#even if it's really hard to see rn
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pasta thank you for being you. your humor, your stories, it’s the only thing keeping me sane in uni right now. bit sad but im basically being bullied rn by p much my entire suite, I feel like I don’t belong, im questioning every relationship I’ve made w my dorm mates but through it all, you have been a beautiful soul that lets me forget abt all this shit and run away to the hound!verse. really wish i had someone to cuddle w but I’ll settle for some Matt!cuddles ™️ written by the one and only you cuz gods know they’ve made me feel better before.
but anyways, love you
I'm so so sorry you're having a bad time rn anon! 😞If it helps I went through a loooong period of bullying and feeling like I didn't belong for ages when I moved to my previous state, and that lasted for a while, so I know exactly how you feel. It's incredibly isolating and definitely a struggle. Ironically it was online fan groups that eventually helped me find my people, people who didn't think I was weird or an outsider or dumb or talked too much (yeaaaah the enthusiasm ya'll see here was not approved of back in old town). I found my happy open self again and a good friend group, people I eventually vacationed with and still talk to now even years later. And your people are out there too, some of them probably feeling the exact same way you do! Just gotta hang on and keep trying to find them wherever they are, whether it's other trt readers or dd fans or another fandom. It will get better, I swear.
Until then, I'm so happy TRT (and my posts!) can be your escape hatch to somewhere happier for a bit. <3 I get the catharsis of Matt!Cuddles 100%!
Love you bunches back!
#ask response#the red thread#fr i know how you feel anon and it's not fun#the happy upbeat enthusiastic person i am was in a coma for a while when things were bad#but it gets better#you find your friends and they support you and you get to be *you* and you'll find that too#even if it's really hard to see rn#and i'm glad trt could help and so could my posts!#i found SO much escape in fandom#i can't remember how many hours i dropped into dragon age and mass effect which were my escapes at the time#it got me through a lot and if trt can do that for you all the better!
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apollo’s confidence in court: oh my god i’m the worst lawyer ever my client is going to go to JAIL because i can’t even do my JOB
apollo’s confidence outside of court: i’m the only smart one here, i’m the most normal guy in the world and NO ONE is doing it like i am, investigations are EASY, klavier gavin wants me carnally
#ace attorney#apollo justice#klavier gavin#klapollo#ace attorney incorrect quotes#the last one isn’t even his confidence tbh it’s just a fact#he says it like he doesn’t ALSO want klavier gavin carnally though which he does#alternatively:#apollo at klavier in court: *sweats* he’s so hot and competent#apollo at klavier outside of court: um…hello….you are kind of really nice🥺👉👈#disgusting#im obsessed with them#preordered the new trilogy of three games i already own today😌#$60 of my very hard earned money right into that#and i cant even regret it im SO excited#all the extrassssss#PLEASE go look at the aa twitter account to see the art extras btw#they’re SO fun#apollo justice trilogy really being about 75% of my will to live rn
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Ghost Cora AU where he’s actually been following Law around ever since he died but nobody has been able to see him, so all he’s able to do is watch Law get hurt and suffer in silence. UNTIL, miraculously, the battle of Dressrosa ends, and for some strange reason—through some supernatural bullshit or maybe just fate—one person is finally able to see him.
Law is sitting on the deck of the Yonta Maria watching everyone party when Luffy comes trotting over to him. And Luffy plops down beside him and says, “I’ve been meaning to ask, Torao, but who’s that really tall blonde guy with the funny makeup that’s been following you around?”
And Law’s just like
#Meanwhile Cora is absolutely THRILLED. LMAO#Eventually Zoro calls Perona over and since her devil fruit power deals with ghosts. She makes it so that Law can see Cora too#(And by some bs he’ll probably be brought back to life somehow idk)#One Piece#Trafalgar Law#Donquixote Rosinante#Cora#Corazon#Luffy#Law: Ha. Haha.#Law: You’re shitting me right.#Luffy: ??? What? No?#Cora: LAWWWWWW 😭😭😭#Luffy: He’s crying your name this guy CLEARLY knows you Torao#Law; having a mental breakdown: Uh. Uh-huh???#Shima speaks#Sorry I’m coping. I’m coping really hard rn#Actually. I feel like I was more upset about Cora’s death than Ace’s. WHICH LIKE. YOU’D THINK IT WOULD BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND BUT#I’m very. Very weak for the unsuspecting father figure who dies trope#(Sideeyes Tony and Harry (who didn’t even die anyway but it was still Traumatic for Eggsy to watch))#COUGHS
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< 2023 trgnz
#not to get all sentimental or whatever#but im really happy w how trigun has developed / influenced my art these last few months#its jst made me feel overall more confident in what ive drawn#and that i can connect w my art in a way that i never have before ??#LIKE THATS SOOO CHEESY BUT ITS SOOO TRUEEE#before trgn i was feeling soo dejected and unmotivated and like .. generally unsure if id ever really find my footing#and even tho idk maybe not much has changed frkm an outside perspective#but i just feel so happy w it . at least rn . SO IM ENJOYING IT RN☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️#theres still so much i want to work on ykwim but its such a crazy feelign to like ..#actually using my art in pfps (not tmblr sryHAHAGA) or like . printing physical copies of my stuff bc i genuinely want to decorate my walls#w it or like .. Wanting to put in more effort in a way i never rly have before#its still so hard 4 me smtimes and like frustrating😭 when im artblocked or not sure how to progress w something#but its made me feel like i can Know that i will figure it out in time . and thats SOO crazy tew experienxe IDKKFFFKK#and its soo silly that trgns whats made me want to like ..push tht aspect pf my hobbies . SOO SILLYYYYY#anyways i wanted to see some of these side by side#its so jarring 2 me that i have all of these .. and that they r generally pretty consistent style wise . compared to before at least 😭#ANYWYSSTYY#trigun#my art
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skeppy who?
#mishapen draws#bbh#badboyhalo#qsmp#badboyhalo fanart#basically a study of narcissus by caravaggio but bastardized (badstardized)#sketched it freehand and then laid the sketch over the painting to fix it up#had to fix the positioning of the right arm + knees but overall not a bad bad#this is from that 5 minute bit he had with foolish near the end of stream on the 11th(?) of july where he drank a love potion#and fell in love with himself#took 5-ish hours#so maybe i'll redraw it one day and see if i can get it done faster#part of it was designing him on the fly#and figuring out the physics of fucking. clothes#which turned out to be really fun actually i think im starting to like them#if i were to do it again i think i would make his face even darker and use the helmet/his eye shine to denote where his features are#but it's also dark enough rn that it's hard to see on my phone so maybe not lmao#this has been: your artly scheduled mishapendear ramble#goodbye
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Dash simulator
Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread
Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want
Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges
Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall
Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard
Draft discarded
Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you.
Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it
Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard
Draft discarded
Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?
Blog 6: woo cherry pie!
#trying so hard to be a blog 6 rn#im discarding those drafts#but clearly it has been too much for me as this one is getting posted#like i really am sorry if any. strawberry antis are directly being rude to anyone#that isnt ok#but i have seen zero of that on my dash or in the tag#i saw a few blogs saying lol they don't like strawberries#and then i saw a ton of blogs saying how dare there be any negativity at all#and seeming to act as if those blog posts were specifically about disliked fic authors i mean recipe makers#which... if any of them were... i didn't see it because of how i blocked large swaths of the fandom like three years ago#when i realized that it was determined to blow up a discourse topic every single month#and if there are people doing that. please. do what i did. block en mass#if you open a recipe that turns out to have strawberries in it and you cant hit the back button but instead leave a nasty comment that is a#you problem#but also if you see a random blog post about someone saying they dislike strawberries- hate strawberries even- and you feel personally#attacked and start crying about how now you never want to bake a strawberry shortcake again and they're so mean#that is also. a you problem.#'what fandom is this pocket' dont worry about it#not one i have any mutuals in#which. considering the mass blocking and the annoying chronic discourse explosions. perhaps is not surprising
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I'm really sorry to come here begging again but i could use some cheering up. Or something. Anything.
#it's gotten really bad again#and yes it's 2 am here and i can't sleep#and i hate going to sleep in a terrible mood#i hate crying myself to sleep#i wish i wanted to be alive but it's really hard rn#cause sometimes i just don't want to be stressed and depressed and miserable anymore#and right now i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel#if there even is one#marti vents#venting#delete later#sorry
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NGL the negative responses to the JenMish panel made me a little sad; it’s never nice to be reminded just how many weirdly anti-Misha people there are just because he dares to be close friends with J2 and sometimes does panels with Jensen. It’s not just J2 shippers either, there’s also the Jensen-only stans who keep asking for JDM as a replacement or Jensen solo panels. Can’t people just be happy for others? Then they say there’ll be drama when they’re already causing it! 🤷🏾♀️
ugh yeah i get it. anyone hating on misha makes me sad too. sometimes it feels like people are still stuck in the 2008 when misha/cas was introduced. and they feel like he threatens whatever fantasy they have of just j2 or sam and dean or whatever.
but just remember. we’ll see misha in his solo panel and he gets to be in another with jensen!! for the first time in a while!! not at jib!!!
#anon#ask#i’ve read a comment by someone who apparently owns creation who said they can’t get jdm at this point and that burbank is the only one jared#has officially told them he can’t come to#so we should try and ignore those annoying people as much as we can and enjoy what we have rn#i know it’s hard… i really don’t like seeing it either#but the jenmish content we’ve got in the past week alone has been amazing and there is still#purcon and this burbank one and maybe even liverpool again or comic con scotland#so!!!
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hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3
oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3
i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.
because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/
...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.
however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?
( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )
or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?
i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.
but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.
and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.
ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.
i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.
( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )
got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.
idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.
in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.
thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.
tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.
miss you and love you. happy kyle week.
-uncle nina
#sorry this is such a mess#tldr i am busy and a little unstable and my writing has been blah but i'm very into intense world building rn#and i want to do more research and figure stuff out before i try to randomly dish out answers#but i'm thinking now that maybe i should just tell yall what i'm thinking and see how you feel? idk#i do work hard on my character stuff so i hope u enjoy it#but yeah high fantasy is specifically hard for me so i'm watchin movies and reading books and stuff which is dorky#accuracy means a lot to me and its the only way i get relaxed when i feel comfortable in my characters and worlds#political stuff and sciencey stuff is also hard#i also dont even know how accurate that is to the tfbw plotline in actual sp so im trying to watch the show and play#the games idk im worried none of this is canon enough#bc i dont want it to all be fart jokes and asisnine but i do want them to be accurate to the show at least a little#nina stop bastardizing the sp canon#otherwise i am excited to answer my kyle questions i promise i have just been frazzled ill try to do stuff tonight#thanks for sticking with me and i really hope this makes sense i feel like i sound crazy i just...want to do good work#thats all i dont like to do work that feels shitty or lazy and in order to not do that i take a while to think
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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Definitely not me delaying turing off my phone and going to bed to research things for what might be my next tattoos.
#and the funny thing is i have more or less the rest of my sleeve planned but the two main pieces i am thunking for that are#not what i feel like i need rn#idk how to explain it it happened to me before to know i wanted something but it was not the right moment#i just know#for the past months i have had this feeling of i want a tattoo mmbut those two are not what i need right now and#i felt like what i would need right now is something with leaves don't ask me why i feel like botanical pieces are what i need on my body rn#and then last week in class i have this flash of the placement and what to get and how and i have been thinking about it so hard#so now i am looking furhter into the symbolism of the herbs i was thinking about getting#so than i can amrinate this for months and see if it's really what i want#i think it would turn out to be pretty cool and let me tell you i was already vibing with the plants as a gardener and as a tea maker#but after looking in the symbolism i am vibing even more#cris speaks#the---hermit
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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri
#ocs#ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok#yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw#im at the BAD PART OF IT RN#i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally#unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc#need to do more studies etc etc#i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc#anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure#(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd#or at least not as much#and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything#i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks#these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks#i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again#anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk#i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA#im going to shower....
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.
#im like. trying so hard to get back w my ex rn but neither of us will just SAY IT and its making me insane and deranged.#and its long distance so we cant even be stupid and like hang out and hook up and just see what happens everything has to be so#FORMAL AND IN WRITING AND JUST....UGH...............#we talked about moving to the same country today and about careers and kids and i was like yeah were really just. having this conversation.#huh. just two guys talking. kll me#IGNORE MEEE
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i don’t think i’ve ever felt this lost in my life. tbh
#feeling sad? sure. hopeless? been there done that. anxious as hell? at least once a week. but lost? no. not really#and that’s really fucking scary because i’m not familiar with it and i just don’t know how to deal with it#i can’t stop thinking that i’m running out of time because i’m 25 and i don’t think i can afford feeling this way#taking a break from uni sounds good in theory but in reality? again. i’m 25. i need to at least achieve one thing in my life holy shit#it’s SO hard to see the good even when it’s right in front of me or someone points it out. like having a job or studying or getting to#travel or even just having friends ARE achievements but i always want More More and More i am addicted to wanting more cause it feels like#nothing i do is ever enough. and now i’m adding feeling lost because i’m finally acknowledging the fact that i don’t know what i want to do#with what i’m studying or how to get a different job in the future when i almost have no experience and everything is just so frustrating#because i simply don’t fucking know. i just don’t. i can’t afford not knowing!! everything is so messy rn you would think i’d be thriving#after seeing louis and meeting aria and traveling to germany and i am genuinely so happy those things happened but fuck man there is always#the Bigger Thing taking over and it makes me feel like an ungrateful brat i just don’t fucking know man. maybe i am an ungrateful brat#but it’s just so hard to be happy when you’re feeling so lost with everything in your life and yourself#anyway i just. needed to let that out#negative#effie talks to the moon
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stay alive.
#the happiest people can be going through shit#the saddest people#the meanest of people#all walks of life you could never know what they’re dealing with#life is so hard so fucking difficult#I didn’t think I would be here#so many years before this one I didn’t think I would be alive at all#honestly? I didn’t think I’d live to see today a few days ago even just the other day I felt it#it’s really hard to stay tonight even with a good thing like meeting my favorite band right now on the 31st#internally I won’t share these feelings and thoughts allowed y’all don’t care about that or even wanna hear what I feel and what I think#but yeah#I just wanna share this because I’m struggling with it sand sometimes it’s a good and bad thing to keep finding reasons to stay#but you should stay because you want to be here to experience life with others and to help others#that life wouldn’t be life without you and you would want to see your near future self happy among your childhood past near past selves#evolve and be happy you’re staying and relive your childhood and grow as a person#you’re meant to be here if no one else tells you that#means a lot being heard and understood#staying is just a. little difficult rn#I never thought I’d make it this far and I don’t like the act of growing and I don’t like how life is a lot of the time#but that’s a story for another time if desired and shared#I’m gonna hop off now#bye#internally I won’t share these thoughts#these feelings aloud because y’all don’t care y’all don’t wanna hear about the dark parts that stay and stick in my head or pass through#but I just wanted to share it for those that needed a sign to stay#to stay because I too am one of those that could use it#spread love#be there for those that struggle#life is so fucking hard#take it one day at a time
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i had a huge financial scare today that turned out to not be as bad as it was initially said to me (thanks for the fucking heart attack eesh), but it's made me aware that i'm probably going to have to try and cover some financial stuff from the past six months by being willing to part with a few things from my collection and. it's a stupid thing to be sad about in the face of the money issues tbh but also. i like my plastic stupid bullshit. it's like the only stuff i own in my flat at this point. i don't want to :<
#i mean. i will but. i will be sad about it#but i NEED to get on an even keel for next year bc cost of living is gonna go up a lot faster than my pay is!#and i have zero prospects to look for new work rn so. hah.#anyway i guess i will sort thru this month and see if there's anything i am not too precious about.#i'm. gonna have to potentially think really hard abt how/if i can do tfn 24 tbh now too. sigh.
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