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romanarose · 4 months

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Darkness on the Edge of Town: Epilouge

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Fic Summary: Right before a mandatory FEDRA lockdown, Joel saved a woman in an ally from FEDRA guards and is forced to house her for the entire lockdown. I.e theres only one bed

Chapter Summary: Joel get's you out.

Warnings: Mostly just feas of potential SA, nothing that actually happens or is anything to be afraid of, mostly in reference to women being nervous around strange men

Immersability: Reader has no age gap, is implied to be approximately Joel's age, possibly older than Tommy. Is not concerned about pregnancy.

A/N: For readers of The Wrong Way on ym alt account, theres a few not so subtle easter eggs LMFAOOOO

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Tommy proved a lot easier to talk to, at least compared to Joel’s initial reaction to you. Still, you didn’t feel as comfortable with Tommy as you did by the end of your time with Joel. He was nice, friendly. Tommy was given a vehicle which made the journey shorter… if you knew where you were going. You realize the insanity of traveling across the country with a man you didn’t know, but what options did you have? He was safer than Ross to be sure. You had weighed the options before you left.

Joel told you the plan, that his brother would get you out, take you with him where he was going and leave you somewhere safe. Tommy had promised Joel it was somewhere safe, but wouldn’t tell him where. That was the deal, Tommy wouldn’t be telling Joel anything. He was supposed to check in with the fireflies and they would tell him updates that he was safe, and you were safe, but that was it. Then, Tommy would come back to Boston without you, and Joel wasn’t supposed to talk to Tommy ever again. The secrecy made you nervous, but Joel trusted Tommy completely. There wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that Tommy would get you to safety and that Tommy wouldn’t hurt you.

The other option was Ross. Ross, and whoever Ross let at you. You couldn’t fight off a gang of men, no matter how strong you were, how physically capable. 10 men were 10 men. Even if Tommy wanted something in return for taking you, you wouldn’t be thrilled but laying there and taking it was a more desirable to the alternative of Ross. Still, for days Tommy didn’t give any indication that he had any dark plans.

He didn’t even seem like you were of any interest to him. You never caught him sneaking a peak when you relieved yourself or bathed, he never hinted or asked any inappropriate questions. He seemed a lot like Joel in that sense. Honestly, under different circumstances, you would have initiated sex. He was attractive, he was charming, and a lot of fun to be around. Sex to you wasn’t a huge deal, especially at your age. That’s why you were so ready to sleep with Joel…

But right now, you still felt loyal to him . Joel saved you multiple times, but you genuinely connected to him. Sure, maybe he already slept with someone. You two had no pretense of being an actual couple, of any sort of loyalty. It was something to fill the time, and boy, did it fill you. You would need a little time before you went for someone else.

“Whatever you wanna know, you can just ask me.” You said Tommy one night a few days in as the two of you reclined the car seats. It was getting colder out, so you and Tommy scooted towards each other and shared a blanket. There wasn’t an air of sexual tension, even with your shoulders touching. It just felt brotherly. You had felt his eyes on you for a while as you tried to sleep. “I know you got questions.”

His voice was gravely next to you. “I think you got a few too.”

You sigh. “I’m not sure I want the answers.”

“Yeah. Me neither.”

Finally, you open your eyes and turn over to where he’s looking at you, eyes soft and brown. “C’mon. Question for question.”

“You start.”

“You’re the one staring at me with your puppy dog eyes all the fucking time. Go on, ask what I know you’re dying to.”

He rolled his eyes, sitting up and resting on his arm, but smiling gently. “Alrighty, I’ll bite. Who are you to Joel.”

A small shrug. “I’m not sure I’m anything, really. He saved me from Ross, as you know, and we got stuck in his apartment for a week.”

Tommy’s face grew more serious. “‘N he was good to yuh?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “Real good.” Teasing him, you lean in with a smile. “And we fucked, too.”

“UGH!” Tommy groans, cringing hard and making a disgusted face, shoving you away. “Sick. Awful.”

You laugh at his reaction, goading him on more. “It wasn’t awful, it was actually pretty damn great-”

“EW!” Tommy attempts to cover your mouth, laughing along now too.

You keep dodging his hand. “Got reeeeeal hot and heavy too-”

“BLEH!”

When you finally stop, you both are chuckling. You like Tommy, you’re glad he’s the one taking you if it couldn’t be Joel. As you two settle down, you both stare up at the ceiling. It was peaceful out here. South Dakota, along I-90. When you’d get to Rapid City, Tommy would radio the Fireflies to tell Joel you both were safe. If you were lucky, Joel might have given them a message to give you two, but you weren’t sure the fireflies would pass it along. You got the feeling Joel was not popular among them.

Tommy calls your name, and you look towards him again. “He make you do any of that?” It’s clear what Tommy’s asking, and you understand his concerns.

“Oh god no.” You chuckle in response. “I brought it up. I had to tell him multiple times that i didn’t feel forced or noth’n. Like, multiple times. And then it just…”

“It's just what.”

You shrug again. “Turned into someth’n more. I dunno. But he was good to me. Don’t you worry ’bout that.”

He nods, taking it all in. “Alright, your turn.”

“Hm? Oh, right. Well… you told Joel… well, you made it sound like he did a lot of bad shit.”

Tommy sighs, sinking further in his seat. “Yeah, I did. Joel and I… we did a lot of bad shit back in the day. The things I saw him do…” He shakes his head. “I can’t even look at him now.”

“He see you do shit too?” You ask.

He huffs, but says yeah.

“He do worse than you?”

Tommy shifts in his seat. “I donno.”

You let him sit in his thoughts for a moment before speaking again. “I ain’t gonna tell you what you gotta do or who you gotta talk to. I don’t know your story. But I know we’ve all done fuck up things… and I know Joel loves you. Whatever happened, he ain’t surviving for himself. There's too much pain in his eyes for that. Joel… he survives for others. I ain’t tryna guilt trip you, Tommy… but I think we’re both alive because of him.”

Tommy didn’t say anything, simply staring ahead at the windshield until you fell asleep. You don’t think he slept much that night.

It had been years, your life at the QZ felt like a miserable nightmare. Life was good in Jackson.

You worked hard, but were rewarded with a bountiful life and good friends, Tommy remained one of them. When you and Tommy found the settlement of Jackson, it didn’t take long at all for the two of you to decide to abandon Tommy’s plans and loyalties with the Fireflies and settle here in Jackson. The fact he’d be caught spending every free second during your respite with the pretty and slightly scary leader may have influenced his decision. You, however, were thrilled to be somewhere with running water and electricity, especially with summer coming. You could not be happier with your choice.

Right now, however, you were grumpy.

Sick with the flu, you’d been stuck at home all day while the town had its movie night. Goddammit. You always miss the good shit. Lorenzo had told you to just go, but you didn’t want to infect anyone. A simple flu could kill much easier without modern medicine.

Still, he was nice enough to bring you soup from the mess hall after.

“Can’t stay long. Zach wants me home early to get a good nights sleep ‘for once’.” Lorenzo rolled his eyes and did finger quotes, but with a smile. His husband loved and cared about him, as Lorenzo did Zach “I just thought I’d let you in on the hot gossip.” He said with a smile, pulling out two joints and handing one to you.

You sniffle, sounding congested as hell as you rock in your rocking chair. “Did Jack get dumped again? I swear to god, it’s every week. Maura told me in high school he-”

“No, no, no! It’s even better!” He said with a grin, not hesitating before lighting up in your living room, a motion which you followed. “A stranger rolls into town, tall! Dark! Handsome!”

You can’t help roll your eyes. “You're married.”

“Hey, Zach called him handsome first, okay?” Lorenzo’s thick Boston accent came out even more when he was animated. “Anyway, he’s a father too. Road in with a teenager I dunno, 17? Or 10?”

“Those are wildly different ages.”

Lorenzo brushed you off. “Whatever, point is, single father. That's hot.”

You scrunch up your nose. “Are we sure that’s his daughter? Not some sicko we gotta kill?”

“Now, see, I ASKED THAT!” Lorenzo waves his hands around. “But Zach asked Jack who asked Maura who asked Maria-” Deep breath. “Who was suuuuuuper fucking cryptic about it. Seems Tommy knows him, and you know how Tommy is about his past.”

You did know, actually. You lean in with a smile, happy someone is filling you in on what you missed. “What’d she say?”

“Just that the girls his kid, and she’s taken care of and” More finger quotes “‘Tell Lorenzo to mind his damn business’”

That made both of you laugh. You and Lorenzo frequently caused problems despite your age. All in good, harmless fun, but the two of you were more like teenagers sometimes, and more often than not, you dragged a few friends into it.

“Are they staying in Jackson?”

“Doesn’t seem like it. Dunno why though, nice place for a kid here. But maybe her mom is somewhere out there. Either way, I’m gonna try and talk to him tomorrow, maybe-”

A knock on the door. Lorenzo frowned. “Damn honey, you got friends other than me?”

“Oh shut the fuck up.” You giggle, kicking him. “Answer the door for me, I’m sick and dying.”

Lorenzo kicked you back, but did as you asked. You couldn’t see who was there, but watched Lorenzo. “Oh. Uh. Hello?”

“Renzo, whose there?” You call. Lorenzo turns around, mouthing dramatically. ‘Oh my gooooood’

He turns back. “Can I help you?” You don’t hear the reply, but Lorenzo keeps a hand on the door handle and on the frame. Goofy gossip he is, he is no idiot and takes your safety seriously. He’s not just going to let anyone inside. Lorenzo turns around to face you again. “Hey, you know a Joel?”

Joel. Blood rushes through you and you stand up, wobbly. The man from Tommy’s past is Joel. Who the hell is the kid? Him and Tess have a secret daughter or something? You hadn’t told Lorenzo, or anyone for that matter, of how you escaped the QZ out of respect for Tommy and his desire to leave that life behind him, so it’s no wonder Lorenzo looked so confused. “JOEL?!”

A tall, insanely broad body pushed past Lorenzo, and you ran to him despite your illness. Joel calls your name, breathes it out like a sigh of relief, a breath he’s been holding since you left.

It had been a long day for Joel. Seeing Tommy again was incredible, Gods grace, and knowing he was not only alive but thriving healed something in him.

You were the cherry on top of the sundae.

He held out no hope that you’d remained single. It would be selfish and stupid… but he couldn’t deny to himself that he was relieved when you explained the man who opened the door to your home was not only not a husband or boyfriend, but married himself and not a threat.

Joel sat on the couch and was thrilled when you immediately scooted right next to him. You spent hours catching up, he explained it all to you, everything with Ellie, how he got here. All the loss… In turn, you told him your travels with Tommy, the life you have here now… And how you’re single. Finally, Joel explained why he came here.

Originally, when Tommy said you were here, he wasn’t going to try and find you. It’d just hurt too much to say goodbye again when he’d already to leaving Tommy… but then he decided he wasn’t leaving, that Tommy would take Ellie… then the fight with Ellie. He needed you. Joel explained the fight.

“Joel…” You said, admonishing him gently and you stroked his hair. Joel was laid out on your lap.

“I know, I know… I just… It’s like that book.”

He can feel your stomach chuckle. “White Fang, I know the one.”

“Yeah. That one. I just… I felt like I had to hurt her, to get her to let go on me. Tommy would be better. He’s younger, stronger, kinder.”

“But he’s not you.” You wait until Joel looks up at you. “You’ve protected her this far. She trusts you. She don’t know Tommy at all and baby.” You card your fingers through his curls. “He’s a man she doesn’t know. That’s a scary thing, she don’t know what kind of man he is.”

Joel starts to sit up, defensive. “Tommy ain’t no-”

“Baby, relax, I know.” You settle him down, de-ruffle his feathers. “I know, Tommy’s the sweetest piece of pie. But she don’t know that. Most importantly, she trusts you . She loves you .” You lean down to kiss his forehead. “I’d love for you to stay here with me, I really would, and if you want, I’ll be waiting here for you. But I think you know what you need to do.”

He did. He had to give her a choice. Unsurprisingly and illogically, Ellie chose him. Joel swore he’d come back to you, that he’d make things right with Ellie and get her where she needed to be…

When he thought he was dying, it was Ellie, Tommy, Sarah, you who ran through his head.

And months later, after all the violence and carnage and almost losing Ellie twice, when he walked into town, after seeing and hugging Tommy and meeting his little niece, Catherine Sarah, it was you he went searching for.

Unsurprisingly, he found you at the bar with Lorenzo again, and who he later found was Lorenzo’s husband, Zach. Throughout the years, Joel would get to know your friends, and consider them friends of his own. He’d marry you, Tommy standing as his best man and your close friend both, little Catherine as your flower girl. You’d get to know and love Ellie, provide the maternal figure she needed in her life and a mediation between the two when things got tense. He’d fuck you into the mattress that night and you’d ride him for what seemed like hour the next morning, spending a day in bed until both of you were too aching a raw to go again. That would all come latter.

Right now, as he approached you from behind and Lorenzo not to subtly kicked you, to make you turn around, only one thing mattered.

“Joel!”

“Hey baby, can I have this dance?”

**********************

sweetiiiieeesssss

Anyway yall theres your happy ending you wanted!!!!

Now were all wrapped up.

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tonightillbeonthathill · 5 months

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Bruce Springsteen: I eat loneliness, man. I feed off it. The loner thing started from the very beginning. It was like I didn’t exist. It was the wall, then me. But I was working on the inside

Bruce Springsteen, 1978, about his youth:

“It was like I didn’t exist. It was the wall, then me. But I was working on the inside all the time. A lot of rock and roll people went through this solitary existence. If you’re gonna be good at something, you’ve gotta be alone a lot to practice. There has to be a certain involuntariness to it. Like my youngest sister, she could play if she wanted to. But she’s too pretty. She’s popular, you know what I mean? She ain’t gonna sit in the house in her room no eight hours a day and play the piano. No way.”

Dave Marsh: "Springsteen is a loner by nature. Even today, he is the sort of person whose favorite moments often involve being alone: speeding down a highway, or just soaking up the atmosphere at four A.M. on a deserted street."

Bruce Springsteen: “The loner thing started from the very beginning. My father’s entire family were outsiders. They didn’t give a damn what anybody thought.”

youtube

Video: Bruce Springsteen dancing on stage with his mother then playing with his sister: Dancing in the Dark, London 2013

Bruce Springsteen with his mother, and his sister.

youtube

"In fact, what was troubling Bruce personally was not far removed from what he’d already conceived as the central problem The River had tried to tackle: “People want to be part of a group yet they also want to disassociate themselves. People go through those conflicts every day in little ways: Do you wanna go to the movies tonight with your friends, or stay home? I wanted to get part of that on the record—the need for community, which is what ‘Out in the Street’ is about. Songs like The Ties That Bind’ and Two Hearts’ deal with that, too. But there’s also the other side, the need to be alone.”

Bruce was beginning to feel the downside of his loner’s life—his need to be alone was becoming something tougher, more pernicious: loneliness. He later compared his emotions to the scene in The Grapes of Wrath in which an Okie farmer tries to hold off eviction with a shotgun, only to be told that the men he wants to shoot are faceless, hidden away in boardrooms hundreds of miles away. “I felt the same way he did: Where do I point the gun?” Bruce said. “In the Seventies and Eighties, especially compared to the Sixties, it became awfully hard to identify an enemy.” Right now, though, Springsteen was fighting the enemy within."

Dave Marsh

youtube

Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band - Darkness on the Edge of Town (Live In Barcelona)

Bruce Springsteen (in the mid-Seventies): “You know, you have to be self-contained. That way you don’t get pushed around. It depends on what you need. I eat loneliness, man. I feed off it. I live on a lotta different levels, y’know, because I’ve learned to cope with people, which is—be cool all the time…I can roll with the punches. It’s a way of getting along.”

'Well now I lost my money and I lost my wife Them things don't seem to matter much to me now Tonight I'll be on that hill 'cause I can't stop I'll be on that hill with everything I got Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost I'll be there on time and I'll pay the cost For wanting things that can only be found In the darkness on the edge of town In the darkness on the edge of town'

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