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saintmeghanmarkle · 4 months

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I can't believe it took so long for me to realise this. On patricidal narcissism and psychopathy and patricide by letter. by u/ElectricalAd9212

I can't believe it took so long for me to realise this. On patricidal narcissism and psychopathy, and patricide by letter. Why did Markle scheme, plot and design to destroy her father?Court records show that there was intense plotting to design a scenario in which Markle snuffed her father out, morally destroy him, by excluding him from her wedding.The letter which was revealed in court, showed that she wrote a letter, intending to have it leaked to the press, in order to depict herself as a victim. Her cynicism was sociopathic. She said she would use the word 'Daddy' in the letter, to play on the heartstrings of the public when it was leaked.Why did she want to do this to her father? For the psychopath, the wedding was to be her 'introduction' as a woman of primary importance in the world, and it was the moment of her narrative creation, in which she became the centre of the world.This was to be the iconic moment of the creation of her mythology.For this, her family had to be wiped out, except for her mother, who was useful to her.I had thought that her father was not in keeping with the aesthetic she wanted to promote.He was elderly and overweight.To have an obese father wasn't becoming for the image she wanted to project.To exclude him allowed her to play the helpless victim, as if she was abandoned by her father.But it also allowed her something else.It enabled her to be walked down the aisle by the future King.This is what she and Harry planned all along.For her image, for her power, for what she wanted Hollywood and the celebrity elites of America, who were her true audience, to see, was to have a King hold her hand as she wedded. This would, in her eyes, elevate her status amongst those she was already planning to rule over, the gilded elite class of Hollywood and America.From the start, she calculatedly destroyed her father so she could claim (then) Prince Charles, future King Charles, as her father.Surely there was another element to this too?She would style herself as 'the daughter that King Charles never had'She would take primacy in his affections, over Catherine.She would daughter-love-bomb the future King, and marginalise Catherine.She would own the King, be the proxy daughter of the King.How Harry must have been thrilled by this way of thinking.It all seems like a wonderful scheme.How could Charles deny his 'daughter' what she wanted, half in, half out, to be the equal of Catherine in status, to be the power behind the throne one day?But there is another aspect to this.Patricide is an impulse that, once performed, may seek to enact itself again.And remember, Harry fantasises in 'Spare' about calling in a jet fighter to bomb his father as he drives away from him on a visit to an army training camp. A fantasy of patricide.And just as she schemed to commit patricide against her father using a letter sent to him to be leaked, calling him 'Daddy', the patricide scheme against the King, involved a letter she calculatedly sent him, to be the instrument of his destruction, by discussing an alleged 'racist' slight, which by strange chance also implicated the detestable Catherine, whom she is now pathologically and psychotically obsessed with.The manifold evils of Markle the psychopath, and her husband, their cynical, cyanide hearted, cold calculatedly evil plans and plots truly take the breath away.The good thing is we can see them all transparently and in the open, and the lessons she will ultimately learn is that evil can flourish in darkness, but plots exposed in daylight only leads to the destruction of the plotter.We see through you, we see evil and we protect the good hearted souls of the family against you both. post link: https://ift.tt/YHn0sDe author: ElectricalAd9212 submitted: December 18, 2023 at 08:34PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

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inspectorlyfra · 2 years

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So, that “Carmilla fixes what’s broken” theory/headcanon, yeah? Let’s play with that a little. Both a literal meaning, and a metaphorical one. Buckle up, let’s go!

Thanks to his profile on the official website, we know Jonny made up his “backstory” as seen in One-Eyed Jacks. We also know he still did kill his dad, as seen in the “killing your father in an emotionally climactic moment” “you’re projecting again, jonny” exchange in DTTM. I wouldn’t know what the exact words are, I refuse to watch DTTM. Moving on, we don’t actually know how exactly he reached the near-death state necessary for mechanization. Death row? Self-inflicted? A heart attack? Who knows!

Symbolically, though, in the prison interview fiction, he briefly mentions that SA is the one thing Doc Carmilla put off-limits. While this could be a lie, or instead a reference to Carmilla’s parenting (did Jonny ever get time-out?), it pretty steadily points towards some form of morals integrated into the mechanism itself. Backing this up, on his profile again, Jonny says “I’m told I had a good heart, but the Doc dealt with that.” And what organ traditionally is associated with morals? The heart, babey!

Going off of this, I’d say that Jonny’s act of patricide wasn’t premeditated. Back to the “emotionally climactic moment”, and all. However he handled the guilt after he realized what happened, I’d assume that was his downfall.

One headcanon I’ve seen around is that Nastya was born with hemophilia. That’s got the literal ‘broken blood’ out of the way.

As for symbolism, look no further than “Accept the destiny of your blood” as quoted in Cyberian Demons. Nastya knew her family wasn’t great, and she wanted something to be done about that. Their wrongdoings ran in her blood, and she was killed like the rest of them. Clearing her veins set her free.

Ivy’s another tricky one, since we don’t know much about her backstory either. We know that Carmilla made her offer to Ivy in a library she knew by heart, and that’s it.

Going off of her current dissociation from the past thanks to her supercomputer brain, though, I’d guess she had some kind of emotional dysregulation. Trauma, depression, whatever. The dissociation she has now was possibly implemented as a reaction to that. A distance in her own mind, to keep her from getting so overwhelmed.

Thanks to Ashes actually having a backstory song that’s truthful, we know their first death. Smoke inhalation and burns. That, of course, ties into the literal meaning of their lungs.

But lungs aren’t just needed to breathe- you need good lungs to scream. And if Ashes could’ve screamed that night, told the Sevens the truth and exposed Mickey for what he was.. Well, it might not’ve fixed the whole planet, but it would’ve helped.

Brian’s one of two mechs to have the majority of their body be mechanical. His body froze, leaving only his heart intact, yadda yadda.

Going back to the morality idea from Jonny, Brian is a direct parallel to that. Every part of him broke in space except for his heart- his morals. And Carmilla leaned on that with his switch, splitting “morality” into two halves.

A fic I like for this concept that I will promote: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32318977

TS wasn’t made by Carmilla, and its exclusion is fairly self-explanatory for both the literal and figurative, but I’ll go over it quickly anyway. It was made fully clockwork, and only got its autonomy over time. It stole the angel’s voice so that it would have to be heard.

Tim’s eyes burned out, yes, but he saw countless atrocities over the 3 or 4 years of the war. Replacing his eyes didn’t remove the memories, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Marius has very little of his pre-mech backstory known! He was a child soldier, and he fought in a giant mecha. That’s about it.

The arm is, arguably, the part of your body that does the most things externally. It types, writes, holds, carries, hits, crushes. And if you’re a soldier, it kills. So when Marius got a shiny new arm and was removed from the environment he grew up in, of course he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to figure out how to preserve life, not destroy it. Granted, the Mechs don’t need a doctor, but.. I’m sure he had the right idea before the standard desensitization that comes with immortality.

Raphaella’s a complete fucking wild card! Let’s go!

I must of course mention @ladydragonkiller‘s Icarus!Raphaella fic before anything else. Go read it, it’s lovely. https://archiveofourown.org/works/39452052

Whether you subscribe to the “Raphaella gave herself wings” agenda or the “Human carcinization, Raphaella’s species always had wings, but Raphaella’s went wrong somehow” agenda, from my understanding it’s pretty widely agreed on that she mechanized herself.

And whether or not you lean on the Icarus idea, I think the theme of ambition is a strong note. Science is an ambitious field of study! I still like my old idea of a fallen angel interpretation of Raphaella. Regardless of if she was cast out by others or left the nest of her own volition, that ambition and that separation is what cost her her wings.

Making new wings for herself returned her freedom, returned her ambition, returned all of those glorious things. And now, she flies higher than ever before.

And that’s all of them! This wasn’t the most organized, but I had a lotta thoughts I wanted to get down. Wooooo!

#the mechanisms #jonny d'ville #nastya rasputina #ivy alexandria #ashes o'reilly #drumbot brian #the toy soldier #marius von raum #raphaella la cognizi #theory #meta #i guess lmao #no clue if this is a thing everyone Is Aware Of Already #but ehhhh. if it is then oh well #mechs theory

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little-smartass · 2 months

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so i havent watched? read? otherwise consumed?? the untamed but every post i see from you makes me more intrigued, because theres nothing i love more than a Schemer. never happier than when a character has plots and plans and perhaps sinister intentions. Is it worth getting into the untamed for this? and if yes, where tf do i start (theres so much of it)

short answer: yes! much scheming in this story! I think you would like it!

long answer: do you like MORALLY AMBIGUOUS BISEXUAL TWINKS WHO ARE ALL NARRATIVE FOILS FOR EACH OTHER? do you like MEN WHO AFTER YEARS OF SUSTAINED DOMESTIC TERROR MAKE CHOICES THAT WOULD MAKE THE AVERAGE PERSON RECOIL IN HORROR IN ORDER TO SURVIVE? do you like the CHARACTERS WHO MAKE MORAL PURIST TUMBLR USERS FOAM AT THE MOUTH IN RAGE AND CONFUSION? do you like STORIES WHERE THE PROTAGONIST IS A SERIAL KILLER AND ALSO TECHNICALLY COMMITTED CANNIBALISM (BUT IS STILL ALSO A FUNNY LITTLE GUY)? do you like CHARACTERS WHO OBSESSIVELY CHASE JUSTICE EXCEPT OOPSIE IT'S NOT JUSTICE ANY MORE IT'S JUST REVENGE WITH ZERO CARE FOR COLLATORAL DAMAGE?

there is scheming! there is plotting! there is patricide and fratricide and accidental indirect frat-in-law-icide! everybody is Jin Ling's Uncle and everybody has been traumatised by their dad! the live action drama decided that in order to get the one canon queer couple past the censors they would just make everyone gay so they didn't stand out!!!!

so I would personally say that the live action drama (The Untamed) which was on netflix (I'm not sure if it still is but it's definitely on youtube) is the easiest route in, if you aren't super familiar with xianxia/wuxia - the characters may seem confusing but they are all colour coded by family so after a while you'll learn how to keep track of them. The novel the drama is based on is called Mo Dao Zu Shi (english translations are available), and there is also an animated show, as well as, I believe, a radio drama? one thing I would warn about the show is... look... the first few episodes are shit. they are just. not great. I do not know WHY they decided to start with objectively the weakest episodes. but I swear to god if you can get as far as the end of episode 2, where the flashback starts, IT WILL GET GOOD. I watched the show during the lockdown and four years on IT IS STILL REWIRING MY BRAIN.

#the untamed #I would........ highly recommend it okay #ask #anonymous

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blue-grama · 9 months

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Hello, theme of episode 10! Lots of decisions about trust in this one. Mostly bad decisions (e.g. trusting Vegas. Looking at you, Porsche and Tawan).

This is most brutal thing that happens in this series, and someone is getting beheaded later.

Heh at Arm's offense at Tawan reaching over him to control his mouse. Yeah, that IS the most annoying thing in the universe, Arm.

First thing that happens in Season 2 after the Theerapanyakul brothers kill their father is that the three of them have a meeting and decide to send Arm for some continuing education in IT security.

Ok but what WAS the fucking plan, Vegas? From where I sit, it looks like: 1. Seperate Porsche from Kinn 2. ??? 3. Profit! Maybe there's something in there about how he was going to use Porsche to help him get back the blackmail information from the Yakuza? Maybe he gets himself out of hot water there and lets Porsche die or kills him in the process, breaking Kinn's heart twice over? But it seems equally possible to me he planned to marry Porsche and settle into 50 years of fake non-kinky domesticity (no way does Porsche have the patience for all those chains and ropes) just to piss Kinn off. Anyway. I think I've thought harder about this than the writers as this point.

Let's focus on Kim and Big coming in all heroic to save the day so I don't have to think about what happens to Big next.

Kinn's "what the fuck is wrong with you" look at Tawan, echoing the reaction of the audience and everyone in the known universe.

Big's entire funeral: getting carried offscreen in a bodybag while Kinn self-castigates for a whole ten seconds.

I love Tong's acting in the Ken's disembodied head scene. He's pissed off and grossed out with genuine existential horror underneath. It's really good.

Uncle Gun outfit appreciation moment.

Hmm, so you're okay with killing family, Kinn? Let's introduce a new concept. It's called "patricide."

Nothing about KinnPorsche is realistic, except for 20-something dudes being fundamentally kind of gross.

#kprewatch2023 #kinnporsche #kinnporsche episode 10

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sporkberries · 2 months

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I want to hear your foxhound headcanons

GHHHHHHH okay this is rough bc idek where to start bc so much stuff in my head is built on other things so ig ill lay out some of em:

- snavid canonically is recruited into foxhound after the gulf war so some time after 1991. fox calls him a rookie in mg1 so i like to think he joined in '94 or '95 so any pre outer heaven foxhound event he's like.... 22 or 23. this isnt really that important but timelines are important to me bc i have problems.

- big boss is the boss at foxhound, venom snake is at outer heaven the whole time. that being said bb does go to africa a lot and loves skipping out on foxhound work but hes not the one running outer heaven day to day. on a similar note i just want to say that imo sniper wolf's "saladin" is venom snake.

- BB is in charge of foxhound but he's notoriously awful to work with. he plays hooky a lot and isnt the most friendly especially to high ranking members of other military branches. unfortunately foxhound brings good results and bb is bb so nobody really calls him on it. tensions within foxhound as well as between government organizations are incredibly tense.

- foxhound is a relatively small operation in terms of numbers. its really the elite of the elite yk so its not massive. BB Campbell Fox and Miller are thus the major players in terms of internal politics, with the power going in about that order. fox is essentially bb's direct right hand and does everything he wants. miller is the opposite trying to ruin bb from the inside and campbell's stuck between a rock and a hard place, he'll always defer to and inevitably agree with bb but a part of him does know something is wrong and he lives with that guilt for the rest of his life.

- kaz is a trans woman about 90% of the time when i refer to anything foxhound related. in some niche corners of my head she isnt but the vast majority of the time shes some sort of transfem wether it be more nonbinary or just a binary trans woman.

- in my weird delusion snavid's relationship with miller parallels bb's and the bosses. snavid looks up to miller and values her a lot, accepting her word above most others with maybe only the big boss hero worship exception. miller initially only wants to manipulate snavid(who keep in mind is a foster kid who never really had any stable relationships or guiding figures in his life) but she does end up genuinely caring about him which makes her feel incredibly guilty that she's manipulating him into committing patricide. not that the guilt stops her tho lol.

- on a similar note miller can sometimes be incredibly callous or cruel to david but this is largely in moments where snavid sounds too much like bb and its an almost involuntary violent response.

- in mg2 it was said that campbell also attained the title of fox alongside grey fox, going by chicken fox. this is retconned in mgs1 but i keep it in my hc.

- ocelot is a member of foxhound but i think he sticks a lot on the dl. putting things into order for bb as well as dealing with the recent collapse of the soviet union which is why hes not mentioned much here(i dont remember if the soviet union had collapsed at the same time as irl bc mg1 and 2 were released in the 80's but its implied to be the same when the solid games release so???)

- fox and snake are friendly towards eachother but not necessarily close, its the outer heaven incident that really solidifies their warrior bond or whatever. they are aware of eachother before that though and fox does have a passing interest in david even sparring with him a few times. however its one of those situations where they just miss eachother. sometimes tho i like to make them close anyways or make them meet in the gulf war first bc ily snox.... this one changes a lot depending on if i wanna adhere to canon or be rlly self indulgent.

- in terms of fox hound internal politics bb is bb. fox listens to bb and tolerates campbell. fox and miller do not get a long at all. miller does not get along with bb. and campbell and miller are kinda friends but in a co worker way.

- i think bb finds it incredibly funny to irritate kaz and make his life worse. kaz not liking bb is foxhounds worst kept secret and even recruits can kinda tell that kaz doesnt like bb. kaz for the most part is capable of keeping up appearances but bb enjoys antagonizing kaz so she'll get upset and then be publicly humiliated or seen as hysterical. its just a really awful work environment and the fact there's still sexual tension makes it even worse. foxhound desperately needs an hr department.

- i have some vagueeeee ocs in my head who are in training with snavid but they arent super concrete and mostly exist as background characters anyways

- i feel like grey fox is the type of guy to take his co workers lunch out of the fridge and eat it even if there is a note

#sorry for any typos #spork says stuff

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thegreymoon · 1 year

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Till the End of the Moon

All this show has done so far is reaffirm Tantai Jin’s murder rights and Tantai JIn’s alone. Everyone else is either dull, annoying or an asshole and they can all go fuck themselves. My pretty baby gets to kill/maim/poison whomever he pleases (except maybe the cat). I have zero empathy for anyone else, Li Susu included, but I am still holding out hope that Bingchang might at least turn out to be entertaining. No blanket rights for her either, but I do want to watch her kill.

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Oh, fuck off.

The only reason you saved him was because you were worried about him turning into a devil on the spot if he died before you could deactivate the “evil bone”, whatever the hell that is.

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Baby, you’re so right! You haven’t done a single thing wrong in your entire life, ever!

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Yes, baby! In fact, you aren’t killing and maiming enough!! I signed up for slaughter here and there is no slaughter to be seen!

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He’s so cute 🖤 Yes, baby, kill! Kill them all and start with her!

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Oh, sweetheart 😢

They are all assholes who need a private meeting with a bunch of your crows.

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The most beautiful man to ever grace my screen 🖤

At least he’s having fun with Ye Xiwu’s nonsense. I must admit the entire situation seemed a lot funnier for me in the gifs.

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Oh, it is starting to get funny 😂😂 Also, her dancing is fine?? She lied when she said she can’t dance. Plus, he seems to be enjoying it.

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This scene is the closest they’ve gotten to the crazy chemistry they had in Love is Sweet, not to mention the fun they had together on that show, so I’m taking it. I’m literally begging for crumbs at this point.

I don’t like Li Susu at all, but Bai Lu is very cute and comedy is her strong suit, so let’s have more of this dynamic!

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REST IN PEACE? YOU?? REST IN PEACE??

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU WANTED TO MURDER HIM WHEN HE WAS BORN. YOU ABANDONED HIM. ABUSED HIM. STARVED HIM. CURSED HIM WITH HIS NAME. SOLD HIM TO ANOTHER KINGDOM WHERE HE WAS FURTHER STARVED AND ABUSED. HOW THE FUCKING DARE YOU?? HE OWES YOU N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I HOPE YOU NEVER KNOW PEACE. ROT IN PISS.

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Occasions where I approve of patricide 👍👍

Go off, psycho brother! Do some proper murdering on this show at last!

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nOOOOOOOOooooOOo, NoT hiS EYeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Also, I’m all here for Tantai MInglan murderizing their shitty father, but I want Tantai Jin to start killing too!

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Reasons I love this show 🔥🔥

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Smh. Why won’t this drama let Tantai Jin have good things? 😭

I need so many people to die ASAP.

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His betrayed face 😭😭 I cry 😭😭

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Tantai Minglan’s murder rights are REVOKED. It is his turn to get murdered now 😡😡

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Yeah, some fathers definitely deserve to be murdered.

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A SIN AND A CRIME 🤬🤬

Anyone threatening his gorgeous face needs to die swiftly and painfully!

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Smh.

Also, what are the odds her daughter is even alive?

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People calling him heartless and ungrateful bring me so much rage 🤬🤬

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All my hate.

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LMAOOOOOO, DIE

I love the critters on this show!

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YES BABY MAKE THEM SUFFER

#till the end of the moon #tteotm spoilers #tteotm ep08

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dapurinthos · 14 days

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how attack of the clones is going in this fic, so far, going up the scale from 'this is fine' to 'this is fine (actually everything is on fire)':

lene kostana: the chillest. furthest from the action, has no idea what happened on coruscant, observing the red honeycomb zone. left padawan with jocasta nu to supervise. beginning to have a bad feeling about this. darth sidious: lightly alert for anything that could be a threat to his plans. has an ace up his sleeve that's going to cause problems for everyone except himself. kal skirata: apparently here, instead of being content with being passed a message. bribeable with snacks for his boys. may have been told 'i don't know. sit on him?' when asking 'how am i supposed to keep a jetii from doing something?' obi-wan kenobi: rumpled and confused. was sat upon by several of kal's boys (null-class arc troopers) so he wouldn't go to geonosis. did not get any uj cake. constant receptor of the 'i'm watching you' gesture from kal. anakin skywalker: has killed only three sand people! congratulations, anakin! you are the only one being fixed! qui-gon jinn: woken up from coma by anakin using the force like it's his livejournal c. 2002. without using a cut. has no idea what's been going on for the last decade. politely baffled. jocasta nu: is going to hunt darth tyranus for sport on eriadu. they allow that sort of thing there. darth tyranus: regretting several key life choices, most recently deciding to mind-probe araithana. currently dealing with 1) being shown how he dies, 2) being forcibly reminded of That Murder, 3) thinking his current guest-hostage also has visions. araithana pallopides: nebulous hostage, claimed as guest. moved all the moveable furniture in darth tyranus's geonosian tower by 3cm to the left and back. also regretting darth tyranus's life choices. unknowingly repeating sifo-dyas's exact last words before That Murder. and prom the geonosis accord meeting is tomorrow!

i'm going to go back to writing between the ice crypt trip and introducing anakin skywalker to pre-republic plays with a droid chorus, which concludes with:

The Chorus continues as a harried Knight Kenobi arrives and is promptly bullied into playing the Indrexu to Skywalker’s Xim, my Oziaf, and Aayla’s Xer, much to Master Windu’s sly amusement. By the end of our recitation, Aayla has decided that Xer is now haunting the play by heckling the patricidal Xim through mispronouncing his name on purpose, there’s an audience of nearly two dozen people, Master Windu has vanished back to his duties, and Betsy has never missed a line.

betsy (the chorus) is a b1 commander droid confiscated after the battle of naboo. betsy does not have a preferred gender other than 'it', has been reprogrammed by the temple's research and development department, and is now subject to many experiments to see how capable of learning it is.

#keeping up with the skywalkers #the star wars isekai fic #for fic accountability #i have now rewritten the kamino-geonosis parts three times!#it was one of the first pieces i did for this story and i had about 25% knowledge of everything that led up to this point #then i rewrote it a few months later #and now i'm doing this version after writing somewhere around 70 000 words in this universe #because my brain decided 'yes we wrote happy ice crypt trip now time for 5000 words of PAIN'#i blame the 2-hour long incident of BURNING IN MY OESOPHAGUS caused by my sertraline

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poorlittleyaoyao · 1 year

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We have so much in common with are feelings 😂😂💕 (Nieyao/Nielan vs Xiyao anon). I loved the angst we got from Xieyao the show wise (and idk the Dougha did an amazing job in some aspects with making my heart wretch for them) but a lot of the fanworks are too fluffy for me (I do ofc have exceptions, I’m drawn in by good premises). And also I too dislike “Nielan was broken by that mean Meng Yao/Jin Guangyao” and I rather like the dynamics “Nielan had a budding romance in their tween years but after experimenting and growing older have other responsibilities and relationships now. Maybe some old memories come up but both are rather happy”. My favorite (ships) for JGY has to be Suyao (one sided? Sure! Requited? Absolutely. Mutual pinning? Yes yes.) and Sangyao (I like it messy and I want them to make each other worse :)) On occasion they can murder people together if NMJ isn’t killed). I too think I could shove JGY in any situation and enjoy (same w/ Jiang Cheng but too a less degree. I can see him with everyone but kinda enjoy the angst of him on his own. If that makes sense). Also, I feel though there’s less Nieyao novel wise it’s pretty palpable. But maybe that’s just me “every time I saw them interact my shipdar went insane”. Some of my “I still like them but in certain scenearios” Jgy pairings are XueYao and JGY/Lan Qiren (it was a realllllly good fic)

SUYAO MY BELOVED. ;_; I just have a lot of feelings about how Su Minshan knew about most of what JGY had going on (it's unclear if he knew about the patricide pre-Temple and even less clear if he knew about the incest) and was like "I understand bb 🥺 please let me help 🥺"

JGY's shipping potential lies in the fact that he ends up entangled with SO MANY PEOPLE in canon that there's something to work with for everyone except, like, Wangxian. The other ships for him that I personally am like "if you have multichapter explorations, hmu" are Chengyao and JGY/Yanli (Yaoli?), neither of which has as much to draw on in canon as other ships but there is potential that can either fix things or make things much worse depending on one's mood and I stand by that. Sangyao and XueYao are both great terrible fun, though, and I'm now very curious about how he and LQR would play out.

(That said. If I'm really being honest, the healthiest option for the man would probably be for him to take some time alone oh my god, because his chronic customer service "adjusting to what your audience wants" shtick is uhhh Not Great in a romantic relationship context and really Not Great if that relationship is also sexual. He and Qin Su make me so sad in part because he seems like he was pretty unguarded with her in novel canon... until he VERY MUCH WASN'T and trapped her in a godawful situation.)

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littlx-songbxrd · 2 years

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I think I might be scared of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid

*Jumps in at the last possible second of alestember to post the most horrid fan fiction I've ever written* Missed me?

Anyways this is day 3 angst for @alastair-appreciation-month I wrote today out of spite and bad ideas. I just finished this, its not edited, might be the worse writting I've ever done but its cool. This fict is dedicated to @cant-think-of-anything who is partly to blame for the ending and my friend who liked my private story when i posted hot girls spend their fridays writting patricide ily

Timeline? We dont know her. Sense? Also no. Just sit back and enjoy and maaaaayyybe dont look too much into it :)

TW. Patricide. Blood. Murder. Alcohol. Drinking (if you find any other let me know)

There was a dead body at his feet, the truth ran like a rampant beast through Alastair's every thought. His torn clothes left him kneeling against the bricks of the floor, rough surface burying itself into his bare skin. He tried to move his arm to get them away from the dripping water running through his hair and half-blinded sight, but they stubbornly remained raised where they were.

It ought to hurt, but his body didn't register it. Alastair could barely feel anything other than the crushing weight of his reality. False strength shattered as he refused to look away from his immediate view, where the body lay further into the dead-end street it had taken its last breath in.

Rain met blood on the side of the road, on the edges of his clothes, and at the tip of the stained glass, he held close. The blood it had initially been painted with wasn't his own, but he had held on to it so tight by now both mingled into the same scarlet. He attempted to stop himself from squeezing the edges so tightly, but every time the truth fell on him again he only hardened his grasp. Every reminder threatened to leave him unable to tether himself to this earth by anything except his own pain. It felt like he was watching the scene from afar rather than living it. Or perhaps it was all a dream, a vile twisted representation of his anger tormenting Alastair into insanity. The alternative seemed soothing as opposed to the truth of the evening, there wasn't anything taking him away from the situation. Miracles were low and scarce and nightmares could only last so long.

He knew today would go wrong. It was always how things ended when his father was involved. Elias's letter arrived a few weeks prior, announcing he, and he alone would be coming to Paris in a few weeks and hoped for an opportunity to see him. It all sounded harmless, most of his acquaintances rejoiced on the news he´d get to see his father upon asking who´s correspondence had come in. Alastair put all his efforts into seeming at the very least content. Pretending happiness proved quite the effort compared to the familiarity of anger, but he´d have to make do. He always did. That didn't mean in the privacy of his own room he didn't stare at the letter and ponder if burning it could make his father desist of the idea of ever coming at all. Maybe he could claim it got lost and ignore any summons until his father left France.The idea proved Alastair was slowly losing it, Elias knew exactly where he was staying. If he wanted an audience he could find him. Itd be foolish to think he could avoid him and Alastair liked to consider he wasn't as idiotic to feed into the idealism of his half-arsed plan.

By the time the days to his arrival dropped into the single digit, he began to truly feel dread. The kind he was slowly losing the ability to hide. Having Charles confront him on why he seemed so jumpy all the sudden was enough to decide he needed to get control of himself. Fear was for the weak, and he´d trained his backbone to be made of steel. Elias' letter had only requested one meeting and that's all he'd give, but he wouldn't let his father cost him the life he was finally beginning to make for himself. Alastair never replied, confirming his agreement to seeing Elias, one last desperate attempt to hold some of the control he was losing, but there was no use. On the third day of his father's visit he woke to find him waiting on the institute's door.

Part of him was glad to see he managed to make it without causing any issues Alastair needed to later fix, not enough to drown out the exhaustion brought just by the thought of spending an entire day with him, but he tried to hold on to the relief as he made his way towards him. They both greeted each other with similar weariness, nothing too obvious as to raise suspicions, but enough to remind Alastair where exactly he sat in his father's eyes. There was some attempt at an awkward embrace, he swore his limbs felt like they´d be set on fire afterward, and left without much of a word. No attempts of conversation stuck during their time together. Pleasantries out of the way, there was nothing Elias appeared to want to say to his son, which suited Alastair just fine, there was nothing he wanted to say to him either. However, it did raise the question of why he´d been so insistent to seek him out at all. To walk in silence? He kept feeling Elias stare at him from the corner of his eyes as if studying him under the Parisian sunlight. Eyes narrowed, brows pushed together, it made Alastair wonder if it been so long that Elias forgot what he looked like. Or if maybe all the alcohol he must have consumed in his absence had helped in the process.

He wasn't stupid enough to believe his mother's claims. Whenever she wrote, she tried her best to make it seem Elias had tamed the intensity of his drinking while he was away. Sona never outright wrote about the issue, that would involve acknowledging there was an issue to begin with, but he knew how to read her hidden messages. Assurances she might as well have made to the wind. Alastair assumed she felt sorry for him. Wanted to at least afford him a few more months without the burdens of his father's sickness. The gesture was appreciated, to an extent he felt touched by what his mother was trying to do. It didn't erase the fact it was too late. He already knew enough to never believe her. Yet, he wasn't sure Elias's drinking was the root of the strange way he acted today. There was something far more aware going on behind his light eyes. But Alastair was tired and wanted to get this visit over with, He kept his thoughts to himself until his father finally tired of his company.

They parted ways upon reaching the institute and Elias refused to tell Alastair where exactly he was staying. So close to finally being done with this day Alastair didn't consider asking for more details, fearing trying to coerce any information Elias didn't want to give would only cause him to invade into his life longer. He watched him leave and almost felt guilt from the relief that fell through his bones. There would be a time he needed to return into his father's hold, but today was not that day. It would be long until he worried about Elias again.

That night Alastair slept well for the first time in weeks. The last time he would in years. There was indescribable happiness flowing through him the next, a phenomenon purely driven by the absence of worry. He should have known it wouldn't last. That night as he began to finish his work and retire for what was left of the evening, someone called his name. One of the other residents of the institute stared at him through a wide grin, telling Alastair how hilarious his father's jokes were. The first thing he noticed was that his acquaintance was without a shadow of a doubt, drunk. Giggling at the sound of his own voice and a certain stumble to the steady rhythm of his feet. Alastair knew he needn't ask where he'd seen his father, but he still did. So much talk of being smarter than his desire yet he still hoped the man wouldn't reply to what he knew he would.

The bar was only a ten-minute walk. From the information he got, Elias had just recently gotten there. Still tame enough to make jokes, present himself as charming. Make people pass off his drinking as nothing outside the ordinary. Alastair refused to acknowledge the loud thump his heart gave with every step he took. He rejected thinking about this entire ordeal in its entirety. He'd just do what he always did and then forget. Pretend it never happened. Let it fade into the other thousand memories just like tonight.

The situation was worse than he expected, the effort it took to finally drag him away from the bar wasn't the one Alastair thought it'd be. Had it been the break? Did just a few months of freedom break his ability to do this? By the time he finally managed to get Elias outside he was left thinking in his sixteen years of life he hadn't suffered a night as difficult as today since he first began at ten years old. Elias was never glad to see him in this state, his image only represented one thing, leaving the bottle. But his hatred always stemmed from his separation with alcohol, not Alastair himself. Yeah, he'd scream some insults and do some damage, but Alastair knew it was never about him. For it to be he'd have to care for him more than the bottle. However, today he looked at his son with hatred indifference couldn't bring. Insults were sharper, harsher, looking for a way to tear through him.

Elias kept on shouting, and Alastair could feel his patience slowly fading. He didn't know where Elias was staying, and any attempt to get him to inform would only end in disaster. He was alone, in the middle of a foreign country, and the only person he could perhaps ask for help was the last one he'd want seeing him like this. In the middle of his spiraling thoughts, he walked them into an abandoned corridor, hoping this would give him more time to think. Come up with anything resembling a plan.

Upon moving them Elias got angrier, his struggle to free himself from Alastair's grasp stronger. He barely managed to remain tied to Elias's free wrist, a now empty bottle he refused to let go off occupying the other. When he managed to get them into the dead-end street he could no longer handle Elias, his anger took over him and began to fall into the carefully laid traps he now realized his father was setting.

Alastair couldn't have guessed how long they both stayed arguing against each other. Alastair could barely recall when he stopped insulting him and began insulting his mother. His memories were scarce and rare but he could still recall Elias saying he wasn't his son. He would never be. The shock of it all made Alastair drop his firm hold, and the next thing he knew he was pinned against a wall, Elias whispering over and over again about how much he wanted to stop it. Stop seeing his face. Coherence to his words faded the closer he got with a knife he took off his shirt pocket.

He didn't know what happened first, the knife digging into his cheek or the bottle smashing into his father's head. Suddenly his father fell to the floor, the bottle smashed into a thousand little pieces scouring around the street and the knife dropped at his feet. There were a few stains of blood. Not as big as the one pulling around his father. He bent down to pick a piece of glass, his body moving like a puppet on strings, and stared at his reflection. Who stared back at him was a killer of his own making.

It was pathetic really, all this time attempting to convince himself there were scraps of goodness within him only for this to show his true nature. Time passed and there he remained, questioning if it'd just be easier to take the glass and finish his father's job. Once the thrill expired and the full weight of his actions set in he began to bring it forward, and forward. He thinks the only thing that managed to stop him was thinking death would be too kind of a fate for him.

An invisibility rune allowed him to escape before mundanes found what he'd done. He ran through the streets of Paris to the only place he actually knew how to get to. Everyone was asleep by now, the only sounds from the city life outside of the church's walls. He swallowed in before stepping, his legs unable to stop shaking. The only reason he was here was to find a way to escape the city before his father's body was found. With his death all the debts Elias gained along his illness would be left with his family. He needed to set those right. Life do whatever it wanted with him afterward once he knew his family was taken care of.

He tried to be as careful as possible when entering, making no noise as he managed to reach his room. What he hadn't counted on was his lover awaiting on the other side.

¨Alastair where have you been? I´ve been looking-¨

Charles's entire face fell when he finally caught sight of him. Alastair probably looked like he'd been through hell. The cut on his face still burned while his hand was ruined from squeezing the glass. He could also guess there was blood all over his clothing. Alastair reached for the door and closed it shut.

¨What is going on¨ Charles demanded. When he faced him he realized for once in his life he couldn't pretend. Hide how much his life was screwed.

¨I need your help¨ he settled on replying ¨I need to get out of the city¨

¨Not until you tell me what's going on¨ the other man's voice grew impatient, weary ¨Alastair what did you do¨

At his silence he asked again, this time more demanding ¨What did you do¨

¨Something I can never come back from¨ he moved past Charles and began to clear his desk ¨I cannot, I will not speak about it. You best believe I am doing you a favor by doing so. I just need to leave. Tonight. When the truth comes out you can make some lie of why I am no longer here. Claim I escaped, claim I had decided to leave previous to the event already, you are the smartest man I know I´m sure you can come up with something¨

At that moment he felt Charles's hands turn him, forcing him to meet his eyes. With the memory of arms to his shoulders still fresh he couldn't help but flinch ¨Have you gone mad?¨

Yes, he wanted to shout. Yes, I have ¨Charles I have never asked anything of you. I am asking now. Please. Just let me do this¨

For the first time in his life, he couldn't read his lover's face. Maybe it was his panicked state, but the silence threatened to kill him as Charles pondered his options.

¨You do not have to leave tonight, I´ll help you in the morning¨ he finally said, his words low and defeated ¨But if this is truly the last night I will ever see you. Then we must not let it go to waste¨

When Charles kissed him there was nothing Alastair could do but return his advance. There was no denying his only salvation

—--

When he awoke the first thing he registered was darkness, and his inability to raise his hand. He struggled against whatever kept them held beneath him, the low light now helping to out in context his surroundings. It was the institute's sanctuary, or so he assumed based on the style of the floor the moonlight illuminated. There were also voices, they were far enough to sound disoriented but still there. He recognized one in an instant.

¨I have no idea what he´s done¨ Charles's voice said ¨ but as head of the institute, I thought it best to contact you before anything escalated¨

¨You made the right call, now do we interrogate him by the mortal sword when he awakes¨

¨No no,¨ Alastair couldn't help but notice how his voice raised its pitch ¨ the truth of his deeds will come out eventually¨

¨What do you suggest we do in the meantime ¨

¨Perhaps he could remain in the silent city, alone until we figure out how to proceed. There he can await proper punishment without causing disturbances. I think itd be best for morale to keep this issue between us. I can handle his family if it comes to it¨

¨Do you think they'd come looking?¨

¨No, that's why I am most confident in my ability to properly handle the situation¨

There was something both of them werent saying, but all three understood. They could make Alastair disappear if so they desired.

And so they did. For almost two years. Then he began hearing voices in his head, only to realize they weren't in his head at all

What a ride huh? Also theres a lot thats not explained in page because Alastair doesnt know but I want to showcase in case its confusing. So this fict is going off the Alastair Verlac theory where Alastair isnt Elias son and the reason Elias was in Paris was because he found out Alastair may not be his son. He wasnt actually gonna kill Alastair but kept seeing Sonas ex face in him so in his drunken state he wanted to stop seeing it so yeah you get the rest. Would have Elias killed him? Thats up for interpratation. Also the reason Charles didnt want Alastair going under mortal sword was because he didnt want him potentially saying anything about their relationship. This was part one to an entire alastair villain au i will never write but hey i left the window open. If you guess who the voice is you get head pat

#tlh #tsc #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #elias carstairs

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kendallroygf · 1 year

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Your Kendall post speaks volumes. I never knew how to articulate it properly but I always think (idk if it’s canon or not) His ex wife is Jewish, his best friend Iranian and his daughter, South Asian. But he’s aligning himself with parties like ATN etc. I don’t know, it’s a funny thing to me because wether or not the writers did this on purpose or not but the people he’s closest to (aside from his sibs) are as you said, from marginalised communities. Does he think the amount of wealth a person earns suddenly makes them immune to a system that wasn’t originally built for anyone aside for people like him. I wonder what his stance would’ve been on Mckenen if he were in the room when they were all deciding who should be president. It’s more personal for him, his daughter is quite literally apart of the community that Mckenen demonises. Not even just for Kendall but for Stewy & Marcia too. Like they can’t be seen opposing people like him because where does that put them? Just being poc in a cooperate world is threatening enough. This is me putting too much thought into it while also knowing the writers maybe didn’t when it comes to the Sophie/Marcia/Stewy and the role they have to put on.

hmm i don’t know how qualified i am to speak on this but in terms of ‘aligning himself with atn’ i truly think it’s never been an conscious choice for kendall to do that. like it came with the job. logan groomed kendall to one day be in charge of waystar and subsequently atn for however many years and i think a consequence of that is that kendall doesn’t really have any concrete ideologies/beliefs, much like roman. but similar to shiv (although her politics are way more clear) he has this abstract idea of ‘doing good things’ with waystar and wanting to be a ‘good person’ but this in itself kind of centres around logan . like his desire to ‘be good’ is just a desire to be good in comparison to his father (i’m a good person i’m better than you etc) but ultimately kendall (in s1 mostly) wanted to be the Good Guy but without much foresight on what that actually looks like and i think that’s where his relationships with stewy, rava and sophie come in i suppose. but i don’t think kendall intentionally created a relationship with stewy and rava or adopted sophie out of tokenism or anything. i simply think he connected to stewy and rava in some way mostly because they oppose logan and what he Represents very outwardly and consciously or unconsciously that’s what kendall was looking for. it stems from that patricidal drive + resentment kendall’s always had for logan but ultimately i think kendall is too self absorbed to think more deeply about what stewy or his daughter might face esp in terms of the toxicity of atn or what part kendall himself plays in it all. but i think i agree with you in the sense it seems kendall does think material wealth kind of shields you from having to deal with institutionalised racism + i played back that scene and kendall says wrt to atn and waystar he’s ‘trying to keep the world safe’ for his kids so i do think that he thinks that sophie was ultimately safe from all that and he probably assumes people like stewy and marcia are too. so with that in mind i don’t think he really counts his daughter as part of the many marginalised groups that mencken demonises even though sophie as we see isn’t exempt from facing racism. like at all. as for what kendall’s stance would be on mencken if he was in that room in ‘what it takes’ i could not say for sure but i think that itself goes back to kendall not having any concrete ideology or politics except on an entirely abstract level. like mencken’s a ‘nazi’ but ‘on a business level, they need to have a relationship’ so i think honestly his stance would be completely determined by his state of mind wrt to himself and his father. but no yeah i agree it’s probably extremely difficult for stewy, marcia and stewy who have all at one point been othered or treated as nrpi by the roys while still being closely connected to it all.

#idk kendall’s politics are just so esp hard to pinpoint bc yeah he’s sensitive to logan’s antisemitism and other forms of prejudice but #then a whole lot of his outward politics are performative and he can only really empathise with the marginalised if he can relate to himself #*relate it to himself #in some way like w the cruise victims in s3 . like when he hates his dad in s3 shiv and roman are ‘nazi lovers’ but in s4 he thinks it’s #imperative they have a relationship on a ‘business level’ so i genuinely think he’s like roman and sees all that #as Not Real and politics as pointless in a way but also he does acc give a shit abt ppl but kind of surface level. nd regards to stewy and #marcia it’s complex bc they kind of chose to align themselves with atn and waystar and the roys like while obv they do exp racism #stewy is also friends with mencken according to arian and marcia Married logan so it’s not like kendall’s belief that material wealth #divorces you from true marginalisation is coming from nothing bc ultimately the amount go wealth marcia and stewy have acquired means #*of wealth #they’ve stepped on the backs of many also marginalised ppl themselves bc that’s like. literally what capitalism is.#but also i am 17 and do not have enough time to read the books i want to read so my knowledge is quite bare. i wish i could talk more on the #politics aspect of this in a more meaningful way but alas #but yeah. thank u for sending this ask this was soo interesting to talk abt #p #succ.#kendall

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