#fragrance recs
Note
hey since yall are cologne experts (or one of u is idk) what cologne do you recommend to confuse ppl abt my gender
I need a scent that is feminine AND masculine all at once
aright so i am not a cologne expert whatsoever (not sure where you got that one from honestly) but i do happen to have a friend who works at a perfume store and when i asked her to weigh in her opinion on this she was absolutely delighted and wrote you all a novel on how to choose the right fragrance
(very fair warning, this is quite long)
Lessons in Fragrance (by Roza, Saph’s friend)
Buckle up buttercups because I’m about to learn you a thing or two about scent! I used to work at one of the largest “niche” perfumeries in the New England area so I’m like kinda qualified to give advice on fragrance I guess lol
1.scents will smell different on skin than on tester papers due to the fragrance interacting with your body chemistry so something you like on paper you might not like on your skin and vice versa! It’s always important to test on your skin before you buy, most websites that sell fragrance will sell a sample size for a few bucks or even a sample set for $20-$60 depending on how many samples and how high end the brand is!
2. At the end of the day fragrance (how many times will I say this word probably at least 50) is gender neutral. Cologne versus perfume (or aux de parfum) just denotes how strong the scent will be and how long it will last. The order of weakest to strongest is: aux de toilette, room sprays, linen sprays Essential oil fragrances Cologne Perfume, aux de parfum
3. there are many types of fragrances some examples of overarching categories are: gourmand: smells like food in some way Fougére: “traditionally masculine” Floral: predominantly flower notes Green: outdoorsy but more grassy and earth based Woodsy: outdoorsy but more tree and wood based Aquatic: notes that create scents reminiscent of bodies of water, ambergris is a common note Oriental: earthy, musky, and warmer notes usually having some sort of amber note Spicy: having heavy spice notes wheather it be peppery or your traditional baking spices These are just some of the most common categories of fragrance.
4. additional to categories, fragrance is further broken down into different sizes and different note tiers with each having its own wear time:
you have your top notes, heart notes, and base notes. True to name top notes are the notes of scent you first smell. As the fragrance starts to settle the heart notes will become more prominent as the top notes fade. The base notes have the most longevity and will usually be the hints that you can smell even several hours later.
Sizes: tester sizes tend to be 2-5mL of product. The 4 most common denominations that fragrance come in are a 10-15mL (travel size), 30-35mL (smaller side but still decent amount), 50-60mL (pretty standard size and good amount), 100mL (“full size” and will last a hot sec)
Based on personal experience: I’ve had a 30mL fragrance that I wear daily last for about 2 months, I have an 88mL that I wear about once a week that has lasted a year and a half (with 3/4 of a bottle still left), I have 10mL travel sizes that last about 2-3 weeks with daily wear, I have a 50mL that I wear weekly and on occasion use as a room spray too that’s lasted about a year (still have 1/4 bottle left). When talking about wearing the fragrance is talking about one spray per wrist, then tapping them together (NOT rubbing) to help distribute the scent. Sometimes I add an additional spray on my neck. There is never a reason to spray fragrance on your full body b/c it can then become to overwhelming and you’ll be a walking hazard to society (think a 12 yo boy with axe body spray). On occasion if you know it will be a sexy night a spray of fragrance on the ankle can go a long way especially if your legs will be hooked around someone’s head.
5. now without further ado below are Roza’s recs for gender confusing fragrances. I will include the name of the fragrence and line/company, some of the notes, and price point!
disclaimer: I am only really familiar with niche fragrances not mainstream or “drugstore”, “department store”, “your typical designer” fragrances
The Recommendations:
My recs: I can’t grantee the spelling on all of these but c’est la vive, the listings are as follows: name of fragrance, line (if applicable), company, maybe a fun fact about the company or scent, description of notes and/or story of how to describe the scent, price point with size of bottle
supernatural #6: by Caswell Massey the oldest American perfume company, was a fragrance worn by George Washington, it is a very clean herbaceous scent (yk to cover up the stench of the unbathed in colonial times since the scent was created in 1772), it has main notes of bergamot (that earl grey tea kind of floral scent) rosemary, neroli, rose, clove and amber, very musky, $40 for a 7.5mL travel size or $225 for a 100mL, also comes in soap form.
LX48: also Caswell Massey, smells like leather chairs and pipe tobacco with hints of florals reminiscent of an old school gentleman’s club, notes of violet, geranium, oakmoss (one of my fav notes across the board), tobacco, cedar wood, and vintage leather, same price points for 7.5mL and 100mL as Supernatural #6, comes in soap form as well.
Beaver: Beaver-Bee are all from the same Canadian line called zoologist which conceptualize their fragrances after the stunning cover art to encapsulate what each animal would wear as a fragrance taking inspiration from their habitats, smells like moist earth and a light breeze carrying greens and florals. Notes of outdoor air, linden blossom, wood shavings, wild vegetation, damp air, dry wood, water, light musk, heavy musk, dark woods, vanilla, amber, castoreum, and leather, pricing the same for Beaver, Snowy Owl, Sloth, and Squid tester for $8, 10mL for $48, and 60mL for $175
Snowy Owl: zoologist, smells like the transition from winter to spring as the snow melts and mud season begins as light florals start to fight their way to the surface, notes of snow accord, lily of the valley, mint, coconut, Turkish rose, frankincense, galbanum, ambrette, cedar, tonka, vanilla, oakmoss, civet, and musk
Squid: zoologist, smells like an inky Black Sea thrashing about in a storm until you reach the calm black depths, notes of pink peppercorn, solar salicylate, incense, black ink accord, opoponax, ambergris, and benzoin musk
Sloth: zoologist, smells like a Victorian apothecary with wooden shelves a plenty mayhaps even thatched awnings overhanging the front windows ripe with scents of various herbs, florals, tinctures, potions and oils a delicate and peculiar balance, notes of chamomile, açaí berry, lavender, violet leaf, marigold (also known as calendula), beeswax, anise, jatamansi, jasmine, cumin, hay, frankincense, myrrh, mushroom, oakmoss, vanilla, tonka
Bee: zoologist, fragrant blossoms that play beautifully with fruity undertones to create a rich and mead like scent, notes of orange, ginger syrup, royal jelly accord, broom, heliotrope, mimosa, orange flower, benzoin, labdanum, musks, sandalwood, tonka, vanilla, sample $8, 10mL travel size $59, 60mL $210
Blackbird: Olympic Orchids, this is my personal favorite scent to the point that I consider it my signature, to me it smells like an ancient forest witch coming out to dance amongst the moonlight a pungent earthy smell full of ripe blackberries, damp cedar and oakmoss to complete the alluring scent, notes of blackberry, dry grass, dry leaves, elemi, cedar wood, resin, woody amber according to, for balsam absolute, and musk, pricing is the same for blackbird the California chocolate and woodcut, sample $3, 5mL $18, 15mL $35, 30mL $65, 100mL $120
California chocolate: Olympic orchids, a fruity chocolate fragrance to encapsulate California, notes of wild orange, grapefruit, yuzu, white cognac, neroli, dark chocolate, patchouli, gourmand musk, bourbon vanilla
Woodcut: Olympic orchids, smells like walking into a scene shop with fresh cut wood or even a cedar closet, notes of fractional distillation of pine and cedar, oak wood, roll balsam, olibanum, caramel, burnt sugar, vanilla
902: bon perfumer, a French company that makes 3 note fragrances perfect for layering with each other a scent you already own or just a subtle fragrance that can stand alone, this one is described as what the peaky blinders would’ve worn, notes of white tobacco, cinnamon and brandy (armagnac), 30mL $60, 100mL $120, 100mL + 15mL set $140
Noir tropical, Maria candida Gentile, smells like an expensive drink at a beachside resort in Italy, notes of bergamot, almond accord, heliotrope, vanilla accord, bourbon, and rum, 7mL 20€ ($21.56), 15mL 37€ ($39.88), and 100mL 155€ ($167.08), also comes in liquid and bar soap form, and a set with the 15mL the candle and the soap
Finisterre, Maria candida gentile, it smells like a breeze on the ocean filled with ambient damp sand and slight citrusy notes caught on the wind from fellow beach goers snacking on fresh fruit, notes of marine accord, wet wood, helichrysum, pine, grey amber, sandalwood, same prices as noir tropical
Plum in cognac, scents of wood, the bottles (for the full size) look like anatomically correct hearts and the colors are customizable when you order, this smells sensual and proactive with its sweet and smoky depth with a realm of familiarity to bring comfort, notes of caramel, tobacco, cinnamon, nutmeg, juicy plum, vanilla, vetiver, aged in a cognac barrel (made with sugar cane alcohol so it absorbs some of the scent notes of the wooden barrel it’s aged in), 10mL $55, 75mL $240
Bulletproof, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, this reminds me of what a pirate could smell like, notes of smoked tea, coconut milk, crush cedar, and ebony woods, 45mL $52 one size only
Eclipse, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, smells like a unique mix of spices and florals as mysterious and ever changing as the solar and lunar cycles, notes if black anise, mint leaf, smoked amber, and gardenia, 45mL $52 one size only
Nocturnal, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk dark line, smells like a walk through the woods on a crisp early spring evening, notes of cypress, dark patchouli, vetiver, and night musk, 45mL $52 only one size
Wild whims, Margot Elena, TokyoMilk, smells like wanderlust and wild abandon frolicking through fields in the summer sun, bites of sweet grass, clary sage, verdant (very green smelling) florals, and citron, 30mL $48 one size only, this one layers especially well with green spell!! Most of TokyoMilk can be blended with other fragrances b/c they’re are 4 note fragrances similar to bon perfumer in that sense
Green spell, Eris Parfums, an alluring garden full of specimens for all over the world cultivated with care and just a touch of magic and whimsy, notes of Italian mandarin, French black currant bud absolute, Iranian galbanum, Egyptian violet leaf absolute, French narcissus absolute, tomato leaf accord, fig leaf accord, Haitian vetiver, Ambroxan, and musk, 50mL $165 one size only
Spezie De’ Medici, i profumi di firenze, spezierie palazzo vecchio, this is a very old fragrance line dating back to Italy even before the famed Catherine Di Medici there are whispers that she even wore a few of these fragrances, smells like a warm hug from loved ones in your life as you all bake spice cookies for the holidays, notes of orange, lemon, cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, ginger, pink pepper, black pepper, 50mL 46€ ($49.59)
L’uomo di pitti, i profumi di firenze, spezierie palazzo vecchio, an outdoor market in Florence Italy filled with the latest fashions from visitors and importers all of the world with deeply aquatic and herbaceous hints, notes of pink pepper, iris, amber furan, ambergris, labdanum, sage, and rhubarb, 50mL 48€ ($51.74)
Bulls blood, imaginary authors, they create stories of fragrance from books that don’t exist each package (full size) is made to look like said book that doesn’t exist, smells like the perfect balance of brutality and elegance a scent for the lovers and brawlers deeply bold, animalic, and sensuous, notes of geranium, Spanish rose, patchouli, black musk, tobacco, sandalwood, and bull’s blood, sample $6, 14mL travel $42, 50mL $105
Every storm a serenade, imaginary authors, smells like the eye of the storm a day full of moody and choppy waters finally sailing into a brief moment of stillness to absorb the environment, notes of danish spruce, eucalyptus, vetiver, calone, ambergris, and Baltic Sea mist, same pricing as bull’s blood
Musc, Molinard, a French perfume company founded in 1849 with many fragrances full of notes that end up encapsulating one feeling, note, or moment, smells warm, woody, amber heavy musk, notes of muscade nois, bergamot, juniper berries, incense, patchouli, teak wood, musk, amber, and labdanum, 7.5mL 11.67€ ($12.58), 75mL 57.50€ ($61.98)
The Original, Eight & Bob, this fragrance was worn by a young JFK who discovered it through a young man and his family he met while on vacation in the French Riviera, a very classic clean fragrance that can lean on the side of aftershave-esque, notes of cardamom, lemon, pink peppercorn, dried woods, violet leaves, labdanum, evergreen wood, amber, sandalwood, and vetiver, 30mL 80€ ($86.24), 50mL 120€ ($129.36), 100mL 190€ ($204.81), 150mL 210€ ($226.37)
Winter nights, Dasein, comes in a line that is meant to smell like the different stages of winter there is also one for greens and the daytime, smells like a fire pit with friends in late January as the snow has started to pile up but on a blissful day where it is warm enough to go outside a gathering occurs with the rich smell of pine all around, notes of coastal forest, driftwood bonfire, cardamom tea, lavender flowers, wild musk, and woodsmoke, 50mL $125
Almost single, Confessions of a rebel, this is a collection known for making provocative and sexy fragrances with cheeky names, a hazy spicy scent tempered by woody florals, notes of black pepper, cardamom, iris, rosemary, and sandalwood, 8mL $28, 100mL $125
Ray-flection, masque Milano, opera line, an avant garde what would a flower from an alien planet smell like, notes of mandarin essence, sparkling aldehydes, cardamom pure jungle essence, mimosa absolute France, violette leaves absolute, solar rays accord, beeswax absolute, cedar wood essence, and musk accord, tester 6€ ($6.47), 10mL 46€ ($49.59), 35mL 133€ ($143.37)
White whale, masque Milano, opera line, a nod to the novel Moby Dick an adventure for any sea fairer, notes of candles, olibanum, salty rope accordion, black pepper Madagascar, ambergris accord, osmanthus china, violet flower, orris concrete Italy, cedar wood Virginia, patchouli Indonesia, vetiver Haiti, cistus laudanum, tester 7€ ($7.55), 10mL 49€ ($52.82), 35mL 151€ ($162.77)
Lost Alice, masque Milano, opera line, the tales of Alice in wonderland captured via scent in different stages of tea with the mad hatter, notes of bergamot, ambrette seed, clary sage, “Too Much Black Pepper”, carrot heart, Oreos concrete, English tea, white roses (painted red), sandalwood India, broom absolute Italy, and Fleur de lait (steamed milk accord), same pricing as ray-flection although lost alive does have a 100mL option too for 379€ ($408.55)
Pale fire, apoteker tepe, smells like a rich and slightly drunken hot cocoa after coming in from taking the leaves on a blustery fall day, notes of amber, olibanum, palmers, whiskey, and cocoa, sample $8, 6mL $20, 35mL $130, 105mL $280
The holy mountain, apoteker tepe, this is what I imagine the misty mountains to smell like to the point of almost being able to hear singing around a hearth in the background, notes of pine smoke, incense, balsam fir, labdanum, and guaiacwood, same pricing as Pale Fire
After the flood, apoteker tepe, true to the name it smells like the damp earth that’s still waterlogged after immense amounts of rain, notes of violet leaf, water lily, mushroom, patchouli, and wet earth, same pricing as the other two apoteker tepe
Le castiglione, jovoy Paris, from Les cocottes de Paris, another one of my personal favorites that I wear quite often, has been described as smelling like Dracula’s mistress based on a rumor started in the early to mid 19th century surrounding a model who (was described as the world’s vainest woman) once she “got old” (all of 40) she would only leave her house at night and donning all black and the rumors flew leaving behind only whispers and whiffs of this scent as she would walk by, a fragrance that is both earthy and citrusy, with an almost apothecary feel to it that keeps you sniffing the sample trying to figure out what it reminds you of, notes of mugwort, citron, juniper, licorice, patchouli, grey amber, myrrh, and styrax, sample $3, 50mL 75€ ($80.85)
After hours, antica farmacista, smells like sipping on a berry filled night cap paired with a fresh crème brûlée to enjoy in your favorite leather chair by fireside in an old family library, notes if blackberry, cocoa, tobacco, davana, black rose, single malt bourbon, cognac, oud, leather, crème brûlée vanilla, and amber, 10mL travel $22, 50mL $86
Late harvest, fort manle, the packing is really cool and the scents come in bottle that look like vintage ink bottle topped with an ornate golden cap that would work as a wax seal in a pinch, smells how I imagine an older bilbo baggins to smell like while relaxing in the shire smoking his pipe, notes of cherry pipe tobacco, vanilla, cedar wood, rosewood, leather, and rose, sample $10, 50mL $250, it’s pricy but the wear time is insane (I’ve tested it before and had it still smell fairly strong the next day even after showering)
Bojnokopff, fort manle, the story behind this is the famed Russian magician Bojnokopff (idk if he’s actually real tho lol) performing in 1897 St. Petersburg the closing act of his final show before retirement and to amaze the masses he disappears into a cloud of purple haze leaving behind only whiffs of lavender, oud, and chocolate this is a very dark and punchy scent (I find that people either love it or hate it with no inbetween), notes of French lavender, vanilla, dark chocolate, oud, and cedar wood, sample $10, 50mL $250 there is also a discovery set of the entire fort manle line that is $70 for a sample size of 7/8 of their fragrances
Uomo, carthusia, smells like the hot Italian partner you can’t take home to your family who rides a motorcycle while wearing a tank top with a leather jacket while smoking, notes of lemon, bergamot, freesia, green leaves, lily of the valley, jasmine, geranium, cedar wood, patchouli, sandal, palmers, amber, white musk, 50mL 70€ ($75.46), 100mL 90€ ($97.02)
Terra Mia, carthusia, smells like a coffee shop right before open there are notes of citrus roasted nuts and coffee in the air along with the smell of light florals that grace each seating area, notes of bergamot, neroli, pink peppercorn, rose, jasmine, orange blossom, Arabic coffee, hazelnut cream, amber woods, vanilla, ambroxan, and white musk, same pricing as uomo
Mediterrano, carthusia, a bright and sunny fragrance with notes of green tea, notes of wild mint, lemon, eucalyptus, litsea cubeba, red thyme, bergamot, jasmine, cardamom, flowers of the fields, tangerine, green tea, and white musk, same pricing as terra Mia and uomo
Broken Theories, Kerosene, the packaging is cool seeing as it is a nod to the city the fragrance is created in (Detroit) each bottle is painted in motorcycle paint and the metal label is hand stamped, it smells like a fire pit while drinking a spiced mimosa, notes of blood orange, tobacco, spices, vanilla, sandalwood, our, and incense, it’s a heavy but not overwhelming scent that covers you like a blanket and can last several hours without needing to reapply, 100mL $152
Meltdown, elder & willow, these last two are roll on essential oil fragrances that are very budget friendly, this one is meant to calm anxiety and help with grounding, bites of lavender, lemon, ylang ylang, bergamot, rose geranium, vetiver, Roman chamomile, benzoin essential oils, and scent is all in a coconut oil as the carrier, $12 per 10mL roll on
Sweet dreams, elder & willow, meant to promote sleep, notes if lavender, vetiver, Roman chamomile, cedar wood, benzoin essential oils, scent is in coconut oil as the carrier, $12 per 10mL roll on, I love elder and willow they also have teas, bath soaks, and skincare products
And thus concludes fragrance lessons/recs with Roza! I hope this was more informative and less of a fever dream than perfume ads on screen that don’t actually tell you anything about the fucking fragrance and just go off of vibes and celebrity presence!!
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Fragrances I think Sailor Moon would wear….
Moonlight by Ariana Grande
This is Ariana’s least talked about perfume in my opinion, and it’s truly a shame because it’s the best smelling one in this particular line with the bottles that have the puff ball design. Not saying its her best fragrance over all, just my favourite in this line. The only drawback is the longevity isn’t the greatest, you will have to reapply or use some lotion or perfume oil to layer it with that will boost it’s lasting power. The smell of this though, is so worth it even if the lasting power isn’t great. Makes for a great scent to wear to bed, because if you wear it just before bed, how long it lasts doesn’t really matter. But i mean, i feel from the bottle, to the name of it, to the notes, this fragrance is USAGI in a bottle. It has usagi written all over it. The purple iridescence on the bottle gives that very 90s sailor moon pastel colour palette so frequently used as backdrops in the anime. The puff ball on it, is almost representative of a rabbit’s tail or her buns on her hair. It’s called moon light. It smells sweet and she is a huge sweet tooth. Could this be more fitting for her? Anyway, I’ve rambled unnecessarily about the bottle’s design but lets get into the thick of it. The notes. So this smells sweet definitely but not as young as it’s two other counterparts, Ari and Sweet like candy. This one has a more sultry edge. It opens with plum and black currant, which are juicy and delicious. The middle notes are soft marshmallow and peony and i think these notes especially have Usagi written all over them. Very soft and sweet. Marshmallow especially is a note I associate with her very much so there will be one more fragrance with marshmallow in this list as we move forward. The base notes are vanilla, sandalwood and amber which give this a maturity not many of the other fragrances in this line carry. This is delicious smelling but strikes me definitely as a night time fragrance. I think usagi would take a shower before bed, and use the moonlight shower gel and lotion before finally spraying the perfume. (If you’re thinking of getting this fragrance PLEASE get the shower gel, lotion, and body mist too, layering them all will help it last longer.) I can also see her wearing this to an evening date with Mamoru. This fragrance gives dreamy sleepy night time vibes. It’s romantic and elegant. She’s a romantic at heart so i can see her spraying this on any birthday or valentines cards she writes for Mamoru so that he remembers her, and she probably sprays this on her hair brush before passing it through her golden locks so he gets a whiff of it when he hugs her. Its a very pretty perfume that merits a hug for the wearer honestly. You want to hug whoever wears this because its just so lovely. I would wear this at night too. I mean it’s called moonlight. Yeah this is her romantic and cosy night fragrance for sure!
Live Irrésistible Délicieuse by Givenchy
This is her every day, day time scent. The one she wears to school or when she’s hanging out with her friends, when she’s just being Usagi and not Sailor moon. If she were a real person and you met her, I think you would smell this. We all know she’s a huge lover of food, especially anything sweet. This girl is a sweet tooth so it’s no surprise she’d want to smell as delicious as the desserts she eats. She’d want to smell irresistible and this is exactly what this perfume encapsulates. Also the juice in the bottle is pink, and this is her colour. Its a very youthful carefree fragrance and what better match for our teen protagonist. The main player note here is definitely the cherry, it stands out the most but this fragrance has an interesting french pastry note which makes it heavier than the typical fruity perfume. Most fruity perfumes are usually reserved for the summer, but i feel it is one that can be worn year round. The caramel, vanilla and almond at the base give it body. Its rich but not cloying and sure to satisfy a sweet tooth. Sad to report though, that this is discontinued. ( I hear Mukhalat by Montale is a decent dupe for this, but it contains strawberry instead of cherry) I’m pretty sure you can still get it some places online if you’re a lover of cherry and absolutely need this in your collection but I’d grab it quick. (If it’s any consolation, there are plenty of other cherry based perfumes, so missing out on this isn’t the end of the world. I can make a post for cherry perfumes if any of you guys are cherry lovers, just let me know.) Some lotions this would be very well paired with are fruity ones I suggest maybe the body shop butters and lotions? Something in their strawberry or mango ranges. I can see Usagi pairing this with these lotions or a simple vanilla lotion.
Moon carnival by Vilhelm Perfumerie
This is a brighter tropical floral, and the perfect summer time perfume. The white florals give it a delicate yet robust tone, and the citrusses at the top along with that tropical passion fruit note give it a brightness that’s classy yet very fit for hotter weather. This would be perfect for a summer day or a summer night. I have never been to Japan but I know and have heard that the summers can be intense and humid, and seeing as Usagi is from Japan, I think she would be drawn to a fragrance like this during the summer. It’s also appropriately named. I can see her wearing this to a summer festival to compliment her yukata or to the beach or to a picnic. I’ve heard many say this makes for a great wedding perfume. Especially if you are having a spring or summer wedding, something about it is so classy. It has a creamy soft quality thanks to the marshmallow and vanilla notes. Remember I said Usagi would be a sucker for the marshmallow notes? This is her expensive marshmallow perfume, and the Ariana Grande one is her affordable marshmallow perfume. Of course she is a high school student but she is also a princess, so i think it won’t be that far fetched for her to acquire this perfume. Or maybe it was a gift from Mamoru? Who can say? But I feel this is her choice for summer and a possible contender for a wedding fragrance in the future for her.
Luna by Penhaligon’s
Now, we’re at the final boss perfume. This is her princess mode perfume. It’s also on the expensive side but not a ludicrous price range for a fragrance. Plus she’s the princess of the moon, i think she can handle it. Penhaligons has a few fragrances themed around Greek and Roman mythology and since this anime sort of does too, I couldn’t find a more perfect fit. The bottle and scent totally give a dreamy, ethereal, princess serenity vibe and what a perfect fit to wear with that Dior inspired 1992 palladium dress. Can’t you picture her wearing this fragrance and that dress and looking over from her castle balcony? Are you getting the other worldly, dreamy vibes? I certainly am. Anyway, on to the notes: It like many fragrances, greets you with a light and refreshing burst of different citruses, lemon, bergamot and orange, so the opening is cheerful and bright, then we get to the middle notes the delicate rose, juniper berries and jasmine which give it a feminine softness, it’s definitely very refined, something you could see a princess wearing. The base notes are balsam, musk and ambergris which are refreshing, clean and woody. There is definitely something dreamy and magical about this fragrance. It's relaxing and gives a spa or altar vibe, you know? A truly romantic fragrance too, I can see this working as a wedding fragrance if you are going for the ethereal fairytale sort of theme. This is definitely her past life fragrance. Something she would be seen getting teary eyed over because of the memories it evokes for her.
🌸 As always if you want to see more fragrance match ups for characters you love or for yourself, hit me with an ask! 🌸
#Fragrances#Fragrance#Perfume#Perfumes#Scents#Fragrance x Fiction#Sailor Moon#Anime#Manga#usagi tsukino#princess serenity#perfume character matchups#perfume recommendations#fragrance recommendations#scent recommendations#fragrance suggestions#perfume suggestions#beauty#fashion#self care#anime and manga#sailor moon: usagi#perfume recs#fragrance recs#scent recs#🌙#naoko takeuchi
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With 23.5 finally coming out, the people are rejoicing at finally getting a high profile gl from GMMTV. But there have already been several gls airing this year, including my fav TsukuTabe, that have been flying under the radar with fandom, and in general there are more gls already out there than folks seem to think. I just know you have a list of all the gls we should be watching, please share with the class!
Thank you for the ask! How did you know I had a draft of GL recs to make at some point? [Trick question, I mentioned it to you.]
It may seem like I'm out here hating on GL because i've made a couple of negative reviews of recently airing series recently (Love Senior and Chaser Game W in case you're curious) but I actually have lots of GL that I love and that I wish were better known! Thanks for sending this ask so I am inspired to actually finish it! I've limited myself to series so that I could keep the list and this post to a reasonable length. Where possible I've listed where you can find each of these and included a link. And I've included an 'elevator pitch' summary but I am NOT in marketing for a reason, so please don't roast me too hard for my terrible comparisons. Alright, enough waffling!
Twig's GL Rec List
She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat S1 & 2 (Japan, 2022 & 2024, both seasons fansubbed by @furritsubs; if you need help accessing this show feel free to DM me!)
Elevator pitch: Our Dining Table with lesbians and an even slower burn. Watch for beautiful food, acespec rep, mental health and therapy rep
What might turn some off: Extremely low heat, and quite slow-moving; warning for a disordered eating and family trauma plot (v gently handled)
Let's start with the one you've already mentioned. This is a heartwarming slice-of-life slow burn in which an autismspec-coded woman who likes to eat is invited by her neighbour, a femme acespec woman who loves to cook, to come and eat her food. It starts from a very practical place (when you love making food you need someone to help eat it), but their relationship grows as they spend more time together. The story follows them as they both move towards self-actualization in several ways: as a lesbian, as asexual, at work, with their families, with their friends, with each other. This show is so careful to say the important words aloud. And there is so much delicious cooking! Each episode highlights a particular recipe, and the food porn is real. Do not watch while hungry, but definitely watch. The found famiy vibes in this one one are also immaculate.
She Makes My Heart Flutter (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: Younger lesbian friend group tries to help out (slightly) older lesbian bar owner with mixed success. I can't think of a good BL equivalent, The Moment Since feels the closest with its similar bartender/patron romance
What might turn some off: Comedic tone; short runtime; struggles with being closeted
This is a gem of a miniseries about a bar owner and an interior designer who smoulder at one another while an intrepid group of younger bar regulars (including the bar owner's neice) meddle. This series is really cute, solid, and full of sapphics! Once again found family vibes are immaculate (you may sense a theme in my faves). Run don't walk.
Fragrance of the First Flower (Taiwan, 2021, GagaOOLala)
Elevator pitch: Right-person-wrong-time/second chance romance; tonally is a little like We Best Love 2: Fighting Mr. 2nd but with an ambiguous ending.
What might turn you off: Medium heat, second chance romance means they break up once, internalized homophobia, adultery/cheating, at one point there's a creepy dude, child with autism (depicted well), ambiguous ending
At its core this is a story of a woman who can't stop getting in the way of her own happiness. This series is a little more sad than the rest of this rec list but I couldn't not include it because this relationship is so poignant. Plus there's a s2 that supposedly is to come out in 2024 so maybe we'll get our happy ending after all?
Love Greater Than or Equal to 70 Degrees C (Korea, 2019, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: Ingredients but with lesbians staring at one another over beautiful tea pairings! What more could you ask for?
What might turn you off: Low heat; short runtime; ambiguous ending; like Ingredients this is essentially a long ad for the café it's filmed at.
This is a Korean miniseries about passionate tea sommeliers making really fancy tea while staring at one another a LOT. Perfect sapphic representation, 10/10 no notes. This one packs a lot of the drama tropes into its short runtime, so even though it's short it's full of butterfly-inspiring moments.
Sleep With Me (Philippines, 2022, GagaOOLala/iWantTFC/Netflix w/VPN set to Philippines)
Elevator pitch: The Truth About Cats and Dogs but the self esteem issues are handled without catfishing. BL equivalent: Hmmm. Closest I can think of is Gaya Sa Pelikula.
What might turn you off: There's some ableism (treated as such) in this show; Open ending.
Stellar GL between a late night radio DJ and an insomniac who listens to her show. One of the main couple is a wheelchair user and the show tackles ablelism and navigating disability in relationship as well as feelings of inadequacy in a relationship and how that manifests as interpersonal conflict.
Our Relationship Ended Before it Began (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: Along the lines of I Cannot Reach You; the show gives both perspectives and they are held back by queer angst.
What might turn you off: No kiss (but they make it very clear both want to kiss), internalized homophobia
Really sweet miniseries about having a crush and being afraid of being hurt so you don't actually make a move. I really like the way the girl who has not dated a girl before defaults to gender roles and it throws the more experienced lesbian lol I also really like the way this show makes clear that both of them are waiting for a kiss, and that if you get in your head about things, it can get in the way of your own happiness!
Pearl Next Door (Philippines, 2020, Youtube)
Elevator Pitch: Gameboys but with lesbian vloggers.
What might turn you off: Love triangle, lots of teasing but low heat in the end, a lot of (good) conversations about mental health issues, ambiguous ending
This is the GL spinoff to Gameboys, starring Pearl from Gameboys. Pearl ends up being fought over by the two gorgeous women in the gif, an old love and a new. I love the queer friendships in this story as much as the relationships. I will say it's an open ending (that felt a bit like the showrunners didn't want to decide between ships) and definitely the love triangle features prominently but even in the face of these aspects that would normally turn me off a series I had a good time. The characters and interpersonal conflicts feel very real, and are allowed to be complex even when the show tone is comedic.
Dear Uranus (Taiwan, 2021, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: Schoolgirl ensemble GL; a little like My School President but without the singing.
What might turn you off: Short runtime; ambiguous ending; a little bit of bullying; very standard romance trope execution
The first Taiwanese GL miniseries, this series was produced by a Taiwanese lesbian couple (Rabbit & Wolf)! Lots of excellent drama tropes, and incredibly gorgeous women (I think the entire watching audience fell in love with Erol.
Lily Fever (Korea, 2015, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: Complete crack; YYY but with more kissing and frankly an even less coherent story.
What might turn you off: The lack of coherent plot; less a romance and more a very thirsty lesbian kissing everyone she can
This miniseries is utter chaos. Nothing really makes sense, it's all just random excuses to cause very suggestive moments (and kissing) to happen. I love so much how this series depicts women being so absolutely thirsty for one another (and yes that date isn't a typo, this series is ~9 years old). Not an "happy ever after" ending but it really isn't that kind of story.
Chasing Sunsets (Philippines, 2020, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: Ocean Likes Me with lesbians. Resort romance with a mental health twist.
What might turn you off: Some of the mental health stuff gets intense, this was filmed in 2020 so the pandemic features heavily; hopeful but slightly ambiguous ending.
A complex story from the Philippines covering mental health and finding yourself. A woman shows up to a resort and befriends one of the women running the resort. They get closer as they spend time together, and the resort owner realizes something is off. There's also a BL side couple in this series.
Show Me Love (Thai, 2023, YouTube)
Elevator pitch: A little like My Day the series with lesbians, in that they work together and fall in love and it's full of tropes
What might turn you off: The advertising for the Miss Grand competition, there is some bullying and cheating (though way less than I was expecting tbh), not a lot actually happens, the editing gets a bit wonky at the end
This is essentially a massive ad for the Miss Grand Thailand competition; this GL was produced by the same company that produces that competition, and the stars are mostly Miss Grand competitors. The main pairing were shipped in the actual competition, and the company decided to make a GL about them. It's very slow paced and low-stakes, and there are better kisses than I expected considering everything I just said about where this show came from. There are a lot of cute moments!
Girlfriend Project (Korea, 2022, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: Love Class with lesbians
What might turn you off: One of the leads is kind of mean in that pgitail-pulling way? It ends abruptly (but happily)
This is a short miniseries about two girls paired in a class that are assigned to "date". The chemistry is chemistrying. And there is a kiss (a good kiss, and a tiptoes kiss at that!). This show also has one of my favourite tropes, in which someone who seems like a pushover stands up for themselves and their partner finds it very attractive. For the record, in this show they are watching another GL by the same company, Love Tech.
Lulu (Philippines, 2022, Vivamax/grey)
Elevator Pitch: Present Perfect with lesbians (but with a better ending).
What might turn you off: Depictions of panic attacks, brief depiction of drowning, pandemic lockdowns, illness, exes, waffling, happy but open ending (which I actually liked for this story)
Two women trying to move on from the garbage in their lives meet at the beach of a B&B (where one saves the other from drowning) and become one another's company during their escape and then something more. They both have baggage that seems determined to keep them apart even as they continue to be drawn together. In the end, they decide to stick it out and see where they end up, with no guarantee of happily ever after, which I found very sweet. Requires either a VivaMax account or searching the grey for it, but it's worth the effort (check MyDramaList comments for suggestions on where to find it). Plus one of the leads has a cactus as a pet.
Welcome to the Lesbian Bar (Korea, 2023, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: A little like Fudanshi Bartender but without the fudanshi bartender and all of the bar patrons are lesbians lol
What might turn you off: Short, can get a little bit preachy, abrupt ending
Cute short series with different very stories every episode as different patrons visit the bar. The stories range from women who have been together for awhile, to people meeting from an online app for the first time, to someone visiting a lesbian bar for the first time; and yet the story all weaves together in a way that's satisfying though ends abruptly. Includes some solid marriage equality propaganda.
GAP the Series (Thai, 2022, YouTube)
Elevator Pitch: Kind of the vibes of Together with Me but lesbians and in an office instead of school. Angry boss falls for charming new intern and
What might turn you off: This one is the highest heat of all these recs; homophobia especially amongst family, brief depictions of death by car, brief mentions of suicide, cheating, bullying, abuse of power in the office.
A list would not be complete without this one! Honestly the plot is a bit wobbly but the show is a lot of fun. The girls are very cute, the feelings and tension builds really well between them, the friend group is excellent, and in the special we get a wedding.
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The rest of these have caveats of one kind or another, but i couldn't leave them off a rec list, so here are the side couples and censored stories that are still worth your time anyway (I might do a separate more detailed post for these, as well as for films, one day if there's interest):
Nevertheless (GL side; Korean, 2021, Netflix) Not sure it's worth watching a whole kdrama for side lesbians? Search soljiwan on youtube. They are great. Even the Netflix account stans them. I watched this (ngl, I watched the SolJiwan cut) as it aired and was constantly braced for it to let us down but it did not! A really good friends-to-lovers story.
Friend Zone 2: Dangerous Area (GL side; Thailand, 2019, YouTube): These sapphics are messy and I love them. Decent conversation about dating someone with mental health issues in this series, and they're one of the only couples in this ensemble to get a happy ending. If you're just watching the lesbian couple (which you can, their story is pretty self-contained) you don't need to have seen s1.
Six Survivors (GL side; Japan, 2022, Viki) This show is a horror comedy and it is SO MUCH FUN. Warning for zombies and blood, but way less than you might think. One of the eponymous 6 survivors is a lesbian who keeps trying to convert them to veganism lol. If you watched Chaser Game W you'll recognize one of the actresses in this, the lead actress is from Kamisama no Ekohiiki, and one of the guys is from the prequel series His as well as I Want to See Only You! And yes there is a kiss. Also a surprising number of Mallrats references. Not for people who can't handle gore or relationships being complicated/not a "true love" story/ambiguous ending.
Kamisama no Ekohiiki (complicated question of is it GL in parts, Japan, 2021, furritsubs once again coming through to save the day) This one is a bit complex because there's bodyswap, but the girl who falls for the bodyswapped boy-in-a-girl's-body is clear that she is only interested in the girl. One of the better bodyswap stories because the bodyswap is not a secret for very long, so instead there's a lot of introspection about what gender means and who/what they are attracted to. Feels wrong to call this GL, necessarily, but it's very queer.
Couple of Mirrors (Censored GL, China, 2021, Viki) Story of a rich girl and her assassin girlfriend. This production did an amazing job getting away with what they could, just don't watch the last five minutes and we've got essentially a happy lesbian family.
Legend of Yunze (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) Very cute very low budget xianxia miniseries with two seasons and a special. The special is set in modern times in a future lifetime so if you want a cute censored-but-clearly-a-soulmate-love-story this is the one for you. Don't be thrown off by the weird cuts/abrupt episode endings, that's in line with cdramas in general.
Led Astray by Love (Censored GL, China, 2021, @douqi7s) A very fun and adorable isekai story in which a modern day girl is transported to a wuxia novel setting and has to figure out how to get home, and gets romanced by the princess along the way.
And a few additional links for people who even more content:
My Indian sapphic webseries rec list
My suggestions for content with toms (Thai category that's similar to but not exactly the same as butch lesbians) in response to this post.
This really good GL MyDramaList list (not made by me!) lists what seems to be everything I've mentioned and about 200 more. Even I haven't seen a few of these!
My YouTube playlist of sapphic content: This includes anything I stumble across or find in my searches, a lot of music videos and random shorts as well as some microseries and miniseries that I don't consider GL but are WLW/sapphic in addition to true "GL" content. For serialized content, I add just the first ep. A complete mess, but you can trawl through to find stuff to watch, like Hetero!
SOONOTSUE: The same producers of She Makes My Heart Flutter have other short series on their channel worth checking out; if you liked that one, try Out of Breath!
Shakeshoulder: Thai YouTube producers of very pulpy (read: low budget and dramatic plots) shorts
FuFuKnows: This YouTube channel is owned by a gay Taiwanese couple that produces shorts every week, including some with GL mains and sides. These are very low budget but cover a whole swath of queer themes.
@douqi7s is a godsend providing subtitles for all kinds of content, including sapphic shorts and more series than I've listed here. Check their tumblr for links to all of their content; A Practical Guide to Being a Superstar's Assistant has one of the best setups to giving us great moments in the guise of something else so that they get past censorship I've ever seen; I also recommend The Vampires if you're into genre fiction, as well as Legend of Yunqian if you enjoyed the xianxia parts of Legend of Yunze. @wlwcatalogue did an excellent summary of many of the non-wuxia options here.
Quick pitch for the streaming platform GagaOOLala; it's affordable, has a ton of content, including a whack of GLs (originals, license series, and a ton of shorts), and is run by queer people out of Taiwan who care about good quality queer content being made and having an audience, and using the soft power from those successful series to support social change. And if you can't afford a subscription it's worth checking out what they have for free, they open up temporary free access to some things for various events throughout the year.
In searching for gifs for this post I found fellow tumblr user @drowningparty 's WLW compendium list; they've listed more series and films so check it out if you still need more content!
*wipes sweat off brow* that should be enough to be getting on with, but it's really just the tip of the iceberg! If there's something specific you want to see with sapphics let me know and I can tell you if I know it exists. Anyway, I hope this gives you and everyone else a taste of what all is out there! I of course always want more, I am serious about being a sapphic dragon hoarding every crumb i can get my lizardy hands on, but I do think what we have should also be appreciated more. If I missed one of your faves, please tell me!
#gl series#gl recs#sapphic media#media recs#tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna#she loves to cook and she loves to eat#she makes my heart flutter#fragrance of the first flower#love greater than or equal to 70 degrees C#sleep with me the series#our relationship ended before it began#pearl next door#dear uranus#chasing sunsets#show me love#girlfriend project#lulu the series#welcome to the lesbian bar#gap the series#nevertheless the series#friend zone 2: dangerous area#six survivors#kamisama no ekohiiki#couple of mirrors#legend of yunze#led astray by love#lily fever#thank you for the ask!#ask game#long post
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just remembered that luke atmey said that edgeworth acknowledged godot as the best prosecutor in the country despite him not having participated in any trials as a prosecutor at that point, which is incredibly funny because:
either luke atmey is bullshitting everything to make godot sound cooler to intimidate phoenix (canon - snakefashion)
edgeworth just has that little respect for every other prosecutor in the country that he was like yknow what yeah the best prosecutor is the one that hasn't prosecuted anything, it's all downhill from there
edgeworth knew that godot planned to face off against wright and he was like "oh no we don't do that newbie stuff here, you need to sound super powerful and ominous so that the other NPCs can make you sound threatening to phoenix otherwise you're not a worthy rival, here i'll spread the word that you're the best prosecutor in the country" and godot was like uhhhhh ok???
or edgeworth spins a wheel every time he leaves the country to see who will get the "best prosecutor in the country" title and this time it was godot
edgeworth picked the first name that he could remember off the top of his head (kosmickasper) which is funny because that implies he remembers NONE of the paynes
edgeworth ONLY remembers the paynes and was like "no. i refuse to name them as the best prosecutors" and godot walked in like hey can i get a job and edgeworth was like YOU. YOU'RE THE NEW BEST PROSECUTOR and godot was like sweeeet (anon)
godot won the annual prosecutor's office bingo competition (kosmickasper)
edgeworth was being sarcastic but he only has one tone of voice outside of court so luke thought he was being serious (theflamingmarshmallow)
edgeworth was telling a white lie like yeah good defense attorney = good prosecutor id believe it (themindoflore)
godot walked into edgeworth's office with a recorder while he was distracted and was like hey am i the best prosecutor in the country and edgeworth was like what huh yeah sure and godot keeps playing it in front of everyone like check it (detective-gum-chew) (i misread this one and thought edgeworth was distracted with a recorder like the instrument and thought wow that's oddly specific LMFAO)
there was actual prosecutor that edgeworth respected named godot and named him the best prosecutor and diego heard of him and was like well if he's retired/dead im sure he wont mind me yoinking his name for a little bit (pandoratheprocrasticreator)
godot told edgeworth that he wouldn't forgive him for his antics in the first two cases until he told everyone godot was the best (romanticsapcalebmalphas)
edgeworth was making a joke about the guy from waiting for godot and it completely flew over luke's head (theflyingsealion)
edgeworth was talking about godot's theme (which SLAPS) being the superior prosecutor theme and not godot himself (bee--lzebub)
luke asked edgeworth about godot and edgeworth was like well if he's going against wright he must be pretty epic. also be sure to tell wright that it'd be funny (animaticx - also side note but the idea of luke atmey and edgeworth sitting around having tea together and gossiping is REALLY funny to me)
if anyone has other ideas ill add them lmfao this is comedy gold to me
edit holy shit you guys have a lot of ideas
#if anyone says edgeworth was only calling godot the best lawyer in the country and not prosecutor SHHHHHHHH i didnt need to know#alternatively to 4 godot won the best prosecutor raffle#the godot brainworms are sinking in and i dont have enough fucking contenttttttt#listening to the fragrance of dark coffee on repeat in the dark at midnight#if anyone has good miego fic recs pspspspspsps#ace attorney#miles edgeworth#godot#godot ace attorney#luke atmey#aa3#ace attorney 3#trials and tribulations#diego armando
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Which upcoming Thai gl series are you most excited about? For me it's 23.5 because I adore Milk and Love together, and they're probably going to properly kiss on screen, which makes me want to squeal into my pillow 🤗
thank you anon for this opportunity to scream about women kjsjksjkdsndj
23.5 is SO UP THERE cause i've been dying over milklove when all we had was inkpa crumbs and they're absolutely going to kill 23.5. ngl i was concerned 23.5 would be high-five drama but gmm has been acting a lil different lately so idk. and technically i said the same thing about bad buddy before it came out so... don't listen to me is the moral.
the last case cause I LOVE CRIME AND MURDER AND MYSTERY. it's just so up my alley. i hope there's women covered in blood GOD PLS. BE GAY DO CRIME
show me love!!! stalking lux (special shoutout to about galaxy which will probably star lux) on instagram for a week straight ended with my insta fyp being filled with thai pageantry content which is literally 90% englot. i mean i already knew them long back but now it's a different level and THEIR CHEMISTRY. yk it's gotta be good when they decide to make a show cause of your irl chemistry. and engfa is openly queer so yes to more queer people playing queer characters.
reverse 4 you had such a good pilot trailer and it has a very solid plot so i'm super excited for that too. i do love me a forbidden romance hehe
be mine/be my baby. i'm still confused about the different names forgive me but i'm still excited cause we HAVE FOUR WHOLE COUPLES. i'm most excited for the roommates (ormfolky) cause ROOMMATES hehe
special mentions to season 2 of both fragrance of the first flower and girlfriend project day 1. happy ending of fotff this time PLEASE.
also big shoutout to sofia (@ahxu-laowen) without whom i wouldn't even know about half of these. OUR SAPPHIC SAVIOUR ily 💖
#23.5 the series#show me love#the last case#reverse 4 you#be mine the series#fragrance of the first flower#girlfriend project day 1#gl recs#gl recommendations#thai gl#gl series#wlw#i need to decide on a proper tag for this 😭#askaway
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I got rien by etat libre d'orange and it smells like a damn church but if it isnt smoky and reeks of death so im calling it an ais scent now
Edit: nahh this is kuras's clinic with ais in it rather than ais himself
Tho i wonder if the seaspring could smell like a church bc of all the smokiness
#redstrewn talks#its described unisex but this shit is the most masculine shit i ever smelt#rien means nothing and if it isnt what ais is up to. fuck all. LMFAO#on the other hand bc this makes me feel like im making out with an ancient priest this scent could also be the lovechild of ais and kuras#call that the kuras clinic with ais in it#i got this bc of recs online but if i arent struggling to hell w enjoying it#apparently listed as not good for beginners to perfume. i can attest to that bc i fr feel like im fucking a priest smelling this.#real kuras-ais-unnamed scent#its ok as long as i imagine ais and kuras enough i'll probably end up liking this fragrance#my skill is taking sth i initially hate and brainwashing myself into liking it#i did smell the other eldo scents in-store but they kind of BORED me compared to rien#i hate smelling a church but it definitely did not bore me so i took it anyway#that kind of sums things up. id rather take something i hate than something that bores me#bc then at least theres an emotional spark there
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do you have any fragrance recs for masc summer scents?
Hey Anon,
I’m SO excited to answer this question and I hope you find something you like. I’ve put it all under read more so folks don’t hate me for clogging the dash.
I went through my collection and realized just how spring-forward mine is, but I can give you some *interesting* options to think about.
So when you ask for masculine - the average consumer thinks of like tobacco, leather, vetiver, cedar, and spices. And you’ll notice alllll of these tend to be more frequently associated with cooler months, notably the Autumnal ones. You’ll get some of them for base notes, but fragrances that highlight them are typically less Summery.
Summer on the other hand is typically associated with fruity, citrus, aquatic, and sometimes even a bit floral. So the fragrances reflect that.
See what I’m getting at here? So this was a fun challenge. And I’ve provided a bunch of options for you depending on your mood and budget. I will preface this however saying a LOT of fragrances these days are marketed as “unisex” so if you look most of these up, they won’t really be described as Masc, but I tried to lean away from florals (with some notable exceptions). For each of these, I’ve provided the fragrantica link so you can do some of your own digging. I tried to go with unconventional here. You aren't going to run into too many people wearing some of these around town.
You can try Scent Split (i swear it's a legit site, I use it) if you’d like to purchase tiny quantities of these... or some of the companies will provide discovery sets!
AQUATIC or BEACHY
Sailing Day
Klea
Sacred Water
Soleil Blanc
All of these are so incredibly different. I don’t own Sailing Day, but if my memory serves me, it’s fundamentally an “ocean-y scent but better” and highly affordable compared to the other two on this list. Klea is going to trend a little more floral but be more evocative of the Mediterranean Sea. Sacred Water is honestly the best aquatic I’ve smelled. It’s citrus-forward with some hints of floral, wood, and amber. Have you ever wanted to smell like the idea of tropical paradise and sunshine? That is Soleil Blanc. I have gotten many compliments wearing it. There’s a couple of variations from Tom Ford, but any will serve you well.
CITRUS
The Matcha 26
So *I* think this is a year-round scent, but most people consider it a spring/summer one! If you like “clean” smelling fragrances, this one has some fig, matcha and citrus with a woody undertone. It doesn’t give people headaches (that I know of) and it’s not very “loud” aka you walk into a room and everyone smells you.
AROMATIC
Bal d'Afrique
This one is ambery and woody with some zest! It’s subtle but smells so so so good. If you want a summer scent that’s non-intrusive and elevated, this one is perfect. Some folks say it smells almost peppery.
MISC.
The Soft Lawn
Ummagumma
Lampblack
The misc category is my favorite because these scents are odd but perfect. Please give these a shot.
Have you ever wanted to smell like … fresh tennis balls, but like… In a good way? Or maybe you like to smell like a manicured backyard of the 1%? Try The Soft Lawn by Imaginary Authors. Or do you want an edible and spicy/sweet fragrance you can wear into fall? Try Ummagumma.
BUT if you truly want a year-round fragrance that smells pretty close to what folks consider more masculine fragrances? Lampblack is your scent. I joke that it’s elevated Axe, but I’m serious in that it’s a great fragrance. It’s rich and spicy and I want to eat it. And it's much better than anything you'd find at Macy's (imo). Be be warned. One spritz is ENOUGH.
MASCULINE FLORALS (COULDNT HELP MYSELF)
Mojave Ghost
Anything from Boy Smells (try suede pony)
Mojave ghost is not a typical floral, in fact I think you’ll find it more woody/spicy than anything else. But like Bal d'Afrique, it’s pretty subtle on the skin. And then Boy Smells's whole BRAND is unisex/masculine florals. I am the minority in that I don't LOVE them, but they do such interesting things with their florals. And if you really want to lean into the tobacco/leather itc, they have you COVERED.
HOPE THIS HELPED YOU <3
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『 jarl elisif the fair as acqua colonia intense pure breeze of himalaya by 4711 』
➺ “clear, sapphire skies and a pale yellow sun still clinging to winter's chill”
➺ notes of pink pepper, lily of the valley, mountain air, cashmere
➺ “elegant, intense, clean”
#skyrim npcs as fragrances#jarl elisif#skyrim#this little series is really fun to make and i don't care if i'm the only one who likes it#also if u need perfume recs...i got em#elisif the fair#jarl elisif the fair#perfume#fragrance
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what kind of scents/perfumes do you like for winter? I feel stumped🫣
I usually wear some the of the same scents I have for fall for winter too since it never gets super… wintery(?) where I live rn. I reach for clean/fresh scents or something warm or with an earthy base note. Actually I just got to a colder climate I have some ideas❄️
Invite Only Amber 23 by Kayali. Infusion de Vanille by Prada. Love all of these of especially Kayali & Versace.
obsessed with Commodity rn and I like these for winter (loving Milk the most)
I recently got a sampler set from Boy Smells & I really liked Violet Ends and Woodphoria (wearing woodphoria rn, love her)
Got a sampler from The 7 Virtues too🤭 Vanilla Woods and Santal Vanille were lovely (not an overpowering scent im not a big fan of vanilla)
I really like the Le Monde Gourmand scents too. the EDPs of Santal Supreme, Chai Épicé, and Latte D’or. They have nice perfume oils, candles, lipglosses, body/hair mists etc,.
Zara has some more affordable options; Oriental is a good one. Mix:Bar is nice too, I like their Vanilla Bourbon perfume. Al Rehab scents can be found on am*zon & I think a lot of them would be nice for winter (like Soft, Choco Musk, or Dalal) ☃️🤍❄️
#I had to add some variety for whatever ur tastes are but keep it wintery? lol#I did take some ideas from the post I made when someone asked me for fall fragrances recs…some of them fit well too🫶🏽#also! I’ve smelled these no blind suggestions<3 okay I’m done rambling#answered#recs
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Those of you who know me, know that I am a perfume snob. I purchased this scent the other day on a BLIND buy:
Michael Kors Glam Jasmine
And holy shit
I’ve never smelled anything so floral and sexy. I must’ve done like 20 spritzes today. The longevity isn’t eternal or anything but I’m floored at how they made this Jasmine smell so classy. This is an everyday, all occasions type of perfume. It transitions from day to night like a second skin. If you ever come across this I highly recommend picking up a bottle or at least testing it out on your skin to see how it plays with your body chemistry.
#I really dislike MK fashion so I was hesitant but this fool knows what’s up when it comes to fragrance bc his Amber edp also slaps#danny’s frag recs
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Im not that much of a fragrancehead/disciple of jeremy so it doesnt rly matter but why does fragrantica crash so quickly
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the thing w my mum is that she somehow understands the connection between my sexuality and gender identity sm better than a lot of ppl i talked to like my androgyny makes perfect sense to her i don’t have to explain myself or how i present. she’s a real ally
#p#small thing but she asked for unisex fragrance recs in a store completely unprompted and it got to me
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What do you girlies do for self care
#like candles and stuff#especially if it's some fragrance thingy#my room is too depressing and I need more comfort for cold months#also if you have candle recs with minimal smoke since I'm very allergic but I just love their smell 😭
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why perfume expensive
#120€ for a shot glass full of smell nice may be appropriate but just a smidge more than i am willing or able to fork over#and its not like i dont have at least four fragrances deep inside my closet that are appropriate for the season#ive had them for a while too so i need to use them up before they go bad#but i have precisely one fall fragrance of which like 3ml remain#im open for recs btw
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@a-reader-and-a-writer 💜🌸
answering this here 💫
I am no expert on candles at all ! 😭
but I do love soft scents, nothing too sweet or overpowering. I don't like anything too strong & in my opinion, that is just the worst !
If I could replicate my friend's cologne into a candle, I would. It's such a clean scent with a hint of spice. sir ! I have to ask him what it is. 🌸
also when I went out with friends around christmas time, the place where we go had these perfect scented candles on all of the tables & I can't remember what they were called ! one of them had 'santa' on the label & it smelled like this beautiful marshmallow. amazing & comforting. ❄️
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Echoes of love
"to love someone is firstly to confess; i am prepared to be devastated by you."
Chapter ii. to remember
genre : memory loss trope. angst. slow burn. unrequited love except you were in a loving relationship and everything changes overnight.
pairing : minho x reader. (3racha cameo)
summary : if given the choice would you love minho again? yes, you would've once said in a heartbeat. but now, you aren't sure of your response anymore.
cw : depiction of a nightmare and anxiety attack. allusion to mc having a bad family history with alcohol. suggestive in the end (allusion to sex but no smut). reader had she/her pronouns.
word count : 11k words.
song recs : the night we met/terrible love/black friday/cover me/already gone/enough.
chapter i. skz quotes series masterlist.
A.N: PT. 2 IS HERE!!!! i hope you'll enjoy this one, she's my baby and i put so much work and thought into her, so feedback is highly highly appreciated!!! thank you to my @forlix for being with me every step of this journey, i love u the most<33
Day 33.
With a gentle, absentminded sweep, your fingers trace the delicate contours of your wrist, a faint dance with the pulse beneath your skin– the cocoon of the soul you’re gradually growing accustomed to. It is a trying task, you've found out, to no longer yearn to flee from your body, leaving the weight of your worries for your bones and flesh alone to bear.
A subtle fragrance floats in the air surrounding you- the familiar gardenia and honey tones of your sweet perfume. It is a scent you reserve for special occasions, such as this one- your first date, in three months according to the world, in more than a year for your memory.
You swiftly retrieve a mirror from your pouch, checking your appearance for the tenth time in mere minutes. Your nude lipstick is still, unsurprisingly, in place, and you smile reassuringly at your reflection. She smiles back, though sometimes you half-expect her not to. In defiance, perhaps, maybe even repulse.
The melodious chime of the café's bell captures your attention, and the man you've been awaiting finally enters. He confidently strides in, clad in a blue polo and black slacks, an evident effort poured into his appearance.
Standing before you, his warm, gleaming eyes meet yours, effortlessly melting your lingering worries. You smile at him, he beams at you.
“Did I keep you waiting?” Changbin, your date, asks as he pulls the chair adjacent to you.
“No, just in time.”
Two weeks ago.
Day 17.
“Use me. Use me to remember,” Minho whispers, the distance between your lips resembling the thin edge of a blade.
You close your eyes, the world narrowing down to the sound of your heartbeat, a rhythmic drum drowning out any attempt at coherent thoughts. Kiss him, your heart chants, kiss him and all your memories will flood back. But what if they don't? What if the abyss persists before the brightest beam of light?
A tender kiss lands on your forehead, gently interrupting your tumultuous thoughts. Minho’s lips are as warm, as soft as you remember them. They're now imprinted into your skin, no longer a hazy memory beyond your reach.
His hands cradle your hair, smoothing it down, making the ringing in your ears soften. You surrender to his gentle embrace, to the soft tide of emotions rippling from him to you, pulling your wounded soul to safe shores.
“You need to forgive yourself,” he whispers, his words echoing against your skin, lips still pressed to your forehead. A rush of warmth overwhelms you, all your senses coming to life, ringing the alarm- he sees you, he sees through you.
“None of this is your fault,” he assures, a sudden cooling balm against your scorching wounds. These are the words you've been aching to hear. You didn't know, but Minho did, reading between the lines of your quivering lips and your reluctance to look into his eyes.
He knows you better than you know yourself.
“Don’t blame yourself, please.”
“But all I do is hurt people,” you confess, tears streaming down your face like a relentless downpour, soaking Minho's hands.
You expect punishment to strike you, bolting lighting aiming straight for your heart as you finally admit to your biggest sin- the shadow of sorrow that trails your every step. It is the way it has always been since you were a child. It is what you fled from.
What you don't expect is for tenderness to cradle you instead— in Minho's warm hand as he gently guides you to his chest, your ear resting above his steady heartbeat. Its rhythmic cadence akin to a lullaby- you shouldn't apologize for existing, you hear it sing to you.
“If you need forgiveness, I’ll give that to you. you’re forgiven, okay? I forgive you. Today and tomorrow. I'll forgive you until you'll forgive yourself.”
“Okay,” you nod, muffled words against the fabric of his shirt.
“Now, will you please come back with me? The cats will miss you a lot if you don’t,” he suggests, pressing his cheek onto the crown of your head.
“I don't want to leave them,” you reply in a small voice, dewdrops gathering in your eyes at the thought of running again.
“You don’t have to. It’s your home too.”
“Okay,” you sigh in acceptance, relief, encircling his waist with your arms. He is all inviting, like an open book, and you're resting between his pages, scribbled with love confessions for you.
The world stills, waves slowing their relentless crash against the shore, as you draw in a deep breath from the pits of your soul. You don't remember all you’ve once felt for Minho. But you know it must have been safe, like stumbling upon a haven and then learning it was specially carved for you.
“I miss you, Minho.”
“I know, I miss you too.”
Day 19.
“Minho, can you come to the kitchen please?” your voice reverberates through the house, weaving through the air and reaching the bedroom where Minho has been ensnared, his less-than-graceful complaints echoing loudly for the past hour. You had sealed him within without explanation, only making him promise not to leave the room until you told him to, much to his dismay, and deep down, amusement.
He chuckles lowly to himself as he rises from the bed, before making his way to the kitchen. There, he finds you near the doorway, hands concealed behind your back, dusty flour adorning your cheek like an artist’s absentminded paint stroke.
“So…,” you trail off and Minho smiles, crossing his arms before his chest.
“So?”
“A situation may have happened.”
“Which situation?” he inquires amusedly, attempting to peer past you into the kitchen. Your extended arms block his view.
“You know how I got a concussion from the car accident,” you ask.
“I do.”
“I think it may have affected my cooking abilities.”
“But you didn't have any to begin with?” he muses, tilting his head to the side innocently.
“Shut up,” you playfully admonish before clasping your hands in a silent plea. “Will you help me?”
“Mm, what are you making?” he inquires, leaning against the doorway.
“Pudding.”
“Pudding?”
“For you.”
“Oh.”
A blush creeps up Minho’s neck as he grapples to find a reply, his surprised gasp hanging into the air. You giggle faintly, entertained by his sudden speech impairment.
In response, Minho takes a step forward, delicately brushing away the flour on your cheek, his thumb hovering near the corner of your mouth. “How did this get here?”
“Huh?” you sputter, pink splashing across your cheeks like spilled Rosé.
Minho is testing your waters, dipping one toe in, hoping he’ll find your reassuring embrace lurking beneath the surface. Did you blush from the heat of the stove or his touch? Minho doesn’t know. Minho needs to find out.
“And you also forgot this,” he lightly pouts, reaching over your head to the hanger behind you, caging you between his arms.
He’s sacrificing his heart, placing it on the frontlines of hurt once again. Yet, when you look up at him, dewy eyes flickering to his lips, Minho feels a single match lighten up in his core, not enough to burn all his doubts. But enough to signal hope.
Hope is a perilous possession, akin to cradling a fragile glass that threatens to shatter at the slightest tremor. Hope is the only thread Minho can now hang onto.
“You forgot your apron,” he finally says, withdrawing two aprons from the hanger. He drapes one over your head before placing a hand on your shoulder, gently turning you around. He silently ties the strings into a ribbon, his fingers brushing against your spine. He can distinctly remember the feel of your bare skin beneath his fingertips, silky, smooth, intoxicating.
“There, a pretty knot,” he whispers, not moving back an inch, waiting for you to swivel around. Yet, you remain silent, undoing your hair from its loose ponytail. Your hair cascades over your shoulders, resembling the unveiling of curtains, and Minho senses something unfurling in the depths of his stomach.
“Tie it for me?” you whisper, handing him the hair tie without looking back. Your fingertips brush against each other, and Minho inhales deeply.
“Sure,” he says, voice thick with emotion, he needs to drink water. He needs to drink you in.
He gathers your hair strands in another low ponytail, trembling hands as they brush against the nape of your neck, akin to powerless leaves before the autumn breeze. He’s close, so close to you, so much his chest almost brushes against your back.
As soon as he’s done, Minho swiftly steps back before doing something he’ll surely regret, like placing a tender kiss on your shoulder, or worse, confessing that he misses the simple act of brushing your hair at night.
“So, pudding,” he clears his throat, rolling up the sleeves of his white hoodie. your eyes follow his movement, lingering on the veins protruding on his forearms. Minho feels a bit foolish for wanting to flex for you.
“It’s really easy actually. bring me two eggs?”
“Sure,” you grin, heading for the fridge as Minho retrieves sugar from the cupboard, throwing away the odd liquid mixture you managed to conjure.
You stand beside Minho, eyebrows furrowed as he explains why the milk needs to be brought to a boil before adding the cornstarch, or how adding the vanilla at the very end will help preserve its flavor. You listen intently, nodding along, and the tension between you dispels, leaving place for something comforting, familiar– you’re erasing the remnants of his sobs, the sight of him crumbling over the green kitchen tiles.
“Let's leave it to chill,” he finally says, closing the fridge’s door.
“Okay,” you nod, packing away the butter. Minho leans against the countertop, an ember of curiosity ablaze at the tip of his tongue
“Why did you want to make pudding?” he asks and you freeze in place.
“To see if I’m capable of not being a lost cause,” you respond playfully but the undertones of your voice indicate otherwise- laden, charged. One more match that you could light up?
“Really?” he says softly, taking one step toward you.
“No,” you giggle faintly and he nods, a gentle smile unfurling on his face, gradual as the eclipse of a moon.
“It was supposed to be your birthday gift. That's why I locked you in the room. I even bought little birthday hats for the cats, silly I know, and very late, but, turns out I’m a horrible-”
“I wanna see the birthday hats,” he cuts you off.
“Really? They’re really ugly.”
“It's my birthday gift, right?”
Five minutes later, you and Minho are seated on the floor, legs crisscrossed, three perplexed cats before you, and on their heads, obnoxiously neon green hats.
“They look so…” you tilt your head, assessing the view before you.
“Stupid?” Minho suggests, eliciting a startled snort from you that swiftly transforms into an almost maniac cackle, which in turn, catches Minho off guard. He gazes at you bewilderedly before succumbing to a fit of giggles, which intensifies your laughter, as you punctuate his shoulder with light hits, tears streaming down your face in an attempt to regain composure.
One hundred matches light up in Minho’s heart at the sight, all at once.
“My God, they look so stupid, I’m so sorry,” you laugh harder, your body collapsing to the ground, hands tightly clutching your stomach.
They can laugh again, the house sighs in relief, something other than sobs can still echo within my walls.
Day 22.
“I miss the sea,” you sigh softly, cradling a cup of chamomile tea between your hands. Minho, absorbed in his book, glances up to find a melancholic expression etched on your face—a poignant blend of sorrow and longing that he knows weighs heavy on your heart.
“We saw it over at the bridge, no?” he ventures tentatively, setting the book aside on the living room table.
“Yes, but I miss the sand, and the waves lapping at my feet. I miss feeling the sea, not just seeing it.”
“I’d take you, in a heartbeat,” he says assuredly, ready to bring you the moon if only you dare ask. “But it's far, and you can't get into a car.”
“I can try.”
“You can?” he questions, hope budding in his eyes.
“I mean- I want to, it's just… I don't know,” you retract, nails drumming anxiously against your cup, gaze lost into the amber liquid.
“Talk to me, yeah?” he smiles softly, draping a reassuring hand on your arm. His thumb swipes across the slate of your shoulder, and an impossible knot in your throat untangles.
“The accident took a lot from me. My health, my memories, a year of moving forward.” You quiet down, eyes meeting his in a barely veiled vulnerability. Silence speaks of your hardest loss— him.
“Can you help me get the sea back?”
Minho’s radiant smile is louder than any spoken agreement.
…
Thread by thread, drop by drop, your fears unravel as Minho lowers all the car windows’ before gently guiding you into the car seat, dispelling any prospect of feeling confined within the vehicle.
He remembers everything, even the panic that gripped your being when you went into his enclosed car, nearly a month ago.
“Can I blindfold you? It might help, so you wouldn't see the car lights since it’s night,” he suggests.
“Yeah, that'd be nice,” you agree, your hand lightly gripping the car seat.
“Hey, hey,” he calls out gently, “I'm here, okay? The second you feel overwhelmed I'm stopping this car.”
“Will you drive safely?”
“Of course. I promise you.”
Your nod is met with the softening of Minho's eyes, as he delicately tucks a strand of your hair behind the curve of your ear.
“I'm proud of you,” he whispers, tone laden with so much tenderness, love, that your throat becomes a garden, vocal cords bound not by thorns but the delicate blossoming of flowers.
With a gentle touch, Minho wraps a tie around your eyes, cocooning you in a tranquil darkness. His hand seeks yours instinctively, fingers intertwining with yours akin to the wind weaving through the strands of your hair.
In this moment, every fracture within you is delicately filled by Minho.
He starts driving, a soothing piano instrumental playing out of the car’s speakers- his hand still in yours. “Breathe,” he murmurs, his thumb tracing a soothing path across your palm.
“Follow my touch.” A gentle sweep to the right, an invitation to inhale slowly. “In,” his voice guides, and you draw in a deep breath.
Another caress to the left, a silent directive to release your confined breath. “Out,” he whispers, and you exhale, surrendering to the rhythm orchestrated by his thumb.
He raises the music’s volume, his touch becoming a maestro, speaking silently to you. You’re grateful for it, for the way in which he’s driving- avoiding curbs and speeding, safely, making the wheels float across the road.
Your heart still constricts in your chest, anxiety squeezing your veins, bleeding them dry, but you focus on Minho’s thumb, you let it guide you, like a compass navigating the dark tunnels of your heart.
“We're almost there,” he reassures as he stops by a red light.
“I look silly, right?” you reply, giggling a bit.
“What?” he asks, confused.
“I can feel you looking,” you clarify.
“How so?”
“My right cheek is tingling.”
Minho snorts incredulously. “What does that even mean?”
“You have a piercing stare. You're like melting through my skin and vibrating my bones.”
“Idiot,” he chuckles. My my my idiot, Minho grieves to say once again. The human heart is peculiar, he learns day after day, mourning the loss of a myriad of minuscule things, even words.
“And, you don't look silly,” he clears his throat minutes later, as he finally parks by the beach.
“You look pretty,” he utters, unraveling your blindfold, and you blink, caught between the sudden light and the weight of his words. “You always do,” he concludes, a whispered confession that lingers like the afterglow of a sunset, painting your world in golden hues.
“Minho, I…” you trail off, eyes landing on the vast sea ahead, blending into the sky in an alluring shade of turquoise. “We're here!” you shout bewildered, a magnificent grin on your face.
“We are,” Minho smiles, drinking in the delight in your expression.
“Oh my god I missed the sea!” you giggle as you undo your seatbelt, quickly opening the car’s door and taking off running.
Minho follows closely behind, captivated, as he watches you glide across the shore, the sand ricocheting off the soles of your shoes. You look like a fairy, bending the wind to your will, coaxing it into a choreography that mirrors the rhythm of your movements, your messy footprints marking your pathway to happiness once again.
Upon the sand, you finally settle down, and Minho walks over, sitting beside you. Both of you quietly gaze ahead, entranced by the moon's silver glow caressing the water’s surface. Each shimmering wave resembles glistening diamonds, a celestial mirror reflecting the lights in the sky.
“Have I ever told you why I love the sea?” you speak after a while, tone softer, more content.
“You did.”
“Can I tell you again?” you say. Can I tell you what I still remember? He understands.
“Of course.”
"There was a beach near our home, back then," you reminisce, a nostalgic aura enveloping your words. “And whenever I felt lonely I used to go there and watch the waves, to calm me down. But, one time, I was really overwhelmed so I ended up crying. And then, coincidentally, it started raining too.”
Your eyes widen slightly, a hint of amusement in your voice. “At that moment, I chuckled at the timing, how the sky was crying with me.”
“Ever since that day, I liked to believe that the sea is made up of the sky’s tears, the ones that fell in sync with those of humans, so it'd comfort us. And the tears grew from a pond to a river, to a vast ocean, as humans cried more and more. That's why sometimes the sea’s waters are gentle because those are tears of happiness falling somewhere. Sometimes they're stormy, since someone is crying out of anger. Sometimes they're melancholic, just relentlessly crashing against the shore, because someone is in pain. Like we are.”
A tranquil hush falls over the night as you quiet down, before turning around to meet Minho’s teary eyes, mirroring yours.
“And if the sea persists through tempests and tranquility, if it goes on despite the myriad of emotions it holds within, then so will we.”
Hope isn't fragile, as Minho once believed. Hope scrapes its bloody palms against the rough surface as it climbs defiantly to the pinnacle once again. Hope picks out rugged stones with weathered hands and builds a home out of them. Hope is strong, it clutches onto the thinnest threads so we’d endure and endure once more. As many times as we need to.
“Well, the sky isn't crying right now,” Minho notes.
“I know,” you smile softly, “Because we're holding on to hope.”
Day 26.
Under the soft glow of the TV, Dori settles comfortably on your shoulders, nuzzling her tiny nose onto your face every now and then. Soonie and Doongie are a bit far away, playing with a piece of yarn, captivated by its vibrant red threads.
It is an ordinary, comforting setting to watch a movie with Minho, on a Sunday night, a bowl of popcorn nestled on his lap while his cats lounge around. So familiar that the world around you blurs, like the vague brushes of an impressionist painting— a vivid déjà-vu sensation clinging to your body. You’ve lived this scene before. You want to live it again, now and in the future. More and more.
However something is different— your skin tingles, a buzzing sensation that travels from thigh to knee to hand, as if your body knows that something’s amiss. Minho’s touch perhaps, his palm casually resting upon your skin.
You don’t know where this urge is coming from— to lay your head on his shoulder, to have him run his fingers through your hair. Even more, to lose yourself in the nutmeg and peppermint notes of his cologne, to disintegrate your worries into his hold and rest.
“Would you mind if some of my friends came over?” Minho speaks up suddenly, cutting off your trailing train of thought.
“Hm?” you hum absentmindedly before clearing your throat. “I mean, no, I don't mind. Who are they?”
“Han and Chan. They’ve been asking about you for a while now.”
“Sure, this is your home.”
“It is yours too,” he says, gaze locking onto yours. His eyes are like a dark tapestry woven with threads of stardust- you’d never tire of looking into them, into the universe they seem to cradle within.
Do you know that there is a galaxy inside you? You almost slip out, words in an urgent race against your mind. You barely stop them at the tip of your tongue, before smiling and peeling your eyes away from his, painfully, like scratching a burn scab long before it heals.
…
“They’re here,” Minho announces as someone knocks on the door.
“Okay,” you smile, a tad nervous. You’re not even sure what for.
“If they annoy you too much tell me, I’ll kick them out,” he reassures, raising his brows playfully at you.
“That's mean,” you giggle, albeit soothed by his words.
“They already love you,” he grabs your wrist, his thumb gently swiping over your pulse. “No need to be worried.”
He drops it, as though a countdown is ingrained into his brain— never to touch you for more than ten seconds. Wouldn't it be selfish, pathetic even, to ask him for more?
As Minho heads to open the door, you linger in the living room, idly fidgeting with the hem of your sweatshirt. It is a weird circumstance to greet strangers who know you— you may have brushed against their shoulders in an alley and not known who they were.
Your thoughts dissolve as two men saunter into the living room, stopping in their tracks once their eyes land on you. They’re both beautiful– that is the first thing you note, closely followed by how relieved they seem to see you. Simultaneous soft sighs escape them, gentle smiles blooming across their faces. Tentatively, you return the gesture.
Minho takes the initiative to introduce them. “Yn. This is Chan,” he points to the man on the right, clad in black from head to toe, his smile grows wider, his eyes disappearing into moon crescents, two dimples peeking gleefully on his cheeks.
“And Han,” the younger man, sporting a Supreme t-shirt despite the cold, beams at you, highlighting his round cheeks, and an adam-apple that weirdly resembles a heart.
“I want to hug you but Minho put us on a strict no-touch notice because of your ribs,” Han speaks first, a small pout tugging at his lips as he glances at Minho, who simply rolls his eyes at his words.
“You can never keep something for yourself,” Minho sighs, rubbing the space between his eyebrows. You stifle an amused giggle.
“And she technically doesn’t remember us so it’d be weird for her to hug a stranger,” Chan notes, offering you an understanding smile.
“Hey, I didn’t mean it in a creepy way! more of ‘Oh my god I’m so happy you’re alive, thank you for still being here, I was so worried about you’.”
“But were you worried?” you ask, tilting your head to the side.
“Of course, I-”
“Then why weren’t you at my bedside?” you question, an eyebrow raised, and Minho chuckles at your words.
“W-what?” Han asks, glancing worriedly at the two men by his side.
“Why weren’t you there sobbing when I woke up? It doesn’t look like you were worried,” you muse, throwing a wink to Minho who walks over to you.
“Right, you should’ve sent her a pic of you crying,” Minho adds, as you drape a hand on his shoulder.
“A picture for every day you didn’t come see me,” you say solemnly as Han’s face grows paler by the second.
“I-I didn’t, I really was worried, I swear, I kept asking Minho every day about you and…” he trails off as giddy smiles break out on your face and Minho’s before you both burst out laughing.
“You guys are evil,” Han laments, as Chan pats his back in faux sympathy, a string of giggles falling from his full lips.
“I’m sorry. we made you dinner to make up for it,” you grin and Minho looks at you pointedly.
“He made you dinner,” you correct with a huff, and Minho smiles, satisfied, raising his brows smugly at his two friends.
“Let’s choose a movie then!” Han claps, turning to the TV as Minho sidles by his side.
“I’ll set up the table,” Chan announces.
“I’ll help you,” you offer, and he nods, clearly grateful for your assistance.
You’re taking out four plates from the cupboard, Chan effortlessly bringing out the glasses, clearly familiar with the nooks and crannies of your home, when he suddenly speaks.
“How are you, Yn?”
“Do you want the truth?” you ask back, and he grins. “Always.”
“I’m okay. Right now. I don’t know if I’ll still be tomorrow, you know? It all fluctuates so much.”
“Mm, I understand,” he says, and something about his tone indicates that he isn’t saying this just to comfort you. “And that’s okay too. What you went through wasn’t easy, but good times will come again. They always do, you know, just like the sun always comes back after the rain.”
“The sun,” you repeat, as you glance out at the living room, where Minho is laughing at something Han just said, his head tipped back, bunny teeth peeking out.
Perhaps the sun rays were by your side all along.
“Thank you, Chan,” you beam at him. “Truly, for being worried about me too.”
“It's nothing to thank us for. We care about you, even though you don’t remember us,” he pouts, a hand on his heart in mock offense.
“Hey, it’s not my fault I got amnesia!” you chuckle.
"Excuses!" he drawls with a playful tone as he exits the kitchen, and you can't help but laugh quietly to yourself. You recognize what he's doing—making light of your accident to alleviate the weight on your heart.
The night blurs in your memory, but this time it is tinged with happiness and laughter. The three men recall fun stories of their time together, a seven-year bond rooted in love and care, albeit silently. You witnessed it in the details—Chan ensuring the food was on their plates first, Minho peeling shrimp for Han, the latter rubbing Chan’s arms when he complained of being cold.
Then you saw it directed towards you– how they put on the movie you wanted and watched in anticipation as you took the first bite of food, draped the fuzziest blanket around you, and rushed to your side simultaneously when you stumbled on your feet.
You were loved, although you didn’t know of it. The accident took away your memories but it didn’t plague theirs.
“Thank you,” you beam at the two men as you walk them to the door. Opening your arms wide, you invite them in for a hug. Han embraces you first, a large smile on his face, and you gently beckon Chan in too. “Easy,” he whispers in Han's ears, careful not to put any pressure on your ribs. They both pat your back as you wrap an arm around their respective shoulders before leaning away.
“I’ll call you,” Minho bids them farewell, tipping his chin forward. They wave to him before finally leaving
You close the door, leaning against the auburn wood. Minho watches you, a soft smile playing on his face.
“Good?” he inquires, closing the distance between you.
“Mm, good,” you reply with a smile as he halts just an inch away. His intoxicating scent envelops you, permeating your bones and flowing through your veins like liquid warmth.
A torrent of memories floods your mind—images of you pressed against this same door. It is dark, a stark contrast from your first memory, a lone lunar beam of light slashing through the night. Minho’s hands grip your waist with a fevered urgency, while yours entwines around the nape of his neck, in passion, in hunger, almost as if you were deprived of him for so long.
You angle his mouth closer to yours, his lips pressing against your own repeatedly, a desperate attempt to brand the contours of his mouth into your soul. His hair, a cascade of midnight silk, tickles your fingers with an electric charge, like the crackling of the air before a storm. His tongue sweeps across your lower lip, seeking entrance, one you willingly surrender, white flag easily thrown to the ground. With every kiss, your bodies meld together, so much so that you could merge into the door, disappearing into the shadows as one.
“What's wrong?” Minho breaks your trance and you snap out of your reverie, a bright flush adorning your cheeks.
“N-nothing,” you stammer.
“You’re all red, do you have a fever?” he asks, coming closer, his hand pressed to your forehead. His woody scent envelops you once again– everything about him is enticing— his cologne, his lips on you, his fingertips dragging underneath your shirt, his eyes piercing yours, undressing you before his hands ever could.
“Yn?” he questions and you grab his jaw, angling his face away from you.
“Stay like this, don’t look at me for a moment.”
“What?”
“Just… please,” you say and he chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief, and yet he complies, his side profile now facing you.
How does he live with these memories each time he looks at you?
You take in a deep breath, focusing on his silhouette. It might seem counterproductive to fixate on the same man consuming your thoughts, but how could you not when he was mere centimeters away, his eyes averted from yours?
You exhale softly as your gaze glides along the graceful curve of his neck, a solitary mole resting just beneath his sculpted jawline, leading the way to his plump lips, a cupid's bow delicately carved by the hands of the divine archer himself — crafted to be kissed, to be adored.
Your eyes trail up, tracing the high bridge of his nose, another mole perched at its pinnacle, sharp and smooth as if chiseled by a master sculptor, one who dedicated months to perfecting his artistry. His eyes are a mesmerizing brown, punctuated with long lashes that flutter like the delicate wings of an angel with each slow blink.
Minho sweeps aside strands of his hair, his fingertip delicately fluffing them upwards. It dawns on you, a sudden revelation of the necessity of art — to immortalize such beauty for generations to come.
You imagine admirers gazing upon Minho, sighing in sheer amazement, their hearts tightening with emotions that words struggle to encapsulate in the face of this epitome of beauty. Inside and out, you reflect, inside and out.
“You told them not to drink around me, right?” you ask softly.
A blush grows from the base of Minho's neck to the tip of his ears, like roots expanding into the soil. He sighs before finally looking at you.
“I did. How’d you figure it out?” he wonders.
“I asked Han if he wanted a drink, but he refused so categorically that I assumed he didn't like alcohol. But most of his stories were of him drunk,” you chuckle quietly, and Minho shrugs sheepishly.
“We get loud when we drink. You don’t like that,” he says simply as if it’s a given, an absolute certainty that he’d do anything but make you uncomfortable.
He's beautiful, the light of his heart basking his face in a glow that even Michaelangelo's skillful hands wouldn’t be able to replicate.
And he loves you.
Till when? Your heart sounds out in alarm. Till when will he love you? What if the grains of sand slip away from the hourglass before you can reciprocate his love? Two stars colliding at disparate speeds, never converging into a singular entity, destined to erupt and scatter into cosmic dust.
How long do you have left? How many more days will he love you for?
How many more days do you have to love him back?
Day 30.
Minho is sick.
He tried his best to conceal it from you, as he came back from his dance studio, strands of his hair clinging to his forehead, a thin sheen of perspiration above his right eyebrow. Yet, his uncharacteristic silence betrayed him, as he quietly retreated into the shower, emerging with a solemn expression on his face.
Seated on the bed, book long forgotten by your side, you bit your lip tentatively. “You're okay?” you inquired, perched on the edge, concern etched in your gaze.
“Mm, just tired,” Minho responded, his attempt at reassurance falling short as he laid down on the floor mattress. “Can you turn off the lights?” he softly requested. “Hurts my eyes.”
“Yeah, of course. Will you sleep now?”
“I think so.”
“Okay then. Good night, Minho,” you uttered gently, the veins in your heart tangled with worry. “Good night,” he whispered in return.
In the stillness of the night, you were roused by soft whimpers escaping Minho's lips. He writhed in apparent discomfort, his features contorted with an unseen anguish. His pupils moved furiously underneath the thin layer of his eyelids, betraying the tumultuous thoughts raging in his mind.
You've never seen Minho so disrupted in his sleep, mouth slightly hung agape as if he struggled to breathe in the depths of his dreams. Your worry for him came back to haunt you ten times fold.
You lean over the bed, gently shaking his shoulders. “Minho, wake up.”
“No... no-no, don't-don't go,” he whispers, caught in the vines of a restless dream, seemingly wrapping around his mind, trapping him in. “Minho, come on wake up,” your pleas grow more insistent, but so do his. “Don't go, s-stay,” he implores, voice broken, prompting you to abandon your bed and join him on his mattress.
“Minho!” you call out, shaking him until his eyes finally flutter open. He gasps for air— as if inhaling his first breath on this earth, shooting upright, wide-eyed and disoriented.
His gaze locks on yours and he instantly cradles your face in his sweaty hands, bringing you closer to him until your noses bump into one another. “You didn't go,” he whispers, and you shake your head. “I'm here.”
“Fuck,” he swears, releasing his hold on you and sinking back into the pillow.
“Minho, what's wrong?” you ask softly, afraid you're treading on stormy waters.
“I… I don't know. I don't feel good,” He admits, fingers tugging at the collar of his shirt, as if the fabric morphed into a vise around his throat. A flush creeps up his neck, red dots splashing across his ivory skin. A droplet of sweat traces a slow path down his temple, as the white fabric clings uncomfortably to his warm skin.
“Do you have a fever?”you ask, placing your hand on his forehead, sensing an unusual heat radiating beneath your touch. “Minho, where is your thermometer?”
“Bedside drawer,” he breathes out.
Fetching the thermometer, you gently tug at his chin, opening his mouth to check his temperature. “Stay still”" you instruct, watching anxiously as the numbers climb steadily.
“40°C, fuck Minho, you have a really high fever,” you exclaim as he shuts his eyes, an unmistakable weariness claiming him, rendering him malleable, akin to the silk pillow he's resting on.
“I feel dizzy,” he admits, burying his face into the covers.
“You need to take a cold shower now,” you urge a sudden lump materializes in your throat at the sight of his suffering.
“It's okay, I'll just sleep.”
“No, no, it's far from okay!” you almost exclaim, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes as if you were peeling an onion—your own emotional layers unraveling, exposing the depth of your concern for Minho.
“Minho, please, you have a really high fever,” you plead, feeling an unexpected surge of panic at his unwillingness to cooperate.
“Yn… are you worried about me?”
“I am.”
“It feels nice. Please be worried about me more,” he mumbles, eyes still closed, eliciting an incredulous laugh from you.
“You are so unbelievable, my god,” you pull him up and he doesn't resist, nearly stumbling on his feet.
“Okay?” you ask, running your hand through the nape of his neck.
“Mm,” he hums, burying his head in your shoulder. “Sleepy.”
“I know, you'll sleep after the shower,” you reassure softly, guiding him to the bathroom, his entire body weight leaning onto yours. There, you turn on the light, your right hand holding Minho's waist tightly as you lead him to settle atop the toilet.
“Can I take off your shirt?”
“Are you planning to undress me?” he smiles lazily, hooded eyes locked onto yours.
“No, I just-” you stammer, but he’s quick to cut you off.
“Because I don't mind.”
“I can't believe you're flirting with me while you're sick.”
“I always am, I can't help it,” he says, raising his hands as a silent signal for you to remove his shirt.
“You're awfully candid tonight,” you observe, seizing the edges of his shirt and drawing it over his head. His tongue glides across his lips, his gaze drawing tantalizingly slow over your form, and you clench his shirt tighter in your hands. He's the one with the fever, yet it's you who feels ablaze, flames of longing licking at your every sense.
“Come here,” you beckon, the icy water now flowing as you turn the knob. He reaches his hand out to you, and you grasp it, guiding him under the frigid cascade, soaking you both.
“C-cold,” he stutters, and you nod, your breath escaping in short, visible puffs.
“I-I know, just a little longer,” you reassure.
2 a.m. is a peculiar time to shower, the water droplets echoing against the tiled floor is the only sound that can be heard. That, and your labored breaths in tandem with the chilly embrace of the water filling your bones. The quiet makes way for other unspoken sentiments to surge forth, electric and palpable, heightened by the way Minho gazes at you through the liquid curtain, his hands clinging tightly to your arms for stability.
Droplets of water weave seamlessly through his hair, and an unexpected pang of jealousy grips you— you envy the liberty of those water beads as they thread through his locks, tracing the contours of his broad shoulders, nestling in the enticing recesses of his collarbones, without fearing the consequences of such acts. You don't dare look further down, wary that the rivulets on his skin may lead to your own undoing. Instead, you close your eyes thanking the stars that you weren’t wearing a white shirt, which would have turned translucent by now. You don’t even want to contemplate the consequences of such a premise.
After a few minutes, you turn off the water, stepping out of the shower and swiftly enveloping Minho in a towel.
“Go change, I have some spare clothes in here. Oh, and don't wear a top,” you instruct.
Minho chuckles quietly and you roll your eyes. “Shh. Make sure to dry your hair too.”
Taking your time in getting dressed, you peel off each wet layer, depositing them into the washing machine, before donning a spare pajama from a cabinet. You stroll to the kitchen to pour Minho a glass of water and retrieve medicine from the drawer, lingering at the counter long enough to ensure he'd be dressed by the time you return to the room.
You knock softly before opening the door, and the sight of Minho freezes you in your tracks. The room basks in warm, orange hues from the lamp's glow, playing upon Minho's skin and casting enticing shadows on the contours of his muscles—a masterpiece created by the skilled hands of light. His toned arms rest between his legs, back against the headboard, and an inexplicable urge to flee washes over you, your heart sinking to your knees in the face of his long-avoided vision of beauty.
You swallow the tumultuous thoughts raging within you before handing him his medicine, which he drinks diligently. Pressing your palm to his forehead, you're relieved to find a slight reduction in his temperature. “It will go down more once the medicine takes effect,” you assure.
“One of my students had a nasty cold. I think I got it from him,” he explains, and you nod, your hand lingering near his. Your fingers twitch as his pinky brushes against yours—akin to birds fluttering their wings in anticipation, awaiting, aching for a release from their cage, at last.
“I'm tired,” Minho sighs, closing his eyes. “Lay down,” you gently instruct, and he complies, resting his head on the pillow.
“It's cold,” he whines, swaying like a child throwing a bedtime tantrum. He's endearing, melting the frost that had gathered in your heart.
“You have a fever, silly,” you chuckle, pushing strands of his hair from his forehead, twirling them around. “Your hair's gotten longer,” you muse as you braid a tiny section of his bangs, only to undo it again.
“Can you play with my hair some more?” he requests softly.
“Of course,” you reply, threading your fingers through his locks, jet black as if all the stars in the sky collided, leaving behind nothing but a dark abyss.
“Please stay healthy, Min. Take care of yourself too.”
“But I like it more when you take care of me,” he pouts, before sighing shortly after. “I'll probably regret a lot of my words tomorrow, right?”
“Why is that?”
“Because you don’t feel the same for me,” he confesses, leaving you silent, grappling with the echoes of his words. What do you feel for Minho?
The question jolts the breath from your windpipe violently, an unyielding force crashing against your lungs till the answer finds its footing on your tongue.
“Can I ask you something?” you finally speak, cringing at the sound of your voice disrupting the fragile quiet.
“Anything.”
“Where did your scar come from?” you inquire, gesturing towards the mark just below his belly button.
“I got surgery a long time ago. I’m kind of self-conscious about it,” he confesses, a bit shyly.
“Really? But it’s beautiful, it looks like a strike of lightning,” you sincerely remark, coaxing a tender smile from Minho, unfolding like the gradual sunrises of autumn.
“This is exactly what you told me months ago.”
“Did I?”
“Mm, and then you traced it with your fingertips,” he grabs your hand, hovering it over his stomach. You can easily slip out of his grasp; you choose not to.
“Like this?” you murmur, tracing his scar gently, fingertips grazing his skin like a lit fire, subtly enough not to scorch. His flesh tenses beneath your caress, muscles constricting as you navigate from right to left—a trajectory of dusty stars akin to the Milky Way, his skin soft to the touch, rippling beneath you with thinly veiled goosebumps.
“Yes,” he breathes out, his gaze wide, running furiously over your face. Yet, your attention lingers on his skin, shadows dancing across its surface, its honeyed hue a shade you wish to sear behind your eyelids. Your hands ascend and descend, mapping his body which blushes in response, as if his very being memorized your touch, imprinting your fingerprints onto its memory. You slide down his forearms, pausing over his fragile veins, seemingly offering you his life.
Silence envelops you, punctuated only by the weighty exhales escaping you both, for there are feelings that words cannot encapsulate, no matter how much human languages strive to, ultimately succumbing to the profundity of silence— the one language only souls comprehend.
Your hands ascend to his neck, thumb grazing the tender skin cradling his pulse. It resonates throughout your bones, echoing from his being to yours as if you’re harboring two lives within you.
“You… you could've kissed me over at the bridge,” you whisper, bringing to light the question that’s been lingering at the back of your mind. “Why didn't you?”
“I wanted you to kiss me because you wanted to. Not because you longed for our past or our future. I wanted you to want me in the present,” Minho explains, vulnerability seeping into his words, like honey melting into a warm cup of tea.
“I’m scared,” you admit, your voice a fragile murmur, even as your head leans forward, hair cascading around Minho’s face, enclosing him in an intimate curtain. Minho gently grabs your hand and cradles it against his cheek, pressing a tender kiss to the center of your palm.
“Right now. Do you want me?” he asks simply, offering himself openly to you.
Do you want him?
After a momentary pause, you tentatively lean in, planting a gentle kiss upon his forehead. A resonant exhale escapes him, as your lips trace a path along his cheeks, leaving behind a trail of tiny kisses. Moving to the tender skin beneath his eyes— as easily bruised as your emotions—you bestow soft pecks to it as if seeking forgiveness for every tear he shed in your name.
His eyes remained closed, his trust evident in the surrender of his being to you. The answer to your internal query is written all over his features— the hushed exhale escaping his body, the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the tranquility nestled between his eyebrows.
Yes. Yes, you do.
Your lips finally meet Minho’s in a delicate union, unmoving like rose petals folding onto one another. A surge of warmth emanates from the depths of your heart, coursing through your entire being like sunrays, submerging your soul in a tranquil white glow.
Leaning away ever so slightly, you press a tender kiss on his lower lip, enclosing it between your own. Your hand cradles his jaw, running gently through his damp strands. Your lips move against his slowly in a saccharine kiss, parting, only to meet again, in the same tenderness, perhaps a growing one as you become accustomed to the contours of his lips, to the languid moves of his mouth, following your rhythm. You were leading the dance, his lips mere puppets to your heart’s wishes. He didn't rush you, only allowed you to kiss him, whichever way you wanted.
A pause, a moment suspended in time, your hands trembling as they rest upon his cheeks, his palm hovering above your own, offering a comforting press. The gesture reassures you in your curiosity that won’t be satiated, urging you to seal your lips on his with a tentative fervor. The world outside dissolves into a distant murmur, the seconds blending into a timeless run, you slamming the door before your worries protesting at the entrance of your mind. Tomorrow, you’ll find the answers. Tonight, you are kissing Minho.
As you press a final, lingering kiss to his velvety mouth, visions of you at peace flood your being. You see yourself sinking into the warm pool of your aunt’s country club, you see yourself walking on the beach with sand molding to the contours of your feet, you see yourself laying on the grass while observing sunrays weaving through the trees. And then, amidst your most serene memories, the act of pressing your lips to Minho stands out, the warmth of his mouth against yours eclipsing all other sensations.
Leaning away, you rest your forehead on his shoulder, and Minho's hands cradle your hair.
"Which lip balm do you use,” you giggle against his bare skin, relishing in the sweet taste of his lips.
“Yours.”
Day 31.
Minho’s nose is buried in the crook of your neck, his arm draped across the expanse of your stomach. He sinks further into you, binding himself to your body, anchoring his hold on your being. You are warm, your skin is soft to the touch and Minho doesn’t want to wake up from this tender dream, akin to plummeting into a sea of silky pillows, falling into a blanket of clouds.
Except, he's awake, Minho realizes with a jolt. He blinks repeatedly, allowing the sunrays to stream to his eyes, his pupils dilating once they settle on you— so much their obsidian depths swallows the brown of his irises whole. You stir beneath his touch, making your cheek press upon the crown of his head. He's fully awake now, snatched from the velvet threads of his dreams made up of you, thrown into your arms once again after thirty-three days.
A soft gasp escapes Minho’s lips, the air stolen from his lungs as if it was yours to claim. Echoes of the night replay in his mind— a fever, you tending him to me, a cold cascade of water, you tracing his scar, and then, the kiss.
You kissed him. A long shiver runs down his spine at the memory, a subtle twitch that stirs you from slumber once again.
What does one kiss mean? The question dances wildly in Minho’s mind. More importantly, what do you want it to mean?
Minho whines softly, closing his eyes for a few seconds, relishing in the fragrance of your hair, in the serenity that floods his being each time he’s around you. This was his most restful slumber in weeks, because you were near, his mind recognizing you, relaxing underneath your touch, drifting to a mindless sleep.
Reluctantly, he untangles himself from you, a bittersweet departure from your arms. Work was calling his name.
He prayed you’d call his too soon.
….
You wake up to an empty bed, the only lingering trace of the night you spent being the tingling of your lips, as if aching to be kissed once again. You sigh, running a hand through your face. It was much easier to succumb to your heart’s wishes when it was late at night, when minho laid bare beneath your touch, so enticing in the gentlest of ways. When you were cradled by the moon’s soft glow, blanketed by the night’s cloak of darkness.
But it was light now, the sun was glaring as it streamed through the windows, exposing all the flawed ways of your mind.
What does one kiss mean?
Nothing, if it wasn’t minho who you had kissed. If it wasn’t as tender as the meeting of your lips.
The tomorrow you believed far quickly came, and you still beheld no answers. A few hours drifted by and you still knew nothing. What does this kiss mean? It's late afternoon and you’re strolling through the park nearby and you can't find an answer. The question rings in your mind as you sit by a bench, and you still don’t know.
“You seem preoccupied,” a voice quips up nearby and you startle. You hadn’t even noticed the man sitting by your side. His arms crossed before his chest, making impressive muscles constrict beneath the snug fabric of his black shirt, a cascade of fluffy black curls sat at the top of his head, a slight smirk etched on his lips.
“Pardon?”
“I said you seem preoccupied.”
“No i heard that,” you roll your eyes subtly, “do i know you?”
“No. You just look worried, that's all.”
“You really don’t know me?” you ask, a tad apprehensive, unsure if this was someone else your memory faulted you of.
“No? Are you a celebrity of some sorts?” he inquires, tone much more cheerful, angling his body towards you.
“No, i’m not,” you giggle, before quieting down, an exhausted sigh escaping your body. “Is it that obvious then?”
“Yeah. I’m afraid so,” he pouts sympathetically, tone almost desolate and you huff, burying your face in your hands.
“Do you need help with something?” he offers after a while, his concern evident in the frown of his brows. You are comforted by the anonymity of talking to a stranger, you were but a blank canvas to him. You wouldn't see him again, anyways.
“I feel lost. I can't seem to find the answers I'm looking for.”
“Maybe you’re just not asking the right questions.”
Oh.
The guy claps his hands suddenly, long before you could dwell on his words and their implications
“I actually have a question for you!”
“Ask away.”
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”
“No?” you chuckle, amusement dripping from your voice. “I don't know you?”
“That's the point of a date.”
“Are you this bored?” you smile, arching an eyebrow at him.
“I'm not bored. I just need to take my mind off things,” he shrugs, a slight smirk on his face. but you somehow see beyond it, right into the dull twinkle of his eyes. Maybe he also couldn’t find the answers he was looking for.
“So you're using me?” you fake outrage and he giggles, a high pitched sound that reverberates through the playground, making some kids nearby stare at you. You stifle a surprised laugh.
“I'm not using you if I tell you upfront why I asked you out.”
“You are right, but i decline your kind offer,” you say solemnly and he nods, shaking his head in defeat.
“Here is my card, in case you change your mind. Or need a little escape, call me,” he smiles, handing you a sleek black card before getting up and dusting his pants. “See you,” he says, as if he was sure you'd call him back. you stare in disbelief at his retreating figure, before glancing down at the card.
Mr. Seo Changbin, you read, CEO of Gold’s Gym— the largest gym branch in the country.
Oh wow.
The amused smile lingers on your lips as you gaze ahead, lost in thought, contemplating the words spoken by Changbin. Maybe he was right; perhaps you are afraid of asking the right questions. Sucking in a deep breath, you decide to take the longer route home, eventually finding yourself outside your favorite bakery; the one you discovered on one of your many walks with Minho.
You go to open its door when an unexpected tingling at the back of your neck freezes you in your tracks. Your heart tightens in your chest as you turn around slowly, greeted by the sharp eyes of two familiar faces—Lia and Mari, your coworkers from before your accident. A tentative smile graces your lips, but the alarms of warning in your mind intensify.
“Hey, yn!”
“Hey, guys,” you greet back, taking a step backwards from them.
“How have you been since… You know, your accident,” Lia pouts, but the question lacks sincerity, as if they were wearing masks before you, concealing their true intentions. You wonder which one they'll put on next.
“Good, i’ve been good,” you force a smile, as their eyes move up and down your body, judgment dripping from their gaze.
“We wanted to come see you but we didn’t know if you were still at your listed address. Since your boyfriend lives there.”
“Oh, um, yeah, I still live there.”
“But didn’t you forget about him?” Lia feigns ignorance and you feel anxiety picking at your skin like relentless protruding needles. You want to run.
“Lia that’s rude. I think he's her ex-boyfriend now," Mari chuckles, mockery palpable in her tone.
“Poor Minho, he must suffer a lot. Say hey to him from me,"Lia smiles, a chilling feline grin, her eyes narrowing down like a hawk peering at his prey.
“I will.”
“We’ll see you at work. If you’re still able to keep up with the tasks,” they leave, ugly laughs echoing after them, and an urge to throw up overtakes you, the scent of pastries furthering your nausea. You hasten your steps toward your building.
You’re almost safe, almost, keys trembling in your hand as you struggle to enter your apartment, when the door adjacent to you opens. Your neighbors smile at you, although it is a gesture tinged with pity. You painfully smile back before slamming the door.
Yeart hammering in your chest, you press your back against the door, hand clawing at your throat.
“Did you know she got into a car accident, and apparently she forgot her boyfriend?”
“Really? They were so cute though.”
“Yeah, it’s a shame.”
Their words suffocate you, stepping atop your lungs, syllables choking you from within. Is this what everything thought of you? Did they all pity you for the accident? For forgetting your lover? Did they see you as a burden, a parasite plaguing his life? Is this what Han and Chan saw when their eyes lingered on you? Is this what the librarian and florist whispered to each other each time you passed by?
You didn’t know these people and yet they had their minds set on you, fixated storylines you couldn’t change, no matter how much you tried to rewrite them.
Your thoughts spiral like the unloosened screws of a ticking clock. Minho, the unanswered questions, the expectations of others—everything converges in the base of your mind, making your ears ring cacophonically within your skull.
You slide down the door, fingers trembling as you take out your phone then Changbin’s card from your pocket. You dial his number with haste. You needed a breather, to talk to someone who knew nothing of you, of who you were, of who you could be.
“Hello?” his voice booms clearly through the phone.
“Changbin,” you breathe out. “Let's go on a date tomorrow.”
You were asleep when minho came back from work, your back turned towards him, soft exhales escaping your body. He didn't want to disturb you, so, he made sure to come earlier the next day, a strawberry and cream pastry in his hand that he knew you loved. Perhaps, you’d both talk about your kiss today, what it meant for you both.
But, he doesn’t find you home. The only indication that you had just left was the lingering scent of your perfume, tickling his nose as if to mock him. Poor minho— the gardenia and honey tones spelled out in the air; the one fragrance you strictly reserve for dates. The one you used to put for him.
It looked like you found your answer after all.
Day 33.
“Did I keep you waiting?”
“No, just in time,” you smile as Changbin pulls the chair in front of you, settling down with ease, a pang of confidence coloring his movements.
“How are you, today?”
“Better, i think,” you falter under his scrutinizing gaze, your facade cracking. “I don't know, it’s all complicated,” you sigh and he nods, signaling for the waiter to take your drinks order. Chai latte for you, hot chocolate for him.
“Spill, what’s preoccupying you?” he leans forward, arms crossed on the table.
“You don’t even know my name,” you giggle, looking around at the warm interior. Cozy, faint music playing in the background, taupe chairs and amber tables, the smell of cinnamon rolls wafting through the air. Minho would like it here.
“What's your name?”
“Yn.”
“Okay, Yn,” he emphasizes, a slight smirk on his face. “Spill.”
You shake your head as the waiter places down your drinks, wrapping your fingers around the heated cup, hoping the warmth would seep into your being through your palm lines.
“Did you want to become a therapist by any chance?” you muse, arching an eyebrow at him.
“No, it’s just fixing others' problems helps me forget my own,” he winks and you snort at his honesty. it was admirable, how frank he was to a complete stranger.
“Fine, it’s a long story, but basically…” you lick your lips, wondering what’s the best way to go on about this. “I got into a car accident and I lost my memory of the past year and so.”
Changbin winces at your words and you sigh. “Yeah. Except I was in a relationship before…”
“And you totally forgot about it?”
“I did. It hurt him a lot.”
Changbin nods in understanding, taking a sip of his drink. He places his chin on his palm, carefully eyeing you.
“But how does that make you feel?”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You're the one who lost your memories after all.”
“I feel guilty for forgetting such a relationship.”
“Why is that?”
“Because everyday i can see why I fell in love with him.”
“And you don't love him now?”
“No,” you quickly say before pausing, shoulders dropping under the weight of your questioning. “I don't know. It's complicated.”
Changbin absentmindedly tugs at the charms of his bracelet, gaze flicking down to his wrist for a couple seconds, before locking on yours intently.
“Describe him to me in one sentence.”
“You sound like my annoying French teacher,” you roll your eyes and he huffs, not offended in the least. “Look, I just want to know my competition.”
“Do you have a retort for everything?”
“What can I say? I'm witty and all that,” he shrugs confidently and you giggle before quieting down, muling over his question. “In a sentence…” you muse, fingers drumming along your cup. You don't even realize that a fond smile has unfolded on your lips, but Changbin does.
“He's the light rain that falls during spring, that makes the flower bloom and the smell of earth waft through the air. He brings things back to life, in a way.”
Changbin smiles softly, tilting his head to the side. “Can you really not see it, or are you hiding the truth because you're scared?”
“What do you mean?”
“Yn, he brought you back to life.”
“I… no.” you pause, voice faltering. “Did he?”
You see Minho pushing you on a wheelchair to your home. Minho protecting you from your mind. Minho washing your hair. Minho making you tea. Minho baring his soul to you. Minho helping you cook. Minho bringing the sea to you. Minho holding your hand. Minho comforting you before comforting himself. Minho forgiving you so you'd forgive yourself. Minho devastating himself so you'd piece your heart together. Minho, minho, minho.
“Fuck, he did,” you whisper in realization, as a grand feeling swells in your heart suddenly, pushing your heart against the confines of your ribs. Flowers bloom into your entire body, petals melding into the coursing blood in your veins, butterflies fluttering their delicate wings across your chest, an effulgent light flooding in like the sun was spilled inside your very core.
“Aren’t I so smart,” Changbin grins, satisfied at the awestruck expression on your face.
“What should I do?” you ask anxiously, gripping the edges of the table.
“Go talk to him. Don't waste any more time.”
“You are right, oh my god,” you grab your purse, standing up abruptly. “I have to go, I…”
“It's okay, don't worry about me, I'm always the side chick,” he sighs in faux sadness and you giggle, swatting his shoulder.
“Thank you so much. I'll repay you for this, I promise!” you start walking before stopping and turning around.
“Oh and Changbin?”
“Yes?”
“You know what to do too. They made you that bracelet right? You haven't taken your eyes off of it.”
“Shut up,” he grumbles, “those are my lines.”
“They are mine now too,” Laughter dances from your lips as you flee the café, taking off running to your home. It was near, merely a five-minute walk, nestled beside the playground where you encountered Changbin. Yet, urgency propels your steps, a fervent need to reach Minho swiftly. You had wasted thirty-three days, three million seconds that could’ve been spent with Minho. You don’t know how many more breaths the universe might extend, what if the stars tire of your reluctance and blow the winds of his love to another soul? You couldn’t stomach it.
You climb up the stairs, chest heaving, breaths escaping your being in an erratic rhythm. you didn't even know what to say, your words remained unscripted, unsure of what confessions will spill forth when your eyes will meet Minho's. Yet, you're not worried. You know that whatever surfaces would be surging from your heart.
What you don’t anticipate is for an uncharacteristic silence to find you at home, the scent of your perfume faintly wafting into the air. Minho sat in the living room, a bag by his side, his head downcast. The cats watching you from the corner of the room.
A desert- dry sensation clings to your mouth, your tongue heavy as if crafted from lead. Your once vibrant excitement extinguishes, much like a match blown out, leaving only a lingering stench behind.
“Minho?”
“Yn,” he responds, eyes actively avoiding yours. “I was waiting for you. I... I'll be gone for a few days, a week at most.”
“What? Where to?”
“I already told my parents to come pick up the cats so you don't have to worry about feeding them. The fridge is stacked, so you-” his voice falters, “so don't worry about that either.”
“Minho... what-what are you saying?”
“I need time away, alone. I'm sorry, I tried, I tried so hard, Yn, but there is only so much I can take,” he whispers, and your heart shatters, tiny million pieces blown away by the wind.
“Minho, look at me,” you crouch before him, your hands resting on his knees. He still avoids your gaze.
“Minho, please,” you plead, and his eyes finally lock on yours. They glisten with tears, reflecting light akin to a celestial mirror.
“My heart hurts so much, but it's not your fault. Loving me once doesn't mean you'll love me again, and it's okay if you want to see other people. I just... I need to go somewhere, for a little. I need to make room for the pain because it's overwhelming me,” he confesses, his words eating at your insides. Was it too late? Have you lost him?
Minho gently takes away your hands before standing up. Fear overwhelms you as you watch his shoulders drop, his eyes glazing over the walls one last time. He will come back, but not here, not to you. He's bidding goodbye to the home and you because you killed his hope. He would leave everything behind but echoes of him that you'd be sentenced to hear alone, every day, every night.
“Minho,” you seize his wrist, “Minho, don't go.”
"Why?" he asks in the smallest voice you've heard from him. He's like a river cut off by a dam, yearning to run back home, to flow the way it used to, back to you. His heart rings loudly in his ears, pain overwhelming him, yet your touch calms him down. You are the knife and the medicine, the scorch and the cooling balm; you are everything at once.
“I'll make room in your heart, I'll take out all the bad weeds and start again. Just don't go.”
“What do you mean?” He's breathless, hope inflating in his heart, clouds parting to reveal the sun.
“I know things won't go back to the way they used to. I don't think I'll ever remember everything, but I want you to tell me,” there is a lump growing in your throat, but you push it away. Your voice breaks and cracks, yet you still speak. You need him to know.
“I want you to take me to all the places we've visited and then tell me how we fell in love in them. I want you to show me how I loved you,” your hand trails down his hand, intertwining your fingers with his, pulling him closer. “I want to learn you, what you like, what you hate, what makes you angry and what makes your heart flutter.”
“And I want to love you, not because you love me, but because my heart chose you," your hand travels up his arm, settling right down at his cheek. Your thumb swipes across his tender skin. “I choose you over and over again. It's you, Minho, it's always been you.”
“You want me again?” he says tentatively, eyes wide, pouring onto yours—your galaxy to love, to admire, to peer into for the rest of your life.
“I want you. Please don't go.”
“Swear it, please.”
Instead of ephemeral words, you softly press your lips to his, as you did last night. “I swear,” you whisper against his mouth. “I'm falling in love with you,” you peck his lips, hand snaking up against his neck, moving his mouth closer to yours. “Not falling,” you say, pressing your forehead to his, nuzzling his nose against your own. “I'm coming back. I'm coming home.”
“You came back to me,” he whispers, voice hoarse.
“I'll always do,” you promise, a grin overtaking your mouth. “Can you kiss me, Minho?”
Minho blinks in amazement, his eyes darting all over your face, each blink resembling the capture of an image. He's stitching this moment into his mind, the hue of your cheeks and the gleam in your eyes. He missed the way you're looking at him, the slight shiver running through you as he brushes his lips against your own, slowly savoring the feel of you so near. His hands find your jaw, cradling it softly, and then he kisses you, just like how he dreamed of doing for the past month.
The kiss is dizzying, far different from your previous one. You’re no longer grasping at elusive cigarette smoke, fleeting through the gaps between your fingers. You are no longer awaiting a beacon of remembrance to shine upon your mind. You have minho, and he's delicately nibbling your lower lip, eliciting a soft gasp from you. His tongue glides across the tingling expanse, soothing down the pang of hurt, asking you for more. You willingly give it to him in a fervent, whirlwind kiss, his hands finding solace in the curve of your waist, while yours become poets, weaving tales in his hair, tugging at his strands the way you've always yearned to.
It is muscle memory, to press your body against his, to gasp into his mouth, to match the rhythm of his tongue, the way it circles tantalizingly around yours, the way you groan against his mouth, as he briefly parts from you, his giggle a sweet prelude to meeting your lips once again with increased fervor. His tongue weaves words against the roof of your mouth— I missed you, I want you, I love you.
Minho snakes his hand around your lower back, guiding you back until his legs find the couch. He eases you down, fingers hooked through the loop of your jeans. You kiss him again, a cadence as natural as breathing. Time unravels, rewinding to mend the fractures in his heart, erasing thirty-three days of heartbreak in mere seconds. You kiss him, again and again, thirty three days of longing exploding in your touch.
“Are you crying?” you whisper against his lips, your thumbs delicately swiping across his damp cheeks. Unaware of his flowing tears, he closes his eyes, embarrassment coursing through him. “I'm here,” you reassure, peppering his face with kisses – from his ear to his nose, cheeks to the corner of his mouth. “I'm here, honey. I want you.”
“Only me?” he questions, tone fragile.
“Only you,” you kiss him again, tenderly, inhaling life through his lips. “Let me show you how much, hm?”
Your lips trace a path down his neck as you draw his shirt over his head. An ivory canvas, he is meant for you to mark, to touch however you desire. Your lips graze the scar on his stomach, kissing it in the way you've ached to do since two nights before.
You're sinking to your knees before him and yet you’re the one in control, rippling shivers all over his skin. He’s impatient, needing you close, so he quickly pulls you up, before hovering over you, his hands drawing everywhere, running wild across your body. He missed the plush feel of your skin, the contours of your body that he yearned to explore once again. He's a prisoner deprived of the light for so long, sinking into the sun once again.
Minho's eyes never leave yours, as he touches you, moves in you in ways your soul seems to remember. He's gentle, removing strands of your hair out of your eyes, smoothing down the side of your head. All encompassing, drinking in your moans and groans, burning you up and soothing you all at once. “Good?” he asks, again and again, waiting to hear your affirmation before picking up speed again. Your answer is yes each time he asks, as he seals the void in you, the one he's been carefully stitching up for the past weeks. You store his glazed eyes and scrunched eyebrows in the gallery of your mind, you make room for new memories with Minho.
You're overwhelming him, in the most beautiful ways, contradicting feelings coursing through him like a rain flood. He's aching yet relieved to have you beneath him, lost in waves of pleasure so he grabs your hand to anchor himself, entwining his fingers with yours, before bringing it to his mouth, placing a tender smile on your palm. You beam at him, trust reflecting in your eyes as you bare your being to him. It is a rare fortune to be chosen by you not once, but twice, he can't believe how lucky he is to have you as his guiding star.
Your eyes never leave Minho’s, a shimmering pool mirroring your emotions. You see everything you feel in him—your better reflection. You had missed him, you were home now. “Miss you,” he whispers as he buries his face in your neck, seemingly hearing your thoughts. “Missed you so much,” he mumbles as your hands tangle in his hair, tears descending gently upon your cheeks, as they are on his. “Please don't leave me again.”
“I won't- I won't,” you promise, as light floods your vision, reaching the pinnacle of your pleasure. Colors burst before your eyes in a kaleidoscope, resembling shades of Minho— the warm brown of his eyes, the honeyed hue of his skin, the pink tint of his ears whenever he's embarrassed, the red of his lips, swollen as they kiss you. Tonight and tomorrow and every day after this one.
Day 1.
In the hushed aftermath, your head rests upon Minho’s bare chest, listening to the quiet rhythm of his heartbeat, calming down as the seconds trickle by. His arm curls around your body protectively, keeping you from slipping off the couch. Your knuckles trail up and down his shoulders, soothing the places where you had scratched too hard. His hand seeks yours, delivering a kiss as tender as the silence enveloping you—quiet and secure. The forgotten past doesn't matter; you will rewrite your story once more.
“Do you think our designated stars are sad somewhere far away?”
“Why would they be?”
“I don't know. Don't you think it's bittersweet how they missed out on so many days of loving one another?”
“I don't know, did they?” he muses, planting a tender kiss on your shoulder. “I think mine loved you all the same.”
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