the wonder thatâs keeping the stars apart
ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark
theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]
The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshopâs most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theoâs pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stayâand how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!
[ masterpost for all chapters ]
CHAPTER 9 OF 22
You will let my tender hook
Catch the folded darkness inside you, let me occupy
The dented place at the base of your throat.
- "One Life", Carlomar Arcangel Daoana
--
She wakes up late.
Comically late.
No hangover, thank godâbut itâs 11am and sheâs dressed in lent pajamas in a bed that isnât her own. She shoots up to sitting position in a second, and standing in a minute, trudging out the room to the bathroom at the end of the hall.
By the time sheâs up and out of the room, a little more awake, Dazai and Arthur have already long gone, the only remnants of their presence the bit of glitter that they had wiped onto the sofa they nestled in.
And text messages.
She squints when she reads it, not because she had a hard time reading what it said, butâbecause she couldnât believe what it said.
A series of text messages from Dazai:
[ 7:23 | Dazai ] ur still asleep but ur friend kinda hot
[ 7:24 | Dazai ] ofc I woke up first but his eyelashes tho???
[ 8:32 | Dazai ] pls tell me heâs not a douche bc im rly gonna jump him
[ 9:03 | Dazai ] mgonna jump him
[ 10:19 | Dazai ] abt to find out if heâs got the magnum sized dong u promised
Oh, god, what has she done.
With a groan, she heads down the hallway, phone securely in the pocket of the sweatpants, to see Vincent and Theo preparing a meal in the kitchen; Theo preparing some sort of fillet (fish? Chicken?) and Vincent frying some onions and garlic on the stove, filling the kitchen with a nice aroma.
âGood morning,â she says softly, as she shuffles onto one of the dining table chairs.
âThought you died,â Theo says with a snort; but once he turns around to face her, all derision goes away in his face and is replaced by a quiet surprise.
Vincent beams as he turns to get the fillets from Theo. (Itâs chicken.) âGood morning. Did you sleep well? No headache?â
She shakes her head. âNope, Iâm good. Thanks for letting me sleep here last night and for the clothes.â
âOf course, no problem at all,â Vincent answers, turning back to the pan. The chicken makes a sizzle as it meets the oil.
Theo is still staring at her with an odd look on his face.
âEarth to Theo?â she calls out, waving her hand in front of her. âSomething wrong?â
âBroer. Why did you lend her my clothes.â
Oh.
âYou know how most my shirts are, paint-stained in all the weird places.â
She feels the cling of the cotton around her skin so differently, so suddenly. Oh.
âShe wouldnât have minded, she was drunk.â
Thatâs correct, butâ
Vincent smiles at Theo, the kind of smile one makes when they can see through someone; sheâs filled with a kind of relief at knowing that Vincent can do that to Theo. Maybe the man isnât an impenetrable a character after all. âNo need to be shy, Theo.â
âI am not,â he insists, finally tearing his gaze away from her and heading to the sink to wash the used chopping board and the knife. âI just donât want her wearing my stuff.â
She smirks. He is shy. True, she didnât get the opportunity to think about what she was putting on last night because she was so tired and knocked out by the alcohol, butâŚif that was the price she had to pay to see this side of Theo she doesnât have the opportunity to witness often, then it was worth it. Oh, the ever put-together Theo, brought to his knees by only one person in the world, the one he trusts the most: his brother. âIs it because your personality is contagious?â she teases, âwouldnât want to catch that.â
He answers her with a glare. âReverse. Itâs your stupidity thatâs contagious.â
âOh, weâre pretty much equally as stupid, Theo. No need to worry.â
âWe are not,â he says, and then Vincent elbows him carefully.
âYou really should be a little gentler to your friends,â Vincent comments, as he turns the fillet onto its other side.
Theo grumbles something unintelligible and it makes her laugh. Sitting in the kitchen, watching the two brothers side by side with their back to her as they prepareâshe checks the clockâlunch for the three of them, she hums, content. Sheâs lived alone for all her life here in the campus, and it was one she looked forward to after living in a house crammed with people for most of her life. But sitting here, watching them share the chores and maybe have a little banter with each otherâmakes her reconsider that maybe, maybe settling down in even the worst of places isnât that horrible when youâre in good company.
Theo opens the plate cupboard and hands her a set of it with some cutlery. âSet the table at least, freeloader?â He says, though his voice lacks all the venom his words otherwise had.
Okay, sheâll have to reconsider if Theo counts as âgood company.â
--
Theo barely survives lunch with her and his brother because of how much he gets teased by the two. He might argue that this is worse than being stuck with her and Arthur because since it is Vincent, he does not get the leeway to have a comeback, only able to grumble in displeasure at being see-through. They stuff their bellies not only with Vincentâs famed chicken with herbs but also with a hefty amount of laughter.
She slides back (slightly disgusted) into her costume to walk back home in, confident that many other students will be trudging along the streets suffering the same fate. (âNot everyone wakes up as late as you.â âThereâs bound to be at least one, right?â) When she comes out of the bathroom, thereâs a book on top of his neatly-folded clothes.
They speak at the same time.
âI could wash these first before giving it back if youââ âYou had that with you all this time?â
Silence.
She breaks it with a laugh. âYeah, it was a Saturday. I didnât want to break the schedule.â
âYou get so thorough about the weirdest things,â he comments, but he takes the bundle in her arms anyway. âItâs alright, Iâll have them. Let me get you a book, too.â
She follows Theo into the studio, where he crouches in front of some bookshelves. Vincent peeps from behind his easel. âYou should walk her home,â he offers, as Theo pulls a few books out of the shelf.
âNo, itâs alright, Iâll be fine! Iâm not drunk or dizzy. The walk will help clear my head.â
âItâs twenty minutes out,â Theo points out, getting up.
âJust promise that if you find me asleep on the street youâll pick me up?â
Handing Murakamiâs Dance, Dance, Dance to her, Theo grins. âI canât promise that.â
âOh, Theo, you know you will.â
Even when she is long out of his sight, the smile on his face does not go away. Even as the day shifts into mundanity. Even as heâs carting a bagful of clothes to the launderette. Even as he picks up some groceries on the way home. Even as he prepares dinner for Vincent, who is a few hours deep into painting.
Maybe for a moment, it goes away, butâ
He thinks of her and the smile comes back full force.
--
She spends the rest of Sunday recovering and hiding away in her room after the very socially draining party, but by Monday sheâs hopped onto her bike and headed for the literature clubâs little gazebo. Sheâs left a message for Dazai, asking for company. Sure, they spent quite a lot of time together in the past week, after having jumped through thrift stores and boutiques for the perfect Night Circus costume (and yes, she made him read the book beforehand too, for good measure) but Saturday was quite a day. Sheâs brought a couple of cookies for sharing with him, sitting at their usual spot, looking out at the quadrangle next to it.
âToshiko-san! Sorry we kept you waiting!â
The plural takes her off guard, and she turns to find that Dazai has brought a rather distracted-looking Isaac along, his hands in the pockets of his slacks. Isaac is always dressed so wellâshe supposes itâs part of the uniform or something of being seen as a respectable professorâbut she sure does want to see him dress down once. T-shirt, shorts, that kindâIsaac seems to take everything too seriously.
The pleasant feeling of seeing a friend she hasnât met up with in a long time is quickly replaced by confusion, as the science complex is nowhere near the Arts building. âNice to see you here, Isaac,â she says, but also with the lilt of a question.
Dazai answers said question. âHeâs here because he has nothing better to do, so I asked him to come.â
Isaac makes a face thatâs both resignation and panic. âHe passed by my office.â âand dragged me out because he wouldnât take no for an answer, she finishes in her head.
âI see,â she answers, even though thatâs not really an explanation in itself.
She knows Isaac through Dazai, and Dazai knows Isaac through a very peculiar class: Occultism 101.
A class team-taught by three major colleges in the universityâthe College of Arts, the College of Science, and the College of Social SciencesâOccultism 101 is one of the more controversial classes on campus because of its nature. It goes through a long history of the evolution and persistence of supernatural beliefs and practices among nations in the world, in that nice gray area between religion and science. There are only two kinds of students in Occultism 101: those who believe and who are genuinely interested, and those who do not believe and would like to spend an entire semester saying âbah! Thatâs not true!â to themselves all the time.
Occultism 101 is typically taught by professors from the College of Social Sciences and College of Arts with backgrounds in religious practices and other mystical behavior (whether in history or art), and then occasionally, in the middle of the semester, guest lecturers from the College of Science come in to give lectures on how these âsupernatural eventsâ may be explainable through scientific means. Say, how the piping system in a building can cause haunted âcold spotsâ, or how floating dust particles can come up in a photograph as âorbsâ, or the likes.
And she doesnât want to be very stereotypical about it, but a lot of people in the College of Science are pretty⌠well, square, and so no one really wants to teach Occultism 101, even if itâs only a few meetings in a semester. This is how this job ends up to unwilling, no-choice Ph.D. students such as Isaac.
It was just his luck that Dazai was in the section he taught.
âSo, Osamu, care to tell us about your little date last Sunday?â she asks, as the other two have taken their seats across her. Dazai swoons a little at the mention of Sunday. Isaac looks at him with unsureness.
(Isaac has had the miserable experience of being the victim of Dazaiâs flirtation at some point in time. One can see how that has instead simmer into a rather tentative friendship. All is well.)
Dazai rests his elbows on the table and places his chin on the palms of his hands. âHeâs so dreamy.â
âNo he isnât,â she swiftly replies, without thought.
But Dazai pretends not to have heard it. âHeâs not looking for a serious relationship though,â he adds. âNot that I am, either.â
âYou arenât?â
âNo, sweetie,â Dazai explains. âBut heâs my type and Iâm his type and we couldnât just leave it at that so I have his number now, and a little⌠arrangement.â
The word hangs in between them, swaying.
Oh no, thatâs not any good. âWhat arrangement.â
âYou donât need to sound so concerned.â
âThis is Arthur weâre talking about,â she insists, and the name makes Isaac flinch a little.
âDoyle, the med student?â Isaac asks, and she turns to him, blinking.
âYou know him?â Remembering Arthur during the party, her mouth falls into a small o. âHe knows you too, doesnât he?â
Isaac scoffs. âWho in this university doesnât?â Arthurâs pretty well-known to be a flirt. Something like having a checklist of bedding at least one person in every departmentâa rumor that would have been a little more shameful if the rumors also didnât say how he was so good at it.
She nods. âWell, fair enough.â
âNo, no, heâs an absolute sweetheart to me, so itâs definitely a you problem,â Dazai insists. âItâs just a friendship with benefits, yanno?â He emphasizes every of the following syllables with his tone and his hands: âNice, big, hefty benefits.â
And even Isaac, who usually refrains from commenting no matter how much he has to say, has to quip with âTerrible choice, really.â
And she has to agree. âI respect you, but not your taste, Osamu.â
Dazai grins. âUnderstandable.â He picks up one of the sandwiches sheâs prepared. âYou make it sound like Iâm the only one making bad decisions though.â
âExcuse me?â
He turns to Isaac. âYou should have gone to the Halloween party. She brought her little boy toy.â
She scoffs. âHe is not my boy toy.â
âYou sure do have him around your finger though, getting in matching costumes and all that,â Dazai says. âSpends Saturdates with him all the time.â
The only strategy that will work in times like these is straight-up ignoring him. âAnywayââ she begins, about to steer the conversation away when Isaac speaks up.
âItâs nice to hear youâre getting close to other people,â he says softly. Isaac has a way of speaking that makes it always seem like heâs spent so much time thinking about what he said before he actually said it; so sometimes itâs hard to gauge if heâs saying it casually or entirely seriously.
So she blinks. âYou make it seem like I have no friends, Isaac.â
âI-Itâs not that!â he suddenly blurts. Ah, there. Thereâs the usual Isaac. âYouâve spent so much time focusing on your work lately, itâs nice to know youâre relaxing with other people sometimes.â
And he doesnât say it, but she sure does hear it: the you havenât been to the astronomy club in a while and itâs made me worried about you.
She doesnât go religiously, but she used to attend fairly often to hang out with the other members and just look up at the stars. Isaac tries to organize at least two sessions in a month, one to look at the moon, and another to point at the stars. She hasnât been able to catch them in a bit.
But then, slowly, as the image of the view outside the astronomy clubâs hangout is refreshed in her mind, the way the physics building rooftop is just high enough to provide a good view of the rest of the campus below, the city downtown, just at the right place on campus that at night, the rest of the sprawling townâs streetlights trickle out like golden LED veins through the threesâan idea begins to implant itself into her head.
Taking root immediately.
She likes to go up here to think. She really shouldnât have had permission to go up there on her own, in her free time, since they have rules about club hours and the likes, but Isaac is a close friend and gave her a spare key, so she can come and go as she pleases. And sure, the Grove is a nice, quiet place for book clubs and maybe doing homework if one doesnât need an electric socket, but up here in the astronomy clubâs âthe Rooftopâ, she feels like she can float away into the vast ocean of her thoughts and get lost in them for a moment.
She feels small up there. And thatâs a good feeling.
She wonât tell it to Isaacâs face but itâs one of the primary reasons why she applied for the astronomy club in the first place. The stars are great no matter how dumb she is at physics, but the viewâitâs really something else.
What does the world look like from the point of view of a star? How tiny are human lives in the vast expanse of the universe? How long have these stars been out there, how long will they stay out there, how much longer will they stay in this universe more than we will?
âŚThis is why Theo teases her for being a literature major: all these goddamn metaphors.
And for a split second, she thinksâŚ
Maybe it isnât that bad to share that same quiet space with him?
âŚYou know, to talk books.
âAbout thatâŚâ
Isaac and Dazai turn to her.
âMind if I sneak in an outsider to the Roof?â she asks, facing Isaac with genuine hope in her voice.
Isaac only shrugs. âDo as you please,â he says casually, taking a cookie from her little box on the table.
And she grins like heâd just given her the light of the world. âThank you, Isaac.â
Dazai shakes his head, because he knows sheâs got no denying herself out of this one the next time.
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long ask post
so i just rbed this post with questions to ask about ones s/o or crush. i rly wanna answer them all but no one on my main cares and even if they did i wouldnât wanna spam them. but the good thing abt this blog is only like 3 ppl follow me so i can shout my adoration as much as i want and it does not matter :D so iâm just gonna answer all the questions under the cut and if anyone sees this and wants to read it, though i doubt they will, they can! (i already answered two on my main so thoseâll just be copy and pasted)
1. describe them in 3 words
cute, funny, sweet
2. their favorite style of clothing?
he looks like a walking hollister ad lmao like i see his style and i just think hollister/abercrombie/zumies. lots of striped tops, dark jeans, not hoodies but like long sleeved shirts with hoods that he doesnât ever use, converse, and many dad hats that he wears backwards
3. what mannerisms do they have?
i canât really think of any besides the fact that he shakes a lot. heâs really skinny and he shakes when heâs either cold or nervous, or just in general
4. do they play an instrument?
he doesnât yet but he really wants a piano keyboard for christmas thatâs like the only thing he wants so that he can learn how to play
5. how did you meet/become introduced to them?
(copied from my main) this is not a long story that may become long due to my unneeded context: we have 2 classes together this fall semester, but he sits behind me in both (directly behind me in one, a few rows back in the other) so i essentially had 0 idea he existed since i just go to class to learn & ignore the people around me unless iâm spoken to. genuinely the first time i ever noticed him was a month into classes, i accidentally grabbed the wrong paper & he was like âhey celeste, this oneâs yoursâ & i was like âoh thank youâ then went abt my business. but later that same class we had been in the computer lab & as we were packing up to leave he made a comment abt how my computerâs time was different than everyone elseâs so i said some dumb shit like âhaha yeah i broke itâ then just immediately walked away because i had a class to get to (ironically the other class i shared with him). as i learned later he had been trying to start a conversation so as i was walking to my next class he caught up with me & just continued talking. all i remember was being like âwow this dudeâs persistent.â i definitely came off as rude though bc the entire time he was talking to me i kept looking at my phone bc i was logging into our textbook. it was then i found out he was in that class too, & then it took me like another week to figure out his name because i didnât remember it from the introductions during the first week. but it all worked out because weâre dating now đ¤ˇđťââď¸
6. favorite thing theyâve ever said/texted/messaged?
honestly he says the sweetest things to me all the time itâs so hard to choose. i remember before we dated though he said i looked lovely and i was just like *heart eyes*
7. what do you like doing with them?
anything, legit anything. he could call me and be like âhey wanna come watch paint dry with meâ and i would be like âhell yes.â i just enjoy spending time with him. but i also really like cuddling him, i could for hours on end heâs very comfortable
8. their favorite color?
iâm not sure, i know heâs said he likes orange, yellow, and black (maybe blue too?) and apparently heâs been told he looks extra good in pink because in his words, he looks good in every color. but yeah iâm not sure of his absolute favorite
9. do they keep up to date on pop culture?
i think it just depends on if itâs something he likes. i think he keeps up to date on a lot of music because he likes a lot of popular artists i donât pay attention to, and he likes football or at least cares about keeping up with his favorite team
10. sweetest thing theyâve done for you?
this is gonna be another unnecessarily long story. this was before we started dating, it was a thursday so that meant we had our two classes, english then stats right after that, and when stats ends he has to go to his sociology class and i get picked up by my mom. we would typically talk during the time in between english and stats, and he was telling me that he was super sick and he was going to be skipping his sociology class and that he was only going to stats because of our test. weâre in college so teachers typically just do tests at the end of the class and if you finish before class is done you get to go early. so i took my time doing my test and finished with like 30 minutes to spare and when i went to go to the door i saw he was gone and i was like oh that makes sense, heâs ill and said he wanted to go home to sleep. so i walk out to the lobby to wait for my mom (a long wait since i got out early and had no way of letting her know that, plus sheâs just always late) and i see him in one of the spots i usually sit in. i was surprised but assumed he had a reason to still be there so i just started talking to him about the test but after that i was like âsoooo why are you still here, did you decide you were gonna go to your next class?â and heâs like âoh no i just wanted to wait with you.â like he was just feeling terrible and couldâve went home whenever he wanted (he said he wouldâve driven me home but didnât feel like he should with how ill he was) yet he decided to wait with me for like 30 minutes for my mom even though i said he didnât have to it was so nice :(
11/12. have you dreamed about them/have they dreamed about you?
iâve dreamed about him a few times but the thing w mine is that i dream about things/people i think about or see a lot, so the fact that heâs on my mind and i see him nearly every day plays a role. none of my dreams make sense so itâs never anything sweet, heâs just there. he has said heâs had at least one dream about me though, and his dreams are the opposite like he said he just always has romantic dreams that make sense and i was in one :3c
13. can they dance?
every time i hang out with him he dances. like every car ride he puts on music and dances to it while driving, heâll dance in the middle of any public place, or even when weâre just eating/laying down. itâs usually either him just moving around or fortnite dances specifically to annoy me, but itâs cute
14. what does hugging them feel like?
sosososo nice and warm and safe
15. your favorite thing about them?
i like his personality a lot, heâs really funny and nice, i donât think itâs possible for me not to smile when heâs talking or being himself
16. their favorite thing about you?
i donât know, he would probably say my personality too
17. best memory of you together?
another i donât know, iâve only been talking to him for two months so thatâs not a lot of time to have a favorite memory since thereâs so few. probably just the first time we kissed, i think thatâs what he would say
18. what are they like when theyâre tired?
not much different honestly, but he says heâs always tired so thatâs probably why. when heâs tired he just says heâs tired and acts no different. according to him iâm nicer when iâm tired
19/20. could you imagine growing old together with them? could they?
god i donât know, iâm incapable of thinking that far ahead. weâre both people who, when we date, aim for long-term so i donât want to be like âweâll probably only date for a yearâ because if i think like that itâs destined to fail but i also donât want to be like âweâre gonna be together foreverâ because weâve only known each other for two months. i prefer to just take it as it comes and not try to look forward to anything specific. weâre together for however long weâre together, i have no way of knowing that duration. it could be until next month, it could be until my death, weâll see. i imagine heâd say the same thing
21. what would an ideal date with them be?
like i said, he could ask me to watch paint dry with him and iâd do it. any time with him is an ideal date. i like going out and doing things but i would probably lean more towards âletâs cuddle and nap for like 5 hoursâ
22. are they competitive?
yes, especially when someone is a sore loser. like he beat me in bowling twice yesterday and even though i was cool with it he was like âiâm still gonna brag.â but iâm competitive too so itâs a good match
23. what do you do together?
anything. mostly just talk, cuddle, watch stuff, play video games, do homework together, and if thereâs something to go out and do then weâll do it
24. which smells remind you of them?
(copied from my main)Â his favorite smell is this yankee candle called festival of lights and he always has it burning when i come over so definitely that
25. do they remind you of any music?
just the music he likes, i donât associate any of my music with him. he plays his music a lot so whenever i think of artists like lil peep or scotty sire i just think of him, plus the dozens of other people heâs made me listen to (not that i mind)
26/27. could you tell them your biggest secret? could they tell you theirs?
i probably will soon, obv not gonna say what to the entire internet but itâs an important thing. heâs told me his most embarrassing thing about himself which i didnât think was too bad, i donât know if he counts that as his biggest secret or not
28. how do you greet each other?
depends on where. whenever he picks me up i say hi/hey, if i walk into class i just smile at him because it feels weird to start having a conversation in a dead quiet class where no one knows weâre dating. i never kiss or hug him as a greeting but i do as a goodbye, not sure why
29/30. what makes you blush that they do? what makes them blush that you do?
heâs only made me blush once but i canât remember what he said that made me do it, i only blush when iâm embarrassed. i donât think iâve ever made him blush, not that i know of
31/32. would you say you love them? would they say they love you?
way too soon for that BUT the other day he accidentally said it when saying goodbye as a force of habit because he always says âbye love youâ to his friends/family. i didnât notice because he said it super quickly before he realized but then he told me about it a few days later. i could picture myself loving him one day though. right now iâd say i adore him
thank you to anyone who read this and got this far if you did. this was really fun i just love talking about himmmm even if no one sees it, itâs just nice to gush uwu
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