#finally an excuse to release all my pent up rage and explain why I think she’s such a dipshit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

prinxlyart · 4 years

Note

I will say, I am hungry again and I have a few ask for your Willumity/Vinira headcannons. HOWEVER to be fair to you. This time I will restrain myself and simply ask for you to share any headcanons you want to share as of now!

You can ALWAYS ask for more Willumity.

A L W A Y S

But!! Since you’ve given me free reign to just play in this sandbox, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do

We all agree that Luz is hella ADHD. This girl will talk for HOURS about the shit she likes. If something grabs her attention, she wants to know everything about it. She doesn’t like being told to do things, but she loves being asked to do things. For example: if someone tells her she needs to do a thing her brain will immediately click into the “No” position and will refuse to budge. If someone asks her to do something, her brain clicks to “help? I can help? I can help with a thing for this person? Yes! I’ll help this person with this task because it will make them happy! Yes! I can help!” This is why acts of service resonate so strongly with her.

I don’t know what mental diversity looks like on the Boiling Isles considering how just. Horror-based everything is? But I’m 100% on that autistic Amity train. She has to do things a Certain Way or she’ll teeter on the edge of a meltdown. She refuses to touch/eat certain textures. She usually doesn’t know what the appropriate response/reaction is to a given conversation, especially with her socialite friends, which is why she just remains a cool mask of indifference. She’ll inspect every detail of anything that’s handed to her. She’s incredibly smart, but doesn’t always know how to convey what she knows and understands into words other people can understand. The only people allowed in her personal space are her siblings. Eventually that also stems to Luz and Willow, maybe more as she grows more comfortable with herself? But usually anyone getting in her space is overwhelming and alarming. Defo has a hard time regulating/processing her emotions.

I need to make an entire post dedicated to Augustus Porter because my boy deserves it, but I’ll toss some random things here. He has a signed poster from the head of the Illusionist Coven framed on his bedroom wall. He and his dad have bi-weekly after-dinner standup comedy sessions with each other (Perry has kept a secret journal of all of Gus’s best jokes he’s done over the years that he reads whenever he needs a pick-me-up).

Perry and Eda knew each other in school in passing. Their social circles overlapped but they were never hanging out in the same groups. When Gus is very little (like, maybe 3 or 4?), Perry takes him to the market to just wander around and they find Eda’s Human Collectibles Stand. She and Perry catch up, he introduces her to his son, and Eda (ever the saleswoman) pulls out some shiny human thing that Gus is immediately taken with. In between her and Perry catching up, Gus asks her a million questions about the thing he’s been given and then even more questions about other stuff at her stand. She actually finds it really fun to show off her human shit to someone so enthralled by it. She makes some stuff up here and there just to mess with him, but he’s too young to realize it’s a joke or not true, and takes everything at face value. We all know Eda likes to get a little theatrical with her sales pitches; she does the Salesperson act with everything Gus asks her about. She lets Gus take a couple items home just because he was such a riot and Perry insists he pay for something, but Eda just waves them off and tells him that this is just an investment in a lifelong customer. She had no idea how right she was because Gus defo became obsessed with human culture from that point on. He also picked up on Eda’s super theatrical sales pitches (because he thought it was funny and because he thought that’s just how you’re supposed to show human stuff to people) and began showing off his own “human collectibles museum” to his dad with the same theatrical voice. Perry plays along with this too (as a news anchor he’s got a great announcer voice) and ta-da! That’s how we get the boy we all know and love today. It’s 100% Eda’s fault, but Perry definitely encouraged it because it made his son so happy. That’s also why Gus doesn’t seem especially perturbed at meeting Eda for the first time in ep 3. Or for interjecting his new Human Knowledge in the moment she was patting Luz’s head. He’s used to having conversations with her about human junk whenever she has her stand up. Eda’s secretly relieved that one of Luz’s new friends is actually someone she kinda knows. It’s Perry’s kid, and Perry’s a good guy. His little squirt seems to be growing up to be pretty good too.

Eda scoffs at “nerdy” shit as if she hasn’t owned the Clawthorne Braincell her entire life. “She worked twice as hard” “-that just made me work harder than you!”. Eda’s extremely smart and extremely talented. She likely created the secret room of shortcuts entirely on her own. She probably studied in the school library constantly, but under the guise of causing mischief. And like. She probably did both. She was a potions track kid so she probably knew all the best ways to make stink bombs that she could leave hidden in the shelves. She hated school because she was so limited and stifled; she only wanted to learn magic and was told no at every turn. So when she learned magic on her own, yknow, without the guidance of a teacher, there’s bound to be some major fuck ups. Once she’s fine-tuned her mistakes though, she absolutely turns them into pranks. You say I’m not allowed to study multiple tracks, bumpikins?? Well how’s THIS!!! How’s THAT for focus??? (Half of her pranks were also just her showing off and desperately hoping to prove that she could learn any type of magic and couldn’t be constrained to just the one. Bump recognized this of course, but he had strict guidelines to follow and no Luz Noceda to call him out for it.)

Camila treasures her daughter more than life itself. I personally refuse to headcanon anything to do with her extended family or why she’s a single parent (too many variables and options that could be addressed in the show), but I do know that she loves Luz more than anything. It’s exhausting being a single mom, working as a nurse, and trying to be there for her ADHD daughter when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to want her. It hurts her so much to see her baby, the light of her life, her Luz, be brushed aside and written off as “the weirdo”, or bullied, or even outright hated by some people just because she’s a little different. She’s had to have some words with the school staff for how they treat her on occasion. Did you see that Principal’s death glare in the first ep?? He hates her. Camila’s there not just because she’s Luz’s parent, but also to act as a barrier between the principal and Luz. She would move Heaven and Earth for Luz, but it can be a lot when you’re the only adult around. I truly believe she wanted Luz to go to that camp to learn how to be friends with kids that didn’t already know her or her quirks. Even she sounded unsure of what they would do at that camp, but she had full faith that this would be Luz’s opportunity to make friends with other kids that could teach her to like....more mainstream stuff. So she could learn how to mimic their (hopefully, toned down) behaviors. She just wants her baby to be accepted by others.

This next one’s a doozy so hold on to your butts

Lilith is technically smart. And I mean that in a literal sense - she can read and understand the fundamentals of magic, the concepts and execution of complex spells, recite entire chapters of Boiling Isles history, you name it. Many adults in her youth called her gifted because of it. All she actually did was absorb the information and regurgitate it when asked. She thrived on the praise she received. What made her different from her sister is that she never wanted anything more than to do as she was told. Her biggest goal? Her dream job? Was to just be given orders by the Emperor. I’m sure there’s all sorts of flowery propaganda surrounding that, advertising how incredible it is to be in the Emperor’s Coven, what an honor it is to work alongside the witch that can speak to the Titan. But it’s literally just. Taking orders. And knowing you’re somehow better than everyone else because you’ve been selected to be among the elite. She never strived for anything more; she never wanted to do anything else but enforce the Emperor’s will because that was “the highest honor” a witch could have. As a result (or in conjunction rather) she lacks literally any amount of foresight. There’s only one braincell in the Clawthorne Family and her sister has it because this dumbass doesn’t think about anyone but herself. Instead of talking with Eda about what they should do when they were told there was only one spot left in the Emperor’s Coven, she walked away. Only thinking of how she could secure her victory. She didn’t ask Eda how she felt about the situation, she didn’t let Eda speak her mind about what her own desires were; Eda made it clear enough that she just wanted to be by Lilith’s side, she didn’t care what that meant. She just wanted to be with her big sister. Eda tried to reach out to her to discuss their cirumstances, but Lilith just walked away like the broody, self-centered teenager that she was and resolved to cheat her way to victory. When Eda knew this was her dream. Why would she think Eda would take away her dream???? She could’ve asked Eda to throw the duel? She could’ve asked her to fake the match? Or even fake sick? Or just not even shown up! If she didn’t show up it could’ve counted as a forfeit and Lilith would’ve earned the spot by default! But no, she had to ruin her sister’s entire life in an act of cowardice and dishonor because she’s so full of herself and didn’t read the fine print. She loves her sister, of course she does, but she’s so self-absorbed that she’s never seen Eda for who she actually is and wasted both of their lives as a result. And this is all just analysis of her character and that flashback, this isn’t even headcanons. I think if she has any amount of respect for her sister (she doesn’t), her redemption will have to go far far beyond an apology and taking on half the curse. When I say Lilith is a dumbass, this is specifically what I mean. She doesn’t think about how her actions will affect those around her. She was the Head of the Emperor’s Coven, literally one of the most powerful positions she could possibly be in on the Boiling Isles and still sacrificed Amity’s dignity and years of hard work just so she could be ensured that she could one-up her sister. She did this in front of everyone in attendance of that Witches Duel. She risked Amity’s credibility as a witch, as a Blight, and as a person just to fuel her own ego. It’s no wonder Amity was so upset; the witch she’s been idolizing her whole life didn’t think she had what it took to best a human that couldn’t do magic in a witches duel. That can fuck up your self esteem something fierce. And Lilith hardly seemed to give a shit!!!! She didn’t care that she just trashed Amity’s reputation in front of dozens of spectators!!!! I’m v bitter about Lilith as a character in case you couldn’t tell.

If I had to throw a headcanon in, I’ll toss one in that sterling and I have discussed: Lilith literally doesn’t know how to live her life as an independent adult. Sure, she knows how to like. Make herself some easy dinners? But that’s literally only because she used to make herself and Eda dinners when they were kids. Beyond that, she has no fucking idea. She can do the basic household chores any teenager knows how to do, but she’s lived in the Emperor’s Castle with the rest of the Coven since she joined. It’s kind of like living in a college dorm; food and a room is provided, there’s maybe a laundry service, she’s never had to pay taxes in her life (not that Eda does, but yknow). The only things she buys for herself (if she doesn’t make it herself) is her hair dye and books. When she first moves in to the Owl House, she has no idea how the household chores are done. She’s on House Cleaning Duty Eternally and the first......I’ll say year. Eda will wake her up by banging pots and pans over her head once every month and scream-singing about how it’s House Cleaning Day, pull out her lawn chairs and some lemonade, and she and Luz (and sometimes King) will just sit back and relax and watch the show that is Lilith trying to clean Hooty. Hooty does not like to cooperate with her (partially because Lilith is a special friend and partially because he knows how much joy it brings Eda and Luz to watch her struggle).

Oof I could go on but this is already one hell of a post huh? Sorry (not really) for dragging Lilith so hard; not a joke, tumblr made me split hers up into two bullet points because it couldn’t comprehend my ranting for so long in one bullet point. I do love sharing these with y’all though, they’re so much fun and I’m so glad you guys like my rambling. <3333

#prinxly inquiries #wam-hope #the owl house #toh headcanons #toh meta #luz noceda #amity blight #augustus porter #gus porter #perry porter #edalyn clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #camilia noceda #camila noceda #long post #lmao warning for y’all I defo drag Lilith through the mud in this one #finally an excuse to release all my pent up rage and explain why I think she’s such a dipshit

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layniapetrovnaaa · 3 years

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Kinkmas Day 6 (cockwarming): Five Hargreeves

Five is physically aged up to 17/18 in all my works. Also, I am 18, so this is not like some creepy cougar situation.

Summary: Reader and five go to see their past selves with Luther at the pub. Trouble ensues, and you decide to then try and help Five relax.

Warnings: Language, suggestive banter, name calling, fighting, smut, cockwarming, light praise kink, hints of premature ejaculation.

This is pretty long because it was not originally a kinkmas fic.

***

A cold layer of sweat covers your entire body as you make your way to the pub that your past self was currently occupying.

You knew the dangers of paradox psychosis-- having been part of the commission for many years. Yet, here you were, about to try and negotiate with your two weeks younger self and significant other.

It wasn't you that you were worried about, however, it was Five.

You had been partners for quite a few years before you got together, that being said, you knew Five very well. You knew it would be unlikely that he would react kindly to himself

If the first four stages of paradox psychosis were any indication, he was already fumbling this task.

“You alright, Five?”

“Fine.” he says sharply, but in an unconvincing tone.

“Here we go.” Luther mutters as he swings open the door, holding it for you and your counterpart.

Upon entering, you catch a glimpse of you and Five at the bar, you turn and laugh at something he says, flirtatiously placing your hand on his arm.

What you would give to go back to those days, the ones where you weren't constantly worrying about the apocalypse, when you and Five could have a casual drink at the bar, then find each other in one of the empty bathrooms later to... blow off some steam before returning to your jobs as hitmen.

“Well, there we are.” you breath out.

Five’s eyes almost bug out of his head as he peers around to get a good look at the two of you together, Luther as well.

Despite the fact that you were also just as susceptible to paradox psychosis, you seemed to be the most level headed.

“How come [Y/N] looks the same?” Luther asks, stupidly.

“I told you already, I don’t age due to my regenerative healing factor, I’m like you guys.” your growl.

Maybe you weren't the most level headed, blame it on nerves.

“Huh”

He glances over at Five, who was anxiously rubbing his hands together and looking as if he just saw a ghost, before asking another stupid question.

“Why don’t we just grab the briefcase and run?”

You scoff, and Five answers him, almost hurt by his words.

“Luther, I would never let that happen. We’re trained to guard these briefcases with our lives.”

“Right.”

“Plus, it’s the inherit paradox where this gets tricky.We’re endangering our existence just being in the same room with our former selves.”

“Huh-- What do you mean?”

You roll your eyes.

“C’mon Ape-man, try to keep up.” you scoff out, biting your thumb nail anxiously.

“If the old me doesn't travel back to 2019 like he’s supposed to, the whole thing unravels itself. I cease to exist. Same goes for [Y/N], here.” Five explains to his brother, making exaggerated hand gestures as he does.

Luther nods, and Five keeps talking.

“So our best chance is to talk--reason-- with them. Usually, I would count on [Y/N] to keep me grounded in situations like this, but given that fact that she might experience psychosis as well, I’m not really sure how this is gunna go.”

“Ah” Luther lets out, a bit apprehensive.

“He’ll understand.” Five mutters to himself, itching his neck.

“You just itched your neck! That’s stage two of paradox psychosis.” Luther whisper shouts.

“Luther, don’t be ridiculous.” you speak, wiping the sweat from your forehead as you do so.

“No, I didn't. I didn't itch my neck.” Five says defensively.

“Well, denial is stage one, and you’ve both got it. “

“We are fine, Luther.” You say harshly and leaning in dramatically.

Five huffs and shakes himself out a bit before he starts towards your targets.

“Wait-” Luther says, grabbing his arm.

“What?” Five hisses out, still put off by his brother’s most recent comments.

“Maybe I should go first. I mean, the two of you will freak them out.”he explains before turning to your lover.

“Bumping into your own tiny doppelganger? He will lose his shit.”

You all turn to look at yourselves-- the couple-- at the bar.

“Just let me brake the ice.” he continues.

Five looks over at you for approval and you give him a nod. This seemed to be the first time Luther actually had a decent plan.

As you prepare to meet yourself, the three of you take a few deep breaths in.

As Luther saunters over to the couple , you put a��hand on Five’s back, rubbing soothing across his lean frame.

“This will all work out fine.” you hum, more to yourself than him.

He looks up at the ceiling, then back down at his hands, continuing to fiddle with any of the imperfections on them.

“Whaddya say, after this we’ll go home, finally have some alone time, release all that pent up stress?”

He looks into you eyes, and for a moment, his anxiety stops.

“That would be wonderful.” he pecks your lips quick before you turn around the corner of beam, hearing Luther introduce you.

“Hey there, stranger.”

***

“Well...this is nice, isn’t it? The five of us, together like this.”

You put your head in your hands as your lookalike glares over at Luther because of his unfitting tone and comment. The Fives are the only ones who respond verbally.

“No.”

The physically older five speaks.

“Somebody explain to me how I am having a pint of Guinness with my younger self and my girl.”

“Older, actually. I’m you, just 14 days older.” Five clicks.

“I have pubic hair smarter than you.”

And that was your cue to start and finish off your drink in one go.

“How is that possible?” the only other female at the table asks.

“I can explain. You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you two will brake your contract with the commission.” he says, his eyes flicking over to the other version of yourself, and you noticed his eyes soften slightly.

“I already know you’re thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well, today, you are going to do something about it. Today, you are going to attempt to time travel forward to 2019. However you are going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of a body, trapped forever, small, pubescent.” Five says, starting off soft at first, then becoming more vicious.

“Okay.” the other Five says nervously.

“How come I look the same then?” You-- well, not you-- speak.

“Because we don’t age, moron.”

Younger you sits back and scoffs, never breaking her glare.

“See! It’s a reasonable question!” Luther shouts rather obnoxiously.

“Ah yes, the burden of being young and sexy forever.” the white haired Five speaks, it’s meant to be humorous, but everyone is to stressed to acknowledge it properly.

Luther chokes slightly on his beer, whereas the Five that you are sat next to reaches for his and gulps it down rather quickly. You just roll your eyes.

“Look, we’re getting off topic.”

Regaining his wits, the man that sits across from you speaks.

“Even if I was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?” he says aggressively, with a hint of fear.

“No, no. I--We need you both to jump.”

“If you two don’t jump, we cease to exist.” you elaborate on his behalf.

“What I need from you is to jump correctly.”

“I’m listening.”

“The first time through, we got the calculations wrong. That’s how I ended up in this body. But now, I know the correct calculation.”

“What is it?” the other Five whispers sharply.

“I’ll be glad to tell you... in exchange for that briefcase you’re holding under the table.” the physically younger Five states, a bit too cockily.

“What do you think?”

It’s silent for a moment, and in that moment you hold your breath.

“I think...I need to piss.”

You let out a sigh and hold your head in your hands as he gets up and heads towards the back of the pub, Luther following shortly after.

“You’ll have to excuse me as well.” [Y/N] says and gets up. You recognize the slight mischievous gleam in her-- your-- eyes when she gets up and heads towards the bathrooms. Your suspicions are confirmed when you see her slip into the men’s bathroom instead of the women's.

You quickly turn to Five, who is bouncing his leg up and down anxiously and not looking away from the bathroom doors.

“They’re planning something, and they’re trying to get Luther in on it.”

He shakes his head before speaking.

“I know. I bet they’re gunna kill us.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” you say, a bit shocked at his accusation.

“Homicidal rage is stage seven, [Y/N], and all four of us are already exhibiting symptoms of stage six. Besides, that’s what I would do if I were him, and I am him.” he says very matter-of-factly, which makes you gulp, given the fact this he isn’t wrong.

A minute later, the three of them appear.

“We good?” Five asks cautiously.

“You got a deal.” The other Five speaks.

“We gotta hurry, Kennedy’s en route. Less than an hour till showtime.” the other version of yourself says, pulling her bag onto her shoulder.

“Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden?”

“Relax. Your getting paranoid.” The mustache donning Five lets out a scoffing chuckle, itching his chin on his shoulder immediate after.

“Oh, am I?”

They glare at each other for another moment before exiting the pub.

***

“What are you looking at?” Five asks the random stranger aggressively.

You try to push him along, but he continues.

“You see somethin’ funny?” he shouts even louder.

You notice that the other three members of your party are talking among themselves in front of you. Trying to focus hard on what they are saying, you miss Fives next insult, which was along the lines of “Something, something, asshole!”.

“Mind your business!-”

“Five!” you scold. “-Or I’ll give you something to stare at!”

“Stop it!”

“You wish you could pull off these shorts!”

You just roll your eyes and try to move him along.

Luther falls back and you immediately know something is up.

“Hey, lovebirds. How you guys doing?”

Five takes a look at Luther, then a deep breath in before descending the stairs and speaking.

“They’re gunna kill us, aren’t they?”

“What?” Luther lets out a nervous chuckle.

“What, him, her? He’s gunna kill you? Yeah, right. That’s ridiculous.” he chuckles again.

“Luther?”

“Yeah, hm?” he perks up too quickly when you speak.

“Promise me you will never go into acting. Because you’ve got to be one of the worst liars I’ve ever met.” and Five hums in agreement.

“You’re a worse liar than you are a spotter.”

At that, Luther drops his act.

“Okay, who’s fault is that? What good is having a spotter if you won’t even listen to him?”

“So you admit you’re all conspiring against us?” Five says, whisper yelling. You scoff.

“Do--Do you admit that you’re suffering from paradox psychosis?”

“Nuh-uh, don’t try and turn the tables, Luther.” you seethe.

“She’s got it too!” he points at you.

Five ignoring the both of you and instead defends himself.

“All I’m suffering from is bracing clarity about you and your murderous intentions.” his voice is like venom as he itches his chest.

“Look, it’s not like they’re gonna “kill you” kill you. They just want to kill a, um... version of you two.

“But I am that version of me!”

“Hey, I don’t love it, either, but he’s actually got a pretty good plan.

“You’re really not helping your case, Luther.” you say, your voice agitated.

“What? The one where you guys off us, then jump to 2019 to save the world?” Five asks, aggressively pushing his hair back.

“Yeah, wait, how’d you know that.”

“Because, Luther, we are the same people, we think the same way, and that’s exactly what we would do!” you spit, muttering “imbecile” under your breath.

“Okay, all I know is that we’ve got one of you too many,-- and you’re the mean one and this Five is a maniac.”

You clench your fists and try not to hurl yourself at the monkey-boy.

“Maniac? Luther, you have seen nothing. If you want a maniac, I will show you maniac.” Five growls. Maybe Luther was right.

“Okay, as your spotter,-” you and Five both scoff.

“I think the best thing I can do for you right now is put you out of your misery.” Luther says in a matter-of-fact tone, and that’s when Five’s had enough.

“Okay, Luther, listen,” Five starts, turning and grabbing Luther. You make sure to watch the show from a safe two feet away.

“I know your feeble mind only responds to age and authority, so listen very closely.” Five starts, and you got a feeling from the way that he was gripping Luther’s arms-- this would most likely end in an outburst.

“Yet again, you are experiencing daddy issues. This time with your own brother, which is honestly making me a bit crazy.”

“But remember this:” he says, and its the calm before the storm.

“I’m 14 days older than him. I have seniority here. So it is me you should be listening to, Luther.”

...and here it comes...

“I’M THE DADDY HERE!”

Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner.

“Five, you need to calm down.” you finally intervene.

“What, I thought you liked it when I play daddy.” he says with a veil of smugness, coating his paranoid ticks.

Before you can huff out a retort, the Five that was walking in front of you alerts everyone that you all had reached your destination.

And, to say the least, things didn’t exactly go according to plan. At least you survived!

***

When you arrived home you knew your tasks were not yet finished.

Ah, yes, the trials and tribulations of trying to help Five relax after stopping an apocalypse...twice.

Five heads straight to the kitchen, ignoring his siblings, to get a cup of coffee.

You and Luther filter in behind him slowly, exhausted from the day you’d had.

Five hands you your own cup of joe and you place a hand on his arm, giving it a small squeeze, and offering him a sweet little smile-- as if to say “thank you”. He returns the look before taking a sip from his mug.

“Where the hell have you three been?” Allison asks, her voice sharp, but at the same time, caring and concerned.

“Doesn’t matter.” Five says bluntly before walking away, pulling you with him into Elliott’s old bedroom.

Allison just scoffs and shakes her head, walking away, Luther following quickly after her.

You set your mug down on the desk as Five closes the door.

He goes and sits at the desk immediately, muttering about how you all still had to find a way to get back to 2019.

“Five.” you say, your tone that of a parent who is correcting their child.

He looks up at you cautiously before determining that he wasn't in too much danger, continuing his scribbles.

“[Y/N] you know just as well as I do, we can’t stay here.”

“I’m not asking to stay, I’m asking you to take a break for 30 minutes and-” you walk over to him, standing behind his chair, starting to trail kisses up his neck, your teeth grazing the shell of his ear. “spend some time with me. Hmm?”

“I--” he stutters, trying to weigh his options as your hands start to massage his shoulders lightly.

“I need to finish this equation I just started.”

You huff and make your way around the chair to sit on his lap. His hands immediate rest on your hips. And, although he has and exasperated look on his face, you can tell he is enjoying this.

“But, I want you.” you whisper, your breath ghosting over his lips.

You grind yourself down on him unexpectedly, which makes him release a loud, and slightly high pitched moan.

You grin like the cheshire cat.

“Don’t get cocky.”

“Mmm, but how can I not be when I make the great Five Hargreeves moan like a horny schoolboy.” you mock, your eyes trailing down his sweater vest covered torso.

“Oh, shut up.” he says just before kissing you feverishly.

Soon, he is lifting your shirt, throwing it across the room, and groping your breasts.

You let out a content sigh at his actions, continuing to swish your hips back and forth.

“You’re so beautiful” he mutters and he leans in to kiss your neck.

You let out delicate moans as he sucks a hickey over your right jugular.

“I love those pretty noises you make, sweetheart.” He says, and you hum.

“Five,” you plead. “I need you.”

“Fuck” he curses at your words.

You get up to quickly take your bottoms off. he lifts his hips, sliding his shorts down to about mid-thigh.

You get back on his lap and start stroking him a bit before eventually lining him up at your entrance, and sinking down, letting out a heavy breath.

“Oh, that’s a good girl.” Five sighs.

“You always feel so damn good.” he hums, and you let out a soft moan at his words.

“Just-just let me finish this one problem and I’ll fuck you properly, okay?”

“Okay.” you sigh, sultry.

“Good girl.” he says, looking at you admirably, running a knuckle down your cheek softly, giving it a quick peck.

Any small thing, any move of his hips, made you let out small gasps and breaths.

It seems like forever before he is finished, but when you hear the sound of his pencil on the desk, you know he is finally finished. Ready to ravage you.

You start to move up and down slowly, trying to enjoy your first real moment of peace with your other half in a a long time.

Unable to take the slowness any longer, he orders you to get into the bed.

You comply and lay down.

He stands at the foot of the bed and grabs your ankle, dragging you closer to him before he lines himself up at your entrance again.

His hands rest on the undersides of your knees, pushing them forward so that they are near your shoulders

“You look so beautiful like this” he murmurs, taking in your appearance.

Despite occupying a body that he hadn't possessed in a long time, he still knew exactly what to do to make you a blubbering mess. However, that being said, this version of himself seemed to be...sensitive to more sexual things. Reaching his climax quicker than he intended, he lets out a string of curses.

He seems slightly embarrassed, but makes no note of it when he tucks himself back into his shorts and gets on his knees.

You let out a moan when he finally puts his mouth on you, a cocky grin forming on his lips.

“Who’s the cocky one now?” you ask rhetorically, breathless, and he dives back in. Your hands thread through his soft and thick hair, tugging on it ever so slightly when you feel a particularly pleasureful jolt.

And its not long before you reach your glorious climax as well.

“HEY, GUYS? WHEN YOU TWO ARE DONE BONING YOU MIGHT WANT TO COME DOWN HERE AND SEE THE NEWS.” Diego shouts, and you blush, knowing that everyone now knew what you and Five were up to-- that is, if they didn’t already.

“We should probably go down there.” Five says, helping you to get up and giving you back your shirt.

You agree and go downstairs, only to find that you and the Hargreeves siblings were currently America’s most wanted.

#five Hargreeves x reader #Five Hargreeves #five Hargreeves smut #five is always aged up in all my fics #the umbrella academy #kinkmas

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ragingbookdragon · 3 years

Text

Christmas Punch & Kisses

A Haytham Kenway x Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 2,320 Warnings: Explicit Language, Minor Mentions Of Violence

Author’s Note: DAY 3 OF CHRISTMAS FICS. HERE. WE. GO. ENJOY! -Thorne

With the yearly Christmas party in full swing, half of the Templars were drunk off their rockers and the other half were stuffing their faces with food—well on their way to becoming drunker than skunks. (Y/N) sat between Haytham and Shay, an amused expression on her face as she listened to Shay’s rather embellished tale of the sea battle between the Morrigan and the Storm Fortress.

The Irishman curled an arm around her neck, ignoring how she grunted when his tug caused her to spill the rum. “—And the lass jumped up, grabbed the wheel and yelled for the crew to drop the port side anchor.” The group stared in at her like she had three heads, but it didn’t stop Shay. “We hit hard at port, the Morrigan spun and showed starboard and she just screamed, ‘Fire!’” He beamed with pride. “And we blew half the Storm Fortress to kingdom come.”

(Y/N) shrugged off his arm and set her drink down on the table. “Well, someone had to take charge and sink the ship.” The Templars around her let out ‘ooo’s’ and she grinned. “You were too busy passing out.”

Shay pressed a hand to his chest. “My own best friend wounding my pride like this. How could she?”

She snorted and elbowed him in the side. “Hey, I saved our asses and sunk one of the fiercest ships on the seven seas.” (Y/N) curled an arm around his neck and gave him a noogie. “I think I’m allowed to wound some Captain’s pride.” The group laughed at the two, and Haytham, who’d been watching them with mild amusement set his wine glass down.

“I wasn’t aware you could sail, (Y/N). How’d a young woman become skilled enough to take down a Man O’War?” he inquired, catching her eye.

She nodded. “Shay’s dad used to dress me up as a boy in order to take me on the ship with them as a kid. I caught on quick.” Sharing a look with Shay, she remarked, “He’s also been lenient enough with the wheel to let me sail around the North Atlantic a few times.”

“Lenient?” Shay scoffed. “You kicked me in the gonads and took the wheel from me.” (Y/N) tipped her head back and cackled.

When she calmed, she leaned her head on his shoulder. “I asked politely, and you declined. What was I supposed to do?”

“Not kick me in the crotch! That’s what!”

(Y/N) rolled her eyes. “Little bitch.”

“Harlot!” he retorted and the two glowered at each other, much to the delight of the group.

Haytham chuckled. “Given their bravery and skill, I think one of them should get the Christmas bonus this year.” That caught their attention and they stared at him.

“The Christmas what?” she repeated.

Shay nodded excitedly. “Aye, what’s that?”

The Grandmaster regarded the two of them, dark brows furrowed as he asked, “Gist didn’t mention it to either of you?”

With that they looked at the frontiersman who grinned sheepishly. “I believe it slipped my mind.”

Their glower made him sink his neck into his shoulders and Haytham huffed. “Then I shall explain.” He said. “The Christmas bonus is a minor increase in pay that one special member gets at the end of the year for their work in the Order.”

“How much is ‘minor’?” she questioned.

“Fifteen hundred pounds.”

Their jaws dropped and (Y/N) shoved her hand against the side of Shay’s face, blurting out, “I sunk the Storm Fortress!”

He spluttered, yanking her hand down. “I took over New York!”

She spun on him and glared. “I helped!”

“Oh please! You didn’t do a damn thing!”

“Excuse you! I was the one who conquered the headquarters in Waterfront and East Village while you were nursing a head cold!”

The templars snorted and Shay flushed. “I was running a high fever! It was strategic to retreat and get better!”

“How the hell did your ass even manage to make it this far in life to make strategic retreats?!”

“Probably the way your ass managed to make it this far by brown-nosing!”

(Y/N) recoiled, dramatically gasping. “How. Dare. You.” She pointed at him. “Take that back.”

Shay glared and grabbed her rum. He chugged the entire thing and slammed the tankard down. “Over. My. Dead. Body.”

“That can be arranged.” She hissed.

But before she could even jump his way, they heard, “Enough.” It was humored, but it was firm, and they reacted like unruly children, sulking in their seats. Their gazes snapped to Haytham. “You two argue like siblings.”

They shared a look, then smiles grew on their faces, and she said, “Hell, we’ve been conjoined at the hip since we were kids.”

Shay nodded. “Couldn’t imagine life without you, lass.”

The group awwed and Haytham said, “Since it’s clear the two of you are willing to go to war over the bonus,” he paused, taking in their grins. “How about one of you gets the bonus and the other can take a request.”

(Y/N) cocked a brow. “A request? Like a request to move, or?”

Haytham shrugged. “A request for anything you’d like. Whatever’s been on your mind or in your wildest dreams.” She opened her mouth and he added, “Within reason, of course. No asking for the Royal Throne.”

The Irishman snorted. “Looks like your plans are gone, (Y/N).”

She let out a ‘pfft’ and nodded. “Shay can have the bonus. I’ll take the request.”

“But what if I have a req—”

He started to complain, but she turned and grabbed the front of his shirt, bunching it in her fist. (Y/N) pulled them nose to nose and hissed, “Take the goddamn pay raise or I swear to God I’ll flay you alive.”

His coffee eyes went wide, and he nodded rapidly, looking to Haytham. “(Y/N) can have the request. I’ll take the pay raise, sir.”

Haytham snorted and turned his attention to her as she was releasing her friend. “So, (Y/N), what request are you so adamantly wanting?”

She narrowed her gaze and queried, “I can ask for anything so long as it’s within reason?”

He nodded. “Absolutely. If I can grant it, I will.”

Suspicions entered her tone. “You’re not lying to me? You won’t back out if I ask for something peculiar? I won’t get punished if I ask for perhaps,” her eyes drifted to Charles. “to knee him in the groin?”

Sighing heavily, he nodded. “On my honor, I won’t back out nor punish you.” Charles squealed in shock.

(Y/N) slapped the table. “Done.” She stood and pointed at Haytham. “I want to punch you in the face.”

The entire table went silent, evidently not expecting that, save for Shay who buried his face in his hands, laughing hysterically. “Dear god, (Y/N).” he guffawed.

She ignored him and stared straight at the Grandmaster.

He blinked at her, repeating, “You…want to punch…me?”

She nodded. “You’re damn right I want to punch you. Right now. One good time. In the jaw. As hard as I possibly can.”

With his face pinching in confusion, Haytham’s mouth opened and closed until all he could ask was, “Why?”

(Y/N) crossed her arms over her chest. “Because I have suffered three years of the antagonism and arrogance and,” she took a deep breath, “nothing would make me happier than taking out all of my pent up, infernal, ungodly rage in the form of punching you.”

She nodded at him. “So get up, because it’s happening right now.”

“But—”

Pointing at him, she said, “Nuh-uh. You said on your honor you won’t back out.” Cracking her knuckles, she quipped, “Grow a backbone and take my request like a man, Grandmaster.”

He narrowed his eyes at her and (Y/N) could see fury swimming in them, but she simply grinned and stared back. Finally, Haytham let out a sigh and removed his tricorn, placing it on the table.

“Let’s get this over with then.”

An unnatural smile spread across her face and she shifted until they stood a couple feet apart.

Haytham gazed at her. “I can’t believe this is the request you wanted.”

(Y/N) shrugged, testing out the angle of her swing. “I’ve spent the last three years listening to your Holier-Than-Thou-I-Have-My-Head-Shoved-Up-My-Ass-Because-I-Believe-I’m-Superior-To-Everyone-Attitude.” She motioned to him. “Don’t get me wrong, you are superior in skill, but you’re annoying as hell about it and I have dreamed about this moment like Shay dreams about getting laid.”

“HEY!” Shay shouted, but she disregarded him.

“And now, my dream gets to come true and I’m not gonna get punished for it?” She flashed a pearly white smile. “What better request could I ask for?”

Haytham didn’t respond, but the set of his jaw made her giggle. “Good on you for locking your jaw.” She clenched her fist. “‘Cause this is gonna hurt.”

(Y/N) cocked her arm back and swung as hard as she could possibly manage and when she connected with Haytham’s jaw, she knew it was going to leave a mark. The blow sent Haytham staggering backwards and he dropped to a knee, reaching up to grab his face.

His head tilted upwards and though she kept it hidden, mild surprise bled through her when she saw the split in his lip.

She threw her hands in the air in victory. “YES! YES! YES!” (Y/N) pointed at Shay. “KISS MY ASS, YOU IRISH BASTARD!”

Shay recoiled. “Why are you badgering me?!”

(Y/N) grabbed his beer tankard and downed it before slamming it on the table. “Alright! I’m out of here!”

“Where are you going?!” Shay yelled.

She waved a hand. “I doubt I’m overly welcome right now so I’m going to find some cheap beer to drink and find some Christmas carolers to egg!” (Y/N) turned and made finger guns at them before exiting into the hallway.

***

She lay on her back at the edge of the docks, eyes directed to the stars above. They twinkled like millions of little candles and it made her smile, thinking about the stories Shay’s dad used to tell the two of them when they were kids. Her fingers curled around the bottle of rum, but she forwent drinking from it anymore, simply letting herself enjoy the mild haze clouding her mind.

The sound of boots against the dock caught her attention and she tipped her head back, catching sight of Haytham coming her way. She grinned. “Come to punish me in secret?”

He scoffed and took a seat beside her. “That really hurt.”

Even by the moonlight she could see the dark crimson bruise spreading across his lower jaw and chin. The worst of it was at the left corner of his lip where she’d split it. He’d successfully stopped the bleeding but if it didn’t scar, it’d certainly take a while to heal.

“Good,” she said. “I meant for it to.”

His steel eyes dropped down to her and she grunted as she heaved herself up and maneuvered until her head was resting on his thigh.

“I don’t remember giving you permission to use me as a pillow, (Y/N).”

She cocked an eyebrow, countering, “Well if having a woman on your lap is so perturbing to you, feel free to move me.”

Haytham huffed, but conceded, choosing instead to rest his arm across her chest, his fingers twirling the ring on the necklace she wore.

“This is a unique design,” he commented. “I’ve never seen such a thing.”

(Y/N) tipped her chin down to look at it, her lips brushing the tips of his fingers. “It’s called a Witch’s Heart.” She stared at the rubies set in the gold, ten around a bigger one in the middle, positioned slightly pointing to the right. “Belonged to my great-great aunt.”

“Was she a witch?” Haytham inquired.

“That’s not what the ring symbolizes, but to answer anyway, she might’ve been, might’ve not been. I’ll never know though.” (Y/N) murmured.

“Salem witch trials?” he guessed.

“She was a widow who owned a great deal of land.” Her eyes hardened. “There wasn’t anyone to defend on her behalf and they hung her in a make-believe trial.”

“Father or mother’s side?”

“Father’s.”

He was quiet a moment, then asked, “May I ask you a question, (Y/N)?”

“Other than that one?” she quipped, but his narrowed gaze had her rolling her eyes. “Knock yourself out.”

“Do you hate me?”

Haytham’s question was quiet, as if he were unsure of himself and she met his eyes.

“Why would you think—oh, that, right.” She directed her gaze sideways, looking to where the sea met the sky. “Nah, you just irritate the piss out of me sometimes. If I really hated you, I wouldn’t ever come into contact with you and let Shay do it for me.” (Y/N) hummed. “Why do you ask?”

“Curiosity.”

“Fuck off.”

“Excuse me?”

She winced, giggling as she said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean that.” (Y/N) cleared her throat. “What I meant was, ‘you’re lying’.”

“Not many have ever accused me of lying.”

“I guess that means I’m the rarity.”

Haytham smiled. “You are.”

(Y/N) peered at his face. “So, what’s the real reason you’re asking? Are you afraid of being subject to my hate?”

His eyes searched hers and he admitted, “I am.” Her eyes widened. “You are one of the few I wouldn’t want to be hated by.”

She didn’t say anything for a few moments, then she murmured, “Can I ask for another request?”

“You’re not punching me again.” He said firmly.

“Not what I want, Haytham.”

He sighed. “If you must.”

��(Y/N) reached up and gently prodded his lower lip, smiling when he hissed slightly. “I request a Christmas kiss…think you’re up for it?”

Haytham’s free hand grabbed hers and he pressed a kiss to her fingertips before bending down. “I think I can work something out.”

#haytham kenway x reader #haytham kenway x reader imagine #haytham kenway x reader imagines #haytham kenway imagine #haytham kenway imagines #haytham kenway #ac rogue #ac rogue imagine #ac rogue imagines #assassins creed rogue #assassins creed rogue imagine #assassins creed rogue imagines #ac imagines #ac imagine #assassins creed imagine #assassins creed imagines #shay cormac #christopher gist

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dont-doubt-dopple · 6 years

Text

How You Fell In Love With Me - Chapter 3

A/N: Hey, look, I’m not dead! And neither is this story. Just, the original idea got changed. Drastically. It’s just, I’m a lot less comfortable writing Brohm and I know people are a lot less comfortable reading it as well. Just know that if you came for Brohm, I’m not so sure how much Brohm is going to be in this story anymore. So I’ve changed the plan in my head and I am more excited to write this. Oh, I’m going to break some hearts this time around. The angst is rubbing of on me, IM SORRY. The discord with the angst Nights is rubbing off on me. Enjoy. I’m also introducing BOLD text into the equation. So, as not to get confused:

Normal text=Real World

Italic Text=Bryce’s Story world

Bold Text=Flashback sequence

WARNING: This chapter contains very homophobic sequences, including the use of the slur f****t. Tread with caution.

~•~

Chapter 3 - Faces to Names

“They always like this?” I asked, watching the scene of chaos and bloody murder in front of me. Otherwise know as Mario Kart.

"Yeah." Delirious assured me. "You get used to them." I looked around the living room at all the men screaming their heads off over a game. For people that were in a gang, they seemed like one huge family. They had inside jokes and traditions and the ability to be themselves. I was just some outsider looking in.

“Fuck off you sweaty nerd.” One if the guys exclaimed, his words laced with an Irish accent.

“Sorry.” Another one giggled in response. His words also had the slightest touch of an Irish accent, but not as much as the other guy.

“Moo hasn’t said anything in a while.” Mini commented, the only of the mess of bodies I actually knew. The guy who I assumed was Moo spoke off next.

“I’m winning.” He explained, before becoming silent once more. That being soon interrupted by a Control slamming to the ground.

“9. Fucking. Boomerangs.” The man who slammed the controlled down said calmly, although extremely enraged. “In 2nd to last.” At moment, a red shell came up from behind him and hit his already still character. This caused his calm anger to turn into pure rage. “WHO DID THAT!!! WHICH ONE OF YOU WAS IS YOU FUCKING FAGGOTS!!”

I tensed up as always. Though it only got him madder. I knew the routine by now, so it wasn’t a surprise. I could picture the red on his face, smell the alcohol on his breath, hear the malice laced in his words.

“I won’t let some queer stand our level.” He growls. I close my eyes, not wanting to watch the enjoyment of all of this spread across his face like the madman he was.

“Bryce.” Del calls out to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I step away on impulse. She should know better than to do that. She knows I don’t want a repeat of last time. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” I echoed back. I could feel the tears beginning to well up in my eyes. I rushed out the last part a little as I bolted. “I just need some fresh air.”

“Yeah. Run!” He screamed as I dashed away, tears streaming down my face and fresh bruises down my back. “I don’t want to see this poor excuse of a son in my house again.”

“Bryce.” I stopped, hand on the handle. My mom was standing there on the stairs. I could tell even if I didn’t turn around. “Come back when he’s sober. Your dad will change his mind.”

“He’s my father.” I spat, still enraged at him. It wasn’t fair to be unleashing it at my mother but all the pent up anger I’ve been restraining was coming out now and my brain had little time to filter. “To call him my dad would be to say he loved me. Clearly he doesn’t.” I glanced back at the man who helped bring me into this world. He was sunken back into the couch, yelling at some sports game on the TV.

“Just ...” Her voice faltered, as if the words in her tongue just couldn’t come out. “He’s the only dad you’ll ever have. Give him another chance.”

“I’ve given him too many to count. And if this is how he uses all of them, then I’d rather have no dad at all.” I didn’t stay to hear her response. I simply pulled the door open and left, standing on the stoop as it slammed behind me. I breathed.

And then I broke.

I collapsed, letting all the waterworks built up inside me flow down my face. I was attempting to cover my face with my hands, failing miserably. “He’s not here. He’s not here.” I kept muttering to myself, in a voice barely in a whisper. I curled into a ball then, letting my head fall into my knees.

“Hey.” I looked up to see an Asian guy staring at me with a kind smile. Slick black hair tossed to the side and an equally slick red jacket. He had kneeled down so he was at least closer to my level. “Anxiety?”

“More like PTSD.” I admitted. “Someone just ... said a slur accidentally and I got triggered.”

“Can’t say I relate.” He replied, sitting down next to me. “I’m Evan, by the way. Most of the guys will call me Vanoss, though.”

“So wait, your the ...” The Cat had finally got my tongue, but he seemed to know exactly what I was trying to say.

“Yeah. And that must make you the Bryce McQuaid Ohm has been telling me about. Incessantly.” Both of us laughed at this. I did wonder why Ohm would be preaching about me though. I haven’t really had a chance to talk to him that much. I didn’t voice this though. Maybe I’d get a one on one with Ohm later. “But the real question is, what was it that triggered you?”

“It was ...” I felt begin to choke, but I was at least able to push the first syllables out. “Fa ... Fa ...” Evan stopped me first though, holding his hand up to my face.

“I know what your trying to say. And that sounds like Tyler.” Jon said, sliding the rough draft back over to Mike. “Just email us a copy of the final thing later.”

“Sure thing.” Mike agreed, sliding the rough chapter into his bag. “Just promise me that you do not, under any circumstance, tell Bryce about this.”

“Really?”

“I’d have to agree with Mike on this.” Mark added. The group was in a local Starbucks, waiting for Bryce to exit the bathroom and Drac to get here. Mark had one of the single seats by Jon, while Mike sat on the loveseat. “Guy nearly had a full blown panic attack just giving me and Swag the first two chapters. Where is Drac, by the way?”

“He texted he was here like two minutes ago, but I don’t see him.” Mike pushed himself up using his arms, trying to see where his boyfriend was. He didn’t notice Jon rolling his eyes at Swag’s mention. “What’s taking Bryce so long in the bathroom, anyways?”

“No idea.” Jonathan said. “He’s been acting off since the day before yesterday. He was talking to Adam before, so I think it’s something he told him.”

“Oh god, that’s not good.” Mark commented, just as another guy hopped into the seat next to Mike.

“Sorry I’m late.” He apologized. “I had to work out some details with Ellie and John for a project. Who’s Adam?”

“The question I’m wondering is who are you?” Jonathan shot back. The guy, while subtlety slinging his arm across Mike, looked at Mark expectantly. The latter sighed.

“Jonathan, meet Swag Dracula. We usually call him Swag or Drac for short. Swag, Jon or H2O Delirious.” He introduced. Jonathan sat there, dumbfounded.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr. H2O. Now back to my earlier question; who is this Adam guy?” Swag continued on. Jonathan was still in shock, the only movement indicating he was alive was the blinking of this eyes and the subtle rise and fall of his chest.

“You’re real.” He gasped softly, leaning back into his chair.

“Yeah he’s real.” Mike answered, planting a quick kiss on Swag’s cheek. “And Adam is basically the Cheryl Blossom of the campus. If you want a secret to stay a secret, you better pray to whatever deity you believe in that Adam doesn’t find out. If there’s trouble, there’s a 85% chance that Adam was the catalyst. He’s the one person that no matter what, you do not trust him.”

“Got it.” Swag said. “Now, are we getting drinks yet or ...”

“I’ll see what’s taking Bryce so long in the bathroom.” Mike volunteered, rising from his seat. He rolled his eyes as he passed Jonathan, who he saw mouth to Mark ‘He’s actually real?’ He headed to the back by the restrooms only to run into Bryce.

“Hey, You okay?” Mike asked upon seeing his friend. His blond hair was disheveled, and his eyes were red and puffy. He was quiet and when Mike cupped his cheek he could feel it was wet. “That’s a stupid question. Of course you’re not okay. What’s troubling you?”

“Nothing.” Bryce choked out, avoiding making eye contact with Mike.

“Bryce ...” Bryce grabbed Mike, pulling him into the restroom. “What ..?”

“Adam said ...” The blond paused, as if making sure nobody heard their conversation. “Adam said Ryan has a crush on Luke. He’s only ever see me as a friend.”

“Hey, this is Adam we’re talking about. He could be just stirring up trouble.”

“He may be a troublemaker, but he’s a reputable troublemaker. When is the last time Montoya was wrong?” This seemed to do the trick in shutting Mike up. “Exactly. Just ... don’t tell anyone. Okay?” Mike nodded, and was about to nod when Bryce grabbed his hand again. “And try not to intervene. Please?”

“I’ll do my best.” He replied, which seemed to satisfy Bryce enough. The two left the bathroom with uneasy thoughts and began to rejoin their friends. They were talking in hushed tones, like they didn’t want to risk anyone else hearing their secrets. Though a simple question lingered in Mike’s mind. Even with the coffee and knowledge of a nearly School wide bet (“We didn’t think Dracula was real. We were just wondering which one of you guys would crack first.”), it still lingered.

Was this accidental intervention really a good thing?

“Mike, sweetie, you okay?” Swag asked softly as Bryce, Jon, and Mark were laughing about something. Mike nodded, squeezing Drac’s arm in reassurance.

“I’ll tell you later.” He said.

“About Bryce?” Mike nodded. “Okay.” He leaned his head so it rested on Drac’s shoulder. Mike didn’t let go of Swag’s arm nor did either release their hands that were intertwined with each other.

“I love you.”

“I wouldn’t expect any less.”

#brohm #angst #bbs #fanfic #dopple work

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