can't write trans yashiro meta without writing down the bisexuality meta first, can't write the bisexuality meta without bringing up transgender reading. oh the misery

hey hannah! hope you're well <3 could you write about having a study session with charlie dalton? im studying rn and i cant stop thinking about him lol

LOVING IS EASY

pairing: charlie dalton x reader

word count: 0.7k

a/n: hii anon! here u go :) GOOD LUCK WITH UR STUDYING BBY MWAMWAS

masterlist

charlie knows where the extent of his intelligence is. he wasn't as much of a genius as meeks but he wasn't dumb either. he only felt the need to study when it was really necessary. mostly, he'd rather spend his time with you, the other poets, or playing the saxophone.

when he met you though, he's come to love studying more and more. he loves lying on your carpet on the ground beside you with a bunch of textbooks sprawled out in front of you. he adored the little snacks your mom would bring in the middle of your studying with a grin on her face, saying you'll accomplish more with a full stomach. he always liked staying at your place more than his. besides, your dad's starting to like him.

sometimes, when you’re helping him find the answer to a seemingly impossible maths problem that’s stumping the both of you, he'd opt to stare at you instead of focusing on the task at hand. he’d watch you chew on your pen, angrily ramble about how it all makes no sense, scribble formulas that he’s sure aren’t the right ones, and listen to how pretty your voice sounds. he’d ease his cheeks into his arms that were crossed on the floor and nod his head to everything you’d say, occasionally flipping the pages to put on the guise of knowing what you’re talking about. he knows by the end of the day, he’ll distract you and avoid you two from achieving anything.

while you were busy marking your latin notes to their respective places, and to give charlie an easier time reading it all when he needs to, you heard a soft thump! to your right. charlie, whom you thought was also doing the same thing you were, at least was doing the same thing, had now decided to slump further onto the carpet. ‘that’s gotta hurt.’ you wondered, slightly wincing before poking his cheek. his brain was getting fried from all this studying.

“i don’t understand how this could possibly be used in the future. when will i ever say ‘quid est tempestas hodie?’” he whined. you do have to agree, when will you use latin? you shrugged and just guessed it would come in handy one day.

“don’t be like that! latin is fun! imagine how many swear words you could say and no one outside of welton would understand you.”

“then what’s the point? most of the people i want to say ‘stercore manducare’ to is from hellton.” 

“it can’t be that bad!”

“enroll and find out then, it’ll make me very happy if you do that.” he batted his eyelashes and puckered his lips, his face contorted into a silly expression, making smooching sounds to your dismay.

you giggled and pushed him away in a joking matter, “stop, you’re making me lose focus!”

charlie feigned hurt as he let out a huff, turning to lie on his back and raised a hand to his forehead. “the world is treating me bad, misery! my darling has finally cracked and can now ignore the un-ignorable me!” it was like he was reciting a poem. it always made you laugh whenever he did that. his sudden outbursts of poetical literacy always successfully being able to lift up your spirits.

“i’m getting sick of the floor, let’s study in bed instead! it’ll help us think better.” he cheekily proclaims, trying his best to persuade you. it didn’t take much convincing for him to get you to do anything. how could you ever pass up any opportunity with charlie? so inevitably, you would give in and you’d end up in bed, supposedly studying with a textbook in between your blanket covered legs. you could already see yourself waking up only to realise that you fell asleep. with charlie spooning you and your notes haphazardly scattered onto the floor.

you continued jotting down useful information both you and charlie could use when examination arrives, and he continued admiring you trying to write down on an uneven surface. it didn’t take long for charlie to realise that in every version he imagined himself as, he saw you in each one. he loved being nuwanda with you. because with you, loving is easy.

© sorencd . 2023 ─ do not copy, repost, translate or claim any of my works as your own.

i binged mo in like 2 days omg... i feel like a walking zombie rn how am I supposed to go on AAAAAA my heart is pounding LIKE??? it gave me SOO MANY EMOTIONS CRYINGGGGG this is The Atla Fic Ever

but more importantly, I just want to say that this fic is changing my perspective on religion. im athiest, and quite honestly I've never been able to truly understand religion. I'm a strong believer in science, so religion just has never made sense to me. reading mo though, and connecting with a character who believes so deeply in his religion, and seeing how overall, religion is meant to provide guidance to understanding the world and forming morals, I feel like I've grown a lot of respect for religion in general

it's still hard for me, because a lot of my experiences with religion (or I should say, christianity/catholicism specifically- I feel like I should make it clear that I don't judge people for following religion, I just have never seen/understood the appeal) have been with people around me who are religious and therefore very homophobic or anti-abortion etc. I'm not trying to start political discourse ofc, but experiencing that consistently has not really put religion in a positive perspective for me

but reading mo and taking lots of time to think about religion in general, and how I do have friends who are religious and still supportive of lgbtq+ ppl, or who are even queer themselves, I feel like maybe I've grown as a person to become more open minded towards religion. when someone tells me they're christian, honestly I find myself closing up around them. I don't want to make it obvious I'm queer because I feel like they'll judge or disapprove. but I think that's an unfair assumption to make

I think religion, and how it ties into a people's culture and history, is beautiful. I worry that I'll always be wary around christianity, but I'll continue trying to keep an open mind. I understand now that the original beliefs of a religion and the actions of some of its followers are not one in the same, and that the teachings of a religion can call for peace while some followers ignore this. I realize that I should not judge an entire religion simply because there are some practicers who deliberately misinterpret the original teachings

I know the religions in mo are not quite the same as the ones that I am uneasy around. but nonetheless you've helped me see religion and its followers in a new light. and for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so excited to see how the story continues, thank you for taking the time to write and continue this story for as long as you have, and for helping people like me expand our worldview and become more enriched

Ah, OP, I'm really pleased to hear that it's been a meaningful experience for you. I know a lot of people have complex relationships with religion. In fact, I think anyone who doesn't have some complexity in their relationship with religion is probably a rare specimen.

Powerhouses like Christianity are hugely affected by the amount of institutional power they've enjoyed, and you know what they say about the impact of power. But there are a lot of beautiful ideas there, too. If you're ever looking for a way to encounter more than the political powerhouse of the church, I recommend reading about liberation theology - and specifically (Catholic Priest) Gustavo Gutiérrez's A Theology of Liberation.

That all being said, I don't want to undermine the fact that there's a lot to be wary of in religious tradition, especially around perspectives on gender, sexuality, and such. It is not my perspective that these things are baked into religion specifically. It's that anything that links us to the what-came-before is going to include the problems of what came before, and religion has a lot to do with tradition, so it often falls into that trap.

I just happen to also rate the part of religion which is also about being in relationship with past and future, about continuous revelation, about liberation and obligation, about living life with consciousness and constantly asking what it means to be human and what we owe ourselves, one another, and God.

Anyway, this was barely coherent, but it comes down to: thank you for sharing. :-)

I promised an update on my life/activity and stuff, so here it is! I’ll stuff it all under the cut but the tldr is I’m still here just on a super slow. I’m always down for chats and interactions as long as you’re cool with that!

I’m quite private about myself online so gonna keep this brief (lol watch me do anything but), but I feel like I keep circling back to apologising every few months for not being here enough then punishing myself over it when I’m not magically active again. It’s ultimately a hobby but I still feel bad that people writing with me could be feeling let down/ignored, so I wanted to drop this rather than keep on cycling the same apology until it feels hollow.

Life’s a Lot right now: I’m currently juggling two part time jobs, pretty much full household responsibilities for three people, night-school with essays, and an emotionally intensive placement as part of my training which also involves paperwork. Home life is also less than ideal (won’t go into details). On top of this, I have chronic health problems alongside chronic pain so most days I’m just crabby and exhausted; my mental health could be better but rn it just feels like I’m treading water to get to a place where I’ll have fewer commitments.

Ultimately rp and writing/creative stuff in general is part of how I unwind so I’ll always be around because this outlet is so rewarding, but as it stands I’m just so mentally and pysically drained that when I do have the time I’d rather just switch my brain off and play a bit of a game and have a sliver of social life than try to force out writing which is gonna be sub-par. I’ve been feeling kinda down about my writing for a bit and just feel like I’m giving the same post over and over, which also isn’t helpful!

As for my activity and where y’all fit: I’m still around and intend to be; still responding to DM’s on Discord or IM’s on here (unreliable though they are -_-) just being ridiculously slow with replies and popping reblogs or replies out just as and when. I’m not the type to up and quit, hell I’ve been on this blog for years so I’m going nowhere, just on the go-slow with the odd spurt of like 3-5 replies.

Of course I 100% understand if this weird unpredictable activity doesn’t fit for you: we all have different needs and expectations with this hobby and if me only showing up now and again isn’t gonna work that’s totally ok and you don’t have to follow or write with me: it’s been a blast knowing you!

If you’re chill to stick around and deal with my slowness, please know I WILL get to replies, even if it’s at glacial pace. I’ll post a shot of my tracker/a list up in the future so I can be 100% on what I owe and know you can always check in with me/hold me accountable for stuff. Please know you can ALWAYS drop stuff in my ask boxes, whether it’s memes or questions for muses or just crack. It always puts a smile on my face <3 if I received it I’ll reply to it, so barring just a few memes I have nothing else waiting!

This all being said I would LOVE to build up more long term/in-depth character relationships and sustained interactions over multiple threads. I love getting to know my rp partners beyond the muses – it’s just that right now it’ll take six times as long to get anywhere. My door’s open for any chats r.e. any muses here or on the multi.

If you need my disco handle just ask/reply here or whatever and I can send it; if you need to get in touch for any reason and can’t seem to get through to me, just send a ping to the bestie Benevolentgodloki c:

If you read all this and are ok with sticking around know that you have my undying love lmao; I know it isn’t easy trying to build anything with someone who only posts once in a blue moon so your patience is appreciated and I’ll always appreciate having people to come back to on here <33

actium update sunday

yeah it's been a hot minute since I did this!! Actium has currently released 112 pages (not including covers and other illustrations), which mostly shows poor pacing and a lack of experience on my end lol, but is also an accomplishment! i am almost done with chap 3, i just have one more update to release for that... which is unfortunately in the sketching phase still. whoops.

speaking of massive page counts being a symptom of poor planning lol, i am currently rewriting a lot of the future chapters i have planned, with special attention to chap 4. chap 4 introduces the main conflict that every character going forward will be competing for, and so i need to make sure it's solid, that i have no possible questions or vagueness about it. other than that, i'm rescripting a lot of things, cutting down on page counts and learning to use my panels more effectively. this is something that i will continue to get better and better at the more i do it, so i'm okay with the fact that it will probably change in the future as well.

to be completely honest, i was really throwing myself into a wall trying to rewrite, just getting stuck because i was so attached to certain sequences and ideas. i've finally gotten over that, and a part of that was changing the way i thought about actium's story structure! actium was always going to have three acts, but my problem was that i was looking at them as three acts of one "book," so to speak, and thus the structure wasn't really working. actium is big, it has a lot of ground to cover (a lot that i should cut probably lol), and thus the 3 act structure was leaving me treading water in some places... so i just changed it from 3 "acts" to three "books"! Thinking of actium as a trilogy honestly helped me slot a lot of my puzzle pieces into place? no idea why, but it's given me a clearer idea of that i want to accomplish going forward. it will all be released under one account and such, i'm not splitting it up other than mentally.

actium was always going to be an amateur passion project, something i love and embrace. it will show my flaws as a writer and artist (to an almost unbearable degree lol), but the only way for me to ever do or get better at anything is to dive in head first. I've learned a lot already from these 112 pages, and I know that it will just continue to get better and better as I go on. but, of course, making sure that my foundation is solid and fixing up my outline now will really help with that.

in terms of uploading, it will happen when it happens lol. im job hunting for a second job unfortunately rn, so my time will just be what it is. i might start uploading just the lined uncolored pages on patreon when i finish them, or i'll just put all my pages on patreon until i have enough of a chapter's backlog to start releasing them publicly. in terms of the website, it is still down, i just need to dedicate the time to rebuilding it off of wix, and i've been more focused on creating the actual pages to learn neocities or wherever i'm gonna host it. it's all very messy lol

as always tysm to everyone who reads it!! you all mean the world to me <3 i 'm spending the entirety of my day today (fingers crossed) on writing and editing, so I hope to have this phase wrapped up soon!

new ask from : dizzy anon ! xe says...

good evening, america. i,, have come with not a fictional story but something very much real! (also, i love your reviews sm. i actually am writing the first 'episode' of the compilation stories! but not patience and grace yet. i like to finish something for the most part even if i'll release it in parts, so it'll be a while,,, i can tag you in it in the future hehe ^^)

do you get that feeling when you feel really smart when you get something? i don't know about you, but i seriously love it- like i figured out equations for shit like voltage, current, and resistance in my robotics exam (that i didn't study for and didn't take the first time). even with a calculator, it was noon and i was exhausted beyond belief, like- ?????? HOW the fuck did i do that.

feeling smart is everything to me, even tho i'm a silly little dude who likes to partake in silly little activities. this is why i like making my lore make sense by working on every nook and cranny, it makes me feel intelligent /j as if di ako bobo (affectionate) LMFAOOOO

another thing btw, nag-choir kami ng gregorian chant para sa music, at tangina napasigaw lahat ng mga boys nung natapos HAHAHAHA 😭😭 ako din naman. like sumakit paa ako amputa, napa-omsim sa inisip na 'deserve ko kumain'. imagine dalawang PT exam tas nag dalawang written kasi nag-absent buong week last week. then i had like six or five exams the day before 💪💪

hopefully your week's been good!! in my timezone, we're abt to head into the weekend and i hope to finish a powerpoint before 12am ^^ reemmber to drink water and/or treat yrself in any way.

; 💫

FKSLJFSD im glad u love my review lovely <33 just know i'm always willing to share my input on anything!! and omg i'd love to be tagged pls tag me !!

bro OMG ALL THE TIME. me in my college math class fr right now i literally feel like a fuckin einstein whenever a problem finally *gets* to my head. but im glad u were able to figure out ur stuff ur absolutely slaying fr bestie!! u deserve it sm <3

mahabang rehearsal ba ito? sobrang maingay ng mga boys 😭😭 anong kumain mo afterwards? i ask because i'm eating pancit rn sobrang sakit ng ulo ko djflkdsjf </3 but i hope u were able to eat something delicious n treat yourself!! those exams sounded so stressful omg but just be proud u were able to endure it and get it done !!

my weekend has been fun so far :) ako ng oras kasama ang mga kaibigan kagabi and went sa isang haunted house SJLKFSD. hope u were able to get ppt down before 12am!! and don't forget to also stay hydrated and treat urself as well <3

why do i get my best ideas when my head hurts too much to write them down 😭😭

thinking abt this again btw

"Take care of everyone / Except for those that care for you / But it's fine, they don't mind / Cause they know you're a fuck"

poison's always known they'd die for something bigger than themself. when they started fighting in this revolution against the city, they swore that this was their end, their cause, this was what they would give their life to if it meant securing a future for the world free from bl/ind. take care of everyone. protect everyone. die for everyone. that's what they chose. now im thinking about the effects of that on their crew, specifically kobra.

like. he's part of a war, alongside almost everybody he knows, and this whole time he's sitting here watching his sibling destroy themself for it, convinced they have to die for this cause, this fight, he's watching poison give everything to something that will never give back, if they die here, they die, and that's enough for them but it's not enough for kobra. why should they give what little they have to this fight if there's no guarantee it'll pay off? im imagining him and poison getting into a fight abt it now and all i can think about is "what happens if you die for this and it doesn't end?"

because. well shit. what if you promised everything, gave everything, what if you pledged yourself until your last breath for this and it didn't work

first of all "why do i always get my best ideas when my head hurts too much to write them down" LITERALLY ME NEVER RELATED TO A SINGLE SENTENCE MORE THAT IS THE CENTRAL QUESTION THAT MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND

anyways uh. kaz. QHY THE FUCK WOUDL YOU SAY THSI TO ME RN YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING FREIGHT TRAIN OF THOUGHTS THAT JUST CRASHES INTO MY BRAIN ONCE AGAIN UR A FUCKING GENIUS AND IM SCREAMING

fucking just. im thinking abt the city yk? im obsessed with the idea of party doing everything in their power to protect kobra from being labeled as the "problem child" by purposefully acting out, making bigger scenes whenever kovra does something "wrong", ripping the attention away from him so hell be safe from punishment. and now im thinking about kobra watching them do this for years and begging them to stop once he understands what theyre doing because why are you hurting yourself to "protect" me when i never asked for your protection in the first place

and then they get out to the zones and everythings better and everythings worse and they both fucking hate each other but at the same time they literally cant handle being apart for more than a few hours. and kobra feels smothered, like hes being controlled again and this time its worse because now hes being held back by the person he thought was always gonna try and save him. and he has to watch as their attention seemingly shifts; before at least when they were putting their everything into protecting kobra it was for kobra- someone who, despite his annoyance with it all, would at the end of the day understand why they did it and at least be grateful for the sentiment. back in the city they were fighting for someone they loved and who would always love them back, but now kobra has to watch them fucking kill themself in the name of this cause that couldnt give less of a shit about them! and maybe kobra feels betrayed because they went from protecting him from being controlled, to controlling him and wasting all the love that used to be for him to fighting for a future they both know theyll never live to see.

and of course they fight about this constantly. because kobra has no clue how to even begin verbalizing or explain all his feelings, and he is largely misinterpreting party as being "controlling" when they're still just trying to protect him. and party cant explain why they feel like this has to be their destiny, their purpose because god fucking dammit if they arent meant for this then they arent meant for anything at all-

and maybe the worst part is that kobra's kinda right. they die and nothing changes. a fucking DECADE passes and things only get worse. but also, maybe partys right because they all went in there, kobra included, ready to die to save their girlie, and she went on to finally break the world free. and even if she hadnt, they all still wouldve thought it worth it, all still wouldve marched in there and died like that anyways and i dont even know what im getting at here anymore. maybe the fact that kobra finally understands what party was getting at as he lays dying, just glad that shes getting out okay? but also mayabe the fact that the last thing he sees is partys corpse, and he probably dies just as angry as he is glad. because he fucking told them so and here they are anyways. after all the shit they put him through, everything they gave up, every sacrifice theyve ever made, they both still ended up dead in the fucking ground, in the city they both swore theyd never step foot in again

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

HIII FIRST OF ALL I HOPE YOU HAVE/HAD A GREAT DAY !!💗

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT IM THE BIGGEST BIIGGEESSTTT FAN OF 'X' 😭😭😭

I read it quite a while ago (sorry I couldn't send this in earlier due to some problems 😭) I've read it like two times already fr and I absolutely CANNOT wait to read part 2 believe me when i tell you i check your profile almost everyday for an update 😭💗

I could actually write a long ass essay about certain scenes that i love but thatll be too long so ill stop-😭

THE SONG IMPLICATIONS,  THE WRITING, THE PAIN, EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT STORY IS SO😭😭💳😭💥😭💥😭💥😭💥💳💥💥💳😭😭💳💳💳

and omg niki my poor man I love him so much #nikideservesbetter FOR REALLL HES THE REAL ONE ISTG

anyways, all I'm trying to say is that I absolutely love your writing and X is an absolute masterpiece I love you and that story sm I am SO EXCITED FOR PART 2 although I think might need another pack of tissues for it😭🗣

I hope you're doing good, stay safe and take care!!! <<33

and Good luck on your future projects!!!<3

AWWRHEHDH NAWW IM GNNA BAWL THANK YOU SM FOR THIS ASK I HOPE YOU’VE BEEN DOING WELL this means so much to me thank you soso much for taking your time to leave this ask and for reading the fic (TWICE OH LAWDDD wat if i kiss u rn💔🤲) this is making me😞 IM SORRY TO KEEP U WAITING TOO i haven’t updated in almost a year and i can’t stand reading the fic again but AUEUAUEUE this ask got me smiling giggling kicking my feet this is an honor thank u for being sososo sweet u made my day i love you ur amazing breathtaking never the same excellent never been done before totally unique dazzling incredible ill smooch u. i hope you take care of yourself, have an amazing day!! if u ever need anything i’m right here🫶

Im once again... in a place i thought i wouldn't go back to

I'm surviving... again... this time, i'm not surviving the lack of resources... i'm surviving... me...

Im ruining my future, at least the concept i had of a successful future, i cry too often, i ran out of energy to do anything but the projects i drown myself into to forget my problems, maybe bc i have a deadline with these, and i drag others down if i fail, but im surviving med school, im showing up to just enough classes, i´m delivering hw just to stay alive, i don't study as often as i should, and this will negatively affect my future, i'm certain of it, mostly if i want to move to a place 10 times harder than where i am rn...

I feel like i'm losing my mind, i can't think of things to say whenever i'm around him, the smallest thing makes me wanna cry, wanna quit....

[Today i thought of her... i'm doing some research on depression and cardiovascular disease, would have been useful to have known the relationships between these two conditions, but i was just a kid........ i miss you.]

I still hold back, on everything i do, on love, on happiness, on sadness, on school, on life.....

I'm just so tired of being the way i am... i want a new life.... a new me....

At this point i'm just writing anything that comes to my mind, forgetting about the thing i wrote before, i wanna stop forgetting.

I want to allow myself to be happy, i want to know what i should feel, what i should say, i've never been happy, even when i´ve had everything i could ever wish for... but still i don't feel the feeling.....

omg!! chami chami!! thanks for always taking the time to respond and write out such long, meaningful responses!! u really do spoil me sm!! :D

that being said OMG pls dont take what i said about being friends too seriosuly!! i mean, ofc i wanna be friends w you but in my mind i meant like. just sending asks every so often and talking w u kinda like how we are rn!! i dont need you to remember my interests or anything!! anything i wanna discuss will be put in an ask, like i have been so far!! the great thing about asks is that YOU as the author get to choose when you respond to me!! the only reason i brought up how you might recognize my username is only bc i feel a little embarrassed liking everything and then sending messages on anon, it feels counterintuitive bc i feel like youll just know its me anyways. but please!! dont feel pressured into keeping my likes and dislikes into account bc i dont expect you to :3 were friends as in: i send in my silly little asks and you respond when u want and if u want!! <333

also, luckily im actually really good at setting boundaries!! one of my friends said that the only reason some of the people back in highschool didjt like me was because they thought they could step all over me without me complaining. im really friendly but i let people when i have a problem, which surprisingly, a lot of people cant comprehend?? the ‘mature adults’ were nowhere to be seen LOL ig it was back in highschool but still.

on another note, i honestly love taking up space (when its appropriate!) but i really dont want to overwhelm you!! i do have a tendency to talk a lot and freely express what i think (which is like. 4892992 things all at once as you may have noticed) this ties back into the whole ‘you choose when to respond’ thing bc i can wait as long as i need to to hear from you <33 i love hearing about ur yan OC’s(?) so far!! also dw, everything we discuss is purely fictional and for our silly little imaginations!! fantasy purposes only!! i just wanna make that clear for your comfort :D also idk if i made it clear enough but i am NOT in hs anymore, im a uni student and over 18 i just wanted to make that extra clear so you dont think im a minor!!

ONE LAST THING (i promise i’ll shorten these asks in the future omg): i could be wrong but im kinda getting the feeling you run a little on the mean side when it comes to yanderes(?) which is funny bc im a little on the opposite!! like im imagining us in a room w one of ur yans and theyre like all kneeling at ur feet and stuff while they shake and cry while you degrade them and step on them versus me maybe patting their head and holding them close afterwards to soothe them…the whiplash…<33 i mean, i have a little bit of a mean streak in me too, but i would feel too guilty to be TOO mean to ur yans whereas i feel like you wouldn’t care about that kinda thing and just go all out HAHA i could be wrong lmk!!! but it’s cool to know ur love language is acts of service!! i think that was my second highest, with my top being words of affirmation!! could u tell LOL

- sunny!! <3

aaa sunny darling!! youre spoiling ME with conversation!! honestly, answering asks is significantly easier for me than regular conversation because my monologues are much more socially acceptable and it also just tend to take pressure off of both parties! so dont feel pressured to send in a buncha asks! i just respond so often and so quickly because i too have many many thoughts and many words in my head and typing them out is very helpful! like a journal! and thank you for clarifying you arent a minor and its so nice knowing other people who tend to be disliked because theyre very sure in who they are! i used to struggle with setting boundaries which is very odd because of my personality and now, because i look very idk doormat-y, ppl commonly think they can walk all over me (another reason i like submissive yanderes/characters! they take me seriously from the start without turning me into a mother figure and dont have a weird complex that prevents them from seeing me as a fully functioning adult)

i also love talking a lot and taking up space when appropriate! ironic because i have agoraphobia dkajhfad but its also nice meeting ppl who are very much like me :33! and use yanderes and darker writing as a release from reality or just a nice fantasy instead of using my ideas as examples which has happened before because im pretty talented at writing horror or disturbing or niche things! twas not fun realizing the fanbase you gathered didnt understand the reason why you were writing the things you were writing!

also, dont shorten your asks!!!!! they took away the word limit on them for a REASON!!!! abuse your lack of a word limit to the fullest extent!!!

i do kinda run on the mean side when im being dominant, it kinda makes me feel a bit bad because i have issues even being fake mean but i just love humiliating my yanderes! seeing them get all red, teary eyed, its just so cute (i say that a lot lol)! besides, its so fun knocking them down a few pegs (sometimes with pegging for comedic sake) via some spanking, a slap, and a healthy dose of degrading! with a healthy amount of consent checks as well and soft stuff to balance it out <3 but i think it would be so funny seeing, say, the sensitive yandere having two darlings (the poor thing can barely handle one!!) where one is fairly mean and very degrading, teasing them for their issues controlling themselves, making fun of how red their face is, overstimulating them a bit and then getting passed to darling two who gently cleans them up and kisses away their tears and coos praises to them! their head would be spinning!

which i guess is also the allure of predatory darling! an aggressive side and a gentle side! perfect for everyone! <3

4, 25, 54 ohohoho

ASDFKEKD THANK U FOR THE ASK CHEL ❣❣ i hope u are doing well on this fine evening :)

writing asks!

4: what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

gjkdfkdkd ok if we're talking longest unrealized overall i think it would be otter-wan bc i keep mentioning it but i have NEVER done anything with it not even so much as THOUGHT abt a plot or outline. if we're talking smth i HAVE done with ... god help me the bobadin coffee shop au has been un-updated for nearly a year now. im so sorry. both of these bc if im writing fic it has to b something that im like . i WANT to do it. and i've got the vibe for it down. and as it stands rn im just kind of going where the wind takes me and it ... has not taken me down either of these avenues lol

25: what’s your revision or rewriting process like?

i do not ❣ MORE SERIOUSLY ... if it's fic then i just do a quick beta read (if that) or toss it to a beta reader (if available) and then i'm done. i revise as i write so any scenes that get cut or added or developments get added as i write the story. once i write the last line it is Out of My Hands and Someone Else's Problem. for original work, i also revise as i write but generally once im done w the first draft i let it sit for a month or two before going back in and re-writing the entire thing, and then THAT'S the one that goes through future revision rounds

54: what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

adverbs! kill them with extreme prejudice! simple dialogue tags as well. i've found that at some point it turns from something u correct in ur writing to just the way u write, and thankfully my creative writing these days tends to be adverb-averse (not so much for my conversational writing tho ... )

My heart is broken. I need to vent but I fkn can’t even rn. I’ll def be back. I hope.. I really need to be more consistent on here. I need to let some shit flow but no one understands.. It’s time to stop pouring & start replenishing my own supply. Starting tonight I am taking back my power, I am reclaiming my happiness, I am my own charging station. Always have been.

Remember Who You Are Simba

You Are Divinely Protected Greatness

Shed and Release Old Self

Ascend Into Yourself

It’s Lonely at the Top..

& That’s Your Fear..

It’s Time to Face That..

I fkn needed that, came right to the answer I was looking for. Literally sat and let the words flow. Mind to text. No filter. Words could never… It’s something so electrifying abt writing to me.

This is where I need to be. It all starts here. I said I’m the beginning my heart is broken, it’s not, it’s in repair. I said in the beginning I need to vent but no one understands, they don’t need to. Maybe they don’t understand bc they’re the problem, or you’re venting to the wrong energy. Once I am grounded again & stabilized, the right energy will join me. I know what I have to do, I always do, always did. It’s time. Solitude is necessary for this up & coming chapter. I need to be FOR ME, ALWAYS. If not me than who? Tf.

Destiny, who are you, who do you want to be, who do you want to share your time & space w/, what is next on your agenda, what’s the game plan for your future, when are you going to speak to your mother…? A whole diff issue to decode but we’ll get there in due time.

If I don’t have the answers, how would I expect them too? I know for sure I need solitude but I would at least like a couple radiant souls around me. I know Key is one 🤍. She’s just been through a lot.. We’ve also been through a lot, it’s so tough not to have my bff yo. You don’t treat a bff the way I treated her tho (you damn sure don’t treat them how she treated me either but 2 wrongs don’t blah, blah, blah..). But yeah… I’d like a good friend group around me. I have friends but I feel like it’s one sided a lot of the time (a whole diff passage lol). They could trust me, but I don’t feel the same, they could rely on me but I can’t say the same, I would do anything for them but idk if that’s the reverse. I need ppl to light my stove, make money w/ me, run errands and go to drs appts together, check on my mother & gma, make sure IM good.. w/o the sex, then if it blossoms it blossoms but I’m really just interested in putting together my tribe rn. That’s all. I need good ppl around me, and I need them to understand they can’t always be around me. Bc at the end of the day, (see how I almost got sucked in again), solitude will set me free and help me take off! I love to help, love, nurture, teach, protect, heal but it’s time to do that for me. How dare I giveth onto others but not reciprocate that to myself?! How dare I not be my own light but think it’s okay lead others down their path w/ my radiance in their darkness.

Note to self:

Des, stop fkn playing w/ me.

-FIN

PS: I need to make a separate entry going back and telling the stories I keep putting off and saying is for a diff time lol. It’s just shit I don’t wanna talk abt that I’m suppressing & this isn’t the space for that. This is my peaceful space. This is where I let loose and speak freely.. The worlds gone too soft.

-FIN FIN.

Oh look a vent post

Tw for suicide, suicide attempts self harm abusive household, cynicism, depressive behaviour and more, dysphoria being the new addition.

If you press read more and i ruined your day its on you, you have been fucking warned

Ik i shouldn't but i have nowhere else to throw these thoughts and unfortunately ill put it here

Final fucking warning if you struggle with depression or anything above DONT FUCKING INTERACT WITH THIS.

Dont. Its for your own saftey

I dont know how much longer i can keep up the façade between the memes and the horny posts, the only thing that gives me any reason to live is a future i might never have. A future ruined by greedy old men in suits.

Im trans now but everytime i turn off my phone i see the same old cis dude with stubble bc shaving is getting tedious. I keep doing this why? Why do i do this ehy cant i just FEEL like a women i know im trans but everytime i look in a fucking mirror i feel shit. I sometimes wish the pills worked, i took too little.

Fucking im 18 and yet i get treated like a child in real life. The bad way aswell. Peaple irl tell me i talk too much and i should just shut up. Idk even know if im autistic "enough"to get treatment. Ik for a fact i have adhd but online tests are telling me fuckoll. Tho multiple peaple irl tell me im def adhd, i have so so so much symptoms of autism. I blend in with some autistic peaple but i feel fake. I dont feel like me anymore im just some fucked up husk smiling at peaple bc i cant fucking reveal to peaple how i feel irl. The internet is my safe blanket. No one knows me here. I can be WHAT i want to be but when i close this phone and I look in the mirror im just dude. Short hair testosterone chubby cant pick up shit. Im too fucked to be a women or a man. I can be neather. Mabye if i die i dont have to feel like anything but im too scared to try. Ive been trying to get better and im clean since the 18 of dec 2023. I hate myself. I wish i was some cis women instead. But life wants to watch me longingly stare at models online, wishing i could be them.

Having a cis person assume bc i talk to women i wanna fuxk her is so so fuxked up im so tired of it. Having a dad who loves me yet fucks me around emotionally tell me "I MUST HAVE KIDS" like i dont work with kids i just cant it pisses me off indont lilke kids.

5 fuxkinng weaks im botteling this up 5 fucking weaks i cant look in a mirror. Those nudes, were the closest i get to be a women, not even hrt is gonna save me at this point.

Rubbing salt into my scars and jerking off is the few hits of dopamine that still works. And some friends but noone irl reallly cares abt me, im the disposable vape in human form. One hit of dopamine and contentment is suddenly a joke. 6 peaple make the mistake of sticking with me. Alot of peaple online too. They and a few peaple are the only tether i have rn.

The housing markets gone to hell and i dont have MARKETABLE skills i can voice act sure but ai will fuck me over there. I can be annoying. Ads do my job better. I cannot draw art and i get like just above fail for everything. I cant do sports i cant motivate myself bc some teacher thinks traumatised children can learn, well fuck you mister S yelling at a kid who had writing issues isnt the way to teaxh i child. I fuxkign ger nauseous everytime i see complcated math equations. Its better now but like 7 years later. So any "self proclamed business" work wont save me

My current ccountry has a 55% unemployment rate and im going to a conservative town in canada. Tho i hope things are better there i so so hope mabye a new country might kinda help

Goinng back to my inescapable family problems im essentially the fucking mule. I poar drinks and i wash the dishes and most of the family's clothes. I bring the cigarettes and i (often) mow the lawn. I have to do the "manly" tasks bc wowie i have a dick and corse voice. I bairly get thanked aswell. Only thanks i got was being the emotional punching bag. Yk why else have a sun. Bc who else do you take the anger out on. Fucking get told i do good work the one day then i get belittled the next. The fuck am i supposed to feel anymore.

I want to relive a different childhood, i want to be a kid again, but with a fresh start. But i cant. God knows how i deel with all this. But i have friends that would be sad to see me go. But im a burden and a cancer and the only way to get rid of cancer is to cut it off tho i wont do that rn. I cant. I just cant. Want to but i cant.

Ill add latwr or nah idk. But i dont know

Sorry if you read this

Dear past me,

Send me one "Dear---" and I'll write a letter to this person

They're doing this on purpose, right? First future, now past? What's next, present? Talk to yourself for a while, Carol--have a cup of tea and angst about all your problems while dreading actually dealing with them.

Wait, is it possible that there's another her somewhere? She travels the multiverse, after all. She's met alts of Sonic before, she remembers that much.

It never crossed her mind that speaking to herself in the present tense was actually way more likely than she could've ever prepped for. In fact it was kind of freaky. She didn't like thinking about it.

She's her own person!!! Another her coming around and doin' her sierra would be a whole can of worms she didn't even want to entertain. Stone's sake.

She was getting sidetracked. The letter. She needs to focus on the letter.

...

What would it be about, really?

Maybe warning herself not to fall for purple girls so easily.

Maybe warning herself not to take the green gem out of the random blue box that fell out of the sky.

Maybe she'd warn herself about Brevon? Or Merga? Or all those times she got harrassed by weirdo grays.

She was a different person from back then. Whether it be a year or two or ten, she was ever so wildly different than the person she is now.

Would that past Carol even listen to her advice? Would it even matter? Probably not, right?

Despite her mantra, despite how she never actually wanted anything in her past to change, it didn't stop her from having regrets.

Her childhood sucked balls.

But it's not like that was something she could control. She was in the scarves for as long as she could remember. It'd be hard for her kiddie memories to not have a pang of regret next to them.

So...

She was kind of at a loss. Back of the pen tapped the side of her head, as if it'd jog her brain with what to write.

Maybe she should just...

Tell it how it is? Let her past self know about everything. Tell her how good life was gonna get.

She didn't really pick a specific age in her head for this. Just ''the past'' was good enough for her.

dear past carol

yoooo hows it goin girl? you doin okay? scarves treatin ya right? LMAO

bet you already left those bastards. good on ya carol. theyre the worst, truly. cant think of much that suck more

actually i can think of one thing

but ill go on about that later. so, hey! i bet you feel fucked up feelings for lilac right? dw so do i im YOU so i know everything.

something good concernin that tho. youre gonna confess to her soon! well. IM gonna confess to her soon. youre probably not gonna any time soon. but you should! itll save you a lotta trouble later on yknow

if sierra's a lil rocky rn then just stick through it. it gets better. i should know, im currently WAY BETTER

oh and upgrade your bike more often girl. you cant stick with that trashy thing for forever. its your BABY. you need to take better care of it. give it a new kickstop, swap out the engine, figure out how to make it boost.

make it CLIMB WALLS, make it WORK UNDERWATER, make it SUPER COOL!!! no matter how long it takes.

itll be worth it, TRUST ME

but yeah anyway youre gonna get some super cool friends soon. and an awesome boyfriend as well

though youd think that if we got a boyfriend-turned-fiance we'd get over lilac right?

haha

Confess to Lilac, please.

She knew she wasn't gonna send this out--and couldn't, time travel didn't exist yet--but felt the need to put extra emphasis on that phrase either way. Just to make it extremely clear.

speaking of bad stuff there's also a super evil intergalactic warlord coming your way. yes aliens exist, you become friends with one :3c

in fact it turns out that earth dragons were aliens to begin with. and the magister is an earth dragon. and his people genocided the water dragons

kinda explains why lilac's the only water dragon youve seen, right?

anyway bombshells aside WE GET SO MANY COOL FRIENDS

like milla!!!! you probably dont know her yet. she was kinda too girlie at first when we first met her but then we actually started bondin with her and stuff. and she started creating these WEIRD POTIONS AND YOU SHOULD DECLINE EVERYTIME SHE WANTS TO TEST ONE ON YOU

decline without remorse DO NOT FALL FOR HER PUPPY EYES, THEYRE EVIL

you also meet this super cool lemur from another world but its way later than milla. and you also meet this DUMB BIRD GUY WHO THINKS HE'S FASTER THAN YOU. BUT YOU KICK HIS ASS (probably the jury's still out on that one) IN A RACE AND GLOAT OVER IT EVERYTIME

those two are probably your coolest new friends. you also make friends with like, grim reaper herself

or because of multiversal whatever its A grim reaper. she's cool tho she doesnt try to kill us or anything. i like her

she's got WIT and i love that about people

anyway uh

youre gonna be okay, really

im bad att transitions so we're just talking about deep stuff now okay you and lilac are gonna be pretty scared for a while. and like, that's okay. youll hafta do some shady shit to survive but itll be okaay. as far as i get it, we win in the end. like in general

you ever thought you'd be livin in SHANG TU PALACE??? its AWESOME in here. AND we're friends with the girl who runs the whole damn place. its super sick!!! she's grouchy tho. won't spoil who it is you should figure that one out by yourself~

idk. youre gonna be okay. keep believin in yourself and in lilac and in all your friends. its gonna be CRAZY, like it doesnt STOP being crazy. but itll be fun, too. life is gonna be SO MUCH FUN

get through the hardtimes, then the fun times await ya, girl. i should know, ive BEEN THROUGH IT ALL! :3

have fun, carol. you wont regret it

love

carol

Yeah.

It was kind of messy. Kind of all over the place. But she liked it. When wasn't she all over the place anyway?

Fold it up. Pocket it. She'll keep this somewhere, too.

Past her didn't know what was comin'. And honestly, it made present her laugh. Quietly, though. Didn't wanna wake up Sony.

To think, she'd go from bein' a Scarf, to bein' a fugitive, to savin' the world, to bein' a multiversal traveler, to savin' the world again, and now she's a mechanic/Battlesphere Champio/multiversal traveler wife.

Fucking. Wild.

Guess that's why she's a wildcat.

She snickered to herself.

hi future me,

haven't written anything in a while. This is mostly a vent post.

I've been,,, lost. In thought, in myself and in my environment. My sister is getting therapy rn and I want to go too. I really do. But anxiety is getting to me. I'm going to a different country in a month, and then im supposed to go back to uni to the course i've chosen by luck, as something of "just in case" that i spent like 5 minutes thinking about. It's easy but im not sure it's something I want. I haven't really thought about what I want in while. I don't think I ever thought about it at all.

You see, there's lack of communication in my house and from observing my older siblings I just assumed I would have to do certain things. Normal thing to do when no one wants to tell you anything and you're like 10. The only lessons that stick with me, from my mom was stuff like "what would the neighbours say" or some comment like "stop being stupid" while sharing a problem I have, cuz apparently my attitude is the problem. So I shut myself out. Well mostly my emotions but that's like most of your personality isn't it. When I share my interests it isn't easier at all cuz im told to shup up or something along those lines. Why are you spending your time on that, blah blah blah. And then they wonder why I don't talk. I sometimes ask myself how someone be that stupid, lacking so much in the psychology department to not be able to tell that what you say for years on end can a) cause anxiety and total shutdown cuz the kid starts feeling ashamed of themself, cuz what would the neighbours say and b) you saying something different one time won't do shit. Fucking think for once i'm tired of waiting and thinking I have to fix your attitude, you're the fucking parent here you stupid fuck.

"How dare you say something like that about your birthgiver" listen all of us have their moments, and this is the only way I know how to get rid of it in a way that won't harm anyone. It's a stupid tumblr post where I write about my traumas. And I am irritated to no end. If you're a parent of some years don't assume you know everything about kids and read books about parenting, or at least psychology in teens cuz istg that would have saved me so much time.

Not that im a perfect human being, we are what our envirovement made of us. And im schools weren't a safe haven from home life either.

Hope you can figure out how to talk to mom about this and actually make progress in making her aware, future me, cuz I am unable to do that without bursting into tears and having a panic attack so there's that. Baby steps will be needed I guess.

Sincerely, Isa