you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

How do you think the people who have been, since 2005, desperately digging for scraps of chemistry between Robin and any conventionally attractive, young, and marginally emo boy in the series like Law and Zoro so they can ship them together, feel knowing that in the year of our lord 2024 she has canonically only ever expressed DIRECT and EXPLICIT romantic interest in one man and that man is him

they tickle the same part of my brain

younger butch (idiot)/older femme (into that) is like S tier combo to me

also some little things that i liked + alt sweetheart thoughts under the cut:

older women i love you. i love you older women.

normal relationship: hahaha chase me omg toxic yuri relationship: please hunt me down and use everything you learned in FM 34-52 on me

i honestly don’t know what’s worse - that she wasn’t advised to lock her socials down and warned how invasive the fandom can be, or they wanted her to keep them open to give ‘young girl dates older guy and changes their whole personality to fit in with him’ vibes

Widowed Annie was discovering a new life with online dating. Surprisingly, most of her dates were with young men, all too happy to take her out for a fun night.

obsessed with this 5 second scene we get of leela during her relationship with sean. not just because of that gorgeous hairstyle but i love how the body language is enough to show the cracks of their relationship. she's leaning in and he can barely turn to look at her. we know he ends up cheating on her and is implied to be the one to dump her, so i don't think it's too out of the question to assume she was the one pushing for most of the genuine affection between them too while he barely paid her any attention (and still doesn't) :(

Me and who? 🌷

I can forgive an illegal appendectomy but I draw the line at making Kellye sad

some of you know that i don't like tiktok n it has many reasons but i have had a rant brewing in regards to it for a while and it's definitely extremely prevalent on tiktok

it is not your place to judge people's relationships, even the toxic ones

i know we all go like "yeah duhh" but i want you to actually take in what i'm saying. it's not your place. just because they exist in an age where things can be found online, doesn't mean it's your place. people are allowed to have the human experience. people are allowed to fall in love with the wrong people, and people are allowed to have toxic experiences and people are allowed to be stupid and make mistakes, even public ones

definitely if the person in question is a young woman. like genuinely, i think there is nothing more disrespectful and ironically, anti woman than determining for some young woman that she shouldn't be in a relationship with some older dude. it's not up to you. yea maybe she's making a mistake and will regret in in 3 years, and so fucking what? that's life. young women are able to choose, for themselves, even if the choice is stupid.

billy dating that goofy fucking dude and getting so much shit for it bc what? she whose wrong? yea, i'm pretty sure she made a conscious choice, so stop. she'll survive her mistake. trying to keep young women from experiencing life, even the bad parts of life, isn't doing anyone a fucking favor. its just dismissive of the fact that they can make their own choices for fuck sake.

some nineteen year old ending up married to her high school teacher because they wanted to, getting called out because it's weird and creepy? they're living their lives. who are you to criticize random people? even if it is weird. even if it is true. it's not your fucking place.

a thirty year old woman married to a seventy year old guy and they are living their life and existing in a space where people can see it, but now suddenly it has to be called out bc that's toxic and gross. ok, it's also not your fucking relationship. stop butting in where you're not asked. it is so unbelievably disrespectful and honestly, i'm sick of seeing it. everyone needs to keep their nose in their own business

the easy access of drama on tiktok has made everyone believe that everything is drama that you should stick your nose into. it's not. other people's lives and mistakes shouldn't be your entertainment. young women making bad choices for themselves isn't a hill you need to die on. you aren't being an ally. you aren't being a feminist. you aren't being appropriate.

it isn't your place. it isn't your place. i'm sick of it

Creepy guy liking all my posts on Instagram and commenting “U always look so beautiful” etc. etc. Why is my life like this. I want to die.

bro these harry fic movies are getting out of hand

Is there a "Gaylor" conspiracy equivalent in the Dekugate universe?

If you define equivalent as thinking someone who is one of the straightest people ever is secretly gay, it’s the Endeavor conspiracists. In terms of scale, they barely hold a candle.

someone needs to make lana del rey music but for lesbians