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follow my jasonsona  jasonleereal.tumblr.com
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i should have never made myself a fucking x reader blog i hate being an x reader blog but i'll finish the stuff eventually and post headcanons that i come up with being an x reader blog sucks...I can do more than x readers...one time i wrote about bartleby and how much angst you can put in but maybe i'll draw fanart...you guys like animated men enough
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just finished chasing amy i'll get to the requests soon guys i swear im just sos os sleepy
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the ball shaver from clerks 3 headcanons
i couldn't do him justice sorry...that'd be a ballsy move
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"say the line willwoodjak!"
"will dont do anything i woodnt do!"
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gwen blehh!!
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'' you've never kissed anyone before? '' Jay x reader oneshot please? I feel like Jay would be super eager to be someone’s first kiss.
"You've never kissed anyone before?" Jay x Reader Oneshot
To set the scene, it was you, Jay, and Silent Bob. You were chatting and gesturing amongst yourselves, reminiscing on days or hours before this moment. Right now it was years, you were discussing your love lives, which prompted the realization that you had never kissed anyone before. 
“God, you know, I don’t think I’ve ever had my first kiss before.” You mused. Wow, you’re really smart-I was just saying that! 
“What, you mean you’ve only had seconds and thirds? Man, you’re a slut! You hearin’ this Silent Bob?” Jay said, way too loudly. Silent Bob nodded frantically, eyes wide. You kind of expected him to be smarter than this, but figured it was to amuse Jay.
“No, I mean I’ve never kissed anyone,” You emphasised
“You ain’t ever kissed your mother on the cheek ever? You’ve never said bye to your pops? Never seen a little kitty in need of some smoochin’?” Jay was absolutely bewildered by what you were telling him. Perhaps you were evil, or contagious, or Tyler Durden. 
How could you put this in a way he could understand? You looked between him and Silent Bob, smacked your lips, and took a deep breath.
“I’ve never sucked face with any fine bitches before, dude.” You said, esaperated, with ample hand gestures to really bring the point home
“What the fuck?” You probably could have killed Silent Bob right there and Jay would look less terrified, “You’re telling me that you’re telling me that you’ve never kissed anyone before?” He said, his eyes bulleting around your face like you had suddenly grown more eyes to dart between. 
“Yeah, pretty sad. I guess I’ve never liked anyone enough to do that. Have you ever been in high school before? I could’ve gotten at least three STDs from using the same bathroom.” You rolled your eyes, shaking your head.
Jay nodded intently, “Yeah, I knew a guy who got crabs by sitting in the same chair as someone, but you know I’ve never had a single STD or STI, you know? And I got a witness to confirm that I’m one fine ass motherfucker.” Silent Bob gestured to him like he was a brand new car. You turned your head, confused. 
“You want to be my first kiss?” You asked
“Well, hell yeah! And if you get any STDs I’ll pay for all the medical bills, scouts motherfuckin’ honor,”
You two kissed, naturally. Well, actually, there was nothing natural about it. Jay was so handsy you almost lost track, and when you pulled away you could have sworn he was still kissing the air. Silent Bob Applauded and gave you two thumbs up, nodding. 
You just said, “Thanks.”
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HI!! I saw your list of what you write for and saw Wendell & Wild, can you do headcannons for Kat and Raul being friends with gn!reader pls? OFC ALL PLATONIC!!! -⭐ anon
I'm gonna sound dumb as hell but what is gn? is that gender nonconforming?
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i'm on thanksgiving break so i'll be able to work on requests more!! i have 5 currently. Three oneshots and 2 headcanons i think?
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Happy Halloween!!
GO WATCH WENDELL & WILD
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Yes hi hello, I just recently got into the Clerks franchise and was so happy to find this blog fr. I was wondering if you could write a post about meeting and dating Dante, similar to the one you did about Randal. Dante is my boi and he deserves everything. Thank you in advance~
Something was the name and playing hockey was your game
You were in no way new to the team, but you hadn’t bothered to get close to the people  in it, because in your mind, it wasn’t about friendship, it was about sportsmanship, which I’m sure is totally different. 
If you’re a dude or nonbinary reader, your reason may have been because the team was made up of cishet men, to your knowledge, and this  was te 90s
If you’re a chic, your reason may have been because these are all men
Not that you were discriminated against, because goddamn, you could play hockey, but for all the time you spent with these people, you expected to be a little closer. I mean hell, the only one whose full name you could remember was Randal Graves, and that’s only because he was the video store clerk
On this particular day, you were down a team member, which was no big thing. You’d have to make up for the extra person, as would everyone, which resulted in your unsatiable thirst…for a gatorade
No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater…than a red gatorade
However, there was not one on standby, which meant you needed to mosey your way down to the quickstop
You did this, buying your drink, and one look at the cashier resulted in something like that spiderman meme, or maybe uncle sam since you were the only one pointing
Mentally, however, you couldnt remember his name… 
“How’s the game?” He asked, with a longing in his eyes that you had only ever seen in Randal’s eastern eurpean gay porn
You told him it was going okay, and that it’d be even more okay if they weren’t down a teammate. You asked why he was working today when he always skipped for hockey. Apparently he was close to getting fired for it. 
“Yeah, well don’t be a stranger” he said once you had bought the holy grail of drinks, and you wished him good luck on his misery.
You were not, in fact, a stranger after that. You greeted him when he returned for the next game and visting him during your breaks in the game(when he wasn’t there) became a normal occurrence. 
After a few months of being more than just hockey buddies, you two begin dating. 
This means asking him, ‘You come here often?’ while he’s at his job. 
And then…because I already wrote  the other half…
https://www.tumblr.com/thatguy-thisguy-yourguy/698503744023904256/dating-headcanons-for-dante-and-randal?source=share
(those are my dante dating headcanons)
Obligatory "this one's for you babe!" and missing the net completely. Maybe even falling.
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sorry if you sent something and it's taking a while. Usually I do them at night, but I've been really tired lately. I'm also working on a fic and just finished one that I'll share soon
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Feel free to send headcanon/playlist/drabble/oneshot requests for Wendell & Wild!
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Fandoms I Will Write For
clerks (1,2,3)
Mallrats
Jay and silent bob strike back
jay and silent bob reboot
Dogma
Wendell & Wild
The Prescription
I will not write x readers for The Prescription. I will only write platonic headcanons for characters that are younger than 17 years of age. Only NSFW headcanons for characters 18+
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I will write requests for this movie!!
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This was a warm up that spiraled into its own thing
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To Do List
Meeting and Dating Dante headcanons
brodie headcanons
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Post Dogma Jay
Request: hi!! i was wondering how you'd imagine Jay was after God herself kissed him on the cheek. I know that a lot of people can agree that he definitely started referring to God as "she" but I wanted to know how he behaved afterwards. :)))
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I don't think Jay would change too much, but I think he would half-jokingly say "Dude the Lord is watching!!" when someone does something he doesn't like. At least, everyone thinks it's a joke.
most of his ideas from then on might revolve more around technically being kissed by a chic than being kissed by God, you know him.
Definitely takes into consideration what he's doing in his weird Jay way. Like donating the money to reopen the quickstop. I really like the headcanon that Jay and Silent Bob are Randal and Dante's guardian angels, though I'd argue that they seem to help Randal more.
Tells everyone, by the way, including how he got chubbed up cause of it.
Cleans up his language SLIGHTLY-no more talking about fucking bitches for him. He's "making love to sweet babes" now.
Not in a religious nut way, but he defends God like you would a real person. "don't be talkin about my girl like that!" he would say. As far as he's concerned, God was once his girlfriend.
Has absolutely threatened to replace Silent Bob with God, but goes back on it pretty soon,
Sorry I don't have much! It's God, you know? Lmao
@sydrawrxdx
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