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shatterthefragments · 4 days

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Tattoo day 💖

(A tale of hope, wonder, happiness, and the existential horror(?) of having ink beneath one’s skin, though vastly overshadowed by the elation in having such beautiful pieces of art adorning my body.)

(Hitting post!!! As always: Feel free to reply and chat etc etc I am DELIGHTED!!)

So it was a weird day because I left later than I had initially wanted to.

My plan of wanting to go relax in my favourite gardens beforehand was a bit foiled by the need to sleep (I went to an event the evening before and despite trying to get my laundry done and my bag packed uhhh it was still midnight before I sort of made it to bed so I decided to take a later trip instead)

But I passed by my favourite island on the way and the weather was absolutely beautiful!!!

The sparkles on the ocean are like?!? Maybe all is good in the world if it can sparkle like this? 💖✨

My note from the ride is:

The world glitters

(I am by the ocean on a sunny day)

But it’s ok that I didn’t get my garden time. I still managed to get a monthly special croissant from a bakery I really like to stick in my bag before getting sushi across the street from the tattoo shop and then heading over 💖

I uh. Should’ve eaten more earlier in the day but oh well. My artist told me to take Advil before to reduce swelling so I did (and my friend said I didn’t bleed very much at all which was nice esp bc I had mixed advice on the Advil beforehand) but I also took Tylenol bc I had a headache (it’s. been a fairly bad pain week in both head and body honestly so I’m just happy that my hips and legs were ok to walk bc there isn’t really another option in the city unless I want to pay ridiculous amounts of money AND still have to walk)

(I did accidentally kick a syringe while walking to the bus but there was no needle and I wear closed toe shoes and I am still alive so I’m assuming I’m ok tbh. Even though I was kinda trying to watch where I’m going I’m maybe just. Not *that* city savvy)

One of my absolute best friends who lives sort of in the area joined me for the whole thing 🥰💖

She approved the Vibes of the shop (and truly it was so nice to have her there as support) (also all three of us being not neurotypical was very nice as well) though was quite worried about the amount of shading that was on the art piece I got 😬 but bc it wasn’t a HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU THINKING moment she held off until after so I didn’t get scared of that 🫂

We did the text piece first and a few parts of the outline hurt a bit more than I was expecting based on the “small little line” that my Artist started each section out with first (which was very kind of them bc I had no idea what to expect) but strangely enough the filling in of the text outline was perfectly fine.

And then for my arm piece I chose to lay on my stomach (maybe I should’ve had a pillow or something to lay on as well?) bc it’s WAY more comfy for me than to lay on my side as was suggested but I just was not comfortable 😬 though my left arm kinda kept falling asleep a bit so I had to readjust sometimes to have it not fall asleep.

The shading. Uh. Definitely was “ok this is fine oh Ouch” each pass but it was ok. I’m most comfortable on my stomach and until it was like getting a bit bad and I wanted to talk as a distraction I was actually kinda thinking that maybe I could fall asleep?

Unfortunately there was a very sudden wave of nausea when we were almost done this one and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. It’s ok. But swallowing back down the acid definitely fucked up my throat through the next day.

So I had a break and slowly sipped on the juice box I brought and held hands with my friend (“you’re almost there and not the fake almost there like you’re actually nearly done”) and then we continued in a seated position instead (which. Is fine for the amount that was left but I am very glad that I didn’t have to sit like that for longer than that did.) (anybody that can’t sit normal Knows) (I asked if there was anything I could put my feet on and luckily there was a stool so I could sit more comfortably.)

Then after we went to the pharmacy for aquaphor and a sugary snack for me (I got a chocolate bar)

She had to go back to work but we got to take the bus most of the way together before I switched to the next part of the trip to my aunt’s where I stayed for the night.

And then I got to hang out with my sister and have a bit of a lazy morning (kinda avoiding going home tbh) which was super nice! Coffee and a little breakfast snack before going to get bao (we got a few different kinds - I liked the red bean one best :)) and eating them in the complex’s yard- shifting our position in the yard as the sun moved (I was initially going to be in the shade but it was cold and wet and I Specifically wore a long sleeve for sun protection to protect the new tattoos (I don’t burn easily but that’s not the point). And then the bubble tea place nearby opened so we got bubble tea :) and shared a waffle but I didn’t really want very much I just wanted to try it but then I was hungry by the time I got to the second part of my trip back home which is fine I got food then.

And then I did have to leave to go home if I didn’t want to be too late.

Gosh I always end up sweating when I go up and down one of the big ramps in a glass enclosure so even though I tried to really take it easy to avoid sweating I fear I may have a bit. But I think it should be okay? (I feel like I’m doing okay now a week later)

I made it home around 7 or so? And then had to like. Talk to mum for an hour or so while I was just trying to eat so I could take another Advil before bed which. Is fine. But I was tired all weekend and still am tired (esp given I now have Flesh Wounds to heal which makes me extra eepy) (it makes me smile to say eepy instead rn so I’m gonna)

Every time I look at my arm I smile I’m so happy 💖🥰

And every time since that I think I don’t love myself I just. NO. I love myself so much that I started to adorn myself with art to carry with me at all times.

I love myself so much that I faced my phobia of needles (though it IS much easier when not faced with them individually) in order to get one of the things I’ve wanted inked into me for a long time and another that I was just fully captivated by when I saw that design available (and STILL available when I decided to go for it which I’m super happy about 🥰)

I’m so glad that I did go for it.

I’m so glad I didn’t get caught up in any bullshit of “oh when I lose weight” even though I’ve been about the same size for years. Or get caught up too much in what other people will think of me.

I’m so thankful I was able to get these tattoos 🥰💖

And now I just hope that I’m able to heal well 🥰💖

And all that said. It just feels *right*.

When I look down at my forearm and see one of the things I’ve envisioned there for a long time. When I look in the mirror and see black ink against my skin it feels more like I’m at home in my body. 🥰🥹

It feels right

(Well. Right now it feels itchy. But it feels right 🥰)

it’s FLAKY but ah well.

(As a side note if we’ve talked here I am most likely willing to send you pictures privately)

#shatters’ tattoos #it’s largely a very happy story imo #but also #mentions #tw #needles #food #emetophobia #things that make me happy #making a home for myself in the body I inhabit #adorning my vessel so it carries me more happily #a very cropped picture bc I’m not posting anything publicly #ah and #body image #I talked to my artist about expanding the upper one one day and they’re down so I’m super excited to do that one day :)#like all the of mentions are truly that - just mentions #Give Way For Happiness #it definitely didn’t hurt in the way I was craving but that’s probably a good thing #and it’s also not so bad that I’m not going to hope to be able to go down my list of tattoos I want soooo I am HOPEFUL

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rgr-pop · 5 years

Photo

Here is probably everything else I wore out and about this year less often or less memorably, I guess? It doesn’t seem like it, but I guess!

eyes:

Recently I’ve been trying to get use out of Subculture’s stone shade, Mercury. I really, really want to do grey and taupe and stone eye looks but I do not have what I need. This particular shade darkens a lot. I want to keep Subculture out to try to do new things with it–make that shade work more with the yellows, use the rosy shades, wear that metallic ONCE (I never have!!). I don’t really even remember wearing the Kristen Leanne palette this year, it was probably either the purple or the gold. This thing really is very pretty but it’s full of the kinds of potential looks I’ve already mastered and am unchallenged by. The UD Nocturnal palette is getting quite old and I’m trying to breathe new life into it–tried some looks with that purple and silver but it’s not the Cool Toned™ look I’m craving… I only use the mattes WnW’s revamped Comfort Zone palette (for how many years will we refer to it like that?) but I like them, as far as neutrals go. That Dior palette came from one of you guys and I’m still trying to figure out what it’s good for–I think I’m going to wear it on my face? That center shade in particular is just lovely for me. These just feel delicious.

Colourpop Sprinkle Me (this is kind of my go-to shimmery neutral “topper” shade, to the extent that I think it makes me lazy and I’m trying to use it left) and Don’t Leave, L’Oreal Infallible in Golden Emerald (these are still so good!), a Stila Magnificent Metals, the old kind you mix with a medium, in Metallic Gilded Gold. I did wear one of the Glitter and Glows this year but I guess it didn’t end up in here! MAC’s Bird of Prey pressed pigment from that LE Star Trek line–this remains just okay for me but I respect my choice to purchase it based on having the best of all the shade names! Bunch of fucking pencils, idk, I’m very lost when it comes to pencils: a NYX jumbo in Cashmere, a NYX retractable in Gold, Milani glitter retractable in Emerald Stone: they are all fine. A lot of this green and gold stuff was my NYE look.

I seem to recall doing an all-over-the-face look with that fluorescent pink Sweetpea & Fay pigment. I still have this! Pigments last forever! I am gonna keep this out for a blush.

There are three Grinch liquid liners from Pur that Westlin got me for Christmas (!) and I’ve been playing around with them. Reader, I’m out of practice. I’m not good at liquid liner. That is why I had coveted this set in the first place, because I didn’t have any and they’re the brush kind, which I always liked back in the days when we all wore liquid liner. But the learning curve is killing me a little bit here.

Two things I got from @madmoths that I’m still playing around with. That CYO mascara is GREEN! A dark green, pretty subtle on bare lashes. I wore it a few times then I wanted to keep it closed for a while until I got a white primer to try it with, so it didn’t dry out (esp given I have 100 mascaras open currently). I will report how it looks over the primer! What color eyeshadow with an evergreen lash? This would be a great time for a milky matte pink or mauve, which I DO NOT have! Strawberry milk + pine is a good colour combination. Then, black cherry or plum (for spring) and maybe mustard yellow. Seems like that is the agenda! Then there is a MAC dazzleshadow in Can’t Stop Won’t Stop. This has a plummy base with a looovely perfect light blue glitter in it, I’m trying to figure out the best way to layer it to bring out the blue. It is part of my cherry for spring plan! Sometimes I feel like I have a hard time wearing dark shades on my lid without feeling too…formal? And this is something I’m trying to get over. I think wearing them in particularly informal settings will help. (Maybe this is reservations about “sexy”?) This would look so good with a powder blue liner.

face:

I realize now that I should have put Anastasia’s Moonchild palette in my more used pile, I had totally forgotten about how all of January I wanted to be tin man. That silver-grey looks very flattering on me, but I want it to look grey. I want a fucking grey face highlighter. Pale princess problems :(

UD’s Bittersweet Afterglow blush, NYX’s Codebreaker ombre blush and Pinky powder blush: these are fine. Becca’s Opal is fine. That WnW Zodiac highlighting bar (Earth) is nice, it’s fine. It kinda made me like Mary Loumanizer, of all things, more, in comparison. That peachy Vera Mona thing is an eyeshadow that I wear as a blush. I am always thinking that I wish I had a peachy shimmery blush and forgetting I have that. I do not recommend those WnW stick blushes. I somewhat strongly recommend the Revolution liquid highlighters and the WnW Hello Halo liquid highlighters, the above are in the shades Liquid Champagne and Guilded (?) Glow. I like the Revolution one marginally better on me, easier to blend out.

I really wanted to like that Hourglass Vanish stick highlighter when it came out and I was amped to get a mini, it was so hyped and well-regarded. The shade is Champagne something or other. Maybe it’s just that I don’t wear foundation? But I don’t find this to be any nicer than any other stick highlighter I’ve tried, and I do like that kind of thing. It’s okay.

That WnW Illuminating Palette is still pretty nice, I feel like whenever I get bored of it I find a new way to use it. I have an idea about that and that little Vintage pink blush-highlight, they are both relatively subtle and very smooth: I think I might try to use them as finishing powders all over my whole face. Will report back.

That Colourpop blush is in the shade Bardot and I’m making a point to use it henceforth, these things don’t have forever shelf lives. It’s nice! I don’t love the super shock formula for blush specifically, I think it’s finnicky on a brush.

Oh! and my City Color Be Matte blush in Fresh Melon. Still my favorite. I’m a little concerned that it’s getting drier, and I cannot replace it!!

lips:

MAC Watch Me Simmer, still maybe my favorite lipstick of all time when I wear it, still haven’t found a dupe, lately I’m into wearing it very blotted out, because their cremes do emphasize lip weirdness and my lips have been VERY WEIRD.

The only thing here whose color isn’t represented well is that Maybelline lipstick. It’s called Fiery Fuchsia and I got it on super clearance. It is fairly similar to the fuchsia from the new Maybelline line, the one Nyma Tang had me wanting to buy, but this one was on clearance for like $3 likely for that reason, AND its # is 810 (flint area code). So far I quite like it, one of my favorite lipstick color families on me is what I call “dark pinks,” which are hot lipstick pinks at a darker value that haven’t been desaturated. This one is the most vibrant one in my collection so far and I imagine it’ll be an everyday shade for me. I’d like to get myself a liner in this family, because I’ve been relying more on liners since my lips have been Extremely Weird.

Here is Fenty’s Vay Cray gloss–this gets less winter time wear from me, because it can emphasize Weirdness, but it is ideal in the summer. Revlon’s HD matte metallic something or other in HD Dazzle is fine, Lucas got it for me hoping it would replace this (the only lip item I have EVER LOST! and mourn daily). It doesn’t, but I like it. More of those Benefit glosses in Hoola and Bella Bamba. Tom Ford Indian Rose: this is really nice especially if you have Weird Lip problems, but I like that Bare Minerals one better, maybe! The Bite Sephora birthday gifts– the stick in Glace and the bullet in Chai–are good, they’re fine, I haven’t learned to love them. I’m mad at Bite because a very very old lipstick I had from them finally got like, lowkey rancid, and it was expensive, and I’m like: what if you didn’t use food grade ingredients, hm? I haven’t found a good reason to wear that green, UD’s Junkie, much since the Christmas season, but I’ll figure it out. That Rimmel is one of my favorite shades,109, but the last time I wore it it was Weird (due to weird lips), so I’ve been afraid of it.

That Colourpop shade is Scorpio Moon (lol of course I bought it) and the quality and experience of it is unbelievable and it makes me want to buy more of them all the time. I’m hoping to get Flower Szn. Their Lux Lipsticks could be the best thing on the market–not just for the price, but for any price–if they kept them consistent and were willing to fill out a permanent range, but they won’t, because they are Colourpop! So they become the best for the price, maybe, but I still think something like Maybelline is a safer bet across the range. Anyway this color is so strange–which is good, it is unique. It turned out to be way more cool-toned on me than I expected, but at the same time it is not cool-toned enough, so I keep wearing it hoping it will be a delicious creamy greige, but it is not. That has been a trend for me this year, I am craving a delicious creamy greige and I have none. Hence these NYX shades, Haze (the straight grey) and Castle (the lavender, what a cute name), both of which I reach for when I want greige, and I end up disappointed, even though they are both good, especially that purple, which is a dear shade to me!

#makeup #color stories

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