Me upon (re)entering a fandom, looking for The Favs TM to fixate on and make content about:

"All right, who is liable to have BPD and who BPAD."

I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.

Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.

This is one friend.

Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?

I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.

We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.

I noticed how a lot more modern NSR fanart has DJSS being rather short compared to the other charters!! Which I think is a lil ironic,given that a lot of older,circa 2020 fanart had him drawn to be MASSIVE!!!! (I think this mainly came from that one sketch of him and Neon J in the credits!! Also cuz we love height difference,myself included!!!)

Am…I the only one who draws him to be the tallest adult in the main cast?? And all of Vinyl City? Kinda like this!!!!

(Okie,not ENTIRELY ljke this- but he is significantly taller than everyone else to me!!)

(I also did a bunch of rambling and reasoning for this in the tags!! Feel free to take a look if you’re interested!!! :D)

I just reilized how much fanfiction I consumed in general and I only gave recs for succession so if any of you guys want fic recs hit me up I'll tag fandoms and ships I read about

I think Ben having a harem is based, actually, because (let's be honest) if he were real women would be beating down his front door.

I’m rewtaching a favorite show of mine - well, up until season 4 favorite - Yellowstone, and I realize that they capitalized on an emotional topic to get out of shoddy writing and what I hate even more is that it worked. 

Jamie and Beth have hated one another from the get go, but between season 1 and season 2, it goes from ‘every sibling in this family somewhat hates the other one but they’re still kind of okay to one another’ to there’s a very intense hatred that wasn’t there before between these two specifically. 

There’s a few scenes where you can make a guess - Beth as a child is blamed for their mother’s death (by her mom herself) when Beth’s horse spooks into their mom’s and the horse crushes her. Okay, maybe that’s why Jamie doesn’t like Beth, and Beth just hates everyone because that’s pretty traumatic. Nope - you get another flashback where their mom is still alive on a Christmas when they’re all pretty young and you find out Beth has always been dramatic, and Jamie is complaining that they should just start opening presents without her because it will be New Year’s before she comes down. Okay, so they’ve always had issues. Some siblings are like that, I get it, fine. One girl, middle child, in a family of all cowboys and she also hates horses? Makes sense - drama is the only way for her to get attention. 

And then comes The Real Issue - some time after their mom dies,I assume Beth is 16 or 15 and Jamie is two years older and about to leave for college, his birthday is in December - so 17 ish. She’s been knocking boots with the other teenage ranch hand (who becomes the love of her life later on) and she winds up pregnant. Rather than go to her father, her older brother, or even the guy she’s been having sex with, she goes to the brother that she doesn’t particularly like, and asks him to take her to a clinic for an abortion. Their family is 6 generation famous - everyone knows this family, their business, etc. John Dutton runs this valley through fear and violence. They founded the town. So they can’t go to a Planned Parenthood, even several towns over, because people will still know and report back to John. So they go to the next door Reservation where Jamie shows his ID while his sister waits in the truck, and the nurse at the desk informs them that a stipulation in getting an abortion there is you’re sterilized. Jamie seems to think about it for a minute, goes back out to the truck with his sister, and tells her it’s okay to come in. 

From then on, Beth absolutely despises Jamie for the rest of their lives because ‘he prevented her from ever having kids without telling her about it.’

And this is where I lose it. 

I get why they picked it, bodily autonomy is a hot topic and so is the fact that indigenous women were sterilized by white doctors against their knowledge for years in a planned genocide. It made the audience so mad that they just stopped paying attention to the amount of holes in this plot. It might’ve even made this make sense if Beth wasn’t the white daughter of a homicidal white land baron who ran everyone and everything in the state of Montana. Why is the blame put squarely on the 17 year old (or the 15 year old) when clearly multiple adults somehow just....screwed the pooch? If you knew who’s kids those were, if you stopped and sort of paled at their last name, why would you not tell the one getting an abortion ‘hey - you sure about this?’ because that’s just too much WTF to expect a white doctor to recognize the rich white kid and say absolutely nothing - no consent form, no talking to her about it - why would you not question Jamie at that point? Why wouldn’t you question Beth? Is this rape? Is this abuse? YOU DON’T KNOW, THEY JUST DECIDED THE EMOTIONAL REACTION WOULD PREVENT PEOPLE FROM LOOKING TOO CLOSELY. Why would you sterilize the fifteen year old in secret when women who are in their 30′s have to get multiple doctors and a psych eval to get a hysterectomy, or tubes tied when their rationalization is ‘you might want kids some day?’ or ‘what does your husband have to say about it?’

Again, it’d would’ve made perfectly logical sense if it’d been an indigenous woman and a white boyfriend (or no boyfriend, or even her own husband, or literally just by being  indigenous). Why does no one question why Jamie was either 1) so angry at his sister that this is some pubescent revenge scheme (except it’s clearly shown that he regrets it - thank you Wes Bentley for caring about your character development when the writers didn’t) or 2) so scared of his dad finding out that his little sister is pregnant that he decides right then and there that getting sterilized is the best course of action? I mean, this is the dad who puts a branding iron to his youngest son (when he’s still a teenager) when he gets a woman from the Rez pregnant and refuses to take her to a clinic for an abortion like his dad tells him to. That’s the son he likes. So the threat is real that something bad would’ve happened if they told their father - bad enough that Jamie and Beth keep it a secret into their 40′s - but AGAIN - why is this on Jamie? And only on Jamie? Is it really that hard to make the leap that Jamie knew what his dad was going to do - drag his sister to a clinic anyways, and then quite probably kill the kid who knocked her up - the kid who winds up being her husband and her father’s favorite son? Why are we not putting the (or any) blame on John Dutton who was apparently so fucking awful at this point that they were scared to go to him and this was the better option? 

There’s too many parts in this story line that make absolutely no sense, or require a lot more guilty adults than just Jamie and Beth (should also note, that for the first season, Jamie and Beth, for having this horrible relationship and skeleton in the closet, still call one another when they’re in trouble - need a ride, need to confess something, try to save the ranch, etc - and then it just vanishes in season 2). 

Maybe I give Jamie too much leeway. Maybe it’s because I love Wes Bentley as an actor and keep watching the Behind the Story shorts on the DVDs where he explains Jamie’s motivation. Or maybe because I really fucking don’t like that they’re obviously trying to make Jamie the Bad Guy because he’s the adopted son and clearly, Adopted Kids are always the Bad Guy in media (I have never met a single adopted or foster kid who was like ‘yeah, my loyalty is to my Bio parent despite the fact that they were so fucking awful that I got taken away by the state and put in a much nicer home with people who actually want and love me, let me torpedo my adopted family’s lives straight into the shitter now that I have my bio family again’. But the fact that the entire fandom in a goddamn western has become like Team Iron Man vs Team Captain America because EmOtIoN irritates the fuck out of me because it’s excusing the writers for having absolutely no fucking idea what they’re writing about and just want drama for the sake of drama and never really thought out how this would actually go down. 

And this isn’t even touching on the fact that any child that Beth had would be emotionally or physically abused because that’s exactly what Beth does to the teenager she ‘adopts’ in season 4, because having a kid doesn’t automatically make you a better person - which they would know, if they looked at the amount of kids in foster care. 

gay gay homosexual gay

mu was a child with too much power surrounded by some of the most violent and shitty adults like of course she turned out the way she did

no but there’s something about s4 steve that makes me genuinely dislike him so much and i can’t put my finger on it

Hey y’all! If you have any advice about where to find deals on American Girl dolls, either the regular kind or Wellie Wishers, or any advice on good knock off versions of Wellie Wishers, can you let me know? I’ve been using a Target version of an American Girl doll to model/test the doll clothes I make, but I suspect her measurements aren’t quite the same as the American Girl dolls, and I think I might like to have both for comparison purposes. I’d also like to try some Wellie Wishers scale sewing, but I don’t want to pay $60-100 for a doll I’m just going to use for clothes pattern testing, you know? 

EoA for ask meme

otp: *coughs* Elena/Esteban. sorry not sorry.Look if they didn't want me to be unhinged about them, they shouldn't have spent an entire season soulmate-coding them and then capping it off with a BATB homage.

favourite canon pairing: ymmv on how canon it is, but considering it was pretty strongly teased in the series finale, Julio/Doña Paloma. I do find Carla/Mateo pretty cute as well.

worst pairing ever: I wouldn't say any of the pairings for the show are bad. It's just a lot of them don't particularly interest me. I could say Elena/Mateo, because personally I find it overrrated and I'm already gonna talk about it later. But I am going to go with Esteban/Doña Paloma.

I did actually kind of ship it the first time I watched the show...right up until the episode where their AU selves got married. And even though the whole point of "to Queen or Not to Queen" is that everything is absurd and everyone is wildly out-of-character (especially the two of them), they just seemed so miserable together and I couldn't unsee it. I also find it kind of annoying that Paloma is treated as sort of the default "acceptable" Esteban shipping option for people who don't want to pair him with OCs. And just...it's fine and I understand why many people would feel uncomfortable shipping him with certain characters (even if I don't)...but like...Victor is also right there. And honestly, I'm able to get a lot of the same vibes that I initially liked about esteoma out of estevictor, esteban/naomi, gaberico, and Julio/ Paloma---plus just I find those dynamics are more interesting in general.

guilty pleasure pairing: It used to be estebalena, but now, I have much less shame over it. It helps that I really only see it happening in S3 or later and that I hc that Elena would be the much more dominant/instigating partner in the relationship. I mean I guess Shuriki/Esteban is the obvious answer. But it is worth noting that I don't like it when it's genuine/mutual/romantic. I only like esteriki in the noncon/dubcon "Shuriki abusing her power" sense. So my guilty pleasure ship is less Shuriki/Esteban and more "Esteban/severe Shuriki-related trauma that leads to extreme woobification." I want him sad and pretty and haunted by the Dark Times™ so that he can have allll the angst, whump and hurt/comfort.

a pairing you want to see more: Literally every ship that isn't just some permutation of the Four Amigos. There are so many great characters in this ship that can be paired in so many interesting ways, but they rarely get acknowledged. I think I am particularly baffled by the lack of m/m in this fandom, since it's like the complete opposite of every other fandom ever. There's a bit of Mateo/Gabe, but honestly, it's positively dwarfed by other pairings for the amigos. (Also I don't care about Mateo, lol). There's also a criminally small bit of Gabe/Rico, but there could be so much more.

But honestly, the ship that I am genuinely baffled isn't more popular and really really want to see more of is Victor/Esteban. Like it just seems like a no-brainer to me. It has so many tropes that people normally go feral over. Childhood friends to lovers? Enemies to Lovers? Foe yay? Mutual redemption arcs? There isn't even an age difference and Victor's marriage is all-but-over. So, what is stopping people? I've seen at most a handful of ambiguously romantic ship art and not a single fic. Where is it? Where is the estevictor? Give me the estevictor!

that pairing everyone likes but you’re like “lol no” : Elena/Mateo. I mean I get why it's so popular given the popularity and attractiveness of both characters. But personally, I just don't find them interesting. I feel they both have better chemistry and interesting potential with other characters than they do with each other. And its popularity within the fandom certainly doesn't help, as my little contrarian hipster brain turns its nose about 90% of fandom juggernaut pairings. Plus, I just don't care enough about Mateo to care about a ship with him. He's casually cute with Carla and I can see him with Gabe as well. But otherwise, nope. Don't like him enough to care who he's shipped with.

favorite non-romantic pair: There are a bunch of dynamics that I do ship sometimes (or more than sometimes) but I also love platonically. (Esteban & Elena, Elena & Naomi, Esteban & Naomi, Naomi & Gabe, Elena & Gabe, Elena & Valentina, Elena & Marisa, Chloe & Maliga, Cacahuate & Bobo, various permutations of "Team Isa"). But in terms of pairings that I only view platonically, either Victor & Carla or Isabel & Elena.

I apologize for being a huge butthurt SU fan on main today.

It will happen again. Probably whenever another story driven cartoon's finale occurs and people use that to bash SU too.

Honestly the only thing making that a "probably" is that I can't think of any current story driven cartoons right now.

Hi Huaaaaaaa I'm in your askbox :3

10, 19, 23, 45 for the Fanfiction Questions, I simply must know

hiii naviiiiii we are hanging out on my blog :33

totally forgot i rb'd those things hehe but anyway~

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

at first glance, my thought was no, bc i don't really fandom-ize every bit of media i absorb, just a few special ones (i can be normal about things!! for real (not clickbait)!!!)

that said, there are a few fandoms i've read fic for that i've never written for! going all the way back to my roots, i read so much mlp fic, n although i technically wanted to write mlp fic back in the day (n have like. two paragraphs of an ancient pitch rotting in my gdocs), i never really committed to it.

nat made me read some pokespe fics too back in the day, so i've read a couple of those too despite never really reading a ton of the manga. one pokespe author also recommended some kingdom hearts fic that i ended up reading, despite having never played kh or knowing anything about it really!

i also used to read a lot of miraculous ladybug fic (once in a blue moon i'll also get update emails for some of them c':), n although i had some ideas for mlb fic, i never wrote any of them.

i think the most recent fandoms i've read but never written for have been the adventure zone (balance), since i'd read taz fic as it crossed my dash after i listened to the podcast, and princess tutu, bc i had a mutual who got into it, so i started w/their fic after i watched the anime, then poked around the archive a bit hehe

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

hmmm i'm honestly kind of a "once a hater, always a hater" kind of person, so it's kind of hard for me to think of a ship that i see around, know the basic appeal of, but don't really Understand in a way that makes me more proactive or picky w/seeing them portrayed.

that said, i would love to read some kokosara meta that elaborates on how a relationship btwn them would further kokomi's character, why sara is the only character who would be able to push her in that particular direction

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

oooo that's tough, since i'm very fond of p much all my fics for various different reasons, even if i don't think their writing is particularly up to my standards anymore.

like, even tho jjk was technically a while ago for me now, i'm still obsessed w/the idea of a constellation au (zenith); and the diner at the end of the night is still easily one of the most well-written high-energy comedies i've ever pulled off.

it's also really hard to pick out of my genshin fics which one holds the most specialest place in my heart bc most of them hold niches in my heart!!!

typically, though, i pick disjunct bc during the writing process, it was the first time where i really felt allowed to give a character Mixed Race Struggles(tm) wholesale w/o feeling like i was just making them mixed for the sake of it. i'm also really happy with the way it ended up resonating w/people on a core level, and the experience of artist-viewer connection n just having an Art Moment(tm) that resulted!!

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

i used to say A Miscellaneous Tale of Night and Day, which is The 200k word pokespe fic nat made me read when we were in high school that hasn't updated since 2012 that has effectively inoculated me against "abandoned fanfiction sadness", and the plot n premise are still a ton of fun, but i've been rereading it a bit as of late, and you can feel the early 2010s casual transphobia and misogyny in it lol. i'd say that it helped shape my comedic tastes/ability to just write self-indulgently, so for that, i'd categorize it under "influential fics"

honestly my favorite fics tend to be long multichapters, but there are honestly so few that line up with my tastes and have an ending in genshin, n i didn't read enough in jjk to have any longfics to really be fondly subscribed to. thinking about it, i genuinely think my fave fics are just the ones nat n i make up together over discord until five in the morning LMAO

in terms of fics that exist(ed, at least at one point), i'd say the now-deleted snk fic tower of babel would probably qualify as one of my all-time faves, n i can say that's not just the nostalgia glasses bc i do still have a copy on my hard drive lol. the premise is that five girls, each hiding their own secrets from each other or the world, end up renting one apartment together, n they learn to trust each other enough to communicate n rely on one another. there's also a bit of romance happening in the bg, but it's not the biggest aspect of the fic, n i really liked that!!! also the way it dropped the title in the end, basically stating its main theme as "it's a lot easier to fix your problems if you communicate abt it" CHANGED MY LIFE the first time i read it lol

ANYWAY YEAH that's all of them hehe thanks for the ask~

fanfiction questions

Me vs the urge to create a new tumblr tag every time I feel any emotion out of my regular loop

can you get burnout from doing nothing

Thinking about him and grinning and swinging my legs like what the fuck-