your thoughts on the cut jackienat scene are everything and it's really nice to see someone else get it. the discourse from the scene has been draining enough because people don't think it was cut for being out of character when that seems to be the case

also, happy belated!

i'm glad to hear that you ( and others ) agree! honestly, i was quite nervous to post my thoughts on the matter in the main tag, considering how crazy fandom spaces can get nowadays, but i felt so strongly about this in particular that i couldn't help it. my main issue with the discussion surrounding this deleted scene is the fact that it feels extremely pointed. for the last few months, jackienat as a romantic relationship and as a platonic pairing has been gaining steady traction ; they've become a staple to most fics as an essential dynamic and something that heavily matters to both characters. besides shaunajackie it's easily the second most popular ship for jackie, and in a way i think that's the problem. ever since gaining more popularity, there's been very odd comments thrown it's way? people taking every given opportunity to claim they don't see the 'jackienat romantic vision' on edits, saying it would never be a thing because of jackie's one slut shaming comment about natalie, etc etc. before this deleted scene dropped there clearly were handfuls of people who would do anything to tear this dynamic down and then they finally got the biggest chance to do so ... and they did! i've seen people call jackienat's whole dynamic 'completely fanon', people saying this was a satisfying scene to them because of jackienat shippers disliking shaunajackie, and excuses after excuses as to why this scene is, in fact, canon and why it works. overall it was just saddening to see? just feels like a good majority of yellowjackets fans see jackie as shauna's property rather than a fictional character people can do whatever with, so the idea of her having a relationship with natalie quickly became this threat that they had to belittle and claim as ooc at every given opportunity. which is weird! considering shauna has so many other ships that don't include jackie at all. it's also a little amusing since a good chunk of these people happen to ship shaunanat, most of them quickly rallying behind the 'nat pointing a gun at a pregnant shauna' scene as shipping fodder. don't think i've seen anyone saying 'oh shaunanats lost with this one' despite the heap of comments saying this for jackienat.

point is : i find the intent behind people's talk for this scene to be rather weird more than i find the scene itself to be sad or despairing. simply because it is just not canon. when scenes are cut for time, they've usually been filmed first -- considering that said scenes made it into the final, 100% solid script. this is true for the shauna and adam bdsm scene because we've seen clips of that in the actual show, meaning they filmed it and just cut it for time. same thing with a lot of s2's cut for time scenes! lots of the actresses and actors said these moments had been filmed but just didn't make the final cut. to me this signifies a time issue to some degree, especially given how long some of these scenes would've been! but the jackienat thing would've been a couple seconds tops? it was nothing more than jackie sitting outside and then the two of them passing her all while nat gives her a scathing, hateful look. considering we see shots of jackie sitting by herself with the cabin's front door in view, this would've been fairly easy to accomplish! i don't think people get that, per se. which to me signifies it was cut from the script before they started filming, or that by the time they got to the finale they saw this as ooc. idk. it just doesn't make sense for this to be cut for 'time issues' like the way some people are trying to argue. and even if this was the case, it proves that the writers deemed this moment as something unimportant enough to not include.

also, i don't see why this is the be all end all of jackienat either. is it bad to say this scene would've made me like them more? picturing this scene as canon and then having to watch natalie's anguish in s2 ep3 makes her guilt all the more agonizing to me, honestly. it was already such a hard hitting scene : seeing nat treat jackie's remains with respect, to see her shed her walls and be vulnerable with someone she didn't know well but cared for, and to get a peek into the fact she feels so guilty because, naturally, natalie sees this as her fault. they ate jackie because she couldn't find food fast enough. they killed her because she hadn't been there. these are things nat doesn't need to feel guilt and shame over, because jackie wasn't her responsibility or her friend, but she feels them anyway and she feels them intensely. now imagining this scene in a world where the deleted part was canon? awful! those emotions would've been way more heightened, all those personal blames would've had a fraction of truth to them, and natalie would be forced to acknowledge that when someone needed her help, she had just left them behind in the cold. something which would also intensify the pain of her watching javi drown in freezing water all while crying out to her ... a moment which she'd be wearing jackie's necklace. also, i'd find it kind of interesting that it'd be implied natalie has all these complexities and personal hatred over letting jackie taylor die just like shauna. they'd be the two who take her passing the hardest, the ones who blame themselves more than anyone else. to me that's just gayer than what we got canonically lol. but in turn, i think this could've been another reason why it was cut? this guilt and shame and hate was something reserved for shauna alone, because it's so pivotal to her character and growth, to the point that the writers couldn't let anyone really share that same feeling. it would've taken away from shaunajackie, i think, and what makes them special. if natalie genuinely had walked past jackie out of hate only for her to die the next morning, i believe we would've seen this guilt permanently etched into her character from the beginning. people forget just how quickly nat is to blame herself for things! and be very obvious about that blame! just feels like we would've known if natalie had left jackie out there on purpose, which isn't something we know at all in regards to the actual show.

anyway! i've rambled on quite enough. to me, this scene isn't that bad at all, and i don't think this takes away from the potential of jackienat whatsoever. there's really no evidence that it does! even in the worst case scenario of this scene being canon, it just makes the dynamic much more tragic, which fans eat up on this show. and at the end of the day i wouldn't give the discussions much attention, considering most peoples reasons for wanting this scene to be canon are very petty.

PRETTY BLUE LACE THONG

Teen!Gojo Satoru x Fem!Reader 4.9K words

Summary: Thursday night movie nights are typical with Satoru except for when the movie happens to be a little more explicit then expected.

Content Warning: smut - not too many intense themes, but slight spit warning, size kink, non gender neutral reader, teen gojo (around 17-18) slight angst towards the end, probably my gramma

Nights in after an exceptionally long day training were always a thing to look forward to, particularly with the unforgiving Jujutsu Tech assigned schedule. Nights in with Satoru on the other hand, were almost as exhausting as the school day itself.

His unforgivingly energetic and tasteless personality were almost exhausting enough to tempt you to kick the loud mouthed idiot out; for anyone else, at least, it would be - but unfortunately, the loud mouthed idiot happened to be someone you'd consider a best friend, and tolerance was something you'd come to familiarize yourself with around him.

At least, at first it was tolerance.

You'd nearly hate to admit that the 'tolerance' you harbored towards Satoru slowly turned into fondness. You guessed that's why Thursday nights had become a sort of movie night for the two of you, and why your back lay firmly against Satoru's front, laying lazily in the bed of your dorm, two pairs of eyes fixated on this weeks chosen movie.

The movie was a slow-paced romance, but building steadily towards a climax - enough so that before you both knew it, the female lead had been stripped down to nothing but her undergarments, revealing an obviously expensive pair of lace underwear beneath the shorts she had been wearing.

To this, a scoff left your lips, a scoff in which Satoru was quick to comment on.

"What?"

Your voice was low in reply. "Nothing, just... Kinda unrealistic."

There was silence for a moment as Satoru shifted his arm behind his head, before raising an eyebrow, "Unrealistic how?"

"Unrealistic like- no girl would ever wear a set that expensive so casually underneath their everyday outfits."

Once again Satoru shifted, this time to glance down at you with a exasperated look. "What?"

"Its true," You chuckled. "Lingerie is expensive and uncomfortable, no one wears it outside the bedroom."

Satoru pondered your words, tongue darting across his lip as he finally reached a conclusion of his own. "Thats not true."

To this you raised an eyebrow, in which Gojo chuckled at the sight, "Im serious, all my women wear nice expensive sets all the time."

The response Satoru gave you left you nothing short of speechless for a moment, glancing up at him in exasperation at the utter ignorance this man constantly displayed. With an audible sigh and a shake of your head, you finally allowed your eyes to leave the screen and glance at the man above you, who now sport a smug but inquisitive expression.

"Well, no shit Satoru, cause your girls know they're getting laid that night. Most girls don't just decide to wear a nice pair of lingerie without thinking she was possibly going to get dicked down later."

Satoru was silent for a moment, his expression indicating that your words might have gotten through to him before his face suddenly shifted back into smug- obviously expressing his usual hard headed nature. You once again exhaled heavily.

"Do you understand how uncomfortable that shit is? Its irritating and itchy, you always have to be careful on how you pull on them cause one wrong move and there goes 80 dollars worth of fabric. They're always riding up your ass, and you can never pull them over that little bulge on your belly. They're just inconvenient. I know from personal experience that no woman ever wears that shit unless they're tryna feel pretty for someone."

Gojo was silent for a moment contemplating the words that slipped your mouth, a smile plastered along his face at the playful yet slightly inappropriate conversation that wouldn't fly so easy if you weren't so close. He notes that you seemed to be laughing along at the thoughtful look upon his face, head turned upwards from beneath him to glance at the underside of his profile. You couldn't help but find the contemplative expression on his face humorous, laughing loudly as you pressed yourself further into his chest in order to properly look up at him.

Finally, he clicked his tongue, readjusting the position of his right leg further outwards to allow you more space as you shifted along his abdomen. "Nah, I've fucked enough girls to know. Theres no way every single one of them was thoughtful enough to wear a nice blue lacy thong all for me." He was teasing you, you realized - the asshole.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes at his sarcastically arrogant phrasing. "Boy, don't flatter yourself - no one is wearing that shit for you."

"I bet you're wearing that shit for me."

A light silence rang between the two at the indication of his statement. Satoru's smile never let up - instead growing ever so slightly at the notable way he felt your body tense against his own in the most minuscule way possible, your slightly hooded eyes holding his own with a weight the two had grown awfully familiar with.

Satoru's tone was customarily teasing, a hint of humor hidden in his voice as you chuckled, movie completely forgotten as you both indulged in the ever-present sexual tension that always seemed to hover between each other.

"My shit stays pretty for no body but myself." You emitted a playful scoff as you spoke, a heavy look glimmering in your eyes as you glanced on up at your best friend.

"I bet. Too bad, I don't believe things 'less I see them with my own eyes."

Your smile grew wider as you peered up at him and Satoru's eyes alight in interest -with a tint of excitement- as he proceeded to watch you shuffle yourself upwards a little more, head falling back to nestle against his shoulder as apposed to its previous position against his chest. "Is that so?"

Satoru's eyes pursued yours as you adjusted, admittedly satisfied with the reduced distance between yourselves, "What can I say, I'm a visual learner."

"You tryna get in my pants 'toru?" The smile on your face never let up as you spoke, both your eyes locked on the others, heated bodies leaning in ever so slightly as the conversation grew just the slightest bit more heated. "You know I'm always tryna get into that pretty little lace of yours." Satoru's crystal blue eyes grew just the slightest bit more heavy as he peaked over at his best friend before him, keeping hold of the conversation with a smirk.

You laughed once more, rolling your eyes at his insistence. "'m telling you 'toru, I don't dress up pretty for no one but myself, especially not you."

"Prove it."

Despite how heated the conversation was getting, the atmosphere around you sustained a sense of devilish playfulness, as if the thought of getting with each other hadn't been looming between you two for months on end.

You laughed at the boys words, as if the insinuation of them were nothing but a friendly gesture - a favor - that you were openly willing to help out with. "Okay." And your hand slipped away from Satoru's arm, gripping the length of your waist to slip down past your stomach and under the waistband of your sweats.

Gojo's eyes followed the length of your arm with a sly smirk, not a moment of hesitation in your actions as you proceeded to press the back of your palm up against the innerside of your sweatpants. The gesture of your hand ultimately pushed the fabric up and away from your skin, revealing a pretty yet plain pair of black underwear, topped off with a tiny black bow at the very centre of its waistband.

So now here Satoru lay, your body against his own, movie long forgotten in the background, staring down the length of his best friends raised sweatpants with an arm draped over your waist, admiring the pretty plain panties you bear as proof that you were in no apparent mindset of impressing him.

And why should you be? The two of you had been best friends for over 3 years now, and everyone around you was overly aware of the ever-growing sexual tension between the two of you, completely unaddressed and always fostering. Why should you make any effort to impress someone you were always technically 'platonically' involved with?

And he knew this, so why couldn't he explain why the boring plain panties made his body light aflame with a want - no, a need to ravage everything under the boring black fabric from where you lay? The desire he felt to make your body fall apart against his own with nothing but his hands, more then the pretty lace panties he could have sworn he loved on a woman ever could.

The smirk on your face and your smug aura as you created a peak in your pants for Gojo to view left the man in question with a smirk in of his own, eyes finally flicking away from his best friends panties to your eyes, suddenly captivated by the deliberate eye contact you two began to hold, both with devilish smirks that never seemed to fade.

The air around you grew thicker with every passing moment, inbetween you both settling an intense longing for something to happen, for a move to finally be made - presented in the form of smug, hooded eyes and shit eating grins at the presence of the others notably heated figure against them.

Satoru made note of the lust in your eyes, not a doubt in his mind that his own mimicked that of yours. And as you pulled your tongue out - in just the slightest way possible - allowing it to run the length of your bottom lip in the most mesmerizing manner he'd ever laid sight upon, he couldn't take the tension any longer, rolling his eyes into the back of their lids while a strained groan escaped his lips as he adjusted himself beneath you, trying desperately to find a position that would cool the growing heat between his legs.

You chuckled at his state, before you finally made eye contact again, your right hand still tenting your pants upwards for his eyes to revel upon. There was a silence between you once again which settled upon the room, but that silence was quickly and suddenly torn away by an unanticipated, strenuous feminine moan neither of you had been anticipating. Smirks falling flat, eyes widening at the sound, you both turned your eyes away from the other in order to glance at the tv, finally taking notice of the steadily escalating sex scene between the two main characters.

A labored breath emitted from Satoru's lips as he basked his eyes upon the screen, absolutely dumbfounded by the site of the female lead on her knees, breast frantically bouncing for the screen to see as she arched her back into the male lead behind her, who was thrusting heavy hips into her from behind. His head lay snuggly in the curve of her neck, as the woman's hand tugged and pulled at the disheveled hair upon it. And the moans - oh the moans - were echoing around the room as if it were made of marble, reverberating through the ears of both Satoru and yourself, as you both gaped along in lustful awe at the site.

The air between the two of you grew to a point beyond return, a richly dense atmosphere unlike anything the two had ever experienced before as your eyes collectively endured the absurdly lewd image of the girl being pounded into by her love interest. And suddenly Satoru couldn't take it anymore, glancing down at the hand you had yet to move from your pants out of sheer shock, not a moment of uncertainty becoming him as an instantaneous hand of his own ran down the length of your pants, dipping under the black fabric of your underwear without a single hesitant thought.

Your eyes widened beyond a point they had ever extended before the moment Satoru's hand plunged past the waistline of the black underwear you had been so confident to show him not a moment ago, "Satoru?!"

"You gonna let me? Or you gonna stop me?" The question was genuine but the unwavering smirk on his face expressed that he wholly knew what your answer would be either way. And with his overly attractive eyes boring right into your own, along with the burning touch of his fingers just millimeters from your clit, you allowed yourself to let out a shaky, "Please Satoru." And that was all he needed.

Warm fingers now dancing upon the skin of your most lewd area - all the air in your lungs seemingly dispersed, head spinning frantically as your vision blurred until all you could see was white. A desperate moan escaped your lips at the heavenly feeling of your best friends hands rubbing circles against your clit, and your body couldn't comprehend the otherworldly sensations bestowed upon you so suddenly by him, squirming around in pure instinct to the hot pleasure and relief between your legs.

Satoru, witnessing the image of you suddenly unable to contain the instinctive motions of your body, smirked with pride - and proceeded to curl his right leg over your own, his left arm gripping the length of your waist even tighter, trapping you against him in order to limit your squirming to a minimum - your bodies now entangled against each other whilst Satoru worked his best friend to a dumbified state.

Your hand leaned back to grip something - anything as he worked and molded your body as his own, finding the wisps of his white hair between your fingers, desperately pulling against it in an act of frantic pleasure.

Not expecting the act, Satoru's head suddenly jerked backward as you tugged against his white strands, a slight grunt escaping the plump of his lips, a smirk dancing along his face as his eyes rolled backwards - a deep chuckle emitting from his lips at the actions of the girl between his thighs. "Keep moving like that and I'll leave you like this." He chuckled.

Through a desperate breath, you managed to utter out a soft, "Asshole." to which Gojo continued to laugh - an awed expression dancing across his eyes at the breathtaking sight before him.

Satoru'd be completely lying if he admitted he had never imagined the sight of you squirming beneath him before; fantasized about you coming undone by his fingers and his fingers alone- moaning lawlessly for no one else but himself. It was a beautiful sight- a scene he'd come to rely on for relief when the thoughts of you became too much to bear. Yet now, presented with that fantasy as an absolute reality, he had to admit no image his brain had conjured up would ever amount to the real sight before him.

The rise and fall of your chest, the melody of your moans, the squint of your eyes and the image of the motion of his hand underneath your black underwear; it was all enough to drive him insane- hook him completely and he was almost tempted to vow to never see anyone else like this but you- to make you vow to never let anyone else see you like this but him. It was ethereal.

Satoru's fingers continued their assault on your clit, rubbing backwards and forwards and up and down - playing your body like his own in a way you'd never experienced pleasure before - the mans fingers ignited a white hot flush which coursed throughout your body unlike any man had ever been able to conjure - a flush which ran straight from your core, to the tips of your fingers - made your legs weak and emitted an array of butterflies through your stomach.

A mindless moan escaped the slit of your lips, not an ounce of shame or consideration left in your mind as Satoru worked his fingers against your body. Your eyes glanced forward, suddenly captivated by the image on the screen, the woman now on his lap, rotated around to face the boy, grinding her hips against his cock as an array of moans emitted from both their mouths.

There was something so lewd about the situation that turned you on beyond belief - the absolutely obscene movie porn displayed before you and your best friend both laying in your bed, his chest against your back and his hand submerged far past the waistband of your pants as he worked magic against your clit.

Suddenly the boy on the screens hand shot forward to wrap around the base of his girlfriends neck, the other pushing further to grasp at her hair, pulling it back far enough for his head to hover directly over hers, and without an ounce of hesitation the girl opened her mouth and the boy spat a ball of spit into it. The sight had you moaning in absolute ecstasy, eyes rolling backwards and head falling back - dropping against the flesh of Satoru's shoulder as a long moan slipped into existence.

Satoru - completely taken aback by the site of his best friend falling apart at the content of the literal porn in front of them - glanced down at your face with wide eyed astonishment, beyond aroused at your scrunched up face laying on his shoulder.

"Holy shit." The words were breathy as he spoke. "I think- I think you're gonna kill me."

His voice encouraged you to open your eyes, breathy pants escaping your mouth as you leaned your head back a little further to glance up at him. His eyes made direct contact with your own, breathtakingly blue irises peaking out at you from the whisps of his white eyelashes, shadowed by his lustfully heavy lids.

He seemed just as captivated by the situation as you were, but apposingly more interested in the sight of you falling apart under the talents of his fingers as apposed of the movie scene that had furthered your arousal beyond belief.

Despite having no stimulation himself, his face seemed exceptionally flushed as your eyes held each others, his unbreakable glare becoming too much for you to bare - and with that, a heavy whine emitted from your mouth as you twisted your neck to shade your view from Satoru's between his neck.

Finally allowing himself to break away from his admiration, he found himself chuckling at your actions, basking in the feeling of your pussy squelching beneath his fingers - an array of beyond vulgar sounds emitting from your pants as his hand worked you towards an orgasm he knew was soon to come.

"God, are you always this wet? We- We should really do this more often, I really don't think once is going to cut it for me now that I've had a taste."

"Satoru!" Your voice sounded with a strained toned, eyes squinting and expression begging him to finally push you over the edge, to work you towards the orgasm you knew was soon approaching.

The volume of your own moans were almost enough to mask the soft sound of Satorus; enough so that you'd almost halted your own whines to verify the sounds you had sworn you'd heard. Though, your close proximity to the man was an indicator enough, the vibrations of his chest against your body confirming the low groans sounding through the room were indeed coming from the man behind you.

Instinctively, your eyes roamed downwards, tracing along the length of his arm- dark blue veins bulging with the movement of his muscles; up and down, tensing and untensing. Further your eyes fell, until finally landing upon the fabric of your sweats and despite the lack of exposed skin, the image of his hand underneath the fabric was mesmerizing, the material swaying up and down and around in circles as he touched you in places you'd only dreamed he would.

It only felt right to lay your own hand against his lower arm, feeling the ripples of his muscles as he worked at your clit, silently encouraging him to keep going through moans and squeezes.

"God." He was throbbing beneath his shorts, Satoru honestly couldn't recall a moment he'd been harder in his life. "I don't think I can - mhh - I can do this anymore."

His breaths were becoming ragged, eyes pressing shut, "God baby, save me the embarrassment before I cum in my pants and let me fuck you... Please."

Jesus. He's trying to kill you.

"In..."

"Huh?" His voice was audibly strained.

"In me, Satoru!"

There wasn't a moments worth of hesitation at the consent of his request, and in a split second he had pushed you forward and twisted you to face his front.

The act of his movements were so sudden you found yourself taking a moment to collect your bearings and reground your racing mind. You were now straddling his lap, face to face as apposed to lying against his chest, and his hand had left the waistband of your pants and instead found their place on your waist, now pulling you upwards in an attempt to free your legs of the sweats he'd been ruining not a moment prior.

It only took a few seconds to pull the sweats from your body, the black underwear at fault also embedded between the discarded fabrics, and in a last ditch effort to speed up the process; Satoru had settled for just pulling the front of his own shorts down far enough to allow his cock to spring out of the fabric- the flesh so swollen and red it had your eyes rolling back at the sight.

He was as big as you'd expected him to be. His reputation with women was fruitful enough to allow images and expectations to conjure in your mind, and lord did he not disappoint.

Satoru didn't hesitate, grabbing himself at the tip and swiftly aligning his length against your entrance before dropping his free arm holding you up by the waist and watching your eyes roll shut as you dropped to the hilt around him.

The relief the feeling granted him was absolutely heavenly -- euphoric unlike any pleasure he'd experienced before and it was at that moment he knew he truly would not last long at all. But that was okay, because he could tell you weren't going to either.

Satoru began thrusting harsh, not allowing a moment for either one of you to adjust no matter how much his inner self conscious was advising him to. His outer self- the part of him currently hammering his cock up into his best friend- was winning the conflict between restraint and complete white hot pleasure unlike any before.

Your responsive moans to his harsh thrust were indication enough that the self disciplined side of yourself was loosing also, allowing the speed of his hips to carry you through your whines and squirming which he corrected with a secure grip against your waist.

"Satoru... Satoru please." Your voice was so whiny and breathless, jesus he was becoming addicted.

"You don't get pretty for me, hm? Well baby this is the prettiest anyones ever looked for me."

God, the butterflies that elicited within you were undescribable. Truly Gojo Satoru; flirting through his whines.

"I'm so close."

"mh- I'm really close too."

Between the slaps of your skin, your own and Satoru's unrelentless moans, and the moans of the protagonists of the long since forgotten movie behind you, the room was a mix of echoing sex sounds and growing tension. Satorus hands under your sweater were digging more harshly into your skin and you knew he was moments from the edge.

With a final few thrusts from Satoru, the pressure long since building in your lower stomach finally came to a climax, bursting throughout your entire body while his assault against your pussy never ceased.

Your vision hazed over with a white fog and it wasn't until your body slumped over into his chest that Satoru realized you'd finally reached your end. Responsively, he caught you by the back of your neck, pressing your face into the nape of his own and slowed his pace down into a circular motion to allow you a comfortable come down from your high.

Your body came apart at this, pussy fluttering in ecstasy at the tender care he displayed; fluttering that gojo himself had not failed to notice, the pulsing feeling of your tight pussy quivering up against him pushing him to his own climax.

His brain muttering one word at the feeling of an orgasm so intense; fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...

As a quick instinctive reaction, gojo made motions to pull his drenched cock out from between your legs before the aftermath of his actions could catch up to him, but instead, the feeling of a warm hand against his own had him stuttering further then just his orgasm.

"In, in, in. Come in me."

Satoru had never even considered the prospect of coming in any of the girls he'd been with. Yet not a single thought in his brain disagreed with the notion of coming in you.

And with that, he let go and felt as your body milked his cock of every drop he was worth, swallowing his cum as his body quivered and shook in ecstasy. No orgasm amounted to the feeling he endured in that moment right there. His own quivering body against yours, shaky breaths mingling as you twitched a few more times from the come down of your orgasm.

Before long, you'd both slumped back; your own body against his front and his back against the headboard of your bed.

For a moment the come down was filled with nothing but harsh breathless panting and the muttering of the tv as the movie progressed into the next- very ordinary (very irrelevant) scene.

"I guess not all your girls wear a nice blue lacy thong all for you now."

Satoru chuckled at your words, hands caressing under your sweater and up your back. "Theres one exception I suppose." He smiled. "Actually... I think I might prefer the plain black underwear now. Or maybe I just prefer the girl attached."

Gojo Satoru truely was always in character. Flirting even during come down.

As you both made a move to readjust positions, a sudden banging on the wall besides your bed drew you both out of your haze with a start. "Are you two done now? Can you shut the fuck up?! We have class in like 5 hours."

The feminine voice had a laugh creeping from both your and Satoru's own chests, a slight tint painting your face as you banged the wall twice with your fists and smirked. "Sorry Shoko!"

A low, "Fuck you." was audible as the volume dropped and your laughing ceased.

"What time is it?" You sighed.

"Fuck, I don't know, like- 3 maybe."

"Im fucking exhausted."

Smug eyes fluttered your way, checking you up and down with a smirk. "I fuck you that good?"

"Nah, I had a long day Satoru- its what happens when you actually pay attention in class."

"Are you talking about paying attention in class?" A boisterous laugh left his throat, the motion bouncing you slightly- yet just enough to groan at the feeling of his cock - still inside - brushing up against your now very sensitive spot. "damn I really did fuck you that good, you're delusional."

With a groan, you finally began shifting off of him, his hands guiding you to the position besides him before finally tucking himself back into his pants. "Fuck you."

"After that- whenever you please."

There was a moment of stillness between the two of you as the authenticity behind his words echoed through, promoting you to admire the look of content on his face as he stare back. It was almost as if the ever growing sexual tension between you two had shifting into something else entirely, something wholly more intimate.

But you came to the conclusion that the notion was entirely too complex for your fucked out brain to process at that moment, and sleep was truly the only idea creeping its way up into your forethought.

And with a kick to his shin, you shifted in your bed to pull the blankets up towards your chin, closing your eyes with a sigh. "I'm going to bed. You can stay if you want but don't forget to turn off the tv."

The tight feeling in Satoru's chest never let up as he watched you spin around and close your eyes- it certainly wouldn't be the first time he'd spent the night in your dorm- especially on Thursday movie nights. It wouldn't be abnormal for Suguru to wake up the next morning looking for Satoru in the boys dorms, only to realize he'd spent the night at your dorm instead, but this time felt different.

He didn't want you to just turn your back and close your eyes; he didn't want to have to wake up earlier tomorrow and rush to his dorm the next morning so he could get ready for class on time. Not that he ever was- ultimately resulting in your laughter as he got lectured by Yaga for what would be the first time of many that day.

There was a part of him that wanted you to sleep not away from him but with him, facing him, in his arms. There was a part of him that didn't want to rush to class alone the next morning, but instead wanted to wake up with you and show up late together.

But as your breathing got slower and your movement got steadier, he realized that maybe pretty blue lace thongs would just have to do. Cause the plain black exception for him didn't seem to view him as the white haired exception for her.

birth chart reading for @sunfiowershrooms

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a splay shape, meaning that your planets are located randomly in different groups in your chart. people with this type of chart are usually very talented at different things. they can focus their attention on different matters, from family, to work, to love. everything is important for you, and you try to live your life to the fullest. you may be particularly talented at things that require action, it doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or mental. you may be very good at sports, dancing… or maybe you’re good at leading, you could easily be the boss on your work place. since you’re interested in so many things, you could easily be skilled at all of them to be honest. my advice would be to pick the hobby that is most important for you and care about it more than the others. that’s because people with this chart usually tend to do so many things that they may lack precision. it’s better to give all of yourself to what’s important for you.

your dominant planets are venus, jupiter and mercury. you are a very creative person, you may have an eye for aesthetics and you may enjoy the finer things in life, you probably enjoy shopping and following trends. you're also very smart, and you could be quite philosophical as well.

your dominant sign is libra. you're overall a peaceful person, you try to avoid conflicts if possible, even though sometimes you could have a sharp tongue. you're a romantic person, maybe too much. you hold unrealistic expectations of people, hence you often get disappointed when things don't turn out the way you thought. you're able to see both sides of an argument, and that's both good and bad. in fact, you're very objective, and most probably your opinions are right; yet, it may be annoying for people that are venting to you, as you could constantly point out their mistakes, even though you don't do it out of malice.

your dominant element is air. in your life, you adore seeking knowledge of any kind. you may be interested in studying different subjects, from those you study at school like science, maths, literature etc. to more unconventional ones, such as astrology, psychology, criminology and so on. you enjoy interacting with people; even if you’re not that sociable, you’ll still be interested in their point of view and their ideals, as you see it as a way to expand your own mind. you’re also interested in vintage, and you may have a retro aesthetic or just like history in general.

🌎 ascendant in sagittarius, 20° / 3rd decan ruled by jupiter and the sun

you see the world as an adventure. I feel like you typically don’t relate to sagittarius ascendant stereotypes; sag risings are usually very happy-go-lucky, they smile often, but pluto being conjunct to it may change things a bit. you’re more of a loner, you’re not as extroverted as other sagittariuses. you may relate more to scorpio rising, actually. ironically, you often look sad or angry. you have a knack for philosophy, and your favourite is most probably ‘you only live once’. you tame dying before making the amount of experiences you want to have in your life, hence you could even be impulsive sometimes. you’re the type to always be up to crack a joke or anything that can make you and others smile, yet when someone gets against you, it’s over for them. you have quite of a sharp tongue, you’re pretty blunt and straight-forward. in fact, you may often get in troubles due to your impulsiveness, which may be misunderstood. you have an incredible charm to you; it’s not like taurus’ or libra’s, those are more related to physical traits. sagittarius people, on the other hand, are surely very talented at something; maybe, at school you were one of the best students, and everyone recognized it and appreciated you for that; people understand your potential, and you may often receive compliments for your skills. basically, your personality is charismatic. due to pluto being conjunct the ascendant, I feel like you may even struggle too much with pessimism during your first years, but in case you are, you shouldn’t be. jupiter is also your dominant planet, and it’s willing to give you the best of luck if you respect its themes. hence, you need to have faith in the universe and be optimistic. try to look more at the positive sides in life and even in people. physically, sagittarius is all about abundance, hence you may have trouble losing weight. you could have big bones, or at least something bigger on your body that doesn’t make you look like a victoria’s secret’s model. you’re more on the thick side, in fact you probably have a pear/hourglass body shape, with wider hips and/or thick thighs and lower body in general. you could also have wide shoulders, and something big and memorable on your face as well. maybe you have a very distinctive nose, or perhaps your eyes are almond-shaped. your forehead and lips could be pretty wide as well. I’ve also noticed that sagittarius peers have a very lively sparkle in their eyes, even though they may be very dark. it’s like having two/three tiny diamonds at the centre of each of your eyes. last but not least, you may have sharp cheekbones and very dark features, such as dark hair or eyes.

sagittarius ascendant opposite gemini saturn: you may be shy and have self-esteem issues, especially during your early years. because of that, you may often appear as insecure to others, or even unreliable. you have a strong desire to be with someone and commit to them, you despise supertificial bonds, but at the same time you may find yourself being too shy to approach others, especially during your early years. this may apply more to the younger you, actually. you don't feel much comfortable around other people, and others can sense that; your insecurity is exposed to the world, and some may take advantage of that to hurt your feelings. you're afraid of being judged, whether it's for your appearance, or maybe because of your ideals or interests. hence, you end up becoming reserved. this is something that will be solved through growth and time; the older you get, the easier you'll be on yourself. also, thanks to this aspect, you're a responsible person with defined values. to cope with this placement, I'd suggest you to do what makes you feel the best. there are different ways to boost your self-esteem, so maybe you can work on that and then start expressing yourself freely; if you do it without the fear of being judged, you will shine even more.

sagittarius ascendant conjunct sagittarius pluto: this aspect enhances your scorpio rising even more. scorpio, combined with your scorpio sun and pisces moon, makes you look a little bit naive. people may try to take advantage of you, and to defend yourself you tend to become bossy. you’re really competitive, and feel the constant need to prove others’ wrong, even though it’s not the best way to do it. in your life, you could encounter lots of enemies that may try to stop you from transforming yourself. or maybe, your grandfather is an authoritative figure in your life and in your family’s in general, and his influence has a big impact on your life. also, something I’ve noticed about pluto conjunct ascendant individuals is that they may feel unhappy when they’re young. as time goes by, they transform and become as they want, which makes them feel more satisfied with themselves.

🌞 sun in scorpio, 3° / 1st decan ruled by pluto

you're quite of a loner, you prefer spending time alone rather than with others. you're extremely intuitive, and you can read people like a book; they can't lie or keep secrets from you, you'll surely find out. you're pretty charismatic, and paired with your wise intellect it's hard not to agree with your ideas, especially considering that your moon is in pisces. you're basically a leader, a very demanding one. you have high standards regarding everything: clothes, food, goals, people... you're always striving for the best, you don't want to settle down. on the other hand, even though it may take you a while to find someone worth of your affection, once that someone shows up you'll stay with them forever. you're deeply loyal, and also caring in your own way. that's because you value feelings, you can easily smell when someone isn't trustworthy. you're probably very protective of your friends and loved ones in general, sometimes even too much. this could even escalate and become a more serious issue, as scorpio is also the planet of obsession, after all. it's common for you to feel your emotions x2, as they're too intense to handle. you know everything about others, but you don't show off and gossip about it. actually, you keep the info for yourself and use it when you need it.

scorpio sun square capricorn mars: you’re extremely passionate about the things you love, you strive to be perfect at them, and your perfectionist, capricorn nature confirms this. this could make you quite competitive, as your capricorn mars wants to succeed and be always right. I feel like you don’t really enjoy being in the spotlight; you’d rather avoid conflicts, or at least not be the center of them. yet, sometimes it’s hard for you not be aggressive. I don’t think it happens often, but you can be very blunt and rude if someone truly gets on your nerves. this, paired up with your scorpio energy, makes you sort of dramatic. as long as you don’t react like this too often, I don’t think it’s a big issue though.

🌙 moon in pisces, 0° / 1st decan ruled by neptune

hands down my favourite moon sign! you're extremely empathetic and sensitive, you care a lot about others and you treat others' problems as if they were yours, you get totally immersed in them. you have quite a vivid imagination, you're able to idealize and picture anything you want. while this placement gives you an incredible amount of creativity, it can also make you uncomfortable. in fact, you may actually find yourself imagining every detail of every situation, even the worst ones. let's suppose you hear of a rape at the news; you literally start imagining the scene detail by detail, and it makes you extremely uncomfortable. actually, it literally ruins your mood, as it's as if you actually lived that scene. going back to the creativity matter, you have the soul of an artist; you have very enhanced emotions, and you're able to express them through artistic outlets. you could be amazing at writing poetry, books, art, music... also, your particular empathy of human's intellect can also make you an amazing psychologist or actress, as you're able to understand others' feelings and make them your own. you're extremely spiritual, and if you don't feel like that, you just have yet to have your spiritual awakening. you may be able to talk to spirits, for example, or perhaps you have very meaningful dreams. or maybe, you could literally predict the future through them. you're also most probably an avid daydreamer, you tend to get distracted easily because you're too busy thinking about random scenarios in your head. seriously, you could even make a movie out of them. you're also an hopeless romantic, and you dream of finding not just your spouse, but your literal soulmate. to make it simple, you want all of your daydreams to become reality.

🗣 mercury in libra, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a low voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your jupiter dominance you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.

libra mercury conjunct libra venus: this placement confirms your struggles to open yourself to the world. you’re insecure that your thoughts and ideas may be judged negatively by others, hence you just bottle them up with your feelings. this aspect is mostly positive, though! you’re probably a good singer, or at least you have a very calm tone of voice that is pleasant to hear. you’re able to see both sides of an argument, hence you may be good at helping people making up. you could actually be suited for psychology! you may also earn money through your voice and thoughts, so you could be a writer, a journalist, an actress, a singer etc. this placement assures that you may be sociable, or at least that you have great social skills.

libra mercury square cancer jupiter: this placement emphasizes your intellect. your mind is so broad that you can come up with different theories and philosphies, making you a sort of genius. you're probably good at memorizing things, and you could even have a photographic memory. yet, with this aspect, you may have troubles being consistent with your ideas. you may overestimate your needs and thoughts; for example, you may promise yourself to get all As in maths, then you get tired and bored and you end up getting Cs. same goes for your handwriting, for example: you may start writing in the best way possible, then you get lazy and end up writing in a sloppy way just to take notes. you also overthink a lot, and that causes you self-esteem issues. on the other hand, you're very open-minded and objective, as you look at the big picture. you'd do very well as a journalist, for example, or perhaps also as a judge of any kind. you may also be naturally skilled at foreign languages, you can mimic accents pretty well. you're probably also very poetic and / or wise, you're like a teacher for your friends.

❤️ venus in libra, 13° / 2nd decan ruled by venus and uranus

love this placement! you're very romantic: you're not looking for a partner, you're looking for a whole disney prince. you do care about looks when choosing a lover, but not necessarily a conventionally beautiful person. they have to appear perfect to your eyes, and this usually depends on the way they treat you. in fact, you despise vulgar, rude people. people that act like that immediately become unattractive to you. you're also very picky, exactly because you're looking for the perfect lover. you're probably the type to cry at movies. you're also quite of a cliche; you're into roses, romantic dinners, sunsets... anything romantic that you hear about in fairytales. the problem with this placement is that you may overestimate the people you frequent, ending up having different expectations from reality.

libra venus square cancer jupiter: you come off as a very positive, happy-go-lucky person. you're extremely friendly, and this makes you be good at social relationships. you may have lots of friends, or at least you have the potential to make many if you opened up and talked to them. yet, while this energy gives you positive vibes, some people may take advantage of that, as you could easily be mistaken for naive. people can try to dominate you unconsciously (sometimes even on purpose) not only in relationships but even in friendships. aside from that, I don't think this placement causes you many problems. you may have the tendency to procrastinate and not work. you could be quite lazy and get easily distracted, as you're constantly with your head in the cloud. yet, thanks to your capricorn energy, you still manage to find some motivation to do your work.

☄️ mars in capricorn, 29° / 3rd decan ruled by saturn and mercury

you can get scary when you want, especially with your impulsive jupiter dominance. you're a serious competitor, as your mind is very strategic. your ambition makes you want to be the best wherever you are, and you may actually overwork yourself to achieve your goals. establishing your status is important for you. you may not be the type to act instantly, you prefer taking your time to follow a plan. in fact, you probably write down what you have to do in an agenda, or even in your phone's notes app. you have this strong sense of duty, as you feel 100% responsible of your fate. you're sure that, if you don't work hard, you don't deserve success and recognition. in fact, you don't take orders from others, you are your own boss. you could have materialistic tendencies, as wealth is what motivates you the most to work or just take action in general. you may often experience burnouts, as capricorn, especially in mars, brings intense workaholic tendencies.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in sagittarius. your relationship with your image could be quite complicated; chiron here points out that you’re quite insecure about the way you look. you may struggle with your self-image often, and you may even have a physical scar somewhere on your body or face. pluto conjunct the first house also gives you a very bold, strong presence, and hence you may be even intimidating. yet, you’re also extremely magnetic and charismatic, maybe even sexy. I assume that you struggle to fully embrace your potential, though. especially during your early years, you had a fluctuating self-esteem. you used to find yourself weird and ugly, you didn’t love yourself. luckily, if you work hard on your mentality you'll start being way more optimistic, and as a result you'll be more confident in yourself as well.

your 2nd house is in capricorn, with also neptune, mars, the moon and uranus sitting in this house together. your relationship with money may not be totally stable; you may get distracted easily, and you could lose your money around. you could be quite messy, overall, or in general, this is usually a placement that indicates sudden money loss. this placement also confirms that your self-esteem isn’t stable either; you could be quite insecure, and you may idealize a lot the way you look. for example, you could think that you have an ugly nose when it’s actually the opposite. same goes for your belongings; you may think that you have saved loads of money, you spend them, and then you realize you didn’t really have much. regarding your self-esteem, your imagination and your creativity could surely make you feel better. you may have an artistic hobby, such as acting, drawing, etc. that could earn you compliments and praise, and hence it increases your sense of worth. you could also increase your self-esteem by taking pictures or videos of yourself, for instance. you love challenging your mind, but you're kind of lazy. you'd rather stimulate yourself through your hobbies and interests rather than using school / work, which are quite stressful for you. you need to find something material and concrete to motivate you and make you assertive. you could study just because you need a good grade, or maybe work just to get paid. you don't really do it with interest, as you care more about nurturing your passions than responsibilities. you're not really into conflicts; you'd rather be peaceful with everyone, as you find it a waste time to argue with someone. you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. this placement makes you crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign. this placement, paired with your imaginative water energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete.

your 3rd house is in the sign of pisces. when it comes to speech, you’re most likely more introspective. you may not be much talkative, and most of the time you keep your ideas and thoughts to yourself, but actually it's hard for you to hide them. you may be secretive, but you're easy to read. you learn the best when you’re close to creativity or imagination, you’re very intuitive and hence it's easier for you to learn new topics. while you're very empathetic and you're able to properly convey your thoughts and feelings in your speech, you may also come off as sensitive or even insecure. you may have a quiet voice, and hence you could come off as shy. since neptune, the ruler of this house, is in the 2nd house, I assume that the best way to deal with this issue is gaining more self-esteem. you may be introverted due to your insecurity, and hence dealing with it will be crucial for you to solve this karmic lesson.

your 4th house is in aries. while outside you may appear as very polite, when you feel comfortable you actually become way more fiery. you’re very impulsive in your home environment, you could have actually been some sort of warrior. maybe you used to argue a lot with your parents, perhaps because they were too overprotective. it wasn’t totally peaceful, there were a few events that made you hold a grudge, maybe even subconsciously. it might be regarding a family member, or even a childhood mate. during your childhood, you weren’t much sad, though. it could be that your home environment was a bit intense at times, or maybe one of your parents is absent, emotionally or physically, but it was nothing too serious, as your mars isn't bad aspected at all.

your 5th house is in taurus. you are a very creative, artistic person. you’re able to relax by watching netflix, eating, writing, painting… anything that can be done at home. you’re not the type to hang out too often or party all night, you’re more of a homebody. you could also love sleeping in, just being able to stay in bed all day wearing comfy clothes is a vacation for you. you probably had to grow up sooner than others kids, you seemed much more serious and mature than them. but remember, while this placement gives you a strong sense of duty, it’s also important to nurture your creativity, especially since your placements indicate that you have a very strong imagination. in fact, I see you earning money thanks to your big dreams, you could surely be successful in a creative or artistic career. you could work behind the scenes, you could be a graphic designer, a photographer, a videomaker, a screenwriter, or you may even be a celebrity of any kind. you could also work in the beauty field, such as a mua, a hairdresser or as a stylist.

your 6th house is in gemini, with also saturn placed in this house. in your daily routine, especially at work, you have to communicate a lot. you come in contact with lots of people, or maybe you write stuff like blogs or books. generally, you have a very hectic schedule, as you have different hobbies and appointments that you can’t abandon. your ideal career has to include something that allows you to express your personal taste, ideas and interests. in this way, it won’t feel too heavy to you, and you’ll find pleasure in working. you probably thrive from being efficient not just at work, but also in your daily routine; you probably like having a schedule, a routine of any kind (like a diet or a skincare routine for example). with saturn here you could also be quite delicate , you may get sick easily and you could suffer from anxiety and any kind of throat/breathing disease. you may also have problems with your arms and hands.

your 7th house is in gemini, with also your jupiter sitting there. in a partner, you seek someone intelligent that is able to keep up with your rhythm. you don’t have time to nurture someone, you want them to fully understand you. in fact, you may be more attracted to older partners, as they’re supposed to be more mature. I don’t see many issues arising in your marriage life, it will probably be very peaceful, but it may take you a while to find someone you like. you’re a picky person when it comes to love, you want someone hard-working and responsible with a big brain, yet they should also be quite outgoing and funny. you need mental stimulation, someone that is a constant adventure for you and that is worth exploring. you may meet your future spouse at work, according to your chart. otherwise, you could meet them in a bank, in a restaurant, at a concert, at the mall… also, they could help you gaining more confidence in yourself. there's also a high chance that they're going to be foreign, you may meet abroad or perhaps they're going to travel to your country. you may be a people pleaser but you're overall a very romantic individual.

your 8th house is in cancer. you are a very private individual, you have trust issues and you only share your concerns with people you're sure you can trust. you tend to preserve yourself, even though it’s hard for you to repress your emotions, as they’re too to intense to bottle them up. you absorb people’s feelings like a sponge, there’s no way that you won’t instantly understand their real emotions. overall, you tend to overreact a lot; you have cancer's sensitive energy on one side and 8th house’s mysterious, almost scary vibe. dealing with these emotional burnouts may be stressing to you, as you totally get caught up in them. even if it looks like you get to know other people often, you actually don’t let others know you. you’re the type of person to talk and socialize, especially after your saturn return, but you never reveal your deepest fears and thoughts to strangers. you only open up to people you’re sure you can trust. when you’re angry, you can literally go as far as using violence; you need to let out your emotions by screaming, swearing… anything that can make you feel better. when you don’t get rid of all your negative vibes when angry, you may tend to get physically sick; you could get stomachaches, or maybe even headaches. there’s a secret, sensitive side in you that needs passionate and romantic partners in love. yet, you can’t help but feel more attracted to the ones that may hurt you badly. you’re possibly quite sensitive to entities too, like ghosts, spirits...

your 9th house is in virgo. you have a practical approach to philosophy and your thoughts in general. that is, you’re able to grasp a lot of information that makes you think more on your identity. you’re interested in psychology, and that explains why you decided to get your chart read after all. you were a perfectionist at school, and you probably had amazing grades. you are very justice-driven, you like learning new stuff and being the #1 at pretty much everything you care about. yet, you could be quite bossy at times, as you could come off as a bit too arrogant but you're just very dedicated. the ruler of the 9th house is in the 10th house: you could attract people in your life that are foreign, or perhaps open-minded people that are able to speak more than one language or are bicultural. this placement also indicates that you'll most likely get to work abroad, or perhaps you'll come in contact with people from all over the world, therefore you may have to speak another language or deal with new cultures.

your 10th house is in libra, with also your sun, mercury and venus. you have an eye for aesthetics, and you want to have a reputation for looking classy and mannered. basically a lady, but that knows how to stand up for himself. in your ideal career you need something that makes you express your need for beauty, possibly even justice. you may have a passion for poetry and literature in general, or maybe you could be particularly skilled at fashion. you have a natural talent to match colours with undertones, body shapes, vibes etc., and you could make this particular ability of yours a job. you’re also a charismatic, strong-willed speaker, hence you could also do well as a lawyer, a politician, an activist etc. your ideal career involves arts and aesthetics. you could become an artist, a writer, a poet, an actress, an interior designer, a stylist… this type of things. also, your career and indipendence are most likely to boost your self-esteem. in addition, you may also be able to get very well-paid, you could even be in the spotlight or famous.

your 11th house is in scorpio. you are extremely picky with your friends. you have a few trust issues, probably caused by your karmic issues again, that make you secretive around your friends. you may close yourself in your shell, or maybe you actually know a lot of people, yet you only consider a few of them your friends. most of the time, you may also befriend people that try to take advantage of you. or perhaps, since there’s a possibility that you understand that, you could be the one who leads the group and acts quite bossy. this is something that gets naturally better with time; actually, your friends will be of great help for you to grow up. you may have big dreams for your future, yet you may feel intimidated as they’re very intense, and hence hard to make come true. you need to pay your karmic debts in order to finally feel comfortable with others and have the motivation to achieve your long-term goals.

your 12th house is in sagittarius, with also pluto sitting in this house. you’re particularly interested in religion and higher beliefs, hence meditation would be effective for you. yet, you need to get enough sleep, or you could not be able to fully embrace the spirituality of this placement. you may also be able to have prophetic dreams, or at least they have a strong moral beyond them. venus in this house indicates that you may daydream about the perfect romance. you have strong ideals, you're a very fair person and you expect a lot from people, but you may sometimes be let down from others because of these high standards of yours. you most probably prefer being alone in your free time. you may be introverted, and hence you're surely not the type to attend parties or clubs. you may also have spiritual hobbies, such as yoga, meditation, astrology, tarots, religion, etc.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love, you attract sagittarius, taurus, virgo, gemini and leo placements. your future spouse will most probably have virgo and leo placements, hence they’ll be very smart, patient and confident, but also very intelligent and a bit selfish. it may be love at first sight, and you may find them very attractive. you could meet them at work or most certainly abroad, there are many indicators in your chart of a foreign spouse. perhaps you could meet them during a vacation, or maybe in any kind of context where you need to speak another language. they may also be your soulmate, and you may dream of them often. your children are most likely going to have taurus placements, therefore they'll be very creative and affectionate, even though quite stubborn and materialistic.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is a very fiery, impulsive person, with a short-temper. she could have even been quite violent with you during your childhood, and she might have a few childish behaviours. deep down, she’s actually kind of insecure with her role as a mother. she may have aries, libra, scorpio or pisces placements in her chart. your father, on the other hand, is more submissive. he’s a peaceful person, even though he most probably has a passive-aggressive behaviour. you could actually have a better relationship with him rather than with your mother, or at least he understands your needs better. he may have libra, leo, virgo, gemini, aries or taurus placements in his chart. if you have siblings, they most probably have aries, pisces, cancer or aquarius placements in their chart. you may have an amazing relationship with them, you may understand each other very deeply and your bond could be quite emotional, even though you may argue from time to time.

📊 career

you could do well at a variety of jobs to be honest! with your gemini in the 6th house you could actually work in different fields before sticking to one career, hence you’re pretty experienced. I certainly see you being successful in your career, you will most likely work alone and you'll most likely be a boss. you're very hard-working, so I can see you having your own business for example. otherwise, you may also do well in an aesthetic field, or even more practical jobs like lawyer, judge, possibly also a therapist or psychologist. and again, you may work abroad, so maybe as a translator, as a teacher etc. you would also make a great singer, actress, writer, model, photographer... you'll basically get to communicate something in an artistic, creative way.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

you’re very traditional about your clothes, maybe even basic. you’re the type to have lots of essential clothes in your wardrobe, e.g a white shirt, white t-shirt, jeans etc. you love wearing sophisticated, elegant fits. for example, you may be fond of wide leg jeans, or maybe flare trousers, boatneck sweaters, tiny jewellery… things like that, that are always a must have. you may fancy pastel colors, or even neutral shades like black, white, grey, beige etc. you’re also the type to follow fashion trends.

👁 past life, life purpose

in your past life, the focus was on yourself. maybe, you had troubles with self-esteem and identity in general. you had to work hard and finally understand who you were to fulfill your past life purpose. hence, this lifetime your focus will be on the bonds you create with others. even though at first you might feel almost scared to the idea of marriage, especially having mars in the 7th house, this lifetime you're here to develop this matter. after all, you may despise love for your troubled past. with your north node in the 7th house, you're naturally lucky in love. there's nothing to be afraid of, you only need to take small steps and open your heart to someone, putting your worries and insecurities aside.

🤔 major transits analysis / june 21st

last year was probably very rough for you. at least, you’re finally discovering the truth about who you are; you’re finally learning how to love yourself for who you are, without having to change. by the next year, you should be able to feel much more comfortable and confident. even though you may still face some hardships, don’t give up. you’ll come out of it as a stronger person. also, transit uranus in your 4th house is currently opposing your sun in the 10th house. there may be unfortunate and unpredictable events in your family environment, or maybe even regarding your physical house or privacy so beware of that.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

with your water placements, you probably have a 6th sense. you’re able to manifest what you want if you subconsciously predict it, even though it may be hard. you’d have to get in touch with your higher self to do so, and hence I would suggest you to light up some candles and meditate for a bit before manifesting, in this way it will be way more effective. you may manifest something while daydreaming, for example. or perhaps, you can also try listening to your own affirmations while you sleep, as you won’t be consciously aware of that. it’s probably the most effective way.

and this is it! thank you again for booking a reading, hope it resonated with you :)

“Make it for the soldiers”

The three-time Oscar winner is back with a new book—Chasing the Light: Writing, Directing, and Surviving Platoon, Midnight Express, Scarface, Salvador, and the Movie Game—and turning its pages is like entering a Stone movie. The one-time infantryman had a single condition in granting HUSTLER this Q&A: “Make it for the soldiers. You’ve got to make it interesting to them.” Movie stars are often household names, but Oliver Stone is one of the few screenwriters and directors to have a high public profile. Now he’s released a new book, and it’s a rip-roaring, rollicking read, full of tense drama and trauma. The 342-page memoir focuses on Stone’s life through the age of 40 and sheds light on what forged Hollywood’s movie maverick and makes him tick.

After the Allies liberated Paris, his father—Colonel Louis Stone, who served on General Eisenhower’s staff—met the Parisian Jacqueline Pauline Cezarine Goddet. In December 1945 they married, which Stone wryly writes was “possibly the greatest mistakes of their lives,” and sailed from France to live in New York, where Louis, a Yale graduate, resumed his Wall Street career as a stockbroker. Stone reveals how their divorce affected him and, for the first time ever, describes in detail his combat experiences in Vietnam, where he was awarded the Bronze Star and a Purple Heart. Coming under fire in Indochina’s jungles ignited an intense mistrust of government and hatred of war that actually compelled Stone to become a filmmaker. As the Chasing the Light subtitle indicates, the book zooms in on four movies and provides a behind-the-scenes peek at Stone’s maneuvering through Tinseltown’s machinations. Stone scored his first Hollywood triumphs as the screenwriter of 1978’s Midnight Express, winning an Oscar and a Golden Globe. Like his script for 1983’s Scarface, Midnight Express lampooned the so-called War on Drugs. This set the stage for Stone to tackle President Reagan’s secret war in Central America with 1986’s hard-hitting Salvador, followed later that same year by his grunt’s-eye view on the Vietnam War, the no-holds-barred Platoon. At the 1987 Academy Awards ceremony, Stone was in the rare enviable position of competing against himself in the Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen category for both Salvador and Platoon. Although he won neither, his boyhood idol Elizabeth Taylor did give Stone the Best Director Oscar for Platoon, which also won for Best Picture. The book’s curtain closes as Stone earns his sublime moment in the limelight, emerging as one of the movie industry’s most celebrated writer-directors of all time. His future body of work—1987’s Wall Street, 1991’s The Doors and JFK through 2016’s Snowden—are only mentioned in passing, if at all. An exception is 1989’s Best Picture-nominated Born on the Fourth of July, for which Stone was awarded his second Best Director Oscar, for helming this searing cinematic biopic about maimed Vietnam War vet Ron Kovic, whose relationship with Stone began during the period his memoir covers. HUSTLER interviewed Stone when he returned to Los Angeles in between trips to Europe to promote his book. In this candid conversation Stone opens up about the Vietnam War, drugs, censorship, Edward Snowden, Larry Flynt, Jackie Kennedy, his new Kennedy assassination film and so much more. HUSTLER: How did Chasing the Light come about? Did you write any of it while sheltering in place? OLIVER STONE: No. I was finishing up in that phase. I wrote it over two years. It was final draft, checking things, draft edits, around February, March… I was working on other things, documentaries and so forth. In your memoir you write about your time in Vietnam. Have you recounted those personal experiences extensively before? No. No, I haven’t. In interviews I’ve shared some of it. But no, this is all fresh material. The movies were dramatic presentations. I talk about Born on the Fourth of July and my relationship with Ron Kovic [the paralyzed Vietnam War vet portrayed by Tom Cruise in the 1989 feature]. And a lot about Platoon. Because both were written in 1976 [the year Kovic’s book was published], which falls in the period I’m covering in Chasing the Light, up to 1986. They play a significant role—the failures of those two films to get made haunted me. You were wounded twice in Vietnam—where you served with distinction as an infantryman, winning a Bronze Star and Purple Heart. So what do you think about President Trump allegedly calling dead soldiers “losers” and “suckers” and stating that military parades should exclude wounded vets? It’s a strange statement. I don’t know if he made it, but it sounds very bizarre. Obviously, I don’t agree with it. On the other hand, I don’t believe we should be over-glorifying our veterans either, because that leads to other sets of problems, which we’ve seen in the spate of recent wars. To prepare for this interview, I watched Scarface again. In your book you mention that you were probably conceived in Europe, your mom was an immigrant from France, and it struck me that Scarface is very much an immigrant’s saga. How do you view the Trump/Stephen Miller immigration and refugee policies? I abhor them. I do believe in immigration—it’s what the American way is about. This country has been built on immigration. Even in this lifetime of mine we’ve had such a new spate of immigration from different countries, Third World, Asia. It’s remarkable. In Scarface we talk about Latin Americans who are coming into Miami, some good, some bad. It’s a rich mix, and that’s what had given America its experimental nature. There’s no fixed America in my mind. It’s 250 years—it’s a constantly changing soup. Scarface, like Midnight Express, is drug-themed. Your memoir is quite candid about your own use of substances. What do you think of the War on Drugs? Who won? [Laughs.] It’s a ludicrous objective. It should not be called a “war.” Listen, I partook of drugs. I’ve been very honest about it. It started for me in Vietnam. I smoked it in the base camps, in the rear, when we came back. I smoked it to relax. I go into the reasons for it. It helped me get through that war as a human being. Very important to me. I respect it. I also talk about drug use later on in my life, like cocaine—which I don’t think worked for me at all, and I said why. So I’m on both sides of it. But I do think it’s an individual issue, of individual responsibility and education. The treatment for it is not punishment but hospitalization or medical help or psychiatric help. The War on Drugs is a waste of money, and again, it’s political. I saw that in Scarface, the birth of the Drug Enforcement [Administration]—very political, huge budgets; it’s growing every year. The Reagan war and all that—they call it a war. Everything in America is a war. But we don’t win any one of them. Have you encountered political censorship in Hollywood for your movies’ dissident politics over the years? You posit that Henry Kissinger and Alexander Haig being on MGM’s board may have affected an early effort to make Platoon. Yes. It’s been a long haul. And I emphasize the word may, because you never know when they turn it down. They never tell you, “It’s because of political reasons that we don’t want to make your film.” They never say that. They couch it in economic terms or, “This is too depressing.” “It’s blah-blah A, B or C.” You never know. In this case, it was a very easy deal for them to make. Dino De Laurentiis was behind it—as my producer he was financing the film. MGM had a distribution deal with Mr. De Laurentiis, and they didn’t live up to it. He was making very risky movies at that time, like Blue Velvet. MGM had to make a minimal investment in distribution costs, and they did not do it. Why? Well, I would assume that the president of MGM at the time, Frank Yablans, said that he had gone to the board and they had turned [Platoon] down, but I’m not sure he’s telling the truth. Because they sometimes don’t even bother to go to the board because they don’t want to take any heat. On the board, of course, were two very conservative men on Vietnam who I’d classify as war hawks. So, I mean, it became a political issue. I do believe that; I have no proof. Also, the Pentagon passed on the film, calling it completely unrealistic. This is an important issue because the movie is realistic. I was there, and I saw it on the ground. I was in four different platoons, in four different units, in three combat platoons. I served in the south and in the north and saw quite a bit of action. And I’m telling you, three things I wrote in the book, about the three lies in Vietnam, I believe apply even today to all fought wars. One is friendly fire. American soldiers get killed by their own side, by small arms fire, artillery and bombs. It’s not precision bombing. About 20 percent of the casualties, wounded and dead, comes from friendly fire. This is a very important point, because it is buried over and over again by the Pentagon in their after-action reports. Recently, the Arizona Cardinals’ Pat Tillman was killed in Afghanistan, and there was a whole mess in trying to get to the reasons for his death. Of course, that was a celebrity-type killing, but this goes on all the time in every war. In Vietnam, in the jungle, you can imagine the asymmetric aspect of it. When fire happens, you don’t even know where the fire is coming from. People are firing—you don’t know if it’s coming in or out. And various things like that are happening all the time. I believe my first wound came about through friendly fire. The second lie I talked about was killing civilians, trashing villages. Racism was really a huge factor in that. We treated the civilians mostly as enemies, as people who were supporting the enemy. [Secretary of Defense] Robert McNamara estimated three to four million Vietnamese killed. The third lie, the biggest one of all: “We’re winning the war.” We heard that lie again and again and again. It was fed to the American people. Even from the beginning, we never had a chance. In Neil Sheehan’s book A Bright Shining Lie, [Lieutenant Colonel] John Paul Vann made it really clear, in 1962 this was a hopeless situation, a hopeless war, because true patriotism was to fight for your country. This was a war, as he said, of independence that was fought against us as colonizers in the wake of the French. Inflating body counts, lying about enemy movements, CIA involvement in the war, no question about it. Misguiding the war. Often bad information, among other things, about the My Lai massacre in March 1968, when 500-plus villagers were killed in cold blood by [U.S.] units who were told that the enemy would be in the village. Not a single enemy bullet was fired in that whole day. And this was investigated by the Army itself, by an honest [lieutenant] general named [William Ray] Peers. He didn’t believe it at first. He thought it was bullshit, that the Seymour Hersh revelations were bullshit. He went in there and investigated thoroughly and came up with the conclusion. That’s what my movie I wanted to make on the My Lai massacre is about. He indicted 20-plus officers all the way up to the top of that division. He indicted the general of that division for his negligence. It’s a disgusting story. But it happens all the time in war and is covered up. Covered up for the dignity of the family, for the dignity of the death and so forth and so on. “How can you criticize the military?” You know, that horrible kind of righteousness, which prevents us from seeing what war is. Although you’re a decorated Vietnam veteran, the Pentagon denied you any support for Platoon—and, I assume, for your other Vietnam War-related movies. Yes, that’s correct. But other directors such as, say, Michael Bay, who never served in the military but who make pro-war, pro-military films, are given permission to shoot at U.S. bases, use of armed services personnel, access to high-tech equipment, etc. What do you make of this double standard? Does it violate the First Amendment? I don’t know about that, but it’s certainly a violation of morality. It’s much bigger than Michael Bay—there’s a book that came out in 2017, National Security Cinema: The Shocking New Evidence of Government Control in Hollywood by Matthew Alford and Tom Secker. James DiEugenio, who works with me, has covered this issue separately in another book, Reclaiming Parkland. These two books cover the involvement of the Pentagon in Hollywood. Alford and his coauthor talk about 800-plus films that were made with Pentagon cooperation. You’d be stunned at some of the films made. Among case studies are Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk Down—which is basically a whitewashing of the affair in Somalia—Charlie Wilson’s War, Hotel Rwanda, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Rules of Engagement, The Terminator, 13 Days, United 93, Wag the Dog. Talks about people like Tom Clancy, of course a big military supporter, and the CIA too. TV series such as Alias, Homeland and 24—which had a tremendous effect on the American public in glorifying the CIA, making it seem like it was a backstop for our security, which is a lie too. It undermined our security. All this is much bigger than Michael Bay. In Chasing the Light you mention “surveillance” a number of times, and of course you made 2016’s Snowden. On September 2, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit ruled that the NSA’s warrantless mass surveillance—which Edward Snowden exposed—was illegal and possibly unconstitutional. What do you think of that, and what should happen to Snowden now? [Laughs.] It’s obviously correct. Snowden should be brought back to the country. I don’t know if he should be pardoned for his wrongs—because he never did anything wrong. He should be pardoned immediately, as should [WikiLeaks’] Julian Assange. The fact is, the NSA has been breaking the law for so many years. We owe it to George Bush and that administration. That was reported on as early as around 2004, but buried by The New York Times until after the election. The Pentagon Papers was released by The Times because they hated Nixon, but I guess with Bush, they gave him a pass. Terrible. It [NSA’s bulk surveillance] has resulted in this sense of unease—you’re always monitored, we have to check our behavior, we’re under control. This is a disaster for the world. Also, other countries have responded accordingly. The World Wide Web is very dangerous. It goes back to the worst days of J. Edgar Hoover. Free speech is a recurring theme in a number of your films. How were you involved in the making of 1996’s The People vs. Larry Flynt? I was a producer. It was written by Larry Karaszewski and Scott Alexander. It was their script. Milos Forman developed it with them. I did feel that Larry Flynt had a case—he won the case [against Reverend Jerry Falwell Sr.]. I’m glad. I’m proud of the movie. After Platoon was released, you quote Jacqueline Kennedy, who wrote you and said, “Your film has changed the direction of a country’s thinking.” Your movies presented a counter-narrative to the Reagan regime’s reactionary agenda. Modesty aside, do you think that Salvador, Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July may have helped stop Reagan and Bush from turning their Contra Wars in Central America into full-fledged Vietnam-like invasions? I don’t believe that they did. What happened was the fortuitous fuckup by the CIA when Eugene Hasenfus was captured after his plane was shot down. He was a contractor—he was in Nicaragua supplying [weapons to the U.S.-backed anti-Sandinista Contras]. It leads to the larger story of Oliver North, Reagan, George Herbert [Walker] Bush and the Iran-Contra affair. That’s what stalled them. Not that it was revealed in its entirety—that’s another story, of course, that’s been buried by The Washington Post’s Katharine Graham, who has been lionized in another kind of movie. But basically that scandal at least was enough to stop the momentum of an invasion, and Reagan did not have the power, the ability, the credibility anymore after October ’86. Which of course helped Platoon too, because it came out right in that juncture, and that revived Salvador, which was rereleased. Both films had an impact, but whether that would have changed the course of Reagan without the accident with the CIA—I don’t think so. Tell us about your new film, JFK: Destiny Betrayed. It’s a four-hour documentary, and it has the facts. More facts than ever. We deal with everything that happened after—in terms of documentation—since [JFK] came out in 1991. Very interesting. Because the assassination records review board, which was created from the JFK film with the JFK [Records] Act—although it was stymied by many restrictions, it did manage to release a fair amount of documents. Not all. And in those documents there’s quite a bit of information, including, of course, Operation Northwoods, that the Pentagon was operating to undercut Cuba. What are some of the highlights you learned since 1991 about the liquidation of President Kennedy? Well, I think you have to wait for the movie. [Laughs.] But certainly the ties of [Lee Harvey] Oswald to the CIA. That’s more explicit. Certainly, the evidence. We revisit the original evidence presented by Mark Lane but with new witnesses; new characters have come forward. Many people [didn’t] talk, but they start talking after the movie in the 1990s…People talk. All these informational signals come from all directions. You explain that your book title, Chasing the Light, refers to a moviemaking term. But does it also allude to your personal quest for enlightenment? And if so, have you attained it yet? Well, I’m much older [now] than when the book ends. But certainly that is an important moment, in 1986. After wanting to achieve a dream of writing and directing since I was 22 and being rejected and defeated many times, having some success along the way, and after having almost given up at 30—finally, at the age of 40, I really had a breakthrough of major proportions, with two solid movies back to back that really convinced the world, as well as myself, that I was a writer-director. It was a core victory for me and an important fact. That sets the tone for the foundation of my character. There’s going to be changes, more detours, pushes and turns in the story, but certainly, it’s established in 1986. So your memoir ends in 1987. That means a lot of your other classics are yet to come. So, in that grand Hollywood tradition, will there be a sequel to Chasing the Light? Well, I hope so. I do hope so. I hope the book does well enough to justify it. What’s next for you? I have two documentaries. One is the JFK documentary, four hours long, that won’t be out for a year. Another one is unedited, about the future, the need for clean energy, which includes nuclear energy. It’s based on a book I bought called A Bright Future: How Some Countries Have Solved Climate Change and the Rest Can Follow, by Joshua Goldstein and a Swedish scientist, Staffan A. Qvist. I understand you’re traveling these days. I’m about to promote the book in Paris. I just came back from Italy, France and Germany… It was big in Italy—they loved me. [Laughs.] Much better than in the United States.

-Ed Rampell, Hustler, Jan 16 2021

Supernatural: Moriah (14x20)

Well then! Yeesh!

Cons:

I wish we could do a bit more to sort out this whole Cas vs. Dean thing. Now that we've got bigger fish to fry for next season, it seems like Dean and Cas' pretty intense disagreement will likely be pushed aside in favor of... you know... surviving the end-times. But maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised, and their relationship drama will continue to be a factor as we enter into the final season of this show.

I really, really like the direction this is going, but I can't help but wonder if there were re-writes once the decision was made that Season Fifteen would be the end. It seems to me that several elements of the story, especially the stuff with Lucifer coming back, wound up being scrapped in favor of the ridiculously awesome reveal that Chuck is our final Big Bad. So while this finale on its own kicked some major ass, there were definitely some elements that didn't add up for me in terms of the buildup from the rest of the season.

Pros:

What a smart episode this was, though. Honestly. Usually the finales of Supernatural have to escalate things to some new extreme height so that we know what's coming in the next season. Oh no, we've started the apocalypse! Oh no, all the angels have fallen from Heaven! Oh no, the Darkness has been released! This season is, in some ways, no exception to that. Apparently, God is the villain. And he's done playing nice. While this might seem like just another classic Supernatural power-creep escalation, it's actually something a little different. And I love it. This is an opportunity to pit early show vs. late show against each other, by bringing back old villains, but letting Sam, Dean, and Cas handle it in the way they've learned to do over their many years of being hunters. It's an opportunity for nostalgia while at the same time a chance to focus on the one and only true central theme of Supernatural: free will. Honestly, this show goes all over the place with its plots and messaging, but at the center of it all, from day one, has been the idea of free will, and I love that we're setting up the final season to be a direct reckoning of that theme.

This episode was also a lot more down-to-earth than some other finales we've got. It's very focused - Jack is out there. Dean wants to kill him. Sam admits that killing him is maybe their only option. Cas is not on board. Three different approaches to one big problem. Meanwhile, Jack is trying to do the right thing without a soul to guide his conscience. And then God is there, and we learn once and for all that he truly does view the Winchesters as a story. That they've been puppets all along, dancing for his amusement. The end. I love that a lot of this episode really was just sitting around talking things out, making plans. It felt real, and grounded, in a way that I really appreciate from this show.

Let's talk Dean and Sam for a minute - I loved the scene when Dean said he was going to take the shot at Jack, effectively killing both Jack and himself. They don't even need to have the full conversation, because they've been there so many times before. And Sam says no - he's not going to be okay with a plan that makes him lose Jack and Dean in one fell swoop. He's lost enough as it is. Dean, who has over the last few seasons grown into a person who actually respects his brother's right to make his own decisions, has been having a bit of a relapse on account of Mary's death. He takes the gun and leaves without telling Sam. It's predictable, and frustrating, and it was easy for me to feel Sam's pain.

I love how angry Dean is, how his tight grip on his control seems to be in constant danger of snapping. He loves Sam, he loves Cas, and he loved Jack, but he can't bring himself to process those emotions in a healthy way right now. He needs to be a man on a mission, otherwise he'll fall apart. Jensen is doing such a great job with this. There's the moment in his conversation with Sam where he talks about the fact that God told them that Jack needed to die, so that's the end of the discussion. It's just so Dean to be such a hypocrite about this. Billie tells him that locking himself in a box is the only way to save the world? Cool. He'll do it. God tells him to kill his foster son? Cool. He'll do it. Because Dean Winchester kind of hates himself. And he definitely hates himself for Mary's death. It's just that in this case, he can kill Jack, the person who he outwardly blames, and himself, the person who he blames for everything, in one fell swoop. Yeesh. Poor Dean.

The moment when Dean shows up to kill Jack, and Cas is there and tells Jack to run? I fucking lost my mind. I am so in love with the way they've positioned Dean and Cas on opposite sides of this debate. These are two men who would die for each other - who have died for each other in fact. And in this moment, they are as opposed as they've ever been. Not since Season Six have we seen Cas and Dean at such odds with one another. There's this delicious tension to knowing that Dean is going to kill Jack at any cost, and Cas is going to stop Dean from killing Jack at any cost, and yet the thought of either of these people doing anything to hurt the other is so ludicrous. This is the stuff good drama is made of.

Then there's Sam Winchester, who easily gets MVP from me for this episode. We've seen, from the very early stages of this show when angels were considered an unrealistic fairy-tale, that Sam has always had faith. Maybe he hasn't quite understood the specifics of his own belief, but he's believed in a higher power and he's believed in the essential goodness of that power. We saw the way he behaved with Chuck when they met the last time. He was worshipful. Dean didn't quite understand it, but Sam... even when Sam was annoyed or frustrated with Chuck, he actually believed in him. So the moment when Sam says "hey, Chuck," and shoots God in the shoulder is honestly just... exquisite.

Sam spends this episode trying to contextualize everything that's been happening to them recently - he blames himself for Mary's death, because he's the one who brought Jack back without a soul. He tries to understand why Chuck hasn't been showing up to help them before now. He tries to explain himself to Dean, to make his brother hear him. He tries to reconcile his love for Jack with what Jack has become. And then he picks up a gun and he shoots God, even knowing he'll hurt or even kill himself to do it. And it's not a brave sacrifice play, or a planned moment - it's done in anger, in desperation, in fear. The realization that Chuck doesn't care about them is the biggest betrayal Sam Winchester has ever faced, and that's saying something, given the life he's lead. It's so hugely important to me that Sam is the one to make this move, and not Dean. It represents a breaking point for his character that I cannot wait to see play out next season.

Obviously I figured that Dean wouldn't really kill Jack, but I admire how much tension they still managed to put into that scene, and how, as Cas says "writers lie." The magic gun doesn't kill Jack; Chuck does that directly once he realizes that Dean isn't going to play the little game he's devised. We get this final shot of Sam, Dean, and Cas all standing back to back, ready to fight against the hoard of returned villains that are closing in on them. Cas has the angel blade, but Sam and Dean are practically unarmed, and Sam is bleeding from a gunshot wound to the shoulder. It's bleak, and on top of it all there's Jack's corpse just sitting there, a reminder of their failure.

We see Jack awaken in the Empty, and Billie seems to have plans for him, so now we've got a Billie vs. Chuck situation, with Jack, Cas, and the Winchesters as potential pawns. I am beyond excited to see how this plays out, and where Team Free Will lands in this battle for their own agency.

Before I finish this review, I want to praise the episode for suggesting the apocalyptic scope of Jack's powers. This show has never managed to really convey the way the whole world is affected by the various apocalypse-y type things that have come up over the years. But here we see that Jack's order to "stop lying" actually throws the whole world into chaos. If Chuck had wanted to see that play out, he would have; it's only his ability to reset things that saves the world. We see how people's inability to lie leads to instant resentments and chaos. It's actually a pretty great trope to explore some inter-character drama, so at first I was a little surprised that Sam and Dean didn't accidentally drop any uncomfortable truth bombs on each other when they both lacked the ability to lie. But then I realized - while Sam and Dean are having a rough time because of Mary right now, they are firmly on each other's sides and fighting to preserve their family at all costs. They actually aren't hiding anything from each other, and they haven't been for quite some time.

As a plus, all of this stuff is actually pretty humorous too - I loved the Celine Dion bit, and Dean going on and on about internet gossip, and the guys fighting about yogurt, the newscaster confessing his love, and the not-so-subtle dig at Trump.

Okay. This review is long, but I think that's allowed, given that it's for a finale. I greatly enjoyed it. I thought the smaller scale and the more character-driven story worked in its favor, and I love that everything from the plot to the framing is placing Castiel on equal footing with Sam and Dean as a protagonist for the finale season. I can't wait to see what we get next year! This time in 2020, I'll be sobbing my eyes out as "Carry On Wayward Son" plays over one last montage... it's going to be a wild ride.

9/10

I watched a couple of movies! (April roundup)

I’m glad to announce that I finally found a way to rave about the movies I’ve watched without boring you all to death, driving myself to the brink of insanity, and damaging my eyesight even more. Instead of giving a comprehensive review on each one, I decided to give you my top picks for every month in an attempt to convince you to watch these life-changing pieces of cinema! Maybe someday I could include some of the worst I’ve seen as well because it's easier (and more fun) to point out the flaws I spot.

So without further ado, here are the creme of the crop for the month of April!

Philadelphia (1993, dir. Jonathan Demme) ★★★★★

This superbly crafted film was one of the first in Hollywood to tackle the issue of HIV/AIDS—and with the right amount of sensitivity—during a time when discrimination against victims was at its most rampant. That fact alone makes it deserving of the praise, recognition, and accolades it has collected over the years. Add to that the remarkable performance of Tom Hanks as Andy Beckett, the lawyer fired from the prestigious firm he works for who enlists the help of Joe Miller (Denzel Washington) to take this matter to court. His dedication to the role is evident not only in his dramatic weight loss but the intensity of the emotions he brings to all of his scenes. Though I know a lot of audiences are concerned that the account is told mainly from Miller’s perspective, I found this aspect crucial to his growth as a character and the movie’s effectivity as a call to empathy and compassion.

Certified Copy (2010, dir. Abbas Kiarostami) ★★★★½

It's so difficult to review this without giving away what makes it different from anything that's ever been made, probably. But then again, even if I dive deep into the plot and provide my theories, I doubt it’ll make sense so I’ll say this. Certified Copy is a mind-bender of an arthouse film disguised as a love story of the Before Sunset variety. It’s a deceivingly linear tale of a French woman known only as “She” (Juliette Binoche) who goes to a book signing and offers to explore the city of Tuscany with the author (William Shimell). His work asserts that the reproduction of a certain thing possesses as much value as the original, so much so that it can even take its place. The extent to which this is true is shown in the many ways their relationship changes in the span of a single afternoon. It’s normal to be frustrated once you’ve finished it. I had a “What the hell?” moment myself and had to rewatch some parts a few more times. But once you realize that the plot is an artifice, like fiction and art itself, that’s when you come to terms with how real it actually is.  

The Farewell (2019, dir. Lulu Wang) ★★★★★

This is practically Wang's two-hour thesis on why grandmothers are the best people on the planet and we don’t deserve them. It's not like I needed an external source to prove it was true but I adored it anyway. This Oscar snub is “based on a true lie”: Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen), the matriarch of a Chinese clan, is diagnosed with cancer, and her loved ones go to extreme lengths to keep it a secret from her. I appreciated the accurate depiction of the mess that is the Asian extended family: immigrant parents, their first-generation kids, and the relatives they left behind at the homeland under one roof can only mean endless bickering and picking at old wounds. But in all seriousness, its grasp of human emotions—as seen in the brilliant acting performances and authentic dialogue—reels you in instantly and keeps you emotionally invested and painfully waiting for the heartbreaking (?) conclusion.

Interstellar (2014, dir. Christopher Nolan) ★★★★★

In what is arguably Nolan’s most complex and ambitious work yet, we find Cooper (Matthew McConaughey) in what appears to be a shadow of the Earth we live in right now. After a fateful turn of events, he is tapped by NASA to carry out a mission in search of a habitable world for the human population. Rarely do we see a creative project that aspires to be everything at once and succeeds with flying colors. Interstellar is that gem for me. It pushes the limits of our imagination and tests the very boundaries of science and space while serving as a reminder of what it means to be human. It may clock in at 167 minutes but I think that if the run time had been cut down, it would be impossible to do justice to this multi-faceted story. In fact, with the emotionally resonant performances by the cast as well as the phenomenal score (Hans Zimmer, you are a god) and cinematography, I am honestly willing to see another three hours of extra footage.

Mommy (2014, dir. Xavier Dolan) ★★★★½

This… was a lot. I remember watching this first thing in the morning a couple of weeks ago, and not being able to do anything of importance for the entire day since I was too busy wondering if I’ll ever be suitable for the lifelong commitment that is motherhood. This award-winning, affecting tale revolves around Die Despres (Anne Dorval), a struggling journalist and single mom to Steve (Antoine Olivier Pilon), her hyperactive, abusive son diagnosed with ADHD. Although a law had been passed in Canada which lets cash-strapped parents place their troubled kids in hospitals, she refuses to give him up and takes him under her wing: after all, they’re best at loving even when it’s hard. What unfolds after makes it hard to tell how the whole thing ends, but it’s a visually arresting and thought-provoking experience anyway. Dolan also possesses a strong command of the language of filmmakers: critics agree that its most notable aspect is the fact that it was shot in a 1:1 aspect ratio, which allowed me to assume the position of a next-door neighbor peering through their living room window.

Frances Ha (2012, dir. Noah Baumbach) ★★★★★

Before Greta Gerwig was the director extraordinaire we know her to be, she was Frances Halladay, an aspiring dancer who moves to New York City with her best friend and comes face to face with several, consecutive life crises. Her reality couldn’t be any further removed from mine (as a 19-year-old student on the complete opposite side of the world), but it remains highly relatable. At their core, her problems are rooted in a fear of loneliness and failure—just like the rest of us! Come to think of it, maybe that’s why it’s in black-and-white: to give the movie a sense of timelessness since it tackles themes and issues that remain universal and prevalent across generations. I loved Frances as a protagonist, though she far from perfect: she’s immature and petty and quite frankly, she had no clue what she was doing until the last 15 minutes—just like me! And yet she powered through in the end, which gives me hope that I’ll be able to do the same.

Fight Club (1999, dir. David Fincher) ★★★★½

Believe it or not, despite its straightforward title and predominantly male fanbase, I was completely taken aback when the unnamed narrator (Edward Norton) and Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) started beating each other up in the middle of a parking lot—the very event that led to the establishment of their underground fight club. What initially appears to be a man’s search for a way out of the boring humdrum of his everyday existence evolves into a structural analysis of consumer capitalism and critique of toxic masculinity. There’s a lot of gore and violence but I pulled through thanks to the stunning visuals, unpredictable plot, and Brad Pitt’s beautiful face. Although the twist towards the end wasn’t exactly revolutionary for me because it kind of resembled Primal Fear (1996), it was still a mind-blowing and fitting conclusion to this cult classic.

Pretty Woman (1990, dir. Garry Marshall) ★★★★★

This modern-day Cinderella story about a hooker who falls in love with a wealthy businessman has become problematic for my generation. There are a ton of essays on Letterboxd attempting to start discourse on its ethics, calling it out for its misogynistic undertones, and criticizing it for being unrealistic. I actually saw a review that said it indirectly promotes prostitution as a means to get ahead in life, which could wrongly influence teenage girls. (How stupid do you think we are?) At the end of the day, this is a romantic comedy—and an outstanding one, at that! This probably has the most equal distribution of swoon-worthy scenes and laugh-out-loud moments out of all the romcoms I’ve watched, and we have the lead actors’ insane chemistry and the consistently witty script to thank. Needless to say, Julia Roberts is an absolute delight as Vivian Ward and it’s only fitting that it was this particular role that catapulted her to superstardom. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna rewatch this then proceed to play It Must Have Been Love for another 70 times.

The Fundamentals of Caring (2016, dir. Rob Burnett) ★★★★★

I genuinely think that everything Paul Rudd touches turns to gold. Here, he plays Ben, caretaker to Trevor (Craig Roberts), a sarcastic teen suffering from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Together, they make a spur-of-the-moment decision to take a cross-country road trip to see several roadside attractions and of course, come to terms with their own issues. I admit that my love for this comes with the acute awareness that if I had found it on Netflix at a different time, I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much. It’s fairly predictable, it doesn’t strive towards anything complex or require much reflection on our part but it ties together neatly and satisfyingly in the end—truly a perfect comfort film! The equivalent of the warm, 10-second-long, oxytocin-inducing hug that we all need and can't have right now, given the state of our world!

Edit (05/09/20): I’m currently binge-watching Timothee Chalamet interviews and he just told Stephen Colbert that he had auditioned for this but wasn’t accepted for the job. Imagine him and Paul Rudd together... the visual power that duo would hold... I would miss the point of the movie entirely.

So, that’s it for this month! I’ve actually been spending more time writing lately but I hope I can continue to squeeze in something to watch into my schedule so I can actually be consistent with this series. Till next time! Exciting things up ahead! Wishing you love and light always, and don’t forget to wash your hands, check your privilege and pray for our frontliners!

I finallyyyy finished Bannlyst. I became slower and slower at reading it over time because the book, uh, starts out great but loses a lot of steam and gets progressively more unrealistic as it goes on.

The beginning is awesome, reading the first scene online was what convinced me to buy the book. The scene is about an old married couple, the parents of the protagonist, sitting outside one Sunday evening and talking. The way the scene is written, with all those little observations about the dynamics that develop between two people who have been together for decades, was a delight to read. He tells her what’s in the newspaper because that’s what he always does, and she lets him talk because he enjoys it so much but she doesn’t really care what he says and thinks about other things instead, but he knows full well that she doesn’t listen and intentionally gets her attention later and alludes to their son coming home which he’d been talking about but she doesn’t know and he relishes her confusion because if you had listened like you pretended... then she becomes angry and he drops the smugness and placates her because if she talks herself into a rage, then...

So I buy the book and no other scene in the rest of the novel is like that.

Which is not to say the book is bad, there’s plenty of good. Lotta was definitely the best part of the book, she should have been the main character... somehow. She is in contact with God and gets divine visions which are canonically real and truthful! The part where she talks of her youth was my favourite part of the book. There’s so much mystery and intensity in her tale. She’s way more interesting than Sven and Sigrun. I know that “being sidelined and not living up to her potential” is established as a big theme in in her life when she is first introduced but 1) that’s no reason for the author to treat her the same way and 2) that theme is somehow dropped completely after the initial conversation between her and Sven ends and is never mentioned again. For the rest of the book, Lotta is happy working for Sigrun and Edvard and helping Sigrun with her escape plan. I found Lotta’s situation very intriguing when she was first introduced - growing up having visions, convinced of her special status, of her grand fate, and then to have nothing come of it, to have her visions ignored by everyone, having to work in a factory, being sort-of-betrayed by her crush friend... that’s fascinating, tragic, relatable, and would have merited a much fuller exploration. But it’s never mentioned again and instead Sigrun and Edvard take center stage for the rest of the second and most of the third act.

And, yes, Sigrun and Edvard. I hated their relationship. When she and Sven first met, I thought they’d end up together. It would have been beautiful. The book would have spent much of its space on these two sensitive, wounded souls slowly getting to know each other in secret, each being appreciated for their kindness and generosity... after their boat ride I was totally on-board, no pun intended, to read a touching romance. And they do get together, but only at the very end after a lot of not being in contact at all, after unnecessary stuff that doesn’t add to their romance and when it does happen, it’s just weirdly, shortly mentioned, Sigrun is suddenly in love with him but also not and... then it isn’t mentioned again?

Sven was in love with her the whole time but his love for her is never really explored, apparently that one boat ride impressed him so much? Or it was just her beauty and kindness, the same thing that fascinates Lotta? I understand if he idealizes her because she’s the only one except for his parents who shows him any kindness when he’s made an outcast, but if so, then he spends years of his life longing for an idealized version of a woman he barely knows, which, again, relatable and touching, but then this should be explored as a function of his lack of real human connections and his emotional need for someone to rescue him from his messed-up life. Instead it’s just said and alluded to a lot that he’s in love with her and that’s that.

And Sigrun’s feelings for both Sven and Edvard are all over the place. I don’t even know what to make of them. Speaking of Edvard, I hated his redemption arc. I thought it was unrealistic and corny. He’s clearly abusive, which becomes especially clear when he enters the room to chase the old guy who was talking to Sigrun away (which in itself is fucked up of course) and Sigrun tells the old guy to run, which tells the reader clearly that stuff like that has happened before. He’s dismissive and possessive towards Sigrun from the beginning, even Sven knows right away (for some reason?) that he might kill her from jealousy. And then Edvard just... realizes he was wrong because he listens to Sigrun and Sven’s conversation at Rhånge, changes completely and becomes chill and not possessive at all? ...right. Not how abusers act, but good for Selma Lagerlöf that she didn’t know that!

Toward the end the story gets more and more unrealistic. Things just come together because they have to, against all odds. Maybe we’re supposed to think that God directs the whole thing because he wants it to happen - this is kind of a theme after all, though the end directly contradicts this idea - but everything that happens from the moment when Sven’s wife shows up at Sigrun’s door is just wayyy too convenient and I rolled my eyes a lot at everything that happened afterwards.

And then there’s the ending, which is just terrible. Every character who has ever said anything bad about Sven goes up to him and apologizes, then Edvard holds a several pages long sermon (not even a term I use dismissively, he’s an actual priest holding an actual sermon) about how awesome Sven is, everyone forgives one another, then Lotta has a vision about how war is wrong, then the whole class gets up and claps, Sven lives with Sigrun for another year until he dies from happiness. Oh, and the most absurdly unrealistic thing in the whole book happens when Edvard just so conveniently finds a letter on an English corpse that just so happens to be addressed to Sven’s foster parents and that just so happens to talk about how Sven is actually not guilty about cannibalism.

We are also told (much too clearly) the moral of the story which is completely absent for much of the book. I had skimmed the Wikipedia summary of the book before reading the book itself and it said that the major theme in the book is how crimes against the living are worse than crimes against the dead and therefore war is the worst crime, but most of the book just isn’t about that at all. Most of the book has nothing to do with that moral. At first, when Sven keeps getting shunned by everyone, I thought the book was going to show how these “respectable” people who think they’re better than Sven are actually way worse than him, but they for the most part remain a faceless collective and these stories seem to only be there to show us what a good person Sven is.

Sven is, by the way, a really good person and I liked that little detail about how he wears “that patient little smile” whenever things are going particularly badly and he just agrees with everything and tries to please everyone - and when he’s feeling better he doesn’t have that smile and he actually stands up for himself. That was a great idea by the author - the common view is that you get cranky when you’re feeling bad and are friendlier when you feel well, but if you’re a low status person (or are used to being treated like one), complying is a lower energy behaviour than insisting on your worth - and I wish she had fleshed out the character more like this. He seems more like a symbolic stand-in for the idea of altruism, which would have been fine if the anti-war message had been stronger and the whole book had been more like an analogy, but since it isn’t, he should have been a more distinctive character. Same with Sigrun, actually, who too is all goodness and patience.

In the end, it was the psychological simplicity and the contrived plot that made me slow to finish the book. But there were a lot of good things too and considering how slow I still am at reading in Swedish, I wouldn’t have finished the book at all if I hadn’t liked it. What will stick with me is more certain scenes of the books that are particularly vivid, especially from Lotta’s tale of her youth, which, as I said, was the part I liked the most (but probably also the part that has the least to do with the overall plot).