GUYS GUYS WHEN PAC KILLED CELL HE MUTED HIMSELF AND YELLED "I DID IT I DID IT I WAITED 10 YEARS FOR THIS. JV I DID THIS FOR YOU GUAXINIM I DID THIS FOR YOU"
i don’t think you guys understand how isolated pac must feel in purgatory— he cradled the dead body of his boyfriend and the man he thought he left in alcatraz has actually been CO-PARENTING with him for months
he doesn’t have fit, mike’s gone, and cellbit isnt trying to suppress his past anymore
(i havent webweave-d (webwoven?) before and WILL be improving with time. hopefully ^-^ there are a lot of fantastic works i couldnt include, or only included small pieces of, so ill work on getting better and utilizing space so that i can include more :])
credit and alt 3rd part below cut
SOURCES:
1st Weave: Galleria Dantesca (Filippo Bigioli), Alice Madness Returns concept art, @jenniferleecopping, The Cannibal's Canción (Gloria Anzaldúa), Cannibal (Ke$ha), bones and all poem (@lovemeeatmebonesandall), Cannibalism Wikipedia, Animal Impluses (@pacbite)
2nd Weave: Crusader Atrocities Bibliotheque Nationale De France, Dante and Virgil (William-Adolphe Bouguereau), The Cannibal (Baths of Titus), untitled poem (@rotnik-tmblr), Cannibalism headline @/vintagenews, "I love you" post (@runaroundhound), Institutionalized Cannibalism (Cannibalism Wikipedia), Eat Your Heart Out (@mochitoaster)
3rd Weave: @/milkwhiteteeth, De Lijken van de Gebroeders de Witt (Jan de Baen), untitled poem (@honeyandbloodpoetry), the meal (@frightenedbythesound), Cannibal (Tally Hall), Human Cannibalism Wikipedia, Carnivore Animal (@federation-cucurucho), I must do to understand
thank you to all the lovely artists and writers who gave me permission to use their works, i highly recommend checking out all of their blogs!!!!! they are all incredibly sweet and skilled :>
Hear me out: Pac is just as afraid of intimacy as Fit is. Pac has a specific idea of what being close to other people will entail, and that's why he situates himself by the violent, unstable men.
They'll be exactly what he expects them to be, they're familiar.
That's why he still seeks out Cell during purgatory, and how he's decided to stay with him and try to walk him back to being Cellbit regardless of what Cell's done to him and his friends (including those who did not end up respawning or escaping.) Cell is already close to him, to his body and mind and Pac is afraid to lose that closeness no matter how ugly or unhealthy it is.
Any attention, any intimacy is still intimacy. A hand reaching out to harm you still has to touch your skin.
Meanwhile, Fit is from an environment that paradoxically prevents and ensures closeness, the bond between warriors, the conditional loyalties of where you lay your head.
Fit is aware that getting closer, getting what he wants will hurt him, and he still wants it anyways. I think he's prepared for the pain waiting for them both if he'll just reach out for it. As well, Fit has Ramón, a job, a mission, people who need him, other connections to the people around him. Pac doesn't.
And we see Pac keep people at an arm's length so that he won't have to risk the pain of being left behind by the people he cares about.
Considering old Fuga Impossivel 2 lore (which could be canon! they've been using parts of it) Pac and Mike are orphans, only fully having each other. The single constant between their adventures. Pulling capers, spending a long time in prison and then on a boat with other dangerous escapees, with whom they're now a twisted kind of family, but Richas has other dads, and people like Forever and Cellbit both have their own partners and demons right now.
So Pac during the Happy Pills arc? Walter Bob could be dead. Mike is in deep sleep, and Pac doesn't turn to anyone else for help. He doesn't reach out to the morning crew. He's self-sacrifically on his own, he goes on the drugs alone, and he begins to develop the antidote alone and what he says is that he doesn’t want to be sad again but he isolates himself in fear of it.
Let's think about the Pac who's openly affectionate to cover up the Pac who knows that no one needs him around and who's intelligent enough to know that challenging that understanding could destroy him.
That's why Pac won't confess either.
Pac avoids every concrete escalation because changing a relationship means risking losing it.
We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven, which brings us back to the hero's shoulders and a gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.
Snow and Dirty Rain by Richard Siken
My @qsmp-secretvalentine gift for @weatheredwaxwings who asked for Pac/Cellbit! Happy valentines day!
Pac: We can create a rebellion! Maybe, you know, Bagi you could be the leader.
Fit: We could start a riot, a prison riot! Let's go!
Bagi: I would love to be the leader of a rebellion!
Pac: [In a nervous voice] And I- I don't wanna be like, I don't want to say some stuff, but like, do you think your brother is gonna be there? ...Please say no. Please.
Bagi: I- I don't think he will. He's missing for a really long time.
Pac: [Relieved] Ok, no, yeah yeah. Yeah, ok. [He breaths a sigh of relief] You know, probably for the better!
Bagi: But he could destroy the prison and get us out of there.
Pac: Yeah? ...Oh my god. If I– if Cell saved me from prison... Wow. That changes everything!
Bagi: [Laughs] It would be a really good plot twist!
Pac: Yeah, that would be- that would be absolute cinema, you know? Oh, I'm down for that. Who knows, right? Who knows. Everything's possible in QSMP
Fit: It'll be interesting. Yeah, anything's possible.