#doing something poorly is better than not doing it at all
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PLEASE elaborate on “davidelizabeth in alien covenant if i wrote it” they squandered her potential so bad !
okay so first all i have already talked about how i feel that covenant should have built on the sticky psychosexual gothic horror tension between david and shaw and developed it into a toxic codependent dynamic (that predictably ends poorly due to their fundamentally opposing ideological stances as well as one-sided obsession on david's side), so i'm going to attach that rather than rehash it.
but honestly if i'd written covenant i would have had elizabeth survive david long enough to establish herself on the engineer planet in hiding from him (following a "breakup" caused by his act of genocide), and have the arrival of the colonists in covenant be the catalyst that forces them to confront each other again and finish what they started. i'm not entirely certain of the specifics, but i think there's a lot you could do with the central themes of alien as a cosmic/existential horror (a story about horrifying revelations, terrible change and progress/evolution that is unrecognisable as anything but nightmarish to the human minds bearing witness), a body horror narrative focused on sexual assault, pregnancy and childbirth/parenthood, and an examination of extraterrestrial horror as this colonial mindset - the fear of being violently replaced by something that deems itself better than you and works ruthlessly to eradicate you from your places of safety which it has taken for its own - as well as the more prometheus-specific themes of parental trauma and religion (mostly christianity) by making the core conflict between david and his xenomorphs and elizabeth and humanity, like a sort of fucked up retelling of adam and eve in the garden of eden.
to tie up loose ends, since prometheus and covenant are meant to be prequels to the original alien films, i'd probably have elizabeth succeed in being the final girl (a parallel to ripley in the original franchise) but tragically go into self-imposed exile/die alone in an attempt to prevent the xenomorphs from being stumbled across by future explorers and becoming a threat again, as well as possibly out of some warped sense of guilt, both for having allowed herself to ever love david and believe him capable of change, and for failing to save him ("save" very much in the biblical sense, as in persuade him to share her point of view and abandon his descent down a dark path). needless to say, she doesn't succeed, making her "victory" all the more phyrric.
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this thought has been running around in my head for weeks and your König hcs are my favorite… so here i go
what icks do you think our König has? ik he may consider himself to fall in the “beggars can’t be choosers” category but i am just so curious… 🤔
FAVORITE?! 💞 you are so correct about the “beggars can’t be choosers” mentality. König is very much aware of how other people tend to view him as some creepy, stupid brute. i think that there is certainly a lot that bothers him, mostly attributed to his past, but none of it is an actual dealbreaker in any sense. you’re likely to be met with a cold shoulder and a bit of trust diminished at most. the majority of his “icks” are just him picking up on red flags. the gross or awkward things are just cute to him!
A very “vapid” approach to interests and such is going to make him concerned. König does not understand trends, or liking something simply because someone else does. He equates keeping up with pop culture and fashion as being similar to the children that tortured him in the past (So: popular kids with popular hobbies). Authenticity is held in high regard here. The stranger and more alienated that you are, the more compatible and similar you two may be in his mind.
This said, König would go feral seeing you in one of those pretty dresses or outfits that are all the rage. Dressing like a cute milkmaid for a picnic date, playing some sweet love song for him that you may have picked off a viral video, etc. He’s not exactly in touch with these things so he’s no proper judge or jury here.
Being too pushy. There’s a fine line there that’s not to be crossed. He much prefers playing the role of a leader rather than being a submissive follower. He’ll boast about being your devotee, worship like a dog at your feet, but he likes to feel in control of the relationship and what goes on within it.
He’ll never tell you directly that yes, his anxiety will be gnawing at his guts if you plead with him to come along with you to a commonly crowded mall, and expects that a simple rejection should suffice. It’s likely he would keep hushed about the fact that your frustrated pleading actually turns him on, too.
Being unnecessarily cruel. The man gets cruelty, he’s paid in abundance for it. But women should be sweet and soft. If you’re talking poorly about another person, using words like “ugly” or a slur of some kind, how are you any better than some bully? It does not matter that the victim can not hear you speaking about them, what matters is that he can. It would send him into a spiral of thinking that each time you two have had an argument, you’re likely cruelly chattering about him to your friends afterward.
Yet… he is very much the type to shoot an inept employee a glare and make demands. He will call his fellow operators all sorts of things when he returns from a mission gone wrong. König is the king of double standards here.
By extension, dogging him/his work/his interests is sure to bother him. König likes to believe that he’s done the work to make himself more pleasing now: trained his body through the military to give himself the stature women seem to drool over, covers what he can of his face when it’s socially acceptable so that others don’t harp on an unpleasant glimpse, even thinks of himself as some sort of chivalrous gentleman (very easy to do so as no one gets a peek at what goes on in his mind). His work, not therapy, is where he gets to blow off steam in a justifiable, honorable way. Sure, he’s got some dorky, juvenile interests, but they’re things that he enjoys.
Talk of previous relationships/sex would immediately make his blood boil! Even if it’s said to assure him that he’s better than a former lover. He’s just very jealous and if he were to be blunt, he would tell you he is addicted to the relationship and doesn’t want to think of anyone else ever having what he does currently. It’s best not to mention any past you may have had unless you care to answer a series of questions. “Were they better in bed?”… “Full name?” … “When did you last see them?”
Ironically, if you already have children, he would absolutely adore the stepdad role. It’s not so much as a challenge, then, only the glee that comes with getting to play savior for more than one person.
Infidelity. Whether in a past relationship or in a current one with him. The thought of you ever cheating on him, emotionally or physically, would tear him apart. Something as simple as a fantasy of wanting two or more men to serve you is filed messily in his brain with this, too. Same with you confessing to finding another man attractive, whether a celebrity, someone entirely fictional, or even some random civilian padding by on the sidewalk. All of that counts as some minute form of infidelity to König. He does not share.
He’s guilty of threesome fantasies, guilty of staring down a woman that he finds attractive… he just doesn’t act on these things, holds his tongue and huffs that he certainly wasn’t looking and would never want to fuck any one other than you. It does not really occur to him that those things are normal, especially in long term relationships.
Bear in mind that this is all from a man who almost entirely lacks shame. He’s comfortable with himself now (somewhat). He has no qualms with chewing the skin around his fingernails when he’s stressed out, picking his nose in front of you, shitting with the bathroom door wide open, or talking with his mouth full when he’s just that engaged in a conversation. I think it’s only fair to include some of the things he does that may be repulsive!
Absolutely clueless when it comes to seeing you cry. He has no idea how to comfort someone properly as he never really had that. His solution seems to be hovering over you and asking a thousand questions or just draping himself over you and letting your arms curl over him for comfort.
Would kiss you with his eyes open. Not his fault that you’re so pretty and he doesn’t want to miss a moment of it. Not always, but once is bad enough.
Would absolutely send you an “I miss you” text the day after your first date. Will also tell you that he’s in love with you the first time you have sex.
Will get hyperfixated on historical weapons and will absolutely purchase some rusted, ancient relic without telling you beforehand. It gets well polished and loved, then displayed on your living room wall.
Loves talking about his kills. He’s proud, because if there’s one thing that he’s good at it’s knowing where to shoot or stab or punch. He knows to hold his tongue about the more grisly details around someone delicate, but more often than not he is prone to slip-ups.
Will use your toothbrush without asking.
Thinks he’s very skilled and very cool because he can trim up any overgrown facial hair with a pocket lighter. It is not cool. There’s a razor and shaving cream right there. He may not burn himself, but it’s not exactly pleasant to have your bathroom smelling of burned hair.
Does not have a lick of fashion knowledge. Plain t-shirts, jeans, combat boots, maybe a belt if he cares to bother with it at most. At the least, when he’s at home, you can expect him to indulge in some nudist fantasy because it’s unlikely he will bother to wear a thing. Maybe socks.
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Do you think this fandom can still improve despite everything? Is it Viv and Spindlehorse's fault that this fandom is problematic or there is deeper root cause? Despite the amount of negativity both hh and hb recieved, is it still possible to listen to fans who give constructive criticism and improve both shows? Many fans often say something like"The Spindlehorse's crew don't want to listen to critics because there are too many bad faith criticism and hate" or "Those critics don't have the vision of the creators so their advices are invalid." I think both sides of this fandom are overly aggressive to whatever happened. It must have something behind it.
I think the reason why the fandom reacts so poorly to criticism is a mix of several factors:
These shows are fairly popular, the more popular something is the bigger the fanbase will be. And, likewise, some fans would be very defensive when it comes to criticism.
The batshit insane twitter users and fake outrage being confused with the actual critiques people have of the shows. I'll admit, early critical videos were...not great to say the least (cough cough Pkrussel cough cough), and many of Viv's past controversies are admittedly dumb. However, there are real issues people have with these shows and Vivziepop, however, because of all the past controversies with Viv being over-blown, fans lump these real and valid critiques in with the fake Twitter outrage, causing this confusing mess.
Vivziepop's reaction to critiscm. She directly dismisses critiques people have of her shows and pretty clearly spends a bit too much time on online discourse about her shows. Viv IS aware of the critiques people have of her shows but she has this very immature response to criticism just looking at her twitter, and, this does translate to the fandom as well.
Drama channels such as AyyLmao and Iox constantly defending Viv and her shows. AyyLmao is a fairly big channel and a lot of his videos are about controversies surrounding Viv. Pretty much all of these tend to be heavily biased as AyyLmao instantly takes Viv's side, as in several of his videos he deliberately chooses to lump in the actual critiques of the shows with the deranged Twitter users online, which contributes to the second problem I mentioned above. This can be seen with his hatedom video where he says that most of the criticism at least on Twitter isn't "real criticism" and "just hate disguised on such". Notice how he says that at least on Twitter the criticism is just hate. He's deliberately making it look like the critical community is just a bunch of deranged Twitter users who just hate Viv cuz they are jealous or something, when looking at sites such as Reddit, Youtube, Tumblr, etc you'll see people with ACTUAL PROBLEMS with the shows, by AyyLmao's ignoring that in order paint the critical community as a toxic hell-hole. He pretends to be neutral in the video but he clearly is biased with how he paints the critics here, as he only focuses on this one site just to make it look like the critical community is just an annoying vocal minority on Twitter. and because of that, the fandom views the critical community as just that; just an annoying vocal minority of Twitter users who shouldn't be taken seriously.
The fandom just refusing to engage with people's critiques because they can't handle criticism of their favorite shows. That's pretty obvious.
I don't think the fandom will get better any time soon given these factors I just mentioned. Until Viv learns to accept criticism, until Viv drama channels stop defending her bullshit, and until the fandom actually engages with people's critiques rather than sending death threats...ya no this fandom is still going to be awful.
#vivziepop critical#hazbin hotel critical#helluva boss critical#vivziepop criticism#helluva boss criticism#hazbin hotel criticism#spindlehorse critical#spindlehorse criticism
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Rex Splode x Gn!Reader
I wasn't joking when I said that just now this character won't let me think straight.
⏤͟͟͞͞ ｟Dating heacanons｠⏤͟͟͞͞
Patience is not an option, it is a requirement with this man. There will be moments when you'll just want him to shut his mouth.
Now, either you share the same neuron or you'll probably need to count to 10 a hundred times a day.
If you share the same neuron, he's your man, although you'll probably get a stomach ache for laughing at their stupidity.
That would probably bring you a lot of scolding if that's the case, you won't be Immortal's favourite person, that's for sure.
If you're someone more serious, he'll try hard to at least get a smile out of you.
Your relationship would be a poorly hidden secret. He's not ready to admit he's dating someone yet, rather he doesn't want anyone to find out about It because Eve and Kate will almost certainly explain to you that he's a total idiot.
It's not like they're lying, but after almost dying he's really trying to get better.
Yeah, remember"poorly hidden secret"? Well, he talks about you 24/7, without saying your name of course. "I'm going on a date with someone really hot, it's like the coolest person I've ever met in my life"
Words of affirmation is something that would surprisingly make him be in the palm of your hand.
Not that he complains about other displays of affection, he's more than happy to receive any kind of physical contact and attention.
As for gifts, he is not too excited but he appreciates it.
He's not the kind of person who gives flowers or chocolates, he'd probably give you something you were looking at in a shop window, you'd find it in front of your door in the same bag he bought it in.
Civilian? He'll be all smug about how cool it is to be a hero and especially how cool he is as a hero "Save humanity? Yeah, I do it twice this week, easy peasy."
Hero? Then he will be a pain in the ass. It's not that he doubts your abilities, he just wants to take the lead, show you that you're safe with him, even though he'll probably cause more collateral damage in the process.
Who cares about saving the world? He would sacrifice the world to save you.
If you jump into danger, he'll stand by your side.
In private, his attitude is a little different. He will really listen to you and be someone you are comfortable talking to about your problems or anything that crosses your mind.
However, don't expect great advices, although I don't deny that he'll make a real effort.
Something quiet and simple is perfect for him, you would become his safe space, he wouldn't be alert all the time waiting for something to try to kill him.
Dates are more spontaneous than planned, if there is free time there is always the possibility of going to your favourite restaurant.
His perfect date would be go to get a drinks and then just watch movies at home, even better if it's your home... Although I don't think he have a home himself.
Who fell in love first? If you fell first, he fell harder for sure.
I mean, the first week he would think "of course, who wouldn't fall in love with me?".
After a month he realised that you were serious and thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to try his luck.
... There was no turning back once he fell in love with you.
On the other hand, if he fell first, there will be no lack of reckless flirtations and awkward approaches, if you appreciate your personal space he will love your personal space.
In the middle of class you could see him at the window beckoning to you.
Casually one day the fire alarm is turned on and he convinces you to skive off, can you blame him? He just wants to take advantage of his free time.
If you went on a mission together he wouldn't get tired of teasing you.
However, if you are a man, you will suddenly realise that he is much nicer to you than to others. Favouritism is more than obvious to everyone.
Especially when you're in the same room with other guys, he'll suddenly go from calling Mark a chicken to offering if you want to get something to eat after training, he won't let you pay for anything.
Maybe a casual spanking after finishing a mission, just to reinforce the camaraderie of course.
It's the first time I write in this format, so sorry if something is written weirdly, English is not my first language.
If you have any request I'll be happy to write or draw it, I also do fanfics :D
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“If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” //
the fact that i can’t paint, or sing, or write haikus, doesn’t matter. i can do these things (very poorly) just because i love to.
sometimes, it turns out, it’s fine to half-ass things. even important things. when something is really important, it’s okay to just do it to the best of your ability today. maybe tomorrow it will be better, or even perfect. today it’s just done, and that’s okay.
g.k. chesterton // if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly by karen banes
#school starts in a few days#and i'd just like to remind everyone that#doing something poorly is better than not doing it at all#ten words are better than zero#eleven missing assignments are better than twelve missing assignments#poetry#literature#books & libraries#quotes#prose#art#writers
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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Kamen Rider Geats episode 43 poorly summarized via memes with as little context as possible:
#kamen rider geats#kamen rider geats poorly summarized#kamen rider geats ep 43#rider gang wars is something that seems like a very logical progression if this happened like in the middle of the series#but like came out of left field for rn#geats you're doing too many things!#i beg of you just wrap up what's already on the table T.T#obviously not all the people revived were like good guys so this makes sense#but another part of me is like#'geats spit out that gaim subplot rn!'#in other news i wonder if we'll ever see the elephant rider from michi's trauma flashback#cuz like... cool mask#that dude would probably be an asshole#also rip tycoon's family who were alive for all of 0.02 seconds#you tried keiwa#also im appreciating the growth of neon's parents and how it's mostly#'oh my god our daughter is so much better than us'#but at the same time#did yall have to redeem the dad?#idk wouldve really liked neon to save herself rather than her dad having to save her#but at the same time it makes sense for his arc#just feels kinda at the expense of neon's arc so :/#idk im gonna be hesitantly hopeful about it all cuz of those previews#na-go my beloved plz return to us soon!
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Some people really need to understand that a m/f ship like...existing. Is not inherently Bad™.
#before anyone starts I am a whole-ass gay#'this trope is bad always except when Gays Do It' no. If you're gonna blanket condemn something as a writing device then you do it in#ALL situations. or you except the existence of that trope and concede that people are allowed to create stuff involving it#either it's permissible in writing or it's not#(God I can only imagine what people would say if I said like...Idk 'no characters are allowed to kill ever except for the disabled/mentally#ill ones that's fine and enjoyable. like I would get murdered probably. anyway I hate it here)#'underwriting/poorly setting up a ship is fine as long as it's a m/m or f/f one'#I don't agree!!! I think I deserve better than that!!!!!!#also everyone always forgets that bisexual people exist!!!!!!!!#AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“But I keep saying to everyone, we’ve got to sort out our problems. We can’t move forward in harmony while you’re suing me. So I wanted that to be the reunion night, and I said, If you can drop this lawsuit guys, or just nearly drop it, show me something that says you love me, give me a sign, a wink. And it just went and went, I kept ringing. George was in Hawaii, I got a message back from him, sit tight, don’t rock the boat, don’t worry. But that wasn’t good enough.
So I had to ring him up and say I couldn’t go to the Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall Of Fame, no way was I standing up on stage going, Yo! United! when I know they’re suing me, I just couldn’t do it. So that got watered down as ‘business differences’.
It’s bloody embarrassing because I’d have liked to have gone along, and my thinking was, It’ll be great, we could hold hands, and they’d take a picture which would go around the world, and we’d use that as a jumping off point to do our movie. Great! But it just wasn’t to be.
But one of these years it’ll get sorted.”
— Paul McCartney, 1989 Interview with Paul Du Noyer
#my quotes#I'm forever fascinated by this whole debacle#this is my go to point on how paul is actually a shitty PR man sometimes#cause I GENUINLEY think he's in the right about the lawsuit here#they are suing him because he has a better deal with capitol than they do#paul only got this because he stayed with the label longer than the others#so he got rewarded for loyalty#and it literally didn't impact the others at all#but they sued him anyway#and YET#he comes off as a total asshole in this situation#and he must have known that he would#not going to the hall of fame for business differences#sitting out while everyone else makes their grand speeches#and then not explaining yourself#it is a very poorly calculated move from a PR perspective#and from this quote it seems like the reason he wouldn't go is because he was just very hurt by them suing him#like#'show me something that says you love me'#HUH???#his mind is literally going they are suing me so they don't love me#reminds me of that 1974 rolling stone quote where he said no one liked him enough to let him leave#anyway#paul mccartney#george harrison#the beatles#beatles
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It's happening
Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life
This is a vent, you have been warned
#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out#I don't know what happened nor what to feel#up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely#yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before#im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored#i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't#im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess#thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar#I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it#thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end#atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times#...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before#like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life#i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart#ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed#again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep#anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little#vent
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man I miss making music with people fr fr
#used to be you could play/sing with abandon#create something beautiful together#and it’s not like a band or anything it’s just a Saturday night and ur friend’s dad pulls out a guitar#someone produces a fiddle from the aether#And it’s like the most beautiful form of purely platonic intimacy#But now ppl are so hung up on slick TikTok setups and perfect manicured teenagers that all sound the same#hur dur get off my lawn etc#“your so good at music I could never” you could!!! You should!!! It’s what humans do!!!! Do it poorly with me it’s infinitely better than#Not making music at all!!! I love you!!!
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My rendition of @tempo-takoyaki's DTIYS!
Congrats on the milestones! And to everyone else, please go check out their 'Drawing TGCF (except I haven't read the books)' series!
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#svsss#tgcf#wei wuxian#shen qingqiu#xie lian#better drawn mdzs#(Vaguely??? I think SQQ came out handsome enough to put him in my special gallery)#Showing up to submit this less than 3 days before the DTIYS ends is filling me with a bit of anxiety but it is done!#Initially I was going to do a descending level of realism/detail but noses make me nervous still. One day I'll get there.#The irony is that I was planning on drawing something to celebrate tempo finishing season 1 of their series only to find this DTIYS!#*and* it was their birthday recently. I am compelled to lift them into the air and shout their praises.#What a genuinely kind person with an art style I want to bite into like a crunchy apple!!! The *range* is incredible!#Also their xie lian is probably one of my favourite interpretations. So done with everything but not misanthropic.#Remembers everything and lets other's spin in circles with their lies for the sheer chaos of it all. Teases relentlessly. Deeply sad.#Give it a read! They are planning on continuing on so now is a great time to catch up!#Thanks for hosting this fun art challenge Tempo! We all appreciate you deeply B*)#I hope you have a better year in 2024 - you truly deserve the best.
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You had his baby and he didn't know.
She sat with the 3-month-old baby girl. Every time she looked at her she saw His eyes, the eyes of the father of her child that had no idea she existed. A perfect blend of the two, but like her father the most recognizable feature was her eyes. Carrying her mother's soft and feminine features, while having her father's gaze.
She was standing in the kitchen of her two-bedroom apartment preparing to pump her full, plump breasts as her daughter slept soundly in a playpen nearby. Thinking of her daughter had become second nature to her, which meant that her thoughts only revolved around her daughter from the moment she found out she was pregnant. Although she was struggling as a single mother, she did not hold any resentment toward Simon. After all, he had no idea their daughter existed.
Simon was forced to leave for his work responsibilities. He knew he would be gone for a long time, it was a no-brainer that they would go their own separate paths. When her thoughts were not consumed by her daughter they were consumed by Him, she craved the closure, or support, or comfort that she knew he could bring her.
Interrupted. Her thoughts were interrupted by a light knock on the door. Her protective nature took over as she walked to the front door while holding a bottle in her right hand. Her heart sank the moment she looked through the peephole. "What is He doing here?" she thought before slowly swinging the door open.
His gaze immediately dropped to the pink bottle in her hand, "Why didn't you tell me?" he spoke, his voice was soft, yet it still held a slight tone of hostility. His accent was prominent, something she noticed would happen whenever he was emotional. His eyes looked drained, tired, and confused, but physically he looked as good as ever. His tall stature and wide frame cast a shadow over her significantly smaller build.
"Tell you what?" she said as her face flushed red and her heart pounded in her ears. Her ears also burning.
Simon walked into her apartment closing the door behind him, "You have never been a good liar". There it was, the exact gaze she saw in her daughter staring back at her in His body. That same gaze turned to his sleeping daughter in the pink playpen that was littered with stuffed animals and pink accents.
She couldn't tell what he was thinking or feeling. Anger, frustration, joy, sadness -- it was evident that he was on a roller coaster.
"Why didn't you tell me?", he sighed running his hand through his thick blonde hair. She was stunned, but she didn't know if it was because he actually showed up, or if she was stunned because this was their first time standing in a room together as a family. "Who told you?" her voice came out soft, timid almost.
"Price, but that is beside the matter" he paused to take in the sight of his daughter. "Why didn't you contact me? I gave you my cell for emergencies... th-this is an appropriate reason to contact me." he now sounded frustrated with her. She was gripping the bottle in her hand still, unable to relax and let it go. Was he mad?
He wasn't. He approached her and gently took the bottle out of her hand -- he knew her better than anyone meaning that he knew that she reacted poorly to confrontation. "You're okay, Love" he spoke gently as he held her small hands in his, "Talk to me, please." he pleaded as he guided them to the nearby couch, making her take a seat. There was new sense of gentleness when he spoke. The shift came naturally to him as now he was fixated on protecting the mother of his child in all aspects. His thumbs massaged her wrists gently while he waited for her to find her words. Simon has always been patient, a quality she loved about him.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, the only audible noise coming from the cooing sounds of their daughter. "Whenever you're ready, Love. I'm here to stay," he said with his warm hands still on her.
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analyzing the narrative parallels in my real life as a coping mechanism
#aka my family meets on sundays BUT my dnd group ALSO meets on sundays#so i usually have an excuse to not go to the family gatherings#something something replacing the worst activity in my life with the one ive wanted to do for so long etc etc#we took a break from dnd this week so im at a family gathering rn and im not having a good time BUT#im also not on the precipice of killing everyone here like i used to be when it was every weekend#also nothing reassures me that im autistic more than going to these damn meetings#one day i will move out. one day i will not have to see these people anymore. one day the man who molested me will be dead. one day one day#one day i will not feel responsible for how shitty of a person my little brother turned out. one day i will not be the third parent#gritting my teeth i am going to make it through this year if it kills me#and i taste jasmine on my tongue etc etc#vent#also just bc i like to be a hater: he brings his dog over and she's fine idk. poorly trained but whatever#but the amount of secondhand embarrassment i get when he tries to command her and she doesn't listen bc he trained her poorly#love it when incels are ashamed in their own inadequacy#i mean i also do not have well trained dogs but they arent MY dogs and also i taught one of them to sit and also to wait#and she does them both very well. hmph !#tldr i am better than him in every avenue. eat shit#one day i will say all of this out loud to his face#also ive started blatantly ignoring him and i feel much better abt it. one day he will stop fucking trying#eat that fucking olive branch you asshole. eat shit and die mad abt it
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any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO
sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??
*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.
Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.
Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.
Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?
Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?
These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.
When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.
Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.
Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️
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