is a thing a lot of us think about, and that doesn’t make us weird. It’s an odd existential exercise that the brain sometimes likes to meander into then shriek away from. Like how when I’m high up I think, wow that jump would suck (I am consequently scared of heights). That’s not all that abnormal, I don’t think. The issue comes when the exercise becomes less thought and more dangerous solution, less pondering and more considering. Some folks don’t feel like they have a lot to lose, even though realistically we have everything to lose. Decades of die rolls and adaptations and new friends around a corner we can’t see, but in that moment none of that seems likely, or maybe even all that great. We as people can’t help but view the entire span of a lifetime but through the lens of today, of right now. Tomorrow is forever away.

People keep begging us online to remember how valuable life is, they keep sending us suicide hotline numbers. One tweet I saw going around had the number for every country, in case someone speaking English in Turkey needed the suicide hotline for their nation. I have to be honest, I don’t know how qualified I am to respond to these; I haven’t felt a considerable level of suicide drive since I was 23. I didn’t want to take my own life since it would probably hurt and also it would make my mother sad and that would suck, but y’know if something would have magically end my life painlessly and without fault assigned that would have been cool. Nothing magically made that better but time, but I also had a lot of good friends to talk me through the really crazy thoughts.

I made very little sense back then. (I make only slightly more now.)

What I tend to find with depression is that it ebbs and flows. That’s not true for everyone, I’ve read, with the worst cases being times where apathy sets in and just stays for years. In that scenario nothing is good, nothing is bad, and everything is nothing. It’s a familiar numbness to the entrance and exit of a depressive wave. I think the brain just burns out, and it takes a while to recover. But there’s a period for a lot of us where it’s just really harsh, and I think that’s what those hotlines are for. Maybe you don’t have anyone you trust to talk to about something, you don’t have an emotional connection, and distant tweets from distant strangers don’t do it for you. That’s otherwise really hard, because you have to get through it on your own. I’ve had those nights too. It’s certainly possible to recover from the really bad times on your own (if not required sometimes), but it helps to have a receptive mind on the other end of your painful thoughts. Just something on the other end to reflect and consider. Sometimes that can turn things around, but usually it doesn’t. It’s good at getting you to the next clear moment, where maybe you can recover, find some respite.

And here’s the thing with going to a friend for help – they often want to “fix” you. And it doesn’t work, and then after a few more rounds (this stuff comes in rounds usually), they get frustrated and they check out. Even the good friends do, they just get exasperated. Okay this definitely isn’t true for ALL friends. But here’s a hint to the good allies out there: You can’t fix someone with these issues, we must work them out for ourselves.

“You only talk to me when you’re depressed.” Yes, because that’s the only time I’m in enough pain to overcome debilitating social anxiety.

“You don’t really say anything.” I don’t know what to say, all my thoughts are awful.

“Why are you so negative all the time.” Why is the sky blue.

“This is really hard to hear every week.” I know. I know that, and I feel bad talking to you, I just don’t know what else to do.

And therapy isn’t a magic bullet. You need a good therapist, and sometimes the right drug combination and that’s its own mess. I encourage folks to take this route, but it’s not a fast lane. You often need a mix of stuff. You need exercise so your body doesn’t get sad on your brain’s behalf, friends to get you through the hard times and share your realizations, helpful information to help you fight your battles more strategically, an ability to adjust your tactics when you’re in a good place, and sometimes professionals who can help you understand what’s going on. You may be helped by medication that can help you find clarity.

That’s a lot! And it takes years, and I know that’s frustrating. Humans live for decades, and even through your bad years you often add a lot of value to the world in weird little uncelebrated ways. We can even have a lot of worthless years and find our way to a net positive life. It’s just hard to see that. You have to take it on faith. I’m not much for hope myself, I’m weird that way. But some things you have to take on faith. If you keep fighting, the probability is over time you can find the tools to make it just a little bit easier. And sometimes that’s all we need. We don’t need to be “fixed”. Just make things a little bit easier. And then we can start from a better palace, another foothold in this mountain climb.

We need people to help us be okay with the tumbles, though. There will be a lot of setbacks. Recovery is a long game.

And maybe this is morbid, but consider Robin Williams for a moment. He struggled constantly, and in the end, he “lost”. He went a long time though. If it was cancer, we would have celebrated his valiant struggle. It wasn’t, though, it was self destruction, so it feels like just this great, avoidable loss.

It isn’t, tho. Depression is much like cancer, there is a physical cause, and just because we overcome it psychologically that doesn’t diminish how difficult that is. When you think, when you process ideas or even daydream, you literally change the physical construction of your brain. You rewire. There’s a physical change. When we learn to work with and around our depression we are literally adapting to difficult wiring with re-routed wiring. Depression is a physical malady. When someone loses their struggle, it’s very sad.

But it’s not their fault. It’s not our fault. It’s no one’s “fault”. Sentience is so complex. There are millions of adaptive super computers we call brains and sometimes they have difficulty and we struggle. The tragedy, I feel, is when someone loses to a “spike” – those moments that inexplicably are so much worse. That’s what the hotlines are for, y’know. They get you through those potentially fatal spikes, and maybe there’s a longer term way out.

There are people that have died because they didn’t have someone with an emotional connection to talk to. That’s a stark truth. Now someone to talk to isn’t going to fix anything, necessarily, but if you have a really harsh downswing, and there’s no one there, it’s so easy to give in to the reality your troubled mind constructs. How do you overcome a misperceived reality when your own mind is telling you what’s real? That answer is complicated. We have a lot of minds in us, and we can sort of call on our other sections of thought to help get us through. We can find our way through creativity, practiced mental exercises, or even forcing ourselves to think logically through a mental storm. Those are tools we learn how to use, but they’re hard to use when the awful part of the brain is literally screaming at us. Like trying to have a conversation with a screaming baby behind you on a plane. What helps a lot in the really bad times is another person to sort of generate words for us, and that’s why the good friends are so important.

But we also burn those friends out, and you sort of need a network to spread that responsibility around. But so often it’s hard to trust, and without vulnerability you can’t really care about the person on the other end. Without a fully functioning personality it’s difficult to find that bigger network. People are also stressful and sometimes awful. Sometimes they even make stuff worse.

This sounds like a lot, right? It sounds hard. It IS hard. Folks should understand how Catch 22 in nature depression is.

I have several people who only talk to me when they’re just really, really depressed. They don’t say they’re depressed usually, just small talk, and we banter, and they feel better. Lonely is it’s own kind of hell. I’m okay with these folks, to be honest. I don’t mind being that person. I’m glad I can help in little ways. Maybe it adds up.

I mean I’ve also had people just message me with no effort every day and they’re basically using me as a background television station because they’re bored, and that’s less great. Sometimes it’s hard to tell one from the other.

Anyway I’ll finish with this. Depression isn’t your fault, and feeling like you’re at wit’s end isn’t weakness. There is something wrong with you but it’s your fault as much as it’s someone’s fault for getting the flu. Now there are dumb things you can do when you get the flu – you don’t go run a mile or stop drinking water, right? There are basic measures to be taken, and that’s true for depression. Don’t indulge your demons and try to take care of your body when you’re able (your body can create it’s own depression). When the flu wears off we do things to recover and get back to 100%, and when depression gives us a break we should be documenting, pondering, and trying to fight our awful thoughts.

Another good flu analogy is seeking mental healthcare (which yes I know is not a great system today) makes sense when your brain is that ill. As with any physical malady, and no amount of willing it away is going to fix it. Telling someone with a 104F fever that they should suck it up is about as helpful as feeling like you shouldn’t need to go to a therapist because we should all be Very Strong People.

If you’re basically fighting the good fight, the overall tenor of where you are today is absolutely not your fault. It’s not a weakness, you don’t suck. You’re given the life you have by who you are and who you were.

Today is yours, and you can control how you react to today. Yesterday is already fucked, and that’s okay. You’re you today. The point of today is to make tomorrow a little better.

To that end, I’m okay with being someone’s desperate cold call on the way to oblivion, which is to say that if you just can’t stand life anymore and you don’t have anyone, it’s okay to message a hyena and say like, “fuck I don’t know what to do, you wrote that I could say hi to you and I could unload and you wouldn’t eat me (that might be a lie, that last part), so I’m taking a risk.” (You don’t have to curse.)

Now I know it’s a shitty thing to say, “Hey if you need someone come talk to me”, cause people are utterly fucking terrifying and how do you talk to someone you don’t know well, especially if they’re “fandom popular” (which has it’s own complications). What if you’re wasting someone’s time, what if you have nothing to say, what if you say something dumb, etc.

If I can’t talk right now, I can tell you, and I think you’d understand. If you have nothing to say we can talk about curtains. You can’t waste my time unless you’re just doing the bored no effort “I’m fine but entertain me” thing people sometimes do when they’re younger and haven’t figured that part out yet. Beyond that, honestly I’ve been where you are and the quality of conversation doesn’t even have to be great, it just has to be someone else out there. I’ll read your words and respond. I can’t be your best friend, and I’m sorry about that, but let’s be honest we’re not looking for best friends we are literally looking for anybody to show some compassion and care about our struggle, even if just briefly.

You may not know me except for reputation, or tweets, or even just this dumb tumblr post. That’s okay. You can look at my tweets and see that maybe I am weird because I think I am a hyena online and paws are pretty cool, and if you don’t think I’m awful (enough) and you really need someone, say hi.

As a disclaimer obviously if we have a prior history this may not work, because I am a person you have history with and am not actually a volunteer stranger on the end of a phoneline.

Dear person in a Very Bad Place: I may not be able to find you in time to say the right words. If you reach out to me, *I* may not have the right words. But we can try, and at least that’s something. I might be at work or laggy or depressed myelf, but I can tell you that, and I trust you to not take it so personally because you are a people and I am too.

If direct contact is scary, send me a reply on Twitter. We can use a code phrase, it can be “Foxes are very strange.” It’s true. As a corollary, sometimes my notifications get slammed and I might miss that (Twitter is bad at volume delivery), but I wanna still offer it as a sort of option.

Life is hard. I get that. If I can make your struggle a little easier, and you’re in a bad way, maybe I can help.

I feel like this is probably true for a lot of people on Twitter, and I bet there are folks who will read this and might reply “Hey me too, I would like to be this person too”. I don’t want to name names cause I don’t want to volunteer people who may not be in a good place themselves. You never know people’s lives.

ANYWAY, thanks for reading 3000 words, have a gold star. I hope any of this was helpful, and I mean the thing at the end except for the not eating you part. I have a reputation to maintain, you see.

@pathhyena on Twitter

P.S. I am especially bad at tumblr comments because I am extremely old.

Also adding ten more words to make it exactly 3000.