#every fucked up murder man looks at louis and says I Can Make Him Worse... fuck that last guy tho
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the idea of hannibal as loustat's marriage counselor is soooo funny bc on the surface he would have to agree with lestat's attempts to corrupt louis's nature and have him embrace murder and killing and consumption but on the other hand I strongly believe that hannibal would find lestat's general personality and shallow theatrics in incredibly poor taste and would feel obligated to kill and eat him despite agreeing with him completely
#iwtv#hannibal#I'm also convinced that he would find louis completely fascinating and would make it a personal mission to coax him into murder#while deliberately pushing a wedge between him and lestat#every fucked up murder man looks at louis and says I Can Make Him Worse... fuck that last guy tho#princelabia
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my favorite quotes from Unvelievers by isthatyoularry on ao3:
funny:
“they always hated each other, is the thing.”
“Harry the pretentious moron that he is.”
“Harry’s not even a boy. He looks like some kind of grown up man with a baby head. Kind of.”
“He looks like a fucking frog. ‘You look like a fucking frog.‘“
“Imagine being worse than Harry in bed. Jesus.”
“Louis: ?” “Harry: !”
“There’s a thought, he’s going to skin Harry alive!”
“The only one who’s ever dared mentioning his bum to his face is Harry, and he’s only allowed.”
“You think I’d be dead by now, counting how many times you’ve threatened to murder me.”
“Fine I’ll just close my eyes and picture you naked instead.” “You need therapy.”
“Don’t say ditto.” “Ditto.” “Stop.” “It sounds like dildo. “
“He and Harry are not friends.”
“Louis, Christ, I didn’t know you were into football players.”
“Fuck, He loves Harry’s bum.”
“Homo sapiens doing to the do. Homo sapiens homoing. Or something.”
“Let’s just… be miserable. Together.”
“So do you want a blowjob or something? Because I’m kind of bored.”
“Louis loves all of God’s creatures (kind of), but these butterflies need to be murdered.”
“Harry doesn’t like cauliflower.”
“Harry is one of the most important people in his life right now. He should have an emoji.”
“He thinks his butterflies have gone into cardiac arrest.”
“Harry -insert loud groan- loves Louis back.”
“Harry-sexual sounds pretty good to me.”
“If you want me to tell you you’re my only one, then yeah. I am Harry-sexual, baby.”
cute:
“Louis can’t imagine life not hating Harry.”
“He might - might - have come to terms with finding Harry a little bit attractive.”
“I don’t really understand what your deal is, but the two of you really seem to love hating each other”
“Louis despises Harry. He’s an idiot. And still he’s got Louis weak in the knees.”
“Congratulations sweetcheaks.”
“He feels unstable, but it’s making him fall into it.”
“I don’t want to be alone.”
“Nothing has made him feel as much as Harry, no matter what kind of feelings”
“They don’t just kiss to kiss.”
“Louis will actually admit it: Harry actually means a tiny little bit to him.”
“He knows for a fact that he and Harry definitely aren’t cute. They hate each other. They’re not cute.”
“Angry. Hedgehog.”
“He also likes the way Harry’s hand feels against his skin. It shouldn’t be this soothing.”
“Louis’ head is all fucked up, filled with nothing but Harry.”
“Lately, everything positive seems to come from him.”
“His hands are always so bloody gentle.”
“Even though we’re opposites, we’re not that different, Styles.”
“‘His’. The butterflies are thriving.”
“Maybe Harry has become Louis’ person, too, in some ways.”
“What can he say? He’s a teenager and Harry’s fucking gorgeous.”
“Harry is so bloody perfect and Louis is so fucking screwed.”
“They’re not enemies - they’re friends.”
“He also call Louis ‘babe’ and ‘baby’.”
“You’re proper in love with him, aren’t you?”
“He wonders if Harry felt safe with him. Louis feels safe right now.”
“It’s pretty fucking scary how much he means to Louis.”
“I still hate you and you’re still my antagonist.” “That’s okay, as long as you love me too.”
“He’s in love with him. He’s in love with Harry.”
“He’s the most delicate flower of the bunch, entirely enthralling.”
“So you have a crush on me huh?” “You will never know baby.”
“Louis has been feeling like Harry’s personal sun for a while.”
“I love you, but I hate you so much.”
sad:
“He thought when he trusted Harry with himself that that meant exactly the same thing.”
“Louis would be a risk. He’s got ups and downs, too fiery and sparking. Untrustworthy.”
“Louis wonders if their story is one of those, completely and utterly disappointing.”
“He’s got him heartbrokenly in love without a chance at a happy ending.”
“You called me your boy.”
“He’s not angry that he’s going, he’s just sad.”
“It’s like a pathetic, miserable fucking movie.”
“Harry it won’t work, because you’re the only one i’ve ever loved like this and I can’t stand the thought of losing you every single day.”
“I would rather fight with you, than love anybody else.”
“Everything doesn’t have a happy ending. Louis’ life is reality.”
“Harry’s so much, too much. He’s so… It just hurts.”
*nsfw*:
“I was saying excuse me if I’d like to see the face of the person who’s the first to fuck me.”
“I fucked you into oblivion.”
“I get ten minutes to do what I want you your neck.”
“Harry’s not nice, except for maybe when he moans in that way when Louis pulls his hair.”
“I’m not even gay, Harry. People can’t know about this!” “You’ve fucked me multiple times and you love my arse. Sure you’re not gay.”
“Louis wants to take him and do everything to him. He’s so bloody pliant, and he always wants it.”
“they lose their normal personas, letting go competent of what they really are to each other.”
“If you win I’ll give you a congratulatory blowjob tonight.”
“His hands are huge, powerful. Louis wants him.”
“All he can feel is Harry. Everything is just him. His hands, the tickling of his hair, his smell.”
“It feels too good. All too good. It’s all so natural, every movement coming so easily.”
“You’re so full of yourself.” “I could be full of you.”
“I want you to go down on me for so long that you develop gills.”
#larry stylinson#larry#stylinson#louis tomlinson#louis#tomlinson#harry styles#harry#styles#louis harry#harry louis#louis tomlinson harry styles#harry styles louis tomlinson#larry fic#larry fan fiction#larry ao3#louis tomlinson fic#louis tomlinson ao3#harry styles fic#harry styles ao3#larry stylinson ao3#larry stylinson fic#unbelievers#unbelievers fic#unbelievers ao3#unbelievers louis#unbelievers harry#unbelievers larry#unbelievers larry stylinson#isthatyoularry
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Supernatural Rewrite: Season 1, Episode 6: Skin
Summary: Y/N Singer joins Sam and Dean on the road. A rewrite starring you.
Pairing: eventual Dean X Reader, Sam X Reader (platonic)
Warnings: Language, show level violence
Word Count: 8,433
A/N: I’ll try to do at least once episode a week. No set schedule. Tags open.
Dean looked at you through the rearview mirror. You were in the backseat, your head against the window, your eyes finally closed. Dean couldn't help the relief he felt to see you finally sleeping. He had noticed just how little you had been doing it.
He would often wake up to find you still awake, and you always had an excuse for him when he asked you why you were still up. You would tell him that you just weren't tired, that you needed to finish what you were watching on television, or that you would come to bed as soon as you finished reading up on whatever case you were working.
You usually never though, more often than not your side of the bed remained empty, and Dean couldn't help but worry. Sometimes he would wake up to see you just staring out the window, almost as if you were waiting for someone or something, and every time he tried to ask you about it you would brush it off and quickly change the subject.
Dean sighed before looking over to Sam, "Hey, what do you think is going on with her?" Dean quietly asked, trying not to wake you.
"Honestly, I don't know, Dean. She won't talk to me about it. I've tried to ask her, but she just changes the subject." Sam said.
"She's been off since the last case, and she's not sleeping, at least not more than a couple hours." Dean said, Sam nodding his head.
"Maybe it's nightmares. Maybe everything is just kind of catching up to her all at once." Sam said, the two of you still hadn't talked about what happened in that antique store.
"I don't know, Sam. I mean, I've seen her fall asleep on the way back from a hunt with no problems. I don't think I've ever seen her wake up from a nightmare. Why would they start all of a sudden?" Dean asked.
"I...I don't know." Sam said, thinking of his own nightmares. "Listen, I'm sure she'll be fine. She'll probably be back to her old self soon." Sam added.
"Yeah, well, I hope so." Dean said, glancing over his shoulder at you.
Dean pulled into the gas station not long after his conversation with Sam, trying his best not to wake you as he pulled up the to gas pump. He looked over at Sam who was in his own world, scrolling through his Palm Pilot.
"Mmm...we here?" you sleepily asked from the backseat, Dean a little disappointed that he woke you up.
"No, but I figure we'd hit Tucumcari by lunch, then head south, hit Bisbee by midnight." Dean said, you nodding your head, but Sam didn't reply. "Sam wears women's underwear." Dean added.
You chuckled, "Leave your brother alone." you scolded. "He's obviously busy."
"I've been listening, and Y/N's right. I'm just busy." Sam said, still scrolling through his Palm Pilot.
"Busy doin' what?" Dean asked.
"Reading e-mails." Sam replied, Dean getting out of the car to pump gas, you following after him to stretch your legs.
"Why don't you just trash all of them. I mean, it's gotta be all spam." you said.
"They're not spam." Sam said, still not looking up.
"E-mails from who then?" Dean asked.
"From my friends at Stanford." Sam said.
"Good for you, Sammy." you said, stretching your arms over your head. "I know me and this one aren't the best company all the time. I'm glad you have people to talk to."
"You're kidding. You still keep in touch with your college buddies?" Dean asked Sam before turning to you. "I have no idea what you're talking about. We're awesome company."
"Why not? I mean, why wouldn't I keep in contact with them?" Sam asked.
"Well, what exactly do you tell 'em? You know, about where you've been, what you've been doin'?" Dean asked.
"Maybe they just talk about everyday normal shit." you said, smacking Dean on the arm, "Why do you have to be so nosey?"
"I tell 'em I'm on a road trip with my big brother and best friend. I tell 'em I needed some time off after Jess." Sam said, before Dean could answer you.
"Oh, so you lie to 'em." Dean said.
"Dean." you breathed out, not ready to deal with another one of their arguments.
"No. I just don't tell 'em...everything." Sam said.
"Yeah, that's called lying. I mean, hey man, I get it, tellin' the truth is far worse." Dean said.
"Hey, just wait a minute. I mean, I wouldn't consider that lying...technically you could call this a road trip." you said.
"It's lying." Dean said, again.
"So, what am I supposed to do...just cut everybody out of my life?" Sam asked, Dean shrugging his shoulders while you shook your head no.
"Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can't get close to people, period." Dean said.
"That's not true. I mean, I have friends, and I'm damn good at this job." you said.
Dean scoffed, "Who? Me and Sam?" he asked.
"No, I have friends outside of the two of you." you said.
Dean raised an eyebrow at you, "Sure you do." he said, sarcasm dripping from his words.
"I do!" you shouted, your lack of sleep making you crankier than usual.
"Whatever you say, Singer." Dean said.
"Whatever you say, Singer." you mocked, swatting him. "I got friends, asshole. Jake is my friend."
"Jake Bradley?" Dean asked.
"Yeah." you said.
"Yeah, Jake Bradley isn't your friend." Dean argued.
"You know, just because you don't like him, doesn't mean he isn't my friend. I mean, the guy’s never even done anything to you, and you still hate him." you said.
"You're kind of anti-social." Sam said.
"Yeah, whatever." Dean said before turning to face you, "I have my reasons." he said, you rolling your eyes at him.
"God." Sam said.
"What?" you and Dean asked in unison.
"In the e-mail from this girl, Rebecca Warren, one of those friends of mine." Sam said, Dean interrupting.
"Is she hot?" Dean asked, you slapping the back of his head.
"You know what, Y/N? I'm getting real tired of you slappin' me." Dean said, rubbing the back of his head.
"Well, if you didn't think with your dick all the time I wouldn't have to." you said.
"Yeah, cause that's what I was doing when you smacked me earlier." Dean said.
"No, that time you were just being an asshole. See, I do it then, too." you said.
"Guys!" Sam yelled, both you and Dean looking at him, "I went to school with her, and her brother, Zack. She says Zack's been charged with murder. He's been arrested for killing his girlfriend. Rebecca says he didn't do it, but it sounds like the cops have a pretty good case." Sam said.
"Dude, what kind of people are you hangin' out with?" Dean asked.
"Fuck Sam, I've got to agree with him. I mean, I thought you guys might talk about books or some shit, not fuckin' murder." you said.
"No guys, I know Zack. He's no killer." Sam said.
"I don't know, Sam. It kind of sounds like he is." you said.
Dean nodded his head, "Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he know you." Dean said.
"They're in St. Louis. We're goin'." Sam said, Dean chuckling.
"Sam, I really don't think this is our kind of thing. I mean, I don't think there is anything we can do to help this guy." you said.
"Look, sorry about your buddy, okay? But Y/N is right, this does not sound like our kind of problem." Dean said.
"It is our problem. They're my friends." Sam said, frustrated with you and his brother.
"St. Louis is four hundred miles behind us, Sam." Dean said, him and Sam exchanging a look.
"Get in the car, Dean." you said, Dean having already made up his mind to go anyway.
The three of you were standing outside of Rebecca's house, Sam out front, you and Dean hanging back a little.
"Oh my God, Sam!" Rebecca excitedly said when she opened the door.
"Well, if it isn't little Becky." Sam said.
You nudged Dean, getting his attention, "Little Becky?" you mouthed, Dean shrugging his shoulders, a smile on his face.
"You know what you can do with that little Becky crap." Becky said before hugging him.
"I got your e-mail." Sam said.
"I didn't think that you would come here." Becky said before Dean stepped forward and extended his hand.
"Dean. Older brother." he said, Becky shaking his hand.
"Hi." she said.
"Hi." Dean returned.
Becky turned her attention to you, "Hi." she said.
"Hi, I'm Y/N, a good friend of theirs." you said.
"We're here to help. Whatever we can do." Sam said.
"Come in." Becky said, the three of you walking in before Dean closed the door behind you.
"Nice place." Dean said as he looked around.
"It's my parents'. I was just crashing here for the long weekend when everything happened. I decided to take the semester off. I'm gonna stay until Zack's free." Becky said.
"Where are your folks?" Sam asked.
"They live in Paris for half the year, so they're on their way home now for the trial." Becky said, as the three of you followed her into the kitchen, "Do you guys want a beer or something?" she asked.
"Sure." you said.
Dean smiled, "Hey-" he got out before Sam interrupted.
"No, thanks. We're fine." Sam said.
"Speak for yourself." you grumbled under your breath, Sam overhearing you and shooting you a look.
"So, tell us what happened." Sam said, his attention back on Becky.
"Well, um, Zack came home, and he found Emily tied to a chair. She was beaten up and bloody, and she wasn't breathing." Becky said, before she started to cry. "So, he called 911, and the police...they showed up and they arrested him. But, the thing is, the only way that Zack could've killed Emily is if he was in two places at the same time. The police...they have a video. It's from the security tape from across the street, and it shows Zack coming home at 10:30. Now, Emily was killed just after that, but I swear, he was here with me, having a few beers until at least after midnight." Becky explained.
"You know, maybe we could see the crime scene, Zack's house." Sam said.
"We could." Dean added.
"Why? I mean, what could you do?" Becky asked.
"Well, me, not much, but Y/N and Dean are cops." Sam said, you and Dean laughing.
"Detectives, actually." Dean said. "We're partners." he added, gesturing between the two of you.
"Really?" Becky asked, you and Dean nodding your head, "Where?"
"Bisbee, Arizona, but we're off duty now." you said.
"You guys, it's so nice to offer, but I just...I don't know." Becky said.
"I know you don't know us." you said, motioning between you and Dean. "But, we're really good at our job, and I think we could help." you said, Sam smiling at you before turning to Becky.
"Bec, look, I know Zack didn't do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he's innocent." Sam said.
"Okay. I'm gonna go get the keys." Becky said before walking away.
"Oh, yeah, man, you're a real straight shooter with your friends." Dean said.
"Don't start, De. I think this is something." you said.
"Look, Zack and Becky need our help." Sam said.
"I just don't think this is our kind of problem." Dean said.
"Two places at once? We've looked into less." Sam said.
"He's right. I just have a feeling about this one. I'll get Dad to put someone else on the Bisbee thing." you said, Dean choosing not to reply.
Dean parked the car outside of Zack's house and the four of you climbed out.
"You're sure this is okay?" Becky asked.
"Yeah, we're officers of the law." Dean said before walking into the house.
You, Sam, and Dean were looking around the house, the furniture and walls of the house were smeared with blood. Becky was waiting outside.
"Bec, you wanna wait outside?" Sam asked, knowing that it would be hard for her to see.
"No, I wanna help." she said, entering the house.
"Can you tell us what the police said?" you asked.
"Well, there's no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in. The lawyers, they're already talking about plea bargains." she said as she looked around the room. "Oh God..."
"Look, Bec, if Zack didn't do this, it means someone else did. Any idea who?" Sam asked.
"Um, there was something, about a week before somebody broke in here and stole some clothes, Zack's clothes. The police, they don't think it's anything. I mean, we're not that far from downtown. Sometimes people get robbed." Becky said.
Sam walked over to you and Dean, the two of you busy watching the neighbor's dog bark aggressively.
"Easy, Cujo." you said, Rebecca walking up behind you.
"You know, that used to be the sweetest dog." she said.
You scoffed, "I can't say I believe that." you said.
"What happened?" Dean asked.
"He just changed." she said.
"Do you remember when he changed?" Dean asked.
"I guess around the time of the murder." Becky said, Dean looking at her before turning to you.
"Yeah, I know." you simply said before the two of you walked away.
Sam was in the hallway, looking at a framed picture of himself, Zack, and Becky.
"So, the neighbor's dog went psycho right around the time Zack's girlfriend was killed." Dean said.
"Animals can have a sharp sense of the paranormal." Sam said.
"Yeah, maybe Fido saw somethin'." Dean said.
"Oh, that dog definitely saw something." you said.
"So, you think maybe this is our kind of problem?" Sam asked.
"No, probably not, but we should look at the security tape. You know, just to make sure." Dean said.
You sighed, "Why can't you just admit that you're wrong, and that this is definitely our kind of thing?" you asked.
"And what makes you so sure?" Dean asked.
You shrugged your shoulders, "Just a feeling, I guess." you said.
Dean rolled his eyes, "You and your feelings." he said before Becky walked over, his attention on her now. "So, the tape. The security footage...you think maybe your lawyers could get their hands on it, cause we just don't have that kind of jurisdiction." Dean said.
"I've already got it. I didn't wanna say something in front of cops." Becky said, you and Dean laughing. "I stole it off the lawyers desk. I just had to see it for myself."
"All right." Dean said, all of you walking into the living room.
"Here he comes." Becky said, the four of you watching the security footage.
"22:04, that's just after ten. You said time of death was about 10:30." Dean said, noticing the time stamp on the tape.
"Our lawyers hired some kind of video expert. He says the tape's authentic. It wasn't tampered with." Becky said, Sam noticing something on the tape.
"Hey, Bec, can we take those beers now?" Sam asked, needing her to leave the room.
"Oh, sure." she said, getting up to head to the kitchen.
"Hey." Sam called out, catching her attention, "Maybe some sandwiches, too?" he asked.
"What do you think this is, Hooters?" Becky asked before leaving the room.
"I wish." Dean said.
"Me too." you mumbled, Dean chuckling as he turned to face you.
"Really, Singer?" he asked, an amused look on his face.
"What? I like the fuckin' hot wings, and I'm starvin'." you replied, both you and Dean walking over to Sam.
"What is it?" Dean asked.
"Check this out." Sam said, rewinding the tape before replaying it, one of the frames showing Zack looking directly at the camera, his eyes silver.
"Well, maybe it's just a camera flare." Dean said, still skeptical.
"Come on, De. That's not like any camera flare I've ever seen." you said.
"You know, a lot of cultures believe that a photograph can catch a glimpse of the soul." Sam said.
"Right." Dean said to Sam.
"Remember that dog that was freakin' out? Maybe he saw this thing. Maybe this is some kind of dark double of Zack's, something that looks like him." Sam said.
"Like a Doppelganger." Dean said.
"It’d sure explain how he was in two places at once. You ready to admit that this is our kind of thing?" you asked.
"It might be." Dean said.
The three of you had checked into a motel, both boys were fast asleep. You looked over at Dean as you carefully made your way out of bed, trying to be absolutely silent so you wouldn't wake him.
You grabbed your boots from the end of the bed and tip toed towards the door with your boots in hand. You glanced back at both boys before easing open the door and stepping outside, gently closing it behind you.
You slipped on your boots and walked over to the Impala, climbing up on the hood and laying back against the windshield. You were looking up at the stars, lost in thought, when you felt someone lay down next to you.
"You ever think about what it'd be like to go to space?" Sam asked.
You chuckled, "Really, Sam? We haven't played that since we were kids." you said, not looking at him.
"You gonna answer?" he asked.
"Yeah, I still think about it sometimes." you said before looking over at him. "You still gonna go with me?" you teased.
Sam laughed under his breath, "I can't let you run off to space on your own. Didn't we put that on our list?" he asked.
"Yeah." you said. "I didn't think you would remember that."
"Our list?" Sam asked.
"Mmm hmm." you hummed.
"Of course, I do. It was all the things we were gonna do together when we grew up." Sam said.
You chuckled, "Space was such a realistic idea." you said.
"You always were so obsessed with it." Sam said, looking over at you. "Why?" he asked.
You shrugged, "I don't know." you said.
"Yeah, you do. You told me once." Sam said.
"Then, why'd you ask?" you asked.
"Do you still feel that way?" Sam asked.
"Sam, it was dumb fuckin' kid shit. It was just a stupid dream." you said.
"Have you been having anymore?" Sam asked.
You sat up so you didn't have to look at him, "Sam, it was a stupid dream and I believed it because I was a dumbass kid. I know my mom was Karen Singer, and not some strange lady from a different world. You don't have to worry, I'm not completely insane yet." you said.
"You've been dreaming about something, and it can't be good or else you wouldn't be out here. You haven't been sleeping, and you always used to get really upset after that dream." Sam said.
You looked over your shoulder at him, "No, Sam, I haven't been having a stupid dream from when we were kids." you said.
"Then what is it?" Sam asked.
You shook your head, "Just nightmares. They kind of come with the job." you lied.
"Y/N." Sam said, knowing that you were lying.
"What? It's nothing. It's not a big deal. Everyone has nightmares." you argued.
"Y/N, you knew that I had dreams about Jess before it happened." Sam said. "How did you know that? Did you dream it?"
"Jesus fucking Christ, Sam. I...it was just a lucky guess." you said.
"No, no, no. None of that lucky guess stuff. How did you know?" Sam asked.
"Sam." you breathed out.
"How did you know, Y/N?" Sam asked, not backing down.
"I saw it. Fuck. I saw it when I touched you back there in that store." you said.
"What?" Sam asked, sitting up and putting his hand on your shoulder to make you face him.
"When I touched you, back there in that store...I saw it." you said.
"What do you mean?" Sam asked.
"I mean, I put my fuckin' hand on you, and I was there. I was in your apartment, your bedroom. I saw you laying on the bed. I saw you wipe something from your face before you looked up at the ceiling and then...then I saw Jess. I...saw what happened to her, and then everything changed. I mean, I was still in your room, but I watched you sit up in bed, scared...and I saw Jess sleeping next to you. I was fuckin' there, Sam, and...and I don't know how in the fuck I was." you said.
Sam was silent. He had no clue what to say to you. He was so busy trying to wrap his head around what you had just told him that he didn't even notice how much time had passed by without him saying anything.
"You ever think that maybe I'm just some kind of fuckin' freak?" you asked, reverting back to the game you played as children.
"If you're a freak then I am, too. I mean, I'm the one that's having dreams that come true." Sam said.
"Well, aren't we a fuckin' pair?" you asked, patting his leg. "We always used to do everything together. Why not add fucked up dream/visions to the list?"
"Has it happened again? Is that why you aren't sleeping?" Sam asked.
You shook your head, "No, well, not the touch thing, it's just nightmares now. Well, one nightmare." you said.
"About what happened to Jess?" Sam asked, hoping that maybe you might have seen something that would answer his many questions.
"No." you replied.
"You know, you could tell me about it. It might help." Sam said.
You chuckled, "You a therapist now?" you asked, before leaning back against the windshield.
"I'll give you your first session free." Sam teased, laying down next to you.
You took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, "It's always the same. I'm in some kind of woods or some shit. It's always so dark and there are trees everywhere, but no sounds. I can never hear any animals. I can only hear myself, the leaves crunching as I step on them, and my own breathing. I always feel like something or someone is watching me, and I just run. I run as fast as I can until I can't go anymore, and then I start yelling at whatever or whoever to come out. I finally hear something. It's always a twig snapping and then Dean walks out. I'm so happy to see him because the entire time I'm running, finding you guys is all I can think about. I always run up to him and he yells at me to stop with his gun pointed at me. He always asks me why I did it, but I don't know what he's talking about. Then...then he says that part of him always knew, but he didn't want to believe that I could do something like that. I don't know what I did, Sam, but it must have been fuckin' horrible because he's looking at me like he hates me. Then, he says I should have done this a long time ago before shootin' me." you said.
"Y/N, Dean would never hurt you." Sam said.
"See, I used to think that, too, but what if I do something bad. What if it's something so bad that he doesn't have a choice?" you asked.
"You need to get out of your head. It's just a dream, Y/N. I know Dean would never hurt you." Sam said.
"Do you ever think he could hate me?" you asked.
"Honestly, I don't. I mean, he could be mad, but I don't think he could ever hate you." Sam said.
"Then why can't I shake this feeling that I'm going to do something that's unforgiveable? I...I can't explain it, but it's almost like I just know it's going to happen, and no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to stop it." you said.
"We'll stop it. Whatever it is. We won't let it happen." Sam said.
You looked over at him, "Something tells me you won't be able to." you said.
"Hey, I promise. I'm not going to let anything happen, and I know Dean won't either. You should tell him." Sam said.
"Oh, yeah, I'll just be like hey Dean, I've been having these weird dreams where you kill me for something I've done, and, uh, I also have the shining." you sarcastically said.
"The shining, huh?" Sam asked.
"Well, I saw the past and I'm pretty sure I've been seeing the future, so yeah, the shining. One night you guys are gonna wake up and I'm gonna be all red rum in the corner." you joked.
"Listen, I won't say anything if you don't want me to, but he's gonna know something is wrong. I mean, I think part of him already does. I know, he's worried, and I know he would only want to help." Sam said.
"I'm not ready to say anything. I mean, I don't even know what it is. He already worries too much. There's no need to add my bullshit to it." you said.
Sam nodded his head, "Well, then, I'll try to help you figure it out. Everything is gonna be fine." Sam said.
"I have a hard time believing that." you said.
"Well, then, I'll just have to believe for the both of us." Sam said, sitting up. "Now, come on. You need to try and catch a few hours." he said, holding his hand out for you.
Dean had been watching the door since Sam left. He was so tempted to follow him outside. He wanted to know what was going on with you . He needed to know that you were ok.
The door clicked open and Dean closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He listened as you and Sam walked in, and heard Sam get into bed. He kept waiting, hoping that you would climb in next to him.
"Hey, Sam." he heard you whisper, pausing a moment, "Thanks."
"Anytime." Sam said, and Dean couldn't help but feel a little jealous that you confided in Sam and not him.
Dean felt the covers lift and the bed dip when you sat down. He kept still as you tried to get comfortable, only daring to open his eyes once you were still.
Dean turned over to see your back to him, and he was still for a moment before throwing his arm over you, letting you know that he was there. You snuggled back into him, his hold on you tightening, his message coming across clear as day, even though neither or you said a word.
You were half asleep in the backseat, jolting awake once you felt the car stop. You climbed out of the backseat, yawning as you followed Sam and Dean.
"Alright, so what are we doin' here at 5:30 in the morning?" Dean asked.
"I realized something. The video tape shows the killer goin' in, but not comin' out." Sam said.
"So, he came out the backdoor?" Dean asked, leaning against the hood of the car.
"Right. So, there should be a trail to follow." Sam said.
"And you're thinking that the police never would have pursued it." you said.
"Cause they think the killer never left, and they caught your friend Zack inside. I still don't know what we're doing here at 5:30 in the morning." Dean said.
"Me either. I was finally sleeping." you almost whined, Dean passing you his cup of coffee.
Sam had tuned the two of you out, as he looked around the outside of the building, noticing blood smeared on a nearby telephone pole.
"Blood. Somebody came this way." Sam said.
"Nothing like a little blood to start your day." you said, you and Dean following Sam.
"Yeah, but the trail ends. I don't see anything over here." Dean said before an ambulance drove by, the three of you exchanging looks.
The three of you were standing in the middle of a gathering crowd, watching as the police led a handcuffed man to a police car.
"What happened?" Dean asked a woman standing nearby.
"He tried to kill his wife. Tied her up and beat her." she said.
"Really?" Sam asked.
"I used to see him going to work in the morning. He'd wave, say hello. He seemed like such a nice guy." she said, as the man was taken away.
You and Sam were looking for anything that could possibly be considered a trail. Sam looked inside the garbage cans next to the house, finding nothing, the two of you heading back to the front of the house to wait for Dean.
"Hey." Dean said, both you and Sam turning around, "Remember when I said this wasn't our kind of problem?" Dean asked.
"Yeah." Sam said.
"Change your mind?" you asked.
Dean nodded his head, "Definitely our kind of problem." he said.
"What'd you find out?" Sam asked.
"Well, I just talked to the patrolman who was first on scene, heard this guy, Alex's story. Apparently, the dude was driving home from a business trip when his wife was attacked." Dean said.
"He was two places at once." Sam said.
"Just like Zack." you added.
"Exactly. Then, he sees himself in the house, police think he's a nut job." Dean said.
"Two dark doubles attacking loved ones in exactly the same way." Sam said.
"Could be the same thing doin' it, too." Dean said.
"Shapeshifter." you suggested, Dean shrugging his shoulders.
"Something that can make itself look like anyone." Sam added.
"Every culture in the world has shapeshifter lore. You know, legends of creatures who can transform themselves into animals or other men." Dean said.
"Right, skinwalkers, werewolves." Sam said.
"We've got two attacks within blocks of each other. I'm guessin' we've got a shapeshifter prowlin' the neighborhood." Dean said.
"I'd bet on that." you said.
"Let me ask you guys this...in all the shapeshifter lore can any of them fly?" Sam asked.
"Not that I know of." Dean said.
"Yeah, I've never read anything like that." you said.
"I picked up a trial here. Someone ran out the back of this building and headed off this way." Sam said.
"Just like your friend's house." Dean said.
"Yeah, and, just like at Zack's house, the trail suddenly ends. I mean, whatever it is just disappeared." Sam said.
"Well, there's another way to go...down." Dean said, looking down at the manhole he was standing over.
"Of fuckin' course." you grumbled. "Of course, that stupid asshole would just have to be in the sewer."
"I bet this runs right by Zack's house, too. The shapeshifter could be using the sewer system to get around." Sam said once the three of you had climbed down into the sewer.
"I think you're right. Look at this." Dean said, the three of you bending down to examine the pile of skin and blood.
"What...and I can't stress this enough...the fuck?" you asked, looking down at the skin.
"Is this from his victims?" Sam asked, as Dean took out his pocket knife before picking up a bit of the skin on the end of it.
"God, that's just fuckin' gross. Put it down, De." you said, wrinkling your nose.
"You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape...maybe it sheds." Dean said.
"Like a snake would shed it's skin." you said, "That is seriously so fucked up."
"That is sick." Sam said, as Dean put the skin down.
The three of you were back at the car, and Dean opened the trunk to get the weapons you would need.
"Well, one thing I learned from Dad, is that no matter what kind of shapeshifter it is, there's one sure way to kill it." Dean said, you nodding your head.
"Silver bullet to the heart." Sam said.
"That's right." Dean said before Sam's phone rang.
"This is Sam." Sam said, you and Dean listening. "What are you talkin' about?" Sam asked.
"This can't be good." you whispered.
"Why would you do that?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, definitely not good." you said.
"Bec-" Sam tried to say before being cut off, pausing as he listened to the person on the other end, "We're tryin' to help."
"Guess, we're busted." you said to Dean.
"Bec, I'm sorry, but-" Sam tried to say before pausing, hanging up the phone a few seconds later.
"Becky figure us out?" you asked, Sam nodding.
"I hate to say it, but that's exactly what I'm talkin' about. You lie to your friends because if they knew the real you, they'd be freaked. It's just...It'd be easier if-" Dean said before Sam interrupted.
"If I was like you." Sam said.
"Hey, man, like it or not, we are not like other people, but I'll tell you one thing. This whole gig...it ain't without perks." Dean said, holding up a gun.
"You're right about that. Now, let's go kill this fucker." you said, tucking your gun into the back of your jeans.
The three of you were back in the sewer, "I think we're close to its lair." Dean said.
"Why do you say that?" Sam asked.
"Because there's another puke-inducing pile next to your face." Dean said, Sam turning to look at the pile of skin.
"Oh, God!" Sam exclaimed, completely disgusted.
"Looks like it's lived here for a while." Dean said, looking at a pile of clothes in the corner.
"They're just so fuckin' gross. At least clean up your skin piles, asshole." you said.
Dean chuckled, "Pretty sure they don't care about that." he said.
"Well, they fuckin' should." you said.
"Who knows how many murders he's gotten away with?" Sam asked turning to see the shapeshifter, still in the form of the man the police led from the building, standing behind you and Dean. "Guys!" Sam yelled, Dean turning and taking a hit from the shifter before falling into you, knocking you both to the ground.
Sam fired off a couple shots as the shapeshifter ran away, but missed. He moved over to you and Dean.
"You okay?" you asked Dean, placing your hand on his injured shoulder, Dean nodding his head.
"Fuck, I hope I didn't hurt her. I'm just glad the son of a bitch got me instead." you heard Dean say, but he never opened his mouth.
You jerked your hand away from him and stumbled back, completely freaked out, "Oh fuck...no....no....no." you breathed out.
"Hey, Y/N, you okay?" Dean asked, as you looked down at your hand in shock.
"Y/N." Sam said, grabbing your shoulder.
"Don't touch me!" you yelled, jerking away from him, both Sam and Dean looking at you, worried.
"Just go. Go get it. I'll be right behind you." you said, needing a minute alone.
"Let's get the son of a bitch." Dean said to Sam before the two of them took off after the shifter, Dean glancing back over his shoulder at you.
You finally forced yourself to climb out of the sewer, and decided to make your way back to the car, figuring the boys would end up there eventually.
You finally spotted them, both of them heading your way, Dean walking right by you like nothing happened.
"You think he found another way underground?" Sam asked as you quickly walked over to him, "Hey, you okay?" he asked you.
"No." you whispered, your focus on Dean.
"Yeah, probably. You got the keys?" Dean asked.
"Hey, didn't Dad once face a shapeshifter in San Antonio?" Sam asked.
"Oh, that was Austin. It turned out not to be a shapeshifter. It was a thought form, a psychic projection, remember?" Dean said.
"Oh, right. Here ya go." Sam said before tossing Dean the keys.
"That's not Dean." you whispered.
"I know." Sam said, easing you behind him. "Don't move!" Sam yelled, pointing his gun at Dean, "What have you done with him?"
"Dude, chill. It's me, all right?" Dean said.
"No, I don't think so. Where's my brother?" Sam asked.
"You're about to shoot him. Sam, calm down. Tell him, Singer." Dean said.
You pulled out your gun, "Where the fuck is Dean, asshole?" you asked.
"Guys, it's me." Dean said.
"You caught those keys with your left. Your shoulder was hurt." Sam said.
"Yeah, it's better. What do you guys want me to do, cry?" Dean asked.
"You're not Dean." you said.
"Why don't one of you pull the trigger, then? Hm? Cause neither one of you are sure. Guys, you know me." Dean said, stepping towards you and Sam.
"Don't." Sam said before Dean hit him twice with a crowbar, Sam falling to the ground.
You had a clear shot, but you hesitated a moment too long, even though you knew it wasn't Dean, and by then it was too late.
You blinked open your eyes, noticing that you were in some dark, dingy room. Your neck and hands were bound to a wooden post, Sam was behind you.
"Sam." you said, doing your best to rock your body to wake him up, stopping when the shifter walked in.
"Where is he, asshole?" you asked, Sam finally coming to.
The shapeshifter, who was still in the form of Dean, walked over to you and backhanded you, your face stinging when he made impact.
You spit on him, "You're gonna have to do better than that." you said.
"Where is he? Where's Dean?" Sam asked.
"I wouldn't worry about him. You two need to worry about yourselves." the shifter said.
"Where is he?" Sam asked, again.
"You don't really wanna know." the shifter said, chuckling. "I swear, the more I learn about her and you, your family...I thought I came from a bad background." the shifter said.
"You listen to me you disgusting fuck, if you so much as touched a hair on his head, I swear to God, you'll pay for it. When I'm finished with you, you'll be beggin' me to kill you." you seethed.
The shifter chuckled, "I can see why he likes you so much. You follow him around like a lost puppy. You'd do anything for him. Loyalty like that is hard to find." the shifter said.
"What do you mean, learn?" Sam asked, the shifter turning his attention back to Sam before grabbing his head and grimacing in pain.
"He's sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home, with Dad. You don't think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?" the shifter asked before turning to you. "And you, boy, is he screwed up over you. I hate that I brought you into this, but I didn't want to be alone. I'm so scared that you're gonna get hurt and I would never forgive myself if something happened to you. See, but I don't guess you care too much about me because you would rather tell Sam your problems. I thought we were partners." the shifter said.
"Fuck you." you spat out.
"Where is my brother?" Sam asked, the shifter leaning in close to him.
"I am you brother. See, deep down, I'm just jealous. You got friends. I know you're gonna take her away from me. She was your friend first. You could have a life. Me? I know I'm a freak, and sooner or later, everybody's gonna leave me." the shifter said.
"What are you talkin' about?" Sam asked.
"You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he still ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin', just poof, left me with your sorry ass. Now, that you're back you're gonna take Y/N, too. I can already see it happening, but still, this life? It's not without it's perks." the shifter said, laughing. "I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know Dean would bang her if he had the chance, anything to get that one not wanting him off his mind." he added, looking at you. "Let's see what happens." he said before throwing a sheet over you and Sam.
"Damn it." Sam said, unable to get out of his ropes. "What about you? You close?" he asked.
"Almost." you said, struggling.
"That better be you guys, Y/N, Sam, and not that freak of nature." Dean said, Sam laughing.
"Yeah, it's us." Sam said.
"Dean, are you okay?" you asked.
Dean managed to uncover himself from the sheet, "I'm fine, Sweetheart. Are you?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine." you said.
"He went to Rebecca's lookin' like you." Sam said.
"Well, he's not stupid. He picked the handsome one." Dean said, Sam giving him a confused look.
"Now's not the time, De." you said, still trying to get free.
The three of you were still trying to get out of your ropes.
"Yeah, that's the thing. He didn't just look like you, he was you, or becoming you." Sam said, as Dean finally worked his way out of his ropes.
"What do you mean?" Dean asked.
"He knew things that only you would know, your thoughts, your memories. The things he said..." you trailed off.
"It was like he was downloading it." Sam said.
"You mean, like the Vulcan mind meld?" Dean asked.
"Yeah, something like that. I mean, maybe that's why he doesn't just kill us." Sam said, as Dean walked over to the two of you.
"Maybe he needs to keep us alive. Psychic connection." Dean said as he untied Sam's ropes.
"Guys, we gotta haul ass. He's probably at Rebecca's already." you said, finally slipping free. "I got it." you said to Dean as you finished untying yourself, missing the hurt look on Dean's face.
"Come on. We gotta find a phone. Call the police." Sam said, once the three of you were back on the street.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna put an APB out on me." Dean said, Sam shrugging his shoulders.
"Fuck, Sam." you said, even though you knew there wasn't much else you could do.
"Sorry." Sam said.
"This way." Dean said, the three of you running down the street.
The three of you were standing in front of a store window, watching a news report on the display televisions.
"An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white female, approximately 20-25 years of age was discovered in her home," the report said, a sketch of you showing up on the screen.
"Me?" you asked, shocked as you looked between Sam and Dean. "The thing changed into me. It was Dean when it left, and that's not even a good picture of me." you ranted, Sam looking around cautiously.
"It's good enough." Sam said, pulling you along with him as he walked away.
"Why the fuck did that thing shift into me? " you asked, Sam still dragging you.
"Maybe it didn't like the way you talked to it, or thought that Becky would feel more comfortable letting you in inside her house to talk." Sam said.
"What did you say to it?" Dean asked, catching up to you.
"I told it that if it hurt you, that by the time I was finished with it, it would be beggin' me to kill it." you said.
"See, your mouth always gets you in trouble." Dean said.
"You do the same damn thing." you argued.
"Come on guys, the two of you can do this later. They said attempted murder. At least we know-" Sam said before you interrupted.
"I didn't kill her." you said.
"We'll check with Rebecca in the morning, see if she's all right." Sam said.
"All right, but first I wanna find the asshole wearin' my fuckin' face and beat the shit out of it before I kill it." you said.
"We have no weapons. No silver bullets." Sam said.
"Sam, this fucker is walkin' around with my face. It's a little personal." you said.
"I'd like to get my hands on the son of a bitch, too." Dean said.
"Okay. Where do we look?" Sam asked.
"We could start with the sewers." Dean said.
"We have no weapons. It stole our guns, we need more." Sam said, pausing to think, "The car?"
"I'm bettin' it drove over to Rebecca's." you said.
"The news said she fled on foot. I bet it's still parked there." Sam said.
"The thought of that thing drivin' my car." Dean said, upset.
"All right, come on." Sam said.
"It's killin' me." Dean said.
"Let it go." Sam said.
"Yeah, at least you aren't all over the news for attempted murder." you said.
The three of you walked around the side of Rebecca's house to see the Impala still parked there.
"Oh, there she is! Finally, something went right tonight." Dean said, so relieved.
"Oh, fuck." you said, noticing the police car that pulled up next to Dean's car, another one parked a few yards away.
"This way, this way." Dean said, taking your hand and pulling you towards a fence. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I got to get her out of here. Just stay calm, Dean, and get her somewhere safe." you heard him say, but again, his mouth wasn't moving.
You jerked your hand form his, Sam speaking before Dean could say anything to you.
"You guys go. I'll hold 'em off." Sam said.
"No." you said.
"Yeah, what are you talking about? They'll catch you." Dean said.
"Look, they can't hold me. Just go, keep out of sight. Meet me at Rebecca's." Sam said, as you and Dean started to climb the fence. "Dean." Sam said, stopping him, "You guys stay out of the sewers. "Sam said, you and Dean not replying as you both hopped over the fence. "I mean it!"
"Yeah, yeah." Dean said, before the two of you took off.
You and Dean were standing by the car, Dean getting out weapons.
"I'm sorry, Sam, but you know us...we just can' t wait." Dean said before closing the trunk.
"He's gonna be so pissed." you said, taking a gun from him.
"I'm pretty sure he expects us to do it." Dean said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Probably." you replied, the two of you slipping into silence as you made your way to the sewer.
"You ever gonna tell me what happened back there?" Dean asked, and you knew exactly what he was talking about.
You jumped down off the ladder, your boots hitting the water with a splash, "I will, but now's not the time." you said.
The two of you walked into a chamber filled with candles and chains, piles of skin and blood on the floor. Dean stopped when he heard a noise, you following after him, a large figure covered with a sheet catching your attention.
"There." you said, nudging Dean.
Dean removed the sheet, "Rebecca?" he asked, her hands and feet bound with rope.
"What happened?" you asked as Dean untied her.
"I was walking home, and everything just went white. Someone hit me over the head, and I wound up here just in time to see that thing turn into me. I don't know, how is that even possible?" she asked, crying.
"Okay. Okay. It's okay. Come on. Can you walk?" Dean asked, Becky nodding her head. "Okay, we've gotta hurry. Sam went to see you."
"What are you gonna do to me?" Sam asked, his hands and feet tied.
"Oh, I'm not gonna do anything. Dean will, though." the shifter said.
"They'll never catch him." Sam said.
"Oh, doesn't matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He'll be hunted the rest of his life, and so will she, his partner in crime." the shifter said.
You and Dean burst through the door to see the shifter, who was now in the form of Dean, on top of Sam choking him.
"Hey!" Dean yelled, getting the shifter's attention before firing two shots, hitting him in the heart.
"Sam." you said, kneeling by his side. "You okay?"
"Yeah." said Sam, just as Becky walked in.
You and Dean were standing by the car, looking at a map while Sam talked to Becky.
"Will you just tell me if you're okay?" Dean asked.
You looked up at him, "That's the thing, De...I don't even know if I am." you said.
"Just talk to me." he said.
"I promise you, I will. Just let me do it in my own time, and listen to everything I have to say before you say anything." you said.
"You're freakin' me out, Singer." Dean said.
You raised your hand to touch his cheek, but quickly pulled it back, afraid of what would happen, "Just don't worry." you said, as Sam walked over to the car, giving you a we need to talk look.
"So, what about your friend, Zack?" you asked, trying to distract them.
"Cops are blaming these two psychos, Y/N Singer and Dean Winchester for Emily's murder. They found the murder weapon in ya'lls lair, Zack's clothes was stained with her blood. Now they're thinking that the surveillance tape was tampered with, and they're still searching for Y/N Singer. Becky says Zack will be released soon." Sam said.
"A fugitive...won't Dad be proud." you said, getting into the car.
The three of you were in the car, Dean behind the wheel, "Sorry, man." Dean said. "I really wish things could be different, you know? I wish you could just be...Joe College." Dean said to Sam.
"No, that's okay. You know, the truth is, even at Stanford, deep down, I never really fit in." Sam said.
"Well, that's cause you're a freak." Dean said. "Singer, too."
"Yeah, thanks." Sam aid, you choosing not to speak, thinking to yourself if he only knew.
"Well, I'm a freak, too. I'm right there with you guys, all the way." Dean said, smiling at you in the mirror.
"You got that right, Winchester." you said, knowing that if you kept quiet he would know something was wrong.
"You know, I gotta say...I'm sorry I'm gonna miss it." Dean said.
"Miss what?" Sam asked.
"How many chances am I gonna have to see my own funeral?" Dean asked, you chuckling in the backseat as the three of you headed to the next case.
Tags: @miraclesoflove @22sarah08 @deans-baby-momma @spnae @hawkeyetrained @karikatz12481 @spngirl05 @winchester-fantasies @freddiemermaytaydeac @scentedhoundshepherdmoney
#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural#series rewrite#dean winchester#dean x reader#supernatural fic#supernatural reader insert#dean x you#reader insert#dean#sam winchester#spn fic#spn
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A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x08
In which Richelieu almost gets his husband killed
We start with Labarge (spl?) being escorted through the streets of Paris by musketeers. He is played by that guy who always plays violent brutes with few if any lines of dialogue.
Red guards show up and demand that the prisoner is handed over to them. Then Labarge beats the crap out of them until the musketeers intervene. Not before a red guard is killed thou. By another red guard attempting to strike at Labarge.
The dead man is called Captain Trudeau. And the red guard who killed him blames the musketeers.
Now they’re fighting each other! Male egos...
Treville says Trudeau was given fair warning and it’s his own fault he’s dead. Kind of harsh. Richelieu retorts that Treville had no business arresting a regional intendant without coming to him first. I’m really struggling to see Labarge in the role of regional intendant, but I guess that’s the point. Treville shoots back that he’s a violent criminal who subjected Gascony to a reign of terror. And Richelieu says that the man exceeded his authority and he was in the process of calling him back before the musketeers intervened. I know I’m supposed to take the musketeers side here, but I really see no reason to doubt Richelieu.
Treville is mad and says any of his musketeers could defeat any of the red guards and Louis immediately makes a bet! So there we are, that’s the plot sorted out. I love their bickering thou xD
Richelieu looks so panicked, poor dear! He knows he doesn’t stand a chance but he can’t afford to back down.
Constance and D’artagnan are being cute and domestic!
D’artagnan apologizes for the rent being overdue. Nice reference to the books! But in the books he doesn’t apologize, he is quite insulted that some commoner would even dare to bother him with such trivialities. Much more realistic to a noble of the era, but I guess not something a modern audience would sympathise with.
Here Bonacieux actually tells him off thou and that’s too far in the other direction, kind of takes me out of the story.
Treville is so excited about this contest! Bless!
The entry fee is 30 livres and our boys haven’t got it. It’s time to go womanizing! In the church.
Aramis knows all the women there, of course.
“It’s a requiem mass not a party at Madame Angel’s” - and then they cross themselves lol.
Labarge has destroyed D’artagnan’s farm “as a warning to other local landowners” because Dart’s father was “greatly respected”. But Dart had done nothing to him and his father is long dead? I don’t get this.
Porthos can’t lie for shit and Alice helps him out cause she fancies him! That’s cute!
Alice has put on a colourful dress and her maid is judging her.
Porthos says it must be great for her to have all of her husband’s things to remember him by and I thought he was talking of his own lack of things to remember his mother by but Alice responded by giving him her husband’s solid gold candle snuffer! So was he fishing for that the whole time? It really comes across more like he wasn’t but then took the opportunity.
D’artagnan proclaims he is ready and Athos just smiles. And proceeds to provoke him with tales of Labarge being comfortable in the Bastille with his “every whim attended to”. But we had a scene before of Labarge being fed disgusting prison food and talked down to by a guard, so not true lol.
Doesn’t stop D’art from barging into Richelieu’s office screaming thou.
Richelieu offers him patronage and D’art turns it down. This episode almost feels like the book.
“As a citizen of France I demand my rights” - you are a subject of the King. Shut up.
Milady overheard the whole thing!
“Your fascination with these musketeers seems inexhaustible.” - lol Armand, look who’s talking!
Milady: “I do everything for you.”
Richelieu: “Permit me to doubt that.” - but in the last episode you trusted her to manage the Ninon thing even in the event of your death?
“There was a time I found your independence of spirit arousing. I must warn you, Milady, that time is now past.” - this line is gross and unnecessary. But also, what did she do between last episode and this one to change his opinion like that? I guess the writers just needed him to discard her for plot reasons, but it could have been better written.
Red guards arrest a protesting Bonacieux! This really is the book episode!
Bonacieux: “You want me to spy on him [D’art]?”
Richelieu: “I can see you are a man of quick intelligence.”
Why is his office so huge and empty thou, with one little desk in it?
D’artagnan... steals a red guard uniform. And breaks into the Bastille. Wow, okay, totally forgot about that bit.
And he does the whole “my name is D’artagnan of Lupiac in Gascony” thing again. And tries to force a confession out of Labarge.
And Labarge would have killed him if Athos had not shown up.
Athos: “What did I tell you about thinking before you act!”
D’artagnan: “I can’t help it, I’m not like you!”
Athos: “You are, more than you know.” - oh, you mean you also didn’t think before you strung up your wife from a tree? Yeah, i see that.
A milathos scene! Athos says he won’t attack a defenceless woman and Milady laughs as though at the idea that she is defenceless, but it breaks my heart cause dude, you very much did do just that.
“I have to make a living somehow, what better patron could I have?” Milady says of Richelieu and she is right!
“I’m a soldier, just like you.” - YES! SHE IS!
She tries to come on to him for casual sex and he rejects her. With difficulty, but still :((
She gives him “fair warning” to stay away from her.
Papa Treville looks so proud looking at Athos and D’art training!
Richelieu tells Labarge that he “overstepped his limits” and “ruled Gascony like a petty tyrant”. Lebarge says he just gave people the needed encouragement to pay their taxes and Richelieu replies: “Perhaps if more of the taxes you collected had reached the treasury, I’d be inclined to overlook your excesses.” LOL!
Constance sells her stuff to get D’art the money. And then Milady gives it to him before she can. And D’art doesn’t decline even thou all he knows of her is that she left him to take the the blame for her murder and lied about Ninon. He literally doesn’t give a fuck as long as he can enter this fight!
Milady looks so pretty in this scene thou!
Porthos and Alice are getting on very well!
So Milady gave D’art some pendant with a flower on it together with the money as a “token of friendship” and now Bonacieux has nicked it.
D’art: “I found a patron of my own.”
Aramis: “Wealthy widow?”
D’art: “Not as far as I know.” - so like, with Milady telling her that her lover tried to kill her and Athos’s dead wife coming back from the dead to kill him and Athos clearly recognising the woman at Ninon’s trial, D’art still hasn’t had the penny drop? Or he has and just doesn’t want to tell Athos that he’s taking his wife’s money?
Aramis is the best shot, Porthos is the best at hand to hand combat and D’art does pretty well with the sword, but we don’t see Athos try that.
And Richelieu has commissioned Labarge! xD
Who beats the crap out of his other men. That can’t be good for morale! Like for real, what must the red guards be thinking? Richelieu has made a criminal who killed their captain the new captain! And mocks them publicly for not being as good as him in a fight!
The pendant is also now in Richelieu’s hands.
Treville was spying on Richelieu!
Bonacieux bought Constance a bracelet to celebrate his good luck of getting a contract. See, I love when the antagonists are not complete monsters and get human moments like this!
“Becoming a musketeer was the best thing that ever happened to me... until I met you.” - Oh Porthos! That was smooth!
And Alice offers to support him if he leaves the musketeers.
D’art is looking for his pendant and doesn’t tell Constance about it when she asks if he’s lost something. He knows he’s doing wrong but the glory is beckoning so he can’t help it.
Constance runs after him to give him a goodbye kiss and Bonacieux sees them. That’s what you get for flaunting your affair in the open street. I mean, even if he hadn’t been there, these other people are all her neighbours, who would gossip.
Treville nominates himself and the musketeers are like “this is bullshit”. I don’t blame them. But Papa is just trying to protect them and he knows he’ll get their resentment as a reward! So sad!
“Was your life so bad, Constance? Was I ever cruel to you, did I beat you?” - this is good writing. It would have been so boring if they had made him into a physically abusive brute.
Threatening her with killing D’art isn’t cool thou!
Athos accuses Treville of having a midlife crisis and wanting “one last moment of glory”. And when he leaves, Treville just rubs his face and he looks so tired!
And Constance breaks up with D’art! Meaning he loses the fight and her on the same day, I do feel bad for him.
Constance is right to point out that she has a lot more to lose here thou!
Treville’s plain brown tunic looks really bad without the cape over it. But the tunic he’s looking at in preparation for the fight looks better at least.
There are only two little stands of courtiers, but it could be worse.
“You only needed 30 livre, not a wife” - Aramis, you gentleman.
Treville’s fighting outfit looks good, I was right. But he is getting his ass kicked. What must Richelieu be thinking! I don’t think he knew Treville would be the one to face Labarge.
I went back to check and we don’t get his reaction to Treville’s name. But when Labarge is announced he doesn’t look particularly happy.
He also looks very distracted when the King addresses him during the fight.
Treville stops to grin at the King while Labarge is getting his breath back and Labarge attacks when his guard is down. He’s done for!
D’art steps in and in 30 seconds flat it becomes an all out brawl between the musketeers and red guards.
Louis says that Labarge broke the rules and Treville may nominate a champion. So D’art gets his turn to shine. But what rules? Attacking when Treville was not looking? Stepping on Treville’s shoulder with his foot? I guess Louis can make up the rules as he goes along lol xD
I feel sorry for poor Treville, being utterly humiliated!
And Labarge shouts that he did burn D’art’s farm down right in the middle of the fight. A confession in front of the King. He’d be dead even if he won!
D’art kills him and Louis declares the musketeers the winners. And takes the prize money for himself because “rules were broken and we do need to collect our taxes somehow.”
“I admire loyalty, more than any other virtue” - that’s true I think? I think it holds up during the show, but I’m not a Louis expert lol.
At least he makes D’art a musketeer finally! And D’arts teary face and all the hugging is quite moving.
Milady in her pretty red dress gets told off by the cardinal. I love how he says “comtesse de la fere”, but he does ask an important question. Why did she give D’art money to compete? Because Richelieu threatened her at the beginning of the episode and she was looking for a new prospect? She tells him she wants to bring him over to “their side” but that doesn’t square with giving him money to win his musketeer commission lol. Well, Armand, that’s what you get for threatening your employees I guess.
And Alice and Porthos break up because she can’t handle that much excitement and he can’t give up soldiering.
Porthos and Aramis share a cute moment.
D’art moves out with some poisonous words for Constance. I can’t really blame him in the heath of the moment, but if memory serves he never really apologised while she did.
And Constance sees him with Milady! And closes the curtain before she can see him tuning her down! Poor Constance!
And poor Milady! Her position with the Cardinal depends on this and he doesn’t give a fuck now he’s a musketeer.
Overall this was a very good episode. Such a relief after last time. Next up, the stupid assassination attempt on the Queen. Oh joy!
Red guards killed: Captain Trudeau
Women killed: none! yay!
Best dressed: Milady and Richelieu! Look, they match!
#i wish i could get a clearer picture but this scene is moving all the time ughh#the musketeers#milady de winter#cardinal richelieu#trevilieu#captain treville#porthos#musketeers rewatch
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Part I
Whoops; Katrina happened to overhear Esther yelling at Louis, and she wants in on stopping the merger without telling anyone about the assault, but to accomplish that, they’re going to need help. From…someone. Cool.
On his way out of the prison, Harvey calls Cahill to inform him that pressing Forstman was a bust, so Cahill needs to start putting pressure on Malik’s bosses to get him to lay off and he needs to do it tonight and I mean now. Cahill, who’s apparently on leave, possibly related to that pesky indictment thing he’s got going on, heads back to the office to ask some guy he works with to “go to Andrew Malik’s boss’s office and read him the riot act.” When Cahill points out that Malik has a long record of going after Harvey, the guy agrees to do it, but he also slips in the reminder that “the person who put [Cahill] in this position isn’t Andrew Malik… It’s Harvey Specter.” (I mean, he’s got a point.)
Donna then decides to get in on the fun, paying Malik a visit to inform him that he’s gonna lose “because [he’s] not just fighting Harvey. [He’s] fighting all of [them].” Well, Donna and Alex, at least; if memory serves, Louis and Katrina are otherwise occupied, but I guess “You’re fighting some of us” doesn’t sound quite as threatening.
Now, who did Katrina have in mind to recruit to Louis’s case? Samantha Wheeler, of course. Meeting up with her in some bar, Louis opens the conversation by telling her that thing his sister asked him not to tell anyone about how she was assaulted. Samantha bets Richmond has done this before, and Louis asks her to “do whatever it takes to take this piece of shit down.” He then goes to visit Esther, apologizing for breaking her trust as they proceed to have a canned discussion about how “you hear about this kind of thing now… But back then, you didn’t”; she blamed herself, she felt ashamed, it’s not her fault, all the standard notes and basically none of the heart. He offers to leave it alone if she still wants him to, but he did “get [them] some help,” and it looks like this one’s going forward after all.
Cahill’s friend getting Malik’s boss to pressure him to leave them alone seems to have backfired, as Malik catches Harvey on the street to arrest him “for conspiring with a federal prosecutor” (that’s not a thing). FYI, if you’re ever arrested, the appropriate response is: “I invoke my right to remain silent. I invoke my right to an attorney,” and then shut the hell up until your lawyer gets there. Harvey, Alleged Actual Attorney, instead says “I wanna call my lawyer,” at which point the arresting officer drops his cell phone on the ground and steps on it, and Malik ships him off to jail. When Malik stops by to gloat, Harvey brags that when “[he] asked for [his] attorney, [Malik] smashed his phone, which means [Harvey] could tell [him] he killed Kennedy, and it wouldn’t be admissible.” Again, false; Harvey said he wanted to call his lawyer, which is not “an explicit request for an attorney,” meaning Malik can ask him whatever the hell he wants and keep any of Harvey’s responses on the record (Davis v. United States, 512 U.S. 452 [1994]). In any event, Malik tries to get Harvey to talk by informing him that Cahill’s been arrested for obstruction, and whichever of them caves first gets to…save his career? I guess this is a prisoner’s dilemma, but I'm going to have to dock them a few points for not making it clear that the first one to flip gets a lighter sentence, and also for Harvey actually labeling the situation “this little prisoner’s dilemma.” Too obvious, man; have a little class.
Back at the firm, Donna tells Alex about a really bad feeling she has about Malik and Harvey, so I expect Alex is going to end up representing Harvey in this matter.
Anyway Malik starts off his interrogation of Cahill by alleging that Cahill owes his job to Harvey for taking down Eric Woodall, which Cahill categorically denies; we then start switching back and forth between Malik’s interrogations of Cahill and Harvey, who appear to be giving exactly the same story (and why that in and of itself doesn’t set off some alarms, I’ve no idea): Cahill’s deal to take down Sutter was with Mike, not Harvey; Harvey took Sutter on as a client because Kevin got Mike out of jail; two dozen calls between Harvey and Cahill at that time aren’t evidence of conspiracy, they were about protecting Mike from Gallo. Malik keeps saying he has proof, but I dunno, so far this sounds like a lot of conjecture and circumstantial evidence. Then Alex shows up to tell Malik that his clients are done answering questions, and Malik gleefully announces that Cahill has retained Faye Richardson as counsel and she advised him to take the deal, which he did, so…take that, Harvey. He’s got you now. Definitely.
Oh, by the way, when Katrina “was a prosecutor for six years before [she] joined the firm,” she once failed to get justice for a woman who was assaulted by her boss even though “everyone believed her,” so she’s demanding Samantha let her help with the plan to get Richmond.
Right, so, Harvey’s first act upon his release from jail is to punch Cahill right in the face (way too much windup, he would’ve seen that coming fifty miles away), also yelling “Fuck you and the horse you rode in on,” which is just very cute. Cahill argues that Malik had them (you sure?) and he cut a deal to keep them both out of prison (a real prisoner’s dilemma should have ended with Harvey going to prison while Cahill went free), and Harvey counters that yeah, he colluded, “but [he] did it to get a man who never hurt a soul away from a convicted murderer who was gonna kill him”; furthermore, he’s spent his entire life doing what he thinks is right, and “rules aren’t right or wrong” so he’s “fine with what’s in [his] soul.” How very sanctimonious. (Also, “every line [he’s] ever crossed, [he’d] do it again”? He’s been a lawyer for like twenty years, I seriously doubt he’d stand by every single decision he’s ever made.)
Tag team time: Donna demands to know how Faye could betray Harvey by getting Cahill to take Malik’s deal, asserting that she just did it because she hates Harvey. Faye counters with actually a really good point: “In his heart, he believes he’s a good man. That’s why he won’t change and why he’s a cancer on this firm.” The fact that everyone at the firm loves him actually makes things worse because they’ll blindly follow him anywhere, and they’re kidding themselves if they think they’ll always be able to convince him to do what’s right. Donna snaps that it was Harvey’s moral code that kept him from turning Faye over to the bar (the judiciary…), which seems to give her pause, although for real, if she’s as stringent about adhering to the law as she claims to be, she should just report herself and let the chips fall where they may. At least that way she gets to control the narrative.
Despite the fact that they’ve found six women who Richmond assaulted over ten years, Samantha and Katrina still have no case because none of the women are willing to testify. Katrina then has the bright idea to go straight to the lawyers who arranged all the women’s NDAs, pitting them against one another in what I think is supposed to be the episode’s second prisoner’s dilemma, except that if these lawyers won’t talk, they have nothing to hold over them, so no one would face any consequences, and if one of them talks, the other one isn’t going to suffer for it, so they have nothing to bargain with. In any case, Katrina talks to one lawyer and Samantha talks to the other, and it’d be a little more badass if they had any actual leverage, but whatever, good on them for trying.
Donna’s hurt that Harvey didn’t tell her about Cahill’s deal, but it turns out that might not matter anyway because Alex discovered, between Harvey’s arrest warrant and Sutter’s autopsy report, that Malik had Harvey arrested not because his boss was giving him shit but because Harvey was closing in on the fact that Sutter died suddenly and thus couldn’t have given a deathbed confession, making Forstman’s testimony inadmissible hearsay. But Harvey doesn’t just want proof that Forstman lied; he wants to nail Malik to the wall, which they might be able to pull off “by giving Sean Cahill a chance to make things right.”
I think Katrina and Samantha’s gambit worked, but it’s a little unclear that it mattered, because Samantha goes to Louis’s to inform him that while they “have a road map to every time Paul has done this before and the settlements he’s paid… [They] still don’t have a plaintiff,” so the case is a no-go. Louis can’t ask Esther to testify, but based on that case she failed to prosecute, maybe Katrina can; meeting one-on-one, Katrina lays the situation out for Esther, plus the fact that she called the plaintiff from her old case, who said that even though they lost, she doesn’t regret coming forward. Also they “don’t have much time” before the merger goes through, so if they’re going to do this, they need to do it soon.
Brace yourself, here comes the big wrap-up: Harvey and Cahill ambush Malik to inform him of their Forstman-related findings and have Malik arrested for fabricating evidence. Malik says he’s not fabricating evidence…because he’s “the goddamn State’s Attorney,” which, no he’s not, New York doesn’t have a State’s Attorney, and even if it did, that doesn’t make evidence fabrication any less illegal. Whatever, he’s going to jail and Harvey and Cahill are friends again, and that's the end of that. Samantha and Louis show Richmond the evidence they collected of all his cover-ups and Esther arrives at the last second to play the necessary accuser, so Richmond resigns on the spot and Esther tells Louis she couldn’t have done it without him. Harvey stops by the prison to let Forstman know that they know he committed perjury and now Cahill gets to decide how much time is going to be added to his sentence, so good luck with that. Also the whole thing with Esther made Louis think about the importance of family to him and Sheila, and now he wants to cram a wedding in before the season finale. I mean, get married before Sheila gives birth.
Okay, so everything in that mad dash to the finish line feels pretty conclusive, right? We’re all happy with how it all ended up? Except according to Korsh, “[Episodes] 9 and 10 are sort of the consequences of what happens at the end of [episode] 8.” There’s like a minute left, what more could possibly happen?
Glad you asked. As soon as Harvey arrives home to preen about his win over Malik and Forstman, Donna makes an announcement: “[His] mother had a heart attack. She’s gone.”
So I have some thoughts about this.
Part III
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MONTHLY READS | December 2018
Happy 1D Fanworks Appreciation Day!
Thank you so much for all the hard work you put into your stories and the courage to share them with us! I am so grateful for all the amazing authors in this fandom!
Here are the fics I read this month, as always, Top 5 + 12 more under the cut.
Captain Jack
by jaerie for 1D Fanworks For Charity | DARK DRUG FIC - Please read the tags on the fic page carefully! | a/b/o | 31k
Louis has been searching for something and Harry is there to give it to him. Drugs, sex, disappointment, and the tangled web they’ve woven that keeps them trapped in the same cycle.
Better Not Pout, I'm Telling You Why
by runaway_train for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | fluff | strangers to lovers | workplace relationship | 24k
Niall wipes his hands again with his cloth, jaw tense as his eyes narrow in contemplation at the man in front of him. After a pause, he opens his mouth. “OK, I need to tell you something and you have to promise not to laugh.”
Oh here we go, now the truth is away to come out. “Okaaaay…”
He drops the towel. “Harry still believes in Santa Claus.”
Louis hoots out a single loud chord of laughter. “Fuck off. No he doesn’t.”
“He does. I swear.” Niall manages to say it with a completely straight face, but he must be taking the piss.
“Niall, he’s twenty two. Do you honestly expect me to believe he’s managed to make it this far through life without someone telling him the truth that Santa isn’t real?”
Or
The one where Harry still believes in Santa Claus and Louis doesn't want to be the one to burst his bubble.
Santa Baby Honey
by SadaVeniren | Christmas | crack | fluff | humor | BDSM | exhibitionism | 28k
“Let’s cut right to the chase,” Niall said, loading the powerpoint, which was just one page, comprised of Louis’ face and the words How do you solve a problem like this asshole? “It’s the beginning of November and Louis is already being a fuckwit. How are we gonna have him knock that shit off this year?”
aka Louis is the CEO of a toy company and Christmas is a stressful time of year so his assistant decides the best way to make him chill out is by getting him laid through a Secret Santa
O' Christmas Tree
by Justalittlelouislove for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | kid fic | fluff | 15k
At a stoplight, he finds himself doing some retrospective thinking of his own. Instead of going over one of his fifty or so mental to-do lists, his mind drifts to Harry’s dimples, the way his whole face changed when he smiled, how some of the pine trees almost matched the green of his eyes perfectly. It’s- well it’s annoying is what it is. He can’t spend all his time thinking about some tree farmer with broad shoulders, he’s got bigger fish to fry. Girl Scout meetings, homework charts, client lists, lots and lots of very large fish sitting around waiting to be fried.
or:
Louis has a busy schedule to keep and a daughter to raise. He definitely isn't looking for a relationship. Enter Harry Styles, a local Christmas tree farmer that seems just a little too good to be true.
Along The Heather
by noellehenry for HLRegencyVictorianFicChallenge | Victorian AU | Jane Eyre AU | verbal abuse | physical abuse | Minor Character Death | panic attack | attemped murder | angst | mystery | 35k
Orphaned Harry Styles grows up with his cruel aunt and cousins, before he is sent away to a boys' boarding school, which teaches poor and orphaned boys. Even though his aunt tries to undermine Harry's experience at the school, he does well in school, and stays on at the school as a teacher after he graduates.
When he becomes restless after significant changes at the school, he applies for a job as a tutor at Thorgill Hall, teaching the younger brother of Mr. Louis Tomlinson. Harry develops romantic feelings for his pupil's brother...
Thorgill Hall,however, holds a secret; it’s becoming slightly more eerie every day and when his life is threatened, Harry makes a drastic decision…
Your touch is the only thing I feel
by 2tiedships2 | a/b/o | strangers to lovers | fluff | 15k
Liam. Liam was finally here. Louis kept his eyes closed and cuddled farther into Liam’s side, revelling in the pheromones Louis’ body desperately needed. He wasn’t sure how long Liam had been holding him, but Louis figured it had to have been at least an hour by the way his body had loosened. The need of an alpha’s touch seemed to have been temporarily lifted from his mind.
Louis listened to the sounds of the pub around him. It was louder than before he had fallen asleep and he briefly wondered why Liam hadn’t just woken him to go back to their flat.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Louis’ eyes flew open at the sound of Niall’s voice, and the arm that had been around Louis shoulders lifted in the same instant. He missed the warmth immediately.
Louis looked from Niall’s stormy face over to the person who was definitely not Liam. The alpha Liam impersonator, who smelled a lot better than the actual Liam now that Louis was alert, looked back at Louis with wide eyes and familiar furrowed brows.
Or the one where Louis refuses to settle for just any alpha despite intense touch deprivation. Fortunately Harry isn't just any alpha.
Pull your-elf together
by EmmyLouWho for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | fluff | pining | 4k
Louis looks Harry up and down. “Hang on, aren't you a bit tall to be an elf?”
“Alright, Princess Leia,” Harry says, and Niall loses it. “Ohhhhhh,” he says. “Harry, we are definitely going to be good friends.”
Or: Santa's Winter Wonderland is a great place to fall in love.
And Touch Me Like You Never
by runaway_train for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | implied/ referenced drug use | implied/ referenced alcohol abuse | mildly dubious consent | angst | roommates | coming out | friends with benefits | dom/sub undertones | friends to lovers | pining | 35k
“Lets move back a bit yeah?” Harry clutches at his waist with a free hand and tugs him to move through the crowd until they are almost at the back of the group and settles them both beside the far wall. “There. That better?”
Louis looks up at him, as if he’s a tad dazed. “Uh, yeah, thanks. Can’t really see much from back here either though.”
Harry lifts a shoulder and grins at him, placing a hand on the wall behind Louis to pen him in. “We’ll just have to create our own fireworks then, won’t we?” He says it jokingly with a wink, and Louis laughs but he seems nervous. He must know that Harry is harmlessly flirting. Harry flirts with everyone after all, including Louis.
“Do you think this is a good idea Haz?” Louis asks quietly, almost too quietly in the clamour of the room, his head bowed as he scuffs his shoe on the carpet.
“Stop over thinking it Lou, it’s one kiss. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Or
The one where Harry and Louis agree to be each other's New Year's kiss and it ends up being a lot more than they bargained for.
Head Over Heels
by Sasparella76 for Larry Holiday Fic Fest | Christmas | enemies to friends to lovers | 26k
Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are both up and coming editors at Cowell Publishing. Louis thinks Harry is brilliant at his job and beyond gorgeous. It’s just a pity that Harry is also the most annoying man Louis has ever met.
Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings)
by 2tiedships2 | Part I of It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year | a/b/o | Christmas | strangers to lovers | enemies to lovers | fluff | 18k
"Onwards to drop me off at Robert's before you go to Harry's!" Louis proclaimed when they were safely in the car. Or at least Louis was safely in. Niall was still brushing the snow out of his hair that Louis had accidentally dropped on him.
"We're picking up biscuits first," Niall grumbled as the snow melted into his hair. "You can wait in the car."
After three times of the car sounding like it was dying a slow and tragic death, it finally decided to start.
"This is what happens when you try to change the name of your car after five years," Louis said as a reminder of Niall's stupidity. "You'd be upset too if you were a car named Greased Lightning with a passenger trying to get it renamed to Dusty."
"To be fair," Niall explained, "the name Dusty does seem a bit more accurate."
"Make sure to leave the car running while you're getting whatever you're getting from Harry," Louis said in disgust. "This car is going to choke for good after that comment and I don't want to be stuck at Harry's place when that happens."
Or the one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?
(That's Just) The Way I Am
by lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | fake/pretend relationship | lights angst | 17k
There was no way Harry would want to bring anyone out for an introductory trip like this. The fighting between himself and his father was sure to be be worse than usual and father still hadn’t accepted Harry’s pansexual identity. Harry wasn’t dating anyone at the moment, but at this point he almost wished he were dating a man just so he could incense his father.
The door jingled, pulling Harry’s attention away from the window and to the man who had just walked into the cafe.
Now that was exactly who Harry should try bringing home. The man was dressed in ratty black skinny jeans and what was obviously a self cut tank top that used to be a Stone Roses t-shirt. His black chucks had holes in the canvas, indicating exactly how old they were, and his maroon beanie wasn’t in much better shape.
The more Harry studied the man’s smoky eyeliner rimmed eyes and the lipstick he had swiped on to match his hat, the more Harry started hatching an idea. What if Harry really did bring this man home?
I Just Wanna Give You Love
lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | soulmates | famous/not famous | 18k
Graham Norton appeared on the screen introducing his guests and out of nowhere, everything in Louis’ world was turned upside down.
Louis gasped as he intently took in the man on the screen, smiling and waving from his seat beside Sir Ian McKellen.
“Oh my God,” Louis said before it all sank in as to what it meant. “Holy fucking shit!”
“Louis William, you watch your mouth,” Jay said. “What has got into you?”
Feeling like a madman, his palms to his cheeks, Louis couldn’t help the tears of surprise, relief, and fear as he turned to his mum. “What colour are his eyes? What do you call that colour?”
“Louis, are you telling me that the man on the screen, Harry Styles, is your soulmate?”
Or the one where the world is in black and white until you meet your soulmate, but Harry is world famous and Louis is...well...not.
This is a Rainbow War
by lululawrence for 1D Fanworks For Charity | famous/ not famous | friends to lovers | fluff | pining | travel | 15k
“So what are we doing?” Niall asked as he slipped in.
“Harry seems to really like rainbows,” Louis said, purposefully vague. “So let’s go ahead and make sure he’s really in the spirit.”
Louis untaped the flag he’d used to hold it together and showed Niall what he had inside. He’d been keeping a wide variety of flags from each show and gathering them until he had enough to cover Harry’s entire dressing room with them.
“Oh this is going to be great,” Niall said with a chuckle.
“Oh my God,” Shawn said excitedly. “It’s going to look like someone puked pride flags all over a campsite.”
“Exactly,” Louis said.
Or, the one where Harry's a famous singer, Louis is part of his road crew, and after Harry gives Louis a special assignment regarding rainbow flags, things maybe turn out a little differently than either of them planned.
Naughty or Nice
by noellehenry | Christmas | miscommunication | innuendo | humour | fluff | 10
Louis never intended for his boss, the very attractive Harry Styles, to find out he has a temporary, additional job as a Christmas Elf at Harrods Department Store. When he gets a request to show up in his elf costume at Mr. Styles' office, after office hours, Louis' mind goes wild...
Nobody Likes To Be Played
by rosegoldhl for Girl Direction Fic Fest | Girl Direction | infidelity | implied/ referenced homophobia | fluff | friends to lovers | emotional/psychological abuse | 19k
The first thing she realized as she walked into the bar was that there was some sort of gig from an unknown, obscure rock band, the kind of music Louis enjoyed. The second thing was that the place was packed with teenagers and university students, and Harry looked out of place in trousers and a polka-dot shirt. The third was that this outing was destined to ruin her life.
Until I Found You
by dimpled_halo | a/b/o | Cam Boy/ Porn Star | enemies to friends to lovers | slow burn | fluff | 45k
Harry Styles is the popstar of the century, or so the media proclaims. He’s linked to every omega he’s seen with, donned as an alpha lothario who isn’t ready to settle down any time soon. His team works hard to publicise him as an alpha who can’t keep his knot in his pants, but not everything is as it seems.
Louis Tomlinson, an aspiring musician working as a porn star and camboy, is waiting for his big break. When he meets Harry Styles he can’t stand the alpha that only uses his power and fame to bed as many omegas as possible. He runs into him at a party and hopes to never see him again only to find that Harry’s assistant is dating Louis’ best friend. To make matters worse, Harry’s about to embark on a world tour and is in need of a guitarist at the last minute, an opportunity Zayn uses to put in a good word for Louis.
What happens when the opportunity that Louis has been waiting for finally comes, but at the price of having to share the stage with one Harry Styles?
Merry Birthday
by jaerie | Christmas | a/b/o | soulmates | soul marks | 9k
Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson have unfortunate soulmarks branded onto their skin. The first words their soulmate will ever speak to them are two of the most common greetings, so common that they don't even notice when it finally happens for real.
A Christmas soulmate AU.
#captain jack#better not put i'm telling you why#santy baby honey#o' christmas tree#along the heather#fic rec#monthly reads#my reads#28th appreciation#1d fanworks appreciation day#pairing: larry#completed fics#girl direction fic fest#1D fanworks for charity#Larry Holiday Fic Fest#hl regency victorian fic challenge#my fic rec#1D fics#larry fics
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2018 best (and some worst)
2018 was the shittiest year of my life personally and I was a trainwreck almost instantly. I was real hopeful going in, but I got my heart broken as badly as I could get (and it somehow just kept getting worse). Ugh. It’s boring to articulate, but it was a never-ending Russian nesting doll of heartbreak, disappointment, and frustration. But I made more positive changes in the last 12 months than I did in the last 12 years. So that’s something.
TV
Funniest go-to show: Desus and Mero (wish they didn’t go on hiatus when they left for Showtime)
Favorite shows: 1) Big Mouth 2) Atlanta 3) Killing Eve 4) Bodyguard 5) Haunting of Hill House
Other shows I enjoyed: American Vandal; Homecoming; Americans; GLOW; Better Call Saul; Succession; Cobra Kai; Kominsky Method; Corporate
Meh: Barry; Sharp Objects; Who Is America?; Daredevil
Favorite Comedy specials: 1) Rory Scovel 2) Bert Kreischer 3) John Mulaney
MOVIES
4 ½ stars: Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse; Sorry to Bother You
4 stars: Quiet Place; Hereditary; Mission Impossible: Fallout; Blackkklansman; Deadpool 2
3 ½ stars: To All the Boys…; Incredibles 2; Game Night; Revenge
3 stars (solid rental): Game Night; Upgrade; Revenge; Ant-Man; Hold the Dark
2 ½ stars (OK rental): Black Panther; Avengers
Meh: Love Simon; Support the Girls
Probably Good but bored the shit out of me: Roma; First Reformed; Eighth Grade
Hated: Mandy; Ballad of Buster Scruggs
STILL NEED TO SEE: Bad Times at El Royale; Bodied; Creed 2; Death of Stalin; Favourite; First Man; Free Solo; Green Book; Halloween; If Beale Street Could Talk; Minding the Gap; Solo; Star is Born; Vice; Widows
MUSIC
Favorite Records: 1) Brian Fallon-‘Sleepwalkers’ 2) Story So Far-‘Proper Dose’
1975 has great songs but they have too much filler in their records.
Damn good songs: Foxing-‘Nearer My God’; Wonder Years-‘Pyramids of Salt’; Thrice-‘Beyond the Pines’
PODCASTS
Favorite Podcasts personally:
-Filmdrunk Frotcast (Movies/comedy)
-Dollop (history PLUS comedy)
-Bill Burr’s Monday Morning Podcast (one-man rant from the best comic alive)
-Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend (comedy + conversations)
-Rewatchables (Movies/comedy)
-Bill Simmons (conversations)
-Pardon My Take (sports + comedy)
-Chapo Trap House (leftist politics + comedy)
-Press Box (media)
Intercepted’s takedown of George HW Bush is great. That show and Citations Needed has its moments. I think if you’re a historian/leftist, the best podcasts are Hardcore History or Common Sense (Dan Carlin), Citations Needed, Intercepted, Chapo Trap House, and the Dollop. Dan Carlin is the one you can enjoy if you’re on ANY political spectrum—and the Dollop is not too far behind; that’s truly the most special when it hits.
Other: My Favorite Murder; Revisionist History; Matty + Nick; Hound Tall; We’ll See You in Hell; Binge Mode: Harry Potter; Bertcast/Open Tabs; Gladiator: Aaron Hernandez
Re-listening to Walking the Room for the 3rd time; that’s my favorite podcast of all time.
Late pass: ‘Embedded’ series on Trump is amazing. Doesn’t come out often but when it does? Fascinating and goes in on Trump stories that don’t get talked about.
Podcasts I’d recommend: In the Dark; RFK Tapes; Slow Burn (S2 on Monica Lewinsky scandal is great)
‘In the Dark’ is by far the best. S1 in 2016 I prefer over S2; check out both.
Podcasts I’m going to check out: Crimetown: Detroit; Serial S3
Vince Mancini (Filmdrunk/Uproxx) has an annual best list on the best investigative/true crime podcasts each year that are the best lists I’ve seen.
Best Dollop Episodes of the Year (must-listens on serious subjects): Donald Trump; the Resnicks: Water Monsters; George HW Bush; John McCain; Wells Fargo; Erik Prince & Blackwater
The above subjects deal with subjects to be genuinely outraged about versus faux things to be outraged about everyday (Russia; Louis CK or what a comic said) and the way the media talks or ignores subjects completely. The way it’s done is so great (Dave reading a topic coldly while his friend interjects with commentary—and then in the end coming together with a South Park-esque take on what the fuck is happening)
Other: Feinstein and the Flag; Levittown: the White Suburb
Funniest episode of the Dollop: 1908 New York to Paris Car Race (live w/ James Adomian). Hands down the funniest. Dave purposely saved a great one for the fucking great and underrated James Adomian.
I can tune in and out of some Dollop episodes, but when it goes in on a subject or has a particular guest, you know it’s going to hit.
BOOKS
Favorite book: City of Thieves by David Benioff
Late pass great: ‘Slaughterhouse Five’
Pretty good: ‘Devil in White City’; ‘Lexicon’
Meh: ‘Sirens of Titan’
Hated: ‘the Bell Jar’
Best twitter follows/online writers: Justin Halpern; Drew Magary; Brian Grubb
BEST EVENTS: 1) Gaslight Anthem 59 Sound 10th Anniversary 2) Boston Calling: the National, Menzingers, Queens of the Stone Age, the Killers 3) Bert Kreischer @ Wilbur: near front row 4) Bill Burr @ TD Garden 5) Pats-Titans playoff game
Biggest regret and disappointment: Moving my ‘ex’ into my friend’s house in January (with the hope that I’d be living there half the time too)—only for her to end up wanting NOTHING at all to do with me that same day after I helped her unpack out of nowhere, threaten suicide in a non-joking manner in front of her new roommates and my friend after a political argument at the end of the first night she moved in, get with someone we work with behind my back almost instantly (a bland and lame cokehead who got busted for cocaine 18 months prior and faced 7 years in jail), try to fuck my friend when I was mid-conversation with them both first time seeing her 3 months after it all ended—and for her to eventually date my friend’s roommate who my friend warned me would try and fuck her but I didn’t take seriously because I thought he wasn’t good looking, tiny, just vaped all day long, and kind of a douche. Cool. Awesome.
I mean, that’s a simplistic breakdown of it all and how I feel about it when I’m angry. It’s more complex and fucked up than that and I could write a book on it to elaborate my thoughts, good and bad. It’s genuinely heartbreaking to articulate it and I withheld that from her: part of the reason why I moved her into my friend’s place (she didn’t know him or anybody) was because I wanted her in my life and didn’t want to lose her. Instead, it felt like I locked myself out of a party, I’m banging on the door and it’s cold outside, but nobody hears me. It’s just that feeling constantly.
At the same time, it’s also very simple: she just wasn’t that into me, valued me, gave a damn, respected me, or cared. It’s NOT as angry or mean as it sounds. It just is what it is. Do NOT move the person you’re seeing into a friend’s place. If it doesn’t work out, make sure you can get a clean break. Oh, and probably do NOT date at work if you can until you know one of you is leaving (or, in my case, she leaves 10+ months after it’. I fucked both up and it’s been impossible to move on. Thankfully, she just left work 2 weeks ago and there’s less anxiety, mental work (thinking about her all the time which I still do but it’s not on maximum overdrive) and tiny heartbreaks each day. I mean, I was devastated when she told me she was leaving and there was finality. I miss her and have missed her all this time, but it’s a good thing: there was nothing I was getting out of it. But still: why did she say yes to moving into MY friend’ s place if she was just going to do a 360 heel turn, be an asshole and resentful towards me out of nowhere, never bother seeing the place I moved into/what I did with it?. Just a disaster of my own creation. I like to think in time I’ll get over it all and move on. I highly doubt I’ll ever see or talk to her again. I refuse to ever go back to my friend’s house for a variety of reasons and I had those thoughts even before the Cinco de Mayo party, but definitely after. I just don’t belong there and it hurts. And I know she’s uncomfortable too if I’m there even if she says otherwise.
Best thing personally: my brother got married, his wedding, friends, and my family. It’s cool to see my brother have his life together, be married into an awesome family, and meet a nice girl. I’ve seen my brother have his heartbreaks, but it’s nice to see him finally have peace and consistency. He’s got a really great house near where the Pats play (closer than where we’d park to games), works 4 days a week and makes bank too.
BIGGEST CHANGES I MADE
moved out to a place of my own in late January-it’s my uncle’s 3-decker, which he intends to pass on to me. So I’m saving $ by being here and it’s decent. The drawback is that it’s 3rd floor and inhospitable during the summer when it’s an oven with no windows where they should be to put an AC unit in (I just stayed at my parents: I would have toughed it out but I desperately need sleep for school). But yeah, I’m over 30 and needed a place of my own. I’d love to live in Boston, but it’s completely fucking unaffordable unless you work 2-3 jobs.
One annoying thing: my driveway gets egged EVERY day since May. We have fake cameras, but pretty sure it’s the next-door neighbor and not some punk kids on their way to school. It is enraging. Who eggs a house everyday? And it’s literally only my car or the lady next to me, not even close to the street. I keep on looking at the trajectory of the eggs and it’s fucking ridiculous. Luckily, because of school (and because I was away during the summer), the egging doesn’t happen until after 8-10 AM.
I’m 10 minutes from my parent’s place (halfway to my workplace and gym as a cut-off place), 5 minutes from the school I attend, and centrally located to things I want to be (Boston, my brother, Cape Cod, possible job changes or to where I intend to move if I can)…
went to school to be an electrician-In school 715 to 1245 Monday-Friday. Pain in the ass schedule and tiring, but a big change. I suck at being handy. Most people are sons of people in the trade or went to trade school. Then there’s me: never picked up a drill or a hammer. But I’m working on it.
I mean, the job IS risky (it’s not an office job) and any job outside of going back to school for a master’s or doctorate to get ahead (I fucking tried!) requires backbreaking manual work that breaks you down in most cases (construction, plumbing and smelling bad to even fixing cars where I hear that breaks your body down). Being an electrician seemed like the least of them all unless you want to be a linesman stuck outside no matter the weather for National Grid or down in manholes—because they pay REALLY well (most people in class actually want those jobs without reservations). I’m fine with being paid pretty well while enjoying myself. I’ll stay away from something monotonous like solar panels or being on a roof all day though.
Jiu-Jitsu-did this for 3 months and loved it. Had to take a break because I can only do weekends and it’s expensive. And I’m too exhausted for 9 AM class come Saturday. After a 6 AM to 12AM schedule M-F, I just completely fucking crash come Saturday. I fully intend on going back and doing yoga too when I finish school in July.
Most people start doing jiu-jitsu because of Joe Rogan. My answer got a laugh. ‘Yeah, I wanted to try something new. Also, I watched John Wick about a 100 times.’
Therapy-post ‘break-up’ I realized I needed help. I spent a month in February not being able to fall asleep (maybe 24 hours sleep in 3 weeks) before I finally got meds. About a million waking nightmares (holy shit that’s a thing). Constantly crying, particularly on the weekends without her, separation anxiety and just anxiety that did not go away at all: a constant weight. We had a Jim-and-Pam relationship at work, even when it was over—but once she started dating my friend’s roommate, she distanced herself more than ever and it was just fake as fuck. I was frustrated with not finding a job to not passing a test that I studied my ass for 3+ months for that would allow me to leave my job AND the girl. They threw in shit that was not on the study guide at all in the test. Blah. I punched a hole through my bedroom wall (like they do in the movies) and fucked up my hand a bit.
But yeah, I’m working on my confidence, following through with my goals, challenging myself, making adjustments, facing fears, getting over my anxiety, relationships. I’m proud of how, even without therapy, I handled the girl who was cold and distant: I was ALWAYS warm and welcoming, had a good attitude about it with her. It wasn’t a point of pride to be that way; I just was. If I was around her, the hurt just kind of all faded, however briefly. In the back of my head I wanted to light her the fuck up for how she was acting or NOT acting, but I just didn’t. But it’s hard. I am depressed all the time, but not nearly as overwhelming as I was. I’m really lonesome—and I want to reach out, but I don’t know to who a lot of the time. I feel left out and it’s hard to maintain relationships, but I am trying. It’s hard at 32 but people fade away. You think you’re wiser and more mature that it won’t happen, but it does. It’s just harder to make friends, I guess. I ruminate all the time and think too much. I’m trying to be mindful and in the moment. But I keep on thinking about all the things I’m NOT doing or the things I’m waiting for to happen. But there’s always going to be that. I am doing a LOT and the changes aren’t coming all at once. I like my therapist (I had one when I was in 5th grade and again when I was 19: I didn’t like them: finding a therapist that fits you is the biggest thing)
I realized a lot of the problems I had were patterns even going back to the heartbreak I felt at 18-20 when I was the worst mess I ever was. It wasn’t the girl who broke my heart, but it was me. I should have been better and stronger far before I met her. I wasn’t really living I don’t think. In some ways, I gave up and was sleepwalking through things. But everything I thought I was past just bubbled to the surface. And I had to get it right, something needed to change, and I needed help.
I withheld my problems from everybody because I didn’t want to be a burden. I especially did NOT want to be depressing but I think I became a burden for the girl who broke my heart. She had nothing to give and she was upset at me for talking to her at work and being cheerful, telling stories, or anything. Secretly, I was a mess and it was painful. In a way, I was denying myself and that made it worse.
Here’s the thing: I don’t think I’m that big of a mess. I might be lonely, but I got a good head, attitude, and people generally like me. I make people laugh easily and without trying. I got a lot going for me and I got support.
Tattoos -got the lighthouse tattoo I always wanted since I was 18. I didn’t believe a tattoo artist could carry out my idea. Liked the tattoo artist so much that I stretched it out into a full sleeve. I want to do more and have some ideas. We’ll see.
Other-new car; collecting board games; got tour posters and Pats memorabilia framed
WORST POLITICAL: the chaos that comes with Trump-Well, that hasn’t changed. I’ll hate the GOP/Republicans and that goes without saying. I have some small hope with people like Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, but I don’t have any faith in the Democratic party at fucking all: they will rather work with Republicans than work with people who actually want to make an actual change. You kind of just realize how shitty a party they and Obama were and how they are bought/paid for and resistant to any meaningful change. We are fucked.
LOOK AHEAD TO 2019:
-finishing school in July and starting new career as electrician
-cousin’s wedding and going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party (I’m more psyched for the awesome house we are staying in than Vegas itself)
-Pats playoff run and possible end of Brady-Gronk: I’m not hopeful, but I’m going to enjoy my favorite Boston athletes of my lifetime. Couldn’t ask for anything more from them. I just wish Bill Belichick did a better job as a GM and not fucking up nearly every draft since 2006 besides 2010 and 2012. They’ve won 5, but feels like Belichick cost the Pats 3-5 more minimum. Every year you have Tom Brady, you’re in the AFC Championship or Super Bowl. Belichick and Patricia mailed in the Eagles Super Bowl on defense. WTF was that?
-doing jiu-jitsu, yoga, taking up swimming, continue following through on my gym program: my goal is to delay having a bad back as long as possible. I’m in the best shape of my life by far, so that’s good. I want to cut some of my gut weight out though: when I bend down to put on my work boots, I feel it.
-more tattoos?
-dating again (I am struggling so BADLY with online dating and need to work on having better pics: I can’t get a single match/date)
-looking at buying a condo or home. I’ve got about $100K saved up and just slowly collecting things in my apartment for the big transition. Still would like to see where I end up working. Ideally, I’d love to have a lake house somewhere decent and centralized.
BOOKS:
-Don Winslow wrapping up cartel/border trilogy
-new Gillian Flynn?!?
-Marlon James’ African Game of Thrones trilogy begins
-Stephen King
TV
1a) Desus and Mero returns 1b) Game of Thrones final season 2) Veep final season 3) Lovecraft Country 4) Watchmen 5) Stranger Things 6) Good Omens 7) Devs 8) Fosse/Verdon
NEW: City on a Hill; Deadwood movie; Star Wars; Veronica Mars
MUSIC
-Boston Callling
-new: 1975, Bruce Springsteen
MOVIES:
1) Once Upon a Time in Hollywood 2) John Wick III 3) Us Toy Story IV 4) Fast and Furious: Hobbs and Shaw
OTHER: Avengers; Captain Marvel; Glass; It 2; Joker; Lego Movie 2; Spiderman; Star Wars; Under the Silver Lake; Where’d You Go Bernadette; Zombieland 2
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MYTHOLOGY AU FIC REC
The Hero's Return (1k)
The Roman Empire was divided into two parts by pomerium, the sacred boundary of the city. Outside of the city was militia, the area of war and conquest. Within was domus, the area of home. But Louis’ home was not the city. It was not the battlefields. It was not marching down the streets to cheering crowds, or a grand villa, or a warm bed and good food. Louis’ home was green eyes and long brown hair and a smile that dimpled.
Or, Louis is a Roman general returning from a grand victory. Harry is his home.
These words will be written on my stone (1k)
In which Louis is Hades and Harry is Persephone and there's also a giant, three-headed dog involved somewhere.
could be immortals (series; 3 works; 8k)
AU in which Louis is probably (read: definitely) not human, and Harry's trying to figure him out.
Like A Drum (Baby, Don't Stop Beating) (9k)
They walk through the camp together hand in hand, past the big house where Chiron waves happily at them, past the strawberry field where Louis first kissed Harry, past the lake where Louis first met Zayn and Liam, past the dinning hall where Niall sat down next to Louis before he knew he shouldn’t, and to Harry’s cabin.
Or, they're all sons of Greek gods at a summer camp for demigods.
not even the gods above (can separate the two of us) (20k)
Harry is a reckless god of war, Louis is a muse unspoken of, and their love might not be written in the stars.
My Heart Lies With You (31k)
For being the God of Death, Niall has a habit of acting on ideas without thinking them through. It's probably why Harry ends up with an unexpected but entirely welcome visitor in his bed the day after a Mount Olympus party.
How Far We've Come (32k)
“This is Harry Styles,” Chiron offers.
He’s beautiful. His eyes are a stunning green, the color of new foliage. The new kid’s limbs are long and lanky—he looks extremely uncomfortable and uncoordinated. Louis internally smirks to himself, guessing the kid probably won’t be too skilled with a sword, or a bow, or anything sharp, most likely. His hair falls to his shoulders in sets of loose, brown curls. The color is rich and luscious, resembling soil so much that it looks like flowers could sprout from his hairline at any moment. But Louis’ eyes are stuck on his soft looking lips, pink as flower petals and slightly parted as his eyes scan the horizon of the camp.
“Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, Harry.”
Cupid's Chokehold (35k)
But - naively, stupidly, blindly - Harry holds out hope for a love that’s written across the stars. He can’t give up the feeling that there’s someone out there, waiting for him.
He’s just going to have to wait for them, too.
Or: Louis is a Cupid who tries to match up Niall and Harry. It doesn't work out as planned.
Take Care Down By The Water (37k)
Louis has spent his summers at his Granny's in the Isle of Barra for almost as long as he could remember.
This summer wasn't supposed to be any different, but the little Scottish island turned out to be harbouring more than just the gorgeous white beaches, the clear waters, and the town drunk scaremongering the foreign tourists.
These Hands Not Fit For Holding (46k)
“You should be grateful,” Harry tells him, leaning in so he’s almost whispering in Louis’ ear. Louis stands as still as a statue, trying not to react when Harry’s low voice caresses his cheek. “I’m offering you something better: a chance to join my crew. I’ll pay you to work as a carpenter on my ship.”
“I’m not a fucking pirate,” Louis says, anger flaring. He steals little trinkets occasionally, if he thinks they’ll make his sisters happy. He’s not a proper thief, or a murderer, though, and certainly not on the level of Captain Styles and his crew.
Or, Harry is the captain of a pirate ship, and Louis is an accidental stowaway.
Olympus (47k)
Louis is a god that is actually a goddess named Aphrodite. Louis is also technically married to the ugly god himself, Hephaestus. Harry is his lover, who is also known as Mars and the two of them happen to be in love. Throw in Niall and Hermes one of Louis’ best friends as well as Liam who is Poseidon, and Zayn, god of the underworld known as Hades. Add Hera being a bitch and you have my take on a Greek mythology alternate universe staring one direction.
Your Wounds and My Sutures (53k)
Louis is a harpy who lives in Nog and has never seen the outside world. He is content living with his clan and his unusual childhood best friend, Niall, a Baunny. Yet somewhere deep within his soul, there’s an emptiness he feels during the night sky. He meets Harry, a beautiful merman one night.
Mer-creatures are the devils of the sea or so they say according to the stories but Louis’ never been one to resist his curiosity and Niall’s got the youth and joy of a fawn that he finds fascination just as wonderful as Louis but he’s more cautious.
Along their journey of love, friendship, trials and tribulations, two creatures of the wild find their souls blending into one and five friends learn to have each other’s backs.
I Hunger For Your Beautiful Embrace (57k)
Legatus Harry is governor of Capua and Dominus of his estate. He governs with a firm and harsh rule and has never been known to be soft. That is until Louis comes into his life. A beautiful slave who creeps into Harry’s house and heart.
But in the times of Ancient Rome, when sex, wars, and death are the entertainment of the times, life and love are rare commodities.
Grief is Mine (70k)
His silver wings glinted in the moonlight as though the moon shared his grief, his protective haze slipping away as his small body shook with a pain and sadness he had not yet become accustomed too. He would grow to know it though, would learn to bear this grief like it was his own identity, and, with time, it would be his identity. For an angel of death cannot long remain anything other than itself.
Harry is an angel of death, and Louis is a boy who was not prepared.
Anyplace, Anyhow, Anytime (90k) (temporary MCD)
Harry's going to audition for The X-Factor in a few days, he really can't use this persistent tickle in his throat. What's even worse is when the tickle turns into a full blown cough, and the cough makes him pass out only for Harry to wake up in a different world. And then another one, and another one, and another one. The only other person who seems to be as affected as he is, is a boy with blue eyes who keeps showing up in every single one of these worlds.
Runaway Land (103k)
Louis is sure he’s stumbled upon a secret, underground nightclub, though that is far from the truth. He’s also pretty sure he’s stumbled upon Apollo, which… isn’t very far from the truth, actually.
Modern Greek mythology AU.
Say Hallelujah, Say Goodnight (110k)
Louis is an angel who is just a little too bad to be good, Harry is a demon who is just a little too good to be bad, and they're both a little too in love to be impartial when angels and demons go to war.
Louis has been alive since life was a mere concept; he watched the summoning of Man into existence, he was there when Eve took the apple. He’s seen seas break the world into separate pieces, he’s watched empires crumble into dust. He’s seen wildfire consume cities, he’s seen the world painted white with snow. He has known the most beautiful humans to walk the planet, he has watched the most powerful mortals gather their riches and influence around them and then die just like the poorest, weakest humans do. He’s met humans whose motives defy explanation, people who use their lives as battering rams, as tools, as weapons, as chess pieces.
None of that stopped Louis in his tracks.
But Harry did.
#stylinsonlibrary#larry stylinson#larry stylinson fic rec#larry fic rec#masterpost#fantasy#mythology
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Pirate AU’s
laypmy- https://archiveofourown.org/works/9300008
Resist Everything Except Temptation - by Lis(domesticharry)
The lethargic sound of heels clicking against wood resonated across the sea. Footsteps descended the staircase, every assured step creating a menacing aura as it grew closer. Perspiration gathered along Louis’ palms as the rhythmic sound halted in front of him.
“Captain,” Malik greeted.
Louis watched out of his peripheral as Malik’s boots shuffled back a few steps. Sweat matted the hair along the nape of Louis’ neck as he waited for something to happen. He felt as if a sharp blade was twisting his gut as the silence became tangible.
There was a metallic slide of a sword being pulled out of its sheath, the sound startling Louis out of his cocoon of sterile shock. His shoulders jumped as the tip of a blade flattened underneath his jaw. Louis’ distorted reflection stared back at him in the polished metal. Engraved rose petals twisted his appearance as they crawled up the length of the sword. The sword lifted and took Louis’ chin with it.
Standing in front of Louis was Captain Styles.
OR
The one where Louis is the commodore’s son who is forced to become a part of Harry’s crew when he is captured.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5677141
Swim In the Smoke - by whoknows
“What about this, Captain?” Liam asks, nudging the boy kneeling between their feet with the toe of his boot. The boy hisses and swipes at him, slurring out something unintelligible around the makeshift gag Niall had to stuff in his mouth. He misses by a mile and tries again, just as ineffectively.
Harry looks down at him, at the way the sun streams over his face and shoulders, at the way the gag stretches his mouth, lips pink and chapped. He’s lithe and pretty, smudged all over with dirt. They had found him tied up below deck, mostly unconscious, next to a barrel full of gold. He’s clearly a prisoner, but there’s something familiar about him, something that niggles at Harry’s brain. Something he can’t quite put his finger on.
“Put him in my cabin,” Harry decides, turning back to deal with the rest of the loot. The boys screams out jumbled curse words at Harry’s back, muffled by the gag, and Harry can’t understand any of it.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/13706832
The Wrath of the Emerald Eyes - by Larriegal
His chin is grabbed harshly, facing the two deep green eyes that have been getting on his nerves for the past ten minutes. The smirk on the man’s face does not vanish. The grip of his hand on Louis’ chin does not soften, his thumb at the side of his lower lip.
His smile widens as he answers Louis’ question, “My name is Styles, but you will call me Captain.”
•
Pirate AU
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/8301328
Drowning In Your Eyes - by smittenwithlouis
“Capt’n Styles, are you certain of this? They be attracted to man-made light.”
“What is? Sharks?” The young blonde asks in terror.
“Worse than sharks, lad. There’ll be flesh eating mermaids upon us in minutes, mark my words!” Paul huffs as he continues to wave the bright lantern in front of him, “And Captain Styles here, has us bait!”
Or: The Pirates of the Caribbean inspired au where Harry is a fierce pirate who holds the heart of a beautiful merman.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/2244654
Sail Across Me - by iwillpaintasongforlou
Harry is a prince that is about to be forced into marriage against his will and running away to sea seems like a much better option. Louis is the captain of the infamous pirate ship The Rogue and he has a thing for helping defenseless creatures. Especially when they’re as pretty as this one.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/5935195
my treasure map was on your skin (you´re my land ahoy) - by ladilin
Louis is a pirate. Harry has never been to sea, but he’s eager to learn.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1617059
Gentle Rogue - by juliusschmidt
“Well?” Tommo prompts. “What the hell are you doing aboard my ship?”
Harry grins, “I’m here to plunder your booty.”
[Or Harry bets Nick a hundred pounds he can get Louis to sleep with him. He wins the wager and a thorough fucking.]
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/3683370
The Song of a Siren - by sarahbear
Harry loved beautiful things. Ever since his youth, the boy had been drawn to items that he thought were marvellous. Whether it be the shiny broach his mother wore to mass on Sunday or the robin that often sang in the morning, Harry admired them all. Though the thing Harry found most beautiful had always been the sea.
At the young age of sixteen, the boy left his family and joined a crew to sail the ocean. After many years, Harry finally attained his own ship and became captain. The year was 1720 when Captain Styles and his crew of twenty men set sail from an English port to travel the world in search of the most beautiful treasures they could find.
(Or the one where Harry is the captain of a pirate ship and Louis is a siren who learned new tricks.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/4610109
Liberté - by larriebane
AU. 1647. “Pretending you don’t have a heart is not the best way to not get it broken. It’s just the easiest.”
Or the pirate AU I always wanted to write
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552781
If you´ll be my star, I´ll be your sky - by MANGAMANIAC666
"You know,” He whispered. “The pirate way is to take your pretty finger with the ring. If you want to keep your lovely hand you have to give me something else of value.”
Louis swallowed again, harder this time. “I don’t have anything else.” He mumbled worriedly. Averting his eyes.
The pirate grinned. “Oh, but I think you do.”
~
(Larry Stylinson version of To Catch a Pirate by Jade Parker)
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/6410053
These Hands Not Fit For Holding - by MiniMangaFan
“You should be grateful,” Harry tells him, leaning in so he’s almost whispering in Louis’ ear. Louis stands as still as a statue, trying not to react when Harry’s low voice caresses his cheek. “I’m offering you something better: a chance to join my crew. I’ll pay you to work as a carpenter on my ship.”
“I’m not a fucking pirate,” Louis says, anger flaring. He steals little trinkets occasionally, if he thinks they’ll make his sisters happy. He’s not a proper thief, or a murderer, though, and certainly not on the level of Captain Styles and his crew.
Or, Harry is the captain of a pirate ship, and Louis is an accidental stowaway.
- https://archiveofourown.org/works/13808952
A Sea Without Water, A Compass Without Direction. - by sincerely_inge
”Tell me, Louis,” Captain Styles said, leaning forward a little. ”D’you think I’m an idiot?”
”I–what?” Louis asked, surprised by the blunt question. He had expected something different, something along the lines of how he learned music, or how he ended up as a prisoner on the other ship.
”Do you think I’m an idiot?” The captain repeated, putting emphasis on each word as though Louis couldn’t understand him otherwise.
”Of course not,” Louis said, shaking his head. He’d be a fool for thinking such a thing, and an even bigger fool for saying it out loud. ”Captain.”
Captain Styles nodded slowly, leaning back in his chair and folding his hands in his lap. ”Then why did you lie to me?”
…
”L-Lie?”
”Out on the deck. You lied to me,” he said. He held up his hand, three fingers up. ”Three lies total.
I hate liars.”
Or the one in which Harry is the most wanted pirate known to men and Louis is a prince forced into Omega trade as a sex slave, and Harry gets his hands on Louis and the documents that he comes with, meaning that he owns him in every sense of the word.
Louis’s not a fucking object. Harry’s not going to let some spoiled prince pull the ropes.
#pirate#prince harry#prince louis#prince#pirate harry#pirate louis#fic rec#fanfic#one direction#larry stylinson#larry fic
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Titles: A
A Cauldron of Love by zimriya (27k)
“Oh for Merlin’s sake, yes,” Niall interrupts finally. “Harry’s been in love with Louis Tomlinson since that time in second year when he went and accidentally peed on him.”
Harry turns to face him, horrified. “Niall!” he squeaks out. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone about that!”
Niall just shrugs and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Aw, come off it, Hazza, was it really a secret?” When Harry doesn’t say anything, he pauses and looks up. “It was?” he says. “Ah, bollocks.”
A Hogwarts AU.
A Harmony of Frost and Flames by londoniscalling (13k)
"He’s passing lockers and whistling a quiet tune when he first smells it. His body comes to a halt and his nostrils flair instinctively, eyes going wide as he registers what the scent resembles.
An omega in heat."
OR
Louis goes into his first heat at school and Harry accidentally puts them into a compromising position.
A Harmony of Frost and Flames Extended Epilogue by londoniscalling (7k)
Sequel to A Harmony of Frost and Flames.
A Long Way From The Playground by nightwideopen (11k)
Louis is a single dad who is having a lonely life crisis and Harry is a doctor that carries around princess band-aids in his pocket.
Scraped knees make grown men bond, apparently.
A Million One, A Million Two (a Hundred More Will Never Do) by LittleLostPieces (42k)
While Harry doesn’t want to spend his final year at Wilshire Academy sharing his space with yet another idiot roommate, he figures he could have ended up with a lot worse than Niall. As the school’s newest scholarship student, Niall provides a fresh perspective on Harry’s privileged life, as well as a grounding presence when Harry’s other friends, Liam and Zayn, are acting like lunatics. Most importantly, though, Niall introduces him to Louis, a cynical townie with zero interest in spending his time around entitled boarding school kids. Convincing Louis that he’s more than a trust fund and a charming smile won’t be easy, but Harry’s never been one to back down from a challenge.
An AU loosely inspired by the short-lived WB drama, Young Americans, and the Gotta Be You music video.
A New Buzz by stylesoftheshire (7k)
‘No way,’ Louis says, shaking his head disbelievingly. ‘Only you would come out to your best friend by making him buy you a fucking dildo.’
The classic tale of how Louis helps Harry purchase a vibrator and later helps him use it.
a prayer for which no words exist by Eliane (34k)
"Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time."
A Run At The Past by hostagesfic (11k)
Harry doesn’t expect it to happen while Gemma’s in Australia. He’s not lonely, this time, with plenty to do and the adrenaline of the end of tour, the excitement of going back to Japan. And Gemma, of course, her jokes at his expense and her flirting with Niall and her hugs for every occasion, the way she looks like mum when she scolds him half-heartedly. There’s no reason it should happen.
He wakes up in Louis’ bed anyway.
a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)
AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.
a virgin to that money by eversincewefellapart (7k)
AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)
Accidents Happen by lanaboo222 (19k)
Harry is accident prone and Louis is a volunteer minor emergency worker. They meet a lot and things happen.
Ace by aclosetlarryshipper (32k)
It’s real. He can’t keep denying it. Denial has just made things more difficult. Acceptance is the first stage to anything.
Louis sniffles and pulls the sun visor down, flipping it open to reveal the mirror. He stares into his own icy eyes, grimacing at the red rim around the edges.
He tries to say the words, but they still feel too final and condemning.
or
The sexuality crisis you probably haven't read.
Adore You by isthatyoularry (67k)
“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.
Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.
Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.
Ain’t My Fault by afirethatcannotdie (7k)
“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”
“It is not for sex!”
“It is. Trust me.”
“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”
“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”
“I really don’t.”
“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.
AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.
all i want for christmas is by crybaby (18k)
With Harry up against his side, his little four year old snuggled in his lap like it’s her favourite place, Louis could really believe they’re a real little family, off to their chalet to spend Christmas in the snow. A real little family where Louis would have the luxury of kissing Harry under mistletoe and rolling around in the fresh snow with him, taking him upstairs to his bedroom and fucking him to keep him warm.
(harry is louis' daughters' au pair. they spend christmas in austria)
all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (22k)
it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. or, an au feat. investment banking and children.
All We Have by colourexplosion (6k)
He looks at the person who’s asked him a question and then immediately wishes he hadn’t. He’s beautiful, is the thing, and Harry’s met him before.
“No, sorry,” he says, shaking his head, averting his eyes. It’s an old habit, one he’s gotten better about resisting, but he supposes seeing Louis Tomlinson out in the wild transports him right back to youth club.
“Ah, s’fine really,” Louis says, instead of just walking away like a normal person, “Pretty boy like you shouldn’t be smoking anyway, yeah?”
Harry’s cheeks flood with heat before he can stop it, and he squeezes his eyes shut. Of course. Of course Louis Tomlinson — the boy who basically made Harry realize he’s gay — thinks he’s cute now. Ten years after the fact, and much too late for it to do any good at all.
Or, a 'Grown' au
Always Be My Baby by itsmiz (8k)
Louis isn't looking forward to his birthday, and Harry makes him see that age truly is just a number.
Based on Louis' tweet: 22 is old :(
Always Come Back To You by whoknows (29k)
“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”
Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.
Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.
Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.
Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.
“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”
amaryllis by hattalove (147k)
“Where are we?”
“Um. A little while out of London?” Niall tries, seemingly the only one willing to not be mysterious and provide Harry with information, and. Oh.
“London London? As in, the capital of England London?” he asks, just in case he’d misheard.
“No, the other London,” Louis laughs, low and biting. He comes closer finally, the moonlight just enough to reveal a sharp-cut jaw and pale skin. “Sorry, Pup.”
Nobody’s ever called Harry a “pup”. Frankly, he finds it quite insulting, but he lets it slide to try and comprehend his current crisis.
or the one where harry gets bitten by a werewolf. louis is the mysterious not-quite alpha, liam and zayn have Things going on, niall is their token human, and together, they watch a lot of TV.
And Then A Bit by infinitelymint (159k)
“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”
Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.
(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)
anything plain can be lovely by el_em_en_oh_pee (5k)
Harry sees Louis - like, really sees Louis - again for the first time in his mid-thirties. (a grew-up-together AU)
Around the World by orphan_account (6k)
“Could you–” Harry breaks off, gasping as Louis leans in to bite the sensitive skin just under Harry’s jaw, a favourite spot of Harry’s. “Could you, y’know, in French?”
“Could I what, H?” Louis asks, peppering kisses underneath Harry’s jaw and trailing them up to his lips.
“Dirty talk,” Harry says in an exhale.
Or, Louis dirty talks in French. Kind of.
Autumn At My Window by TheCellarDoor (20k)
A canon-compliant AU, in which Harry and Louis are both in the band and have been sharing flats and hotel rooms for nearly five years, but never made the leap past 'friends who are too close for comfort'.
Featuring a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own.
Last edited: September 7, 2017
Done here? Go back to my Recommended Fics →
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A Southerner Details Exactly How Donald Trump Is Horrible
All class, this man. All class. (Photo credit KSTP-TV)
The South, of course, isn’t exactly known for recognizing and rebuking Donald Trump’s awfulness. Every state in the Deep South went red in 2016, usually by a respectable margin, and his approval ratings consistently sit comfortably above sea level. But it’s far from universal. He has plenty of opposition in the South, people unwilling to accept his racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, unapologetically cruel policies and statements and are constantly fighting his rhetoric and standing up candidates to grind his attempts to kick our country back into the 1950s into a fine powder.
This is home, and we’re not, as so many have suggested, going to just move out of the South and let it secede like the growing, emboldened crowd of white supremacists want to. The South is made up of a diverse group of people with diverse philosophies, and we’re not giving up that easy to a man who’s heartless, ignorant, egotistical, bigoted, and corrupt. And with apologies to friends and family for the harsh language I’m about to use:
He’s so tacky.
Stay with me here, because I’m not just talking about the traditional conceptions of tackiness. Gold-plated bathrooms are obviously tacky. Ill-fitted suits when you have tons of money for a tailor are obviously tacky. Openly ogling women is obviously tacky.
But Trump takes tackiness to a new and unforeseen level. He uses it like a weapon of war, turning it into something that threatens global stability and gouges the foundation of our society in ways from which we seriously won’t recover. Never before have we seen 46.1 percent of our country vote for a man not in spite of but because of this unique, pernicious type of tackiness. Because tackiness plus power minus accountability puts us all in a very dangerous place. Here’s what I mean:
He’s thirsty.
Donald Trump is so very, very desperate to be seen as cool. Not since I was 13 and looking in the mirror have I seen someone so desperate to be liked by the cool kids. He’s spent most of his life up until now as an unchecked authoritarian power in his own little world, spending the vast majority of his time in towers and golf courses that bear his name and in which he’s able to craft reality itself to his liking, “you’re fired”ing at will and being named champion of golf tournaments he didn’t even play in.
But then, when he got to the White House and discovered that life there isn’t like life inside his gold-plated bubble, he immediately began currying favor with the people who have the kind of power he covets — the ruthless dictators who use fear and military might to craft their own reality in their own countries. Kim Jong Un. Mohammed bin Salman. Rodrigo Duterte. Vladmir Putin. He’s happy to give them a pass on offenses, attacks, and atrocities — over the objections of his own intelligence community — for fear of losing their favor and the sense of coolness he gains from their presence.
You can see that thirstiness in the shows of fealty he demands from those under him. Watching his cabinet officials prostrating themselves in front of him during cabinet meetings is nausea-inducing. (And Mike Pence is The Absolute Worst about it.) And that makes him manipulable — all Kim Jung Un has to do is send Trump “beautiful letters,” and Kim can get whatever he wants. Fox and Friends just have to stroke his ego a little, and they’re able to influence policy decisions via TV during Executive Time. It would be gross if it weren’t worse than gross — it’s a danger to our country.
Dictators invade countries, and have people murdered, and hack computer systems within our own actual country to sway elections in favor of the candidate they know will become the world’s most powerful puppet, and he doesn’t just ignore it — he actively defends them. Because who cares if ruthless authoritarians gain power in the world as long as they let him sit at their lunch table?
He’s fake.
Donald Trump is as fake as his orange spray tan and unconvincing yellow hair. He’s built up an image and fully invested in it, at any cost. He had his attorney threaten the schools he attended to keep his grades a secret so no one will find out that the self-proclaimed genius was actually a shitty student at UPenn. He strategically angled and cropped photos of his inauguration to make it look like people actually attended. He’s blatantly lied, and had his staff blatantly lie, about his efforts to hide any evidence that he probably could never have been elected without the interference of an adversarial power. He’s (allegedly) tried to obstruct an investigation meant to uncover important details about a foreign attack on our sovereignty. He lies, regularly, to the American people to cover up not just misdeeds but anything that might tarnish the image that he seems to think remains untarnished.
In his testimony to the House Judiciary Committee, Bill Barr insisted that without underlying criminality, Trump couldn’t have actually obstructed justice. First of all, Bob Mueller certainly didn’t see it that way, as noted in his report, but also, I can think of plenty of reasons Trump might have tried to waylay a criminal investigation without actually having committed a crime. If he thought he’d committed a crime, even if it turns out he actually hadn’t. If someone else (or, like, 11 someone elses) had committed a crime that he wanted to cover up. Or if there was just something embarrassing in his past that he didn’t want to come to light, to the point that he was willing to commit a crime — which obstruction of justice is — to keep it secret. There are plenty of reasons Trump might fear himself being fucked that wouldn’t end up with him behind bars.
Why is he going to such lengths to keep his tax returns (which every presidential candidate for the past four decades has made public) under wraps? It couldn’t be because they’d expose the fact that he’s not as rich as he claims to be. Just think about it: a president willing not just to lie to the people but to subvert the rule of law to protect his own ego. Tell me that guy is worthy of the office.
He’s crude.
This, of course, is a sin of which I am guilty myself from time to time (and am reminded about by my parents every time I drop an f-bomb in a blog post). But I’m crude recreationally and strategically. He’s crude as a way of life. When your grandmother tells you that people who swear do so because they don’t have a better vocabulary, this is the guy she’s talking about (although she probably doesn’t know it). “Grab ‘em by the pussy,” “shithole countries,” “get that son of a bitch off the field” — Trump directs his crudeness toward the people for whom he has the most contempt. You know, women, people of color, immigrants.
Dictators, of course, are funny, and very, very smart, and strong leaders, and truly love their countries.
Because murdering your own people is totally cool, but being a black athlete taking a stand against police brutality is the ultimate sin.
He’s indecent.
Giving his political opponents juvenile, asinine nicknames like “Sleepy Joe” and “Pocahontas” (and I won’t even try to unpack everything that’s awful about that), lying publicly about everything from murder rates to vaccine safety, filling his cabinet with criminals, wasting millions of taxpayer dollars on golf trips, trashing the press as liars and enemies of the people at every turn? That’s offensive.
But fuck that shit.
Separating families, putting children in cages, and then firing his Secretary of Homeland Security because she wasn’t horrible enough? That’s indecent. Banning trans people from the military and stripping away protections for trans children in schools? That’s indecent. Smearing immigrants as rapists, murderers, invading forces, animals, feeding the cruelest instincts of hateful people who want to shoot up synagogues and mosques and churches? Greeting asylum seekers with indefinite detention and application fees?
That’s indecent. That’s offensive to anyone with even the most blackened and shriveled of souls. It offends the very concept of human rights and humanity itself. It’s the kind of thing any decent person would back away from slowly without breaking eye contact, but Trump is not a decent person. I’m not sure what kind of a person he is, actually. The things he does would seem over-the-top if they were coming out of a movie villain, but there he is, befouling the Oval Office and dragging the country down with him.
Unforgivably corrupt is as unforgivably corrupt does.
So when I say Trump is tacky, I don’t mean someone needs to talk to him about his handbag (although Mike Pence is definitely the fake Louis Vuitton bucket bag of U.S. politics). I mean he’s a generally horrible person and threatens the very fabric of our nation. I mean he redefines the concept and takes it to the point that it doesn’t even really qualify anymore, because lending his power to dictators, (allegedly) committing crimes, and blatantly lying to the American people isn’t anything that might be covered by Emily Post. I mean he is a danger and a threat to everything he touches, and he hides it all under the disguise of an ignorant buffoon. But, like booty shorts and a muscle tee at Walmart, his supporters don’t care as long as their ass is covered.
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