wretched heart    [request]

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Reader Warnings: Language Summary: Despite ending things with Daryl, you still can’t seem to let go of him. (loosely inspired by Happier by Olivia Rodrigo) A/N: Requested by @srhxpci​ (angst with a happy ending 😊 ) I hope you enjoy. Tags: @chloe-skywalker​ @browneyes528​ Italics = Flashbacks.

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Your heart seemed to break into a million pieces as you walked away from Daryl, after everything that had happened with Negan and now with the loss of Rick you weren’t prepared to lose Daryl Dixon. You clawed at your chest, hoping it would allow you to breathe but it remained stuck as you left the archer there in the middle of the forest. You had never loved someone so deeply before and it scared you, it scared you to the point of running and hiding – you told him it wasn’t safe for them anymore and that even though it wasn’t your time now, it will be one day and you wholeheartedly believed it. The idea that the world will be well enough one day that you could get back your Daryl was the only thing that allowed you to get out of bed in the morning.

Thing’s got too much for you after you and Daryl went your separate ways and therefore you decided that you needed to venture out on your own for a while, perhaps look for Rick’s body or find out where Anne had disappeared. You didn’t have a set objective but you knew you needed the time to yourself. Tara tried to argue it was too dangerous for you to be on your own but failed to take into account the amount of time you had already spent alone out in the woods before meeting the group. Your trip didn’t provide much new information but you felt you had successfully cleared your mind enough to return back to Hilltop. You had been gone for maybe a month or two, you didn’t really keep track of the time but you didn’t think it could have been longer than that.

Once you reached the gate’s it didn’t take long for them to open, the guards seemed more than happy about your return, you gave your horse a stroke, thanking it for returning you back home safe before trotting past the gates. You watched as a few people gathered as you came to a stop, you looked around, happy to be home until your eyes landed on a far to familiar bike. A lump formed in your throat as you tried to redirect your attention, finally pushing yourself to get off the horse. You managed to send faux smiles at everyone who welcomed you home, allowing someone to take your horse to the stable. You looked around at the small crowd of people before returning your attention to Alden who offered you a warm hug. You pulled away and let your hand land on his shoulder. “Where’s Jesus?” your question seemed to strike unwell with Alden, his head dropped slightly before meeting with your gaze.

“He- erm” he struggled to pull together a sentence attempting to keep you updated on the situation at Hilltop, you instantly wished you were back out in the woods blissfully ignorant to the death of your friend. A small tear rolled down your face but you nodded towards the man, acknowledging his words.

-

You spent the rest of your day in your room, with the news on Jesus and seeing Daryl’s bike you figured that anything beyond your four walls weren’t worth the hassle. No one bothered you all day and you were grateful for that, you cleaned yourself up and got familiar with the comfort of your mattress again. When the sun started to set, you thought you needed to stop moping around, show your face even if its just for a few minutes. Thankfully on your travels you came across a half empty crate of alcohol, a bottle of rum seemed fitting for the situation so you grabbed it by the neck and made your way outside to mingle.

Fires had already started and you seemed to slip into the crowd of people unnoticed, everyone seemed to be in their own little groups or wandering around you unscrewed the cap of the rum and allowed the brown liquid to pour down your throat. You found a quiet spot just off from everyone else but it gave you the perfect view of everyone gathered there that night. Your eyes wandered from person to person until they seemed to freeze. Daryl Dixon. Your heart seemed to crawl up your throat as you watched the man fiddle with his fingers, attempting to master a sign but you didn’t pay much attention to that, instead you admired the way he had aged since you last saw him. Your mind flashing images of a younger archer and you came to the conclusion that he aged perfectly well, you’d giggle to yourself thinking about how he’d always be scared of the age gap you had even though no one else really noticed it nor did they care.

You noticed his smile and then you noticed who he gave it to, you’d never seen her before but you couldn’t disregard her beauty or the way her eyes seemed to shine as she laughed at Daryl’s attempts to communicate with her with his hands. Your heart dropped, it felt like it had completely left your body as you watched the two flirt with each other, your eyes welled up whenever she touched his arms all you could think was how they were your arms and not hers. So caught up with your blind jealousy, you almost didn’t notice that Daryl was now staring right back at you, it made you stumble a little but you shot him a smile before your eyes left him, doing anything you could to keep the tears from leaving your eyes.

The alcohol seemed to help loosen the lump in your throat as you chugged down as much rum as you possibly could before it made you feel sick “Hey” you’d know that gravelly voice anywhere, it sent goose bumps up your arms as you lowered the bottle back to you side, clearing your throat as you looked to your side. Your heart seemed to race at the sight of the archer who stood close by you

“Hey” your voice was much softer as your eyes landed on his shoulders, not brave enough to look into his eyes just yet. The tension could have been cut with a blunt knife, you kicked loose stones under your feet as the southerner struggled to think up a conversation. “How ya been?” he broke the silence finally with a question he genuinely cared to know, he watched you closely as you scoffed at his words. “Fine” despite your short temper, you allowed yourself to look into Daryl’s eyes now sending him a faux smile. “Whatta bout you? Saw you getting on nicely with that girl over there, what’s her name?” you hated how bitter you sounded in that moment but it seemed the alcohol had taken over your entire attitude failing to incorporate a filter. “Connie” Daryl muttered back at you, watching you take yet another sip of your poison. Your eyes widened now you had a name for her face, licking the access rum from your lips. “She’s pretty” the air fell silent around you both now, you tried to fight every urge to shout and scream that he should be with you and not her.

Eventually you couldn’t hold your tongue anymore, you had far too much liquid confidence supporting your toxic words to even think straight anymore “Does this mean you forgot about me?” despite your intentions your words fell soft as you stared into the crowd of people, your leg shaking a little as you awaited his response but you never got one, instead he just stared at you in disbelief “I always thought that one day we’d get back together you know but I can see that’s not on you agenda” you spat at the man, the anger becoming more apparent with every word. Daryl grunted at your words, his scowl creasing his features. “Na, ya the one who ended shit!” he became extra expressive with his movements, his finger pointing in your direction as he paced back and forth. “because it wasn’t safe!” you shouted back in his direction, your face mimicking his “You know what it’s like now as soon as you’re even slightly happy, the thing you love the most is taken from you without warning. I’ve lost too much, I couldn’t lose you too!`` At some point you decided to take a softer approach with your honesty taking a deep breath when you finally split your truth.

The moment fell quiet once more, a tear created a track on your face as you turned away from him you crossed your arms keeping a firm hold on the bottle you babysat all night. “I'm happy you found Connie, you deserve it.” You peeked over your shoulder so that the archer could hear you “I just don’t think I could ever be as happy as I was when I was with you” and with those words you left him there as you made your way back to your room.

When the door closed behind you, you found yourself pressed against the wall beside it, trying your hardest to suppress the tears your eyes held onto. You placed the glass bottle on top of your dresser and attempted to ease your breathing and slow the hard heavy beating of your heart. It seemed to stop completely when you heard someone’s knuckles brush against your door, you stood perfectly still for a moment before you reached for the knob. You slowly pulled it open revealing Daryl stood on the other side, you stared up at him in silence and took in his posture, he seemed a little out of breath, like he had been running which only confused you more. “Me an Connie are jus friends' ' he panted, taking a couple of steps so that he was now fully in your room. You couldn’t deny that your heart seemed to burst with joy at the news but now you were just left completely embarrassed by your outburst. “Ya the only girl for me” you allowed a small chuckle to pass your lips but you wasted no time in wrapping your arms around him, pushing at the back of his neck with your hands to pull him into a soft, sweet kiss. You tried to hide the moan that surfaced as his hands cradled your hips. You were completely weak at his touch, god had you missed the way this felt.

He pulled away slowly, taking in the smile that stretched across your face, allowing a small smile of his own to pierce his stern features “Ya taste like a bar” “I'm sorry!” you winced attempting to pull away from the redneck but he didn’t allow you, he kept you close and pulled you in tighter when you attempted to leave his grasp.

“Na, I like it”

Goodbye baby goodbye

Genre: Angst (because we all like to hurt ourself), smut, fluff

Pairing: office worker!seonghwa x female reader, ceo!hongjoong x female reader, established relationship, lovers to ennemies.

Other: little brother!jongho, best friend!yunho, colleague!yeosang, roommate!san, office worker!mingi, manager!wooyoung.

Warning: cheating, betrayal, manipulations, protected sex (be safe kiddos).

Notes: Purely for entertainment and this is the first time I’m writing about ATEEZ, please have some mercy on me xD. No idea about the words count. Triggering themes will be add along chapters.

Summary: It all began when your now 4 year-old boyfriend Seonghwa had an invitation to his entreprise’s party. Surprised to hear you could tag along, you met Kim Hongjoong, the CEO and close friend of Seonghwa. Rumored to be a playboy, the rich boss of your boyfriend is determined to add you to his conquests.

Masterlist

« My boss told me you were also invited » claimed your boyfriend while picking a piece of cake with his fork. 

This made you drop yours as your eyes widened from the surprise. Park Seonghwa has been your boyfriend for four years now, and he was working at a powerful enterprise, headed by a young CEO. It was hard to say you knew this enigmatic CEO since you never met him, but Seonghwa was close to him, that’s all what you knew. 

« Me ? » you asked, unsure about the matter. 

Your boyfriend nodded, confirming his previous statement. Every year, KQ Enterprise was holding a party with their employees to congratulate them whom worked hard and contributed to make it a great place to work. You were definitely proud of your boyfriend’s hard work since he was respected and loved by his colleagues, which brought him to be a manager of a whole department there. 

« Yeah. We can bring one person, so…I thought my girlfriend would have liked to tag along. » he chuckled lightly, taking your hand in his on the table. « Y/N, you’ve been by my side for a while, and you know better than anyone how much I worked hard there. That’s why I want you to come. » he explained, making you nod softly.

That’s how you were invited to the reception. Unlike your boyfriend, you weren’t working in a famous enterprise. You were still studying at university and also working part-time at a local restaurant, that’s why you couldn’t do much for him except listening to his complains when he had some, or just being a supportive girlfriend. You two met at your last year of high school. Seonghwa was quite popular back then, but you never really grew interested in him until he helped you one day at the library. From the top of your toes, unable to reach the damn book you wanted, a large hand reached it to slowly takes the book out. It was probably cliché, but probably because you were yourself, he had begun to slowly reach out for you, being first a friend and after a boyfriend. 

« Are you sure though ? » you asked, lacking of confidence about it. « I’ve never attended such an event before- what if I do something wrong ? »

« Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be fine. Because you’re my girlfriend » he reassured you before taking your hand to his lips. 

« If you say so… » you answered back with a sweet smile. 

This day, you were enjoying a date at a coffee shop. You were glad Seonghwa’s taking time for you both, making sure to go out or just even spending time together. But this time would be different. It was a matter of work for him and you were just required to stay with him. But somehow, you were worried. Not worried about him, but about you. As you said, you feared that something would happen because of you. 

Suddenly, your phone rang. You looked at it as the name « Lil’ bro » appeared on your screen. You mumbled a « sorry » and stood up while taking the call. 

« Hey Jongho, what’s up ? » you exclaimed, going away not to bother anyone around here.

« Hey noona, are you in town ? » answered the other male. 

Jongho was your little brother. Literally your blood brother. Somehow, he was the youngest from the family, but surely the manliest, wisest and sweetest boy you knew. He was doing his military service at the moment but took time to call you wherever he could which made you thankful toward the youngest. 

« Yeah, I’m on a date with Seonghwa at the moment. But it’s alright. What’s up ? » you answered with a cheerful tone. 

« Oh, sorry I didn’t know…but I’m going to be discharged soon you know ? » 

« Of course, how can I forget it ? » 

« As expected » he chuckled for a moment before pausing some seconds. « I…was wondering if you could help me ? Cause I’ve found a job right after, but I don’t want to bother mom and dad so, if I could …like live with you for a while… »

« Mhhh, well it’s not that I don’t want to, but I gotta ask San, since I’m not living alone. »

You weren’t living all by yourself. Living with your parents wasn’t convenient for your studies as they were living quite far from the university, so you searched for an apartment to rent but the prices were incredibly high. And then you found San, another student. He was also in need for a place to stay since he couldn’t rent a whole place for himself. At first, you weren’t sure about living with a boy, but your roommate reassured you by saying « Don’t worry, nothing will happen between us if it’s what scaring you. I like boys you see ? » Such an extravagant guy, but yet so loving and sweet. That’s how you began to live with San. And until now, every thing was alright. 

« Sure, let me know about it okay ? » 

« Yes sir ! I’m sure you’re killing it out there, but don’t overdo it alright ? »

« Well, I’m not the baddest dude here, but I may be out of the top ten ? » he laughed, a bit shy to say it himself.

« Ooooh, as expected from my little brother. » 

« I will call mom and dad, so I gotta go. Love you noona. »

« Love you too. »

The « beep beep » at the other line indicated the call ended. And it’s with some relief that you came back at your boyfriend. Jongho and Seonghwa knew each other, and your little brother liked him. So you didn’t hesitate to share some news from the youngest. 

« It was Jongho. »

« How is he doing ? » asked Seonghwa, with a genuine interest.

« Great ! Actually he’ll be soon discharged, and he asked me if he could temporary live with us as he found a job after his mandatory service. »

« Already ? Wow, he doesn’t waste any time. » said Seonghwa with an impressed tone. 

« I know right ? But he’s always been this way, I’m glad he knows what he wants. »

You discussed a bit more about your brother and finished your cake and coffees. Hands in hands you headed outside, the sky becoming grey with menacing dark clouds. Rushing to the subway, you both got inside. 

« So I will pick you up Friday night. For the party. » he began, going back to the event.

« Alright…Wait, is there any dress code ? » you asked suddenly panicking because your student ass was probably not the best in clothing category. 

« Erm I’m not sure ? So far I never really paid attention to this since I’m always in suit. »

You sighed and prayed God to have mercy on you. You were practically sure of yourself: you hadn’t anything which would made you elegant in your wardrobe at the moment. 

« Y/N, don’t panic. I will find a solution okay ? » he said while taking your shoulders to make you face him.

You looked into Seonghwa’s eyes and nodded, slightly defeated by this idea of letting your boyfriend help you for an outfit. 

In front of your building, your boyfriend pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead and smiled at you.

« I’ll text you later. »

« Thanks for today Seonghwa. »

« My pleasure » he smiled more before leaning to finally kiss your lips, which made you answer to the kiss. 

As you walked into your shared apartment, you could hear San’s laugh emanating from the living room.

« I’m home ! » you said carefully, taking your shoes off.

« Welcome back Y/N » San’s voice answered, discovering the pink haired boy playing his console with snacks around him. 

« You haven’t moved since I left ? » you asked in an astonishment. 

San paused his game and turned around to give you a sneaky smirk. 

« I did, I went to the toilet, I went to the kitchen to- »

« That’s not what I meant » you paused him with an amused voice.

« Come on’ Y/N, I studied like a monster these days ! I had to play to relax. »

« Yeah yeah, be careful not to play too much »

« Yes mom…But anyway, how as your date with your charming prince ? » 

You sat down on the couch with your roommate, watching him play while you talked about the famous party Seonghwa asked you to attend. As you were telling him about the thing, his eyes widened and he paused his game again. 

« Wait, you’re talking about KQ Enterprise’s party ? »

« Yeah…How do you know ? » you arched a brow.

« My boyfriend works there too and he told me about it, but I refused to go. » he answered as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

« Wait a minute ! I thought your boyfriend was working in a bar ? »

« Y/N, it was the previous one. »

You rolled your eyes to the ceiling. You gave up about San’s love life as he was changing often.

« Okay, but since when have you been dating this guy huh ? And why you didn’t tell me ? You know Seonghwa’s working there as well »

« I forgot ! Anyway, he asked me to come too but nope, not my thing. »

« Please San, go with him ! I don’t want to go alone ! » you begged your friend.

« You won’t be alone, there’s charming prince with you »

« It’s different ! » you claimed « He’s working there ! I will feel like a stranger there, and gosh, imagine if I do something wrong ? Ugh »

« Alright alright, I will talk about it with Wooyoung » he sighed, defeated. 

« I love you San ! » you laughed, feeling victorious. « And, the name’s Wooyoung ? »

« Yeah, he’s the manager of I don’t remember which team »

The world was so small you thought for a while before you thought of Jongho.

« By the way, my brother will soon be discharged and he asked me if he could live with us for a while before taking his own place ? »

« Your brother ? Jongho ? Ooh he’s going to be soon discharged already ? Of course he can, I don’t mind. »

« Nice, I’ll let him know »

You were really glad you were going along with San and so he was with your own acquaintances. You thanked him again and went to your room. Some days passed by, and Seonghwa texted you but never talked about the famous party which made you frustrated because you were literally searching for something elegant but not expensive, which was impossible. Until one day when you came back home after your classes. 

« Y/N ! You received a package » said San while passing by to his room.

« Me ? But I haven’t ordered any thing ? » you mumbled, intrigued.

San shrugged and joined you to the living room where the so called package was here on the table.

It was quite big, nicely wrapped in a white paper and black silk ribbon. 

« Open it » suggested San, curious. 

« Hey, wait, don’t you think it’s weird ? Are you sure it was for me ? »

« Are you Y/F/N ? » asked San, ironically. « Cause that’s what the delivery man asked, so I said you lived here and he left after shoving me the package. »

After a moment of hesitation, you unwrapped the package to discover a black box. You opened it to discover a pink beige dress and honestly it looked so expensive that your poor salary of part timer couldn’t even pay a quarter of it. San’s eyes widened so as yours. 

« Wait- Who is it from ?! » a bit panicking on the spot.

« I don’t know ! The guy hasn’t told me ! »

You picked up the dress to look at it closer, and gasped when you saw the brand inside.

« San- I think I’m going to faint…Yves Saint-Laurent. Can you see ?! »

« Y/N, I don’t wanna make you panic more, but look there is a card inside. »

He pointed a silky white enveloppe you took quickly to open it. 

« Dear Y/N,

I heard you were worried about the dress code of the party. Here’s a present for you. In hope to see you soon. 

CEO Kim Hongjoong. »

There was a big silence in this room, your roommate and yourself looking at each other in disbelief before San opened his mouth and closed it, probably too shocked to say something. And so you were. Why did your boyfriend’s boss sent you this dress ? And how did he know ?!

Chapter 11

Meta Knight turned to the streets as the sun rose over the horizon. Scarlet looked to him, eagerly. “Before you say anything,” Meta Knight warned. “Could you please refer to me as Valiant in public, to avoid detection?” He asked, using the most genuine voice he could manage. “The Queen isn’t one to forget those who betray her.” Scarlet nodded. “Alright, Valiant.” She snickered. “So, where’s the art store?” Kirby asked. “Right down there!” Scarlet pointed to the street on their right. “C’mon!” She chirped, tugging on Meta Knight’s arm. “They should be opening soon!” She bounced excitedly down the street. Meta Knight walked behind her. Hopefully nobody there notices my real colors through this cracking layer. Scarlet stopped in front of a colorful-looking building with a floral pattern, waiting for them to catch up. “This is it!” She announced. “This is where I get all my art supplies!” She explained. “Brushes, ink, paint, paper, you name it!” She opened the door, setting off a little bell. The cashier looked up from the book he was reading, looking alarmingly tired. “Scarlet,” She said in a sleepy voice. “You just here 3 days ago! What are you doing back already?” She groaned. “Solstice!” Scarlet squeaked, making Solstice wince. “I’m actually not here for supplies, I have some friends who need assistance!” She said, waving to Meta Knight and Kirby. Solstice looked over to them, looking extremely uninterested. “Ah.” She said. “I see. Carry on then.” She said, yawning as she looked back down to her book. Scarlet bounded over to the paints. There was... an extremely wide variety of colors. ”So, right now you’re green? Ok, ok, so... More green... But maybe we could mix it up a bit!” She said, her eyes shining. Oh, no. Meta Knight thought. Now were going to be here for hours. “Hey, don’t worry!” She said, noticing his face. “I already have some ideas! How about...” She paused, trailing a claw along the paint samples. She suddenly looked up. “Your body is green, but we have a pink-orange sunset in your wings!” She said excitedly. “Ooooo.” Kirby said. “Meta Knight is going to be soooo pretty!” he giggled. Scarlet turned her gaze to him. Oh no. “Meta Knight?” She asked, looking incredibly amused. “Did you change your name after you got to your new planet?”  “Well, yes.” Meta Knight answered. “I did become a knight of sorts. A protector, more accurately.” He corrected himself. “Oh, wow!” Scarlet said. “So cool! We just HAVE to use the heroic colors for a heroic guy!” She said, picking up the green, pink and orange paints. She hopped over to Solstice, making her jump. “We’ll take these, please!” She said enthusiastically as Kirby giggled. Solstice sighed and accepted the payment. She said nothing to them as they left out the door. “So,” Meta Knight said, “Are there any remote places to... erm... ‘Paint’?” He asked awkwardly. “Well, nobody is really awake right now, so... The alley will do, I think.” Scarlet replied, pulling him over to the back of the store. “Hold still while we paint you.” She said, trying her best to look absolutely serious. The paint was wet, and the brushes tickled a bit, but Meta Knight tried his best to hold completely still. “You missed a spot, Kirby.” Scarlet pointed out. “Oops.” Kirby said, quickly covering up the spot. “It’s ok!” Scarlet laughed, assuring him. I’m glad to see she’s nice to him. Meta Knight thought, gratefully. At least there’s one person here i’m pretty sure I can trust. He looked down at himself, feeling immensely stupid. If Dedede were here right now, he’d be having a fit. “Aaaaand there!” Scarlet said triumphantly. The paint was still a bit wet, but as long as Meta Knight was careful, he should be able to move normally. Actually, the colors didn’t look half bad. “Wow, he really is pretty!” Kirby noticed. “Gorgeous.” Scarlet said proudly. “I’d say you’re my best masterpiece.” Scarlet joked. “I can’t wait to show you to the others!” “Hey,” Kirby said tugging on Scarlet’s wing. “I’m hungry.” Scarlet stood up. “Oh, right! I forgot how hungry young Stelluses could be! Don’t worry little guy, there’s a place to eat not far from here.” She said. She was about to take to the air, but then paused. “Oh, wait. We should probably walk.” She said. “Why?” Meta Knight asked. “Because the paint isn’t completely dry, so It might get in the way.” She explained.  As the trio walked down the morning streets, Meta Knight could see some young Stelli gathered outside, playing and squeaking at each other. And he saw some of the shops on the sides of the road starting to light up. It’s so early. I suppose this is their schedule now. I can’t believe how much has changed since I left. Well... Ok, he could believe it. You know. Since it’s been 200 years. They made it to a simple-looking Café, and Scarlet entered first. “Cashew?” Scarlet said, shocked. “What are you doing here?” Cashew looked up from his meal, his mouth full. “Hmmmphh?” He said, his lips sticky with honey. What he was eating was different from the Honey-bites they had earlier, but it also had honey in it. “I thought you said you were going to get food, not snacks!” Scarlet growled, frustrated. Cashew swallowed. “Yeah, I did.” He patted the large sack that was seated next to him. A delicious smell was coming from it. “I’m just taking a, uh... a break.” He said, taking another bite. “A break?” Scarlet scoffed. “A break from what?” “Uhhhhh...” He said. He raised a piece of his snack to her. “Want some?” He offered. “No!” Scarlet groaned. “Fine, hurry up and finish your meal. But no funny business!” She said, looking exhausted. “Can I have it?” Kirby asked. “Sure.” Cashew replied, tossing the snack to Kirby, who caught it eagerly. At least everyone in the Rebellion seems to be kind to Kirby. Meta Knight looked down at Kirby, who was happily munching on the snack Cashew had given him. Meta Knight suddenly felt bad. Poor Kirby. 

He was so eager to meet his parents... But was he still eager, knowing how brutal this world can be?

Could possibly write a Hermione x female reader where the reader works as a library page (someone who sorts books and puts them on the shelves) and Hermione comes in and they fall in love?

you betcha ;-)

words: 1,714

HERMIONE X READER

There were times when volunteering to fill the position of Madam Pince’s library page seemed a marvelous idea, but now was most certainly not one of those times. The clock had just recently chimed midnight, your back ached from heaving great stacks of books about, and despite the copious amounts of tea you’d drunk, you found yourself yawning every few minutes. Images of your four-poster kept appearing on the cover pages of the books you were sorting, almost bringing you to give in, blow the candles out, and head down to bed, but….you’d foolishly promised Pince that you’d stay until all the returns had been reshelved.

“Stupid, eager, overly ambitious…” You murmured to yourself, rubbing your eyes wearily and desperately trying to calculate how much longer your task would take.

“Pardon?” Answered another voice, plainly very alarmed.

You shot upright with your heart thumping, having thought yourself thoroughly alone at such a late hour. A few bewildered blinks to clear your eyes revealed Hermione Granger, standing a few paces from your desk with a piece of parchment, a bottle of ink, and a quill clutched in her hands. She was clad in pajama pants and a worn blue sweater, stray curls protruded wildly from the bun atop her head, and she stood in her stocking feet, watching you uncertainly.

“Ah, erm,” you stammered, straightening a stack of papers for something to do with your hands. “Just exhaustion speaking, is all. Do you need me to help you find a book?”

Hermione waved an elegant hand and said, “Don’t trouble yourself — I think I know where to find it.”

You just nodded, a little dumbstruck. You’d seen her around, sat beside her in class, spoken to her plenty of times before, but she’d always looked so neat and clean then, her hair carefully styled and her school uniform appearing impeccable. Seeing her like this, looking so messy and warm….

Hermione disappeared into the shelves of books, her footsteps drawing softly away. You remained at your desk, listening intently to the sound of her pulling books of the shelf, the shuffling of her parchment, a frustrated sigh here and there. This went on for some time, until what sounded like a particularly large book slammed and thudded loudly back onto the shelf.

This was punctuated by a high, exasperated, “Oh, for heaven’s sake!”

Propelled from your seat at this point, you hurried into the shelves and followed the sounds of Hermione’s continued muttering. You accidentally passed the row she was in, just barely catching a glimpse of her as you did. She was standing with her back to one of the shelves, her hair even unrulier than it’d been before, her eyes closed in evident frustration. Before you could round the corner into her aisle you were struck with a strange feeling of self consciousness, and glanced nervously down at yourself.

Your own hair was escaping its braid in a frizzy, unattractive mess, the skirt you wore was wrinkled from hours behind your desk, and there was a sizeable dribble of tea down the front of your shirt. You wouldn’t have been surprised if there were ink stains on your face as well and you hesitated to come out from around the corner, but Hermione needed help and that was part of your job as library page—

“You’re supposed to keep quiet in the library, you know,” you chided jokingly, marching boldly down the aisle to stand in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” Hermione smiled sheepishly, tugging at the neckline of her sweater. “It’s just, I have this essay for Ancient Runes due tomorrow and I keep accidentally switching up which language I’m writing in and there’s four different words I need that just aren’t in the books I have, and now I can’t find the book I need and I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t find it.” She spat this all out in one breath, and then shot you an apologetic look.

“What’s the name of the book you need?” You asked as you stooped to pick up her parchment and her ink, which she’d left on the floor at her feet.

“That’s the thing,” she sighed, taking her things back from your hands. “I can’t remember what it’s called, no matter how hard I think.”

“Well,” you gave her your best optimistic, cheery smile. “I’m sure we can work something out. Do you know what the book looks like, or what it’s about?”

“It’s green.” Hermione announced confidently. “It’s like a dictionary of runes for really absurdly big words.”

You sent up a little thank you to Merlin that you knew exactly what book she was after, gave her a little jerk of your head, and lead her into the next aisle over.

With a flourish, you swiped the book from the shelf and presented it to her. “Excessively Advanced Runes for the Excessively Advanced Witch or Wizard, by Agrippa Athelstan.”

“Oh, yes, this is exactly what I needed! Thank you so much!” Hermione took the book from your hands with wide eyes, her shoulders sagging with relief.

“I’m sure your essay would have been marvelous without it,” you told her. “But I’m happy to have helped.”

Hermione was practically glowing with excitement, still gazing reverently at the dusty old book. A moment passed before she clutched it to her chest, looking back up at you with a grateful smile. “I’d best get back to the common room to finish this,” she said apologetically. “I hope I didn’t slow you down in your work for too long.”

“No, no, not at all,” you reassured her, and in a moment of bravery reached out and touched her arm.

She was warm through her sweater, and her cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink when she met your eyes. You had the overwhelming urge to wrap her up in your arms and drink in that warmth, but she let out a shaky breath, gave you one last smile, and slid around you.

You listened to her leave, rooted to the spot until you heard the library doors thump closed, so filled with electricity from the whole three minute long encounter that sleep was the very last thing on your mind.

You spent the next week subtly trying to orchestrate casual run-ins with Hermione, but through no small number of attempts, you weren’t terribly lucky. She was hard to catch at a good time; she was exceptionally busy with her class work, constantly moving ninety miles a minute, never having time to stop and chat. You did manage to catch her one day on her way from lunch and inquire about how her essay had turned out.

“It was fantastic!” She said enthusiastically, flashing you a dazzling smile. “Harry and Ron’s were each only a page long — they made me read through them — and only used words from our basic textbook. Mine was twelve pages, and I used all those really advanced runes, thanks to you. We haven’t gotten our marks back yet, but my professor looked impressed when I’d just handed it in.”

“Well, that’s great!” You told her, so genuinely happy to see her so excited.

“Hey, look,” she said, this time grabbing your arm instead of the other way around. You felt yourself flush, just like she had when you’d touched her before. “I’ve gotta run, or I’m gonna be late to Transfiguration. I’ll see you around, okay?”

She gave your arm a little squeeze, then took off running in the opposite direction. There you were again, watching her go, feeling like there was a tiny sun burning in your chest.

As it turned out, the next time you saw Hermione she was careening around the corner of a library shelf, colliding with you head on and knocking a stack of books from your hands.

“Oh, god,” she gasped, dropping with you to gather them up. “I’m so sorry. Oh, god.”

She’d clearly been running and was severely out of breath, clutching her side when she straightened up. The color in her cheeks was high and her hair was wild, just like it had been that night in the library, and you suddenly felt a little out of breath too, though you definitely hadn’t been running.

Alarmed at the frenzied state of her you asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she panted. “I’m….fantastic….actually. I got….extra marks….on my essay. Professor Babbling told me….it was the best she’d ever….read.”

“Oh, Hermione, that’s amazing!” You exclaimed, forgetting to keep your voice down. “Was it all because of that book?”

Hermione nodded frantically, her breath finally slowing to a reasonable rate. “Yes. She could tell I’d gone out of my way to find the book. That’s why she gave me the extra points!”

You were beaming right along with her, locked into those warm brown eyes and the wide, mesmerizing smile. She was standing close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of her and smell the peppermint on her breath, creating an overwhelming feeling of dizziness and setting the room spinning.

“Well, anyway, I just thought I’d come and let you know how it turned out,” she was saying in that frenzied way she did, where the words all tumbled over one another and she forgot to take a breath. “And I wanted to thank you again because I surely wouldn’t have done so well if you hadn’t helped me find that book, and-”

She reached out and cupped your face in her hands, swiftly closing the distance between your bodies, and kissed you. You felt that soft warmth take you over, just like you’d imagined, swallowing you whole as she slid her hands into your hair and you held onto her waist for dear life. Her lips were smooth as butter, gliding delicately over yours, and she smelled like clean linen and cloves, and you felt that tiny sun expand in your chest like it was gearing up to combust.

Hermione was breathless again when she finally pulled away, her hair tousled, lips and cheeks turned a vibrant shade of red, but her eyes were clear.

She breathed, “Do you suppose Madam Pince is looking for another page?”

Familia & Regrets

According to my countdown i’ve had on my phone since July.....I have 11 days and 15hrs until I land in Chile (HOLY SH*T).  Since my last blog post I’ve had to do so many goodbyes already and I have still many to get through! The closest family are the people I have seen recently.

(Fran came over in September to ‘face’ my mum )

I never thought i’d have any regrets because when you do have them, generally it’s too late to do anything about them. However over the years I’ve absolutely sucked ass at being a family member to my own blood. Never went to see my mum as much as I should, or the rest of the family as much as I should. I mean....i’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for Facebook, i’d forget half the birthdays in my life. 

I don’t mean I have ever intentionally hurt them or would never do anything to bring them harm.... I love them. I’ve just never had that ‘MUST SEE THEM’ connection, or must pick up the phone every few days.  My grandma & grandad came to watch pretty much every football game I played but when I hit my early 20′s ..... and when I stopped playing football as much, I stopped seeing them. 

Perhaps too selfishly engrossed in my own world or more obsessed with other people. I can’t put my finger on it.  My single biggest regret is not spending time with the people who helped make and shape me into the guy I am today. We see each other at Christmas, perhaps on a birthday or a special occasion, but very rarely have I visited them simply from ‘I miss you’ point of view.  When I sat there with my mum, brother and his wife the other day, It just hit me like a tonne of bricks that I felt like i’d missed about 10 years of life without them. 

When I went to see my mum she presented me with a bag with two gifts wrapped in Christmas paper..... “Merry Christmas Son..” she said. 

This was the first Christmas In 35 years I am without my mum...my brother....my family. She genuinely looked so sad and this is where things flipped in my head and started to feel what she might be feeling..... I was her baby boy and I was going far away and she couldn’t do anything to stop me......just give me her well wishes. I could feel what she was feeling and this just made me break down. My mum is genuinely scared that when I get on that plane, she will never see her baby boy again! 

However, the biggest emotional hit was to come. I’d missed a present in the bag, like the moment was set for 300% drama increase. My mum and my bro told me to reach into the bag again and open something I had missed. I opened the wrapping and there it was, a family album.  

Every single page that turned was like an emotional punch in the face, memories coming back.... moments i’d forgot existed and moments i didn’t even realise happen or even captured. I previously had perhaps 1 or 2 personal photos of my dad but now I had many. It was incredible....amazing but it also made me feel a little angry and sorry that i’d not given more to these people when i’d given so much to other people in my life. 

My Mum (Julie) & Dad (Dick)

These two as a couple were amazing. Always full of banter and constantly taking the pi** out of each other. I remember just being in awe of them when I was a kid because of how much they showed love to each other.  

My dad was a painter & decorator & my mum worked at the primary school I attended.

Back when my mum was just 15, she had a horrendous accident where she was kicked in the head by a horse. She was in a coma....

What she had to suffer with for the next 10 years wasn’t pleasant. Unfortunately from the accident half her face was smashed up and she lost an eye and received some lasting effects in other areas. My mum had no sense of taste or smell. The poor woman also spent the years where most ladies are starting to really experience life, with people staring at her, calling her names and having to feel normal like everyone else. 

What my mum probably doesn’t realise is how inspirational she really is, and only wish i’d shown her this more. 

Can you imagine after this accident what she would least like to do as a career or hobby? HORSE RIDING right?

Well the crazy lady not only continued her love for horses despite the accident, she went onto be a fully qualified horse riding instructor for several years. I’ve grown up spending my times on farms with these powerful beasts who need to be respected but WOW was my mum both brave and just incredible for achieving what she did given the circumstance.  

Unfortunately when my dad died......so did a huge part of my mum and I think this is the biggest reason I’ve distanced myself. My mum was depressed and in a way, probably still is. You never truly realise how much you miss or love something until it’s gone. I just struggled to cope with that sadness and be there for her how she probably needed. 

My dad....well this guy was my hero. He was a proper man’s man who had a temper and didn’t hold back when dealing with things. 

His friends called him Dick (His name was Frederick) - which as you can imagine going through school with a dad called ‘Dick’ was ....erm......fun. 

Even better when people used to say “So.....Julie loves Dick??? Your mum loves Dick”   Ok ........it’s funny! 

Dicky boy was quite old in terms of going into fatherhood and was older than all the other dads, but he did his utmost to make sure I was looked after and entertained. He was my biggest fan and also my biggest critic.  A Coventry FC football fan, and a lover of Pamela Anderson’s boobs on Baywatch! That was a proper Father & Son bonding programme hahahaha. 

My dad always gave me and my bro two pieces of advice.....

1. Never date or marry a woman with horses - your life is done

2. Never date a woman with big boobs. You’ll have the endless struggle of both staring at them yourself and to watch the rest of the world look at them too. 

Sage advice Father, but myself and my brother have chosen to ignore at least one of them. 

I miss that man every single day and I only wish he could be alive to meet Fran and make my mum happy all over again. 

Finally, i’ll get onto my brother, Shaun.

We are so very different in so many ways but at the same time so similar! Right now is the closest we have ever been, which again is a little sad given the time I’ve chosen to move away. 

(Blurry drunken fun with Shaun last year)

When we became teenagers, it was clear that we didn’t get on that well. Because we have different interests and different personalities we clashed and it led to fighting over friends and time spent in local pubs (We lived in a tiny village where friends were few)

As I got into my 20′s I started to need my bro more and lean on him more when I needed advice or help. Like me.. he had quite a few relationships and experiences in his 20′s but then he met someone who turned his life around. 

Shaun became a husband and a father figure to four young children.  He might not have his own kids but he has played such a big part in making sure all four have turned out amazing.  They all look up to him and have the most incredible bond. Shaun, if you read this..... you really should be proud of who you are and the guy you’ve become. Some blood fathers can’t do anything for their kids or won’t even see their kids, yet you’ve devoted time, money and most of all unconditional love to children that aren’t yours. You’re an incredible guy.

(Here’s my bro’s wedding and his clan from a few years back)

I am so very lucky to have this family around me and I deeply regret not doing more for them, but in turn I hope I can be just like them in what they’ve achieved in family life....and make them proud on my travels & in life. 

Cheers to my family, and cheers to yours. 

Pride

This is the fic for @lesbian-asajj from the @starwarsminiexchange (Sorry it’s a bit late, life happened today and I forgot to queue!) But here it is! I hope you enjoy! 

...

“Obi-Wan,” Asajj purred, “What could you possibly need me for at this time of night?” She put a hand to her hip in mock attitude and leaned against the small table she was standing at. In truth, she was a bit relieved to find it was Obi-Wan searching her out and not Skywalker or another Order member. The musky lower-level bar buzzed with life, but it seemed like there was a bubble around her and Obi-Wan. No one came near them, as if it was highly risky if they did. But they were the most dangerous beings in the bar.  

She watched as Obi-Wan stroked his beard before humming, “Well, I do have a mission that I need some… particular assistance with. But—”

“And Skywalker can’t help you?” She pursed her lips, almost with distain. But Skywalker was a good Jedi, and was as close to a brother to Obi-Wan.

“Anakin is…” He searched for the right word, “predisposed on a current runaround.”

Asajj gave a cheeky grin and leaned in closer, “So now you need me.”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, “Exactly.”

Asajj hummed, “So what’s in it for me?” She wasn’t about to do a job without getting paid. A woman had to make her living somehow.

“A gift now, and payment later,” Obi-Wan reached behind his back.

“A gift? What am I supposed to do with some gift? And how about half of the payment now, you’re the one coming to me.” Even though Asajj enjoyed Obi-Wan’s presence more than she enjoyed most other people, she still wasn’t about to get ripped off by the kriffing Jedi Council and their funded money.

Obi-Wan smiled genuinely, “I believe this gift is rather priceless, so again, payment after.”

He produced an extremely familiar curved piece of metal and held it out for her to take, “Now, it’s just one. But I convinced the Council to let you keep it after this is all over.”

Asajj was stunned, letting her hand hover reverently above the hilt. But then she stopped. “Why?” Her icy eyes bore into Obi-Wan.

“There’s no catch, Jedi’s Honor.” He moved it closer to her.

She narrowed her eyes. She had been a Sith apprentice and had done terrible things in the name of that title, but she had been pardoned for her crimes and turned her life around doing odd jobs here and there. She deserved this piece of her life back.

She reached out and took the hilt gently.

It still felt… right in her hands. It felt alive in a way. It made her feel more alive. More capable. And definitely more confident.

“Fine. Payment later.” She clutched the lightsaber hilt and waved for him to follow her.

They walked through the bar, oddly looking more like a couple than business partners. Obi-Wan following almost too closely behind Asajj. She didn’t mind, and apparently, he didn’t either. It felt to her as if Obi-Wan was just closely watching her back. Which was honestly rather appealing to a loner like herself.

They stepped outside into the muggy evening, few people passed by but paid no attention to the obvious Jedi standing with a bounty hunter in the roadway. Apparently, business as usual.

They walked silently for a couple of blocks before turning into a side alley way at the same time.

“So, you obviously need this mission discussed away from prying eyes and ears.” Asajj turned to Obi-Wan, finally clipping the lightsaber onto her belt. “What is it that you’re having us accomplish here?”

Obi-Wan visibly relaxed, as his posture fell slightly, “Truthfully, I’m glad you’ve at least agreed to hear me out.” He waved his hand dismissively, “The Council was wary about asking you to help, but since your time with Ahsoka… well, you were a big help with her. And Anakin and I are truly in your debt. So I appreciate it… first and foremost.”

“Obi-Wan,” Asajj rolled her eyes, “Listen, we’re not here for sentimentalities. Tano made her choice and it’s not your fault or Skywalker’s fault. Get over it. It’s done.” She made a step towards him like she was going to grab his collar, but then stopped herself. “We’re here now. Live in it.”

Obi-Wan’s mouth open and closed like he wanted to say something, but didn’t. He blinked a couple of times and furrowed his eyebrows before finally sputtering out, “Erm, thank… thank you, Asajj.”

“Don’t mention it.” She looked away from him and eyed the alley before stating, “I scratch your back, you scratch mine.”

“You don’t mean that.” She could hear the doubt in his voice.

She turned back to look at him, straight in the eyes. “You know I do, Obi-Wan. I have to. This. Is. What. I. Do.” She jabbed her finger into his chest with poignancy. “Now, can we please get to the mission debrief. I’m about to walk away if this talk gets any more… personal.”

Obi-Wan shook his head with slight exasperation. A movement she had seen used on Skywalker multiple times. “Fine. The mission.” He paused, “But don’t think you’re getting out of that conversation so easily. I know you don’t see anybody you used to be close with any more, and Jedi are the only Force users you know now.”

This time she did grab his collar and snarled.

“Right right,” Obi-Wan put up his hands, “the mission.”

She let go of him with her lip still curled, “Get on with it.”

“We need to infiltrate Dooku’s ship,” Obi stated matter-of-factly.

Asajj raised an eyebrow, “You’re serious?”

“Only if you’re willing.”

She pursed her lips and thought it over, “Why?”

“He has one of our own.” Obi-Wan stroked his beard again, “Usually it’s Grievous, but this time is different. We think he wants something more than just another Jedi rushing in.”

“And you think it involves me?” Asajj crossed her arms.

Obi-Wan nodded, “Both Yoda and Windu saw—”

Asajj scoffed, “Kriff what Yoda and Windu saw in some vision. What do you think?”

“I think… I think that it might involve something to do with you, but he hasn’t sent any kind of transmission asking for you in particular.” Obi-Wan looked away from Asajj for the first time. “But I also think you’re our best chance of getting in and out.” His sky-blue eyes met her icy ones again.

There was a sense of… something. Asajj couldn’t put her finger on it. Nobody had ever looked at her this way, except for Tano that one time. But even then, the emotion was gone on her face almost as soon as it showed up. It lingered on Obi-Wan’s face though, like he wanted her to know something.

She couldn’t help but accept the mission, seeing that Obi-Wan look at her like that.

“I’ll do it.” She nodded once.

A sad smile passed over his face, “Are you sure?”

“If it helps you, I’ll do it.”

Obi-Wan placed a hand on her shoulder, “I know it’s Dooku’s ship, and I know you have some negative feelings about that, but we’re not there to kill. Just to get in, rescue Master Rancis, and get out.”

“Nothing spectacular,” Asajj pointed out, “as Skywalker would say.”

Obi-Wan chuckled, “Yes, just another mission. Don’t get caught up in who’s ship.”

“If the Count wants me there, then I’m staying.”

“Asajj, don’t.” Obi-Wan’s smile disappeared.

“Listen,” Asajj shook her head, this was the best plan she could think of, “If he wants me there, then I’m your distraction. Even if he doesn’t want me there, with this,” she unclipped the lightsaber and held it in his face, “I’m still a distraction.”

“You will not.”

Asajj had never really seen Obi-Wan frustrated, but she could hear it in his voice.

“Too bad.”

“Asajj—”

“I don’t want your sympathy, Obi-Wan. I just want to help you now. So let me.”

That look appeared on Obi-Wan’s face again, “Okay. Okay, but we do this together.”

Asajj finally registered what the emotion was. Pride. He was proud. A warmth ran through her and a smile twisted onto her face.

“Deal.”

Life Without You-Chapter 1

Drunk driving. I always knew Stan had had a drinking problem like his father, but for him to drive while under the influence, was something I wouldn't have expected him to do. He was heavily depressed, but he wasn't fucking dumb.

I remembered last night clear as crystal water. It was a New Year's Eve party at Token Black's house, the rich kid. Stan, who was perfectly fine before he went, had asked me if I wanted to go. I declined, saying that my mom would flip if she even thought there was any drinking, drugs, or sex there. I had no idea that would be the last time I would ever see him.

Stan was a night owl, so I was surprised that he never texted me after the party. I heard it on the news the next day that there had been an accident which resulted in one death of a teenage boy. After a few minutes of the news man talking about the damage of the crash, the name was revealed of the person who had died.

I'll remember those words for the rest of my life.

"Unfortunately, there was one death in the crash. The person has been identified as 17 year old Stanley Marsh."

I called Kenny right away. He answered back with the cell phone he had, the one that Stan had bought him for his birthday. Since his dad made a fairly good living under his persona as Lorde, Stan's family had a few bucks to spare. So what had Stan decided to do with the money? Buy his poor friend not just a cell phone, but a nice cell phone at that.

"Did you hear?" I asked in a panicked state, tears falling down my face.

"Hear what?" Kenny asked.

"About the car accident!"

"Yeah, I heard the guy who was in it got killed. Glad it wasn't me for once." Kenny laughed. It was hard for Kenny to take death seriously unless it was someone close to him, as he himself had died so many times in various ways.

"That guy was Stan, Kenny. Stan's dead."

All I heard was silence after that.

"Kenny? Kenny?"

Nothing. The sound of nothing.

Eventually the call hung up on the other end. I normally would have been irritated about someone hanging up on me without even saying goodbye (I was always big on manners), but I didn't even care.

I realized there was one other person I should call.

Cartman.

I contemplated the idea for a moment. Would Cartman even care? Oh fuck it, I needed to cry on someone's shoulder. Even if it was the fat shoulder of the biggest piece of shit I knew.

"Cart-Cartman?"

"What's up, Jew?" Cartman answered.

"Stan's dead."

"You're shitting me, right Kahl?"

"No Cartman! He's dead! I saw it on the news this morning. He- he's gone…"

"Damn… Dude, that's rough."

And here it came. The 'your little boyfriend is dead Kahl, neh neh heh heh heh heh, heh heh heh heh heh heh.' The more I thought about it, the more I regretted even fucking calling this bastard.

Cartman took a slow breath and said something that shocked me.

"I'm sorry, dude."

I was tempted to ask Cartman if he had gotten bitten by any woodland critters to make sure he didn't have rabies. Sorry? Cartman actually feels bad? Sure, he's apologized before, but those were always fake and were just to save his own ass. Since Stan had been the definition of an emotionally unstable teenager, I had learned a lot about how to read people's feelings over the course of our friendship. I could tell Cartman's apology was actually… genuine. He actually felt bad. I still steered on the side of caution however.

"If you're doing this just so you can turn around and laugh at my despair, at least don't make me wait too long to hear it."

"Kahl, I'm sorry about Stan. I know you guys were close. That's all I have to say this time. Do you really think I'm that heartless?"

I answered truthfully. "Yes?"

"Well I'm not, okay? Just don't tell anyone I've been like this with you, or else I will literally rip your balls off."

I smiled wryly. I had a feeling this would be the last time any of us would ever have a somewhat normal conversation.

"Shut up, fatass."

"I guess I'll see you at skewl, Kahl."

"Wait!" Oh God what was I doing? "Can I uh, come over? I just need someone right now." Did I just ask my arch enemy if I could go over to his fucking house?

"Sure bro. What about Kenny though? Wouldn't you prefer him over me?"

"Kenny's too distraught. All I heard after I told him was heavy breathing. Then he hung up."

"What a poor asshole."

"Cartman, not now."

"Fine. For you, Kahl, for you."

"Bye Cartman. I'll be over in a few minutes."

"Bye Kahl."

I told my mom I was going to Cartman's house. She was in tears. She had always thought Stan was good for me.

"Okay Bubby," she said.

"Bye ma," I said in a vacant tone."

"Bye Kyle."

I took the walk to Cartman's house. I was the only one out of my friends to not have a proper driver's license yet. But then again, the walk never bothered me much. Stan was all about natural means of transportation, for the environment. But he did have asthma, so it would of killed him to have to walk long distances. I shuddered in my footsteps. Erm, maybe 'killed' was the wrong word.

When I got to Cartman's house and knocked on the door, I met the face of his mother, Liane.

"Hi sweetie, I heard about your friend Stan. I'm so sorry. Are you here to see Eric?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright, he's upstairs in his room."

"Thanks."

When I got to Cartman's door, I asked softly if I could come in. Normally I would have been more brash, but I didn't have the energy that day. Hearing about your best friend's death could do that to you.

"Come in, Kahl."

"Hey fatass."

"Hey Jewboy," said Cartman. He was on his computer.

"Can I sit down on the bed?"

"Yeah sure, whatever."

"Th-thanks."

"Damn, you must be wrecked."

"I know, I stuttered to you. I never do that. But it's just this one time, fatso."

"Well, not just that, but you forgot to come out your wild jew hair. It's a fucking mess, dude."

"Thanks for the compliment," I said sarcastically.

"Anytime."

I realized something. Talking to Cartman was , actually helping alleviate some of the stress. The pain would always be there, but something about hurling insults to each other out of the blue made me feel like things could be somewhat normal again. I was usually more for a bad reality than a good lie, but I had never pictured this. So I could take the lie right about now.

Cartman must have noticed my eyes light up a slight bit.

"You seem rather happy to talk to me, Kahl. I thought I was, in your words, 'the fattest fucking piece of shit in the world'. What, you into scat or something."

"You son of a bitch, Cartman, why do you have to ruin every moment you touch?" After saying that, I laughed.

I can't believe it. Cartman made me laugh. On what I would definitely consider the world day of my life, hearing Cartman's voice, out of all people, made me fucking laugh. It made me happy. God that sounded gay.

We sat and talked about our favorite moments with Stan. Well, it was mostly my favorite moments. Cartman just sat and listened while he played his computer game.

"What was your favorite moment with Stan?"

"Probably watching you two fight over the name of that frozen guy you found. Plus, it when he said I was his new best friend for like, a day. I know it didn't last long, but at least I had a best friend for a little while…"

Damn my sympathy for even the worst of people. My best friend in the entire world died last night, and here I was feeling sorry for this fat piece of shit.

Cartman continued, "At least you had a best friend, Kahl. The closest person I have to that is Kenny, and between him trying to figure out what he's gonna do with himself and Karen when he gets out of high school, and fucking dying all the time, he's not exactly available most of the time.

God Dammit, Cartman, I thought. Leave it to the guy to make everything all about him. There could be a full fledged second holocaust and he would find a way to make it look like he was the one suffering from it.

"Well, I guess the difference is that my friend isn't coming back," I said, getting a little irritated.

"I guess what I'm saying is that, be glad you have the memories. I'll never have those."

"I think I should go now," I said, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. I could deal with a Cartman family sob story at the moment.

"See you around, Jew," said Cartman."

"See ya," I said, a blank look on my face. I walk-ran out of Cartman's room and down the stairs.

"Did you have a good visit with Eric?" Liane asked me.

"Yeah," I said quickly.

"That's good. Bye sweetie."

I didn't answer back as I went out the front door.

I must be going crazy after hearing about Stan's death. Because as I walked home, I was actually in deep thought about something Cartman had said to me. The words swirled in my head.

'Be glad you have the memories. I'll never have those.'

Coffee Maker Review 2018

Some weeks again, a reader contacted me inquisitive about understanding if i’ve but attempted the staresso manual coffee maker, as he modified into deliberating buying it and have become inquisitive about my mind. i’d no longer tried it, so i responded to allow him realize i’d purchase it and allow him realize – alongside facet a evaluate on the weblog.

that may be a pump motion manual coffee maker, it’s not the nice one in each of its kind, there’s handpresso, handpresso wild hybrid,  wacoco minipresso & the newer nanopresso – which even works with nespresso & nespresso like minded pods – and there are quite a few extra guide pump operated espresso makers too. i don’t claim to recognize which came first, the hen or the egg, or handpresso or wacoco and so on., but certainly those varieties of guide portable espresso makers were round multiple years now. i bear in mind seeing minipresso more than one years once more and questioning, hmm, i bet that doesn’t paintings very well – i assume i used to be incorrect, definitely, however except, i’ve been wrong earlier than in order that’s no massive deal ;-).

staresso seem to be quite a piece exceptional than the opposite designs i’ve visible, they appear a great deal less “flasky” than a number of the others available in the marketplace that include a plastic flask cup kind affair. there’s a cortado glass type espresso machine cup which fits into the lowest detail, and it’s additionally provided not just as a portable coffee maker, but additionally as a cappuccino maker, with the declare that it additionally froths the milk, which i found very thrilling!

so, i purchased it – lamentably, it took almost three weeks to come back – which reminded me of why i commonly buy the entirety on amazon ;-), however it came in the long run – so without similarly ado…

staresso coffee maker evaluation. unboxing and first impressions. unboxing staresso manual espresso maker

my first thoughts on searching at the container itself, after which beginning it to retrieve the staresso, are truly correct. i’m impressed through the use of the first-rate of the field, the way it's been packed, the lack of excessive packing substances – adequate the plastic bag in all likelihood isn’t wished, they could take away that or use compostable paper or some thing, but i’ve visible a ways worse.

the unit itself comes entire, there’s very little meeting to do – and it appears and feels honestly immoderate great.

i simply like the glass, i’d likely purchase it just for this – how sad am i?? 😉 it’s a actually tremendous thick walled cortado glass type thing, and if they supplied the ones separately i’d purchase a number of them, adore it.

it’s all really self-explanatory in terms of a way to apply it, i had a glance on the manual – but i didn’t experience compelled to look at it, it’s honestly easy.

it comes with a bit cleansing brush detail, and a spare rubber gasket, all specific – the first-rate factor i used to be a bit disappointed with on first inspection changed into the interior track/tamper, which is flimsy, turned into nearly oval customary whilst getting it from the field, and doesn’t look as much as an lousy lot as a tamper.

but other than that, truely inspired, all seems appropriate, and keen to give it a go.

staresso manual coffee maker all the bits and portions how the staresso seems even as you are taking it all aside.

first try – luke warm coffee all people? first coffee from staresso guide pump coffee maker.

i’ve used guide coffee makers before, consisting of aptitude and rok, so i ought to have stated that i’d want to pre-warmness the whole lot, in any other case i’d become with coffee which isn’t warm sufficient, and additionally this will have an effect on the extraction, so cool espresso isn’t the quality.

however i forgot, and that i simply went in advance and pumped out an espresso with everything cold – and the end result turned into precisely that, luke heat espresso. crema appeared right sufficient, flavor wasn’t lousy both in reality, but it became in reality no longer particularly heat at all, now not the best.

so, i then pre-warmed the entirety, such as my new preferred glass ;-), the brew chamber, the pump, the whole thing – only for 30 seconds or so in water simply off the boil – did it over again, and this time – wow, plenty higher!

the grind became a chunk at the coarse aspect, have become a chunk under extracted, so i needed to tweak and dial in, but as soon as i did that, i was in truth impressed by way of the espresso i used with the intention to produce by means of the usage of hand with the staresso.

a few element else i puzzled about, was whether you can slap a nespresso pod in there, whether or no longer the strain will be enough to pierce the foil, it wasn’t (even though i didn’t strive lavazza, they art work a chunk otherwise so i have to have tried that) – however just out of hobby, i tried establishing multiple nespresso espresso pods and the use of the floor coffee from these within the staresso portafilter, and erm – positive – this labored perfectly, honestly inspired. so if you do get this form of,  and if you don’t have a grinder in any other case you’re in an excessive amount of of a rush to grind, you’d be adequate chucking a few nespresso pods or nespresso compatible pods for your bag – then just open the foil, tip the pod over and vicinity it in the staresso filter out, tap it – and cast off it. i discovered that  nespresso coffee pods just slightly over-crammed the clear out, so i brushed the extra off, and then tamped it with the plastic scoop tamper (that's crap, i’ll get onto that during a minute), and pumped as normal.

if you’re using two nespresso pods or compatibles in line with brew on this – then it’s not the cheapest, even though if you’re shopping for a number of the cheaper compatibles for about 25p every, 50p isn’t lousy.

frothing milk? properly – type of… cappuccino via staresso manual espresso maker. i made this with the staresso, which consist of the coffee and the frothed milk. seems adequate, but it’s luke heat, too cold for me to even trouble consuming, to be honest.

one of the claims of the advertising bumf of the staresso is that it’ll froth milk too, so it’s a portable manual cappuccino or latte maker.

properly, sure – it truly works, form of. you are taking the pump detail off, positioned this into the milk and pump to create the air, to create the froth, and it does sort of artwork.

however…

it’s sluggish, its a faff – and also you come to be with luke heat latte. i wouldn’t call it cappuccino, i couldn’t get it frothed enough for that, i’d name it latte, perhaps even cortado for the cause that the glass looks as if a cortado, relying at the espresso to milk ratio – but it’s allow down via the truth that by the point you’ve messed about frothing it, it’s quite luke heat.

in case you had a tenting range and you could froth it while it’s however being warmed, then that may match – no matter the fact that i’d actually say be very careful faffing approximately trying to froth milk at the same time as you’re heating it, as that looks like an coincidence geared up to arise!

in my opinion, if i desired to froth milk on the skip i’d genuinely shove a battery operated whisk kind milk frother in my bag, just like the nicely vintage ikea milk frothers, for multiple quid, or a snazzy model which includes the sedhoom or the ozeri deluxe – those are less complicated, there’s a good deal less faffing, they’re faster – and they’re able to thicker foam if you’re looking to make that sort of foam for a cappuccino.

the quality to sum up what’s splendid about the staresso, i assume it’s a properly constructed manual coffee maker, it feels and appears pinnacle exceptional. the nice of the coffee i think is in truth appropriate, so long as you pre-warm the whole lot. it’s pretty mild, it’s brief and easy to clean, and i certainly similar to the glass that includes it – i some distance determine upon ingesting from a tumbler than ingesting from a plastic lid-cup.

the horrible the tamper scoop is horrible. aside from the reality it’s made from flimsy plastic, it’s too small… simply it’s no longer that tough to make sure that the tamper scoop is the right size for the clear out? it’s no longer without a doubt ever so slightly too small each, it’s way too small, i had to glide it around and tamp a few times in an attempt to tamp the general ground of the p.c.. if i used to be keeping this (i’m not – i’m giving it away, greater on that quick) i would be looking for a few issue else to use.

as i cited in advance, frothing milk with the pump is a pleasing idea, however it doesn’t actually paintings, it’s too much of a faff, takes to long, and the milk cools down too much in at the same time as you’re at it, which means you come to be with lukewarm latte.

hints for the usage of the staresso portable coffee maker pre-warming. simply pour hot water into the chamber, close to it up, wait 20-30 seconds, after which pump the new water thru into the cup. go away the cup to heat up for 10-20 seconds or so, then pour it all out. yeah this gives a minute or as a way to the method, however your coffee might be higher extracted and hotter, as a give up end result.

pumping. don’t push the pump all the way down, in reality prevent barely in advance than it's far going all of the way in, the reason i say that is that during case you pump it all of the manner into the groove each time, i used to be locating that every now and then i through chance became the pump slightly and it goes into the locked close to role, and you lose momentum whilst you’re searching for to release it.

nespresso pods. as i stated in advance, i used to be actually stimulated with how nicely the staresso did with the floor coffee from nespresso pods. i just opened the foil, tipped the coffee in, after which tamped. i did use two pods despite the fact that, i don’t suppose one is probably sufficient.

in which to buy the staresso? it’s about £45 quid right here on amazon, to be had on amazon high.

i typically buy the whole thing from amazon, i have amazon prime, so i look for the blue tick to affirm that high is available for that product, so i am getting unfastened subsequent day (generally) transport. it amazes me every now and then, i’ll order a few element on a saturday and get it on sunday, having said that i’d be greater than glad to attend an afternoon or  longer if that made for a nicer & greater comfortable going for walks surroundings and plenty much less stress & stress for his or her frame of workers!

however this time, i broke from lifestyle, it grow to be on offer at sportspursuit.com for quite a piece less luxurious, however it took nearly 3 weeks to reach, and i were given no conversation from them in any respect approximately the order. it became just a case of pay for it, wait, it’ll come subsequently. a totally amazing enjoy from ordering from amazon, and without a doubt jogs my memory why i normally purchase from amazon. not that i’m pronouncing all on-line shops except amazon are gradual, of direction.

lifestyles is sort of a container of goodies, so follow me on twitter, instagram & fb and that’s all i have to mention approximately that.

Thoughts on the “Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure” English dub. Episode ten.

I have spent the whole day feeling excited about this and its ironic as I do think Battle Tendency has the weakest plot to date (as well as the worst title I mean Battle Tendency...a story of men and...their tendency to battle...) I can’t say I hate it though. its not my least favorite either that would be impossible as it stars my favorite character, Joseph. it also features other characters I love like Lisa Lisa, Caesar, and Kars. the way I’d best describe BT is its got some of the series’s best characters and is comprised of some great moments that are strung together by a weak thread.

as far as the dub itself and my experience with it, I have heard some clips from a few years back. I remember everyone flipped their shit over Ben Diskin being cast as Joseph given his work in shows like Codename Kids Next Door and Hey Arnold and when I first heard his voice, well it was footage from a convention where the audience’s cheers drowned out his voice pretty significantly. but I was shocked Joseph had an English accent because I never read his dialogue in that way. its embarrassing to admit, but I forgot he was stated to be English and always assumed he had an American accent. whoops. I still read his dialogue in an American accent honestly. then I saw one or two other clips and just didn’t like what I heard, but that was years ago and my mind is open now and I want to give him a chance. also something I wanna say regarding him as Umino in Sailor Moon is while I don’t like the voice at all I do believe he was just doing what people told him to do. I don’t blame him for that.

also he voiced Fiore in the new dub for the Sailor Moon R movie so yay I get to hear him have homoerotic subtext with Tuxedo Mask when I sit down to watch that

anyway, let’s go

the first person we see is Speedwagon, I like that he became an oil tycoon somehow and we just roll with it

Straizo is here and yeah he’s here

stone masks, stone masks everywhere

and a stone homosexual

for a moment I expected the intro

okay so Smokey is voiced by Robbie Daymond. I’ll say this now, would it hurt people to hire black actors to voice black characters? because I know Avdol got the same treatment

also I wish Araki didn’t give him this name. I get that Smokey Brown is a reference to Smokey Robinson and James Brown, but when I first read BT and saw his name I was like “....I’m sorry WHAT!?”

“all right, by your accent I’d say you’re in from England” a piece of information my dumb ass didn’t pick up on the first time

also you mean to tell me Coke wasn’t sold in 1930s England?

erm well actually I do know in wartime Great Britain people had to ration everything so...its possible this is true

then again this is Coco Cola, a subsidiary of Bepsi

I appreciate this man using words like “mook”

its sad how realistic the cops assaulting Smokey is

$20 every week in depression era New York was genuinely a lot of money

six and a half foot, Joseph is taller than Jonathan

damn

also Joseph sounds more posh than Jonathan did, its ironic

and he got called a limey, again the accuracy on these insults

kick his ass baby I got your flower

I have a big thing for the way characters are introduced to us and I love that the first thing Joseph does is beat the shit out of a racist cop

like no one else in this series has an introduction this good

enjoy Coke!

“he beat down two cops, but is scared of his grandma?” hey now his grandma is armed with an umbrella!

“his dad who died in the war didn’t have any talents like that” so I always forget Jorge II was a person who existed, like I swear sometimes it feels like Lisa Lisa got pregnant by the Force or something

“his mom was gone too” :c

meanwhile, back in the ruins

flashback time!

so yeah the anime changed Joseph’s Superman comic into a Baoh the Visitor manga and I kinda don’t care despite the fact that this means Araki is a character within his own series and was writing in the 1930s

Speedwagon is still the best exposition man

also God he’s acting like he’s gonna summon Star Platinum or some shit, Joseph you’re like twelve

and here is the first airplane crash Joseph survived

“why can’t you ever just think things through Jojo?” because

“he may have his grandfather’s face, but he’s far from being a gentleman” this brings up something interesting, Joseph looks like Jonathan on purpose

let me elaborate, Joseph was designed to look like Jonathan because Araki didn’t want readers to feel like this was a different manga suddenly (he says so in the back of the first BT manga volume). he has admitted he wishes he made them look more different, which is why he draws Joseph with goggles now and why the anime gave Joseph and Jonathan different hair (though Jonathan’s hair is brown in the games so I don’t think it had to be blue here)

I say all this because this was an intentional decision and not the results of Araki’s art style limiting his design choices

dammit Straizo

he’s doing his best Palpatine by thinking Joseph needs to develop hate within him

“he was powerful, he was beautiful, he was immortal” friendly reminder its canon that Dio’s hot

its also canon all the Jojos are hot, don’t deny it

your over confidence is your weakness Straizo

I love Joseph’s hearing gag

also this fandom has not let me know rest since I made this post about it and I’m fine with that

“the Joestar family, reduced to a grandmother and her grandson” not for long, though it will never be this simple again

“was Speedwagon REALLY grandpa’s best friend, is that all there was?” wow subtle

every allusion to Lisa Lisa is making me sad

for what its worth I’m happy Araki had racism in New York be an actual thing, like too many people assume its purely a Southern issue and that’s really just a lie people tell to make themselves feel better

“people are entitled to their opinions, but this misbegotten oaf has given public insult to our friend. be mindful of the other guests now, but teach him a lesson” best grandma ever

baby’s first “next you’ll say”

Joseph’s a goldmine for running gags

this scene really does play out like a fake tumblr post

I do like Joseph’s voice more than I expected, though so far he hasn’t done his really silly stuff yet but I look forward to that (can’t wait for Tequila Joseph)

I wonder if Irene’s Cafe is a reference to Gorgeous Irene

“do you think this is true, can girls really make them bigger? ooh!” if you have to ask you’ll never know

Straizo just looks so done with Joseph’s shit

he just has a machine gun, just tucked away all discreetly, I love Joseph

I like Roundabout as the BT closing, but part of me wishes it got a song of its own

tune in next time where Joseph wins the Olympic gold for sprinting