Happy new year guys, if you weren’t thinking about the chaos of Bill having sparklers than im forcing you to think about it now <3

...

if i live i gotta make life changes let me be honest with u guys ive not been drinking alcohol meant for humans consumption ive been drinking dilluted cleaning alcohol because i really do need substances to ease my pains in life but i cant drive no license and i ran out of the shared weed supply me and my mom use and im really too shy to confide in her like "yeah so basically i cwnt live without drugs" which IS stupid because she is a former addict herself she would understand and not be mad at me but tbh im a very private person irl i dont like to verbally talk to people about things at all because it causes me a lot of struggle and distress to and irl im not really a verbal person. im not NONVERBAL entirely but i genuinely do struggle with speaking as an act so yeah. its a lot of shit. anyway cuz of all that i resorted to drinking dilluted fucking chemicals sbout it. fuckigng stupid i promise you guys if i survive this i wont do it again or if i do out of desperation it wil be because i tried rlly elly hard not to but needed an escape. idk if u guys entirely understand these sorts of circumstances i feel like the wider tumblr userbase isnt intimate with this kind of thing but i also know you guys generally want to be good ppl and i understand your lack of familiarity with this topic doesnt mean u hate me. nd we all have been taught awful things about drug use and addicts. pls kno that when shit like this happens it's not cuz we r selfish or stupid or anything like that its because we are fuckin desperate and whatever it is in our life be it mental illness physical illness etc, is hurting us to make us resort to this shit. yes it was a stupid act i i feel bad as fuck right now for what ive done to myself and my body and i worry also that if i survive it , that it migut fuck up my future, cuz the liver damage may jeapordize my ability to transition. and idk maybe this is sxary for you guys too maybe you feel uncomfortable hearing about it at all but honestly i dotn have anyone else you guys mean a lot to me and im including you guys because i care about you and i feel you care about me.

since brokenstar and hawkfrost are kind of "blood thirsty" you could say that they were inrationally in battles and sorta saw themselves as immortal bc of the lives and therefore would jump into meaningless battles without cation? (ex. theres a badger on the territory and they just jump at it?)

I mean that would explain a few lives but all 9? they are only leader for around a year, and despite the fact that they love fighting (especially Broken) they don't actually get into too many?? like I dont think that Shadowclan actually gets into too many battles during Broken's leadership, tho ig we dont kno what battles happened on non thunder borders.

Though tbh I could see Broken absolutely wasting his lives in a short period of times, maybe he just gets killed once a month by some territory dispute or badger lol. I could also see him dying accidentally in a training battle

I feel like Hawk would be more smart abt it tho, hes very cunning and intelligent so I feel like he wouldnt waste his lives.

Anywayz I really enjoy the idea of revoking lives so imma add that! Makes things much easier too!!

I know that I probably shouldn't being this up because it happened like 5 months ago,but the person who you had the encanto discourse with @toaverse is known for villainizing the Madrigals (INCLUDING FELIX AND AGUSTIN) and turning Mira and Bruno into "lil babies who were abused by this evil family 😭"

They've also been known to shit on Isa,Pepa and Alma in particular.Also they have an au called the kidnapped Isabela and Dolores au which is basically torture porn.

Urm, okay??? Dont really know how that concerns me tbh. Not to be rude, but if you have to say 'I probably shouldn't be saying this...' maybe don't say it😭

I disagreed with a post they made about the family (excluding mira and bruno) being heartless, because the characters are clearly not 2 dimensional and I just had to express that when I saw their take, I never intended for it to go further than a counter argument but whatever, sometimes life is like that. And honestly having a back and forth disagreement like that online was (and still is) embarrassing to me and I'm not happy abt it.

Like,, I have no animosity for anyone, I dont mean any harm. And even though me and them had a disagreement, I dont think it’s really my place to make judgements on them. I don't know them, or their reasonings for what they choose to do, and given that they also dislike proshippers, if my recollection is correct, Id like to think that that au wasnt wrote with bad intentions; I don't really know the au you're referring to, and I'll give you the benefit of the doubt in not knowing that those subjects in said au, trigger me IMMENSELY, so please don't come into my inbox nonchalantly mentioning it, but even then, I don't see the point in me knowing that other than to gossip.

The small altercation I had with them was ages ago, sooo I don't see how talking about it now is in anyway productive, if I were to still talk about it and hold onto that, it'd be petty and rude, ya kno?

Cmon guys let's just be mature adults pls, I'm preparing for uni so I'm pretty busy right now, but all I really want to do on my tumblr is post art and things that make me happy😭

ok i did a huge ship meme for fun. if you read it u have to like this post. also i have more thoughts under the cut

some of these are copy pasted from twt so if u saw it there u can read them again i guess. theres some new ones also. perish by my hand

at a glance

yuujin calls leona "leona-san" until theyre both old n gray. they probably try "leona" a few times but it feels weird to them. leona's fine w/this

love languages are what they prefer to receive rather than what they naturally give wwww if it were that way around id switch it LOL. high natural compatability

"problematic a bit" in the sense of. well. if youve played twst. youve met leona. u see how he acts around mc at first. u kno.

dynamic stuff

i dont think leona would've had a Relationship relationship before. fwb? fucking around w/ppl? sure. but a Relationship? sounds like too much work

yuujin meanwhile had World's Shittiest Not Boyfriend before isekai'ing. mostly fwb but yuujin did have feelings and also he was the only person yuujin was ever like. emotionally close to beyond their sister. so

? on caretaker for leona bc its definitely not Traditional Caretaking but he does put in the work to help yuuin in ways they do really need. still.

? for yuujin mostly bc if they had to do more caretaking like they did for their sibs theyd die but also they do help leona how they cna. u kno how it is

re:attachment, theyre both independent but yuujin is more likely to pull Away if shit happens while leona is more likely to get territorial (lol) this is probably the only thing that ever causes any real fights

idk if i'd call it "wants to Corrupt yuujin" but leona definitely does sometimes wish they were less of a good person. not always. but sometimes.

nsfw stuff

being used is situational for yuujin bc when theyre into it theyre Really Into It but theres also a chance itll trigger them really badly. u kno how it is

my pillow princess leona agenda strikes again

i htink leona is in theory fairly ambivalent abt topping/bottoming but in practice if he tops he's expected to do more work. so.

theyre both shameless during sex but occasionally yuujin will remember they have Feelings for this guy and this guy has Feelings for them and they'll get flustered. they can nad will talk abt sticking their tongue up this man's ass w/o batting an eye but the moment anything abt Liking each other comes up? they get a little shy LMAO

the sex is pretty good for both of htem but again. leona is lazy. yuujin is hte one doing all the work.

particulars

re:things to change, if leona were a more classically Good Boyfriend (ie more demonstrative, trying harder, more obvious w/his feelings etc) yuujin would absolutely run. so. leona's personality is a good (?) thing

engagement

(looks at the checklist) (points at leona) Go King Give Us Nothing!

the one abt killing the other is v like. dependent on timeline i think. leona might be more willing at first but over time i dont think hed be able to.

yuujin is technically the pursuer in their rship at first but leona definitely catches the Big feelings before yuujin does. lmao. eat shit loser

tbh their communication style from the outside probably looks pretty callous. a lot of talking Around things and giving each other shit to hide the fact they both Hate talking straightforwardly in some respects. the kind of couple that never ever once say 'i love you' to the other even tho they're both aware they do (eventually)

they touch a lot, in terms of pda they're not obnoxious but usually leona will have a hand on yuujin's back or yuujin will be on his arm or w/e. leona generally initiates if theyre out in public but yuujin doesnt mind they just dont start it usually wwwwww

re:expectations, i actually dont think leona expects too much from Yuujin Specifically, just in general. but also. in some ways i dont think he believes he'll get it. if that makes sense

OK THAT WAS REALLY REALLY LONG if u read this whole thing thank u tell me if u like them. i am rotating them constantly

i kno theres a lot of comparison for Good Season between s9 and s7 and i love them both bc they really have entirely different vibes. they cant be the same. i dont think its fair to say why one was better than the other but rather recognize what is different about them and think about the numerous things done and why they worked well, potentially thinking about what would be nice to see going forward.

s7 was interesting bc it isnt unlike s9 in having some kind of central location and then hermits spreading out from there, as well of the numerous 'events' that occurred.

i think a central area is key... not just spawning in the same place together, but spawning there and establishing something there. s9's spawn blossoming in that spot with everyone's small starter homes was lovely because it basically made a small neighborhood. it seemed natural to make a little starter base to prepare and live in before going off to build a potentially bigger base imo. my favorite thing about s9 (kind of s8 simply because of proxy voice) is the excitement and chaos of starting and everyone bumping into each other and poking fun etc and i think spawn is a key part of that! its what i look forward to most for the start of a season.

in terms of events, its something the hermits were very good at in s7 and naturally did in s9 again. events are good. they allow collabs between bigger numbers! i cant even count all the events on each season but i realize i feel there is like... a 'roleplay-ish' event and some kinda game event lol. and strangely we had two events that had to do with controlling a district/server etc (s7 mayor and s9 king). which is just coincidence. but, this kinda back and forth of funny 'lets play pretend" to some degree can be amusing to watch and i dont mind it, but its the way that its played out that matters. s7 mayor was pretty simple and didnt effect other people too hard (it was on a much smaller scale tbh), whilst ren's king arc was incredibly involved!! and that is NOT an insult (i think it was done decently in a way where ppl not involved did not have weird video situations of being confused or left out-- they could ignore it easily).

it is just wild to see the progression of work done between these events these ppl created. honestly no matter the ups and downs of the king arc i cannot applaud ren enough for everything he did, it was insane. this is to say-- i wouldnt doubt a pattern potentially coming through-- playing pretend in a way thats a bit more than just a prank war, and obviously making silly games. games are really The staple of the server and the way people get together to have fun. my only wish would be to not have another mayor/king/etc arc lol. i dont think thatll be an issue.

i think what stands out for both season are the things some hermits make that arent mini games or just a little play pretend, but the long going events that get people involved for a longer period-- s7's button, tag, head games, decked out or the base trade. s9's decked out, tcg, mumbo's new button, ren's quests, etc... and i imagine they will all come up with new things again. s9 at least to me felt like it lacked some of that but its probably more because the ones that did come up lasted a long time inbetween giving hermits more time to work on their builds. but they all came in waves that felt fitting. let a thing happen for a while, it slows down, people spend time more specifically working on their base. rinse repeat. i guess in some ways it felt 'organized' but i can see how it maybe didnt work for some people-- some didnt like watching tcg and when it was the main focus, some people didnt watch. same goes with decked out.

and of course, across both seasons, its always a toss up on how "complete" is feels. and my prespective is less of who completes what, but instead how the season potentially affected their ability to work on their stuff. of course there are all kinds of irl things that affect them too so i cant judge this as if i know everything. s9 felt kind of linear? again, in the sense of how larger scale events were spaced out. and i feel like ppl were given good spans of time to work on their stuff. really, it just seemed like irl things is what slowed some people down towards the end, especially when the pauses between things like tcg and decked out were spent dealing with irl, and then returning because of those events. at least from my perspective, s7 felt a bit more chaotic in terms of this pacing due to the randomness of events and the fact they would often take them away from their bases. i dont actually feel like anyone worked less on their bases in s7 than s9, but the big things that happened were not at all paced the same way as they were in s9 (it sometimes made me feel like they werent making much progress at all even though they were lol).

it is interesting taking a look at these two seasons because i think they had a lot of the same stuff, but both went about it differently. i think these two seasons define the hermits very well-- the kinds of stuff they do, the stuff they enjoy, and what they tend to keep doing. assuming s10 doesnt get some kind s8 treatment i can only see this one going forward just as well as the previous. and i hope as well to see some very interesting new ideas from after the insane massive works like tcg and decked out 2.

coulddddd we have a rundown of the habitants of the ranch?

Well I'm not sure about every single being who makes this (cosmic nightmare) house a home

But I'm sure we can give you a good rundown!(also PSA this account does deal with unreality so if that kind of thing messes with you be careful)

First up is the Ranch itself! A mimic in its final stage of life! They normally become dungeons or haunted houses but this lovely guy had the (mis)fortune to become a familiar with Moon in around the 1700's I'm pretty sure. And as a fully adult mimic it spawns thousands of baby mimics which end up replacing our furniture and the like.

EREN INTERJECTION i’m eren, OR RIJU, a shapeshifter. i just live here idk. i have a friend who’s a burmese python but he doenst live here. uhmm yeah idk i just eat the food in the fridge and sometimes i’ll throw bits of my fresh kills in there too. idk uhmm yeah im friends w everyone here except for like. FD maybe?? but he doesnt live here i dont think….

tbh i dont really keep up with who comes in and who doesnt HAHA im usually in my room playing with bones or reading when im here at the ranch

Twi interjection! I'm Twilight (or just Marth) i'm just kind of here, and if i'm not, i'm tending to my acnh island Tabantha. (Also this account is being shared between 15 or less people, some are more active than others and their individual accounts are being followed by this one)

Is it really an interjection if everybody’s doing it when nobody else is typing? Who knows! I’m Vivian, local semi-moth humanoid and god/dess of the Lost and the Traveling on occasion. Unlike most local chumps deities, I am a multiversal being, which means I am THE deus ex machina in any given situation, and like to Borrow from other universes. cough cough: ner beskar’gam. Also, I have a sapient AI living in “my” spaceship (which is legally his, don’t tell xem), just for funsies

This is Sky now. I'm not really supposed to be in this galaxy, I crash landed in the front yard on one of my spaceships. I tried apologizing to the landlord but we ended up throwing hands, not my fault. Eventually I stayed at the Ranch tho. Hobbies: leading prison breaks, motorcycle rides, eating lightbulbs for the sake of trolling, antagonizing gods, blasting my friends into space. Ended up adopting a demon cat guy. (Vivian note: this is not the catboy incubus. This is a different demon cat guy) (Sky note: Yeah, my boy is the cat butler, the other catboy is a pain in my ass) (Vivian again: and a pleasure in mine)

This is Luna! I am the goddess of horses and all things related. I spend most of my time as a horse (sometimes a centaur) AND I AM NOT A CHUMP VIVI! anyway I used to run an empire ages ago before it was destroyed, and I got sealed away. I have Twi to thank for breaking my seal! Nowadays I'm restarting my cult (its horse girls mostly rn) and fixing horse races. If you ever see a horse say hello it might be me.

Heyo! I'm saria, local milf. I have deer antlers because some grass god decided it'd be cool to mix the local humans with deer. (to be fair, he was right.) I'm mostly human, though. I stream bloodborne because that game reminds me of my found family and my village. I'm still piecing together what happened to my people, but for now I bake, garden, and play my silly little video game. catch me having tea with a succubus and a doll on tuesdays and shopping with a horse on thursdays.

Hi! I'm Wild! I was Moons first kid after my dog and I accidently ended up in this world, escaped jail, and hid in her man eating garden. Most of the time, I sail the seas of my home world and have the best adventures with the greatest pirate crew u could ever imagine. But, I do come visit home from time to time, too, thanks to my crystal that lets me travel through time and space. Somebody's gotta bedazzle FD's tools and give Moon a headache, ya kno?

Yormp here! I’m not totally sure who I am, I’m working on it. Moon says I’m a creature of my own choice, but I’m not too sure about that. Before I was an omen of war, and my friends called themselves pestilence, conquest, and death. Then I died, some time passed, I don’t remember it all, got cursed to be an otter for a bit, and met Moon. Now? I’m just going to college. Learning a little. If I really do get to choose, I think I’ll choose not to be War reborn this time.

Oh… and uhh. Goose.

Hmmm? OH it's my turn! Hey hey hey! I am (the) Sun Sun Sun and when you're with me everything is fun fun fun!. I'm Moon's counter part. We share a body, we share a mind, we are the same person, but not quite! Much like Moon I am also a clown, but instead of resembling a porcelain doll I have the body of a goat (sorta)! You can think of me as Moon's opposite! We may not agree on much, but we do hold our family very dear to us! I'm also referred to as a father and much like Moon, I don't mind what I'm called! Speaking of Moon, she wants her turn to speak now!

Hello, dearest traveler,

It seems you have found our home. I'm (the) Moon. I am the one that eats many gods in this world. But do not worry, it is strictly business. As of this moment, I have taken the form of a porcelain clown. This body was provided to me by a dear friend. I am also referred to as the father of many Ranch residents. Though I am called a father, and might be referred to as Mr. Vilon, I do not care much for what I am referred to as. Most use she/her.

[Psst. Moon. Don't forget to tell them some house rules!]

Ah yes... While you are here traveler, be sure keep some things in mind:

- Mind your teeth and your belongings, else they might be stolen

- Remember to keep your feet off the grass. The plants get hungry after a certain time.

- Not everything is what it seems. I'm sure you will become familiar with our mimics both big and small.

- Do not assume a door, hallway, or stairwell will take you to the same place twice.

- The void will always listen to your troubles.

- Do not pet the cats. Some are... not the kind that you want the attention of. Or maybe they are. That's up to you.

- And most importantly, remember, that sometimes, it is better to stay lost than to be found.

Enjoy your visit,

The Vilons

okay tldr im just kinda ... eye twitch at that whole parter LOL

like ehrhgh. SO preface: i think its always the case with "cliff hangers" wherein the reason why they fall flat so often is, like, if the actual cliffhanger itself is so... perfunctory. like they just do it because they felt like they had to leave us hanging on some tense situation - but the thing is, like? you dont NEED to orchestrate that, man; you already had our attention. so its so stupid then if like... they just resolve the situation in 0.2 seconds in the next episode. but its like yknow... its sth a lot of shows do unncessarily and ultimately if it is just a really weird blip when transitioning between eps its like. whatever.

BUT thats all to say... the end of s3 COULD have been a good use of a cliffhanger, yeah? because it's establishing, like, a pretty specific situation with longer lasting consequences than just saving someone from immediate danger in the first scene. but then they FUMBLEDDD ti like...

ough you set up sth genuinely kinda neat. i dont know why they walked it back so fast AND also made the things they did right less effective. like they open up s4 with john sooo alone and its genuinelykinda tragic but then by the end of the ep chiana's already back and its like so what... and then they all IMMEDIATELY reconnect next ep and its like- they dont even really get a proper freaking reaction, when its implied john's been out there alone for god knows how long on a dying ship like... its like nothing happened and

its like. i just feel like if ur not going to utilise the situations you construct - bc this is fiction, and you do construct the situations - why.... construct them? bc if you were gonna reunite everyone with so few consequences, we could have instead spent more time where it was worth instead. but no... and tbh that makes the cliffhanger thing even WORSE bc now u have to waste time walking it back to reset it... and its also a loss of momentum, you know? like- i know im bingeing this, so its a different viewing experience so maybe momentum isnt the right word, but yeah...i guess it just sort of sets the expectations and tone totally out of whack with what they initially establish and not in a good/intentional way

especiallyyyy bc then these two eps after ep 1... arghh!! bc of that they already are building off a strange foundation - but then with these, everything feels so rushed and sloppy. i genuinely had to check- did they kno abt cancellation, pre-production? bc i thought they were trying to speed through it but... naur, like...

farscape in the past has been one of the few shows to pull off the "just fucking throw EVERYTHING IN THERE!" bc it knows how to move quickly, and matter of factly but here its just like... stuff was just weak. i think, usually, when it DOES introduce a lot fast it knows how to really build them up. it uses super simple concepts and then layers them really well. here, not so much... i feel like the whole planet situation was, eh, contrived? is that the best word for it? its introducing a lot of weird mechanics to how it works- and maybe that'd be fine, usually, but again with everything else going on its like they introduce way too much, too fast. like oo-nii, also- i really loved the design, actually, loved the colour, but also kinda a really strange addition in here.

and i hthink its worsened with grammy granola grime bc i SAID I LIKED HER, I DO, but ive always felt with the more "spiritual aspects" (for lack of a better word) such as stark and zhaan they come close but also they kinda ... dont... pull it off ever. SORRY lol. i mean stark- actually stark did have some really good stuff in his first introduction, but i feel like its always so ill-defined in the bad way where it sort of feels like their nebulous abilities are used moreso to plaster over places in stories where they didnt know what to do rather than an actual exploration into something more interesting . like theres always a very shaky core to them- and that kinda sucks, bc you do NEED something even if you are trying to go for mystery or surrealism bc theres a difference between that and just kinda. yeah. anyways

thats all to say like. all of these issues and again entrenching some really important and heavy subject matter... EEK...!

like even just the minor shit. jool and d'argo. eh, man. just burnt through the whole damn thing in this ep... OK, LOL. IDC ABOUT IT? sorry... i just think its so weird how they handle other romances bc johnaeryn are so fucking organic and well-paced and claudia and ben do such a good job with the intimacy between them that just makes it real as fuck whereas like... everyone else is strange, man... eh. why'd you do it. come on man. its a shame bc i praised them in s1 bc they were pretty normal about zhaan and d'argo- kinda saying "oh, there's tension sometimes but otherwise its like eh theyre not super into it theyre just chilling as friends tbh" which is a dynamic that i actually find refreshing tbh... the more casual nature of it, yeah? as its told moreso through subtext and interactions whereas its like man what the fuck. everything with dargo otherwise has been, like, just so tell not show wtf...

and the major shit. i know the confirmation that jool's species are related to humans somehow is important. but its like... amongst this whole ep that whole thing really didnt have any impact bc like i said. its kinda all over. uhm. idk how i feel abt that. uhm well ... i dont like it. ok. SORRY. LOL.

but thats less so about it being done here even if it wasnt so good andmoreso i dont really want... them to be related... i dont know. what i liked about farscape was how it treated humans- john was never something special in the way trek always put "HUMANITTYYY" on a pedestal and forced the universe through human's perspective and culture and morality etc.... i really fucking hope it isnt some, like, "humans are their great ancestors" type of thing, that'd be the worst - ive had enough of that through shitty dw fan theories

and also just, like, in general ughghghg i DONT LIKE it when like.. there's a whole univers,e yes? its so infinitely huge and... well idk if it's coincedental, yet, but i dont like how small it makes the universe feel when it just so happensss that its humans like... AGAIN i think it detracts from whats established already, about how crichton is so far away from everything hes ever known ... it makes everything so much smaller in perspective and its just... ssorry to 🤓 but its soo 🤓unrealistic! AND YES YES YES its a damn fiction show- but i mean... within the established show, is what imean, bc i dont really care about technicalities USUALLY until then yeah its actually affecting the narrative where i think it is here and anyways thats speculation bc

AND OK

CANT SKIP AROUND IT

HEAVY SUBJECT MATTER

right the thing is i said it yesterday. i am not against them deciding to have *that* happen to john, in any capacity. there are respectful and meaningful ways you can explore that type of thing with care.

and its odd. bc i look at the time period this was done - and fucking hell, even comparing it to now - and theres stuff with the execution here thats... and i hesitate to say it, but it's almost... good... like.. im talking specifically about john's reaction and performance bc- god, even nowadays i feel like in media it doesnt always... get handled, well? but god- john doesnt take it well, and it isnt brushed off by the *narrative* in some parts (ehrm).. like i meanthe show knows that thats really fucked up, it acknowledges johns pain, and god like. i dont know; mauybe ben browder's performance was carrying, there, but what i mean is like.. even now i feel like with men, this type of thing isnt taken seriously or depicted like this with the grace given in PARTS of this, but also like...

GOD WITH EVERYTHING GOING ON. AND ALSO... D'ARGOS REACTION. UHM. LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S- that just felt so fucking wrong, man. like jesus. and i mean, well, i think sometimes people do project a morality onto characters - expect a perfect reaction to things like this, when thats just not how people are, yknow - and i wouldnt want that either if it wasnt true, as i think an important aspect of this conversation IS reaction/others' perception but.. THIS? COME ON, MAN.. that whole bit is brushed off andits... icky which... again if d'argo and co misunderstood/brushed it off normally i'd be fine but its also like- the show itself brushes off them brushing it off, is my issue? no rumination on their reaction, which as i said an important aspect of that but... yeah. yeah.

and yeah. the thing in the first place- its also just sort of... ugh. like unnecessary. like- bc it isnt really reflected on much here it jsut... i dont think its shock-value territory, but it just feels like kind of a pointless jump to make - something a bit needlessly..,cruel... to approach such a serious topic when you really dont have the space to properly handle that kind of thing right now. and also its not- like from a story perspective it isnt... establishing anything, man, like... you could still have grayza domineering and even have her still like manipulate people through some similar means without that added layer (or hell, even everything up until that part with crichton i was kinda unnerved by but it didnt cross a line for me) and it would still be as effective. its not like the aurora chair or the neural clone wherein the consequences of them both have longstanding implications and do actually properly escalate-escalate, here its just like... alright lets just.. yeah. ok....

anyways

im kinda annoyed jool is now leaving like did her actress wanna go i mean thats okay if thats the case but like i dont like the revolving door character situation we've been having with regards to introducing new people like i just think it'd be fine man if you didnt. LOL

anyways

this isall so negative nancy SORRY LOLLLL im still having fun ofc its just OUGH... i swear, every opener i go through kind of a . ughhpart. at least it feels that way- maybe im misremembering

insaaane to me i mean i still need  a lifetime of practice b4 i can rly even say i drive stick but like just being able to do it today felt like a huge relief like ok i can actually do it... AWESOME ..  wanna take it as slow as possible cause unlike automatic if im not careful i really can get in a bad accident or just get stuck in the middle of the street all freezing up lol but like gonna keep driving to the record store as often as i can i mean i dont wanna waste money too much tbh but like wanna have somewhere to practice driving to then eventually go to the thrift which is gonna be actually tricky compared to automatic cause like theres a slope AND its where u have to turn from a big street so like the heat will be on lol but i dont plan to do that til like i really genuinely feel like ive gotten very comfortable driving to the record store n back. then after that once i can do that ill start driving to the mall which is a normal length drive of like 10 15 mins or so and doing that is like the test tbh to rly see how comfortable i am driving n how in sync i am with it. and then like oncei reach a point where i genuinely feel comfortable and safe driving in it (and more importantly handling slopes at like a full stop and just going up normal cause like theres a decent amount of slopes on the way to both swap meets) like once i got that down i can attempt to drive to the swap meets n stuff.. will probably use my sisters car still tho i mean like just to not get too cocky u kno and for running errands of course in the meantime but hope to eventually switch to using mines 100% of the time. i mean also rn my car has like no ac or cd player or aux or anything so if im going somewhere far id wanna like be able to chill tho also liek i rly try not to use the ac or anything when driving alone since its good to save gas n stuff i only use it when driving with other ppl so they dont complain abt it being too hot n stuff like when im by myself i roll the windows down soyeas but rly hoping i can get a cd player in my car and aux n stuff and listen to albums regularly n stuff :D well kidna cause thatd be real cool but also id be worried abt like having to switch discs n stuff when an album ends LOL well probaby wouldnt and would just listento an album on repeat for a ride regardless of how long it is or smthn .. i mean id probably also switch CDs like if its a real long drive like one album on the way there and one on the way back n stufff. anyways felt nice af driving today getting there and getting out of my car looking at it and locking it n stuff :) like since its an old car u actually have to lock it physically which is real cool i had to make sure all the doors were locked n stuff it was awesome. was paranoid the whole time while at the record store taht it was rolling away or smthn since that can happen if u dont park them properly like if u put it in neutral and the emergency brake doesnt work then itll just start rollin away so what u have to do is put it in first when u park like put the emergency brake and put it in first and turn it off with feet both on clutch and brake then u can not worry apparently but i was worrying like wondering if i had forgotten to do that lol.

i started watching arc v! finally. after years of saying Im Gonna. its Happening. (i've tried to twice and cant recall what eps i got to in those attempts, because I literally dont remember anything at ALL LMAO) I'm like, 15 eps in and may I just say some Things. ep 1-15 thoughts below the Cut

-yuzu best girl immediately my god shes already been done dirty tho. she shouldve gotten to fight shingo! fuck emo yuya for stopping it and stepping in! (altho yaaaay xyz :3 my beloved) and also she loses the first duel we see her get to do? when her dad is literally the owner of a duel school?? and his school was at stake?? bc she was distracted thinking of Not Yuya? no. fuck off with that lol I'm picking her up and mentally rewriting all that. the girl she dueled against was super fun tho, I ship them tbh.

-yuya is finally the canonical clown ygo protag I needed. he dresses as a clown in ep 1! he has! a circus deck! thats so fun! hes a LOT more melancholic/prone to moodiness than I expected...the goggles as a mood indicator is fun. also seems to care VERY much what ppl think/need lots of applause and praise or he gets upset quickly which. like, wanting to put smiles on ppls faces with dueling is a sweet goal, but a lot of it feels self-serving, too, which is Inchresting for a protag...I LIKE it and want to see where it goes

-and the whole 'laugh when you want to cry' is, ngl, very Bad and Unhealthy and I cant imagine we're going anywhere good with that. (seriously, dont recall what ep, maybe 4 or 5, when the kids and yuzu were in danger he started LAUGHING trying to imrpove his own mood and i was like DUDE. UNNERVING STOP THAT.) let him feel his feelings guys. or this is going to go severely Bad I Think

-dont trust sora but also no shit? his intro is him being sus, basically outright saying 'ya where I come from everyone does fusion, nbd' yeah hes some kind of spy or SOMETHING for that academia that emo yuya was taking abt. and his deck is very cute but also has a dark side/creepy cute thing going on and this is ygo where Decks Indicate Personality, so. just kinda Waiting for him to Stab Backs. hes already kind of a little shit

-he 100% shouldve been dueling that guy gongenzaka had to duel! gongenzaka doesnt even GO here and ms Chairman said someone from this school had to duel her school students! if you want to fake being friends with yuya! you need to fucking put in some EFFORT!!! and at least pretend to give a shit dude, this is the school the guy you supposedly admire attends!!! it comes off as u not giving a fuck abt anything besides pendulum/yuya-related stuff which is gonna make yuya less inclined to wanna be ur friend bc u look like a brat! (I know the meta answer is that they wanted to give gongenzaka some screentime to convince me hes yuyas bff or w/e but. in my mind its been 10 or so eps by this point, yuzu is yuyas bff in my mind lol. )

-anyway that aside soras deck is SO cute. the BEARS!! ARE IN!!!! the 'acting younger/cuter than u are' shtick is already kind of annoying tho. I do like his chara design tho (at least his hair/face? Id redesign his outfit ngl if hes going for a cutecore/sweets theme why not go ALL in yk)

-gongenzaka's whole 'no spells/traps' and standing in one spot during an action duel is objectively really funny

-action duels in general are SO FUN!!! i want to ride my monsters too..i kno theyd be soft. pls.

-really wanted to see more masumi or her vs yuya!!! so sad reiji stepped in. pls let the girls DO MORE!!! i love that she used gem knights!! I love gem knights!!!

-didnt know reiji used d/d/d cards, immediately broke out into a cold sweat upon seeing them. those decks always destroy me in duel links in like 2 turns jkasfkjjn.

-its so funny theres entire classes just for synchro and xyz and most ppl in this world can just Do One of them Only. like everyone being SHOCKED reiji can do All of them LMAO.

-surprised at how much I like reiji actually from just what ive seen up to this point, I mean I Like the other ygo rivals and all but usually they have an Attitude...but hes very polite to yuya and him saying he respects yuya's dad is REFRESHING compared to everyone else calling his dad a coward (for?? seemingly going MISSING??) his fashion choices leave a lot to be desired tho. but otherwise him and yuzu are my favs so far I think...we'll see if this changes!

-I KNOW charas from other series get involved, dont know WHEN thatll be, but I am Excitedly Waiting. give me The King Jack. Give me Kaito. I dont know who all besides those two shows up Actually But Im WAITING AAAA.

My boss: Heya - are we going to meet this week or am I going to lose u to the abyss of science completely?

ok actually just finished rewatching collide and act 7 and the credits and. now im sad =(

what the fuck did i just read

i need. more podcasts to listen to

oh i finished the entire scholomance trilogy in the past three days and here are my thoughts (below cut for spoilers)

el. el. el. el. i love you el. el. baby girl. my favorite type of character. i love you

me when a girl is angry and trying and intrinsically Not Good and yet Doing Good Anwyas and also so so so fucking angry: h

i liked orion most in the first book i wont lie to you. i thought thats where he and el were most compelling as a duo wwwww i wish they'd gotten more focus? dev? in the second it wouldve sold me harder on [redacted] at the end u kno

honestly there was more htan one moment where id be reading and the flow was soooo astol/at which. u kno. makes sense. but id be like. oh yeah ive definitely read your got fic before u kno GLKSHDGKSHGD

most noticeable during most of hte orion/el stuff for me wwwww

everything abt the maw mouths was so fucked up and so good and all the concepts in this story were so sexy. a school that kills 75% of kids so that it doesnt have to be 90%. so so good so fun.

i really liked in general the stuff abt balance + the lesser evil discussion and i LOVED the magic system. so fun. intention + flow + balance + belief all coming together like that to make things Real is so good

ok i made it this far w/o doing a bullet point abt it but i think el/liesel. i. i dont have anything else to say but when they were sleeping together in the third book i was like. oh my god

of course i like liesel i like ruthless girls willign to do Anythign. sooooo tasty (chef finger kiss)

my ideal post book 3 fic is 'el on her journey around the world and she and orion are like semi-open rship and she bumps into liesel and accidentaly (lol) sleeps w/her again only they do have some feelings there and somehow it snowballs and then somehow liesel ends up tagging along during the summer w/her and orion and they fall into a weird hinge poly sort of but not quite situation esp bc she's also still definitely fucking alfie too' u kno. this is my ideal

ok i got that out of my system. i like liu a lot too the whole thing w/her in book 3 i was just like. h. liu.......... liu...........

honestly all the charas were really good...... all the main cast was very (chef finger kiss) i liked chloe and liu and aadhya all a lot obvs. girls. liesel...........

orion in general is such a fun character lol. i do wonder if h'ell just be functionally immortal tho u kno. or if not what happens when he dies. you kno

el + her mom were also so good duo. i really liked el+ her fam in general tbh but her mom's everything coming from her constant refusal to put any darkness into the world. soooo good so so good. so fun

book 1 was probably my favorite just bc it was a lot more of the rship dev i really liked if that makes sense. i like when characters are close and can rely on each other obvs but i do like seeing them get there and thats what book 1's focus was on the most so i enjoyed it a lot wwwww idk if i can rank them tho i enjoyed all of them. probably its like 1 > 2=3 for me wwwww

overall just tasty tasty books i looooved el sm shes so good. gorl