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hskinhome · 2 years

Note

I am doing a canon call for three

So first my Eridan timeline I was for sure pale with Karkat but we may have gone red then I am pretty sure it was a game timeline (Slightly less sure on being a doomed timeline but think it was more likely a doomed tl than not being doomed) I found out I was trans-feminine nonbinary through the help of Roxy/Rox Lalonde (They were gender fluid) and began using she/they pronouns I would online rp with Nepeta because like in the original canon Equius didn't want her flarping then I did Flarp with Vriska (we were never black for each other though we were just real close friends) and sometime Terezi then Feferi I was pale for but never told her she was real kind when I told her about my gender she gave me this seashell barrette and would help me with makeup but she in general was just the sweetest thing and I would do anything for her then I don't remember who all was there but I remember Roxy/Rox inviting be to play video games at one point with them and a group I am pretty sure some of the other kids were there as well as a couple other trolls and all I really know is it got REALLY competitive

Kankri timeline I was asexual, Demi-romantic, and a Demi-boy I was still into social justice but was less of a pacifist about it getting physical was never my first option but there were multiple times when others and especially I sustained injuries (I was never actually good at fighting so it wasn't the best decision but I still did it) I was kind of addicted to caffeine as I would stay up for long periods of time writing out stuff or getting information for my arguments then while I was still usually touch adverse I did allow Porrim to pierce my ears and I usually did the safety pins as earrings thing then Porrim had a bunch of earrings, she still had her eyebrow ring though rather than her lip piercing she had snake bites, and I am not 100% sure but she may have gotten those like cheek/dimple piercings as well and the only reason I trusted her to pierce my ears was because she did all her piercings herself and also of course while we didn't always get along perfectly she would ACTUALLY listen to me more often than the others then I do remember that at least once Latula tried to teach me to skateboard needless to say I was not good at it what so ever

And lastly my Equius Leijon timeline so for this I was bloodswapped Muelin ways and a mage of void and my Eridan Makara (Still like normal Eridan a Prince of hope) didn't cause me to be deaf but rather I was born deaf (He also had selective mutism I think it's called) I know I was close to my Terezi Captor (Mituna ways and an Heir of mind) they were a lot that's for sure but it was always fun hanging out with them they helped me get out of my comfort zone in a positive ways while I would try to help them calm down and just be less everywhere at all times so but we were platonic so no quadrants and I know my Karkat Maryam (Porrim ways used Xe/Xir pronouns and was a Maid of blood)

I am willing to talk to anyone even if our timelines don't match up especially any other blood swaps or any kid swaps because I have a hard time finding swaps from my timeline or not You can contact me through Tumblr @continuousascendant or discord [cA]continuousAscendant👑#0709

Go message them if this familiar!

-Mod Nepeta

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bellmandi86 · 4 years

Text

[MSPAR: Tell Eridan what you really think of him.]

[You admit you don't know Eridan's full story, but you feel it needs to be said: He's trying to play off his mistakes by blaming it on his upbringing and thinks it's okay to be a shitty person because he's a violetblood with no self control. You think he should work on, you know, not being such a piece of shit to everyone in his life. He should be nicer. Maybe a little more like, say, Feferi?]

CA: of course youd say that CA: thats all i evvver fuckin hear CA: no one understands wwhat kinda societal pressure is on my fuckin head CA: but all i get is a bubbly princess tellin me to just be happy CA: she doesnt take me seriously on ANYTHIN CA: NO ONE fuckin understands wwhat my life has been like CG: HEY. WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. CG: YOU'RE NOT ALONE. I'M HERE. YOU'RE OKAY.

[Karkat starts to pacify Eridan as he has his breakdown. His anger quickly dissolves into tears as he openly sobs in Karkat's arms.]

CA: its hard kar CG: I KNOW. CA: its hard bein a kid and growwin up CA: its hard an no one understands CG: I DO. BELIEVE ME, I DO.

[You've never heard Karkat at any volume lower than an agitated yell. Come to think of it, you've never seen him be this calm and patient with anyone, either. But why would he waste this time on Eridan of all people? You'd think Gamzee or Kanaya would be a better use for this mood?]

CG: BECAUSE FUCK YOU. CG: I DON'T OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR ANYTHING.

[Whoa, okay. You clearly stepped on a nerve here.]

CG: OH NO. CG: WE'RE WELL PASSED THAT. CG: MY NERVE HAS BEEN FUCKING BURNT INTO THE PAVEMENT UNDER THE SUN OF YOUR IGNORANCE. CG: THERE'S NO BRINGING THAT SHIT BACK. CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK WE SHOULD GO.

[Oh, good idea. Maybe you guys should head inside, it's almost daybreak.]

CG: ARE YOU FUCKING DENSE? CG: NO, I'M GOING TO MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR TO YOU. CG: ERIDAN AND I ARE LEAVING. CG: WITHOUT YOU. CG: YOU ARE NOT TO FOLLOW US. CG: YOU ARE NOT TO SPEAK TO EITHER OF US EVER FUCKING AGAIN.

[What does he mean? You thought you two were friends, just because you said something to upset this tool, that means you're not friends anymore?]

CG: YES, ACTUALLY, IT DOES. CG: GOD, YOU ARE SUCH A PANRUSTED FUCKLUMP CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM IS THAT YOU CAN'T BE MORE CONSIDERATE ABOUT WHAT INANE SHIT DRIBBLES OUT OF YOUR IGNORANCE TUNNEL, CG: BUT I'M GOING TO SPELL THIS OUT SO SLOWLY THAT THERE'S NO WAY IN PARADOX SPACE YOU CAN MISUNDERSTAND ME.

CG: IF YOU DON'T GET OUT OF MY FACE RIGHT NOW, CG: I WILL FUCKING ***EVISCERATE*** YOU.

[ G A M E O V E R ]

#homestuck #pesterquest edit #pesterquest custom route #eridan ampora #karkat vantas #erikar #erikat #mandi's edits #mandi draws

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interrogatormentors · 5 years

Text

Event Nine: Promise

[CW: death, drowning]

The weeks following the start of the emotional conditioning bore down on Sollux with the force of a dead whale. He could feel the walls pressing down on him, suffocating and claustrophobic, and half the days he found himself waking from helming daymares.

The others fared no better.

Ophlia didn’t seem to sleep. Zesaim sat on her bunk for hours at a time, wall-eyed, while Rosmer cried in other troll’s voices into the day. Sollux hadn’t known the olive could mimic voices, and wished that had remained a secret. Mercuo often woke gasping, holding onto his gills before tucking himself next to a stonefaced Trisia.

Ualona managed to hold himself together somehow, and often came to Sollux for help. After their now nightly emotional conditioning they huddled together for warmth, heads leaned in over their tablets. This morning however, Ualona came back to the bunks quiet. He tapped on his tablet for near to an hour before several identical text notifications dinged from all their tablets.

[actualizedClairvoytant [AC] has opened up the memo keepyourmout-| |-ss-| |-ut] twinArmaggedons [TA] has entered the chat! glorifiedCorpsification [GC] has entered the chat! chronicAcademician [CA] has entered the chat! castigatedTrepidation [CT] has entered the chat! cavortingGratuity [CG] has entered the chat! accentuatedAntimony [AA] has entered the chat! TA: the fuck UA ii can barely uncurl my fiinger2 2tiill wtf ii2 up?? AA: jus7 spi7 i7 ou7 bud i wan7 7o ca7ch some zs while i can AA: 7heyre 7hrowing new shi7 a7 us soon i can feel i7 AC: cant AC: the mics remember?

Sollux glanced up and off to the side, where the speaker produced its steady whine as usual. It would be stupid to think the connection didn’t go both ways.

TA: okay 2hoot TA: what have you got?? AC: i was digging in t-| |-e interrogatormentor arc-| |-ives and i found all our files. CG: and How does THat even Help us? CG: i don’T need To know wHaT They Think of me. CA: treasOOn.

A whimper came from Rosmer’s bunk, and Sollux looked down to see Ophlia staring the olive down with bloodshot eyes and bared teeth.

AC: okay treason aside youll wanna -| |-ear t-| |-is. AC: especially you rosmer.

[actualizedClairvoyant [AC] has sent the file flunkies.txt]

Sollux scanned the document, brows furrowed. Even in the confidential archives someone had censored the documents, black lines smeared across various points of data. Someone else, Ualona no doubt, had highlighted specific sections of each.

Mercuo Trevan: Interrogated and broke a rebellion recruiting ring in Imperial Navy recruits. Purposefully joined, goals for the BC Reichenbach.

Zesaim Exeria: Random draw. Induce failure in time for unit on psionic alterations to the brain due to psionic projection ability.

Sollux Captor: Former helmsman, isolated rebels in brig to promote surrender; reportedly accessed the Imperial Network and ran a long-standing data mining protocol for several sweeps prior to capture and indoctrination. Brought to attention by Head Admin Eridan Ampora and ██████ ██████ [████████].

Trisia Avarae: Identified several problem spots in local drone patrol routes and took down a single unit. Promote immediately upon graduation.

Ophlia Davrot: Drowned a head subjuggulator in sacrificial blood pools following an identical attempt on her life due to poor humor. Tested on basic interrogatormentor techniques and passed with an 89%.

Rosmer Leywet: Random draw. Induce failure at convenience of instructor. Recommended for immediate cremation; has no particular talent nor purpose. Proposed: preserve vocal chords for study? Request denied.

Ualona Reshan: Hacked into the imperial network and managed to stay online for five minutes. Sent a notification to the drones through this system for two removals of traitors in apartment directly above residence in hivestem.

The chat stayed idle for a few minutes, before Sollux broke the silence with the gentle clacking of his claws against the tablet screen.

TA: 2o what doe2 thii2 mean?? TA: are the2e TA: accurate?? AC: t-| |-ey are for me GC: *YeS.* CG: seconded. AA: you mean 7hirded!

Mercuo grabbed his pillow, reaching out and smacking at Trisia’s ankles. She managed a shaky laugh. “Fourthed!” she said, before chugging from her water bottle. Rosmer only pulled his knees closer to his chest.

CT: they told me i won a lot~tery, CT: why would they tell me oth~er~wise, AC: t-| |-ey want people to fail TA: oh 2hiit TA: that’2 where they’re gettiing the te2t 2ubject2 for all theiir traiiniing viideo2. TA: how el2e would they have 2o many liive feed2 whiithout a hiigh piing rate??

Zesaim put a hand to her mouth, looking over to Rosmer who buried his face in his hands. He started crying, in a voice Sollux didn’t recognize this time. Ophlia broke her weeks long silence in a voice like rusted nails scraping up against each other.

“You know what we must do.”

Sollux woke in a web of wires, head pounding to the beat of a familiar, klaxon alarm. He jerked in the helming harness, throwing his head back as he tried initiating a defense protocol. Nothing came to him, the only response a blinding pain from his temples that whited out his vision.

“Status report,” said a voice, somewhere off to his left.

“Helmsman A1A100 reporting system disconnect. Attempted sabotage detected. Administrator password required to proceed.” Sollux swallowed, trying to moisten his dry lips. Hang on. What happened to the humidity?

He opened his eyes, registering Rapard standing at attention just before another wave of pain jolted up his spine. Sollux almost yelled before he caught himself, sucking in a breath instead and separating himself from the sensation as he’d been taught.

“Nice work, Captor,” Rapard said, moving forward. “That’s the fastest recovery I’ve seen yet. Welcome to your next stage of emotional conditioning.”

Sollux gritted his teeth, brows furrowing before he forced them smooth. “Yes sir,” he said, forcing the words out even as instinctive terror roiled in his gut. He didn’t want to helm again. He couldn’t helm again, and this facsimile of flying left him mentally scattered. He shoved away the thought that this exercise was in response to Ualona’s discovery the night before. He’d written the code necessary for them to have private chat rooms himself.

Rapard began his usual patrol around the room then, throwing random trivia at Sollux in time with electric pulses that surged through nodes attached to his sealed ports. Sollux held firm, his face a mask of blank indifference as he forced himself to disassociate from the pain. The questions remained easy enough, all tidbits from the lessons on technique. They were so innocuous, in fact, that at first Sollux thought he imagined Rapard’s next line of inquiry as a claw traced on his chin.

“How long have you known the rebel insurgent known as Karkat Vantas, hex code unknown?”

“What?” Sollux blinked, shaking his head as he tried to return to reality.

He yelled as Rapard pressed a button on the remote in his hand, the electric charge at least double what he’d experienced so far.

“Pay attention, Captor,” Rapard said. He leaned in close, nose an inch from Sollux’s own. “Separating yourself completely will only lead to you missing important data.” He pressed the button again, face impassive as Sollux jerked in the wires. “Now, answer. How long have you known Karkat Vantas, rebel insurgent? Where is he?”

Sollux swallowed hard. The name rattled around his pan, sending guilt and anxiety through him in equal measure. No. How did they know? He’d tried to lock away that information, bury it deep inside of himself and throw away the key during his time as a helmsman. How did they know about Karkat? Did they know about Feferi, or Kanaya? He’d seen Eridan’s named on his file the other night, had he turned traitor?

Rapard pressed the button again, and Sollux screamed as his muscles involuntarily tensed. The smell of burnt flesh hit his nostrils, and his vision faded in and out of focus. “I don’t- Shit!” Another electric charge, and Sollux’s fists clenched on nothing. He tried exercising his learned behaviors from lessons, stepping outside of the pain and attempting to retreat into his own thoughts. Karkat’s face met him there as he’d last seen him, hunched in front of his webcam and begging Sollux to run as the noise of drones echoed around Sollux’s hive.

Rapard tapped him on the nose, deliberate and mocking. “I won’t ask you again, recruit.”

“Since I was five,” Sollux said, flinching as Rapard’s finger twitched on the remote in his hand. “I don’t know where he is now.” He yelled, back arching as another charge surged through him. The klaxon alarm grew louder, reverberating in time with the pounding in his skull. “I don’t! Fuck! Alternia! Eastern quadrant, coordinates 56 by 900, bunker!” The shocks did not dissipate as he cried out, only increasing in power and frequency.

As Sollux hovered on the edge of consciousness Rapard grabbed his jaw, claws digging into the skin enough to draw tiny pinpricks of yellow blood. “Good, nice work,” he said. Sollux caught a glimpse of the seadweller’s teeth as he grinned, red light glinting off the jagged edges. “I want to make you a promise, Captor. Are you listening?”

“Yes.” Sollux gulped for air as the shocks abated for a few moments, taking the respite to separate himself from the pain and emotion in time for the pain to start anew. He did not so much as cry out, sweat beading along his forehead as he forced it away. He finally understood Ualona. What did Rapard promise you?

“You stay with the interrogatormentors, you stay compliant and devote yourself to the empire, and we won’t touch Vantas,” Rapard said. “You step a toe out of line, you get a single demerit, and you’re receiving his head on a platter. You understand?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

The lights dimmed then, and Sollux sagged as electricity stopped surging through the wires. He fell into his knees as Rapard cut him down, but forced his head high even as every muscle shook with the effort. As he hauled himself up and staggered from the room Sollux couldn’t find himself to feel fear, for himself or Karkat. He couldn’t feel anything at all. Even the pain had faded into the background, a distant reminder as he dragged himself to the mess hall. He sat in silence, staring at his food. Only Zesaim and Rosmer seemed themselves, with Rosmer even offering a shaky Ualona one of his classic beaker-made cookies. “You deserve it after what you found this evening,” the olive said, smiling. “It’s the least I can do to repay you.” The smile did not reach his eyes.

As per usual, physical endurance training took place the next night. Sollux moved towards the pool, hoping to exercise in a less load-bearing way, only for Instructor Pozoia to put a hand out. “Bikes, recruit,” the cerulean said, jerking his head in the way he wanted Sollux to go. “Ualona, take the pool.”

Ualona paused, blinking as he shook his head. “Huh?”

“The pool, Ualona,” Pozoia said, pointing.

“Oh, right, right.” Ualona trudged over to the pool, rubbing his eyes before jumping into the water. Sollux paused, but turned away to climb onto one of the exercise bikes. They’d all been a little out of it since yesterday.

After a half hour a loud splash caught Sollux’s attention, and he turned his head to see Ualona starting to flounder in the pool. Something seemed off-- his movements were erratic, head lolling to the side and dipping into the water a few seconds at a time. Sollux lifted a hand, catching the instructor’s attention and pointing. “Sir? Ualona needs help.”

Instructor Pozoia glanced up from his tablet, looking down his nose at Ualona’s struggle. “He can help himself, or drown,” he said, swiping his finger across his tablet.

Sollux hesitated before lifting his feet from his bike’s pedals, hopping off just as Trisia touched down from the climbing wall. “No, look,” he said. Ualona was starting to dip more and more, audibly choking every time he surfaced.

“He can’t even move his arms!” Trisia grabbed onto the instructor’s arm, only for Pozoia to jerk it away with a purse of his lips.

“Go ahead and help him,” Pozoia said. He met Sollux’s eyes, then Trisia’s, face set. “That’ll be a demerit on both your records.”

Sollux’s breath caught in his throat, and all his concern for Ualona melted away as Rapard’s words echoed in his ears. Automatically his learned responses kicked in, disassociating him from the situation at hand and rooting him to the ground until Ophlia charged past him with the surging fury of a freighter.

“Ualona!” The purple bounded across the gym’s floor in a matter of seconds, light on her feet as she made a beeline for the pool. Instructor Pozoia let out a soft sigh, and grabbed onto Ophlia’s horn as she passed and pinched at the base. Ophlia seized up, hesitating just long enough for Pozoia to drive his shoulder into the much larger troll’s chest and bowling her onto her back. Ophlia roared, eyes reddening before Pozoia stomped his foot onto her throat and cut her off. “No,” she croaked. “No, save him! Bastard! He doesn’t deserve to die!”

Ualona surfaced from a minute-long stint underwater then, screaming with a fury in contrast with his sluggish movements. “Rosmer!”

Rosmer froze in place, turning his head just enough to indicate he’d even noticed. “Yes, Ualona?” His whisper barely made it over the sound of Ualona’s splashing and Ophlia’s choking from the ground.

“Bastard!” Ualona sank again, kicking and driving himself into the wall. He surfaced again, voice burbling around the water in his throat before he could speak again. “Rat! What did you put in that cookie?” He let out a wet sob, choking. “I don’t want to die! Please, don’t let me die-- fffkrk--” Once again he fell beneath the surface of the water, and Sollux wasn’t surprised that he did not rise again. A sense of finality settled over him as he watched the water, and another voice of the doomed went silent.

Rosmer walked to the edge of the pool, watching as Ualona’s body drifted up to the surface. Without warning he spat into the water, turning back to face the others. “Sorry, that was rude,” he said. He smiled, but his eyes remained vacant and glassy. “You all saw his chat messages. He put us all in danger.”

Sollux looked past Rosmer, barely registering the sound of Ophlia continuing to wheeze and the dull thud of Trisia landing a mean right hook to Rosmer’s jaw. Rosmer’s glasses clattered in front of Sollux, but he didn’t move as he continued staring at Ualona’s body.

For a moment he saw Karkat, curly hair floating in the water.

Sollux blinked, and the vision faded. He tried to feel something, anything for the rust he’d considered a friend, but nothing came to him except a dull resignation.

If he didn’t want to end up like Ualona, dead in the water, he had to play his part.

#homestuck #homestuck au #sollux captor #interrogatormentors #interrogatormentors au #fic #illustrated fic #death #drowning #dissociation #torture #story event

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violet-author · 5 years

Text

A Conversation Before The Date

=grimAuxilliatrix has begun pestering you=

gA: Have You Heard That Feferi Is Now Alive

gA: She Was Revived Only Yesterday

cA: Fuck Fef...

gA: I Assure You That You Cannot

gA: Even With Her Recent Ressurection By Our Resident Time And Life Player I Have Heard She Has Not Forgiven You For Her Death

cA: ...Kan I meant that she can go glubbin choke. I havve been wwatchin the multivversal feeds, evven if things wwent wwell betwween us, it wwoulda nevver been a good relationship, I feel fuckin stupid I evver tried wwith her.

gA: Why Have You Come To This Conclusion

gA: I Assumed You Adored Her

cA: That's the fuckin thing Kan. "Adored", past tense. Not anymore. From all I'vve seen so far, I ain't found a single iteration of Fef that's up front aboat howw she feels. And noww I'm glad nothin happened betwwen us.

gA: So You Are Admitting That She Is No Good For You

cA: Yeah. I am. I'm too fuckin open about wwhat I feel to be able to be wwith a gill like Fef. I need me a person that fuckin talks, not just aboat the good stuff but the bad stuff too. Someone reliable... That I can help and be helped by. Someone wwho doesn't turn tail as soon as things get fucking difficult.

gA: Good Luck Finding Someone Like That

gA: Why Not Choose That Cerulean That Lives With You

cA: Ardata? I mean... She's glubbin pretty as fuck but

gA: But What Eridan What Is Wrong With Her

cA: Wwe only met a few months ago. It's too fuckin early... plus I'm afraid Vvriska would do something.

gA: Then I Suggest You Defuse The Situation With Our Resident Spiderbitch As Neither I Nor Karkat Will Intervene In Such Matters

gA: I Must Depart

gA: Rose Has Arrived For Movie Night

=grimAuxilliatrix has ceased pestering you=

#kanaya maryam #eridan ampora #Homestuck #Hiveswap

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living-lucid-dream · 6 years

Text

Happy 4/13!

It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything Homestuck-related. What better day to change that than today? What I’m trying to say is: here, have some random snippets from a maybe-sequel to Straw Soldiers.

> Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Terezi!!!!!!!! AG: Thank fuck you are online 8ecause I am having a serious crisis. AG: I’m talking all hands on deck, all points 8ulletin sort of 8ullshit. AG: Terezi? AG: Come on, will you SAY SOMETHING already? AG: This is an emergency and you are my only chance at keeping everything from going to complete shit. AG: I swear to god I am not exagger8ing when I say that I am fucking dying here!!!!!!!! GC: HUH GC: TH4TS STR4NG3 GC: MY NOS3 DO3S NOT D3T3CT 3V3N TH3 F41NT3ST WH1FF OF D3C4Y1NG FL3SH GC: 1T 1S P1CK1NG UP ON3 H3FTY P1L3 OF M3LODR4M4 THOUGH >:/ AG: OK, OK. So may8e I’m not dying right this second—8ut I will 8e if you don’t do something for me, and I mean pronto. GC: UH-HUH GC: 4ND WH4T 3X4CTLY 1S TH1S 4LL3G3DLY L1F3 S4V1NG M4N3UV3R YOU 3XP3CT M3 TO DO? AG: First, I need you to answer something for me. GC: OK, SHOOT AG: How long have we known each other, exactly? GC: 1 DUNNO GC: F1V3, S1X SW33PS? GC: WHY? AG: Five or six sweeps. Practically our whole lives! AG: I mean, 8y now we’re pretty much o8lig8ed to help each other out in times of dire need and you’ve got to know that I wouldn’t ask for help with anything unless I was really, truly desper8. GC: UGH, TH3 M3LODR4M4 GC: 1T BURNS! AG: Hey, I am 8eing totally serious! AG: Geeeeeeeez, Pyrope. I come here hoping to get a little help from my lifelong 8osom 8uddy and all you can do is give me a 8unch of salty attitude. AG: If that’s the way you’re going to 8e then may8e I won’t 8other to ask you for anything after all. GC: JUST T3LL M3 WH4T YOU W4NT AG: Now that’s the spirit! AG: All right. So the thing I’m going to ask you to do may not sound like much, 8ut 8elieve me it is a very 8ig deal. AG: I need you to talk some sense into Peixes for me. GC: >:? GC: 4BOUT WH4T? AG: Somehow she got it into her pan that it would 8e a good idea to make me go all the fuck 8ack to Alternia and pick up Tav8utt and wonder clown. AG: I’ve tried reasoning with her 8ut she is 8eing a stu88orn 8rat and pulling rank on me. GC: SORRY TO S4Y 1T BUT 1 F41L TO S33 HOW 4NY OF TH4T QU4L1F13S 4S L1F3 4ND D34TH AG: Trust me, it is. GC: HOW SO? AG: 8ecause I will die of 8oredom! AG: Can you even imagine me, stuck on a ship for god knows how long with no8ody 8ut Toreasnore and Gamzee for company? AG: 8oriiiiiiiing! AG: I mean, the two of them don’t have a pair of 8rain cells 8etween them! GC: 1 4M SUR3 YOU W1LL SURV1V3 AG: What? So you’re not going to do anything at all to help me???????? AG: I’ve seen you do some pretty ruthless shit, 8ut releg8ing your good friend to dork squad shuttle service? AG: That’s cold ::::( GC: 1 4M SUR3 1T WONT B3 TH4T B4D GC: B3S1D3S 1 TH1NK 1T W1LL B3 GOOD FOR YOU GC: GR34T FOR BU1LD1NG CH4R4CT3R 4ND 4LL TH4T J4ZZ AG: “8uilding character” my ass. You just want to see me suffer. GC: ME? N3V3R >;] GC: H4V3 4 S4F3 TR1P GC: OH, 4ND DON’T TORM3NT T4VROS TOO MUCH AG: You know I will ::::p

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

> Future Vriska: Distress call

arachnidsGrip [AG] opened memo EMERGENCY READ NOW!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] invited apocalypseArisen [AA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited twinArmageddons [TA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited arsenicCatnip [AC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited gallowsCalibrator [GC] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited centaursTesticle [CT] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited caligulasAquarium [CA] to memo arachnidsGrip [AG] invited cuttlefishCuller [CC] to memo

AG: Come on, you useless 8unch of laya8outs! Get your asses in here! AG: Aaauuuuuuuugh! Where is every8ody???????? AG: Is this not getting through to any of you? AG: Fuck it, I can’t tell so I’m doing this regardless. AG: My ship has 8een attacked. AG: There have 8een losses and no, I am not detailing what those losses are right here 8ecause this is humili8ing enough as it is. AG: The long and short of it is: I’m stranded and I have no idea where the hell I am exactly 8ut I do know that I am drifting somewhere 8etween Earth and Alternia. AG: I am pretty sure I can safely classify the situ8ion as “in dire need of a relief shuttle right fucking now.” AG: Hello? AG: Is any8ody getting this???????? AG: Come on, some8ody ANSW8R ME, ALR8DY! AG: G8DDAMN 8T!!!!!!!!

arachnidsGrip [AG] left memo

> John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: you there, buddy? TG: yo EB: geez, you’ve been mia for like four days now. Where the heck have you been? TG: shit dude TG: ive been laying lower than a teenage mutant ninja turtle chilling in the new york sewer TG: slinking around like the stealth phantom lovechild of batman and solid snake EB: oh. so the paparazzi are after you too, huh? TG: yeah EB: that sucks. TG: eh TG: for a while i was thinking about mooning them just to see how hard they pissed themselves trying to go all national geographic on my ass TG: then i realized that there was like an eighty billion percent certainty that my ass would just end up getting trotted out on fucking tmz or some shit TG: now national enquirer TG: i would be down with seeing my ass on the front page of such a fine publication TG: but tmz TG: no way TG: daytime tv is not ready for the strider ass TG: so me and aradia gave them the slip and they fell for it harder than bambi on ice TG: havent seen one of those fuckers in almost a week now EB: lucky! they’re all over me and karkat. EB: seriously, it’s like a freaking lightning storm every time i open the front door! EB: it was kind of funny at first but now it’s just…ugh. EB: hey, wait a sec! EB: you said you were with aradia? what are you guys doing? TG: we are going full-on magical mystery tour to find all the weird ass dead things the good old usa has to offer TG: we already hit up the mutter museum TG: it was the shit TG: never saw so many dead things in jars all in one place TG: made my collection look like some messy amateur shit TG: like their stuff is triple black diamond pucker up and kiss your ass goodbye caliber and my stuff barely even qualifies as a bunny slope for toddlers TG: oh and aradia and i pooled our cash and adopted a skull because who doesnt want to say that they are the proud daddy of a newborn 200 hundred year-old skull EB: jesus, sometimes i forget how weird you guys are. TG: hey the strider cool cocktail might not go with everything but at least its never boring TG: anyways im pretty sure we are going to be creeping around your neck of the woods in a couple of weeks TG: we should hang if you and karkat are going to be around EB: cool! EB: we’ll be here. EB: unless karkat’s got one of his pt sessions. EB: but then we’ll be back in like two hours, so yes! we’ll be here. TG: speaking of vantas TG: how is shouty mcqueen doing these days TG: that guys been more elusive than a shiny pokemon since you guys got home EB: he’s fine. EB: he just has a hard time with typing. and tying his shoes. and…lots of things, actually. TG: shit TG: i thought they said his hands were fixed EB: depends on the they you’re talking to, i guess. EB: terezi brought him a new phone, though. EB: it has voice-to-text for english and alternian. EB: jade and sollux made it for him, or at least i think that’s what terezi said when she gave it to him. EB: my alternian still sucks so i’m not sure. EB: anyways we’re about to have breakfast now so i should probably go. TG: ok TG: later ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

> Future John: Pester Dave

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: dave! EB: are you there, buddy? EB: dave, come on. EB: this isn’t funny. EB: you’re really freaking me out here. EB: dave, please. EB: you need to answer me now! EB: jesus christ.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

> Future Karkat: Contact loving matesprit

carcinoGenticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [CG]

CG: OK, YOU’VE HAD YOUR FUN. CG: NOW WIPE THAT SHIT-EATING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE AND STOP THIS BULLFUCKERY RIGHT NOW. CG: I KNOW THIS DISTANCE MATESPRITSHIP THING SUCKS HARDER THAN THE MOTHER GRUB’S SLURRY ACCEPTING ORIFICE. CG: BUT IF THIS ISN’T WORKING FOR YOU THEN YOU NEED TO TELL ME INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW, IGNORING ME FOR TWO WEEKS. CG: JESUS FUCK, TEREZI. CG: I’D EXPECT THAT SORT OF SHIT-RINSING PISSBABY WAY OF HANDLING THINGS FROM PAST ME BECAUSE PAST ME IS A PAIL-SWILLING FUCKWIT WITH THE FANTASTIC ABILITY TO MAGICALLY LOSE HIS GLOBES WHEN SHIT GETS REAL. CG: BUT NOT FROM YOU. CG: I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU OR SOLLUX ARE ALIVE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? CG: NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAVE DEIGNED TO SEND ME SO MUCH AS A “HI, KARKAT JUST POPPING A SQUAT TO SHIT OUT THIS TURD OF A MESSAGE SO YOU CAN STOP WORRYING THAT WE BOTH DID SOMETHING PAN-NUMBINGLY STUPID LIKE DROWN IN THE LOAD GAPER; TALK TO YOU LATER YOU FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS.” CG: THERE. CG: SEE? CG: WAS THAT SO HARD? CG: HELPFUL HINT: EVEN THE FART-BRAINED IGNORAMUS WITHOUT FUNCTIONING OPPOSABLE THUMBS MANAGED IT IN A SPHINCTER-RANKLING 60 SECONDS. CG: I GET THAT YOU AND SOLLUX ARE BUSY ON FEFERI’S FREE THE HELMSMEN CRUSADE AND YEAH, IT’S KIND OF A BIG FUCKING DEAL. CG: AND I GET THAT COMPLAINING ABOUT IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A SELFISH, BULGE-FLAPPING ASSHOLE. CG: BUT BEING THE PARANOID FUCKTARD WHO SEES SUPER EXCITING TORTURE FUNTIMES WITH CONDESCE AND FRIENDS ON INFINITE REPEAT EVERY FUCKING TIME I CLOSE MY EYES, I’M STARTING TO GET THIS NUB-TICKLING IDEA THAT SOMETHING MIGHT BE WRONG. CG: I KNOW IT’S STUPID AND I’M PROBABLY STOMPING INTO PALE TERRITORY WITH A PAIR OF STEEL TOE COMBAT BOOTS WITH “FUCK YOU CAPTOR” EMBLAZONED ON THE TREADS BY SAYING IT, BUT THERE IT IS. CG: THE STINKING SHIT PELLET OF TRUTH HAS DROPPED AND IT CANNOT RETURN TO THE WASTE CHUTE FROM WHENCE IT WAS PINCHED. CG: TEREZI, PLEASE. CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

> to be continued...(?)

#Homestuck #4/13 #Straw Soldiers #Homestuck fanfiction #Vriska #Terezi #John Egbert #Dave Strider #Karkat #Wow pesterlog formatting looks terrible on tumblr #it may not be 4/13 anymore for most of you out there #but there's still one hour left in my neck of the woods #so this still counts!#my stuff #my fic

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