this is a rant, vent, jumble of words im feeling and need to get it out of my system because im a little done

please scroll along if you dont wanna read, or dont, i dont control you

it never ceases to amaze me just how cruel people in fandoms can be. cruel, mean, hyprocritical, straight up dumb.

dont get me wrong, these people are a minority. i have found myself amongst the best sort of people in fandoms i am a part of and couldnt be happier for the friendships i have made from them.

but this incredibly loud minority piss me off to no end. i stay away from any sort of discourse, silently watching from the background and watch thing blow up over trivial matters, and then learn who to avoid in those circles and move on with my life

but when i see, what i consider to be blatant bullying, to someone i hold dear, i dont want to be quiet anymore. im not a loud figure, im a tiny blog that loves to simp over 2d characters, a tiny stream channel that i interact with like minded people. and i mean i am TINY, im barely a blip on this wide web. so anything i say, it doesnt go anywhere, so still, i stay silent until i cant anymore.

so lets get to the crux of the matter.

if you dont like a character, you dont get to make others feel bad about liking them. i dont care if you think they are problematic, if you dont like their story, their look, or simply the fact that they exist

you dont get to make someone feel bad for finding a connection with them and loving them

you dont get to attack them about liking the character, passively or aggressively, you dont get to make fun of them and any of the work they do around them. you have no right to take it upon yourself and make someone feel like they dont belong just because they like a character that you dont

if you dont like the character, dont fucking interact, its that bloody simple. scroll away. mute the tag, mute the channel, whatever. just walk away

interacting with someones content for the pure purpose to make fun of it is cruel. you are making it public that you want to demean the person for what they enjoy. and the worst thing is, if you catch the attention of the younger audience, they learn that they get to act that way, and this kind of online activity only gets worse

it already has gotten worse. man, im a millenial and i thought keyboard warriors when i was in highschool and older where bad. these days the younger generation feel justified to think that they can say whatever they want and suffer no consequences of those actions. i see it in so many fandom discourses. its horrible

but they learn from the worst of us on the internet. the more they see the cruel interactions, the more they think its okay to act that way. and without a doubt, fandoms will end up being incredibly toxic environments that people wont feel comfortable to exist in anymore.

every fandom has a toxic space, its unfortunate but it is true. i wish it wasnt

and the smaller the fandom, the louder this toxic group is

it just fucking sucks. and watching people i care about be treated so badly hurts because all i can do is be their support. an ear, a shoulder, just someone they can vent to. but it doesnt stop the fact that they got hurt and i cant do anything about it

god i dont even know what this even turned into. im tired, im upset, im just so frustrated.

why cant people just be nice?

if you managed to read all the way down here, man i applaud you. that was a great mess of thoughts, i still have many more but at this point i feel like i would be repeating myself

please, just. be kind guys. its not that hard, i swear it

to all my moots, honestly, i love you guys. seeing all your work and love you put into your creations gives me life and brightens my day. dont ever stop loving your craft and your fav characters just because someone decided to be a prick.

havin thots. if this makes u uncomfy i understand and u have the freedom to unfollow or block, curate ya own experience i wont be mad

prefacing this by saying i still have my own standards and havent flipped to Supporting certain things, my opinions on the way i view things have just kind of shifted

so theres a convo going on on a post ive reblogged elsewhere abt the morality of portraying certain things in fiction and how it may or may not reflect on the creator irl and it rly made me think abt stuff

ive always been a believer in the idea of fiction 100% affecting reality and that if u write smth nasty theres gotta b a reason for that somehow. but after reading some pieces im kinda thinkin like. idk. i do agree that fiction can affect reality still, i think thats undeniable, and sometimes ppl who write certain things in fiction CAN and ARE actually into those things irl. but now im also of the opinion that not everyone is in that category and some ppl just want to explore things in fiction that they would never ever support or do irl for one reason or another. fiction can affect or reflect reality but in the end fiction is not reality. i think both can be true. just...make sure things are tagged bc a lot of ppl Including Me dont want to see certain shit in their fandom tags.

like idk. i hate certain subjects in fiction like of course pedophilia and underage torture porn and incest and i will never ever support or tolerate those things. but at this point ppl have the right to write about them themselves if it stays in fiction. fiction has always been a place to explore shit without it being done in the real world (even tho again i do know some ppl Do like these things irl. just not everybody). i feel like i would be a hyprocrite if i condemned everyone who writes content like that and then turned around and continued indulging in my own interests like at the very least the violence and murder in dragon ball and the other evil/problematic characters im interested in. ive literally written some brutal murder shit and...well. zamasu and goku black. thats all i rly need to say abt that lol.

that being said the anti/proship shit is still stupid as hell to me. i dont condone attacking ppl and dogpiling and witch hunting for writing nasty shit even if it grosses me out personally, but i also cant stand ppl who make being into fictional gross shit Their Entire Personality and act like theyre doing something by flaunting it. yknow. both extremes are stupid and i wish it would die already

so ya. i most likely wont b making any posts abt that shit in the future, im getting too old to be stressing abt shit like that. if someone squicks me out im going to block. thats it. and if you dont tag your shit im also blocking and then strangling you on top of it. thats all

Im not going to answer those asks but please, if me making content aboy my sp/in triggers or disgust you so much, just block me, thats it, i know the source is problematic, no, im not being a hyprocrit for having pro shippers in my DNI but self shippi g with kids, i dont, i always put that its tbeir post covid vergion or age uped in gen, please, just stop..

Remember girl, YOLO, you ain't got time to waste on broke bitches who do nothing but waste their time

LMAO ILU<333333333 it wld b hyprocritic of me to hate on someone for being broke. but the comment about wasting time😳😳😳😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 ASTUTE of u, something tells me this message is coming from a place of personal involvement lol. i dont wanan say too much. but i appreciate ur understanding🩷🩷Merry Chrishihhmas love🫶🫶🫶

30:30 with Joe

Hey, how’s it going.

Just wanted to say straight up, im doing this to do my, quarterly? mind flushing. To get back on track, to look at the larger picture and not get distracted.

Lately, ive been stressed. Or is the smart watch that makes me think I am stressed, and deprived of sleep (and myself saying im deprived of my own money).

I mean look.

I was really hoping that being a person that works with information and concepts will bring joy to my life. But the caution there is that you would need to learn managing these concepts or be at their mercy from getting stressed on them not being managed properly.

At work, I have an additional responsibility to become a better model or example for the other colleagues. At work-work (inception style), I have to be the sharpest product manager there is, that knows what is on top of every topic relating to our application. That is very stressful.

Maybe its just my expectations, maybe that really isnt my boss' expectations but it sure does help us as a team that I am "a little more than a meter from the top". That steals the joy from knowing that I am not at the top-most of things.

Maybe I need to be a little more clear on the intention of what I am writing now no?

I need to find out exactly why am i pissed.

And this could stem from work, not delivering my best. From my other work responsibility of being a leader, it felt like I have to prove something. But do I? Can I just keep being myself, and focus on adding value rather than establishing supporting poles? Makes me remember the theory of kicking the cat. Story goes that a man gets scolded in the office. The man goes home pissed, and lashes out on his wife. The wife also troubled by the lost of things going on, lashes on her kid. The kid, confused on why he got scolded also lashed out and kicked the cat. The cat gets hurt, but them animals dont have the concept of putting the stress on others. It ended with them, the hurt and somehow as pets would still love us despite our bypasses. This story just shows that the actions that happened in between the man and the cat couldve been avoided if you just went on straight on kicking the cat. Of course that is also cruel, but the lesson there is that no one deserves to get whip of your stress. Bear your cross and get stronger.

I guess this is a reminder, pain is there to bear, to get stronger, to be better to get to the next level. Otherwise, there is no point. There is no challenge to be won, to be celebrated.

But then I would rebutt, that I am not doing things fast enough. Or fulfilling them enough. Maybe you are doing too much with your capacity. You cant be superman. Acknowledge your limits and assess where you are in the map and target the next milestone. You are bound for a long long long time of disappointment if you try to target a far goal when your capacity is also miles away from that. That is the target, but not the immediate goal.

Eat the elephant. One bite at a time.

Dont get too frustrated. Enjoy the challenges. Create the solutions. Plod, reflect (things like this), and carry on.

Wrting really does wonderful thing. Ive been doing this since highschool/college. And it sure has helped me alot.

Its funny that I do this with myself. Rather than with another person. Maybe my standards are too high (for other people, and too low on myself, hyprocritical sure). And this also signifies how hard it is to find friends as you grow older.

Hey.. are you getting jealous with? Dont sweat it man. Where you placed yourself is a rockbed. Might not give you lots of resources at the moment, but it secures you whatever happens.

Now lets asses again. What is the most important thing right now? Not work. Not work-work. Not even PLDT. Not you not being able to enjoy your time or your resources. Not your colleagues. Not your friends (they are also busy with their lives). Not your commute. Definitely not money is the issue now (time maybe is).

What's important is your sanity. Your peace of mind. Your mindset. Your hope. Your partner, your bestfriend. Your family. Your son's health. Your purpose. Your health. Your contribution to the community.

Ask yourself, is this worth getting stressed over. Is this worth hiring a worker and spending money on that worker just to stress over and get angry at something that almost has no value or meaning to your larger purpose?

What you have is limited. Your presence. Your time. Your experience.

So, did I have an awesome weekend? Not really. But this tops the cake for me, a little time with myself to assess things. Not escaping via gaming. Not escaping by working.

Celebrate that you had a lot of sleep and time to recover. Celebrate the streaks you have with learning German language. Celebrate the streaks of doing a routine to keep yourself healthy. Celebrate that you are being a good example. Celebrate that you have gone so far.

You are fine. Just keep walking. There is far more opportunities and experiences awaiting for you in this brief moment called life. Contribute as much for the world, dont think of yourself, think of giving value always.

Dont mind the scold. Its nothing personal. It's for your individual improvement. Not everyday is christmas.

Dont mind the lapses. Mind the solutions. Mind the next steps.

Dont mind the alarms being manifested by anyone on to you. That is their fire alarm, not yours. Dont be an enabler. Dont be a fixer.

Be a leader! Be strong, if not for yourself, but for your partner. You rest, but dont you quit! We have alot of experiences that we still need to experience.

So go be bold, be fearless, be unstoppable. Enjoy the fucking weekend! :)

oh no :( mother mother is now a TIKTOK BAND PLEASE GOD NO

but how come you hate them so much?

I think it’s just a mixture of constant anons coming at me telling me ‘robrons crap and blah blah is so much better’ and stuff like that, ppl acting like they are God’s gift to humanity and Jesus crapped them right out of his holy butthole, the fact that they make me cringe af and their kissing is so bad, just a series of silly things that are stupid I know but yet they get on my nerves more than anything ever haha

All these years and shit we went trough and you still stalking my tumblr?? Wow, girl if u have something to say to me say it to my face. Get it over with cause this is stupid. Yeah I did things wrong but so did you, we’re both pretty messed up ppl ok I admit it I’m not an angel I’m a lesbian with a drinkin problem

YOU IDIOT YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL RANBOO WILL KILL US ALL WITH WATER IF SHE HAS TO!!

yeah you guys really dont have a fucking filter do you. thats why i dont say SOOOO much to you fucks. cause you go to all of us and dump our shit out but youre mad that boo dropped a bunch of shit from their private collection? boys. chat. i think youre all being kinda fuckin hyprocritical.

i actually really agree on a lot of people being hyprocritical when it comes to moral wof judgements! i think due to the nature of wof, people are inherently going to be influenced by their emotions when it comes to discussing it. personally, i'm sort of the opposite of you - i understand darkstalker more than arctic. ofc not all (mostly because he's very as you said comically evil which gives a bit of disconnect) but as someone with a lot of npd traits, i connect a lot to aspects of how he's-

-written, especially struggling with morals and the intensive desire to have prestige/a position of power/respect/etc and the desire to be loved by everyone. i feel i'm also more sympathetic because of how young darkstalker is- arctic is a fully grown adult, while darkstalker is the equivalent of a 15 - 17 year old; he's incredibly toxic, don't get me wrong, and a lot of the situations he's in are more extreme due to the nature of wings of fire being a magical fantasy series-

-but i also feel as though the general theme of struggling with toxic behaviors due to abuse/mental illness is a very relatable thing for a lot of people. i still feel as though darkstalker wasn't a good person, but i think he could have had a better chance Of being if he was in different circumstances. i have a lot of issues with tui's writing of him in general tbh though, i feel as though his story as a whole could have been handled a Lot better

(oh btw same anon! this isn't meant to be like! coming for you/mean or anything, i'm genuinely interested in this topic- i'm not great with tone due to neurodivergency and wanted to clarify since i know i can come off as trying to start arguments/rude when i try to discuss things; also sorry for the massive rant, i'm Very passionate about wof whoops- let me know if you need to drop the conversation! i don't want to stress you out)

dont feel sorry! i do like talking about this and the neurodivergent angle towards characters. its not like i CANT relate to darkstalker; ive been someone who was a toxic child before due to being in an abusive household (hell, im still in the midst of that). i think struggling hard with mental illness that makes me feel obligated to be loved and cherished by those around me due to my talents is actually something i struggle with right now, and part of the reason i actually DONT feel bad for him. because i know its a real world problem i have, im terrified of hurting other people, and i HATE seeing unhealthy toxic behaviors. it makes me feel like im losing my mind, like this is MY problem that IM trying to fix, and YOURE not trying to fix yourself? it feels like a personal insult to me, that a character that has my problems is praised where i am only excluded and isolated. i think its also just personal repression and self consciousness and self hate, like i said before about being abused but identifying with the abuser and hating the abused when we’re more similar; i really, really hate myself for being toxic, and i, in return, hate characters who i relate with. maybe its BAD that i feel like that, that a character who i see myself within is inexcusable because thats how i (knowingly unhealthily) regards myself, but i just prefer to think.. we should all try and be better people, and thats looking at things objectively and coming pros and cons and the weight of peoples crimes and their feelings. i wish it was so easy as mentally ill characters in media being sequestered from their bad situation, and then theyd just get over it. i wish that was me, and i wish that was every character who i see as myself.

i relate to peril in regards to “mental illness but its dragons”. i have very bad bpd that makes me dependent on others but inclined to hurting them by begging for attention, im just prone to violence and rash decisions. i relate to her in that i feel like every relationship i enter will end harshly; it is how i am inclined, how i was born, and how i was raised, to resort to raising my voice and turning my back on others instead of peaceful endings. i dont know why i see peril as different from darkstalker, but id like to figure it out.

i think the difference is that darkstalker doesnt really struggle, to me. from a young child he believed in himself so thoroughly, and he enters every moral argument believing himself to be right. this is understandable, this is realistic; until it happens for the 5th, 10th, 20th time. perhaps hes supposed to show off the sunk cost fallacy or denial, but to me he just shows up as someone who earnestly does not want to improve as a person. it is unfair to those who have been inclined to unhealthy behaviors but tried to improve, because darkstalker does not try, he just gets worse and worse.

Controversial so feel free to not answer/post but regarding your hyprocritical anon ask, you’ve made great points but also im past the point of caring abt what white ppl feel or white ppl apologists feel lmao like i totally get how being hateful is just pointless and does nothing good to anyone, but if i hear a poc say something that could be perceived as an insult to white ppl whether lightheartedly or not, i really dont give two fucks if white ppl are offended. There are bigger fish to fry and that is just an ounce of what qtpoc go through on the daily if that makes sense. Maybe as a poc we’ve just developed thicker skin from the ✨poc experience✨ that i feel no sympathy whatsoever if ive offended a white person for simply existing.

👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼😫

i hear you!!! (you’re my hero omg) like, i sincerely and genuinely have so much space and love in my heart for actors/characters/media but...damn. one step out of line from public opinion and i’m immediately roasted; passive aggressively or blatantly. it’s frustrating to be kind and patient for other people to Catch Up (or attempt to understand what i’m saying), but most days it’s worth it for me to just share my perspective and reach out.

but yeah... let poc talk. let poc have standards and preferences that don’t circulate around ‘white’ and/or popular media. let poc have opinions based off of THEIR experiences. let poc change their mind. let everyone understand the perspective and differences we all have don’t mke us better or worse than one another! poc should not have to patiently/passicely wait 100 more years for acceptance jfc . we all deserve the same amount of respect and attention, damn

My Manga List (2020) Part 2

Hii. Hope everyone’s okay. Here’s the list!

Ou no Kemono

Description:

The world shared by humans and ajins (those who are half beast and half human) is not paradise. On the contrary, humans rule over ajins with strictness and contempt, using them at their own convenience: men as soldiers for their special powers and women as prostitutes, downgraded to the lowest rank. To change that destiny, Kogetsu serves the king under the guise of a man.

THOUGHTS & WHY SHOULD READ THIS

- plot = 4.5/5

- art = 4/5

- same author as dawn of arcana

- if you love dawn of arcana you are so gonna love this

- the MC is a bad-ass

- s u s p e n s e

- m y s t e r y

- f a n t a s y

- verdict, a must read!

Tsun-Ama na Kareshi

Description:

Acting cold while pampering you, that's a tsun-sweet boyfriend.

My dishonest boyfriend always teases me a little, then spoils me a lot. Living with such a boyfriend, my life is full of surprises but overflowing with happiness...!

THOUGHTS & WHY SHOULD READ THIS

- plot = 3/5

- art = 5/5

- f l u f f y

- they will make you feel giddy cause they’re both cuties

- tsundere boyfie who’s head over heels for his girlfriend? count me in

- they just look so adorable

- verdict, a must read especially if you want to escape the reality but beware if you’re single cause you’re gonna wish you have a boyfie like him!

Aku no Joou no Kiseki

Description:

By the time she realized it, college student Mari Toujou had fallen onto a battlefield. Looking around in confusion there was a large crowd of knights clad in western armor. They called Mari “Her Majesty”. It appears that she was in the middle of a war and her forces were at a disadvantage. Certain that this was a dream, she worked out a plan and achieved victory but… somehow, she had really replaced the queen!? What she understood after was that the origin of the war was the queen’s misgovernment and that she couldn’t return to her original body. So Mari decided to reorganize the ruined country–? Drawing the truth of the tracks of love, it’s a miracle fantasy!

THOUGHTS & WHY SHOULD READ THIS

- plot = 3.5/5

- art = 4/5

- i s e k a i

- so many boyos

- the mc is a softieee

- h a r e m

- amen

- tbh i have a love-hate relationship with this idek why hahaha

- overall, an okay read!

Miniamaru Kareshi

Description:

Iroha Aoyagi is a normal 16 year old girl, except, she's never fallen in love. She suspects there might be something wrong with her; until she meets her classmate Kusakabe-kun who seems well-versed and cynical about matters of love. Will Iroha be able to handle someone like Kusakabe-kun?

THOUGHTS & WHY SHOULD READ THIS

- plot = 3.5/5

- art = 4/5

- this is actually the first manga that i read that the ml admitted that he’s toxic and that made a difference for me

- the mc doesnt tolerate his toxicity and his disregard to her friends - she calls him out and it’s wonderful

- i dont feel the 2nd lead cause he’s a freaking hyprocrite & you’ll know why

- wish that the ml change for the better cause i am so tired of toxic ppl

- FRIENDSHIP GOALSSS

- school setting!! 

- overall, an okay read aye sir!

Kimi wa Kawaii Onnanoko

Description:

I thought that I didn't need something like love.I have a complex about my body because it's tiny and I'm merely skin and bones. I am Koeda Tsugumi (a first year high school student). One day, by chance, I let Sena Masamune from the class next door see my body....!? But, after being with the straight forward, always-natural Masamune-kun, the me, who's always hidden herself and secretly wanted to be a more girly girl, has started feeling these warm, fluffy feelings....

THOUGHTS & WHY SHOULD READ THIS

- plot = 4/5

- art = 4/5

- seriously i love this cause it showed body insecurities ok 

- it’s like one of the things every generation no matter the gender is insecure about and i love it!! and it showed the body insecurity for a thin girl!! ngl but i often see thick/fat girl insecurity but i never saw a skinny girls insecurity and that made a difference for me (im not invalidating either one, it just makes me glad that they showed how body insecurities affects every body type amen(

- the ml is so soft and nice to our mc like?? pls just get married already

- i so love the mc i wanna hug her and comfort her

- school setting amen!!

- verdict, a must read!

30 Amazing Questions Only A Genius Could Answer.

( insert obvious clickbait thumbnail)

As requested by @judyxd26

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY MY OWN OPINION. DONT @ ME

JUST MONIKA (I see you there)

Probably Yuri. The Shy/Yandere anime trope has been used a little too much recently.

Has to be "Your Reality". I gives me the feels everytime. EVERYTIME.

"Sayo-nara" gotta be my least fav. Not because its bad or anything. It just gives me scary flashbacks of Sayori. TOO SPOOPY FOR ME.

Most afraid? Hmm, if ur talking about the jumpscares, I would say Natsuki when she snaps her neck. (DID I SAY THERE'S SPOILERS HERE?)

I would say Monika. I always try too hard for attention :3

Look most familiar?? First of all, im a dude. *LOOKING AT MALE VER DDLC CAST* ok, its either Sayori or Monika. Can't decide tbh.

I used my first name BOI. GOTTA HAVE THE FULL IMMERSION.

10/10. Despite the warnings everytime you open the game and at the game page, I never took it to consideration. Sayori's death really took me by surprise.

Sayori maybe? MC's texts during that part was deep. If deleting Monika is considered a death, I would say thats the most saddest one. Monika realised the mistakes she made and she regretted them. But it was too late as she was slowly getting deleted. On a side note: I didnt delete her in the end, her conversations were very interesting. My sister forced me to delete her tho :/

(Lets keep the next few questions short, Im trying to get some sleep 😪) Sayori: I like that she's optimistic. But she's too sensitive i'd say.

Short girls are cute. Manga IS literature. DONE.

I like that she's shy and all but im not very fond of the idea of playing with knifes. DONE.

SHE IS BEST GIRL. SHE IS THE ONLY CHARACTER THAT FEELS REAL. SHE DESERVES A ROUTE. SHE IS A GODDESS SEND FROM THE HEAVENS. SHE THICC BOI, FIGHT ME. (I should have been a little more serious😅 There is more reasons at Question 29.)

Monika's poem. DONE.

NOPE, IM A HYPROCRITE. TRIED ONCE, FAILED BADLY.

I would if I COULD ACTUALLY FINISH READING MY BOOKS FOR ONCE. *glares at the full collection of Harry Potter at the corner of the room*

Pretty often. Not enough to fix my spelling tho.

Once. The English Club at school. Pretty boring.

Like I said before, im a dude. Soo yea, MC is my only option.

Yuri. For obvious reasons.

There isnt a character that I "want" to be a guy but i'd say Sayori looks fine as both genders.

I havent seen any fanart of Monika as an animal yet. So, Monika then.

If Monika had a route I would totally pick that one. Since she doesnt, i would pick Natsuki's.

Probably Stephen King

They did such an amazing indie game last year. Can't wait for the next one.

Yuri i guess. My yandere mode becomes active sometimes :3

Actually I have. Not the best experience.

(Skip this one if you want to. It's veryyy long.WARNING, It's about to get serious) I actually sat through a good 50+ minutes talking with Monika.In that time, she tells me how every time I quit the game, she feels like she's "dying", and enters a "living Hell" full of static screaming, flashing and darkness, and despite the fact that she feels as if her mind is disjointed in this space, she's still aware enough to remember it all every time we come back. There's also the fact she's fully aware all of her "friends" are simply mindless programs lacking free-will whose sole purpose in existence is falling in love with the player.I quit and loaded up the game a few times, and she asks you multiple times to please not put her through that torment, but eventually just says she'll have to relent that you can't always have the game open.Then I kept going, and got Sayori to tell me how she's super appreciative that I took the time to get to know them all and help them with their problems (however little I actually did), and that they all loved me. Credits are rolling, and I notice that the CG's aren't being deleted, until the very ending where the entirety of the Main Menu is deleted.I fucking broke Monika's heart and she subjected herself to living in an eternal near-death hellish blackness, and still the last thing she does for me is sing me a song about how much she loves me and wishes I'd been able to love her back. Deleting her causes her pain, but she was still conscious of everything and in control of the game files. Quitting puts her in a near-death state filled with suffering.I know it's only an AR game and none of it's real, but I'm literally sitting here with tears in my eyes because no matter what you do, Monika is doomed to an existence of agony, and the last thing she believes is that we probably hated her.I can't handle that shit, man, I didn't need to know. Couldn't you even let us believe there was some solace?

The game broke me psychologically and left me traumatized for 3 days.Sayori's arc made me feel sick to my stomach and sad, Yuri's arc scared me, and Monika's arc broke my heart and made me sad again.What part of psychology makes depressing horror enjoyable? Why did I love and enjoy a game that hurts? Maybe because the characters are so real and I've grown attached to them? I don't know. Either way I love DDLC, the community, and the fan content, but I don't know why. I guess it's because the main grip of the game is the 4 girls themselves, you grow so attached to them that it feels like your losing close friends. Making characters in any video game likable is hard but this game is an example of it done right, adding along with the story makes DDLC truly an experience.( finally, im done. I need a rest rn before I have a mental breakdown)

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

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