#far. far away from my home lol
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have i ever mentioned my project management professor is a sweetheart and the moment he found out i have an interest in art he started asking to see my doodles. and then he showed me his art insta and nnnnn HE'S SO SUPPORTIVE. artist, (casual) videogame developer,, really, everything i want to be <3
i might as well show him acanthe mika and pray he doesn't ask where the design came from ahaha
#kuu.txt#he does a lot of background studies#and a lot of cute doodles? idk it's very wholesome#he comes every so often to my seat and ask whether i've finally bought a screen tablet#i swear he got angry when i said my father won't allow me to buy any stuff. even with my own money#both my professor and a friend going yknow what. you should ignore him kuu. you marks are high enough to ignore him#aaaa to live in a conservative family where arts and anything not science related is regarded to as less </333#and having every moment of my day controlled#imagine having to justify every little thing you buy. including. clothes#ANYWAYS. my prof is a sweetie and he is motivating me a lot to pursue a masters i'm actually interested in#far. far away from my home lol
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the neighbors dropped off a baby kitten they found while i’m staying overnight somewhere else so i’m trying to give advice to my dad and brother on how to take care of it over the phone oh gosh oh gosh
#they’re like are you coming home this evening im like ahhh no…#the eyes are still blue maybe 4-5 weeks old which isn’t too bad? needs at least wet food but i only had one can left for them to use#i hope it’s ok#my post#ahh. and we can’t keep it either just take care of it til someone takes it i guess#i was like ‘get the wet food from the laundry room also no milk’ and dad was like ‘ah ok i will take the milk away’ I KNEW IT lol#gosh. gosh… baby kitten so close yet so far it looks so small
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"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN"
THIS IS NOT AN EXACT TRANSLATION, THIS IS AN ADAPTATION (AND ONE THAT STILL NEEDS TONS OF FIXING AT THAT)
I regret my life choices of not being able to actually start studying.
Here's "Freeze Your Brain" adapted in Italian!
ASK ME FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THIS, DO CREDIT ME IF YOU EVER USE THIS (I doubt you will it’s impractical and still needs so much fixing it’s unbelievable) AND TELL ME/LINK WHATEVER YOU USED IT FOR USING REBLOGS (because for some reason Tumblr doesn’t like comments with links and while I do think I understand why I don’t always like it)
(the apostrophes [or however ’ is called] are used to shorten the number of syllables often in poetry so I’m obviously abusing that power.)
[J.D.]
Sono stato in dieci superiori
Tutte la stessa scenetta
Inutile abituarsi
Perché ce ne andiamo di fretta
Mio padre tiene nel baule pronti due bagagli
Quindi è solo una questione di ricaricarli
I nomi non imparo
Che faccia è di chi non m'è chiaro
La fiducia in questa oasi di cemento riparo
Sembra che ogni volta che sto per disperarmi
C'è un 7-Eleven ad aspettarmi
Ogni negozio è lo stesso
Da Las Vegas all'Ohio
Corsie di linoleum che adoro
Vagare io
Prego al mio altare di granita;
Sì, adoro quella dolce botta di vita...
Congela il cervello
Succhia dalla cannuccia
Meglio di un coltello
Arriva la felicità
Quando tutto se ne va
A chi serve uno spinello?
Congela il cervello
Congela il cervello
[J.D., parlato]
Ti va un tiro?
[VERONICA, parlato]
La tua mammina sa che mangi tutta quella merda?
[J.D., parlato]
Non più
(cantato)
Quando mamma era viva
Vivevamo quasi normalmente
Ora siamo solo io e mio padre
Stiamo meno formalmente
Ho imparato a cucinare
Le tasse a pagare;
Imparato che'l mondo
Nemmeno un cent ti vorrà dare
Il tuo futuro hai pianificato
Veronica Sawyer
Andrai a qualche college
E sposerai un avvocato
Ma il cielo farà male
Quando su di te sarà demolito
Quindi è meglio se
Il tuo muro l'avrai già costruito...
Congela il cervello
Nuota nel ghiaccio
Perditi nel suo doloroso bello
Chiudi bene i tuoi occhi
Fino a che non ti vedran quegli sciocchi
Non diventare uno zimbello
Congela il cervello
Distruggiti il teschio
Combatti il dolore con uno più bello
Dimentica chi sei
Liberati da quel peso
Dimentica in un mese e mezzo
Riavrai lo stesso frainteso
Quando la voce nella tua testa
Dice ch'uno come te è meglio se non resta
Non ascoltare a quello
Solo congela il cervello
Congela il cervello
Vai avanti e congela il cervello...
(parlato)
Provaci
So, direct translation! (used in this to specify the meanings and explain certain word choices)
[J.D.]
I've been through ten high schools
They're all the same little scene (but little in this case is meant in a negative light)
No point getting used to it
'Cause we're gone in a hurry
My dad keeps two suitcases ready in the den
So it's only a matter of refilling(/repacking) them
I don't learn the names
Whose faces is whose isn't clear to me
My trust resides in this concrete oasis
Seems every time I'm about to despair
There's a 7-Eleven waiting for me
Each store is the same
From Las Vegas to Ohio
Linoleum aisles that I love
To walk around in
I pray at my altar of slush;
Yeah, I live for sweet hit of life (or however you call that, basically gives life force again but something that gives you life force not in a literal sense)...
Freeze your brain
Suck from that straw
Better than a knife
Happiness comes
When everything goes
Who needs a joint?
Freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
[J.D., spoken]
You want a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken]
Not anymore
(sung)
When mom was alive
We lived almost normally
But now it's just me and my dad
We live less formally
I learned to cook pasta
To pay taxes;
Learned the world
Won't want to give you even a cent
You've planned your future
Veronica Sawyer
You'll go to some college
And marry a lawyer
But the sky's gonna hurt
When it'll be demolished on you
So it'll be better if
You'll have already built your wall
Freeze your brain
Swim in the ice
Get lost in its beautiful pain
Shut your eyes tight(/well)
Till those fools (sorry I had to use this for the rhyme) won't see you
Don't become a laughingstock
Freeze your brain
Destroy your skull
Fight pain with a more beautiful one
Forget who you are
Free yourself from that weight
Forget in a month and a half
You'll have the same misunderstanding again
When the voice in your head
Says someone like you is better off gone
Don't listen to that guy(/him)
Just freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken)
Try it
OG LYRICS (if you’re seeing this I doubt you don’t know them, but here they are anyway):
[J.D.]
I've been through ten high schools
They start to get blurry
No point planting roots
'Cause you're gone in a hurry
My dad keeps two suitcases packed in the den
So it's only a matter of when
I don't learn the names
Don't bother with faces
All I can trust is this concrete oasis
Seems every time I'm about to despair
There's a 7-Eleven right there
Each store is the same
From Las Vegas to Boston
Linoleum aisles that I love
To get lost in
I pray at my altar of slush;
Yeah, I live for that sweet frozen rush...
Freeze your brain
Suck on that straw
Get lost in the pain
Happiness comes
When everything numbs
Who needs cocaine?
Freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
See upcoming pop shows
Get tickets for your favorite artists
[J.D., spoken]
Care for a hit?
[VERONICA, spoken]
Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
[J.D., spoken]
Not anymore
(sung)
When mom was alive
We lived halfway normal
But now it's just me and my dad
We're less formal
I learned to cook pasta
I learned to pay rent;
Learned the world
Doesn't owe you a cent
You're planning your future
Veronica Sawyer
You'll go to some college
And marry a lawyer
But the sky's gonna hurt
When it falls
So you better start
Building some walls...
Freeze your brain
Swim in the ice
Get lost in the pain
Shut your eyes tight
Till you vanish from sight
Let nothing remain
Freeze your brain
Shatter your skull
Fight pain with more pain
Forget who you are
Unburden your load
Forget in six weeks
You'll be back on the road
When the voice in your head
Says you're better off dead
Don't open a vein
Just freeze your brain
Freeze your brain
Go on and freeze your brain...
(spoken)
Try it
#heathers#heathers the musical#heathers 1989#jason dean#veronica sawyer#song adaptation#i'm sorry#in italiano#i'm lazy with tags today#sorry for that#non è ufficiale lol non so se hanno mai fatto la traduzione ufficiale o anche la traduzione#i tried to keep as many rhymes as possible#some syllables got fucked up (not in a dead girl walking way but in an “i am damaged” way [tried my best])#this machine runs on coffee adapts “heathers: the musical” songs in italian#freeze your brain#scheduled on the 28/5 for the 3/6 at 7:45AM#So... During the summer I'll be very busy#way busier than during the school year social media speaking#so no more song adaptations because I do them on my computer and I'll be far away from it#You might get one more if I can and it might be of Heathers or not(The Ballad Of Jane Doe is stuck in my head so no promises about anything#nothing might come out so really no promises at all#sorry about that#might also be why I hate the summer compared to the winter#in winter we stay at home#in the summer i travel and i'm glad and know i'm priviledged for this but it's gonna be a busy time and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#plus constant interaction with people#i don't remember how i used to be able to deal with it before the lockdown but now i can't anymore and need my time alone#or i'll become way more annoyed than usual and those things i have similar to sensory issues will get way worse#and i don't have time alone in the summer so i'm fucked#oh well
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I got my weighted blanket back it is SO OVER for you guys. My health and stamina bars are literally recharging as we speak
#I have a horrendous headache since I got home from work#(not that it was intense today but something about it is just. Exhausting.)#So so so exhausted too#I genuinely wanted to skip switching my blanket today (it was annoying bc I had to get it from the car and then change the cover)#But i was like fuck it. I’ll do it.#Second I get under there I can physically feel my headache just. Going.#Feel body aches I didn’t even KNOW i had simply melting away.#I still do have a headache but it is not by FAR as severe#I understand now how at home I can get into bed at 9pm tired as shit and then have the mental energy to write. It’s not the home lol#z talks#not horse game
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applied for a job sort of downtown today knowing damn well it would take me 1h40m to get there. but like lowkey its my dream job (as far as jobs currently available to me) soooo
#if the jobs downtown and i dont live far away from downtown why would it take me so long. great question.#this is because the ttc hates that area it feels like#i know i say this a lot but literally if we hadnt moved from my childhood home…. best location for literally everything i swearrrr#its okay tho i also applied to a very similar job thats only like 30 mins away. god willing i get it 🙏🙏#they are basically the same its just that job 1’s location is very emotionally significant to me lol. my fav ever spot as a kid
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.
#I think weed has been giving me anxiety lately#I’ve been so busy and away from home my smoking schedule is super thrown off#I like smoking less#sometimes I feel self conscious if I smoke a lot through the day#I remember my dreams better when I smoke less#which is bittersweet#I like dreaming#or being able to remember them#but they’re always so stressful#and then I feel silly for having shit dreams#I’ve been dreaming about work recently and the people close to me#I just want to wake up feeling better than the night before but it’s so far from the opposite#tbh today probs wouldn’t have been so hard if I’d just had a bowl#definitely don’t need any other vices though#brb gotta go make myself cry to tire myself out#I don’t think I have the time or energy to smoke and let that make me sleepy#goodnight forever for real this time lol#personal
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last few hours in boston :(
#purrs#conference tag#we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s#still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked#around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for#a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me#it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b#been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev#even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to#be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was#NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that#too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to#breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and#it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad#to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and#im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol#* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really#really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here
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did you get the surf team yet in bw?? if you go back to your hometown area there’s a river area you can swim through that’s leads to a secret area. you can also find an npc there who you give you a rare egg of a pokemon you can only catch once. have fun!
i’m assuming you meant to say surf hm? i only have one hm so far i think which is kinda surprising. do i actually get surf soon? i only just reached castelia city
#i did notice there was more on the map that branched off of nuvema#it’s probably like that one water route off of sandgem town in sinnoh#where by the time you even get the ability to surf you’re so far away from home it would probably never occur to you to even go back there#bc it isn’t a story-necessary place#but i will of course be checking out everything i can whenever i can#it sure was annoying going there though bc there’s no fast travel point even at the end of that route#i mean maybe the pal park was one but i could never unlock it#sigh… my sinnoh dex was actually almost complete (as far as just seeing them) but no manaphy…#also. good old rare gift eggs lol!#i never actually did go back and pick up the riolu egg from the guy on iron island#so sorry to him for making him wait alone inside a cave on an island for eternity#lucario is a staple of a classic sinnoh team but for me? gallade is all i ever need for a fighting type babyyy#asks#thanks anon#goldie plays pokémon black
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i have also learned as of last night that it is NOT normal to want to run away from home as a kid
#i wanted to all the time. but i never acc did bc i knew logically i wouldn't get v far where i was lol#and most wildlife 'round home was protected so there wouldn't be much to eat that was safe. also cold n wet weather.#anyway i just assumed it was a near-universal experience bc sometimes you'd see it in movies or on tv#(tho in retrospect i've no clue what i was watching to assume this)#and when edwige said she tried running away from home twice as a kid i was like 'ah okay so this is totally a normal childhood experience'#and then last night i mentioned it when i was translating sth for my mom and she said 'i never wanted to run away from home'#and i was like '...oh...'#anyways! that was an awkward moment ^.^#roacc
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i swear to god i do more work in three hours in this job than i did in ten months at the other job lolllll. but i can’t even be too resentful towards old job because 1) i’m out of it and never have to think of it again YIPPEE and 2) the timing of that job (specifically my lead escalating shit to Unbearable Misery Levels) enabled me to be in exactly the right place & right time to apply for this job.
#i am all amped up#partly from knocking out a bunch of shit this morning#and partly from the lowgrade hum of pregnancy-related anxiety#ultrasound scheduled for sunday morning#which feels sooooo far away#but i guess i just have to get through three days after today#i wish interviews were this week so i could kill a bunch of time that way lol#i need to be prepared for the slow rising levels to mean bad news on the ultrasound#but i am also trying to not fret too much or read The Forums#kinda wish i had one more blood test to reassure me or help me brace myself but#trying to also resist the Hunger for Data as i know it is just an emotional desire to assert some semblance of control#over a process i ultimately cannot control in any meaningful way#anywayyyy ok#killing 20 min before my last meeting#then i'm going to drive home and try to listen to a webinar in my car#then i can be done since i started at 6:45 this morning
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school started today btw but i couldnt go bc no one could drive me to school </3
#there's no public transport that could take me to school either since i live far away from school#uber is also out of the picture since it's too expensive#day ruined lol#cant wait to get my drivers license#im tired of depending on people#i mean i dont even need drivers license#just my parents permission#and i can drive myself to school#why did they decide to roll me to a school that's 22km away from home when there's a school that's only 12 km away#smh
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I can speak any of the Romance languages just fine but for some god forsaken reason I CANNOT speak French like what the fuck is a bourgeoisie and why can’t I say it correctly for the life of me.
Yeah, French is pretty tricky... Figuring out what letters to pronounce is difficult and I can do the sounds for it in my head when I think I've figured it out (sort of) but my mouth lacks the flexibility to do them out loud haha
A long while ago I read Les Fleurs du Mal, and my copy is dual-language with the original French on the left page and an English translation on the right, and it drove me nuts that I didn't know how to read the sounds for the French so I read a crash course guide for it. It helped a lot once I realized that a good portion of the letters that aren't pronounced in a French word function similarly to an accented character in that it's there only to modify the sounds of the letters near it than to contribute in a major way to the overall sound of the word itself. My native Germanic language (English) brain really wants all of those letters to be doing something up-front instead rofl
Though, English also has its special words with sneaky little helper letters that aren't pronounced... ("sovereign...")
#asks#I dipped my toes into Gaelic and Welsh once upon a time and when I read about the letter pronunciation I was like#'Oh! French uses letters like this! Those must be from its Gaulish roots'#I LOVE the interconnectedness of languages. It's one of my favorite things to read about#Humans want to talk to each other and share cultures so much!!#Twirling my hair and kicking my feet thinking about Nordic traders learning languages in southern parts of Europe to trade with its people#So far from home and a language so different from their own...#God even just the traders and traveling people and cultures within just China alone. It's a diverse place!!#AND THE INTERNET!! I wish my Japanese writing skills were better so I could more efficiently communicate with my-#-Japanese Twitter mutuals...#Isn't it incredible how we're some of the first people in ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY that can feasibly maintain-#-friendships with people on the other side of the planet thousands and thousands of miles away...#Hundreds of thousands of years of human existence and only in these last 35 can we now do that#Ok I need to go get work done now lol This ask activated me
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Hi I really need ur help. I’m an entp and I already suffer from overthinking and shit (I don’t know if it’s normal for us entp to do that but yeah:)” anyways since the summer of 2020 I went through emotional abuse because I was stupid enough to stay in a toxic relationship for too long with my ex he gaslighted the shit out of me and betrayed me (it was an 8 year long friendship before it happened) . I went through a depression and I think that I was traumatized because I’ve never been this low in my life. Long story short I literally doubt every single choice I do, I feel like disorganized you know I don’t know how to come back to my normal mindset you know the confident one who don’t overthink and just has good ideas. I literally overthink everything like every single thing actions I do and thoughts I get and I don’t even know why I think I’m starting to fall into a depression again and losing myself again because of this. From a fellow entp to another If u know anything about how we work or anything about a loop or anything what dows it sound like because I don’t know shit right now I’m anywhere but in the moment and It frightenes me but I can’t do much about it. I literally overanalyze every single thing and can’t get rid of it. Every anxious thought I get is creating another to a chain where I don’t even know what the problem is. Thank u If you’ve read this far :( xxx
Hi! I'm sorry you're going through this. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to answer! My inbox always has stuff in it and I don't answer nearly enough of them.
No one deserves to go through emotional abuse, and I'm happy for you that you're out of this relationship! It can be such a destabilizing thing as well to be out of a relationship as well, especially given how long it lasted.
I haven't dealt necessarily with what you did, but I have had a nice share of depression and trauma during the covid years. (I became very scared all of the time essentially... and I'm still unlearning this) I've learned some things from my experiences, though I'm certain that there are more and maybe some more fitting ones for you.
The main thing is just to be kind to yourself.
Now when I'm sad or struggling to do things, I'm just like ok, treat-yoself, it's a sleeping day. And I let it be without forcing myself to act like I'm doing better and also trying not to feel worse for not being at 100% (or even 50%) every day. Forgive yourself.
I try to give myself high-fives for even the smallest things that I accomplish. (I drove recently, and I rarely drive these days (esp in the country I live in) and I was scared, and I did it, and I'm proud!) (I sent an email that was freaking me out, and I'm proud!)
Find someone to talk to also maybe-- feel free to message me if you want. But when I was alone during covid, I got into the habit of leaving voice messages. So even talking to yourself could be helpful. Or writing also!
Pay attention to what you like and enjoy for when you're really feeling down. I have a list that I keep on my phone--sometimes I'm really blurred up and I don't remember to look at it. But sometimes I do remember to check the list, and it reminds me to put on the Great British Baking Show or Taskmaster, or maybe take care of my plants-- this really helps reground me to myself and what i enjoy purely.
If you can afford it, therapy is the thing these days. (But as someone who couldn't afford it for so long (especially because it can be hard to find the right therapist), it's very doable to make changes without it)
Also taking some time to breathe and pause and smell the air is great too. I'm crap at meditation but I do some stretches sometimes and it's good for the brain.
This is what I got! But you deserve love from both yourself and other people.
Sending all of my love xx
#wildly due to covid i became very afraid of death#which i knew many people who passed#and i was living very far away from home in a country where i didn't speak the language and alone#also the blm movement was going on (which i'm black#and this affects me a lot)#and also the 2020 election in the US#and so mentally lol i was wil'n#i put a lot of effort now into facing my fears though to overcome this fear of suddenly dying#but ya lol i was on a stand up paddle two weeks ago#just sitting (someone else was paddling) and i'm sitting there shaking like a madman#and to think that i was struggling to go outside to going to being on a stand up paddle three years later#it's not even that risky but i'm scared of so much stuff now#and i'm proud of this#answered#tw: depression
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the closest thing to a niece that I am ever likely to have (I sincerely doubt my brother will be having children...) was born and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I need to get her something asap
#this child lives very far away from me lol but her mother is my closest childhood friend and the closest thing I have to a sister#once they're home and settled I need to talk to her about coming down for a week or so because I want to help out and meet the baby#so far I've mostly been playing an aunt-like role to my cousins' children but this is different like#I genuinely consider this friend my sister ya know#and I'm gonna be obsessed with this kid
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...
#had my 1st meeting with a potential adviser for a phd project#i think it went well. he was excited thst i was interested in the specific papers i listed my my email#and his lab does some super cool stuff. and he seems like a nice guy#so thats all exciting. i think the lab is only like a few degrees away from being an outstanding pick#ugh but its so close tho. like biochem and Evolutionary genertic stuff. id probably do a degree in ecology and evolution#and the department is evolutionary genetics focused. which sounds crazy cool. like i dont wanna hang with agriculture ppl. bring me the#Evolutionary biologists. plus they have some nasa ties and a big astrobiology guy is coming back to the department#and if i go. id prob get to do some work at [redacted] national park! which is an even bigger deal than the work ive done at [redacted]#national park! it would be a big change tho. more cold and snowy than the literal desert#so like im def gonna apply. and hopefully get in and hopefully visit. and we'll see what happens#im still looking at my options but this one seems pretty damn good to me#fingers crossed 🤞 i suppose#unrelated#god. it really seems like the lab is a good fit tho. like when i talk to Ecologists im like haha yea im not an ecologist#bc they wanna look for broad patterns in a big system. and im like nah fuck that. i wanna kno how this specific thing works#which i think is more his labs vibe and is why im currently not having fun with the stuff i do rn#ah we'll see where i find myself in a year#i would prob still be equally far from home tho lol. just at higher lattitude
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It’s move-in day!
#for those unaware- I’ve been moving pretty much this entire latter half of the summer#first my family moved from one house to another on somewhat-short notice#and now I’ve moved into a dorm a handful of hours away because I transferred schools. it feels… weird? not bad just weird#i haven’t really been so far from home for so long before now because i completed the first half of my courses while living at home (due to#- Covid -_-)#hopefully I’ll be able to break out my tablet and scribble soon but classes do start in a few days so… maybe? it’ll have to be a maybe.#also- I only took the first three AF books + the graphic novels with me so if I get anything wrong about the later series in the future just#-bear with me lol.#personal
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