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#tswwwit’s familiar au
bi-functional · 1 year
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Feelings are hard to ignore, Especially when you don’t know what they’re for.
-Kalmia Kid, Chloe Moriondo
This song hit me in the head like a bag of bricks the other day in the car and I knew I had to draw some Domestic Dancing for these losers.
(As usual, please check out @tswwwit ‘s writing as they are the one who inspire my work of these guys!)
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buttertable · 9 months
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Bill: The world will be mine!!
Dipper: *exists*
Bill: In.. approximately a human lifetime...
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weirdeggi · 2 years
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Tswwwit’s Masterlist 2.0
Hey, everyone! I decided to put together my own list of @tswwwit‘s stories! 
This contains most, if not all, of the stories they’ve posted to their blog! Including things that weren’t previously on their masterlist. I’ve recently updated it to be even more organized!
It’s very long, so the list is under the cut!
Familiar AU
Faking It (Complete)
Hating It (Companion Fic for Faking It, Bill POV, Complete)
Confessing It (In Progress)
Familiar AU Snippets
One-Part Stories
Altar Backstory Scene
April fools Post
AU Where The Familiar Spell Goes As Planned
Bill Being Vengeful
Bill and Mabel Chatting During Confessing It
Bill Looks at Dipper with his Glowing Eye
Caught Singing in the Bathroom
Cold Weather Sucks
Dipper Attempts an Insult
Dipper’s Bad At Fire
Dipper Gets FURIOUS At Ford
Encounter With An Incubus
Finding someone’s “Good” Dream about Dipper
Fordus Interruptus
Gideon Tries to Blackmail Dipper
Jealous Dipper
No Kiss For Bill (Yet)
Old Man Dipper
Parody Familiar AU
Pre-Billdip Bill Meets Post-Billdip Bill
Truth Curse Fic
Saucy but not the way you think
Sick Dipper
Stan & Bill Friodshop
Stan Getting Bill To Help With His Will
Wendy Makes a Visit
WIP Snippets (Confessing It epilogue and roleplay skit)
White Fence Suburban Married Couple
Wrestling In The Closet
Multiple Part Stories
Amnesia AU (Parts 1-5)
BILLnesia AU (Parts 1-5)
Cult-Survivor Dipper (Mute Dipper AU)
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
A Favor for Mabel
Part 1, Part 2
Federal Flirtagent
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Ford & Bill Familiar Bond
Part 1, Part 2
Ford POV
Part 1, Part 2
Love Potion
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Stan POV
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Whump
Part 1, Part 2 Coming Soon
Familiar AU NSFW
Interlewd #1
Interlewd #2
Interlewd #3
Interlewd #4 (Bill POV)
Interlewd #5 (Alternating POV)
Bill Sucks At Games
Demons Are Tricky
The REALLY Kinky ones (See the AO3 tags for warnings)
Bill has a crappy day
Wolf/Lamb Roleplay
CYOA Masterpost
Bill vs Bill (AO3)
Bill in Other Universe
Bill in Other Universe Deleted Scene
Post-Bill vs Bill snippet
Reincarnation AU
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
Bill Meeting Dipper As A Baby
Dipper Wants A Date
Mason’s Memory Dream
Dipper finds Bill’s body dead
Med-Student Dipper Heals Bill
Octobill Stories
Octobill
Non-Serious Biologically Accurate Octobill
Octobill Haircut Short
Octobill and the Pairbonding Saga
Octobill Prequel
Raised Spirits (A.K.A. Poltergiest AU)
Raised Spirits
Reverse Falls Stories
Bill giving Will Relationship Advice
Will and Dip #1
Will and Dip #2
Will and Dip #3
Misc. Billdip One Shots Not On AO3
Awkward First Meetings
Bill and Dip can’t Touch
Bill Draws Constellations on Dipper
Bill On Smile Dip
Bill Scaring Dipper
Coffee Shop AU
Dentist Bill
First Kiss
Geometry Pickup Lines
Impatient Bill
Jealous Bill
Mabel and Bill Playing Chess
Semi-Dark Billdip (Blood Warning)
Siren AU
Stan reacts to Billdip
Teaching Magic
Triangle Bill Cuddling Dip
Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System
Scum Villain’s Accidental Romance System (Self-Indulgent)
Legend Of Zelda
Sidon/Link
Original Fiction Masterlist
Tswwwit’s AO3 Account (For other Billdip stories that are not currently updating)
BurnerAccount
Thanks, everyone! Lemme know if I missed anything!
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kitty-serenade · 1 year
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Billdip au where bill is an evil mastermind that has already conquered multiple planets and is conquering more and dipper is his computer assistant/husband (basically plankton and karen from SpongeBob but less toxic)(◍•ᴗ•◍)
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Bill found dipper abandoned in a space ship wreck on a planet he conquered, with nowhere to go and trillions light years away from home, dipper decided to join bill temporarily (if course it didn't stay that way) and also dipper loses his memories on earth, personal ones atleast), and bill calls him pine tree because of the tree on his spaceship and bcs of the mark behind his neck, he also found out abt the word sapling from dipper's earth dictionary and he liked the word.(*°∀°)=3
He also like scratched a triangle onto him after a few yrs bcs idk possesive bill? (・ω・*)ー
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Bill isn't rlly human, idk what he is though(◎ヘ◎;)?the body bill is wearing is a synthetic one
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dyspri · 10 months
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How I think the Familiar AU went
@tswwwit
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pchelaus · 1 year
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Remember AU of the Familiar!AU where Bill is Ford’s familiar insted of Dipper’s??? Me too
I couldn’t find @tswwwit ‘s post with it, turns out it’s not on the masterlist 2.0. Or I’m just too sleep deprived to notice it 
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butterfly-apocalypse · 9 months
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Hi, I saw your reply on one of my posts and if it's not much of a hassle i wanted to ask if you can reccomed some Bill x Dipper fanfiction from Gravity Falls. This is my first time doing an Ask so forgive me if I'm doing something wrong.
Anyways thank you and have a nice day.
I would LOVE to recommend some Bill x Dipper fanfiction!!!!!
I’d like to preface this by saying that there’s a lot of fic for them that I doooon’t particularly care for so I don’t have the most extensive list in the world, and they’re mostly from the top page by kudos so you could find them by yourself, but I highly, highly recommend the ones I love.
Faking It by BunerAccount is my all-time favorite BillDip fic, and maybe even fic in general.
It’s a sort of urban fantasy AU where magic is a common part of everyday life. Dipper has always had much weaker magic than other people, which is embarrassingly highlighted by the fact that he doesn’t even have a familiar. When he decides to perform a ritual to create an illusion of a familiar, things go Very Wrong and he finds his soul inextricably linked to a certain demon we all know and love.
The characterization is delightful and @tswwwit has SUCH a convincing Bill. His motives are solid, his character arc is very believable, and his voice is spot-on. Dipper is a really fun protagonist to follow. He’s very, very human in a way that plays so well with how inhuman Bill is. Their banter is top-notch and even when they’re sort of, kind of indirectly forced to admit that they care about each other, their weird romance never gets in the way of their antagonistic relationship.
Honestly, anything by BurnerAccount is top-notch!!
If you want something a little shorter and fluffier, Always Watching is very cute!!! It’s Triangle Bill handling the experience of “feeling emotions” kind of like a cat. Mabel is the MVP!!
All That Glitters (complete, orphaned) is a HOOT! Bill is an exotic dancer, Dipper is his nerdy, homely neighbor. It’s been a hot second since I read this one so  I don’t remember a lot of specific details but I remember being pleasantly surprised by how much depth was in this fic.
I also have some darker fics that I adore!! Both of these have unhappy/dark endings, fair warning if that’s not your cup of tea:
This is one of my bestie’s fics!! It’s dark and whimsical and creepy and fun!!  
Electric Feel by @roboticspacecase!! MIND THE TAGS on this one!! It DELCIOUSLY dark a la Hannibal. Depression, suicidal thoughts, murder, manipulation, noncon, all that jazz. If you enjoy some psychological horror, you will probably enjoy this. If any of that sounds not super great to you, steer clear.
These next two fics are ones that I haven’t finished reading personally, but still want to recommend.
Conspiratheory by LCypherED (INCOMPLETE) Slow, slow, slow burn with mystery and cool worldbuilding with LOTS of action!! I didn’t finish it because I got busy with school and never came back to it, but it’s well-written and very enjoyable.  
At My God's Feet, I Show My Devotion by ArceustheOriginalOne
This one is FASCINATING. It’s a very unique AU and if you’re here for a…normal…(?) relationship? This might not be your cup of tea. But if you want a really cool, unique story? This one is great. Bill is an ancient god dragon and Dipper is a sacrifice that was made to him. I stopped because Bill speaks in cipher and I did not have the time or energy to deal with that asdfasghj The aesthetic is So Cool though!!!
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thatonegayship · 2 years
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I wanted to say that I LOVE that Office/boss Bill AU art you did, and also that I can't stop seeing it through tswwwit's Familiar AU lens. Like, a straight up psychopath CEO Bill, wealthy and powerful beyond comprehension who gets everything he wants, falling for late-20's junior lawyer Dipper, who specializes in environmental, contract, and international law. Dipper honestly hates him as much as he's attracted to him (at first) and sees it as his personal mission to help negate Bill's Evil Capitalist plans. Like, Bill abandons his plans to deforest a 40,000 acre swath of rainforest and supply arms to a fascist regime partly because this feisty twunk put it in their (approx. 2,000 page) prenup, but also because that stuff is WAY less interesting than devising new ways to harass his husband at work.
GOOD DAY TO APPROXIMATELY NO ONE BUT THIS PERSON 👆👆👆
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tswwwit · 6 years
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Oh look, I wrote more Amnesia AU.
Dipper’s at least ninety percent sure he knows how to handle the forest.
It’s been strange, not having memories. Or knowing who he is.
But when he strides through the brush, his legs step over the brambles, before he even notices them. He moves branches aside without a thought, and never gets whipped in  the face when they snap back .
A mind can be wiped. That’s clear enough.  Painfully so.
But muscle memory is still a thing.
Whoever he was, whatever he was - Dipper knows now that he knows these woods. How to handle them, navigate them, travel them. Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place.
Dipper must be a local. He knows this forest on instinct alone. He must have done this for ages, exploring the wilderness.
Even though he’s hiked for an hour away from that ‘Mystery Shack’, he’s pretty sure he could find his way back. It’s a little - He looks up to check the sun - south by southwest of here. Not too far, if he went as the crow flies.
For the first time since he woke up, Dipper smiles.
He might not know who he is, but he still knows stuff. And that’s something to work with.
Fact one: a brain wipe doesn’t take everything away. He isn’t starting from step one. He can walk, and talk, and do this. Personal stuff is wiped away, but at the core of it - he’s still himself. Whoever he was isn’t totally gone.
If he could only talk to-
Dipper frowns. He looks down at the carpet of pine needles on the forest floor.
There’s. That one person. Who’s good at minds. 
They’d know- Something? 
That one goddamned-
Dipper rubs at his face.
That. One.
That-
Damn it.
Every time Dipper searches, it feels close - but he can’t bring it up. It’s a word he can’t remember, stuck on the tip of his tongue. A dream he knows was important, so important...
Then the instant he woke up, it was lost.
Screw it.
No point in trying. Dipper has freakin’ memory loss, he can’t dig it out. All of this is is like tonguing at something stuck between his teeth, when there’s nothing to dislodge.
Whatever it is, it’s gone, like everything else.
He’ll just have to find it again.
“Okay,” He says. He taps his foot on the ground, and frowns, looking around. “If I were me. I’d know what I’d do.” He rubs his fingers against his temples. “Time to think.”
Dealing with weird magic stuff. Dipper knows he likes to be prepared. Maybe he knew this memory gun thing was a thing, ‘cause that’s something you wouldn’t forget about in a hurry. That’s something he thinks he’d prepare for.
What really fuels that hunch is that he keeps tapping at his pockets, like he was checking for his phone. And every single time, he's worried when he doesn’t find a notebook.
“So,” He says, slow, turning in a circle. “If I were me.” He squints up at the swaying branches. “Where would I store my notes?”
The woods are naturally, unhelpfully silent.
“I mean, that’s if I thought this was a thing,” Dipper admits. He thinks for a second. Then his arms drop. “Crap.”
Damn. If he’s him. And he is! He would totally make contingency plans for a lot of stuff - but this one might have been a surprise.
Nobody expects a memory wipe. Which is super bad, because. Dipper would have absolutely prepared for one, if he thought that was a chance. Plus, Dipper knows Ford is smart. And if he knew a way to fix this, Dipper’s pretty sure he’d have done it already.
He slaps himself on the forehead, and swears.
This sucks. He can’t even rely on himself. He didn’t expect this, he didn’t prepare. 
Maybe there’s nobody who can fix this.
“Having trouble, Pine Tree?”
Dipper startles, and looks up with a jerk.
At a jerk.
The eyepatched man leans up against a tree, looking casual.
Looking exactly like he did when Dipper last saw him, back when he.
Woke up.
The guy is. Young. Annoying. And handsome, annoyingly so. He’s dressed in the exact same outfit, classy in an annoying way, the same as last time.
The big difference is that this time, the jerk is grinning.
He wasn’t anywhere near this smug before.
“So,” The man says, striding forward with his hands tucked behind his back. Once he’s within  a few feet, he starts circling Dipper, slow. “What brings you out here, kid?”
“Uh,” Dipper says. He swallows, briefly. “Questions.”
“Questions, huh?” The man hums to himself. He pauses in his circling, and winks. “Got a lot of ‘em in that brain, dont’cha?”
Dipper stares forward.  He straightens his back, and doesn’t flinch.
Those sharp teeth. That movement. A shark would be less intimidating.
At least with one of those, he could find a way out of the water.
The man’s smile spreads wide.  “Well,” He says, with no small amount of pride. “I happen to be an infinite source of knowledge. If there’s anything I’ve got, it’s answers!” He leans in, close to Dipper’s ear. “Which I’m betting is everything you want.”
Dipper nods. The man’s smile spreads wider. Impossibly wider. His eye is inhumanly yellow, and his teeth are sharp and white. He waves a hand. Then strides forward, and reaches outa hand to shake. “How about we-”
“Okay, no. No, no,” Dipper waves his hands in front of himself. “And no.”
“What?”
Dipper claps his hands tight against his mouth. The words came without thinking.
“Rude, kid, I’m offering you assistance here,” The man says. His eyebrows raise.  He jogs his hand invitingly. “Don’t you wanna know all the secrets of your past?”
There’s nothing he wants more. He even thinks this guy might have some of it, but…
Dipper meets this bastard’s eye.
Once… whatever happened, he was awake, and aware. And as memory serves - there were only three people around. It was Ford, himself, and-
Dipper points at this young, eyepatched asshole. “I remember you.”
The man takes a step back so fast he almost stumbles.
“Yeah, I know.” Dipper insists. He’s got this jerk on the back foot now, he has to follow up. He stalks forward, and jabs a finger into this asshole’s chest. “You were there.”
“Oh.” The man blinks for a few seconds. Horribly, the insufferable grin returns. “Back when you got your mind wiped, sure! I was around for that!”
Heat rises in Dipper’s chest. Only three people were there, when it happened. Only three. And Dipper ended up. He clenches his fists.
“Did you-”
“Whoa, whoa whoa!” The man interrupts, instantly. He raises his arms, waves his hands, defensive - but still grinning. “Nah, I had nothing to do with your mindwipe, sapling.” He clasps his hands over his chest, leaning his head back. “If it weren’t for you - I was gonna be the innocent victim.”
“Innocent?” Dipper blinks.
He glances briefly up at the sky. A lie that huge should get someone struck by lightning.
“Hey, lighten up, kid!” The man reaches up, and Dipper... doesn’t flinch. He feels the jerk tuck part of his probably-needing-a-trim hair over his ear. ”You’re the hero of that story.”
Hero, Dipper thinks.
That’s a pretty cool word.
“So! Since it’s obvious you want your memories back.” The man continues. He takes a second to pause, and offers his hand again. “Name’s Bill, by the way.”
“Bill,” Dipper repeats. He looks down at the hand, and doesn’t take it. “It’s…. Uh, interesting. To meet you again.”
“Kid,” Bill continues, face full of nothing but concern - “Listen. First things first? I’m your best friend. We’ve known each other for ages! So when I say something, trust-”
Dipper punches him. 
At the last second he realizes he doesn’t know why he’s doing it, and pulls the blow.
It ends up landing hard on Bill’s shoulder, instead of his face.
“Shit. Sorry.” Dipper says. Except this guy is - “I mean, I’m not sorry.” He tries to shake some of the slight pain from his knuckles. Then he frowns. “I don’t... “
“Huh.” Bill doesn’t seem fazed. He rolls his shoulder, and sets something right with a soft crack. “Shoulda expected that.”
“Don’t. Don’t do that.” Dipper pauses. He doesn’t like to hit people, but. He sterns himself, and meets Bill’s eye again. “I can tell when you’re lying. It won’t work. It won’t ever work.”
“You really can, can’t ya?” Bill takes a second to think. Then his insufferable smile returns. “Takes some mind work, considering. You nerd! You actually listened to me for once!” Bill’s voice is loud, but. Weirdly, he’s not angry. He almost looks fond.
There’s a beat of silence. Bill’s watching Dipper, and Dipper’s not sure what to say.
He clears his throat.
Bill’s still looking at him, saying nothing, and, okay, it was weird. Now it’s getting awkward.
Dipper shrugs. “...yeah?”
Bill claps his hands together. Animated again, and acting like no pause was ever there. “So! How ‘bout some truth, sapling!”
And he leans in, very, very close, and way too fast. Dipper leans back out of sheer surprise.
Bill’s grin is literally sharp, his eye is bright, and when he darts forward, unnaturally fast, Dipper backpedals until he runs into a tree - and Bill’s hands slam against it, on either side of Dipper’s head, with a crunching sound that makes him flinch.
“Truth of the matter is.” Bill’s sharp teeth graze against Dipper’s cheek as he mutters, “I’m your worst enemy.”
Dipper’s breathing fast, eyes wide. Bill pulls back just enough to smile. Giving Dipper just enough space to look down at those teeth. Up, at that eye.
He swallows, and says, “Do your worst.”
A short silence.
Now Bill’s smile is outright predatory. He licks over his teeth, a weird resonance enters his voice as his tongue flicks out. “Now that I have you, I’m going to-”
Dipper starts clapping, very slow. Once, then again, then again, and again, slow enough to be sarcastic.
Bill’s speech falters. He stumbles into silence.
“Solid performance.” Dipper keeps clapping slow, and rhythmic. He fills in the answer before Bill can open his mouth to ask. “The pause gave it away.”
Bill’s smile drops. He glances around, looking for another route, another tactic - but it’s too late and they both know it.
His ego isn’t totally deflated. It’ll be back on his tracks within the minute -  But it’s lost enough of its hot air for one thing.
Dipper pushes Bill away with one hand, making him take a step back. There’s barely any resistance.
“Nice try, Bill.” Dipper kinda wants to grin. “It was even close to true. You are the worst.”
Bill cocks his head to one side. “Sure I am!” His eye flicks over Dipper. “How much do you remember?”
“Nothing.” Dipper raises his hands. He suddenly feels awkward. “It’s just. If you were my worst enemy, you’d have killed me by now. And I know you’re not my best friend, because you’re….” He gestures over all of Bill. “I mean, you’re.... You.”
Dipper is making zero sense. He sounds like a crazy person.
“Never been anyone else!” Bill grins, and throws an arm around Dipper’s shoulders. “There may be hope for you yet, sapling! So much material there! Nothing’s gonna be artificial.”
Oh good. None of that made sense, either.
Dipper feels himself relax. Maybe his own sanity isn’t the best, but Bill is definitely crazier.
“Much as I hate to cop to it,” Bill says, tone aiming for nonchalant, and missing it almost entirely. “If you want your memories back, we’re gonna need to meet back up with Sixer. He’s got some access routes to,” A careful glance at Dipper. “Stuff I can’t work on direct-like.”
“Who’s Six-” It hits Dipper easily. Six fingers. “But. He’s.”
“An arrogant douchebag? A total jackass?” Bill rolls his eye, throwing his hands in the air. “Thinks he’s got control of everything, when he’s actually a moron?”
“Are you talking about Ford or yourself?”
Bill shuts his jaw with a snap. He turns to face Dipper, eye narrowed.
Dipper flips him off.
He doesn’t know how he knows Bill. Or how Bill knows Ford, or even who Bill is. But he does know some things.
First, Bill’s a jerk. That’s clear enough.
Second... at some point in Dipper’s life - he knew Bill. Somehow, in some way.
And third, Bill’s got a problem with Ford, and it’s clearly mutual. Ford chased this guy off the second he could manage it.
But Bill wants to help Dipper out.
Dipper can’t pass up this opportunity, but that doesn’t mean he has to be nice.
Besides. Bill doesn’t seem to mind.
“Problem is,” Bill continues, as if there was never an interruption. He taps Dipper’s forehead a couple times. “I can’t do my best without some stuff only Sixer has, and.” Bill grimaces, briefly. “That’s gonna be a sticking point.”
“Why?”
“Eh, we’ll work around it. No way anyone could pull this off without me. Because I,” Bill declares, holding a hand to his chest.  “Am the Master of the Mind. The greatest, most talented being at anything to do with mental stuff!” Bill peeks his eye open, and winks. “Doesn’t matter whether or not Sixer and me see eye to eye. If you’re for me getting involved? He’ll cave in. Get you fixed in a snap.”
“Oh.” Dipper says. “Okay.”
Things start clicking together.
Both of them magical - though if magic was heat, Ford’s a lightbulb, and Bill’s a damn radiator. Ford is old, intelligent, and arrogant. Bill - young, intelligent, and arrogant. Both interested in magic, and knowledge, and.
It’s obvious, once you notice.
“You’re rivals.” Dipper says, slow. The pieces fit. “The student surpassed the master?” He turns the end of the sentence up, making it a question.
Bill’s grin fades a few fractions. His eye twitches. Just once.
“Eh, there was teaching involved in there somewhere. Details ain’t important.” Bill claps his hands together, and his grin returns. “But! Before we move on, I got one little proposition for you.”
“What.”
This is going to be awful. Bill is awful.
Bill grins, white and wild. “Wanna make out?”
“What?”
“Eh, just an idea,” Bill shrugs, and raises his arms, taking a step back. He looks away, nonchalant.
“Wait,” Dipper holds up a hand.
Okay. Bill’s an asshole. But. Fuck. He’s a handsome asshole. 
Bill pauses, looking over at him. An eyebrow goes up, and he’s still, unfortunately smug.
“Maybe.” Dipper says, after a second of thought.
Because he’s stupid. Because he’s blushing. Because attention like this doesn't feel familiar, or normal. Because Bill is unfortunate, in many ways, but some of them are attractive ways, so. It’s. Maybe.
Dipper absolutely should not do this.
He really kinda wants to do this.
“Alright then. Pucker up, kid,” Bill says, eye shut, leaning in.
Dipper looks down at the lips, up at the eye. Glances at the eyepatch, which is mysterious, what is under that thing.
He can’t bring himself to move.
Bill waits for another few moments - then leans back, and sighs. “And this,” He says, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Is why I want your memories back.”
“I don’t.” There’s no good way to say it, so. “I don’t remember anything.” Dipper shuts his eyes. “I’d screw it up.”
“Wait. Wait, wait, wait.That’s why you’re-” Bill looks incredulous for a full five seconds, then rolls his eye. “Oh for crying out - Get over here.”
And he yanks Dipper in.
Dipper has precisely zero memories of doing this, with anyone,and there’s no way he’d ever, ever kiss this jerk, for any sane reason.
Except. Maybe. If it felt warm, and close, and good. And maybe if their mouths fit together really nice. Like they’d been working on a complex puzzle, independently, and this was the solution.
Maybe if Bill kissed like he knew exactly what Dipper liked. Maybe if Bill’s tongue flicked against Dipper’s lips, and when Dipper let him in -
Dipper holds Bill’s face in his hands and pulls him closer.
Okay. This. Not a problem. Dipper was just being paranoid, like an idiot. He buries his fingers in Bill’s hair, and moans.
The bark of the tree thuds against his back again.
Bill knows what he’s doing, and it  feels good when Dipper runs his fingers through his hair And if he pulls at it, Bill presses against him, their hips against each other’s, and that’s definitely on the list of things to do, forever.
Bill’s taking the lead, and Dipper isn’t surprised. He’s too demanding to not take the lead. And Dipper grips onto Bill’s shoulder and slides his other hand up and under Bill’s shirt.
A hand cups Dipper’s thigh, trailing up the inside, until it slides around to reach his butt, and squeezes-
Dipper shoves Bill away, and gasps for air.
“What?” Bill’s been pushed a couple steps back. He looks confused, for some reason. He beckons Dipper closer with a grin. “We were having fun there, sapling, let’s-”
“Shut up. I.” Dipper runs a hand through his hair. ”I need to think.”
God, he’s been stupid. How could he have gotten this carried away. He’s known this guy for all of ten minutes, and Bill’s trying for. And it’s. Dipper claps a hand to his forehead.
“Who are you?”
“Name’s Bill Cipher,” Bill says, and winks. ”At your service.”
“But-”
“Now,” Bill continues, as if the interruption meant nothing. He rubs his hands together. “How’s about-”
Dipper smacks a hand over Bill’s stupid smug grin, and leans into it. When Bill takes a step back, Dipper follows. He’s not letting this jerk get a word in edgewise.
“Are we involved? And,” He has to ask, because he’s already learned Bill’s a liar. “How?”
“Kid!” Bill raises his hands. He looks surprised. “Of course we’re involved! We’ve been on dozens of dates!”
“Okay.” Dipper folds his arms. “Name one.”
It’s kind of interesting. Watching things unfold.
Bill, opening his mouth, starting out, so confident, only needing a brief moment to come up with his next lie.
Then noticing that he paused. 
Noticing that Dipper noticed the pause. 
Noticing that Dipper noticed that Bill noticed that Dipper noticed, so on and so forth, ad infinitum.
Bill’s smile falls, a fraction at a time.
They watch each other for a moment, in silence.
“You still owe me seven hundred for the dinner.” Bill nudges Dipper with an elbow. “Cripes, you’d think two margaritas’d be enough, but no. Apparently not for you, kid. You had to get a full dozen.”
That’s - 
Dipper buries his face in his hands, snorting. “Bill.”
Bill is. Bill. A lying awful jerk. Just like Dipper thought. Who’s doubling down - no, tripling down, being straight-up ridiculous, because-
“I’m not even gonna get into how you got into a fight with the bartender. Totally embarrassing. Can’t believe I hang around you still-”
“Bill. No.” Dipper's not laughing. He holds his breath.
“Don’t complain, sapling. You should be thanking me for spending so much on a nerd like-”
“It’s zero,” Dipper interrupts, leaning in. His forehead thumps against Bill’s shoulder. He wishes he wasn’t smiling. “We’ve never been on a date.”
“That,” Bill says, haughty. “Depends on your concept of ‘date’.”
“So definitely zero.”
“Only if you look at it your way.” Bill pats his shoulder, voice warm and slightly mocking. “But sure. Fine, sapling. You caught me.” Even when he admits defeat, he manages to sound smug.
“So why...” Dipper trails off. He doesn’t know anything about relationships, or what this is. If this has been. A thing. Then.
Bill answers the unstated question, and it comes so quickly it has to be true.
“Yeah, let’s just say Stanford Pines approves of this,” He gestures briefly between them both. “About as much as he does murder.” A pause.  “Nah, murder’s more acceptable.” Bill grimaces. “We don’t exactly…. get along.”
“Huh,” Dipper says. He rolls the idea around in his head for a while. “Makes sense.”
Ford and Bill hate each other.
It’s one of the very first things Dipper remembers. Their argument, when he ‘woke up’. And Ford has been very protective, ever since then. Plus, it doesn’t seem like Bill’s lying, for once.
With enough facts, Dipper can put the pieces together.
Bill, and Ford. Student and teacher.
Both of them smart, both really full of themselves - but they could have cooperated, once upon a time. Probably, Dipper met Bill when he was still learning with Ford, and maybe they got. Close? Something must have happened there. And then, when Ford and Bill had a falling out….
Jeez, if that happened. There’s less than zero chance that Dipper could ever go on a date with Bill, not with Ford looming over his shoulder.
Dipper looks up at Bill, and rubs the back of his head. Smiling, slightly awkward. “So, uh. Something of a... ‘Two houses, both alike in dignity’…?”
“Oh please, neither of us are so sappy. And only one of us died in the end.”
Dipper stares.
“I got better,” Bill adds, still grinning.
“That’s. Disturbing.”
“Stanford thought I’d ‘steal you away’ or something,” Bill says, amused. “He’s literally deadly opposed to ‘us’. It’s gonna make stuff weird when it comes to fixing your brain!” Bill claps his hands together. “But I’ve got some ideas, and with you backing me up-”
“We have today.” Dipper interrupts.
Bill looks over at him, confused. Dipper feels his face heat up, and charges forward anyway.
“I mean, if someone wanted to steal me away for a few hours. My family isn’t going to look around for. At least a little while? I-”
He stutters to a stop. 
God, what is he doing.
But when he looks up at Bill again, the man’s eye has lit up. Literally lit up. His face neutral, and his eye glowing.
“I didn’t mean-” Dipper starts.
“No, no, go on!” Bill’s grin is so wide it looks like it might hurt. “Keep that train of thought going.”
Dipper takes in a deep breath, and lets it out, slow. Bill’s basically said he’s interested already. Hell, Bill’s kissed him. Dipper shouldn’t be nervous about this.
“So. Ford’s not here. We could, uh.” Dipper straightens up, and attempts a smile. “Turn the zero into a one?”
Oh god, that’s such a bad line.
He rests his face in his hands.
The first time Dipper’s ever asked someone on a date - as far as he remembers - and he’s really bad at it.
“Dipper. Pines,” Bill says.
It catches Dipper’s attention instantly. He looks up with a jolt.
Bill grins, grabs Dipper’s hand - and sets it to rest on his arm, just above his crooked elbow. He winks. “You’re about to have the best date of your life.”
Dipper squeezes Bill’s arm. Its. Not bad.
“This is the only date of my life.” He points out.
“Including your life before losing your memories!” Bill says. He’s leading them out of the forest and towards the town. “You were right to be nervous, kid. You’re crap at this.”
Maybe true. Definitely rude. Dipper didn’t need that part of his unremembered life pointed out. He walks with Bill, mouth working for a while, then says. “You’re an asshole.”
“I’m an interesting asshole,” Bill says, with a smug and certain smile. “Don’t you wanna know what I’ll do next?” He leans in, and plants a infuriatingly soft kiss on Dipper’s cheek.
Dipper grits his teeth.
He’s being taunted and it’s working. He’s deeply, desperately curious.
He wants to know everything, and to be there for everything, because Bill is a mystery.  One that the jerk’s not fully revealing, because he wants to be a mystery. He wants to be some kind of. Infuriating, difficult puzzle.
Dipper spends a few seconds to simply watch that handsome, irritating face.
“You don’t play fair.” He hugs on tighter to Bill’s arm. Someone like this can’t escape. Not before Dipper figures him out.
“Never have!” Bill says, cheerful. “And trust me,” His smile is so wide it’s inhuman. “Things are gonna get way more weird than this.”
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bi-functional · 9 months
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“At least I didn’t loose my golden fiddle to some Hillybilly in Georgia”
I heard this audio and immediately thought of @tswwwit ‘s familiar au. This just Feels like the kinda shit Dipper would find out and use as ammo in their argument’s and I mean come on. Golden Fiddle? We already know Bill’s musically inclined! Who’s else would it be?
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bhellion · 2 years
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@tswwwit Gosh, I love the Familiar AU!
I kinda mixed up two of the scenes in Faking It in my head, haha. I imagine Dipper kneeing Bill a second after this, but the actual scene didn’t go like that ^^;
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weirdeggi · 9 months
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Here’s a short thing I wrote about @tswwwit’s familiar au! It was based on an ask they got quite some time ago. I realized I haven’t posted anything in a while so I decided to finish this up!
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anjanahalo · 2 years
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tI‘m happy I’m writing again, even if it’s mostly things inspired by @tswwwit‘s Familiar AU. I’m working on a few longer form fanfics based on this fanfic, but thought I’d share a shorter fun one that happens Pre-Bill. Rated G for strong paternal figure vibes.
“Hey, there, kiddo!” Dipper barely glanced back from his seat on the porch. “Hey, Grunkle Stan,” he mumbled, keeping his focus on the woods. Not that he was watching them, more that it was easier to focus on the foliage than his own miserable attempts at asking a girl out again. “So, hey, I noticed you might be low on funds,” Stan said, sidling up beside his great nephew. “So maybe you could use a little chaaaange?” He reached back just behind Dipper’s ear and produced a quarter. Dipper huffed a sound of disbelief and gave a side eye.
“Really?” he asked. “Well, if you don’t want it…” Grunkle Stan said, raising his hands in mock surrender. The quarter vanished in the meantime.
“Nice try. It’s on the other side of your hand.” “Nope,” Stan said, flexing to show the back of his hands. “....then you hid it down your sleeves.” “Nope!” He not only showed down his sleeves but lowered them toward the ground. Nothing fell out. “Then how did…” “Look, if you need a quarter, good news, kiddo! You don’t wash well behind your ears!” Stan produced another coin from Dipper’s other ear. “What the…how did you do that? You don’t have magic to do that!” “Obviously I do!”
“Not real magic.” “Yeah, not magic magic, “ Stan admitted, rolling the coin between his knuckles. “But there’s a  magic in doing something someone else can’t do. Either way, I guess you don’t care about this quarter so-” “No no!” Dipper yelled, then blushed at his own volume. He didn’t let go of Stan’s arm, though, as he worked out his words. “Teach me?” Grunkle Stan could have mocked Dipper in so many ways, a fleeting part of his con artist mind mocked, but he easily noted it. “Sure thing, kiddo. Step one, let’s build up your dexterity.”
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kitty-serenade · 10 months
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That meowment when you accidentally exit out of Tumblr. While writing a long ask. And you furgot what the ask was about.
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aquaalta-side · 3 years
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moodboard for @tswwwit 's familiar AU
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dyspri · 5 years
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@tswwwit
I reread all of the Familiar Au, it was as I remembered and still my favourite fan fiction. I forgot that this happened, and I just wanna draw this scene.
I drew Dipper instead of stan tho
-> the fic: https://archiveofourown.org/series/371315
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