married connverse solos

10x18 - TTD Clues

Okay, let’s talk TTD. Usually I just have like 4-5 talking points from TTD, but there was a LOT in this episode. And, let’s face it. Given that it’s the Leah episode, there’s lots to discuss anyway. But everything in TTD just backs up what I’ve already said. Namely, that Leah and Daryl are NOT soulmates. And that there’s a lot of Beth symbolism and foreshadow here.

So, let’s just dive right in.

1)    Despite Chris calling it a “powerful relationship” in the intro (thanks a lot, Chris), when Nicole Mirante-Matthews, the writer, starts talking about it, it’s much better. She says this Leah thing will be relevant to a lot of things moving forward, including Connie. Which I take to mean that this affected his mindset and will probably change how he approaches things we’ll see in his story. 

She says that these were two lost souls, who happen to meet at a specific place and time and sort of crash together. That specifically suggests that it’s not a long-term thing. It’s more of a rebound and they were both lonely, and that’s why it happened. Then she says that this will affect things “reverberating forward into his present day story, which we’re rolling out here.” Because we understand the Bethyl template, and that Beth will be returning soonish, that just screams Beth to me.

2)    Chris talks about the grave marker Daryl looks at and how it’s kind of a fake out, as many people (who hadn’t read spoilers) would assume it was Leah’s grave. I talked about this Monday, and how it reminded me of the Beth/Tyreese fake out. I got that from TTD. Because I’d already read spoilers, the idea of that being mistaken for Leah’s grave wouldn’t have occurred to me.

And of course if she’s a hallucination, the grave marker may even be Leah’s. 

3)    Chris also mentioned massive time gaps. Now, he’s talking about the six-year time gap in which Leah happened, but still. I felt like the way he said it is to remind us that there are time gaps that have to be explained at some point, *coughs missing 17 days*

4)    Fun fact: the puppy’s name is Carl. Now, I can’t REALLY point to that as a TD thing, because the puppy’s name really is Carl. But I couldn’t help but wonder if THEY named the dog that. And even if not, they still felt the need to mention it here. I’m side-eyeing a little. Only because there are such strong symbolic ties between Carl’s death and Beth’s return. But hey, take it or leave it. Just my TD brain working overtime.

5)    They mentioned the map in the “in memoriam.” So, you know how I said yesterday that Map = Beth. Yeah, they actually treat Map as a lost character here. I’m just saying.

6)    Denise Huth’s pre-taped interview talks about a “lightening” for Daryl. Uuummmm. I don’t want to go into this in too much detail here, but this is part of the eclipse symbolism. Okay, I’ll just run through it super fast, but I’ll probably do a post in more detail later. Beth = sun. In an eclipse, the sun is hidden by the moon. So it’s the “what is hidden” or “what is not seen” theme. Some of the sun’s light is still seen around the edges of the moon (think of that as the symbolism that seeps out) but the sun itself (Beth) is still hidden. Gimple described Coda using the word “penumbra” which is the darkest part of the shadow thrown during an eclipse, and Maggie told Glennin 5x10, “This is just the dark part.” If things are getting lighter, it’s because the eclipse is almost over. The darkest part of the shadow has passed and things are getting lighter. And that’s actually what we see in the eclipse scene with Daryl and Leah. The eclipse being almost over and the sun starting to peek through. So this is all just another way of saying Beth is about to appear.

7)    There’s a point where Lynn Collins suggests that maybe we would have seen a Daryl/Leah kiss if not for Covid restrictions, but the writer immediately corrects her and says it was a creative choice. She sights reasons such as the fans being protective of Daryl and not trying to piss them off too much, but that seems very significant to me. I think they didn’t want to show Leah and Daryl kissing (even though the sex implication is there) because they’re saving that for someone else.

8)    At one point, talking of Daryl and Carol’s fight, MMB mentioned the scene in S2 where they fought over Sophia. Just seemed significant to me that she brought that up, because that’s basically ground zero for the missing girl theme, and the first person we saw Daryl searching for. Now, this entire episode, he’s searching for Rick, and it’s full of Beth themes.

9)    Back to the map. I said Monday I would go back to the opening scene where Carol picked up the piece of the map and put it in Daryl’s bag. I never did. Lol. Sorry about that. I threw a LOT of info at you and totally forgot to go back to it. Just keep in mind that this was probably a foreshadowing, and Map = Beth. And they specifically brought that scene up on TTD and drew attention to it, though of course they talked about it in the context of Daryl and Carol.

The other thing that several people have brought up is that map seems to be destroyed, and then whole again. I suppose I just thought he got a new map when I first watched the episode. Now, I agree with other that the state of the map is one of many ways they were hinting that parts or all of this is a hallucination. And again, they drew attention to the map on TTD.

10) When Chris asked the writer what the inspiration was for Carol’s “strong right foot” story, she got REALLY flustered. Now, that’s definitely TD symbolism. Related to the “missing foot/shoe” symbolism, in my opinion. In fact, if they’re synonymous (we’re just not entire certain yet) then this would definitely be a reference to both Beth and Ezekiel being missing. But anyway. The writer finally came up with how and why she had Carol tell the story of her grandmother. And I’m not saying it was a lie. The grandmother story is much more incidental than the “strong right foot” bit. But I don’t think Nicole expected that question or was prepared for it.

11) They did talk extensively about parallels between Leah and Carol, and I had to chuckle at what was said. They were just doing a lot of back-pedaling. So, first they said they are two completely different characters. Then they said they share a lot of qualities that Daryl recognizes. Then they say his relationship to Leah in the flashbacks is absolutely nothing like his relationship to Carol, both in the present and as it has been for many years. Did you catch all that? It’s their way of pointing out the parallels between Leah and Carol, but also taking care to make sure people know that Daryl and Carol are NOT romantic the way Daryl and Leah are. Lol. This is why I say its kind of the death knell for that ship. But again, why put parallels between Leah and Carol if the romance angle isn’t there? For the answer, read my very long analysis from yesterday.

12) On the “Inside the Dead” portion, it says that the breed of dog they use for Dog is often used for Military and Police K-9 Unites. Yeah, that’s purposeful. I think they specifically chose that breed of Dog to use on the show as Daryl/Leah’s dog, because it both calls back to Grady (police) and foreshadows the CRM (military).

13) Norma’s interview! Yay! This might have been my favorite part of TTD. Because the way he describes Daryl’s arc here makes it clear that it was one chapter of Daryl’s life that is now over. And what he says about Daryl being unable to allow himself to be happy with Leah says to me that he’s still hung up on someone else.

This probably made me happier back when I thought Leah was real. But the other thing is that he specifically uses a Matrix metaphor (the red pill vs the blue pill.) Umm? The red pill vs the blue pill situation in the Matrix is what brought Neo out of the construct and into reality. This is Norman’s very obvious way of telling us that Leah isn’t real. Daryl is in the Leah Matrix in this episode.

14) When speaking of the arm that Leah throws at Daryl, they said something really interesting. My fellow theorists and are still batting around ideas for what the arm symbolism might mean. But MMB called it “dead weight” that Leah was basically getting rid of. And they all agreed that symbolically that was true. So the arm represented Leah getting rid of the dead weight of her past and working through it. Wow. Where to start with this?

If she were real, that just shows that this is all this relationship was. Once she’d worked through her own losses, she wanted Daryl to commit to her, but he couldn’t. Because he hadn’t worked through his. Plus, a relationship built on this sort of thing, as I’ve already described, is never going to last in the long term. But of course, assuming she’s a hallucination, this is really just Daryl trying to work through his issues and shed his past. It doesn’t really work. 

Dead Weight is literally the name of the episode in 4b where the Governor was a MASSIVE Beth proxy.

Shedding one’s tragic past while in a little cabin in the woods, with DARYL, is pretty much the synopsis of Still. So, it just backs up the symbolic retelling of Bethyl.

All right. That’s what I got for TTD. Anyone see anything I missed?

An Honest Review of Nancy Drew: Secrets Can Kill

Spoilers under the cut!

Hi! Penny (not that one) here starting out a series of (sometimes brutally) honest reviews of the Nancy Drew games. I’m going to be doing them in order, and I’m not going to hold back, haha.

So my first review is going to be a rather unique one, that’s for sure. After all, this is the only case where I’m technically going to be reviewing TWO games, instead of just one; but they’re similar enough that it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.

I’m going to include several different factors in my review of each game. First, the plot; obvious enough. The plot is, after all, the driving force behind the game. I’ll also be talking about what I think of the characters, as well as how fun it is to play/replay, and the general atmosphere/setting of the game too. And, of course, I’ll talk about my opinions of the music. I’m not going to be doing any ratings or anything like that, no numbers will be coming into these reviews; I’m just going to say my honest thoughts. (Even when they are not nice thoughts.)

Please remember that these reviews will be my entirely subjective opinions! If you disagree with me on any points, that’s absolutely your prerogative, and in fact, I’d love to discuss it with you and hear some perspectives aside from my own. These reviews are not meant to hurt or invalidate anyone’s feelings, but only to put forth my own.

So without further ado, my review of Secrets Can Kill!

Plot

Honestly, the plot for both versions is just kind of meh, in my opinion, which is sad because I do love a good murder mystery. This, though... it isn’t really a good murder mystery. It’s just kind of boring. Nancy gets called in by her Aunt Eloise (who, if I recall correctly, is only ever mentioned in one other game and then is forgotten about completely for the rest of the series) to solve the murder of Jake Rogers, a local student. It’s fairly straightforward from there; it turns out, of course, that each of the available suspects had various motives to kill him, because apparently Jake Rogers was kind of an asshole and was blackmailing literally everyone in the game. It then turns into just trying to figure out which of them actually did it... which is where the worst part of the game comes in.

Because none of them did.

It’s literally one of the most bullshit moves I’ve seen pulled by any mystery ever. In the original game, you literally never even hear about the killer until the very end, at which point the game presents him to you on a silver platter, leaving a feeling of deep dissatisfaction and also rage at how stupid it all is. The only possible way you could know anything about him is if you noticed some bolded letters in a book that spelled out his name, which, again. Bullshit. This plot is a nightmare. 

The remastered version is somewhat better, in that the culprit is actually someone you know from the beginning of the game, even though their identity is still blatantly obvious if you’ve played the original. I’m still not giving it any awards, but at least it didn’t fill me with incandescent rage, or anything.

Characters

The characters are okay, if you don’t mind massive stereotypes. We have Hal Tanaka, the classic ‘Asian kid under huge pressure to become a doctor’ cliche, Connie Watson, the athletic girl struggling to be accepted despite her gender, Hector ‘Hulk’ Sanchez, the less-than-a-genius jock, and Daryl Gray, the popular flirt. The remastered version also gives us Detective Beech, a somewhat unimaginative joke based on the ‘Detective Beach’ show that exists in-universe. Oh, and of course, we mustn’t forget Mitch Dillon, despite how utterly forgettable he is, seeing as how he barely exists.

None of these characters really stand out. They all have their own dark secrets--Hal is a plagiarist, Connie entered a men’s judo competition in disguise (and under a horrible pseudonym), Hulk takes steroids, and Daryl is selling secrets from his father’s company. Jake Rogers is actually the most interesting character in the game, which is truly unfortunate, seeing as how he is dead the entire time. The kid was blackmailing everyone, and it got him killed in the end. Meanwhile, Mitch is our sorry excuse for a culprit, although in the remastered version Detective Beech takes his place. But despite all of that, there’s nothing particularly interesting about any of them--they’re pretty one-dimensional characters. The only thing you really get to learn about any of them is whatever secret Jake was using to blackmail them. And you can come up with some of your own content (for example, I firmly believe that Hal has a crush on Hulk), but the problem with that is that you shouldn’t really have to, because the game should be giving you multidimensional and interesting characters already, not requiring you to basically give them personalities yourself.

Gameplay

Yawn. So much yawn. Half of this game is just going around reading secret codes off of bulletin boards. It is incredibly boring. There’s essentially nothing making me want to play either version. Also, the incredible aggravation of having to switch disks when playing the original cannot be overstated. I cut the developers some slack for the original, because it’s the first game in the series and pretty old, but by the remastered version, they really should have figured out how boring it all is. 

Atmosphere

The atmosphere is actually pretty fun! It manages to have this kind of creepy vibe, which is great for a game where you’re dealing with a murdered teenager. And Maxine’s Diner is so incredibly perfect, I would love to hang out there in real life--just so long as I don’t have to talk to Daryl!

Music

The music is another of this game’s stronger points. The original version has this intensely creepy soundtrack with only a few lighter pieces, and it really adds to the effect. The remastered version kind of loses something in that regard, because a lot of the soundtrack ends up being made up of songs you can play on the jukebox at Maxine’s, and... some of them aren’t even worth listening to. I can’t say I’d really go back and relisten to that version, but the original? Absolutely!

Conclusion

This is definitely not one of the strongest games in the series, as far as I’m concerned. It’s actually really low on my list; what could have been a great plot was spoiled by incoherent writing decisions, flat characters, and boring gameplay, and the more enjoyable atmosphere and music just couldn’t save it. It’s with a heavy heart that I have to say... the developers really dropped the ball on this one.

So that review was definitely more on the ‘brutally honest’ side, unfortunately. However, this is one of the lowest points in the series--it’ll be mostly uphill from here, I promise.

See you next time, when I review game #2: Stay Tuned for Danger!

Dogcopter Appearance Masterlist

thank you to resources SU Wiki Dogcopter and Dogcopter/Gallery, and Steven Says wiki transcript searcher

This is just a list of Dogcopter appearances in SU, not analysis. One or two may surprise you!

Dogcopter episode appearances

Lars and the Cool Kids

Lion 2

Some people say ‘You can't teach an old dog new tricks’... Unless you're Dogcopter 3, in 3D! This February, the fur hits the fan!

Steven: Whoah, I can see why this is your favorite film franchise. Connie: That's right! In a world where humanity is pushed to the brink, it turns out that the one who is most human, is a dog! Copter. Steven: and did you see where that missile came out of? Connie: Heh, yeah. I just hope it stays faithful to the book. 

Amethyst: Oh, that's easy! Who needs to go see movies when you’ve got magic?

Steven: I'm sorry! I ruined everything, didn't I? I don't know why you hang out with me. I mess stuff up all the time. Connie: I don't know why you hang out with me! I'm so much more less interesting than you! And obviously you have some sort of magical destiny. Why would you even care about something like Dogcopter? Steven: Why?! Because it's Dogcopter! He's a dog, and a helicopter, and a cop! He shoots missiles out of his butt, and he's gonna save the world! Dogcopter is very cool and important to me. Connie: Well, I'm no Dogcopter.

Keep Beach City Weird 

Dogcopter 3 SUX April 23, 2014

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF!  

First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.

Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst.

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

Tags: dogcopter 3 in 3D keep beach city weird kbcw

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Lion 3

Dogcopter: I win. Steven: Oh, what? That was a good move! Dogcopter: Thanks. Steven: Dogcopter. How do you do it? Dogcopter: How do I do what? Steven: I mean, what's your secret? How'd you get so talented? Dogcopter: Don't focus so much on talent, Steven. Making art is all about communication. A piece of art is a conversation. Every choice you make, is a statement.

Continued under cut

Dogcopter: Don't worry about labels, or conforming to a standard. Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty. Steven: Woah. Thanks for the advice. Dogcopter: And take a deep breath. Steven: What?

suworkbook wrote a brilliant piece of meta around this dream

Steven: Here again? I don't know what this place is but it feels... familiar. Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute... Lion! Lion, my face is not your bed! What's going on with you?

Chille Tid

Steven: Whoa. Dogcopter! Mr. Copter! Sir! I'm one of your biggest fans, can I please have your autograph? Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: Mr. Copter, please! Steven: Hey wait! Where are you going?! Steven: I hope the rumors about Dogcopter in the tabloids aren't true. Steven: Huh? Oh! Hey, Pearl! Steven: Wait! Don't eat me! Steven: Oh, man! Thanks for the upgrade, Pearl! Now I can catch up with Dog— Steven: Woah, Amethyst? Steven: Hmm... This is... getting really weird. Lapis: This is weird. Steven: Hey, that sounds a lot like— Lapis: Steven! Steven: Lapis Lazuli! Lapis: Steven, what are you doing in here?

Keep Beach City Weird

KEEP BEACH CITY SPOILER FREE January 04 2016

Hey weirdos!  For the past few months, I’ve done something unprecedented - I’ve stayed off the internet.

It was hard but I had to do because I’ve been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium!  This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world.  Yep, you know what I’m talking about: DOGCOPTER.

So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications.  I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.

I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.  

I won’t lie, it was hard.  But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library.  And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments!  With my dad!

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Ug!  I hope you’ve seen the movie because that’s pretty much the big ending.  Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.  Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined.  So now I’m back.  Spoilers are the worst.

Tags: Keep Beach City Weird Dogcopter

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Fun fact if you invert this poster and adjust the contrast a bit, some odd diagram in the back appears:

Steven’s Birthday

Amethyst: What are you doing? Steven: Well uh...What are YOU doing? Greg: What are YOU doing to your body? Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day? Steven: No! I was just... slouching. Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you. Steven: Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!? Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself. Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right? Greg: Steven...

Connie: That one's... "Canis helicopterus". Steven: Uh-uh, "Helicopterus"? Connie: Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up! Steven: Okay, um, That one's, uh, snake constellation. Connie: That's... pretty good. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up. Steven: Oh yeah, everything's fine!  Connie: Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but I'm really glad that I'm going to get to grow up with you. Connie: ...Steven? Steven! What's going on? What happened? Connie: We were just talking then all of a sudden- Pearl: He turned back into a baby?! Connie: YES!

Keep Beach City Safe

DOGCOPTER 4: ALL DOGS GO TO WAR Jan 5 2016

Dogcopter 4 has finally been released! All Dogs Go to War!

I’ve been dying to see this movie for age, but I never had the time. I’ve been so busy with my blog and picking the perfect present for Steven. I’ve watched all the other Dogcopter Movies, but I haven’t had time to watch this one. But now I have a little free time to do something. After I watch it I won’t spoil it for the rest of you. I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

#Dogcopter 4 #Steven's Birthday Present #Dogcopter Movies #Smart Spoiler

Same Old World

Lapis: So, what does happen in Empire City? Steven: Well, let's see. If you lived here, you could get a cool apartment, and be a single Gem taking on the big city. You'll have a fun job at a local coffee shop and come home to a wacky roommate... Lapis: I have no idea what you're talking about. Steven: Awww.

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Steven: I'll take care of this! Kiki: Steven, be careful! Steven: Don't worry about me! Anything is possible when you have... rockets for bones! Kiki: Steven, that was so brave! Steven: Well, it's cheddar than nothing.

Steven: Oh, hey, Dogcopter. Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: See ya, dream Kiki! Kiki: Oh, okay. See you, dream Steven! Steven: Dream Steven!

Little Homeschool

Steven: Sadie's been touring with The Suspects, promoting their new album, and Connie has been getting a head start on college prep. She's two years away from applying, but she says it doesn't hurt to start early. Steven: And speaking of higher education, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I have been cooking up a dream of our own! Cherry Quartz: I have no idea who you're talking about.

Snow Day

Amethyst: Guess what we've got lined up tonight. "Pupcopter's Sky-High Adventure"! Pearl: Sheet masks with cute animal faces! Garnet: And, most importantly, pizza. Steven: Uh, guys, I've been a vegetarian for, like, a month, and "Pupcopter" is for 6-year-olds, and I have my own skin care routine. Anyways, it's cool. I already ate.  Amethyst: Oh well. We'll just watch the movie with Cat Steven. Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

In Dreams

Dogcopter: (flies away) Stefan: Noooo!

Together Forever

Lion: (roars) Connie: Huh? Steven: Hey, Connie! How you doin'? Connie: Steven? What are you doing here? Steven: You're gonna have a fifteen-minute break in...two minutes, right? Connie: Whoa! Spot on. Steven: Connie, let's go for a walk. I'm sure you could use some fresh air. Connie: I would love to! But um... Steven: No, no, no! Don't worry! We'll go with Lion, and I promise you'll be back in fifteen minutes! Connie: Okay! Let's do this!

Growing Pains

Drew: I know you're eager to chase the mail truck, Dogcopter. But the mail truck is a decoy. Good boys chase the blue car. Be a good boy, Dogcopter. Drew: Nice work, DC! Now get the bomb off the bridge! We're almost out of time! Drew: Dogcopter! No! Drew: Dogcopter, I can't lose you. Drew: Is this... what I think it is?

Announcer: Dogcopter 6: Till Death Do We Bark: I Now Pronounce You Man And Woof! Steven: Everyone's getting married but me! Ugh! I feel like poop.

Angst you say?

Eren didn't want to shut Levi out, but between coming off his pills, loosing dancing, being pregnant and being told he very may loose his pup from all the stress he was under, Levi's probing was way too much right now... Even if it was therapeutic to vent. Everything had hit him all at once when he'd seen Levi's concerned face at Hanji's. He hated knowing Levi was worried. He hated making him look that way. He didn't want to make his alpha feel worse, that's why he'd only told him he couldn't dance anymore, rather than that he was pregnant and could miscarry at any time. As it was, he'd have to call his Ballroom partner and let her know that he wouldn't be around for the next few weeks... knowing that he'd be letting her down. For an alpha, Sasha had all the strength, but the personality of an omega. She loved her weapons, just as much as she loved her soft things. Most of her partnerships had fallen short due to her excitable personality, leaving her wondering why she'd started dancing at all. Her husband Connie had two left feet, according to Sasha, and his prankster personality made it hard to take dancing seriously, not that she truly did, but she did love it. He really liked Sasha, and she didn't think any less of him for being an omega... even when she was giving him shit for it. Waking up, Eren couldn't understand why he was so hot. His eyes feeling gritty as he forced them open, finding Levi's face millimetres from his. Right. He'd had a stupid breakdown over everything. Coming off his pills, combing with the nausea of pregnancy had left a lot of his functions fluctuating. His fainting spell coming from dehydration and the fact his body was struggling with it all. That would explain it... Wriggling from Levi's hold, the alpha tried to cling to him, mumbling his name. Fuck... he couldn't remember the last time they'd woken up like this... probably since before Viren had gotten his feet under him. When he was a small pup, they'd spend hours laying in bed, watching him sleep and dreaming of their future. Shit. He'd missed this. Their bed. Levi's cuddles... he couldn't do this right now. Escaping the bed, he found Titan had even wandered in, sprawling across the bottom of the bed like he'd never given his position to in the first place. Flicking his tail, he pretty much confirmed Eren's thoughts. If he could talked he'd, no doubt, say how happy he was that it was just the three of them again. Wrapping his arms around his waist. Eren looked towards Viren's bedroom. He might have needed a break, but it felt so cruel to send Viren away. The boy hadn't done anything wrong. Not in loving Levi... and if he did grow to be an alpha, he was only giving Eren the respect he deserved as a fucked up omega. Showering and dressing, he walked out to find Levi in the kitchen. His head was pounding like a bass drum. The last thing he wanted to do was pretend to be human, let alone a functioning one. Bed was soooo close. He could make... oh... nope, Levi was looking at him "Hey, you. How did you sleep?" "I could use another 20 years worth" Levi snorted, shaking his head. How the fuck did he manage to look so fucking good in the morning? "Come sit down and I'll make you breakfast. I thought we could go shopping today" "What happened to work?" "You're more important. How does shopping sound?" Like peopling... and being nice to people... and seeing people... "Can I have some painkillers? My head hurts" "You need water. You're still dehydrated" Walking over to the dining table, it was weird that Viren wasn't there. That he wasn't sitting on the kitchen counter talking to Levi, or stealing treats. Sitting down, he drew his right knee up, to rest his chin on it. Watching Levi bringing over a tall glass of milk, and two small white tablets. Placing them down, Eren guessed he should be happy that Levi wasn't checking him a for a fever "What do you want for breakfast?" "I'll make some cereal in a minute" "I'll make you cereal. Which one do you want? I think we have cocopops" "They're Viren's. I have cornflakes in the pantry" "Just because our son likes most of the same shit you do, doesn't mean you should go without" "It's fine. I don't feel hungry" "Were you sick again?" "No..." "Maybe you're getting better? Did you mention the bug yesterday?" Bug. He could live with the pup being called bug "Yeah. They just said to keep my fluids up" "I didn't see your appointment on the fridge" "It's on Friday the twenty-second at 4" "So Friday" Shit. He'd been sure it was next week "Yeah. Well, we need to be down in Paradis and I wanted to get it done before then" They'd offered to give him an ultrasound, but he didn't want one. Not with Hanji so close... he wanted to wait and see, as to whether he'd miscarry or not "Ok. I'll add it to the calendar, and see that I'm off" "I told you I can take myself" Downing the pills and gulping down the milk, he prayed they'd kick in soon. Pottering around the kitchen, Levi pulled out the container of cornflakes. He really suited his role as a dad. He might have gained some more wrinkles and there may now be more than a few grey hairs creeping in, but it really suited him. He was so good with Viren... "I thought we could go clothes shopping for you. It's getting cold again, and we are going on holiday" "I don't need clothes" His clothes were fine. They did the job. His anxieties decided to flare... the little voices arses as usual. Maybe this was Levi's way of telling him he needed to stop looking like a slob. It was so hard to have anything nice with kids in and out of the apartment. Something was always being spilt or there was vomit, or tears or... stuff. He binned his clothes when they got super holy... and there'd been a mass binning after Viren round a pair of scissors. Binning his yoga pants had nearly made him cry. Not that he had time for yoga... he'd have even less when the pup came... but Levi really didn't seem that keen on having another pup... Maybe he was starting to like him again because he was thin again... and he didn't dress in "girly" clothes anymore...? There was too much to think about. His brain hurt without the added pain of thoughts "Eren?" "What? Sorry" "I was saying you should let me buy you some new things" Eren pushed a smile to his lips, feeling it fall short. He didn't need Levi to buy things for him. He had money. He had more money than he knew what to do with. More money than he'd ever thought he'd have "Yeah. Maybe... it depends if I like anything" "You could probably get a few nice dresses or tops. Whatever you like. You always look good to me" It wasn't because he didn't look like a girl anymore? Did Levi want him to look more girl like? It seemed like so long since he'd bought his own clothes... and it wasn't like he didn't have nice clothes. He couldn't go Ballroom dancing in sneakers and a holy shirt... he just didn't want the kids ruining the few nice things he had. He'd had to hide the charm bracelet Levi had gifted him, along with the glass dolphin as Viren had tried to destroy them both "Ok" "Good" "When's Viren coming home?" Levi frowned at him, Eren feeling guiltier. He'd forced him to send his son away... "Whenever I call Hanji" "You should. He won't understand why you're not there" "He's healthy and he's safe..." "It feels cruel" "You need time to recharge" "You". Not "we". Levi was only doing this because he was so weak. Shit... Jumping up from his seat, Eren ran to the bathroom sink. Throwing up the milk and pills he'd just swallowed, a hand went to his stomach as he groaned. Placing a hand on Eren's back, Levi rubbed it softly, as he nuzzled into Eren's shoulder "You really should let me take..." "I've been to hospital. I don't need to go back. I had a piss and blood test. If it was something to worry over, I'd still be there" He sounded so fucking pissy. No wonder Levi rushed to soothing mode "Ok. Ok. I'm worried, that's all" "Stop it. I didn't ask for your help or worry!" Crap. He'd snapped at Levi. Shit. Coughing, it turned wet as he vomited again "Eren" "Fuck it. I'm not going to be able to eat breakfast. Let's just go do whatever you wanted to" "I wanted to take you shopping... for you" "I don't need anything. Save your money" For someone who actually deserved it "Eren. I want to start trying to fix things between us. I want to buy you things. I want to do things with you... I want to make this work. Last night, you were rejecting me. It hurt. It hurt to know I pushed you that far" "It's not just you to blame. I'm the one who's..." "I know what you're going to say, but you're not. You're not fucked in the head. Or crazy. You're exhausted and stressed. You're also my omega. I want to live up to the promises I made you. So stop thinking you're a basket case, and stupid, or whatever" "It's the same thing" "No, it's not. I know you're not crazy" "Because I didn't freak out on you yesterday" "And how often you freak out. You haven't had a panic attack that severe in a while" That Levi knew about... even when medicated, they'd still come, though milder. The ones off of his meds... yeah. He knew he was still a basket case. He couldn't have this pup. Not like this... he'd have to talk with his doctor about options... he didn't want to abort it, but he was a bad mum and a bad omega "Why don't you change into something warmer? I'll make you some toast for breakfast" "I told you I can't eat" "You need to. It's not healthy not to. Even if it's just a slice of toast, you need something in your stomach" He wasn't going to win... no matter what he did or said.... "Fine. I'll go change" Levi kissed his shoulder. Eren instantly wanting to cave into the man's touch. He wanted Levi to love him like he used to. When he'd randomly kiss him, or hug him, or jump into the shower with him, or wrap his arms around him and cling like a child as he cooked... He missed laying in bed talking and snuggling. He missed having real adult conversations, and watching scary movies to make fun of them. God. He longed for it all... Feeling his emotions well, his omega snarkily reminded him that he could have all of that, if he wasn't such a sorry excuse for an omega. He hadn't missed the insults his omega would supply. He hadn't missed feeling this shitty. He hadn't missed his paranoia or depression. He definitely hadn't missed feeling like he was walking on eggshells around his own emotions. No. He hadn't missed any of that. * Dragged shopping, Eren kept trying to put things back. While Levi kept putting things in the shopping trolley. He was trying not to let the fact he was pregnant influence his purchases. If Levi had wanted another pup from him, he wouldn't be using two condoms or avoiding the subject. That was the clear answer to their problem. Shorts it was. It was still warm enough to pull them off He ended up with an insane amount of new clothes and shoes that he was sure he didn't need. They wouldn't stay nice and new for long. He couldn't help but pick up clothes for Viren. Levi brushed off his enquiries of where his new clothes were. His alpha was better at buying new clothes for himself than Eren had been since Viren's birth, and anything that Levi had wore to death, was magically replaced thanks to online shopping. Despite the fact it would probably never be used, Eren did manage to buy some new makeup colour pallets and foundation. He missed the days where he used to take such good and careful care of his skin, only his stretch marks and suicide scars got any attention these days. Levi had naturally perfect skin. The alpha never knew his pain, or the pain of a breakout. It was hard to accept acne when it was on your face, as acne had such an ugly stigma. His changing hormones had brought more pimples than he knew what to do with. No one chose acne, but they did choose to be a dick about it. After clothes shopping, Levi forced him to have a manicure and pedicure, while the alpha took care of something. He didn't know what, only that Levi kissed him, then disappeared off to wherever he had in mind, leaving Eren to trail into the salon in a state of confusion. Was it wrong that he was kind of feeling a little better, up until Levi had left? He had Levi's undivided attention. His mate was listening to his words, and his son wasn't throwing a tantrum over Levi paying attention to him. He was so fucking selfish. His son was just a pup. He deserved all Levi's attention, and Levi deserved to be happy. Struggling with his anxieties, he barely made his wishes understood, clumsily pointing out a nice cheese-leaf design for his fingers. Coming back mid-pedicure, Levi was sans their shopping. Standing over the woman doing his nails, his mate crossed his arms, while Eren found himself staring. His stomach was rolling like there was no tomorrow, for the first time in a long time, he really wanted to scratch... he should be enjoying this. Levi wanted him to enjoy this. Fucking pregnancy meaning no sanity pills. Levi could have just said he was off to put the shopping in the car, maybe he was mad over how much they'd ended up buying? Eren had said no. He'd even tried to put things back because they were way too much... but Levi had pulled out his m card and paid for it all without giving him a chance to pay for himself. Lifting his feet out the water to dry them, the small beta woman asked what colour he wanted his toenails. Levi pulled a face like it was weird, so he left it to his alpha, as a small stab of revenge. Levi choosing a dark green that he hadn't even noticed. It was nice, but he wasn't sure he wanted green toes until she started painting them. Mentally sighing to himself, he'd have to remember to wear shoes, or risk upsetting Viren. But hey, at least it went with his silver fingernails and their dainty leaf design. Leaving the salon, Levi wrapped his arm around his waist. Eren's knees nearly going weak as his alpha's scent wrapped around him "Is there anything else we need to get? Or is it just food shopping, left?" "I need to get a suitcase. I don't have one, and I think Viren needs a new one. His is filled with toys" "He does know he can't take all his toys with him" "He's two, nearly, three. He doesn't understand that he is coming back" "You know, you're really good with him. I know things haven't been great, but you've always kept trying to do what was best for him. He's lucky to have you as a mum" "I wouldn't say that" "Eren" "It's true. I'm not much of a mum" "You are. You run the whole household. You keep us all in check. You cook. You clean. You pay the bills. You make the appointments. You know what needs to be done and you take care of it. I'm so proud of you, and I'm sorry I've been putting so much pressure on you" "I don't do much... I mean. I'm usually with the kids" "I don't have the patience to spend the day chasing after four kids. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't dance right now. But... it's temporary right?" "If you're asking if I'm dying, I'm not" "That's not what I meant. I mean, you're ok. Or you're going to be ok with rest, right?" "Yes, Levi. I'll be fine. They just said u pushed myself too far while sick. When it passes, I should be able to go back to dancing" "I wish you'd told me" "Why?" "Because... you need more you time. I could have looked after Viren, or I could dropped you off, or picked you up" "Viren likes the bus... so does Anna" "Hanji said Anna wants to start dancing" "She wants to do ballet. She's very much the little princess" "What about Viren?" "He hates it. He doesn't mind the crèche, but they're really good with the kids there" "What activities do they do?" "I'm not allowed to tell. He said so" Levi rolled his eyes "He's 2" "And silly mummy isn't allowed to tell daddy anything. That's what he said" "Eren, you know you can tell him off. Smacking his bum for misbehaving isn't the same as putting him through what you went through" Eren nearly laughed. Levi thought he didn't disciplined Viren? Wow... he was even more useless than he thought "Yeah. Sure... anyway, Viren will want a red suitcase" "I said the wrong thing again, didn't I?" "No. I just don't want to talk about it" "We need to. He can't treat you without respect. I refuse to let it keep happening" "Levi, he's just a pup, and I'm not the only mum this has happened to" "It doesn't make it ok. You didn't... you didn't nearly die giving birth for things to be like this. And I didn't promise to marry you, for to be trapped in a life where you're suffering" This was all too heavy. Hitting far too close to home, and it all felt like too little too late "I proposed to you, remember" "And I promised to protect and love you. I love you, but somewhere along the line I started taking you for granted" Ouch. That. That one hurt. Knowing it, was different from hearing it out loud "I grew to expect you waiting at home with Viren. And didn't think about what that meant for you. About how hard it would be for you to be alone" But he wasn't alone. He had Viren. And Anna. And Hanji, and Marco, and Mina and Anka. He had Sasha and Connie. And the people at the dance studio. The only person he didn't have was Levi, because Levi was working hard to support them... and the only person who could ease any of his pain and loneliness was Levi. Even with Hanji, he found himself only speaking half truths, and only seeking comfort from her when his omega side left him feeling so pathetically weak that he'd take love from the first alpha who'd gift it upon him. He was a wreck, and didn't deserve the love Levi was showing him. He wanted to go home... No. wanted to go Hanji's. He wanted to go home if it meant his brain would stop all this shit, and it meant Levi would love him. But they had responsibilities. They had a son to consider and everything else came second to that. "Eren? What are you thinking?" "I think I need to stay with Hanji a while longer" Levi's scent turned pained, his alpha pausing mid step while someone behind them complained at their sudden stop "If I say I want you at home, will you come home?" "Levi. I know you love me. But I'm a mess" "Look. I want to work this out. I already told my boss that I need to be home with you" Levi did what? That wasn't ok. He didn't need more people thinking he was a weak omega. He'd never met Levi's new boss, but they probably thought him a stupid omega "I didn't ask you to do that" "No. But that's only because you felt you couldn't" "If I'd wanted things to changed, I wouldn't have said something" "Things need to change" "And what? You're the only one working. They won't give me a job" "I know Marco and Hanji pay you for babysitting" "It's not the same. Besides, Marco and Jean are thinking of moving. They've been wanting to move closer to Jean's family for a while now, and Anna. She's like a daughter. Hanji won't let me not accept payment. She puts it my account, and sends it back to me if I return it. So I use it on Anna" "Hanji was thinking of putting Anna in daycare to get her used to socialising with more people" Eren held his tongue. Levi wasn't great at forcing a casual tone. Maybe to someone else, but not to him. No doubt Hanji and Levi had been talking about his fragile mental state and decided it was best he wasn't left with small children "It might be good for Viren too. He's got to be sick of playing with the girls all the time" And there it was. He was right "If you think it's for the best. I don't know. I didn't go to school" "Eren. It's not that I don't think you're a good mum" "Levi, everything you've said tells me that's exactly what you think. I do discipline Viren. I tell him I love him. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. And this... this was all ok. I was coping until my meds stopped. All this talking is just making me feel worse" "I just want to help" "You can't ok. You can't. This problem is inside me. I need to work on me and figure out how to fix me. Now. Let's just go home. Viren doesn't need us fighting" "We still need to go food shopping" "You should go with Viren. You don't get to come, but he loves it, and he'd love to go with you" "And what about you? That's cutting you out of the family again, and that's the kind of shit I'm trying to stop" Eren smiled a sad smile of defeat "If it makes him smile, then that's ok. He might not believe it, but if he's happy, than that's all that matters to me" "Why do you... how... fuck. This isn't what I fucking wanted. You're my mate. My love. My fiancée and my omega. I hate this" "I thought happy endings never meant having to be sad... but I love him, Levi. I love him more than I love life. His happiness is the only thing I could wish for. And besides, he loves you. Even if he doesn't want to admit he's anything like me, he's got good taste" "Do you... you know, still love me?" "With all my heart and soul" "Then how do I fix this?" "You stop blaming yourself. I go to the doctor on Friday and we go from there" "I don't think I can wait that long" "Well pushing the issue has only made us both upset. I can smell my own scent and it fucking stinks. I want to bring Viren home and take a bath" "Is that what you really want? Or is that what you think I want?" "It's what he wants. And I want what he wants, for him" Head butting his shoulder, Levi wrapped his arms around him "I don't fucking deserve you" "No. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you" "I don't know how we managed to make the most adorable shit in the world" Returning the hug felt like the right thing to do "I've taken some giant shits, and I promise you, it's nothing compared to giving birth" "Aren't you lucky we only have one. It'd be a shame if anything happened to that arse of yours" Eren hoped Levi didn't notice the way he tensed before forcing himself to relax and nod "Yeah... I guess if we're going to do this right, I won't be staying at Hanji's" "You can. If you need to" "Viren wouldn't be happy there. He really loves you" "God. I feel like an arsehole" "No. You're not. Blame the medication, I am" "I thought you were getting better, even without the pills" "You didn't sign up for this" "I'm your alpha. I didn't even feel it through our bond" Levi sniffled, Eren realising his neck was growing wet as his alpha cried... in the middle of the shopping centre. Levi wasn't an emotionally stunted robot but he also wasn't one to cry like this "I'm sorry. I think we should go home" "Yeah. We can shop online, if that's ok" "Yeah. I usually do"

(Chap. 12 + Chap. 13) When Parallel Lines Meet

Masterlist

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Chapter 12

“Connie Stephanie!” Logan hissed, stalking up to Connie. “What were you thinking? Running away like that?”

Connie whirled around and a look of shock crossed her face. She took a tiny step back.

“Logan,” Patton began, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder. “I’m sure-”

Logan shrugged Patton’s hand off. “-She has a reason why she ran off without us knowing and going to the government? Without telling one of us?”

“We’re lucky there’s no cameras on this side…” Kate murmured.

“I...I just assumed that...you know...didn’t want to save the children. And Virgil Bolter and the rest of the Markku group.” Connie added in quickly.

“We agreed to sleep on it. Not impulsively run off just to be killed when the government inevitably kills you.” Logan snapped.

Patton had not seen Logan fuming mad even though he had known him only for a little bit; not including when they were children.

Logan was steely and perfectly poised. His arms crossed, his legs of a normal distance apart, and his face was not red with fury.

But no one wanted to cross him anymore than he already was.

Connie was looking down at her feet, not daring to catch Logan’s glare. “I’m sorry. I just...really wanted to help everyone. We can go home now if you’d like.” She sounded close to crying.

Logan pursed his lips and didn’t say anything for a moment.

Patton wished he knew what was going on in that brain of his. Would he agree and heard them all home or try to do something Kate dubbed “impossible”?

Even though the wind was slapping Patton’s face and the leaves were rustling around, it was silent. No cars were zooming in the distance, and no one dared to breathe.

“No.” Logan said sharply. “We’re getting the kids, the Markku group, and Virgil out.”

Connie’s head shot up and her jaw slacked slightly. “What?” She gaped like a fish out of water.

“We’re getting everyone out of that place.” Logan repeated, his anger running out and replaced with determination.

“First we have to open that door,” Kate pointed, nodding to the door shape in the metal wall that had no doorknob.

“Do you know where it leads?” Patton asked, looking between Connie and Logan.

They both shook their heads.

“When looking at the building’s blueprint a couple of weeks ago I don’t recall seeing a door or a possibility to where it leads.” Logan explained, pushing up his glasses before running his hand along the grove of the outline of the door.

“I came here because there’s no cameras,” Connie explained quietly.

“Is there some sort of secret screen or code to get in?” Patton suggested. “A button to turn it on?”

Logan tried pressing lightly on the wall and around the door.

“Logan!” Kate explained suddenly. “Look at the top corner!”

Patton’s eyes travelled up to the top of the door. His eyes flicked to the right corner then to the left.

In the left corner was the shape of the plus sign with a circle around it. The plus was raised while the space around the circle was indented. It was only the size of a dime; Patton wouldn’t have noticed it if Kate hadn’t pointed it out.

“It’s modified slightly.” Logan stated slowly.

“Exactly. Which means it’s possible Virgil created this door. In any case, this door is not a government door.” Kate said.

Logan outstretched his arm and tapped the symbol right in the center.

The door slid silently to the right. A wave of stale air blew out.

“Well...that was pretty easy.” Connie mumbled quietly.

The four of them walked collectively in through the door. The walls were metal and a greyish white. Up ahead, Patton saw a split in the tunnel.

“What is this?” Connie breathed.

“I don’t see any cameras.” Kate stated, running her her hands along the smooth walls.

They came to the split and Logan looked both ways, tapping his foot which echoed throughout the halls.

“Left?” Connie offered, pointing down the left tunnel which looked exactly like the one to the right.

“They’re duplicates,” Logan said finally. “We aren’t splitting up so, yes, let’s go left,” he nodded, looking over at Connie.

Patton maybe walked three steps before they came to another fork in the tunnel.

“Left?” Connie supplied again.

“Logan nodded and they all went left once again.

“Where do you think it leads?” Kate asked, climbing the metal stairs up a couple of feet.

“A secret laboratory?” Patton wondered out loud.

“Owned by who? The government?” Kate asked.

When they came to the next fork Connie was in the front and she slightly walked right.

Logan didn’t question it; in fact, no one said anything at all.

Patton kept glancing over at Connie, wondering if she just went whichever way she wanted or had some kind of reason why.

Around three minutes passed when Patton could hear voices. One male and one female.

“Virgil!” Patton exclaimed, smiling, recognizing his voice.

At the same time, Logan and Kate bursted out, “Sophie!”

The voices suddenly stopped and as Patton, Kate, Connie, and Logan drew closer, Virgil and Sophie came into view. Behind them was a wooden panel.

“Logan...Kate…” Sophie trailed off. Her eyes were wide and her eyes flashed between her two group members. Patton found she looked like Connie when Logan had went up to her; ashamed.

Logan ignored Sophie and turned his attention to Virgil. “Virgil Bolter. Nice to finally meet you in person.” He held out a hand.

Virgil hesitantly took it.

“I’m Logan,” Logan introduced.

Virgil’s eyes roamed over the four of them.

Patton grinned at Virgil. He wished Virgil still had remembered everything.

Virgil glanced over at Sophie who nodded in response.

“I’m Kate Pascal,” Kate smiled at Virgil. She turned to Sophie and gave her a death stare.

“Connie Stephanie,” Connie said, her face showing elation and hopefulness.

“I’m Patton Fitzroy,” Patton said, wanting to go up and hug him. “I’m a friend. You came to my house.” He grinned even wider. “I gave your note to Logan.”

Virgil looked overwhelmed and confused.

The six of them were put in a thick silence until Logan turned to Connie. “How did you know which ways to turn in these tunnels?” His voice wasn’t suspicious or accusing, just curious.

“Tunnels?” Sophie repeated.

Again, she was ignored.

“The pencil. Virgil’s pencil.” Connie said, glancing over at Virgil. “Those grooves in the pencil was a map of these tunnels.”

Logan blinked. Patton got the pencil out of his backpack and passed it to Logan.

“How did you find out?” Logan asked.

Connie looked uncomfortable. Her face was flushed red. Whether it was because she was under the scrutiny of Logan or something else entirely, Patton didn’t know.

“Well,” she explained. “I’ve always had a pretty good memory. My dad liked to challenge me so we’d often sit on opposite sides of the room; him with a maze book. I would try to remember which ways to go in the maze to get through. It was a good distraction and something to do when I was bored. Anyway, I was looking at Virgil’s pencil and decided to remember it for fun. When we came inside the tunnel and there was a fork in the road I just decided to go through the maze on the pencil.” Connie shrugged.

“So there you have it,” Sophie murmured, “you made these tunnels.”

Virgil looked more confused than he had before. His eyes were flicking quickly back and forth. His chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace.

“But he can’t have done it alone,” Logan said. “Building a massive maze tunnel in secret.”

“Should we go and try to break out the kids and the rest of the Markku group?” Kate asked suddenly.

Logan had been about to reply when Patton cut in. “You alright Virgil?”

Five pairs of eyes turned to look at Virgil.

“I don’t know,” Virgil replied meekly, his pale face becoming red. “It’s just...Mr. Edra…he said that I worked here. Why would I make an escape route and all these secret things?”

“Mr. Edra is manipulative and will stop at nothing until he gets what he wants.” Logan explained politely.

“You ran away as soon as the government decided to do human experiments,” Connie piped up,

“But...but...Mr. Edra-” Virgil sputtered.

***

Roman couldn’t sleep.

The window was opened and the wind was blowing roughly around the room.

His red quilt he had brought from home was kicked to the floor in a pile.

Roman’s paper cranes and other origami pieces were swinging from their strings on the ceiling.

After awhile of just floating in his own thoughts, looking at the same ceiling tile, he decided to see if he could go into someone’s hopes and dreams over long distance.

Virgil, Roman thought immediately. He hadn’t looked into Virgil yet.

Roman wasn’t sure how long of a distance his power could work. The two times he used his powers the people were close to him. Roman had no idea where Virgil was but, all he could do was try.

He remembered a lot of movies and listened to enough ebooks to know to close your eyes when doing something cool with your power.

Roman closed his eyes and wondered where Virgil was. Sleeping? Doing some kind of work? Speaking to Mr. Edra who would be spewing even more lies to him?

It felt like an eternity but it was probably more like two minutes when Roman saw Virgil speaking to people.

It was a blinding flash of a vision in front of his eyes so Roman couldn’t get a glimpse of who he was talking to.

When the bright light faded Roman was surrounded by pitch black crystals. They looked like amethyst crystals.

The jagged crystals were poking out of the floor, ceiling, and walls. There was no discernible light source yet Roman could see and, each flat surface of the crystals were reflective and shiney.

Roman swirled around and he could see where Virgil would be standing. It was right in the center and the crystals were covering him, kind of like a tower.

Roman drew closer to Virgil, intent on cleaning the crystals off him.

He raised a hand, doing the same thing he did with Dr. Cross.

The crystals did not fall away, but stayed firmly in place. Roman tried again and got the same results.

He drifted closer, deciding to go for the old way; using his hands.

The crystals were hard and cool to touch, the jagged edges sharp and could possibly draw blood.

The crystals didn’t move when Roman touched them. He pressed harder, feeling the sharp edges digging into his skin.

They still didn’t fall away.

Roman gritted his teeth. Was this the memory block Mr. Edra had done on Virgil? It wouldn’t allow Virgil to see or know his hopes and dreams?

He kicked the large crystal that was holding Virgil out of annoyance.

A small piece of crystal chipped off and clinked to the ground.

For a second there, Roman just stared at the tiny thing before kicking the crystal again.

Once he fully removed the crystal from Virgil, the rest would come off too. Like Canace’s theatre.

Roman didn’t have anything to tell time with but he stayed kicking the crystal. When his right leg became numb and bruised, he switched to his other leg.

When Roman managed to free a little bit of Virgil’s torso, he stopped to take a short break. He was glad the stuff didn’t grow back.

It was then that Roman thought about how much easier the whole thing would be with some kind of tool, like a chisel and hammer.

In less than a second, the a silver chisel and hammer appeared in front of him, floating in midair.

Roman hesitantly reached out a hand to the chisel. His fingers closed around the smooth, brown, wooden handle. He grabbed the hammer with his other hand.

He had no idea he could conjure things but he didn’t want to explore further. Sure, he was curious but there was something more important to do.

Roman began chiseling away at the glittering crystals.

It was easier and faster than kicking, and it hurt less. However, they were still hard to break away.

Roman had a long night ahead of him.

***

Virgil felt floaty and he had a bad headache. This was all too much.

His heart was thumping and there was something...something about his past. It was like a word on the tip of his tongue that he just couldn’t quite remember. Was his amnesia beginning to fade away?

Virgil was sweaty and felt imaginary walls closing in on him. It didn’t help that he had five pairs of eyes on him. He felt like a fish in a fish bowl with little curious children peeking in at him.

Mr. Edra knew what he was doing. He was powerful and trusted Virgil enough to tell him a skeleton code to get through all the doors in the building. Why would he lie to him?

“What about Mr. Edra?” Logan asked, a fire burning in his eyes.

Virgil didn’t like Logan. No, he just didn’t like being around him. He was cold and calculating and made Virgil feel weird. He didn’t know Logan at all but Virgil knew not to mess with him.

“I don’t know…” Virgil finally relented. “It just...doesn’t feel right.” Weakly, he said, “it’s illegal.”

“You’re doing something illegal right now,” Sophie said after a moment. “You’re supposed to tell the government any information if you come in contact, see, or hear anything to do with the Markku group.”

“Don’t you dare talk,” Kate snapped. “Don’t you dare talk about the Markku group.”

“Kate,” Logan said. “She has a point.” He turned to Virgil. “You know Mr. Edra does human experiments, correct?”

Virgil blinked but inside his heart faltered. “So?” He managed out.

“Children,” Connie added in, enunciating the word as she looked at Virgil. She gave Virgil the same vibes as Logan, someone not to mess with.

Virgil bit his lip. He knew human experiments were wrong. Children were even worse. “Okay, okay,” Virgil said, his voice cracking as his headache got worse.

Logan nodded and Connie breathed a sigh of relief.

“Where does that lead?” Patton asked, pointing to the back of the bookshelf.

Virgil turned to Patton. Whereas before when he looked at Patton he drew a blank, now there was an aura of familiarity surrounding him.

Sophie explained about the bookshelf. Logan, Patton, and Connie, were listening to her intently while Kate refused to even look in her direction.

“So, what’s the plan?” Connie asked after Sophie finished.

“Children first the the Markku group.” Logan decided. He turned to Virgil and Sophie. “Where are they held?”

“Over a couple of hallways down,” Virgil replied. “They’re sleeping and the door is locked. I’ve got a skeleton code to get through.” He added in.

Logan nodded. “And the Markku group?”

“Down in the basement.” Sophie said simply. Her eyes suddenly widened. “Oh no! Ben!”

“What about Ben?” Kate asked, her head swiveling to Sophie. Her eyes were wild and panicked.

“Mr. Edra took him somewhere, to the basement I think, and tied him up.” Sophie said softly. She gazed at the right wall, avoiding Kate’s gaze. “It’s all my fault.”

Logan bit his lip. Kate clenched her fists and took a step toward Sophie.

Patton reined her back. “We’ll find him,” he nodded bravely. “Logan will make sure of it. I will make sure of it.”

Logan ignored Patton’s statement, deciding to neither confirm or deny it. He then turned to Kate. “You think you can deactivate the cameras on the way to get the kids?”

“I’ll try my best,” Kate said, glaring over at Sophie. “Maybe only for a few seconds.” She took a small device out of Patton’s backpack. It looked like a tiny computer.

Virgil watched as Kate powered on the computer and clicked away at the tiny keys.

The silence was unbearable and Virgil felt the need to shout to keep the silence at bay.

“Okay go! We have exactly seven seconds to pass through the first couple of cameras!”

Sophie smacked the button and the wooden bookshelf slid open. There was a man’s portrait on the opposite wall.

Their footsteps pitter pattered through the hallways quickly and silently. Sophie was in the front and Kate was in the back.

“Quick, quick!” Kate hissed.

Virgil glanced back and saw Kate running; her left hand holding the computer up while her right hand was flying over the keys. The computer was balanced precariously on her arm and Virgil hoped the computer wouldn’t fall.

“Almost there!” Sophie whispered.

Virgil felt a huge lump in his throat. This was wrong. This wasn’t the right thing to do. Stealing children at night? But then, it felt like he was supposed to do this. Like he was supposed to be here. He wasn’t uncomfortable or planned to tell Mr. Edra through his wrist bracelet.

“We’re here!” Sophie said, bringing Virgil out of his thoughts. “Quick! Virgil put in the code!”

Virgil didn’t know who was pushing him forward but he felt hands on his back as he was shoved towards the number pad.

He quickly typed in the password, his hands not shaking at all. They were steady and pressed firmly on the rubber buttons.

The door glided over, revealing the common room with the childrens bedroom doors lining the far wall.

“These cameras are easier to get through,” Kate murmured, sitting down on a sofa without taking her eyes off the screen. “Hurry now! Wake the kids and keep them quiet!”

Virgil went to the closest door next to him and swung it open, adrenaline rushing through him.

He came face to face with the boy who had spoken with him saying that he didn’t actually work for the government. He supposed he should apologize but now wasn’t the time. He had on a white PJ top with red pants.

“Virgil?” He asked, a look of shock on his face. It occured to Virgil that he didn’t know his name.

“Get out of your room. No time to get dressed.” Virgil stated. “Be quiet.”

At that exact moment a crying girl pierced the air. “Shhh! Shhh!” Virgil could hear Sophie murmuring in another room.

“What...what’s happening?” The guy asked, walking out of his room.

“We’re getting the twelve of you out of this place. No more questions, help me get the rest of the children awake.” Virgil explained quickly.

He turned around just as Connie walked out of the room next to him, a little boy clinging onto her hand and quietly crying.

Chapter 13

Time seemed to still for Logan when he saw Roman and Connie look at each other. Logan had been getting a girl up and carrying her out when Roman and Connie caught each other’s gaze.

Connie’s eyes immediately teared up and let go of the boy’s hand.

Roman’s eyes went wide with shock and his eyebrows flew upwards.

It felt like time was slowing and everything was going in slow motion when perhaps it was only seconds.

“Connie?” Roman asked, his body stock still.

Connie didn’t say anything but flung herself at the boy, her body shaking from gut wrenching sobs.

They stayed in the embrace, Roman beginning to tear up too.

Logan was incredibly confused; in fact, everyone looked confused. Even Kate had stopped clicking and turned her attention to Roman and Connie.

No one really wanted to interrupt their embrace but they were on a tight schedule.

Logan stepped forward and coughed. “Excuse me? Who is this man, Connie? How do you know him?”

Connie seemed to suddenly realize they had an audience and stepped back from Roman, wiping the back of her palm over her tears. She sniffed, glanced at Roman again, before saying, “my brother-oh my gosh! Ro! I can’t believe it!” Connie blubbered, flinging herself at Roman again, enveloping him into a bear hug.

This time, it was Logan to become still. The entire room went still again, the only ones who seemed immune to it was Connie and Roman.

Brother, Logan repeated in his head. Brother!? He thought more loudly. “You said your brother was gone to university.” He pointed out, his voice cutting through the air like a dagger.

Connie opened her mouth to reply but Kate’s voice came through. “Sorry to break up this all up, but we still have the Markku group to save.”

Logan spun away on his heel, stalking away from the siblings embrace, and into another child’s room. Sheliedsheliedsheliedshelied. Connie lied. Those words rattled in his brain over and over as he lightly shook a child’s body to get them awake. What else had she lied about?

Logan didn’t know why this was affecting him so much. This was about a girl who appeared on his doorstep and elbowed her way into the Markku group.

Then, another epiphany slapped him right across the face. She was taking down Roman’s pictures inside her house. That’s why I didn’t see any pictures of her brother.

The child awoke and Logan nearly hauled them out of bed by the right arm.

When all the children were up and accounted for, they began to move downwards to the basement.

“How are we escaping?” Roman asked, further back down the group.

“Through Virgil’s tunnel.” Connie replied.

Logan didn’t want to look at either of them.

“Are you alright, Logan?” Virgil asked, coming up and matching his steps. “You look a little...stressed-“ he gasped as a thought crossed his mind. “Canace!”

“Canace?” Logan repeated. “Who’s that?”

“Mr. Edra’s daughter. She-she...she has weather manipulation and Mr. Edra put her in with the children. I don’t know where she sleeps though.” Virgil said quickly, his face panicked and anxious.

“Another kid? I thought there were only 12 kids!” Logan said. “And Mr. Edra’s daughter? Weather Manipulation?”

“She was only brought a couple days ago. She no doubt sleeps in some special place locked and seriously watched over.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Logan snapped. “First Ben now Mr. Edra’s daughter?”

“We need to get her out. When she gets older she could possibly stop the storm.” Virgil said.

Logan sighed and his eyebrows drew closer together. “Very well.” He said tightly.

They all walked in silence, the 12 children all deathly silent.

Voices trickled down from a hallway near.

“Boss wanted us to bring the water down, why us?” A male voice grumbled.

“‘Cause you said that you’d just love to do it!” A female shot back.

Their voices got closer and closer to them. Logan quickly pushed Virgil over to the nearest door to open it. Once Virgil quickly typed in his password he ushered everyone inside and hastily shut the door.

The room was pitch black. He didn’t know how large it was but it would have to do.

He brought his face near the crack in the door in time to see two people walk by, a large trolly filled with large containers which were supposedly filled with water.

“Hello?” A voice weakly called out. “Who’s there? Is that you Glen?”

Logan spun around. Someone managed to turn on the lights.

The room they had managed to get in reminded Logan sickly of a hospital, with a frail lady in a white bed and machines next to her, beeping and showing things as soon as the lights were flashed on.

The lady had straw like yellow hair and cloudy blue eyes. Her body was covered with white sheets and she had a young blonde girl cuddled up next to her?

“Canace?!” Virgil exclaimed.

Logan saw relief on his face. His eyes glanced over to Patton who’s eyebrows were drawn together and was looking at the lady. “Winnie…?” He asked slowly, scratching his head.

“Virgil!” Canace exclaimed, jumping up and hopping out of bed, a small smile on her face. “Roman!” She added in, seeing Roman standing over by Connie.

“How...how do you know me?” The woman-Winnie asked, trying to push herself up into a sitting position.

Patton quickly went over to attend to her pillows and help her sit up. “Sirena showed me your’s and Glen’s graduation photo.”

Winnie’s face went sour when Patton brought up Sirena but immediately softened. “I always liked that photo,” she told Patton. “I have a copy of it right here, actually,” she added in, pointing a shaky hand into a drawer next to her.

Patton slid open the drawer.

“Patton,” Logan said quietly, stepping closer to Patton so Winnie couldn’t hear. “We need to get to the Markku group.”

Patton bit his lip and brought out another journal like book.

Logan glazed over the book as Patton flicked through the photos. In each picture there were smiling faces of young Winnie and he suspected young Mr. Edra.

“He’s actually smiling,” Patton murmured.

“What are you doing with all the children?” Winnie asked, her eyes looking at the photos before glancing up to look at the 12 kids.

Logan saw Roman in the far corner on a chair, his eyes spacey and vacant. He ignored him for now, Roman wasn’t the problem.

Before anyone had a chance to speak or think of a lie, Winnie began again. “You’re stealing them away, aren’t you?”

“Winnie, these children here are being hurt...they’re away from their families and are being tested on,” Patton said quietly.

“My husband’s not a monster,” Winnie stated.

Connie snorted.

“There’s a storm coming, you know.” Winnie said. “He’s trying to make super powered children to stop the storm. A Weather Manipulator. We haven’t found them yet, according to my husband, but he’s trying his best.” She wrung her hands.

“But children, Winnie. Children.” Connie piped up. “My brother went off and I haven’t seen him in two years.”

“Well, that was his choice.” Winnie said, flustered. “All the children signed a contract. You can take it back whenever you want.” She was grasping for words.

“What was he like when you first got married?” Patton suddenly said.

Winnie looked slightly surprised at the question. “Oh, he was such a sweetheart. He was head over heels for me. In fact, he fell in love with me at first sight. It was beautiful.” She sighed before shaking her head, getting back on track, and looking at Connie.

“The storm is due to hit tonight. You won’t be getting out of here.” Winnie said.

“How come you aren’t worried?” Logan said, narrowing his eyes. “A storm and you seem fairly calm.”

“My husband built a place underground.” Winnie said defiantly. “We’ll keep testing until we find a Weather Manipulator.”

Logan glanced around. Maybe they should have gotten the Markku group out first instead of the children.

Virgil looked absolutely pale and sick while Roman was still zoning out. What is he doing? He thought.

“Mom?” Canace asked. “What about grandma?” Her lip was trembling. Something told Logan this was the first time she was hearing about the storm. For a kid, she was taking this well.

“She has her own place.” Winnie soothed, running a hand through her daughter’s blonde hair. “She’ll be alright.” She nodded.

“That’s why they were taking water down to the basement!” Connie exclaimed, glancing worriedly over to Roman. Apparently, she didn’t know what was wrong with her brother either.

Logan was antsy and nervous. They had to leave. Soon. They had stayed in one place for too long. They were sitting ducks.

“Go. Go on.” Winnie said, laying down in her bed. “You won’t be able to get out. You’re trapped in here now.” She wasn’t menacing or threatening, just factual and quiet. However, the words shook Logan to the core.

They all didn’t need to be told twice.

Connie shook Roman “awake”

Logan was going down the stairs quickly and quietly, in front of all of the group. They needed a new plan. But what? This was the wrong decision, he thought. But then he remembered Winnie’s words. If he had stayed home he would have been killed. He wasn’t prepared back home. He didn’t have a secret underground bunker with food and water to last until they found a Weather Manipulator.

“What if we kill Mr. Edra?” Connie said, quickening her pace and coming closer to Logan. “Then we won’t have to worry about him and we can torture some guard to tell us where the underground place is.”

It was an okay idea but Logan didn’t want to listen to her. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything; he looked straight ahead.

“Very mature,” Connie snapped. “Listen,” she suddenly said. “ I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Roman was my brother. I didn’t think you’d take me seriously if I told you. You would have thought the only reason I wanted to save the children was because of him.”

“And was it?” Logan asked, his voice icy cold.

Connie didn’t respond immediately. Logan didn’t look over at her. The only sounds were of the quiet footsteps of everyone going downstairs.

“Maybe at first.” Connie said slowly. “But then I realized what the government was doing. Before, all I was thinking about was Roman. He took up all of my thoughts. I missed him so much. But I didn’t know the whole picture. And the storm. The Markku group kinda feels like a second family. And you’re kinda like a-“

“-How did you know about the Markku group in the first place?” Logan cut Connie off. He still was unsure about Connie. This was the last question that was nagging his mind.

Connie grinned a little, “you might know my parents. Achbor. That’s our last name. Stephanie’s my middle name.”

Achbor...the name rang a bell in Logan’s mind. Then, it clicked.

“Alexandra and Nick Achbor.” Logan stated, his eyebrows raising. He finally looked over to Connie who was studying him curiously. “You’re their daughter.”

Connie nodded. “And my memory is kinda like a steel trap. I remember being ten or eleven and hearing my parents talk about Logan Markku and the Markku group. About some old house.”

Logan nodded, that made sense. Connie did prove her memory was incredible in the maze.

Alexandra and Nick had been a part of the Markku group and were one of the first members along with Ben and Sophie.

They had decided to leave the group to grow their family without possible danger, which was understandable.

In return, they had to dispose of everything related to their association with the Markku group.

“We’re here!” Sophie said as they came to the basement. She pointed to a thick metal door.

“You’ve got your skeleton password, right Virgil?” Roman asked hesitantly.

Virgil pursed his lips and looked at the keypad. He looked like a sore thumb with his white lab coat against the dark clothing of everyone else. “Perhaps.” He said slowly.

“Sophie, can you stay with the children?” Logan asked, looking over his shoulder. He didn’t know what was behind that door and he wasn’t about to let children see it.

Sophie glanced quickly at the door, the sides of her mouth dropping into a small frown before quickly hiding it and nodding. “Sure.”

Virgil walked over to a door further down the hallway and opened it up easily without password. “Here, you guys can hang out here.”

“What’s in there?” Roman asked.

“When I woke up after the car accident I was there.” Virgil said, shrugging. “It’s spacious.”

Sophie hearded the kids into the room which looked pretty empty and shut the door. Logan hoped they would be alright.

He turned back to the door holding the Markku group.

***

Roman was pretty clueless as to what was happening. Virgil just knocked on his door, explained the plan vaguely and then they were off.

But Connie. Connie was here. His sister was here now, standing next to him as Virgil punched in the password to get inside.

He knew inside was the Markku group but that was pretty much it. He didn’t know where they were going afterwards.

But Roman was also freaking out. Because when they had been in that hospital room with Canace and Winnie, he had been hacking at the crystals in Virgil.

And when he finally managed to get Virgil free (except for the bit at his chest), the rest of the crystals didn’t fall off.

It was the amnesia. The crystals didn’t work like the putty in Canace. They didn’t go away when he cleared off Virgil.

It was infuriating.

He had conjured a massive shovel and began smashing the hard, black, crystals; nothing really happening except a couple of shards flinging up into his face and everywhere. He didn’t care, it didn’t hurt him.

Then, Connie had shaken him back into reality.

He was confused, mad, and slightly annoyed, as who he suspected the brains of this plan, Logan, was giving him the cold shoulder as he was not looking in his general direction.

Roman glanced at Virgil who he couldn’t believe was here—and on their side!

There was a click and Virgil quietly opened the door into blackness.

There was a loud rattle and the building literally shook.

“The storm.” Connie mumbled quietly as loud whistling could be heard and the floor shook periodically.

Kate, Connie, Logan, Patton, Virgil, and Roman walked into the room, the darkness engulfing them.

“Find the light switch!” Someone hissed. Roman thought it sounded like either Logan or Virgil.

The lights flickered on and for a moment everyone was still; everyone’s eyes getting used to the sudden brightness.

The door closed quietly behind them.

Then, an outbreak of muffled voices in gags.

Roman couldn’t count all of them but there must have been maybe a bit more than 25 people.

The far wall was blocked by a thick chain link fence.

It was a cage and the Markku group was behind it, all gagged and trying to say something. They also had bounds around their wrists.

Roman wanted to go back with Virgil and help his memory but now was not the best time.

Instead of the metal and sanitary government walls and area this basement room reminded Roman a lot of the dungeons in old movies with castles and knights.

Roman didn’t like the atmosphere. Grey, dark, and damp.

It all seemed too easy. Not that Roman was complaining.

“It uses a key.” Kate said, frowning. “Ben would have been able to pick it.” She added in, tracing the old fashioned keyhole.

“If they’re that old can we just break it open using force?” Roman offered.

“It’s metal,” Logan said blandly, not looking at him. “It may be old fashioned but we aren’t breaking these things using brute force.”

Roman might have been imagining it, but he was positive there was a certain biting edge in his voice.

One of the guys behind the metal fence turned to look at Logan, his eyes wide and fearful. He seemed to be saying something but the gag muffled his words.

Logan glanced at him, tugging on his tie, before looking around the rather large room with no windows.

There was a loud rumble again and the floor shook.

Roman saw it first. He was holding onto one of the bars on the metal fence so he wouldn’t tip over.

He saw a flash of metal, a long stick, and movement at the far end of the room.

“Duck!” Roman hollered at the same time there was a clicking sound and a whooshing sound.

Roman didn’t know if anyone heard him over their own thoughts and the storm coming down on them.

Something flew over Roman’s head and hit the back wall, clanking off the hard surface and dropping down to the floor. Roman went to pick it up.

It looked like a needle. A small, thin, needle.

“Don’t touch it!” Logan hissed, his head snapping over to look at Roman dead in the eyes.

“I would have thought you’d want me to touch it. I’m sure you’d want me to die anyway.” Roman shot back.

Logan’s eyes widened slightly and was about to say something back before Roman heard footsteps, slow and leisurely.

“Ah, look at that. I was right.” Mr. Edra sighed calmly. He was wearing his normal suit and tie with a cane in his left hand now instead of right.

In his right hand was a short mechanical thing that looked like a gun. It was silver and gleamed in the bright lights.

No one said anything.

Mr. Edra stopped a couple feet away from the group who were all too scared to breathe.

Mr. Edra stroked his gun thing and Roman eyed it nervously. “The first of many of these types of guns. They shoot out poisoned needles. When it lodges into a human’s flesh it secretes the poison immediately and kills the victim slow and painfully.” He paused. “And there’s no known cure for it.”

There was another click and whoosh and a needle was shot out of the gun.

Roman’s eyes tried to follow it but it was too fast and small.

There was madness as people tried to run away from the deadly needle.

Before the needle could hit it’s target Mr. Edra began talking again. “Mr. Bolter, I’m sure you don’t remember but you helped me invent this beautiful creation. It was your idea actually. To erase the world of useless people.”

Roman’s eyebrows shot up and he glanced at Virgil who looked like a ghost.

They were stuck. They were in a checkmate. There were no other possible moves.

He glanced at Connie who was biting her lip and had a hand on her left forearm. Just when he saw his sister again they would be ripped apart again.

“Mr. Edra,” Logan’s voice said icily. “What is your need for-“

“-Mr. Bolter,” Mr. Edra cut in front of Logan. “I thought you were loyal to me and our cause.”

“What is our cause? Tearing families apart?” Virgil asked, standing up slowly, his height a few centimetres taller than Mr. Edra.

“Being hero’s to the world.” Mr. Edra said, smiling, “Glen Edra and Virgil Bolter! Our names on awards. What you’ve always wanted.”

Virgil scowled. “I haven’t worked here forever.” He said. His hands were in his pockets and his legs were shaking. “You lied to me. Why should I be loyal to you?”

Mr. Edra dropped his kind, grandfatherly-like act. “What makes you believe the Markku group and everyone else instead of me?”

Virgil opened his mouth, as if to say something, but then closed it. His eyes were flashing between Logan and Mr. Edra quickly.

Mr. Edra smirked smugly.

“You have a wife! And a kid!” Patton exclaimed desperately. “What would She do if she knew you killed someone.”

Roman had no idea what Patton was doing. A guy as heartless as Mr. Edra was not capable of love or morals.

“She will never know.” Mr. Edra said stiffly. “I will live happily with my wife and child when we find a Weather Manipulator to rid of the storm and a healer to heal her sickness.”

“I don’t know what she sees in you.” Virgil spat.

“She really loves you.” Patton said quietly, looking up at Mr. Edra defiantly.

Roman had to hand it to him, he had the guts.

“She was talking about how much you loved her and it was love at first sight.” Patton went on. “Your graduation photo is really nice too.” He added in.

“But now she’s sick and there’s no cure.” Mr. Edra said, looking away, his face scrunched up. “She doesn’t know I’m looking for a healer among the children.”

“So why kill us?” Roman asked, eyeing his gun wearily. “We could help you find a cure. We could possibly be healers.”

“Not you,” Mr. Edra snapped. “Dr. Cross told me you aren’t a healer. We’re still looking to see what you do.”

She hasn’t told him? Roman thought, surprised. He was sure Dr. Cross was supposed to tell Mr. Edra his power as soon as she found out.

“Why don’t you let us all go and you can go back to your wife?” Connie asked. “We don’t want to do you any harm.” Roman knew that was a lie.

“You are a bunch of meddling children. You ruin my plans and steal and hack into important files commoners shouldn’t see.” Mr. Edra articulated. “The world would be better if without you. I’m trying to save the world. You’re stopping me from doing so.”

“Save the world?” Logan repeated. “By trying to kill people and using children as lab rats?”

“What are you supposed to be doing? Some little rebel group that everyone fears. But what are you trying to accomp—oof!”

One of the Markku members had stuck out a foot through the bars and slammed his foot in the middle of Mr. Edra’s back.

Everything seemed to happen at once. Another large rattle that went through the building came, Mr. Edra did a faceplant on the metal floor, the lights flickered out, and Logan grabbed Roman’s shoulder. “Take Sophie and try to find Ben. The children can fend for themselves. Then bring him back down here.”

There were screams as people toppled over each other from the strength of the storm.

“And Canace!” Virgil’s voice hissed quietly. “She’s a Weather Manipulator but she’s too young and not experienced enough to stop the storm.”

Before Roman could ask where Ben could possibly be and ask how in the world they would take Canace from Winnie, Logan pushed Roman out of the basement and into the bright hallway.

Some Thoughts Jean’s Character Development (Prompted by the HS AU).

CW: Bullying and the molestation scene.

So, in keeping with the rhetorical principle of kairos (timeliness of an argument), I think the time is ripe for a (re?)consideration of Jean Kirstein’s presentation in the Attack on Titan manga. I noticed that a bit of a discussion about Jean’s character popped up in the wake of the High School AU fake preview for volume 22 (one which I’ve already participated in a few times) and since we’ve just had a massive time-skip in the series to kick off the final arc, I feel like we can examine the development of the characters from the fall of Wall Maria to their journey to the ocean as discreet units. In fact, it may be useful to look at where some of them have ended up and how they got there before launching off into the new arc, so if you like what I have to say about Jean please send me suggestions for more character analysis like this!

The reasons I want to talk about Jean are twofold. The first is obviously personal interest. I’m discussing Jean regardless of whether or not anyone else really wants to read it because I find his portrayal and development intriguing xD. But my jumping off point is a little bit more specific, to come back to the question of kairos. The High School AU, however silly or tongue-in-cheek, has raised questions in fandom about whether or not Jean is a bully in canon or would be one in an AU that I would like to address.

Although I’m taking an AU’s depiction of Jean as the starting point of my inquiry, this post is pretty much only concerned with the canon material of the manga (not the anime: I have already discussed discrepancies between the manga and the anime’s portrayals of Jean here). Even though Isayama drew the High School AU and therefore it probably has value as meta, I feel strongly that the Jean depicted therein has little in common with Jean in the manga. I’ve been attempting to follow up on an interview which was mentioned to me, where Isayama supposedly said that in any other universe Jean would be one of Armin’s bullies (I’d appreciate any help in locating it! So far I’ve only been able to find other people mentioning it in their posts but no source). I find this kind of blanket statement on Isayama’s part a little bit more troubling—how did he come to understand his character this way? I guess it doesn’t matter to a certain extent, because authorial intent or understanding is by no means the end-all be-all of interpretation—and therefore I would like to further explore the question of Jean’s canonical presentation to attempt to answer the question: is Jean Kirstein ever, at any point, a bully?

My answer, as you may be able to guess from the fact that my blog is Jean themed, is a pretty hard no. In fact, within canon I would argue that Jean is one of the more empathetic and morally astute characters, and that the development he undergoes is less of a complete ethical realignment and more of an adjustment of his goals and strategies. He doesn’t begin cruel and transform into a kinder person; he starts off as astute but self-centered and his development revolves around using his skills to protect and champion others rather than just himself.

I would say Jean actually starts off as a bit of an outsider among the 104th (a facet of his personality that the original draft of the HS AU actually preserves) and that Eren generally has more clout than him; in fact, trainee Eren would probably not be a compelling target for a bully, all things considered. Jean’s fights with him don’t seem to come from a place of maintaining dominance over someone weaker and instead take the form of pretty mutual brawling. Indeed, he may be at a bit of a disadvantage when fighting against Eren physically, as demonstrated in this scene.

Chapter 3. Jean is “punching up” here, as it were. After a battle of words, Eren and Jean hit each other simultaneously and initiate a fight in which, according to Reiner, the odds may be slightly against Jean. Mikasa also implies Eren picked this fight after she intervenes. Also I just noticed that dude giving peace signs in the far left corner lol.

All in all, Jean is never depicted as picking on someone weaker than himself to establish dominance at pretty much any point in the series, as far as I can remember (in fact, he’s the only one to stand up to bullying in some situations, as will be discussed below). Isayama shows Jean hassling Marco, teasing Sasha, and picking fights with Eren (the first of whom has some pretty naive worldviews and the latter of whom give as good as they get and even start said fights). Jean’s so irritating to Eren--at least in the manga, I know they nerf him considerably in the anime--because he’s astute and quite often actually has a point. He’s not, unlike Armin’s bullies in the series, calling Eren a heretic for even thinking of going outside; rather, he seems concerned that Eren is going to drag other people outside to killed along with him (particularly Mikasa, initially). He can be rude and he has a short fuse but he’s not seeking people out to hurt them and enjoying it. He has a sore spot about Eren, but that’s really more of a fight between equals--they make each other mutually uncomfortable because Jean reminds Eren of the stakes involved in achieveing his goals and Eren provokes action from Jean. 

In fact, I’d say Jean’s commitment to the truth aligns him a lot more with Armin than his bullies or even with the other members of the 104th. For instance, as this post points out, they both get themselves into trouble by speaking their minds as kids. 

Armin in chapter 1 and Jean in chapter 16. I still can’t get over Jean calling Eren “eloquent”; regardless of Eren’s good intentions, I think Jean is very right in pointing out how Eren’s rhetoric doesn’t sound all that different from the story the higher ups told about the cull. But I also find it super interesting that there is no bad intent in Jean’s speech here; given the “truce” they call afterwards, I think he’s serious that he doesn’t mean to attack Eren. In the anime Jean doesn’t get this line about eloquence in and the scene is much more hostile.

Which brings me to my point about his development. The way I read it in the manga, Jean’s journey is not about transforming from a cruel person into a kinder one (since he is never depicted as cruel in the first place), but from a self-centered individual into a responsible one: specifically, a person tasked with championing the weak. Jean has always seen the problems with the government--he talks about the cull of twenty-percent of the population as a suicide mission, he pokes fun at the rhetoric of calling the people who are forced to settled in outskirt towns “heroes”--but instead of attempting to do anything about it his initial impulse is to play the system so that he survives as long as possible.

Chapter 17. They stand up to start fighting simultaneously immediately after this. Eren is sweating here, implying nervousness, and his eye is twitching; Jean’s pretty calm now, but in just a few panels his jealousy over Eren’s friends will get him into trouble. 

In fact, Marco thinks Jean’s pragmatism and desire of self-preservation put him in a unique position to stand up for the weak--the opposite of picking on them.

Chapter 18. This memory comes to Jean when he’s trying to decide how best to protect his comrades from further death and devastation.

Marco’s point is that Jean has a unique combination of skills and personality traits which he can utilize to protect the weak, both from the titans and (eventually) other humans who are seeking to oppress them. Jean’s “weakness” leads him to value life, so he’s not going to take certain risks unless he has to--and he’ll be honest it about it with his soldiers, so they’ll know he has their interests at heart. He only makes sacrifices reluctantly, when he must in order to preserve a larger number of people (as seen in Trost). He’s also astute: he’s suspicious of empty rhetoric (like the government deals in--it’s so weird that Marco is the one implying some of this, given his fondness for the king; perhaps it’s just that the society views these attributes as weak, given how messed up it is) and he can take in any situation pretty quickly. He’s aware of the systems of oppression that govern the Walled World (culls and bait towns), and his development seems to center on widening the scope of how he resists those systems rather than his awakening to their existence: he needs to look out not just for himself, but others or else he is complicit in their suffering. So he joins the Survey Corps, not because he sees Eren’s vision of “freedom, no matter how high the costs” but because he wants to protect his friends.

Chapter 18. I don’t think bullies worry so much about others. There’s a sense of camaraderie that seems to include Jean expressed at other points in the manga--like, yeah he’s a bit rude sometimes, but he’s our rude guy and we like him that way. No one seems to have a serious problem with him. 

This seems to be how others understand Jean’s change of heart as well. Everyone is weirded out by how “responsible” he is now, rather than how much kinder--implying they didn’t really see him as cruel in the first place. No one comments, for instance, on Jean personally supporting Connie or Armin after some of their difficulties, but they do notice when he speaks up for helping others more generally, particularly at great risk to himself. 

Reiner in volume 6, when Jean suggests buying time for the platoon to retreat after the Female Titan devastated their forces.

Connie, Eren, and Armin commenting on how Jean’s changed in volume 13. I’m not quite sure about Armin’s comment here; was Jean ever really a “bad guy” or just a bit of an asshole sometimes in the course of disagreeing with Eren?

And I think Jean takes his newfound commitment to others seriously, which leads to some of his struggles during the Uprising arc as he tries to distinguish the most ethical course of action when the metric of “human versus titan” fails. He always attempts to voice his objections within the parameters allowed to him by the military, although not always in the most productive ways (think about that joke about stabbing incompetent commanders in the back . . .). In fact, he’s even willing to challenge the SC when he thinks they’re going too far in the name of the coup: part way through my initial read through of the series, I started looking to Jean for commentary on the morals of a coup that stems from within the military rather than from the will of populace. 

Jean voices his objections to torture, volume 14. Surely someone with a cruel streak or the impulse to bully would be able to think of some justification for torture.

Everyone is upset over Levi’s treatment of Historia, but Jean’s the only person who actually says anything, volume 14.

Jean is the first and last person to raise objections about the coup’s methods in this scene, volume 14. He feels so strongly about it he considers defying orders.

And I don’t necessarily want to get too much into the molestation scene from chapters 52 and 53, but Jean seems to object to being asked to participate in the “bait” scheme, because it makes him somewhat complicit in what happens to Armin. While presumably other members of the 104th comforted Armin after his trauma, we only see Jean doing it. In fact, he’s the only one who speaks about it apart from Mikasa, who alludes to the molestation once on the rooftop while she and Levi are setting up the trap.

Jean struggles with the tenants of the mission, which is to act as bait until they can spring a trap for the big boss of the Reeves’ company, volume 13. The implication seems to be if he were not compelled to be “Eren” at this point he could do something about what is happening to Armin.

From volume 13. Unfortunately, it also seems like Connie and Sasha are laughing here. :(

Of course, even at this stage of his maturation there’s still room for Jean to grow. For example, Jean’s response to Armin’s second “gesumin” moment, wherein he suggests fooling the masses in order to get them on the survey corps side, is to blame Armin’s unethical proposal on his recent trauma.

Volume 14.

This is not Jean’s finest moment, but I read it as him (however problematically) trying to make sense of Armin’s suggestion; a suggestion which involves manipulation and lying, two things antithetical to Jean’s own values. This ableism doesn’t belong just to Jean, but is pervasive throughout the world of Attack on Titan (many people toss around insults related to intelligence and mental health), so I read this also as a bit of a knock to their society; they could all do better. This is not to excuse Jean here, but to just acknowledge the systematic nature of the problem.

Overall, however, Jean’s the only person who’s attempting to help Armin (that we see, obviously) and I think these scenes are where we get a fuller sense of his empathy; an empathy that also leads him to try to help Eren (again, in his own blunt and awkward way) after the events of the Reiss chapel. It’s the same empathy, I think, that Marco alludes to when he says Jean understands the weak and should endeavor to help them. We can read that empathy back into his concern for his fellow soldiers, who are constantly asked to risk their lives for causes that may not even have their best interests at heart. Whereas Armin’s analytic nature leads him to discover people’s secrets and predict their movements, Jean’s empathy grants him perspective on their feelings--he can see the human in pretty much anybody, which I view as his main strength.

Over the course of the coup, Jean becomes the main voice of dissent. Although Sasha and Connie often nod along with him, he’s usually the one who either speaks first or speaks at all, and Levi realizes that he’s going to have to convince Jean eventually if he’s going to maintain order in his ranks.

From volume 14. I think it’s so interesting that we’re looking first at Jean from behind and then at him through Levi’s eyes. It’s almost like we’re meant to be identifying primarily with Jean and Levi’s looking at us--Levi has to convince us he’s right, in addition to convincing Jean. He’s also centered here, suggesting his leader status among the other recruits.

Jean’s biggest development during the coup stems from struggling with the idea that there’s no way to be ethically pure. He joined the Survey Corps in order to help others after Trost made him fully aware of the stakes but sometimes that’s a murkier process than it initially seems. Jean decides after Armin kills someone for him (sacrificing his own innocence for Jean’s life), that the best he can do in his current situation is to protect his comrades. And he takes that mentality with him after the coup, as demonstrated in this scene where he lectures Marlowe.

Chapter 72. Jean’s trying to tell Marlowe not to get swept up in the rhetoric of self-sacrifice.

Yet I like that Jean doesn’t come out his experience completely cowed by Levi (who, admittedly, does not want Jean to be cowed or even want Jean to think he’s always right, based on their discussions), as we can see in this scene where he encourages Historia to keep her promise to Boss Reeves and punch Levi in revenge for his violence towards her.

Chapter 70. Eren thinks she should let it go but Jean cheers her on.

So, in summation, Isayama can reinterpret Jean as a bully if he wants to in his AUs for comedy, but I think that’s an oversimplified and even quite inaccurate reading if we want to take it seriously, even of pre-development Jean xD. Jean starts off as an observant but self-centered person who doesn’t intimidate the weak but doesn’t champion them either; he just wants to survive. But Marco’s death makes him realize the full extent of the care he feels for his comrades and he sets out to protect them and support them, even in defiance of his commanders. He questions the rhetorical maneuvering of the powerful and seeks to live honestly. None of that sounds like a bully and certainly none of that sounds like it would develop into a bully in a different world where there were no titans or no totalitarian government. And those are my two cents xD

Mystery Pearl March Day 2: Dancing

Title: My ambition

Description: It’s been two years since they last saw each other.

Word Count: 2001

Rating: T

Read on AO3

Sheena looked around the music room. She had spent four of her bests years in that room, trying to earn a music degree. She had graduated long ago, but the room still filled her with nostalgia. It was here that she perfected her drumbeat, tried to riff a guitar, and even slapped a base or two. It’s too bad her music career never went anywhere.

Sheena sighed. Delmarva State was never the best university for music, but it was the one she could afford. Unfortunately, after graduation, she couldn’t afford to go anywhere else. She had been stuck in the college town, working the same coffee shop for years. She was surprised she wasn’t running the place yet.

That wasn’t true. She knew why she wasn’t running the place. She had no ambition. Sheena wanted to spend her life having fun, not working behind a counter. She wanted to go to more concerts, meet more people, ride her motorcycle into the sunset, fall in love again!

Love. She hadn’t so much as dated since…

Was that classical music?

The music room was one of several studios in a building just off campus. Most students who weren’t music or theater majors never went there, and most of those students never stayed past their classes. Sheena knew because she was one of the few who did stay. She figured she should just leave well enough alone, leave whatever student was practicing whatever to their own business, but for some reason the music sounded familiar to her. Sheena went into the next-door studio to figure out why.

And there she was. Her Pearl. For the first time in many years, Sheena saw her ex-girlfriend dance. The music was a ballet piece. The only one Pearl ever played for her. Sheena thought Pearl inspired the composer, but Pearl denied it. Looking at her now, Sheena did not doubt at all that Pearl inspired the whole damn style of dance. Her movements were graceful, like a feather flying through the air, and when she landed her toes barely made a sound. It’s like she was weightless. In a sense she was, body being made of light and all.

Sheena had forgotten how beautiful Pearl was when she danced, how absolutely in the zone she was, how she was able to just block everything out accept for the music, which she managed to follow with uncanny accuracy. Sheena was unable to move, unable to tear herself away from Pearl’s performance if she wanted to. She had never seen Pearl fuse with her fellow gems, but in that moment, she wished she a gem herself. It was not an unfamiliar feeling, she had wanted to fuse with Pearl back when they were dating, but to no avail. Sheena wished she could join her, but she didn’t. She knew she would never dance as well as Pearl did.

As the music drew to a close, Pearl’s performance ended as well. It was then that she noticed Sheena in the room. It had been a couple years, and her hair was purple now, but it was definitely Sheena. For a moment, the two locked eyes in silence.

“WOO-HOO! YAY PEARL!!”

Sheena blinked. In awe of Pearl’s dancing, she had not realized that they were not alone in the studio. Applauding Pearl was a guy sitting on the floor, casually dressed in a red shirt, with curly black hair in the shape of a wait a minute.

“Steven Universe?”

The guy turned around to show that he was, in fact, a college-age version of Pearl’s adoptive son. “Oh, my gosh!” he exclaimed as he scrambled over to his guardian’s ex, “Sheena, is that you? I haven’t seen you since you dated Pearl!”

Pearl blushed as she rushed over to Steven and Sheena. “Steven is considering going to college here, and so we came by to tour the place,” Pearl explained when she found her voice.

“This kid is old enough to go to college?” Sheena asked, ruffing Steven’s hair, “No way! Last I saw him, this kid was barely up to my waist!”

“What can I say? I’ve done a lot of growing!” Steven giggled. “Are you going to college here too?”

“Oh no, I used too, but I graduated a few years ago. I live in the area though, my apartment is down elm street.”

Pearl clasped her hands together. “That’s why the highway exit looked familiar! I didn’t recognize it at first because I usually saw it from a motorcycle.”

Sheena giggled.

Steven looked between the couple. “Say,” he said, “you know more about the restaurants around here more than us Sheena, do you think you could show Pearl and I a place with good food?”

“I’d be happy to Steven,” Sheena replied.

“Oh, but wait,” Pearl said, “we have that dinner with the student representative where you’re supposed to talk about tuition.”

“Hmm, this is quite the conundrum!” Steven began backing towards the door. “Well, how about this! I’ll go to the dinner with the representative, ask some questions about tuition, while you and Sheena check out that restaurant!”

“Steven…”

“I’ll be sure to take notes, byeeeeeee!” With that, Steven left the studio.

Pearl sighed. This was not how the weekend was supposed to go.

“Well, glad to see he hasn’t changed much,” Sheena joked.

The two friends found themselves in an Empire City style sub-shop. To Sheena’s surprise, Pearl ordered something to eat as well. “Been eating long?” Sheena asked as they sat down with their sandwiches.

“Hm?” Pearl looked up from her food. “Oh! Well, if Steven is going to be eating here, I have to make sure the food is tasty and nutritious.” She took a bite of her sandwich. As she chewed, a grimace crossed her face. “Well, it is tasty,” she said after swallowing.

Sheena smiled. Same ol’ Pearl. Except for the outfit. Since Sheena had saw her last, Pearl’s outfit had switched from a ballet look with a bow to a more casual look, with a loose tank-top, blue button-down shirt, and what appeared to be mom jeans. “So,” Sheena said, “I like the new outfit.”

“Thanks,” Pearl replied, “I was poofed during a fight with a corrupted gem, and this felt like a good look for me.”

“How is that going by the way? The Crystal Gem work I mean.”

“It’s actually going really good. Steven and Connie negotiated a peace treaty with Homeworld, White Diamond is researching how to permanently reverse corruption. Amethyst got her family to come to earth. The Cluster is stable in its bubble, but since the world hasn’t exploded, you probably knew that one.”

Pearl sighed. “It’s not all good times though,” she continued, “there are still hundreds of corrupted gems around the world. And, every so often, some old Homeworld soldiers will come to earth to ‘Finally destroy the Crystal Gems’ or ‘Reverse the treaty that never should have been’ or something like that. They never get past the beach, but it does get tiring after a while. How about you, how has your life been?”

“Oh, pretty good,” Sheena said, “I’m still working at the coffee-shop on Brooklyn. My apartment’s still a mess, my family keeps in touch. I have significantly less crazy adventures than you do.”

Pearl laughed. “Are you, uh…” Pearl looked at the table. “Are you seeing anyone right now?”

Sheena’s heart skipped a beat. Pearl was asking if she was single. Was she interested in getting back together? Did Sheena even want to get back together?

“No, not really. People flirt with me at work a lot, but the most I get out of them is a big tip.”

“Oh, I see.”

Sheena took a bite of a sandwich.

“I just don’t understand why he even wants to go to college. I’ve taught him all he needs to know for the last twelve years.”

“College isn’t just about learning though, it’s also about the experience. Meeting like-minded people, late-nights studying, doing research papers at the library, going to parties, college is like feeling the real world without being a part of it yet.”

“I guess so.”

“Besides, most jobs require a college degree these days.”

“Humans. I’ll never fully understand your culture.”

“You and me both.”

The couple had returned to Sheena’s apartment complex. Sheena was fine with going back by herself, but Pearl had insisted on seeing her home. Secretly, Sheena had hoped that Pearl would do more than that.

“By the way,” Sheena said, “out of curiosity, why were you dancing earlier?”

“Oh that.” Pearl looked down. “Steven wanted to see how to dance in that studio. I tried to tell him that I’d never been in a studio like that, but he put on the music and I went with it. Honestly, I hadn’t danced like that in a long time, I’m not sure it was any good.”

“I thought it was wonderful.”

As Pearl blushed, Sheena mentally kicked herself. Wonderful? What kind of compliment was that?

The two had finally made it to Sheena’s front door. “I had a good time tonight,” Sheena said.

“Me too,” Pearl replied, “if I’m ever in town again, I’ll be sure to look you up.”

“And hey, if Steven ends up going to Delmarva U., you’re welcome to stay here any time you visit.”

“I might take you up on that.”

Silence fell over the couple. For a moment, neither of them moved and instead just looked into each other’s eyes. They started to move their heads toward each other, lips parted, eyes beginning to close. Time seemed to stop.

Then Sheena turned away.

“I have an early morning tomorrow,” Sheena said as she opened her door, “I should probably get to bed.”

Pearl sighed. “Yeah, Steven’s probably waiting for me too. Have a good night Sheena.”

“You too Pearl.”

Click.

In the safety of her own home, Sheena leaned her head against the door. She thought about the good time she had that night, the good times she had for many nights with Pearl. Two years. It had been two years since she had seen Pearl, and fate had had sent her dancing back into Sheena’s life. Sheena felt like a coward. She ended it with Pearl because she thought it would be too hard. An alien gem with a magic spear and a war against her own alien race? How high maintenance could you get?

But the war was over. Pearl had said so. There was a peace treaty. Every excuse Sheena had told herself had been completely refuted and she was given a second chance, but she still turned away like a coward. In another life, Sheena would have stayed, she would have fought alongside Pearl, she would have been there to protect her, to keep her from poofing. In yet another life, she actually did something with her music degree.

No. This wasn’t any other life. This was Sheena’s life. She couldn’t do much about her degree in this life, but she still wanted to share it with Pearl. She wanted to watch Pearl dance again, to see Pearl fight again, to see Pearl again. She wanted to go on more dates, and cuddle up on the couch, and help her understand humans, and gush over Steven’s accomplishments, and hold her when she cried, and…

Sheena tore open her door to find Pearl still standing on the other side of it.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Pearl leapt into Sheena’s arms and attacked her lips with her own. Had Sheena been a gem, they would have fused right then and there. Instead, they were content to try and convey their feelings through their lips and their tongues. They passionately made out for what seemed like hours until Sheena needed air. In reality, it was only a few minutes.

“You know,” Pearl gasped, “if you hadn’t opened that door I think I would have broken it down.”

Sheena smiled. “Wanna try breaking my bed instead?”

Clippers owner and former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer reveals how he became the world's happiest retired billionaire

Steve Ballmer, former CEO of Microsoft and owner of the LA Clippers, may be the happiest retired person in tech — or even the world.

He met Bill Gates in college and joined Microsoft as the 30th employee. Now, he lives an enviable (and well-deserved) life full of late morning rises, golf, yoga, sports games, philanthropy, meditation, and walks with his wife.

"What I found is I control my time, I can pick and choose what I do," Ballmer told Business Insider US Editor-in-Chief Alyson Shontell on her podcast, "Success! How I Did It."

At first, Ballmer tried to stay as busy as when he was Microsoft's CEO. Now he's found a slower pace is better.

"I had probably been retired about a year and then I said, 'This is nuts, I don't have to recreate the pace with which I used to work,'" Ballmer said. 

"I get up, I walk with my wife, I have a chance to reflect and meditate, work out. I usually don't get any place until about 10 in the morning ... Work some, hit some golf balls late in the afternoon. It's cool to be able to control my time and still be involved in fun and productive activities."

Ballmer bought the LA Clippers in 2014 after Donald Sterling was forced to offload the team following the public release of a racist recording. Ballmer is also involved in philanthropy with his wife, Connie, and they launched USAFacts.org, an initiative that shows how the government spends money on local, state, and federal levels. 

In the wide-ranging conversation, Ballmer and Shontell discussed:

What Ballmer's days are like now that he's retired

How Bill Gates recruited him to Microsoft as employee #30

What the day of Microsoft's IPO was like, and how he celebrated

How difficult it was to run Microsoft while Bill Gates was still around

What really happened during the infamous chair-throwing incident with the Google engineer

How he dealt with the rise of all the FANG stocks while he was at the helm of Microsoft

What it was like to leave Microsoft after so many years

How he bought the LA Clippers in the midst of the Donald Sterling controversy

Starting USAFacts.org to increase transparency about government spending

Ballmer's career advice for anyone who wants to become a Fortune 500 CEO

You can listen to the full interview here:

Subscribe to "Success! How I Did It" on Acast or iTunes. Check out previous episodes with:

Box founder and CEO Aaron Levie

Robinhood founder and CEO Vlad Tenev

ClassPass founder Payal Kadakia

DropBox founder and CEO Drew Houston

Following is a transcript of the podcast episode; it has been edited for clarity and length.

Becoming the happiest retired billionaire

Alyson Shontell: We're so happy to have you with us here, Steve.

Steve Ballmer: Thanks for having me — really appreciate it.

Shontell: The first thing I wanted to ask you about is my colleague Julie Bort recently sat down with you and she says you are the happiest retired person in tech. So tell me what it's like to be you right now. What are your days filled with?

Ballmer: The No. 1 thing I would say about retirement is you get to control your own time. I probably went into retirement maybe a little anxious, certainly not knowing what I was getting into. I didn't think about exactly what I was going to do until the day I walked out the door at Microsoft, and what I found is I control my time, I can pick and choose what I do, and I found three things that delight me in addition to just having a lot of fun, playing golf, doing yoga, stuff like that. But I'm also working on the Clippers. That's a serious investment of time. Part of that's going to games. I'm going to say it’s fun work, if you will.

I'm working on a project we call USA Facts, which is a project to pull together government numbers in a kind of 10K-like format to try to provide better integration of government data and better transparency. Then my wife and I have a philanthropic focus on kids in the US who are born into circumstances where they may not get a real shot at the American dream.

Shontell: I'm going to ask you about all of that, but first, let's go back into the very beginning. From what I understand, you were a pretty shy kid and you grew up in Michigan.

Ballmer: Yeah, I grew up in Detroit, and when I was 8 years old, my family moved to Belgium for three years, which actually was kind of a nutty thing back then. My dad was an immigrant, spoke a bunch of languages, so Ford sent him over there, but it was like being in an isolation chamber. You know, very little English TV, Europe was really still coming out of World War II, and it built a global perspective that I think was helpful. Grew up middle-class and then developed an interest in math and numbers, which has been a core strength, I would say, of mine since.

Meeting Bill Gates in college, and how Gates recruited Ballmer to Microsoft

Shontell: You were the Harvard basketball team's statistician, you beat Bill Gates at a math competition at Harvard, so I think a math whiz would be a justified term. So one person that you met when you were at Harvard is Bill Gates, who you would have a long career with. What were those early days with Bill like?

Ballmer: We met early sophomore year. We were living on the same floor in our dorm, and we had a mutual friend who lived in the middle. He said, "You guys are both crazy, unusual guys, you would enjoy each other." So he introduced us and we became good friends. That was the year he started Microsoft. It was a friendship from the start. Classes, math, economics, a lot of talk about business. Not that I knew a lot about it, but there was some mutual interest and then when he started Microsoft, he'd come back when he was gone and talk a little bit, be involved in some Harvard activities. I remember a long walk we had here in New York one time. We were way uptown, maybe in the Plaza, and we walked all the way downtown and back, and he was just telling me and explaining all about Microsoft and what was going on and some of the small things like managing the office and getting furniture, and I said, "Oh, you ought to hire somebody like my mom — that's kind of what my mom does at her business," and by the time I got hooked up at Microsoft, Bill had this great lady, Miriam Lubow, who did all that stuff. Those were fun times.

Shontell: You joined as employee number 30. What was your interview process like? Was there even an interview? Did you just call up Bill and say, "Hey, like can I come on full time?" How did it work?

Ballmer: Kind of the other way around. I worked a couple years at Procter and Gamble. Microsoft was going and then I was back at Stanford, at business school. The summer before, I went to business school, I had come up to Seattle to visit Bill when the business was in Albuquerque and I was at Procter and Gamble, so we had stayed in touch. I was getting probably April-ish of my first year in business school, and I was trying to decide between investment banking and consulting and I got a call from Bill and he said, "Hey, you know, we're kind of looking for a business person. Yeah I know you're in school, too bad you don't have a twin brother." Blah, blah, blah.

So then, it became clear to me what the hint was. I was supposed to take a trip back East to visit all these companies and I called him back the next day and said, "Hey, Bill, maybe I'd be interested." I flew through Seattle on the way back and nobody could believe it. But I decided to go and Bill and I had a deal. If things didn't work out, he'd fire me at the end of the summer or I could quit at the end of the summer. For the first month or so, I'd say we both wondered whether it might work. And then we hit a rhythm and quickly thereafter I bought a house and that now was 37 years ago, so a long time.

Early days at Microsoft as "Chief dishwasher" and an "office" that was Bill Gates' couch

Shontell: You made it long past that first month —

Ballmer: I did.

Shontell: Which is great to see. So remind us all what Microsoft was like in those days.

Ballmer: The year I arrived in June, and the last year for which we had filed taxes, was $2.5 million in revenue. Then the first year I was there, we got to $7.5 million in revenue. The company was already in hardware and software.

People focus on the software side, but we had a product called the Z-80 SoftCard, which plugged into an Apple II and made it into a CPM, which is an old operating-system machine. About 30 employees, kind of helter-skelter.

When I got there the first day, there was no office, no place to sit. And Bill said, "Oh, you can have this corner of my couch in my office." So we pushed some papers aside, and I sat down and sure enough my office was sitting on that couch until I could carve one out of the office going forward. I became the chief cook and bottle washer, I would say, accounting, HR, and pretty soon thereafter, some folks from IBM came to talk about what would become the first PC. Bill wanted somebody to sit in the room with him, I was probably the guy who could best wear a suit, so to speak. For IBMers, you needed to have suits, so I became also the IBM account manager pretty early in my stay.

Shontell: So a lot of different jobs. As any fast-growing startup, you wear a lot of different hats.

Ballmer: I think my title was assistant to the chairman or something like that.

Shontell: So assistant to the chairman to CEO. It’s a pretty incredible rise. What do you think are the most important things you did over your first decade there that set you up to become the eventual CEO?

Ballmer: You sort of glamorized my path. I kind of came in as a No. 2 guy. Bill Gates and Paul Allen were both founders, and there was a guy named Vern Raburn. I didn't ascend very far over time; I moved from No. 2 to the top job.

But the first 10 years, the two things I would probably highlight: One, I really set up the recruiting system, particularly college recruiting. The lifeblood of any tech organization is its talent. I'd say that was, to me, one of my pride and joys and very instrumental in the company's growth because we needed that huge influx of talent to drive our agenda and stay up with the industry.

The other thing which was a major focus and very important was managing the IBM relationship. That really got us into the operating-system business. That was the foundation on which we defined the PC business.

I'm going to give you two more. I ran the Windows development project. I got in and managed to get Windows into the market, which I say was a very important thing in the company's history. And we did go from a partnership when I joined, to a corporation, and the corporation had stock options, which was an important recruiting and attraction tool. At the time, the notion of giving out stock was there but certainly alien, particularly to these college recruits.

Shontell: So talk to me about the IPO day because I believe you owned about 8% of the company when it went public. What was that day like?

Ballmer: I don't really remember it terribly well. Two things I do remember about the day: We had moved into our new campus, I think the same day maybe, and one of the guys who had been with us — he actually predated me as a summer intern — was a friend of Bill's from high school. There was a sign he put up that was sort of neon-y that said it was IPO day, move into a new office day, I think, if I'm remembering this correctly, and maybe it was his birthday, maybe he didn't put it up but it was his birthday.

I remember that and I remember going out for drinks afterward with my then girlfriend and being slightly celebratory, and I don't remember anything else about it, frankly.

Bumping heads with Bill Gates and learning to be a CEO

Shontell: IPO day is not exit day necessarily. From a business perspective, business certainly goes on and then you've got a whole other suite of people to please with your public company.

I wanted to talk to you about your first few years as CEO. It seems like it was a little bit of a challenge because Gates had huge shoes to fill — it’s his company that he cofounded and he was still around. So what were those first years like really running the company?

Ballmer: I would say there were four things that were important or interesting.

No. 1: I did take over at the top of the dot-com bubble. Microsoft's market cap may now be where it was back then — the stock price is certainly over — but it's only in the last couple of years. So I took over at exactly the peak and it was really hard to show fine stock performance from there.

No. 2: We had to really resolve our issues with the Department of Justice and the EU. People forget that was a big issue at the time.

No. 3: I had not really run any product development except that small stint on Windows, and so building relationships and thinking about how I interact with the product development side, even with Bill as "chief software architect."

And then Bill and I had to go through a rough patch to figure out what it really meant that he had asked me to become CEO, but he wanted to stay around sort of working for me as "chief software architect." We got through what I've called the bumpiest period in about a year and a half, two years, but it was bumpy. But I don't think I felt really like CEO in full until Bill chose to leave the company in a full-time sense in 2008.

Shontell: And what were some of those bumpy things? Because I think I've seen you say you figured out eventually how to manage Bill or you're not quite sure if you ever really realized how to do it.

Ballmer: Well, I never really managed Bill. Forget the “figure out how to do it.” We changed the nature of our partnership and I think that was important, but it was still a partnership as opposed to my CEO-ship. When it came to technology judgments, Bill really drove that stuff, I would say. The bumps were: Nobody quite sure what it meant. You'd get in front of a team meeting — am I supposed to lead that meeting? Is Bill supposed to lead that meeting? Is he following my lead? Am I following his lead? That's a transition. When you're in a meeting, am I supposed to guide the meeting? Do I look like the final decision maker or not? We had to get through a lot of bumps like that; I had things I had to evolve, Bill had ways in which he needed to evolve.

The infamous chair-throwing incident that never happened

Shontell: And one thing you touched on is that you did become CEO right at the peak of the dot-com boom, and then the next 10 years were totally insane. All of the FANG stocks right now, you saw either launch or explode during those 10 years. Microsoft had been the main player and then all of a sudden there's all this competition. So what was it like watching Facebook rise, watching Apple kind of come from the ashes into dominance, Google come from obscurity and actually not even exist into full bloom?

Ballmer: At the time, each and every one of those things hurt me in the sense, "Oh, we should do this, we should have done that." In a way, that was the most naive view I had. There's no reason why one company should have every idea in every category. The world's not going to work like that. But that was my thought process at the time and I probably allowed myself and our company to get a little bit too diffuse in its thinking. But it did — oh — it wounded me. Facebook's not in the same business as Microsoft, not really. Apple, a little more competitive still. Google, more competitive still. Amazon, because of their AWS web services, more competitive still.

Shontell: So about Google, you're obviously a passionate person, which is great for rallying people up and getting them pumped. Sometimes, I'm sure, in management, you had to keep it in check a little bit. There was that famous story of your engineer leaving for Google. Can we talk about that chair incident? What happened that day?

Ballmer: Oh, it got overblown. Mark Lucovsky, who was the engineer, I had worked with for many years. I think the story was that I threw a chair, that's not right. I shook —

Shontell: So you never threw the chair?

Ballmer: No.

Shontell: Oh my god — OK we need to set history straight.

Ballmer: I kind of shook the back of the chair. I mean I shook one, I'll cop to that, so to speak. But I never threw a chair.

Shontell: OK, the legend goes that he told you he was leaving for Google and you were like "Ahh!" and threw a chair. No chair thrown?

Ballmer: I said, "Mark, come on, you should stay." And then I kind of rattled — "Come on, Mark." I was rattling the back of a chair — I didn't pick a chair up and throw it. I'm not even sure I'd have the strength to do that.

Shontell: Sounds like healthy passion then.

Ballmer: I think it was healthy passion.

What advice Steve Ballmer gave to his successor, Satya Nadella

Shontell: You've called Microsoft your fourth kid; you were breathing it for 34 years. What was the process like when you realized that your time there was coming to an end and that you were going to have to figure out what the next phase of your life was going to be?

Ballmer: OK, first let me say, winding up Microsoft was about Microsoft. Other than having a big sense that I'd like to own a sports team, I had no plan. I was really focused in on Microsoft. When you say the final time, I actually think of the period starting in 2008 when Bill stepped down.

My focus over that time was really getting us started in the cloud. We did and I'm highly pleased at the progress Microsoft's made. There's something I wish we'd started earlier or different. We started what's now our Azure effort. Probably would have done that slightly differently. What's now Office 365 was really moving. We really dove further into the hardware business. We doubled down on Xbox, we started our Surface product line — I think that's terribly important today to Microsoft's real presence with the consumer.

We wandered around still a little bit in Internet services, search being the focal point. But there was some wandering. We built, though, a good technology base, which the company is using today. Really it is the foundation for the AI pool, so I think we made great progress and moved in some important and interesting directions. I feel really good about that.

I also feel really good about the fact that my successor was somebody who worked for me. I had been out scouring for potential successors, talking to the top people at Amazon and Apple. When it came time to actually make the transition, the board knew about those candidates, and the best candidate was somebody, I had identified early and we had given good jobs and who's just an amazing talent and is doing a fantastic job.

Shontell: Tell me about the rise of Satya Nadella.

Ballmer: I remember going with him to Bentonville, to sell to Walmart, and that's really when I said, "God, this guy is very talented." I can't tell you exactly what year that would have been, but it was 14, 15, 16 years or something like that before he ascended to CEO status.

I just thought he was a really smart, really talented guy, and plucked him pretty soon after that to start running research and development in our business applications division, our dynamics product line. He did a great job, he moved into leadership for that whole business. We needed him on search, put him into the search business. He showed amazing maturity. Eventually gave him running our server and cloud business and he just kept doing great job, great job, great job, and boom, he's doing a great job now as CEO of Microsoft.

Shontell: What advice did you give him as he was going to be coming in as CEO of Microsoft?

Ballmer: He quotes this and I'm sure he's right: I said, "You've got to be bold, but you've got to be right." It turn out that being bold and being wrong may be the worst place to be. The most important thing in leadership is actually pointing people the right direction. If you should be zagging left and you send people down the right, that's the biggest failure a leader can make.

Finding a new identity after Microsoft ("The Good Wife is a good show!")

Shontell: What were those first few months like after you stepped down from being CEO of Microsoft? You seem to have binged a lot of "The Good Wife," and played a lot of golf, but what was that transition period like? And did you have to find your new identity? Because people's identity gets wrapped up in a business when you've been there so long.

Ballmer: Yeah, I had to find my new identity. I also had to find my new pace of life, frankly. Both of those things. I had actually done the binge-watching over Christmas, because we delayed the announcement of Satya as my successor, or delayed the selection, and I said, "I'm not going to start new projects when I'm going to get replaced in a few weeks we're going to announce them."

The binge-watching was kind of fun, though. “The Good Wife” is a good show. So I retire and then the question is, what do I do? I made a trip to New York fairly quickly. I met with the commissioner of the NFL and the commissioner of the NBA and said, "Hey, I'm interested in sports." I signed up pretty quickly to teach a class in the fall on leadership and value creation at the business school at Stanford.

And I was trying to keep busy. I'm glad I don't have as hectic a pace now, but that seemed to me to be the right thing to do. I was trying to be the best Microsoft shareholder. In a sense I was trying to track Microsoft almost as carefully as I tracked it when I was CEO, but I didn't have all the data. I was busy doing all of that and then come about April, my son called me on a Saturday morning and said, "Dad, this Clipper thing with Donald Sterling — that team's going to be available for sale."

Shontell: Smart son.

Ballmer: I had looked at the Milwaukee Bucks; they didn't want to sell to me. I had asked the commissioner who I should get to know. There was nothing that seemed like it was going to sell. The Sterling thing comes, my son gives me a call, and then that really gave me an outlet for the work.

Two other things got me going in that period of time: My wife said, "OK, it's time, dude. You’ve got to get involved in our philanthropic stuff." I wasn't sure I wanted to do that in retirement. Not that it's unimportant, but she was doing a fantastic job. She said, "No, no." I said, "If we just pay our taxes, we're going to help the old, the poor, the sick," because her focus had been child welfare and opportunity for children and she just growled and — not growled, she's a very nice lady but — "Come on, we can do better than that. You know, the government doesn't necessarily do all of that stuff and our money doesn't necessarily go there."

So I kind of said, "OK, well I'm going to dig into this and really have a conversation,” and what I found is it was very hard to find that data. That's what led to the USA Facts effort. It came from stimulation. Now it turns out what we've learned, my wife and I together, is philanthropy can be helpful, but it mostly is a change agent for government programs. No philanthropy is really going to solve the issues of providing opportunities to kids who are born in unfortunate circumstances. It's just not going to happen.

I also made a trip to DC. I'm not sure what I was thinking but I visited a bunch of politicians and I said I had had this conversation with my wife about, “Just pay your taxes and believe in the government to take care of this.” And these two guys looked at me and said, "You can do a lot better to help people than the government's going to do." And I was kind of taken aback. These are two US senators. Out of that, I dedicated myself to working with my wife on our philanthropic efforts and I understood that the point of the philanthropy is to work in partnership with government.

I had probably been retired about a year and then I said, "This is nuts, I don't have to recreate the pace with which I used to work." And that's where I sort of calmed down, managed my own time. I get up, I walk with my wife, I have a chance to reflect and meditate, work out. I usually don't get any place until about 10 in the morning unless I'm on the road here in New York or doing something like that. Work some, hit some golf balls late in the afternoon, it's cool to be able to control my time and still be involved in fun and productive activities.

How to buy an NBA team and beat out Oprah

Shontell: That's amazing. I'm so glad that you're enjoying yourself. It sounds like the life that all of us hope to eventually have. One of those steps that I wanted to talk about more in depth is the Clippers. It was not easy for you to own the team and, like you said, you met with the commissioners and they were like, "Eh, there's not much available." Then all of a sudden, this Donald Sterling scandal happens where there was this tape of him coming out saying these racist things and he got eventually pushed out and there was this opportunity to buy the Clippers but you were not the only bidder. Oprah was interested and Larry Ellison, the founder of Oracle was interested. What did you do to eventually be able to own the team? What were your negotiating tricks? I hear you buttered up Mrs. Sterling quite well. How did that work?

Ballmer: Well, it turned out the most difficult thing was actually figuring out how to get involved in the process. I didn't know Shelly Sterling, nobody was quite sure who was selling the business. I was talking to the commissioner, but things were very vague because, while they had banned Donald, Shelly and Donald hadn't stepped up to agree to sell the business and then she eventually gets involved. There was no obvious banker to talk to, but I knew Michael Eisner from Disney for a number of years and a lightbulb went off.

The Eisners have had season tickets to Clipper games for years, right next to the Sterlings. So Michael Eisner made an introduction for me to Shelly Sterling. He called me on a Saturday morning, 7 o’clock. He says, "Call Shelly Sterling right now at this number, she'll be available for your call." She said, "Well, what's your number?" Then she said, "Ah, it's OK, why don't you come see me?" So I went down, had a meeting with Shelly. I actually brought my brokerage statement, I never ended up showing her but a friend of mine had said, in some businesses, they want to see whether you can really afford the asset. I got through that without actually showing her the brokerage statement.

And then I met with her lawyer again later that evening and the process was really to try to ensure that I bid an appropriate amount of money. What I learned later, the fact that I was a sole bidder was of importance because her lawyers knew she was going to go through a set of legal wrangling with her husband over this, and they wanted a buyer who they could count on to stay with them through the process and they were worried about groups of buyers being tougher to do that with.

So I know there were at least three other bidders, two others who got bids in. There was a local Angeleno, there was a group that did include David Geffen and Oprah, and at least rumored, there was a group from the Mideast. I knew what my walkaway price was. I had actually told her lawyer, I wasn't a great negotiator. I had told them, "This is what I'd like to pay, this is the maximum I'd pay and, oh by the way, you have to understand, I don't want to look stupid in front of my wife for being a guy who dramatically overpays." But I, I laid it out there, I wasn't trying to be some tough, get the last 3%, 5% out of the deal, I just wanted to own the team.

Shontell: Of course.

Ballmer: And that was my negotiating approach. And then I had to hold on for the ride as the Sterlings went through their legal wrangling about whether Donald was competent to participate in the management of their trust.

Shontell: I remember that. And also, at the time, it sounded like you structured it like a venture-capital deal where you had a valuation on the team, and what you were willing to pay. No one had bought a team for $2 billion within the NBA before, but now it seems like you set the bar and other teams would be that valuable at this point.

Ballmer: Yeah, I think the thing people miss is in a business sense you'd say, it's not sort of a fluid market. Assets are limited, figuring out what the price is in that kind of calcified market is hard to do, and particularly in LA. LA and New York are different places. No matter what else is going on, buying land is more expensive in LA, and buying basketball teams is more expensive in LA. The baseball team the Dodgers had sold for about $2.1 billion, but they also had a lot of parking and they owned their stadium, so what was the right price for the basketball team? I knew exactly what the right price was: whatever the other bidders were willing to pay, plus some percentage.

Shontell: Do you have a perspective or an opinion on this conference debate within sports? You own a team that is in the west conference where some of the best teams in the NBA are, and then in the east, you've got LeBron and the Cavs, but not quite the competition that there is in the west.

Mark Cuban has been very vocal about his opinions on it and how he thinks you should just scrap the conference thing altogether, rank the teams, seed them. What's your take?

Ballmer: I think, you know, fans expect to have some notion of you know A versus B. You have it in baseball, you have it in football, you have it in basketball. I think it's fan expectation. There's some energy about that.

The west does happen to be stacked these days versus the east, but at the end of the day, whether you come from the west or the east, presumably the process leads to the best team being crowned champion of the NBA. I'm OK with that. We're in the west, OK, it's tougher, OK, bring it on. We'll do our best.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter where you are, you've got to beat the most important guys in the NBA in order to get to the championship. I wouldn't change it. I am but one owner with one voice. That will be determined in an appropriate way. As we move forward, the commissioner will lead that process. I'm OK with the way things are today.

Giving back by arming the world with facts

Shontell: I wanted to touch one more time on your philanthropy and your USA Facts and just make sure people understand what that is and what you all are doing, because you're doing a lot of work here in the United States. Some people do their philanthropy outside; a lot of what you've been focused on is here.

Ballmer: Well, USA Facts is an effort to pull together government data in a comprehensible form so that citizens, if they want to, can understand where money comes from in the government, where does it get spent, and what kind of outcomes. And we've taken a very business-like approach. We said, “Let's do this like a 10K.” No projections, very factual, no third-party data. In this case, we've used only government data to report.

We use the Constitution as our organizing framework. Businesses need to have segments. Well, the segments for government in the US are established in the preamble of the Constitution: establish justice and ensure domestic tranquility, promote the general welfare, provide for the common defense, secure these blessings for ourselves and our posterity. And you can put education and health and a number of other things into that framework.

I'm proud of what we've done. USAFacts.org, or you can follow us on Twitter at USAFacts.org or like us on Facebook, you have all of the options. I was delighted with the initial interest, 750,000 visitors across every state in the US, almost every country in the world. If you look at the activity now, it's come down some. We need to continue to push on our end to talk about how important the facts are. We just did a new poll that found people actually care about the facts. They are distressed with the fact that people with different beliefs actually have different facts. Let's get everybody on the same page. I'm excited about it. I guess you call it a philanthropic activity except we don't take any tax deductions for it, so it's just something we go do.

On the flip side, in the rest of our philanthropic activities, we focus exclusively in the United States. We'll support our alma maters and local things in Seattle, but what we focus in is a lot of kids, not all people born into poverty, what's their ability to move up economically? There are some kids born in the US who have very little opportunity to move up by a circumstance of their birth. What other kind of supports can you provide for parents to help those children? What do you do in the school systems? People talk about making the schools better, that's important, but a lot of the reason why it's tough to work in schools is because there's dysfunction elsewhere in the kids' lives. Parents are homeless, very hard to do your homework if you're in a single-family home, if there's no childcare, if you're hungry. Those things wind up being very, very important and so what we try to do is support not-for-profits that work in these areas, we believe deeply that an integrated approach in a community and getting the community to embrace it has great potential.

Advice for the next generation of Fortune 500 CEOs

Shontell: Final question: You've had a long, impressive, awesome career that I think anybody would feel so lucky to have. Looking back on it, if you're giving advice to someone who's just starting theirs out, what's the best advice you can give if someone wants to follow in your footsteps?

Ballmer: A few things. No. 1, find something to do that you're passionate about. If you're not passionate, I can't imagine how anybody can get there. There are two kinds of people. My son will tell me this, "Dad, there are people who live to work and there are people who work to live," and I respect both of those things. But if you're trying to have a career, you're going to have a little bit more live-to-work in you than work-to-live. So passion.

No. 2, evidence that in hard work, evidence that in good thought and good thinking — but be lucky. I know Microsoft's a talented company, we have very talented people. I certainly felt like I worked hard and had some good ideas as did Bill Gates and Paul Allen. But if anybody says there's no luck involved, I don't believe that. There is some luck. There's no, what was it, George Bernard Shaw? "Man and Superman."

No, there are people who are willing to work a little harder, willing to be a little smarter, and still don't have success. And some people do and there's a luck element that distinguishes those. I'd probably highlight those things: hard work, good ideas, and put yourself in a position to get luck, if you will. I think that that's very important.

Shontell: Thank you so much, Steve.

Ballmer: Thank you. Real pleasure to be here — I really enjoyed it.

Join the conversation about this story »

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Wonder Woman Give Away

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Wonder Woman Give Away

[vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]To celebrate the release of Wonder Woman we received some Awesome hampers to give away!

Diana is here, Princess of Themyscira, Warrior Princess of the Amazons, Daughter of Zeus but better known as Wonder Woman. So far everyone is raving about the movie and hopefully this is a turn for DC films. Diana is one of the key founders of the Justice League and having her origin movie come out just before the Justice League movie is perfect.

WONDER WOMAN in cinemas 2 June

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]But lets get down to business, how do you stand a change to win one of these 3 Amazing hampers?

Just fill in the rafflecopter box below, you can enter every day. Further down you can read some Q&A from Connie Nielsen who portrays Hippolyta in the movie and last but not least some cool info about Injustice 2 and a special event for Wonder Woman.

Hampers contain:

Beach Ball

Selfie Button Clip

Beach Towel

Sunglasses

Computer Stickers

Tank Top

Men’s T-shirt

Woman’s Jacket

Hippolyta Doll

Gold Bottle

Tattoo Set

Lapel Pin

Metallic Lace Strap

Round Fanny Pack

The value is R1700

[/vc_column_text][vc_gallery type=”image_grid” images=”25584,25583,25582,25581,25580,25579,25578,25577,25576,25575,25574,25573,25572,25571″][/vc_column][vc_column][vc_column_text]Enter Here:

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Give Away is open to South African Residents only.

Get Your Wonder Woman Armor in Injustice 2:

Celebrate the release of the Wonder Woman film with special Injustice 2 events. Available now through June 5, earn Wonder Woman‘s Gear from the feature film in our Mutiverse event “To End All Wars”!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5aJ9DhoBaS0&feature=youtu.be

Connie Nielsen Q&A:

QUESTION:  What drew you to Wonder Woman? 

CONNIE NIELSEN:  I had an incredible meeting with director Patty Jenkins, between Christmas and New Year’s in London.  We were scheduled to have lunch for maybe an hour, which stretched to four hours, and honestly, we could have continued talking for days.  I just absolutely connected with Patty from the get-go and really fell in love with her vision for the film.  She has this incredible energy, wisdom and acumen as a storyteller, and a wonderful way of zooming in from the bigger picture into the details, and back again to the big picture.  She is a brilliant filmmaker.

Later, we talked a lot about what we would want to do with these kinds of female superheroes, and about the nature of Hippolyta’s powers as a leader and as a mother.

While reading Adrienne Mayor’s book, Amazons, I shared insights from the book with Patty about interesting changes in historical perspectives among female anthropologists and historians, who, based on new DNA evidence are changing the prevailing notion that women have only recently come into power — and that Amazons, rather than being mythical, are actually mythologized characterizations of real warrior women who flourished across the Asian Steppes for centuries, if not millennia.

QUESTION:   Once production began, what was your experience collaborating with Patty? 

CONNIE NIELSEN:  In the past, I have found that it was sometimes difficult to share ideas with a director about character, when for example, the director was uninterested in a female experience or perspective, or, conversely, saw the character as proscribed by a narrow idea of femininity. And with Patty on Wonder Woman, it was always fun and wonderful because I felt this deep trust and that I could openly share ideas with her.

Patty has this incredible ability to get the best out of you while you’re working.  You don’t want to let Patty down.  You want to be your best because you want her to soar.  You want to be part of the toolkit that Patty will tinker with and manage and make this incredible story come alive.

QUESTION:  There’s a wonderful dynamic between Hippolyta and her daughter, Diana.  What was it like working opposite Gal Gadot, who portrays Diana?

CONNIE NIELSEN:  Our working relationship actually began before I met Gal.  Patty told me, “You know, I can’t wait for you to meet Gal.  She has this incredible energy.  It’s so positive that it’ll touch you.”  And it was. I genuinely like Gal, both as an artist and as a person.

Gal is bringing a lot of wonderful things to Wonder Woman. She has this natural grace that makes all of the stunts and action really come alive and which, of course, really suits the character.

QUESTION:  How does Hippolyta view Diana’s decision to leave the “nest” – Themyscira – and venture off to this strange world that Diana knows nothing about?

CONNIE NIELSEN:  As a mother, Hippolyta gives Diana her complete, unadulterated and unconditional love.  It comes out of every pore of any mother, from the moment she is pregnant.  Then, as her children prepare to leave the nest, the children fight to be allowed to be themselves.  A mother supports that process, even as it’s taking away probably the biggest love story of her life. That’s what Hippolyta is feeling when Diana decides to leave Themyscira.

Hippolyta is also struggling with this beautiful prophecy that she can’t share with Diana.  All good myths have a secret prophecy from which one of the characters is trying to escape.  Hippolyta keeps that knowledge to herself and cannot share it with her daughter.  She knows the world and Diana doesn’t.  Diana is not prepared for what she’s about to experience.  And that is going to hurt Diana.

QUESTION:  To convey an Amazon’s physical prowess, you underwent a rigorous physical training regimen and wore some heavy-duty armor.  What was that like? 

CONNIE NIELSEN:  It’s interesting that the Amazon characters, including Hippolyta, wear this spectacular armor. So I was fighting in what amounts to a double corset (laughs). While the armor kept me safe in certain ways, it also presented a real problem with some of the physical movements I was practicing, which meant I had to train doubly hard to sustain the effort while being really constricted, and the stunt team was just incredible ensuring our safety while helping us make the stunts look effortless.

I was always a runner, but for Hippolyta I had to pack on muscle and real strength for the stunts. A whole regimen of massive weight gain was devised for us, which entailed eating massive amounts of high caloric food and lots of protein. The changes were radical and I had to up my training to six hours a day. I can be disciplined when I need to, and that became an important part of preparing for the character.  I had to push my body to do ever more repetitions, with increasing weights, but then I did in fact start to see how my body had really changed, and I was in a very different physical shape.

To do that after passing the age “5-0” is quite something.  It has been somewhat surreal to get in the best shape of my life, while learning how to become an expert horsewoman and swordswoman.  And it has been incredible.

QUESTION:  You filmed on the Amalfi Coast, which is spectacular. What was it like to work there?

CONNIE NIELSEN:  I lived in Italy for many years, so I know it pretty well.  I loved filming there.

QUESTION:  What do you hope audiences take away from the film when they see it in the cinema?

CONNIE NIELSEN:  Well, first of all audiences are in for an incredible show and story.  Wonder Woman is really fun.  It has amazing stunts and you’ll see things you’ve never seen in a movie. They are absolutely spectacular and breathtaking.  The story is personal, and was written, directed and acted with a lot of heart.

You have 50 Amazon warriors on horseback, giant battlefields, a background of World War I and amazing visual effects.  Wonder Woman is going to be an absolute ride.

©2017 Warner Bros. Ent.  All Rights Reserved.  TM & © DC COMICS[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text] [/vc_column_text][/vc_column]