#feels slightly disconnected
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2. Don't you just hate it when you somehow time travel to the past and meet your brother before he went all crazy and killed your mother and everyone else in the village?
(For a part 2 to this, which takes place a few months after this one, go here)
Dream held his legs close to his chest as he thought over his current predicament.
The last thing he remembers before getting here was running away from Nightmare. He had been running low on positive energy the past weeks, and in seeing this, his brother had amped up the attacks, using more force than usual in an effort to finally kill him once and for all. By some miracle, he was still alive and had enough energy in him to run--not much for anything else, unfortunately.
And then he tripped, knew he was about to be stabbed, and frantically teleported out of there without a direct destination. Something crashed, static buzzing in his head, and he was yanked backward through something, colours flying by him and smearing together before he was surrounded by coldness. He ended up crashing into a river, and now here he sat beside it, cape and crown off to the side as he waited for the sun to warm him, thinking about the past few moments.
He should probably find some dry clothes. It wouldn't do to get a cold now, of all times. However, he cannot tell what AU he was in. Whenever he tried, pain laced through his head and so he soon gave up on it. He would just have to wander around and hope he ran into civilization soon enough. Or Ink and Blue found him. One of the two.
"Um...are you okay?"
Dream stilled at the voice. Not possible, must've been in his head.
At the very, very familiar voice.
He slowly looked up.
Ah. That was real. Fuck.
Nightmare--but not murderous, goopy Nightmare. Small, white-boned with purple clothing and a crown opposite of his own Nightmare. His Nightmare. The one he fought for and strived to get back. The one he thought was long gone and as good as dead. Standing right in front of him, concerned, holding a basket full of herbs and a book, looking like nothing had ever happened.
Under his stare, Nightmare shifted, looking away. "I-I'm sorry if I'm bothering you, but...I just...I don't usually see people. Here, at least. Especially not a skeleton..." With each word, he shrunk in on himself.
Dream slowly blinked.
This is a dream or a trap or something, he shouldn't trust it, he really, really shouldn't trust it--
He smiled. "Ah, no." He stood, wiping off some of the dirt that stuck to him. "I fell into the river. I'm new to the area, actually." With each word out of his mouth, the screaming voice in his head grew louder and louder until the words mushed together into a single stream of intelligible noise.
Nightmare blinked back at him, glancing at his clothes. "Right. There's..." Something dark crossed his face. "There's a village not too far from here. They'd be happy to help you. Probably, anyway."
Village.
Village meant the villagers that used him and abused Nighty.
Village also meant Mother and himself and the apples.
"Oh. You're bleeding."
"Hm?" Dream looks down, and sure enough. Huh. Blood is slowly soaking through his tights near his ankle. Must've been from when he tripped. He hadn't felt it until now. It comes to his attention that he had also been shoving his fingers into his arm and has left small wounds there too.
"Ah. It seems I am." He smiles at Nightmare again, who looks more concerned. "Rest assured. I am a healer, though I usually don't heal myself. These injuries are nothing."
Nightmare still looks concerned, but his shoulders loosen and he tilts his head, curious. "You're a healer."
"I am."
Something seems to click for Nightmare and his eyes widen. He hesitates, glancing over his shoulder as if he'd be caught doing something bad, then leans forward. "My brother, Dream, is a healer too. The village adores him, but ...I think they mostly just use him for their own needs than any real affection. And Dream tries his best, but he's so tired all the time, and he's the only healer here."
Dream only tilts his head forward. He can see where this was going and he had to stop himself from jumping the gun and agreeing.
"If you're also a healer, would you be able to...I don't know...maybe help the village too? Or maybe give Dream pointers so that he doesn't stretch himself out as much. If you're able to, of course."
Dream thought it over.
He really had no idea if he was somehow in an AU that was a copy of his (which should be impossible, Ink had said so himself) or if he somehow time-traveled to the past or heck, if he was somehow in another multiverse. Cause why the heck not? That might as well be a reason.
All his instincts told him to run away as far as he can and not interfere at all. But...This was Nightmare. He could care less about a past version of himself and whether he was overworking himself or not, but if he could help Nightmare stay away from those bullies? Then how could he pass up that opportunity?
He just can't.
"I might be able to stick around some." He'd need a new name, though. There can't be two Dreams' going around.
Nightmare grins. "Awesome! Now, follow me. I'll show you to Mother and we can wait for Dream to return for lunch and introduce you." He starts walking away before he pauses. "Oh, I forgot to ask your name?"
Dream took this moment to get rid of his gloves and any other reminder of who he really is, setting it with the rest under some bushes. e mulled over a new name in his mind before setting on one.
"Call me...Anon." Anonymous in full, but Nighty didn't need to know that.
Let's see if he can make things better.
#my writing#fanfic#drabble#utmv#dreamtale#dream sans#nightmare sans#passive nightmare sans#time travel#utmv au#i think it can be considered it anyway#but yeah#a version of this has been swirling through my mind for ages now#and i have finally written it down#feels slightly disconnected#but hey#maybe that's just dream sturggling to be himself when all of his trauma is being reopened right in front of him#so who knows#time travel au#As It Was AU
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IQ
#ice queen#fiona and cake#fnc#adventure time#i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else#we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th#fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a#ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different#etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that#anyways ice queen + simone(?)#n marshall n betty but *waves hand*#myart#edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿#i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)
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#i love that they used daryl dixon as the bg lmao#anyways! this has been a long time coming. the positives abt social media have been starting to stop outweighing the negatives for me#and rather than offering the connection to others it once did it has begun to feel very disconnecting to me in a way i do not like#i will still pop in occasionally i think if only just to post poetry or answer asks. but i will no longer be opening this app daily or#uploading my queue so when whatever's in there now runs out that's it!#I'll still be active on patreon. slightly less active on substack and medium. and wolfgang and i will still be doing the podcast.#but i need to take my time back tbh and this will help me do that hopefully. hope ur all as well as can be <3#tcp
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Something that I’ve been thinking over and over as I watch MASH is the way in which a lot of modern mainstream TV seems to portion out touch like it’s rationed. People don’t touch each other casually/often/like they know each other well, especially if they’re not romantic partners, and especially men
and in a lot of stuff I’ve seen the touches that do happen tend to feel scripted, like here’s a moment where someone is “allowed” to express a tactile moment, which is weirdly jarring somehow, especially when characters are meant to be incredibly close to one another
On MASH people might casually brush a hand against a shoulder or slap someone’s back or hug deeply or hold onto each others shirts as they speak etc. and I assume some of it is the actor’s natural instinct to communicate in certain ways through a character (sidenote: Loretta Swit ruffling Alan Alda’s hair in “the smell of music,” thank you for doing that service ma’am), but I’m a big fan of watching a scene and wondering if that take was directed exactly like that or if xyz came out of tight shooting schedules and no retakes or if this thing is just indicative of the relationship between the actors and filtered through the character dynamics
I just think if you’re creating something in which people are meant to be very close they should touch each other, unless there’s a distinct character or plot reason not to
I feel like I’m touch-starved by proxy and now this show is overwhelming me with tenderness
#MASH#im watching MASH#loretta swit#alan alda#if they're happy... they'll hug! they'll grab each other if they need support! they'll hold each other in comfort#they'll be doing something else and simply reach out to touch in some way#can you believe it?????#this slightly relates to other things that feel more stilted in a lot of modern media#things like talking over one another -- stuttering and restarting a sentence -- being able to influence your character progression#feels like there's more disconnect in certain things
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i need to get more into filipino music please does anyone have any recs
#we're going through another im ''''not filipino enough'''' phase. whatever that means.#i'm so disconnected to being filipino that it sometimes feels like a deep physical ache#(for context i grew up in a completely white town that had so few people of color for most of my time there)#(and then i went to an online school for most of college where we didn't . like. make friends.)#the issue with wanting to learn more about filipino culture tho is that i'm afraid that i'll be invading people's spaces#or be appropriating the culture which ???? brain what.#(i am only half filipino my mom is white but i've got a complicated relationship with calling myself half filipino or mixed tbh)#(i'm trying to sort it out but it's hard. it's hard!! ok!!!)#my filipino family lives about 13 hours away and we haven't seen them since um...my cousins cotillion in like 2021?#sorry i'm having a moment i'm having a night does anyone have any music recs from filipino artists#i'll try anything tbh#i actually did a final paper on the evolution of filipino music so this is slightly embarrassing but asldkfjsdkjf its. fine!#this is embarrassing i'm gonna queue it#not pjo#chitter chatter
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It's not easy to be a guy with a weird gender and complicated relationships with its sexuality and romantic attraction and fat and autistic and traumatized to the bone but someone has to do it
#luly talks#i tried to rb a post but i hit post limit and i lost it LMAO but i find it interesting how my things overlap#bc as some of you might know i grew up as a fat little girl and you know the world fucking hates us#and on top of that autistic although i had the most neurodivergent ppl along w me#i still wasn't like my other friends tho i always was slightly more lonely slightly more disconnected#they were in on things i didn't seem to be in the social spectrum and i never understood that#and one of those things was indeed romance and dating and in my teen years sex too#like by default i was seen as undesirable. just by virtue of being fat and also kinda androgynous#and the autism just. kept me far away from any social circle or interaction that'd bring me closer to an encounter of any kind#and i always yearned lord knows i still dream of Ana but the thing is i...#i just. love romance in paper#i love the idea of romance. i love the yearning i love the feeling#i know the feeling bc i know euphoria! i know the euphoria that comes from love.#but to me that's a very short lived feeling specially when engaging directly with it#i think its part of a matter of being taught what romantic attraction is and how they paint it#it's similar to how you are taught X and Y is hot even before you understand why#like i remember my mother always joking w me about male mannequins' cocks and like sure i played along#bc i thought it was funny and if the adult i seeked approval from did it then i absolutely should too#but she also scolded me once (and btw i was like 15) bc idk i was acting. like a perv?#and it's so bizarre in retrospective bc it might have been before the age of 15 bc i really didn't care about such matters then#I've always been amaizing at masking i love understanding people and why they do what they do and replicating them#so me being positive to sex and romance is to be expected#but at the same time its weird bc i cannot bring myself to hating it but i also just. dont fucking feel it#but at least w sex comes the horror of having a body too like there's a lot man#but my point is that its funny how despite being seen as undesirable for society i was unaffected bc i was oblivious to it
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ive crossed over into an alternate dimension where side profiles are somehow sometimes easier to draw than other angles. bodies in side profile however... nooo thank you...
#ok the back of the head is hard but the facial features proportions kind of feel easier to figure out . maybe.#weird#n e way im happy with the way i draw faces mostly maybe 50 percent of the time but im so not caught up on drawing bodies#like to the point it just looks bizarre#decent proportional face with like at least some understanding of structure/form even if it's not much#and then the stiffest clunkiest body you ever did see#or i can go the other way around and have an ok body. like decently fluid / proportional. but no face#theres some kind of disconnect. cant have both at once#thats only a sometimes thing though anyways. faces are generally easier#tried to do a teeny bit of gesture drawing yesterday but i was feeling sooo lazy and impatient so only 3 of them turned out ok ish#im pretty sure i post more often talking about art than i actually post art#i dont post most of the things i draw#i like to have my little secrets...#secrets in question are just literally anything that isnt adventure time art#actually looking through my art folder is crazy cause like if i saw this 3 years ago (i was really bad at drawing 3 years ago) i would. idk#drop dead or something#but now its like yeah same old same old. lots of problems. need to work on those.#but its nice to step back and be like woagh holy shit. massive improvement#earlier i was trying to dfraw a character and it wasn't coming out right but instead of getting frustrated and discouraged#it was more like i had this feeling of . idk. excitement to get better at drawing?#i dont know if this is just a temporary mood or maybe im turning over a new leaf. new optimistic mindset about art#<- watch that 'new mindset' totally disappear when i have a slightly more prolonged period of art struggle. lol
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I find it low-key funny that we get individual episodes that explore Joe and Sam’s ethnic, cultural, and familial heritage, and then Fred is just over there. With his hecking. Baseball cap.
#he truely is The white boy of the group#and yes Sam is white too#but Fred is White#while Sam is polish-American (right? it was Poland?)#if they did a second season they might’ve gone into his background#but if I rebooted it I might like to explore the dynamic of white cultural disconnection for Fred#because sam and Joe know where they’re from. their families held onto that stuff#but Fred doesn’t have that ep. maybe there’s a class project and he sees Sam and Joe having a great time w their family trees and cultures#and he wants to understand that better. or feels miffed that his ancestors gave up their culture in coming to America#freida’s there too but da da da. plot#and the Freds get to meet and witness their ancestors both in their home country#and the struggles of immigrating. of the difficult choice between assimilation and maintaining a unique cultural ID#and then F and F understand that and the gang also witnesses the blends of culture within the US#so like. Italian-American cuisine. the Jewish-American influence and comic creation#something else I don’t know a lot of stand-out mixed American-immigrant cultural points#but the point is. the Freds come to identify more with their background and feel better about it#(I want slightly heavier subject matter see? them understanding the difficult pull immigrants had to deal with back in the day and still do#and them not resenting those who came over for not carrying on the culture)#anyway.#my post#time warp trio#twt
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hello..
#omg hello tumblr it has been… what feels like years but hi!#i don’t want to say i’m back because very likely i am not :(#but a lot has happened! life update!!#in october (ages ago now right) i had a lot of personal things going on and long story short my mum passed from cancer (it was slightly#expected but never that soon) so obvs that took a big hit! and i also got a bf ..#whom i love very much and i can’t lie to you i have definitely become disconnect from kpop skz ect and as much as i love writing i#don’t know if i could ever see myself writing for them again#sorry to disappoint;(#but i have seen all your lovely asks and reblogs and anons and THANK YOU SO MUCH i cannot describe how grateful i am#to be given feedback like that on something i did as a little hobby makes my very tired heart absolutely beam#i love you all very much and will indeed keep my blog up in case i ever do decide to wriye again#whether it be for skz or just as a little thing i choose to do#nat btw i love u and ur asks made me beam happg new year!!!!!!!!
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I remember you said something about Kuron getting a tattoo once? How would he go about it? Something complicated and cool he put a lot of thought into OR did he just do it on a whim?
Like hes walking down a street or something, sees a tattoo studio and decides to wing it?(bc Shiro would NEVER)
Oh definately both, like the first tattoo he got was definately an impulse decision tramp stamp he lowkey regrets. However the other tattoos do have a lot more thought put into them, and have lot of motifs related to death, rebirth, freedom, individuality, anger and other such things. Like both Kuron's love for literature and symbolism and his tendency to mythologize himself really just bleed into him coming up with some really meaningful but also edgy tattoos
#I think if i decide that he gets his right hand it would definately get covered in tattoos#I cant decide whether or not to keep his right arm cause on one hand (heh)#Lance like created his body like gone full mad scientist/necromancer so it makes sense for him to have an arm#(And it also goes into the uncanny differences Kuron's body has.#Like Lance did his best. The body by all means is healthy one and very close in resembling to his old body#But if you pay attention you realize that it is not the same. There's slight differences#no scars or calluses or blemishes or tan just unnaturally soft and even#It moves and breathes and feels differently and Kuron isnt sure if it is because of its creation or because he hasnt been 'alive' for years#It looks slightly different than Shiro's (His original body) and is it Lance not being perfect? Or is it because of years?#So giving him two arms would be just further feed into that disconnection.#Cause lbr Kuron technically never had a flesh and blood right arm ever. So like that would be another thing he has to get used to#On the other hand i do not want to erase his disability#Decisions decisions#Also i got your ask i am working on it but you are absolutely right. He should get to be silly goofy cringefail and in awe#post s8 au#kuron#kuron voltron#vld kuron#thank you for asking!!!!#empty answers
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1/2 Would you change your appearance if you could?
yeah, honestly, i just think i really need to look like this in life
#wow uh i'll take $500 for loaded questions then#i guess being a shapeshifter would be the ultimate ideal but that's mainly just our circumstance and less specific on how *i* wanna look#i dunno i've always felt pretty disconnected from our physical appearance so while i don't like? mind it?#(and it is hot let's be real)#i don't especially identify with it or think about it often so it's weird for me when people perceive me as it directly#like girl what is a selfie. what's the mirror. oh that's some guy#it feels like a vrchat avatar to me like yeah i'm in that pic i GUESS and it looks cool but it's not anything i feel like i am very much#if i were to have my own looks with no irl consequence it'd be mooore or less how i depict myself in picrews#i.e slightly taller long hair a bimbo but like in a goth way#and if the question applies to Trans Stuff at all then gimme the whole nine yards. thank god for boy sauce existing irl#i don't normally care but whenever i notice it i have deep distaste for existing in a body with an anime schoolgirl build#the suffering from success meme but it's to do with not having a flat ass
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also I understand rok is a child but when Dal gets the genetic augmentation and her immediate response is to say "you cheated!" that feels so weird. like what? it's not a fucking test. he was made to feel inferior about his body and he is trying to address those insecurities. it's not Cheating. weird choice of worss
#some of the lines in this show feel like both people in a conversation slightly misunderstood the intent of the convo so you can like#follow the dialogue but it still feels kind of disconnected from the other character talking or the scene itself#idk if its a writing thing or the actors arent given great direction or if thats just part of having a lot of young voice actors
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Sending love to all my moots, I miss y'all ♥
#I have so many stories to catch up with#Feeling slightly disconnected but hopefuly I'll be back soon#ILY♥
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Did you all know that I’ve been falling into a deep hole where I can feel myself disconnect from myself and view myself not as me but as a person separate from my being, the more I think of myself as a human and watch old videos of myself all I feel is the urge to talk to her but she doesn’t exist because she is me and I can’t interact with her in a way that is truly real because we are the sa-
OH MY GOD THE RIDDLER TAG UPDATED!! :DD
#tw vent#?#anyway I feel much better after looking at the riddler because he is sooooo my bf guys totally#hahahaa…#ha#when I get like this I like to stare at my mirror for a bit and it makes me feel more like myself#is that strange??#I’m pretty sure it’s normal because my other friend told me they need to calibrate themselves too#it’s like an apple pen getting disconnected from an iPad#you just need to#tweak#it slightly#and presto! you ar working functionally like a team#call me the sociologist functionalist Parsons’ idea of society because I am a body working together to complete goals harmoniously !!
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I guess the reason I find Picard meeting a younger!Q intersting and funny is because of the development Q has gone through. I mean, there is already a difference from how he was when they frist met to how he was after Deja Q. Let alone at the last episode of TNG.
He, for a lack of a better word right now, matured. His general approach to Picard changed as well, Considering how selfish he was in the beginning clearly flaunting his superiortiy, which he continued on doing but in a different way, and acting very much like a god playing with mortals, it became strangely more equal. As in the Q we see in Tapestry very much seems more like a guy that just has immortality and powers beyond human comprehension. The condescension is still there in AGT, but when you compare how Q treats Picard in the ending of AGT and how he treated Picard and his crew in Farpoint it’s a lot more on equal footing though the differences in power are still here.
And as much as I have seen from Picard, Q just seems so ancient. Like really, really ancient. A god that has been alive for way too long. And his approach to Picard is also different. A bit mad considering his illness but also towards the bitter end mature in a way that TNG!Q wasn’t. There still was the ‘look at me’ scene but it had nothing from the childish ‘Look at me. Pay attention to me.’ Q could have in TNG.
So I just find it interesting how Q could have been before the absolute boredom and burden of eternity and absolute power got to him. When he and the other Qs were younger and not so strict with themselves and the rules were loose.
When there was a lot of condescension and curiosity when meeting ‘lesser beings’ and Qs actions and ego and games went a lot more unchecked ba the Continuum who were mostly doing their own exploration.
#to be fair#I mostly just want a completly unfiltered Qs response to becoming fascinated/obsessed/inlove with Picard#and having no idea nor doesn't really care what is 'appropriate'#behavior in expressing it#ending acting a bit like Emira#in the way that#there is still such a huge disconnect from a Q and a Human#and due to not having a lot of experiences with mortals and not being used to being told 'no'#nor having any care or idea how it is to be on the other side#He just sees this human#gets really fascinated/getting some really strange feelings for him that he does not eveen know or carea bout what they mean#and maybe a bit of a connection considering how important Picard will be to him#and all he cares about is what he wants#as a stark contrast to how this relationship ends up changing over time#which is why I think TNG!Q would be embarrassed about how childish hiw younger swelf acts around Picard#very much treating him more like something he just adores to pieces than someone he even slightly respects
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.
#theres always those little details about your childhood that stick to your mind you later on figure out to be a huge deal actually#theres always those lingering feelings from when you were young that haunt your actions and ways of thinking to this very day#but you never question that#because to you its normal#figuring out that many many things that happened in my head are maybe. just maybe not that normal makes me feel insane#and i hate myself for not having the right words to use#but i dont know how longer i can deal with my own bullshit without feeling like both a complete fucking liar and a total stranger#living a whole life with the constant paranoia of being watched#passing through years of school feeling so disconnected you cant bear a single class without any external and constant outlets#otherwise without those outlets not even having control over your own fucking body and what happened to it while you were out#or whatever other term there might be#randomly bursting into tears because your mind by sheer force made you think about things you werent even a slightest bit fond of#spending such long periods of time trying to tell if what you were living was an actual thing or just purely fabricated#dreading the times at which you just had no agency over your own spiraling thoughts when getting even if slightly upset#just completely not knowing if what you were going through was a real thing or just a dream (past memories being even more messy)#the constant pressure and fog wrapped around your brain#all the stress you had to deal with solely for not being able to tell so clearly as the others your age what was really present or not#the constant divagation that made you cry at night for no reason
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