#everytime I realize I’ve forgotten to emote for a while my brain goes ‘well here you go again. you ableist fuck’
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Let’s play a fun game called am I masquerading as an autistic person and acting how I think someone with autism would act or am I simply learning to unmask
#this game is unwinnable btw#everytime I realize I’ve forgotten to emote for a while my brain goes ‘well here you go again. you ableist fuck’#catch myself rocking? why are you faking it#sensory issues? you are being a weirdo#anyways pondering this a lot lately#autism
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walks in the rain [tsukishima kei x reader]
Author’s Note: Yes, it is me. I was formerly known as lookuptotheskiesandsee, but decided to have a do-over since I wasn’t really that into the classic rock fandom anymore. Anyway, here’s my very first Haikyuu fic. If I have anything wrong in here, whether it be with grammar or anything else, please tell me! I’m super new to this :’)
Also, this is totally going to flop anyway, but shares and feedback are appreciated! I know this isn’t a totally amazing fic or something that really gets the heart beating. It’s more lowkey and has a more slice-of-life feeling, but I promise this isn’t the best I have hfhihiwqhdowejd.
Word Count: 1,818
Summary: you’ve forgotten your umbrella, so tsukishima offers to walk with you with his own. along the way home, you reminisce about before.
Warnings?: my trash writing, but none other than that!
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The squeaking of shoes and hitting of volleyballs filled the court. You waited patiently beside Yachi and Kiyoko, with the former watching starry-eyed at the group of boys. Smiling fondly, you looked back into the court.
The team had just finished the last practice set, all of them who participated panting heavily as they celebrated their win (well, half of them, at least).
Ukai clapped his hands together, getting the attention of the players.
“Right! Next practice, same thing. Now,” he continued, “I’ll be taking my leave. I’ve got a shift to cover. Besides, it’s getting late. Clean up quick, yeah?”
“Yes, Coach!” some shouted in response, adrenaline still pumping through their veins.
With some last goodbyes, Ukai left the gym. And with that, the cleanup started.
It had started out normally, all as usual. That was, until the rainclouds pulled in. This wasn’t unusual or anything, but it was inconvenient, of course, since most students walked home from school, including the Kasasuno team. Two volleyballs were in your arms when you stopped to look outside. Turning your head to the rest of the gym, you looked to see just about everything finished up.
“Ah, I can finish up around here this time, guys. You can all get home before the rain starts pouring too hard,” you offered kindly. Sure, you don’t do this everytime, but every once in a while it would be nice to do something for them, since they already work so hard on playing.
Daichi stopped in his tracks for a moment, seemingly surprised at your offer.
“There’s not much more to do, you really don’t have to,” he said, offering a smile in response.
“I know, but it’ll start raining real soon, and it’s best if you guys get a head start, right?” you explained. “Besides, I know where everything goes, I’ll be fine.”
“Y/n-”
“It’s fine, Daichi-san. Really, all of you,” you reassured him.
You could see the hesitation in his eyes, but your sure look made him give in. Sighing, with a smile on his face. “Alright. Everyone finish what you’re doing and we’ll go.”
A few minutes later, it seemed everyone had gone home.
That was until you finished closing.
Once you locked the doors you turned your head only to see Tsukishima standing there, his headphones on and leaning against the wall.
“Tsukki, what are you doing? The rain’s already started,” you murmured, slinging your bag across your shoulder.
He took off his headphonse and tilted his head toward you. “You think I haven’t noticed? Knowing you, you probably forgot your umbrella today.”
“I-” your cheeks flushed at the statement. He was right, actually.
Of course he was.
At this he began to chuckle, with that goddamn smirk on his face. It was embarrassing, really, and Tsukishima knew that. Turning his gaze away from you, he opened his umbrella and started to walk off. For a moment, you stared after him, your cheeks hot and chest tightening.
When he realized you weren’t following, he looked back at you with an expectant look on his face.
“Well? Are you coming? Or would you rather walk in the rain to get home? ‘Cause I’ll leave you here,” he questioned teasingly.
You perked at his statement. “H-Hey! That wouldn’t be very nice, now would it?” you objected, running after him.
“And you take me as the nice guy?”
“Not the point!” you pouted, standing by his side as the rain hit the umbrella. The height difference was nice, especially since it was an excuse to have someone else hold the umbrella instead of you. Especially if it was Tsukki.
Besides Yamaguchi, you were probably the only one who he’d consider a close friend (though he’d never admit it). You were neighbors, but only became friends in middleschool. At first, you had thought of the blonde as just a mean kid, but as you got to know him, you realized that he was actually… really cool.
In fact, you even began to develop feelings for him.
Though, you had never said it out loud. That would’ve made it too real. You didn’t want that. He was your friend, nothing else. There was no way he could feel the same, right? He treated you just like everyone else.
Except he didn’t. And everyone but you seemed to see that. By this time, the whole team saw how you pined for each other (though it took Hinata and Kageyama a little longer to notice). And it was frustrating to the whole team.
“Oi, why’re you so quiet all of a sudden?”
His voice snapped you out of your trance. You blinked up at him.
“No reason. Why?” you questioned, stopping at the crosswalk to wait for the cars to finish passing.
“You usually talk too much for your own good. What, are you finally using that brain of yours to think?” he said, his gaze flickering to you for just a fraction of a second before he started walking across the street.
Considering he took long strides because of his taller stature, you had to jog to get back next to him while answering.
“Hey, maybe I’m not as smart as you, but at least I’m smarter than Hinata and Kageyama!” you whined.
He scoffed at your reasoning. “That’s not saying much. Even if they were combined.”
You paused for a moment before bursting into a laugh, patting his back. “You’re so mean, Tsukki! They’re just too enticed with volleyball, is all.”
Your words seemed to make him grimace a little. As your laughs died down you finally answered him properly.
“Just thinking about us when we were in middleschool,” you murmured, watching your breath show up in the air.
“Middleschool?” he questioned, shoving his other hand in his pocket at the mention of it.
“Mm!” you confirmed. “I used to think you were just this salty, mean guy. I mean, you still are,” you laughed. “But there’s way more to you now, I know.”
“Oh?” Tsukki said, trying to hide the real curiosity in his voice.
“Yeah,” you nodded. Looking up at what parts you could see of the sky, you continued. “When we were just neighbors and classmates, I found you really intimidating. Not just because of your height, but how you handled things. You were smart, yeah, a little snarky, but also a bit rude. I never thought I’d be friends with you, or that you’d want to… be friends with me.’
This didn’t change his pace or his face. The both of you kept walking.
“But when I saw you making fun of Yamaguchi’s bullies, it completely crushed the idea of you that I thought was right. And when we started hanging out, I finally saw you.”
You had missed it, but his face began to change.
“You’re real. You’re really intelligent, really nice, though I know you won’t believe, and really talented, too. I know you’re afraid to show passion for something that might crush you in the end, but I think you’ve got great potential. You’ve just changed so much from the first time I’ve seen you, but I know that’s only on the outside. I know, though, that the boy from before is still in there.” A pause. “But if I were to describe you with one word, it would be…”
You turned to face him, finally making eye contact with the tall blonde.
“Cool.”
His eyes widened at your words. You hadn’t expected him to react in any way, so his surprise made you think back on your words.
“Ah, sorry, sorry!” you apologized, bringing your hands up. “I know you don’t like that kind of thing, but… I just thought you should know.”
Again, the heat began to rise in your cheeks. Way to go, Y/n.
He didn’t respond, just staring you down with his cold eyes. Yet, they didn’t seem to hold the same emotion as they usually did. Perhaps you were just imagining it.
“Tch,” was all he said before he continued walking, facing forward once more.
There wasn’t any conversation after that. When you both arrived at your home, you turned and thanked him.
“Thanks for walking me, Tsukki. You didn’t have to,” you acknowledged gratefully.
“I know,” he nodded back.
There was a tense moment of silence before you turned, coughing awkwardly as you walked up the steps to your door.
“Oi, Y/n.”
Surprised, you turned your head to look at your friend.
His mouth was parted, as if he were hesitating.
“...yes?” you asked curiously, hand resting on the doorframe.
“Let’s go somewhere after school tomorrow,” he managed nonchalantly.
“Like- Like a hangout?” you murmured, wondering if this was what you hoped it would be.
“No,” he answered. “Like a date.”
It felt like your heart leaped out of your chest. All you could feel in that moment was shock. Him? Tsukishima Kei? Wanted to go on a date with you? Even after that whole awkward walk? And the past, like, five or four years you’ve known him?
“Are you sure?” you asked, dumbstruck.
“Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” he said, supposedly annoyed. “I happen to like you, and you happen to like me. That is, unless I’ve been wrong this whole time?”
Oh.
OH.
OH?
He knew this entire time?!
Confusion passed through your mind momentarily before you hastily answered, “No, no! You’re right! I just-- I wasn’t expecting this, so,” you stopped yourself from saying anything that could ruin this moment. “Yeah. Let’s go somewhere.”
“Good. Wait for me when school ends. I already have a place picked out,” he stated. If you listened closely, you could hear how nervous he actually was and how fast his heart was beating. He hadn’t been this nervous before in a long time.
“O-Okay,” you stuttered, unsure of what to say.
It seemed as though he didn’t either, because he left soon after with just a nod as a goodbye. In reality, he probably would’ve talked to you more if he weren’t so nervous. Could you imagine that? Tsukishima nervous because of you?
Staring at his form walking away from your house, you stood there, stunned. A date. With him. Tomorrow. It seemed almost impossible that this was real.
Once he turned the corner and left your neighborhood, you rushed inside, suddenly remembering how cold it was out there.
“Oh, Y/n,” your mother called from the kitchen. “Can you pick up some groceries on your way back from school for me since it’s already on your way back?”
You were about to accept when you remembered what you had just agreed on.
“I can’t,” you answered.
“Huh?” she called. “And why is that?”
A grin broke out on your face, your fists clenching as the reality of the situation took hold. Honestly, you felt like screaming your excitement into a pillow.
“I have a date!”
#tsukishima kei x reader#tsukishima x reader#haikyuu x reader#haikyu x reader#tsukishima imagine#tsukishima x you#tsukishima kei x you#tsukishima fic#haikyuu fanfic#haikyuu self insert#haikyuu fanfiction#lmao i'm sorry
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Homestuck candy epilogue: My opinion
Okay i need to say this first: i haven’t read the meat one, this are my opinions on candy without looking at the other one.
This...was an experience certainly, i read non stop until i finished it, but half on it i realized: i didn’t like it.
But, at the same time there were things i did like.
-First, i like the fact that they wanted John to choose and so to us to choose and see the two timelines, i choosed candy first cause i wanted to se the consequences of staying and at the beggining i was happy about it, i liked that roxy was happy about John staying and that, but then...Gamzee.
-I don’t know ,even if it was planned by Hussie but i really HATED how this was done, i can understand the whole thing of ‘’oh he need a chance’’ he had many dude, he had many and every time he did things worst, but suddenly he’s sorry? My it would be better if they went with my now old old theory of Gamzee being crazy because of the effects of the weird green liquid he dranks at the beggining, the one everyone said it was toxic? when i read about it at the time, i assumed he went nuts cause that thing fried his brain and even tho is a bit dumb, that for me would be more normal than ‘’oh i’m sorry just cause i was in the fridge’’ at least John knew how messed up the situation was.
-I have no complains about Kanaya and Rose i think they stayed in character and they were probably the best ones here.
-I had a bad feeling about this weird sht of JadexKarkatxDave, more like JadexDave and let’s ruin karkat. Okay but seriously, DaveKat is one of my favorite shipps since i saw them at the end of homestuck but they got so ruined in here, not just because Jade was so intrusive (and out of character when she did that) but cause Karkat was still being mean to Dave, and okay listen i know i know...that’s his personality but, they were together for years and nothing changed? He was nice with Terezi back then he showed signs of caring and love at his way and i can understand his behavior cause he was young but...he’s almost an adult then, he knows about Dave’s childhood , then why he doesn’t support him or is more loving ? Like, if they’re together for so long it’s normal to support each other, or at least, talk normaly and calmly, but he shouts everytime Dave teases him a little, which makes the couple look toxic and i would understand if they got appart cause of that but at the end of the story they miss each other like?? if they liked each other so much why writte them like that, this plot of Jade karkat and Dave was managed so bad...
They even showed that almost kiss after Dirks death which means, karkat cared karkat supported , but just that one time? why nothing happen? nothing was explained, the next thing we knew was they were fighting BECAUSE OF JADE, no of them but Jade, Dave wasn’t brave enough to tell her to go away of give them sometime or just talk???
idk i’m not gonna say more cause i can talk about this for hours but yeah, i’m really angry how bad they did this.
-Oh yeah , Jane x Jake is the worst shit ever, seriously, i can understand the shipp, but not only was the worst way i’ve seen a couple start but the worst abusive relationship, Jade had plans and when she saw all of it crush inmediatly went ‘’oh yeah i liked jake didn’t i? let’s go’’ , like ...????.
Jake is weak i understand but, he doesn’t have any respect for himself or what??? And no one told him to the damn face how bad was the thing? like , everyone knew about how bad things were but no one did anything except john...kinda. And he just accepted this relationship cause he still felt something towars Jane but....dude at least think a bit about it, how do you know that’s still love or pitty.
And seeing how much i hate Gamzee words cannot express how furious i was about that Gamzee x Jane x Jake, at a certain point i didn’t even read anymore the dialogue of Gamzee with Jane, i just felt sick, specially seeing that she was with Gamzee like a kissmesis but put Jake in a corner all the time except when her father died.
At least i’m glad Jake finally noticed and left with his son.
-Calliope went missing like half of the story and suddenly returned and we didn’t know nearly anything besides ‘’she was with roxy’’.
-Roxy x John was too rushed tbh , if i think of this as a fanfic i can understand it tho.
-Godamnit Dirk with your stupid villain stuff, i don’t like it nor understand this, the only way i could understand his motives were ‘’I’m bored and if there’s nothing interesting to do let’s just die’’ but the fact of the robot in his room tells me he had it planned waay before so...what? Why? They didn’t explained much in candy so idk, maybe his motives are actually well explained (or not)
-Even tho DaveKat was managed poorly i think Dave was one of the few ones that stayed in character, he didn’t suddenly chanded he matured and that was fine, except for the ending , i will talk about that in the end.
-I really hate Gamzee here goddammit.
-Kanaya and Rose naming her daughter Vriska is really disturbing, but at least john acknowledges this.
-Did they just confirmed that Jade has a d- ck? Why tho? I don’t think it was needed (i don’t know if i understood that one good but i think that is the thing (Candy 18))
-This may be a unpopular opinion but i don’t care about the sons enough to read a whole page of them talking? And i don’t like them either, they bully Tavros a lot, in fact Tavros is like my favorite but he doesn’t talk much? He has this scene of John trying to get him out cause he’s scared of gamzee trying to touch him BUT NO ONE DOES NOTHING BESIDES JOHN? and this gots forgotten, what happen? What Tavros thinks? Why he talks so little? I was genuinly worried about this kid but he didn’t have enough time. The sons are more like plot devices, they just talk and in the middle of it they explaing what’s happening, so i didn’t care that much, too bad :/
-I’m glad John called Jade about her horrible behaviour, even tho she does nearly nothing about it, she doesn’t have a part where she thinks if the things she did were wrong or not, i wish we had that, but no.
-I’m happy about Karkat being the leader of the rebels but i think the war it’s just stupid...makes me remember that movie about flash and time traveling to save her mother resulting in a world war of aquaman with wonderwoman just cause he kinda cheated on her or something like that, i feel the reason of the war in here just as stupid, glad to see everyone thinks the same.in the story.
(Even so, karkat is so cool being the leader, sorry, i had to)
-The thing about Terezi Dying genuinly make me tear a little :c
-Why didn’t John said to Dave that Karkat was in the party? Like...what matters? he’s married at that moment, just knowing is not gonna change a thing, after all they’re in war.
-WHY THE HELL gamzee ducks so many people???? Why????? Damn even vriska!! At least she killed him , i was so happy about that.
-The talk John has with Roxy was so good gosh, it was one of the best things there, she nailed it and make me emotional for a while, i wish i can explain more why i like it so much but that can be in another post.
-Okay finally
What the hell happen at the end? I mean, to me is a bit obvious this was a trick made by Dirk, this was to much of a coincidente, but not just that, Dave character broke entirley here for me.
When he starts to talk about Karkat i was really crying , mostly because of how much Dave was suffering for this, he almos never ever cries, but he was tearing his eyes out in here, he let everything he was suppresing go and he just said ‘’ I miss him’’ and ‘’I love jade’’ , he still can do so much and he still has things to do, but when they offered the robot, he doesn’t think at all and just goes?? Why????? Like i get it the thing about Obama and that but...hes an adult, he’s smart he didn’t think more than that? He has a wife , he obviously wants to talk to karkat more but he trows all that to the trash and says ‘’yeah let’s go’’????
If you tell me this happens cause Dirk is doing stuff to the narrative...that’s not good, not at all, this whole thing about him controlling the narration is messed up and it feels so OP, it feels so stupid like Vriska being the ‘’true hero we all needed’’ just cause Hussie liked her so much to make her almost the damn main character in the ending. Trowing Dave dreams like that, not even letting him to question everything, if the last part was manipulated to make him choose the ultimate self, then means Dirk needs a restriction in his power before that, or else, the plot itself doesn’t make any fucking sense, because he would just choose everything for everyone and that’s just stupid, it just makes the whole story a literal fanfiction made by him, which is honestly really dissapointing.
But anyway, those are all my thoughs about the candy one, it’s just my opinion about it.
#Homestuck#Homestuck trolls#homestuck epilogue#epilogue spoilers#opinion#opinion post#personal thoughts#i'm angry dude#karkat#dave strider#davekat#john x roxy#jane x jake#jade x dave
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I’LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN | CAROL & MILLIE | @velvetipped
–––––– she remembers it well. the time she’s spent, trying to figure out what was wrong. why caroline didn’t react to her gentle, soothing touch. to her words. why she seemed to look right through her everytime she says her name. asks for her to look at her. but everything she does seems not good enough. little does she know it’s been days since their last conversation. since they’ve shared a loving touch. and it’s when she’s standing against the frame of their bedroom door, watching the love of her life, something hits her.
a tender lit room - one that resembles to a private booth of a stripclub. no. no, she’s wrong. when her gaze falls upon the pokertable behind her, where she’s cornered against, she knows where they are. the back of a casino. one of her hands rests on the slick wood of the table as the other’s hiding behind her back, feeling the green material the cards normally lay on. spread around, with a cigar or two. and a shot of bourbon, or whiskey, depending on the player’s poison. but this time there’s nothing, just a blank green canvas, ready to be played at. except, something tells her tonight there won’t be any games played. not the kind civilized society would normally play. an unexpected breath, one that’s only noticeable for herself, leaves her lips when she feels something touch her fingers. someone, not something. fingers lock with her own and hazel eyes fall onto the figure next to her. it’s blurry. unclear. like she can exactly see who it is, it’s right there on the tip of her tongue, but her brain won’t process. so all that remains is a hole her mind impossibly won’t fill up.
❝ you can point the gun at me all you want, but i’m taking one of you with me to the grave. –– don’t mistake me for a fool. don’t ever – ... ❞
there are no details. everytime she tries to remember - everytime she tries to focus, the less her mind is willing to cooperate. so instead she’s just there. lingering in the space she’s most familiar with. she’s with her every second, she’s been there with her ever since she died. unable to let go. unable to leave caroline alone. there are moments she’s forgotten what happened - why her lover won’t respond to her, she’s right there with her after all. and it causes millie to withdraw from her and sit on the end of the bed instead. for minutes, hours not understanding what she’s done to upset her lover.
she often wanders around the house. when she’s realized it’s useless to talk. to try and seek communication when there is none. so she tries to find comfort in the place she lives in. a darker and grayer place she remembers. or was it just the weather, the clouds that drove the sunlight out in the afternoon skies that made this house seem so... unhappy? she misses something. a familiar light. heat. something.... something dangerous when touched for too long ––– fire! it was fire she missed. the fireplace burning, the living room basking in its glory and warmth. she hasn’t seen or felt that fire for a long time, it seems. but the strength to move down and heat the thing she doesn’t find. fingertips touch the dusty photoframes that are on the hearth instead.
the doorbell rings. it does sometimes, but millie doesn’t pay attention any longer. the people that come in are a daze to her anyways. like white noise. she can’t see who they are, or what they’re saying. she sighs when her eyes fall on the beach photo of them together. it causes the corners of her lips to rise, as far was possible. she can’t be happy whilst her lover isn’t. but the sweet memory of their shared kiss in front of friends sparks an emotion she hasn’t felt in a while. happiness, she thinks it is. and it’s then she hears an unfamiliar voice coming from the bedroom. ❝ we all miss her, caroline. we really do. –– ❞ silence falls for a moment and millie takes it to turn away from the hearth, slowly approach the room the female voice had come from. ❝ – but life goes on. she would’ve wanted to see you happy. to move on, no matter how much it hurts. ❞ she recognizes that voice, she knows she does.
❝ wanna bet? – i pull the trigger faster than you can, asshole.❞ there are more people in the room, millie notices. she knows now. it’s not just her, the stranger pointing the gun at her and the figure next to her, but three more people have surrounded him. she remembers the fight, no, not a fight, a war. a war she had started by killing the cult’s queen lillian. and the chase, oh the forever chase to track down the upirs that had made it out alive. the friends they made along the way, finding out they hadn’t been alone. fighting a fight that had been going on for longer than millie knew - the queen apparently had made many enemies. and their fight had almost been over, save for one. the last pawn they had found tonight, hiding in the back of a casino that had been shut down years ago. a great hiding place, millie had to admit so, but not clever enough to have stayed off the radar. not for the codebreaker, at least. but somewhere along the way, whilst intruding the place, the tides had turned and they no longer had control over the situation.
it’s katherine, she remembers now. their best friend, pointing a gun at their enemy. a glock g29 gen4 to be exact. it was better than this homemade one, but that didn’t rule out the danger they were in. and her strength grows around the hand she’s holding in her own when she notices his knuckles tighten, clearly not considering lowering the gun by katherine’s threat. and it pushes the air right out of millie when his shooting point shifts from her own chest towards caroline.
caroline. oh god, it hits her now. she’s holding caroline’s hand. and her focus changes from the man towards her lover. she finds those beautiful oceanblue eyes she’s been drowning in over and over again. only to be rescued by those breathtaking lips. lips where both loving and awful words had dropped from over time, but they always made it through. they made it through everything, they were made for each other after all. like soulmates, always returning to each other. she thinks of the many times she’s been cupping those perfect cheekbones, traced the lines all over her face and kissed her forehead - her nose. kissed her everywhere she could possibly kiss her. ran her hands through her soft short hair. and her hands... the hand she’s holding onto. she takes in the feeling of skin on skin, as if it’s the last time.
and the last time, it had been. she figured it all out. it took her so long. but she knows why. her fingers trace her temple, the final blow still echoing through her skull, but there was no trace of a gunshot to be found. ❝ –– caroline? ❞ she asks, not expecting an answer. for the first time knowing there won’t be an answer. because no matter how close she was to her lover, they were entirely separated. and the distance between them breaks her. it makes her hurry to the bedroom. how she had made it into the kitchen, she cannot remember. but the house is dark - the lights are out and she figures caroline’s to be found in the room they spent so much time together. ❝ oh, caroline. ❞ she breathes out when she finds her in bed, moving in to hold her close. to brush her fingers through her hair, to brush her fingertips over her hand. ❝ i’m so, so sorry. ❞ tears drip onto the pillow, although she knows for sure it’s only her own hallucination. ghosts cannot cry, and most certainly caroline cannot see, feel or hear her. but her apologies - they’re real. ❝ i had no idea... i didn’t know until now. –– i swear i’ve always been here. i’m right here. i was lost....so lost. –– my darling dearest, i wish i could’ve said goodbye. i wish you could hear me - like all the other many times i’ve tried to talk to you.....i thought you were angry. i thought - i thought you were upset, but not –– not because of... ❞ she’s unable to finish her sentence, listening to her lover’s breathing for a while.
❝ i’ll always be here. i promise. –––––– my darling. ❞
#「 upir verse 」 –––––– hit me with your best shot.#「 caroline dubuis 」 –––––– only you & you alone.#velvetipped#// you provoked this bex. you did this. youuuur fauuuult.#i know it's a long post but it's better readable on the dash than on my blog i figure??#「 alternate universe 」 –––––– i'll never love again.#blood tw#guns tw#murder tw#death tw
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